It's very hard to figure that out, what it would
be like. This is getting so philosophical and
goofy. We're just trying to figure out if necrons
can suffer or not. Before we were born, we didn't
have a consciousness for millennia. But we don't
remember not having a consciousness for millennia.
Speak for yourself. Colin the omnipresent. Colin
hasn't gooned since last November. He officially
can levitate now. Yeah, dude. No, we're going
to stop that one. Pancreas, no semen retention.
hello ladies and gentlemen boys and girls and
welcome back to law crimes where today We had
a little bit of a rack in our brains thinking
about what could we talk about that'd be interesting
because we're doing some videos, some streams
about, you know, what ifs in these settings of
Warhammer Fancy and 40k. And I think you came
up with this one, Hal. What are we talking about
today? Actually, I think it came from your mind,
Andy. Or maybe it was me. We had a little brain
session from topics. speaking like any true law
crimes uh enjoyer we thought of unbearable suffering
and pain um today we should discuss in warhammer
law who's who's getting rammed um in a different
way sorry wait wait let me rephrase that rephrase
that who is having the worst time it's the chipmunks
meme where who's suffering the most if you know
what i mean As always, guys, we're on offline
stuff, Spotify, all those other platforms you
want to see us there. If you want to catch the
live episodes where you still have the funny
people's donations where you guys roast us about
our hairlines, appreciate that. It makes us all
laugh. Obviously, if you join our Discord, you
can still see the episodes just there. It's all
on YouTube. The link is on the Discord, so come
check out our Discord. People hang out there
quite a lot, and it's a good time. Other than
that... Fun memes. yeah we're not hopefully you're
not suffering this into us but today we want
to talk about who's really having a time who
is um we'll start with fancy though because it
is obviously i say 40k is probably worse but
let's just say people in fantasy are still uh
it's not the best place sometimes it's not the
best place to live uh we can certainly start
with the humans though uh between the human factions
colin We have to ask you as the resident fantasy
expert. Suffering. Who do you get immediately
drawn to when you hear suffering? I mean, if
we're talking factions, anyone who lives in Kislev
is just probably not. It's not great. It's really
not great up there. Do you want to explain it
for the reason if someone is maybe just a 40k
enjoyer, they don't know? Yeah. So imagine, you
know, you live. It's miserably cold, like middle
of Siberia. And that is like a nice... Wow, damn,
that was a good spell. Good job, me, from like
three years ago. Anyway, no. It's like miserably
cold conditions, like negative 50. And that's
a warm summer's day for you. So that's already
rough. You know, food pretty scarce a lot of
the time. It just kind of sucks in that regard.
And then you're on the doorstep to hell. You
are who chaos goes through to get to everyone
else every single time. There's one city, it's
fallen like 10 times. They just keep rebuilding
it and then it gets smashed. Shout out to Prague.
It's not the real life Prague, but it is just
called Prague, yes. Also the food. I was going
to say, on even the mundane stuff, like what's
your diet? It's like, oh. Anything that I have
to fall out. Oh, great. Beets. There's a lot
of beets. Hey, beetroot is a foundational ingredient
in many lovely Slavic things. Shout out to Mashed.
That is the best soup. Absolutely best soup ever.
It sustains every single piece of clothing I've
ever eaten, but it is the best thing ever. They
also die, don't they? Yeah, because like massive
chaos invasion. They also have a place called
Troll Country, technically part of theirs, which
is like where 80 % of the horribly mutated chaos
animals on the planet live. Every now and again,
they migrate across Key Slip and it's just like,
all right, that's just something I got to fucking
deal with today. Ain't that great? If you would
speak of the Empire of Man, though. Where's the
worst region? Like, who's having it the worst
in the end? Oh, Stirland. Stirland, I knew you
were going to say Stirland. Ostermark's near
the north, right? Stirland, there's at least
one town where the adults encourage children
to throw shit on travelers because it wards off
evil spirits. Stirlanders suffer because they
are Stirlanders. Yeah, I mean, it's deserved
suffering. Like, it's their own little hole they've
dug themselves, but, you know. would you rather
be in kids level sterling though oh dude he's
left city is pretty nice there's aaron grad there's
you know that's like trade sometimes elves go
there it's pretty nice sterling all right what
do i do there i believe with my sister more like
bretonia what keith's level like any of bretonia's
places because i mean the average bretonian peasant
is infinite Endless peasantry shit lifestyle.
That's pretty miserable, yeah. It's warmer there,
though. I will give it that. The climate's pretty
nice. It's a simple life. Unless you live next
to Athel Loren and then the wood elves every
now and again just rampage through your house
for fun. I think the... Surely Ost... I would
have thought Ostermark because that's the northeast,
isn't it? And that one is pretty... That one
is like the one where everyone... hates it because
it's just like a backwater. Oh yeah. That, I
mean, that one is also a backwater and it's right
on Key Slip's doorstep. So when the, when chaos
is done bulldozing through Key Slip, they usually
like, Hey, how you doing down there? I mean,
let me come say hi. They're also right by Sylvania
too. So, you know, vampire, I mean, you know,
they're not quite right on top of it. They're
close. They're close. Do you think equally what's
worse than Ostermark or Nordland? Cause they
have a pretty, they have a pretty hard time.
I mean, Norland's not bad, right? It's just like
the flooding in of, you know, chaos. Norse raiders.
Yeah, Norse ships every now and again. Every
now and again, usually being at least like once
a week, let's be frank. It's a lot of fish as
well. Like, it's the Kieslev diet, but more Norse
raiding. Yeah, but I like fish. Like, I don't
say that's a downside. Kieslev or St. Louis,
I don't... Like, the city... Raided... Not St.
Louis, as in St. Louis, the city, right? Well,
if you mean the city of St. Louis that's in Missouri,
it's L -O -U -I -S. I heard Spooky Kabuki was
sending hate onto that. Shout out to him. I've
got a friend who lives in St. Louis. I don't
really know anything else beyond it. It sure
is St. Louis. I think the average human is probably
suffering quite a lot. It just seems terrible
in Kiesler. I think Grand Cathay, from what we
know, is alright. It's okay. They know how to
read. They got a big wall. I do got a big wall.
There's a whole lot of chaos on the other side
of that wall, too. It's not great. Technically,
the humans who live in Norsca are humans. So
that's a pretty... What's the average life there?
Like, I don't know, stereotypically like Viking
pagan. You know, fight each other for the dark
gods, go and get their blessings. Every now and
again, someone walks up north into literal hell.
Usually they don't come back, but if they come
back, they're a chaos warrior. That's a dub.
No healthcare, damn. Well, I mean, you can pray
to Nurgle. True. I just can't believe, like,
the one I always think was, like, even if you
lived in somewhere like Nuln, the issue is you'd
have, like, a nice city in the Empire, and then
suddenly there's a creature called Thanqual.
Very true, very true. Your city, and you have
rats come out of your sewers, and then it gets
kind of worse, because just south of it, there's
Blackfire Pass. And then occasionally an orc
tide will flood through that and you have to
stop it. Otherwise, it's just kind of, you know
what I mean? Like the cats out of the bag sort
of feature. So the Empire is not that great.
Is it fair to say the worst profession in any
human civilization because of the Skaven is sanitation
slash sewer systems, etc. They call them rat
catchers. They go down and they patrol on paper
for rats in practice. Bigger man -sized thinking
rats. It's a pretty shit job. I had a thought,
which was I think the worst place for a human
to live is probably Sylvania. Maybe? Unless the
vampires really like you. It's definitely up
there. Overall, they usually don't really like
you, though. There are not many vampires like
that. Most of them are assholes. Yeah. Vlad isn't
that bad, to be fair. He was an okay leader,
wasn't he? Mind him. Vlad was better than the
previous ruling human, which, you know, we love
Vlad. That says a lot about the other guy. That
says more about the other guy than what it says
about Vlad. I'm going to be real. There have
been good vampires. There's been some. Good vampires,
though. Like the one who got a place in the Empire.
