Hello ladies and gentlemen boys and girls and
welcome back to law crimes. Hello everybody Yeah,
we're doing something. We're doing something
today Who wants to explain what this episode
means because we're talking about the quote darwin
awards what is that yeah i say because colin
we we were discussing it before the episode do
you want to explain what a darwin award is for
people so you know darwin award is uh that's
an older internet thing i'm thinking about it
that's i'm just feeling a little old thinking
about the first time we're at darwin award because
i was probably too young to be looking at things
called darwin awards we might be unc but no it's
it's uh it's a death it's someone who died but
they died in a way that you look at and you just
kind of go like what did you think you know it's
a darwin award because it's like you are not
passing on your genes you goddamn idiot that's
yeah you're a you're a fool for the way you died
basically usually funny because as up as that
is sometimes it's like it's kind of funny the
way you went out my guy or at the very least
it's like what what did you think any other outcome
would be but the end of your life. Yeah, it's
like those videos you see on, well, you see these
articles online, it's like, someone thought it'd
be a good idea to put a firework up to their
bottom. It's like, which way was it facing? Oh,
no. Darwin Award. Which way was the firework
going? It's not being mentioned at the funeral,
we'll say that. We've got a selection, and of
course, guys, if you're listening, Good old law
crimes. If you want to catch us live on Fridays,
that's when we have our donations and all that
good stuff there. So you can catch all the people
making fun of us. And yeah, you guys really,
in much as I would ever feel good about myself,
I appreciate being told I goon every week. So
thanks for that. But yeah, also Spotify, offline,
all those good stuff. If you join our Discord,
you can catch the unlisted stream. So it's not
gone, it's just the link is in our Discord. There's
a website for Darwin Awards, by the way. Real
life ones? Real life ones, yeah. I'm not sure
we're allowed to do that. I don't know if that
one would go over so well, but it would be...
Just take a look -see. It'd be in there. It'd
be in there. We want to talk about some Warhammer
ones. And don't worry, people listening, because
we've done Warhammer 40k and Warhammer Fantasy.
We've got a really good selection. I might do
the opening one because I did a lot of research
on this. I had to rack my brain. And I have an
opening gambit if everyone's kind of ready to
get into the episode. Fire away. This is a novel
that maybe some of the people actually in Law
Crimes have not read. This is in the Eisenhorn
novels. This is in the second one. And this is
a scene that makes me laugh every time because,
yeah, we'll give you some backstory for each
of the scenes because some of these need to cook
a little bit. The scene is that Eisenhorn and
a few of his like entourage, they are sort of
infiltrating a secret like black market buyout
scene. They're trying to buy like alpha level
psychos. They're in disguises and they enter
this kind of. weird uh what's it called an auction
yeah an auction and in this auction there are
like some mutants they are disguised something
called twists which are like other kind of mutants
as well and there are other like there's like
some various hive gangers and other bits and
then there's possibly some very dangerous death
cult looking guys and it makes it very explicit
in this scene that there is also a group who
are nobles who belong to a sex cult and it's
very very clear that they are out of their depth
massively like they are not supposed to be here
and they realize they are massively out their
death because they apparently are like they have
whips and they have like bdsm gear on and they
look nervous as hell and they shown up for this
meeting and they're thinking oh my god we are
like gonna be we're not gonna make it out of
here we're so dead which Eisenhorn kind of laughs
himself about. Their death comes about when,
spoilers, a rogue Inquisitor shows up and reveals
that he has a demon host with him. And we should
state as well, at this point, when it was about
to go down, the group of sex cults were going,
they were arguing with the doorman because they
were definitely trying to get out because they
thought, oh my God, oh my God, oh my God, what
are we doing? and they got blasted and just torn
apart by a demon host so the darwin award is
um some people thought they were they were all
that they turned up some big auction and they
got torn apart and blasted and shot by uh the
worst thing is how they went to the sex club
they got torn apart and then they were torn apart
it's just it's the juxtaposition in the scene
of like eisenhower says like they look everyone
looks dangerous except them they just look ridiculous
is this in the is this in the first book at the
beginning second novel okay so in the second
novel it is just like what a stupid way to go
like they showed up and they obviously got themselves
absolutely blasted and pasted there was an old
guy who was like a weird auctioneer like buying
guy as well and he also got like torn apart by
the demon host or shot by an inquisitor like
in his face it's a complete scene of pandemonium
but i just thought of that funny scene of like
those people just they sh what a stupid way to
go like just turning up to like it's like us
going into like a deep deep like you know mafia
meeting and being like okay what are we doing
why are we here like gangster accents like ah
tony ah going out and shoot a guy with a gun
Hal, you're from England. What is that accent?
What are you doing? Hal's first submission is
Goonian related. It was. Good point. Of course
it was. I can't do this scene justice. It's just
so funny. They're the only ones who look nervous.
And they're like, oh my god, what are we doing?
What's going on here? Oh no! Caitlin, we're dead!
That is the first offering. Absolutely hilarious
scene. Colin, would you care to give us a Warhammer
fantasy one? I believe there's certain offerings
we've like, there's many different groupings
of ones you could do, particularly with some
characters. There's a few, but I want to start
off light with an easy Darwin Award before we
break out the bigger ones. And I don't know why,
but the demon Epidemus, like the tally man of
Nurgle, right? His death in the end time just
kind of gets me, and maybe it's because of just
what he does and is. Because he's a plague bear,
he's a pretty humorless twat, especially by Nurgle
standards. Great and clean ones, they're smiling
and happy, and so are Nurglings. plague bearers
aren't and he's really boring even by their standards
he just counts all of nurgle's diseases which
is a never -ending task because he's always making
new ones he's a typical account he is indeed
and maybe it's just because he's so much more
boring compared to everyone else but he's also
like a glorified like plague tax accountant I
don't know exactly how to put it, but that's
kind of the view I have in my head. So with that
in mind, he just got obliterated by a cannonball
at the Siege of Altdorf in the end times. Just
completely annihilated. Poor guy on his chair.
It's just like, why? It's like, I understand
he wants to be up there up front, tallying diseases,
but his movement speed is that of a fat guy carried
around by a bunch of nurglings on a chair. He
could have waited until the city was opened up.
But no, this fat moron told all of his wanderlings,
go to the wall. Go forward to the wall. And then
a hellblast of all of them ripped him apart.
And it's not the most, perhaps the most interesting.
It's just, it's my opening because it's just,
what did you think was going to happen? The walls
were still strong. You were not a great unclean
one. What was the plan there? good job did he
count the cannonball as it pulverized him in
the last moments did he go i don't think he did
because to be fair when he's getting his head
caved in normally because he does this stupid
stuff all the time but you know he's a demon
so it usually works nine cannonballs is a very
hard argument to counter as it turns out so that
that's my first darwin award a good job champ
you thought that anything you did in that battle
was a good idea bruh Eli or Andy, is there anyone
that you can think of that's pretty stupid? Go
ahead, Eli, if you'd like. Well, I mean, I have
your list, Hal, which is enough for the entire
video. But I know what happened in the second
one, so I'm going to steal it from you, unless
you really wanted to. No, no, it's all go for
it. Anyone who knows it. First Claw, Talos and
his buddies are on a ship. that is exploding
because uh the exalted decided to blow it up
while his buddies were on there and send his
buddies on there anyways and they're trying to
get out they don't know where they're going and
all the mortals are running past them and tylo
says like uh something about oh these are officers
and yada yada or these guys are coming from this
area and sarah's like how do you know that uh
it's because they're it's because they're uniform
so early he says you're stupid you don't know
that and so he grabs one And he screams at him.
Where are you going? Where's your commander?
Stuff like that. And the guy's ears are bleeding
and he's now deaf. And he fumbles his gun out
and shoots Zara on the face. And the bullet pings
off of Zara's helmet and back into the guy's
head. And he dies. And then all of Zara's brothers
laugh at him. He literally I mean, he shot a
traitor in the face, you know, a brilliant night
Lord, but what a, what a dumb way. Just immediately.
Oh, that's pretty. I mean, that's a bad one because
like you weren't even killed by them. So that
sucks, man. For the emperor though, for the emperor.
God, they do not like, and it's the night. They
just, they have no, if you ever read the night,
all this trilogy, people, the. First Claw, who
are their five -man group, they love it when
the other ones just suffer. If one of them got
stabbed by a Blood Angel neophyte and they all
laughed at him being like, you almost died. They
just don't give a fuck. They don't care. That's
a bad way to go. I've got one a bit out of left
field that's just come to my brain. uh in the
short story endeavor of will which is about first
captain lysander from the imperial fists they're
basically on the star fort and it's got a twin
the other star fort's been infected with like
a demon virus and destroyed itself and the iron
warriors of sean too are infiltrating it and
so they hole up the imperial fists in this kind
of chapel area And they all around this coffin
of this like dead hero of the Imperial Fists.
And they're like, oh, that's weird. We're just
going to set up here. What's this about? The
Iron Warriors don't care. They go in with obliterators.
They go in with, you know, like a bunch of cultists
and everything. And as the Imperial Fists start
like pulling back, they knock over the sarcophagus.
And inside is the dead like skeletal remains
of the Imperial Fist hero who died from like
a virus attack thing. But for like a bit of fun.
the imperial fist has sealed the poison in his
casket with him so he falls out and flops out
like skeleton just like releases like all the
the gas and stuff and it starts eating like all
the obliterators to death and i just love the
idea i can't remember how they describe it in
the short story but like the skulls almost like
looks like it's laughing as its mouth is hanging
open looking at them like being eaten alive.
And I always just kind of like the idea of it,
like with the arms crossed with like, as it's
like falling out, like rock album. And I was
just like, that's, that's genius, but also very
silly. And I quite liked that one. That is a
dumb, that is a, that's a bad way to go. I have
thought of probably, I've got one before we do
a fancy one, which is, I think it might be the
worst on the list because this is also from the
night Lords trilogy. And this is when the spoilers,
we should say all this is spoilers. Spoilers.
