WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:03.120 Well, if you keep Proverbs 27 open, we're going 00:00:03.120 --> 00:00:05.339 to be looking at wise friendship this morning. 00:00:05.940 --> 00:00:08.660 And it's also one of those weeks where you can 00:00:08.660 --> 00:00:11.820 text questions in. The number is in the bulletin. 00:00:11.839 --> 00:00:16.600 If you'd like to text your questions in, we'll 00:00:16.600 --> 00:00:19.140 assume you're doing that at some point and not 00:00:19.140 --> 00:00:23.160 playing Candy Crush. So we'll trust you on that 00:00:23.160 --> 00:00:26.359 one. Well, let's pray. Let's ask God for help 00:00:26.359 --> 00:00:31.289 as we dig into His Word now. Gracious Heavenly 00:00:31.289 --> 00:00:33.509 Father, we thank you that you love us, that you 00:00:33.509 --> 00:00:36.509 care about us, and Father, we thank you that 00:00:36.509 --> 00:00:40.049 you created us for relationship, not just with 00:00:40.049 --> 00:00:43.350 you, but also with one another. Help us to work 00:00:43.350 --> 00:00:46.469 out how to do friendships well. And we ask this 00:00:46.469 --> 00:00:51.840 in Jesus' name. Amen. Well, years ago, Laura 00:00:51.840 --> 00:00:54.560 and I had some friends that we were really, really 00:00:54.560 --> 00:00:58.560 close with. We worked together. We'd go around 00:00:58.560 --> 00:01:01.859 and play board games at their house. We'd even 00:01:01.859 --> 00:01:05.060 go and holiday together. We'd actually been through 00:01:05.060 --> 00:01:09.439 a lot together. But these friends hit some big 00:01:09.439 --> 00:01:11.459 family issues. There were some tricky things 00:01:11.459 --> 00:01:15.420 with their kids. And they decided, after that 00:01:15.420 --> 00:01:19.379 happened, to go into their shell. All of a sudden... 00:01:19.209 --> 00:01:22.689 The board game nights stopped. We didn't really 00:01:22.689 --> 00:01:25.469 go on holidays with them anymore. We just didn't 00:01:25.469 --> 00:01:27.689 really see them as much. We'd see them at work 00:01:27.689 --> 00:01:31.030 a bit, but that was about it. Things changed 00:01:31.030 --> 00:01:35.109 really dramatically. And it was very jarring 00:01:35.109 --> 00:01:39.150 for us. Lauren and I didn't really know how to 00:01:39.150 --> 00:01:43.430 take it. I mean, we could empathise with the 00:01:43.430 --> 00:01:46.790 family issues they were going through, but we 00:01:46.790 --> 00:01:51.560 also missed the previous friendship and closeness 00:01:51.560 --> 00:01:55.700 that we'd had, it was really confusing and really 00:01:55.700 --> 00:02:00.739 complicated. I think of another friend who was, 00:02:01.140 --> 00:02:03.299 you know, we were good friends, but she was a 00:02:03.299 --> 00:02:06.760 bit bossy. You know, when we were going out to 00:02:06.760 --> 00:02:09.000 eat as a group, she'd always be the one saying, 00:02:09.159 --> 00:02:12.439 I want to go to this place, you know. It wasn't 00:02:12.439 --> 00:02:14.840 super fun, and I think people in the group resented 00:02:14.840 --> 00:02:18.219 her for it. Think of another friend who was very 00:02:18.219 --> 00:02:22.719 unreliable. We used to meet up one -to -one Regularly 00:02:22.719 --> 00:02:24.840 once a week and I think about three or four times 00:02:24.840 --> 00:02:29.539 in a row. He stood me up or he turned up 45 minutes 00:02:29.539 --> 00:02:34.240 late and It was like okay You know, this is not 00:02:34.240 --> 00:02:36.840 making me feel very close as friends right now, 00:02:37.020 --> 00:02:40.860 you know, I think of another who I used to be 00:02:40.860 --> 00:02:43.639 very close with but we rarely talk now because 00:02:43.919 --> 00:02:46.780 He's busy, I'm busy, and the tyranny of distance 00:02:46.780 --> 00:02:49.199 just means that it's really hard to have a close 00:02:49.199 --> 00:02:52.860 friendship. And it's not just other people. If 00:02:52.860 --> 00:02:55.099 I'm giving the impression that everyone else 00:02:55.099 --> 00:02:58.020 is dropping the ball and I'm great, please don't 00:02:58.020 --> 00:03:01.879 read that. I think of times where I've been a 00:03:01.879 --> 00:03:04.960 dud friend, where I've been very forgetful, very 00:03:04.960 --> 00:03:10.039 selfish, very one -sided, very critical. But 00:03:10.039 --> 00:03:13.439 I give you these examples. to try and illustrate 00:03:13.439 --> 00:03:16.939 just how complex and tricky friendship actually 00:03:16.939 --> 00:03:20.919 is. Whether it's friendship in a marriage, whether 00:03:20.919 --> 00:03:23.280 it's church friends, whether it's work friends, 00:03:23.740 --> 00:03:26.520 family friends, old friends and new friends, 00:03:27.340 --> 00:03:32.060 friendship's a tricky beast to master. And I 00:03:32.060 --> 00:03:34.400 mean, it's so good to, if we can, when we do 00:03:34.400 --> 00:03:36.840 