If you could keep your Bible open to, well, Proverbs
15 is a good one. There'll be some verses on
the screen as well. But let's pray. Let's ask
God for help as we dig into His Word now. Gracious
Heavenly Father, we ask that you would open our
ears, that you would soften our hearts, so that
we could have tongues. that are loving, kind,
true and wise. Please, Father, help us this morning.
We pray in Jesus' name. Amen. Well, when I was
a kid, I got picked on and teased quite a lot.
I know, I know it's hard to believe someone as
good looking and with my sporting abilities getting
picked on and teased, but it did happen. And
it got so bad that I had to move schools at one
point. And I remember one of those old sayings
that we've probably all heard at various points.
Do you remember this one? Sticks and stones may
break my bones, but names will never hurt me.
I think I'd heard that a few times when I was
at school getting picked on. And it's a terrible
saying, because names can wound us very, very
deeply. Words can leave big scars. They can mess
with our heads. They can make us feel insecure.
As many folks say today, words are weapons. They
can cause psychological violence. Anyone who's
been verbally abused or manipulated or slandered
can testify to how horrible that can be. And
yet words can also be a force for massive good.
Do you remember this one? The pen is mightier
than the sword. Words can bring great social
change. They're better at doing that than violence
is. Think of Martin Luther King. I had a dream.
It was words that caused that movement. And words
can be so healing, not just at a social level,
but at an individual level. Words can validate
our pain, repair broken relationships, encourage
the downtrodden. Words are needed to expose our
blind spots and they're needed to make us feel
loved. Words are powerful. And so that's why
this morning I want to ask, how are you going
with how you use your words? How are you going
with how you use your words? Are you wise with
your words? Or are they causing harm? Where do
you consistently struggle to be wise with your
words? Why do you struggle there? One of the
dominant themes of Proverbs chapter 10 to 25,
which is all those little tidbit wisdom that
we see throughout the book, one of the dominant
parts of it is words, using words wisely. And
so that's going to be our focus for today. And
here's the big thing I hope we'll learn as we
look at Proverbs today. Words possess immense
power, so choose your words carefully. Words
possess immense power, so choose your words carefully.
And here's what it looks like to choose your
words carefully. There's three things we need
to do. We need to choose to speak honest words.
We need to choose to speak healing words. And
we need to choose to speak heedful words, thoughtful
words. So let's have a look at each of these.
How are we to use our words? Well, the first
one is we choose to speak honest words. Have
a look at these verses from Proverbs. endure
forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment.
Truth lasts, lies will be exposed. All lying
lips are an abomination to the Lord, but those
who act faithfully are his delight. Or a man
of crooked heart does not discover good, and
one with a dishonest tongue falls into calamity.
Can you see how much better truthful lips are?
Now why is this, why is truthful lips so important?
Well, because speaking truth builds trust. Speaking
truth builds trust. When our cards are on the
table, when we're honest with people and people
know where they stand, they feel safe, we collaborate
well together. But when we lie, I get it, it
feels easier at the time and it looks practical
in the short term. But there's huge long -term
damage, isn't there, to our relationships, to
our own integrity? Now, it's debatable, but possible
that there are very rare instances where lying
is permissible. So you can think of the Israelites
when they're with Pharaoh, the midwives, remember
them? You know, okay, that was probably a permissible
time to lie, or if you're hiding Jews in World
War II and the Nazis come knocking on your door,
yeah, okay, probably a good time to lie there.
But those are so exceptional, aren't they? 99
.9 % of the time, truthfulness should be our
pattern. One holiday's We went away near Margaret
River in WA. Beautiful place to go. And we stayed
at a house that had a ton of board games. We
were there with another bunch of friends and
our kids all got together and one of the favourites
was playing Jenga. Jenga's a great game. Do you
remember what happens when you pull the blocks
out? The tower gets weaker, doesn't it? And it
starts to wobble a bit, and someone's pulling
it out, and it wobbles a bit more. Oh, don't,
don't, don't. Okay, they got that one. And then
you pull out another one, and then eventually,
boom! It collapses. Well, that's what happens
to our relationships when we lie, isn't it? Every
time we lie, we're taking a bit of that stability
out. We're weakening the relationship. And it's
not just relationships, it's institutions, it's
businesses, it's churches. If there's lying and
deceit, they become unstable and they collapse.