Spoilers. From which one? Yeah. Second one. I've
not done the second one yet. I've not done the
second one yet. Muted. Muted. As a wise man once
said, all lore is spoilers, by the way. So in
this book, the Night Lords team up with the Red
Corsairs and then they betray them. and they
try to steal one of their ships because it turns
out it used to be a Night Lords vessel long ago,
and the Red Corsairs probably killed all the
Night Lords on it and took it for themselves.
So they try and steal it back for their legion.
And the way they do this is they have it betrayed
from within, and the Night Lords infiltrate,
and they kind of shove all of the Red Corsairs
in the bay. But they were taking so long to get
out of the ship. because they were doing like
prayers and rituals that the they're literally
like they're supposed to be on the surface like
fighting the marines errand or whatever they're
taking way too long so they tried to like vent
them into space that didn't really work so the
red corsairs i can't remember who's the captain
he's some who's like leading the red corsairs
like group and he's like we're gonna get back
in the ship boys so they start walking along
the out without walking on the outside of the
ship to basically enter into somewhere else and
retake it from the Night Lords. Except the Night
Lords enter the warp. This is a problem because
if you're on the outside of a ship and you're
about to enter the warp and you're not within
the Gellifield, this is apparently such a bad
death that even the Night Lords in Talos, when
they find out someone else enacted this, they
all stop and they go... oh my god that's too
cruel they literally say that is horrendous because
like as it happens uh all the red corsairs but
wait it's the darwin award is because their genius
move was to go on the outside of the ship and
not to like break from within they're like we're
gonna do this special move and turns out being
on the outside of the ship was entering the warp
um i believe their souls get wrenched and like
torn apart as like in the warp and it's apparently
the worst way it's the worst death in warhammer
uh to the point caleb that was this guy's name
it's caleb some reason why i don't know why there's
a guy called caleb um yeah he apparently it's
so bad that yeah they all just like some of them
jump off the ship and try and just like float
in space forever rather than die in this sort
of way and be dragged into like the warp half
and half so Yeah, that is a pretty bad death.
That's a pretty bad one. College of a fantasy
one. I don't know if you can match that in terms
of horror, but something stupid maybe. Maybe
not in terms of horror, but I feel like if you
broke out what you think is the worst one immediately,
I'll break out the man, the myth himself, Manfred.
I mean, come on now. Do you want to explain it
for people? His End Times lore is perhaps the
most egregious insult to the setting ever composed
by the fine people at GW. It is a series of about
a dozen betrayals, about a dozen of him just
realizing he's not as cool as he thought he was
before he then decides he actually still is and
then concedes to be a fucking idiot. And then
we get to the finale. He's been kicked out of
everyone else's fun club. He's hanging around
chaos. Even Archeon tells him, I don't want you
here. You are problematic to everything you touch.
I don't want you serving me. And he doesn't even
kill him because admittedly Manfred is powerful.
So that would be a bit of a deadly fight. But
also he's like, you ruin everything you touch.
Get the fuck out of my sight. So, you know, the
good guys, you know, Asterisk and Nagash is also
there. Go to stop the ritual that Arkhan's performing
that's going to open a third chaos gate on the
planet and consume the whole thing. Manfred sees
the eight people doing that ritual. Well, it's
actually down to seven. One of them got stabbed
and died. And he decides, I'm going to be...
I'm him. I'm him. So he stabs Balthasar Gelt
in the back, who explodes, because he's doing
quite an intense magical ritual. The Teclis dies
because he tried to take on a third wind of all
magic ever. Couldn't quite handle that one poor
guy, so he died. Everyone else starts dying,
and Manfred... I don't really know what the end
goal here was. I believe it was just to spite
Vlad, because Vlad would have wanted the world
to exist. So obviously it's time to intervene
in that. he's such a dickhead and then his yeah
he didn't even make it to the end though like
he didn't even get devoured by chaos because
tyrian saw him shank his brother and was like
no no you you are you are not getting away with
that one and then just stabbed him with his sword
that's imbued with the sun yeah so thank you
manfred if you like if we're mentioning stupid
deaths that whole sequence needs to be brought
up john stupid himself john john stupid himself
I always think of like, not Conrad, Conrad von
Karstein, like his death is kind of almost like
pathetic in a way. This is pathetic and also
because he was just genuinely like insane. Well,
his death is, his death is, Conrad von Karstein
is the one where he's like the in quote brother
of Manfred. And this is like, this is like, is
this a millennia or is this just a few hundred
years before I think? 100 years before man yeah
and he ends up like doing a his own rebellion
he's he's crazy that guy and he is is it like
felt like his his necromancers abandoned him
in that battle and then he tries to take on too
much well he can't do magic in the first place
that's why he has necromancers he's too crazy
he's too bad short of something i don't remember
what his rule is but he's really good at fighting
though i think because he sorry No, I was done.
Because he tries to keep his zombie army going.
It breaks his mind. He gets shanked in the forest.
Yeah. He did pretty good before that. He did
pretty good as far as the vampire rebellions
go. As much as Princess the Pitbull does very
good at running, yeah, I guess so. Princess is
a valuable warrior. If I had a nickel for every
time there was an insane madman in Warhammer
named Conrad. True. Princess's choice of target
is always wrong. If I can jump off of that Conrad
moment, I have a suggestion for one of the Darwin
Awards. That guy who tried to kill Conrad Kurz
when he was a baby. Imagine, if you will, you're
living on Nostromo. you're like i'm a bit hungry
you see something that falls from the sky and
like makes a crater it kind of like plows through
the surface it rends through the earth it's obviously
not from like your reference of understanding
it's extraterrestrial so you crawl through that
like tunnel you see a baby in this pod and you
go i could use a snack Because he's obviously,
this isn't the first time he's done this. Yeah,
who sees the baby and goes, snack time? And he
goes, oh, I'm one of my favourites. I bloody
love eating a baby. And then he tries to, like,
grab the baby. And I can just imagine baby Conrad
kind of like, yeah. And just like leaping at
his face and start like tears. Like, could you
imagine how horrifying it would be to have like
a baby, like jump at you and start like, I assume
tearing you to pieces. That's, that's quite,
that's a, that's a unique one. Surely the guy,
the unknown name, unnamed guy who tried to eat
Conrad as a baby. There's your Darwin award.
Don't eat babies. They might kill you. I'm picturing
those little dead space, the babies. I imagine
it looks something like that. Yeah, because there's
the toddler ones. What are they called? Not the
swarm, but they're something like that. And they
just scream and run at you. But yeah. All the
babies that blow up and pop. I love dead space.
Dead spaces are my nightmares. You know the jump
scare in the first one? Like early on. God, I
may shit myself. Before we get to the story of
someone probably shitting themselves to death,
has there been any donations we should get to?
Yeah, thank you guys very much. Thank you. We
love you. The first one here from DonkeyManUSA.
What did I say, bro? Stream late due to how bypassing
Darwinism through mass gooning. It's great. Wow.
Thanks, Donkey Man. Swiffy Swoff. Being in a
book when you see a short king with an axe and
a rich kid in a red cloak and thinking you're
the main character, survival equals unlikely.
Correct. That's true. Also, why is your profile
picture a very feminine battle droid? yeah that
is pretty sus there's like grievous lightsabers
as well uh xenon uh great party video hell thank
you man it just uh i i finished it i had a whole
month working on perso robbery i think colin
would have would have grabbed the rope grab the
rope i would have been doing that anyways burger
would have been the final thing kicking the chair
out from under me Sorry, I don't want that title.
Wait, Colin, have you read one yet? I think this
one. Lesbian girl riding evil horse. Thank you,
Uma Musume, for the five euros. Yo, he has to
sit up for this one. No horse has 64 legs. Correct.
A horse has four more legs than no horse. Depends
on what the no horse is, but all right. Therefore,
a horse has 69 legs. Colin, if you want to do
the bar chant, I know enough people text me.
Wow. Crazy message. Ancreus, no horse. What's
happening? Thank you very much. I'm lost. I'm
fucking lost. Yeah. Also, we got a thousand jewels.
I saw that. What is that? I don't know what Jules
is. It's a new YouTube Let's Compete with Twitch
thing, I think? I mean, thank you. Thank you,
man. We don't know what it is, though. Thank
you. Yeah, I... What? Also, MrBeastman from Sweden
has been a monk for 27 months and donated, saying
Shadrach, Meduson. Kind of. He's an iron hand.
This one's crazy. Corn Demon Prince George W.
Bush for $2. Eli, you're going to Iraq. Oil for
the blood god. I'm getting drafted. See you guys
later. He's not even American. He's not American.
I was born in America. I'm dual citizen. Thank
you very much. Off you go then. Sucks. I was
trying to give you an out. Biggest squigging
off. for thanks to the two man how would each
of you earn your darwin award i think i'm the
most likely yeah honestly andy's in the bane
blade tracks before we've even blinked um i don't
know according to donkey man i'm probably gooned
myself to death probably oh puppy he's so cute
i've got to press the button elon might get stomped
on in the crowd unbelievable sorry oh my gosh
jesus christ um wow i don't know andy and andy
is baneblade colin what are you what are you
doing how are you how are you going out so i
don't i No, I'm not going to say that one. That
one's too real. I don't know. Something black
arc. Get me to Marathi immediately. I'll survive.
Oh, my God. Sykes12146 with five pounds. Thank
you, man. Looking back, Andy might have the worst.
Don't start this again. Barbarian is madness.
I'm going to level you guys. I saw where we were
with the length of the video, and I thought,
I think we can get a few more minutes out of
this. So there was a little bit of trolling in
that. I was like, let's go. I don't think I was
here for that. A little bit more discussion.
I was being a little bit obtuse. Matt, 2701,
thank you very much for the $20. It's a lot of
money. That Skaven messenger should have known
better when he delivered good news to the greatest,
best, gracier thank -well. So true. Is that a
hug with a cup? Or is it a dog with a cup? Dog
with a cup on it. Dog with a cup on it. Can't
put down a cup. Cup with a dog. Jones, want to
call in? Sure. Joe Piven with the 10. Thank you.
