WEBVTT 00:00:00.430 --> 00:00:04.009 Four years ago I caught up with a close mate 00:00:04.009 --> 00:00:07.549 for a coffee and we sat down and I was asking 00:00:07.549 --> 00:00:10.349 him how life was going how's work going and you 00:00:10.349 --> 00:00:14.050 know we chatting and chewing on things and and 00:00:14.050 --> 00:00:16.309 I asked how his marriage was going and he started 00:00:16.309 --> 00:00:18.469 telling me that his marriage was not in a good 00:00:18.469 --> 00:00:24.609 place. His wife was cold and distant and he just 00:00:24.609 --> 00:00:28.559 felt like everything he did made it worse. And 00:00:28.559 --> 00:00:32.140 so he asked me, Brandon, what should I do? And 00:00:32.140 --> 00:00:35.359 I thought immediately, oh, Ephesians 5, that's 00:00:35.359 --> 00:00:39.579 the key. Be a sacrificial husband. You know, 00:00:39.600 --> 00:00:41.840 what's that going to look like? Help out more, 00:00:42.619 --> 00:00:45.200 plan a nice date night every once in a while, 00:00:45.259 --> 00:00:48.740 be generous. I thought that was really good advice. 00:00:49.479 --> 00:00:52.200 Men had told me that they'd used Ephesians 5 00:00:52.200 --> 00:00:54.520 with me and said, that's what you should do as 00:00:54.520 --> 00:00:58.729 a man. But I think sadly it turned out I was 00:00:58.729 --> 00:01:02.130 treating a bullet wound with a band -aid. A few 00:01:02.130 --> 00:01:05.730 years later they were divorced and my advice 00:01:05.730 --> 00:01:08.069 didn't help. I think it might have even made 00:01:08.069 --> 00:01:11.209 things worse because the issues were deeper, 00:01:11.349 --> 00:01:15.430 more complex and more serious than I knew. Now 00:01:15.430 --> 00:01:18.170 if I had my time over I would sit down in that 00:01:18.170 --> 00:01:20.870 coffee shop with my mate and I would still crack 00:01:20.870 --> 00:01:24.769 open Ephesians 5 with him. But I would tackle 00:01:24.769 --> 00:01:28.569 it very differently. What would I say to him 00:01:28.569 --> 00:01:32.209 if I was speaking to him now? Well, that's what 00:01:32.209 --> 00:01:35.670 I want to share with you today. Don't mishear 00:01:35.670 --> 00:01:39.250 me. Ephesians 5 is not wrong. It's an awesome 00:01:39.250 --> 00:01:42.469 passage. It was the right passage. I just think 00:01:42.469 --> 00:01:47.739 sometimes we don't always apply it rightly. and 00:01:47.739 --> 00:01:50.040 also it's one passage among the whole Bible. 00:01:50.299 --> 00:01:51.939 And so we need to integrate what it's saying 00:01:51.939 --> 00:01:55.659 with the whole Bible's teachings. And I want 00:01:55.659 --> 00:01:59.739 to add to that there's a caveat here too. Ephesians 00:01:59.739 --> 00:02:04.560 5 is gospel -driven commands that we imitate 00:02:04.560 --> 00:02:08.439 Christ, it's all driven by grace, but it's not 00:02:08.439 --> 00:02:12.580 a promise. This is not the prosperity gospel. 00:02:12.939 --> 00:02:15.979 It's not you do this and have enough faith and 00:02:15.979 --> 00:02:18.080 you know, your marriage will be perfect and wonderful 00:02:18.080 --> 00:02:21.219 and the best marriage ever We live in a fallen 00:02:21.219 --> 00:02:24.219 world. You can get this right and still have 00:02:24.219 --> 00:02:28.120 a rough marriage that ends Is it the best way 00:02:28.120 --> 00:02:30.840 to do marriage? Yeah But we live in a fallen 00:02:30.840 --> 00:02:33.800 world. So don't hear me as promising more than 00:02:33.800 --> 00:02:38.280 I'm saying and Finally if you're single and expect 00:02:38.280 --> 00:02:41.580 to stay single stay tuned because this passage 00:02:41.840 --> 00:02:45.020 helps you too. I want to show you how this passage 00:02:45.020 --> 00:02:47.860 helps single people, married people, helps all 00:02:47.860 --> 00:02:51.919 of us as men. It gives us principles on how men 00:02:51.919 --> 00:02:55.960 lead anyone. So let's have a look at this passage. 00:02:57.000 --> 00:02:58.919 What's the big thing it's teaching us? Well, 00:02:59.039 --> 00:03:00.939 here's the big thing, Ephesians 5, I think you 00:03:00.939 --> 00:03:05.219 say, the best thing a man can do is become a 00:03:05.219 --> 00:03:09.180 Christ -like leader. Best thing a man can do, 00:03:09.460 --> 00:03:12.860 especially in his marriage and his family has 00:03:12.860 --> 00:03:17.120 become a Christ -like leader. What's it look 00:03:17.120 --> 00:03:21.099 like to do that? What did my friend need to hear? 00:03:21.139 --> 00:03:23.199 What do I need to hear in my marriage and my 00:03:23.199 --> 00:03:27.800 family? Well, it's three things. Men need to 00:03:27.800 --> 00:03:32.259 lead. Men need to love. And men need to lean. 00:03:32.419 --> 00:03:36.219 And that's lean on Jesus. Rely on Him. So let's 00:03:36.219 --> 00:03:39.020 have a look at each of them. Firstly, men... 00:03:39.210 --> 00:03:43.090 need to leave. If you've got your Bible there, 00:03:43.250 --> 00:03:47.629 come with me to Ephesians 5 22 and 23, or it's 00:03:47.629 --> 00:03:50.610 on the screen if you need as well. It says, wives 00:03:50.610 --> 00:03:53.650 submit yourselves to your own husbands as you 00:03:53.650 --> 00:03:56.550 do to the Lord, for the husband is the head of 00:03:56.550 --> 00:03:58.689 the wife as Christ is the head of the church, 00:03:58.990 --> 00:04:02.909 his body of which he is the saviour. Now as the 00:04:02.909 --> 00:04:06.330 church submits to Christ, so also wives should 00:04:06.330 --> 00:04:11.620 submit to their husbands in everything. Now there 00:04:11.620 --> 00:04:14.840 are a lot of people and a lot of men sadly who 00:04:14.840 --> 00:04:20.139 abuse the Bible And