I don't know anything past that. That he lived
a little bit too long and they got suspicious
or something. I thought he was cool. That was
Vlad. Pretty sure. That was Vlad? I feel like
it was just some random guy. He was the elector
count of Sylvania for a while. Well, I know.
I think there was one in the actual empire. It
might be true. Another guy. Yeah, I don't have
lads to go, man. I don't know what the average
life of a human being in Sylvania is. Probably
really scared, and your life could be taken at
any second. I don't know. They're superstitious.
They're especially poverty -stricken, even by
empire peasant standards. The dead just walk
around sometimes, even if there's no vampire
doing it. There's so much black magic. Sometimes
grandma just gets out of the grave and goes for
a nibble. Are there supposed to be lots of...
Are there supposed to be a decent chunk of humans
in vampire armies, realistically? There's a small
contingent. You can have the Sylvanian crossbowmen,
but like... I guess that's all you would need
to use humans for, really. reloading yeah yeah
ranged with ranged warfare basically what if
what if you need a snack mid -battle that too
that's the enemy hungry also the enemy yeah your
life as a as a like sylvanian crossbow guy that
might not be terrible i don't know i might get
still i probably still argue like he's left is
probably the worst for humans in the like the
um The southern cities, like the mercenary estates,
they're pretty fine. They're alright. Other than
there's the occasional rat problem. Or green
skin problem. Yeah, or green skin problem. But
all the other factions face that as well, really.
The next one I was thinking of, which... I would
say anyone who lives near a forest, by the way,
this is just like a universal every faction,
because they're like 80 % beastmen by volume
of creatures in there. Midland has a reputation,
doesn't it? The dragon wall? I love Khazrak One
-Eye. He's so pointless, though. He's so pointless.
He's the goat. He's a hero in this house. I mean,
he's no more pointless than the beastmen. Do
with that what you will. Dreading on crying in
the background right now, right now, for real.
That's 40k Beastmen who are somehow even more
impotent than fantasy Beastmen. He's on the cover
of one book once. Speaking of non -human suffering,
though, elves. And I think there's only one thing
that really takes the cake. The worst thing about
being a human is probably being a human slave.
in the Dark Elves faction. You'd also skip over
Felix, whose life is suffering. Yeah, human characters.
From what I understand, from what you said, he
gets laid occasionally. Yeah, dude, that ain't
worth going on a black art. Well, I mean, hang
on, hang on. He made it out, it's fine. He did.
He's been to hell. It's Max Schreiber who was
caught, by the way. No spoilers. Getting laid
every now and again is not worth what Felix goes
through. Yeah, poor guy. No. No. False. I was
going to say, definitely the Dark Elves, they
have it bad. It's just... Do you want to give
a little rundown of Dark Elf Society, Colin?
Because I think we recently did a Fantasy Fireside
on that, so if you want more, it's there. They
live in Warhammer Fantasy Canada, but because
it's Warhammer Fantasy, it's miserable and awful.
It's just Canada. Yeah. Funny commentary from
me only. I can't even deny it. I got nothing.
And they pay high taxes, too. yeah you know nagaroth
super blows it's uh it's it's miserable up there
it's also just as cold as keys live uh it's also
connected to chaos portals like you know just
through the land directly uh they also have something
in nagaroth called the altar of ultimate darkness
that's the building next door to some people
it is about as nice to live there as it sounds
uh if you're a dark elf noble it might not be
too bad because you know you're rich and powerful
but you will also yeah but you know i was going
to say you will also be at risk of constant assassination
attempts which you know you can do in turn but
like that's nothing else that's just going to
get stressful after a few days like can we just
bring it down to one the the least suffering
is probably like dark elf general guy you just
get to go fight wars away from Negroth. Probably
that or like a black ark commander. They need
slaves. There's still an inherent problem though,
which is that all elves in fantasy, as far as
I'm aware, they are still being gluck -glucked
by Slaanesh, right? Yeah, but it's not like an
inherent pull like it is in 40k. Slaanesh just
kind of likes elf souls, but they don't die and
it's just like, and Slaanesh. Dark Elves even
get along with Slaanesh in fantasy sometimes.
Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like that's something
that has happened. Older editions it definitely
was, and some newer stuff has actually kind of
gone a little bit back. Although newer stuff
means Marathi spreads Slaanesh corruption and
total war. Which, hey, it's still the official
property. It is going back to it a bit. Some
of them like Slaanesh, yeah. That's also true.
Who's Marathi's arch nemesis? Hell... Herself?
No, the other lady. The crone lady? Oh yeah,
Hellebron. Living in that city seems like it
is... Oh? No, that city is actually... Every
week but one out of the year is actually... crime
no crime there at all they have the purge yeah
yeah you have the literal purge well yeah but
then there's that week and you know then it's
yeah they're true that's actually probably the
least suffering in yeah the dark elf world i
mean unless you you know you're a slave but that's
just kind of is that is that hargarand is that
it's like harganeth harkin i think it's hard
enough I like the idea that GW is like, it is
called The Purge, but because of copyright, it's
spelled P -E -R -G -E. It's called Death Knight.
Although it's a week long in Harkoneth. But it
is just The Purge, yeah. Crime is all legal for
a day. This is Death Knight. This is Death Knight.
Death Knight. Death Knight. Fucking nuts. As
you say, fucking blow. Because even if you have,
like... 51 great weeks. There's one week which
will be the worst week imaginable. Just check
your calendar. And you're not allowed to book
a holiday. That's a good point. Are you allowed
to leave? You don't have to go away for the week.
Or dig a Minecraft dirt hole in your house. Build
the 1x2 dirt hole right down below and block
it off. No problem, mate. No problem. I'd choose
that over any other Dark Elf city. Yeah. The
High Elves have it bad as well, I'd argue, because
they keep getting attacked by the bloody Dark
Elves. That's true. But your average High Elf
probably has a pretty good life. Probably has
the best life in fantasy, don't they? Average?
They're doing pretty alright. On average, they're
doing pretty alright. Now, certain individual
High Elves, Eltharion... Why is he so miserable?
Well, because first, well, because he got poisoned
by dark elves and then a fat goblin killed his
dad, killed his cousin, burned down his house,
almost ended the world. And then he looked beyond
the realm of chaos into the truth of all things
and then came back out alive. And that doesn't
leave a person very happy. I think that leaves
some mental scarring. Yeah. Would you say Argi
Malekith has also suffered quite greatly? oh
yeah because he's uh rose chris bacon stuck yeah
but like how much of how much are we countering
in self -inflicted like yeah sorry that's that's
part of that song very true technically it's
still suffering though it just doesn't mean that
some of it might be like he kind of deserves
i don't know it's just like if you slam your
nuts in a door frame several times I don't think
you can blame the guy who, like, fitted the door
or the guy who made the hinges or, like, people
opening the door. It's like, get your nuts out.
What are you doing? Yeah. This is a very specific
place to put them. I've never done this once
in my life. Are you trying to do this? Teclis
is also pretty fucking... His life's pretty miserable.
Because he got his brother killed, so... No,
he didn't. Well, his brother Tyrion died, didn't
he? Well, I mean, in the end times, wouldn't
he? Yeah, but we don't talk about the end times,
man. Yes, that's nonsense. Okay, fair enough,
fair enough. That was Tyrion taking, well, I
guess, I mean, Tyrion kind of got dealt a pretty
shit hand, I'm not going to lie, but he pulled
the sword of Cain. He did that. And his daughter
died, and that sucks. And his wife married his
arch nemesis. Or his girlfriend. That is pretty
miserable. Tyrion's life up to that wasn't too
bad. And then he's blind now, so. Oh, yeah. He
lost. He's a god now, if we're going that far
ahead of that kind of balance. Fair enough. Nah,
dude. Born with magical tuberculosis. Sickly
and frail because of it. Walking is a chore if
he hasn't had his potion. Elves don't like him
that much. He's that weird fucking sickly kid,
Tyrion's brother. They don't make fun of him
to his face because if you do that, Tyrion beats
the ever -loving hell out of you. It's not a
great life. He also is just like the whipping
boy. I've got a sidetrack, Colin. If you were
in Warhammer Fantasy and you still had diabetes,
but we also added crones, but you could shoot
lightning out of your nipples, is that a worthwhile
trade? How does the scale of hours to disability
work? Can it be my hands, please? No, you have
to do that. So you pretend it coming out. Oh,
he's pretending. No, that is so not worth it.
