Being a woman is hard. Whether you're young,
you're old, or somewhere in between, just being
is really difficult. And then you add in hormones,
family, friends, work, and it's just a mess.
And today I have with me Erin Paredes. who is
the founder and what would I say? A self -discovery
coach of the Joy Tribe. Hey Erin, how you doing?
I'm good. I'm so excited to be here. Oh, I am
too. Now, what made you decide to be a coach
for women? A self -discovery coach. Oh my gosh.
Well, if you were to ask me like years ago if
I would be a self -discovery coach or a coach
in general, I probably would have laughed in
your face. But the reason why I became a coach
is a little, there are many women who have gone
through this kind of story, but I had lived my
life for other people for a really long time.
I lived with a lot of anxiety. I had OCD, so
I was just constantly making sure everyone was
okay, choosing things to keep myself small, keep
myself quiet. I had lived in a family where school
was very important, good grades, and I was the
art kid, so I was kind of doing these, I didn't
have any huge art shows to showcase my work or
anything, so yeah, I kind of learned to just
stay quiet, stayed shy, and didn't really speak
up or choose things that were right for me. I
ended up going through university. I ended up
going to the University of Winter for the visual
arts program and the communications program.
And I did all that. I moved to Toronto. And I
got a job, did all the things, and I ended up
getting into a relationship with a guy who was,
you know, everything you'd want on paper, he
was good looking, he was financially sound, and
he was someone that, you know, that looked good.
on paper and looked good as a couple, and I was
like, okay, I've made it, where we have an okay
relationship. But when I say okay, it started
off okay, and then again, it was just a relationship
that I felt where I had to stay small, and he
basically ignored me for most of it, and we were
together for seven years. And I ended up getting
married, which is crazy to think about now, but
I digress. This is why I'm sitting here right
now. But I got to the dress fitting day and I
was looking in the mirror at myself and I was
like, this something feels really off. Something
feels off. And that was when I started questioning
my choices. But I had been so accustomed to Oh,
it's nothing, these are just nerves, or this
is what you should want, this is the life that
looks like what you're supposed to have. And
we went through the wedding, and as I was walking
down the aisle, I was looking for exits, because
I thought I was going to be sick. You should
have done Julia Roberts. Honestly, that is what
my mom compares me to. She's like, you're the
run of my pride, almost. No. You stayed. I did
stay. I did stay. So I basically was looking
for exits the entire time. I got up there. I
said yes. We danced. We drank. And that was that.
And then four months later, he said he was no
longer in love with me. And then we ended our
relationship. I think from that point on, I won't
get into the nitty -gritty of it all, but honestly,
it's not the divorce for me. Obviously, that
was a crappy thing that happened, but it was
something that completely woke myself up. Where
most people, it would put their ass in bed under
the sheets in a depression. Oh, there was some
of that. There was some of that. Then you found
your voice again. Yes, so anyways, I and we ended
up moving out of our house and I moved downtown
and This is where the whole Heroin factor came
in to my world where I have always been like
I mentioned in our kid But I've always been very
into fantasy and video games and I was a huge
fan of Tomb Raider and so the Halloween that
I was downtown, my friend asked me if I wanted
to go to this huge Halloween party. And I was
like, okay, okay. And so I decided randomly that
I was gonna dress up like Tomb Raider. And so
I got all, like I got the combat boots, I had
the guns, I had all the things, and I looked
at myself in the mirror before we left. And I
was like, oh my gosh, I don't even recognize
her. But something about her... feels familiar
and that was the moment that I realized well
why can't I feel like this all the time and then
that just kind of opened up the entire world
where the Joy Tribe started and needing to find
out who I was and to help people do that themselves.
Isn't it weird how something so small as a costume
for a Halloween party can just flip a switch?
It was crazy because I think back to that moment,
like you said, it was so small, but it completely
changed my world. And it allowed me to really
develop myself, my courage, my bravery. I brought
this confidence into my work. But yeah, just
it allowed me to heal faster. It's hard. It's
a pride thing too, especially after only four
months. It's faster than Kim Kardashian. It is,
oh my god! Yeah! But I mean, like, you had your
doubts, but you still went through with it. You
weren't expecting him to have the same doubts.
And that's tough. And for you to pick yourself
up, kudos. Well, thank you. And I mean, I think
this is also just a story that a lot of women
go through. And... And it's not even like divorce.
You could be going through another life transition
or you are just completely overwhelmed with life
in general. Life right now is hard. So I know
that a lot of people are working for success
and like what it looks like on social media or
what their friends are doing. It's like keeping
up with the Joneses. And I mean, I still deal
with that as well, but I think it's a matter
of finding your own inner power and your own
strengths and your own foundation to, you know,
come back to. How did you end up going from Laura
Croft to self discovery coach? I did spend a
couple of years doing my own self -discovery
process, going through the motions for myself
in terms of, you know, what do I want to do?
