Hello, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls.
It's Law Crimes. Hello, you scallywags. How's
it going? Evening, morning, depending wherever
you guys are. God, it's a good day today, guys,
isn't it? It's a good day because it's again
continuing the positivity. Good boys. One episode
of, oh, good things in Warhammer. And everyone
said, no, it can't be done. And we did it. And
now we're doing a really contentious issue. How?
I think you would be good at explaining this.
I'll say, should we preface that there is, in
fact, because this is Warhammer, they are not
morally good necessarily by our standards. So
take a break, take a chill pill. We know some
of these people are questionable. Well, here's
the thing. There's this pervading meme about
everyone in Warhammer is evil. But I don't think
that's the case. There's evil systems in place.
There's evil organizations. But not everyone
in the setting is evil. Some people are just
trying to get by. Some people are trying to do
good within a flawed system. But the pervading
meme is that like, oh yeah, everyone's evil because
they're part of an evil setting. It's like, no.
Oh no, sorry. I thought that was the end. Yeah,
go for it. I think the factions, you know, overall
are all, you know, this is pretty evil going
on. You know, some of the people in them are
pretty, you know, pretty fine folk. Yeah, I think,
yeah, we've, amongst the boys here, again, if
anyone is new or listening, we are Lord Crimes
and we have a Discord, so do go check that out,
because we often ask people to help you out,
as in our last episode, Absolute Cinema, so do
go check that one out. Thank you, all the law
criminals, for helping out for your answers on
that one. And again, we've chosen a selection
for our, I guess, to be fair, these are kind
of our, each one is done by our favourite. good
characters in some sense because obviously we
all like various different aspects of the warhammer
verse you know it's very it's a lot of variety
of opinions uh amongst you know some people like
as dirty xenos you know those poor people so
um uh yes some of the guys like that but today
we're going to go through and i guess give our
best case as well as our kind of standout characters
that by the way you should absolutely go check
some of these guys out we do highly recommend
probably We've chosen them, so I'd recommend
any other series that we're going to go off with.
Who are we starting with, boys? I don't know.
Was it me? I think you said probably because
I should get started because I've got a bunch
of extra. I've had a look into this. Well, no,
no, actually. This is Son of the Phoenix. It's
a brand new season pass of Space Marine 2 and
I had like 10 minutes to try it out before we
started today. for real emperor's children well
he's part of the imperial fist successor pack
so yeah sure and i thought it'd be like oh that
usually there's some nice comics about these
guys i'll start the gameplay footage with him
um but yeah so i i'll start us off uh because
i know um Generally speaking, when people think,
oh, who are the good guys in Warhammer, people
always think of the Salamanders. So I thought,
well, instead of doing a generic, the entire
Salamanders chapter slash Legion, I'll briefly
talk about Sakaan. And Sakaan is a Space Marine.
He's a Primaris Space Marine from the TIEV slash
Pariah Nexus animations from Warhammer TV. This
guy. In the animations, he drops on this planet
that's being beset by the Necrons. He fights
alongside a sister of battle. And his narrative
arc about spoiling much about the show is that
he's all alone. He's trying to piece together
what's happened. There's a bunch of dead Ultramarines
everywhere. The Necrons are rife. And he rescues
a bunch of survivors, civilian survivors. There's
an ecclesiarchy priest. There's a couple of children.
And there's some adults. And he basically tries
his best to make sure that they don't die during
the campaign. Long story short, the animation
ends with just the little girl alive before she's
shot by the guardsmen. But that's beside the
point. Sakaan himself does a really good job
of trying to be like... like a hero of humanity,
a protector and defender. He loses his arm during
the show. And in the Tides episode where he has
like a sequel moment, he even sides with a apothecary
of the Ultramarines called Brutus, I believe
it is. And he's basically like, oh, all my brothers
have been killed by the Necrons. They're doing
some experiments on their bodies. I need to go
in there and retrieve their gene seed. And he's
like, well, I'm not an Ultramarine, but I'm going
to do the good thing anyway. And I'm going to
help you retrieve their gene seed. Long story
short, Brutus gets mauled by the Necrons after
he harvests the Gene Seed. And so the last thing
we see of the animation is Brutus giving the
Gene Seed to Sakaan while he evacuates and gets
extracted by the Ultramarine Thunderhawks. Brutus
disintegrates into atoms because Necron guns
are scary. Yeah, can't have a nice ending for
Warhammer, but you can have nice gestures, I
suppose. I tried to save the civilians. They're
all dead. I tried to help the apothecary. I helped
the apothecary. He's dead. But, you know, that's
kind of what the Salamanders are about, like
futile acts of goodness. Look, I mean, look,
if nothing else, the story ends with a guardsman
shooting, you know, a child in the face. Look,
I was part of the education system for a bit.
Shoot more kids. What do you mean by that? I
mean, I hate children. Wow. You didn't hear first,
folks. That is quite an unhinged sentiment. Jesus
Christ. You work with a hundred of them a day
and not be filled with hate towards anyone under
the legal drinking age. Yeah. I thought that'd
be an easy way to start things off. Salamanders,
get them out of the way. We know salamanders.
Other than when they're burning children of the
alder variety, they are good boys. Probably deserve
talent. You pick a lane to stay in, Eli. I don't
care which one it is. Just pick a lane to stay
in. You love or hate them, Christ. Well, I have
an honorable offering, which is just one moment,
which is... i hate to say it but uh the grey
knights did in fact uh after a craft world was
basically decimated by sunesh demons specifically
or is it tyranny i can't remember if anyone knows
uh it's the one where um the grey knights basically
they through purging i think chaos or i think
probably chaos because they're grey knights um
they had come by the way of spirit stones and
seeing the fact that most other imperials probably
would have stomped on those just shiny jewels
at any moment the grey knights did in fact give
them back to the elder and they were like you
didn't have to do that that is in fact the souls
of our dead are who would be devoured for eternal
hell and you saved them and that is a very kind
moment thing to do the grey knights Get one shout
out. I took a cigar and went, look, I'm supposed
to kill chaos stuff. I don't give a damn about
Xeno. It's not my job. I'll do my job. You do
your job. We keep a distance. It's fine. Don't
worry about it. Forget about it. Everyone was
happy. Yes. And everyone in Warhammer 40K made
up. My first offering to the amazing people.
This is an amazing series. I think. everyone
should go read this isn't the kyphus kane books
but this is not kyphus kane we are talking about
ferric jurgen who is the first class gunner and
basically personal aid of kyphus kane and i mean
where to start with this guy uh i'm not going
to start with his backstory because that is unimportant
there's a few things you need to know about ferric
and if you wish to know even more we do have
a kyphus kane episode so do go check that out
um ferric yogan Does not smell very good. Correct.
Correct. The most... He is what you'd describe
as an ugly man. Not good -looking a man. He is
in the Imperial Guard and he is part of the Valhallans.
Well, he's from Valhalla, part of many different
regiments at certain times in his life, but mostly
serves with the 4, 5... six or i can't remember
the damn regiment name but um he serves with
kyphus kane and his story begins basically when
uh jürgen is again he is particularly not the
bright sharpest tool in the shed he smells really
bad people is often a joke being like oh you
have to go hang out with jürgen and the story
begins when kyphus kane essentially by accident
sort of saves his life and him being a commissar
is awarded a personal aid and this is mr west
country himself ferric jurgen who i'm going to
say whenever you're whenever you're coming whenever
ferric again like yeah whenever he does anything
for kaifers kane he always says i'm coming commissar
yes sir it is the most it is called a west country
english accent and it is by it is like a farming
slash rural dialect initially, and it is hilarious
every time it comes out. He is the strongest
Valhalla accent, apparently. And the whole story
is that this unsuspecting first -class gunner,
which has his own rank, because For some reason,
he's not quite just a normal gunner in the Valhalla
Regiment, but he needs a special rank when he
serves alongside Kyphos Kain, who, as we know,
is the biggest, silliest clown slash biggest
coward in the entire Imperium. And he would go
on to join Kain from what would be the Valhalla
Artillery Regiment into what would be a new regiment
formed of men and women. And Fereg Yogan as himself
not being the brightest... like not sharpest
tool in the shed he's probably not quite aware
of how much he stinks and this is often a weapon
in kyphos kane's arsenal and due to the fact
of if kyphos kane wishes to not be involved in
a conversation for too long he will call in jurgen
who will then make everyone else hold their breath
because i'm sure it's described as like he smells
like dry vomit or like dirty socks um permanently
And he is often called in. He does lots of Caiaphas
Cain's paperwork because he believes his utmost,
because of his stupidity, he genuinely believes
the lie that is Caiaphas Cain and believes every
single word that he says. And in the beginning,
you're like, oh, that's just quite funny. But
then we move on to the story of where most of
the Caiaphas Cain books sort of lead off from,
which is the world of Gravelax. which is essentially
a gene -sealer cult uprising. Again, go check
out the episode if you want to have more of that
whole episode. We described the first book on
that one. But essentially it boils down to Caiaphas
Cain is always reminded by the fact that despite
Ferek Yergin being not... Very smart. He smells
bad. He's addicted to porn mags. Will, as Colin
has said in previous episodes, will jork it in
a full room. No. I said he's not jorking it.
He's just reading. He's just having a look. He's
warming up for later. He has no etiquette. Will
leave the dirty mag straight up in public view.
Does not care. His uniform will never fit him
even if it's tailored to his exact proportions
uh because it just going about him like he just
cannot be put together correctly and through
the gravel act story we see that he gets his
iconic melter gun which he often uses to take
over take down foes way more dangerous than a
normal guardsman uh if he even kills a chaos
marine at some point which is amazing uh he would
then through this story be exposed to be well
in secret only to kane and ambly veil the inquisitor
that the reason for his other natureness and
why he stinks about everyone kind of doesn't
like him necessarily uh is the fact that he is
a blank slash he is a null so the warp stuff
around him is nullified which means most of kyfer's
canes like sort of seeming luck in stories where
he fights like a you know an enemy that's completely
outsizes them. It is because there's like a disorienting
effect of being there. Mr. Ferrick Yogan himself,
which he has no idea that he's a blank at all.
He just thinks he's like, Oh, I just got lucky
there, sir. You know, he has no idea. But the
reason I put him on here, because his loyalty
is, it comes from such a good place. Like he
genuinely believes that Kuyper's cane is like
the greatest ever. He's a good guy. when kane
like goes on into the second uh novel that we
haven't done the channel yet um when kane has
to basically go into a necron tomb a second time
and it's almost like certain death yogan literally
volunteers his life to go with kyphus kane and
uh kane is genuinely like touched being like
he genuinely will like you know he'll die for
me in this guy like he'll and he'll he'll fight
to keep me alive no matter what because he genuinely
cares about kane uh And also, last details about
him, he has the ability to source food from anything.
