1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:02,500 Will we hear the sound effects today darling or no darling? 2 00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:07,000 I don't think I'll hear the sound effects today darling, no I've got to put that all in post, I'll do that all in post. 3 00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:08,800 Oh you do it in post darling, you do it in post. 4 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:13,000 I'll put it in the post, I'll send it off in the post and hopefully it'll get to you. 5 00:00:13,700 --> 00:00:18,000 Right well actually I'm changing addresses, so I'm not sure it will get to me, do you? 6 00:00:18,000 --> 00:00:20,600 I wish you would change your dress because that fucking stinks. 7 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:22,000 Don't! 8 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:25,800 I'm a bit grouchy this morning as you can tell because guess why? 9 00:00:25,800 --> 00:00:27,700 I've been up since 4am. 10 00:00:27,700 --> 00:00:28,600 4am? 11 00:00:28,600 --> 00:00:37,200 Painting my face, painting my face to be here live in full drag recording this podcast for you at this hour 12 00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:40,800 because I don't know if you know listener but I'm all the way down under in Australia. 13 00:00:40,800 --> 00:00:48,600 She is, the thing is with you Tits, is your face already looks like it could be down under, you know? 14 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:53,000 Upside down, some might say horrible, horrible make up. 15 00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,200 The way you turn me. 16 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:57,400 But I am actually in Florida. 17 00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:04,600 Yeah, you're a good old 16 hours behind in the past and I will tell you coming from the future I can confirm you're still a twat. 18 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:05,000 Right. 19 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:07,400 Okay, let's get going shall we? 20 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,200 It's like nothing's past. 21 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:25,800 I know girl. 22 00:01:25,800 --> 00:01:30,000 Hi, welcome back. You'll have to excuse obviously my voice have been up quite early. 23 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:37,100 So I'm still getting that coffee and a croissant for my breakfast, but she is the little tell that's hanging out the side of the sandal. 24 00:01:37,100 --> 00:01:39,200 It is of course Miss Georgie Porgie. 25 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:40,400 Oh stop it. 26 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:46,400 And she's like the mold frozen on a loaf of bread Miss Titty Kaka. 27 00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:47,600 Hello. 28 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:48,600 Good to be back. 29 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:50,200 Hi, how are we doing? 30 00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:51,500 Yeah, I'm good. 31 00:01:51,500 --> 00:02:00,200 Honestly, the funny thing is people might think we've taken a break from the podcast, but realistically we've taken a break from each other. 32 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:01,100 We really have. 33 00:02:01,100 --> 00:02:07,300 If I was looking back if you look back in our messages like on our WhatsApp the last message we sent must have been about like a month ago. 34 00:02:07,300 --> 00:02:09,500 People think that we catch up in between episodes. 35 00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:10,300 We really don't. 36 00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:14,600 I can't stand that bitch when I tell you obviously even the you know, 37 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:23,400 hearing your voice through my headphone is making me physically quite great in like a block of cheese. 38 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:28,500 Well speaking of great in like a block of cheese, what the hell are you wearing because that's well, 39 00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:37,400 it's interesting you mentioned cheese actually because I am actually wearing a full camembert. 40 00:02:37,400 --> 00:02:42,600 So what I've done is I've taken some plywood and I've put it into a circle. 41 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:45,200 That's a shape titty. 42 00:02:45,200 --> 00:02:47,000 It's the shape of Martina Brookshire. 43 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:54,300 Yeah, and I put it into a circle and I've attached on the front and the back a camembert logo. 44 00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:59,200 Of course, it's waitress, you know, it is got a keep it classy gown. 45 00:02:59,200 --> 00:03:03,500 You know, I'm not I'm not going to be wearing nothing from Morrison's am I? 46 00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:07,700 And by the looks of it on the head, she's got a bang and that's a copyright infringement. 47 00:03:07,700 --> 00:03:08,800 Wow. 48 00:03:08,800 --> 00:03:11,100 I see the jokes have got better over our pause. 49 00:03:11,100 --> 00:03:13,500 Yes. 50 00:03:13,500 --> 00:03:15,400 Stupid stupid bitch. 51 00:03:15,400 --> 00:03:18,000 Honestly, honestly, it's disgusting. 52 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:23,500 I can't breathe leave it. 53 00:03:23,500 --> 00:03:24,300 But I have got a bang. 54 00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:25,100 You look lovely. 55 00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:27,900 You know, I just I just want to put you in the oven. 56 00:03:27,900 --> 00:03:29,100 I do want to put you in the oven. 57 00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:30,200 That's all I want to do. 58 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:31,800 And what would you dip in me darling? 59 00:03:31,800 --> 00:03:32,900 Absolutely nothing. 60 00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:33,900 All right for me. 61 00:03:33,900 --> 00:03:34,600 Thanks for asking. 62 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:35,300 What am I wearing? 63 00:03:35,300 --> 00:03:38,100 Well in true spirit of being at Down Under. 64 00:03:38,100 --> 00:03:39,300 I'm completely naked. 65 00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:41,500 I've just got a koala bear wrapped around my nether region. 66 00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:44,500 So you can't see anything and I think that's for the best. 67 00:03:44,500 --> 00:03:55,300 I think not being able to see anything on a body type like yours, which some might say is a cheese string from Target that's been left out in the rain. 68 00:03:55,300 --> 00:03:59,000 I would say that's probably for the best titty left out with Lorraine. 69 00:03:59,000 --> 00:03:59,300 Yeah. 70 00:03:59,300 --> 00:04:00,300 And what's on your feet? 71 00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:03,200 I'm interested because I feel like you've changed it out. 72 00:04:03,200 --> 00:04:04,300 I have changed it up. 73 00:04:04,300 --> 00:04:08,200 I've got a LaDuca character shoe instead of a boot this time. 74 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,000 Right. 75 00:04:10,000 --> 00:04:12,300 Well, of course titty. 76 00:04:12,300 --> 00:04:13,700 They're never going to see these outfits. 77 00:04:13,700 --> 00:04:14,100 Are they? 78 00:04:14,100 --> 00:04:14,600 Why not? 79 00:04:14,600 --> 00:04:16,300 Well, that's because you don't update the Instagram. 