abusers often abuse the Bible 00:04:20.139 --> 00:04:23.839 So when we're teaching it, I don't want to just 00:04:23.839 --> 00:04:25.720 tell you what I think it's saying I want to tell 00:04:25.720 --> 00:04:28.279 you what I think it's not saying as well so that 00:04:28.279 --> 00:04:32.540 we're especially clear When it's talking about 00:04:32.540 --> 00:04:34.839 wives submitting to husbands and husbands being 00:04:34.839 --> 00:04:38.490 the head of the wife It's not saying that a woman 00:04:38.490 --> 00:04:42.970 should be a yes woman. That she shouldn't express 00:04:42.970 --> 00:04:47.230 her ideas and opinions. It's not saying that 00:04:47.230 --> 00:04:50.350 there's never a time for a woman to say no. You 00:04:50.350 --> 00:04:52.649 know, if her husband says, you know, sweetheart, 00:04:52.709 --> 00:04:55.649 let's go rob that bank together, she submits 00:04:55.649 --> 00:04:59.230 to Jesus. And so she's not gonna go rob that 00:04:59.230 --> 00:05:01.910 bank, if you were thinking of doing that. Don't 00:05:01.910 --> 00:05:05.009 tell your wife that. Anyway, but just so you 00:05:05.009 --> 00:05:07.589 know, that's... Yeah, she needs to submit to 00:05:07.589 --> 00:05:12.449 Jesus first and foremost above her man. It's 00:05:12.449 --> 00:05:16.509 also not saying husbands make your wives submit. 00:05:17.769 --> 00:05:22.649 This is a voluntary self -yielding. It's up to 00:05:22.649 --> 00:05:27.870 them to choose this. And this is not saying women 00:05:27.870 --> 00:05:33.379 are inferior to men. I mean, we live in a culture 00:05:33.379 --> 00:05:37.019 where function and authority and power tends 00:05:37.019 --> 00:05:41.240 to give you more value. We tend to think, oh, 00:05:41.240 --> 00:05:43.740 that person's important and they're more valuable 00:05:43.740 --> 00:05:45.540 than me because they're important and they've 00:05:45.540 --> 00:05:48.259 got a special role or whatever it might be. Now, 00:05:48.399 --> 00:05:52.000 when we read the Bible, we find multiple reasons 00:05:52.000 --> 00:05:57.120 as to why we're equal, even if we have different 00:05:57.120 --> 00:06:00.759 roles and functions. So you think of the Omegoday, 00:06:00.839 --> 00:06:04.759 the image of God that humankind is made in. It's 00:06:04.759 --> 00:06:08.540 male and female. Adam and Eve are both equal. 00:06:09.160 --> 00:06:12.160 They have different functions, different roles, 00:06:12.939 --> 00:06:16.060 but in terms of their value, they're equal. We 00:06:16.060 --> 00:06:19.920 look at the cross. At the cross we see that Jesus 00:06:19.920 --> 00:06:24.160 died for all people. Man, woman, slave, free, 00:06:24.459 --> 00:06:29.149 Jew, Gentile. No one is more important. The cross 00:06:29.149 --> 00:06:33.029 is a great leveller, isn't it? But even within 00:06:33.029 --> 00:06:37.910 the Trinity, we see this. So the Father and the 00:06:37.910 --> 00:06:39.709 Son and the Holy Spirit, they're all equal to 00:06:39.709 --> 00:06:42.129 one another. They're all equally God, fully God. 00:06:42.790 --> 00:06:47.250 And yet, the Father, he initiates and tells the 00:06:47.250 --> 00:06:50.790 Son what to do, and the Son submits. So just 00:06:50.790 --> 00:06:52.870 because someone submits to someone else doesn't 00:06:52.870 --> 00:06:57.050 mean they're less than. We can be equal. even 00:06:57.050 --> 00:07:01.230 if we have different roles. And it's important 00:07:01.230 --> 00:07:03.370 we take this to heart, because I think our culture 00:07:03.370 --> 00:07:05.949 needs to hear it, but back in Paul's day, these 00:07:05.949 --> 00:07:08.689 ideas were incredibly countercultural as well. 00:07:09.509 --> 00:07:13.310 Because back then, women were considered inferior. 00:07:15.110 --> 00:07:17.170 They weren't to just submit to their husbands, 00:07:17.790 --> 00:07:21.970 they were to submit and sacrifice to their husbands. 00:07:22.599 --> 00:07:24.959 They would just sacrifice for their husbands 00:07:24.959 --> 00:07:28.079 as well as do what they were told. It was an 00:07:28.079 --> 00:07:32.019 awful way to be in a lot of ways. So what this 00:07:32.019 --> 00:07:35.000 is saying is quite revolutionary. It's giving 00:07:35.000 --> 00:07:39.920 women value. And it's pointing out that there's 00:07:39.920 --> 00:07:43.199 a power dynamic in a marriage. Just like in a 00:07:43.199 --> 00:07:47.839 workplace or a sports team, when there's no consensus, 00:07:47.959 --> 00:07:52.399 someone has to make a call. Do we move and take 00:07:52.399 --> 00:07:54.879 that job away or do we stay here and keep going? 00:07:56.100 --> 00:07:58.800 Do we use that money we've got on a holiday or 00:07:58.800 --> 00:08:00.980 we're going to do it on renovations in the house? 00:08:01.819 --> 00:08:03.779 You know, should we buy a house? Should we rent 00:08:03.779 --> 00:08:09.300 a house? Men are the head. They have authority. 00:08:09.439 --> 00:08:11.519 They set the tone. They're responsible. They 00:08:11.519 --> 00:08:15.680 need to wear the pants. And wives should submit 00:08:15.680 --> 00:08:20.069 to them and respect them. Now, it's pleasant 00:08:20.069 --> 00:08:24.250 if everyone just agrees, isn't it? So much nicer. 00:08:25.490 --> 00:08:28.930 But when we can't agree, that's what happens 00:08:28.930 --> 00:08:32.309 with power. Someone has to make a call. And that's 00:08:32.309 --> 00:08:37.970 not wrong. Power has its place. Modern feminism, 00:08:38.029 --> 00:08:41.350 as I said before, has done much good, and feminism's 00:08:41.350 --> 00:08:44.149 done much good, yet it's also made it very hard 00:08:44.149 --> 00:08:47.779 for men to lead, hasn't it? And I think being 00:08:47.779 --> 00:08:52.159 Australian makes it hard for us to lead. We're 00:08:52.159 --> 00:08:55.500 Australians. We like to cut down our tall poppies, 00:08:55.519 --> 00:09:00.080 don't we? We like our hierarchies flat. We're 00:09:00.080 --> 00:09:04.379 sceptical of power. But power has its place. 