He always has a sandwich on him that he scavenges
from people. He brings Cain tanner tea at every
single waking moment, which is extremely bitter
tea that Valhalla is like. He's got to be part
rattling, surely. He's a walking cafeteria. You're
underestimating the human spirit to simply create
one of the smelliest ungroomed people on the
planet. That's pure human, baby. I mean, he doesn't
also understand someone, other people's humor
necessarily. He is inquisitive. like a baby in
some sense, because he would straight up ask
someone, oh, why is your baby ugly, sir? You
know, he would just say that. And then Jürgen
said, goo goo gaga, commissar. And despite him
being like, you know, he can't grow a full beard,
he's quite not pretty to look at, but he will
take down, like he kills a cheesy little patriarch
he's killed. I mean, he's also, to be fair, not
the dumbest when it comes to military tactics
as in even the most recent kyphus kane books
it shows like when they're fighting like renegade
skitari and other stuff he'll literally be like
you know we'll actually we'll fake our deaths
here and then we'll go basically do a flanking
maneuver and then kane's like that's kind of
genius uh so absolute shout out to mr ferric
jurgen who um just makes every kyphus kane story
hilarious because this is a real one absolute
real dude Colin, then, did you have anything
to add to that one particularly? Well, you see,
whereas Hal went for, you know, for good old
Jürgen, which is undeniably a great pick. I'm
a... Man of the people. I was rather less creative,
and I just want to talk about the man himself,
Mr. Kane, you know? True hero. He's... Look,
he's earned the title Hero of the Imperium. Even
as, you know, I'm sure you're well aware, he
doesn't quite believe that himself. But, you
know, he... He's just a good person. And I think
his, his crime is he's, he's been, you know,
he's a commissar of course. So I, I'm half convinced
that his unending, like self doubt and imposter
syndrome just comes from the fact, you know,
he was raised in the scallop or genium basically,
which means he was taught that anything, but
the complete willingness to strap a grenade to
yourself and run into the enemy lines. means
you're a coward bear in mind the scholar progenium
one of them is said to have basically interred
some of its more unruly students into the foundations
of the wall yeah as a reminder to be like behave
yourselves or you'll be like ben over here like
oh no he's still got his mouth canes uh canes
time in the scholar progenium is pretty uh Pretty
wild, I'm pretty sure, right? We only know a
little bit about it, but he seems to have spent
most of his time doing everything he could to
do the bare minimum of passing. Which, give him
credit, right? Bare minimum of passing the Scalloper
Genium is still like Navy SEALs fucking training.
So, you know, the bare minimum effort is still
quite a bit. But even with that, you know, he
was a bit of a slacker by those standards for
everything but swordplay and athletics. uh and
even then he would have to play a rugby with
the sisters of battle and very few people come
away with that without a couple broken balls
so are you saying he was that one guy who'd be
at school who wouldn't do any homework and he
wouldn't do any prep for exams but he'd still
somehow turn up on the day and get through without
a problem yeah he'd be that guy well He did well
enough. This is a controversial statement, but
good enough by definition is good enough. He
was doing that. By then school. I was the kid
who showed up without studying and made it through.
I hate you. I hate you so much. Talk about it
for another time. I would piss off some of my
friends so much with that. Unrelated. But no,
you read the Kane books and he's always going
on about how he just doesn't want to get shot.
Every good action he takes is solely determined
by he needs to live up to the reputation or because
it's just totally the thing that makes the most
sense in the long run. And again, fair is fair.
Sometimes, you know, you believe him. Some of
the things he does, it's like, all right, you
were probably just trying to save your own skin.
See all of the countless stories that begin with
him trying to find a nice position away from
the front lines. And then that's where the secret
bad things were happening that he just kind of
trips into. You know, that does happen quite
frequently. But most of the rest of the time,
he's pretty clearly either. maybe lying to himself
because he knows someone's going to read the
memoir. He knows Amberley's going to read those
memoirs. No way in hell. He wasn't at least partially
aware she was going to take a look at some point.
And also just, you know, doesn't believe in himself
much. For example, you know, good old Juergen,
right? This, you know, this will tie it together
a bit with Hal's segment. There's a, when Kane
was his lover of the book. was an Imperial governor's
daughter who was, wanted to not, you know, she
wanted a romantic life of adventure, not quite
realizing the setting she was in and what adventure
usually means in 40K. She was bad -mouthing Jürgen
a bit. And, you know, this isn't the most courageous
example, but she was mean to Jürgen and Cain
almost immediately went like, now you're gonna
don't worry about it you're doing just fine and
then she just he just tells her off like a whole
paragraph worth of like hey that's a guardsman
that is my aid he has done great work for decades
you shut your goddamn mouth it's like even like
That's just a nice thing, right? Even the other
people in Warhammer were probably good guys,
circumstances permitting, right? They're not
always doing nice things like that. That was
just Kane like, no, that's my pal. You leave
him alone, asshole. That's like the equivalent
of his mangy dog that's been there through thick
and thin and bitten anyone that's tried to hurt
him. He's like, you leave my mutt alone. He smells,
but he's happy. He's a loyal dog. He's a good
boy. It just reminds me of the bit where Hal
was talking about him doing the paperwork. Could
you imagine the administratum guy just being
like, paperwork, paperwork, and you get this
package and you just go, ha! There's a bit of
stank on the pages still. What is that? Where
did this come from? I don't know. That's just
nice, right? That's just plain nice. He's just
being a good person. Stop bad -mouthing my friend,
asshole. What would you say is a... As the person
who probably knows him almost best, when Quisda
Amity Vale, who basically is the one reading
his memoirs for the listener, what would you
say her assessment of Kane is, since she's the
one who kind of knows what he's really about?
She knows he is, like, he's not, she's very well
aware his reputation is, he does not completely
live up to it, at least in terms of, like, how
other people view him, right? Like, he doesn't
charge into battle, like... Pardon the diabetes
one moment. Oh, no. His pancreas has started
working. Oh, no. God, I wish. If that happened
spontaneously, I might break down crying. Unrelated.
She knows he's, you know, he's scared more often
than not. There's even a bit where Kane, like,
in his memoirs writes, now I don't think, you
know, I consider myself a fairly brave person
and her notation is just ha. But she knows he's
a good guy. She'll point out multiple times in
the footnotes like, well, you see, Kane, everyone
was excited and fought harder when you showed
up because they're really impressed by you and
they want to look good in front of you because
everyone thinks you're pretty kick -ass. There
was one point in... I read all of these books
in like two months, I'm going to be honest. They
all blend together in the titles. But it was
the one with the Talarn Desert Raiders and Thomas
Bajie, the shithole commissar. Oh, yeah, the
third book, yeah. Yeah, they went to arrest Kane
as well as some of the other people who might
have been a little bit too connected to him.
And before really anything can even happen...
every guardsman around him just frame one reaction
points their guns at the other commissar which
they're pointing a gun at a commissar usually
at least you know i'm not going to say people
don't love executing their commissars sometimes
katakan makes that a sport but even then they
kind of usually do that like quietly off to the
side or at least wait till they're asleep to
you know drop a grenade in their tent and say
ah it must have been the orc sniper or some nonsense.
And to be fair with the catachans, they're just
like, oh, they're just like the equivalent of
a Venus fly trap for humans sorted out for them.
It's like, oh, he wandered into the nest of super
bees. Oh no, what a shame. The wildlife will
do it for me. And so he's like, he's such a good
commissar and leader that they went to defend
him on the drop of a hat against another commissar.
Which, circumstances notwithstanding, all of
the heresy right there, that is a defense that
would get everyone there executed in normal circumstances.
But they didn't care. That was their cane in
danger. And they were like, no, no, you're not
getting away. I don't care who you are. You could
be the emperor himself. Do not give a shit. And
when the other commissar raised his gun, he had
a funny line. half funny half heartwarming where
he's like first of all no one executes my men
but myself which incidentally he doesn't really
do that very often uh and second of all he said
if you pull that trigger you're going to be dead
before the first body hits the ground so he stands
he stands up for the people under him which he
he always says you know the classic and we'll
talk about kate more in the future i'm sure you
know you know he very reliably will say i'm just
doing it to save my own skin because if they
like me then they'll keep me safe but after like
the hundredth time that happens it's like i think
you just have a conscience a nice guy i think
you're just not a monster i think you have the
rare gift in warhammer of being humble yeah i
mean he's mentioned it a couple times in a few
different books like he like he has like a mental
wall of everyone he's either had to execute or
died under his watch You don't, if you're standard
commissar man who just wants to, you know, keep
order no matter what, you don't have the mental
PTSD list that keeps you up at night of everyone
who for one reason or another you've had to execute.
And again, he doesn't, he himself will say he
does not execute guardsmen, you know, in the
normal way where you ran away. Don't do that.
Because if for no other reason than that's one
less gun pointed at the enemy now. At one point,
it was my back, to be fair. Yeah, it is somewhat
self -serving, but it is also just a good person.
When he got the 597 together, he made them all
make up, be friends. One, he did it so well that
the regiment's main problem was now they kept
getting each other pregnant. So he certainly
did a good job keeping order. But he was like
their nanny for a bit. There was a throwaway
line where it's like sometimes he would watch
over these babies whenever they're on campaign.
Well, I'm kind of on a military campaign. There's
not exactly babysitters in abundance. Cain would
pull up. Cain would pull through. He's just a
good person. Crazy. Very few times is there just
like a decent fellow, no strings attached. And
a commissar manages to do that. Good person all
around. He's defended Regina Castine, the leader
of the 597th. He's threatened to honor duels
in response to someone bad -mouthing her. And
that was incidentally one of the few times he
wasn't afraid to lose because the guy who was
insulting Castine was a little overweight, little
incompetent, not going to lie. He's just willing
to step up. He's a good dude. Sometimes it's
very uncomplicated. He makes fun of Jürgen, but
he loves his mangy dog. He even says he feels
more reassured when he can smell him. It's because
he knows Jürgen's there. At a certain point,
you just get used to it. It's like smelling your
own BO. At a certain point, it's like, oh, dude,
I'm... Jürgen's here. I can take on the world.
He's my stupid boy. He's my stupid boy. A wave
of stale fart hits your nostrils and you're like
calmness. It's really funny because at a certain
point he's clearly used to it but no one else
ever is. So the books will be like yeah and then
everyone else in the room starts like gagging
and Payne's just like ah Jürgen welcome. It's
good to see you. You can tell whenever he enters
the room, he just sees everyone else. He's walked
in somewhere over there. Kane's a real one. He's
a coward, but he's brave when it comes to saving
other people's lives or protecting other people's
lives. Absolutely. We'll do more episodes, people.
We'll definitely keep covering. We should do
another one of those actually soon. Pay your
respects to Mr. Kane because he is a good human
being. Before we get to the next one, I think
we have a few donators to get through. Is that
all right, boys? DonkeyManUSA. Stream late due
to Hal gooning with Jürgen. Yeah, thanks, man.
He said that before I even got on stream. That's
crazy. Oh, man. Teclis' bad brass bowl one -to
-one scale Tarox dildo. Wow. Thank you for the
27 SEK. Colin, let's have a good wholesome stream
today. You can't call me out. I understand. I
say some out -of -pocket things. I'm not going
to lie. You can't accuse me. With that as your
name, I'm sorry. If at any point Dildo is in
the title, you're disqualified. No, incorrect.