80 00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:20,900 No, they're never going to see these outfits because we can't use a camera found. 81 00:04:20,900 --> 00:04:23,500 No, we don't know how to take a picture of ourself. 82 00:04:23,500 --> 00:04:25,700 Anyway, you'll have to imagine it best you can. 83 00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:26,900 Right. 84 00:04:26,900 --> 00:04:34,200 Well titty, I wanted to chat to you because as you did mention 500 times in the intro you are in Australia. 85 00:04:34,200 --> 00:04:35,100 You're in Australia. 86 00:04:35,100 --> 00:04:39,300 You cannot hear me bang on about it, but I am currently sailing around the Tasmanian Sea. 87 00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:39,700 Yes. 88 00:04:39,700 --> 00:04:40,700 Yes. 89 00:04:40,700 --> 00:04:43,200 First of all, have you seen any Tasmanian devils? 90 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,600 No, I have not. 91 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:46,300 Tasmanian bears more like love. 92 00:04:46,300 --> 00:04:47,400 Well, fingers crossed. 93 00:04:47,400 --> 00:04:53,800 And you're down under with our friend who's from down under, friend of the podcast, Jake the Foodie I hear. 94 00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:57,200 Well, friend is quite a stretch of the term, but yes, Jake's here with us. 95 00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:57,800 Colleague. 96 00:04:57,800 --> 00:04:59,300 Colleague at best. 97 00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:02,300 And yeah, he's obviously, this is his stomping ground. 98 00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:02,600 Yes. 99 00:05:02,600 --> 00:05:06,300 He's on the ship, the same ship that I am. 100 00:05:06,300 --> 00:05:09,300 And like I said, Georgie Porgie is over there on a different ship. 101 00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:13,800 16 hours in the past all the way over in lovely sunny Miami. 102 00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:21,500 So we have really banded together to get this podcast episode out because I just want to say that it's very rare. 103 00:05:21,500 --> 00:05:25,700 You know, it's a once in a lifetime occurrence that something like this happens. 104 00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:33,300 And the minute it did happen, I just said to Georgie, I was like, listen, this has got me in a choke hold. 105 00:05:33,300 --> 00:05:33,700 Yes. 106 00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:34,700 We need to talk about this. 107 00:05:34,700 --> 00:05:35,500 Absolutely. 108 00:05:35,500 --> 00:05:39,800 And I'm sure people have probably been hearing about it because it has gone global, you know. 109 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:40,300 Yeah. 110 00:05:40,300 --> 00:05:45,200 And when I tell you, I am absolutely, I'm violently obsessed with it. 111 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:49,300 And this is the only news story that I want to hear about for the next month. 112 00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:50,300 We need to know. 113 00:05:50,300 --> 00:05:51,200 We need to know. 114 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:53,000 Let's give the listener a few clues. 115 00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:54,000 Oh, I want to go. 116 00:05:54,000 --> 00:05:54,600 Oh, yeah. 117 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,600 Let's give them a few Scooby Doo clues. 118 00:05:56,600 --> 00:05:57,000 Yes. 119 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,700 Time for pop culture clues. 120 00:05:58,700 --> 00:06:06,900 It's time for pop culture clues, blues, Scooby Doo's and shoes with Miss Titty, Car Car and Georgie Poo. 121 00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:09,300 Don't expose my government name, you nasty bitch. 122 00:06:09,300 --> 00:06:10,400 Sorry, Charlie. 123 00:06:10,400 --> 00:06:11,200 Clue number one. 124 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:16,100 Clue number one is I'm going to give them a tune, Titty. 125 00:06:16,100 --> 00:06:18,000 I'm not going to say the words, just the tune. 126 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:18,800 Are you ready? 127 00:06:18,800 --> 00:06:19,400 It goes like this. 128 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:20,300 Okay, I am ready. 129 00:06:20,300 --> 00:06:24,800 Okay. 130 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,200 Okay, that's enough copyright infringement. 131 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:33,500 Clue number two is perhaps I might be wearing a green bob wig. 132 00:06:33,500 --> 00:06:42,900 Oh, and then our last clue very much fits one of our sisters, Carlos, a woman named Carlos, 133 00:06:42,900 --> 00:06:45,900 is I'm wearing very orange foundation. 134 00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:50,000 Yes, a shade a bit too dark for my actual race. 135 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:51,200 Yes, there we go. 136 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:51,700 Correct. 137 00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:52,800 Can you guess that meme? 138 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:55,700 I can hear the listeners shouting out as we speak. 139 00:06:55,700 --> 00:07:01,600 It is of course, we are talking about the Willy Wonka experience that happened over the weekend in Glasgow. 140 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:02,000 Oh my God. 141 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:07,500 And I really want to use the word experience with every, you know, use of its connotation of its word 142 00:07:07,500 --> 00:07:17,800 because this picture is harrowing in my mind and it is of the poor girl dressed in the parl shop 143 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:20,200 and pull up a costume with the green wig. 144 00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:27,700 No, the funniest thing is, is it's now been revealed that it's actually the sexy version of it as well. 145 00:07:27,700 --> 00:07:30,400 And it was £4.99. 146 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:35,100 £4.99 from Smithies and the wig was from Poundland. 147 00:07:35,100 --> 00:07:36,700 I just can't handle it. 148 00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:37,200 Well, I thought- 149 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,100 I just can't handle it. 150 00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:41,400 I was thinking that you must have known her because I'm sure I've seen you in that wig before. 151 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:46,700 Well, actually what this is interesting what happened to see, I was wearing the wig. 152 00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,400 The wig blew off. 153 00:07:48,400 --> 00:07:52,200 I was walking down a high street on the Isle of Wight and the wig blew off. 154 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:53,000 All the way up to the North of Scotland. 155 00:07:53,000 --> 00:07:54,300 It happened to land. 156 00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:55,300 Correct. 157 00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:57,600 It landed in a sandwich bag. 158 00:07:57,600 --> 00:08:00,500 The sandwich bag then flew to Scotland. 159 00:08:00,500 --> 00:08:05,900 When it arrived in Scotland, the nice people of Poundland stuck a pound sticker on it. 160 00:08:05,900 --> 00:08:06,800 And that was that. 161 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:08,800 That was, you know, the end of story really. 