Hello ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome
back to Lore Crimes! We like Lore Crimes, we
like Lore Crimes. So, it's been a while since
we've talked about stuff in the fantasy setting,
I think. I think the last one was, what was the
last time we talked about something in fantasy?
Godric and Felix. Godric and Felix 2. Or 3. One
of them. 3. So it's been a little while. There's
a lot of those books, alright. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We're getting through it, though. We are getting
through it. Before the Horus Heresy came out,
GW's cash cow was a dwarf and his whipping bitch.
It's like, what's his name? Dandelion from The
Witcher before Dandelion from Witcher existed.
You had Felix. But evil wave, pretty much. But
Colin, you're in charge of this episode. What
are we talking about today? We are talking about
Archeon, the Ever Chosen. Chaos when... You know,
it's a very fun mix of a very intimidating figure,
you know, someone who properly leads the hordes
of evil, and endless author fiat. And not even
just in the end times, because he had some controversial
stuff before that even happened, because when
you're the leader of a faction, there's going
to be some arguments about you. It's just the
way it is. his poor gonads as well in the original
ending man got like absolutely rocket kicked
into the nuts by uh is it grim gore i think it
was well i'll briefly talk about that since it's
even more non -canon than anything else at this
point but you know it it still happened uh i
also have a very shitty peace offering if you'll
give me just a moment uh just one moment the
green hat this better be happening Is it happening?
I think it's happening. There have been threats
in the comments. No way. Is the dude here as
well? Is he here? He was here before we started.
Is he pregnant? Oh, it is a green hat. It's not
really a hat, but it is green. It is green. Let's
see if this piece is... It really hurts. For
context, though, people who lit the... crazy
that people will be uninitiated a dude has been
saying this he's been donating and reminding
us that colin will wear a hat for i think about
seven weeks in a row and to be fair i'm assuming
that colin's not wearing the that he wore a halo
free helmet i'm assuring it's not the one that
came with halo free was like a slit is all that's
there so you can fit like a few games i'm assuming
you didn't put that no that that was from like
a 60 master chief costume from party city where
that plastic helmet is actually kind of sick,
but the rest of it was just puffy. I really want
to get the Doom helmet. It was like fake muscle
suit, but it wasn't even a muscle suit. It was
just puffy in places where it's armor. It was
a real piece of garbage, but I loved it, but
I had to throw it out because I got puke all
over it. Remember the days when Call of Duty
Special Editions gave you night vision goggles?
That was pretty cool. Back in the day when games
had an up -down, up -down, side -side hack -combo
-cheat thing, and then you just won a tank in
one of the Grand Theft Auto or something. Now
you can pay $150 for the Borderlands 4 special
collection, not Borderlands 4. And if you don't
want it, don't buy it. Good idea. Thanks, Randy.
Don't worry, I won't. Speaking of gameplay, though,
we have some rather fun gameplay of Urban Pride
for you guys to watch. I'm not in this gameplay
because I still don't have the game, but this
is from Colin's perspective, so it's quite fitting.
But with that, without any more said, where do
we start off with RK? I'm gassed. I love this,
dude. We start off... You know, I wasn't going
to say it for once. I'm glad someone else did.
We start... with uh with bellicore uh so bellicore
is uh you know first demon prince of chaos and
with depending on the lore you're reading the
only one of chaos undivided he used to be very
powerful right he used to be the only he the
chaos god's top guy and then he got a little
bit too full of himself zinch hit him with a
glassing beam at least uh as it looked in the
Total Warhammer 3 trailer, and then he kind of
didn't really have a body or proper spirit. Well,
proper body. He did, however, have plenty of
schemes up to and including possessing at least
one Everchosen before his power burnt out the
vessel, and an indomitable spirit to keep trying.
Should we mention what an Ever Chosen is for
context for the people? Because they're very
familiar with the Warhammer 40k. They might not
have the fantasy know -how. An Ever Chosen is
basically someone who quests to become the Warmaster
equivalent for fantasy. They have the blessing
of all four Chaos Gods. They have the most kitted
out of Chaos Armor. It's some of the best in
the setting. It's... And then they usually go
down south to try and burn down the world. Or
at least the Empire. A lot of the ever -chosen.
The End Times wasn't actually on the docket for
a lot of the ever -chosen. A lot of them just
had beef with the Empire. It's basically like
multiple Horuses. Multiple Horus heresies, essentially.
Well, the thing is, Warmaster isn't even an exclusive
term to Horus. Achilles, who was Lord Solar,
and then he became a Warmaster. I'm pretty sure
Ibram Gaunt becomes a Warmaster at one point,
or he helps a Warmaster of the Imperium, but
it's like that's pretty much the highest rank
under Lord Commander for the Imperium, but Everchosen
is like it comes with more perks than just a
title. You are basically in charge of chaos.
Obviously, it's chaos. There's still going to
be some attempted backstabbing every now and
again, but you... You have the power to keep
that in check, and you have the power to at least
hurt the world pretty damn badly. And as you'll
find out, Archeon is the only person to have
won Warhammer, so we'll get to that. It's not
quite like Abaddon's thing. Abaddon is kind of
like a herald. He's not really a herald, but
Chaos somewhat accepts him, whereas an Everchosen
is... They have the outright blessing. Yeah,
like fancy... The Chaos Gods are the same, but
they're very much more... I guess not weaker,
but they put their full backing behind their
Ever Chosen, because that's their conduit for...
It's a real impressive person, especially because,
like you said, Abaddon's like... The Chaos God's
like, yeah, we'll tolerate you. We'll help you
out. Whereas the Ever Chosen, you get all four
of them to agree somehow that this guy... This
guy is our man. He's going to do it. He's like
Super Satan. Yeah. Like Super Saiyan, but with
a demon. With a T. Yeah, yeah. And in this case,
Bellacor's schemes may not have been schemes
because during a Norscan raid into the Empire
province of Nordland, he possessed a man and
had his way with a Nordland woman. So it starts
a little dark, you could certainly say. A little.
Yeah. This Norland woman then, we get away from
it, but it's a real rough early start. Norland
woman then unsuccessfully tries to not have the
baby, dies in childbirth, and her surviving family
members want nothing to do with the child. So
the midwife leaves it on the door of a Sigmarite
church. And baby Archeon almost gets devoured
by wolves before a Sigmarite priest shoes him
off, rescues him, and merch. Let's go. Merch.
I'm Bill the Warhammer, that's all. All right,
fair enough. I'm not trying to advertise. I wasn't
judging. I was shouting it out. We do have merch.
We have Boingob shirts and stuff. We do. If you
want Boingob, celebrate your life and your lord
and savior. No, this is Goinbog. Completely unrelated.
Yes, sorry, Goinbog. So this Sigmarite priest
rescues Archeon and he becomes a, as he grows
up, a squire of a knight named Sir Kastner. And
indeed, for the first... few decades of Archeon's
life. His name is Diedrich Kastner, a warrior
knight of the Templars of Sigmar. Wasn't the
Sigmar priest like a real bastard as well? Don't
speak ill of the dead. I mean, I think he was
like he threw hands. Oh yeah, oh yeah. I think
we can speak ill of some dead. Some dead deserve
it. Yeah, let's not protect the guy who threw
hands at kids. Alright, well then stop protecting
every Primark. Duke can play at the child abuse
allegations game. Jesus. But in spite of, you
know, in spite of their potentially maybe perhaps
being better fathers to get than Sir Kastner,
young Diedrich became like an exemplar of the
Orier, like the finest knight they would ever
see. Eventually, you know, his sire died. And
Diedrich, because again, he's still a good guy.
He's still a proper true Sigmarite priest. took
his sword and gave it to the lady of, uh, you
know, Sir Kastner's house, uh, who, who was,
uh, not well treated by her husband. So yeah,
this guy was a real piece. He's awful. Didn't
he get, didn't he get like shanked by goblins?
If I remember. He did not die honorably, no.
I think he fell into a pit. He fell into a pit,
and then he was like, get me out, Diedrich. You
bastard, get me out. And then Diedrich was like,
oh, go in. And then the goblins just arrived.
And he's like, damn, man. It's dogpiled him.
Not everyone gets a dignified death. And his
dad, his adopted night dad certainly didn't.
But, see, The lady, you know, Lady Kastner, was
much better of a person. And, you know, she was
touched by him still delivering the sword, and
so adopted him into her house, gave him Sir Kastner's
sword, as well as his horse, and Diedrich Kastner
became a member of the Order of the Twin -Tailed
Orb, who would just kind of... Like I said, he
would wreck shop. He was the kind of hero, he
walks into a camp of beastmen, and then when
he leaves, there's no more camp of beastmen left.
He was an absolute powerhouse, and firmly devoted
to Sigmar. He's bulky. He's big, isn't he? He's
pretty big. Oh, he's massive. He's part Norskin.
He's juiced. Chungus. Yeah, so his first few
decades of his life were being a... A fanatical
Sigmarite. He was doing his lord's work, and
he did fully believe in it. There's no, like,
the secret blood of chaos was making him secretly
evil. He was a Sigmarite. And this isn't, you
know, this isn't an uncommon thing, because there
are a lot of southern Norskins that peacefully
integrate with the Empire every now and again.
So there are a lot of, especially in Nordland,
a lot of half -Norskins running around. He was
a very powerful one, but initially... Not all
that different from a lot of the other ones.
He just happened to be one who found himself
in a holy order. At this point, however, Diedrich
comes across a couple sisters of Sigmar who had
a slightly heretical tome known as the Liber
Celestior, who... this is another one of those
GW creativity moments, was penned by a man named
Necrodormo the Insane. Oh, no. You don't need
the insane part, surely. That's implied, surely.
So Necrodamus is canon to Warhammer fantasy,
at least, yes. And this book held the prophecy
of the Ever Chosen of Chaos. The man, the final
Ever Chosen, the Champion of Chaos, would bring
about the end times. It was being taken to the
Grand Cathedral of Sigmar and Altdorf so they
could just lock it away, no one ever sees it
again, and keep any Chaos Knights from reading
the full stuff of the prophecy and try and make
use of it. This warband being the Swords of Chaos,
they will come up later. Diedrich, for his part,
hadn't seen the prophecy for himself. Didn't
really care about it beyond, that's a chaos thing,
therefore it's bad, and that is the end of my
thoughts on it. And it just didn't really mean
anything to him. He did learn a bit of the prophecy,
though, and he seemingly never also put together
that he was a bit off in the sense of being a
Norscan, partially. was all in the Sigmarite
sauce, and as the signs, as they begin doing
now, start lining up, it still didn't click at
first. It didn't click fully when his own order
started hunting him down, because someone spilled
the beans that, hey, this might fit him, and
it still didn't quite click. When he started
avoiding those Swords of Chaos that warband,
even though they weren't trying to kill him,
didn't quite click that they might have been
looking for their ever -chosen. Young Archeon
was a bit thick. He tried to go to the Kastner
estate, because he is an honorable member of
that family. Burned to the ground, so that doesn't
help. He talks with a young sister of Sigmar.
uh, as well as the priest who, you know, found
him kind of helped raise them as to, Hey, why
is the empire trying to kill me? And why did
the swords of chaos want my mate and want my
meat? Uh, so I look, they seemed, they seemed
really into this guy. Right. And he, he didn't
know the full story yet. He didn't actually think
they wanted him. Are you telling me there's a
group of burly Norskins shouting and pointing
to this other burly guy and saying, grab his
dick and twist it. Yeah, but they didn't want
to twist it off. They wanted to give him the
old coronate sloppy topic. I don't know where
I'm going with this. Let's move on. There's another
for the compilation. Uh, uh, this, but, uh, Diedrich,
the sister of Sigmar and the priest come to the
conclusion that he, he might fit that prophecy.
Uh, the reasoning being one, he was obviously
to pretty much everyone, but him, he was of Norsican
descent and he was a knight of the empire, which
was the part of the criteria for this foretold
prophecy, which very vague criteria. I'm not
going to admit there are plenty of people out
there that would fit this criteria. But Warhammer
fantasy, it's in the name. It's a fantasy setting.
And, you know, in epic fantasy settings, a vague
enough prophecy like that is oftentimes enough
for people to take it seriously and worry about,
right? So that's kind of it. His first response
after learning this was to hang himself. It worked.
It worked. He died. And then the chaos god said,
nuh -uh. And the Chaos God went, another one.
Yeah, then they brought him back. He was not
getting out of it that easy. He got Sanguiniest.
Oh no. Which, again, you know, in a really messed
up way... Dante. Oh, so he's more like Dante,
not Sanguiniest. In a really messed up way, good
on him for trying to deny the gods they're ever
chosen, but... When all four of them say, you're
coming back, it's... Not much you can do. Yeah.
When peer pressure fails, there's just pressure
without the peer. So instead, he now, he went
to Altdorf to try and learn the truth, and perhaps,
since it's in the Grand Cathedral of Sigmar,
maybe get some denial from, you know, like a...
like a message from Sigmar, like, no, don't worry
about that. You know, yeah, you got a rough,
you got a rough life, but you're not going to
be him. So he heads to Altdorf, goes to an altar
of Sigmar to prayer before it and just beg and
plead. Tell me I'm not forsaken by you, Sigmar,
and that I'm not damned to this fate to become
the ever chosen. And all he got was silence and
response, which on Sigmar's part. I don't blame
them too much because if the chaos gods are outright
bringing him back from the dead, they can probably
shut off, you know, Sigmar's phone line. I would
have hoped that one of the other dozens of gods
in the setting might have pitched in for the
phone call. Like, look, hey, Sigmar, he's stuck
in the vortex. He can't get to you right now,
but look, you're good. But no one answered Sigmar's
prayers. I don't got any data. Yeah. Said all
the gods. Yeah, no one got to the phone in time.