Rayleigh, thank you for the $2. Eating my fellow
man for the protein, going well. Nice pulling
up, ESP. Hey, yo. Love to see it. Jesus Christ.
Oh my gosh. Colin's sweaty testicle. 699 Canadian.
The most morally good character in 40k is Felicia
Tabor, the OmniSci's strongest forklift certified
tech adept from Kiefer's Kane Death or Glory.
Isn't she in two books as well? She's in the
second one. I think she is in two. Yeah, she
comes back later on. Yeah. Kane might have been
hidden. he returns to the same world doesn't
he later he does uh from glass laughter for five
guys i got a night lord girlfriend i am ready
at least she isn't a harriman girl oh be careful
what does this even mean be careful it means
bros no no no no bro's gonna become very good
at sewing you know like tanned skin and uh Going
on a lot of DeviantArt pages, I'm sure. It's
very grippy is what that means. My word. My word.
The attraction for $4 .99. I want a 40k follow
-up novel where Warsmith Calcutta and former
5th Exemplar 1st Captain Zerbarin are kissing
sloppy style. Wow. Wow. Crazy. That's a crazy
sentence. Mm -hmm. O 'Reilly again. Thank you.
You guys and Summoner in the Discord got me hooked
on Old World. Nice. Brought a few Dark Elf models.
Nice. And I'll probably buy WOC. What does that
stand for? Somebody tell me. Anybody? Women of
Culture? Warriors of Chaos. Okay. In the future,
God help my terrible financial choices. Those
sound like great financial choices to me. I didn't
even say no. Yeah, because it's your happiness,
bro. That's priceless. Real for real. Real for
real. Angry. You take a comment? With the two
pounds. Grey knights, we're here to kill chaos.
Kill, maim, and then it cuts out. And sometimes
the sisters of battle to make wards out of their
blood. Thank you, Matt Ward. I actually don't
hate that, to be honest. It's over the top. It
is. It's true. It's over the top. I don't hate
it. I don't love it, but I don't hate it. It's
kind of funny. Shalaxy's wettest gripper for
two Canadians. Of course. Doth her Jürgen not
be a competitive pervert? No, he's a casual pervert.
It's Paul Gooner, actually. He's just sitting
in the corner reading his porn. He's not hurting
anybody. No. He's not. Jacorkin it. Jacorkin
it? Jacorkin it. What do you mean by that? Pancreas
of silly clowns with a 20. Thank you. Thank you.
But I want to give my two cents. Sorry to get
a little political, but I don't know if there
are any good characters so long as they uphold
the institution of serviturization and autocracy.
Kind of evil and cringe, IMO. No, I can't. Me,
when anyone says a Primark is a good person.
That's true. Only one of them. Yeah, only one.
Denver Deeds. Thank you for the $4 .99. Every
Zangor ever, my scrunkly boys. This guy loves
Zangors. Scrunkly Blunklies. Love them. No Miss
Chomsky. That is such a good name. 20 euros.
Hey, guys. Hope you all are doing well. Saw notification.
Immediately reminded of my number one boys, the
salamanders. Question for you all. If you had
the ability to have the emperor say one thing,
what would it be? Happy birthday, Cole. What
would I say to the emperor? I don't even get
the full name. Well, if you could say one thing.
I would... I'd ask the Emperor to say nothing
beats a jet to holiday. No, you can say one thing
to the Emperor. Oh, say to the Emperor one thing.
That is a big question. I would say... God, I'm
freezing up. It's such a... Have you heard of
Ligma? Wow. That was rough. And I'm wondering
if he would remember that meme from this year
because it's honestly like 40 ,000 years. Oh,
I saw a comic about this. So he's like, you know,
ancient, right? He's quite old. He's been around
since early human history. I think I would just
tell him you lost the game and then leave. Nice.
Try and end a nice 30 ,000 year streak he probably
had going on that. I'd ask him, hey, during your
time, your myriad years on Earth before you became
the Emperor, did you ever meet Sigmund Freud
and what was his assessment? That'd be my question.
Because he's a man of science, he's keeping up
to date with that stuff. That's why his children
got so messed up. He was Sigmund Freud. Yeah.
That's a great name, by the way. Probably say
some kind of goofy George Bush quote. A second
Warmaster has struck the Imperial Palace, my
liege. Oh, dear. Colin, do you want this one?
Skarsnik's Top Gun, formerly known as Slander.
It is all Skarsnik now, that's right. The 50
NOK, thank you. Oh, man. It seems I'm no longer
allowed to mention the nether region's outer
skin and donut. How will I recover from this
fight? Wow. They're censoring donuts. What? Really,
you are oppressed, Garznik. Oh my god. We will
remember this still. Don't worry. This is our
equivalent of the end times. We will not let
this stand. Jonathan Solaris? Thank you, too.
First stream, I love watching all your stuff.
Thank you very much. Thank you, man. Welcome
along. Thank you so much. I had a turbo brain
rot moment because I never met anyone named Jonathan
for the longest time. What I had watched was
Jojo's Bizarre Adventure. So I thought it was
just... Oh my god. I thought it was pronounced
Jonathan for the longest time. Man, even Batman
can get that out of me. Swiftly swap for five
bucks. Twice technically... Twice dead king Diorius.
I've never seen it written down. That's weird.
Showing morality after he loses his soul with
his engraved immortals and their deeds. Good
story writing and character arc. Goated book.
Bro stole one of my characters from my list.
Now I don't want to talk about it, I guess. You
can still do that. Yeah, you can expand. Teclis
is... Torox, TM, Dildo, thank you for the SEK.
More accurate name, loosening him for you now,
Hankris, no word. Wow. Wow. What a grim finale
to the donors. Oh my gosh. Eli, would you please
enlighten us with your first pick then? My other
two are really short, so I'll do my longer one,
even though he's only in a novella. The goat,
the biggest goat, maybe the best character in
all of Warhammer. We all love him. Aunchi of
the Tau, the best ethereal literally ever. Hasn't
done a single bad thing in any book ever. He's
just a goat. Even in the Farsight novels, where
they try to make the ethereals look as terrible
as possible, Aunchi is still the good guy. And
he's still a nice guy. His kind of early appearance
is when he goes to Arkunasha to tell Farsight
that he has to go. And it sucks because Farsight's
been fighting the orcs for like 10 years, basically,
which is a long time. Because Tau don't live
as long as humans. I think they only live like
60 years. So he shows up. He's the reinforcements,
but it's just him in like two crisis suits. And
he says, you got to go home, Farsight. He promises
reinforcement in the future, and he kind of consoles
him the best he can. Even when they're, like,
flying home, he's, like, he's kind of telling
them, and he's giving them philosophy lessons
on why it's okay, and this is okay. You should
feel better. But he's a blademaster, best 1v1
-er in all of the town. He spends pretty much
his entire life studying the blade. He's studying
the blade while you are out doing Quela things.
While you were out getting him a hit. While you
were out getting an education, I was studying
the blade. But also, what he's more dedicated
to is to understanding others and learning about
all the different alien species in the galaxy
so he can understand them and connect with them.
He always tries to work things out with words,
but of course, like I said, he's the Blademaster
Goat, so if it comes to it, he can 1v1 no problem.
The only time... He decides an entire race is
evil and cannot be reasoned with is when he gets
captured by the Dark Eldar and goes to Kamara
and fights in the arenas and experiences firsthand
the Dark Eldar. And he decides that they are
basically the anti -greater good and they have
to be destroyed. Which, speaking of the Dark
Eldar, he does get captured. He does go to Kamara.
He fights in the arena and he wins. He becomes
famous in all of Kamara, known as the Dancing
Blue Man. And he even... Is able to escape at
some point. But he chooses to stay instead. Because
some Earthcast Tau were also captured. And so
he stays. And tries to help them. And get them
out. It's not really known how he escapes Kamara.
But he is in events afterwards. So he gets out
somehow. I'm not sure. Regardless. This guy is
an Ethereal. So his life is literally priceless.
You could sacrifice a million Tau. And it would
be worth it. To sacrifice for an Ethereal. But
despite this. He consistently puts himself on
the front lines in place of danger. He puts himself
in between danger and the troops under him. He's
often known as Shaz, Shaz -she, or Shaz -on -she,
however you say it, because he spends so much
time with the firecasts, and he likes to spend
his time with the fire warriors on the front
lines, motivating them, helping them out. He
gained most of his fame on, I think it's called
Field Bash. which was a battle against the orcs
where he single -handedly 1v1s nobs and war bosses
and leads the town to victory with incredible
inspiration he's just the goat even when he meets
other tao before they know who he is he sometimes
doesn't even like to say that he's an ethereal
because he doesn't like to be held in a place
of like authority and above other people he likes
to be treated as an equal he's cool he sends
aid to the far side enclaves helping torch star
and her buddies get there he helps farsight in
an honor duel because he's fighting an honor
duel against an ethereal guard and he's getting
absolutely wrecked but then ouchie bursts through
the doors and says i'm gonna fight with farsight
and be his buddy so it's 2v2 he wins a 2v2 he
badmouths uh anva which which is stupid by the
way i hate that that exists but whatever thanks
yeah he but he in the farsight book it kind of
like Hints at how Aung Hlaing is working behind
the scenes to get rid of the bad guys of the
Ethereals and get rid of Aung Hlaing. I'm not
sure if that's ever going to be pursued unless
they retcon things. I don't know. I've never
heard that elsewhere because Aung Hlaing just
dies in the Damocles Crusade. But regardless,
he doesn't use the mind control. He's the only
Ethereal Farsight feels comfortable around. He's
just a good guy all around. That's pretty much
all of his lore. Not going to lie. I think he's
awesome. Is he one of your favorite characters,
though, in all of 40k? Yeah. Yeah. He's really
cool. He is a G. He likes people. He is a man
of peace. He won V3s, Dark Eldar, Beastmasters,
with their beasts and their birds, and the only
reason he loses is because he gets poisoned by
one of their blades. Otherwise, he was literally
beating them. He's so freaking... He's such a
goat. He's also got an ear. His abs give him
a 4 -plus invulnerable save. He's got a shield
generator on the tabletop. Even though all this
dude is wearing is robes, but he's Jack. He's
shredded. Basically, Warhammer were designing
the Tau, and they were like, we have Avatar at
home, and then that's Alan Shee. His rules in
3rd edition were very cool and seemed extremely
tilting because it was something like he can
sacrifice an attack. from his attacks profile
and he has like four attacks and for each attack
that he gets rid of the enemy that he's fighting
against or sorry enemies in base contact lose
an attack down to a minimum of one so you just
throw him into something and get rid of two or
three of his attacks and everything all of a
sudden only has one attack he's just cool he's
just and he could also leave fire warriors i'm
picturing that snl skit now the order on the
street is that ouchie is shredded yeah oh that's
cool he's he's one of the biggest reasons that
the far side enclaves survived because he played
a decent role in helping them against the uh
tiered in minutes to be fair though he's the
only living if named ethereal i mean ando's dead
alvar's dead you just got alan sheehy yeah and
and you know where he is you know where he is
in legends he's not even on top anymore oh he's
thank you thank you hey it can always be worse
you can always be the dark elder yeah oh my gosh
literally six units well okay how about three
instead Literally unbelievable. How do you feel
about any named character that isn't Lola Tesperax?