162 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:14,200 And you need to, you need to see this picture because she has just had all of the life drained out of her. 163 00:08:14,200 --> 00:08:15,800 And she, it literally- 164 00:08:15,800 --> 00:08:16,300 Oh, it's so funny. 165 00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:20,100 Some of the comments on Instagram, it's like she looks like she's cooking meth. 166 00:08:20,100 --> 00:08:21,800 She looks like she's had enough. 167 00:08:21,800 --> 00:08:24,400 And this is, this has gone global. 168 00:08:24,400 --> 00:08:28,400 Now, I fell down a rabbit hole last night of she's made a TikTok and now she's like, 169 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:30,400 hi, I'm the girl, you know, I'm the ump-a-lump-a-girl. 170 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:31,300 Oh, it's so funny. 171 00:08:31,300 --> 00:08:31,900 Incredible. 172 00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:33,500 And she's been on Good Morning Britain. 173 00:08:33,500 --> 00:08:37,600 So, a bit of backstory for those of you that have been living under a rock for the past two days. 174 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:38,200 Yeah. 175 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:41,500 A company, I want to say is it called the House of Illuminati or something like this. 176 00:08:41,500 --> 00:08:43,100 Yes. 177 00:08:43,100 --> 00:08:50,800 They claimed to put on like a Willy Wonka inspired event, an immersive event, which um, 178 00:08:50,800 --> 00:08:57,500 just incredible, in Glasgow, in the middle of this, what can only be described as a derelict warehouse. 179 00:08:57,500 --> 00:09:04,400 And they, the, oh, you know, the creator of the event has apparently used AI to generate all the posters, 180 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:06,100 to generate all the scripts. 181 00:09:06,100 --> 00:09:08,300 Did you see the spelling mistakes, City? 182 00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:09,800 The spelling mistakes, mama. 183 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:14,500 I'm like, for people who have seen this poster and bought tickets, you can't, you can't blame, 184 00:09:14,500 --> 00:09:17,600 the writing was on the wall and it was spelled wrong and you couldn't even eat it. 185 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:18,300 No, mama. 186 00:09:18,300 --> 00:09:24,100 There was, apparently there was not one piece of candy available. 187 00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:25,700 Well, there was no chocolate. 188 00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:26,100 There was no chocolate. 189 00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:27,700 No. 190 00:09:27,700 --> 00:09:30,700 There was, apparently what they were saying is she had, 191 00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:36,700 she got told to ration each child one jelly bean. 192 00:09:36,700 --> 00:09:43,200 And there's a video of this girl dressed as the umpah lumpah kneeling down and given this child, 193 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:44,900 you know, I think she rationed him two jelly beans. 194 00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:47,700 I thought, oh God, she's, and that's not the best part. 195 00:09:47,700 --> 00:09:51,200 The best part is because this script was AI generated, 196 00:09:51,200 --> 00:09:57,800 it apparently created this other character called the unknown, which is basically, it was this. 197 00:09:57,800 --> 00:10:03,500 The thing with that, the thing with that is I, before you go on, I just want to start off by saying, 198 00:10:03,500 --> 00:10:07,100 of course use AI, you know, use AI. Why not? 199 00:10:07,100 --> 00:10:08,500 It's there to be used. 200 00:10:08,500 --> 00:10:15,600 They did have spelling mistakes in the thing, much like one of my favorite spelling mistakes 201 00:10:15,600 --> 00:10:22,500 that they wrote is that they wrote that it would be in catching tuns instead of catchy tunes 202 00:10:22,500 --> 00:10:32,500 and everstrandre lollipop and a parasite of sweet treats, 203 00:10:32,500 --> 00:10:33,500 which is my favorite. 204 00:10:33,500 --> 00:10:39,100 But then the thing is with the unknown is if you get given a script by AI, 205 00:10:39,100 --> 00:10:44,800 the first thing you do is at least fucking check that the character is real before you go ahead 206 00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:50,800 and buy the wig, before you buy the silver mask, before you buy the black clank. 207 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:54,100 You would at least expect that you have bloody chance. 208 00:10:54,100 --> 00:10:57,500 I'm sorry. I'm very passionate about this titty, you know. 209 00:10:57,500 --> 00:10:58,800 I can't deal with it. 210 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:02,300 Honestly, you should be checking that the character is real. 211 00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:07,500 The best thing about it is because the character is not real, AI called it the unknown. 212 00:11:07,500 --> 00:11:11,300 The unknown. So and honestly, it's the icon. 213 00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:14,400 The unknown is an icon of 2024, let me tell you. 214 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:19,100 And just to preface this, they were in like this sparse warehouse with, you know, 215 00:11:19,100 --> 00:11:22,900 statues of candies and lollipops and it was really few and far between. 216 00:11:22,900 --> 00:11:28,300 And there was just this performer dressed in a black cloak, a black ratty wig and a silver mask 217 00:11:28,300 --> 00:11:31,100 hiding behind a mirror, jumping out and screaming children. 218 00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:35,500 Now, if that's not the epitome of Disney magic, I don't know what is and I don't want to know. 219 00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:39,100 But all I'm saying these families, someone called the police. 220 00:11:39,100 --> 00:11:43,300 So would I. Because if someone in a silver mask is calling himself the unknown, 221 00:11:43,300 --> 00:11:45,700 I think COVID was starting again. 222 00:11:45,700 --> 00:11:46,500 Honestly. 223 00:11:46,500 --> 00:11:49,800 And you've just got to watch the video of them trying to, 224 00:11:49,800 --> 00:11:54,900 because they said they had a chocolate fountain as well that was next to it. 225 00:11:54,900 --> 00:11:59,600 They had two empty buckets of like marshmallow toppings and something else. 226 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:03,600 And they were, the performers really were trying their best of like scooping these together 227 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:05,900 and throwing them on just to get these kids. 228 00:12:05,900 --> 00:12:12,000 But I just thought if you've seen a picture like that, a poster, you've brushed over the, 229 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:13,900 you know, the spelling mistakes and things. 230 00:12:13,900 --> 00:12:15,300 You've got a family of four. 231 00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:17,100 These tickets were 35 pounds each. 232 00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:18,100 Now, that's a lot of money. 233 00:12:18,100 --> 00:12:19,100 35. 234 00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:19,700 Honestly. 235 00:12:19,700 --> 00:12:23,300 Georgie Porgie gets 35 pounds for a week's work in Manchester. 236 00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:25,200 Correct, mama. Honestly. 