it well, it's powerful, it's rewarding, it's 00:03:36.840 --> 00:03:40.599 enriching. But when you do it poorly you can 00:03:40.599 --> 00:03:44.340 feel hurt, confused, ignored, excluded, forgotten 00:03:44.340 --> 00:03:49.680 and exploited. Friendship's complex because we've 00:03:49.680 --> 00:03:53.060 all got differing ideas and expectations as to 00:03:53.060 --> 00:03:57.219 what friendship should look like. And so we end 00:03:57.219 --> 00:03:59.800 up with lots of misunderstandings and tricky 00:03:59.800 --> 00:04:03.780 dynamics to navigate and I think it's made even 00:04:03.780 --> 00:04:06.800 more complicated because Christians rarely talk 00:04:06.800 --> 00:04:11.199 about it. So today, we need to ask, how do we 00:04:11.199 --> 00:04:15.340 do friendship well? How do we do friendship well? 00:04:16.540 --> 00:04:19.860 And I mean, it is important. Remember, God is 00:04:19.860 --> 00:04:24.259 Trinity. He's one God in three persons. At the 00:04:24.259 --> 00:04:28.019 heart of who God is, is relationship. And because 00:04:28.019 --> 00:04:31.660 we're made in God's image, we're made for relationship 00:04:31.660 --> 00:04:34.819 as well, which includes not just relationship 00:04:34.819 --> 00:04:38.329 with God, but relationships with others, friendships. 00:04:40.350 --> 00:04:44.170 But ever since the fall, friendships have been 00:04:44.170 --> 00:04:47.949 extremely hard, haven't they? Because of sin, 00:04:48.149 --> 00:04:50.769 because we think I'm going to rule my life and 00:04:50.769 --> 00:04:54.500 not let God run the show. We live in a world 00:04:54.500 --> 00:04:56.959 where we're doing our own thing and we think, 00:04:56.980 --> 00:04:58.740 well, I'm doing things my way. You're thinking, 00:04:59.019 --> 00:05:00.759 well, I'm doing things my way. You're thinking 00:05:00.759 --> 00:05:02.639 I'm in charge of it. I'm at the centre of the 00:05:02.639 --> 00:05:04.160 universe. I'm thinking I'm at the centre of the 00:05:04.160 --> 00:05:07.040 universe. And we just clash and it's hard to 00:05:07.040 --> 00:05:12.120 trust people. It's hard to be vulnerable. Friendship 00:05:12.120 --> 00:05:17.579 is tricky. But Proverbs 27 and some other things 00:05:17.579 --> 00:05:19.540 that we're going to see from the whole Bible 00:05:19.540 --> 00:05:23.730 gives us some key insights. into how we can do 00:05:23.730 --> 00:05:27.410 friendship better. And here's the big thing I 00:05:27.410 --> 00:05:31.490 hope you'll take away from today. Friendship 00:05:31.490 --> 00:05:35.490 with Jesus drives us to be better friends with 00:05:35.490 --> 00:05:41.110 others. Friendship with Jesus drives us to be 00:05:41.110 --> 00:05:46.990 better friends with others. So there's three 00:05:46.990 --> 00:05:49.250 ways though that we can be better friends to 00:05:49.250 --> 00:05:51.870 others. once we've experienced friendship with 00:05:51.870 --> 00:05:54.389 Jesus, here's the three things that Proverbs 00:05:54.389 --> 00:06:00.370 is telling us. Be a forthright friend, be a faithful 00:06:00.370 --> 00:06:06.550 friend, and be a fulfilled friend. They're the 00:06:06.550 --> 00:06:10.050 three ways that friendship with Jesus in Proverbs 00:06:10.050 --> 00:06:13.649 changes us. We become like this. So let's have 00:06:13.649 --> 00:06:16.350 a look at each one. Here's the first one. Be 00:06:16.350 --> 00:06:21.310 a forthright friend. Have a look at these verses. 00:06:23.050 --> 00:06:28.569 Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds 00:06:28.569 --> 00:06:34.230 from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies 00:06:34.230 --> 00:06:39.589 kisses. Or later on it says, as iron sharpens 00:06:39.589 --> 00:06:45.930 iron, so one person sharpens another. Now these 00:06:45.930 --> 00:06:49.050 things are tough to believe, aren't they? Because 00:06:49.050 --> 00:06:53.550 words and rebukes sting. They're unpleasant. 00:06:55.149 --> 00:06:58.829 But kisses and flattery, they feel really good. 00:07:00.410 --> 00:07:03.610 But this is saying you should choose the rebukes, 00:07:03.730 --> 00:07:08.050 choose the stingy thing. It's saying a good friend 00:07:08.050 --> 00:07:13.310 tells you the hard truths. They don't let that 00:07:13.310 --> 00:07:16.009 elephant in the room grow bigger and bigger and 00:07:16.009 --> 00:07:21.699 bigger. they talk to you about it. Now before 00:07:21.699 --> 00:07:24.959 anyone goes turning their mouth into a bazooka, 00:07:25.100 --> 00:07:26.980 because they've just been waiting with all the 00:07:26.980 --> 00:07:28.620 things and elephants in the room they want to 00:07:28.620 --> 00:07:31.379 talk about, we do need to get some balance to 00:07:31.379 --> 00:07:34.939 this. We've got to remember that proverbs shouldn't 00:07:34.939 --> 00:07:37.959 be read isolated from the rest of proverbs, okay? 