I will destroy 10th edition. I will obliterate.
I have to make 10 more video essays on why 10th
edition is bad. It could still be worse from
there, though. You could then, in turn, be the
fireworks players. Does it make you happy, Eli,
to know that they're dropping the word Primaris
now, and it's just called Space Marines? No,
because that means they're finally X -ing all
the Firstborn. but but yeah at least look like
they're kind of upgraded firstborn which is all
they needed to do at the start of all of this
by the way they're circling back to the original
thing all oh my gosh it's classic gw to like
give us bs for five years and then go back to
the thing that everyone wanted in the first place
but positivity am i right yes yes she's awesome
you should read his little novella not even novella
it's like a short story Unfortunately, the only
other place to really get his lore is in the
Farsight books. And Eli loves the Farsight books.
Just read like two chapters in the most recent
Farsight book. Trust me, it's not worth it to
read the other 32. But when she shows up, it's
awesome. I don't like the Farsight books. I'm
just talking about the last books, like the most
recent one. It's bad. It's really bad. But don't
worry about it. uh andy do you have another offering
for the good guys i've got one coming out of
uh left field i'm going to talk briefly about
lucas the trickster and you might think hang
on a minute space marines are kind of cruel and
nasty even grimaldus who's like i know he's been
for a rough time with the new law release for
the black templars in like he has moments in
in armageddon but there's also that moment where
it's like He's meeting the invigilator for the
first time. And then when the mechanic speaks
to him, he's like, the next time I am interrupted,
I will kill one of you. Like, oh, yeah, nice
guy. But Lucas is a different story because this
guy is a cheeky chappy. He's known as the clown
of the Space Marines, the low -key slash trickster
of the setting. We do know that he has sired
many children who he will never know. on Fenris,
because he's also a bit of a cheeky chappy in
another meaning of the word. But also, he's one
of the few Space Marines I can remember reading
about in lore who actually gives a damn about
protecting innocence and being a good person.
Like, for example, in his novel, long story short,
the Drukhari invade Fenris because Sliscus...
thinks, oh, well, I'm a big deal. I need something
challenging. I've got an idea. I'm going to try
and do a hunting raiding party on the Space Wolves
chapter homeworld while most of them are away.
That would be funny. Yeah, good book. Good fun
book. But during about the midway point, there's
a bunch of Fenrisian tribesmen who are attacked
by the Drukhari, including a warrior woman, a
shield maiden called Hether. And she's escaping
from the Drukhari. And Lucas has a bunch of blood
claws with him who are basically like... Lucas,
for reference, is every season, the Jarls of
the Space Wolves have a fist fight to determine
who's going to have to deal with Lucas for the
season. And the person who loses has to look
after Lucas. And in this book, it's Jarl Grimblood.
And Lucas and his friends have been exiled because
during a feast after they did a lot of work helping
to kill a kraken that Jarl... Grimblood stole
the kill for, he accidentally set fire to his
Jarl's beard and face and head and then dunked
him with a casket of beer and then ran away because
all the Space Wars chapters stationed on Fenris
are trying to kill him. Luckily, though, he has
a bunch of stashes of myod that he's concocted
by himself and stashed away in various shrines
and outposts that are kind of difficult to get
to unless you're a space marine. And he just
so happens to find Hepha. She's like, oh, there
are these Xenos killing our people. And he goes,
oh, well, we're here. We'll go like sort them
out. And one of the blood claws with him, Ake,
or Ake, he's like, oh, these are mortals. We
shouldn't care about them. Who gives a damn?
To which Lucas replies, and I quote, if the strong
do not fight for the weak, then what's the point?
And he basically has a go at his blood claw at
like Comrade, but they don't really like get
on very well. He's just, he basically meets these
guys. They go, oh, what's so cool about this
guy? And again, he beats them all up. because
they pick a fight with him and they lose. And
so Ake resents him. And it's just a book of,
you know, he shows that, you know, with great
power comes great responsibility. There's even
a bit where he sneaks back into the Fang, the
fortress monastery of the Space Wolves, and he
does so through, like, the catering quarters.
And there's this old lady who's obviously been
in charge of the kitchens for... decades if not
centuries and she sees lucas and lucas says like
i like ah and he's like oh what have you done
now and he's like i'm just silly lucas i don't
i never cause any problems i couldn't just a
funny guy and she's like your trouble every time
i see you and i'm glad i don't see you often
bugger off you're causing you're gonna bring
trouble to me and then he has to go back to his
y 'all and the other Space Wolf stationed on
Fenris. And just before they smack him, he's
like, oh, before you beat me up, there's Drukhari
on Fenris. We should probably get rid of them.
And they go, oh, God, we'll get back to you.
And then the book ends with him putting a grenade
in his chest because he loses one of his hearts.
He's a great character. And that book does a
great job of also in Stormcaller, he shows himself
as like, he works well with mortal soldiers and
he's... he's more concerned with people's lives
than other space marines and he's he is irreverent
but he's also like trying to do the the right
thing his squad in in the stormcaller book gets
captured and he he dunks on magnus the red and
tricks him and the last thing magnus the red
sees of him is him and his friends running into
a portal like we tricked magnus the red that
was amazing and and that's what he's like yeah
it's like get get get rotated idiot said lucas
um yeah lucas is like one of my favorite characters
because he's he's just i still think one of the
best ideas ever would be you have lucas the trickster
and motley the harlequin teaming up and it would
just be like you'd have a novel called like um
court of fools or something like that and it'd
be like like a deadpool film but in book form
with two fourth wall breaking silly characters
who know a bit more than they're letting on than
other characters in the setting i think that
would be amazing and that's lucas the trickster
and i think he's good You could kill anything
on the entire tabletop, by the way, if you killed
him. Yep. He's great. Oh, yeah. Which in past
editions included Titan. Doesn't anymore, unfortunately.
I'm pretty sure he's in Legends now as well.
I'm not sure. Even worse. I wouldn't know, though.
He might get a new model soon, though, to be
fair. I thought they were going to give us more
Space Wolf models. I sure wish. Well. It might
do. They might still do, though. I know. New
Thunderwolves will come in eventually. Also,
Andy, to the unfortunate last point, that novel
will never come out because GW is too busy having
the only named Harlequin character be in the
Sisters of Battlecote. And to be fair, Motley
doesn't even have all of his books he features
in on the Lexicanian page, which is the only
page on the internet that references the books
he's in anyway. Brutal. So there is that. Absolutely
brutal. Yeah. Yeah. Before we do the next one,
though, I think we have a few more donors we'll
get through. Thank you guys so much. We've got
Pancreas's Silliest Clown. The erection I just
got hearing Colin call Bobby G a bad person in
brackets. He's a nice dictator who servitorizes
people in double brackets. I swear I love nuance.
Very good. I think if Gilman was in a nicer empire,
he'd still be doing well. Unfortunately, he is
not in a nicer empire. It's such a good name.
Five euros. I'd like to see Colin get ligma balls.
Disintegrated. Wow. Disintegrated? How do you
spell it? Disintegrated. Disintegrated. It's
a Watchmen reference. I can see it in my head
right now. Ligma balls. Thank you for the $4
.99. But he actually said Ligma balls to Gilliman,
and due to the trauma, he immediately forgot.
That's what they actually talked about in the
throne room. Oh, sorry. Someone wants to change,
by the way, their... channel title name please
can it be something about like you know like
pancreas no work at denny's or something like
that we'd love to see that by the way dude hang
on now sometimes the denny's is a spiritual experience
it's very true don't be hating on the 4am denny's
bro dude you don't get it you've not been to
denny's at like 10 to 3 in the morning you wouldn't
know british mfs just don't get it man I still
need to experience the 3am White Castle experience.
You will have diarrhea, but it's worth it. A
big one here from Yerjo. Who wants this one?
Who's not read one out yet? Colin? I'll do one
this time. Thank you for the 20. My theory is
the Second and Eleventh Primarch were Native
American and African American. Second Legion
got completely wiped, while the Eleventh Legion
still lived through chapters like the Brazen
Minotaurs, which is an all -black chapter. I
have no idea if GW would ever touch something
like that. Well, they have the Praetorian Guard,
to be fair. That's the furthest they've got.
Thank you for the $5. Skaven, our most morally
good righteous faction. Yes, yes. This chat paid
for by Big Skaven. Thank you. Most morally good
faction. Yes, yes. Thank you, brother. Skaven,
there's no... Skaven are not possibly... They're
not capable of being morally good. They are inherently
morally good. Didn't you read the message? Yeah.
They're just morally indifferent. Pay our guns.
Justice. you can't you can't break the geneva
convention if you don't know what it means everyone
the skaven have ever killed simply deserved it
for not being skaven or for being the skaven
in front of that other skaven when did you get
hired to be their publicist thankful has done
nothing wrong he is perfect he is morally without
That'd be an awesome t -shirt, actually. Jumping,
though. It's just Escape and Triangle. Your white
t -shirt. Thank you, Kanye West. Jesus. Can't
wait to buy my more expensive white t -shirts.
Speaking of jumping into the next character,
we're going into this poor guy, this poor innocent
man. This is the guy who I feel most bad for
in most of the setting, which is... Yes, Andy,
did you see that yet? It is a character called
Katsuhiro, which is a Siege of Terror exclusive
character. I like Katsu. He is Japanese -ish,
I guess, technically. He's Japanese and his name
is Katsu? Bro, Katsu's a food. His name is Katsuhiro,
and he is essentially... It starts off with,
he's just... he was just a regular like low down
bureaucrat in a high city on terra and then horus
showed up so it essentially is he is um pretty
much a naive like bumbling like just regular
dude and he is like most Terrans, swept up and
shoved into the Imperial Guard and many of the
Terran regiments. And they are shoved all the
way to the Imperial Palace. And they are basically
said, yep, the world's about to die, but we need
everybody. So he leaves the life he knew behind.
And his story sort of takes off where he. he's
kind of just like he literally chucked into like
massive trains like full and full of human like
enormous like scopes of people uh he finally
sees the imperial palace for the first time in
his life and he's like that's pretty uh he can
see like the ugliness that's on top of the things
that were beautiful because dawn has completely
remade it uh katsuhiro would meet with a another
man whose name is doramek throughout this early
part uh doramek i imagine for some reason had
a russian accent i have no idea why i don't think
he does in the audiobook but uh in my videos
he does uh check out sujiterra uh videos for
that and basically doramek takes him under his
wing and katsuhiro would be given a las rifle
he would be set into a uh massive train and then
he is sent to the helios gate and if anyone knows
something about this this is basically where
the first attacks happen so he goes out beyond
the first trench line beyond the second trench
line katsuhiro goes to the third trench line
uh and all the astartes are still inside the
imperial palace so katsuhiro is one of the first
humans who on his like basically doramek is helping
guide him a little bit but There's also a strange
woman who's like, Dormek kind of knows. Don't
know what's going on there. It is pissing it
down with ash, rain, snow. They're given equipment
that doesn't fit them. And then they see the
charging heretics and beastmen on his first day.