Thank you. I should do a list of fictional planets
from different universes in which would make
a good Space Marine chapter of Homeworld and
for what gene line is Space Marine? That's a
really good idea. Oh my god. It's actually kind
of neat. I was writing it down right now. I can
see it. I can see his pen hand. Where am I? More
Australia lore. Let's go. Yeah, let's go. Jay
Townsend with the 20 Australian. Greetings from
Australia. It's currently winter in Australia
where I live. It was negative two one morning
so frost covered my mate's car. His response
was to toss hot water around. I think he didn't
melt faster. It did. It also exploded his window.
Yeah. I mean, that's a, you know, Darwin Award
for car maintenance. Yeah. Don't do that. Don't
do that. Don't throw boiling water on anything.
When I think of Darwin Award, I always think
of the one where, you know, people who climb
buildings with no equipment. Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I mean, yeah. The only thing you should be throwing
boiling water at is a home invader who invades
while you're cooking something. That guy, throw
boiling water at him. Go nuts. Anything else,
bad idea. Or chase him with a bat, fully nude,
sorry. Okay, hell. Okay, hell. Nothing more terrifying
than a naked person chasing you. I'm not locked
in here with you. You're locked in here with
me. Mr. Townsend again. Thank you, man. Winner
of the Darwin Award, let's be honest, anybody
who challenges Godric, the dwarf is a blender
of acts, crimes, and rage. I love whenever Godric
comes up because there's 50 different ways I've
seen his name spelled. Is it Godric Elden Ring?
That's Godric the Grafted, yeah. Another loot
box. Thank you. A nice swan. Beastman from Sweden,
thank you for 65 sec. The effing twin sorcerers
of Zinch that challenges Godric and Teclis. Yeah,
I imagine that they lost that one. Believe it
or not. Yes. Oh, God, hang on. I can personally
take this one. OCD Giant Robot Fan. Thank you
for the fiber. Greetings from Chicago Chinatown.
Love you guys. Also, stop insulting my shithole
hometown, Colin, and I might treat the Lord Grimes
crew to dim sum. Look, that sounds good, but
I'm also from Chicago. I was born in Chicago.
It sucks. it's also actually the city i just
live nearest though so i'd be shitting on whichever
one that was if i lived outside of new york you
better believe i'd have bitching to have chicago
is actually a decent nice city yo spooky kabuki
my brother uh latest dream of building 40 witches
while i listen he's been helping me my thousand
sons gameplay recently wow yeah i can finally
stand up stand up to me the menace Orc with bow
for 10. I'm sitting here putting my Stormcast
together listening to my top 5 favourite guys
in Warhammer lore. Aw, thank you man. Realise
the Stormcast helm looks like Colin's head as
it gleams in the light of my desk. Colin is radiant
currently. I am a little radiant at the moment.
Are your bodies down or something? They are down.
I think I'm going to turn on the light and open
the curtains. Yeah. That's harsh lighting. Brody's
at vitamin D. Seriously. R .I .P. 701. R .I .P.
those minor death gods Nagash devoured in AOS.
No, that was in Fantasy. In AOS as well, actually.
I imagine it's part of the transitions. Both.
I think, I mean, I don't know if, rest in peace
to them, but I don't think I'd give them a Darwin
Award. That's kind of, you just got eaten by
Nagash. That's not really your fault. I say we
might, after this one, we might have to head
back to the episode, but the last one is by Spooky
Kabuki. Thanks, man. I heard Dead Space and was
summoned from the war. Yeah, we should do a Dead
Space. Annie did Dead Space with acceptable losses.
yeah i kind of did every i've been reading through
the the book uh the one about altman and i gotta
be honest i'm like a further away from this oh
it's very slow at the moment it's very small
chapters as well so i'm still trundling through
it but we'll get there we'll get there but thank
you everyone for your donations thus far um yes
uh do you have one andy was it you andy or is
it eli Yeah, I got some more. You and I are going
to be able to hear, thankfully. It's the water
cast Tao who tried to have a nice conversation
with orcs. And to his credit, it almost worked.
I don't remember his name. Poor Al something.
He spent his whole life learning how to speak
orc and studying orc culture and stuff. And in
one of their first major conflicts, which was
on Arkunasha, which is where Farsight's origins
more or less start. He went to Doc. Oh my gosh,
what's his name? I literally just read this.
It starts with a G. Whatever, I'll find it later.
He goes to the war boss encampment and he meets
with the orcs and he talks to a run hoarder,
a mech, and the Doc boss, the pain boy boss.
Pain boss, that's what it's called. It almost
works. He offers them Tau weapons and says, you
guys can have these if you leave because we're
not going to fight. And the mech and those guys
are pretty hyped. He shows them the guns. He
fake destroys a devil fish with one of the guns.
He also brought a team of fire warriors with
him for this, which was unfortunate. And then
Doc says something's sketchy here. And then...
the water cast guy who is speaking orcish by
the way and by that i mean he's he's speaking
british and how the orcs do talk me or whatever
excuse me a certain point of view i can't believe
those beautiful british accents oh i met you
honestly like i can't believe he even talks like
that okay okay okay i struck a nerve clearly
i struck a nerve Oh, I've got a bloody lovely
English accent, me. He's speaking British. They
in the life of a true Brexit geezer. He tells
them... Meet with the wife, Susan. He tells them
that his mates are coming soon, which then tips
the orcs off that there is actually going to
be a fight. Because at this point, the orcs were
just sitting around and they weren't fighting
them, so they're getting pretty bored. And the
guy said, you're going to have the center of
the desert. Just leave us alone. And we'll leave,
and you'll leave eventually, and it'll be fine.
But then he says, my friends are also coming.
And so then the Doc realizes this and says, something's
fishy here, and then kills him, and then kills
all of his buddies as well. And it was probably
the best attempt at real orc negotiation, aside
from apocalyptic events. So he did his best,
but he died. And I'll give you a two for one
for this one because it's related. The Tau also
tried to negotiate with Tyranids once. And it
obviously went the way you would think it did.
They sent out messages and they weren't answered.
And so protocol demanded that they go see them
in person. And so then all the Watercast guys
got eaten. And then that was it. I mean, you
know, someone has to be that first caveman to
try the poisoned berry and find out that it is
in fact poisoned berry. uh -huh negotiating with
orcs is a pretty bad thing to put in the gravestone
though man you were right master negotiations
were short is chris cuts his name it's not just
cuts what the heck is that guy's name i mean
look they work the farsights first like nemesis
guy i can't remember you're gonna find it i have
a yes i've read the farsight books are they oh
they're not I didn't mind them actually shush
you shush you I don't want to hear it I didn't
mind it's the strongest I can give it though
I have an offering which is actually not excluded
to one person but it apparently is quite a common
ish way to die on Baal which is the blood angels
home worlds or home worlds so like they have
the different moves Yep. I have an idea too,
actually. This is a slight issue that you can
only really find here. There's something on Baal
called First Water. So the scenario is, I think
it's even the best example you see is in the
Dante novel. The various aspirants who want to
join the Legion, they have to trek across the
planet. It's pretty dangerous. And young Louise,
he's not Dante yet. He, Louise Dante will go
and meet with, he meets these other two boys
and he's a, they call him a salty. Cause apparently
Louise is actually from when he's, he's traveled
the furthest out of anybody. He's from like a
salt basin. They're like mine salt. And he's
meeting people who are not from a salt area.
So they're like, Oh yeah, that's a bit weird.
But they eventually agreed to like walk together.
and they'll team up as a three. I think there's
two guys, and they're both brothers. And they're
a bit older than Louise Dante. And the thing
is, Baal is quite... How should we say? It's
a desert, basically. It's all desert. All desert
and mountain. There's not a lot of moisture.
And water's very... It's like dune. Everything
comes back to... It's like Star Wars. Everything
is a bloody desert planet. We're over Tatooine.
I don't want to see Tatooine again. You know,
stop. But there's something on Baal and its moons
called thirst water. And it's actually like a,
it's an organism and it pretends to be a pool
of water. And basically if you drink it, it dries
you out to the point where I believe I can, if
I remember it from the scene, brothers he's like
delirious because they're on a high mountain
like the altitude's got into his head he like
punches like let me let me you know it's like
he's like literally knocking other guys out he
rushes up to the water to go drink it he takes
a sip and his whole face and like body just like
slumps in on itself and his like skin dries up
his bones start like cracking and his spine breaks
And his whole body shrivels up into like a complete
mess. And he basically ends up like a mummified
corpse at the end of it. This is a pretty bad
way to go. And so if you're thirsty on Baal and
you see a pool of water, it may not actually
be water at all. It's just thirst water. Because
it's like a parasitic life form or something
that lives in the liquid or something. It's weird.
It's weird how they describe it. uh to the point
where like many of them like like louise and
other ones like they know many of them know of
it and it's a pretty stupid way to go because
a lot of them know like it's not real they don't
first water exists in his trials to become a
space marine doesn't he go he's like going through
the wastes of barb and he sees a guy with a flask
and he's a skeleton and he's like ah finally
what is it wait a minute it's pretty full and
this guy looks pretty posh. This is a water.
This is first water. I think it's slightly later.
It's when they're in the mountains. The bit you're
referring to is when the Sanguinar showed up
and basically cheated and helped Dante not die.
Don't tell anyone. I know I just went, but going
off of that, I had it on my nose. There's a guy,
the first Guy in the Nemesis book who tries to
assassinate Horus brings a poison that he made
using thirst water. And one of the space marines
catch him being Erebus and some buddies. And
instead they give him the poison. And I don't
know what I got here. I might as well read it.