00:07:38.240 --> 00:07:40.980 So we've got to, we're trying to weave a tapestry 00:07:40.980 --> 00:07:45.310 of wisdom as we read proverbs. So yes, Being 00:07:45.310 --> 00:07:47.910 open about things and forthright about things 00:07:47.910 --> 00:07:50.110 is important, but we also want to remember these 00:07:50.110 --> 00:07:53.509 things. To make an apt answer is a joy to a man 00:07:53.509 --> 00:07:57.089 and a word in season how good it is. Or I love 00:07:57.089 --> 00:08:00.529 this one we read today. If anyone loudly blesses 00:08:00.529 --> 00:08:03.050 their neighbour early in the morning, it will 00:08:03.050 --> 00:08:07.250 be taken as a curse. So just because you've got 00:08:07.250 --> 00:08:09.170 a thought that jumps into your head doesn't mean 00:08:09.170 --> 00:08:14.050 you have to share it, does it? Wisdom is about 00:08:14.170 --> 00:08:17.709 being thoughtful and careful. And that includes 00:08:17.709 --> 00:08:21.129 timing. Wisdom's a bit like comedy. You know 00:08:21.129 --> 00:08:24.310 how with comedy, they say with comedy, timing 00:08:24.310 --> 00:08:31.290 is everything. That was the joke. Anyway, this 00:08:31.290 --> 00:08:36.720 is a dud, but I'll work on my comedy. That's 00:08:36.720 --> 00:08:38.600 the thing with wisdom, isn't it? It's about timing 00:08:38.600 --> 00:08:40.559 as well as a whole range of things. It's about 00:08:40.559 --> 00:08:42.820 being aware of the context. It's about being 00:08:42.820 --> 00:08:46.620 aware of what is proportionate. We don't want 00:08:46.620 --> 00:08:50.320 to add a straw that breaks the camel's back. 00:08:51.259 --> 00:08:54.179 We want to be wise. There's nuance and complexity 00:08:54.179 --> 00:08:56.879 and a lot of trial and error that we need to 00:08:56.879 --> 00:09:01.200 develop in our friendships. I haven't done it 00:09:01.200 --> 00:09:06.419 much, but I love skiing. That rush of flying 00:09:06.419 --> 00:09:10.039 down the mountain is awesome. And for me, I love 00:09:10.039 --> 00:09:14.179 doing the big open blue runs. I wouldn't dare 00:09:14.179 --> 00:09:17.799 doing those black runs with the trees. That to 00:09:17.799 --> 00:09:21.000 me is full on. I'd be like a ping pong ball trying 00:09:21.000 --> 00:09:25.879 to miss the trees, I reckon. And I mean, I'd 00:09:25.879 --> 00:09:30.159 bounce into one in no time. But you know how 00:09:30.159 --> 00:09:34.429 top skiers actually miss the trees? They don't 00:09:34.429 --> 00:09:37.309 try and avoid the tree, because if you do that 00:09:37.309 --> 00:09:43.049 you overcompensate. They follow the snow. That's 00:09:43.049 --> 00:09:46.850 the strategy. And I think it's a bit like that 00:09:46.850 --> 00:09:51.169 being a forthright friend. It's so easy to bounce 00:09:51.169 --> 00:09:55.309 between extremes, isn't it? But we need to follow 00:09:55.309 --> 00:10:00.230 the snow. I get this wrong so often because I 00:10:00.230 --> 00:10:04.090 try not to do something, I try to avoid extremes 00:10:04.090 --> 00:10:07.429 and then I end up in another extreme. So I focus 00:10:07.429 --> 00:10:12.970 on not being too harsh and then I end up being 00:10:12.970 --> 00:10:18.409 not firm enough. focus on not being too passive 00:10:18.409 --> 00:10:20.909 and or not being too vague and then you know 00:10:20.909 --> 00:10:23.289 I bounce into all sorts of things and I end up 00:10:23.289 --> 00:10:26.230 being reactive and usually overcompensating and 00:10:26.230 --> 00:10:30.250 hitting a different tree. Instead I should be 00:10:30.250 --> 00:10:34.230 following the snow. What's the snow? It's the 00:10:34.230 --> 00:10:38.509 way of Christ -like love. I mean Jesus did friendships 00:10:38.509 --> 00:10:44.950 perfectly. Now I reckon why do we bounce between 00:10:44.950 --> 00:10:48.669 trees, it's because we're usually trying to protect 00:10:48.669 --> 00:10:52.549 ourselves. We come into friendships, we're trying 00:10:52.549 --> 00:10:54.570 to protect ourselves, we're trying to think, 00:10:54.850 --> 00:10:57.789 what can they handle? Are they going to get offended? 00:10:57.889 --> 00:10:59.970 Are they going to reject me if I say things? 00:11:01.330 --> 00:11:04.549 But the way of following the snow, I reckon, 00:11:04.629 --> 00:11:07.950 is to try and think what others need from you, 00:11:08.570 --> 00:11:12.669 what's loving to them without fearing their response. 