Well, if you keep Proverbs 27 open, we're going
to be looking at wise friendship this morning.
And it's also one of those weeks where you can
text questions in. The number is in the bulletin.
If you'd like to text your questions in, we'll
assume you're doing that at some point and not
playing Candy Crush. So we'll trust you on that
one. Well, let's pray. Let's ask God for help
as we dig into His Word now. Gracious Heavenly
Father, we thank you that you love us, that you
care about us, and Father, we thank you that
you created us for relationship, not just with
you, but also with one another. Help us to work
out how to do friendships well. And we ask this
in Jesus' name. Amen. Well, years ago, Laura
and I had some friends that we were really, really
close with. We worked together. We'd go around
and play board games at their house. We'd even
go and holiday together. We'd actually been through
a lot together. But these friends hit some big
family issues. There were some tricky things
with their kids. And they decided, after that
happened, to go into their shell. All of a sudden...
The board game nights stopped. We didn't really
go on holidays with them anymore. We just didn't
really see them as much. We'd see them at work
a bit, but that was about it. Things changed
really dramatically. And it was very jarring
for us. Lauren and I didn't really know how to
take it. I mean, we could empathise with the
family issues they were going through, but we
also missed the previous friendship and closeness
that we'd had, it was really confusing and really
complicated. I think of another friend who was,
you know, we were good friends, but she was a
bit bossy. You know, when we were going out to
eat as a group, she'd always be the one saying,
I want to go to this place, you know. It wasn't
super fun, and I think people in the group resented
her for it. Think of another friend who was very
unreliable. We used to meet up one -to -one Regularly
once a week and I think about three or four times
in a row. He stood me up or he turned up 45 minutes
late and It was like okay You know, this is not
making me feel very close as friends right now,
you know, I think of another who I used to be
very close with but we rarely talk now because
He's busy, I'm busy, and the tyranny of distance
just means that it's really hard to have a close
friendship. And it's not just other people. If
I'm giving the impression that everyone else
is dropping the ball and I'm great, please don't
read that. I think of times where I've been a
dud friend, where I've been very forgetful, very
selfish, very one -sided, very critical. But
I give you these examples. to try and illustrate
just how complex and tricky friendship actually
is. Whether it's friendship in a marriage, whether
it's church friends, whether it's work friends,
family friends, old friends and new friends,
friendship's a tricky beast to master. And I
mean, it's so good to, if we can, when we do
it well, it's powerful, it's rewarding, it's
enriching. But when you do it poorly you can
feel hurt, confused, ignored, excluded, forgotten
and exploited. Friendship's complex because we've
all got differing ideas and expectations as to
what friendship should look like. And so we end
up with lots of misunderstandings and tricky
dynamics to navigate and I think it's made even
more complicated because Christians rarely talk
about it. So today, we need to ask, how do we
do friendship well? How do we do friendship well?
And I mean, it is important. Remember, God is
Trinity. He's one God in three persons. At the
heart of who God is, is relationship. And because
we're made in God's image, we're made for relationship
as well, which includes not just relationship
with God, but relationships with others, friendships.
But ever since the fall, friendships have been
extremely hard, haven't they? Because of sin,
because we think I'm going to rule my life and
not let God run the show. We live in a world
where we're doing our own thing and we think,
well, I'm doing things my way. You're thinking,
well, I'm doing things my way. You're thinking
I'm in charge of it. I'm at the centre of the
universe. I'm thinking I'm at the centre of the
universe. And we just clash and it's hard to
trust people. It's hard to be vulnerable. Friendship
is tricky. But Proverbs 27 and some other things
that we're going to see from the whole Bible
gives us some key insights. into how we can do
friendship better. And here's the big thing I
hope you'll take away from today. Friendship
with Jesus drives us to be better friends with
others. Friendship with Jesus drives us to be
better friends with others. So there's three
ways though that we can be better friends to
others. once we've experienced friendship with
Jesus, here's the three things that Proverbs
is telling us. Be a forthright friend, be a faithful
friend, and be a fulfilled friend. They're the
three ways that friendship with Jesus in Proverbs
changes us. We become like this. So let's have
a look at each one. Here's the first one. Be
a forthright friend. Have a look at these verses.
Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds
from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies
kisses. Or later on it says, as iron sharpens
iron, so one person sharpens another. Now these
things are tough to believe, aren't they? Because
words and rebukes sting. They're unpleasant.
But kisses and flattery, they feel really good.
But this is saying you should choose the rebukes,
choose the stingy thing. It's saying a good friend
tells you the hard truths. They don't let that
elephant in the room grow bigger and bigger and
bigger. they talk to you about it. Now before
anyone goes turning their mouth into a bazooka,
because they've just been waiting with all the
things and elephants in the room they want to
talk about, we do need to get some balance to
this. We've got to remember that proverbs shouldn't
be read isolated from the rest of proverbs, okay?
So we've got to, we're trying to weave a tapestry
of wisdom as we read proverbs. So yes, Being
open about things and forthright about things
is important, but we also want to remember these
things. To make an apt answer is a joy to a man
and a word in season how good it is. Or I love
this one we read today. If anyone loudly blesses
their neighbour early in the morning, it will
be taken as a curse. So just because you've got
a thought that jumps into your head doesn't mean
you have to share it, does it? Wisdom is about
being thoughtful and careful. And that includes
timing. Wisdom's a bit like comedy. You know
how with comedy, they say with comedy, timing
is everything. That was the joke. Anyway, this
is a dud, but I'll work on my comedy. That's
the thing with wisdom, isn't it? It's about timing
as well as a whole range of things. It's about
being aware of the context. It's about being
aware of what is proportionate. We don't want
to add a straw that breaks the camel's back.
We want to be wise. There's nuance and complexity
and a lot of trial and error that we need to
develop in our friendships. I haven't done it
much, but I love skiing. That rush of flying
down the mountain is awesome. And for me, I love
doing the big open blue runs. I wouldn't dare
doing those black runs with the trees. That to
me is full on. I'd be like a ping pong ball trying
to miss the trees, I reckon. And I mean, I'd
bounce into one in no time. But you know how
top skiers actually miss the trees? They don't
try and avoid the tree, because if you do that
you overcompensate. They follow the snow. That's
the strategy. And I think it's a bit like that
being a forthright friend. It's so easy to bounce
between extremes, isn't it? But we need to follow
the snow. I get this wrong so often because I
try not to do something, I try to avoid extremes
and then I end up in another extreme. So I focus
on not being too harsh and then I end up being
not firm enough. focus on not being too passive
and or not being too vague and then you know
I bounce into all sorts of things and I end up
being reactive and usually overcompensating and
hitting a different tree. Instead I should be
following the snow. What's the snow? It's the
way of Christ -like love. I mean Jesus did friendships
perfectly. Now I reckon why do we bounce between
trees, it's because we're usually trying to protect
ourselves. We come into friendships, we're trying
to protect ourselves, we're trying to think,
what can they handle? Are they going to get offended?
Are they going to reject me if I say things?
But the way of following the snow, I reckon,
is to try and think what others need from you,
what's loving to them without fearing their response.
That's the key I reckon. And I must admit I struggle
with that as much as anyone. But that I think
is the way to be a forthright friend. Are you
being a forthright friend to people? Are you
willing to say the hard things to them? But that's
not all wise friendship entails. Not only are
we to be a forthright friend, but we're to be
a faithful friend, a loyal friend, friends who
are there for one another. Have a look at Proverbs
27 10. Do not forsake your friend or a friend
of your family, and do not go to your relative's
house when disaster strikes you. Better a neighbour
nearby than a relative far away. This proverb
is showing how faithful proximity beats distant
closeness. Faithful proximity beats distant closeness.
