We're gonna use chat GPT to write our cold open.
Please write a cold open for us.
Basically a little funny scene that we could put at the beginning of the episode.
Alright, here we go.
The scene opens with Shane, Ian, and Ryan sitting at their desks in the control room
of the secret facility on the moon.
The room is dimly lit and filled with futuristic looking equipment.
Shane, good evening and welcome to Shitty Mashup, the music podcast that's out of this
world.
I'm your host Shane, and joining me as always are Ian and Ryan.
How did it kind of get our fucking...
It kind of got the format though.
This is pretty close to the format.
I'm never saying as always again.
Okay, Ian, hey what's up Shane?
Ryan, yeah what's cracking boss man?
What the fuck?
This is like kind of how we talk.
Not much guys, but I do have a special challenge for you this week.
Are you ready?
Always ready Shane-o.
Bring it on space daddy is what I say.
I think chat GPT might have listened to some episodes of Shitty Mashups.
Dude, I think we might be in the training model.
What's up everybody?
Welcome back to Shitty Mashups.
Of course this is your favorite podcast about music where your hosts really just can't get
there with it.
Of course I am your seahorse captain, Shane, and joining me are my crab writing friends
Ryan and Ian.
We're the crabs.
We're the crab boys.
Hey, pinch pinch pinch.
We're the pincha.
I changed it, we're just crabs.
Do you guys know I'm really afraid of the idea of crabs?
No.
You know how people are afraid of the idea of something like, call it an elevator, call
it weird air.
People are afraid of the idea of a thing.
The idea of crabs freak me out way more than actual crabs.
Honestly, I might blame it on video games.
Crabs are often your enemy.
They can only move in one direction and it's horrifying how quickly and efficiently they
move in a direction that is kind of counter to nature.
Logic.
God's will.
Are you afraid of the, do you know about carcinization, Shane?
I was going to bring that up too.
Being without air?
No, carcinization is basically the term for how the evolutionary process has made crabs
like 20 different times.
Things just keep evolving into crabs, man.
You take your eye off something for a second, boom.
You can Google that.
It's a fucking fact.
Google it.
Also, lobsters are immortal.
There's a point at which they can no longer successfully molt and then they'll die.
They're theoretically immortal.
Theoretically immortal, but there's a point at which they get too big and they can't molt
anymore and they die.
Let's fucking do it.
You know what else is theoretically immortal?
Music without any substance.
So using that, let's get into the podcast again.
Shane, Sea Wizard, or whatever I said, and I'm in control of the tides and this week
the tide slash of, okay.
Listen, guys, I'm sorry.
We were talking about crabs and I got a little bit shook.
What we do on this podcast, I give them a challenge.
They make mashups.
They duke it out as crabs and-
Crabs.
We do the crab pinch off.
Stop.
Hey.
Okay.
Quiet.
Last week, the challenge was the grower challenge.
That is a song that grew on you.
Song, artist, group.
Things that grew on you that you essentially came to life.
Stop.
Stop, stop.
Guys, can we stop with the sea references now?
You brought it up.
I know.
I wanted to set myself a little on edge because there's a lot of boring things coming and
you don't have to freak me out about it.
Okay.
All right.
So, we won the grower challenge with congratulations again.
A good track.
It was.
Just missed out to Ryan's Julien track.
Well, no, mine missed out.
Yeah, yours just missed out to Ian's.
Yes.
So, the challenge that I gave these fellas this week is, I don't know if you guys are
familiar with this term, folks at home.
The Musak challenge.
That is music that serves the purpose to kill time, turn your brain off, just really kind
of sedate you.
I believe we defined Musak last episode when you gave us the challenge, but I do just want
to find, because there was a line that I read that I'm like obsessed with.
Musak is music designed to be played in rooms where many people congregate with no intention
whatsoever of listening to music.
And it was the whatsoever that just really got me.
That's pretty good.
Yeah.
So, elevator music, cold music, that stuff, right?
Yes.
And so, giving that wonderful definition, I would love to ask how you guys found something
to make a mashup.
Yeah, I mean, I knew pretty much immediately what Musak I wanted to use, because it's very
formative to me.
And it's the first thing that I learned was Musak, once I learned what Musak was.
And I tried like 40 things to go on top of it.
And as it turns out, Musak designed specifically to not have words over it is kind of tricky
to put words into, but I got it.
I got it.
Yeah.
I also knew where I wanted to start, at least, some of the Musak that I wanted to use.
Mine is more modern track, but...
And in looking at stuff that could potentially match up with it, a very funny theme started
to form unintentionally.
But then intentionally, once I realized it, then I started and then I was like, oh, more
of this.
And so, anyway, but I actually, I like what I ended up with.