237 00:12:25,200 --> 00:12:31,700 And one of my favourite parts of the whole thing is that because it was inspired by Willy Wonka, 238 00:12:31,700 --> 00:12:34,300 they weren't actually really supposed to call it Willy Wonka. 239 00:12:34,300 --> 00:12:39,700 So Willy Wonka was called Willie Macduff. 240 00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:42,100 Which I just think is brilliant. 241 00:12:42,100 --> 00:12:45,900 And it says here, so they asked the actor that played Willie Macduff, 242 00:12:45,900 --> 00:12:47,700 they asked him this question. 243 00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:50,700 Okay. So you've got the script for Willie Macduff. 244 00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:55,200 Tell me more about how it was pitched versus what you actually showed up to. 245 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:58,100 His quote was, I thought it was going to be magic. 246 00:12:58,100 --> 00:13:02,900 And then when I walked into an empty, cold, dirty warehouse in Glasgow, 247 00:13:02,900 --> 00:13:06,400 I thought maybe this was not what had been pitched. 248 00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:10,400 And then it says, can you tell me the favourite part of the monologue? 249 00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:12,200 And he said, I'd love to. 250 00:13:12,200 --> 00:13:19,100 My favourite part, the big part, was when I really just read out nonsensical gibberish 251 00:13:19,100 --> 00:13:23,600 that was the following, there is a man, we do not know his name. 252 00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:26,500 We do not know him only by the unknown. 253 00:13:26,500 --> 00:13:30,200 The unknown is evil chocolate maker who lives in the walls. 254 00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:31,500 Now listen, that shakes me. 255 00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:34,700 But that is, you know, Lady Macbeth, eat your heart out. 256 00:13:34,700 --> 00:13:40,700 And I just want to say all of this added to the fact that it's going to be in a thick Scottish accent. 257 00:13:40,700 --> 00:13:41,800 Oh, I love that. 258 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,000 Absolutely incredible. 259 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:47,100 When I tell you, I just said to Georgie, I was like, listen, 260 00:13:47,100 --> 00:13:51,200 mama, we need to bring the podcast back out the woodworks. 261 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,200 So you can thank the unknown. 262 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:56,000 You can thank that umpul umpul lady. 263 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:59,200 And you can thank the House of Illuminati for us coming back into the mainstream media 264 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:03,600 because, you know, like I said, it's very rare once in a lifetime opportunity. 265 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:04,300 So funny. 266 00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:05,100 Absolutely incredible. 267 00:14:05,100 --> 00:14:10,100 And the best thing was, is that I've seen that they're also advertising that, 268 00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:11,600 so we're going to get more content. 269 00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:15,200 They're doing a Jurassic World event in Glasgow. 270 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:16,300 Brilliant. 271 00:14:16,300 --> 00:14:18,500 That's all AI generated. 272 00:14:18,500 --> 00:14:20,700 And they're also going to be doing a Narnia. 273 00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:23,900 I also feel like people are now going to go because it's just going to be absolutely trash. 274 00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:24,800 Oh, I love it. 275 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:28,300 And the funniest thing was, I was watching a TikTok of a mum and she said, 276 00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:31,400 I've spent 200 quid on this event. 277 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:35,900 And she went, and then I want a hot dog and the hot dog is 11 pounds. 278 00:14:35,900 --> 00:14:37,500 What a joke. 279 00:14:37,500 --> 00:14:40,500 She said, that's the smallest bouncy castle I've ever seen. 280 00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:41,600 Oh God. 281 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:42,300 It's brilliant. 282 00:14:42,300 --> 00:14:43,000 I love it. 283 00:14:43,000 --> 00:14:47,300 So that's what I've been keeping myself busy with the past few days. 284 00:14:47,300 --> 00:14:47,600 Yeah. 285 00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:52,300 And I've honestly, I've been going on TikTok every day and I've just been typing in Willy Wonka 286 00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:53,800 and seeing what comes up. 287 00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:56,900 And honestly, I would recommend it to anyone. 288 00:14:56,900 --> 00:14:58,100 It's absolutely hilarious. 289 00:14:58,100 --> 00:14:59,000 100%. 290 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:03,900 Do you know there was those classic vines back in the day that lived on forever? 291 00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:06,000 Darling, this is going to be one of those. 292 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,500 I want to be 89 years old. 293 00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:11,500 I want to be in the hospice, dying of crabs. 294 00:15:11,500 --> 00:15:12,700 I want to see this. 295 00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:16,600 I want to have a crocheted umpa-lumpa meth girl on my pillow. 296 00:15:16,600 --> 00:15:17,700 100%. 297 00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:18,900 I'm obsessed with it. 298 00:15:18,900 --> 00:15:19,500 I love it. 299 00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:20,800 Good for them. 300 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:27,200 And also the worst thing is the actors never got paid for any of it, which of course, you know, 301 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:27,800 it's awful. 302 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:28,300 Right. 303 00:15:28,300 --> 00:15:31,500 But then I think you're not putting on your CV, mum, are you? 304 00:15:31,500 --> 00:15:34,700 Well, I mean, she's got to be the bloody famous after this. 305 00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:39,900 Someone likened her to the Lady Diana of the Princess Diana of this century. 306 00:15:39,900 --> 00:15:41,800 Of the world of Willy Wonka. 307 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:45,100 Bit of a stretch, but yeah, I'll take it because that was it. 308 00:15:45,100 --> 00:15:46,400 I was following one. 309 00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:51,100 I think she's called Kelsey, the girl who played the umpa-lumpa something I saw on TikTok. 310 00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:57,000 And she was saying that she got the job application, which was like this acting job on Indeed. 311 00:15:57,000 --> 00:16:00,600 And for those of you that don't really know, Indeed is not really a platform that you'd, 312 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:04,500 you know, get or apply for or work in the performance industry, I guess. 