Yep, we should be live now.
Oh yeah, I can tell we're live.
He's talking like a robot.
We also, before we get into it, brothers and sisters,
this is, if you've got your drinks, whatever, this is a toast.
RIP to Riverside.
I heard you.
I wasn't streaming somewhere.
This will be, as of currently, the last time, most likely we'll be using it, so...
We've had enough. Or I've had enough, should I say.
Oh, now he sounds fine.
Shout out to Riverside.
See, when you start threatening it, it learns.
Fear will keep them in line.
No worries.
Shout out to Riverside, though.
We're talking about something a bit more positive.
Colin, Eli, what's the topic of the discussion today?
The best fantasy race in fantasy, and Warhammer in general.
The Skaven are right there, so I know you're already wrong.
The Dark Elves, the Druki.
Druki!
Can we just say, Crimson Glory, by the way, already gave a donation before we were live.
Colin will be gooning this whole episode.
He will be.
I am Morathi's biggest hater, though.
I am Morathi's biggest hater.
She ties in with the high-off plot armor very well, unfortunately.
She's like your mate's girlfriend, who you know, she's terrible for him.
She's just like, you're gonna celebrate when she's gone.
Bro, you can do better, you can do better.
Why do you say that?
She skins children, I don't know.
She skins children.
She doesn't skin children, she just bathes in the blood of the young to keep herself young.
We've had all the good times, you know, you just smack them across the face with reality.
Use a snapchat.
Before we get into that, though, Colin, what is the question of the week?
The question of the week, redacted, was the hashtag.
And I've gathered all of the questions.
What would the Inquisition come after you for?
There we go, it took me a moment for that.
Before we get into that as well, I forgot to mention, because I always forget to do it at the beginning,
but we do need to identify Amazon Music as well.
So if you want to listen to us offline, guys, and give us some nice reviews over there, we'd really appreciate that.
And from this stream, we've caught up with remastering all the audio for all of the episodes, so they should be nice and crisp now.
Oh yeah. I'll steal a line from Por Hammer. Do all the YouTube and everything pleasantries, if you wouldn't mind.
And now the insults to Colin's bed.
And now you may begin insulting my bed and everything. Is this a stream or premiere?
This is a stream. We're not psychic reading all of the comments as they come up.
No, this is a premiere, actually. I've decided.
No, a plastic bag is not going to... no.
He's our constant supporter. We appreciate you, brother.
But question of the week, what would the Inquisition go after you for?
Now, I pulled an additional comment that isn't related, because it's immediately related to the question.
The comment was from I miss Mr. Synguinius.
Colin would catch 7% less heat if he got a green screen.
And then immediately from DrunkenCow1399, I was caught not bullying Colin.
I have one L in my name, you reprobates.
That's what it says Colin, why is that chair there?
Oh, I guess I got a table right there that I used to sit and paint at.
It's a painting station, brothers.
Listen, the room's allowed to not be 100% clean, okay?
My room is messy. I will never deny being a messy person. It's not dirty.
DonkeymanUSA, constant supporter, appreciate you, brother.
He says, why is Colin not in a GIMP suit?
Good question.
I don't know where this one's coming from at all.
Bring one to the Loreprimes meetup.
We'll all go in GIMPs.
World 2025.
We'll do a meetup with any viewers and then we'll be like...
People will know who we are, that's for sure.
The thing is, we could do a meetup with audience members and then we all wear one and no one knows who's who.
Oh, thank you Zano for the gifted memberships.
Oh, damn.
Thank you very much.
Bless your soul.
Colin, what else should we bring back to CRO?
I don't know. I'm going to be going to the Warhammer meetup in a Lord Humongous from Mad Max cosplay.
So, there we go.
DJ B said it's Colin's cock chair.
It's not my cock chair.
Listen, your bedroom has more lore than the League of Otan.
I know it does.
What doesn't though?
It's the League of Otan.
Harry Ballaton, I cannot be your dad. Unfortunately.
I just can't be your dad.
I don't think I'm old enough.
You can't now, but in a few years and with some work, maybe one day.
Listen, okay, the hairline has not gone back far enough.
Oh, my gosh.
Question of the week, there's two more.
Oh, Zano, I remember right, thank you.
Sharing some love to show y'all there's one good NL fan.
Yes.
You've proved that, I suppose.
There's one good Nightwish fan.
It could be you.
Yes, you.
Other two questions.
Answers.
Kumaking won.
I'd be redacted for revealing that Big E is just like Colin and having a taste for elf women.
I can respect that.
Inherited by Gilman, apparently.
If the lore communities anything to go by.
I sort of, I've just been to things.
I'm about to drop my massive Gilman video and the amount of comments I said, yo, you better mention you've read.
Elf?
Bruh, it's not happening.
All they do is talk.
Herbert Calfell about to get me kicked off a lore crime says, hey, what's better than 40K?
Question to you all.
Yes.
Oh.
In my opinion.
Listen, you surpassed them in one area, which is the models for the monsters, particularly.
That is just that team and I would just like to point out that Warhammer is a tabletop model for.
Joseph Pollard says if you guys can make Warhammer in the universe, children picture book, 40K fancy or so, what would it be about?
A children's picture, but one is not for children, brother.
Probably the emperor finding his sons.
Probably.
I feel like they'd be like how to how to praise the emperor.
And it's all like really nice pictures, but then like in the background of each picture, there's like people being pushed into like the black ships and like torture going on.
It's just like just in the background.
So it's subtly there.
But yeah, I think I think I'd make a children's book about why you shouldn't go into the forest of the Empire or beastmen will eat you.
I mean, go into the Drakkwald.
A good answer would be something about Nurglings because they they'd be giggling and having like a funny time like whoops had diarrhea and then everyone is like happy.
You know, Nurglings like do like a big heist quest against a play bear or something.
Think about beastman makes me sad.
You know, after we fucking rest in peace, beast of chaos players.
L after L after L since I started playing Warhammer Fantasy in 2012.
Do you think there's but was one person who finally switched from squares to circles only for GW to go actually back to squares with you asshole.
Oh my gosh.
Oh bloody shirt music gifting me five more crimes emissions.
Thank you very much.
You guys are being very nice.
And then the last question of the week.
I saved the best for last, which will, you know, I think it's the best.
So heads up Tristan Mora 1081.
I will be erased for existence for kit bashing my guard, my Imperial Army into cursed canonical existence.
The canonical cat girls, the Katie Nance.
Okay, okay, okay.
Very nice.
Judge.
I'm trying so hard to.
I'm just joking.
He put it out there.
He did.
You know what?
I'd like a cat girl army.
I'll I'll judge it this way.
Couldn't stop tame this slanish in this setting.
That's not so bad.
Felonied cat girl.
That's a terrible place.
I sentence you with being uncreative.
Hubert Hubert Hubert.
For the 10 PLN.
Is that Polish?
I don't know.
But thank you.
Question is for Polish.
Question is n times for 40k would be good or bad.
It would be thematic.
I think that's the best answer I could give it.
If they could drag it out over like 10 years, then it would be good because that's why fantasy at times was bad because they did it in like one year.
It's like nine months.
Yeah, slowly have the Primarchs die off in like glorious battle and resolve that.
Like they should have.
Seven of them died at once.
It depends.
I would want to make something out of the ashes of it and I just don't see them doing that because the 40k makes money just as just as an IP.
It will always make money as an IP now.
That's how they announce 50k.
It's age of Gilmore.
Thank you, brother.
Thank you.
Imagine the tongue.
I don't know what that was in reference to.
Moving on.
I don't know either.
Howdy from Texas.
How I'm the only other one in America.
I get to say I have the howdy pass.
I don't know where I'm going.
Someone else.
If you could if you could take one character from Warhammer and put them in another weird slash random universe, who and where would you put them?
Example, I would take Robledorn and put him in my little pony universe.
He wouldn't be fazed by it.
He would just accept it begrudgingly being like yes.
She's a good question.
I put Conrad Kers in the Star Trek universe just to be like, hey nerds and start like carving them up and they're like, we need to try and you know, talk with him.
He's just like, you can't talk to me.
And that'd be quite funny.
Just watching them all.
I put Angron in Star Wars.
Give him something to worry about.
You could later would just immediately get stomped.
You could recreate his entrance to the Siege of Terror.
But instead of being on the conqueror, he's on like a star destroyer just going, ah, two axes.
That'd be good.
On today's topic video, I put Malekith in Lord of the Rings because I think he'd make a good buddy for Sauron.
They wouldn't work well together.
Samwise still solos.
Samwise still scary.
Yes he does.
But he would make he would make dark.
I mean, he would make actual dark elves happen, I bet, instead of orcs.
I think with that being said though, is that one more Colin?
I would. I mean, it's kind of cheating, but I would put Conrad Kers into fantasy and put him with Conrad von Karstein, who's also a Warhammer character named Conrad.
He's fucking insane.
Sounds crazy.
Just one of them like just join the other in their respective settings because I want to see just what the hell they can do together.
I bet it'd be very creative.
Until eventually there's the War of the Rad.
I mean, I think they both built flesh like effigies.
So yeah, look what I may say.
Oh, that's beautiful.
Look what I know.
I really, I really think that we're best friends.
Space Marine Grand Rondal would also be very nice.
There's a model for that.
It's one of their.
Oh, I have a better answer.
Um, Gotrek in 40k.
Oh, yeah, absolutely.
Classic. Just put him, no, put him in 30k so he can just end the horse heresy.
Donkeyman USA says, I turned Kord into a horrid Rat King escapade abomination.
Task manager.
Nice.
I think with that being said for the question of the week, the next question of the week is, um, what would, why would you draw the Sword of Cain?
For everyone who's maybe just a 40k fan, doesn't the reference?
The Sword of Cain is basically the murderous incarnation of the murder god of, you know, Kaila Menchie Cain of the Drukhari dark elves in both fancy and 40k.
And basically when you pick it up, it's the worst case scenario because you basically become a murder machine.
Yeah. So why would you pick it up?
Of course, this is, what was the hashtag we put?
Is it hashtag Cain train?
Hashtag Cain train.
Kind of like pain train, but it's a cane train.
Pick it up. A-I-N-E by the way.
Kahane-E.
So this will be, you know, for example, I'd pick up the Sword of Cain so I could immediately go smash my local council for denying plan permission for anything I want in the future.
Because that's a justifiable use of force.
I'd steal the Sword of Cain and give it to Trazin just to see what happens, you know.
I feel like there probably is a Sword of Cain in 40k.
It's Farsight Sword.
Wait till you cycle that.
With that being said though, today is, I was going to say Drukhari, that's not the right term.
Druki is the original.
The dark Eldar, yeah.
Back before, you know, back before Sigmar became a god and started talking to dragons and stuff.
Sounds like the plot of Shrek.
But there was another world.
There was one in the fantasy world.
And there are the dark elves, the dark counterparts.
And we were going straight into that.
Take it away, brothers.
We do it before I have, you know, the donations.
That's what they're called.
I love all of these.
Thank you very much for the two European monies.
Put orcs into Goren Lagann.
What is that called?
It's an anime, a mech anime, where the mechs get bigger the harder you believe in yourself.
Nice.
Someone was also mentioning Tamriel.
Any Warhammer fantasy character in Tamriel would be cool.
Hubert Cafal, PLN 10, thank you.
Who would win?
30k Emperor or Godric from fantasy?
I mean, Godric has just pure plot armor, bro.
The Emperor would win, but that would be the thing that put him on the call.
Godric coming in with a steel chair.
Bloody Shirt Music, thank you for the two dollars.
I draw it to gut the Mavericks.
Thank you.
I don't follow sports, so I don't know that much.
But probably thanks to somebody.
It's the Dallas Mavericks.
They won their last year.
Are you a Timberwolves fan?
Is that why?
I haven't even heard of that team.
I don't know why, but screw the Giants.
That's the thing, isn't it?
But they always win.
I thought it was the Red Sox were supposed to not like.
That's baseball.
Yeah, both of those are baseball.
Same thing.
No, this is basketball.
This is basketball.
No, Giants are football, Red Sox are baseball, and the Mavericks are...
Mavericks are baseball?
I'm sorry, is this some Americans ball?
The Mavericks are basketball.
Do they call it American basketball as well, because it's like different rules or something?
American ball.
Oh my gosh.
Okay, H. Milhoff, thank you for the 5 BGN.
I'd put Lucius Angra on Typhus and Armand in some Spider-Man media.
That'd be awesome.
Spider-Man wiped the fucking floor with them.