00:11:14.130 --> 00:11:17.950 That's the key I reckon. And I must admit I struggle 00:11:17.950 --> 00:11:22.230 with that as much as anyone. But that I think 00:11:22.230 --> 00:11:28.649 is the way to be a forthright friend. Are you 00:11:28.649 --> 00:11:32.450 being a forthright friend to people? Are you 00:11:32.450 --> 00:11:38.509 willing to say the hard things to them? But that's 00:11:38.509 --> 00:11:42.429 not all wise friendship entails. Not only are 00:11:42.429 --> 00:11:44.909 we to be a forthright friend, but we're to be 00:11:44.909 --> 00:11:48.889 a faithful friend, a loyal friend, friends who 00:11:48.889 --> 00:11:51.769 are there for one another. Have a look at Proverbs 00:11:51.769 --> 00:11:57.129 27 10. Do not forsake your friend or a friend 00:11:57.129 --> 00:12:00.450 of your family, and do not go to your relative's 00:12:00.450 --> 00:12:03.970 house when disaster strikes you. Better a neighbour 00:12:03.970 --> 00:12:10.259 nearby than a relative far away. This proverb 00:12:10.259 --> 00:12:15.000 is showing how faithful proximity beats distant 00:12:15.000 --> 00:12:19.580 closeness. Faithful proximity beats distant closeness. 00:12:19.899 --> 00:12:22.840 It's not saying never go to a relative when disaster 00:12:22.840 --> 00:12:27.379 strikes. But it's saying a nearby neighbour is 00:12:27.379 --> 00:12:30.899 better. You probably know that if you're from 00:12:30.899 --> 00:12:33.720 out of town, you've probably got friends and 00:12:33.720 --> 00:12:36.399 family closer to you than most people who are 00:12:36.399 --> 00:12:42.049 here. And that's great. But they can't do much, 00:12:42.110 --> 00:12:44.149 those friends and family who you're really close 00:12:44.149 --> 00:12:46.610 to, if they're living somewhere else, they can't 00:12:46.610 --> 00:12:51.009 do much because they're far away. When you need 00:12:51.009 --> 00:12:54.649 immediate help, it's best to call on the people 00:12:54.649 --> 00:12:59.070 around you. I remember a couple of years ago, 00:12:59.070 --> 00:13:03.570 I went to FIEC conference, a conference in Sydney, 00:13:04.129 --> 00:13:08.279 and while I was away, Laura got gastro. and had 00:13:08.279 --> 00:13:11.820 a pain flare -up. And it was really hard because 00:13:11.820 --> 00:13:14.419 she was there with the kids on her own and I 00:13:14.419 --> 00:13:16.759 was stuck at this conference. And there's things 00:13:16.759 --> 00:13:19.179 to do, you know, there's lunches to be made, 00:13:19.299 --> 00:13:21.320 there's dinner, and there's school runs, and 00:13:21.320 --> 00:13:23.519 there's a whole range of things that needed to 00:13:23.519 --> 00:13:28.480 be done. And even though we're husband and wife, 00:13:29.559 --> 00:13:32.100 what I could do for Laura at that time was very 00:13:32.100 --> 00:13:36.120 limited. But we had a wonderful friend, Naomi, 00:13:37.419 --> 00:13:40.100 who actually went out of her way to come and 00:13:40.100 --> 00:13:42.820 help and drop the kids off at school and help 00:13:42.820 --> 00:13:45.080 out with a bunch of things. We had a support 00:13:45.080 --> 00:13:47.120 worker who was able to come and help. You know, 00:13:47.120 --> 00:13:51.299 they're getting paid. We're not that close. But 00:13:51.299 --> 00:13:55.779 it just shows how proximity beats close relationship 00:13:55.779 --> 00:13:59.360 sometimes, doesn't it? Because you can actually 00:13:59.360 --> 00:14:02.460 do something. Now, it's so much better if you 00:14:02.460 --> 00:14:05.419 got both, isn't it? Proximity and closeness. 00:14:06.990 --> 00:14:11.210 But it's an important lesson to see that sometimes 00:14:11.210 --> 00:14:13.330 what we need is just someone who'll be faithful 00:14:13.330 --> 00:14:19.509 who's nearby. For all of us, but especially for 00:14:19.509 --> 00:14:22.549 those without family in town, I reckon this is 00:14:22.549 --> 00:14:26.669 a key lesson. But there's two things we need 00:14:26.669 --> 00:14:30.470 to do as well in light of this. Number one, don't 00:14:30.470 --> 00:14:34.990 forsake your friends. If you can be there when 00:14:34.990 --> 00:14:39.559 you need it, Try to be there. Try to be there 00:14:39.559 --> 00:14:42.139 for one another. I get it. Sometimes we can't. 00:14:42.299 --> 00:14:44.960 Sometimes it's not appropriate. Sometimes it 00:14:44.960 --> 00:14:46.840 means you're over -functioning for someone. That's 00:14:46.840 --> 00:14:49.659 not healthy for them. But if you can be there 00:14:49.659 --> 00:14:51.820 when they need it, it's good to try, isn't it? 00:14:52.720 --> 00:14:54.879 And it's good to try and be creative and work 00:14:54.879 --> 00:14:59.539 out ways that you can do that. But the second 00:14:59.539 --> 00:15:03.000 thing is we need to go to each other for help. 00:15:04.739 --> 00:15:07.759 We need to ask for what we need. We need to speak 00:15:07.759 --> 00:15:11.740 up. We're not mind readers. No one here is a 00:15:11.740 --> 00:15:14.460 mind reader. We need to be forthright and ask 00:15:14.460 --> 00:15:18.820 one another for help when we need it. And it's 00:15:18.820 --> 00:15:20.600 important that we do that because we all like 00:15:20.600 --> 00:15:23.940 to be loved and cared for in different ways. 00:15:24.860 --> 00:15:27.000 It's a bit like the