And so he went a little bit ballistic from this.
And his ability to let him walk into various
beastmen, goblin, whatever camps, and butcher
everyone in there, led him to murder everyone
who was in the Sigmarite Cathedral, the entire
nightly garrison. You know, presumably a couple
people who made the mistake of going to prayer
late that night. And he broke and crippled the
grand theogeness of the time, the Sigmar Pope.
He started breaking his fingers one by one. And
Dietrich started asking him, how the hell do
you know that I'm the ever chosen? There's look,
there's got to be. Countless, like there's surely
thousands of half -Norscans running around. There's
thousands of knights that have fallen to chaos.
How do you know it's me? It was just what he
was trying to ask. And the Grand Theogonist hit
him with this little nugget. They didn't know,
and they were just killing everyone who fit the
profile to make sure. The real kicker was that
the prophesized Everchosen would travel to the
Temple of Sigmar in Altdorf and ask the Grand
Theogonist that exact question? Thank you, Dreadanon.
Thank you, Dreadanon. Also, I thought it'd be
easy to find who the Everchosen was because when
you get near them, you start hearing boss music.
Like, ah, that guy. Yeah, you hear like the Vort
soundtrack from Dark Souls. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's
the guy. This one made him go nuts. He was out.
Diedrich's insanity has entered. What's left
of his mind is gone. It's time to change teams.
So he... It is related, I promise. Does anyone
here know Dragon Age? Not the crappy one. newer
version of the game. I've only played Inquisition.
It was the only one I've played because it was
on sale at GameStop. Who remembers GameStop,
kids? There's still one in my city. Do you remember
the line? I think there's the line from the bad
guy in Inquisition called Corypheus where he
says, I've been to the golden city. He literally
drops a line like, I've been to heaven. and the
throne was empty. And it was like, oh my god.
It's like, basically, essentially the plot of
it is like, the gods, there's no gods and they're
basically forsaken. But he prayed to gods to
help him and then not let him be corrupted. Essentially,
gods were silent. Gods did not give him much.
Because he, it's a weird thing with Diedrich
at the moment where he's like, he doesn't want
to succumb to his fate isn't like he doesn't
want to like his he doesn't want his destiny
like pre -written for him in some way to be like
this ever chosen but he's also like if i'm gonna
you know he basically like my fate is like the
same thing with like horus isn't it when he encounters
chaos like he knows about he's like i'm not gonna
say no but my fate is my own kind of thing he's
like i'm i'm gonna embrace parts of it but i
i'm gonna it'll be my choice whether i am the
uh the big bad or not just a bit of chaos just
i'll have enough to keep me going like yeah it's
not fully a chaos it's the thing with like with
horace things he's like i'm just you he literally
says in like is it galaxy in flames i mean he
says like the third book you're like i'm using
it to the dethrone the emperor then eventually
he's just like i'm in super normal At this point,
Diedrich Kastner is not corrupted by chaos, but
he's very much like... But he's more than happy
to let himself be. He's willing to explore what
it is at this point, because he's like, well,
the other path I chose literally abandoned me,
so let's just have a... He's not fully, fully
in, but he's also like... He starts swearing
he's going to bring the Empire down, reveal Sigmar...
Or forsaking him. a false god he's a he's you
know denounces him all of that and you know newly
crowned bad guy stuff uh during this time the
grand theogonist raises his broken fingers and
goes actually uh every canon in altdorf is also
pointed at this cathedral uh eat my dick uh but
ever chosen is gonna be born no matter what and
so despite uh The Empire being about to tear
this entire thing down. The Swords of Chaos come
back just in time. They rescue him and dip out
to Norsca. It should also be noted that the original
version of this prophecy is he kind of just reads
the prophecy and then just kind of goes insane
and runs off. The newer version, take what you
will for him maybe being a little bit overpowered
or Sigmar being a dummy and not answering the
phone. But at least there's a story told in it,
and it's not just, yeah, he went Joker crazy
and skipped. We should, before we go to the next
arc. While we talk about Joker crazy, we've got
some donations to read out. It's not about the
stream, Batman. It's about the comics. First
one from Karchuk. Why so ever chosen? A hefty
20k from Karchuk. Thank you. So sorry, Fancy
died. It gets five big booms. Boom, boom, boom,
boom, boom. It's back, and it's better than ever.
Well, maybe not better than ever, but it's good.
It's back, and it's passable. It's back, baby.
Hey, hey, it is good. Fuck off. Don't you mind
you were safe. Five bucks stream late due to
Hal gooning to Archeon's horse. Call him Mr.
Hands. I forgot a Mr. Hands joke. Oh my god.
Or a green hat or a robe this week. Two -year
-old. I gave you 12 weeks worth of goddamn hat,
dog. Look, the Master Chief helmet was a peace
offering because I forgot the hat again, but
I had green hat wear. I think the thing is, this
was sent before you put it, like we had a few
before we started the stream and so like. I assume,
I don't see anyone, I assume that the green hat
requirement has been sated. I will acquire a
green hat later. This was a peace offering to
give me another week. And we will see what other
peace offerings I come up with when I inevitably
forget. Yeah. Cover Flesh Eater Court Annual
End World Hunger gave $5. First time super chatting.
Just wanted to say, love your show. Thank you.
We love you. Yeah, we love you. Flesh Eater Court's
fans are oddly like some of the most dedicated
people. Warhammer army out of nowhere. It is
not the army I would expect people to go nuts
over, but you will find no fan more dedicated
to their army than an FEC player. This donation
is wild. Thank you, Shane, bro. Thank you. Colin,
you old Yacoubian ape. Send me... A picture of
you standing in front of a roller coaster. You
must be this tall to ride, sign, and your cranial
measurements. I must study your science. I'm
5 '7". Crazy. Thank you for the $10. It's been
4 '5". The ultramarine sergeant is yapping about
courage and honor, but the noise marine low -key
digging in your butt, so you hit him with the
PDF constrip stare. Insane. What the hell are
these donuts? It didn't click how pathetic the
Avenging Sons were when we were talking about
Taros. Until it finalized in my brain that they
were outsmarted by PDF forces in the opening
act. Well, it touted most of the thinking. You
still lost to an army in part consisting of an
enemy PDF. I don't care. Alright. Ash Fox, thank
you for the $2 stream late due to Colin gooning
the Fantasy Lord. I was the second one in this
call. Yes, he was here on time. Leave him alone.
They put the Colin into Master Chief. Thank you,
Donkey Man USA for the two. Nice. What do you
have for us? Late to stream due to me gooning
to pregnant Archeon fanart. Well, you learn something
every day that that exists. That is a sentence.
Thank you for the $10. That's a box. $10. Thank
you. Okay. Nerevar, a quick smasher pass. I can't
do the voice. Felbadon, the 13 times failure
pass. Archeon, smash. Imperial Fist fans, pass.
Bellicore, smash. Norskin women, hyper smash.
The sound effects of the bolters in Darktide.
Smash. Thank you. When I was in New Orleans,
I got drunk and started talking like Dagoth.
I don't know why I did that. Very nice. The Dank
Apostle. Thank you for the 70s R. What is everyone's
rare collector's item? I have the Horus Heresy
Collected version art book, the Lieber Chaotica,
and the Damocles Golf Edition of the Infantryman's
Primer. That's pretty cool. I'm from South Africa.
ZA, by the way. Very cool. Is this only for Warhammer
or just in general? I've got a piece of the hall
the Declaration of Independence was signed in.
Wow. Did you take a bit of it off? No, I did
not. My grandpa gave it to me. He might have
taken a piece of it. I don't know. But it's in
a nice official looking metal tin. so i'm assuming
it was legally and legitimately acquired it's
like those guys who go to like wembley stadium
or like a football pitch and they just they bring
a trowel and they dig up a bit of soil and say
oi dude my grandpa had a ton of weird stuff like
he had like a confederate cavalry saber i think
wow why do you have that yeah which side would
be on Well, we live in Illinois, so I'm assuming
that it was a war trophy somewhere down the line.
I don't really have any rare Warhammer stuff,
but probably one of the rare... Maybe the rarest
thing I have is I have a signed Stan Lee Funker
Pop, which is from the UK Comic Con, so they
only made a limited run. I got Stan Lee to sign
it. So that's probably worth a few pounds. But
it's not great. Here's a piece of actual American
history in my house. from my grandpappy that's
pretty crazy come on i don't know anything that
nice i have an assassin's creed 3 launch poster
from comic -con wow it was only a i think i was
only about 500 of them wow i have a lot of old
warhammer i have an old metal rune priest terminator
i have an old metal yeah uh kalidus assassin
i have a bunch of stuff like that nice i have
my own sheet right here Old fruit shaper. I have
a Vaughan nowadays. Morathi's designated toilet.
I mean, that's a Colin one. Greetings from IRL
Bretonnia. Happy birthday, Colin. Now, is that
France or the UK? It's from Canada. It's Canadian.
CA. Come on. Is Bretonnia Canadian? Canada is
French America, let's be honest. We have one
province that has French people in it. And they
are rabid. We're a multilingual country because
of that single province. I have this old metal
rattling. Wow. There he is. Nice. That is mini.
Mini. Angry homunculus for two pounds. Have to
divide my attention between this and my cat.
Just eat the cat. Don't eat the cat. Pet the
cat. Pet the cat. Richard Gaming for five bucks.
First time Dono. Been listening the last few
months. Really enjoying it. Here's some dollars
for helping me kick off a vacation. Hell yeah,
man. Enjoy yourself. Everyone needs a break.
Recharge those batteries. Shalaxy's wettest gripper
is back. NCA. Did you know Cain was born with
his humongous orbs fully dropped? Using his raging
testosterone supply, he tortures Cetra endlessly,
biting at limb, ear, and lips alike. Luckily,
they are my cats. Crazy. XOXO. They're all from
Canada. Pretty much, yeah. The chat is very mad
that you've called Canada French and Bretonnian.
I'm there with you guys. Andy, they're on you.
Conrad's number one stand. Thank you for the
$5. It's a 50 -50 that you're a crazy lady in
real life. We always attribute... cadia to abaddon
and the end time cdw because without author favoritism
abaddon still wins archeon can't even get out
of norsca sheesh it's a it's a real message right
there bless your soul wow that guy oh that go
for it thank you two bucks he controls zinch
gifts too yes They'd make you pancreas snow would
work. It's supposed to be pancreas now work.
You didn't capitalize the N and no. That's why
I was very confused. I was like, pancreas snow
would work? It would work. Thank you guys for
the donos. We might have to have a pause on them.
There's so many. Thank you guys. Swedish Dunedin.
200 sec. First time donor, long time listener.
Love you guys and the podcast. You are all wrong
about Nick Kine and the Salamander books, though.
As I am partial to the Salamander, as Colin is
to the Eldar. Absolutely. Do I care? Not at all.
It's okay to have my opinions. World's first
Nick Kine defender. We appreciate your presence
and your donation. Thank you. John Apocalypse
for two. Small Soldiers turned 27 yesterday.
Thoughts on film? I have not seen it. Small Soldier
is the name of Caesar's theme from JoJo's Bizarre
Adventure. Is that the one with Colonel Havoc?
These toys get possessed and they fight another
band of toys who are mutated monsters, but the
monsters are the good guys. Or is that Toy Soldiers?
That's the thing. I think it's Small Soldiers.
Greetings, I am so -and -so of the Argonites.
And they put one in the garbage disposal sink,
and it grinds up his legs, and he's like, Sarge,
I'm dying! You're like, wow, this is a kid's
film. Amazing. Michael Gilardi. Guys, new army
for AOS revealing on the 18th. Let's go! Kazakan,
Kazakashut. I don't know what any of these words
mean. I appreciate the Italian. Also, Tolan always
right. I'll say Colin's always right when it
comes to Bretonnia. Huge, huge, huge. Donkey
Mania this day. Five bucks. The Great Horned
Omni -Sci is going to cost me far more than I
thought. Aren't you almost done by now? He must
be, surely. Little do we know, he's giving it
Titan legs. Almost there, guys. I think we've
got to get three more. Thank you very much. The
Dank Apostle. Thank you for the 14. I almost
forgot I have a metal Samael unjet bike. That's
so freaking cool. I am jealous. Or as I like
to call it, how to convert Corsaro Khan on a
bike. Coolest Space Marine models in the entire
city. Hands down. And Space Wolves. Mr. Green
Hat again does say the Masked Chief Hat is baked.
Another week. Alright, thank you, thank you.
Nice. And last, Bean. Thank you, Bean. A Dwarf
Slayer has hit the scheme plan. Wow. Thank you
all for those. Thank you very much. Thank you.
There's been a second Bone Ripper. So, Dietrich
Kastner has officially left the Empire. Yeah,
he's out. He's going up north. So, in order to
become the proper Everchosen, he has... Some
treasure hunting to do. For just about a hundred
years, in fact, he's going to be looking for
these treasures. They are, of course, the...