You must.
It was three minutes long.
I did and I did.
That's okay.
We allow that now.
Well, Ryan goes first this week, so we'll have to wait to see what happens with that
track.
But right now we have to get into Ryan's track and I'm really excited to hear it.
Oh my God.
Just let it take you.
Oh my God.
Okay.
It's groovy.
Oh my God.
God damn.
You had to take a second.
God damn.
I'm just vibing.
This is bad.
The verse part of this music just kind of goes fucking hard, man.
Jesus Christ.
Okay.
Please, please break that down for us.
So I call that Feel So Hot and it's Feel So Good by the incomparable Chuck Mangione of
King of the Hill fame and Drop It Like It's Hot by Snoop Dogg, which is like the fifth
or sixth thing I tried to get to kind of go on there and it still doesn't work quite right.
Not quite like I wanted it to, but you know, it's the best I got.
Wow, that was crazy.
Yeah, man, that was groovy.
I mean, like I told you, man, I'd never really I'd never heard that song.
That's just like the song that Chuck Mangione always plays when he's in King of the Hill,
but you only ever hear just the trumpet, you know, and just like just like the the core
thing.
I think I did that exact same little mouth trumpet thing at the end of the last episode
that was on it was also feel so good by Chuck Mangione now that I think about it.
So I pretty much called my shot and didn't realize it.
But that was just an involuntary reaction when you made it.
Yeah, doing that felt so the song.
Yeah, that's fucking great.
But yeah, is it you know, is a little tricky getting everything in there, which is why
I took liberties when when Pharrell says you should think about it.
Take a second.
And then I just like, you know what this is, if I'm going to have to have a minute long
pause, this is pretty much where it's going to have to be.
So that's where I put it.
That was hard.
Did you try any other music tracks or did you just start with this?
You're like, OK, is this and I'm figuring something else out.
I tried one other first just to because I wanted to use it also.
OK, but and I with the intention of kind of doing a transition into this.
So I always knew that feels so good was going to be in there.
But initially, I was trying to use Lollipops and Roses by Herb Alpert's Teowanna Bam or
Teowanna Brass off of whipped cream and other delights.
Yeah, possibly the most important music album that's ever been made.
Works at parties if people have never, you know, called.
Watched Angry Beavers.
Yeah, watched Angry Beavers.
Herb Alpert still play.
Yo, anybody listening?
If you have people coming over for a party, look up Herb Alpert on Spotify and there is
one album that will come up.
It's green and there is a woman covered in whipped cream.
Play that at the party and don't say a thing.
Everyone at the party will enjoy the music and you will be asked, hey, this is one.
One song specifically will make people say, wait a minute, what is this?
And then you can show them.
Anyway, we have to move on.
Ryan, that was a wonderful track.
Let's go to Ian.
Are you ready?
Yeah, I'm fucking ready.
All right.
Let's let's fucking hear him in.
Let's let's fucking.
That's a level up as it were.
Let's fucking LFG boys.
Oh my God.
Yep.
Oh my God.
I'm pissed if this works.
When you call a number and they got this, that that that that's good.
They're the good ones.
Really?
Okay.
Are you kidding me?
You put it in as hold music.
It was weird because it was like I could hear the rhythm of it in my head when I was like
thinking about it.
But I was like, I don't know if that harmony, that melody is going to work out, but it kind
of does.
It does.
It's in key.
All of our representatives are currently busy.
Please stay on the line and your call will be answered by the next available representative.
The estimated hold time is currently less than 96 minutes.
You are currently caller number 32 waiting to speak with a representative.
Thank you for your patience.
Oh my God.
Holy shit.
I knew that I was real
And now you won't stop calling me
I'm kinda messy
Don't call me stop calling
I don't wanna think anymore
I got my head and my heart on a dance floor
Don't call me stop calling
I don't wanna talk anymore
I got my head and my heart on a dance floor
Stop teleporting me
I'm busy
Stop teleporting me
I know that's part of it
But it gets me every time
I'm gonna reach my telephone
Out in the club when I'm sippin' that barbeque
I'm gonna reach my telephone
Call me whenever cause I'm on
I'm gonna reach my telephone
Out in the club when I'm sippin' that barbeque
I'm gonna reach my telephone
Fuck!
Okay, was that you?
That was him
That was the call dis- no that was just a recording
Really?
Yeah, I pulled off when I pulled off of YouTube
It sounded like you
Yeah, no that was the call disconnecting
So I call that I've been on hold for the longest time
Wow!