five love languages. You 00:15:27.000 --> 00:15:30.470 know that thing? There's five ways in which people 00:15:30.470 --> 00:15:33.509 like to be loved. There's quality time, acts 00:15:33.509 --> 00:15:36.190 of service, words of affirmation, thoughtful 00:15:36.190 --> 00:15:38.970 gifts and physical touch. Some people just like 00:15:38.970 --> 00:15:45.029 a hug. But it's about speaking up to one another 00:15:45.029 --> 00:15:48.309 and saying how we need help. That's an important 00:15:48.309 --> 00:15:52.990 thing. So we need to ask, are we being helpful 00:15:52.990 --> 00:15:57.049 when our friends ask for help? Are we asking 00:15:57.049 --> 00:16:01.909 for help when we need it? It's a hard skill to 00:16:01.909 --> 00:16:06.629 master, but it's one that is wise to work at. 00:16:09.850 --> 00:16:11.809 But there's one more thing about friendship we 00:16:11.809 --> 00:16:17.090 need to see. Thirdly, we need to be a fulfilled 00:16:17.090 --> 00:16:21.789 friend. We need to be a fulfilled friend. Have 00:16:21.789 --> 00:16:26.600 a look at these verses. Do not boast about tomorrow, 00:16:27.539 --> 00:16:31.159 for you do not know what a day may bring. Let 00:16:31.159 --> 00:16:34.279 another praise you and not your own mouth, a 00:16:34.279 --> 00:16:38.519 stranger and not your own lips. A stone is heavy 00:16:38.519 --> 00:16:41.320 and sand is weighty, but a fool's provocation 00:16:41.320 --> 00:16:46.220 is heavier than both. Wrath is cruel, anger is 00:16:46.220 --> 00:16:49.980 overwhelming, but who can stand before jealousy? 00:16:52.990 --> 00:16:55.230 It's worth asking, what do these verses have 00:16:55.230 --> 00:16:59.429 in common? Well, I think these are all damaging 00:16:59.429 --> 00:17:03.769 behaviours driven by a fearful emptiness within. 00:17:06.089 --> 00:17:10.009 Why boast about tomorrow or boast about my accomplishments? 00:17:11.109 --> 00:17:13.609 Because I'm feeling insecure and I want to prove 00:17:13.609 --> 00:17:18.710 myself, I want to feel valuable. Or a fool's 00:17:18.710 --> 00:17:21.789 quarrelsome provoking or... a quarrelsome spouse 00:17:21.789 --> 00:17:25.289 like in verse 15 and 16. You know, it's talking 00:17:25.289 --> 00:17:27.970 about how it's an unbearable burden having that 00:17:27.970 --> 00:17:31.549 quarrelsome thing going on. Why do it? Why do 00:17:31.549 --> 00:17:34.589 people be quarrelsome like that and pick fights? 00:17:35.109 --> 00:17:37.650 It's because they feel safe by control, don't 00:17:37.650 --> 00:17:44.529 they? They want to get some attention. Or why 00:17:44.529 --> 00:17:47.849 does someone become not just wrathful or angry, 00:17:47.970 --> 00:17:52.039 but jealous? which is his saying so much worse. 00:17:53.799 --> 00:17:55.599 Well, it's usually because there's deep pain 00:17:55.599 --> 00:18:00.700 and resentment there, isn't there? When I've 00:18:00.700 --> 00:18:03.799 exhibited foolish behaviours like this, it's 00:18:03.799 --> 00:18:08.000 not good for me. And it damages my friendships. 00:18:10.019 --> 00:18:12.339 And we need to be wise. If there's people around 00:18:12.339 --> 00:18:14.380 us like this, we need to be careful about how 00:18:14.380 --> 00:18:18.470 we relate to them. But more importantly, We need 00:18:18.470 --> 00:18:21.789 to be seeking to be a quality friend to others 00:18:21.789 --> 00:18:25.470 by being responsible for our own internal world 00:18:25.470 --> 00:18:29.789 It's a bit like this imagine you're driving down 00:18:29.789 --> 00:18:33.490 Captain Cook Highway You're driving along the 00:18:33.490 --> 00:18:36.430 traffic's moving nicely. It's just a beautiful 00:18:36.430 --> 00:18:41.049 sunny day. It's awesome But as you're driving 00:18:41.049 --> 00:18:45.430 along a big spider starts crawling up your leg 00:18:47.119 --> 00:18:50.680 You're freaking out and rightly so and you're 00:18:50.680 --> 00:18:52.900 there and you're trying to flick the spider away 00:18:52.900 --> 00:18:54.680 and you don't know what spider it is because 00:18:54.680 --> 00:18:56.559 you're trying to keep your eyes on the road and 00:18:56.559 --> 00:18:58.319 and then you look down and you're going that's 00:18:58.319 --> 00:19:00.500 a big spider and you're trying to flick it away 00:19:00.500 --> 00:19:02.599 without it biting you and what happens because 00:19:02.599 --> 00:19:05.200 you're distracted and you're panicked the car 00:19:05.200 --> 00:19:08.039 veers and you smash into another car and cause 00:19:08.039 --> 00:19:12.599 an accident Now why was the accident caused? 