I was working in events in Toronto and doing
a lot of, I've done conferences and different
public events, and I just didn't feel called
to them. Honestly, with every job that I had,
I felt like, there was like something in me like
there's Aaron there's something more I feel like
we all have that little voice and maybe we quiet
it down and that's what this whole work is but
yeah though there was a voice telling me that
there was something more so I decided to quit
my job in Toronto right before COVID and start
mental health events. So it was bringing people
together to talk about the mental health issues
that they're going through. It wasn't paid speakers
or anything. It was really just people that were
coming forward and wanting to speak. And it was
incredible. But COVID, as I mentioned, kind of
kiboshed all of that. And I was like, OK, I just
quit my job. I don't really know what to do.
So during this time, I was learning how to build
my business, taking on skills like that. And
then I decided to move home to Chatham, which...
I was a little bit like, oh no, I'm going home
to Chateau and I'm single and I'm in my 30s and
I don't want to do it. But anyways, I came home
and I decided that, well, you know, I want to
continue to help people. I want to continue to
give people hope in some way or help them find
themselves. So that's kind of when I did a little
bit of research and I found a health and life
coach. And I know that some people have a little
bit of a stigma around that, but honestly, I
truly believe that everyone needs a coach in
some way. Life is hard. Adulting is hard, as
the kids say. Adulting is hard. Or as I like
to say, womaning is even worse. 100%. With being
a woman, you have... So many different roles
on top of your or hats that you're wearing. And
you're the mom, you're the sister, you're the
mother, you're the, you know, the cash register
or the cashier or the whatever you are for your
job. And you have all of these other things.
And then on top of that, you have your own, you
know, struggles of like who I am, what do I do
now? You know, what is the next step for me?
Is this really what I want? So as women, we really
get lost in that. And I think that a lot of women
just, and I don't want to say not that they're
settling, but that they are kind of living with
this feeling of lack and this unfulfillment that
I feel like if they just... took a little bit
of time to cultivate something, and you don't
even need a lot of time to do this, where you're
taking 15 minutes maybe in the morning to read
a book, or you are listening to a podcast, or
you go for a walk, and it doesn't even need to
be a long walk, like just a walk around the block,
taking little moments for yourself. is a way
to connect back to who you are and what you want.
Well, I find for being a woman in this day and
age, it's so confusing because we're either settling,
and I hate to say that, but we do settle. We
go for the comfort because the world is so crazy
to begin with, so... And with COVID, we've learned
that that can all be taken away. So you take
the job that you can get that'll give you the
most money. You stay in the relationship. You
know, you do the best that you can with the idea
that it may stop at any moment instead of doing
what you love and your passion and making yourself
happy. And I love that you said that because
you You can, I feel, have both. I feel like you
can have the job and you can still do that, but
you can also take a little slice of time for
yourself. Oh, for sure. So you can do it. And
I think also you might, you know, take walks
or read books, which is kind of what happened
to me and was like... Okay, I'm learning these
new things about myself and oh my gosh I do love
painting or I do, you know, love books and maybe
I want to write a book or maybe I want to start
singing and all these things kind of build out
your next adventure. Being a self -discovery
coach. Is that just do you deal with just women
or women in men? Currently I deal with Just women
although I feel like everyone needs this. Yeah,
but But yeah, I I think I work with really women
who resonate in terms of going through a transition
or going through divorce or heartbreak and Yeah,
and as we mentioned before about Tomb Raider
and I truly believe that like life is like a
video game where we go through different levels
and we Pick up all these trinkets and these strengths
and these these different things and then we
also have to face our inner demons and our inner
dragons and then we Go through that and everything
that we learned and fought against with our inner
dragons We use that in the next level So everything
that we go through is a stepping stone and a
lesson for the next level That is a great analogy
Yeah, and and so to go back to my love of fantasy.
This is how I build my coaching and I take my
the women that I work with through the journey,
the heroine's journey. So you go through and
you go through the call and you meet your mentors
and you face your inner dragons and going through
all of that with whatever situation that they're
in. Because like I said, life is like a video
game. And I think making the healing process
a little bit more digestible because I think
when people think of healing which Healing is
different for everyone and it is not necessarily
the most fun But if you kind of flip it on its
head and be like, okay Maybe you know this is
my little dragon of the day that I need to face
or listen to or you know Take in then that's
gonna help me get to the next thing. So Yeah,
I think that making life a little bit more fun
through going through healing and looking at
things differently is really, really helpful.