313 00:16:04,500 --> 00:16:05,700 But I love that. 314 00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:06,200 Good. 315 00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:06,700 Do you know what? 316 00:16:06,700 --> 00:16:07,700 Good for them. 317 00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:09,400 I wish them all the best. 318 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:12,300 They should put it on their spotlight and call it a night, you know? 319 00:16:12,300 --> 00:16:13,700 Mum, I'd take that to the bank. 320 00:16:13,700 --> 00:16:16,700 You know, there's going to be a mug, there's going to be a t-shirt, there's going to be a hoodie. 321 00:16:16,700 --> 00:16:17,700 You want a tattoo? 322 00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:21,300 I'm waiting for someone to get a tattoo of that other face because it's incredible. 323 00:16:21,300 --> 00:16:22,700 Oh, we all know it's going to be me. 324 00:16:22,700 --> 00:16:28,300 So in future city, if you see House of Illuminati advertising anything, we're going. 325 00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:30,100 We're going and we're doing the podcast live. 326 00:16:30,100 --> 00:16:31,400 Well, we'll be hosting. 327 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:34,100 Yeah, we should reach out actually to see if they want us to house. 328 00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:35,200 Yeah, 100%. 329 00:16:35,200 --> 00:16:39,300 What with your triceratops clause, you can be the one for Jurassic World. 330 00:16:39,300 --> 00:16:40,000 Oh, for sure. 331 00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:45,200 And you can play the gate, that huge gate at the beginning with those shoulders. 332 00:16:45,200 --> 00:16:46,000 Oil meal. 333 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,000 Oil meal, darling. 334 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:52,800 From Willy Wonka over to some whales. 335 00:16:52,800 --> 00:16:54,700 Now not whales, the country. 336 00:16:54,700 --> 00:16:55,500 Right. 337 00:16:55,500 --> 00:17:00,500 But I wanted to give you some news that has recently been released and by recently, 338 00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:03,600 I mean literally yesterday, we're really top on the news today. 339 00:17:03,600 --> 00:17:05,900 We are on the point, yeah, on the dots. 340 00:17:05,900 --> 00:17:07,200 We're on point. 341 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:13,500 And this is humpback whales have been observed having sex for the first time in a century. 342 00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:20,800 But the landmark moment had an interesting twist when both the whales were male. 343 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:23,800 Oh, gay whales, gay whales. 344 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:24,600 Who called it? 345 00:17:24,600 --> 00:17:25,400 Who called it? 346 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:26,200 Gay whale. 347 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:26,700 I knew it. 348 00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:30,300 I knew it must have been some of my bath water seeping out from the ship into the ocean 349 00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:36,900 and you know, I was thinking that but now I was laughing and it's actually in home. 350 00:17:36,900 --> 00:17:38,400 In Hawaii, darling. 351 00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:41,200 We all knew that the gays would be on holiday in Hawaii. 352 00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,800 I'm surprised it's not Gran Canaria. 353 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:44,300 Mother, you are a mass pillow in my arse. 354 00:17:44,300 --> 00:17:44,800 Yeah. 355 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:47,100 Now, of course, it's going to be bloody hot Hawaii, isn't it? 356 00:17:47,100 --> 00:17:48,400 Oh, well, gay whales, there you go. 357 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,400 So all these people that say it's not bloody natural. 358 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:52,800 Well, just look at that. 359 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:53,800 Just look at that. 360 00:17:53,800 --> 00:17:54,600 Mother Nature. 361 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:55,200 Life finds a way. 362 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,300 Mother Nature. 363 00:17:56,300 --> 00:17:58,300 I just want to read this part to you. 364 00:17:58,300 --> 00:17:59,700 This is actually from The Guardian. 365 00:17:59,700 --> 00:18:00,700 Mama Nature. 366 00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:02,000 Mama Nature, darling. 367 00:18:02,000 --> 00:18:09,700 This said the penises of male humpback whales are usually concealed in what's known as a 368 00:18:09,700 --> 00:18:11,200 genital slit. 369 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:11,800 Same. 370 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,900 To make it more streamlined while swimming. 371 00:18:14,900 --> 00:18:15,700 That's same for me though. 372 00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:19,700 An unshifed, I'm not sure what that word is. 373 00:18:19,700 --> 00:18:22,000 Penis has only been witnessed. 374 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,000 Unshift. 375 00:18:23,000 --> 00:18:23,500 Shaved. 376 00:18:23,500 --> 00:18:24,700 I think that's it. 377 00:18:24,700 --> 00:18:31,600 An unshift penis has only been witnessed a small number of times in the past and normally 378 00:18:31,600 --> 00:18:33,100 while whales are urinating. 379 00:18:33,100 --> 00:18:34,000 Well, hold on a minute. 380 00:18:34,000 --> 00:18:39,900 What I want to know is what is the likelihood of seeing an unshift humpback whale penis? 381 00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:41,600 Unless you're in the vicinity. 382 00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:42,300 Do you know what I mean? 383 00:18:42,300 --> 00:18:45,400 It's not like you're just walking down the aisle in Morrisons and one pops out from the 384 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:46,600 frozen seafood section. 385 00:18:46,600 --> 00:18:51,200 Well, it is if I'm in the frozen seafood section in Morrisons and I get my dick out, darling. 386 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:52,000 Huge. 387 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:58,500 If you're going into the lion's den, so to speak, you're diving in the water, you're 388 00:18:58,500 --> 00:19:03,600 hanging around whales, it's only right if they want to flap their penis out, they should 389 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:04,800 be able to in their own house. 390 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:05,300 100%. 391 00:19:05,300 --> 00:19:05,800 You know what I mean? 392 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:06,300 100%. 393 00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:09,500 And the thing, the worst part of the whole article is it does say that scientists have 394 00:19:09,500 --> 00:19:14,500 said that whales can mistake each other's gender and I think you're making that up. 395 00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:16,300 They just wanted to make sweet love. 396 00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:17,900 I think that's a cop out. 397 00:19:17,900 --> 00:19:19,100 I think it's a cock out. 398 00:19:19,100 --> 00:19:20,800 That's a cock out, mama. 399 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,500 An unshift penis out. 400 00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:24,900 An unshift whale penis. 401 00:19:24,900 --> 00:19:25,600 Yeah. 402 00:19:25,600 --> 00:19:26,700 I mean honestly. 403 00:19:26,700 --> 00:19:27,200 Well there you go. 404 00:19:27,200 --> 00:19:31,800 Honestly, now you know, so in the space of a week, we've had the Willy Wonka, well, 405 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:35,200 Willy Macduff experience and now we've got Gay Wells fucking. 