It's not saying never go to a relative when disaster
strikes. But it's saying a nearby neighbour is
better. You probably know that if you're from
out of town, you've probably got friends and
family closer to you than most people who are
here. And that's great. But they can't do much,
those friends and family who you're really close
to, if they're living somewhere else, they can't
do much because they're far away. When you need
immediate help, it's best to call on the people
around you. I remember a couple of years ago,
I went to FIEC conference, a conference in Sydney,
and while I was away, Laura got gastro. and had
a pain flare -up. And it was really hard because
she was there with the kids on her own and I
was stuck at this conference. And there's things
to do, you know, there's lunches to be made,
there's dinner, and there's school runs, and
there's a whole range of things that needed to
be done. And even though we're husband and wife,
what I could do for Laura at that time was very
limited. But we had a wonderful friend, Naomi,
who actually went out of her way to come and
help and drop the kids off at school and help
out with a bunch of things. We had a support
worker who was able to come and help. You know,
they're getting paid. We're not that close. But
it just shows how proximity beats close relationship
sometimes, doesn't it? Because you can actually
do something. Now, it's so much better if you
got both, isn't it? Proximity and closeness.
But it's an important lesson to see that sometimes
what we need is just someone who'll be faithful
who's nearby. For all of us, but especially for
those without family in town, I reckon this is
a key lesson. But there's two things we need
to do as well in light of this. Number one, don't
forsake your friends. If you can be there when
you need it, Try to be there. Try to be there
for one another. I get it. Sometimes we can't.
Sometimes it's not appropriate. Sometimes it
means you're over -functioning for someone. That's
not healthy for them. But if you can be there
when they need it, it's good to try, isn't it?
And it's good to try and be creative and work
out ways that you can do that. But the second
thing is we need to go to each other for help.
We need to ask for what we need. We need to speak
up. We're not mind readers. No one here is a
mind reader. We need to be forthright and ask
one another for help when we need it. And it's
important that we do that because we all like
to be loved and cared for in different ways.
It's a bit like the five love languages. You
know that thing? There's five ways in which people
like to be loved. There's quality time, acts
of service, words of affirmation, thoughtful
gifts and physical touch. Some people just like
a hug. But it's about speaking up to one another
and saying how we need help. That's an important
thing. So we need to ask, are we being helpful
when our friends ask for help? Are we asking
for help when we need it? It's a hard skill to
master, but it's one that is wise to work at.
But there's one more thing about friendship we
need to see. Thirdly, we need to be a fulfilled
friend. We need to be a fulfilled friend. Have
a look at these verses. Do not boast about tomorrow,
for you do not know what a day may bring. Let
another praise you and not your own mouth, a
stranger and not your own lips. A stone is heavy
and sand is weighty, but a fool's provocation
is heavier than both. Wrath is cruel, anger is
overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy?
It's worth asking, what do these verses have
in common? Well, I think these are all damaging
behaviours driven by a fearful emptiness within.
Why boast about tomorrow or boast about my accomplishments?
Because I'm feeling insecure and I want to prove
myself, I want to feel valuable. Or a fool's
quarrelsome provoking or... a quarrelsome spouse
like in verse 15 and 16. You know, it's talking
about how it's an unbearable burden having that
quarrelsome thing going on. Why do it? Why do
people be quarrelsome like that and pick fights?
It's because they feel safe by control, don't
they? They want to get some attention. Or why
does someone become not just wrathful or angry,
but jealous? which is his saying so much worse.
Well, it's usually because there's deep pain
and resentment there, isn't there? When I've
exhibited foolish behaviours like this, it's
not good for me. And it damages my friendships.
And we need to be wise. If there's people around
us like this, we need to be careful about how
we relate to them. But more importantly, We need
to be seeking to be a quality friend to others
by being responsible for our own internal world
It's a bit like this imagine you're driving down
Captain Cook Highway You're driving along the
traffic's moving nicely. It's just a beautiful
sunny day. It's awesome But as you're driving
along a big spider starts crawling up your leg
You're freaking out and rightly so and you're
there and you're trying to flick the spider away
and you don't know what spider it is because
you're trying to keep your eyes on the road and
and then you look down and you're going that's
a big spider and you're trying to flick it away
without it biting you and what happens because
you're distracted and you're panicked the car
veers and you smash into another car and cause
an accident Now why was the accident caused?