It says the helot's body twitched and drew into
itself. The guy killing him was reminded of someone
he drowned. The hooded sorbile was drowning dry,
if such a thing were possible, or he could see
bare skin. Sedere saw the pallid and rad -burned
meat of the man first turn corpse gray, then
lose all definition and become papery, pulling
tight over bones and muscle bunches that atrophied
as the moments passed. Even the blood that had
spilled onto the dark earth became cloudy, and
then evaporated, leaving cracked deposits bereft
of any moisture. And then he's dead. He turns
into dust. and then he bites he bites freaking
corda's hand and it makes it sound like it's
a hot device that's going to come back later
and then it never comes back so it was a weird
it was a weird thing to know i mean even during
the devastation of baal they filled the moats
around the fortress monastery with first water
so when the tyranids charge they all kind of
drown and they start slurping it up by accident
then they start dying but then they just they
just make a big like mound of bodies for their
like allies yeah yeah it's a bad way to go is
a is a bad way to go uh colin do you have a fantasy
one that could uh could could help add to this
well a whole bunch of people kept bringing up
gotrek in the the dono so i feel like you know
do them all together if you want there's a few
we'll just give the overall you know category
of person who decided they would fight gotrek
and felix for that matter he's just not quite
the blender I understand, right? In -universe,
they're not as well -known as out -of -universe.
But at a certain point, it would have been nice
to see someone write a Godric and Felix book
where the antagonists are fully aware that I'm
not cut out for this. The one that I think that
sticks out to me is the guy at the Siege of Prague
who is told that... gotrick was going to kill
him by like profits and then he still fought
gotrick you're not going to believe how that
fight ended by the way it could be anything it's
like what why did you do that you could have
you could have not you could have left because
fate decreed faith decreed fate decreed if he
took that fight he was going to lose you know
we have real fight if if you go on this if you
go on this campaign a great warrior will be defeated
there's some real mad energy going on uh let's
see there was um really i knew also a lot of
people pick fights with him in taverns for some
reason which even ignoring his reputation built
like a brick house made of pure muscle visibly
covered in scars which means he's been fighting
a while and none of those got him so why do you
think you're gonna be the guy which means random
drunken imperial I can take him. He's quite small.
A lot of those... A lot of those tavern brawls
do end in death, and then Felix needing to usher
Gotrek to another town before he just keeps doing
that, like the rage virus, but just himself.
It's really just that. Also, you know, special
shout out to all of the Bone Rippers. None of
them have good deaths. Any honorable mentions
for Bone Rippers? How did Bone Ripper 1 die?
Bone Ripper 1 just got cut in half by Godric.
Like, that was it. It just got cut in half in
one swing. And I think it was vertically, too.
What about 2? What happened to 2? 2... Two was
chasing after Felix, and when it was roaring,
he threw a bomb down its throat. Okay. So then
it blew up. That's two out of three. I see. After
two, the order of Bone Rippers gets a little
unclear, only because he kept pumping them out
and ordering more of them. I know at least one
of the Bone Rippers was just eaten alive by Thanquil.
Oh yeah, as his snack to cross an ocean or something,
wasn't it? Yeah, he needed a little bite to eat.
One of them was slain by fighting Godric and
Snorri. There's only so much to go into detail
on that one because it was... No, you lose. A
lot of the side characters also typically die
in kind of... whack ways i know this the skaven
who attacked felix in a tavern once i don't think
he killed most of them gotrick or felix i think
most of them died by their own incompetence yeah
which is always just a good thing to see uh there
was the there was the dwarf in one of the books
who got overcome by gold lust and then got killed
by a dragon who was guarding the gold That's
a really dumb way to go. That's pretty dumb.
You did that one. Oh, my God. That's a good selection.
There's a few bangers in the Gotrick and Felix
books. Speaking of selection, though, I might
do a few from the Caiaphas Kane novels. Oh, do
some of those, I was thinking, too. Yeah. You
can feel free to tap in if you want on any of
them. The first one I did think of was, it's
in the second book called Caves of Ice, where
they kind of crash, him and the Valhallans, they
crash land onto the ice world that they're going
to, it's like a mechanic and facility, they're
going to defend it. And there's a group of orcs,
and because Cain's the only one wearing like
a commissar outfit, and all the Valhallans are
like in snow gear, and it's a snow planet, they
only see Cain. So they just start to bum rush
him and they're shooting and they, you know,
but it should be pointed out it is orc shooting.
So they are absolutely miles off. Like it is
not even close to the point where like him and
the Valhalla is just looking at the orcs and
they're not even like taking cover. So what Kane
does, he tells the Valhalla is like, get ready.
And he like dramatically goes. and like throws
his arms out and he like falls on the floor and
at this point the orcs start whooping and hollering
because they think they've killed him and they're
like relax and they start walking up you know
and then as soon as they get close they basically
shoot them all so they fell for the oldest trick
in the book uh that is a pretty that's one of
that is of the kyphos cane doubles that is a
pretty stupid way to go um I don't know. Do you
want to do this one, Colin? Do you know the one
about the corn berserker? Which one? Weren't
there two? I'll do the one I remember, which
is, I think it's the third novel. And they're
on a planet with the Valhallans. I think there's
also some, what's your favorite? What are they
called? The Dune -inspired? Talon. There's some
Talon as well, but they're They're with another
Commissar on this planet. And their planet's
actually being invaded by Slaaneshi forces and
Khorne forces, because they're kind of competing
with each other. And at this point, there's a
Khorne Chaos Space Marine that just shows up.
And Kyphos Kain is like, oh, fuck, I'm dead.
So the reason this is a stupid Darwin Award is
because he's like, I got no chance. I think he
managed to dodge one attack as this thing tries
to kill him. To which someone says, watch out,
Cain. To which the corn thing goes, Cain, corn?
You basically worship... It stops because it
says you're worshipping you know, like the blood
god or something. To which this creates a moment
or an opening for Jürgen, our sweaty, smelly
boy, to rush forward and melt a blast the guy
in his chest. So he basically lets Cain... He
died because he hesitated because someone said
Kane's name and he thought it sounded like a
Red Sox fan. Red Sox? You say Red Sox, bro? Same
team? I'm an inventor. No one's fans of the Red
Sox. Shout out to Mark Wahlberg. He's an inventor.
Chair formers. It's a fucking bear. Mark Wahlberg
mentioned that the dog hates it. Understandable.
I don't think you get to get any more cane ones
though, Colin. I'd like to... Oh, hello. I know.
Okay. Puppy is crying. It's okay. We'll go shine
in a bit. Russell is just kind of skulking in
the sound booth. He just likes to sit in there.
Good boy. um i i think that this this is going
to be a little bit of a weird way to put it but
from the outside anyone fighting kane looks like
they got a darwin award uh to everyone but kane
because you know he's got his he's the hero of
the imperium everyone you know like all of you
know his like underlings all his you know the
guardsmen and even the generals are like well
they fought kane of course they deserve their
death those idiots that's caiaphas kane he takes
on space marines and wins Little knowing that
his life is one endless cascade of lucky breaks
and Jurgen being there with a melter gun. Most
people aren't aware of that. From the outside
looking in, it just kind of looks like Kane really
is that guy and going to fight him is just throwing
your life away. Like a little honorable mention
for how it looks in universe. I think I do think
like it looks like everyone gets a Darwin award
in universe. I bet around like the guard mess
hall. They're like, well, of course that fucking
idiot died. He fought Kane. Didn't he, when it's
when the 13th Black Crusade arrives on his, the
planet he's on and there's like, what's the chaos?
Is it the guy who calls himself a war master
or something or a chaos -y guy? Oh yeah, the
guy who could like mind control you with his
voice. Yeah, does he just before like the duel
could probably be I'm pretty sure Kane just kicks
him off a cliff before he can do anything. Basically,
the duel quote unquote was getting to that guy
and then they Yeah. And then two sisters of battle
kill themselves after that. Which is less funny.
Yeah. It's a bit of a weird way. I'm pretty sure
he just bootkicks a guy off a cliff so he didn't
get his time to shine or anything. That's not
a good way. It's not an honorable way to go.
I mean, the only reason that guy was a threat
is because he had the basically unstoppable power
of if you hear my voice, I hypnotize you. Yeah,
he's a... Kane has some... We need to do Kane
again somehow in some way because he's so fun.
Andy or Eli, do you have one more? Should I do
a quick one and then we'll go to the donation?
Yeah, sure. So one I want to mention is from
the Warhammer TV show Angels of Death where the
blood angels, they descend on this hive world
and it's completely like... empty there's signs
of battle everywhere they're seeing gene sealer
cultists like graffiti all over the place and
then this tank turns up with a bunch of troopers
in attempts to like convince the blood angels
hey come with us we're your friends or allies
but the guy trying to convince him Just the most
evil voice you've ever heard in your life. He
doesn't go, hi, Blood Angels. I'm Sergeant Shido.
We had a lot of fun. He goes, hello there, Blood
Angels of the Emperor. We come to you as friends.
You're like, what is that voice? He's like, we
aren't going to hurt. And then, like, Kazarian
notices he's filed his teeth down to points.
And then he squints. And then he just goes, bop,
and just shoots him and his head blows up. And
I was just like. You didn't even try, buddy.
You didn't go like, hey, up, lads. We've had
a lot of tough fighting over on to Hive City.
It's just like, greetings, blood angel. I'm like,
yeah, that guy's so evil. Let's just shoot him.
He sounds evil. He looks like Satan. Look at
that guy. But that's the one I was going to offer.
Should we do some donations? Yes, thank you very
much, guys. Thank you. So starting us off. Oh,
Hatman696. I see what you did there. Guys, I
matched with a girl that is a huge Nightlord
fan. Is this a red flag? Yes. Buddy, you're getting
your balls taken off. Can we trade? You can have
nothing and I have that. the ball clamps are
going on um i've been trying to get her into
fantasy by explaining vlad's law if it goes well
we will pfp match as vlad and bella are you a
his and hers league of legends type couple oh
my god i got i had the most humiliating death
in a game yesterday last night by the way It
was My Hero Academia Rumble, so that's already
a rough start. To be fair, two of my friends
love playing that game. They're on and I want
to play the game. Believe me, I don't want to
play. Speaking of... It's fucking horrible. Also,
Kaminari is a sexual predator. That's for what
he did to me in that game. Holy shit. But no.