406 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:35,800 Do you know what I mean? 407 00:19:35,800 --> 00:19:36,800 What's next, darling? 408 00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:38,100 Free Willy, that's what I say. 409 00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:40,200 Hashtag free Willy, I'm always the one. 410 00:19:42,400 --> 00:19:48,700 Okay, Titty, it's now time to take that long staircase down as we go below dick. 411 00:19:48,700 --> 00:19:50,200 It's a long staircase. 412 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:51,100 Oh, here we go. 413 00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:52,500 The elevators are working. 414 00:19:52,500 --> 00:19:53,000 Broken. 415 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:53,800 Stairs down. 416 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:54,800 Below dick. 417 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:59,900 So this is probably things sent in from, you know, crew members of other cruise lines that 418 00:19:59,900 --> 00:20:06,000 have had a intimate experience or something, you know, crazy happening below the waterline. 419 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:07,900 So Georgie, what have we got this week? 420 00:20:07,900 --> 00:20:09,800 Well, this one, I think Titty Carcourt. 421 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:10,400 Hold on a minute. 422 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:11,300 Can I just stop? 423 00:20:11,300 --> 00:20:12,800 Can I just stop you there before you carry on? 424 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:14,600 Is that a watertight door closed in the background? 425 00:20:14,600 --> 00:20:16,000 Because all I can hear is bloody alarms. 426 00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:17,800 It is a watertight door closing. 427 00:20:17,800 --> 00:20:19,500 I think it's just finished closing. 428 00:20:19,500 --> 00:20:20,500 Oh, well, just as well. 429 00:20:20,500 --> 00:20:22,200 We are on, we're below the waterline. 430 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,900 And for those of you don't know on a ship, we have watertight doors. 431 00:20:24,900 --> 00:20:29,300 So just in case, you know, a ship gets full of water, the doors are watertight. 432 00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:30,500 It does what it says on the tent. 433 00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:36,100 Well, Titty, I've actually had to install one in my room because the way I squirt these days, 434 00:20:36,100 --> 00:20:38,800 honestly, the watertight door is needed. 435 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:42,400 Honestly, it's like a fucking wave. 436 00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:52,900 I've taken out five Indonesian communities in the last week. 437 00:20:52,900 --> 00:20:54,100 Oh, God. 438 00:20:54,100 --> 00:20:54,400 Okay. 439 00:20:54,400 --> 00:20:56,700 Well, now that watertight doors finished closing. 440 00:20:56,700 --> 00:20:57,300 Yes, mama. 441 00:20:57,300 --> 00:20:57,700 Here we go. 442 00:20:57,700 --> 00:21:02,600 So this one, this one is written in and of course, these are all anonymous. 443 00:21:02,600 --> 00:21:10,700 And this says I recently got a job on board a cruise line as land life was just not for me anymore. 444 00:21:10,700 --> 00:21:18,700 I didn't know the rule that you can't sleep with guests on board until I was in one of my first trainings. 445 00:21:18,700 --> 00:21:26,100 The only problem is I've lived on board for about a month now and I've been shagging the guests left, right and center. 446 00:21:26,100 --> 00:21:28,600 It's become a bit of an addiction. 447 00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:33,900 The minute I see they're not wearing a name badge, I instantly need to shag them. 448 00:21:33,900 --> 00:21:40,600 I've shagged them in elevators, cupboards, housekeeping areas and even in the toilets. 449 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:46,700 I whip my name badge off quicker than I can get it done just so that I can get frosted. 450 00:21:46,700 --> 00:21:49,400 I absolutely love it. 451 00:21:49,400 --> 00:21:51,200 Well, I think keep doing it. 452 00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:56,200 So tell us city, have you ever heard them flirting looking like this walking around open area? 453 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:58,900 You're always going to get people attracted to you like a magnet, aren't you? 454 00:21:58,900 --> 00:22:01,500 But I just got to back them away like flies. 455 00:22:01,500 --> 00:22:02,700 You do and get away. 456 00:22:02,700 --> 00:22:04,300 I've actually seen it. 457 00:22:04,300 --> 00:22:05,000 Don't come close. 458 00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:12,500 I have actually installed in my one of the costumes that I wear and it's kind of like the size of a hula hoop around me, 459 00:22:12,500 --> 00:22:16,200 but it's just got 16 live tasers all the way around. 460 00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:19,900 So if anyone gets a bit too close, they do get a bit of a shock. 461 00:22:19,900 --> 00:22:22,100 If you know what I mean, enter at own risk. 462 00:22:22,100 --> 00:22:24,600 I just it's stupid to do because you're going to lose your job. 463 00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,500 And it's a sticky situation with the law really, isn't it? 464 00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:30,600 It is and it's a sticky situation all over my back. 465 00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:37,000 Well, but I tell you what the thing with sleeping with a guest is I think if you're going to quit, 466 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:41,500 if you're going to be like, this is my last week on board and you meet a nice fella lady, 467 00:22:41,500 --> 00:22:45,700 non-binary persons, then I think just bloody go for it. 468 00:22:45,700 --> 00:22:49,500 But I think if you're doing it all the time, bear in mind, you are burning that bridge. 469 00:22:49,500 --> 00:22:50,600 You're burning that bridge. 470 00:22:50,600 --> 00:22:51,700 You are absolutely. 471 00:22:51,700 --> 00:22:52,200 You are. 472 00:22:52,200 --> 00:22:53,500 But what about what about you, George? 473 00:22:53,500 --> 00:23:00,200 If you want people swarming around, do you know what I have Stevie Wonder came on board recently and he really like the look 474 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:00,900 of me. 475 00:23:00,900 --> 00:23:02,900 Well, your face is a lot like Braille, isn't it? 476 00:23:02,900 --> 00:23:03,700 It is love. 477 00:23:03,700 --> 00:23:06,100 It is potholes, some might say. 478 00:23:06,100 --> 00:23:10,600 Paul Potts going into Celebrity Big Brother. 479 00:23:10,600 --> 00:23:11,700 Gryke. 480 00:23:11,700 --> 00:23:19,300 But no, so the thing is, is that recently we had a bear cruise on board the ship I'm on. 481 00:23:19,300 --> 00:23:20,400 So, yes. 482 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:22,200 So that was Tim. 483 00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:23,100 Oh my God. 484 00:23:23,100 --> 00:23:25,900 And I didn't realize that I was a proper cub. 485 00:23:25,900 --> 00:23:31,000 I think until that moment because they were obsessed with me. 486 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:32,400 Well, what did you think you were before? 487 00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:35,600 I did think I was a twink until about a week ago and then I got bloated. 488 00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:36,200 Delusion. 