00:09:06.200 --> 00:09:10.019 Approximately 10 years ago, police in the north 00:09:10.019 --> 00:09:13.840 eastern part of Brazil went on a week -long strike. 00:09:14.669 --> 00:09:20.009 The result was 143 people died, transport systems 00:09:20.009 --> 00:09:23.690 were stopped, schools and clinics were closed. 00:09:24.509 --> 00:09:26.990 Many citizens were trapped in their homes because 00:09:26.990 --> 00:09:29.809 that was the only place that was relatively safe. 00:09:31.629 --> 00:09:35.830 What's that meant to teach us? Power and authority 00:09:35.830 --> 00:09:38.450 are needed for the good ordering of society. 00:09:39.690 --> 00:09:42.409 If you don't have power and authority, you end 00:09:42.409 --> 00:09:46.409 up with anarchy, don't you? and chaos. It's good 00:09:46.409 --> 00:09:48.990 to have power. Power is a good thing. It can 00:09:48.990 --> 00:09:51.649 be abused. It can be misused. That's an awful 00:09:51.649 --> 00:09:55.929 thing. But power itself is a good thing. And 00:09:55.929 --> 00:10:00.669 so we shouldn't shy away from having authority 00:10:00.669 --> 00:10:07.090 and taking responsibility of being leaders. What 00:10:07.090 --> 00:10:11.039 do you think it's like for a wife whose husband 00:10:11.039 --> 00:10:14.299 shies away from leadership and taking responsibility. 00:10:16.519 --> 00:10:20.820 It's chaos as well, isn't it? She either has 00:10:20.820 --> 00:10:27.299 to let things unravel or she nags him or she 00:10:27.299 --> 00:10:32.039 withdraws from him or she tries to take charge 00:10:32.039 --> 00:10:36.620 when she doesn't want to. And that's when resentment 00:10:36.620 --> 00:10:40.960 builds. That's when the belittling can begin, 00:10:41.080 --> 00:10:43.820 you know, you're not much of a man, are you? 00:10:43.940 --> 00:10:48.500 Or whatever it might be. The respect for you 00:10:48.500 --> 00:10:52.139 evaporates and then the arguments become the 00:10:52.139 --> 00:10:55.240 pattern, your confidence drops, her trust in 00:10:55.240 --> 00:10:57.440 you erodes and she feels like you're unsafe. 00:10:59.500 --> 00:11:02.840 And I mean, men not leading, that's toxic masculinity, 00:11:02.879 --> 00:11:05.639 but you know what it often leads to is toxic 00:11:05.639 --> 00:11:10.759 femininity. Because we're not wired that way. 00:11:10.879 --> 00:11:13.519 And so when men don't step up, it can often lead 00:11:13.519 --> 00:11:18.659 to big problems for their lady. Now if this were 00:11:18.659 --> 00:11:22.200 the NHA Women's Conference, I'd be telling the 00:11:22.200 --> 00:11:24.419 women that this passage is telling you don't 00:11:24.419 --> 00:11:28.279 belittle or emasculate your husband. Communicate 00:11:28.279 --> 00:11:30.679 clearly and non -critically. Give them space 00:11:30.679 --> 00:11:33.620 to step up. Appreciate them and submit to their 00:11:33.620 --> 00:11:35.960 lead. Because that's what the Bible is calling 00:11:35.960 --> 00:11:40.080 them to do. and they need to clean up their side 00:11:40.080 --> 00:11:43.820 of the street. But in case you hadn't noticed, 00:11:43.879 --> 00:11:45.460 we're not at the women's conference, we're at 00:11:45.460 --> 00:11:48.899 the men's conference. And so I'm telling you 00:11:48.899 --> 00:11:53.799 today, men, we need to lead. We can't shy away 00:11:53.799 --> 00:11:58.340 from our responsibility to lead. Now, what's 00:11:58.340 --> 00:12:01.960 that look like? Let me give you some concrete 00:12:01.960 --> 00:12:07.110 examples. As men who are leading, we need to 00:12:07.110 --> 00:12:10.090 listen and consider what our wives are saying. 00:12:11.009 --> 00:12:13.549 We need to think. I'm not saying let's be draconian 00:12:13.549 --> 00:12:17.309 and just ignore what our wives say and just run 00:12:17.309 --> 00:12:19.389 off into the distance. That's not leadership. 00:12:21.350 --> 00:12:25.129 But we need to do what's best for her and our 00:12:25.129 --> 00:12:30.090 families, even if she's unhappy about it. That's 00:12:30.090 --> 00:12:36.080 leadership. It's making the hard calls. it's 00:12:36.080 --> 00:12:39.740 not letting her emotions cloud our judgment. 00:12:41.120 --> 00:12:43.139 When she gets upset and emotional about something, 00:12:43.179 --> 00:12:45.620 it's easy to want to go, oh, I want to make you 00:12:45.620 --> 00:12:47.139 happy. And I don't think it's the best thing, 00:12:47.440 --> 00:12:50.679 but that'll just calm you down. Okay, we'll go 00:12:50.679 --> 00:12:54.700 with what you think. No, if we're convinced that 00:12:54.700 --> 00:12:57.460 there's a better way to go, that is a right way 00:12:57.460 --> 00:12:58.960 to go, you know, look, there's some things you 00:12:58.960 --> 00:13:01.519 can let go, pick your battles, but on something 00:13:01.519 --> 00:13:05.519 important, back yourself. You need to back yourself, 00:13:05.559 --> 00:13:10.519 no matter her reactions. As leaders, we need 00:13:10.519 --> 00:13:13.980 to be reliable. We need to be the sort of men 00:13:13.980 --> 00:13:17.720 who follow through on what we say. And if we 00:13:17.720 --> 00:13:20.019 struggle at that, we need to find ways to do 00:13:20.019 --> 00:13:24.860 it, create systems in our life to do it. As men, 00:13:25.120 --> 00:13:27.220 we need to be the sort of blokes