I mean, they're called the Six Treasures of Chaos.
Total War Quest. Total War Quest for at least
one of them, a couple of them. So, off to the
Chaos Waste he goes. There's six of them in total,
and the first of them... is a mark of chaos that
bears the blessing of all of the Runa's powers
at once. It gives them basically the power of
whatever blessing of each chaos god the mark
gives. So it makes them a good wizard. You know,
it probably makes them be able to thought and
scheme and plan better. Makes them resilient
and tanky. Makes them bloodthirsty. Something,
something. Sex jokes on Eshmark. Exciting guys.
Yeah. The Everchosen. He's off to there, and
for this first part of the quest, he's going
to Naggaroth to something called the Altar of
Ultimate Darkness. That's a Total War quest that
I recognize. It is, yeah. I don't remember if...
Does Archeon do it, though? I know that it exists
in something. I can't remember if Archeon's quest
does take him there for getting that, or if...
some other Dark Elf characters, like item quests.
Might also just be a location on the map. No,
it is a location on the map. I swear there is
a quest right there for a certain character.
I just don't remember if it's Archeon or not.
But at least in the lore, Archeon does go there
to get that unique mark. So the Swords of Chaos
tag along with them, and they fight their way
to the Citadel, where it is... said to be blacker
than even the heart of a dark elf soul, which
is just fun. Wow. But undeterred, Archeon, he's
committed. He's not going to back down from some
spooky darkness. And he continues forward. These
weird, monstrous creatures that are just living
here start attacking him and his band. His horse,
which, mind you, this is that same horse he still
had. Oberon was its name. is killed by the creatures,
and this is kind of his last thread connecting
him to humanity because it was his steed from
when he was a knight. God, it's like a never
-ending story all over again. Colin has probably
not seen that movie. Correct. Well, it's really
sad, Nick, because the main character in his
quest thing, the horse gets stuck in mud and
it just slowly drowns. my kids movie my my cousin
watched that film at cinemas because he's he's
a fair bit older than me and he cried and he
had to be taken out because like you literally
the main character can't and it's like it's like
in a pool of tar and it's slowly sinking he's
like and then you just see like bubbles where
it where its head was and you're like oh jesus
really traumatizing because the kid is great
The main character is only a teenager. He's trying
to get the horse out the entire time. Yelling
and crying. It just sinks slowly. Films from
the 80s and stuff were built differently. They
had Watership Down with the bunny general who's
eating the other rabbits. It's an animated film
about rabbits. Meanwhile, it's like, oh, this
is extremely gory for a kids' film. Some core
memories for some older gents. Yeah. So that
sends him off, though. And he just starts slaughtering
his way through all of the weird, gross things
that live in this place. And after several hours
of this constant murder, he's killed hundreds
of them. His sword art is numb. The rooms have
been repainted a nice fresh coat of red. And
he offers their hearts up at the altar. He reconsecrates
it to the gods of chaos. And when he comes out,
he has the eternally burning mark of chaos on
his forehead. So he's gift one. And this already
probably puts him up in like the top 1 % strongest
characters in the setting. Because all four chaos
gods have gone. You are the man. I like this
guy. This guy's pretty swell. Except the chaos
gods. So the next artifact. is the armor of Morkar,
which was the armor of the very first ever Chosen
War. Makes you pretty much invulnerable to every
attack. Like, if you don't have named character
-grade magic weapons, you're not putting a dent
in him. And aside from that, it's the armor of
the first ever Chosen. It's a very fitting thing
to wear. So he leaves Naggaroth and heads on
his way to go get this next Gubbin. to a land
of weird half -human tribal things that had never...
The sun or the moon had never risen above them.
It's a really just kind of gross, out -of -the
-way place. But after about a week of just constantly
attacking them, their city that they had is reduced
to nothing but ash and ruin. and Archeon delves
into the necropolis of Morkar until he finds
it. He finds it, and then the spirit of Morkar
inhabits it and starts trying to kill him. It's
kind of beating his ass for a good while until,
in a last little bit of desperation, which might
have had some Zeej inspiration, he's got that
mark now, he shouts out in the spirit of the
Unbarogan tribe, Sigmar's original crew. and
it stuns Morkar for a moment, and Archeon smashes
the possessed armor aside, which banishes the
spirit, and now he can have it. After this, there
is the Eye of Shirin, which I keep the Eye of
Ed Shirin every single time that thought pops
in my head. Named after the Zeechian sorcerer
who found it. On its own, it's... It's a very
powerful chaos artifact. It lets you be able
to see the future. When combined with another
artifact he'll get later on, it lets you see
the enemy's attacks and predict and avoid them
mid -combat. So it's both a future -seeing device
and ultra -instinct, all rolled into one. Abaddon's
really building the most OP PvP build he can
imagine. Yeah, that's cool. Whatever powers you
got, I can block every attack. I guess he didn't
lose any fights in canon, did he? Well, up until
the end times, he didn't lose, and even then,
he won overall. Yeah. But, after, so, you know,
he goes to find it, which, at the time, it was
in the lair of a chaos dragon named Flame Fang,
who, he loved the eye more than the rest of his
massive pile of treasures, and he was a dragon,
he's got quite the pile. So, Archeon starts the
fight by bashing the dragon in the head, and
then they start fighting. At one point, Archeon
was swallowed whole, but the armor protected
him from the dragon's stomach. So he hacked his
way out until eventually the dragon's throats
and inside was just reduced to nothing but so
much ground pork. And he plucked the eye from
its stomach and hung it around his neck. Splendid.
I'm going to move for some crispy pork belly.
Sounds pretty nice. I'm hungry now. I haven't
eaten today. Put a whole brisket down my throat,
please. The horrid gif I need to find, but we'll
save that for later. Anyways, three down, three
to go. Wait, three? Yeah, three. Pardon me. There's
the next treasure, because he's not getting the
one that goes with the eye quite yet. The next
treasure is not a thing or a mark, but his horsey,
Dorgar, who has the following alternative names.
Steed of the Apocalypse, which is valid. Rontali.
Don't quite get that one. It's all Italian -ish.
Gershihishfak. What did you call me? I don't
know. He's a flaming stallion, isn't he? He's
literally on fire. Yeah, he's a flaming stallion,
and then in Age of Sigmar, he's a... I don't
even know what I'm looking at, but we'll get
to that later. This demonic steed was in the...
Stable. I forgot the word stable. Pardon me.
In the lair of a demon prince known as Aggramon.
Which I can't tell if that's supposed to be Agamemnon
or a Pokemon. Agamon. Digivolve too. Something
else that I've forgotten what it is. He fights
his way into the edge of the palace and then
sneaks inside by assassins creeding and hiding
under this demonic steed. Not Dorgar, a different
one that was part bug, part person, all parts
awful. And he finds Dorgar by the smell of sulfur
that the horse apparently emanates. Initially,
it was just... There was nothing too special
about Dorgar. But when he popped on its back...
It changed shape into its full, like, massive
-sized, lit itself on fire, and started running
around all over the place trying to buck him
off. But Archeon tamed it, and together they
got out of the Realm of Chaos, because this little
bit was in hell. Every time I've thought about
this part of the lore, I'm just like, is his
nutsack not just been fried? He's in the armor.
Yeah, he's got the armor of Morkar. But surely
he's sweating. I mean, that's the thing with,
like... everyone learning to ride a horse isn't
one of the first things they teach you to sway
with the horse. Because otherwise, when it trots
up and down, you don't go with it. And then when
it comes back up, it's like, bam, bam, bam. I
just like how the horse, his test was like, if
you don't accept me at my smelly worst, you don't
deserve me at my flamey best. Like, oh, that's
a fun quirk for a horse. It is a poison attack.
D3 mortal wounds. Horse fart. The second to last
artifact he needs is, of course, the Slayer of
Kings, which, for those of you who don't know,
is a real -life blade they give to really good
painters. I think the people who win a Golden
Demon get the Slayer of Kings. It was the sacred
blade of the second ever chosen, whose name is
Van Gogh, and I think the only time he's ever
brought up might be this lore. But, again, it's
the Blade of an Everchosen that has a greater
demon called Uzul bound into it, which had been
imprisoned for thousands of years and had gone
completely mad with rage ever since then. I'm
trying to think if this is the hardest quest
or not. It's definitely a problematic quest,
though. He journeys to where it's located. to
what is known as Chimera Plateau. Plateau, however
you say that. And he had gathered a big horde
of followers to wage war against all of the chimeras
and the other creatures guarding this massive
mountain. And eventually Archeon and three of
his companions climb their way to the top of
the plateau. Archeon looks down across the rest
of the world, swears he's going to be in charge
of it. And then the mountain turns over on its
side. I love this part. It was realized that
I'm not on top of a mountain. I'm on top of the
father of the dragon ogre race, known as Krakenrock
the Black, who spends all of his time sleeping
because basically it's too much energy to be
awake because he is the size of a mountain. He's
sloth -maxing. Yeah. And I guess the best comparison
I can think of is Kolek, who is a legendary Total
Warhammer. He's like the size of a mansion. His
dad is the entire community. His dad is the whole
suburb. His dad is the suburb. You versus the
guy they tell you not to worry about. The definition
of that. So the problem here is big dragon monster
thing. So he realizes that I'm the Everchosen
of Chaos. Even I'm not cut out for this nonsense.
No thank you. So him and his companions, they
try and sneak past the monster only to find out
that the Slayer of Kings, he's like sleeping
holding it. Oh my god. So... Archeon, one of
his followers, was a cornate beastman, a princely
beastman, named Ograx the Great. And priestly
is important, remember. He's the strongest of
the eyes Archeon brought with, so he's like,
okay, just lift one of his fingers up just enough
that I can go in and grab the sword, which the
beastman is just barely able to do. But then
the demon inside the sword starts shrieking.
Just like... Anytime someone touches it, it just
goes like, ah, fuck! Stranger danger! Stranger
danger! I need an adult! Yeah. King of the hill,
that's my purse. I don't know you! Just imagining
Zach from Smiling Friends, just his kind of...
Yeah, that kind of voice would be amazing if
that's what it sounded like. Uh, there's no reason
we can't assume it sounds like that. Uh, and
that starts waking up Krakenrock, and Arcad's
like, I really do not want to deal with this,
can't deal with it, what do I do? Stabs Prince
Ogrex in the chest. To make it silent. Yeah,
to shut it up. He's screaming into the echoes
of his corpse. Yeah. Which... does shut the sword
up because it's the Slayer of Kings. After all,
he was a Prince of the Beastmen. That was close
enough for the blade to shut up. And so he sheathed
it. All of his surviving followers, they cheer
him on, shout in his name, and it is off to get
the last artifact, the sixth one. To be fair,
if your leader... just shanked his most loyal
lieutenant. The rest of us were all like, yeah,
man, yeah, you do. Because I'm like, fuck it
now. Do it to me, please. I hate my boss. Yes!
So, here's the next one. And I don't, the timeline
is it takes roughly 100 years for all this, right?
But most of that time was spent looking for the
Crown of Dominion, the last artifact. it once
had the Eye of Shurian in it, but it had been
lost to history, and he just had to find it.
And that took him most of the decades he was
out and about doing all this questing. And most
of this is in the Chaos Waste as well, isn't
it? So he's half between reality and half in...
the Realm of Chaos. Yeah, he's like, there's
the occasional, like, you know, the first one
was in Naggaroth and Dark Elf Lands, but the
rest of it is like, he's walking all over Norsca,
he's walking over the Chaos Wastes. For Dorgor,
he went into the Realm of Chaos. He's going all
over the place, and it took him forever to find
this. For clarification, at this point, no one
else really knows that, I guess, there's like
an ever -chosen kind of out there. No. Obviously
his followers know what's coming. And of course
the chaos gods and plenty of demons are aware,
but down South, they, they don't really know.
Although reading the winds of magic supplement
for a Warhammer fantasy role play, the poor old
wind of the heavens colleges knew what was coming
about 200 years in advance. Oh no. Everyone's
just listening like, he's on a gap century. It's
fine. No, seriously. It's almost too much prep,
though. Yeah. Go ahead. Oh, no, you go. Sorry.
It's like when something is like, what's the
book? It's like the three -body problem. When
there's a thing of like, by the way, the aliens
are coming in about, was it a couple hundred
years? It's like, well, shit. If humans have
been to prepare for something for that, so far
in advance like people don't often do very well
with it because then there's like it's lifetimes
beyond what the people who are doing it you know
is that not my problem it's not my kid's problem
it's not my grandkids problem and then i'm dead
so or it's or it is or it's like the housing
crisis it's like it is my kid's problem but i'll
be gone so i don't care in that book it's like
when in that version of it like they have a few
hundred years to play with so in the beginning
they start prepping and there's like a phase
in the middle where like humanity goes through
an era of like maybe it's not really happening
so i think so i imagine it's a similar thing
of like they have the prophecies but then people
are like oh there's so many prophecies and all
these doom and gloom things a while ago things
are okay and it's and then one day everything's
on fire you're like oh quickly everyone prepare
oh really for what 200 years from now. They don't
want you to prepare something for 200 years from
now. People don't think that long term. Also,
in the one where he's in Naggrond as well, didn't
they also in terms of interactions, they think
they fought off a dark elf army? They did fight
off a dark elf army and he gets help from Valkia
by sacrificing the heart of the sorceress leading
the army. yeah i i honestly just kind of forgot
to mention it because because that happened it
was really kind of like a like before the temple
yeah it was before the temple and reading it
it almost felt like almost like a random encounter
yeah because it happens near it but then like
yeah and then eventually they win and they just
go to the actual place anyway after so yeah i'm
sure he also killed plenty of other dark elves
along the way because if No, it's Naggaroth.