He also nearly shits himself because ordnance
is completely falling from the sky at all times.
So he's like, I'm almost dying every single minute.
Poor guy. then starts yelling and starts properly
shooting his last rifle as the first waves of
beastmen who are just holding in the actual story
as one beast when he's just holding a massive
like wrench and a ball with like a big bolt on
it and he just like caves in his friend's heads
uh kata hero finally like you know he has his
man up moment and uh he bayonets the beastman
uh like he bayonets the beastman completely into
his chest uh and he's like Okay, I'm locked in
now. Then the Chaos Spawn arrive. And then weeks
after weeks of the Sea of Terror, he is basically
depressed throughout all of it. But he's changing.
He's like, I'm a pretty good shot now. At times
over his story, he gets to see characters like
Sanguinius and he's like, he's a mortal man.
So he's like, holy shit, that's a Primarch. You
basically follow his story about how you see
how much war changes like an ordinary person,
but everyone around him is either going mad or
insane, but he still holds on to something that
keeps him going. He then sees Angron and then
just runs back to the wall immediately. almost
falls to his death, but then finds out like,
oh, he actually does. He joins the White Scars
and the Blood Angels as they charge the Death
Guard initially. So he sees Jack's icon, which
is pretty amazing. He like helps shoot down Death
Guard and he's like yelling at them the entire
time. He's just a single dude again. You stink!
Said Katsuhiro. He's getting the gas mask that
doesn't really work correctly. He then finds
out that the guy Doramec is basically an Alpha
Legion spy the entire time. They manage to fall
back the humans. Sanguinius helps rescue the
humans and brings them back into the Helios Gate.
At which point, Katahiro is speaking to Mr. Thade
of the Imperial Fists, who would then go on to
be in the War of the Beasts stuff, whatever.
But then Katahiro last sees Doramec staring at
him in the middle of the crowd and just gives
him a single finger and just goes, shh. and it
just disappears into the crowd. And Kazeer is
like, no! We follow him throughout many of his
terror books. He kind of is like everyone else
where he almost thinks there's nothing to live
for. He ends up sleeping in a chamber where it
describes it. It just smells of fart the entire
time. I think it'd be more like snoring in my
roommate's door. Oh no. but Kazuhiro would then
go on to he even sees like a random ghost sightings
and stuff he sees weird things he meets Euphrates
Keeler who would then go on to form the first
imperial cult stuff he starts to develop like
a sort of thing where he starts to worship the
emperor slowly over the story a blood angel would
give him command as they basically die and then
Kazuhiro would do this next good thing which
is kind of more what he's known for He finds
a man and a child who eventually the man dies
and his child. But Katahira basically just like
there's this poor infant in the middle of the
siege terror and he just takes it under his wing.
And throughout the entire siege, he's like, everyone
kind of helped look after the kid because everyone's
like, you know, that's hope that this will live
through it. And he's looking after this child
whilst helping, like, you know, fight. And he's
there when the beacon is lit again. You know,
the beacons are lit. The beacons are lit. Gondor
calls for aid. He's there when the astronomical
is lit again. And when the siege is over, he
fights tooth and nail to keep himself getting
food rations and stuff, especially for the child.
And he basically adopts the child as his, like,
you know, basically as his child. And, again,
like, I don't... Unfortunately, I can't do this
character justice, but... he's just an ordinary
bloke he's just like a single guardsman kind
of character who you know he just looks like
he's a single man he just adopts his child he
looks after he's actually kind to people he's
nice and um and he's just you know he's a symbol
of hope i think he even becomes something later
on we'll see after the seizure terror stuff like
the first church or whatever but he's just a
regular dude and um yeah he like you know he
fights when he has to when he's forced to but
essentially he's someone who only wanted a peaceful
life and he'll have it once again after he's
gone through this the worst experience a human
can go through which is the siege of terror uh
absolutely uh i'd like again i can't do the scenes
that he's in justice because it is like he's
literally staring at like demon primarchs and
chaos spawn and other things and he's just like
ah he's just like i'm gonna i'm trying um and
he obviously again he uh is kind to other people
and he very much just you know he's a human who
got through it and when everyone else is like
either broken or destroyed by it he's kind of
not because he has he has something else to live
for which is you know the generations that will
come after so great character nice guy that's
my next one yeah so he's terror only though so
if anyone wants to i mean there's a lot of horror
territory stuff but you can if you want if you
know only a little bit of horrors heresy just
kind of jump into the seizure terror if you need
to if you don't find 54 books appealing 10 is
much better so go for that well it's more like
a lot of it is like you need some backstory but
a lot of the stories that happen in the seizure
terror are exclusively to that it's like it is
i understand why they made it its own series
because there's characters unique to that good
series Colin, do you have your next offering
for the good boys? Yes. I'm going to go... I
was going to go with Felix, and then I'm going
to be honest. I kind of started remembering some
other things he's done, such as potentially leaving
his wife and child when Altdorf was under siege
during the End Times, which even Godric went
like, dude, What the fuck? While pulling the
face off a demon, like, dude, you've got problems.
I don't think he's overall a bad person, and
I don't think it was bad writing. I do think,
however, maybe don't leave your wife and child.
That's a very nice answer. You know, a very hot
take. Don't abandon your wife and child in the
middle of a demonic siege. Yeah, chat, don't
abandon your family. Life hack. But no, I'm going
to go with my boy Franz because, you know, by
the standards at least, if nothing else, of Warhammer
leaders, you know, faction leaders, pretty up
there in terms of not doing monstrous things.
You know, he starts humble, right? He didn't
even want to be emperor. He does not lust for
power. He does not seek to be the guy in charge.
no matter how much fate seems to force him into
it. But, you know, when he did, he, you know,
when he was in the running for the election to
become the emperor, he kind of made sure everyone
came away winning. It's a short story. It was
actually written for Creative Assembly. Fuck,
I always forget who wrote it. But it's a good
little story. And, you know, it's both a lot
of impressive politicking showing he's smart.
But it's also he like he goes around all the
different electors is like, all right, well,
if you vote for me, I could do this for you.
You know, he does. And then he goes to the next
one and they're like, well, well, that's going
to hurt me. But he's like, ah, but this thing
will help you. And then he does that, you know,
repeat for the next 10 electors he has to talk
to. Talking to the moot elector was very funny.
His promises to the moot guy were, I will not
let vampires eat you, and I will not let Averland
beat you to death. Very easy to get that vote.
More than the halflings deserve, honestly. I
think that's more than they deserve. Marius Leighton
did nothing wrong. Did he promise to kill Stirlanders
on sight? If only. But no, he even talks to a
close companion. He's like, I feel like I've
just manipulated anyone. And the guy was like,
well, one, that's politics. But two, did you
not give everyone what they wanted? He's a politician
who actually listens to the people under him.
That doesn't happen. Crazy. Unbelievable. Yeah,
you can really tell it's a fantasy universe.
Yeah, you can tell this is a fictional story.
And then, you know, he's... he's always first
in line you know he unfortunately there's no
real books about him which hurts me but you know
he's always described like doing what's best
for everyone he there's a certain like even if
there's only so many ways to describe it like
it's not too in -depth gone over if you're making
friends with dwarfs and making deals with them
regularly and they're not like In a pissing match
24 -7, you're probably a decent fella. Or even
they have to admit that, yeah, you know, you're
pretty all right. You're doing good work. You're
okay. For a so -and -so set the duel. If the
elves are at least moderately impressed by you,
surely you are at least, you know, intelligent.
And they have to believe, surely, that, you know,
you're doing good things. We like what you're
doing. You know, it's kind of a little basic,
but he's my guy. Couldn't not mention him. You
know, he honestly fights for the Empire and all,
you know, humanity, even if they're not under
the Empire. When Kislev's in danger, he sends
forces up to help. He's always first in the front
line when it's time, you know, push comes to
shove. He was at Nordland Shores fighting off
Chaos. He was at Blackfire Pass. He's not going
to ask you to do what he's not willing to do
himself. He was fighting the Orc Warboss one
-on -one. He's, again, he's a... it's a little
more grandiose, you know, than maybe Kane is,
you know, a good person. It's a fantasy setting.
That's, you know, heroes of myth belong there.
And he's, he's a good one at that. Not, you know,
totally morally good, largely, you know, and
at least, you know, in a diploma diplomacy line
until Warhammer is like, yeah, I've done, I've
done some bad things. Sometimes I am the emperor.
If nothing else, I sometimes tell witch hunters
to go deal with that problem. But overall. He
does good work. He's a good guy. And he does
genuinely fight for what's good and righteous,
even if by nature of him existing in a Warhammer
setting, sometimes that does mean some rather
unsavory things do occur. He's just a good guy.
He's like Machiavelli good, isn't he? Yeah, but
less on the fear. Usually he doesn't go for the
fear. unless you are writing about windows then
he goes for the reich's car no that was more
about like it's like a truly good person is almost
a terrible politician in some way because they're
not willing to like yeah is it like yeah was
it the greater good sort of thing they're not
willing to do things for the greater good but
in terms of in a sense of like he is a good man
for the fact that he protects the empire better
than most would ever do and therefore more people
live is the grand sum of it i guess isn't it
he's he's the right man you know and his his
way to protect isn't you know usually like the
the classic send 10 000 men to die in this battle
against you know he's he's usually like okay
we're gonna do this right we're gonna talk to
all the experts he doesn't bulldoze over anyone
i know that seems like a minor thing but like
he's he's not rocking up to every meeting like
i am the guy in charge fuck off i'm You listen
to me now. He's measured. He's intelligent. Things
that make him... He's very charismatic. Good
guy to be around. Good guy to listen to. You
come away feeling like you've won because he
does right by everyone. And when Immortal Empires
calls for it, they say, we must form an alliance!
Yes. Lord of the Rings, he's the version of Gandalf
saying everyone's got to work together. You might
think that would be Teclis. Teclis is too busy
putting his foot in his mouth in that trailer.
This is just another Eldish game. You tell him.
What if we sent the socially awkward magical
elf to do diplomacy? Surely this will not fail.
Sorry, Mom. I'm busy right now trying to sacrifice
my niece to bring back dead gods. End time slander
lore. Before that, he was a good person. And
to be fair, whenever it's called for, Carl Friends
just brings down the ban hammer and just goes,
Enough! Stop being idiots! He keeps everyone
in line. He's like a cool teacher, you know?
A good teacher. He keeps you in line. You know,
you can't be fooling around, but, you know, he's
gonna work with you. And every year, he raises
money for Movember. Like, oh, what a good guy.
Good teacher. Can I get a Blessed Sigma for Carl
Franz? Dance, Mucky. Dance, Mucky. Fuck you.