I got weak. loss of mercy or I don't understand.
We got bodied by a team. It's teams of three
and one of them was named Angel and the other
was Angel's wife. And by God, I never wanted
to just destroy my hard drive more than that
moment. We don't got none of that in Dota 2.
Hell, please. I can do that perfectly fine. There's
no room in Dota 2 because of all the suffering.
That's right. Ockyman, thank you for the 200
jewels, the unknown currency. jamming thank you
i don't know what it is but thank you thank you
you get to say one word after the jewels and
it goes jamming corgi yes maybe it's like just
random points you get from being on youtube and
then you can gift them i guess oh maybe kind
of like hype i don't know something or whatever
they have on tick tock how is it for you is it
you've got to say it like the kid from peppa
pig I don't know what you're referencing. Dinosaur.
At Jet Void Weller. Dinosaur. Space dinosaurs.
I don't know what this is in reference to. That
didn't sound very Peppa Pig -like. I don't think
I've ever watched Peppa Pig. Just sound like
Thorgrim Grudgebearer, because they have the
same voice actor, yeah. Exactly, yeah. No way.
Pipkin Peppa Pig. i think from matt 2701 thank
you man would you like to read it oh is he frozen
He's in the PTSD zone out there. I checked out
for a moment. Thank you for the 10 bucks. Colin
is the resident fantasy guy. Would you ever do
a video on conquest? Last argument of Kings.
I need more eyes on it so I can play more than
once a month. I'm going to, I'm going to level
with you. I've played a game of conquest before.
I did like it. I have no interest in seeking
out anything more myself. Go bother Arthur Bones.
He's a big fan of five million different fucking
war games. I like Halo, man. That's what I can
give you. Nice dog pic from Blandy8521. Also
jamming with 200 jewels. Thank you for the riches.
We've got two from Simon Jeffy. first one for
ten you painting my death guard while watching
sigvald the magnificent had a very darwin award
death yeah poor guy yeah we're gonna get to it
yeah are we gonna get to it okay and second foreskin
is one and all bad witness okay oh my god thank
you what is that thank you i can't tell it what
is algae bro What is that? Algebra. I think that's
a very fat rabbit. No, that's not a rabbit. Chinchilla?
That might be a chinchilla. A thousand jewels.
Goat trophy. What is going on with this? What
is 800 huskies? What is happening? Thank you
for the code. Thank you very much. Thank you.
We are very unk right now. What is this newfangled
technology? This is Jay Townsend again. More
Aussie lore. Aussie story time. Me and my buddies
were playing a 40k D &D game for the last few
months. Alright. Neat. It ended last night after
our friend's GF who doesn't play D &D psychoanalyzed
Fulgrim who was the big bad. TBC. Oh. Thank you
again for the 10 Australian bucks. Thank you.
She managed to convince Fulgrim to unalive himself
by pointing out to him that his plan was a perfect
and ugly. And this is why glamour guards are
terrifying. Nice. Very nice. That's that guy.
So fair. Hobbies, everyone. Hobbies. Speaking
of that, should we speak of a color? Would you
speak of Sigfold? Because someone mentioned that
very briefly to us. When would you speak of Sigvald?
Because I much desire to speak with him. I don't
think anyone should desire to speak with Sigvald.
I'm going to be honest with you. But no, Sigvald,
his death in the End Times was equal parts actually
quite fitting to his character. I'm sorry, Eli,
but I feel like given who he is, maybe what happened
right after he died was certainly deserved. It
was deserved, and I don't hate that death too
much. And also very funny. So he was obviously
one of the champions of chaos, so he was helping
with the end times. But he wasn't really doing
too much because he's Sigvald, and he didn't
feel like helping for most of it. So he just
didn't because that's his curse. That's how the
curse of chaos affects him. He can do whatever
he wants with no strings attached at all times
because he is Slaanesh's little princess. Sensitive
young man. He is. So he was just dicking around
most of the end times until he was, for the first
time ever, told he had to go do something and
go to Middenheim, where he almost fought Valten,
who was Sigmar reincarnated, but then he left.
And because it's Sigvald, the excuse of he didn't
actually feel like fighting. a lesser version
of sigmar i honestly don't know if that was him
just trying to save face or if he genuinely thought
it could go either way honestly uh and then eventually
what happened was as the big battle the final
hurrah was rolling in he fought krell now krell
is a very strong guy was one of i believe one
of the guys more more torques at this point kevlar
had been long dead so if i can't remember off
the top of my head if he wasn't a more torque
he was at least you know He was an OG of Nagash's
army, so he got more stuff in the day and age.
Well, he was a Coronate Berserker before that
in life. Either way, Coronate Berserker to Nagash
to serving the first Warhammer character ever,
Kemmler, to them now serving Nagash again. He's
a strong guy, so Sigvald had to actually try
in a fight for once. And Sigvald's pretty face,
it got scratched up. He got a scratch. Krell
got a little cut in. This angered the Sigvald
greatly because his perfect face had been marred.
So then he kind of turned into an animal and
just viciously beat Krell back to, like, proper
death with his bare hands. Like, head -butting
and, like, his hands were breaking because he
was, like, just clawing at him and punching him
so hard. And then he stood up. You know, he got
Krell. He did, like, that little hole. Which
is very impressive, by the way. It is very impressive.
um crowd survives uh gotrick and felix spoke
to my knowledge so yeah pretty pretty goaded
activity pretty goaded by sigvald but um yeah
so then sigvald you know he does like that homelander
where he's just like taking a deep breath covered
in blood and guts he does that he then uh he
sees his like mirror shield on the ground because
of course his shield's a mirror and he notices
that right now in this very instance he's not
pretty So he breaks down crying and then gets
his head beaten over him by Throg. Throg just
shows up and kills him. Yeah, Throg is just like,
all right. And then freaking pees on him. Yeah,
piss on his corpse. Thanks, UW. Thanks for that
writing. That's great. That's great end time
stuff right there. Huge. Shout out to Andy for
the jeweled spam. Thank you. i've tried to figure
it out i'll tell you my findings in the donation
bit i uh i say that qualifies as you know a nice
um darwood award because literally no one else
would in the middle of an active battlefield
start crying because they're not pretty he regenerates
by the way so if he waited two minutes tops he'd
wolverine his way back to being hot but in that
moment he was not pretty yeah i have a um i'll
try to go to you last night my name is I don't
remember. I think he gets Nagashed. He died by
fighting Nagash. Don't do that. By death itself.
I'll do a small grouping. Some smaller ones.
I don't need too much explanation. There's two
together that I think are quite bad. They're
both Crimson Fist related. Because the first
one is technically during the attack on Rin's
world, the Crimson Fists accidentally destroy
their own fortress monastery. So that's not ideal.
But the real... The missile went the wrong way.
The missile does not know where it is. It also
does not know where it isn't. It goes up and
then it comes back down. Whoops. The missile
was white passing and had a nice family. He should
have been left alone. What the fuck? I'm joking.
The second one is quite bad, which is there is
a Crimson Fist scout called Kennon, or Kennon,
or something like that. And apparently... Kenneth.
It's been such a while since I've actually read
Ryn's world, but this guy did such a bad job.
i believe it is the only reference to a space
marine being turned into a servitor yeah yeah
apparently he was he did a betrayal so bad or
was so at his job that he's the only guy being
like do you remember why i can't remember what
betrayal he did or something um he they were
trying to kill the the orc war boss in charge
of it and he's like uh he's got a sniper rifle
and he's part of the scouts and that they tell
him like don't fire you'll give away our position
they're going to set upon us you need to wait
chapter master says wait wait wait wait he's
like i've got a shot i've got a shot no you don't
fire until i tell you to said the sergeant he
tries to kill the orc with a headshot the orcs
got like a like a shield so it blocks the shot
and then his more or less most of his squad gets
killed by orcs because then they weren't in position
and they didn't all get to fire at once in case
he had a shield on so that's why he basically
gets lobotomized because like you didn't do what
you were told you're a space marine what do you
mean you didn't do what you were told you're
supposed to do what you're told yeah pretty bad
way to go uh lobotomy uh for a space marine pretty
dishonorable That is my grouping of little ones.
I don't envy that one. What a stupid man. It's
from Kill Lupercal, the big Titan animation.
What's the premise of the show? It's called Kill
Lupercal. A bunch of Titans on Terra during the
siege. They're like, hey, i've heard horus is
on the surface let's go kill him save everyone
a lot of trouble okay a few titans i go like
a about four titans they're like marching around
and then i think it's a legio griffonicus lady
she's like ah don't go and fight and try to ambush
those titans over there i found horus loop account
let's go kill him okay and they like track him
down apparently and they have this vid feed of
him on the surface scowling and looking menacing
but then when they get to like where he's based
it's the silliest i don't know if i missed something
but it's the silliest thing ever it's just like
a pile of like imperial fist corpses with a big
like stick with a screen on it that shows like
video footage of horus on the screen and then
they ambush the titans and they kill the legio
graphonica say they might wait so like it was
they saw the footage of the tiny screen And they
fed that as proof that Horus was on terror. And
they went into a trap. And that was the whole
thing? What? It sounds very silly. What do you
mean? And it's just like a tiny scream. And I'm
like, oh, the Warmaster, he's on the surface.