That's good
Yeah, so I knew I wanted to use that hold music
Because it's like
You got TikTok, oddly enough
I'm fucking diabetic and like
I have to call my fucking insurance
And like doctor's offices
And like all of that shit fucking
Constantly it feels like
And so I have spent a lot of time
Precious hours of my life
That I will never get back
On hold
And like that is the preeminent
One these days I feel like
A lot of- they hit you with a
Tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk tk
So I knew I wanted to use that
Found it
Figured out the BPM for it
And then was looking at stuff in that BPM
And I saw for the longest time
And I was like, that's it
I was like, that's it for sure
And then
I wanted to
like a chain I thought about like I knew I wanted to do the interruption with the like
you are number 32 or whatever and so I was like I should bring I should come back with something
else I shouldn't interrupt it and go back into the same song although I did think about that
because that's how like it is on hold sometimes yeah yeah I thought about just starting it over
I would have had to be right at the end then you know like 10 seconds yeah that would have been
but then I was like I was like I'm gonna look around and see some some other options and so
oh I guess I didn't really say so the vocal lines were um
Telephone by Lady Gaga in the second half and for the longest time by Billy Joel in the first half
and nobody gives a fuck what the tracks are called as far as I know it's called FedEx hold music
that's the YouTube video that I learned with it nice I think the other one's just literally
called like elevator bossa nova very good in the first part I was going to suggest that you put
like a like I kind of wish you would put a low pass filter over the the vocal line so it would
have also sounded like it was coming over a phone line yeah I don't know how that would but then
that's a lot of real estate taking up the same kind of audio band so yeah and I think for the
the length that it runs it would have gotten annoying pretty inseparable to listen to but hey
that probably would have helped I guess to really evoke the feeling but god there was one place
where I was on hold for so fucking long and I don't remember who it was but I've had to call
them a few times I know and like they have this song that like it starts out like kind of okay
and then it's like you can kind of tell like it's about to like ramp up and then they cut in with
the message and then it starts over yeah I hate that I hate that I hate that I hate that it drives
me so fucking insane like I almost want to complain to the person that I'm talking to like your
fucking hold music drives me insane like I can't deal with it like I know that you are probably
making shit money wherever you are right now and like you don't give a fuck and there's literally
nothing you can do about it I'm not asking you to do anything about it I just have to share
this with you because if I don't say it out loud to somebody that works for the company I'm
gonna freak out you know yeah all right let's
go to the judgment
is the jeopardy theme music the sound they play is that no I think that's a theme I think I would
classify that as a theme song can a theme song not like if you hear that very cool very cool very cool
what
you just came up with a new challenge
challenge wow the winner of the music challenge is
ian oh I knew it I knew it too in a row too in too in a row congratulations watch I'm calling
my shot I'm gonna win the next seven episodes damn that's I'm calling it right now I'm gonna
win randomly unlikely I'm going to win seven in a row do you mean seven more or five more two for
a total of seven let's say five more for 10 doesn't matter well I'm gonna win the next seven
possibly impossible we'll see it's not possible I'm gonna do it I'm calling my shot right now all
right well you better be very diligent about your homework but either way regardless of what happens
later congratulations Ian yep yep all I will I will depart this realm he's gonna take the long
sad lonely elevator into hell and we will just kind of you know eat biscuits about it what do you
what are you what are you about to crunch on over there what do you got what do you got going on
in my hands oh this is a piece of styrofoam oh it looked like you were like disassembling
like four to five Hershey's kisses yeah hey no I wasn't oh wait wait right here hold on what's
up hey Ian uh you gonna eat that styrofoam you need that styrofoam no you want some yeah pass
that over don't don't don't don't don't stop stop stop never thought I would have to bat your hand
away like a fucking head okay wow what it's good guys chill chill I'm about to I was to do one
thing and then we can you know just get back to what we were doing before I just let's let's get
to the Krog device okay um this is probably the most spotlit challenge individually for you two
since the karaoke challenge okay the challenge that I have for you guys next week is the your
music challenge my music my my music this is your this is a mashup made with music that you
have personally made oh oh boy all right oh man all right some options so does it have to be music
I've already made or can I like make a new music if I feel like it I think you can't okay you okay
no I can't make a new backing track Shane is the challenge master he gets to easy he gets to make
his ruling easy pal easy pal this as a challenge is not grounds to go and do something else unless
you continue to do that new thing if you are in the midst of a new project of which I know nothing
about which I feel like I would have known about as a friend to you both and a music creator myself
but still it has to be something that you have made and you can use that however you want I mean
I'm giving you liberties here but it needs to be something that you have made as of right now
I just had a great idea so fantastic you love to hear it I'm really excited to look through
I'm really excited to look through love to hear it and find something love to hear it well next