Blessed Sigma. It's amusing to me, too. Glorious.
Eli, did you have another... Did you have two
short ones, did you say? Yes, I have two short
ones. And I also forgot I could talk about Nemo
Soysandric, because he's the G. He's a good guy.
He's also only in one novella. GW just doesn't
like my favorite characters, but it's fine. He's
in Twice Dead King as well. Calm down. Yeah,
one chapter. He's in a chapter. Whatever. Most
of us know who he is, so I'll be quick about
it. Nemesaur Zandrek is a classic Necrons character.
He is Overlord of Gidrim. Faeron even, I suppose,
but he's not Faeron, sorry. He's overlord of
Gidrim. He's part of the South Tech dynasty.
He's perhaps the greatest military mastermind
in the galaxy, potentially on par with people
like Imhotek, who is indeed the greatest mastermind
in the galaxy. BTFO, Primark fans, not happening
today. Imhotek wins no diff. But anyways, Zandrek
is extremely talented. He's literally genius,
but... He's kind of crazy and he supposedly thinks
that they're all still flesh and blood beings
and he's still just fighting Necron tier rebels
and separatists. Although if his madness is actually
real or if he's choosing to just see things how
they are is unsure. The book kind of implies
that he maybe isn't actually that crazy, but
I digress. He's a funny guy. He has a sense of
humor. He spends most of his time with his best
friend Oberon and for the good parts. He's extremely
honorable. He still abides by the old codes of
honor that the Necronteer people hold, which
includes taking prisoners and capturing the enemy
commander, giving him a feast, letting him go
if there's a parlay and his debt is paid or whatever.
Or if you're a white scar, just getting out and
he's like, I like how you got spirit. You can
go. He doesn't use canoptics because he doesn't
like using mindless robots, which is ironic,
obviously. because most of his warriors are but
regardless he doesn't like using mindless robots
he never uses death marks because they're not
honorable um what else doesn't know where he
is he's like oh it's still the the wars uh war
in heaven he's like yeah he's man that was a
while back he says lots of whimsical and silly
things and it usually all ends up going around
in a circle to actually be strategic genius uh
he's just a nice guy as far as necrons go he
is the probably the only good guy in the Necrons,
because Necrons might be, well, Jazeera is also
on my list, I should say. Necrons are, on average,
probably the most evil in the setting, honestly,
aside from your average Chaos Space Marine, I
suppose. Zandrek's quite irreverent as well.
He's just kind of there for the ride, like, oh,
what's happening? This reminds me of back in
the day. He seems to have real emotion, which
is pretty much unheard of in the Necrons. He
loves his nemesaur uh sorry he loves his vargard
oberon oberon loves him they are truly the best
buddies it's a great bromance um he has the whole
scene where oberon's freaking i don't know he's
like wanting them to take a piece of this machine
that could maybe bring their souls back as andrex
like don't worry pal you have a soul you uh you've
you've been loyal to me this whole time what
kind of how could you not have a soul if you
have love and stuff like that question Eli, as
the resident Necron. I was going to say, which
one's the top, which one's the bottom? You beat
me to it. It's not that kind of love. Get it
out of here. But anyways, these freaking goofballs,
man. What was I even talking about? I don't know.
He's nice. He has love and emotion and soul,
which is basically he doesn't exist in the Necrons.
As Andy said, he went, A white Scargo. What's
his actual name? Corsaro Khan. Corsaro Khan and
Vilek Nightspear. Unfortunate. It was a bit of
an unfortunate showing of Vilek Nightspear, who's
also really cool. You forgot Corsaro Khan's name.
Andy will be sending you a package in the mail.
They get captured by Zandrek. As again, he takes
prisoners. And Corsaro Khan stages a prison break.
Farguard Oberon being the goat that he is. knocks
out uh uh the light spear like and pretty much
destroys Corsaro. No diff. No diff at all. It's
Necron BS. No, it's literally no diff. Oh, I
got Necrodermis. Cheats. Cheats. Hacks. O 'Bron
is also one of the best. Blood mode engaged.
O 'Bron is top 10 duelists in 40k, not including
Primarchs, because you don't have those. Yeah,
but like, Corsaro's top 5, so what's going on?
Okay, okay. Anyways, anyways. it's like an honorable
duel duel but one of them's like a vampire and
the one who's like a regular dude is like oh
it's not a regular dude oh my gosh whatever it
does like the power scale yeah uh because rocon
gets his butt beat and but then zandrek comes
in because uh oberon's about to kill them both
and zander says you guys fought really well you
could go and then they just leave And then Corsaro
grabs Illich by the ankle and drags him to the
ship, which I thought was quite amusing. Yeah,
Zandrek often invites enemy commanders to his
beasts and stuff where he rambles poetry and
old war stories. He shovels raw meat into his
face grill. He shovels nothing. His plate's usually
empty. He's not a plate one. But yeah, he's just
a funny guy. Funny guy. He's nice. Very different
interaction from what you usually get in Warhammer,
especially with the Necrons. I like him. He's
my favorite. Senile grandpa in space. He and
Oberon are awesome, and I really wish they still
existed. I hope they get new models in 11th edition,
because it's really sad that they're in Legends.
But they are mentioned in the Codex, at least,
so GW hasn't completely forgotten about them.
Read Severed. It's the best Necron book out there.
No diffs. Infinite and divine. Literally. So,
go read that. That's my character. That's my
choice for this one. Before we do the next one,
do you think there's a few more denials to get
through? We've got three more. First one from
Denver Cheese again. Anyway, Colin, talk about
Halo more so I continue to live in denial. I
just made a grunt video. Thank you. It's tough
being a Halo fan. The most amazing thing recently
was a cameo in another popular game. I was not
in Halo. What killed Halo for you guys? Halo
killed Halo. 343 Industries killed it so bad
they had to change the name to Halo Studios.
That's how bad it was. I mean, killed it? I still
like Halo. I don't know. What's going wrong?
I don't think we have the hour. There's a great
video I've seen. I sent it to Colin recently
because I rewatched it and it's like... side
i'll take this down for a second it's side by
side the 343 studios guys and the bungee guys
talking about how they make a halo game and it's
like night and day where it's like it's all about
competitive and then bungee it's like it's about
fun it's like this is how we make characters
compelling we make the master chief have it and
it's like he's just a suit of armor you imprint
on it's so stark seeing that 343 had no idea
what halo was about while making the games and
at least in my opinion that's like That's like
a good video to talk about. It's over. And then
they made the TV show and it's like, he's never
wearing the helmet and he's naked. Why is Master
Chief got his kit off? How did that even get
past screening? Master Chief. Yeah. Oh my gosh,
man. What a flop. Anyways, we're here to talk
about Warhammer. Anyway. Colin's least favorite
school girl, sad winky face. Wow. Thank you for
the $2. Who was Shalaxy's wedding scripter, I
believe. Are you happy now? Did I do well, Big
Papa Andrew? I'm happy. I'm always happy. That's
crazy, man. Skarsnik's top guy, formerly known
as Thanos. 59 knock every time. That's a great
channel name. No one is as nice and morally stable
as the true ruler and warlord of the Eight Peaks.
Archeon is the closest. This guy's got his priorities
straight. Shame about the end times. Scarstic
lore. The lore where they forgot about him and
just had to tell out of universe what happened
to him. Classic. Is that the last one there,
Andy? Yes, that is. Awesome. Andy, do you have
another one to add into the list? I have some
backup ones. I'll mention briefly one because
I recently reread Flight of the Eisenstein. I
also really like Caleb Aaron, who's the house
car of Nathaniel Garrow. This guy failed at being
a space marine. He couldn't get through the trials.
But even though most space marine initiates who
fail die wherever they just fall over, Nathaniel
Garrow was like, oh, this is wasteful. I'll save
your life. And you can be my house car, which
is basically like... a squire and in the the
horus heresy books like all of garrow's men actually
get on quite well with caleb there's even a guy
called hakur or haker and there's a bit where
no no no um and he's all like they're having
a chat and then they're like oh did you hear
mortarians in the fleet we're gonna see mortarian
and caleb gets distracted and he's just like
caleb get about your business like He's nice
to him. He's like one of the few space marines
in the Legion who calls him by his name. He'd
be like, Caleb. Instead of what, slave? Instead
of surf or get out of my way weakling. Ignatius
Grulgor has a bit where another space marine
is like, why is this weakling here? And he's
all like, ah, well, this guy, he pretended, he
thought he could be a space marine, but he sucks.
He sucks. He's stupid and he sucks. He's ugly.
He's like, I'm just, I've got to go. I've got
to go. And he's like, oh, I didn't realize we
like kept them alive after they failed. I was
like, well, no, Garrow's stupid. And that's why
he's alive. I hate Garrow. you should hate Garrow
too but like Caleb not only is a Chad for saving
Garrow and the 70s life by hurling himself into
a like a sealed compartment to kill Ignatius
Grilgore and his men when they basically Grilgore
aims his bolter at Garrow Caleb shoots him with
a pings off his helmet chucks a knife which bearing
in mind for a space means like an axe an actual
sword for a mortal person goes through caleb's
chest and he like crawls through the compartment
to the compartment they don't notice him because
they're like oh he's just like this weakling
presses the button seals them in because the
bolt fire from grulgor accidentally pierced one
of the virus bombs and they all die and uh to
the point where when they're all reborn into
plague marines and stuff caleb's body resurrects
but there's nothing inside so maybe his soul
went directly to the side of the emperor as the
first martyr of the imperium who knows um but
yeah he's he's pretty uh pretty amazing he also
um was proud to be part of the death guard even
though he wasn't a space marine he was like I'm
going to do my job well, and I'm an integral
part of the Legion. He delighted, and he got
to go into the sections of the ship where only
space marines were allowed to go, so he really
liked that privilege, and he was just like, I'm
just going to make sure that I'm the best squire
I can be. Garrow's my friend, so I'm going to
look after him. And he got to chat with other
space marines in Garrow's great company. I like
Caleb. He did a good job. He was always forthright,
and he did his best. And when push came to shove,
he killed Ignatius Grulgor, and everyone clapped.
We like Caleb. He did save Garrow's life as well.
He prayed to the emperor above Garrow as he was
on the edge of death, and something answered.
the emperor's not a god though guys the emperor's
not a guy no oh whoa something else it doesn't
even say the emperor did it's like some it's
the from the perspective in the book they say
it's because garrow recognizes later on that
it's like caleb who saves him like caleb's like
desire for him to live his willpower with like
a tether to keep him being eaten from weird demons
i would like to quote futurama here which is
god in that show saying if you do everything
right no one will know you've done anything at
all i did have one i mean i was gonna say dante
is the last one but i don't think i think because
dante will be his own full episode explainer
at some point but i do have a one last side character
one who He's kind of a good guy. He is called
Gaius Raceless. I always liked him. He's probably
no one's favorite character, but I've always
liked this guy. And he is essentially, he is
a part of the Blood Angels chapter. And he is
often in the, well, he's only really in the Mephiston
books and Slash Devastation of Baal as well.