My granddad used to say, trust takes years to
build, but a moment to destroy. One lie can do
a lot of damage, can't it? So we need to be honest,
open. and transparent with one another. Now,
that doesn't mean you have to share every thought
that you've ever had or every feeling you've
ever had or every struggle you've ever had. That's
going too far the other way. And some people,
they get it wrong by saying, yeah, well, you
know, Brendan, I'm a truth teller. I just tell
it how it is. Well, there's a very big difference
between being honest and opinionated, isn't there?
Actually, I think some I've noticed with people
like that, it often happens because they can't
be honest with themselves. And so it's a bit
of a self -defence mechanism to be honest with
everyone else. Now, we need to have lips that
are honest. But we need to start by being honest
with ourselves, being people who are self -reflective,
but then also people who are honest with each
other. Life consists of unpleasant feedback,
doesn't it? Sometimes it's hard to give that.
Sometimes we don't want to say those awkward
things because they're uncomfortable. But often
they need to be said. Often it takes courage,
but it needs to be done. It's so much better
than silence or niceties to gently Lovingly speak
the truth, isn't it? Better is open rebuke than
hidden love, as it says later in Proverbs. Are
you someone willing to have honest lips? But
to be wise, you can't just be honest with your
words. You have to also speak healing words.
That's the next thing we see. Choose to speak
healing words. Have a look at what Proverbs says
about that. The mouth of the righteous is a fountain
of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals
violence. Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers
all offences. Or down in Proverbs 12, there's
one whose rash words are like sword thrust, but
the tongue of the wise brings healing, or a soft
answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs
up anger. The wise use their words to bring peace,
calm, love and grace. Now, sometimes their words
must cut. Remember, we are to be honest. But
if we're going to cut, we cut with surgical precision
and anesthetic. At other times, our words are
like a soothing balm or a bandage on raging wounds.
At other times, our words are to be like an oasis
in the desert, refreshing and life -giving in
the insights that we bring. Words of wicked fools
are not like that. They're like a cat thrown
among the pigeons, and off you go. It's violent
and chaotic. And such words, whether true or
not, don't seek the good of the other person,
do they? If there's no love, those are not good
words to be speaking. Now, there's nuance here.
Both wise and fools hide and expose sin with
their words. That's what we see in the Book of
Proverbs. But they do it in very different ways.
Fools will cover up their sin before and after.
To cause a violent ambush, they'll cover it up
right until the last minute, or they'll cover
it up to evade consequences. But when they do
expose the sins of others, they don't do it for
good, they do it to wound, whether it's through
harshness, gossip, or slander. The wise expose
others' sin only when necessary. And they do
it in a measured way. Sometimes they use words
to cover oversee, not cover it up, but cover
over. They don't want to keep bringing it up
so it caused more fight. And you know, if they're
going to deal with it, they deal with it in a
gentle, calm way. And they don't want to weaponise
their words to hurt others. Now, what's the difference?
I mean, they both hide and expose sin. Well,
what's the difference here? Well, one is driven
by love. and one is driven by anger, selfishness
and bitterness. It's tricky. Life's complex.
We've got to work out how to use our words in
different situations. But we've got to think
it through. Think what's going on in me. Think,
is this the right way to use our words? One example
of what not to do is Homer Simpson. Here's one
whose words are like rash sword thrusts. You
know Marge, for the first time in our marriage
I can finally look down my nose at you. You have
a gambling problem! That's true. Will you forgive
me? Oh sure! Remember when I got caught stealing
all those watches from Sears? Well, that's nothing
because YOU have a gambling problem! And remember
when I let that escaped lunatic in the house
because he was dressed like Santa Claus? Well
YOU have a gambling problem! Homer, when you
forgive someone you can't throw a bag at them
like that. Aw, what a jip. Remember when I -
Homer! Oh yeah, I forgot already. See, Homer's
words are so harsh and cruel. And Marge, she's
so wise. She stays calm and gently corrects him.
She must have the patience of a saint to be married
to Homer. But it would be so easy to get defensive
or be critical of him or escalate things and
add fuel to the fire, but she doesn't. She's
wise. She still holds boundaries. She's still
firm, but she's wise. Have you got a Marge Simpson
type wisdom? Think over some of the interactions
you had this week, this month, this year. Whether
at home, at work, at growth group, on email,
social media, phone call, at church. Was your
pattern more like Homer or more like Marge? Were
your words healing or hurtful? Maybe you look
at it and you go, I'm pretty good at work, but
at home I've got no filter. Maybe you're better
at home than you are at work. I don't know. We
need to reflect, don't we? And it's not that
we're pleasant and nice and that we only tell
people what they want to hear. Our aim is to
use our words gently, calmly and for good. For
love, not for evil. Do you find that hard? I
know I do. I find it so easy to have a false
healing, just say what people want to hear, be
a yes man at times. Other times, I find it so
easy to be too harsh. And so I need to pray for
help that God would help me be wise with my words.