I'm not sure why you want to see Spider-Man inverted anus first on Typhus.
There's all sorts of weird magic shit in Marvel.
He can do it.
All right, let's talk about Dark Elves.
So Lucius is like turning up and going, hello, Peter.
I'm going to move on.
The actual war.
Dark Elves.
Welcome to the content.
I'll just pass it to Eli in a minute.
We're going to do a quick little summation of the Dark Elves.
So because they're one of the elf factions, we naturally need to go back to the very beginning of Warhammer,
fantasy's lore, and maybe not quite.
A little bit after.
So old ones made all the elves.
There was originally just elves.
There was no wood elves, high elves, dark elves, just elves.
Demons invaded and the old ones pissed off, and the elves were left to fend for themselves.
And they weren't doing too great a job of it until a dude named Anarion grabbed that sword of Cain,
which is why it's the question, and eternally cursed his bloodline to A,
want to be just like great, great, great granddad.
To be cool and epic and base?
Yes, to ruin everything they have going for them and grab the sword of Cain.
To eternally stub their toe when they leave the front door.
And also just kind of make their bloodline real angsty, which is a problem,
because Anarion had two, kind of two bloodlines.
I'm trying to think of a way to word that.
He had children with two different elves.
I think that's the better way to word it.
One of them was one of the Everqueens, and she died, but her kids didn't.
So that's how we get Tyrion and Teclis.
The other, more pressing one, relevant to what we're talking about, was from Marathi, who gave her her son Malekith.
Marathi, by the way, before I move on, look, I understand Eli opened this with how she's just the worst.
Her backstory is kind of sad, all both hatred and inevitable gooning jokes aside.
She started getting visions of the Great Demon Invasion when she was 11, but no one believed her.
I don't think it's ever clarified how long between that and when it happened.
But I'm assuming it was some amount of time where she kept going around me like, there's demons, there's going to be demons, we're going to have problems.
And everyone just went, no, no, don't worry about it.
We have a donation by Lutimuxuti. Thank you, brother.
He says, oh, damn, Andy, you're pulling away.
The Europeans be like, yeah, I like sports ball. Go New York, ladies.
The funny thing is, I actually don't know what's wrong with that sentence.
We're not going to do it.
Matt Eckhart says, arm wrestle me, I live near Cullin.
That's kind of crazy. I'd lose. Appreciate that.
He's outside your house. Yeah, my money's on you too.
I fucking hate that music, like the doon, doon, doon.
All right, I bet, like 20 years of bad times for Marathi equals 5000 years of being the absolute worst.
Oh, no, she is still the worst.
I'm just saying her opening is kind of sad, does not justify with cubs.
The other thing was, hey, the other thing though, sad about Marathi's
is that when an Aryan left to go grab the sword and kind of leave forever to just kind of die in battle pretty much.
She said, I love you. And then he just kind of turned around and left.
It's like, all right. It's sad.
Well, speaking on point, Joseph Pollard says it's baby mama drama, Colin.
My boy should have mapped it up.
Thank you, Joseph. You were right.
This is a fantasy world. I don't think they own, I don't think they've invented condoms.
I also have magic condoms, I bet.
Yeah, but didn't in medieval times they used to use like pigs in it.
Sheepskin. Yeah.
They found a way to do it.
It can wrap a sausage. It can wrap a sausage.
We got Dacon 83. I think they had bigger problems.
Thank you for the 499. Just finished collecting all Warhammer Fanny's books.
All of them.
Ripped bank account. Pretty sure it's someone's scroll wheel that sounds like the imp from OG Doom.
So this man has 150 books.
That's impressive.
Imagine collecting a dead setting.
Ludie McShootie. Okay, okay. Calm down, Hal. Calm down, Warhammer 40k player.
Ludie McShootie, thank you for the $2. Don't be silly. Wrap your wheelie, my guy.
And an Aryan brah we should have.
It's okay, because either way, the Civil War wraps up.
Marathi is, unfortunately for the world, survived.
And with some help from some demonic friends,
because dark elves are from that wonderful Age of Warhammer fantasy where people that aren't humans could worship Chaos.
She started the cults of pleasure up in Ulthuan, which were just really slanish cults.
They did kind of retcon it to be the dark elf god.
I cast fetus.
Shall I read it?
Thank you, angry homunculus.
Fetus deletus.
But yeah, worship of either a dark god of pleasure or the dark goddess of pleasure.
Malekith was a cool dude for a while, made friends with the dwarfs, was present for the high king of the dwarfs deathbed at the time.
Shout out to Snorri Whitebeard.
He's a real one.
Shout out to as well, BloodyShirtMusic for the membership in Asia as well. Thank you, brother.
Thank you very much.
We will give you a Viking burial just like Snorri deserved.
Indeed.
And then when Malekith got home, he was told to deal with those cults of pleasure and he found out Mommy Dearest was at the head of it.
So after some convincing, depending on which edition of the lore you're reading, that convincing could have taken place in either a conversation or a different sort of encounter.
And he decided he was going to he was going to run for the phoenix king because they passed him up for someone else.
His plan to do this, Iman Marathi, was to accuse the current one of being the real head of the cults of pleasure based on the evidence of trust me, bro, I'm Malekith.
I would never lie to you.
When they told him to fuck off because obviously he walked into the into the fire of Assyrian to prove that he had what it takes to be the phoenix king. And then Assyrian lit him on fire and he burnt to death almost.
Wait, does that quick question? They said they accuse him of being in charge of pleasure cult.
Yeah, they assume it's they assume it's Slaneche.
Pretty much, I believe, at least at the edition like when this was all coming about. Yeah, it was explicitly Slaneche worship.
Which again, small for reference, like basically, I know it not happened yet with Slaneche feasts on the souls.
She likes elf souls, but it's not like in 40k where it's just you're an elf, you die instantly Slaneche time.
Oh, so like elves are like delicate, like a delicacy for Slaneche. She's like, yo, that's that's my like, yeah, my god to go to meal.
It's like it's it's a it's her favorite snack, but it's not Eldar where you know you die. Well, have fun.
The elves are in a much better spot in fantasy than they are in 40k.
They're like pre fall Eldar.
Yeah, and so a little bit of a civil war happens after Malekith is rightfully burned for being the wrong Phoenix King.
He was rejected by a Syrian. What's the term? Crispy or something? Yeah, he was Kentucky Fried Phoenix King.
And the dark elf pushed off Ulthuan and fled to the continent of Naggaroth, which is Warhammer North America.
The worst case scenario. Hey, hey, it's a nice place. All right. Hey,
nice place. The only thing growing there was capitalism and burgers.
There used to be an old lore. There was human tribes in the regions the dark elf landed and then there wasn't after the dark elves were done.
I think in the new lore, it was just they just kind of showed up and were like, all right, this is ours now. And that was the end of it.
But that's the basic origins of the dark elves. Why don't you take it away for a bit?
Is there do you have a message that you want to say before I go look at my Google Doc instead of your screen?
Yes, I would like to say that I think a Syrian really should have just burned Malekith fully to death.
OK, well, first of all, Ludie McShootie, 499. Thank you, fellas. I'm still waiting for Andy specifically to read the epic of Boyne Cobb out here edging me on content.
I don't much appreciate it. But by the way, I am dead, bro. We're like 20 minutes in. It's over for Andy.
Crimson Glory member for one. Thank you. I will fly to Europe. How? I don't know what else you consider Europe.
Beastman from Sweden. Thank you for the 50 SEK. My source is that I made it the F up Malekith 20 negative 2750.
Pretty much. And one I know from Kock. Thank you.
He's him. Yeah, look here is look here is actually awesome.
OK, OK, I have I have a brief summary brief, I guess, of the entire dark elf history.
I reread through my army book recently, so I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to go through that now for the fellows.
I probably won't stop trying to stop too much.
I'll repeat a little bit of what concept that's all right. So in the beginning in negative 4500, I believe, is there around the year time
when the great rift saw demons pouring through it, the Elven race struggled greatly, but was rallied by like concept an Arian.
They self threw himself into the flame of Arian as a sacrifice, but came out alive with untold power.
Mind you, I when I was rereading it, it does burn him.
It said it like it burns him down to his very soul. But then he just he has to endure it.
And so that he then he gets out. So while I used to say the end times lower Malekith just needing to stay in the flame longer was stupid.
It actually makes sense now that every read it and I can actually believe it, unfortunately.
So maybe Malekith did just need to stand in longer.
He was just being a baby at the time and he could have been Phoenix King.
It was definitely nothing to do with the fact he was a rotten human elf being, you know, you know, you know, there's been some pretty lame Phoenix Kings, to be fair, in the times.
There's been some shit ones. There's been some great ones.
Maybe the worse the worse you are, the longer you've got to cook to tailor to the warrior warrior.
He's coming up in a few pages here. But first, an Aryan with a powerful mage, Kaldor the first, I believe he is.
And he wished to create a vortex to seal off the demons from the worlds like the Total War campaign.
But an Aryan was not a big fan of this plan.
And Aryan's wife, the Everqueen, was murdered, unfortunately, and Tyrion Tachylus's children were missing.
In anger, he ventured to the Shrine of Cain and took up Widowmaker, the big scary sword.
He then went to paladol mode against the demons and there was peace for a little bit.
In the time of peace, an Aryan sought the elves who had suffered the most during the war as their sorrow related to his because he was not a very happy guy at this point.
And in the cold, dark place that is Nagarith, did he carve out the kingdom as the bleak place reflected his mood.
These elves, who now followed him, killed in war for the enjoyment of it.
They cared little for defending the family or homeland for they had nothing left to defend.
So they took up slaughter as a passion, coming to despise weakness and even their kin in Uthwen.
And this was the beginning of the creation of the Dark Elves, but they weren't really Dark Elves yet.
They were just the weirdos that lived in North America.
He took Morathi as his wife. Bad move.
But whatever. He saved her from a sledge she wore, in fact.
She'd probably be suspicious at that point anyways, but he still did it.
But he never seemed to love her, like Cullen said.
She was just kind of there, but she sure loved him. She really did.
And Arian's mood grew only darker as the days went on.
Morathi became his counselor above anybody else, to the point where he would only really listen to Morathi.
And she eventually gave him an heir, which was Malekith.
Malekith the heir to the throne. Keep that in mind.
He was a good man for the beginning. He was raised to be a skillful mage, warrior, and leader.
And his right was to inherit the elven kingdom.
In these times, Nagarith became a dark-blood indulgent place.
People assumed death was in the air, and the demons would soon return to slay them all, so they just didn't really care.
They did whatever they wanted. They reveled in reckless abandon and debauchery.
Many in Arian's court left him, most notably Kael'dor, who would go form his own nation.
The demons returned, of course. Kael'dor was pretty cool. I'm not going to lie.
The demons returned, keeping Northwind from civil war, because it was going to happen, but now they were united against a common enemy.
And it saw their greatest challenge yet.
While the phoenix king was an invincible avatar of the elven deities, the demons were simply too many.
Kael'dor decided against reinforcing the king, betraying him, and instead began his ritual to create the vortex.
Arian's heart was wrenched at this very second betrayal, because he betrayed him already by leaving his court.
But he put his pride aside and actually manned up. He chose duty instead, and his troops rode to Kael'dor's side, despite Morathi's pleas for him to stay.
The final battle was literally world-ending, like second biggest battle ever, probably, since the Old Ones' battle with Chaos at the beginning of time.
But I don't know that lore that well, but I knew that happened.
It was kind of like the war in heaven, but for elves and on one planet. So not really comparable, but whatever.
We have a donation just very quickly by Josh. That's very weird, very ordinary name, I'm not used to that.
Josh says, look up Female Kith by Frost.
I'm not looking it up. I'm not looking it up.
Another one by BloodyShirtMusic.
Thank you BloodyShirt.
Andy, can you use a hotspot off your phone for best-in-class? I'm going through bad take with Troy.
Oh man. Well, Andy's the bad take. I mean, after all the tier lists, I can't, that makes sense.
What was I talking about?
It's time with the final battle. Oh, we have another donation before that.
Daycon83 for the $10. Thank you.
Balshanar was incompetent af. We just got done having a war against demons, including demons of Slaanesh.
So no, I won't have Morathi executed for creating cults that give them power.
Yeah, Balshanar was a chump, but we're not at him quite yet.
He deserved what he got.
But, you know, and he got what he got what Malachy should have freaking inherited.
Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.
Oh my gosh. I hate high health plot armor.
Oh my gosh.