He is an epistolary, which means he is quite
high up in the librarians. Gaius. is old he is
an old space marine and an old blood angel the
fact that he also has gray hair which by the
way i'd like to point out dante doesn't have
gray hair the artworks often have time to have
gray hair it describes him when he meets the
lion he has long flowing black hair so it's like
huh uh guys raceless has a gray beard and he
is an old old librarian which first of all is
pretty impressive because most time librarians
get killed all the time uh guys not being as
guys they're not being funny but also when your
chief librarian is mephiston mr marvel superhero
landing does whatever he likes changes the flow
of time bullshit it's like yeah like being in
epistolary is the rank below chief librarian
if mephiston wasn't there he'd probably be the
guy in charge but He's Mephiston. You're not
going to be better than Mephiston. Gaius is often
seen as like, he knew Mephiston before he was
Mephiston. He knew Calistarius. He's kind of
often seen as like the big uncle to a lot of
the Blood Angel librarians. He has lots of Ankh
energy. But he's often very hard on the new recruits,
guys. But that's often because he kind of wants
them to be strong enough to live. and because
he gets uh well i'll explain that later but essentially
also when mephiston was first reborn in hades
hive uh he was the guy who was like let's not
kill this guy hang on a minute you're something
different here and he's the one who stood up
for mephiston to the point where the chapter
would accept him and not just try and kill him
on sight so it's pretty good for him uh raceless
is often as well Mephiston's greatest supporter
in terms of he's like this guy does so much of
the chapter and he's a potential for like you
know first of all Raceless is old so he's fought
off the Black Raid longer than pretty much a
lot of people even like Dante he's not as old
as Dante but he's he's old like Dante and he's
very hard on new recruits said before but he's
again quite kind to mortal beings he's never
been he respects humans quite a lot and racist
throughout the stories he's often uh particularly
one of them i can't remember his name but um
he's looking after this younger librarian who's
like obsessed with mephiston and racist was like
hard on him throughout most of the stories being
like you know you can do better than that uh
and then eventually when the young guy does die
raceless is the first one like he's immediately
like he's gutted about it because he's like man
like that's the whole point is like i was trying
i was I was hard on him because I really wanted
him to live. And, you know, he gets upset, particularly
around like when Blood Angels do obviously pass.
And he, even when Mephiston was at his lowest
points, Gaius Erases is like, so what? You don't
have to be the savior of everybody or anything
like that. You can just do, you just do one good
thing. and he's like they're on this like this
random world where like the necron tomb was awakened
like decades before and all the humans are basically
like yeah we're but um and they're like mephiston
doesn't know what to do because his like mind
is deteriorating and he's like stop trying to
do everything at once just do one good thing
and you know fight that's the whole point that
we just fight for the imperium and the emperor
we fight for humanity and so he's always the
one who's like it's all that good voice behind
Mephiston, who often feels detached from humanity.
Gaius Raceless is Mephiston's humanity in a lot
of the stories. He keeps him tethered. He also,
again, is his greatest defender when Dante's
like, maybe I should kill Mephiston. And then
he's like, no, no, we can't. He is the hope of
the chapter. He's not the end of it. And he's
just pretty damn strong, too, as well. The guy
can throw a fucking thunderbolt. You know, he
can cast thunder from his dick or something.
Who knows? The guy's actually pretty damn strong.
There's a point where in the third Mephiston
book, Mephiston just goes, he literally goes,
ligma balls. And he literally splits himself
into three different beings. So he sends his
body over this burning effigy and he uses his
body to like... absorb the heat as it's like
scorching itself he sends his soul into the warp
to chase a demon and then he sends his mind into
raciness and basically acts like like an extra
librarian's mind with him and they double up
together pretty nuts book that one is pretty
weird because like mephiston awakens in the warp
and he's like a flayed man who's like on fire
so it's really weird The idea that then Mephiston's
mind entered Raceless and just went, you son
of a bitch! And then they just went, wah! And
just psychic bolts everywhere. Poor Raceless.
He's the guy, he always lives. He's the one guy,
when so many others do die, he's always the guy
who just makes it out. And again, he's pretty
ready to go, like Dante as well. He's an indomitable
soul, and he is the humanity amongst all the
blood angels, and he is a good boy. I like him
very much. Although, again, he's not the star
of the show, but he is very much the soul of
what would be a soulless man. So, yeah, I like
him. Cool. Is there any more we wanted to tackle,
or is that... My last one's going to be brief.
Okay, go ahead, Colin. I haven't fully finished
reading his series, but it's Matthias Thuleman,
the witch hunter, who he is a witch hunter who
much like inquisitors, they do your best to get
rid of those pesky moral conscience holders,
you know, any holdouts you might have on shooting
people in the face. But in that framework, one,
witch hunters are. actually beholden to imperial
law so they can't quite as easily murder people
quite quite as easily uh and it almost you know
it it's about as close in that context for thuleman
specifically to be a witch hunter with a conscience
uh he you know for example he pays uh he'll pay
for services like he doesn't show up and he's
like let me kind of backtrack a bit. He will
show up, like, let's say he's, you know, investigating
a town. He's going, you know, he's going to requisition
himself a nice room at the inn, but he's going
to pay for it. He's not going to just say, I'm
a witch hunter, bow down. He'll pay for drinks
and lodging, which again, where this is all by
the standards of witch hunters and inquisitors,
he's a good person. He's got a friend who, oh
God, I heard my mouth. Pardon me. He's got a
friend who's a bit of a hedonistic fella, his
little sidekick, who he keeps around because
he's competent. He does regularly tell his little
sidekick buddy that when you die, Sigmar will
make you account for your many, many sins. But,
you know, credit where it's due. He's seeing
someone being a bit of a... bit of a freak sometimes
doesn't just execute them on the spot you know
a freak this is again this is all by witch hunter
standards he doesn't kill you for not waking
up going to work praying and then going to bed
you know that's that's pretty good by these standards
he uh he also this is just pretty impressive
by anyone in warhammer early on before his books
start he executed a lady for, the specifics are
rather heavy to just talk about, so we'll move
past, but she was a little corrupted by Warpstone.
Normally, an Inquisitor or a Witch Hunter would
go, right, everyone in your family now needs
to go as well. You just all gotta die. Mr. Thuleman
did not do that. He let her husband live, and
even after that, her husband, who was seeking
vengeance for dead wife, attacked Thuleman out
of nowhere. He came rocketing through into his
inn room and just started throwing hands. Thuleman
beat him, and he didn't kill the husband, even
on this second time. He's like, I get it. I understand
why you are unhappy. If you do this again, I
am going to have to kill you. But you know what?
I get it. It's a rough circumstance. I'm not
going to do it this time. You're not thinking
clearly. Go pray to Sigmar. And he was frozen
for a second. We had a brief moment where I think
the internet cut out for a second, but it's okay.
He was saying about Fullman. So you might want
to go back like a tiny bit. Oh, he was just,
when the guy whose wife he killed, you know,
he showed up for vengeance on him and just started
throwing hands with them. He beat him, disarmed
him and did not kill him. Which again, this is
a witch hunter we're talking about. That is some
pretty damn insane restraint and morality right
there, which, you know, yeah, it's the. He's
a witch hunter. He's not a good person. He will
kill you at the stake. He's just, you know, by
witch hunter's standards. Really? In front of
my tactical dreadnought? How dare you? I know.
I'm sorry. You know, by the standards of witch
hunters and inquisitors, if you had to be overseen,
you know, if one of them was going to be overseeing
your trial, Mr. Thulman is probably not a bad
go. Because, you know, if you're innocent, then
he will vouch for you. He's a good guy. Uh, I've
not fully finished a series. I'm reading through,
uh, the omnibus now. It is, it is good. Uh, I
would recommend, uh, yes. Uh, it's, uh, and you
know, they're, they're nice. They're fun books.
These, you know, well -written enough, you know,
they're not the most amazing things were hammers
put out, but you know, that falls in a witch
hunter around. That's always fun. This one almost
has a conscience. Like I said, that's pretty
unique. And, uh, yeah, in that framework, he's,
he's a decent fella. Could always be better,
but at a certain point, you've got to accept
that it's a witch hunter. A certain amount of
the ends just by the means is unavoidable. He
saved them to the end, so he's on the line. He's
an alright bloke. I don't think he's going to
be donating to any orphanages, but he's not going
to burn them down because they might be chaos
corrupted. Well, he may donate to them in other
ways. from people whose parents are targets so
there was one scene in the books where he's like
if they he was talking to another witch hunter
and he said to save face for our order i told
them to disperse but if they ripped you apart
in a mob i wouldn't blame them which by god both
hard line and uh my hey that's i mean that's
gotta count for some sense of morality He didn't
just cover for the witch hunter because another
witch hunter. Nice man. There are some... I think
there are some... Yeah, I had some more. I can
be quick. Lucas Bastogne. He's a Cadian Sergeant.
The best sergeant in the whole guard. Doesn't
take any other promotions because he likes being
a sergeant. He is, like I said, the best sergeant
the Imperial Guard had. He's a genius. He's an
incredibly inspiring leader. He's a 5th edition
and before character. Shout out. He's extremely
fearless, extremely brave. His special rule is,
it's up to us, lads. He just goes to extreme
lengths of heroism, and he always does what he
needs to do, no matter what. He cares extremely
for all the guardsmen under his command, and
anytime he loses someone, he has a perfect memory,
yet he still goes to tattoo their name on his
body so that he never, ever forgets the people
who he's lost under his command. He has one little
story where they had some operations going on
on a Nurgle -infested planet with demons and
just, you know, general horrible corruption.
and they leave one of their men behind so he
goes back onto the planet to save this guy the
guy is corrupted by nirgul so he kills him himself
and gives him a quick end really cool guy he
was martyred on cadia and that's about it and
then uh as was mentioned kind of in the comments
already jazaris whatever from twice dead king
is a really cool necron character he spends like
literally probably thousands, if not more hours
engraving and cleaning his immortals. And then
on their last stand, the immorals engravings
light up so that their story can be told. So
that's like their life story that's engraved
upon them because their voices were taken from
them by the Catan and they can no longer speak
or really think that well. So he tells their
story for them. He helps out Ultix a lot. He's
just a nice guy. Good brother. Good brother.
And you don't have any more to donate? We have
got three. So the first one from DonkeyManUSA.
Clearly the best morally good character is Jakub.
Yeah, baby. Christ alive. Darth Sasquatch. That's
a fun name. Hmm. Trazen the Infinite is morally
good and the best Warhammer character. He is
not morally good, but he is. He is an unwilling
library of life. He is affably evil. I think
he'd be fun to talk to until he put me in a museum.