Trust me, bro. Let's go and kill him. And then
she gets like four out of five of the Titans
completely butchered in the process. You're like,
what are you doing? What are you doing? Silly
goose. That is a pretty... It's not the worst
of the Darwin Awards, but what a stupid way to
go. It does remind me of... Before Eli goes,
I have a really, really small one. It is from
the Ragnar books where it's one of the new aspirant
space wolves. And they've just had their heads
injected with all this new knowledge. And it's
like the first week and one of the space wolves
is like... or you know like playing with his
gun is like this is so cool and he shoots himself
in the face by accident like that's it he just
he just accidentally shoots his head off he looks
down the barrel and goes oh and yeah not very
clever it's yeah safety into space i think there's
also another one where like one of them gets
blown up by a grin like he doesn't cook the grenade
very well it's like i think he also blows himself
up One of them also just falls over and dies
in the middle of lunch. Oh yeah. The gene scene.
Oops. It's so stupid because after all they've
been through, all their training and their last
trial and their inner battle, he just shoots
himself in the bloody face. It's like that guy
in World War Z. Yeah. It's not a very good movie.
Zombies. There's a lot of zombies. The book is
phenomenal. I didn't know there was a book. It's
based on the book except not at all. They sure
have the same name and zombies and that is where
the similarities end. Is there any Eli you can
think of or want to go with? Yeah, a couple more.
uh in the one of the old sisters of battle book
one of the best 4k books i've ever read by the
way uh there's the the main bad guy's name is
taurus vaughn and he's a pyro kind and he's really
cool and he's breaking out these psychers from
this uh prison place and he they come across
a door that they can't open so he looks at a
fat guy and says you're a you're a fire breather
right whatever the term is and the guy says yeah
i just can't keep it in so taurus Breaks the
guy's legs instantly and then reaches out his
hand and squiggles his fingers around and the
guy's fire belly turns around and then he explodes
and he breaks the door. It's like a human bomb.
And it worked pretty well. And then another one,
real quick, I guess. It's not that quick, but
there's in the Silent King book, which the Silent
King is not really in, by the way, so don't read
it. There's a... group of battle pilgrims in
a drop cathedral which is a church that they
drop from space which is funny uh and there's
a guy out there preaching and yelling and there's
already people who have died because they fall
and there's like a thousand freaking people in
this thing so they get crushed beneath them uh
but then necrons start shooting anti -air at
them So people are getting vaporized and they're
getting blown around and they're getting tossed
around the place by all the air rushing through
and there's blood mist everywhere. And then they
finally land. One of the preachers drops off
the top and breaks his neck and dies. And then
they start trying to go out, but the doors aren't
open all the way. So they all get squished against
the door and only a couple get out. Then one
of the cogs explodes and kills like a dozen people
by the shrapnel. And then the magma cutters start
cutting the door open and everyone by the door
just melts to death. And then they get out and
it's all merry and fun, but yeah, it's quite
the way to go. Damn. Colin, is there any more
fantasy ones you can add on to our stupidity
list? Let's see, let's see. Malekith didn't die,
but his entire argument when he first walked
into the fire of Assyria is a comedy of just
bad choices. It absolutely was. I know. I think
we also... We didn't cover Vlad yet, if you wanted
to that. Oh, yeah, that was right. We talked
about that, but I didn't. Vlad's first death
was kind of a... What are you doing, silly guy?
Yeah. So, I mean, technically, it wasn't his
first death, but because of his magical ring,
he would die in the middle of a battle, right?
He'd just get back up a little bit later. like
just fine even more than normal vampires can
already do that he just didn't need to put any
of the work in to do that it was just like i'm
back so eventually however during that that first
vampire war a uh a thief stole his ring the greatest
thief of the age felix man just yoink stole his
ring from uh from vlad um because even even vampires
got asleep during the day so he uh managed to
sneak in take it and go back to the uh the How
am I forgetting? Archlector. There we go. The
head of the Sigmar Pope. Is that Archlector?
This is going to bother me more than the story
now. Sigmar Pope. That's great. That's a great
Google right there. I can't remember the name
and it's bothering me. It's probably Archlector.
Let's go with Archlector. Whatever Volkmar the
Grim is, it was that era's version of him. so
that got stolen vlad wakes up you know probably
you know looks at his hand it's like where my
ring at and uh then decides that now is the time
to just all out assault altdorf uh there was
it was during the siege of altdorf which vlad
was doing pretty good at winning up to this point
but i'm gonna get to say darwin award because
there was they None of his army needs to eat
or sleep or do anything other than the occasional
vampire and all the necromancers. Because even
vampires who can do necromancy, it's good to
have some backups, right? Aside from maybe like
a hundred people in this hundreds of thousands
strong army. Could have just waited. But Vlad
is known for flying into rages when something
bothers him a bit. and stealing his resurrection
ring understandably fell in the category of bothering
him a bit slightly so he uh had everyone just
everyone at once it's like in a strategy game
you don't put any thought into it you just you
know click drag over your whole army and then
right click an enemy building he did he did that
and then proceeded to do some good work he got
to the walls and killed a whole lot of people
including the uh almost the arch lector But the
that guy was a real one and tackled Vlad onto
a just like steak pit. Like, you know, just like
wooden spikes and whatnot, which impaled them
both. And because the the arch lector was on
top because, you know, how a tackle works, his
body was pinning Vlad down so he couldn't get
off. And then that killed him, staked through
the heart and all that. Wow. Shoulder checked
by the Pope is crazy. He did get shoulder checked.
No, he got like proper football tackled onto
that thing. You know, blue 42 said hut. Yeah.
And then the gas resurrected him in the end times
was flat dead until the end times. Yeah. He was
dead ever since then. With one exception of when
a vampire cult tried to bring him back and both
got trick Felix and Manfred teamed up to stop
that. And then they started fighting immediately
afterwards, of course. But you know, there is
canon, a very brief short story where Gottrick,
Felix, and Manfred are fighting side by side.
Very nice. What the hell? I need to read more
Gottrick and Felix, bro. Oh, poor Vlad. And then
Isabella's death is just tragic and sad. She
couldn't bear to live forever without Vlad, so
she took her own life. Did she throw a... She
threw herself in the stakes as well, didn't she,
or something? I don't remember. I think she did.
Or she could have just waited for sunrise. I
don't remember exactly. I would say she probably
did throw the stake next to the Pope and Vlad.
She just jumped on that one. I could do another,
again, a few small offerings together. I had
actually a small 40k one I wanted to give. Yeah,
yeah, go for it. There's a passage. I don't remember
what book it's from, but a space Marine apothecary
is, you know, collecting gene seed from a bunch
of, you know, dead battle brothers that got Tau
battle suited and a battle suit jumps down in
front of him. And the apothecary is, he's kind
of just accepting that like, well, it got those
guys probably going to get me, but in Gothic,
the Tau battle suit spoke and was saying, you're
doing, is this for some sort of, you know, right
like a funeral purpose and the space marine didn't
say i'm collecting gene seed but it is kind of
you know equal parts get the gene seed and you
know funeral rights almost in a way so he said
yes and then the tau battle suit just very politely
was like sounds good and flew away not before
a different marine tried to leap onto the battle
suit where upon a turret on its shoulder just
did a 180 obliterated that guy and then it went
on he's in the farsight books So shout out to
that Marine who saw the six dead Marines and
thought, I'm not going to be seven. I'm going
to be the guy to take you down. No. It was in
the Damocles Crusade. Ah, that piece of shit.
I don't actually dislike the Damocles Crusade.
I dislike people who talk about the Damocles
Crusade. Yeah, I know. I know. Yeah, we've been
over this. All right. What's next? Andy, have
you done one in a minute? do you have any more
i mean i have at least one more that i can think
of i have one that i want to mention this kind
of brief again it's also from the lysander books
uh there's a bit where lysander is basically
i think it's endeavor of will as well where he's
on this fortress the iron warriors are trying
every put every kind of trick in the book they
can to try and kill him and so they go hey you
know know when you're in um maladrax there was
these demons these demonettes who you killed
one of their like members their leader but now
they have like this vendetta against you i'm
going to summon them and i'm going to get them
to try and assassinate you on the ship and previously
there was a tech marine who was saving the star
fortress he's in the apothecary so lysander goes
up to him he's like bro i'm sorry about this
uh but i gotta do this is it what and so the
demonettes come and get him he's like ah i killed
one of yours Which means that you have a martial
debt owed to me. And they go, yeah, but you can't
tell us to banish ourselves. No, no, no, I'm
not going to do any... You can't wish for more
wishes, kind of breaking the rules. I want all
of you to possess my brother's body. what and
they they jump into the tech marines body and
as soon as they do he beheads him with his thunder
hammer and then he's like i'm so sorry brother
because it's the only way he could like get them
in a corporeal like form kill him and then they
get banished to the warp and then there's like
they do a funeral for the guy and all the imperial
fists are like that's definitely a thunder hammer
wound i'm just saying He's unconventional. What
do you want from him? I don't know, mate. That's
strange. He's like, I just saved the Starfort.
I've done a really good job. Owie, I got hurt.
Owie. I've been decapitated. I did a good job.
Life's under a bitch, bro. And if I see him,
it's on sight. Crazy. What was my ones? I will
refer back to our lovely list. I did the Kane
ones. Oh, yes, this is one of my favourites.
This is, picture you will, a Titan Brothers,
except it's being attacked by orcs. And I believe
this is from the Uftak Blackhawk books where
they use a jet bike and they thunder themselves.
over like a massive jump straight into the face
plate of the titan and through it's like you
know eye slits and they unleash a squig called
princess which is like again it's hilarious that
the squig is called princess because obviously
it's like a little it's like a little uh pitbull
but um this proceeds to i believe kill the princeps
and the rest of the crew within the titan So
in terms of dumb ways to die, being killed by
an orc and one orc, a bike and a squig taking
down a titan is a pretty stupid way for a titan
to go. That's a bad one. A shout out to a very
quick few heresy ones. Genetia Kroll of the Silent
Sisters. She was... Spoilers. Yeah, spoilers.
She was taking names, killing world eaters and
stuff, using her blank ability to hide from them.