Now, do you do your workshops, are they one -on
-one or a group? So I do one -on -one coaching
and then I also do group workshops. So I have
workshops kind of built around the idea of the
heroine's journey. I have a workshop on finding
your anchor and finding your strengths. and I
have one coming up. We're just figuring out the
date, but basically using a piece of jewelry
to hone in and focus on your why. Is that with
Meg? It is with Meg. So we're trying to put together
the date with another... event so I don't want
to say too much but it's in the works it's in
the works there's there's lots in the works um
so yeah and I also have if anyone would be interested
in sort of a fantasy journey I have a three day
uh cinematic meditation uh journey that I have
created so basically it is a self -guided fantasy
adventure for your soul basically. Now is that
in person or online? This is online so basically
it's just a you download an audio and there's
also a workbook so there's three parts to it
where you have journal prompts and questions
that will help you along that journey and it
It allows you to connect to your inner heroine
and remind you of your inner power. I don't want
to give too much. When is that? Pardon? When
is that? Can they do it anytime? You can do it
anytime. Oh, I'm signing up for that. Honestly,
I'm really, really proud of it because I don't
think I've ever seen this done before. I mean,
I love meditation, but it is sometimes really
hard to focus. trying to focus your thoughts
and trying to clear your mind doesn't work for
a lot of people. I'm always thinking a million
thoughts because like you, I have OCD or I fall
asleep. And then forget journaling. So this would
force me to get into that because I always have
those good intentions. Buy the agenda for the
year or buy a journal and then that works for
like a week. I agree. I have to say. I will say
this right now, I'm giving you journal prompts,
but I'm gonna tell you right now, it is very
hard to stay committed, but this is the work,
right? And you can use the journal prompts and
maybe it's not necessarily journaling. Maybe
you're drawing or you're going on a walk and
just reflecting on what you've went through.
And I don't know if you read Choose Your Own
Adventure novels when you were younger, but this
is the feeling that I want people to get. as
they move through these meditations. And I'm
building on a seven -day one, I have that in
the works, and then, I don't know. You have a
lot going on. I know, I love it. And you've only
been back in Windsor for, what, a year? I moved
to Windsor last summer. Wow. And so I was in
Chatham doing a lot of work there, too, for four
years. But yeah Windsor for the the last year
and honestly like so cool to come back after
all these years So but it's nice because you
don't have to be in Windsor in order to enjoy
Your know your work. No, I can Go anywhere be
anywhere wherever so it's it's great I love that
now there is something that you do have to be
in Windsor for and that is your event coming
up that is dating Yes, so I... I'm not going
to be there. I'm married. And I am actually in
a relationship, so I will not... Participate.
I will not be participating, but the reason why
I created this event, one, because I'm a hopeless
romantic, and I love love, and I want other people
to... experience it. But I think for me, it's
beyond that because COVID and the world at large
has really become disconnected with each other.
And human connection, I feel like it's such a
struggle for so many people. And for when I was
dating and when I was going through that after
my divorce, it was difficult because You know,
we have the apps, and the apps are, I feel, like
the game of Hot or Not, where you're judging
people by pictures, and it is terrible. You go
through these, you have prompts, or you have
surface -level conversations, and trying to get
people on an actual date is very difficult. Or
to get them to be honest. Or to get them to be
honest, and that's the thing, is like, actually.
My boyfriend right now he's he's on his profile.
He said that he was 511 and he is not 511 I'm
still dating him but like that's the thing is
like people are not necessarily truthful in what
they say. And I think that people now are just
so jaded by it, and so there's just a lot of
negativity around it. And I want to bring that
spark back to dating, the excitement back. And
this event... You're going to it, but it's not
like I'm here making you match with someone or
you're going to find your soulmate. It's not
the power dating thing. No, it is not speed dating.
So yes, no speed dating. I really am wanting
just... just have people make connections. So
I have curated some questions, so each table
is gonna have some questions, but it's not like
you're gonna be forced to sit down with people
and forced to talk. It's going to be a very free
-flowing experience. and I'll be doing, I will
be doing some games. Not the cringe -worthy games,
but just games to get people involved. I really
want people just to laugh and have fun because
life is too serious. This event is for 35 to
50, but when I was dating in my late 30s, there
was no single people. There was no, sorry, there
was no single people in my friend group. So I
had a hard time, you know, connecting with other
people, and that's the, you know, information
and feedback I'm getting from other people is
that, well, I don't have any people in my friend
group that are single that can go, you know,
out with me and, like, go to different bars,
or the friend groups are just, there's a lack
of that. Well, and that's even hard too. Okay,
dating online, forget it. I mean, you can, but...
chances of a match are slim. Going to a bar and
meeting somebody, that's kind of cringy as well.
