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I'm your host, Tally.
This is Super Freak, awakening for the next gen.
Let's go.
Hey, everybody, welcome to this week's episode.
So I'm going to kick off a three-part series called The Trinity Wound, and it's the mother
wound, the father wound, and the sister wound.
And it's really rife in session work that I've been doing, particularly working with
the father vacancy a lot, which essentially means that there was an emotionally unavailable
or absent father.
This created an unmet need, sometimes it escalated into emotional abuse, criticism, but really
the emotional unavailable father, especially with women, leaves this huge void within us
where we are constantly having to seek out our value and other things.
People places things, achievements, we outsource it, and we use it as a reference point instead
of learning how to internally reference who we are from our own highest intelligence,
our highest self, and then really create that esteem from that place.
Fathers of course, who grow up without fathers end up perpetuating that same type of dynamic.
So in my own case, my father's father was available and around, but not emotionally,
was quite abusive, and it was tough.
It was tough to be able to learn that later on.
So the dynamic for myself was coming from a divorced family.
It was an absent, emotionally unavailable type of dynamic for me.
So I had all of these.
I have the gamut.
The reason why I came here was to fully learn how to transcend all of these things, to experience
full spectrum human and then be able to walk through it and then share it with you guys.
So when we have the emotionally unavailable father, we're going to look to the mother to
fulfill a lot of roles.
And eventually or essentially, she will end up running a bit more masculine energy because
she's having to use that same intensity that let's say a masculine figure in traditional
households would use to provide and protect the family, but she also has to show up somehow
and nurture and create this container for development.
There's a lot when we're just trying to survive most of the time.
So when we grow up with a parent that's running biological form, but the opposite energy, that's
very confusing for us as children because we are constantly using our mirror neurons
and our frequencies and our eyes, the way we decode information through our five senses
to try to navigate our environment.
We are scanning everyone at frequency level and when we see incongruencies, we begin to
create strategies to keep ourselves safe.
We start to hardwire and hard code that information and those incongruencies as the way that we
need to be able to operate.
Essentially we're telling the quantum computers in our brains, which is what they are, big
processors, that these incongruencies are normal and that this is to become the new hardware
for how we navigate our future reality.
So if you remember, the brain operates in predictive, qualitative and quantitative information
in addition to patterns.
So in those formidable years, those early years, our brains are learning patterns.
All of this to say that young girls who grow up with a father vacancy, they look to the
mother who's running more masculine energy, she is not going to feel safe in her feminine
energy.
There are young boys that grow up without a father, they're going to look at the mother
and she's going to run, again, more masculine frequencies.
So he's not going to feel necessarily safe with his own masculine energy.
So in part one, I'm going to navigate the mother wound, part two, the father wound,
and then part three, the sister wound.
So let's go.
So what is the mother wound?
The mother wound is the pain, wounding and trauma that's carried by a mother and inherited
by her children with daughters facing the brunt of this wound.
Again, everything is transgenerational patterns.
A mother wound is when your mother is absent, hypercritical judgment, emotionally, verbally
or physically abusive seems to hurt your feelings for a living or makes you feel less than.
Even if the mother was physically present, having a mother who is not emotionally attuned
and available to you when you or a child can still cause a lot of this pain.
This wound takes on the patterning of general dysfunctional coping strategies for women,
sacrificing their needs, for example, denying their power and potential and abandoning their
authenticity.
You may, for example, see if you can relate to these 15 or 16 things I'm about ready
to say.
Feeling pressure to adhere, to strict expectations of womanhood, caretaking others to the point
of resentment and exhaustion, strict adherence to good girl ideologies, never actualizing
your full potential in case it threatens others, never actualizing your full potential out
of fear of failure or disapproval, persistent, vague sense that there's something shameful
or wrong about you, feeling pressured to live out the unlived dreams of your mother, even
if it means not being true to yourself, resentment and bitterness at your own children, unconsciously
waiting for your mother's permission or approval of your life's choices.
Focusing expectations in a relationship and feeling relentlessly needy with others, feeling
unsafe to take up space and express yourself and instead wanting to play small, weak boundaries,
an unclear sense of self and or feeling of low self-worth, inability to practice foundational
self-care and ask for and receive support, allowing and accepting poor or abusive treatment
from others, never feeling good enough no matter what you seem to do.
Other learned coping mechanisms related to fear of experiencing gender-based violence
or hatred.