who initiate 00:13:27.220 --> 00:13:31.919 things other than sex. There are so many wives 00:13:31.919 --> 00:13:34.059 out there... who I think they're just like, I 00:13:34.059 --> 00:13:37.759 wish my man would initiate something else. We 00:13:37.759 --> 00:13:41.419 need to be men who dream, plan, solve, who initiate 00:13:41.419 --> 00:13:45.480 family devotions, who initiate different things 00:13:45.480 --> 00:13:48.360 in our systems in our family, who are willing 00:13:48.360 --> 00:13:53.399 to have the hard conversations. And as men, we 00:13:53.399 --> 00:13:55.980 need to be ones who carry a lot of the mental 00:13:55.980 --> 00:14:01.299 load. Not asking our wives, what do you need, 00:14:01.500 --> 00:14:04.419 sweetheart? Because that's putting the onus and 00:14:04.419 --> 00:14:07.679 the pressure back on her to work it out. We need 00:14:07.679 --> 00:14:09.399 to be the ones who are looking around, seeing 00:14:09.399 --> 00:14:11.919 the problems, making the list. Okay, we've got 00:14:11.919 --> 00:14:14.440 this at home and that needs to be sorted. And 00:14:14.440 --> 00:14:16.940 yeah, we communicate with her and we might delegate 00:14:16.940 --> 00:14:21.059 some things to her. But we do our share and we 00:14:21.059 --> 00:14:23.879 think it through. We're driving things, aren't 00:14:23.879 --> 00:14:29.440 we? That's leadership. Even if it doesn't come 00:14:29.440 --> 00:14:32.070 naturally to you, it's still something... we 00:14:32.070 --> 00:14:35.370 all need to work on. And growth takes time, that's 00:14:35.370 --> 00:14:39.450 okay. But God has made men to be leaders of our 00:14:39.450 --> 00:14:42.669 homes and we must lead. No matter what the cultural 00:14:42.669 --> 00:14:46.049 narrative out there is, God is telling us that's 00:14:46.049 --> 00:14:50.289 who we are. We must take responsibility and not 00:14:50.289 --> 00:14:54.629 avoid our God given authority. We are to lead. 00:14:54.710 --> 00:14:57.789 I wish I'd told that to my mate back in that 00:14:57.789 --> 00:15:01.740 coffee shop. But how do we use that authority? 00:15:03.659 --> 00:15:07.059 Well, we're meant to love. Men need to love. 00:15:09.220 --> 00:15:29.000 Have a look at verse 25 to 30. It says, without 00:15:29.000 --> 00:15:32.240 spot or wrinkle or any such thing that she might 00:15:32.240 --> 00:15:35.440 be holy and without blemish. In the same way 00:15:35.440 --> 00:15:37.899 husbands should love their wives as their own 00:15:37.899 --> 00:15:41.620 bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself for 00:15:41.620 --> 00:15:43.940 no one ever hated his own flesh but nourishes 00:15:43.940 --> 00:15:47.139 and cherishes it just as Christ does the church 00:15:47.139 --> 00:15:51.799 because we are members of his body. Now here's 00:15:51.799 --> 00:15:54.700 a great little Bible reading tip. When reading 00:15:54.700 --> 00:15:58.570 the Bible remember Verbs tell you where the action 00:15:58.570 --> 00:16:02.629 is. It's a bit of a play on words. Anyway, verbs 00:16:02.629 --> 00:16:06.490 tell you where the action is. What verb dominates 00:16:06.490 --> 00:16:10.250 these verses? Well, have a look. What do you 00:16:10.250 --> 00:16:19.129 see? It's love, isn't it? And most of the other 00:16:19.129 --> 00:16:22.570 verbs around it are unpacking what love looks 00:16:22.570 --> 00:16:26.840 like. Jesus gave himself, he sacrificed himself, 00:16:26.860 --> 00:16:31.360 that's love. And he did it to sanctify, to make 00:16:31.360 --> 00:16:36.139 holy the church, to cleanse. That's loving, isn't 00:16:36.139 --> 00:16:39.960 it? And it's gonna be awesome, he's gonna present 00:16:39.960 --> 00:16:43.679 the church to himself one day, you know, because 00:16:43.679 --> 00:16:45.980 he wants to be in that relationship of love with 00:16:45.980 --> 00:16:48.720 the church forever. And not only that, he nourishes 00:16:48.720 --> 00:16:52.580 and cherishes the church, or feeds and cares 00:16:52.580 --> 00:16:58.710 for it. That's loving. And so Jesus is our reference 00:16:58.710 --> 00:17:04.049 point on how to do love in our marriages, in 00:17:04.049 --> 00:17:08.730 our families. Put it all together, we discover 00:17:08.730 --> 00:17:11.369 what it means to be a loving man, a loving leader 00:17:11.369 --> 00:17:14.150 and a loving husband by looking at Jesus' relationship 00:17:14.150 --> 00:17:17.170 with the church. What's the outcome? What's the 00:17:17.170 --> 00:17:22.190 goal that Jesus has for his church? He wants 00:17:22.190 --> 00:17:26.210 to present her wholly to himself on that last 00:17:26.210 --> 00:17:31.089 day. That's where it's all headed. And the means 00:17:31.089 --> 00:17:34.069 that he will do that with is that he gives himself, 00:17:34.410 --> 00:17:37.990 dies for their sins, and nourishes them with 00:17:37.990 --> 00:17:40.769 the Word and cherishes them and treats them as 00:17:40.769 --> 00:17:45.910 valuable and precious. Now, what's that mean 00:17:45.910 --> 00:17:48.849 for a husband? If you're going to be a Christ 00:17:48.849 --> 00:17:51.799 -like husband, who loves your wife like Christ 00:17:51.799 --> 00:17:56.920 loved the church, here's your job. Help your 00:17:56.920 --> 00:18:01.339 wife stay Christian. That's the loving thing 00:18:01.339 --> 00:18:03.720 you can do, is help your wife stay Christian. 