The words in the Lord literally says that words cannot describe the deeds of Menarion during this battle.
And at the end, four greater demons pledged themselves to one final assault upon Kael'dor, and only a Narian was in the position to stop them. Upon his dragon, Yngdrognir, he battled them and saw victory, yet he and his mouth were both mortally wounded.
And greater demons are a lot scarier in fantasy than they are in 40k, I'm pretty sure.
I mean, I guess they're probably similar, but in 40k you have Grey Knights who just solo them because they're Grey Knights.
But in fantasy, a greater demon like, I don't know, probably enough to defeat like a quarter of an army by themselves if anything, if it's not more, I would assume.
Every character in fantasy is like, extremely OP. So just keep that in mind.
And then Ludie McShooty, thank you for the 499. Hey bad takes are Mr. Nowork's specialty, just ask him about Dark Souls 2.
I got a dimension of Dark Souls 2, he's making you like, yeah, truly.
I'm not a Dark Souls man.
Oh my gosh. So where was I? Yeah.
As the Vortex thundered, sending out a shockwave that shattered fortresses and killed thousands, the day was won.
Kaldor and the mages were gone, frozen in the vortex to see out an eternal service. And Arion spent his final strength atop this dragon to return Widowmaker to the Shrine of Kain, and then he was never seen again by mortal eyes.
I'm not sure if he became a god or something or if they ever touched that point of lore. I assume they didn't, but maybe he did.
Is he, he's not an age of Syngmar lore, is he? Call him an Arion.
Oh, no, he is. Oh, so he did survive then. He's dead. Well no, he didn't.
Okay. I'll get to it.
So with the king gone, it would only be natural for his heir to rule, as you know, every society on the planet ever does. And like the elves always did.
But many looked to Malakith while others doubted this course of action.
They remember the darkness of an Arion's court and wondered what mark this may have left on a child. And so, out of, I don't know if this is even legal, but they did it, they elected a guy named Bel Shinar, who was a huge chump.
Wasn't it also because-
Is it legal?
Didn't they also find an Arion's first wife's children?
Yeah. Because the Phoenix King has to marry the Everqueen, he would end up marrying his sister and they were like, eww.
I don't think they knew where they were at this point.
Because in the timeline, at least in the army book timeline, Tyrion and Teclis don't show up until like 3000 years from now.
They're the latest of the line.
They're their descendants, they're not the children of an Arion.
Yeah.
You know, they're not his kids.
Yeah. So they're not the rightful heirs.
Based on whose word? Malachiths?
Malachiths is the actual heir, it says it right there. Oh my gosh. Whatever. They elected Bel Shinar some frickin' loser.
Malachith got cheated out of his birthright, his literal birthright.
And chopping his sister.
The Everqueen was dead at the time anyways.
Oh, because the new Everqueen had-
But there wasn't a new Everqueen, I don't think. The war just ended.
Am I right, Colin? Isn't it like the new Everqueen was the Arion's daughter?
I believe it was Asterial's daughter, yeah.
Yeah, so like he couldn't- there was an extra argument at the time, they were like, oh Malachith, you can't marry your sister.
And he was like, oh, that's kind of cringe.
But I wanna.
But I want the crown.
That wouldn't even be his- it depends on if that was also an Arion's kid or not.
No, yeah, an Arion's children from his first wife.
That isn't mentioned in the army book history.
They were saved by- not Treebeard, who's his name? Who's the end? Look at him, MF.
Derthu?
They were saved by Derthu by going through like the World Tree things, and eventually they were brought back.
And then they were like, uh, who are these children? They went, oh, by the way, they were his.
Yeah, it was-
Oh, Tom Warren. Thank you, says, uh, lots of monarchies don't use primogenital shouts at Cthulhu kings, by the way.
Oh, it was- Asterial was an Arion's wife. Uh, her kid- their kid was incidentally named Yvrain.
Interesting.
This one came first.
Rarest purposes, Halle's right. High elves don't do incest.
Crazy about that, because that's about to change.
Yeah, non-dormant. Dormant? Dormant? God, sorry I messed that up.
Are there Native American factions in Warhammer? I know the Amazonians are a thing, but what about the others?
Not really. I think there was in old lore hints that one used to exist before the dark elves came and dark elf them to death.
You could mean the-
Then they got rid of that.
Who's the Eldar that are, like, exodites? Exodites are kind of in that line.
Nah, kind of.
Native American factions- I mean, there's someone who does great artwork and there's a great kit bash of someone who's done Native American stuff.
I guess the Rainbow Warriors had something about it, but I don't remember.
You can make one up if you want. It's Warhammer.
Yeah, really. Um, what was I- okay, so Balishanar was elected, we still haven't got past that, holy cow.
Okay, for years to come the elves reveled in victory and pleasure cults from Nagarith spread across the entire elven kingdom.
Anarchy soon ensued and the kingdom that was fought so hard to save was on the verge of collapse.
Thankfully for them- this was all planned out by Malakith and Morathi, of course- Malakith would come in and save the day eventually,
but for now he spent his time traveling the world, marrying a priestess in Tor Alesi where he fought many battles against Chaos Beasts and Orcs.
During these days he became friends with the dwarves and Balishanar soon appointed him as the ambassador to the dwarven high king.
He continued his travels all across the world to realms now long forgotten.
He claimed his father's armor and in a dark lost fortress in the north, much like a lot of people's problems seem to come from, he found a powerful, dark relic and picked it up when he decided to use it.
Stop picking that shit up.
This was the Circlet of Black Sorcery, which would spark an obsession with magic and damn Anarian's heir to what happens next.
He would eventually return to Ulthuan that was in desperate need of a savior.
How convenient. Malakith saw victory after victory, weeding out and destroying cults all across the land, but many more would always pop up and they would somehow never fully be destroyed.
Because in the shadows, he and Morathi schemed together.
When the cults were traced to his mother, he denounced her and demanded her imprisonment, but was all part of the plan to win over the people, along with his stolen birthright.
Holy cow. Mentioning Morathi really does make you ill.
Yeah, apparently. Geez Louise.
Did you see your suit, brother?
Yeah, soon, soon.
You know what, here, you guys, you guys talk about something fun.
I'm going to go get something to drink so that I stop goofing so much.
There is something cool, literally, which I want to mention about Naggaron.
What's the northern...
Naggarith.
No, it's the northern part of the donut.
Yeah, that's Naggarith. They named it, they named Naggaron like after it.
Because in Naggarith, the elves that I'm pretty sure that live there, they're the ones that like essentially, well they've all become mostly dark elves, but they're the ones that have like the black hair and like the haler skin.
Elven nightlords that just live to kill dark elves.
Who's the guy with the bow?
Elythanar.
Elythanar, he's the one who's still like, so even in like that area, just to mention like that's like kind of the rich area and there were loads of people who lived in the north as like a sort of reference for that area.
A healthy individual.
So when like Malekith could draw on resources and armies, that whole region was full of elves who were like, oh my god it's our friend who looks like us and he's like our savior and he's like our homeboy.
So you know.
They're pretty much ready to go.
Completely unrelated story.
Now that I have to get fricking 14,000 steps a day, I walked to the Circle K, which is like the gas station.
Yeah, we got some of those in America.
Yeah, and my hoodie and sweatpants, I was unshaven and unkempt and I bought three monsters and a diet A&W.
I figured that that was very gamer looking of myself.
And I felt a little silly, but they sure do taste good.
If you've done anything like recent news where someone who left shit stains at the fucking Warhammer tournament.
What?
On the back of chairs.
Just shower.
Just shower and wipe.
What is wrong with these people, man?
Whatever.
Chaos fans always like pretend they would be anything but a Nergal follower.
I don't know if that story is true about the guy who played World Eaters and then we start doing pushups when it was in his face.
It's real. I talked to the guy on the phone.
The legend's unhinged.
Who's unhinged?
Who stains at the Warhammer tournament is pretty out of left field for me, buddy.
This is not a Magic the Gathering tournament, okay?
There's just a lot of people shitting themselves in their chairs.
Magic people aren't so bad, it's the Yu-Gi-Oh people that you gotta look out for.
When you walk into the hobby store, you know if there's a Yu-Gi-Oh tournament going on.
You can be on the other part of the freaking room and you'll know that it's there.
It's in the air, dude.
Smell. Smelly smell.
Smelly.
Oh my gosh.
Sorry, Yu-Gi-Oh.
The Nergal player used shit as paint, that's right.
Oh my gosh.
I think one guy in his family got high off of mushrooms and then painted goblins.
Dude, you couldn't be any more in the zone for that.
Dr. Sharps and Tarmin.
Oh man.
I'm gonna say something foul then as well.
Oh, because that was the last bit wasn't.
I'm gonna keep on trooping.
Yeah, where was I?
Oh my gosh.
Just a second, holy cow.
Oh well, we have a donation board.
Thank you Nomadic Gaming for the $10.
Mr. Pryor streamed, but this is to make Angron his own hated tier above Erebus.
For being the settings uber-jober overused worst-written one-dimensional baddie.
Also for off-screening Yerrick F. Angron.
Wow. You do not like Angron.
I don't know whether the thing where people say Angron killed Yerrick.
It's not been written anywhere that that's the thing.
That was like a theory at the time.
True. It's not canon yet.
It's not been a thing.
But also, to be fair, Angron in his books is cool that that's the thing.
It makes him really sad.
It's genuinely like, oh man.
My poor boy.
No primers, get rid of them.
I'm going back up in 40k. Stick to 30k in your fucking playpen.
Bro, this is a model-making company.
This doesn't make sense and make good doors.
And yet you say that Felix won't come back.
I just don't see it happening, bro.
Because I think Warhammer fantasy is already like...
It's hitting its apex of interest at the moment, unfortunately.
Fantasy?
Which saddens me greatly.
That's exactly why they're abandoning Old World and not doing anything else.
Please give me the dwarfs!
Those new dwarfs do look so cool though, actually.
GW, he wasn't ready.
I would also like my 5000 year old character named Malekith in my Dark Elf index, please.
Or my like 1000 year old vampire characters, please.
Nuh-uh.
Also, Lulia and Curr is like 1000 years old and he's not...
At least not, he's a couple hundred.
Oh my gosh, he's close enough!
He was not the king at the time of the War of the Three Emperors.
This is not Dark Elves. We should get back on topic.
Yeah, you're right.
So anyways, this is where things get a bit important.
The people grew desperate at this point because of all the cult stuff.
Malekith convened a council with Belshanar in the Elven Council at the Shrine of Cain.
Unknown to them at this time, Nagarith's armies marched to Uthuan.
Malekith poisoned the Venex Hymn before the council began, and at this meeting he declared Belshanar a cultist.
This did not go so well for him though.
The other princes declared Malekith a traitor, but he was ready for this.
His assassin sprang forth and killed everybody.
Malekith strode into the flame of Azaryan and was met with blinding pain as his flesh was scorched away.
Yeah, he gave up too soon, unfortunately, and Arian had endured such pains when he entered the flame, as I said before, and burned away his very soul.
But Malekith was not made of the sterner stuff of his father and fell short of his ascension.
Pussy.
Yeah, I mean, I'll be the first to admit he did pussy out there. He could have had it.
In End Times, he does get it, I'm pretty sure, to my what I remember.
End Times does say, if Malekith stayed in there longer, he would have been Phoenix King.
And I used to think that was dumb, but reading how in for an area on that gives it actually makes sense, but whatever.
Anyways, he wavered and he threw himself out of the flames and he destroyed his chance of becoming the Phoenix King.
His broken body was brought north, and in his stead Morathli led the Nagarith armies against Uthuan.
These armies were far superior to their opponents, as Malekith had instilled within them a warrior spirit that would not easily be denied.
And the armies of Uthuan had grown kind of lazy at this time.
Along with this, Morathli wove her threads of subsurface and pledged many princes of Uthuan to her cause.
Almost all hope was lost for Uthuan, something that you'll hear many, many times throughout all of history.
But the prince is playing one final...
I'm sorry, who in the chat said how to paint skid marks? Who said that?
Oh my gosh, man.
I'm sorry, Andy making a vote.
I'm not giving the worst takes imaginable.
We have Kaldor.
Oh my gosh. What was there? Oh my gosh.
Sorry, Yela.
It's alright, I'm just trying to remember where I left off.
Okay, yeah, that's where they elected Emrik of Kaldor as Phoenix King, who would become Kaldor II, I believe.
And I'm not sure, I don't think this is Emrik nowadays, right Kaldor? This is a different Emrik, I assume.