I've said this before in the podcast around transhumanism.
This is what I see a lot of the times in the trans community is a complete and total breakdown
of the energies, biological body running the opposite energy or just a breakdown in the
family structure and the father vacancy is rampant, the mother is narcissistic or hovering
and there you have it.
You've got major identity issues.
The mother wound absolutely is a transgenerational inherited pain and it's passed down between
grandmothers, mothers and daughters whose dysfunctional patterning can look like self-sacrifice,
self-denial, self-abandonment with very little access to tools like reparenting for example,
but the mother wound you become highly impacted by your own mother's patterns and trauma responses.
You learn that connection through trauma bonding early on because you bonded with your own
mother's trauma, her limiting beliefs and coping mechanisms for example.
This can look like a mother who is incredibly complimentary of you, but she speaks so negatively
about others and herself that you don't believe her.
So it becomes a way of gaslighting because of her own internal wounding.
These are, she had a really hypercritical mother and never resolved her unmet needs and her
way of bypassing that was to have kids and say, well, I'm not going to raise my kids
the way my mother raised me.
Well, if you don't look at this stuff, then your children will scan everything that you
say to yourself as truth, not what you necessarily say to them.
This is how you can get a kid that will have, let's say, eating disorders later in life
and let's say you're in a therapy session with a family member and I've had clients
like this.
She said, you know, I just don't understand.
I always told her XYZ and I would respond back to them, yes, but did you actually believe
it?
And the chances are the daughter or the son didn't because of how the parents spoke about
themselves.
So little boys look at their mothers and they worship them and they can't understand how
someone they think is the best thing ever is so critical of themselves.
So it builds a lot of mistrust and they end up, for example, a son would end up reincarnating
that dynamic in his relationships with finding somebody who has a really low self-esteem.
And then women who grow up in that dynamic where they don't believe their mothers will
have a lot of resentment later on in life and have a lot of issues with intimacy and
trust, especially with women.
Unfortunately in culture, women are taught often to prioritize relationships above everything
else and seeing their mother conforming to these pressures, they too learn to believe
that accessing their power will somehow damage their connection with others too.
This belief creates a psychic limitation of who they want to be.
Our caregiver's jobs are to create and foster a safe place for us to learn how to connect
with others and to make mistakes and essentially learn what it means to be human and perfect
and for that to be okay and accepted.
So for fun, I created a few archetypes.
Let's see if you can relate to one of these.
First, let's go to High Achieving Heidi.
She came from a broken home, had the emotionally unavailable father, a single mom who runs more
masculine energy.
So now she performs, perfects, achieves, becomes hypervigilant, over responsible and self-critical
to the point where she competes for everything in her life, including her siblings in order
to get recognition.
She will have narcissistic tendencies as a result under the guise of being really empathic
and will out earn her normally beta male partner.
So this dynamic will have a partner she can control and have separate bank accounts and
shut down emotionally with unprocessed resentment and sit in silence, scorn and rage.
And there it is.
There's Heidi.
A lot of emotion with Heidi.
Eventually she will have something that will catalyze change for her.
The next one is Tinker Bell Tina.
Tinker Bell Tina grew up in a household with privilege.
Her parents are still together, but she didn't receive the leadership she needed to be grounded
in reality.
The mother played favorites and the resentment ensued.
There was social standing pressure to uphold good girl rule sets and so much focus on looks
that she is now delusional a bit about her own skill sets.
This type of entitlement and naivety gets her taken advantage of and she is in serial
relationships until she can get rescued and taken care of financially so she doesn't really
have to work.
Essentially, you'll look around and those with the mother wound will have soft men.
If they have a mother wound, they've got softer men.
Let's move on to hopelessly independent hope.
This archetype can look a lot like the lost child in dysfunctional family systems.
She wanted out of her home early and most likely tried to run away from home early if
she didn't leave in her teens.
She avoids her emotions through sports, academics, work, DIYs, projects, and endless life pivots.
She will weave in and out of family life, trying to make it work, and will reincarnate
men who abuse her, control her, or who won't commit because she doesn't know her own value.
Essentially, a hopelessly independent hope has no idea how to receive.
So she will do everything herself.
If she does partner, she once again will find a softer man who doesn't really have a big
backbone that she can just kind of bowl over, but he's a good companion, so she sticks around.
Then we go on to Rebel Renee.