489 00:23:36,200 --> 00:23:37,800 So delusion, mama. 490 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,300 But no, the bear cruise was interesting. 491 00:23:40,300 --> 00:23:41,400 I couldn't walk anywhere. 492 00:23:41,400 --> 00:23:42,400 I was like a celebrity. 493 00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,000 They were screaming my name. 494 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:44,500 You were. 495 00:23:44,500 --> 00:23:48,200 Yeah, they were just kind of throwing collars on me left, right and center. 496 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:49,000 But it was fabulous. 497 00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:49,500 I loved it. 498 00:23:49,500 --> 00:23:51,700 But it is a risky game, isn't it? 499 00:23:51,700 --> 00:23:53,400 And it's one I'm not willing to play. 500 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:54,200 Absolutely. 501 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:55,100 Me too. 502 00:23:55,100 --> 00:23:55,700 There we go. 503 00:23:55,700 --> 00:23:59,100 Well, if you've got a below dick, please feel free to send it through. 504 00:23:59,100 --> 00:24:01,400 You know, you don't have to work on a cruise ship. 505 00:24:01,400 --> 00:24:02,500 It could be a barge. 506 00:24:02,500 --> 00:24:03,300 Yeah. 507 00:24:03,300 --> 00:24:04,400 It could be a riverboat. 508 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:05,600 Canal boat. 509 00:24:05,600 --> 00:24:07,900 It could be the Willy Wonka experience. 510 00:24:07,900 --> 00:24:08,600 It could be. 511 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:11,300 Maybe they'll do a Willy Wonka cruise. 512 00:24:11,300 --> 00:24:13,500 Maybe a Willy Wonka experience cruise. 513 00:24:13,500 --> 00:24:15,800 A Willy McDuff charter cruise. 514 00:24:15,800 --> 00:24:16,800 We've got to put that together. 515 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:17,600 That would be incredible. 516 00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:19,700 Sounds bloody good to me, Tits. 517 00:24:19,700 --> 00:24:20,000 Right. 518 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:20,700 Should we move on? 519 00:24:20,700 --> 00:24:21,200 Yeah. 520 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:22,300 Splash. 521 00:24:22,300 --> 00:24:25,600 Well, Tits, before we get on to our favorite... 522 00:24:25,600 --> 00:24:26,900 Oh, one minute you spoke over me. 523 00:24:26,900 --> 00:24:27,400 No, it's alright. 524 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:28,600 You fucking bitch. 525 00:24:28,600 --> 00:24:31,200 That's right, T. 526 00:24:31,200 --> 00:24:32,100 Try it again. 527 00:24:32,100 --> 00:24:34,200 Well, before we move on to our favorite... 528 00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:35,000 So, we're going to go over... 529 00:24:35,000 --> 00:24:36,700 Oh, don't start, Titty. 530 00:24:36,700 --> 00:24:38,000 Don't start. 531 00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:39,100 It's a new year. 532 00:24:39,100 --> 00:24:40,600 New you, it should be. 533 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:41,500 Spit it out, love. 534 00:24:41,500 --> 00:24:42,400 Come on, get going. 535 00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:47,600 Titty, can you see something floating on the Tasmania Sea? 536 00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:48,200 I think I can. 537 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:50,600 It's quite rocky, but I think I can just grab the... 538 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:51,800 Oh, let me grab. 539 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:53,300 Oh, get that cork out. 540 00:24:53,300 --> 00:24:56,400 Oh, all over me, Tits. 541 00:24:56,400 --> 00:25:00,900 Oh, twins. 542 00:25:00,900 --> 00:25:02,300 Well, this is the section of the show. 543 00:25:02,300 --> 00:25:05,700 This is your first time listening to Up The Arptif, it is Grow Up, 544 00:25:05,700 --> 00:25:12,000 where we get a message in a bottle, which is where one of you fabulous people are sure, 545 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:15,300 whatever you're called, send us in a letter of concern. 546 00:25:15,300 --> 00:25:19,800 Now, this one seems to be, Titty, quite urgent. 547 00:25:19,800 --> 00:25:21,200 And they've written it in red pen. 548 00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:22,200 I'm trying to get reading, though. 549 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:23,200 It's possible that it's blood. 550 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:24,200 Yeah, do it. 551 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:24,900 I will. 552 00:25:24,900 --> 00:25:27,100 This says, ahoy, girls. 553 00:25:27,100 --> 00:25:29,100 At least she knows we're women. 554 00:25:29,100 --> 00:25:32,300 I'm a lesbian called Sandra from Wolverhampton, 555 00:25:32,300 --> 00:25:35,900 and I absolutely love going out on the town. 556 00:25:35,900 --> 00:25:37,100 I love bars. 557 00:25:37,100 --> 00:25:38,500 I love clubs. 558 00:25:38,500 --> 00:25:40,900 I love everything in between. 559 00:25:40,900 --> 00:25:43,900 The only problem is where I've moved to in Wolverhampton, 560 00:25:43,900 --> 00:25:45,700 there's no lesbian bars. 561 00:25:45,700 --> 00:25:49,500 So unfortunately, I have to go to the straight bars and clubs. 562 00:25:49,500 --> 00:25:50,600 Ugh, gross. 563 00:25:50,600 --> 00:25:52,800 Her words, not mine. 564 00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:56,900 I've picked up this gorgeous girl from Birmingham 565 00:25:56,900 --> 00:25:59,600 who was visiting her friends in Wolverhampton. 566 00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:00,900 She's got muscles. 567 00:26:00,900 --> 00:26:02,900 She's got tattoos. 568 00:26:02,900 --> 00:26:05,900 And honestly, I'm obsessed with her. 569 00:26:05,900 --> 00:26:11,000 So I take her back to my travel lodge, and we're now in the hotel room. 570 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:15,900 The only problem is I've been hiding in the bathroom for the last 24 minutes, 571 00:26:15,900 --> 00:26:20,500 as I realized while kissing her, I've just accidentally picked up a man. 572 00:26:20,500 --> 00:26:21,500 What do I do? 573 00:26:21,500 --> 00:26:24,900 I'm currently stuck in the toilet, and I've got no interest. 574 00:26:24,900 --> 00:26:27,000 Oh, dear Sandra. 575 00:26:27,000 --> 00:26:28,100 What a nightmare. 576 00:26:28,100 --> 00:26:30,200 In for a penny, in for a pound. 577 00:26:30,200 --> 00:26:32,700 I think you've got yourself into the mess. 578 00:26:32,700 --> 00:26:36,500 Get yourself out of it by, you know, just shoving it in you for a couple of minutes. 579 00:26:36,500 --> 00:26:42,000 I say, as long as it's, you know, consensual on both parts, go to town. 580 00:26:42,000 --> 00:26:42,900 Go to town. 581 00:26:42,900 --> 00:26:45,600 And if it's not, just thank you so much. 582 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:46,500 The door's over there. 583 00:26:46,500 --> 00:26:48,500 The main problem with this titty is, 584 00:26:48,500 --> 00:26:52,900 I know you probably wouldn't have had any experience staying in a travel lodge 585 00:26:52,900 --> 00:26:54,200 because you're a fucking snob. 586 00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:55,200 Oh, absolutely not. 587 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:56,200 No, it's, you know. 588 00:26:56,200 --> 00:27:00,600 But the travel lodges normally don't have windows in the toilet. 589 00:27:00,600 --> 00:27:03,700 So there's not even anything that she can climb out of. 590 00:27:03,700 --> 00:27:05,800 So, you know, that does make me nervous. 