You're going to find dark elves outside. But
he doesn't technically find the crown of domination.
Bellacor tells him where it is, hoping that he'll
be able to steal it after Archeon hopefully dies
trying to get it. You're saying that a demon
has ulterior motives. No. I'd say it ain't so.
No way. Bellicose forever trying to like in his
background or isn't it in fantasy like he was
because he was the first person or being to defect
to chaos. Yeah he was that and he was the first
like demon prince not only of chaos but of chaos
undivided. So not an ever chosen but he was in
a way like filling the prototype of the ever
chosen position and he kept demanding more and
more and he wanted that back. he thinks he should
be the champion of all of chaos and forever like
it wasn't it like the thing of like each chaos
god was trying to give him more power so that
he would battle over like the other one or something
or like you know they're basically buying his
affection and then at one point they randomly
all went what if we all just stop like and then
he was like oh what if we just make our own why
are we bothering with this guy yeah they they
feel like hang on if we start spending power
or money on this guy we get to keep it and therefore
he's not he was getting too powerful to the point
where he'd almost be like a fifth chaos god wasn't
he i that's yeah like that's depending on like
what you're reading his goal is either to reclaim
the position as their favorite or outright become
the fifth chaos god grand ambitions you can't
fault the man for having his you know shooting
for the stars So if people were wondering, like,
why is Belichor going through all this trouble?
Essentially, it's he wishes to be where... Well,
I guess, is he Archeon now, or is he still Diedrich?
When does he embrace... He's Archeon by this
point. Yes. Belichor wants to be in the position
of Archeon, and even more probably than him,
because Neverchosen is a servant of Chaos, whereas
Belichor wishes to be more than that. He wishes
to be the whole, you know, he's not the... You
know, he's not the number two, he's number one.
Yeah. So, but Bellacor does, you know, he does
lead him to this place. There was no trickery
up to this point. And Archeon didn't die, spoiler
alert, so there won't be any trickery. But that
doesn't mean that it's an easy place to go through.
The gateway, first off, is just this labyrinth
full of monsters and demons, so he's got to do
plenty of combat. On the way through, Nurgle
hits him with every disease he's got in his cookbook
that Archeon just kind of barely crawls through
out of sheer willpower. Barely passes that trial,
but he's back at it after that. Zeech makes a...
I think he transmutes part of his crystal labyrinth
over where Archeon's at. Archeon solves that
by just blindfolding himself because he's like,
if I try and... look and think my way through
this madhouse, it's not going to work. So he
just blindfolds, puts his faith in his instincts
and maybe the gods, and that sees him through
Zeech's labyrinth. It's like Rick and Morty where
they instead of trying to beat the computer machine
thing, they just have an algorithm where they
just do random things. Because of all the randomness,
they slowly are able to get into the right position.
You can't outsmart Zeech, so just don't even
play. Yeah, he's just like, I'm not going to
try. I'm just going to walk and eventually I'll
be there. Slaanesh, for her part, sends temptation
after temptation, including popping up in front
of Archeon herself, which for just about everyone
else is the lose condition. But Archeon resisted
the temptation, again, barely, but he made it.
And he walks on to the inner gates of the shrine.
And his final test, Scarbrand. Wonderful. I think
it might also not be Scarbrand. Some of it I've
read was it's a greater demon. Some of it said
it was Scarbrand. For the sake of, I just think
it's fun. I prefer to choose to believe it's
Scarbrand, but really it could be any greater
demon. And he does strangle the greater demon
with its own whip. So it might not be Scarbrand
because Scarbrand's got two axes. But as much
as that also does sound like a little bit of
BS, keep in mind he's got five of the six artifacts
and the demon in his sword to draw power from.
So he uses all of those to overcome the demon,
and he walks up, lifts the crown of dominion,
all of his wounds heal, and now all he needs
to do to become the proper Everchosen is be coronated,
which... is Bellacor's role to forever be cursed
to crown the next Everchosen. His last scheme
didn't work. I guess second to last scheme, but
we haven't gotten to that Godric and Felix book
yet. And now the final Everchosen has been coronated.
In a sense, up to this point, people often say,
oh, it doesn't really sound like he made a choice
or something, but the fact that he gets through
all the trials, he actually fully embraces it
rather than it being like, you know, I'm doing
it because I'm on all this power and all that
stuff. He actually, like, he's a proper, you
know, corrupted being of chaos now. He's in this.
He is here now. There's another, like, another
conflicting thing I do want to mention now. It's
that sometimes... You know that theory where
in 40k, if you kill everyone ever, the chaos
gods won't draw sustenance anymore and starve?
Sometimes he seems to want to do that. Other
times, it's just, I really want to kill Sigmar.
I hate that asshole. The way I rationalized it
in my head, because I often found it was like...
So his whole shtick was like, I don't want to
be the Ever Chosen, so I'm going to go to the
Chaos Wastes and train to be the Ever Chosen.
It was more like he just hates. He hates everything.
He hates Sigma. He hates his life. He hates the
fact that he was forced to do this. So therefore,
in his way, he has control over one thing, which
is embracing it. That is the only thing he can
choose to do. And therefore, if he could kill
Chaos as well, who often, as much as Sigma...
put him in this position he would do it as well
yeah i imagine like that's part of it it could
and you there's plenty of other ways if you'd
like to rationalize that it could just be he's
so fractured by chaos that he's clearly not all
in the head anymore like no one at this level
of power is all there anymore yeah chaos itself
is like it is corrupting doesn't isn't mean Evil
people are also evil, but you could have a good
person and then chaos corrupts you and you are
just fundamentally evil after that. Archeon may
be built different, but he's not built that different.
Ah, I got all the chaos off and it didn't affect
me. It could be. Again, he's trying to just grow
strong enough through chaos to fight chaos, which
not too much. A little spoiler towards the end
of this, but he's getting kind of close in Age
of Sigmar. What's your canon, do you think, Colin?
What's your canon, do you think? I kind of think
he's trying to use chaos to become strong enough
to kill everything. And again, the first thing
he did when realizing he fit the Everchosen prophecy
was hang himself. If he got that strong, I don't
think it'd be too out of character to take down
everything in just this mad frenzy and then end
himself after the fact. So that's kind of...
what I've always thought. Very nihilistic, isn't
he? To give it a nicer way, they leave you room
for your own interpretation. I will put it that
way because I like to be nicer sometimes. To
Archeon. Should we read a few more Donos? There's
been a couple. We've got about nine. We finished
this saga, this chapter. Colin Willware. Thank
you for the two. When he tells my mega knob to
go deeper, but I'm M5 inches. Crazy. Crazy. Insane.
What a way to start. Ashbox. Revenge for Hal
bringing up the horse drowning. What do you think
Sloppity Bar Piper's toes taste like? I'm thinking
blue cheese. That or parmesan. I'd rather...
Ignore that message. I'll ignore the context,
but I'm just going to say it. If you don't like
blue cheese, you have the palate of a child.
Yeah, that's real. That's a real call and take
right there. I love blue cheese. What's your
opinion on marzipan? I hate marzipan. I don't
know if I've ever had it. I'm going to be honest.
I just like cheese. I love cheese. Cheese is
good, but marzipan gives me headaches. If I ever
become lactose intolerant, I'm Archeon myself.
I think mine when I was a kid. Oh, I like marzipan.
I freaking love that stuff. Normal, just straight
up broccoli when I was a kid. I just boiled broccoli.
I didn't like it for some reason. I used to just
bite lemons. I would just eat lemons as a three
-year -old. Wow. I don't know. I'm not for anything
kind of now. Don't you dare, people. I'm for
anything. Flipped. Flipped. I still don't like
onions. That's the one childish thing that I've
kept with. Like raw onion? Or is it like cooked
onion? Most any onion. Even caramelized onions,
I'm still not a fan of. I eat my veggies, I eat
my greens, I love peppers. Now, I just don't
like onions. That's it. That's the one thing
I've kept as a kid. Yeah, I know. I just don't
like onions. Unless it's an onion bro. Hang on,
I love the onion bros. You can't do that to me.
Onion night, Dark Souls. Al, do you want this
one? Angry homunculus, five pounds. The way Archeon
defeated the spirit of Morkar reminded me of
Isildur cutting off Sauron's fingers. Kill, maim,
burn, kill, maim, burn, kill, maim, burn, kill.
Thank you for using up the rest of your dono
space. Appreciate it. Cast it into the fire.
Angry homunculus make a reference to Lord of
the Rings earlier, I think. This is for you,
Andy, I think. DonkeyManUSA, Andy and I are both
wearing wife beaters. Rad. So me and Eli are
both wearing rather slim vests, shall we say.
Yours is a muscle chair. It really hasn't gotten
through the allegations of its name, really.
I don't think there's undoing that one, I'm going
to be honest. Easily a label, we need some rebranding.
You build a hundred bridges. No one calls you
a bridge builder. You beat your wife once. But
you burn one bridge. Limper 106, thank you for
the $2. Archeon outdoing the not -labors of Hercules.
True. I was about to say more evil than that,
but Hercules also strangled his wife. Greek mythology
heroes are not good people. Someone new here,
Michael Giliardi. Thank you, brother. Here you
have two bucks for the Eli Egg Fund. Wow. There
hasn't been an Aegir mission for a while. It's
been a while. But that will be remembered. Angry
Homunculus for two pounds. How does that dragon
compare to the Dragon Emperor? Like the one Archeon
killed? Like the Force World model? There's not
too much on the Dragon Emperor. We know he's
like god -tier power, powerful, but... He doesn't
really interact with the mortal realm. He's got
his own emperor plan to hold off chaos, but the
end times are still canon, as was explicitly
mentioned by GW when the Old World was first
revealed. Much like the Webway project, we can
assume it didn't pan out. I think they could
just do it. There's supposedly meant to be a
new timeline -ish thing. Why can't they just
say there's a new novel where there's a timey
-wimey whatever. bullshit thing happens and then
there's like oh this is an alternate timeline
where the fantasy didn't end they could they
could so easily just like say this is we're going
on the storm of chaos timeline it's like it's
still right there you don't even have to do the
writing that way it's already there guys you're
overthinking it all they have to do is do the
mario 2 thing where mario at the end of the game
wakes up and goes and it was all a dream and
then we can have it back a lot of the dream though
i like youtube sligbar Also from Angry Homunculus.
Corn's test. You're getting jumped. Yeah, that's...
I mean, it's corn. There's no surprises for how
corn is going to test you. And this guy's on
your case. I still love the last bit. Now, or
a rope. The five euros. Be afraid of me. I persuaded
three different artists to draw you pregnant.
Hashtag drunk. Hashtag JK. Hashtag Slaanesh Feet
Tongue. Hashtag I'm just filling space here,
don't mind me. I'm just Drunnel Lamal. Drunnel.
We love the Drunnel. Plenty of water. Plenty
of water. Yeah, brain box tomorrow. Fellas, most
of... Goddammit, I want to play RimWorld now.
I looked on my Discord, I saw a friend playing
RimWorld, and I realized the update, like, its
DLC came out today. Wow. Rim. Yes, I've made
that joke. There's a mod called RimJobWorld that
adds sex to the game. This bears nothing on the
planet, nothing on what we're talking about,
but... So Arkon has done this. Yeah, Arkon. He
is the ever -chosen now. Yes. So he gets about
building his army, which, you know, amongst,
like, Norskins and, of course, demons and proper
chaos warriors. And it's called the Inevitable
Cities, where he's building his fortress before
the, you know, what do you call it, the end times,
before that hall begins. They literally stole
that for the Siege of Terror stuff, by the way.
It's like the Inevitable and Impossible City
is literally in the final, is in the end of the
death stuff. Imagine Rogald Dorn walking through
the desert like Khorne puts his soul in, and
he just looks over and is like, that's Archaea.
What are you doing here? That would be funky.
What's up, bro? I mean, look, theoretically,
Kaldor Drago saw the mortal realms and Sigmar
ruling them. I think that passage was like he
saw eight realities where the... magic flowed
as if it was the wind, ruled by a god king. Who
could that be? And there was Skaven Telecom as
well, so never forget. But Archeon begins gathering
his army. His first act against the Empire is
to crush an Empire dwarf and Kislev force commanded
by one of the Empire's archlectors. He does that.
He forces the archlector to become a servant
of chaos. And now the empire is properly aware,
aside from those poor celestial wizards who just
had to live with that knowledge a couple hundred
years in advance, that chaos is coming and it's
going to be another big storm. He grabs his various
followers. Pick a named Chaos character by the
time of 8th edition, and you will probably find
someone serving Archeon. You know, Arbal the
Undefeated, the Egrim Van Horstman. Well, he's
a Zeech guy, so he kind of does his own thing.
But still, you've got to pay lip service to the
Everchosen. All the big bads of Chaos are bending
the knee to the biggest of bad. So, before the
end times, Storm of Chaos is very funny. I don't
think we've ever kind of talked about it much.