Also, it's... Yeah, that guy always casts spells
from his hands and his chest. No, I have to do
a certain gesture. I'd be a human wizard in Warhammer
2, so every time I lightning nipple, I'm rolling
the hands of the double snake eyes and I explode.
No, I don't want that at all. That's awful. And
I get crones. Would you guys say, as for more
factions, how do the orcs have it? Because the
life of an orc can be quite a lot of fun. They're
still kind of orcs. I mean, if you're a Gretchen.
If you're a Gretchen, it sucks. i mean they're
them and like we could probably just do both
of them at once they're pretty comparable between
40k and fantasy there's an orc but there's less
looting and stuff but but isn't there's also
like an element of like the favorite thing of
a gretchen is to get one over their walk overlords
and occasionally like if they can poison them
or stab them in the back or do a little like
cheeky bit of like whimsy and that's how oh yeah
height of their like the best thing ever oh well
like oh yeah gretchen yeah goblins are kind of
the same too i mean they're a little smarter
and actually cared about in fantasy as opposed
to those things that orcs sometimes shoot out
of a gun 40k but i mean it's still pretty comparable
the big guy kicks the little guy around to do
the grunt work uh orcs lays around drink fight
until it's time to go beat up half of the empire
and then disperse and then What am I saying?
They're having a great time. By human standards,
sure, I'm sure it's miserable, but orc standards
are what we're operating on. They're fine. They're
doing great. Can you think of a... I don't know,
we're fancy. Have you ever seen a record of a
sad orc, rather than just an angry one that it's
not fighting? A sad, depressed orc. Or are they
just like, I'm annoyed because I haven't been
fighting for a while. That's not quite the same
as having a bad time in the same world. I mean,
orcs... orcs like squigs you know if they're
if their pet squig dies they'll probably privately
be you can't be said in public then the boys
aren't going to take you seriously no more but
you know they'll probably they'll have a sad
like off in the corner sad off in the corner
yeah i mean you know but other than that there's
still orcs they'd like fighting they like yeah
They ain't suffering, really. They want to suffer.
Dude, look at Wurzag. That guy's having so much
fucking fun at all times of the day. He's dancing
around with big footsteps on people he doesn't
like sometimes. He's chilling. The guy's having
a good time. Before we get any further, we should
address some of the donations. Thank you very
much, guys. So for the non -live viewers, we
did mention that Beastman sucks. Just being a
Beastman kind of just is terrible. The other
last ones to talk about in fantasy are the Lizardmen.
I don't know if it's that bad. Lizardmen kind
of... You live in your natural environment. Occasionally
it's bad, but that's because of the Skaven, not
because being a Lizardman sucks. They're also
like mostly just biological robots. Like they
just kind of... do their job and then that repeat
until they eventually die oh my god I said the
last one you know I just literally forgot the
the actual number one thing on this list like
it's it's it's bad if they lose it's bad if they
win like it's just you know what I mean what
if what if an under hive but worse Is there any
happy skaven? Can you describe the average life
of a skaven? Quick headtaker's happy, I bet.
Quick headtaker's doing all right. Thanquil's
pretty happy in the 30 -second mark before he's
about to finish his scheme. And then the 25 -second
mark happens and it goes wrong and then he's
not happy. But then we're so back 10 minutes
later. But then it's so over. But then... Infinity
into Age of Sigmar because he's still fucking
alive because the hornrat will not let him die.
It's too funny. What's the average life of a
Skaven, Colin? Well, there's decent odds. You're
born in a litter of a lot. Usually the other
Skaven pups are eating each other to survive.
Not great. uh then you know when you when you
grow up i believe adulthood for skaven is like
the ripe old age of three uh they only live well
i mean i think they could live longer than 13
years but i guess it's part of the reason they
suck the average life expectancy for a skaven
is 13 years it is not a peaceful death usually
either uh let's see they're usually incredibly
malnourished they live in the most squalid conditions
a skaven building collapsing is not a question
of if It is a question of when. And the answer
is usually within like a week. Eat poop. Eat
poop. You know, whereupon the building will be
rebuilt. Yeah, poop was the name of a friend.
His name was poop. Oh, you have to eat poop because
he's being annoying. He might stab you in the
back or he has secrets. Yeah. Nonstop backstabbing.
It's just nonstop. Nonstop. Doesn't matter what
level of government you're at. If you're a, you
know, if you're a random nobody, someone's going
to stab you in the back for food or like your
shiny, almost not rusty knife because it's a
thing and he wants it. If you're a merchant,
another merchant is going to stab you in the
back for, you know, cut you, literally cut you
out of the, out of the business or a customer
is going to stab you in the front or something.
Wow. If you're an influential, you know, general
or something, your underlings want your job.
Their underlings want their job. all the way
down uh the council of 13 probably will get you
killed at some point because oh if you're being
too good of a general might be a threat to them
power so uh you kill you the only way to extend
your life is by hard drugs as well like just
hard sniffing that is a pretty common one yeah
we do we do love some warp stone cocaine uh which,
depending on how diluted it is, it might actually
just be cocaine sometimes, or it's also cocaine
and magic, or it's just magic. It's Warpstone.
It does whatever it feels like doing on a given
moment. It's chaos magic. It doesn't need to
make sense, and it rarely does. Health and safety?
Fuck OSHA. All my homies die at work. Everyone
else hates you? Justifiably so, but you will
have no friends. Awful. Awful. It's horrible.
Well, that's a hell of a send -off. Is there
anything else in fantasy we can think of? I think
Skaven must top it, surely, for who has it the
worst. Yeah. Life as a Noblar probably is pretty
bad. As a Noblar, it's not great, but if you
can prove you're a good cook, the ogres will
defend you with their lives because good eats.
Of course, if you're a bad cook, you are going
in the pot. You are the eats. I was going to
say dwarves. Cast dwarves is noblesse too, don't
they? They don't really... I don't know if they
suffer too much, though. The occasional depressing
history thing. They take it on the chin because
they're always drinking. I mean, they do take
it on the chin, but they are pretty frequently
like... Dwarfs are not great. It is near non
-stop battles in some of those holds and the
underway, because Skaven are going in from below,
and then orcs are coming in from above. And then
that's been happening for about 5 ,000 years
in the setting. Dwarfs seem to have it probably
the worst, at least conflict -wise, of order
factions. I don't like the good guys. There's
very few dwarf holds that are ever at peace.
They're in like... maybe not quite Cadia levels
of constant war, but it doesn't stop for them.
It's not good being a dwarf. When it's peaceful,
it's not bad. You dig your hole, you mine some
gems and some gold, you drink, you do whatever
craft, if that's your stick, and then you do
it again the next day. Actually pretty nice.
If you don't, but there are chances to just hang
out and do that. Don't come very frequently.
The book of grudges will never be fulfilled.
It will never be clean. Is there anything else
we're missing on fantasy? Chaos isn't really
a... I mean, we kind of know... Chaos in general
is probably the same in 40k as well. Slightly
better, I think. Yeah, not as horrendous, but
still bad. Slightly better, because... Fantasy
has slightly, and I do mean slightly more emphasis
on the positive traits of the Chaos Gods. But
like, it's still the Chaos Gods. They're still
bad. It's not good. What about Undead? What about
Undead, like Tomb Kings and those guys? Oh, Vampire
Counts. Tomb Kings, Vampire Counts, Undead. If
you're sentient and you're in the vampire accounts,
you probably have it pretty okay. Generally.
Like if you're a vampire or a wight or something,
I don't know. It could be worse. If you're a
vampire, it's not all that bad. But if you're
a tomb king, do you get the Captain Barbossa
thing of just like, I'm always hungry and I have
no tissues. Yeah, sometimes the tomb kings do
have that sudden realization like Necrons do,
where the I can't breathe, I can't breathe, where's
my skin? I have a tummy upset, said Nagash. I
don't know. He's built different. He simply doesn't...
