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Hey, Big Love Fam, welcome to Super Freak.

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This is a high vibe podcast, y'all, exploring all things frequencies, how they govern form,

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shape our realities, and are the key to living from your full potential.

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It's non-moo combos about Super Roo shit, unpacking what I call the science of self,

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from body and soul literacy to the power of understanding vibration, higher consciousness,

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Let this podcast become a resource for you on your journey to self mastery.

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If you're curious and ready to free your mind, unlock the body, and truly become limitless,

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then you're in the right place.

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I'm your host, Tali.

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This is Super Freak, awakening for the next gen.

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Let's go.

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Hey, everybody.

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Welcome to this mini-cast on narcissism, part two.

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I thought I'd talk about narcissistic grandiosity in this little mini-cast as a follow-up to

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the first episode I did on narcissism earlier on in the season, which was pretty dense and

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packed with information.

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I hope you guys enjoyed it.

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But in this one, I want to talk about how this common symptom that all narcissists pretty

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much share, which is this sense of grandiosity, it's this false self that they prop themselves

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up to believe that they are in order to mask all this inner underpinning wounding.

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So let's get into it.

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So first, narcissistic grandiosity is one of the common symptoms that narcissists share,

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but it's so much more than that than having an inflated ego or what is otherwise known

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as the false self, as I call it.

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Grandiosity is essentially the false self of an individual.

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You see this played out a lot with false twins, which I'll get into in another episode, but

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the false self of an individual is created to safeguard any form of guilt, shame, or

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inadequacy.

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And we've all been there, right?

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We all potentially have grown up with either a narcissistic parent or have been in relationship

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with a narcissist.

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That's how rife this distortion is in the field.

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Poster will do anything to safeguard feeling any ounce of guilt, shame, or inadequacy in

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front of family members, in front of friends, and especially in front of people they don't

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know, they will posture against society to protect this feeling of potential and adequacy

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and do anything to avoid it.

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The false or pseudo self will do anything literally to maintain and control through perfectionism

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and manipulation, especially other people's perception of them, because they have never

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fully emotionally matured, which is why they have very black and white thinking, which

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is also known as splitting, which means they lack the ability to integrate good and bad

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aspects within themselves.

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And because they have grown up this way, they have never fully emotionally matured, they

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have all of these strategies that they employ to keep themselves safe, like they will deflect

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any ounce of criticism or any kind of clapback that you give them when they are supremely

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dropping gaslighting bombs over in your field.

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They will undermine your experience.

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Oh, it wasn't that bad.

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That's not what happened.

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They'll completely project a different viewpoint of how they see the situation happened or

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how they want you to view the situation of whatever happened or how they want you to

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view yourself through their eyes.

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It's a lot of projection with a grandiose narcissist.

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This grandiosity from the false self identity thinks it's perfect.

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Here is not at fault for anything and doesn't believe they deserve anything that counters

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their way of thinking.

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Literally like, are you nodding along to this?

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You're like, oh, my God, I can relate.

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So let me say that again.

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This type of grandiosity from the false self identity thinks it's perfect, superior, and

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is not at fault for anything and doesn't believe they deserve anything that counters their

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way of thinking.

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This grandiosity will show up as judgment of others, their inability to accept any form

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of criticism, inability to take any kind of accountability, and creates a ton of entitlement

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because they believe they are superior.

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Deep down, even though this causes them to feel superior, this is a false reality and

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it takes a lot of energy to maintain this level of self delusion and the facade that

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they've been keeping up for so many years.

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You might see this with an older parent who is just supremely emotional all the time,

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can't keep their emotions together, will cry out a whim because something has hit them

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a certain way because they have so much unprocessed emotion.

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Tell me if you can relate to this.

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They become very triggered and reactive when this false self is threatened, when you try

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to hold them accountable for their actions, which is why they react negatively when you

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try to share your feelings with them because they think you are blaming them.

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They will use projection and blame shifting as a way to justify their actions and continue

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to uphold their false self.

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This programming acts like a protection mechanism to guard the narcissist from ever having to

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feel any sorts of shame.

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The grandiosity of a narcissist is essentially the reason why they need so much validation.

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It takes a lot to keep that false self propped up.

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It is also the reason why they protect their public image so viciously, which causes them

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to engage in preemptive smear campaigns just in case you should try to expose their imperfections.

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This happened to me.

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I was sitting at lunch with a parent and some of their friends.

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The conversation turned to a point where it was potentially looking negatively on this

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parent.

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This person walked out, left me sitting in this restaurant, drove off, and I basically

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was walking behind where the car had driven off.

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It was a little bit of a fit response because this is what narcissism does.

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That false self got threatened, didn't want to feel the shame or inadequacy, and took off.

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This is also the reason why they cannot accept responsibility for their mistakes and less

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than desirable behaviors.

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To admit fault or take ownership would start to unravel the false self.

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It's debilitating for them.

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I really want you to hear this.

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If you have a narcissistic parent or you've been with a narcissist, literally you either

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have to go into no contact for a while until you restabilize as you disengage from these

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toxic people and or understand that no matter what you're doing, they will not see your

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perspective on stuff for the most part.

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If it has anything to do with threatening their identity, they're incapable of taking

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accountability and responsibility.

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It's just something you got to put down and accept because you cannot change a narcissist

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and you certainly cannot change a grandiose one.