I don't think so. For those of you unaware, GW
wanted the end times to happen before they did,
but they did it when they were still a kind of
cool company, and the results of the campaign
would be determined by player matches. Classic.
So, as I understand it, to help Chaos out, some
armies got a bit of a buff during this time period,
which is the Chaos Warriors. The problem was
this... like, attracted a lot of newer players
to the army. The people who've been playing for
a while stuck with their armies, you know, add
whatever new releases to it. But, like, veterans,
like, you know, were sticking with the Empire,
sticking with, you know, the High Elves, whatever,
Dark Elves, whatever army they had. So the new
players that don't really know how to play Warhammer
were in charge of the buffed Chaos forces. And
when the tabletop matches started rolling in,
Chaos couldn't get past Kiesliff. Which is the
first, like, you leave Norska, that is the first
country they run into. Couldn't get past. Wow.
So Games Workshop started fudging the numbers
a little bit. Chaos would lose at the Siege of
Prague. Suddenly they're past Prague. They'd
lose at the edges of Ostermark. Suddenly Ostermark
has burnt to the ground. They somehow got to
Middenheim, which Archeon... I will remind you,
started all the way at the Chaos Gates, which
is like the Chaos Wastes, which is near the North
Pole. Arkhan got to Middenheim before Karl Franz
got there from Altdorf, which for comparison,
you know, Hal, Andy, one of you, imagine you
get to like Chicago before I do. That would be
pretty spectacular. Without a passport. You also
don't have a passport. You have to fight your
way through customs. And you're paralyzed. Or
you're being chased by a snail. It touches you,
you die. But it's a snail face. I don't know
what the reason... I don't think they really
gave proper reasoning for it because Karl Franz
must have just been cranking one out the whole
time or something. New meaning of whole hog.
Yeah. But eventually, they assault the walls
of Middenheim, and the outrage in the fanbase
was growing to the point where they ratcheted
that back, like, oh, they were repelled. Sorry,
guys. No, they're still here, but no, they didn't
take the walls. Jeez. It is at this point that...
They realize everyone in the fan base is pretty
unhappy with these decisions up to this point.
But they still want Chaos to win. So they have
the vote decided through a call -in. Who do you
want to win? And everyone picked the greenskins
who had lost their last match. So Grimgar, because
the last Orc match was lost, had fought one of
Arkhan's lieutenants, Vardek Krom, to a standstill.
but his army was destroyed around him. So the
way they framed it was Grimgor walked off from
that fight to go get a new army, walked to Middenheim
from like across the world's edge mountains.
So again, he's in like the steps of Asia right
now, walks over to Berlin basically. And as Archeon
is fighting Volton, Gains the upper hand even
after a brief moment of actual fear and humility
from a Chaos champion. Never thought I'd see
that. Where he sees Volton as a Sigmar tattoo,
and he's like, oh god, Sigmar's back, he's gonna
beat my ass. Which, funny as it is, I do like
that as a moment of humility. I think more Chaos,
more any Warhammer characters could use some
of that. But... Volton with his... Can you explain
who Volton is, just very briefly? He is the reincarnation
of Sigmar. In his soul, though. Not necessarily
the god is Sigmar, right? It's weird. He's got
his aura. Father, son, holy spirit. He is the
reincarnation... reincarnation of Sigmar, but
he is not Sigmar, but he is. It's like if Sigmar's
birth, which is under the twin -tailed comets,
or almost like a prophesied chosen one sort of
thing. Volton is also a chosen one, but he isn't
necessarily Sigmar. He's another chosen one.
On the Empire's side, and he wields... Does he
wield Galmoraz at this time? He would, yeah.
Yeah, I think, well, I don't know if that's the
official canon, it's like Carl Franz gave it
to him as like a sort of, you're the head of
the church now. Yeah, Carl Franz masterfully
politicianed his way out of giving up the throne.
So he was like, here, you are the head of the
church. I will bow to you in all matters of the
faith. This will please the people who will have
my head if I don't acknowledge you as Sigmar.
And it will keep the people who worship Ulric
from burning down my throne before Volton can
sit on it. Are you sure? I've got so many blacksmiths
and amazing armories. I'll find something else.
I've got loads. He has big hoop earrings and
a lot of attitude. You think Bolton Karen'd his
way to getting Galmaraz? Can I speak to you?
I am the manager. Oh, sorry. Bolton wasn't even
that pushy for it. It was the rest of the Empire
demanding Sigmar reborn. Get the damn hammer.
He's born like a normal, like regular citizen.
He has almost the exact same origin story as
Vulcan. And I don't know who was written first,
so I don't know who was copying who. Probably
the 40k one was copying, to be honest. Who was
written first, Magnus or Magnus? I think Magnus
was written first. Glad we cleared that up. In
vague terms, Magnus. But yeah, everyone says
it'll be real funny. Total orc victory. And so
Grimgor walks on in, sucker punches Archeon,
who just, he doesn't kill him. He just decks
him in like the face, you know, or the nuts,
choose whatever you want. I think he kicked him
in the nuts. He like headbutt sucker punches
him. It's just that scene from Avengers where
Hulk goes smash, smash, smash, smash, smash,
smash. I will admit to saying kicks him in the
nuts more often than not because. I just find
it funny, I'm going to be honest. And also, it's
non -canon. It was very quickly declared non
-canon alternate timeline by GW, so it's not
like I'm ruining any lore, because GW put it
in the grave. Special armor protection nuts,
dudes, calm down, calm down. When he kicked him
in the nuts, did it gong like a bell? I'm sure
it would've. Well, I mean, at this point, the
order did obliterate his nuts. We got Thankwell
in the chat. Shout out Thankwell. So then Archeon
sits there like... So he runs for the hills to
get away from both Karl Franz's approaching army,
who's just now showing up to Mittenheim, as well
as Grimgor, who was just kind of shouting around
that he's the best and then left to go get more
orcs. and thus ends the storm of chaos. The only
chaos army that saw any meaningful wins were
the Tomb Kings, who were lumped in with chaos
for some reason. Bizarre. To be honest, chaos
always get the short end of the stick, even in
the year of chaos. There's not much chaos going
on. I'm still convinced that after the back -to
-back punch of Cadia falling and Warhammer fantasy
ending, and then the Great Rift, They've been
on perpetual pullback mode as far as chaos goes.
Yeah, and Psychic Awakening being like, more
warp shenanigans? Okay. Psychic Awakening was
nothing burger event. Seriously? It wasn't even
bad, it was just like... Nothing. There are more
human psychers. Does this change any rules? No.
Are there more models? No. Emperor licking his
lips for more bankers. Do the Eldar get more
psychic phases or more powers or abilities? No,
we're actually removing the psychic phase. It
had Eldar lore in it, which means it was destined
to be ignored. In the Eldar lore, it was the
Dark Eldar and the Crafterwilders were fighting.
Yeah, for real. They didn't do anything. Holy
cow. So now this is the real end times. One last
bitch. Jane Zarr died, and it's Jane Zarr, so
it doesn't mean anything. They come back. But
yeah, now the warm -up end of the world where
GW was still listening to the audience is gone.
Now it's time to plug our ears and then send
it. Oh my gosh. So, same deal in general. He's
gathering his hordes. We're ready to go. I think
it was the last one. It was the last or the one
before the Gautric and Felix at the Siege of
Prague. I believe that was the last one. That
was kind of the warm -up. It was still kind of
technically the Storm of Chaos warm -up, but
all those hordes coming down, Gautric, Felix,
various other champions are facing. That's Archeon's
opening act. So, it's time to fight. But the
end times were kicked off by Nagash, not Archeon.
Archeon was probably going to spend a little
bit longer gathering his forces. And then Nagash
ate the afterlife and was about to become chaos
through his rituals. So Archeon just started
panicking, much like the rest of the chaos gods.
So he looked at his forces and, well... Originally,
he was going to go, you know, like, all right,
let's go deal with this. Problem. Balthasar Gelt
put up the walls from Attack on Titan around
all of the Empire, and he can't get in because
the walls, like, again, this is a fantasy setting.
The walls are so high that they reach the clouds.
Wow. Are they magical? Are they real walls? They're
real walls. Like, they are physical, but they're
held up by magic and faith combined. So the prayers
would sing right, Ulrican priests as well as
wizards. They just implement that staircase from
Mario. If you don't have enough stars, that's
what they use. Archeon neither had enough stars
nor did he know how to backwards long jump. The
pole vaults were crazy that year. So he takes
stock of his forces and how he could possibly
keep Nagash from Khorne wandered off to burn
down Naggaroth, and because Malekith was leaving
to go take Ulthuan with every Dark Elf, I mean,
Khorne did burn down Naggaroth, but the only
one left in it was Marathi. Because she's a dick.
So Khorne's doing that. Zeech, this is Warhammer
fantasy, Zeech doesn't do anything. There you
go, that's what Zeench was doing. Slaanesh was
having a lovely time with the elves, so she's
occupied. Nurgle, please go deal with that demon,
with Nagash. As well as a massive horde of beastmen,
but let's be honest, the threat there is terrible.
I'm forever sorry, beastmen fans. You make Eldar
fans look loved. Which, this does succeed. Nagash
is, well, and through help with the Skaven, who
come to Archeon with an alliance proposal he
accepts. Because we will have the end of the
world and the rats will join the bad guys. Well,
no, the rats are the good guys. What am I saying?
They join the bad guys. But, so, Nagash is dealt
with. He's still very powerful and still an incarnate
of the wind of death magic, but he's... no longer
been able to ascend to become a chaos god of
undeath, which would have broken reality because
those two things do not mix well, and he would
have been in charge of both. So, that crisis
averted. Barely. Time to deal with this goddamn
wall of faith. The Auric Bastion. So, this is
solved. Archeon sends in the Changeling, who...
Takes Balthasar Gelt for a wild ride. Balthasar
Gelt, at this point, had learned a little bit
of necromancy from Vlad to keep the Auric Bastion
up. So that's... We all love Vlad in the real
world, in -universe. Vlad is like... That is
the funny mustache, man. As far as the Empire
is concerned, they do not like Vlad. Or necromancy.
Balthazar Galt is now a necromancer trained by
Vlad von Karstein. So it's not looking great.
And he's killed at least one Electra count to
hide that secret. He's trying to really track
down the Changeling, though. And he swears it's
Volton. He swears to God it's Volton. And Karl
Franz is about to give Volton Galmaraz. So he
starts screaming, like, don't do it. Don't give
it to him. Stop. Stop. He's like. ushered away
by the guards. So he just starts raising zombies
to attack Volton. Whereupon the warrior priest
he'd been traveling with was revealed to be the
real changeling who's then dealt with. So Gelt
leaves. Gelt's off to just stop trying and become
an outright apprentice of Vlad. I don't really
know much about Gelt beside the memes, but is
it fair to say that Gelt is a bit of a loose
cannon? Yeah, yeah. He scammed his way into Altdorf
by way of fake gold on a taxi driver. He's, again,
he's the most powerful metal wizard there is.
He was still powerful at this time. He didn't
need to scam that guy. He did. He's the only
leader of the college. of magic basically he
still has a bounty on his head because oh yeah
in a in a to layer the country to the south because
he literally still has like a warrant he's got
one there and he does have a bounty from the
taxi driver he scammed the problem is he just
he basically just goes go ahead and claim it
yeah but uh gelt's gelt's out and because the
wall was being held up by faith and magic They
don't have much faith in the creation of the
guy who started summoning zombies on the Emperor
and Sigmar reincarnated. So the Orc Bastion comes
tumbling down. There was cracks in other cases.
Where else but Godric and Felix? There was a
breakthrough at one point. And then Vlad himself
intervened to stop it, as well as... What if...
What if you gave Snorri 10 ,000 pounds of gunpowder?
I'd like to know. We'll get to that. Yay, Snorri.
So it had been breached slightly in a few places.
Now it's coming down. So Archeon's now coming
on in, and the green light to invade the Empire
is here. So Archeon's still kind of been held
up for a while. Like aside from the thing with
Nagash, because Sylvania had its own smaller
wall around it. The Orc Bastion was the sequel
to the one Gelt put up around Sylvania. He's
still been held up at that for the longest time.
So he's got to make up for lost time. So it's
off to Middenheim he goes. He's initially...
It's kind of like Storm of Chaos. He can't quite
get through the walls. In comes Teclis, who by
this point in the story, all that nonsense on
Ulthuan had gone down. Tyrion's dead. Cain is
kind of gone. You know, his sword is now just
a piece of metal that Malekith hawked into the
sea anyways. Teclis wants his brother back, even
after all this scheming and Tyrion going a little
bit insane. It's still his twin brother. So,
Teclis took Tyrion's horse and was carting around
Tyrion's corpse on just a cart, and he snuck
his way into Middenheim, rips out the flame of
Ulric that was keeping the city safe, which does
bring back Tyrion, and now Middenheim falls.
Honestly, Teclis is... My man is actually probably
the... He tried to save the world, and then he
also is the reason that it failed. Poor Taklas
was one of the smartest, nicest people in the
setting, and then the end times happened, and
then they made him awful. And then he was like,
you know what would be fun? And very, very necessary.
What if we sacrificed my niece? What if I just...