Emrik is the guy who rides the dragon.
That's a different Emrik, yeah.
She's just like on the Matthew or John whatever, just a popular name.
Okay, so even in Emrik's long-thought, uncorruptible lands, there was betrayal.
And the sorcerer Hotec was discovered creating weapons for the armies of Negraith, who would then later flee and create Malakith's black suit of armor that allowed him to rise and lead his armies once more and live forever, seemingly.
And this was the beginning of the Witch King.
Upon the field of Maldor, the Witch King's forces almost saw victory, of course, almost again, until Emrik, now named Kaldor, slew Malakith's dragon and sent him hurdling into the Ulthuan army.
Malakith slaughtered his way through, but it was too late and the day was won for the usurper.
Keep that in mind, keep this in mind, because there's another time where Ahaiil gets slain on his dragon and the complete opposite happens, so remember that for the future.
Joseph Pollard, thank you for the $5.
Thank you, brother.
Hal Stormcast Felix, will it happen? You love crafting horror.
And then Ludie McTruity, thank you for the $2. Kind of wanted top 10 charts to win, but whatever.
Oh my gosh.
Okay, Malakith and his forces fled, and this brought him the realization that Ulthuan would never be his and the realization part of cold hatred the likes of the world had never seen.
I thought I saw him in it.
Alright, the Witch King decided on a final plan to destroy the Vortex. One sorcerer of his court saw the madness and swiftly went to inform Kaldor.
The mages of Ulthuan and Nagarith battled for control atop their towers in a Gandalf versus Saruman fight.
If you remember the Saruman scene where he's calling down the mountain on Gandalf from all across the world.
That was these two guys reeling at each other from two towers across the world.
Next remembrance of radio. Heal my depression. I read Riverside HQ. We should read Riverside HQ in Minecraft.
Alright, so as this happened, the Vortex weakened, but first to emerge was Kaldor Dragontamer, the first.
Instead of the demons, for whatever reason, his mages swiftly ended the conflict and resealed the Vortex.
But the backlash caused the cataclysmic tidal wave that engulfed Tirannok and Nagarith, and with the rest of their power the sorceresses dislodged their kingdom to ride out the storm into the dark lands of Nagaroth.
Those are the Black Arcs. Sorry, that's how the Black Arcs from the great cities were formed.
A donation by Kolob who says, we all know the Traitor Elves of Ulthuan tainted the flame of Azurian with foul sorcery and hashtag justice.
That's right. I heard somebody else say that too. I haven't read that lore.
Oh, lethanar kill this man.
I have heard that they rigged it against Malekith, but I don't know what that's for.
I can talk about what exactly the End Times lore was in a bit.
Oh, it's End Times lore.
Raryspepe says, give me toilet and fortnite when?
Okay, calm down Raryspepe, calm down. That, hopefully, though, you know.
I saw a comment the other day that said, how do you stop kids from saying cringe stuff?
And it says just get their parents to say it to them unironically. And immediately they all stop.
Yep. Unbelievable.
Alright, so as they reached faraway shores, the cities lodged themselves and they began the founding of Nagaroth.
Nagaron itself is the capital, but Nagaroth is the whole region.
It was to be a capital that would rival Uthuan itself, and for its construction, countless slave ships were sent off to the barbarian lands.
These ships would return with hundreds, even thousands of slaves, thus beginning the Dark Practice.
The Dark Elves made a fleet and began to invade Uthuan for 2,000 years, but were ultimately pushed back.
Harker Summerlin, thank you for the $5. Live from the Black Library made a video about the Raven Guard having Native American inspiration, so that's cool.
Thank you, Bloody Share Music, for the five World Crimes memberships. You guys are ballin'. Everybody's a member today.
Appreciate you, brother. Thank you. Seriously. Thank you. Thank you very much.
Okay, so Kael'dor himself was sailing home, and he was caught in a storm that Marathi made, and her courses came to capture him.
Instead of being captured, he leapt into the sea wearing full armor. Good for him. I wouldn't want to be captured either by the Dark Elves.
So now Kael'dor II is dead. For a while, both sides looked inwards, but Malkuth was not idled.
Disguised, High Elves, sorry, Dark Elves, disguised as High Elves, attacked the Dwarves and committed atrocities against them,
which would then spark the War of the Beard, because the Dwarves blamed the High Elves for these things.
The High Elves didn't want to take the blame, and they were being all pompous about it.
And so the Elves and the Dwarves fought one of the worst wars in all of Warhammer history, and a lot of people died.
I literally don't know how this didn't make the Dark Elves win, but it's whatever. It's fine.
Because this was right after they got done getting their asses beaten in Civil War's opening.
While Ulthuan was vulnerable, Malkuth took his armies and they retook the Shadowlands, which was Nagorath, building an Aryan's fortress anew.
I don't know why I'm kufing so much.
For a few centuries, they held out, but when Tethlyss was made Phoenix King, he drove the Dark Elves from Anlek, which was the tower, and the Shadowlands once again.
Tethlyss would later die at the Shrine of Kain, but by who is unknown. Thus began the Age of Hateful Peace.
The High Elves grew soft, and Malkuth had Morathi create cult agents. These agents traveled to Ulthuan and assumed normal lives, such as farmers and poets.
In the shadows, though, they spread their poisonous beliefs, and the pleasure cults grew once again.
Despite the progress, Malkuth's soul had grown weary without constant turmoil.
Morathi tried everything to stir her son, but only when a messenger of Athel Lorne arrived did the Witch King stir.
This messenger brought news of Alasara, Malkuth's long-gone wife.
She had made her kingdom within the Woodrealm, but, ridden with guilt, pledged herself to return to Malkuth's side if he wished it, which he did.
We had a donation, I think. And the other message where he says Morathi made the Elves soft. I think she did exactly the opposite of that. Yeah, very funny.
There was no donation, just the pole. So, this is the beginning of Morathi's string of ruining everything.
Because Morathi caught wind. What? What does that mean? You skipped one part of the War of the Beard, though.
What? Those dark elves sent to instigate the war were also the ones who taught Nagash how to do black magic.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, there's another thing that can blame the dark elves for.
Really a butterfly effect. Look, if Malkuth- If Malkuth was Phoenix King, none of this would have happened.
If Malkuth had decided to kill the dwarves and the elves and break his deathbed oath.
I reckon Malkuth goes by Keith for sure. No, no I do not. I think it's Malkuth, so no.
Because it's not intimidating, so he dropped the Keith bit. Oh my gosh, okay.
So, anyways, Morathi, despite Malkuth trying to hide it from her, Morathi caught wind of Alicera coming to see Malkuth.
And she sent a maddened high elf lord to the shores of Bretonnia, where he and his armies slaughtered Alicera and her escort.
This was the one moment Malkuth had for redemption. He had one last spark of warmth within his heart, because this kind of reawakened it, that he knew of his wife returning.
But Morathi brought him the news of her death, and that last bit of warmth died forever, and it sealed his fate and made him a big villain for all of eternity.
Thanks a lot, Morathi. Thank you Crimson Glory for the five dollars, elves being the worst par for the course. Fair enough.
So, Malkuth's rage was great and swift, and a war council was held that night, and eight of the lords at the war council were slain, as they had been squandering their time fighting each other in Malkuth's absence.
Entire noble houses were wiped out overnight, as the witch king purged all of Naggaroth.
In Ulthuan, the new phoenix king Aethas was a weak man, who allowed his society to find more in arts than that of the martial arts, I guess.
Under this culture, the cultists were able to easily spread their influence through these arts, and Malkuth issued the order for them to strike.
All across Ulthuan, nobles were found dead in their beds and rampant crime raged.
Thankfully for the high elves, once again, a secret society of warriors had been preparing for this very moment, and the sword masters of Hoeth sprang into action and sent the cults back into the shadows.
Of course, new cultists were sent and one even secured his spot as Aethas's chancellor, poisoning his every deed. By the time he was discovered, Aethas was already murdered.
Malkuth also discovered Morathi's hand in killing his wife, and so he sent her to the deepest dungeon for one single year.
After this, he decided on no further punishment, but promised obliteration if she was found meddling in his destiny again, because he overall decided that the event made him stronger.
After Aethas, Morval became the phoenix king, and he quickly sent armies to Naggaroth in retaliation of all that occurred.
Malkuth's armies were ready, and they were built anew, and when the elves arrived, they were absolutely destroyed.
The witch king then used this to his advantage and sailed for Naggaroth to once again rebuild and leg.
Once again, the dark elves crashed their army against the Griffin Gate, which is what they weren't able to get through before, and it was now largely held by an emergency militia, so very inexperienced troops, just farmers and bros.
Slowly the inexperienced warriors were grinded down as Malkuth racked the phoenix king's dreams with nightmares.
Morval emptied the treasuries to rebuild the fleet, which caught off the dark elf's supply lines, and this forced Malkuth's hand to lead the final assault he personally did from the front,
but he was defeated just barely when Mentheus of Kaldor arrived at the last second, wonderful, with a relief force.
For three centuries they then skirmished in the Shadowlands until Mentheus pushed the Druki back to the gates of Anlek.
This battle lasted for weeks, but was ended when Mentheus was slain, making his dragon go berserk.
And this is like the worst writing I've ever read.
They killed the commander, and so his dragon got mad and destroyed like half the dark elf army and the fortress itself, and so then they lost.
I think that's so dumb, that doesn't make any sense. How would that have not just happened before when the commander was alive?
Whatever, they needed a reason for the dark elves to lose, it's fine. Thank you, Crimson Glory.
Yeah, thank you, brother. He says, just donating for Andy's fancy sassaccentric attire fund.
I'm missing it this time. I'll have to take a look back. Thank you for the five dollars.
Morvel quickly succumbed to despair, that was the phoenix king, after these events and committed suicide. Malkith had lived through the passing of seven phoenix kings now, and he vowed to see the last one perish no matter how far into eternity that would take.
And, actually, ironically, he becomes the last phoenix king, I do believe, in the end times.
The age of glorious torment began, and Malkith set his eyes beyond Uthuan into the wider world. He sent out the many admirals, and competition between the noble families began.
It was a time of discovery and opportunity, and all dark elves could make a name of themselves and make something of themselves in these new worlds as the opportunity to find basically unlimited free labor and riches in these new worlds was pretty great for these guys.
This was their coming to America, but a lot meaner.
The dark elves grew incredibly rich as they plunder Bretonnia, Tilia, and the likes, creating the largest most glorious fleet their people had ever seen.
Druki ships began to shadow high elf trading vessels to discover their closest allies, who they then poisoned with words or literal poison. Dark elf influence spread across the globe, and it is said Malkith was informed of a high elf ship's landing before the phoenix king.
For centuries, he played his pawns against the kingdom of Uthuan, sending out the world's armies to raid and pillage the high elves. Despite this, Finnebar, who was a pretty cool guy, I'm pretty sure, I don't know his lore that well, but I know that he was a good phoenix king.
Yeah, he had made the new phoenix king, and he rallied his people that saw unity they had not seen since the days of an era.
Malkith once again prepared to invade Uthuan, and this time with Norzer and allies, the Norskins, had arrived to attack Megoroth, but Morathi swayed them to the Druki side.
They breached the high elf's lands, and Malkith sought the slain of Elariel, but she evaded him at every turn with the aid of Tirion.
Even his four greatest assassins failed, so he turned to desperate measures and contacted N'Kari, the greater demon of Slenesh, and struck a deal with him.
Throughout all of Uthuan, the Northmen and Dark Elves took victory after victory, slaughtering the seemingly unlimited supply of high elf defenders.
Unfortunately, N'Kari had been banished, because I'm pretty sure Tirion just wins every single battle that he's ever in.
I assume that there's more lore about that in the high elf book.
He's Tirion, he's him.
Yeah, he just wins, except for one time, but that's coming up, and it's so awful.
N'Kari was banished, Malkith took this as a very bad omen, and ordered his greatest commanders to return to Nagoroth, and led the remaining forces of the final battle against the high elves.
But this was a much smaller army of the ones who Malkith saw as expendable, and then a small contingent of his greatest warriors.
And this was also containing the remainder of his Norse allies.
Perhaps if he brought the entirety of his armies, they would have won, but he was very cautious, because Elariel was still alive, and he had had victory stolen from him too many times, to risk everything at this moment.
Thank you, Nematic Gaming.
It says,
Fancy sensors have two ripcaders, you can't un-know this, now everyone is welcome. I had to ruin it, since I have to deliver the curse. Now you all do.