And at the very end of the book, Saturn 9, which
is an amazing novel, she goes to go kill Khan,
except Khan's running at full speed and he doesn't
even see her because she's got such a strong
blank ability. He just notices his kill count
has gone up. and he doesn't understand how this
has happened. Turns out he was running so fast
that he just mowed her down with his body. What
a sad way to go for such a cool lady. It's kind
of just to show how brutal it was. She was actually
killing so many world teachers before as well,
but that's a bad one. This is maybe one of the
most embarrassing ones, very quickly, which is
a word -bearer during the... Great Crusade slash
Horus Heresy. He was killed by a regular human
with a wooden spear. Wow. Embarrassing. Yeah,
that's apparently a lucky hit. But yeah, that
guy, that guy dead. And then very quickly, the
last one. Oh, what should I pick here? Oh, yeah.
There's a guy who I mentioned before is in a
Yarek novel. He's a prisoner. He's unleashed
against one of the higher cities. The orcs are
attacking. So they just unleash all the prisoners.
And this one guy thinks he's him. So he rushes
into the orc horde and gets grabbed by a killer
can and is just cleaved in half. And he was hitting
on it. He thought he could do it. It's so stupid.
That is my selection. That's my offering. Very
nice. I can think of one more before I have to
start scraping the barrel of my memories. Spoilers
for Lucius the Faultless Blade, by the way, which
is an awesome book. There's this slave guy named
Dyrank who goes through a whole lifetime of slavery
to the world leaders and then gets captured and
then goes through some time as a slave to the
Emperor's children, which is quite a jarring
experience in its own. And this sorcerer guy
named The Composer takes him under his wing as
this personal servant guy. And he starts feeding
him, I don't know what it's called, some drugs.
He starts giving him drugs. And it makes him
really happy and hallucinate and think lots of
things are going on. But Lucius is currently
trapped in the Dark Eldar arena in Kamara. And
the sorcerer needs to break into the webway and
then he needs to summon demons once he's in the
webway to go find... comrade self and he so to
summon the demons he needs the like pure unadulterated
anguish and suffering and despair and so he feeds
dying a bunch of drugs and he makes him hallucinate
uh and he brings him into this room with a bunch
of other slaves and die ranks like dancing in
a nice like royal type fancy fancy place he's
meeting ladies he's having fun he's like getting
friends his old life is back and then he snaps
out of it and he's actually just like murdered
all of these people and there's blood everywhere
and then he breaks down and like loses his mind
and then the composer uses his anguish to summon
the demon and then the demon eats direct soul
and then yeah some classic warhammer stuff oof
before we get any further though was there do
we do donations as recently or was uh was that
a while ago i can't about a while ago so we can
do some more now yeah let's say i can't remember
for the life of me sorry guys i also figured
something out so uh to start off uh revan52014
gave us 10 jewels with a gold coin so i did a
little experiment it's basically on the mobile
version of the stream there's like a way to give
like emojis now so the 10 jewels is the cost
and the thing that pops up is the emoji so i
i've apparently all of us get a thousand jewels
before september 4th so all of us can do this
and it's free but then i think you have to buy
the emojis so i just spammed a thousand jewels
worth of a jamming cat oh that's that makes so
much more sense but stream yards Doesn't let
us see the emoji. It's only for shorts. Not shorts.
The phone version. Really? So it's only the mobile
version of the stream that you can do it on.
Interesting. There you go. I figured it out,
boys. So now do we get these jewels or are they
just like paying YouTube? But then what do you
even do with jewels? You just put more emojis
on other things? I think it gets converted back
into money, and I think they're copying Twitch.
But we all have 1 ,000. Everyone has 1 ,000,
I think. Lovely. Great. You get 1 ,000. You get
1 ,000. Thanks, Chad. Oh, I think this one's
for Colin here, this one. Jay Townsend, 10A again.
Question for Colin or maybe Eli. The Twin Demons
and Slash spat out an AOS. Can I use them in
40K or are they AOS exclusive? Because I like
their look and I want to use them for my EC army.
I am afraid they are AOS exclusive. Imagine,
yeah. You'd have to use them as proxies for something
else with the same base size. What are these?
I don't even know what these look like, Ming.
I gotta look this up. It's like Senessa, and
I forget the other one. It's not the dude with
the lady on his back. It's something else, I
assume. No, no, no. It's like Senessa, and then,
again, I forget the other one's name, but if
you look it up, their models are pretty goddamn
cool. I'm looking. When I look up Twin Demon
Slaanesh AOS, it's not working. There's a Slaanesh
and Dex Sessa. Wow. This is a cool -looking Keeper
of Secrets. What the heck? Is it two Keepers
of Secrets? Is that what I'm gathering from this?
They're basically like Super Keeper of Secrets,
yeah. So you could use them in 40k as a regular
Keeper of Secrets. You could use them as that.
These just don't have rules otherwise. No. It
would probably make cover a little awkward to
figure out because I'm not sure. In slop Hammer
11th edition, it'd be hard to use. In real Hammer
7th edition and before, and even 9th edition,
it'd be usable. These are cool models. Holy cow.
Okay, okay, AOS. Okay, I see you. Okay, okay.
At Jet Void Weller for two bucks. You'll miss
the Exodite release. No, we didn't. We were actually
live streamed it. We were there. It's only three
models though. But they look really OP. The rules
are kind of insane. And it actually made me kind
of tilted how good they are because they're so
much better than Shining Spears and I just want
Shining Spears to be good. But now these dinosaurs
are better in every possible way. But yeah, Eldari
win rates are terrible at the moment. They've
got a massive point cut still. I'll just kill
myself. I've heard a theory that the Eldar win
rates are so bad because they were really OP,
so a bunch of people picked them up and were
good with them. Now they're not OP and actually
require a brain to play, and so their win rates
are really bad. Not that I've actually played
any Eldar games in XI, so this is just me spouting
stuff. okay spot away king uh raw 6668 is every
loyal imperial and chaos worshiper included anyone
willing to follow chaos or the broken state makes
you wonder what's wrong with them there's a there's
there's a billion live leak uh workplace accidents
in the Imperium in Chaos every day. I'm sure
there's plenty of new ways to die every day in
those situations. Yeah, dude. Forgeworld factory
worker versus industrial lathe. When I used to
do medical engineering, the first few days I
was shown pictures of like, here's what happens
if you go into this machine. here's what happens
if you go into this machine and it was not lovely
like blurred out and i was like i know i've seen
the uh we can't say it because it's youtube but
i have seen the bandsaw incident yeah uh ocd
giant robot fan thing is five dollars plus for
how how you can read this uh how has dk diamante
stream gifted you sucker for love where you can
romance your beloved hasta the now queen in yellow
if not can i sure man i didn't know dk is any
fan of it to be fair but uh i guess sucker of
love is a double entendre just create a throne
list and then don't turn off the surprise gift
thing and then you will receive five million
dildos $100. How? What is your secret to winning
quizzes? It's not my... My secret is that I'm
mildly good at everything to do with Warhammer.
I'm not very good at anything, but the others
are like, they completely stack in one area.
So Eli's Xenos lore is way better than mine ever
will be. Colin's fantasy lore will be way better
than mine is. Andy's Imperium lore is way better
than mine ever will be. but I'm just okay enough
at everything a little bit. So it's kind of the
eating out thing. It's because we have too many
quizzes that revolve around Space Marines and
Horace Heresy. So Hal wins the ball. And then
Hal and Andy never do Xenos quizzes other than
that one Eldar quiz. So then Colin and I never
get quizzes that we're good at. If you write
a Necron quiz... You can't be upset that no one
else did the Necron quiz because you already
took away the Necron quiz. But Andy's never going
to write a Necron quiz. Exactly. Be careful.
I might. I'd be happy. I could. The easy section
of the Xenos quiz by Andy. Which factions suck
and are lame? I could do the minor Xenos factions.
There you go. Samra dog. Samra dog. She likes
when I smack her butt, and I don't know why.
Oh, have you ever seen those videos with the
cats? Where someone's like, proper smacking it.
And then they stop and it goes, meh. Yeah. And
it like, hangs on to the settee. It's quite funny.
This one's for Colin, I think. An interesting
donation. Uh, oh. What is a hold me back cake?
I guess I'm going to find out. Existential Lee,
thank you for the 20. Not to be heinously parasocial,
but my squad did a hold me back cake a few days
ago and I put Colin squarely between my friend's
pics of Ned Stark and Ryan Gosling. I know this
is. It's a version of the hear me out thing.
It's a big compliment. Thank you very much. You're
up there with freaking Ned Stark and Ryan Gosling.
Ryan Gosling and fucking sean beam big w if you're
a big fan of colin you should listen to on there's
a channel called or you know it's on a channel
called froggy actually now there's an intro to
a tournament uh video where colin makes a lovely
generous donation to that audio about general
grievous yeah nice channel froggy phd check out
her channel because there's a Well, that's some
crazy line he drops on that. So if you want to
check that out, go. Don't give me artistic freedom
and expect me not to abuse it. What's the thing
you say? Like, I want General Grievous down my
throat or something? Yeah, I want him to crawl
down my throat so I can feel his lightsabers
in my tummy. Would you like to keep asking questions
or would you like to swiftly move on? No, I'm
just helping the audience. Of course. Give them
what they want. hear him coughing general vorvious
spooky movie then you're the five dollar he names
princess after what he killed ooftak tries to
read the word princess but he can't read very
yes i remember it there yeah oh yeah yeah yeah
squig the princess princess the squig even in
the second level from Revan. Thank you. Thank
you for them Googles. Thank you very much. And
also Monty Scar. Thank you. A cute picture of
a kitty. Hey, caught another stream on my way
to work. The dumbest way to die in 40 days is
to be born into that setting in the first place.
Love you all. Thank you very much. Thank you
very much. Pretty real. This one's for you, Colin.
Matt2701, thank you for the five bucks. Thank
you, Mr. No Work, for introducing me to AOS.
I'm happy I could do so. I'm playing in a tournament
soon. Hope you win. And I'm bringing both Nagash
and a Cogfort. What? Can you say that in one
action? Yeah, Cogforts, you can put them in any
army. What the? Interesting. Hell yeah. Interesting.