On a flaming pyre... put my niece and then resurrected
an undead god who will potentially destroy the
universe. Here is this elf that believes only
through helping mankind can the elves survive
and fostered relations between them. Yeah, have
him burn down Middenheim. And did a worse Samus
Baratheon. Crazy. So Archeon now, you know, he
takes Middenheim. It's conquered. He starts fighting
Valtin as well. Valtin is here, which is going
kind of both ways. It's a very even fight. And
then a vermin lord comes from behind and decapitates
Valtin, which pisses Archeon off because, hey,
that was mine, dickhead. Killsteal, killsteal.
But now Archeon has Galamaraz and is not pleased
with what just happened. So after this, they
set up camp in Mindenheim, in the throne room
where the flame of Ulfric once burned, just to
really rub salt in the wound. And they found...
The thing of the vault and stuff, that's kind
of his symbolic revenge on Sigmar in some way.
So that's kind of why he's like... It's not like
I was a kill still. It was just like, this is
my revenge, bro. So... You know, you took that
from me again. Someone else killed Steel and,
you know, ruined his whole day. Yeah. At this
point, he also discovers a third old one's warp
gate, which he realizes if he can mess with this
a little bit, he can activate a third warp rift,
just like the ones at the North and South Poles,
and devour the world. they get to work on setting
that one up. In the meantime, there's still all
of those incarnates of the Winds of Magic and
all the people that would rather he don't do
that. So, the Glot can go to deal with Altdorf,
his Nurgle... Oof, pardon me. His Nurgle underlings,
which they do, and they flood the city in pus,
and no, that is not made up. They do that. They
even put Vlad out of the fight because he stabs
them with his sword that drinks blood. Unfortunately,
they are Nurgle champions. So, every disease
in the book upon ye, Vlad. But Sigmar returns
as the Glotkin de -arm Karl Franz figuratively
and literally as he calls out to Sigmar to save
him. Sigmar inhabits his body, purges Altdorf,
and it's time to fight again. So he sends Kyros
Fateweaver now to deal with Karl Franz, which
didn't work. So Arkhan cuts off his head and
uses the blood to summon Kabanda, hoping that
the direct approach will have a bit more success.
Kabanda's my slung of sickness. Crazy that Kyros
did not see that coming. Crazy. Kairos doesn't
have a good track record, even the lion. He's
like, I'm going to try and get the lion on my
side. And he's like, hey, you can see the future,
yeah? Stabs in the gut. Did you see that? Oh,
lion. I still don't get it. You can't see the
present? What do you mean? No, it's basically
that thing from Metal Gear Solid where you put
the controller in the second port. That's what
the lion did. You use the second controller.
Psycho Mantis. During this time, everyone else
is kind of gathering against him, and they go
to fight. Cabanda and all the bloodthirsters
and coronate demons that were summoned kind of
don't want to wait for the incarnates to come
to them, so the arcane just kind of sets them
loose, go have at it. Which, to be fair, Cabanda
tanks the entire wind of fire to the face and
then kills the incarnate of fire. Because the
world will be ending. I don't care that an entire
wind of magic was just shoved on me. I'm him.
Before Nagash chokes him out. Such is his power.
And the fight begins with the incarnate Teclis
pulling a funny. He's back at it. He tries to
teleport everyone to Middenheim. He does. Middenheim
is a big place. So they're all kind of scattered
and Teclis lands at Archeon's feet. He starts
making fun of Arkhan, like, Sigmar's back in
Karl Franz's body. Bet you didn't know that.
So Arkhan just punches him in the face and, like,
ties him up. Don't know why he didn't just kill
him, but who knows. Shut up, nerd, said Arkhan.
Pretty much that. It's shut up, dork. During
this time, he'd also gotten a couple people on
his side, including Isabella von Karstein, who
was possessed. Sigvald is there. Throg is also
there. Manfred is skulking around because he's
the worst. Archeon called him a leech, didn't
he? Manfred was like, I'll join you because I'm
powerful. I'm great. I'll join you. I've always
been a fan of yours. I think he literally went,
fuck off, liege, or something. You're useless.
He doesn't have no position of power. He's just
like, you can hang around, sure. And Cetra, who
is not quite serving him. He's just kind of playing
along for a bit. So the final battle is commencing.
The incarnates are all here. Teclis is freed
and pulls another funny one and teleports every
orc ever into the fight, including Grimgor, who
is the incarnate of beast magic. So before the
final, final fight, Grimgor... No, Grimgor doesn't
step up. I'm getting things out of order. Grimgor
just goes to fight the first person he sees,
which is the incarnates, before Malekith says
that Grimgor, you are the best. And that Archeon
git thinks he's the best. So Grimgor roundly
turns around and goes to beat the shit out of
Archeon. Which, to be fair, in spite of everything
Archeon has, the blessings, the armor, the future
-seeing device, Grimgor's still running his fate.
He is still beating his ass. And headbutts him
so hard that the Eye of Shurian just breaks.
So the future -seeing's gone now because an orc...
I took his head to it. Didn't see that coming,
did he? No, he didn't. Much like Kairos. Well,
again, how can you plan for something he's not
thinking anywhere ahead? He's just like, I just
do this now. Yay! You can't see Grimgor's plans.
You can't see his plan strikes because there
is no battle plan. A backhand then shits himself.
Then invests in stocks and shares and then attack
again. The plan is improvise and it's always
the plan. There is no battle plan. This is Grimgor
Ironhide. You're getting jumped. Storm of Chaos
Round 2 will not be happening, and so Archeon
breaks free the demon in the Slayer of Kings
and beheads Grimgor in one fell swoop. Damn.
RIP King. Despite this, something that the End
Times, I feel like not a lot of people know,
they actually retook Middenheim, the Incarnates.
They had driven Chaos off, in part helped by
Cetra, no doubt, who had cut off... Kolek Sun
Eater's head, cut off a greater demon that was
attacking Nagash's head, and then said, I'm going
to kill all the chaos gods and walked into the
demon horde. What a goat. Hey, you cannot fault
the man for, again, the ambition. Unfortunately,
in spite of this, and in spite of Middenheim
being retaken, oh, and Arkhan got tossed into
a warp rift. Who was he fighting? He was fighting
the Karl Franz slash Sigmar. Yeah, he got yeeted
in by Karl Sigmar. How did Karl Sigmar get Galmoraz
back? Archeon had it up as a trophy. He wasn't
using it because that would kind of be like Horus
using the Emperor's sword. You're just going
to blow up. You're going to light on fire. Blessed.
Figma. Figma. I see. Fragma. Thank you for the
Fs in chat, by the way. I appreciate that, guys.
But Archeon Claws is way back out. The ritual
to stop. We've gone through this before. The
ritual to stop the Warper from overtaking the
world is almost stopped. Manfred von Karstein
stabs Gelt in the back. No one can, uh, Teclis
tries to compensate by taking on now a third
wind of magic, uh, because I believe he took
on fire as well. Uh, and his, his light, his
staff already had light in it. So he falls apart.
Manfred then gets stabbed in the back by Tyrion
in return. The last scene, well, third to last
scene of Warhammer fantasy is the chaos rift
swallowing Middenheim. and Archeon and Sigmar
wrestling over Galmaraz and falling into the
rift. Which to be fair, isn't it Archeon goes
on to survive because he's literally fighting
with Sigmar, Franz, basically. They get thrown
into the realm of chaos, don't they? And in some
way that means their bodies are not destroyed.
They get thrown into the realm of chaos, but
at some point at least Sigmar leaves chaos into
it. The void. Yeah, they do break it, but essentially
Archeon didn't get his wish, though, which was
like, I would be obliterated with the end of
the world, so then I'm free. Yeah, no, they're
very much still both around. Also of note is
that the last place to fall was Athel Loren,
which has like the oak of ages, like this tree
of life whose roots span the entire world. The
second to last place to fall was the fucking
moot. Which means that in terms of defense against
chaos, it goes Ancient Eldritch Tree of Life
that can warp reality. The Shire if a racist
person who hated halflings designed it. I guess
we're not really going to the Age of Sigmar stuff,
but Archeon, again, is still around, though.
Oh, never mind. Excuse me. How long have we been
going? We could save that for later if we want.
No, no. Please do. Please do. We can do a quick
version of it. It has been a minute. So his plan,
unfortunately, to kill everyone ever probably
would have never worked because it turns out,
at least in fantasy, it's a bit of a multiverse.
And Archeon succeeded in the last world, so the
Chaos Gods kind of keep throwing him at new universes.
which is supposedly in between the time of Sigmar
and the Mortal Realms forming and his pantheon
being born anew. Archeon was off just ass -blasting
realities across the multiverse. Should we say,
like, in fantasy, it is explained, like, it's
almost like a cycle, isn't there? Where essentially
the world or whatever universe... Chaos destroys
a world. The survivors become the new gods of
the next one. all is good, chaos comes in, and
then it's not good. So ones like Tarl, Maw, or
the elven gods, which are Cain or Assyrian, they
are people who, they were just mortals of previous
realms or things, and they basically survived
on their legends combined with magic itself.
It's never too explicitly stated how the human
gods fit in, but at least the elven gods are
explicitly like, reincarnations. But Archeon,
you know, he's the grand villain. He's got to
make a proper entrance. So chaos starts seeping
into the mortal realms. They all come under attack.
Sigmar's pantheon is still a little divided.
The age of myth is coming to a close. The age
of chaos is coming. Cracks are starting to appear.
And as more and more cities and parts of the
realms fall, Archeon makes his grand... appearance.
With a wrestling theme song and fireworks. You
ain't seen nothing yet. Baby, you ain't seen
nothing yet. Oh no, he's back again. Shout out
to the guy who said screw Sterling, by the way.
Sterling can get it. Sterling can get it. In
the context of Age of Sigmar, when we said things
like Age of Myth and Age of... What was the one
after Age of Myth? I think it was Age of Chaos,
wasn't it? Yeah. Age of Myth in this new universe
slash realm is like thousands and thousands and
thousands of years. So Archeon has not been...
Chaos doesn't really touch this new realm as,
I guess, only in the form of magic, really. But
even then, the mortal realms magic is kind of
not quite chaos magic because now magic comes
from the realms rather than filtering out through
the realm of chaos. So it's weird. Although there
were also Beastmen here before Chaos showed up
properly, so who fucking knows. Look, if you
exist on a square part of a fantasy, like if
you pointed a map on Warhammer Fantasy, there's
a Beastman there. You can assume. There's a Beastman,
and then there's ten people pointing going, oh,
Beastman. Leave him alone. There are Beastmen.
In the same way that there are races that are.
I guess Beastmen technically are just their own
old race. What's the one in Norseco? Is it Fimir?
Fimir, yeah. They technically were in the world
before Chaos, but they're one of the early worshippers
of Chaos. I guess Beastmen technically are a
thing before Chaos, and then basically Chaos
is them now, intertwined. Slowly but surely,
the first one is that Archeon's His sign just
burns into the sky across the realms. City is
kind of like that bit where it happened before
7th edition moved the timeline forward. Statues
in Sigmar's realm start weeping tears of blood.
Bad things are coming. And then at the Battle
of Burning Skies, Archeon makes his appearance.
Sigmar is there. He takes his followers. to fight
Archeon. You know, Sigmar is Sigmar. Every swing
of his hammer is another greater demon obliterated
from existence. But apparently Sigmar is like
Sauron, and if he doesn't have his hammer, he's
not at full strength. So an illusion of Archeon
has Galmaraz whipped at it by Sigmar. It flies
into a portal to the Realm of Chaos, and Sigmar
is like, well... I lost. Time to go home. So,
Archeon. Yeah. There's a point called the Eight
Points. Or no, the All Points, which is a place
where you can go to any of the mortal realms
from the same spot. He conquers it, because that's
a very handy thing for a chaos war leader to
have. And he renames it the Eight Points, and
this is now his fortress. And from there, to
keep it a little bit summarized. He just goes
on a smashing spree across all eight realities.
The only person to beat him was Malekith. It
was explicitly said that he was the only person
on Chaos strong enough to beat Nagash, but he
did still beat Nagash. It didn't matter too much
because he killed Nagash in the afterlife realm,
so he just kind of... He just kind of went home.
You can't kill death. You got me. I'll see you
again in a week, asshole. And he began raising
hell. Quite literally. Age of Sigmar, for those
who don't know, is technically post -apocalyptic.
Because for a couple hundred years, Archeon and
his hordes were just raiding hell across the
mortal realms. What do you call it? He has his
own new souped -up version of the Warriors, the
Swords of Chaos, called the Varangard, who, when
he's not around, they lead his armies. When he
is around, they're his mightiest warriors he
sends at the greatest of threats. The only realm
that didn't have his presence was Azir, because
Sigmar pretty firmly shut the gates on anyone
else coming in at a certain point. When the Stormcast
Eternals arrived, sure enough, they... They made
a go at Archeon. They did pretty good at fighting
through his armies. And then one of them fought
Archeon and didn't go so well for those guys.
They had to get reforged very promptly. And there's,
like I mentioned earlier, there's hints that
that godhood plan that I do believe is kind of
not far off because it's gotten to a point that
whenever the chaos gods like throw a little test
at him, see how he's doing, smashes it. Like,
without fear. He felt confident enough in his
own power to ignore the blessing of the horned
rat, who he spits in the face of, who's a full
-blown chaos god by this point, so he's at least
strong enough to avoid retribution on that front.
Horned rat literally went, jokes on you, I like
that stuff. Didn't need to know that horned rat.