I didn't know that either, but thank you for sharing this.
Is it not just a long rip cage?
I don't know, that's neat.
Oh, because it's one at the torso, and then one in the midriff of the horse.
Oh, that is weird. Oh no.
They must have like two sets of organs then too.
Facky.
Macky.
That's disgusting.
Okay, out of all the things that we've talked about, frickin' Centaur Anatomy is the worst now.
At least my centaurs don't leave sharp stains on the tournament chairs, okay?
Oh gosh.
Okay.
Where was I?
Okay, so during this battle, Malekith and Tekklus had a cool magic fight, and Malekith's champion, Poisonblade, went to go fight Tyrion.
And this is like, this is so like, reading this makes me want to like tear your hair out, it's so bad.
Poisonblade literally beats Tyrion, like he beats him in the 1v1, and he's about to kill him, when Morathi just then tunes into the battle,
and sees Tyrion, and says, hey Tyrion looks like an Arian, I don't want him to die, and so she uses all of her sorcery to make Poisonblade's sword not work, and it pings off of Tyrion's armor and Poisonblade dies.
Oh, sharp.
So, so stupid dude, oh my gosh.
We should mention, Tyrion is a descendant of an Arian, and he's wearing an Arian's armor.
So he looks like a young version of an Arian, and Morathi's, oh he looks like my late husband, I think I can't let this guy die.
It was also come like 7th, 8th edition, they started retconning Morathi into having dementia.
Yeah, that makes sense. She's definitely crazy.
She's always been crazy, but it went from like, evil, insane sorceress crazy, to just kind of losing her mind crazy.
Yeah, that makes sense.
Yeah, but this was, yeah, this was a tough read.
And then they lost, obviously, again.
Thank you Tom Warren as well. Sentors with leaf stains everywhere.
Yes.
Truly we have thought too much about this.
With Sentar, like, how would, do you think they have like Sentar toilets, or do you think they just like, poo like regular horses, they just poo like everywhere.
How do they sit? Do they sit like, their four legs crossed and they sit down, or do they sit on the back?
Like a dog?
Yeah, like which one is it?
Document, you see.
Imagine for a moment, one of fantasy mini-series, except Godric is played by Nicholas Cage, and Nicholas Ryan Gosling.
Just like the For Real, For Real.
Okay, so once again, High Elves just was like the most unbelievable, unbelievable plot armor I've ever read in Warhammer, aside from like Space Marine stuff.
So whatever.
But the Dark Elves actually were still doing okay until Teclis unleashed a big curse from his moon staff that brought the wrath of Azar Yon upon Malekith, so I'm pretty sure it was kind of like he was in the flames all over again.
And it burned him with vengeance. He was desperate to save himself, so he hurled himself into the realm of chaos.
Then Khurran, who is frickin' so cool, he's the captain of the Black Guard.
Khurran Darkhand of the Black Guard, led what remained back to Naggaroth at a brutal pace, leaving behind any who could not keep up.
High Elves brought armies against him three times, as he was on the retreat, and he beat them three times.
So he brought the best of the best back to Naggaroth. The rest, everyone else died, obviously.
But when he returned, he found the realm tearing itself apart. Eight dreadlords vied for supremacy, so he invited them all to the Black Tower for a banquet.
When the eight sat, he locks the door and informs them that whoever is the last one alive can be the new king.
Soon after, Khurran himself unlocks the door and strode out, his halberd bloody and himself unblemished, but for a single scar upon his face. He's a badass.
For six months, he and Morathi would cleanse Naggaroth of the traitorous families.
Now, for over a decade, Malekith wandered and survived in the realm of chaos until he finally came back to the mortal world, where his broken body was found.
Morathi poured magic into her son for a year, and he finally woke with a new resolve.
And then there's like some local, your fell stuff, fell heart stuff in between that.
And then it kind of just leaves off on a cliffhanger saying Malekith can go invade Uthuan once again.
Donation by Colbo, he says, in William King's Tyrion and Teckris novels, Tyrion was just genuinely a more skilled combatant than Uriion Poisonblade, hence that's why he won barely in brackets.
Interesting. The army book says that it was Morathi's magic that made him not kill him.
In the prison story, again, thank you brother, he says, centaurs are truly just a chaos spawn with definitive form. They must be purged.
I don't mind it. They're okay. There's that one guy who's the father of all centaurs ever, and this guy's got like thousands of children or something.
And he can teleport in the Warhammer mod, so if you want to play that on Total War, go for it.
Yeah, so that's basically the history of the Dark Elves. When you're the aggressor, much like Mr. Abaddon, the Dispoiler, in a universe where you can't wipe out a faction, you are kind of forced to lose every single time, which can unfortunately means the writers have to come up with reasons for you to lose every time, and oftentimes they can be kind of bad, but that's just kind of how it is.
So yeah, I have all the cities of Naggaroth that I can talk about if we want, or you can talk, Colin, it's up to you.
About Naggaroth a bit?
I don't know, I can talk about the cities, or do you want to talk about characters right now? I have the cities, characters a lot more exciting, maybe I should do the boring stuff first and then you can do the exciting stuff.
Sure.
Okay. So this is in no particular order, I had to summarize cities because there are actually pretty cool. Kyron Kar is the slave trade for the Dark Elves, like the Slade Hub.
It is located at the edge of the Chilled Sea and as a result, it is freezing all the time, ice cold rain, constant braving of the elements, batters these people into the toughest of their kind, is known as Slaver's Gate for all slave ships pass through its ports to unload their cargo.
People are really not nice here. Failed escapees hang from the walls of the Tower of Despair, is what the city is called, enchanted to live in pain for their last few moments.
Many beast masters are taught here not only to tame monsters, but also to tame the slaves of the many species and exploit them, whether they be orcs, humans, or elves, how to make them work the best.
This is the city of vast riches for the slave traders reside here, lounging in wondrous homes whose walls are adorned with the polished bones of slaves.
It's perhaps the cruelest of cities amongst the Druki and its inhabitants love to see freezing, terrified riches that are brought by the ships.
They relish in their pain and fear, leering and shouting at them, even throwing rocks to cause them to slip or fall into the freezing seas.
But it is better to die than go to Kar-on-Kar.
Harganeth is probably my favorite because Harganeth Executioners are like the coolest models to ever exist.
But it's a city of order. It's like the only city with laws amongst the most chaotic realm on the planet.
It's the only city where not a single crime is permitted. In fact, every single crime has the same punishment, which is execution, hence Executioners of Harganeth.
Treachery is still a rye, just in a much more subtle manner.
The nobles live a life of shadow, trying to trick their rivals into breaking the law with ploys that often take years to see the light.
Perhaps most famous of Harganeth, though, is the one night where all is permissible, and that is Death Night, which is basically the Purge.
The gates are sealed, everyone is trapped inside, and all the slaves are set loose amidst the streets as the revelry begins.
Water, sacrifice, and cannibalism run rampant as the city fills itself with sweet crimson.
Cain is worshipped in no better way than Death Night, and all across Naggaroth, all the hags and witch-ladies celebrate it, but everyone else kind of tries to not be part of it.
But everybody in Harganeth has to participate. It's like the one rule.
In the immortal ruler herself, Helebron bathes in the blood spilled on this holy night so that she can stay immortal, and as dawn rises, a bell tolls, and it's over, back to order.
She's the one who gets really disgustingly old, isn't she, if she doesn't immediately bathe in orphans at the drop of a hat. It must be. God forbid a woman have hobbies.
Upon Death Night. So, like, she has her, like, half a season of youthfulness and then half a season of being really old. I don't quite remember. Bro, she's just trying her best. I think it's because Merathi doesn't let her do it any other night, if I remember correctly.
Well, she doesn't tell her the recipe, as in, like, how to beat, like, Merathi, where, like, she's constantly young looking. So she basically's like, you can do this, like, botched up method, and she kind of laughs while she just constantly tries to keep looking young.
To skincare routine.
Maybe she's born with it. Maybe it's all the meat.
Clark Horan is the city of doom. It is the shipyard of the Drukki. It is a massive city that continues in its creeping growth every single year. The black timber used to build the grand fleets are harvested from the neighboring pine forests of the Dusk Ridge.
They worship Ana Thraima, goddess of the Savage Hunt, and their location has gained them the greatest access to the horrific war beasts enjoyed by all the dark elves. Krybdis, Harpies, Manticores, Hydras, Cold Ones, and also, like, ancient Leviathan creatures the size of cities are bent and broken here.
And the Beastmasters of Clark Horan are famed for their services, and they're highly sought out by dreadlords. Every year the Contest of Claws is held between Clark Horan and Karnd Karr, which is a great competition of Beastmasters, where the two cities share grand rivalry.
Hey, Greif is the city of shadows, and I'm pretty sure this is where Malice Darkblade is from, if I'm not mistaken. It is a realm. It's basically the Underdark from D&D. It's built at the bottom of a lightless cavern, and it's multi-leveled with lots of twisting walkways going through, and some of these walkways or platforms are entire towns in themselves.
They're made of stone, bones, spider silk, all that. Very drow-esque, in my opinion. And in the darkest depths of these caverns are the mines where the slaves dig deep within the warpstone-infested tunnels. Because of the warpstone, the slaves are corrupted, and when they die, they are reanimated by the warpstone, and they have to work until they decompose, so they work for a very long time.
It's not a nice place to be. Even the dark elves there don't like it, so it has the most people volunteering for military service. They don't even need a draft or, like, forced conscription, because everyone wants to get out. But as a result, it has some good soldiers.
Grand is the Tower of Prophecy, where Marathi rules and hangs out. It's also the cool Baterin Ram and Lord of the Rings. One of the hardest scenes ever. It was renamed after an old Balrog, wasn't it, as well?
I think so. Maybe, I don't remember. He was the first Balrog. People in the chat maybe correct us. Was it Crimson Glory? It says, death night sounds like every night in Chicago in LA. I mean, I was thinking it, I wasn't going to say it.
But atop this gigantic tower, the sorceress can see all across the land and read the Strands of Fate. That's why it's called the Tower of Prophecy. It's another city of extreme wealth, and Malakith lets his mother kind of do whatever she wants. He gives her general autonomy as long as she pays the tithes, which she does.
The palace is a legendary place that people all across the land know about. Not a single man is let in unless Marathi lets them. It's fairly rare. It's a very good place of decadence and fineries.
The armies outside of Grond are constantly fighting because they're near the Chaos Wastes. The Northmen and Chaos guys in general are constantly drawn to the raw magic. But the armies are all enraptured by Marathi's beauty, and so they never think about deserting. They're also pretty good troops.
And then lastly is Nagarond, and it's the greatest and first city of the Dark Elves. It is surrounded by walls over 100 feet tall and dotted with hundreds more watchtowers. It is absolutely gigantic. The streets are a place of madness and only the strongest survive in Nagarond.
This, of course, is to the Witch King's liking, as anarchy weeds out the weak within his ranks. And in fact, he actually promotes his anarchy and discord and actively causes revolts and rivalries for people to kill each other.
And all this he does within the Black Tower, a city of massive fortresses within the city of Nagarond itself, which is where all the higher-ups live, but he himself only lives in the central bastion. It has no fire in it. There's no torches or sconces because poor Malekith is still kind of scared of live flame, but no one will ever say that, of course.
He also has like a fortress of solitude beneath it that not even Morathi can see inside of. Pretty neat. And then lastly is Har Caldra, which is the Forgotten City because Malekith blew it up. And yeah, hopefully I didn't steal all of Colin's lore.
But, alright, very good. That is the history of the Dark Elves, general history, and their little continent.
Colin, I want to read out the comment he just put in the chat. Oh, of course. He put me in a room with Morathi and we'll both come out pregnant.
Okay, okay. I don't even want to think about the logistics of that. My god. When you call me out, you understand if I put it in the chat, I'm clearly not ashamed to say it.
Gronn was the name of Morgoth's mace, yes. Oh, that's cool. Unrelated. I like how Lord of the Rings is running out of magic by the time the books and movies and running out of magic in their eyes is. Yeah, I raised five million orcs from the fucking dirt and I'm Sauramann. I'm like a fifth tier power in the grand scheme of things.
I like Lord of the Rings magic quite a lot. It's fucking awesome. It's low fantasy magic in a way. It's low, but it's like all the high fantasy magic stuff was like in the Silmarillion in the background or backstory.
Who's the elf who like when he died he caught fire because he was such a hothead or something. He's the one who made the Silmarillion. That's funny.