00:18:04.460 --> 00:18:06.559 That's what this is saying. That's the outcome 00:18:06.559 --> 00:18:08.380 Jesus is trying to get to, and he's trying to 00:18:08.380 --> 00:18:12.420 love his church to that point. It's a bit like 00:18:12.420 --> 00:18:15.900 being a pastor. Here's what it says in Hebrews 00:18:15.900 --> 00:18:19.940 13, 17. Obey your leaders and submit to them 00:18:19.940 --> 00:18:23.279 for they are keeping watch over your souls as 00:18:23.279 --> 00:18:25.720 those who have to give an account. Let them do 00:18:25.720 --> 00:18:27.779 this with joy and not with groaning. It's always 00:18:27.779 --> 00:18:29.940 much nicer when it's a joy and not groaning. 00:18:30.259 --> 00:18:34.180 For that would be of no advantage to you. See, 00:18:34.180 --> 00:18:38.160 at one level, you're all individuals who are 00:18:38.160 --> 00:18:41.640 responsible for your own souls, aren't you? Yet, 00:18:41.640 --> 00:18:44.980 as a leader of the church, I have responsibility 00:18:44.980 --> 00:18:48.420 for your soul as well. We both do. Both things 00:18:48.420 --> 00:18:51.880 are true. And it's the same with husbands and 00:18:51.880 --> 00:18:55.259 wives. Your wife is responsible for her own spiritual 00:18:55.259 --> 00:18:59.819 health, for her own soul. But husbands have a 00:18:59.819 --> 00:19:03.480 responsibility to lovingly lead their wives in 00:19:03.480 --> 00:19:07.920 such a way that their faith thrives. So that 00:19:07.920 --> 00:19:11.819 they persevere. So that they're still trusting 00:19:11.819 --> 00:19:18.200 Jesus at that last day. Sometimes Steve and I 00:19:18.200 --> 00:19:22.160 go out for a coffee in his little MG. I love 00:19:22.160 --> 00:19:26.599 to call it Kermit. It's a beautiful car. You 00:19:26.599 --> 00:19:29.299 feel the breeze in your hair. For Steve, I think 00:19:29.299 --> 00:19:34.880 it's more in his scalp, but that's okay. He probably 00:19:34.880 --> 00:19:39.019 won't take me out in it again now. But Steve's 00:19:39.019 --> 00:19:41.480 brought this car. He's looked after it well. 00:19:42.799 --> 00:19:47.059 I want you to imagine, imagine an M .G. enthusiast. 00:19:48.039 --> 00:19:51.279 And they find online, they see this beat up M 00:19:51.279 --> 00:19:53.880 .G. and they think, I'm going to restore it and 00:19:53.880 --> 00:19:56.880 get it ready and beautiful by my 60th birthday. 00:19:57.140 --> 00:19:59.460 And so they go and they buy it. They spend their 00:19:59.460 --> 00:20:01.680 hard earned money. They spend their time, their 00:20:01.680 --> 00:20:04.339 energy and their effort making it beautiful, 00:20:04.920 --> 00:20:07.259 polishing it up, washing it, polishing it again. 00:20:07.660 --> 00:20:10.920 You know, they love that car because their goal 00:20:10.920 --> 00:20:14.789 is that one day They want to enjoy the fullness 00:20:14.789 --> 00:20:20.250 of it on their 60th birthday. Well, that's like 00:20:20.250 --> 00:20:24.549 what Jesus does with his church. We were rusty 00:20:24.549 --> 00:20:28.990 bombs because of our sin. And he's bought us 00:20:28.990 --> 00:20:32.210 and he's restored us so that he can present us 00:20:32.210 --> 00:20:36.490 to himself on that last day. And you know what? 00:20:36.670 --> 00:20:41.109 Imagine if I borrowed this guy's MG, this restorer, 00:20:41.170 --> 00:20:44.430 or if I just borrowed Steve's one. What would 00:20:44.430 --> 00:20:47.269 I be doing with that car? I'd be very careful 00:20:47.269 --> 00:20:50.410 to look after it well, wouldn't I? Because I'd 00:20:50.410 --> 00:20:53.609 go, that is a precious and beautiful car. It's 00:20:53.609 --> 00:20:58.009 been entrusted into my care. Well, that's how 00:20:58.009 --> 00:21:02.890 Christian men treat their wives. Oh, she belongs 00:21:02.890 --> 00:21:05.329 to Jesus. She's part of the church. He died for 00:21:05.329 --> 00:21:09.619 her at one level. Jesus is her real husband, 00:21:09.900 --> 00:21:12.180 and he's the one who died for her, cares for 00:21:12.180 --> 00:21:13.880 her, makes her beautiful. But you know what? 00:21:13.880 --> 00:21:16.039 There's a sense in which Jesus has entrusted 00:21:16.039 --> 00:21:20.099 Laura into my care. I need to look after her 00:21:20.099 --> 00:21:25.339 really, really well. I saw someone online the 00:21:25.339 --> 00:21:28.640 other day said, most men treat their car, I thought 00:21:28.640 --> 00:21:30.740 they were a bit over the top, but still, they 00:21:30.740 --> 00:21:32.799 said most men treat their cars better than they 00:21:32.799 --> 00:21:35.019 treat their wives. I thought that's a bit rough. 00:21:35.759 --> 00:21:37.759 But then, you know, maybe there's a grain of 00:21:37.759 --> 00:21:41.759 truth in it. Maybe we need to take that responsibility 00:21:41.759 --> 00:21:44.900 and go, yes, I need to treat her better. I need 00:21:44.900 --> 00:21:48.420 to nourish her spiritually and cherish her and 00:21:48.420 --> 00:21:52.700 show her she's valued. See, if you act like these 00:21:52.700 --> 00:21:56.900 men in a marriage, if you're the passive people 00:21:56.900 --> 00:21:59.900 pleaser, the misogynistic tough guy or the stupid 00:21:59.900 --> 00:22:02.359 slugger, you're not looking after your wife well, 00:22:02.460 --> 00:22:07.079 are you? What does it look like to be a loving 00:22:07.079 --> 00:22:12.500 leader and husband, a loving man? It's about 00:22:12.500 --> 00:22:16.900 sacrificing, isn't it? You've got to ask yourself 00:22:16.900 --> 00:22:20.700 what's best for her and do it even if it costs 00:22:20.700 --> 00:22:25.619 you. And in the long run, I mean, I would expect 00:22:25.619 --> 00:22:29.960 she will probably like you more for that. But 00:22:29.960 --> 00:22:32.220 she might not like it at the time, but... That's 00:22:32.220 --> 00:22:37.799 what a man does, is we sacrifice. It's nourishing. 