591 00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:12,200 She is actually stuck in this room with this man that maybe has a baby face, 592 00:27:12,200 --> 00:27:13,200 maybe a shave. 593 00:27:13,200 --> 00:27:16,600 Well, we don't want to assume, you know, we don't want to assume how they identify. 594 00:27:16,600 --> 00:27:19,700 Probably best to not use your time writing a letter, 595 00:27:19,700 --> 00:27:24,600 even though it was genius for you to flush it down the toilet to get to us all the way over in Australia. 596 00:27:24,600 --> 00:27:25,600 Yes. 597 00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:26,100 Yes. 598 00:27:26,100 --> 00:27:30,600 You know, I just go out, make a cup of tea, maybe throw it down yourself and say, 599 00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:35,000 oh, I'm sorry, I need to go and change and just bolt out the door and never come back. 600 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:39,500 Now, there is a little bit of context that she sent as a PS as well. 601 00:27:39,500 --> 00:27:43,900 And that says that she has considered throwing herself out the window, 602 00:27:43,900 --> 00:27:51,000 but it is on the 11th floor and the nearest hospital is quite far. 603 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:54,500 So I'm not sure if that's the best idea that you've ever had. 604 00:27:54,500 --> 00:27:55,800 I wouldn't condone that. 605 00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:56,500 Yes. 606 00:27:56,500 --> 00:27:56,800 Yeah. 607 00:27:56,800 --> 00:28:00,900 I'd probably go for the tea on the tea on the blouse option to be completely honest. 608 00:28:00,900 --> 00:28:02,000 And anyway, do let us know. 609 00:28:02,000 --> 00:28:03,900 Yes, do let us know how it goes. 610 00:28:03,900 --> 00:28:08,900 Now, I was just going to say to you before you really interrupt me, fat cow, 611 00:28:08,900 --> 00:28:11,400 is that I was just going to say. 612 00:28:11,400 --> 00:28:17,000 And the last thing you could do is me and Titi could ring you 613 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:20,000 and just pretend there's an emergency at home or something to let us know. 614 00:28:20,000 --> 00:28:23,100 That is a service that we provide for only thirty three dollars a month. 615 00:28:23,100 --> 00:28:24,100 Yeah. 616 00:28:24,100 --> 00:28:26,600 So just kind of let us know and we can always sort that out. 617 00:28:26,600 --> 00:28:31,000 But yes, if you do have any issues or problems or something you'd like to write into us about, 618 00:28:31,000 --> 00:28:33,800 of course, you can just write it on a paper, Titi, can't you? 619 00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:36,100 And then put it in any open water source. 620 00:28:36,100 --> 00:28:37,100 And it should get to us. 621 00:28:37,100 --> 00:28:38,200 It will make its way to us. 622 00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,300 We'll read it out and help you out on the podcast. 623 00:28:40,300 --> 00:28:44,400 Or you could just send us a message on Instagram at up the act like everybody else. 624 00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:49,500 I wonder if there's any people that have actually just thrown a letter in a bottle in, 625 00:28:49,500 --> 00:28:54,200 you know, the canal on Canal Street and just thought, right, that was who, darling? 626 00:28:54,200 --> 00:28:57,400 Well, that's littering and you can be fined up to ten thousand dollars. 627 00:28:57,400 --> 00:28:58,300 Correct. 628 00:28:58,300 --> 00:28:59,200 Correct. 629 00:28:59,200 --> 00:28:59,700 Yes. 630 00:28:59,700 --> 00:29:00,200 Correct. 631 00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:00,800 Correct. 632 00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:06,500 Well, Titi, thank you so much for finally picking up the phone and making a bit of effort. 633 00:29:06,500 --> 00:29:12,000 I listen anytime the minute I saw that methed out and palumpa, I just had to get on the blower. 634 00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:16,000 You know, so as always, more episodes coming soon. 635 00:29:16,000 --> 00:29:21,600 Please do leave the review on all of the podcast platforms wherever you can listen to this podcast. 636 00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:23,200 It does help us out greatly. 637 00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:26,300 And of course, you can find us on social media or on Instagram. 638 00:29:26,300 --> 00:29:28,200 Where can we find you, Miss Georgie Porgie? 639 00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:31,200 You can find me at Miss Georgie Porgie UK. 640 00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:34,000 That's because she's never done a gig outside of the country. 641 00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:38,100 And you can find me at Titty underscore Kaka. 642 00:29:38,100 --> 00:29:41,900 Underscore because she's very, very underwhelming indeed. 643 00:29:41,900 --> 00:29:42,400 Absolutely. 644 00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:44,800 And of course, you can follow the podcast at Up The Aft. 645 00:29:44,800 --> 00:29:46,300 And also, there's a few links there. 646 00:29:46,300 --> 00:29:51,700 If you want to support us and buy us a coffee, please do, you know, throw a few dollars our way. 647 00:29:51,700 --> 00:29:54,900 And maybe we can buy Miss Georgie Porgie some less threadbare tights. 648 00:29:54,900 --> 00:29:56,000 All right. 649 00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:57,700 I've just washed these, you nasty cow. 650 00:29:57,700 --> 00:29:58,200 In what? 651 00:29:58,200 --> 00:29:58,800 Chip fat. 652 00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:00,000 Chip fat, you nasty cow. 653 00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:01,200 I ringed out your hair. 654 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:04,400 Well, thank you so much for listening to Up The Aft. 655 00:30:04,400 --> 00:30:05,600 We'll be back very soon. 656 00:30:05,600 --> 00:30:08,800 Make sure you subscribe to see when the next episode is out. 657 00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:14,800 And you can also, if you're listening on Spotify, you can save us as your favorite podcast. 658 00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:15,900 One of your favorite podcasts. 659 00:30:15,900 --> 00:30:19,500 And it will appear whenever there's a new episode. 660 00:30:19,500 --> 00:30:24,600 And on Apple podcast, you can click the bell and it will tell you when a new episode is out as well. 661 00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:25,600 Did you know that, Titi? 662 00:30:25,600 --> 00:30:26,800 You didn't, did you, silly cow? 663 00:30:26,800 --> 00:30:27,500 Well, now I do. 664 00:30:27,500 --> 00:30:30,400 So everybody else, Anita Ward it and ring my bell. 665 00:30:30,400 --> 00:30:31,200 Love it. 666 00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:32,800 Bye. 667 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,900 Honestly, Titty, I really didn't know that it was going to blow up. 668 00:30:52,900 --> 00:30:57,000 I mean, obviously I put the mask on and they just told me I was playing a character called the Unknown. 669 00:30:57,000 --> 00:30:57,500 Well, listen. 670 00:30:57,500 --> 00:30:59,700 I had no idea it was going to blow up like that. 671 00:30:59,700 --> 00:31:04,000 Well, when you're in the stage of your career, you've got to take any work that you can get really, haven't you? 672 00:31:04,000 --> 00:31:04,700 It's true. 673 00:31:04,700 --> 00:31:33,700 And honestly, when you're in the stage of this career, it's just best to put a mask on, especially around kids.