It's something we need to keep reflecting on
and praying about. But it's not only that we
speak honest words and healing words, but thirdly,
we need to choose to speak heedful words. Have
a look at these verses from Proverbs. When words
are many, transgression is not lacking. But whoever
restrains his lips is prudent. And whoever restrains
his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool
spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool
who keeps silent is considered wise. When he
closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent. Well,
maybe I'm not the only one in the room, but thwop!
Like an arrow to the heart for me. All the extroverts
in the room should probably be feeling that right
now. Less is more. Proverbs is saying there is
a benefit to being the strong, silent type. You're
less likely to say something you'll regret, plus
you'll actually learn more. As the old saying
goes, God gave us two ears and one mouth so that
you can listen twice as much as you speak. But
the danger of speaking too much is that you miss
what everyone's saying, that you stop learning.
It's actually a good thing to be restrained with
our words. And yet, again, there's balance here.
Proverbs is not saying, well, let's put tape
over our mouths all the time. There's a challenge
here for introverts as well. Some of us actually
need to speak up more. Have a look at these proverbs.
The lips of the wise spread knowledge, not so
the hearts of fools. The heart of the righteous
ponders how to answer, but the mouth of the wicked
pours out evil things. or to make an apt answer
is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how
good it is. See, there's a wisdom here in knowing
when to speak and knowing what to say. Most of
us need to speak less, some of us need to speak
more, all of us need to speak more thoughtfully.
And we get the balance right when we see how
powerful our words actually are. When we lived
in Broken Hill, at 6 .45, morning and night,
every day, you'd often feel a rumble in the ground.
No, it wasn't an earthquake. It was from the
explosions in the mines. And I had a friend who'd
been sort of working the mines. He was telling
me a bit about it. And he said, they've got to
be so careful. with the explosives. If they're
reckless, there could be huge damage. We no longer
have Broken Hill, but Broken Valley. Yet if used
wisely, if used thoughtfully, it can be very
rewarding. That's how they get to those precious
minerals that they can sell for so much money.
Now, words are like that. Too much thoughtless
words It can lead to great damage, no riches,
nothing of benefit. Too little? Well, you don't
really get anything, do you? It's about getting
the balance right, being curious, observant,
calm, insightful, in the way that you speak.
Picture a busy week. You know what it looks like
for you. You're stressed. You're tired. There's
bills and appointments and high pressure deadlines.
When you run down like that, when you're stressed
and tired, have you noticed what your default
position with words is? Some of us, we have verbal
diarrhea. We blurt it all out. We're insensitive.
We're careless. We're rash. Some of us, we go
into our shells. We say much less than normal.
We become very afraid of speaking up about anything.
Neither is good. Let's get the balance right.
Let's be selective and precise. Can you identify
where you need to change? Is it cutting back
on the insulting jokes? Is it... your mouth out
sprints your mind and maybe just having that
extra couple of seconds to think before you speak.
Is it you're thoughtful but you never vocalise
it? What is it for you? But the point for all
of us is that we need to be wise with our words.
And that's what Proverbs chapters 10 to 25 is
it's a big theme is that we be wise with our
words. As we said at the start, words possess
immense power. So choose your words carefully.
And we saw three ways that we choose our words
carefully. Choose to speak honest words, choose
to speak healing words and choose to speak heedful
or thoughtful words. Well, Brendan, that's great
life advice, but I could get something similar
from a self -help book or a podcast. But this
goes to a whole other level when we fit it within
the storyline of the Bible, when we bring it
to Jesus. Because do you know how powerful words
really are? Well, God spoke creation into existence.
He didn't mould creation into existence, did
he? He spoke it into existence. And God's Word
is the clearest way that God reveals himself
in salvation history. Think of John 1. In the
beginning was the Word, and the Word was with
God, and the Word was God. Jesus is called the
Word because words aren't just important for
everyday life. They're central to God's self
-revelation found in his Son. Have you ever thought
about how words are that important? And in Jesus'
life, we see the Word using words perfectly,
which is really good because I don't. Often I'm
too opinionated, often I overshare, often I'm
critical. And in an attempt to be honest, I'll
often soft pedal things to be healing and lie
and flatter. When it's time to speak up, I often
don't speak up because I'm usually scared. When
it's time to be silent, I keep talking and have
foot and mouth disease. I can know all these
principles, but I don't do a very good job of
executing them well in the right moment at the
right time. I don't know, I feel like often I'm
gutter driving. Do you know gutter driving? Where
you're driving along and you hit the gutter and
you go, oop, that's a gutter, and then you go,
oop, and you overcorrect and hit the other gutter.