I don't know my Tolkien lore that could. I've forgotten some of the chat remember. It's the guy who created the Silmarils.
And I go into circle. That is very funny. This character I think is an inspiration for Malekith a little bit because he was like a dark-haired elf who I believe he was such a hothead as well.
He got lured into bringing the elves over to fight Morgoth and Sauron's forces and then when he died, his five sons surrounded him. He literally started burning because he was such like a hot spirit or something crazy.
I. Oh yeah, Andy. Andy, what do you think about the dark elves so far?
Yeah, for the audio list is poor Andy is being blocked out by Riverside. And you see this is why we are switching programs. Yeah, this was like this was like freaking 20 minutes in and he was he got killed.
I'm breaking off. You know, that's it. You know, I pre-piles what is pre-used. I think is Malek. He's an actual like Norse myth or something. He's in the Frick. He's in the Thor movie too. And he's also a dark elf in the Thor movie.
But they might have also like one of fantasy or Marvel like which one originally. I think if I remember seeing it, the dark elves like were in Warhammer fantasy first but Malek is a character came after Marvel Malek is easy.
Document USA. Thank you to the five dollars. I don't like what I'm also seeing the chat. I see lots of more at these simply. She's a snake now and likely has the double snake shlong.
Call it and techless are coming out of that room pregnant. Thank you. Also Lucas Lucas below that said just looked up who Marathi is she hot.
Bro, this is why we're so do Marathi's world. We're so you would be dead.
Bro, bro, was it like someone said them if they got rid of their ability to be horny, they'll be so productive like honestly on a new level. So I gang is cons gang is cons frickin sages told them semen retention was the way to like everlasting life road not listen though.
The world or something can trace their blood back to him. I think so. Which one percent doesn't sound a lot except there's seven and a half billion people. I'm about to achieve Nirvana just by not sipping from Marathi.
One love. I like nice girls before a date with a larry off smiley face. Thank you, Andy. She seems like a very nice lady. She does.
Honestly, malakitha is not my favorite dark elf character at all. I think the other ones are a little bit cooler. Speaking of characters though, does Colin have characters I do discuss through, but I'd like to discuss the drew Kari in the room first and just talk about some differences between the dark elves and you know the dark elder because you know, mostly 40 K as you know the bigger one I'm sure some people are thinking they're just the same thing I assure you they're not.
For one so much worship that was retconned in late years of fantasy and I don't think old world has gone back on that. I'll have to reread the core rule book, but they can worship so much it doesn't immediately damned I mean any more than chaos worship to begin with damns your soul.
It's not like the, you know, the dark elder where they hide in fear of so much half of them are happy to worship so much. There is one case is it the annual notice and Horace heresy book angel exterminators.
There's bit where essentially the loyalists and the traitors get talked to by to opposing elder and one of them is like, I just straight up embrace slanish worship. And the other one is like, oh, so nesh is cringe my brother, I think it's his brother, he's like my brother or my cousin.
He's like totally lost his way he's, he's down bad with the good she GW will never give chaos elder more of more than one paragraph.
I think there's that my new clone war. Thank you. I think there's that. And I think in the Nari books of all places there's like a paragraph or there's like a demon elder and elder demon prince of smash which it's like the idea is like there's a, there is a few of those kicking around
and they're some of slanish strongest soldiers.
Of course, doesn't age of sigma have chaos elves evil very good.
It's like an offshoot there's no model for it. It's mentioned, if it is it's one of those things where it's bad where it's not going to get a model, but they're there.
Be cool.
So that is an elder God.
Technically, but in fantasy no just so much was just there, like the rest of three.
And also, speaking of that, the, the elder and the dark elder you know they don't like each other, but they can work together if need be, you know, they'll kill each other but they'll also not kill each other.
A dark elf and a high elf would rather backflip directly chaos.
So much as like just shake hands with an opposing member, like they hate each other.
What else is the best elves. That's why I think that's.
I can respect I don't have it but I can respect the opinion.
I respect mysterious packages and companies.
I'm just not bringing something special.
The Industrial Revolution of Nolan truly was a.
I wanted to know this on today. Are there more dark elves than there are high or the more higher.
I think it's pretty much equal. I think.
I think for a meta thing, I believe, I don't remember which GW author said it but I'm pretty sure one came out and outright said, there are as many elves as the plot demands. Yeah, which is why on the high side.
Yeah, like on the high outside of casualties 50th and died. Yeah, it's why in the high outside of things like one story can be like two elves died, this is a tragedy or race will not recover from.
Like when the dark elf invasion happens, five million high elves die in the opening battle and like I said like glorious us or victory in all of the battles against the high elves like Malachy themself was like killing thousands of dudes and it didn't seem to matter like there was literally
unlimited high elves.
DJB says call me a wood or river side. And then the flip side of that for the dark elves is they can afford to lose at invading old one for 10,000 years straight and not suffer any meaningful reduction or loss in numbers.
And then there's more kids don't know because it was like they don't care. They do kidnap high health kids.
That too. They technically have more kids because they steal other people.
Yeah, I just wanted to kind of bring up the comparison a bit. Also drew cari very clearly comes from drew key when GW was copyrightifying 40k.
What is angry among those as by the way what's the deal with CS gotto.
I don't want to talk about him.
He wrote the dawn of war books and
talk about this the other day.
That's not to that on torque that got molested with sticks.
I'm not making that up.
One eaten by crew. No, that's different.
That's funny because getting cool cool.
But but characters probably, you know, start with Maleketh.
Despite the constant arguing we get into. I do like Maleketh. He's not my favorite villain, but I'll admit he certainly has more like, you know, character than the gas does even if I like the gas.
Like he's not goofy. He's like, oh, it's Maleketh is actually going to be a battle over.
Yes, just scary. But also he's just so awful. It's funny.
Maleketh is a little bit, at least a little bit more reasonable.
Like I said he was he was a pretty cool dude at first traveled the world made friends with the dwarf high king snorri white beard also known as almost certainly ground Brindle, the white dwarf.
He, when he went evil, there's a there's always like little every now and then there's a passage like you need this.
He's not totally happy with where his life has gone.
But at this point he's too committed.
This also shouldn't be taken mean that he regrets everything he does he absolutely does not. It's just every now and then he'll have a moment of clarity like this is miserable.
This is I live in a snowy hellscape of a continent, which is really funny because one of his voice lines and total war hammers just I hate snow.
He's really is just Darth Vader course and wet and it gets everywhere.
It's a it's he's a like you said very talented mage swordsman.
He is still an Arab in area.
I'm going to say and not the but he is an Arab in area.
At the time techless interior missing.
Well his the other kids weren't well I mean they were missing but they weren't dead.
Down is techless interior from I guess like how many because how long do they like dark.
I mean they live. I mean Malekith and Ratha are both like thousands and thousands of years old.
Yeah usually I'll tell you first timeline.
The timeline makes it sound like techless interior and where this also thousands of years old.
I think there are a couple hundred years old because there's because I don't like to read the very least like they had a father on all fun and he wasn't like that was father like spent his life collecting the armor of an area and didn't he.
That was like a big thing. I think there are a couple of generations from I think it's the plot in the book isn't it like basically the descendants of an area and that the higher still they're getting killed off and it basically ends up with being Tyrion and techless and their dad the last ones in terms of like an area and descendants who are not Malekith.
But yeah yeah Malekith doesn't like doesn't like competition. I didn't see what that message was.
BRB.
Outfit change.
As required.
But is Malekith a Dilth? Well he's not a dad so he can't be one.
No he's not he's not a dad.
He could have been if Morathi didn't kill his ex-wife.
Gosh.
Because she is the worst.
She bet it might have been a few thousand years since he'd seen her though.
I don't think that's justification for murdering someone's ex-wife.
Who wanted to be their wife again.
If it hasn't happened at that point.
The man's got a smooth bump in that black armor.
I pray that you never break up with your girlfriend because I think I'm going to hear about her death on the news is what I'm hearing.
Listen Malekith has a smooth bump under that armor.
Or he has a very charred.
Then clearly old lore wouldn't have happened between him and Morathi if that was the case.
I'm sure that's a thing though.
I don't know if I want to discuss the logistics of Malekith's crotch right now.
His charred crotch.
But he's the leader of the Dark Elves and for GW reasons of marketable character we can never ever let bad things happen to him.
Despite him never ever succeeding in taking oath one he's always the king the witch king because.
The leader changes do not happen in Warhammer that is not allowed unless your leader isn't a player character on the tabletop then yeah go.
Caligar will never die.
Nope.
That's right baby that's right.
Just can't die.
He's the greatest of them all.
I forgot about that I love that.
Do space breeze have wheelchairs?
I have what?
I think that's a random thought.
No just dreadnaws isn't it.
Dreadnaws.
Oh yeah.
That's their version of a wheelchair.
But yeah he's you know he's the big king of the Dark Elves.
Most of what happens in Naggarond and what the Delves do is up to his whim.
He has an orb of Sauron he can spy on anyone with.
He doesn't seem to really help him take oath one but he can use it I guess.
Sorry cosmic stealth bomber just said oh so Marathi is a yandere.
Okay.
Chush.
I hope that I know that.
And I think two things about him.
One he has a prophecy about him that is the firstborn male of a noble house was a magic user will kill him.
Which is why no male elves are allowed to practice magic in Dark Elf lands because they get thrown in a cauldron of boiling blood and sacrifice to Cain so they can't prophecy him to death.
The second thing about him is that little Phoenix King thing that I will now get to.
Which is that in the end times it was revealed that the other Phoenix Kings were cursed by an Aryan and the reason they were able to walk through the fire of Assyria or not or they were cursed by Assyrian.
The reason they could walk through his fire is because Elven mages put wards and protective charms and all that good stuff on them so they wouldn't get all burned up.
They actually knew they were like faking the test or was that pretty much the ritual before it basically ended up doing that.
It's because the end time says they knew they were BSing it. They knew that they know true Phoenix.
They just didn't want to give it to Malekith.
No they didn't want to give it to the insane man who spent four thousand plus years murdering their kid.
I'm pretty sure Andy has a pipe.
According to Assyria he does have a pipe.
Nice.
And according to Assyria though this is a bad thing apparently that you know no one wants Malekith around anymore.
He wasn't so bad at the time.
Just for reference.
Well then Assyrian is Assyrian just the god of war?
He's Azer Yan from Warhammer. It's kind of the same thing I think.
The Elven pantheon and 40k fantasy are the same thing with a very few exceptions like Kagerak doesn't have an equivalent.
Kagerak isn't in fantasy I think he might have some equivalents.
Same Assyrian.
He's just the god of war though not necessarily the god of mobility.
Kagerak is a murder I thought.
He's war and murder.
He's double dipping on the killing people department.
I think he's more popular with the dark elves than the high elves.
Yeah the high elves.
They sacrifice to him all the time.
High elves give him his due so he doesn't kill them.
The dark elves love the guy he's the head of their pantheon.
They worship the evil god. It's called the centari I think they're called.
But for Malekith.
He's the phoenix king thing and it was revealed that after all this time even after he went very off the deep end.
Whatever you say about him at the time Eli I admit maybe he would have been a fine phoenix king at the time.
After 6000 years of high elf murder.
Maybe shouldn't have been but according to Assyrian he's like ah welcome back kid. I knew you had it in you.
Because in the end times he walks in the fire and comes out and it's all great.
To be fair the elf gods are pretty morally grey.
They're a little bit wacky.
Has he healed when he emerges?
No no he's still in his Darth Vader armor.
Oh I always thought he was like.
He's just allowed to be phoenix king now.
Because they grow out of the world.
Phoenix king for one day.
Phoenix king for however long they can make a wish bro.
Make a wish.
But with the retcon and the re-retconning of the retcon.
Oh my gosh man.
It was age of Sigmar when Marathi was becoming a goddess.
She was in Slymesh.
It makes sense slightly more in context.
She was devouring the souls of the previous phoenix kings.
Because despite what the end times said.
Each of them had a little bit of Assyrian's power still within them.
Showing that hey.
Teclis lied. Malekith doesn't need to be in charge.
Also worth noting I know Hal you mentioned him earlier.
Anarion was because he's the first phoenix king.
Was the last soul Marathi found.
And she didn't eat him because she looked at him and felt sad.
Because she still a little bit remembered her love for him.
And then he cut her in half.
Nice.
Did Malekith become his own little dragon god thing?
Yeah he's like a dragon.
He's the god of the realm of shadow.
They've done nothing with him yet for reasons I cannot fathom.