He has his moments of being nice, but that's
not enough to make him a good guy. There are
much worse people. He's not good. This guy taunted
someone. He was like, oh, by the way, you annoyed
me, so therefore I'm going to put you in an eternal
jail, but I want to let you know first before
I do it, just so you can think about it for the
next however many years you're going to be stuck
in there. bye yeah not a good person very exuberant
and and um was it not as evil as could be i suppose
yeah was it a death watch like team that he stuck
like across from an orc war boss and they're
both fully aware of that was that is that what
it was something like that i feel and he took
away clone room he took him all right you need
never to return everyone needs to get over that
i'm never gonna get over it and he also in the
animation uh for warhammer uh hammer and bolter
is like oh black legion terminators i'll do your
deal every time you enter this place if you ever
like like don't enter and you leave you can escape
this loop which i'm going to put you in where
like for eternity you're going to get to the
core where the prize is and then you'll be trapped
in this in this kind of again like groundhog
day situation and they never do and he's like
i'm such a oh treason he's silly billy thank
you for the two dollars caleb collins and the
good message malik the true venus king redeemed
himself That's right. He always was the right
piece. That's the only piece of End Times lore
that's canon. He redeemed himself so well that
Ulthuan sank immediately after. Oh yeah, great
job there, buddy. Fucking idiot. Also another
one from Caleb. I hate Malekith. I don't. I love
Malekith. Boingob is best boy, also princess
the best pet squig. I like them both. Very real.
Oh, hey, Neon. Neon LF Graves. Good to see you
again, buddy. Five euros. Having recently educated
myself on modern woman romance novels. Great
choice, by the way. Crazy plot lines. I think
that GW should get into that market by releasing
different erotica stories. I need to find...
I saw on Twitter a horrible one lately, but I
can't bring it up without finding it because
I'm going to sound insane if I don't. Is it like
I was attacked by a werewolf or something? No,
it involves minotaurs. As in Games Workshop minotaurs?
No. Minotaur minotaurs. Oh, his hoofs. I heard
them clopping along. Well, Games Workshop also
has more traditional minotaurs, but those...
And on that note, good characters in Warhammer.
Thank you guys for the donations. Thanks very
much. Don't forget him. Thank you. Again, the
question of the week last week, I believe Colin,
who grabbed that from the episode of Absolute
Cinema, which is obviously a good episode. Go
check that one out. Hashtag cinema. I presume
the question. What's a moment you just find nice
and cinematic? It's just peak. It's great. One,
I've got four here. Nerdcasting 40K. Hashtag
cinema. Got two. The first is Ragnar's Last Stand.
Real. And the second is Gotrek and Felix fighting
the cast -corrupted Dragon Ogre and Kinslayer.
That was also just pretty... That was like heavy
metal album cover. It was like lightning all
over the place. It's Gotrek and Felix. Snorri's
there too, and we don't need to talk about Snorri
for the rest of his book appearances there. No,
that's okay. Later. It was peak. It was great.
I feel like I was, when I saw the, because I'd
heard so much about the Rylenor last stand before
I'd read it, and now that I have read it, I'm
almost like, I do think people overhyped it to
me. I agree. Rylenor is overhyped. Rylenor is
overrated. He's definitely got overhyped, but
I can always appreciate the, you know, the I
have a bomb strategy. You know, it's real. It
is cool. It is cool, though. Even though the
Thousand Sons should probably get some more credit
for their role in that story than they deserve.
One of the guys shot his own Thousand Sons in
the back of the head to stop the shield thing.
No, that was to start it. He shot him in the
head because he was holding it, wasn't it? He
was holding it back and he was like, sorry, boom.
Crazy. Probably less agonizing than the virus
bomb melting you, though. I would rather take
gunshot to brain. I will rant one time about
Fulgrim lore because I am so much like oh god
he's so annoying to me now I used to really like
Fulgrim and I learn about him they should keep
doing that in the future just keep throwing virus
bombs at Fulgrim whenever he shows up like no
shut up Andy BK Hound hashtag cinema Dorne leading
the counter -offensive on the Saturnine walls
from Sigismund's courage sometimes outstrips
his ability. Mine doesn't. Try me. As he shakes
his shoulders off and braces for a fight against
some 100 veteran emperor's children. Pretty real.
And Fulgrim. And Fulgrim. Dorne has a shield
and he just takes the whole brunt of Fulgrim
and he's like I think he keeps stabbing him and
eventually he runs Fulgrim through, which he
loves, obviously. And then Fulgrim's like, I'm
bored now. Emperor's Children's fans be like,
Fulgrim just left because he was bored, as if
the end result isn't still a Rogald Dorn victory.
Hey, read the freaking book. Rogald Dorn says,
Fulgrim was going to destroy me, and I'm really
scared of him. And who left the battlefield?
Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter if you leave.
Doesn't matter if you leave because you're bored.
You still left. Eli is right, where Dorn says
literally like... Fulgrim would have been the
most dangerous thing and he could have cut through
the entire line if he wanted to. But thank God
he is so easily distracted. He's freaking Gunnar
Pild. I don't know. The freaking demon fulgur
is so lame, man. You'd never hear Jagatai saying,
I was scared of my brother. Robledore did say
he was scared. He'd be like, skill issue, pussy.
And then he fights him anyway. That's the Jagatai
way. Dawn was terrified of the fact that they
had nothing to stop him, really. Dawn only just
held him there. Like he didn't... He's like,
you're just an idiot standing on a wall. You
know? The next one? Document USA. uh in demon
slayer felix grabbing the hammer of fate praying
to all the gods he can and throwing it at a bloodthirster
you know that's that's a gotcha and felix book
i've actually read it's uh yeah it's real and
moderately funny well a little funny uh because
he's just he's just throwing names out after
like a couple gods he's like anyone dude i don't
care who give me a hand and it worked even the
dwarfs we kind of looked at him with awe he was
like damn that's that's pretty impressive dude
And then the last one is one I kind of disagree
with, but I wanted to bring it up for that, is
from Thunders950. When Gilliman tried to lecture
Angry Ron, and Angry Ron called the girly man
a pretty boy while bleeding and spitting everywhere.
I gotta be real, I don't think that courage and
honor speech really makes Angron look any better.
I don't think he's saying it makes Angeron look
good. I think he's saying it makes Angeron look
so bad. It's a cinema moment. I see them two
fight. I guess. I don't know. I think that speech
is very overrated because baby man Angeron spends
the rest of his life pitching a fit. Nah, Angeron's
right. Angeron's right about everything he says.
What would you know of his struggle? Like, what
would you know a struggle -perfect son? Isn't
it? That's just the whole point. I do know even
the meaning of those words. That's his whole
thing. Everyone hates him, but we would be the
exact same. Said to man who watched his father
die in front of him and then was fighting in
the vacuum of space for 13 hours straight. That's
literally nothing compared to what happened to
Angron. Wow, I had to fight normal people as
the demigod of war. Wow. All you've got to do
to defuse this is if you were Gilliman, you'd
just say, well, at least I had a mum. Oh! Oh,
Angron didn't have any... I don't even dislike
Angron. I just... I don't know why I'm still
excited towards that moment. I just don't like
that moment. I think it's just... I look at that
moment like Rylanor. A lot of people look at
Rylanor and are like, yeah, okay, Angron had
a cool point. Okay. Stop putting nails in your
kid's brain. The Angron moment is the holding
up the titan's foot moment. Now that, that's
people. That is people. Angron, like, early on,
like, oh, it's unfair that all of these innocent
people were killed for no reason. Also Angron,
I'm going to kill a bajillion people. Lol, lol,
lol, lol, lol. Angron, be consistent. Be consistent.
There's no consistency allowed in the horse heresy,
Mr. Andy. My poor neighbor. You'll get 12 authors
writing the same characters and you'll like it.
My poor neighbor, because I've been yelling my
anger on. I've recorded up all my anger on audio
recently. And I didn't realize, I had to reread
Betrayer for this. Do you know what? A law guard
calls him out and he says, isn't it crazy? Your
nails are different from your son's ones. And
he's like, huh? oh and it's like yeah when you're
when your butcher's nails like start working
your mind goes blank and you basically you're
that's how you dream you're basically like in
a dream state whereas your sons it just turns
them into rage like you know blood crazy curdling
berserkers he says like you just do it because
you're a coward and he's like like the the big
i didn't realize like the big secret is that
angrons are different But also there's Lorgar
being like, Leman Russ was right, you're an idiot.
No, you didn't win that fight against Leman Russ.
No, you're an idiot! You're an idiot! And he's
like, no I'm not! I won! He did win the fight,
if you don't care about making it out of the
fight. There's a few short stories I managed
to pick up, and he's desperately trying to die
the entire time. Like, it's no secret. He literally
is like, there's nothing wrong with me dying.
I'm okay with that. I died ages ago. He's so
ready. Also, Eli, careful what you wish for with
that monkey's paw of author consistency, because
then you get Nick Kime salamander. I know. You
get Nick Kime salamanders and Phil Kelly towel,
and then you just freaking jump off the building.
They're quite consistent indeed. Isn't it crazy
that Nick Kime did the salamanders and the Marines
malevolent? That's a weird contrast of stuff
to be writing for. What's going on? Maybe he
should have stuck to the Malevolent because they're
the funny asshole chapter. Are the Marines Malevolent's
books funnily standing? Are they better than
Salamander's books? Well, the bits I've read,
they're basically all short stories, but one
of them is like, oh, they're in a space hulk,
and it basically ends up that one of them kills
his commanding officer because he thinks he's
weak, and then none of them protect each other
when they can, and they're all just dicks to
one another. Oh, cool. That's why it goes, even
for Warhammer standards, it just goes up to full
circle to being funny. and then like they're
kind of chaos corrupted maybe and then they go
back to their captain vinyar who's the one who
bad mouths tushar and he's just like all right
you owe me a favor of like you do you do everything
i ever tell you to do and they're like fine these
guys are these guys are not right these are wrong
and i don't want to do chaos corrupted i like
that they're just awful on the world it's funny
it's like why did you kick that puppy it was
there well i don't know about maybe chaos isn't
the right word but they go into the ship and
they they Something happens to them, and then
Vinyar's like, I can work with this, but you
do as I say. You guys are the worst. We're taking
up a new question of the week, though. I guess
we should continue on the theme about... We didn't
prepare one before, did we? We should ask about
maybe a moment in Warhammer where you're like,
that was wholesome. That was good. That was wholesome.
Or a nice little bit like that. Hashtag wholesome
for your wholesome Warhammer moment. It doesn't
have to be, like, the best thing ever, because
obviously it's by Warhammer standards, but, you
know, someone where you're like, damn, that still
sticks with me, and Warhammer lore is good. That
being said... Teclis was determined to protect
some humans him and Tyrion were traveling with,
because the elves looked both down on the humans
and him for being wrong. You know what? Real.
I mean, we didn't mention it in this episode,
but the obvious one would have been Pedro Cantor,
but... People might do that for their comments.
But again, if there's anything else, I think,
as always, thank you guys for listening, for
watching, subscribing, listening to us while
you're painting, probably either working. I know
some of you guys are on night shifts, so I hope
that's going well for you guys. Again, look,
I'm here every week to entertain you guys. Chill
out, listen to the podcast. We are obviously
on Discord, so please do join that. We have merch,
we have all that good stuff. And we'll catch
you guys on the next one. Peace. Bye, everybody.