You have to be really outgoing. It's loud and
there's lots of things going on. It's more so
just to create a very, very intentional space.
And I think that... People are people are starving
for that right now. Oh, I agree. Now. When is
that going to be so it's October 7th I believe
that's a Tuesday from 7 until 9 p .m. At wine
ology the one on walkerville. Oh, okay beautiful
patio. Oh, it is there Yeah, now, how would they
be able to get tickets or enroll? Yeah, so they
can follow me on date on purpose. It's on Eventbrite,
so you just search date on purpose. Wineology,
Walkerville, and it is all there. Happy to take
any questions. I know people have been asking
that are outside of that age range, so that's
a good sign. I hopefully will be doing other
events after this for other age groups, but yeah.
Yeah, seniors need them too. Honestly, everyone
needs them. It's true. But I think people just
need to remember how to connect again. I think
it would be fun to have one of those words just
to make friends. That's kind of where I want
to go with this. It's not said, but if you're
going to an event with all single people. And
that's the thing, that's why this is not necessarily
about finding your soul mate, but you're going
to find people that are like -minded. So you
might go and you might not find a date, but you
might speak to a girl or a guy and be like, oh,
that person was really cool. You become friends
and you go do adventures together and have experiences
and that's how you meet your partner. So it's
really just about networking and connecting and
creating relationships and experiences for people.
Really this is just, I am just facilitating it
but the rest is up to everyone else who attends.
Now how much are the tickets? The tickets are
40 and you get a free drink. So it is, yeah,
it'll be really, really great. That'll be fun.
And everybody can follow you on Instagram. And
are you on Facebook or is it just Instagram?
I hate Facebook, everyone. Same. So I really
base my, even I'm terrible at TikTok, but really
my home base is Instagram. So I have the Joy
Tribe Co and I have Date On Purpose. So you can
follow me on either and get updates. And also
you're on, I was watching some of your YouTube
videos on Various topics. Yes. Yeah, really good.
Thank you I that is my little baby that I've
been trying to nurture and trying not to like
get caught up in all the algorithm and just speak
my truth, but yeah, it's it's YouTube is great
and I love being able to get on camera and Share
my knowledge and share experiences and help people
make them laugh and just be myself, so. Now the
last one you just did, and I mean it was a couple
weeks ago, but this is the type of self -discovery
coach that Erin is. There was a podcast, or it
was an episode of just two little words. I'm
fine. And what that means when you say that?
A whole lot. A whole lot, actually. It is the
worst thing that you can say. It is so dangerous
because I'm fine could be, oh my gosh, I hate
you so much. I have so much else going on right
now, but I'm fine. Like it's just, it's such
a blanket thing to say. Yeah, I think that when
you say, I'm fine, it's like blocking connection.
It's blocking connection not only with yourself,
but it's blocking connection with your partner
or whoever you're saying that to. Because you're
denying your emotions. You're denying your truth.
So when you say, I'm fine, also you're denying
that from your partner if you're saying that
to your partner. Because they're gonna sit in
the dark. and be like, okay, well, I know something's
wrong and it's just gonna fester. And it shuts
communication down. It shuts your... And that's
what I like you saying. It shuts yourself down.
And you're not being true to yourself in voicing
whatever it is. If you want to call it gaslighting
yourself, there we go. It's gaslighting yourself.
It's true. So, and that's the thing too, is when
I was in my... relationship for seven years,
I constantly said I was fine. I was always, oh
yeah, this is fine. I don't know, I can't remember
if I said it in this video, but there was a point
when I was training for a marathon and I got
hit by a car. This story. And I was fine, I was
fine. See, I'm fine, I'm fine. But you were.
But I was. Like, I didn't have any broken bones.
And I ended up calling my boyfriend. And he,
my boyfriend at the time, and he basically said,
oh, just get a cab. I'll be home soon. And so
I got, like, the cab came. I was like, oh, yeah,
this is fine. I got in the cab and then got home.
And he didn't come home for two hours. And I
still stayed. I still said I'm fine. And I feel
like people do this all the time. Because we
don't want to inconvenience someone. We don't
want to disappoint anyone. We want to make sure
that life is just airy and fairy. And we're women.