She also grew up with a single mother and an emotionally unavailable father and is the
combination of all the lineages issues.
She's essentially the kingpin.
She is a late bloomer, the identified patient, the artist, beatnik, wanderer, and came here
to break all of the patterns for the line.
She will be a combination of all the archetypes until she finds herself essentially.
I relate to Rebel Renee a lot.
I feel like I could relate to every single one of these archetypes, but Rebel Renee
will run a fight pattern.
Many of these different archetypes, keep in mind, will have an underlining pattern of
low self-worth non-deserving.
They'll run the fight pattern.
They'll need to have justice.
They'll have silent rage, some victim patterning, self-sacrifice, and martyr frequencies.
So there's a lot of stickiness to move through.
The next one is scapegoat Sarah.
Women or children in general who are scapegoated are often very aware of their role in the
family and may feel rejected, unlovable, and isolated.
In families with a parent or parents with narcissistic traits, the child who is a scapegoat
and or the golden child are often pitted against each other.
The scapegoat is cast aside and blamed for problems that may very well have nothing to
do with them.
So because scapegoat Sarah was the scapegoat of her family, she will reincarnate a relationship
where she's constantly blamed for things or she will be that person in her work environment,
in her friendship circles, etc. until she transcends those patterns.
This archetype may feel rejected, unlovable, and isolated.
While aware of her role in the family, she will manifest people, places, and things,
situations that devalue her, ignore her, and discard her.
The implications for these archetypes and women and men who grew up with the mother
wound is that as children grow up, they will harbor guilt since they feel conflicted between
wanting to live out their own authentic truth, yet fearing they could lose their mother's
love and approval if it's perceived as a rejection of her own desires.
A lot of times mothers will project what they want for their children into the nervous system
and their children's fields so strongly that it becomes a way that they adapt.
It's an adaptive identity and they take that on without really having a sense of who they
are and that has terrible implications later on in life.
I've seen this manifest into the chronic patient, for example, where they're constantly
sick.
Yeah, because you're not only having to navigate your own who you are as a person, but you're
taking on all these other patterning to boot.
This is akin to unconsciously creating and developing adaptive coping strategies on the
nervous system to secure their mother's love and hopefully receive in return care from
her and others.
Again, people's approval, but contorting yourself to please somebody else, especially
your family, never works out well.
It always ends up to come back and bite you away a little bit later on.
Having heard this reflect on your own life where some of these dynamics are coming to
play.
If you can't identify them in your own life, you can certainly identify them if you watch
shows.
I mean, look at the Kardashians, for example.
Holy shit, is it rife with mother issues?
You've got the scapegoat and the identified patient at Rob.
You have the golden child with Kim.
You have the lost child with Khloe.
And Courtney is fueled, just perpetually fueled by rage and resentment.
So you're going to want to identify what type of mother wound do you really have based on
those archetypes and some of the other identification highlighters in the beginning part of this
podcast where I listed off of those 16 things.
Go and identify those.
And then from there, make a small note of the things that you didn't receive when you
were younger that you wish you would have from a maternal figure.
What's the thing that bothers you the most about your relationship with your mother?
And if some of you are in no contact, that's great.
I'm going somewhere with this.
Essentially, we need to re-parent the internal child who got neglected in the first nine
years of her life.
And creating coherence with our internal feminine and internal masculine means that we have
to create the mother relationship first.
We have to prepare that first.
And then we can repair the sister, the sibling energy next.
And then we can cultivate that strength and that trust with our highest self.
Once you're locked in with your highest self, I mean, that's just, you're golden.
You've got access and you're becoming more and more whole.
And that's what everybody wants.
That's really what self-mastery is.
It's about having access to who you are.
Once you identify all of the traits and kind of issues you have with the relationship that
you have with your mother now, write a wanted ad for your ideal woman or ideal mother.
What would she have said to you?
Cultivate a relationship with a version of who this person is.
What would she say to you when you're just in a funk and you just want to go over to
her house and dump some emotional shit on her and she absolutely always has the right
things to say.
If that wasn't your dynamic, create that for yourself internally in meditation and you
will be surprised at how you feel.
All right, y'all.
Next week, we get into the father wound.
In the meantime, question everything behind yourself and others.
And I'll see you guys next week.
Thanks so much for listening, you guys.
Please make sure to leave a review and follow the fun on social media because that's how
it works in this world.
In the meantime, get your freak on.
See you next week.