Very nice. You should make a noted army list.
Defend droid again. I love playing Imperial Knights.
Thank you for a swiffy swaff for the thousand
jewels. And the gold trophy emoji. Hey, the gold's
back. We haven't seen you a minute. Hey. Green
hat guy. Oh, the pain. It hurts. Five euros.
I'm drunk beyond comprehension. And I'm currently
wearing a Chinese hat. I do not know why. Finesh
tongue feet. I have five bucks. Here we go. Thanks,
man. Thanks, bro. A Chinese -style hat. A hat
that just has a Chinese flag or the word China
in it. Or a hat that was made in China. We need
more details. There's not all hats. There's a
lot of hats. We've got some more emojis. We've
got two jewels for Sparkles from Dream of Whiskey.
We've got 200 jewels from Bro Lost in Thought.
There we go. Jamming with 200 jewels. Spooky,
yeah. Spooky. He says, position for me to run
a chaos quiz? Sure. Also, now Dinos are trash
and Eldar is trash. T -Sun said of a high win
rate and got abandoned. How are the Dinos trash,
bro? They have every keyword in the game. They
seem pretty goaded to me. Not that the models
are even existing right now, but they seem good
to me. But I believe that Eldar are trash. I
can believe it. Thank you again, Green Hat. Colin,
you're the only reason I haven't jumped off a
bridge. well the antidepressants haven't come
in lately so i'd be careful about making that
uh making that the only reason my guy i might
be right there alongside you also yeah you did
a triangle hat apparently it was a triangle hat
you did it king man it's all you um now let's
see so we actually also did not forget this week
for a few things uh we've got minis of the weeks
to show off yes uh to start us off this is oh
that's not what i wanted to put there let's get
rid of that uh this is the one i picked this
one it's a long leg uh really in brackets big
squigging nice i think it's cool i think that's
a conversion is that a conversion yeah because
i don't That looks like one of the Hedonites
of Slaanesh models. I think it's partly the tall
guy that has the baby standing on his shoulders.
Pretty cool, mate. And the hooves. Is that a
Mirmadesh helmet? Bro, it has two knees. Maybe
not. Maybe that's just a big thigh. It's just
a big thigh and then a knee. No, I think you're
right. Top. Oh, that is two knees, isn't it?
Yeah, that is a Mirvadesh helmet. Interesting.
Because his look is like flop forward, so I think
it looks longer than it is. Interesting. AOS
minis are so cool, man. Yeah. Thank you. This
is a cool -ass stealth suit with a cool -ass
base. Yeah. Mini acrylics. Thank you, mini acrylics.
This was my... Yeah, this was as I just... This
is a sick as hell little stealth suit. I hate
these things after the great battle for the capture
point right outside of my house. Five million
stealth suits courtesy of Eli upon me. I haven't
played Dawn of War in way too long. Isn't it
ironic? Yeah, you can play some more Dawn of
War. The animation where this is the main character,
what's it called? The Exodite. I still haven't
watched it. rick it's okay you know this is a
this is a i like that i like the base a lot too
i don't know why sometimes they're like the things
i pick the base draws me more not even because
like i think the stealth suits very well done
but i really like that base yeah fancy bases
yeah are almost more impressive than fancy painting
sometimes even though it's probably not harder
i just i'm not motivated to ever base anything
with anything other than some rocks so like it's
impressive dude sterling mud and then i'm done
so literally but uh yeah no yeah we can play
some dawn of war sometime too then we gotta get
that going anything that will let me not play
fucking dark tide or space marine 2 please i
was wondering how you were faring of all these
like requests like come and play space marine
2 like oh here we go me oh i've been saying no
i don't want to play those games anymore i like
i like space marine 2 But I have like 300 hours
in it. My enjoyment graph for this is like, here's
an 8 out of 10. I've been at that 8 out of 10
this whole time. It's a great game. We hit 201
hours. I've seen enough tiered executions. I'm
good. I could barely play a game for 30 hours,
to be honest. I think it's a great game. You're
a trooper. But I don't have that much in me.
I don't remember this guy's name, but I like
him. And he's on a square base, so that's cool.
And I like the little cobblestone thingy on it,
the stone thing on his base. Is that the prophet
of Sotek? It must be. That might be Tehennawen.
He has like a plaque, though. Yeah, I thought
it might have been the plaque behind him. It's
got some old school there. That's cool. Yeah,
it's cool, man. It's cool. Me likey. Me likey
that. Good stuff. And the last mini. Holy frick.
What the heck? Yeah. Great people. This is pretty
impressive. That box. I know the wings aren't
on it yet, but Bro's got paint on his hand like
that. You can tell. You know he good. You know
he got it. Yep, that blue's real nice. Holy moly.
God, that's an awesome looking phoenix. Sorry,
griffin, sorry. That's going to be deathclaw,
please, Hal. Yeah, sorry. My brain just went
to wing thing there. How fucking dare you. It's
late. It's late where I am. And also, we have
obviously had a quick perusal of the the question
of the week from last time. And we also have,
I think we have one for this time up our sleeve.
But to read out some of the question of the week
responses we had last time, we have from Keza9211.
Hashtag suffer was the hashtag. Manfred, if you
say otherwise, you're just wrong. What was the
question? Who was suffering the most? Who deserves
to suffer the most. Oh, I see. That's how we
do it. Manfred is the Erebus version of fantasy.
He is the Erebus of fantasy. Also, speaking of
which, the second one for Hashtag Suffer from
I think Skate Later. Hal deserves to suffer for
constantly hating on my short kings in brackets
leagues of Votan and for hating poor people.
Andy deserves to suffer for the fighting a Baneblade
nightmare. Colin deserves to suffer for everything
he has put my ears through and for introducing
me to VTubers. Eli truly deserves to suffer the
most because he is the most vile of all the law
criminals. He is Canadian. What a jerk. You should
follow me on Twitter. I have bangers on there.
They're all very good. Is this the fucking semen
burp of comments? Yeah, no, please. You cannot
caress my pink pickle and expect it to not burp
yogurt. Hell, that's not even the worst one.
That one... you like you like oh dude that was
killing me you like halo right andy yeah yeah
yeah look at look at this cool look at this cool
tweet this one's really cool and awesome can
you read it out for the audio oh wait no hang
on no not that one not that one oh sure yeah
i i can read it out it's uh yeah no hang on i
need i need to find it first, though. Spooky's
in my DMs. I bet he's telling me that the dinosaurs
suck. Am I hoping it catches on? No, I don't
tweet for numbers. I tweet for the love of the
game. What a great episode of Warcraft. It's
my smegma child crawling out of the shower drain
after the yearly peelback cleaning. And it's
a grave mine from Halo 2, the monument to all
your sins. Oh my gosh. These would do numbers
on Instagram. These would do numbers. I don't
want to download more social media ads, though.
I hate all of them. Just quit Twitter and need
to Instagram. That's what my cheese is telling
me. It builds up. Dude, I'm basically Mortarian.
I got the mortadella and cheese. You disgust
me. the person who was put in charge of had you
in my house given one of the launching factions
in aos and yet only new models are due on foot
and on obscure warcry band not even a named hero
in there he dropped the ball so hard it hit terminal
velocity in less than a nanosecond wow poor fire
slayers wow um yeah for real though and there's
a hundred of them yeah fire slayers they're interesting
in the books though but Slayers are cool. Slayers
are cool as a unit. In Gotrek's book, when he
meets Slayers, that's kind of interesting. So
they're not Fire Slayers. That one's a weird
one. None of them liked him. There's two different
books. There's two books, and then there's another
book where they go to the Slayer Keep. None of
them like Gotrek. And shall we say that for the
next question of the week, hashtag Darwin, who
do you think had the most crazy or silly or ironic
or interesting death in Warhammer that we missed
or one that you think was worth mentioning? I
think hashtag Darwin. Or you could, if you really
want. just make up one for a character you like
because that'll be even funnier let's get some
homebrew death yeah just like darwin arabus arabus
slips directly into khan's chain blade as it's
starting to rev up yeah mouth first what if gilliman
just got hot boxed by mortari and ended up choking
on it i mean he kind of did and then the emperor
brought him back yeah I think I killed a bunch
of people in a D &D game. No, I didn't kill him.
I did make the party high though. Nice. I had
weed in my helmet and then I took off my helmet.
Jake, we said that one. 1d6 poison damage, please.
No, it was con saving throws because I was hotboxing
my helmet for like 10 hours because we had nothing
better to do. You should always have a high constitution.
Two more donuts, I think. Some donations. Green
hat. Thank you for the five pounds. Colin, let's
beat in Europe. I know some beautiful bridges
to jump, mostly in Paris, so we might have additional
reason to unstart it all. Unstart it. I like
that. I'm using that. Read the last bit. Please,
hashtag, please don't. In a video game. We'll
stick to one. Thank you, Moda, for the gold coin
10 jewels. Thank you very much. Monte Scarf.
820. Thank you very much. Five ways to kill a
man. 40k Darwin Award. One, be born on a forge
world. Dead by 15. Two, worship chaos. Three,
live in a hive city. Shanks for a rusty spoon.
Four, be born a psyker. Death is a release. Five,
live in the 42nd millennium. So true. So true.
Thank you very much. I guess with that being
said though, last one. Oh, Spooky, good to see
you man. No, it's my fault for having ears. It's
debauchery's. Thank you, Spooky. Look, sometimes
you gotta get something out there. And by something
I mean thoughts that you really should keep in.
We should bring back Shane. I've made my money
at this point on not having shame, which is pretty
great. I bet Bro sits in the hot tub and watches
his junk float. How do you feel about the term
under grundle? Not strong enough. Please subscribe
to Lore Crimes. Thank you guys for listening,
for watching, and we'll see you guys all in the
next episode soon. Peace. Thank you very much
for the donations. Thank you, guys. Thank you.