I want a yummy in my tummy. No, Tomb Kings can
ironically have sometimes more fun than anyone
else, though, because they respawn, they're immortal.
I didn't know that, actually. You can't kill
Tomb Kings? No, like even... more reliably than
like reanimation protocols they're they just
respawn back in the hakara dang which is die
for reals though he did once yeah and then he
as revenge burned down half of norsca but when
uh when nagash pulled up to cetra did he just
delete him uh even though we're not talking about
end times it was a it was a pretty solid fight
for a bit cetra was doing wheelies around him
in his chariot and like holding up to him and
then nagash was done with that fight. He ate
their gods. Nagash could, in theory, prevent
it. He ate them because he was hungry. He's like,
oh, my tummy. Then the chaos gods brought Cetra
back, and then Cetra said thanks. Well, they
were hoping they could tempt him into serving
them, but they said the words serve. So Cetra
promptly said... Cetra does not serve breakfast.
Tomb Kings, though, some of them just spend their
whole undead lives hunting. Because they can.
Yeah. Fair. Why not? Not bad. That's more fantasy,
then. I don't think we've missed anything, have
we? I think that's more or less fantasy. I think
we have to then... We've got to breach into,
we might not have time for AOS to be fair, but
we should breach into 40k because it's time to
start with the human factions, or human faction,
the Imperium of Man. This is a bit of a difficult
one. It's difficult because fantasy is like there's
different kingdoms and there's other variations.
The Imperium of Man is obviously a galactic spanning
empire, isn't it? Depends on the planet type.
Shall we divide also Imperium and Mechanicus
as separate? Because they are human, but it's
such a different faction. If you're a human working
under the Mechanicus, you're on the higher end
of suffering. Oh, dude. Very fucking awful. If
you're lobotomized, can you even feel suffering?
I feel like... the suffering there is that you've
been lobotomized and turned into a servitor the
suffering is you can't actually comprehend your
suffering while you suffer also sometimes servitorization
doesn't work properly and you're aware yeah yeah
yeah there's a horrors heresy book which mentions
like in the webway war there's a servitor who's
like a lady and she remembers like being taken
away from her husband and children and she remembers
like she's a servitor in the um while she's like
fighting demons it's like That's horrifying.
There's two accounts I can think of where characters
have their fathers servitorized and they follow
them. There's a floating servo skull in the Atlas
Infernal book which is following a rogue trader
and it's called Father. And there's another one
which is called Father who's like a walking servitor
who's accompanying a medic for the Black Templars
who's like a Medicaid, not an apothecary. It's
like, come Father. Yes, daughter. Oh, no. No.
Daddy got servitorized. No. But on the other
end of the Imperium, your life's pretty good.
It's really not that much different than how
we live, just with longer work hours. Most places
are, like, the overall majority do live in hive
cities, though. And that's a real, like... At
least, I've always operated on the assumption
that, like, by number of people alive, most of
them are hivers and... Ugh. It depends on what
part of the city you live in, but most is the
icky part. Most planets are not hive worlds,
but hive worlds are so densely populated that
I've always assumed at least half of mankind
in 40k lives on a hive world. If we speak about
the average life in 40k, it's kind of you either
live and die in the hive or you get what's the
word, taken into the military, called for active
service, into the guard. And that's a lot of
the time those guardsmen are never really going
home. A lot of the time that is just because
they get sent somewhere else. That's one of the
few times I'll say the Imperium is slightly less
shit than that. Most of what the guard is deployed
against is rebelling Imperial worlds. Not even
related to chaos. It's really not that bad. And
they're like, wait, you're telling me I get to
go on a void ship with, like, a maggot -infested,
like, mattress? Sign me up. It's worse. Most
people are really happy to join the guard, yeah.
Depends on your planet, again, but, yeah. But
then you encounter Xenos. Yeah, if you have to
fight against the wrong faction, then it sucks
all of a sudden. But a lot of dudes just have
to, like, maybe you're part of the planetary
defense force. You just have guard duty. They're
the Imperial Guard, after all. So it is a lot
of guard and garrison duty. But then the Necrons
pull up to your planet and you... It's like,
oh, good. Yeah. I feel like overall, if the average
human condition in our lives is like a 5 out
of 10 or whatever... 40k is probably like a three
and a half or four out of ten are we comparing
are we including canada in the estimation eli
we're gonna go four out of ten yeah i'd probably
say like an even three um just but that's just
my view of how i've always like pictured how
many people percentage -wise live in hives which
super ass yeah skaven is zero out of ten So,
comparatively, a 3 out of 10 is, like, pretty
good, but it's still not good. You're not really
anywhere close to a really enjoyable life, but
it's survivable, and you eat to eat. Some of
the upper hives, like, still isn't good. Like,
when you hit 1 % of a hive worlder, you've hit,
like, average, like, city apartment. That is,
like, the top one. It's, like, the point... zero
one percent is where it's like damn okay you
kind of kind of living nice i was i was rereading
the eisenhorn books and there's a part where
they talk about the world of thracian primaris
and it's kind of like an average hive world and
it has to mention the fact like because it's
a hive world the atmosphere is just like it just
stinks the whole world stinks and like and even
then like they had like smog covered clouds and
you know even in these massive hive cities they're
pretty meh like it's pretty bad and the thing
is i think the difference as well one of the
big differences of fancy in warhammer is the
people who are like in the upper upper upper
upper upper upper crust or they live well like
even um reading the new word bearers book apostle
it talks about the lower glyphs and the higher
glyphs in the clouds and like it's an ecclesiarchal
world and they're doing fine the ecclesiarchs
having a great time it's just like all and all
the people in the underhypes are like i just
gotta keep my head down and and then like a word
bearer turns up one day he's like do you want
to join my flock and they're like yeah right
it's easy it's like oh they say the emperor protects
and he goes does he really and that's all the
convincing it takes them to be like yeah i've
had enough of this yeah it is kind of a the easiest
way to get someone in the imperium to join a
chaos cult is to tell them to look around for
five minutes and go hey you want to not be here
anymore yeah and then you end up trading it for
something even worse somehow and then yeah The
most suffering is probably in chaos and like
gene stealer cult types. Although I guess if
you're a gene stealer cultist, life's really
good. Well, really good. You have a really good
community. You have a great community. Gene stealer
cults, it's funny. One of the signs of a gene
stealer cult is things start running too well.
Yeah. Nothing beats a Gene Steeler cult holiday.
When the high fleet arrives on your world, the
post -nut clarity is not worth it, surely. The
post -nut. The worst human existence level is
probably Chaos Cultist. I don't think you can
get much worse than your average Chaos. There
is empowerment in Chaos Cultists where it's like
drudgery in the Imperium is so grinding. It's
like you can work for 70 years in the Administratum.
Your back breaks. They put a splint in it so
you can still stand. You can work 20 hours a
day, eat your slop food, then go to bed for four
hours before you get up and do it again until
you die. These are the Chaos Cultists. They're
like, want to get an extra limb or some weird
shit? Okay. Want to kill your boss? Okay. You
can also end up being that 20 -hour work. day
of work guy on the chaos side of things and then
it's just like it's even worse you get you get
like a flesh rod up your spine instead of a splint
or something yeah get the special all the way
up like oh no i'll never sit down you're gonna
say ironically i think if there's like characters
like a human characters the ones when you think
of like who actually suffers It's actually the
space marines who live too long. It's always
the ones who are old. Like I said, it's the old
men in wars, isn't it, or something. Because
they've already been a child soldier. He probably
had to beat to death the other child soldier
to become the soldier. But then they're okay.