He almost freed Slaanesh from the prison that
the elves had put her in. But at the last minute,
you know, the things started going wrong. Marathi
was doing utter nonsense. Other factions were
bothering him. Had to pull away in the elves'
tight security a bit, but she's a little bit
closer to being weakened. He might also become
Slaanesh, because a lot of the Slaanesh worshippers
have chosen to start worshipping him as the new
god of excess. Look, he's goofy, sure, but he
does have explicitly the mark of Slaanesh and
the blessing. And Everchosen's are all four chaos
gods' might poured into one person. So there
are worse candidates. Slaanesh isn't dead, though,
is she? No, she's locked away by the elves. Yeah.
That is a moving storyline. They have done stuff
with and gotten her close to break it out. They're
kicking her stomach so she throws up Elven souls.
His latest thing was during a fourth edition
fourth edition fourth edition fourth edition's
launch when The Skaven brought Skaven Blight
to everywhere at once. He decided to go to Shaiish.
He's sick of dealing with Nagash's garbage and
is trying to just at least cripple him long enough
to where he can not worry about the OCR for a
couple years. So he's back stronger than ever.
For once, the forces of order, though, are just
as juiced up. Sigmar's got his Stormcast now.
It's, you know, the playing field is much more
even than when Archeon's mostly been depicted
in Warhammer, for fantasy at least. And his mount
has changed as well. Oh yeah, it's still Dorgar,
but Dorgar is, that is not a horse. That is not
a horse. It's like a Hydra dragon thing. Yeah,
it has the Zeench, Nurgle, and Cornheads. Ripslash.
Slanesh is again in jail. The horned rat was
also told to piss off from the fancy demon horse.
I don't know. I'm kind of glad that Slanesh isn't
part of that amalgamation because you don't know
what part it's going to be. It might not be PC.
I did have the slightest bit about tabletop.
I had one last thing about it, which is, like,
do you think he even remembers? Because, like,
when, for example, like, in Techless in Age of
Sigmar, he kind of, like, he knows he's Techless
and he has some memories of, like, the world
that was. But, like, it comes in, like, flashes.
Do you think with Archeon now, because obviously
you've been to Archeon for who knows how many...
eons in his perception of time. Does he even
remember... Does Archeon get hot flashes? Does
he remember being like Indrid Kastner? Do you
think at any point? I'm sure he's got some stuff.
He definitely remembers at least some of it.
But he must be... Even Archeon, so long. It's
almost like he's fighting, but he has no idea
why he... He just fights to end the fighting
sort of thing. He doesn't even remember any previous
purity of reason or... life he's just uh he is
the you know he's literally a monster just on
occasion he sees the descendant of someone what
he killed way back when he's like have i killed
you before it's like no no that was my great
great great great grandpa ah okay yeah so from
before then uh his stats are suitably he cost
840 points Basically, anything you point him
at is going to swiftly die, especially because
if he rolls a six with a Slayer of Kings for
a wound roll, they just die. What's that compared
to a Primarch mini in 40k? Primarch's already
close to that. The Lion and Gilliman do have...
Gilliman wields the Emperor's Sword, and I'm
pretty sure that thing hits on twos. and it has
a thing where it does have devastating wounds,
but I don't think it could outright kill something
like a... There's no insta -kill anymore. Unless
a model specifically has a rule that says ignore
insta -kill effects, which five do. You're just
dead, and it deals three damage a pop anyways,
so you're probably dead anyways. 25 wounds. 3
-up save, 5 -up ward save. He's a wizard. What
if I just killed you? He wasn't originally a
wizard, though, was he? He got that from Chaos.
Oh, yeah, no. I thought you meant like Tabletop.
No, he became a wizard through Chaos. A fire
wizard in Touchable Warhammer, isn't he? He kind
of is more of a... Again, he's a warrior sort
of thing. The magic enhances his abilities, but
he's more of a... He has magic because he's corrupted
by chaos, but he's not a wizard. His fantasy
stats are even worse, which I know at least Eli
would be able to appreciate this stat line. Where
is it? Movement four. That's not much, right?
Weapon skill nine. Ballistic skill five. Strength
five. Toughness five. Four wounds. Initiative
seven. Attacks five. And leadership ten. crazy
he's going to kill you he's just he's that secret
character you need cheat codes to unlock but
the cheat code is just money oh he also has a
one -up armor safe fuck you awesome do you think
um is that is that just because chaos armies
have been so legendarily bad for so long they're
like screw it Archeon's going to be on top. To
be fair, he was 855 points, although then again,
in 8th edition, they dropped him down to 580
and he had the same stat line. Wow. Would you
say putting Archeon versus Abaddon, what makes
Archeon come out on top? I mean, one is the obvious.
I know it was Arthur Fiat, but again, he did
end the world. He won. Well, Abaddon ended our
world. It was called Cadia. That's true. I don't
know, it has a lot more cut out for him. He does
have a whole galaxy to cut through. He's broken
a lot of worlds. He has. Nasty boy. I don't know,
I'm more partial to Archeon. One is, this is
a very basic thing, I just think Archeon looks
cooler. I think that armor is sicker. And either
Flaming Horse or... whatever I'm looking at with
Dorgor nowadays. I don't know what to call that.
Whatever it is, it looks cool. He's playable
in a video game. I know some of these are not
necessarily Abaddon's fault, but they do still
help Archeon be a bit more appreciable. You can
throw him at people. Aside from that, some of
it seems like Abaddon was almost handed the position.
You just gave me a point. We were talking about
Gothic Armada a while back. In the game where
Abaddon is in it, it's not canon, but the character
who's his subordinate beats Gilliman in a naval
battle and captures him. And then he tries to
usurp Abaddon. And that's in the game where it's
a chaos campaign. Abaddon gets cucked in his
own game. Wow. By Thanos from the Word Bearers.
It's crazy. I prefer Archeon over Abaddon in
the sense that it's very clearly put out in the
Night Lords trilogy when Talos, the Night Lord,
literally first meets Abaddon. and abaddon basically
they're conquering this world and it's like it's
going well but then like the blood angels and
imperium show up and they have to like retreat
because abaddon hasn't got the right forces and
it's all he has too many renegades and not enough
like proper legionaries and stuff it's the thing
where like abaddon in itself is like archaeon
is what abaddon wishes he could be like abaddon
is a very effective commander but in a world
where there are Primarchs and resources beyond
what Abaddon can master together. Abaddon can
never have the success of what Archeon could
pull together. To be fair, he did beat Maneus
Kalgar up, but until he beats a Primarch, I don't
think we're going to really treat him that seriously.
Sigismund wounds him, he gets beaten by Nathaniel
Garrow, technically with the help of Endred Haar
and the Blood Angels guy. and someone else. It's
like three of them gang up on Abaddon during
the Siege of Terror, and he's like, and he almost
gets killed by Garrow. There's too many teleport
-away Abaddon moments, isn't there? Archeon doesn't
have that. Archeon, I feel like he uses all four
bits of the Chaos Gods a lot better than Abaddon
does, because Abaddon's a good general, a damn
good warrior, but Archeon acknowledges he lives
in a fantasy world. and uses that. Like, obviously,
you know, Khorne, he can smash with the best
of them. But, like, in Age of Sigmar, he traps,
like, a bunch of Tzeentch summoners and, like,
they amplify the weaknesses of anyone coming.
So when he tries to send some Khorne warriors
after these summoners, they just fall to rage
and chop each other to pieces. Archeon, you know,
he traps them, like, in their own tower. and
amplifies their fears against them. It feels
very Zetian when he deals with people like that.
He brings chaos to the fore. He uses the fantasy
powers he's at at his disposal, which Abaddon
kind of refusing to do that in some ways does
make him compelling in his own way, but I feel
more interested in the guy who's reveling almost
in his fantastical powers. I was going to say,
and it sounds like a big part of his character
is he's pitted against Sigmar as a specific target.
Like, I hate this freaking guy. Oh, he's a god.
Abaddon's like, I hate the Imperium, kind of
hate the Emperor, but I'm not massively... He
wants to depose the Emperor, but his gripe is
with the Imperium entire, whereas the grudge
match with Archeon is Sigmar. We're not going
to see a grudge match with the Emperor, I don't
think. Plus, I mean, it did happen to Archeon
a little bit, but seeing Archeon go through that
journey to get the Treasures of Chaos makes it
feel a lot more earned. Towards the Horus heresy,
they were kind of like, suddenly Horus wasn't
even gone yet, and they were suddenly like, come
on, Abaddon. Be the next big guy. We know you
want to. Come on, let's put you in that position.
Which, again, Abaddon did. fight tooth and nail
for that, killed the Clone of Horus, gathered
all the warbands. He put in work too, it's just...
I just feel like that's... He needs a quest.
Abaddon needs a Arkham Star quest. He's already
done it. He did his Dark Pilgrimage and he's
like, I learned how to brew alcohol with Promethean.
It's great. From the point of view of a man who
respects a good drink, good for you, Abaddon.
And there is a bit in the Black Legion first
book where it's like, and he went through the
Eye of Terror and he went through all these things
and he killed all these things. It's just kind
of done all of a sudden. You're like, oh, I would
have loved to have read a book where it's like,
I get to see that. But it's like, nah, you just
see him displaying all the things he's done off
screen. Abaddon needs the third Black Legion
book whenever it comes out. It needs to show
Abaddon like... on his quest to basically get
draconian or something there needs to be some
kind of like and then he actually you know became
the full incarnation of himself rather than you
know i mean maybe that's wishful thinking but
um archon's story is pretty it's hard because
like he is successful in killing the franchise
that you love but also in a way like he didn't
feel like it was handed to him you know i mean
like it feels like he earned his thing of like
he went through the whole journey of becoming
the ever chosen and he was actually you know
strong enough to basically become the villain
of his own story yeah yeah big ups fantasy is
just better than 40k in a fantasy world and there
isn't a entire galaxy world it definitely still
zone in on it they just don't choose to do it
I think it's just a fantasy. It always feels
like it has an arc or a story, whereas 40K is
just an ongoing. It has nothing to do with 40K.
I will say, although it's quite well known, I
agree with Eli on that point. I will say part
of the charm of 40K is the sandbox. Make your
own stories. That's why it was locked at M4999
for like 20 real life years. Yeah. yeah we can't
say they're like oh um 0 1 2 42 i gotta get a
move on guys we've barely started it's 900 years
to go i think 40k is a better exploration of
chaos and a lot of other things but as in like
it often really struggles with what is like undivided
chaos because in a way like it always says like
that's just you know it's just quote unquote
evil Whereas it doesn't have the vices of each
particular chaos god. Sir, this is Warhammer
40k. Everyone here is evil. I'm going to need
more than that. But you know what I mean? Except
for Commander Farsight. It goes into the vices
of each particular version of corruption or chaos.
Whereas chaos undivided is quite hard to do because
it's none of the... each one particularly strong.
It's all of them in a mixed way. It's just evil.
It is in 40k. It's just kind of awkward, like
evil juice. Sarah, are you lobotomizing or eating
the babies? One of them is a good holy imperial
practice. We need cherubs to carry the ammunition.
It's fine. I didn't like what you were saying
with Archeon's story. He's willing to... fluctuates
between using each one as a strength rather than
I'm Abaddon and I'm evil. It's I am Archeon and
I'm using the Zeen stuff today. I'm embracing
Khorne today. I'm embracing Slaanesh or embracing
Nurgle today. Which again does show up on the
tabletop. Him being a wizard, him being unbelievably
strong, him being not only for a Warhammer fantasy
character having an unbelievable amount of attacks
that do a lot of damage which is Slaanesh and
Khorne showing through. The variety of him being
the ever -chosen of Chaos is in display in lore
and tabletop. I feel Abaddon could use a bit
more of a hand on that front. Which, again, if
they want to keep him kind of refusing to go
all Chaos, you can do cool things with that,
but you need to do the cool things with that.
Getting your ass beat by Eldrad doesn't count.
As much as I appreciate it. Do you have any more
donations to go through before we wrap up? We
have seven at the moment. So one from Bulger's
Beef Paste. Five pounds. The most British name
ever. Which is more badass? A dwarf slayer jumping
into a horde of demons yelling Grimnir! Or a
blood angel leaping into a horde of demons yelling
Taurus! I think the Grimnir is obviously... Good.
Stocky Rage is fun. We love Stocky Rage. Oh my
god. Thank you for the five New Zealand dollars.
Thank you. Long live forehead crimes. Thank you.
Thanks for all the content to get me through
work. You are welcome. Thanks for everything.
No problem, man. No problem. Thank you. Limba106,
five bucks. Our friend late to Middenheim due
to gooding to Emmanuel von Liebowitz. Wow. Maybe.
Clean yourself. Sounds like Colin likes this
one. No, I don't like this one. Even Black Templars
had more going on during the Psychic Awakening.
I've just seen Beastman from Sweden in the chat.
Bro, where have you been? This is a fantasy episode.
Where have you been, man? He donated, I think.
I think it was a different Swedish person. That
message right there is the... is why the fantasy
settings are better. Even if you think the writing
in AOS and fantasy is awful, at least everyone
gets equal writing. Although, to be fair, the
Black Templars are legendary for not allowing
librarians into their shop because they hate
mutants of all kinds. Having a whale of a time
when there's lots of mutants to purge does make
sense. I'm sure that didn't need to be more than
the various psychic races, though. And then they
killed more psychers, wow. Yeah, they're having
a great time. Those were two sentences. I'm satisfied,
I've had all I need. Been two bucks, thank you,
Benoit. Archeon got decked in the nerdlings.