Because what was happening in your car caused
you to veer off, didn't it? And it's the same
with people. Our inner world, if it's going crazy
and chaotic, it can cause us to crash into others
in a damaging way, can't it? And I think over
these verses and I think of ways I've done this
in the past or had things like that done to me.
I think of a place I worked many years ago where
I started a new job, I had a new role and I came
in and I talked a big game. Yeah, oh yeah, I'm
here to fix some things and I know what's what.
But things came up. I couldn't follow through.
And man oh man, I wish I had boasted less. But
at the time I felt insecure inside. I could see
people hurting and I was trying to fix things
and I wanted to soothe their pain. I wanted to
help them hope for the best. But actually my
boastfulness hurt others. I wish I'd been a little
bit more secure inside. Or I've been at churches
where complaints have arisen and have come very
emotionally. Heavy and damaging complaints. But
you often know the things that weren't that big
a deal. And if people had just done a little
bit of internal triage, this is actually a three
out of 10, not a nine out of 10. It would have
been a lot less hurtful and more collaborative.
Nothing better for a pastor as well, by the way,
when you come and say, we're really upset about
whatever it is, but Brendan, it is only a three
out of 10. It just deescalates things, doesn't
it? Or jealousy. This is a really sad one, it's
a tough one. You don't have what someone else
has. It might be spouse, it might be children,
it might be a job. And that resentment and that
hurt can poison friendships. And if you let that
jealousy fester when you see someone else who's
got the thing you want, man oh man, it can be
just really damaging. It can drive people away,
it can drive you away from them and make yourself
isolate from others. Being a fulfilled friend
is so key, isn't it? Our internal world impacts
our friendships in a big way. So there you have
it. Three aspects of wise friendship, and I'm
sure there's many more we could talk about, but
three for today. Be a forthright friend. Be a
faithful friend, be a fulfilled friend. Yeah,
that's a nice ideal, isn't it? But one that I
think we easily fail and struggle with a lot.
And to be honest, I haven't actually really gone
into how to do these things much with you. Because
what was the big thing we said at the start?
Friendship with Jesus drives us to be better
friends to others. So it's when we experience
friendship with Jesus more and more, it powerfully
changes us to be better friends to others. But
how has Jesus been a friend to us, a good friend
to us? Well, all the things we saw, they're true
of Jesus. Jesus is a forthright friend. Jesus
warns us and rebukes us. He doesn't avoid telling
us the truth. He says hard things that we need
to hear. You know, when he was on earth doing
ministry, he was warning people about sin and
hell. He will tell us what we need to hear, what
is good for us, even if it's hard to hear. I
mean, the cross itself is not only the way that
God saves us, it's also a giant message, isn't
it? It's a giant message that God takes sin seriously.
It's a giant message that judgment is real. Jesus
tells us what we need to hear. And that's why,
as Christians, listening to Jesus being deep
in the Word is so crucial. Because it exposes
sin and folly within us that needs to be dealt
with. So a really big alarm bell when you start
going, I don't want to listen to Jesus anymore.
I'm too busy to listen to Jesus anymore. That's
a sign that you need to go back to the wonderful
friend you have in Jesus and listen to him again
because he's telling you things you need to hear.
But Jesus is also a faithful friend. He's loyal
and not only loyal, he's near. I mean, he's near
with us. He said he's with us always till the
end of the age. He's always with us. And he's
so loyal that he died for our sins. He laid down
his life for his friends. How great is Jesus?
He won't let you down. Even when you let him
down, he won't let you down. He loves you so
much. Trust in his loyalty. Trust that he's on
your side. But not only that, we've got Jesus
as a fulfilled friend. Jesus, his own joy was
in God. He was content. His own internal world
was ruled by Him. It meant that He was godly,
wise and loving. It meant that He could lead
and teach. It meant that He could go to the cross
and die for us because He was in control of His
own internal state. Jesus is a forthright friend.