They become a space marine. It's exciting. But
it points out in the Ragnar books and even in
Dante's book, when they get... too old everyone
they knew who was like their group or their or
even their masters or like the one the you know
the younger guys just below them they're all
dead and then you're kind of you know poor dante
just wants to you know he wants to he wants the
rope yeah i can think of one thing worse than
being an old space marine being an old dreadnought
that's worse yeah that is probably the worst
space marine existence is john dreadnought all
of those plus dementia that was fused to the
whole of a ship for 10 000 years since the horse
heresy i don't know why i just remember that
guy but yeah that guy probably was suffering
pretty intensely the iron warrior who gets like
buried under the palace in like some mining gear
and he knows he's going to die really slowly
for like a few thousand years yeah under the
rubble like hooray space marines yeah there's
a few it is a bit sad to feel like a the only
i mean like being a normal space ring they're
quite excited about it to be honest they're like
you know we're serving the empress you know and
often like space marine fortress monasteries
are nice places in terms of like you know, is
there to relax slash unwind. Some of them are
heading out of the chapter. Yeah, Flesh Terrors
is probably a massive shithole. I also wanted
to give a little shout out to the recent Skitarii
character in Darktide, because that bit where,
like, they strip off his armor and you see what's
underneath him, like, did they take his wee -woo?
Did they cut off his wee -woo? What? And he's
got all these plug sockets in and he's, like,
being dutiful and walking in and he's got, like,
no limbs left apart from mechanical, like, that
can't be fun. I mean, doing your duty and being
like indoctrinated into the machine code is one
thing, but also like, where are his eyes? What
happened to his mouth? But they suffer to our
perception, but they're loving it. Yeah. That's
the thing. They're into it. Like Eli said, working
underneath the Mechanicus. I think of like Tau
Conveyor Belt into the Kelly Lava Volcano. That
was hilarious. So stupid, bro. the mechanic is
they do they're they're enjoying it you know
i mean like they see a toaster and they're like
fizzing with not you know yeah but being a forge
world guy that that's where the 20 -hour work
shift you sleep under the conveyor belt and then
get bet you that's like the worst or you can
be a like a ship crew on the lowest lowest decks
of the ship crew that's all yeah he sucks that's
your entire existence too like you're enslaved
forever and you never They just, like, take people.
Usually criminals, I guess, but sometimes, like
in the Silent King book, it's just a random dude
who has to grease doors for the rest of his life
until he goes crazy. There's also, like, you
can also be born into that job, especially on
the ships. Like, you're born on that ship. Your
dad was the guy who cleaned this specific bolt.
You will now clean this specific bolt, and your
children will be cleaning that specific bolt.
In the Night Lords trilogy, their ship is just
full of captured slaves, and it's so pitch black
and dark because they're Night Lords, so they
don't want to have too much lighting. And they're
in a main society, but they're like, yeah, by
the way, there are roaming gangs of murderers,
and occasionally we actually have to interact
with the space marine, you know, terrifying space
marine. the wrong because they literally need
to mention like by the way there's a demon in
the corridor so you need to go kill it uh pretty
oh yeah and not as worse than that is actually
being killed by the astartes so they you know
they flay i think emperor's children uh called
slave is probably the worst you can serve under
for chaos but they're enjoying that though yeah
but usually not usually not willingly you get
captured and then they like then you have to
go through all of that stuff and you don't like
it very much uh unless they give you lots of
drugs and then you'll like it i guess but before
we um before we get any further though uh there's
been a few more of the uh donations that we'll
get to thank you very much guys thank you guys
it's all quite a few happening i really appreciate
it Well, we did Orcs earlier, to be fair. We
kind of said they were similar. Orcs are fine.
Grot life sucks, but everything else is fine.
Now, Eldar. 40k Eldar is definitely worse than
fantasies like Elds. Maybe normal Eldar. While
they're alive, craft worlds are pretty nice to
live on. True. It's just then death and instant,
you know. Yeah. The path system is pretty...
Pretty rough, too, to be fair, but it could be
worse. Your society's really nice. Yeah. And
if you're not careful, you get, like, uber depression,
like, beyond the imagining of any human being
could think of. Or spiraling back into the, you
know, bad habits that birthed Slaanesh. Yeah.
But, I mean, to be fair, overall, they probably
actually have some of the best lives in 40k.
Yeah, no. As a whole, the race is just... You
know, they're dying. Yeah, but they do take sabbaticals
where it's just like, I'm going to spend the
next ten years being a painter. Yeah. You can
do that? And all the hivers are like, you can
do that? That is an idea. And I'm in the mines.
Yeah. I mean, it could be worse. I'm just in
my drink. Oh, you poor human. I think Farseer
is probably the most suffering general regular
Eldar, I feel like, other than the dead ones.
They turn into crystal, I don't know. Also, seeing
the future is not that, it's probably not actually
enjoyable. No, I mean, especially it's, you know,
40k, the future is usually portents of immense
doom, and watching, you know, what I assume to
be high -definition visuals of your friends dying,
and you know that, like, you can prevent it,
maybe, but, like, if you don't, that is happening.
Yeah. So, not good. Yeah, but Average Elder,
pretty good. Average Dark Elder, on the other
hand. not oh not great they are also enjoying
themselves though they are but most of the time
you have to deal with other ones trying to kill
you all the time a camaraderie is a shithole
it's mentioned in that um attack blackhawk book
isn't it like when the the main female dark elder
in the uh the novel she mentions like her being
a child and they're not like born evil but they
are slowly broken by their experiences. Yeah,
even she's a bit repulsed when they hurt someone
initially, but then they make it so that they
learn to love it. It's worse if you're not a
true -born, because then they all have Karens,
so mum's like, don't you know my son is a true
-born? He's PR. So you get more bullied if you're
not a true -blood. These people could all follow
the path, by the way. They could all just follow
the path and stop being evil. Although one thing
I did also want to mention is in a book I've
read, The Path of the Warrior, it's like a whole
story about one of the guys who becomes a striking
scorpion. And you read another book? I read them
all. And he gets like kind of not tricked, but
he just kind of gets like lured into becoming
a part of the Phoenix Lord's armor. and it kind
of subsumes his own identity into the suit and
all the spirit stones i'm like that's also kind
of terrifying that like after he dons it his
like soul itself and personality is just kind
of like amalgamed into a gestalt and he's no
longer himself he's just like i am this person
now yeah also horrifying it sucks to get stuck
in the infinity circuit and whatnot as well yeah
it's not a good afterlife it's still numb It's
better than every Chaos Worshipper's afterlife
by infinity times. Unless it's manipulated by
a Chaos Sorcerer or eaten by Tyranids. Then it
sucks worse. That just kind of turns into a normal
Chaos afterlife at that point. Yeah, it's true.
Also, we don't actually know how... If Slaanesh
consumes your soul, does she consume them or
does she eternally torture them, or is it both?
and whenever whatever she feels like is it what
is the idea but also consuming doesn't get rid
of them at least because yeah it mostly works
the same between the settings in an age of sigmar
they were able to punch her in the tummy until
she puked up elf souls i still don't quite know
how the homunculi get around oh you can be taken
by the next i get you back like yeah it's just
the whole i have your finger thing so you're
like soul is still safe is a little bit uh bad
i don't know they couldn't think of anything
so they just said that so that dark elders even
like a millennia dead drukari emperor they bring
him back with like a fragment of his body and
they're like we have to sacrifice a super innocent
soul so they steal an exodite lady and they like
torture her and they don't kill her they just
torture her alone and then that's enough torment
from an innocent soul to bring him back i'm like
that seems strange i don't know i don't know
It justifies the true car is existence a little
bit more. Mind you, they're still not justified
because they don't need to do any of this, but
it makes it make more sense if they can actually
come back by having a finger cut off. Biggest
squigging says you have to revive them in the
date. Now, if it's like you, this guy was dead
for millennia and then they like brought them
back millennia later, but it was just like, you
have to have a really like bespoke sacrifice
to do it. uh but also like you can bring demons
in with them yeah like the longer they're dead
the bigger chance there is of like demons happening
speaking of uh maybe that's not a great existence
what's the average experience of necrons because
that's kind of not really an experience almost
it's more of a i mean necron warriors are just
described as like it's really hard to it's really
hard it's like an echo it's like an echo of the
person itself but it's so subsumed by necron
yeah they don't know that they're aware but they
also like some part of them does know they're
aware at the same time and it's like you're trapped
in this prison forever i think they flit in between
like a tiny little consciousness knowing that
it's trapped forever and not knowing uh it's
not an overly easy concept to grasp i actually
have an interesting take on this i think all
the necrons are actually like hear me out dead
but as in the necron tier they're actually all
like tracing the infinite is dead dead and when
they make the necrons that's like an imprint
so the actual real one of them is fully dead
and they're not necessarily like beings anymore
they're kind of a copy of what they were that's
why they can't change Well, that's like the whole
philosophical. Did you know, I think it's every
seven, eight years, every cell in your body is
replaced by new cells. So technically, the person
you were seven or so years ago wasn't actually
you. It was a different person on a cellular
level. So aren't we all just necrons in a way?