week is going to be an absolute privilege for me um one because I've been very closely integrated
with one of these fellas making music in the past well both of these fellas making music in the past
um that's so funny I've made music with both of you yeah yeah sorry it's the first time I thought
about it anyway tune in next week to see what they use and hopefully god willing um inshallah
they don't use music that we including me have made individual projects are what I'm hoping for
um anyway we'll see we'll see I it's been fucking I'm like scratching my leg and kind of like
twitching my feet there's a a light going off over there do we have a message
okay let me check we yeah yeah we got a voicemail we got a thank god that's what that is okay
can you please play that shit yeah hey boys um just calling to say a couple of things first that I
love the podcast thank you so much for sharing your creations with people um it really makes my day
to listen to a new episode and second I wanted to quickly share a weed related moment of my own
because of a little comment made during the camping story it just reminded me of a funny moment
uh of getting super high years ago uh so Ryan said that Ian and Jake Blair witched themselves
by walking off the trail and that just reminded me uh so the first time I watched the Blair Witch
project I was really high I'm laying on the ground in front of the screen like right up in front of
it and the movie starts so the main character's name is Heather which is my name so throughout
throughout the whole film I was convinced that I was also lost in the woods uh trying to escape
it was actually a pretty great experience I really love horror movies and uh it wasn't really that
freaky for me it was sort of an adventure but um you know by the end of the movie I'd come down
enough to realize that it wasn't really me in the forest but yeah it just reminded me of that story
it will forever be sort of a transcendental memory of that movie you know melding with my own life
and uh yeah there's not really a point to sharing that story I just I wanted to call in for a while
and thank you all for the podcast and this was finally my lead-in reason to uh give a ring
and also I wanted to mention I sent an email to the shitty mashups inbox like maybe a month ago
it's not important um I just think that maybe the Krog device ate it uh for some reason I am
imagining the Krog device as sort of a caveman I don't really know what you know why I think that
that's weird give you that anyway uh thanks bye well we'll uh we will consult the the email and
see what happened I'll take a look in the inbox and go over Krog's uh filtering settings maybe
we got him turned up too high or something he's he's really set to just do one thing and that
thing ends up being a like fortune cookie length of paper and so things like that kind of get they
kind of gum up the works and there's like priorities set I'm so sorry we need to listen
moon technology is not as good as you think it might be it was all made in the 70s it's
it's not on us we got here and we're presented with this exactly we're sorry however it's not
our fault yeah well we'll find it though um also if you want to Heather thank you I was just gonna
say Heather thank you so much for sending in that lovely story thank you Heather this is wonderful
um yeah if you have your own weed story or music based story it's a 7604 mashup to call and you can
leave your own voicemail and be cool like how all critique the mashup send out not mine some music
recommendations no I listen to this challenge up to the radio I want to let us hear what you're
listening to I would have done this song know what you're listening to you guys are dummies
I would have done this cake song there you go if you don't know what your opportunity
if you if you're listening to a song and you don't know what it is voicemail god damn it let me say
my funny joke let me say my fucking joke if you're listening to a song on the radio and you don't
know what it is call us hold your phone up to the radio and then when we listen to it we'll hear it
and we'll look it up I'll tell you Ryan yeah I love that thank you I love that idea I love that
we are gonna be Shazam for people yeah but probably less reliable and in a much greater delay oh yeah
it's gonna take like weeks but like but we'll say three weeks later we'll be able to be able to be like oh yeah we'll say thank you Shazam doesn't do that we'll say thank you and you know what else
I'll tell you if this sucks or not we won't steal your data like Shazam probably is true I don't care who you are you know person from Slovenia that wants to know what Despacito is I'll just be like yo this is Despacito there you go where have you been enjoy Despacito
7604 mashup 7604 mashup everything else you need is at shittymashups.com we love you find us everywhere especially at that website and please don't sue us have a good weekend
oh
for the longest time
for the longest
if you said goodbye to me tonight there would still be music left to write what else could I do I'm so inspired by you that hasn't happened for the longest time
once I thought my innocence was gone now I know that happiness goes on that's where you found me when you put your arms around me I haven't been there for the longest time
all of our representatives are currently busy please stay on the line and your call will be answered by the next available representative the estimated hold time is currently less than 96 minutes you are currently caller number 32 waiting to speak with a representative thank you for your patience
let me see
what
you're freaking
up
busy
just a second
it's my favorite song
and I cannot text you
you should
meet sometimes with me
I'm
so
busy
I'm
busy
I'm
busy
I'm
busy
I'm
busy
i'm busy
busy
has
gonna reach my telephone.
All I need is one fucking someone,
and you're not gonna reach my telephone.
I'm out in the club and I'm sipping that bubble,
and you're not gonna reach my telephone.
FUCK!