Wow, truly. My word. Tom Warren. Do you want
this one? You guys jumped in there. Hell yeah,
Halfling's number one. My halfling character
stopped a demon summoning in a Warhammer fantasy
roleplay. He brained an old lady into the rock.
Finally, card shark for two Canadian bucks. Abaddon
needs his grind set story. Yes, he does. He needs
a podcast. Someone did put something in the chat
that inconsistency is an issue in 40k writing.
That fantasy has it. better uh i would say they
do unless you were talking about the vampires
welcome to hell pick your origin story there's
like five yeah that's cool because you could
just like pretend it's a myth and nobody really
it's cool like that it's it's just like give
me like three yeah i know it's a nice even number
i don't need five per character as well Well,
I was going to say, with the elves, at least
in 40k, there's five Eldar books I think everyone
wished weren't there. Elves actually get to do
stuff in fantasy. People like the elf books in
fantasy and AOS. But dark elves get the dark
elves get the Eldar treatment or the chaos treatment,
I guess. If they ever win, then they have to
stop making high elves and they never win anything.
I still don't know why, for me, I'm really drawn
to elves and Tolkien stuff and all the fantasy
and other things. And yet when it comes to the
40k stuff, I really have no draw to it. I don't
know why. It doesn't feel like it translates.
It doesn't feel like the same thing. I think
one of the troubles with the Eldar in 40k is
that because they're already an obliterated species
who have only so much power, the Imperium's whole
thing is they're a horde of people. Chaos is
a horde of demons. tower are burgeoning new species,
and then Eldar are already kind of done. We're
already broken up in our craft, and every time
we lose a craft... The cycle of empires has gone
through. The Eldar are the fallen one, the Imperiums
the crumbling one, and the tower the rising one.
Which means the Eldar have the unfortunate position
of being the guys who... Your time is over. Which,
you know, that's a major theme for everyone but
the Tau in 40k, is that the glories of the past
are gone, but the Eldars are, like, really gone.
I think it's because I think, like, with, like,
Eldar, they have, like, the path system, which,
for me, in a way, is, like, character -muting,
like, potential, in a way, because it's, like,
we all have to stick on this same, like, basically,
we all have to be carbon copies of each other,
whereas I feel like in fantasy, it's, like...
They can abandon the past whenever they like,
though. But they don't even explore that, really.
Whereas in fantasy, an elf is kind of like, it
is in a way, I can view them as human characters,
and they have their own motivations and other
things. Whereas Eldar, I almost feel like they're
so too divorced from humans that I can't quite
get into the mind. I mean, they're aliens. My
most radical thing is that if they wanted to
make the Eldar cool, to more people they would
need to go all in on the unknowable fey nature
and not give them books which i know sounds insane
yeah but you can't have them both because as
it is they try and do like the unknowable like
manipulator shtick and also humanize them and
they just come across as stupid yeah but there's
also one thing i found when i was reading the
craft world book specifically was like On the
one hand, there are species that are circling
the proverbial drain of extinction. But at the
same time, they're the only race in the whole
setting who are like, I'm just going to spend
the next 100 years being an artist. I'm going
to live in this lovely, lush craft world where
there's no war or suffering. We've got plenty.
And even though we're a completely crippled empire,
everything's great other than that. Can we have
one or the other? It's weird to be like, this
is the grim darkness of the 41st millennium.
I'm going to pick up sculpting as my livelihood.
It's like, huh? They're all trained. You know
what? They could borrow something from fantasy
into 40k. Chaos Eldar. Honestly, Chaos Eldar.
They almost did. There was like old Rogue Trader
lore, like little bits of blurbs where it's like...
There might be some Eldar hanging around the
Eye of Terror still on the Crone Worlds, but
they're not normal. We don't need chaos to be
interesting, though. They don't need chaos to
be cool. That does happen, though. There's an
Eldar of one of the Craft Worlds gets manipulated
by Sinch, and then... uh motley the harlequin
is like oh go check out the wild spirit of this
planet don't worry there's just this crazy incubus
going in there and he's fighting it like oh okay
this won't go wrong and he's like big grin on
his face and he like swaps out one of his runes
with like a kegarak rune so when he tries to
cast a spell he becomes like possessed and say
ah so it does happen just not very often it's
never like a notable character it's always a
pawn there was that demon Eldar demon in the
Inari books, if I remember correctly. And all
Eldar demons become Slaaneshi anyway. Eldar really
needs that. Slayer Barden having zero top categories.
This is yet another Furmentide balancing moment.
Amazing. Anything else from that? Question of
the week? Ah, yes. Did we get the previous ones?
I was going to ask. Did you get the previous
ones? I didn't. I was yammering. Give me a minute.
I'll go look. Nobody told me. Hold. I'm opening
it. For people who are in the chat, let us know
if you guys want any more particular fantasy
podcast topics. may not for everyone but obviously
fantasy is a is a fantastic uh universe in itself
can you know different from 40k there's so much
crossover chaos is not the same in each one of
them so there's like there's so many different
like topics that are crossovers but yet they
have variety so feel free to actively send us
you know in the comment section as well as also
in the chat and then obviously all the discord
as well because we do have a discord We recently
in the Discord reached a thousand members, which
is crazy. Thank you all for joining. We have
memes. It's good fun. I hate you, Rarus Pepe.
Fuck you, man. Who would you put to be the Tau's
newest little race of buddies? I think the Tau
deserve chakats. If you know, then you know.
P .S. I bet Colin knows. I do know and I hate
you for reminding me of that. Look it up. It's
disgusting. I don't know what that means. The
author is not at all disguised. Oh my gosh. Come
on. I would choose not to look it up. It's furry
stuff, Andy. It's furry stuff. Oh, no. Bridge.
Holy cow. PBR Ratlord. Hashtag helper. I think
Andy was on the right track, actually, but for
entirely different reasons. Grunts are regularly
in excess of five feet, making them giants compared
to the lore criminals. And they are a genuinely
terrifying as a force to the point the rebellion
nearly broke the covenant. That's true. Ongoing
supremacy. Huge. They have numbers like the guard,
weapons that would put a hurt on about anything
in 40k, and when they're oppressed, they have
ferocity and tenacity to rival the orcs. Feed
them and treat them remotely well, and you have
plenty of meat for the galactic grinder. Hope
to catch you all live next week. Thank you, man.
Thank you. Shout out to that grunt deacon who
accidentally activated a nova bomb, and his last
words were, and then he was never cold again.
So, Colin. Your opinion. Is there anything more
terrifying than playing Halo and you pan across
only to find a suicide grunt with the two grenades
just in front of you that you didn't notice?
That's the second most terrifying thing. The
most terrifying thing is that same thing but
with a rocket flood. I love the library. You
can't take a look at the library. It's when it's
coming at you and you know you can't dodge, you
go, ah! Yeah, it's just like, well, I see my
death oncoming. This one is... I'll get two more
because one of them was gross and disgusting.
Nerdcasting40k, hashtag helpers, the Cybertronians.
Optimus Prime becomes the leader of the Tau Empire
and the Cybertronians get 40k alt models. Perfect.
I saw a cool piece of fan art that was the Emperor
and Optimus Prime fighting alongside each other.
My only problem is that the Optimus Prime would
never in a fucking million years be caught fighting
alongside the Emperor. Freedom is the right of
all sentient beings does not mesh well, but I
know it because I am right. Or the guy who goes,
yeah, servitors are fine. Although if Optimus
would be a fan of servitors. And then the last
one, hashtag helper. The Osiarch Bone Reapers.
Not only would you gain the support of one of
Nagash's armies, you have an effective way to
cull the human population of the Empire through
the bone tithe. With the added bonus of not being
held accountable for the cull, because that's
just the cost of doing business with the Bone
Reapers. And then, of course, he ends it with,
such is the power of Nagash. Thank you, Angry
Homunculus. Amazing. Very good. Well for helper
helper species, I think I was gonna choose one
last time Whatever the sentience we're all talking
things from Alvin and the chipmunk, but not the
actual shit money The the parody movie that had
Alvin the chipmunks. That's kind of like what
was the? I don't remember the name of the film,
but it's like Epic Movie. It's like a similar
franchise. Whatever that is. Yeah, the guy who
watches those movies. And then like Eating the
Woman's Spike. Hold on, Hal. What was your opinion
of Sausage Party? Did you enjoy that movie? I've
not seen it. Doubt. I'm sure that's no great
loss. But if I would have a helper species, I'd
get the Krogans involved. Oh, you fucker. Eight
foot tall, ribbit, ribbit, carry the shotgun
men. They'd be pretty good. That was going to
be my answer, you bastard. Oh, sorry. Colin,
what were you going to pick? The Gungans. Break
it off. The last nail in the coffin for the Tau.
Oh my gosh. You're one of the few Imperial Commanders
that does diplomacy and you walk out to the Tau
Embassy and you're... You should give credit
to Tau Empire, yes sir? Thank you, George Lucas.
Why are there loads of alien races that are basically
ethnic minorities? That's a great question, George.
or the the or the pettiness of george lucas that
he called the new moydians as a jab at leonard
nimoy and that's why they're called nemoidians
like oh oh wow and then on the side they're also
horrible chinese stereotypes yeah my childhood
is ruined i mean the gungans as well what is
that you know how oh it's just misa hayton crunching
That's the last thing Mesa wants. He said to
the Commissar before being shot. It's George
Lucas. I need to write more Gungas. This is ridiculous.
I can't unsee it. I just love I love that behind
the scenes of episode one. It's just like Jar
Jar is the key. Get Jar Jar right. It'll all
work out. There's a bit where the Oni plays are
playing a Lego Star Wars game. It's the funniest
thing I've ever heard. I need to write more Gungas.
The Gungas. Eli, did you pick your species? Any
race from Endless Space 2, basically. Cravers.
I still think the Cravers would be good. Because
you can still have diplomacy with the Cravers.
And then you just point them in the right direction.
If there's a planet that they don't want, and
they want to commit war crimes, but they don't
want the Tau to do it, just send the Cravers
at it, and it'll die, and they'll get the job
done. Do you reckon the Tree Men would like the
Tau? It's like, what do you want? I want to be
more trees across more planets. Is that it? Yes.
Alright, fine, Tree Man. Oh, I forgot the most
important Archeon fact. He's... He sucks in Total
Warhammer. At least multiplayer. He's called
the Never Chosen. It's because he's not fast
enough to get to things he can kill quick enough.
He doesn't have a high enough DPS to mulch through
tar pits. And he doesn't have enough mass compared
to Kolek to just walk where he needs to be. Gotta
get that SFO mod going. Do we have a new question
of the week? We do. The new question of the week
is hashtag Ever Chosen. This can be any setting
you like. Archeon is scared of penguins. Someone
in chat reminded me. Is that real? Yes, it's
because he considers the beastmen of the southern
pole who never really came into contact with
humanity the truest, most terrifying essence
of chaos. Well, that's Antarctica, so naturally,
Archeon is scared of penguins. But yeah, the
ever chosen hashtag is you can bring anyone from
any setting into Warhammer and make them into
the ever chosen. Who would you pick? I think
where's Wally as the ever chosen would be hilarious
because not only would he be really powerful,
but it would take you 20 minutes to figure out
where he was in a battle. And that'd be quite
fun. Slam dunk. Easy. Bob Ross. Now, Andy, I
want to, I want to see if this is. breaking the
rules a little bit, but you know how the Abyss
Watchers and Dark Souls 3, they're all the Lord
of Cinder. None of them are individually. I would
like my pick for the ever -chosen to not be one
person, but every Ewok combined. Are they constantly
fighting against each other? No, they're just
horrified. Look, I've been playing Battlefront
2, man. Ewok Hunt. That is terrifying. Those
things are horrifying. Wicket, the ever -chosen,
just chewing on a biscuit is terrifying. You
hear, you see... Like, X dude is lost to the
forest and then you hear six battle horns go
off at once. Uh -oh. One of my friends just died.
Truly the Viet Cong flashback, so. What inspired
them to do that? Even the trailer for that gameplay
mode is horrifying. amazing uh i'm assuming the
dev team got drunk one night and wait do you
know i'll be funny no idea it wasn't the originals
to be fair original battlefront not nearly as
terrifying though no but yeah no it was like
it was like well well lit the ewoks were ass
and now it's like infection but yeah and also
galaxy conquering empire with the finest armaments
and weapons available versus logs Amazing. Next
versus debate. Katakan versus Ewoks. Oh, it's
a washout. Katakan getting mulched. Poor fellas.
One game of E1 Hunt changes a man's life. That
being said, though. Oh, Dalinar Blackthorn has
a good show. That being said, everyone, thank
you guys so much for listening, for watching.
Thank you, Colin, for guiding us through the
true Warmaster. And one more donation before
we go from Prime1Jr for five. Thanks for the
stream, boys. I'm on my way to go see Superman
with the boys. I've heard good and mediocre things,
but nothing bad. So, hey. Most superhero movies
nowadays. Even mid is better than most. Yeah.
Again, the Discord, we have going Bob merch.
I should say going to Bob much. Well, subscribe.
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peace. Farewell, everybody. Thank you. Love you
all. My children.