Well, it's the consciousness upload thing where
your consciousness doesn't actually get uploaded.
It gets copied and replaced and you just die.
but i mean we don't know that some of the necrons
have little like flicker soul moments so but
i thought they mentioned they don't have souls
though it's not the whole that's the idea but
then like characters like xandric and oberon
have moments that imply otherwise but then what
like sisters of silence don't have souls but
they have a mind yeah the whole yeah it's i don't
know if that's the thing like what is this like
it's a blank though blanks don't not have a soul
i think it yeah i guess their soul is null as
in like their soul is like an anti -psychic thing
rather than a pro -psychic thing yeah something
weird about that yeah maybe uber negative soul
but um the necrons still have capability to think
and do things well i mean the nobility the high
ups it literally is a machine though like in
a sense of it being like it's a weird way of
doing machines but it's a machine yeah well like
twice the king type stuff from the actual perspective
of an ekron they have perspective and they have
thought and they have consciousness to some kind
of degree it's like it's like it's not normal
technology you gotta remember it's like arcane
wizardry technology created by the freaking stars
is that weird argument of like if you would like
to torture that thing are you torturing a thing
that experience it in zeros and ones or is it
a chemical thing going on their brain and so
is it life you know i mean are you really what's
the difference between simulated suffering information
going into a into a data bank to a bunch of chemicals
going into a meat tissue it's like it's information
of a sort it's going into a repository that creates
inputs and outputs it's like is we're getting
into like yeah this is like ai robots the calculators
go to heaven etc you know there's no such thing
as silicon heaven no such thing where do all
the calculators go they just die calculators
just die necron suffer pretty badly most of the
time unless you're like a goofy higher up guy
like someone like zandrek and over on have it
pretty dang good some of the best in 40k something
like treason has it okay more or less he's pretty
grumpy but he's i mean he's funny at least i
don't know but like someone like uh i don't know
most of the necron characters have it okay to
be honest it's more you're more suffering if
you're the lower cast uh what would you say for
so we also have on our list tyranids i don't
even know if you could say that tyranids because
they're not conscious doesn't really suffer they
dive into the digestion pool and become like
they have a nervous system theoretically like
they can feel pain oh i have a reference actually
uh when fabius bile captured that neurophrope
and tortured it and it asked the space marines
please kill me i'm in so much pain they suffer
they can suffer yeah i guess it depends on what
kind of yeah i mean like yeah they can they can
feel pain or they're not like conscious beings
so it's a different kind of suffering i think
uh i don't know how to describe it but is it
like the the um the synapse creatures are more
like assuming direct control they just they take
control of the body but the body has its own
mind that then gets like sequestered away and
then it comes back when the the or is it just
instinct I don't know. Fabulous. It would suggest
that at least the synapse creatures that can
do that have some kind of mind. It's true. Things
like lictors as well have some kind of something
going on. But again, it's like trying to compare
a gorilla with a human. so like the neurons and
the brains are somewhat in the same but we are
still so like there's such a big divide and rift
between the two things it's really hard to comprehend
the i don't know i saw a video recently of like
a guy did a backflip in front of some monkeys
in like a zoo i've seen guys do that in real
life they did that exact reaction like we're
not so different it's kind of it's kind of it's
not really possible for us to actually comprehend
uh not having a consciousness and stuff i don't
know maybe it is it's very hard to figure that
out what it would be like this is getting so
like philosophical and goofy necrons can suffer
or not before we were born we didn't have a consciousness
for millennia but we don't remember not having
a consciousness for millennia speak for yourself
or call in the the omnipresent yeah colin hasn't
called hasn't gooned since last november he's
officially can levitate now Yeah, dude. No, we're
going to stop that one. Pancreas, no semen retention.
Moving on. Moving on. I refuse to talk about
League of Otan. I refuse. I love Deep Rock Galactic.
Aside from the Eldar, an average Tau citizen
has it best in 40k, in my opinion. Pretty good.
Yeah, absolutely. They're actually respected
by the leaders. They have a good life, generally.
How does the supposed pheromone shenanigans factor
into this? I don't care. It's Phil Kelly lore.
It's stupid. I think it's a misdirection. I really
don't think it's true. It's such a nothing burger.
It's such a nothing burger. Because it's not
in any other of the books except for the Farsight
books. it's such a nothing the controller's belief
like i swear it's just all like that's the thing
of like you're not so they wouldn't have thought
to question ethereal their entire life so that's
why i mean they're kind of low -key manipulated
but also yeah like okay look be sure maybe the
ethereals are mind controlling some people and
manipulating people to do their bidding and that
is evil But that doesn't mean that the Tau don't
have the best lives in 40k on average and that
they live in comfort and a good society with
low crime and have food to eat and healthcare.
They have funny Kroot friends who are like, when
I eat things, I look like that. Also, it's a
nothing burger. It's a catachan. Good for you,
Greg the Kroot. Ah, my friend, Greg the Kroot.
We like other aliens when they're nice to us.
also if your criteria for like you know bad life
is being manipulated welcome to everyone in 40k
except in real life i guess yeah it's true i
think the town probably have a best aside from
me honestly maybe better than the lr but we don't
actually know what happens to town after they
die so it's kind of can't get much worse than
like torment by an actual malevolent god i suppose
yeah i don't know is there any um small imprints
in the warp that they probably just don't go
anywhere they're just like they're they're such
like a faint glimmer of like i don't know what
you call it but like immaterial presence that
they just probably like extinguish that's the
idea i guess is there any um particularly for
characters you think who suffer the most in 40k
because i have one i'm thinking of i don't know
how to top it it's the emperor the emperor yeah
yeah he's suffering suffering to explain to people
he is obviously like technically he dies every
single day and then he is reborn with the sacrifice
of a thousand psychos as a dan abnett says so
he's basically continuously dying and being reborn
every single day and uh yeah and he's a rotting
corpse still on a throne And his consciousness
and power is like beyond his control. So it's
bad. Poor guy. That one Moff Eton shirt that
you can't live without. So you put it through
the wash every day you use it. And then it gets
more holes in it. And you start gaffer tape,
like sewing bits back on. It's like, no, I like
this t -shirt. It's like, let me go. Let me be
buy a new t -shirt. No. And it's got a few more
wears in it. No. Sure. You mean underwear? There's
probably no one in Warhammer who suffers more
than the Emperor, to be honest. I can't think
of an example. I think the thing about the Emperor,
though, is he's too powerful to be in certain
circumstances. If I compared him to Uriel Ventress,
not that I'm saying he suffered more than Uriel
Ventress, but he hasn't been sewn into a lady
who's been grafted to a demon and then almost
birthed into an abomination because he's too
powerful. He can't go through... that kind of
humiliating slash disgusting thing. It's kind
of like high suffering. You've got high fancy
and low fancy. It's like, oh, I'm above mediocre
and tedious suffering. I go through super suffering,
and therefore it's kind of like you're not going
to start to death in the bottom of a high. He's
got suffering premium. Yeah, exactly. He's got
the agony of being the emperor, but he also has
the weight of entire humanity on his... uh shoulders
and he has to like work ceaselessly to make sure
humanity is not consumed by chaos etc etc i don't
i don't he probably suffers the most overall
even though it is a different level of suffering
it is true it's a different type of suffering
and also there's something to be said about tolerance
how does that factor into suffering true the
one who suffers the most are all it's just beastman
players and that's the universe oh yeah That's
the only fact of any Warhammer enjoyer. And probably,
I mean, he was the forgotten faction of 40. Probably
actually Tau players, because you guys would
barely get any detachments and everything. I
mean, Tau are S tier right now, I think. Oh,
they got rid of that. Don't worry. There aren't
two ways to play them. To be fair, they didn't
even nerf us that bad. But they made the freaking
Tiger Strike plus 50 points, a model that wasn't
legally playable until this update. I literally
saw that and I thought of you and I thought,
oh my God. Literally, what is wrong with these
people? What is wrong? Genuinely, what is wrong
with these people? Whatever, whatever, whatever.