00:22:39.160 --> 00:22:42.900 It's praying for her. It's praying with her. 00:22:44.180 --> 00:22:46.740 It might be getting up early if you've got kids 00:22:46.740 --> 00:22:49.220 and handling the kids so she can have a quiet 00:22:49.220 --> 00:22:53.319 time. It might be encouraging her and making 00:22:53.319 --> 00:22:55.400 sure, yeah, we're going to go to church. Church 00:22:55.400 --> 00:22:58.700 is important. Because I know we get fed by the 00:22:58.700 --> 00:23:00.990 word there. It might be encouraging her, hey 00:23:00.990 --> 00:23:02.690 sweetheart, how are you going in your faith? 00:23:03.329 --> 00:23:05.789 I just want to check in, see how you're going, 00:23:05.930 --> 00:23:08.509 oh, you did a great job with that Sunday school 00:23:08.509 --> 00:23:10.690 lesson the other day, or whatever it might be. 00:23:12.410 --> 00:23:14.990 And it's cherishing her, it's celebrating her, 00:23:15.069 --> 00:23:17.250 it's listening to her, you know, it's putting 00:23:17.250 --> 00:23:19.589 the phone down and going, I am going to give 00:23:19.589 --> 00:23:23.769 you my attention. It's taking an interest in 00:23:23.769 --> 00:23:28.599 her in a world. It's going, I so value you and 00:23:28.599 --> 00:23:30.700 care about you that I'll forgive you when you 00:23:30.700 --> 00:23:36.220 stuff up. It's about using your power, energy 00:23:36.220 --> 00:23:40.339 and strength for her good. Put it another way, 00:23:40.339 --> 00:23:44.140 here's the sweet spot, I reckon. In the ancient 00:23:44.140 --> 00:23:47.339 world, what Paul was writing to is people who 00:23:47.339 --> 00:23:51.079 were husbands who were domineering. They would 00:23:51.079 --> 00:23:54.069 be too harsh with their wives and... I think 00:23:54.069 --> 00:23:55.930 a lot of what he's writing is he's trying to 00:23:55.930 --> 00:23:59.890 bring them back to loving leadership. But I think 00:23:59.890 --> 00:24:03.049 in our culture we tend to have a struggle with 00:24:03.049 --> 00:24:04.890 this side. We tend to be a bit more passive. 00:24:05.029 --> 00:24:07.509 There are still some who are domineering. But 00:24:07.509 --> 00:24:10.009 I think we tend to have a lot of blokes today 00:24:10.009 --> 00:24:11.829 because of feminism and some of the other things 00:24:11.829 --> 00:24:14.410 that are happening. We tend to be too passive. 00:24:14.869 --> 00:24:16.809 And so we need to read this and see that we're 00:24:16.809 --> 00:24:18.509 trying to get back in the middle as well. We're 00:24:18.509 --> 00:24:21.630 trying to get back to loving leadership using 00:24:21.630 --> 00:24:25.359 our power and our authority but in a way that 00:24:25.359 --> 00:24:29.119 is loving. I mean that's what the Lord Jesus 00:24:29.119 --> 00:24:33.519 did, didn't he? Do you remember Mark 10? Where 00:24:33.519 --> 00:24:36.119 the one who is great among you is the one who 00:24:36.119 --> 00:24:39.099 is slave of all. For even the son of man came 00:24:39.099 --> 00:24:42.279 not to be served, he didn't come to be Homer 00:24:42.279 --> 00:24:44.680 Simpson lying down and have everyone serve him, 00:24:45.059 --> 00:24:47.940 he came to serve and give his life as a ransom 00:24:47.940 --> 00:24:51.539 for many. It's not that he didn't have power. 00:24:51.609 --> 00:24:53.990 He's the son of man. He's the one who reigns 00:24:53.990 --> 00:24:57.549 over everything. But he uses that power for the 00:24:57.549 --> 00:25:00.589 good of others for their benefit. He's not a 00:25:00.589 --> 00:25:04.190 doormat. He's not a pushover. But he uses his 00:25:04.190 --> 00:25:08.789 power for their good, sacrificially. That's what 00:25:08.789 --> 00:25:12.890 Jesus does. That's the balance we need to get 00:25:12.890 --> 00:25:17.670 is loving leadership. But how do we get there? 00:25:19.029 --> 00:25:25.230 Well men need to lean We need to lean on Jesus 00:25:25.230 --> 00:25:31.910 Have a look with me at verse 31 to 33 Therefore 00:25:31.910 --> 00:25:35.069 a man shall leave his father and mother and hold 00:25:35.069 --> 00:25:38.450 fast to his wife and the two shall become one 00:25:38.450 --> 00:25:42.950 flesh This mystery is profound and I'm saying 00:25:42.950 --> 00:25:48.630 that it refers to Christ in the church However, 00:25:48.630 --> 00:25:51.029 let each one of you love his wife as himself, 00:25:51.029 --> 00:25:53.730 and let the wife see that she respects her husband." 00:25:53.730 --> 00:25:56.609 So, Paul here is going back to what we read in 00:25:56.609 --> 00:26:00.509 Genesis, too. And he's saying, you know, when 00:26:00.509 --> 00:26:05.569 it talks about the, what is it, the two becoming 00:26:05.569 --> 00:26:09.170 one flesh, that's actually talking about Christ 00:26:09.170 --> 00:26:10.910 and the church. And you're sitting there going, 00:26:10.970 --> 00:26:13.109 really? I thought that's Adam and Eve, and I 00:26:13.109 --> 00:26:16.210 thought that's kind of me and my wifey. And Paul's 00:26:16.210 --> 00:26:20.180 saying, yes, it is. But ultimately, the real 00:26:20.180 --> 00:26:24.539 reality is it's talking about Jesus and his church. 00:26:26.119 --> 00:26:28.500 See, every Christian in this room is married. 00:26:29.920 --> 00:26:33.519 We've got a marriage made in heaven. We're married 00:26:33.519 --> 00:26:36.380 to the Lord Jesus because we are his bride. And 00:26:36.380 --> 00:26:39.680 if you've got issues with that, you know, we'll 00:26:39.680 --> 00:26:43.339 talk later. But you can ask him Q &A or whatever. 