He's the only god who beat Archaon in combat.
And they just didn't do anything with that.
Well he'll be 5th edition.
I mean they will eventually but it's like bro why is he not here now?
Where is he?
Aegis Sigmar is still young brother.
Still young.
I mean today in Warhammer.
I think Prechall world eaters didn't get a full release for like mid 20s.
At least they had corn berserkers.
Yeah but they had models.
Yeah. Dark elves are still not an actual army in Aegis Sigmar.
It's just the daughters of Cain.
So it's like a quarter of the dark elves.
They are cool but it's not.
I don't want to play cities of Sigmar bro.
I want to play dark elves.
But yeah that's you know Malekith.
He's a little bit, little bit of morality.
Deep deep deep deep inside him.
Buried on top of a whole lot of atrocities.
Deep.
A lot.
In the end times he did grab the sword of Cain after Tyrion grabbed it and went on his rampage.
But Cain was dead at that point and I'll give him points for this.
It was funny.
Everyone looked at Malekith because they didn't know the sword was inert by this point and just sheer horror.
He just tossed it in the ocean and was like I'm not an idiot.
I'm not picking that damn thing up.
I know what it does.
Nice.
He just tossed it in the ocean.
And then Ulthuan sank and then Malekith died.
Yeah.
He died pinned under a rock while Tyrion and Elariel held hands like ten feet away.
Oh my gosh man.
It was so bad.
I love head times.
His last words were I'm going to when I die I'm going to show the chaos gods just what this world can do.
So he had a defiant speech in his head pinned under a rock while Tyrion and Elariel held hands.
Oh my gosh.
Literally got cucked to death.
Hey on the bright side he didn't get tech-lessed.
Yeah I guess.
The document in the USA says Marathi was in Slaanesh.
Yeah I was waiting for somebody to say that.
That one was too easy.
I'll be right back.
Speaking of the next character Marathi.
What the hell was that?
I'm feisty.
Jesus Christ.
Marathi.
Poor audio listeners by the way.
Like I said.
They know what I'm talking about.
Wake up.
Yeah.
I'm talking about Marathi.
Like I said.
Bit of a sad origin to Marathi of getting apocalyptic visions and no one believed her
no matter what she did.
And then the only man she loved didn't say it back and just went off to his death.
How'd she get friendzoned?
I mean they were fucking.
So I don't know if they quite got friendzoned.
Speaking of that.
Tom Warren says this poll sucks because it lacks an option for dwarf girlfriend.
Okay.
I mean hey man to each their own.
To each their own.
Perfect.
Perfect leveling at all.
But Marathi after these bits of sympathy goes on to be the worst for the rest of history.
She keeps trying to undo the vortex which would damn the world but she doesn't care.
She keeps failing.
At one point she got inside of it and met Kaelor the guy who made it and they played like a game of chess or some stuff.
It was like the end of the death weird metaphorical chess shit.
And then Kaelor who looked like a just gaunt skeletal ghost revealed that actually I'm still the prime of my life.
I haven't aged a day and then kicked her ass.
She helped you know engineer wore the beard, negash all that on purpose or on accident.
She's really kind of awful.
She keeps herself young with near daily sacrifices bathes and pools of blood.
Looking young anyways.
She's either a mad sorceress or has dementia and keeps thinking it's still the time of an Aryan and Tyrion is an Aryan.
And she's either evil or pathetic 99 percent of the time.
In fact in her end times lore she just goes fully off the deep end. I think she tries to marry Tyrion.
I don't remember if they actually do but she tries.
Undos the vortex finally succeeds this time.
Is that a banana?
No it's like seasoning.
Ah I thought I saw a banana.
It's a banana.
Of course the Marathi.
Oh it is a banana.
Fuck you.
I get half a banana.
Bananas are good.
I guess they are.
That was so wrong.
The soup man returns.
Didn't think we should talk about phallic shaped things while Marathi speech is happening.
I let my soup cook for a little too long so now it's only half a soup but it's still good.
But in the end times she once again undoes the vortex.
This was when Teclis was trying to bind all the winds of magic to people so it was a little bit volatile to begin with.
And then Slenesh itself started entering the material plane.
Just started grabbing elves.
Marathi realizing she perhaps messed up a little bit too much this time.
Went to flee and then Kaelador once again here to foil her.
Puts her in a full nelson and drags her down to Slenesh with him.
Kind of deserved even if I'm still down bad.
Still got it.
Still had it coming.
Comes back in Age of Sigmar.
She just wakes up surrounded by shadow demons.
Finds Malekith eventually.
Finds Tyrion and Teclis.
Makes the Daughters of Cain.
Warns the other elf gods that Slenesh might one day break free and then does a bunch of things to gain power that will lead to Slenesh breaking free.
Because she has learned absolutely nothing in between the setting's histories.
She's a goddess now.
Malekith's only thing really he's done in Age of Sigmar was tell her off for managing to not only get Slenesh a little bit closer to freedom by becoming a god.
But also to piss off every single faction in Grand Alliance order by the way she did it.
Because then she immediately threw a coup and stole one of Sigmar's cities.
She hasn't learned how to not be terrible.
And I haven't learned that I need a better taste in women. So it's okay.
It truly isn't it's not saying something bad about her.
It's saying something bad about you at this point.
Because you're just there for the slop.
Buddy I am the slop lord.
True little piggy of the slop.
Truly the worst hate.
Bro has the worst hates.
Sneak boobies thank you for your first pepe.
You can't save the man because he doesn't realize he needs to be saved.
I don't want to be saved.
I'm that guy from the Incredibles.
You didn't ruin my life or you didn't save my life you're ruining my death.
I didn't ask to be saved. I don't want to be saved.
Please.
Incredible.
The next one.
Lokir Felheart. He's a pirate.
He's got a cool mask. It's a Cthulhu mask.
I don't know how much you want me to say about him.
In Warhammer Total War he can recruit dark or black arcs instead of needing a right for them.
And what that did is it glitched out the AI so every now and then the dark elf turns will take forever and crash the game.
Because the game glitches out and summons 10 million black arcs to storm Ulfuan.
I think he can, did he get his mask from a deep sea dive expedition thing?
Probably because it is not a dark elf mask.
And his little red daggers that he munches.
They're very, they're very cool. He's very cool.
I'll admit not the deepest character.
But he doesn't need to be. He's a dark elf pirate with a squid mask. He's awesome.
He killed the high elf incarnate of the sea god Mithlan in the End Times.
And then he died after that.
I don't honestly don't know how he died. I couldn't find anything about it.
He was in the End Times so I know he didn't make it past that.
He hasn't come back in AOS so there we go.
Let's go through. There's a, I'm stroking out a bit.
Crone Hellebrandt. Eli talked about her a bit. She is the leader of the witch cult, the cult of Cain.
She takes care of all the sacrificing and the baby murder and all that lovely dark elf stuff that they get up to when they're bored.
And really, this is a running theme. Bad person, horrible person, very bad person.
She was born in the Old World if I remember.
And then she started the cults of, she basically was like Cain's strongest worshiper.
She's Cain's guy. No, she's actually not. There's another guy who's Cain's top guy.
No, no, with her sister. She did it with her sister.
And then she got a Lethinard I think.
Yeah, that tends to happen to people who piss off Lethinard.
She got killed by another high elf that's born from the same place that Malkiff is from.
Yeah.
And she didn't die, so she kept on going.
But she, unlike Marathi, she hates Marathi because she withheld the full secrets of the Cauldrons of Blood, which keep them young.
So she's got to do it more because she needs to keep her youth topped up a lot more often.
She's the worshiper. She's like Cain's strong, like she is in charge of the cult of Cain.
She is in charge of the cult of Cain, but she's not the Cain's top guy, as it were.
That would be, to Laris Dreadbringer. Yes, they all have names like this, by the way.
As far as there's no orphan munchers.
There's actually lore about that. I forgot to mention. Sorry, this is random, I guess.
Go nuts.
They don't take their family names in dark elf societies. They make up their own names.
And they take their names very seriously. So if you are like John Babykiller, you best be seeing killing babies every single battle that you're in.
Otherwise, your name will be disproved and you'll be disgraced.
Yeah, it'll be like poison blade, which you better have some poison on that knife, buddy.
If you name yourself something like Dragon Killer, well, congratulations, you are in for a task.
He's like Keith Chair Charter.
Oh my gosh, come on.
Professional UTO.
Rooking hats.
The bingo card better be filling rapidly.
Questioning no farts.
I swear.
But to Laris.
It's already safe.
To Laris.
He hears voices in his head telling him to kill people.
That is probably Kane.
Who doesn't?
Farron, okay.
You're going to end up on the news, buddy.
Joking.
He's really good at listening to those voices and killing people.
Kane is talking to this guy and he is happy to listen.
He's technically Haliburon's loyal servant, only because Kane hasn't told him to kill her yet.
So he's the opposite of a conscience.
Yeah.
It's conscious as you have.
I haven't been told to kill you yet, so you get to live.
He hasn't tried to kill Malekith yet for much the same reason.
And Malekith is fully aware that this psychopath is one day going to try and do it whenever Kane gets bored enough to tell him to do it.
And again, not too much to him.
But I just find him fun.
He is an Ahmaud in Total Warhammer where he starts in the Shrine of Kane.
So go nuts.
Start off with the Sword of Kane.
Just don't care.
Murder Elariel.
He returns in and then give Eterion what he's got coming.
And then there's a...moving on.
There's just an interesting fellow.
Not too much lore, but he's Malekith's bodyguard, Koran Darkhand.
He's Captain of the Blackguard.
He's fought at Malekith's side for thousands of years.
And the reason I find him interesting is because he's actually loyal to Malekith.
He actually supports Malekith in everything he does.
There's no secret I'm gaining for the throne or I'll sell it off to the highest bidder.
He's like, Malekith, why, Andy? I don't know.
He's fast. He's awesome.
Because Malekith is a playable faction leader, so you better believe he's not going anywhere.
Every Dark Lord needs their unyielding loyal servant.
That's true. That is true.
And yeah, he's a cool guy.
He's very good with his halberd.
When Malekith is having problems, he usually throws Koran at them.
And they usually go away after that.
And in the end times, he fought Val'kyr the Bloody.
He nearly died because that's Koran's personal Valkyrie.
But Malekith swooped in on a dragon and saved him.
Rose for life.
The official leader of the Cult of Kain is actually Marathi.
So according to the Dark Elf hierarchy, she is Kain's top dog.
Helebron disagrees but can't do anything about it.
So how Malekith claims he's the mortal champion of Kain, but actually the other guy who's in Marathi, the guy who leads the executioners.
I don't think Malekith, strictly speaking, claims he's Kain's biggest guy.
He's just like, I'm the Witch King. I'm the Airmanarian. You will worship me.
Call this man a pro-peggal player the way he loves getting pegged.
Thank you, DJ Beast, for that name.
Thank you.
Although I think Malekith did say he was like the incarnation of Kain or something.
He claims to be something that the Martyr executioner guy is.
So Malekith beats straight up Lion.
And then Koran gets killed. He gets a Lethanard.
Aw.
Sad. Very sad.
And all the people to die to.
Elf Knight Lord.
Yeah.
Malekith and Tyrion also, to some extent, get a Lethanard in the end time.
What happens to them?
Mm-hmm.
That's it.
They forgot about him.
Interesting.
Truly the scar-staking war fates.
I genuinely don't know. I think he just... he dies off-screen, I'm pretty sure.
Like he... some more an awful Lauren.
Can be much worse than the frickin' Thorgrim deaths go.
Yeah, Thorgrim leaving the door open so he gets killed by Snitch.
And then his anti-backstabbing runes just turned off, I guess, in charge of the fucking battery.
Nikolov says Valkyr is one loaf, Korn is the other.
Okay, calm down.
Who gets put in the middle, brother?
Thank you for the donation.
How dare you.
Toilet, chair, and cheeks.
Korn's a cool guy, he's the only actual bro in all of the Dark Elves, ever.
And then there's a few other miscellaneous, like whatever characters, but most of them are terribly important.
The last two are Shadowblade, loving these names.
He's Hellebron's chief assassin, because when Dark Elf kids are kids, they throw them in boiling blood.
And the boys who live become assassins, and the girls become wizards.
He made it through, good for him.
He's only, only about 200 years old.
But he's just a master assassin.
During the End Times, Hellebron and much of the cult of Cain ends up siding with Tyrion, because he pulled the funny sword, so now he's Cain's top guy.
And he tries to assassinate Malekith.