00:19:14.059 --> 00:19:18.099 Because what was happening in your car caused 00:19:18.099 --> 00:19:22.380 you to veer off, didn't it? And it's the same 00:19:22.380 --> 00:19:28.160 with people. Our inner world, if it's going crazy 00:19:28.160 --> 00:19:32.619 and chaotic, it can cause us to crash into others 00:19:32.619 --> 00:19:38.549 in a damaging way, can't it? And I think over 00:19:38.549 --> 00:19:40.769 these verses and I think of ways I've done this 00:19:40.769 --> 00:19:45.029 in the past or had things like that done to me. 00:19:46.609 --> 00:19:50.990 I think of a place I worked many years ago where 00:19:50.990 --> 00:19:54.289 I started a new job, I had a new role and I came 00:19:54.289 --> 00:19:57.549 in and I talked a big game. Yeah, oh yeah, I'm 00:19:57.549 --> 00:20:00.309 here to fix some things and I know what's what. 00:20:01.569 --> 00:20:04.829 But things came up. I couldn't follow through. 00:20:05.889 --> 00:20:11.230 And man oh man, I wish I had boasted less. But 00:20:11.230 --> 00:20:14.690 at the time I felt insecure inside. I could see 00:20:14.690 --> 00:20:17.049 people hurting and I was trying to fix things 00:20:17.049 --> 00:20:19.769 and I wanted to soothe their pain. I wanted to 00:20:19.769 --> 00:20:23.170 help them hope for the best. But actually my 00:20:23.170 --> 00:20:27.390 boastfulness hurt others. I wish I'd been a little 00:20:27.390 --> 00:20:32.359 bit more secure inside. Or I've been at churches 00:20:32.359 --> 00:20:36.599 where complaints have arisen and have come very 00:20:36.599 --> 00:20:44.579 emotionally. Heavy and damaging complaints. But 00:20:44.579 --> 00:20:46.660 you often know the things that weren't that big 00:20:46.660 --> 00:20:50.220 a deal. And if people had just done a little 00:20:50.220 --> 00:20:54.240 bit of internal triage, this is actually a three 00:20:54.240 --> 00:20:57.740 out of 10, not a nine out of 10. It would have 00:20:57.740 --> 00:20:59.680 been a lot less hurtful and more collaborative. 00:21:00.119 --> 00:21:02.660 Nothing better for a pastor as well, by the way, 00:21:02.819 --> 00:21:05.180 when you come and say, we're really upset about 00:21:05.180 --> 00:21:07.619 whatever it is, but Brendan, it is only a three 00:21:07.619 --> 00:21:12.980 out of 10. It just deescalates things, doesn't 00:21:12.980 --> 00:21:19.400 it? Or jealousy. This is a really sad one, it's 00:21:19.400 --> 00:21:23.160 a tough one. You don't have what someone else 00:21:23.160 --> 00:21:27.250 has. It might be spouse, it might be children, 00:21:27.269 --> 00:21:31.869 it might be a job. And that resentment and that 00:21:31.869 --> 00:21:37.309 hurt can poison friendships. And if you let that 00:21:37.309 --> 00:21:41.529 jealousy fester when you see someone else who's 00:21:41.529 --> 00:21:45.490 got the thing you want, man oh man, it can be 00:21:45.490 --> 00:21:50.289 just really damaging. It can drive people away, 00:21:50.369 --> 00:21:52.769 it can drive you away from them and make yourself 00:21:53.039 --> 00:22:00.259 isolate from others. Being a fulfilled friend 00:22:00.259 --> 00:22:06.359 is so key, isn't it? Our internal world impacts 00:22:06.359 --> 00:22:12.200 our friendships in a big way. So there you have 00:22:12.200 --> 00:22:16.400 it. Three aspects of wise friendship, and I'm 00:22:16.400 --> 00:22:18.819 sure there's many more we could talk about, but 00:22:18.819 --> 00:22:22.599 three for today. Be a forthright friend. Be a 00:22:22.599 --> 00:22:27.839 faithful friend, be a fulfilled friend. Yeah, 00:22:28.160 --> 00:22:31.440 that's a nice ideal, isn't it? But one that I 00:22:31.440 --> 00:22:34.920 think we easily fail and struggle with a lot. 00:22:36.220 --> 00:22:38.299 And to be honest, I haven't actually really gone 00:22:38.299 --> 00:22:42.059 into how to do these things much with you. Because 00:22:42.059 --> 00:22:43.859 what was the big thing we said at the start? 00:22:45.319 --> 00:22:48.859 Friendship with Jesus drives us to be better 00:22:48.859 --> 00:22:53.529 friends to others. So it's when we experience 00:22:53.529 --> 00:22:57.730 friendship with Jesus more and more, it powerfully 00:22:57.730 --> 00:23:03.509 changes us to be better friends to others. But 00:23:03.509 --> 00:23:06.750 how has Jesus been a friend to us, a good friend 00:23:06.750 --> 00:23:10.329 to us? Well, all the things we saw, they're true 00:23:10.329 --> 00:23:16.750 of Jesus. Jesus is a forthright friend. Jesus 00:23:16.750 --> 00:23:21.930 warns us and rebukes us. He doesn't avoid telling 00:23:21.930 --> 00:23:25.289 us the truth. He says hard things that we need 00:23:25.289 --> 00:23:27.710 to hear. You know, when he was on earth doing 00:23:27.710 --> 00:23:31.170 ministry, he was warning people about sin and 00:23:31.170 --> 00:23:35.809 hell. He will tell us what we need to hear, what 00:23:35.809 --> 00:23:42.049 is good for us, even if it's hard to hear. I 00:23:42.049 --> 00:23:45.369 mean, the cross itself is not only the way that 00:23:45.369 --> 00:23:47.589 God saves us, it's also a giant message, isn't 00:23:47.589 --> 00:23:52.779 it? It's a giant message that God takes sin seriously. 