00:26:43.579 --> 00:26:47.569 But it's an OK thing. It's a metaphor. But we 00:26:47.569 --> 00:26:51.970 are married to Jesus and the key to leading and 00:26:51.970 --> 00:26:56.269 loving better as a man is not just to learn from 00:26:56.269 --> 00:26:59.470 Jesus and imitate him, but to allow yourself 00:26:59.470 --> 00:27:06.289 to be loved by him. I mean, this passage is all 00:27:06.289 --> 00:27:11.470 about how women submit to Jesus like the church 00:27:11.470 --> 00:27:15.119 and how husbands are to love like Christ. It 00:27:15.119 --> 00:27:18.200 gives both genders inspiring patterns and the 00:27:18.200 --> 00:27:22.460 example for marriage. But we're also, in light 00:27:22.460 --> 00:27:25.519 of this verse, meant to read it, that Jesus is 00:27:25.519 --> 00:27:29.480 the spouse who meets our need. He's our Saviour 00:27:29.480 --> 00:27:32.220 who loves us, who gives Himself up for us, who 00:27:32.220 --> 00:27:36.079 cleanses us, nourishes us, and cherishes us. 00:27:36.940 --> 00:27:40.920 Leaning on Jesus, appreciating Him, that's the 00:27:40.920 --> 00:27:45.170 key. Because that's so filling for me as a man. 00:27:46.569 --> 00:27:50.490 If he pours into me as a man, I have an abundance 00:27:50.490 --> 00:27:55.450 to pour out for others. If I know him as a man, 00:27:55.789 --> 00:27:59.349 it transforms my identity, it gives me joy, and 00:27:59.349 --> 00:28:05.809 brings out the best in me with others. Years 00:28:05.809 --> 00:28:09.809 ago, I pastored a uni church in Perth. And we 00:28:09.809 --> 00:28:12.890 had a decent amount of young men who, as probably 00:28:12.890 --> 00:28:17.130 no surprise, struggled with porn and anger. And 00:28:17.130 --> 00:28:19.670 I'd meet up with them and we'd have coffee. And 00:28:19.670 --> 00:28:21.970 over a few months, we'd often see with these 00:28:21.970 --> 00:28:26.329 young blokes a big change. I didn't do anything 00:28:26.329 --> 00:28:30.309 dramatic. I just did two things. I mean, I'd 00:28:30.309 --> 00:28:31.970 sit down with them, I'd crack open the Bible, 00:28:32.069 --> 00:28:34.750 and I'd show them two things. I'd show them how 00:28:34.750 --> 00:28:39.039 toxic sin was. and how beautiful God's grace 00:28:39.039 --> 00:28:44.720 is. I'd try and help them appreciate and rely 00:28:44.720 --> 00:28:50.500 on, lean on, Jesus' love for them. And it would 00:28:50.500 --> 00:28:54.099 bring really powerful change. Again, I'm not 00:28:54.099 --> 00:28:56.420 saying I did anything special, that's just biblical 00:28:56.420 --> 00:29:00.299 Christianity. And it doesn't just work with porn 00:29:00.299 --> 00:29:03.680 or anger, it works with any sin, any toxic behaviour. 00:29:06.029 --> 00:29:10.970 But if a man isn't leaning on Jesus, well, that's 00:29:10.970 --> 00:29:13.150 when things do go wrong and that's when things 00:29:13.150 --> 00:29:19.569 go toxic. You could be a man who's single and 00:29:19.569 --> 00:29:24.670 your fear of loneliness could drive that Christian 00:29:24.670 --> 00:29:27.369 man to date or marry a non -Christian, which 00:29:27.369 --> 00:29:32.569 Jesus tells us that they shouldn't do. You could 00:29:32.569 --> 00:29:35.710 be married and that fear of rejection or criticism 00:29:35.960 --> 00:29:39.119 could make you insecure and indecisive. You could 00:29:39.119 --> 00:29:44.779 become a doormat. You could be a man who experiences 00:29:44.779 --> 00:29:47.920 a lot of pressure and exhaustion because life 00:29:47.920 --> 00:29:51.880 is hard and you're overwhelmed and you look for 00:29:51.880 --> 00:29:57.619 comfort in ungodly things. What does each of 00:29:57.619 --> 00:30:00.740 those men need to do? They need to lean on Jesus. 00:30:01.980 --> 00:30:07.039 They need to receive His love. And that's why 00:30:07.039 --> 00:30:09.680 it's so important for men to depend on Jesus 00:30:09.680 --> 00:30:14.019 in prayer. Here's what Paul says he wants men 00:30:14.019 --> 00:30:16.180 everywhere to do. What does Paul want you to 00:30:16.180 --> 00:30:20.359 do today? He says this, I desire that in every 00:30:20.359 --> 00:30:25.779 place that men should pray. Lifting holy hands, 00:30:25.819 --> 00:30:27.420 because that's how they used to pray in the ancient 00:30:27.420 --> 00:30:31.160 world is they put their hands up like that. Lifting 00:30:31.160 --> 00:30:36.390 holy hands without anger or quarreling. See, 00:30:36.970 --> 00:30:39.369 as Mark said earlier, men tend to be doers, aren't 00:30:39.369 --> 00:30:42.470 they? We tend to be more task -oriented than 00:30:42.470 --> 00:30:47.109 women. And if there's a problem, men use the 00:30:47.109 --> 00:30:52.329 strength in their hands to fix it. Our strength, 00:30:52.490 --> 00:30:56.250 though, can become really toxic when things aren't 00:30:56.250 --> 00:30:59.549 working. Okay, I've got the strength in my hands, 00:30:59.650 --> 00:31:02.329 I want to fix this thing, it's not working, and 00:31:02.329 --> 00:31:04.849 that strength becomes real bad all of a sudden, 00:31:04.970 --> 00:31:10.690 doesn't it? I've golfed with men who hit a bad 00:31:10.690 --> 00:31:14.950 shot and angrily throw the club further than 00:31:14.950 --> 00:31:19.089 the ball. It's the strength in their hands, but 00:31:19.089 --> 00:31:23.910 it goes wrong, doesn't it? I think back to Australia 00:31:23.910 --> 00:31:26.269 Day and Perth many years ago, we went down to 00:31:26.269 --> 00:31:30.509 the Perth foreshore or wherever it was, and there 00:31:30.509 --> 00:31:33.509 was this plane that was doing tricks, stunt tricks 00:31:33.509 --> 00:31:36.130 in the sky. and it was horrible. The plane had 00:31:36.130 --> 00:31:39.210 a massive crash and someone in the plane actually 00:31:39.210 --> 00:31:42.410 died. So it meant all the Australia Day fireworks 00:31:42.410 --> 00:31:47.029 and everything was cancelled. And so just crowds 00:31:47.029 --> 00:31:50.930 of people all at once are heading home after 00:31:50.930 --> 00:31:53.230 a lot of them had had way too much to drink. 