It did hit Malekith, and then it didn't work.
Classic.
Again, not much to him.
He tried.
He has the Lucas the Trickster meme.
When he dies, his heart will explode into a billion shards and kill you.
Although I assume that didn't matter.
No, it didn't matter.
It did not matter.
On Tabletop, he had the Elpharius thing where you could replace one of your models with him at any point during the game.
You just had to write down where he was hiding.
That's actually pretty cool.
Yeah, thank you very much, End Times.
Also, Assassin's Warps.
The Assassins worked for so many people during their time that a lot of them sew their mouths shut, or they rip out their tongues, or they bolt their mouths shut so that they can never exchange secrets of different clients.
Dang it.
Yeah, Malus Darkblade.
He was the last one I was going to bring up.
Malus Darkblade.
He's one of the few that almost resembles some sort of good characteristics somewhere within his horrible, horrible personality.
He's a dark elf.
He's still horrible.
But he rides a cold one, a little dinosaur mount.
Spite.
It's named Spite.
I love that.
It's named Spite.
He does generally love and care for.
He cares for his mount.
That's all the good things you can say about him.
No, I'm not.
He has a whole, he has like a whole omnibus.
I haven't read the books.
He's got like five books.
Yeah, I really want to read the books.
I gotta read them too.
They're hard to find though.
Yeah.
They're older.
I mean, the last one was put in 2007, so.
Relative to Warhammer fantasy that was towards the end-ish of it.
So, but almost 20 years old.
There's a fellow Warhammer YouTuber named TheAnepGeneral.
He does a whole video explanation of what happens in the Malus Darkblade novels.
So if anyone wants to listen to him.
I recommend checking that out.
But yeah, he's a, he's...
Calling like, I want to say every now and then like he'll show he's honorable.
He's like got some compassion in him.
For a Dark Elf is the criteria that needs to...
He's an anti-hero, heavy on the anti.
Yeah, extra anti on the side, please.
He's at one of his adventures.
I don't think it was in the first book, but the second one.
He is now sharing his body with a demon that is very heavily implied to be a Slenesh demon.
Named Zarkhan, I believe it was.
That keeps trying to take over his body.
That's his mechanic in Total War.
He can let Zarkhan out and he gets a huge buff to his everything.
Best of the worst.
That's a good way to put it, Andy.
Best of the worst.
Except maybe Korin.
Korin's insane and believes Malekith knows he's a good king.
So maybe not including Korin.
Yeah, it's Malus.
He's a...
So he keeps trying to get Zarkhan out of his body.
Doing everything he can.
Getting Malekith to suppress him.
Stuff like that.
Again, part of his campaign in Total War Hammer.
Malekith sends him potions to keep the demons at bay.
And his End Times lore is with chaos magic running rampant across the world.
Zarkhan finally overpowers him and tries to swing at Malekith.
And then it doesn't work.
It's a very anticlimactic end.
It doesn't work.
He dies.
He gets Malekith.
I love End Times.
But what I will give him credit that might make him sound like a little bit of a bitch.
He is one of the few people to get in a fight with Godric and Felix and lived till the tail.
He was able to escape.
And Zarkhan told him, you're never ever meeting those people again.
Because we shouldn't have gotten out of that and we won't the next time.
So hey, if nothing else, that's got to be a pretty good mark on the report card.
Survived Godric and Felix.
Truly there is no greater honour.
No badge.
Most people don't get to say that.
Even their allies.
To be fair, they don't survive the adventures of Godric and Felix.
That's a little different.
Having read Godric and Felix's son books, I'm always surprised that like, I thought at least one other guy would live.
But it's like, gee, really even the allies, towards the end, they just don't make it in the last few pages.
If your name is not Snorri Max Ulrica or Malachi, you are probably a single book character.
Another donation by Colby says, Manus Darkblade cares a lot about his retainer, Hullkeir.
Although he would never admit it.
Also, the first Manus Darkblade novel is on Audible, narrated by the guy who played Raphael in Baldur's Gate 3.
That's cool.
Very good voice.
That's interesting.
I'll have to check that out.
Yeah, he does care about people.
He's not completely heartless.
Still a dark elf, so you know, he's still a slaver and stuff and murders people for not big reasons.
But in that environment, pretty cool dude.
Oh, I guess I forgot there's one more that's a warhammer, total war legendary.
He likes capturing big animals and stuff.
It's really, it's really not.
There's really not much to his character.
He captures animals and then uses them on the battlefield.
Then he he's a he's a real big slaver.
All the dark elves like slaves.
He's real big on the slave trade.
My mantle on billboards.
What effect?
Yeah, he's a he trained Malekith's dragon, Seraphon.
No relation to the wizard men now being called Seraphon or the fact that Malekith is now part dragon himself.
Riccardo really.
He truly was a dark elf.
He was undoubtedly one of the dark elves of all time.
I think his voice is voiced by like Tywin Lannister.
I think so, actually.
No, no, no, it's the guy he played.
He's Bolton and Game of Thrones.
I don't know who that is.
Ramsey Bolton and Game of Thrones.
I'd like to repeat.
I don't know who Ramsey Bolton is.
Is a Reese.
His name is Reese.
I think the name of the actor.
It's Ewan Rian.
Oh, Ewan.
Ewan.
Might be Welsh or Irish.
Why is it Ewan if there's an I.L.
That's why I guess it's a different language.
And to give you one for Welsh, two for Irish.
I think it's Welsh, isn't it?
I think according to Wikipedia, Welsh.
Oh, hey, hey, you and rain.
That's right.
He he voice and what is called which to be fair, Tywin, the guy who plays Tywin Lannister, he voices the emperor in The Witcher.
Oh, my God.
Skin my name.
I don't know what his name is.
The guy who's the emperor of the Nilfgaardian Empire.
Charles Dance.
Yeah, that's the name of the emperor in which.
Oh, no, I was just saying the actor.
Literally escaped my mind.
So sorry.
That's cool.
There's some famous people who voice things in total war or hammer.
I think one of the Sprouse twins did.
He was a leethener and he said that his dream would be to be Felix and a Godfrey and Felix series, which the man is a hell.
Yeah, man.
He's Warhammer fan.
He's a Warhammer fantasy fan and he's a Godfrey and Felix fan.
Fucking all of holy mother of God.
Don't leave me alone with Colin.
We just talk about Godfrey and Felix for three hours.
Yeah, it's all good.
You know, the characters you want to talk about.
Honestly, there's not.
Eli, I mean, you correct me if I'm missing any real bangers, but.
There's not really that many more like super important dark elf characters like there's one from the Godfrey and Felix book, Elf Slayer, who nearly drowns Ulthuan by stealing a harp.
It's a magic harp from another sea city.
One of the good books. Yeah, the high elf, the high elf little guy that has a real bro.
He had a very sad ending.
That was the guy. Oh my God.
Like he's such a simp for a dark elf.
He didn't realize.
It's Colin's fate.
Look, I don't blame the guy.
And his last words were incredibly both depressing and brave.
I just have a weird thing about a dark elf I want to mention.
The black course, black arch ships, which are, are they originally like they're carved off pieces of Ulthuan that were turned into.
They were their castles and the landscape around them that they just lifted with magic.
Just the whole landscape.
So they literally sail in essentially what is Isle of Wight style.
I don't know what American would see as a good reference, but like a tiny island.
Imagine Manhattan Island coming to you.
Manhattan Island level of like ship.
And there's a bit in one of the Gotric and Phoenix books, they go into it and it's horrific.
It's terrifying.
Like, and then just like there's whole levels of it.
Like imagine like a whole city, like a town where it's just a torture town.
It's just a torture town.
And like they're very much like when they end up destroying one of the black art corsairs, you think thank God, even though there's like loads of innocent people, you think the whole thing's got to go.
The whole thing got to go into the sea, drown it.
Sure enough, in that book, it did go.
Yeah, you'd be like, take the fucking ark.
Although Thackwall was also involved in that book.
That's what he had as a uh oh moment.
That's my favorite bit in like in all the fantasy when he almost faints because he doesn't, because after 20 years he realizes Gotric and Phoenix don't know who he is.
He had a Skaven submarine. Yeah, they can just build submarines.
Yeah, he literally almost fainted. He's like, oh my, they had to catch him.
Because he realized they had foiled him by accident for 20 points.
We have to do, we have to, we don't know the Gotric and Phoenix episode. We will. Because we love that.
Shout out to Thackwall.
It's not even, this is a Dark Elves episode. He's the real main character.
Is there other lore bits anyone wants to go over?
Let's see, they kidnap high elf babies. They are, they run the slave trade.
Let's see, Eli, you got anything? I'm dredging through.
I think maybe just a little bit on the End Times lore, which is just like, basically, Magorond is gone.
I was actually, that just clicked in my mind as you were saying it.
Malekith, when he's retaking the Phoenix throne, had a brilliant plan.
All of the other invasions failed, because those other invasions left Dark Elves back in Nagorond.
So to quote Patrick Starr, Malekith's plan was, what if we took all of the people, all of the Dark Elves, and pushed them somewhere else?
So every Dark Elf, except for Marathi, who was just locked in her tower being crazy, while Coronate Marauders were just marauding all over Nagorond,
all of them invaded Ulthuan, all of the Dark Elves just went east.
And succeeded. Ulthuan sank, so congratulations, Malekith, you're the Phoenix King of some ocean.
And then they all shack up together in Athol Loran as a united elf race, which none of the elves involved are happy with.
And the wood elf tree spirits especially.
Because technically, by the time of the End Times, there's no high elves or Dark Elves. They actually merge into elves.
Yeah, that was End Times Book 2, Cade was all about the conclusion of the Elven Civil War.
And Ulthuan completely gone.
And they, let's see, they kidnapped dragons too. Regular dragons don't like them, so they have to kidnap their eggs and corrupt them as dark dragons, black dragons, evil.
Yeah.
Hated even by reptiles.
With that being said, there's any other bits people want to add?
There's one horrible, awful, right, Total War. One horrible, awful, miserable rogue army.
Led by a dark elf. And his name, I think it's like Vash something. V. Let me see if I can find it. I had it saved somewhere.
I don't know what you're talking about.
He's horrendous. Vashnar. Because what he is, he's like in the lore, he's like just this minor, not super board, dark elf lord who was chaos aligned.
In the game, if he shows up before turn 20, 40 in all honesty, your game's over.
Because he spawns with a full stack of dark elves and chaos warriors combined.
So he gets the best melee units in the game. Some of the best ranged units and some of the best monstrous units.
And Carl Franz, until like turn 40, doesn't have halberds yet.
Let alone guns.
So he spawns next to you early on and you go, all right, well I guess I'll just start a new campaign because I'm fucked.
Yeah, kill Vashnar, murder Vashnar.
I hate him. He's awful.
Living in a room with Colin and he's not emerging. No, he's unbeaten, that man to death.
I think that with that being said, not to tempt the glorious gods of Riverside that we've made it this far.
I say thank you everyone who came to listen. Thank you for the stream of donations and memberships.
We really appreciate that.
Next week, I think we've got, I haven't decided on our tier list yet.
Or maybe even an opportunity for a quiz thing because we need to be quizzing.
After that though, we're going to have some, well, we'll see, we'll show you boys in the lineup.
But thank you everyone who made it this far. And remember, we should always start at the beginning.
Please like the video. God damn.
Thank you everyone who turned up to the stream as well. And we'll catch you guys on the next one.
May I give a bit of a sneak peek? Okay. Well, I sure hope there was, okay.
There's more elves coming. Some fantasy fireside stuff. The other side of the dark elf coin.
Four. Five. Five something. Five weeks. About.
We're doing hand signals for the elves.
Bro, I was never good at charades.
Paul Rubeside has ruined Andy's camera.
Adrian, we're switching to live league streaming.
We will have fantasy fireside in a few weeks time essentially. And for those of you who haven't missed it at all.
June 29th. Oh, June 20th.
Oh, that was a June.
Okay.
Jay, I think I just dropped something.
I dropped my phone on my keyboard.
Paul Rubeside, who has always been ruining Andy's mic input.
It's horrible.
Thank you guys for coming and we'll catch you guys on the next one.
We've got more stuff coming and we can appreciate you guys so much.
Thank you for the memes, particularly DJ Beast.
You degenerate. We love you.
Goodbye, everyone.
We're not doing we're not doing shards tier list either.
Damn.
How are we going to get by?
Raise a glass. Bye, Riverside.
We appreciate it so far.
Thank you so much. Bye, everyone.
Bye.