He's a faithful friend. He's a fulfilled friend.
And the more we experience friendship with Jesus,
the more we become like him. Because as we know
him as this sort of friend, we become a forthright
friend, a faithful friend, a fulfilled friend.
See, as Jesus speaks hard words to you and me,
it moves us to say, hmm, I'm going to say hard
words to other people. I'm going to speak the
truth in love, but Jesus' hard words to me help
me so much. If there's a hard thing that needs
to be said, I think I need to say it. And Howard,
come talk to me after church. No, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding. I have nothing hard to say to Howard.
He's lovely. But it shows how important it is
to be a forthright friend. As we experience it
from Jesus, it changes us. or to be a faithful
friend. Jesus' love and loyalty, as we know that,
as we experience that, it will move us to try
to serve others and sacrifice for others and
be there for others in profound and amazing ways.
Hard to do when you don't see how wonderful Jesus
has been to you in that way, but when it's clear,
when it's on the front burner in your mind, It's
amazing how we can turn up in incredible love
for one another, isn't it? And to be a fulfilled
friend. You let Jesus' friendship work on your
inner world. You let the gospel go deep in your
heart. You become calmer, more joyful, more secure.
You turn up in such a better way to people. So
what's all this mean for us? Well, there are
some of us here today who've never experienced
Jesus' friendship. And I want to ask you, can
you see how good friendship with Jesus is? Do
you want to live life without it any longer?
The answer is no. Act today. Come chat with me.
There'll be someone up here after the service
to pray up the front. Pray with them, either
one, but do it today. But for many of us, we've
been friends with Jesus a while. What's this
saying to us? Well, for many of us, we've been
friends with Jesus a while, but we might've been
hurt, we might've been let down, we might've
been stung by other Christians. And you haven't
been treated how you'd hoped you'd be. And like
I mentioned at the start, it'd be easy to let
their treatment shape you, or to confuse you,
or to frustrate you. But I want to encourage
you not to do that. Come back to Jesus. Let His
friendship influence you. Let His friendship
change you. Let it fill you with joy. Let it
ignite your heart. See your pain as an opportunity
to draw closer to Jesus and to grow more like
Him. Or maybe your friendships look like the
rest of the world. Maybe there's a niceness and
a shallowness to some of your friendships. If
that's you, let friendship reshape your heart.
Let Jesus' friendship reshape your heart. And
watch yourself suddenly yearn to be more radical
as a good friend to others. Then you start thinking
things like, yeah, I am going to talk to them
about that. I'm not going to leave that. It's
important that they know. You start thinking
what's best for them. You start being thoughtful.
I'm going to send them a text. I found this great
verse. I'm going to send that person a text and
encourage them this week. I'm going to ask them
if they want to go hit a bucket of balls with
me, or whatever your thing is. I've got a friend
over in Carnarvon. He rings me every week just
to check in on how I'm going. And, you know,
for a while I was dropping the ball. He was always
doing it. and it's been so good and now I ring
him back and it's just amazing seeing how this
friendship has grown and flourished and it's
all built around our friendship of Jesus and
it's the more we relate to Jesus and enjoy him
the better friends we become, don't we? So wherever
you're at the key is friendship with Jesus. I
want to close with this. I love how John Newton
put it. John Newton who wrote Amazing Grace,
he wrote this, faithful are the wounds of that
friend who was himself wounded and slain for
us. How good's that? Let's be people who listen
to the best friend we have in Jesus. Or as we're
about to sing now, what a friend we have in Jesus.
all our sins and griefs to bear. See, knowing
Jesus as our friend changes everything, doesn't
it? So let's pray that God would do that now.
Heavenly Father, we ask that you would help us
to be better friends to one another, better friends
to others. And we pray that our friendship with
Jesus would drive that, would move us to that.
Please, Father, help us to experience more and
more how good it is to have friendship with Jesus.
May it be our greatest joy and our greatest delight,
and please make us more like him in the way that
we relate to others. We ask this in his name.
Amen.