That's what I feel like I'm like with my words
a lot of the time. But in Jesus, I see words
used so wisely. I see him speak a message that
is both honest and healing. His gospel word confronts
and exposes me with the truth that Jesus is Lord
and that I'm worse than I think. Yet it's a healing
word that offers grace, peace and transformation.
My sins are forgiven. I'm right with God through
what Jesus has done for me. That's his word to
me. And I see Jesus being silent like a sheep
before the slaughter. He knows when to speak
not and when to not. Yet he also cries out words
at the right time. Even as he's dying, he explains
the mystery of the cross. He cries out, it is
finished. He's one salvation for me, all alone,
for all the times that I've sinned with my words.
How wonderful is how Jesus uses words. And Jesus'
gospel message is the most powerful word ever.
It's changed the world and it's changed many
lives in this room. Do you know, one of the weird
things for me is that I'm a marriage celebrant
as a minister. And so my words sometimes actually
shape reality. You know, I'll say, okay, I now
pronounce you husband and wife, and these two
are now made one. It's very cool. But you know
what? The gospel does that too. When you speak
the gospel to people, it shapes reality. It exposes
hearts. It moves people so that they become wed
to Jesus if they believe in him. And it doesn't
stop there. The more we know that gospel word
and the more it's deep within our heart, the
more it changes how we use our words. This is
not just self -help stuff. This goes straight
to the heart. Have a look at what it says in
Colossians. At the same time, pray also for us
that God may open to us a door for the Word to
declare the mystery of Christ on account of which
I am in prison, that I may make it clear, which
is how I ought to speak, and then walk in wisdom
toward outsiders, making the best use of the
time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned
with salt that's winsome and thought -provoking,
so that you may know how you ought to answer
each person. The Gospel that saves us also makes
us different people. People who are more honest
and clear. People who are gracious and winsome.
And we're made wiser because we're ambassadors
for Jesus. Our words have great power. Or think
of James 3 that we had read earlier. In James,
the gospel word, the word implanted in us that
saves our souls, changes how we use our tongues.
We start using our words more consistently because
the gospel moves us to do that. Do you remember
what he says in James 3? You know that you bless
God and then you curse one another when you're
made in the image of God? It's an amazing picture,
isn't it? You can imagine it. We're there on
Sunday and we're singing praises to God and you're
going, yeah, how good is this? And then we walk
out to morning tea and we start gossiping about
someone. That's the picture. But the deeper the
gospel word goes in us, the less double -minded
and double -tongued we become. See, there's a
link between our hearts and our tongues. They're
connected. Our tongues are actually a very effective
spiritual barometer for where our heart is really
at. And to change our speech, the gospel word
must change our heart. So let me finish by asking
what do your words reveal about your heart? What
needs to change in your life? Let me give you
one scenario, one example. Are your words bullets
or bandages? If they're bullets, what's going
on in you? Hurt people hurt people. Doesn't make
it okay. But that's often what happens. And if
that's you, you need to treat what's going on
in your heart. If your words are bullets, you
likely need to let the gospel heal your heart.
Or maybe you're harsh with others. Do you know
our brains are lazy? I found this out the other
day. Our brains are lazy. They're always looking
for the path of least resistance. And so if you've
got this propensity to be harsh with other people,
your brains will use the same neural pathways
to be harsh with yourself and vice versa. And
so often people who blame others and are critical
of others struggle with a lot of personal shame.
What do you need to do if you're harsh with others?
Well, you need to draw... drive the gospel deeper
into your heart. You need to let it shape your
identity so that you can be softer with yourself.
What's it for you? We've all got something different
that we're struggling with here. But please don't
let today's words flitter away into the air or
go in through one ear and out the other. Be someone
who sees how powerful words are and use them
well. They make an impact. Maybe tonight, before
you go to sleep, think about how God has spoken
to you in His Son, the Word, the Lord Jesus.
And then ponder, where does my speech need to
change? Let's pray. Gracious Heavenly Father,
we thank you that you have spoken to us. You've
spoken your life -giving word of salvation to
us in the Lord Jesus. Give us ears to hear that
word, to embrace it, to love it, to cherish it.
Let it shape how we think about ourselves and
those around us. And Father, please. Help us
to use our tongues differently. Help us to be
honest, healing and heedful in the way that we
speak. And we ask this in Jesus' name. Amen.