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This is why they gaslight and intentionally create confusion through circular conversations

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because with clarity comes truth and the truth that they are not able to face.

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Whoever been in a conversation with a narcissist, you're shaking your head, then you understand

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the circular conversation tactic where they constantly deflect and they keep you in a

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loop of deflection and getting you to take accountability or responsibility for something

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that they did wrong.

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It's like this deflection and then you take accountability for something you didn't do.

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You hold the resentment, they have a way of making themselves right or they'll guilt you

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into that and it stays in this constant state of avoidance and deflection while nothing

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gets achieved and everyone's back to square one and you're none the wiser.

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Understand that this grandiosity has become such a hardwired part of their identity that

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to construct it feels extremely dangerous to their nervous system.

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They're completely incapable of approaching that no matter how old they may be or later

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in life they may be or whatever stage of life they'll be.

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They're deeply incapable of not only taking accountability, taking responsibility for

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their actions but anything that will deconstruct this false identity is a deep, deep threat

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to them and they just won't do it.

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All right, so let's look at some ways that you can respond to a narcissist and disarm

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them.

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You want to stay calm and composed, narcissists often try to provoke emotional reactions to

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gain a sense of control over others.

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So they'll use this type of manipulation through lies and personal attacks to get a

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rise out of you so don't let them stay very calm, hold your composure.

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Keep your responses to a narcissist extremely brief.

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Keep in mind the more information that they get from you, the more likely they are to

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go back and forth and they're going to use that information against you in a way to undermine

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and diminish your own experience.

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Set boundaries and stick to them.

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I cannot say this enough, like legitimately withhold details.

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So for an example, had a client, she was talking to me about her family, they're very, very

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entrenched and she tends to overshare details about her life to people who haven't earned

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the right to be able to hold the container for the details of her life because they don't

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see her.

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So instead, I was just throwing some suggestions her way.

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I said, look, if someone asked you, like, hey, where do you think you're moving to next

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and you give them like a wishy washy type of response?

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Well, I'm thinking about this and I'm thinking about this and like all your thoughts and

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projections and things that you've been working on personally within yourself.

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And you give that information to somebody.

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They now have a goalpost or a measuring stick or something to use in order to potentially,

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like again, undermine your own experience or to make you feel bad about something when

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you quite haven't sorted it out yourself.

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So less is more.

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I'm not sure yet.

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I haven't decided, but I know that I'll cross that bridge when I get there.

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So really short, poignant answers that don't have a lot of detail.

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I don't know.

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I haven't thought about that yet, but I know that I'll have the information when I need

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to make that decision.

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If you're in constant communication with a narcissist, get them to commit to something

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in writing.

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So for example, if you have parents that you live with or you have parents that are helping

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you raise your children, for example, friends, family, et cetera, or an ex-partner and you're

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co-parenting, give them things like this.

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Text me the time and place so we don't have any mix up.

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Or since there's been some miscommunication about my deliverables, please email me your

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requirements if you're in a business setting.

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I had this too.

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I had to be very lawyer in my communication when I had my agency.

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People tend to get very emotional in text messages and emails, whereas like, yeah, I'm

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really not feeling the direction of this is where we should go.

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I took a look at the creatives again.

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I just had this overwhelming sense of anxiety.

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And then I was looking at some, oh, stop, just stop.

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The creatives will be delivered by this time and this date.

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The feedback we're looking for is this three criteria.

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My expectations is that the feedback will be short brief within the criteria that I

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just provided and will be provided by this date.

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Parameters, structure.

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When you share less with people who have not earned the right to hear your story, you will

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cultivate a deeper sense of trust within yourself.

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This is how we wildly self-abandoned.

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This is like a self-abandonment, self-sabotage martyrism 101 is we overshare with people

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who don't or haven't earned the right to hear our story.

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And then that gas lights us.

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We feel more of a vacancy, more guilt, more shame and unworthiness and we don't feel

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chosen.

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I'm not even seen by my own family.

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How can I truly be seen by a partner or friends or other family members, et cetera.

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When in doubt, if you're in conversation with a narcissist, you literally can just say,

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I'm sorry, that doesn't work for me.

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I can understand how you feel about that way, but I feel differently.

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I don't see myself that way.

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Something like this, right?

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Or I remember it differently.

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Or love this, this is my favorite.

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I will only have a conversation with you about this if you're willing to listen and try to

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understand my perspective.

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If not, I'm not available for that.

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Or I'm not going to explain why this is important to me, but it is.

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So go back and write all those down.

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Use those because this is fundamental ways to disarm a narcissist or my favorite.

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I'm not willing to talk about that right now.

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By the way, you can always use this.

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I'm going to step away from this conversation or thank you for inviting me, but I'm not

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available.

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You do not have to justify, argue, defend or explain yourself to anybody at any time,

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including family.

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Not everybody is going to understand why you're doing the things that you're doing, but you

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know internally why you're doing them.

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And hold on to that and let that be enough.

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I know it can be tricky moving through the holiday season, especially navigating familial

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dynamics, but you guys got this.

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I hope you enjoyed this cast.

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Remember to question everything.

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Be kind to yourself and others, and I will see you guys on another episode.

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Take care.

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Thanks so much for listening, you guys.

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Please make sure to leave a review and follow the fun on social media because that's how

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it works in this world.

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In the meantime, get your freak on.

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I'll see you in the next session.