We're supposed to be strong. Yeah. There's nothing
wrong with us. We're perfectly fine. We have
these big shoulders here. We can hold the weight
of the world. Yeah. So I think, as women, we
need to, if you find yourself wanting to say,
I'm fine, maybe just take a step back and ask
yourself, why? Why is this fine? And really kind
of explore what that means for you. And then,
you know, be able to share that. I know, because
I was thinking about it when I watched your video
and I'm thinking, okay, even in really good relationships,
friendships with family, you're saying I'm fine
just to stop a discussion, stop an argument,
stop doing or talking about something that's
uncomfortable. And you are turning what could
be a little... a little thing into something
huge by saying that and stopping it because then
it's going to fester and it's going to make whatever
it is. You're going to resent whoever you're
also going to resent yourself and wishing you
said something and it's just becoming becomes
a big mess. So you just need to share your feelings
and tell people how you feel and that's why it's
so, so important to build that relationship with
yourself. And I mean, I sit here today and I
still struggle with that. I still - Everybody
does. Yeah. But I think what I've learned from
my own self -discovery process is taking that
time to, you know, for me, it's going on walks
that I can reconnect to myself. and be able to,
okay, how did I feel during that? What does that
actually mean for me? And then coming back to
a situation or whether that's your job or your
relationship or a conversation with a family
member. Just so you can be sure of your truth
and yourself so that you can show up better for
people in your life and yourself. That's something
that we are all trained regardless of how old
you are. from the time you were little is to
be yourself but also you don't want to rock the
boat and you don't want to be the drama queen.
You want to be the self -sufficient one and I'm
fine and I'm okay. I got this and sometimes we
need that help whether it's from our partner
or a self -discovery coach. That is true and
I think just using curiosity and the other thing
I will mention because the your imagination because
as children we are told from a young age that
you know you need to you know do good in school
you need to get good grades you need to go to
university or you know get a great job get a
great partner get married do all the things Like
we get so caught up in adulting. We get so caught
up in being our best and being successful that
we actually forget that imagination and curiosity
and joy. Like we forget that. And then that's
the piece I think that makes life worth living.
Because if you're constantly working your butt
off, helping your kids, doing all the things,
how do you live your life? And so, for me, my
coaching is not only discovering yourself, but
it's also discovering that joy and that spark
that you have, which is why I also focus a lot
of my coaching on fantasy and the Tomb Raider
aspect and the heroine's journey. Because I think
that we forget that our imagination helps us
build the life that we aspire to and Asking,
you know the question what if like what if I
started those art classes or what if I you know
went for a walk every morning like what What
would happen? What if I went to a dating event,
which you should? Definitely, you know, like
you just don't know Like the good things that
can happen and like to be able to create and
use your hands. It actually helps with anxiety.
There's so many pluses with healing and imagination
and curiosity and just all around joy. Because
what the heck is it all worth? And us as women,
I don't know why, but if we're not taking care
of whatever family you have, whether it's animals,
whether it's children, whether it is your...
Parents grandparents husband spouse of whatever
kind your work your house if you do anything
for yourself We always feel guilty. Oh my gosh
and that's why I definitely think that doing
your programs and listening to your YouTube's
and it's giving yourself permission to be happy
and be healthy and not always be on point for
everybody else. Because if everyone it's like
it's like watching people like you're at the
side of the playground and like watching all
the other kids play and you don't get to. Why?
Why? Why do we feel guilty if we do something
and it's like okay I'm not going to vacuum today
or we're going to get McDonald's because I want
to watch this show or I want to read a book.
Why do I feel guilty for that? It's weird. The
only person that is providing like making the
only person that is giving guilt is ourselves.
Exactly and we need to stop that cycle and learn
that we are people and we deserve the happiness
and the joy and the love that everybody else
has. That's right. And date as well if you're
single. Yeah honestly and here I'm saying that
you should come to my dating event but if dating
is not your thing that's okay like I think the
The basis of everything that I do is building
a relationship with yourself, knowing who you
are, knowing what you want, if that's a partner,
knowing what you want in a partner and how that
life looks and living from that. Because if you
want a partner, all of that's gonna fall into
place. Oh, for sure. So, and if you want to be
single and you want to travel the world, all
of that's going to fall into place. If you know
who you are and your why and how you want to
live your life. That's it. Perfect. And thank
you so much, Erin. This is definitely going to
be a world of good for me, for anybody else that
wants to. to join in on any of your workshops.
Well, thank you so much again, Erin. I really
do appreciate you being here. Make sure to follow
Erin on Instagram at date on purpose, date on
purpose and the Joy Tribe Co. And you can also
find some of her videos on YouTube at Joy Tribe
Co. as well and get out there and date or do
a workshop. get to know Erin and get to know
yourself because we all deserve a little joy
in our lives. I love it. Thank you. Yes. Again,
my name is Tracy Martens and thank you so much
for joining me for another episode of YQG and
Bloom. You all have a wonderful day.