00:31:54.910 --> 00:31:58.670 And we were walking to our car, my family and 00:31:58.670 --> 00:32:02.029 another mate's family, and we saw two fights. 00:32:02.269 --> 00:32:06.150 Two full -on fistfights with groups of young 00:32:06.150 --> 00:32:11.089 men break out. Because when things go wrong, 00:32:11.109 --> 00:32:13.410 what do men do? We use our fists, we use our 00:32:13.410 --> 00:32:16.869 strength, don't we? We use our hands. It's our 00:32:16.869 --> 00:32:18.730 greatest strength, but it can also be our greatest 00:32:18.730 --> 00:32:24.150 weakness. But men who see what we have in the 00:32:24.150 --> 00:32:28.869 gospel, who depend on God in prayer, who lift 00:32:28.869 --> 00:32:34.549 up holy hands to God, They're different. That's 00:32:34.549 --> 00:32:39.170 the key to being a Christ -like man. You know, 00:32:39.170 --> 00:32:41.670 if I could see one change in our lives from today, 00:32:41.690 --> 00:32:43.950 and again, I put myself in this. I struggle with 00:32:43.950 --> 00:32:48.650 it too. It wouldn't be, if there's one change, 00:32:48.730 --> 00:32:51.690 it wouldn't be that we become clearer or more 00:32:51.690 --> 00:32:53.569 decisive men. That would be great. I think they'd 00:32:53.569 --> 00:32:56.470 be really good. But that's not the big one I'd 00:32:56.470 --> 00:33:01.140 hope for. It wouldn't be that we become kinder 00:33:01.140 --> 00:33:03.940 or wiser men. Again, I think that's awesome, 00:33:03.960 --> 00:33:07.119 but that's not the big one I'd want to go for. 00:33:09.339 --> 00:33:14.079 It would be that we become men who know deeply, 00:33:14.880 --> 00:33:20.660 deeply, the love of Jesus for us, and who lean 00:33:20.660 --> 00:33:28.359 on Him in prayer. Because if we do that, It changes 00:33:28.359 --> 00:33:32.200 so many other things, doesn't it? It changes 00:33:32.200 --> 00:33:34.160 those other things. It helps us lead better. 00:33:34.400 --> 00:33:37.779 It helps us love better. It helps us be godly. 00:33:37.799 --> 00:33:41.259 It helps us do so many things well if we are 00:33:41.259 --> 00:33:45.640 leaning on Jesus. So I don't know how you're 00:33:45.640 --> 00:33:50.619 going with that. But make a plan for how you 00:33:50.619 --> 00:33:54.119 can receive that love and enjoy it more and more. 00:33:55.820 --> 00:33:59.700 Make a plan for how you can pour out your heart 00:33:59.700 --> 00:34:04.359 to God in prayer. Again, I get it. It's a struggle, 00:34:05.000 --> 00:34:13.599 but it's worth doing. Make a plan. Well, I started 00:34:13.599 --> 00:34:16.059 by talking about my friend whose marriage was 00:34:16.059 --> 00:34:20.480 struggling and how I wished I had a better grasp 00:34:20.480 --> 00:34:25.059 of Ephesians 5 and of the whole Bible. And if 00:34:25.059 --> 00:34:28.239 I would have, I would have told him this. The 00:34:28.239 --> 00:34:32.260 best thing a man can do is become a Christ -like 00:34:32.260 --> 00:34:35.260 leader. A leader of himself, a leader of his 00:34:35.260 --> 00:34:40.260 wife, a leader of his family. Men need to lead. 00:34:41.420 --> 00:34:45.840 Men need to love. And most importantly, men need 00:34:45.840 --> 00:34:50.559 to lean on Jesus. And like I said, there's no 00:34:50.559 --> 00:34:53.019 guarantees that that would have fixed his marriage. 00:34:55.619 --> 00:34:57.900 But he would have been doing everything on his 00:34:57.900 --> 00:34:59.960 side of the street that he could, wouldn't he? 00:35:01.340 --> 00:35:04.300 It's the best thing he could have done. It's 00:35:04.300 --> 00:35:07.079 the best thing that could have set him up, whatever 00:35:07.079 --> 00:35:11.380 happened. And it's the same for all of us. Whatever 00:35:11.380 --> 00:35:14.059 your situation, the best thing you can do, whether 00:35:14.059 --> 00:35:16.099 you're single, whether you're in a rocky marriage, 00:35:16.199 --> 00:35:18.199 whether you're in a mediocre, boring marriage, 00:35:18.460 --> 00:35:20.320 whether you're in a great marriage, whether you're 00:35:20.320 --> 00:35:22.789 in... whether you're a dink, you know, a double 00:35:22.789 --> 00:35:25.429 income, no kid, whether you're swamped with kids, 00:35:25.670 --> 00:35:27.289 whether you're working, whether you're a stay 00:35:27.289 --> 00:35:29.469 -at -home dad, whatever you might be doing, whatever 00:35:29.469 --> 00:35:34.670 your situation in life is, the best thing you 00:35:34.670 --> 00:35:40.289 can do is to be a man like this, especially a 00:35:40.289 --> 00:35:47.030 man who leans on Jesus. So will you seek to become 00:35:47.030 --> 00:35:51.630 a Christ -like man? a Christ -like leader of 00:35:51.630 --> 00:35:57.670 yourself and of your home. Make a plan on how 00:35:57.670 --> 00:36:02.090 you can do that, and then pray about it. Let's 00:36:02.090 --> 00:36:07.230 pray now. Gracious Heavenly Father, we ask that 00:36:07.230 --> 00:36:10.469 you would help us to lead ourselves and our families 00:36:10.469 --> 00:36:15.590 well. Help us to be men who love sacrificially, 00:36:16.510 --> 00:36:20.210 not just who are nice, not just who are polite 00:36:20.210 --> 00:36:25.190 but who love deeply and in a Christ -like way 00:36:25.190 --> 00:36:28.670 and most of all we pray that you would help us 00:36:28.670 --> 00:36:32.030 to receive your love for us that we would lean 00:36:32.030 --> 00:36:36.650 on Jesus and that we'd be prayerful men and we 00:36:36.650 --> 00:36:38.989 pray this in his name amen