00:23:53.880 --> 00:24:00.359 It's a giant message that judgment is real. Jesus 00:24:00.359 --> 00:24:04.420 tells us what we need to hear. And that's why, 00:24:04.579 --> 00:24:07.900 as Christians, listening to Jesus being deep 00:24:07.900 --> 00:24:13.599 in the Word is so crucial. Because it exposes 00:24:13.599 --> 00:24:17.460 sin and folly within us that needs to be dealt 00:24:17.460 --> 00:24:25.589 with. So a really big alarm bell when you start 00:24:25.589 --> 00:24:27.890 going, I don't want to listen to Jesus anymore. 00:24:27.890 --> 00:24:32.089 I'm too busy to listen to Jesus anymore. That's 00:24:32.089 --> 00:24:35.210 a sign that you need to go back to the wonderful 00:24:35.210 --> 00:24:38.230 friend you have in Jesus and listen to him again 00:24:38.230 --> 00:24:41.769 because he's telling you things you need to hear. 00:24:44.069 --> 00:24:48.690 But Jesus is also a faithful friend. He's loyal 00:24:48.690 --> 00:24:55.460 and not only loyal, he's near. I mean, he's near 00:24:55.460 --> 00:24:57.740 with us. He said he's with us always till the 00:24:57.740 --> 00:25:03.539 end of the age. He's always with us. And he's 00:25:03.539 --> 00:25:08.420 so loyal that he died for our sins. He laid down 00:25:08.420 --> 00:25:14.480 his life for his friends. How great is Jesus? 00:25:15.819 --> 00:25:20.180 He won't let you down. Even when you let him 00:25:20.180 --> 00:25:25.599 down, he won't let you down. He loves you so 00:25:25.599 --> 00:25:32.559 much. Trust in his loyalty. Trust that he's on 00:25:32.559 --> 00:25:37.839 your side. But not only that, we've got Jesus 00:25:37.839 --> 00:25:43.119 as a fulfilled friend. Jesus, his own joy was 00:25:43.119 --> 00:25:48.559 in God. He was content. His own internal world 00:25:48.559 --> 00:25:52.240 was ruled by Him. It meant that He was godly, 00:25:52.380 --> 00:25:54.940 wise and loving. It meant that He could lead 00:25:54.940 --> 00:25:57.839 and teach. It meant that He could go to the cross 00:25:57.839 --> 00:26:02.019 and die for us because He was in control of His 00:26:02.019 --> 00:26:07.059 own internal state. Jesus is a forthright friend. 00:26:07.099 --> 00:26:10.339 He's a faithful friend. He's a fulfilled friend. 00:26:11.470 --> 00:26:14.769 And the more we experience friendship with Jesus, 00:26:14.809 --> 00:26:18.710 the more we become like him. Because as we know 00:26:18.710 --> 00:26:22.890 him as this sort of friend, we become a forthright 00:26:22.890 --> 00:26:25.450 friend, a faithful friend, a fulfilled friend. 00:26:27.390 --> 00:26:30.549 See, as Jesus speaks hard words to you and me, 00:26:31.670 --> 00:26:36.450 it moves us to say, hmm, I'm going to say hard 00:26:36.450 --> 00:26:40.980 words to other people. I'm going to speak the 00:26:40.980 --> 00:26:45.619 truth in love, but Jesus' hard words to me help 00:26:45.619 --> 00:26:48.900 me so much. If there's a hard thing that needs 00:26:48.900 --> 00:26:52.799 to be said, I think I need to say it. And Howard, 00:26:52.880 --> 00:26:55.500 come talk to me after church. No, I'm kidding. 00:26:55.539 --> 00:26:57.160 I'm kidding. I have nothing hard to say to Howard. 00:26:57.160 --> 00:27:02.460 He's lovely. But it shows how important it is 00:27:02.460 --> 00:27:04.980 to be a forthright friend. As we experience it 00:27:04.980 --> 00:27:10.720 from Jesus, it changes us. or to be a faithful 00:27:10.720 --> 00:27:15.559 friend. Jesus' love and loyalty, as we know that, 00:27:15.579 --> 00:27:19.279 as we experience that, it will move us to try 00:27:19.279 --> 00:27:22.119 to serve others and sacrifice for others and 00:27:22.119 --> 00:27:25.680 be there for others in profound and amazing ways. 00:27:26.779 --> 00:27:31.019 Hard to do when you don't see how wonderful Jesus 00:27:31.019 --> 00:27:34.220 has been to you in that way, but when it's clear, 00:27:34.240 --> 00:27:38.160 when it's on the front burner in your mind, It's 00:27:38.160 --> 00:27:41.079 amazing how we can turn up in incredible love 00:27:41.079 --> 00:27:45.259 for one another, isn't it? And to be a fulfilled 00:27:45.259 --> 00:27:50.740 friend. You let Jesus' friendship work on your 00:27:50.740 --> 00:27:55.339 inner world. You let the gospel go deep in your 00:27:55.339 --> 00:28:00.299 heart. You become calmer, more joyful, more secure. 00:28:01.839 --> 00:28:08.299 You turn up in such a better way to people. So 00:28:08.299 --> 00:28:11.559 what's all this mean for us? Well, there are 00:28:11.559 --> 00:28:14.559 some of us here today who've never experienced 00:28:14.559 --> 00:28:19.519 Jesus' friendship. And I want to ask you, can 00:28:19.519 --> 00:28:25.220 you see how good friendship with Jesus is? Do 00:28:25.220 --> 00:28:27.900 you want to live life without it any longer? 