Yeah, it's bad. I say, to be fair, we could do
AOS quickly if you wanted to. We've probably
got time. Maybe we should pick out the highlight
ones, I think, because I would only say really
the one that I think of. Admech players suffer
the most. Admech players probably suffer the
most. Their armies constantly suck, and it's
the most expensive army, and it's hard to build
and paint. Stiltman. That is good. Chaos players
have all the trim. We do have all the trim with
Chaos players, but it's weirdly masochistic.
I think people enjoy the challenge. how was our
how was our 40k section quicker than fantasy
or is it the exact same amount of time actually
i think it's about the same amount of time people
because we didn't we didn't cover orcs and to
be fair we were also just like our humans oh
yeah no contest did we miss any factions in 40k
i don't think so leaves a vote but we're not
like they they suffer at the hands of hell Hal
ensures that each one of them, if Hal was a 40k
entity, you would constantly torment the leagues
of OTAN. Well, I wouldn't do that, because they're
the ones that are actually tormenting me, thank
you very much. They call him the prospector of
despair. They just disgust me in the waste opportunity
that they've become. We didn't mention this was
a battle if you wanted to. Real quick. I feel
like most sisters are kind of happy at the end
of the day. There was a horrible thing I read
in Atlas Infernal where Ahriman captures a living
saint and then kills her over and over and over
and over again via like warp fire. But because
she's a living saint, she comes back and then
she's burned alive and then she comes back and
then she's burned. And then that's pretty nasty.
It's pretty nasty. What about being a demon?
Do you even have free thought at that point?
Does it even matter? Who are you asking is the
answer to that question in particular. Demons
do suffer. I remember Kugaf being bullied in
Godblight by the Rainmaker. What's he called?
Rotticus? And he's just like, you're stupid.
I'm the best now. You're a little embryo thingy
in the garden. They're talking to the tattle
slug, aren't they? Tattleslug, Tattleslug. Do
you know what the Tattleslug is, Colin? I don't
know. It's a Nurgle snail. The Nurgle demons,
they love this thing. It's a Nurgle snail. Infiltrate.
And it's like, Tattleslug. Tattleslug, Tattleslug.
And it basically infiltrates and it acts as a
little listening device. It's like a little Nurgle
snail and they love it. i love it it's so fun
it's so fucking like the actual dark imperium
trilogy is quite the first book is like okay
and then the other two are like quite good because
yeah they're almost like one book to be honest
but they're quite good and certain demons have
like chips on their shoulders and grudges like
scar brand and um uh the other one they have
like a feud and then there's like the changeling
is like oh i wish i could turn back to my original
self and seem just like i know what you used
to look like but i'm not gonna tell you because
then you'll not be my pawn and like the handmaiden
being exiled because slanesh had like a bad day
where nurgle and corn ganged up on her and then
say i'll make you feel better with a dance and
it's like baff and yeah so the demons do have
like oh yeah suffering yes we definitely can
should we read uh donations real quick and then
do fantasy really fast uh aos i mean aos yeah
sorry i'm too busy looking at the uh freaking
temple run on the screen right now with columns
yeah let's go for it it's making me want to play
total war we should uh so now it's we'll cover
briefly um aos really i think The human factions
aren't terrible other than the fact that like
there's just kind of like with 40k and fancy
There's just enemies around the only one I can
really think of he was suffering like bad is
The or they called the others not CL's with oh
my god blanking on the night in that deep good.
I didn't it's deep kid Yeah, that one is pretty
bad in terms like most of them are like born
kind of with incomplete Souls, like a lot of
them. They're petting Russell, sorry. He pet
that dog. A lot of the Ideneth, they're kind
of born with like, well, it's very, very rare
that one's born with a complete soul. Like one
out of a hundred or something, yeah. Or even
maybe less than that. And the ones that are,
like, if you're born with a complete soul, you're
like adopted into households and stuff, so that's
pretty good life. I listened to one of the AOS
books on that. It was a pretty good book, actually.
But the rest of them is like, it just sucks because
you've got to go basically enslave people and
basically take the souls from other places. It's
like a forced life of raiding or slowly dying
and it's not very... It just sucks for them.
Yeah. Some people in chat were mentioning Isha.
Isha has it pretty bad. That is a horrific existence.
In the jar. Not fun being Isha, very correct.
That is probably up there with the Emperor. Probably
not as bad as the Emperor, to be honest, but
still probably... It's up there. It's up in that
upper suffering tier. Yeah. She's probably been
in there a lot longer than the Emperor has been
on the chair, though. True. That is true, actually.
I think, Colin, can you think... Because AOS
is like... Again, it's very similar to fantasy
in terms of, I would say, level of suffering
amongst the broader factions. i mean you got
the the ogres like the who have the constant
winter storm but it's like scooby -doo frozen
like canonically where it doesn't kill them it
just freezes them solid and traps them there
for all time until someone thaws them out which
is already one you know i have no mouth and i'm
a screen but two it's warhammer setting pretty
good odds whoever thaws them out probably doesn't
have their best interests at heart. That kind
of sucks. Anyone who lives in territory under
the control of Nagash, which is at least one
-eighth of all people, and everyone who dies.
Yeah, that seems pretty sucky. I mean, I can't...
The Stormcast isn't necessarily a great existence
either, being a Stormcast. I mean, life one,
pretty kick -ass. then you die when you come
back but no you forgot a couple memories it's
nothing too bad yet but you know it's like shit
what was my password what was uh did i have to
when is i think my birthday is this day i gotta
be honest then death two and then death three
and you're like a lightning spirit who has nothing
left but the barest hints of maybe a personality
I watched all of the Black Talon Warhammer TV
show, which is all about like, oh, Stormcast,
she's losing her memories. What's going on? And
there was like a conspiracy within her own team.
And I just remember being like, it doesn't seem
that bad in comparison to a lot of Warhammer
storylines. It was just like, oh, I'm forgetting
bits of my past and who I was. I'm like, yeah,
but also like, you're kind of immortal. and like
you already died you already had a lifetime now
you're getting like dlc bonus extra time sure
if anything if anything being immortal memory
loss would be a blessing then you yeah i don't
know yeah i mean like not all of them is bad
like hammer call barry yeah but like it's not
just memory loss like your soul gets replaced
with lightning yeah yeah but like that's better
than your soul gets eaten by demons you know
it's like that's worse It's still suffering though.
It's definitely still suffering. You're an eternal
warrior slave, I guess, basically. The mission
never ends for them until it does with their
life. Yeah. Yeah. AOS is not as grimdark as the
other settings, so it's not as bad. It's more
of like a high fantasy thing. It's more like
titanic battles rather than a grim existence
compared to the other ones though. I'll say that
being said though, we'll finish up with number
one sufferer in each of the settings. I would
say Skaven. I agree. No qualms with that choice.
40k? Technically, humanity would have the most
sufferers. Yeah. I'm not sure if that means that
they're the number one suffering faction. Well,
to an extent, the Necron suffering has kind of
ended because the species is now, it's capped,
and now the species has been decimated. Humans,
every day, billions are born and die, and the
ones who are born are destined to die very soon.