00:28:30.200 --> 00:28:36.740 The answer is no. Act today. Come chat with me. 00:28:37.779 --> 00:28:40.099 There'll be someone up here after the service 00:28:40.099 --> 00:28:43.019 to pray up the front. Pray with them, either 00:28:43.019 --> 00:28:50.319 one, but do it today. But for many of us, we've 00:28:50.319 --> 00:28:53.759 been friends with Jesus a while. What's this 00:28:53.759 --> 00:28:55.759 saying to us? Well, for many of us, we've been 00:28:55.759 --> 00:28:57.819 friends with Jesus a while, but we might've been 00:28:57.819 --> 00:29:00.460 hurt, we might've been let down, we might've 00:29:00.460 --> 00:29:05.839 been stung by other Christians. And you haven't 00:29:05.839 --> 00:29:11.420 been treated how you'd hoped you'd be. And like 00:29:11.420 --> 00:29:14.339 I mentioned at the start, it'd be easy to let 00:29:14.339 --> 00:29:19.740 their treatment shape you, or to confuse you, 00:29:19.799 --> 00:29:24.259 or to frustrate you. But I want to encourage 00:29:24.259 --> 00:29:30.289 you not to do that. Come back to Jesus. Let His 00:29:30.289 --> 00:29:33.190 friendship influence you. Let His friendship 00:29:33.190 --> 00:29:36.329 change you. Let it fill you with joy. Let it 00:29:36.329 --> 00:29:40.349 ignite your heart. See your pain as an opportunity 00:29:40.349 --> 00:29:44.690 to draw closer to Jesus and to grow more like 00:29:44.690 --> 00:29:49.869 Him. Or maybe your friendships look like the 00:29:49.869 --> 00:29:54.970 rest of the world. Maybe there's a niceness and 00:29:54.970 --> 00:29:59.740 a shallowness to some of your friendships. If 00:29:59.740 --> 00:30:02.680 that's you, let friendship reshape your heart. 00:30:02.880 --> 00:30:06.700 Let Jesus' friendship reshape your heart. And 00:30:06.700 --> 00:30:09.819 watch yourself suddenly yearn to be more radical 00:30:09.819 --> 00:30:16.440 as a good friend to others. Then you start thinking 00:30:16.440 --> 00:30:19.180 things like, yeah, I am going to talk to them 00:30:19.180 --> 00:30:22.619 about that. I'm not going to leave that. It's 00:30:22.619 --> 00:30:26.809 important that they know. You start thinking 00:30:26.809 --> 00:30:31.230 what's best for them. You start being thoughtful. 00:30:31.329 --> 00:30:33.869 I'm going to send them a text. I found this great 00:30:33.869 --> 00:30:36.309 verse. I'm going to send that person a text and 00:30:36.309 --> 00:30:40.049 encourage them this week. I'm going to ask them 00:30:40.049 --> 00:30:41.809 if they want to go hit a bucket of balls with 00:30:41.809 --> 00:30:45.869 me, or whatever your thing is. I've got a friend 00:30:45.869 --> 00:30:48.309 over in Carnarvon. He rings me every week just 00:30:48.309 --> 00:30:51.829 to check in on how I'm going. And, you know, 00:30:51.829 --> 00:30:54.009 for a while I was dropping the ball. He was always 00:30:54.009 --> 00:30:57.789 doing it. and it's been so good and now I ring 00:30:57.789 --> 00:31:00.569 him back and it's just amazing seeing how this 00:31:00.569 --> 00:31:05.250 friendship has grown and flourished and it's 00:31:05.250 --> 00:31:10.329 all built around our friendship of Jesus and 00:31:10.329 --> 00:31:13.549 it's the more we relate to Jesus and enjoy him 00:31:13.549 --> 00:31:18.750 the better friends we become, don't we? So wherever 00:31:18.750 --> 00:31:24.450 you're at the key is friendship with Jesus. I 00:31:24.450 --> 00:31:26.349 want to close with this. I love how John Newton 00:31:26.349 --> 00:31:28.890 put it. John Newton who wrote Amazing Grace, 00:31:29.509 --> 00:31:32.569 he wrote this, faithful are the wounds of that 00:31:32.569 --> 00:31:36.549 friend who was himself wounded and slain for 00:31:36.549 --> 00:31:42.589 us. How good's that? Let's be people who listen 00:31:42.589 --> 00:31:47.089 to the best friend we have in Jesus. Or as we're 00:31:47.089 --> 00:31:51.569 about to sing now, what a friend we have in Jesus. 00:31:52.079 --> 00:31:57.740 all our sins and griefs to bear. See, knowing 00:31:57.740 --> 00:32:02.480 Jesus as our friend changes everything, doesn't 00:32:02.480 --> 00:32:07.339 it? So let's pray that God would do that now. 00:32:09.599 --> 00:32:11.720 Heavenly Father, we ask that you would help us 00:32:11.720 --> 00:32:16.059 to be better friends to one another, better friends 00:32:16.059 --> 00:32:20.279 to others. And we pray that our friendship with 00:32:20.279 --> 00:32:24.980 Jesus would drive that, would move us to that. 00:32:26.119 --> 00:32:28.900 Please, Father, help us to experience more and 00:32:28.900 --> 00:32:32.980 more how good it is to have friendship with Jesus. 00:32:34.440 --> 00:32:37.680 May it be our greatest joy and our greatest delight, 00:32:38.339 --> 00:32:42.400 and please make us more like him in the way that 00:32:42.400 --> 00:32:46.160 we relate to others. We ask this in his name. 00:32:47.039 --> 00:32:47.559 Amen.