Humanity is just like the Skaven of 40K. I guess
I'd just argue, that's a good point, yeah, I'd
say probably humans. Humanity has the most suffering
in general. Guy in charge, suffering for 10 ,000
years. Space Marines, Admech, Hivers, whoever.
It's just like... Maybe, yeah. Admech is more
like the actual, we think of the tech priests,
and they're not necessarily suffering. But I
think Imperium itself, there's no... Maybe you
could argue chaos, but... Actually, if you want...
If amount of sufferers is the Imperium, amount
of suffering per person, per capita, is going
to be chaos. uh suffering per capita so they're
the top sufferers then technically i would say
bro you got any stats on i don't know what you
colin would say for aos but i would probably
i would think the idoneth they don't have probably
up there like on a factional level yeah that's
just not great yeah not the best but we do love
our we do love our warhammer settings though
yeah i think before we get in Before we before
yeah donations. Um, I have got some minis of
the week and has someone done a recce of the
the question of the week from the the way back
on the what was it called the Yeah, this video
do you want me? We were really talking about
that before stream and then someone immediately
said please read the question of the week It
was quite comical So maybe Should I? I'll do
the presentation for the mini. And maybe if each
of you gets a comment and we could highlight
those. But to start us off then, let's see. Let
me make sure that I add the image because I forgot
to add it. I was there for that one. Oh, this
was two weeks ago. That's why. So my pick for
mini of the week is one from Green Hat Guy. Nice.
I want to take a look. Oh, yeah. Tequila rig.
Is that what that is? Or is that something else?
I don't know. It looks cool. Yeah. Like those
are fun, bright colors. Those are wacky. It reminds
me of sweets. Like millions of millions of millions,
whatever they're called, like gummy fruits. It's
got that kind of not neon color, but it's just
like. I think we've showcased this work before.
It's really, that is a punch in the face with
color. My God. It's simple. free tones i also
hate these things by the way they're so annoying
in game they like you think oh it's a big thing
like it has shooting maybe we should get in melee
and tie it up no horrible melee it's a dinosaur
what was the last video that we asked a question
of the week sorry obscure chapters i believe
it was oh my gosh one month We've been forgetting
to do question a week for a month. We were doing
tier lists. To be fair, we did like a tier and
then we did a fancy fireside and it just got
pushed back. Yeah, but I like how this mini particularly
has the nice like the trim is in the kind of
ochre yellow. You've got like the metal bits
all in purple and then the green pots with it's
just like a nice combination of colors. I think
it looks really good. Yeah, me like you. Yeah.
Next one is Eli's pick. This one was from Summoner.
I like fantasy, and I like Mr. War's Egg. He's
funny. And that's it. That's all I got. I thought
it looked cool. You get points because there's
fantasy, and it's some classic -looking models,
and he's lots of fun. And I like the feathers.
And just the green skin looks good. Bro is schmoving,
having a good time. Yeah. Let's see. My last
question of the week is what chapter do you like?
What obscure chapter do you like? Okay. Obscure
chapters. You know Eli's done when he goes, okay.
Next one from Hal. This one's from Mr. Ivar.
This is really nice. I like how exaggerated it
is. This is freaking crazy. How do you people
do this stuff? Damn. the sword is pretty damn
well done i realized i that uh non -metallic
gold as well on the sword you just showing off
man that's crazy work oh yeah you'd know about
showing off wouldn't you yeah yeah yeah well
i can't do this so i know he's he's really showing
off here yeah we did mention that you know you
know someone is really serious with the painting
when the thumb has more paint on it than the
mini uh because you get all the The testing out
and stuff. But I'm a glove painter. I can't get
paint on my hands. I have to have gloves on.
I'm a glove painter. I like the nitrile gloves
because they're used in the hospital. You can
get white ones. You can just get white gloves
and then you can paint on them. He's a glover,
not a painter. I've never been degloved. But
also this mini... I thought at first this was
a crimson fist. Because it's the Emperor's Champion
mini, isn't it? But then I had a look at the
Polton. It's not the Crimson Fist insignia. But
I think it's pretty cool. I really like those
red robes in between the chest plate and the
belt. Love it. That's cool stuff, mate. From
Colin. Miss Grimm. Yeah. Black, fiery, Mortark.
This thing is sick. Even got the lighting effects
on the base. Yeah. The skulls also look much
better on this model when they aren't painted
glowy blue ethereal. They look like Lego studs.
Yeah. This is great. Is that done by brush as
well? That's crazy. It's done by making me feel
inadequate. The thing is, again, it's very nice.
Only a few colors. Very well painted, but very
simple. The flamey bits are flamey. The bones
are bones. You've got little bits of gray, black.
And that's it. But it's so well done in the execution
that everything pops. Everything looks phenomenal.
I think it's great. Yeah. And nothing gets lost.
Yeah. Simple strikes true. Yeah. Cool. Nice,
guys. Should we read the question? I think there's...
I mean, when I control F obscure, there's only
a few, so we could probably just read all of
them, to be totally honest with you guys. Well,
I got two. If you've got one ready for where
you are, Eli. I forgot I had to send you these.
Or I'll find it later, it's okay. But the first
one is from SamuelTD7FB. Hashtag obscure. The
swords of Ultramar, due to their feat of effing
over the Thousand Suns by complete accident.
I like that chapter a lot. I impressed you more.
Because I fucking made it up. Yep, it's from
your homebrew, isn't it? Okay, I lied. Sorry,
there's way more than we could read. My control
just wasn't getting everything. Hey, you can't
get much more obscure than my sources, I made
it the fuck up. Yeah, I got two. Colin, straight
Armstrong -ing it. Next one we got is from Rafe
Ship. Hashtag obscure. My favorite is the Rainbow
Warriors, Aztec Jaguar Warrior Space Marines.
Lots of Lizardmen conversion opportunities. Hell
yeah. And the other retconned Founding Legion.
Does anyone know what the second retconned Founding
Legion was? Oh, Valedictors. Valedictors. Nice.
Yes. With the green. With the green. I think
I just like that Aztec. inspiration someone has
made a it's a it's technically a homebrew one
but it was called the blood jaguars that's quite
like a popular one in the community in terms
of like they're the home world and they are blood
angel successors that was a good one as well
but you know good old rainbow warriors you gotta
gotta love a rainbow warrior which you know god
forbid they ever did that as canon that would
be mental um and this one the last one from random
Name Wi -Fi view my favorite obscure chapter
is the blood swords who are just characterized
as being the best friends of the star dragons
I said I send an honorable mention from Mike
the Breton in there And this one from Mike should
be in bed Mike Desert Lions, Warcry, Unknown,
Founding, Unknown, Successors of Unknown, Success
to Chapters, Unknown, Number, Known, Primark,
Unknown, Chapter Master, Unknown, Homeworld,
Unknown, Fortress Monastery, Unknown, Allegiance,
Imperium of Man, Fellas, Unknown. 1 .5 fans.
You may wonder why I mentioned these good gentlemen
that only have like two sources of lore. It's
because Light over in Andy's Discord mentioned
them and I like the Desert and Lions. Wow. Well,
fair enough. There you have it. The Space Marine.
Yeah. Now we need a question of the week for
us. We didn't think of a question of the week
before we made this episode. All right, all right.
How about this, right? Hashtag suffer. Who deserves
the most suffering in the setting? And say something
other than Erebus. Yeah, not Erebus. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Who would you guys put then? I was going
to say how. Just off a knee -jerk reaction. Just
thinking of me. What's the guy from Armageddon
called the eyepiece? Oh, Straub. Oh yeah, that
guy. The governor. Straub. I don't know. He did
die, but it was like get him. He abandoned his
city and he was a dick to Yara. Oh, not the one
in the trailer. No, no, no. this is the actual
guy yeah he did die in the last chances books
but uh he deserved like he deserved a pineapple
up the bum you know little nicky reference there
um but with that said so we go the the last round
of donations with that being said i think as
for listening to this episode i hope you suffered
enough Uh, we feel about suffering too, too much.
Um, we got some more cool stuff coming forward
and we'll see you guys very, very soon on the
next episode. Peace.