People Betrayed
Welcome to the Tales from the Crypt podcast.
We are an actual play podcast featuring a revolving cast of players making our way through
micro RPGs, highly narrative tabletop games, and the more popular and less known RPG systems
from a wide variety of genres.
Content may not be suitable for children and content warnings can be found in the description.
I'm Riley Groves and I'll be your host, your guide, your GM on this episode of Tales
from the Crypt.
I'm Riley Groves and I'll be your host, your GM on this episode of Tales from the Crypt.
Welcome everybody to Tales from the Crypt.
Today I have Mikey at the table.
Hi, Derek.
Hello.
And Stefan.
How's it going?
Well, you weren't asking me, I don't think.
But we have Connor over on the couch in case he wants to chime in.
He just won't be picked up very well.
So guys, today we are going to play Now We Raid.
We're going to play as Vikings.
We're going to go storm the English shores, pillage, plunder, and steal all their loot.
But before we get into that, let's get to know each other a little bit better.
Answering a question from our pod deck interview deck.
Question is, what was your first screen name?
And bonus, if you can explain how you got to that screen name.
Mine was very uneventful.
It was just dms8212 at aol.com.
Just my initials and basically my street address.
Right on.
Very uneventful.
Cool.
Mikey.
Mine was mikspky69.
Of course with the 69.
Everybody had to have 69.
It's not surprising.
Okay.
Stefan?
Mine was mudsucker at earthlink.com.
That was for my first ever email address.
But my first screen name that I actually kept for a long time was pornstarsmostwanted on
xbox live until I got reported for that and then I had to turn it to pornstarslap and
then I got reported for that and then I had to turn it to piratestarslap which is my name
now.
Yeah.
Full evolution.
Right on.
The series of censorship over the years.
Crazy.
My first screen name was LobsterLoo2007.
Lou like O-U or O-O?
Lou like L-O-U like the name Lou.
Yeah let's see.
It was a late full trip to Maine where I decided I really liked the look of lobsters and then
my sister made me the rest of the screen name and it was based on the year I graduated.
I don't know where Lou came from though.
I don't remember that.
But yeah that was not a sexy screen name at all in a time where it paid to be sexy.
That was an easy question.
Connor what was your first screen name?
My first screen name was Conman89 maybe?
And then my grandmother was like I don't like how that makes you sound like a conman so
I had to change it.
It's a con artist?
No I think after that I changed it to like Midnight Fox.
Okay.
That's a big jump.
It was a big jump.
You didn't take Stefan's group where you only replaced one letter at a time.
Hey.
Hey it works.
Dude what it was pornstars most wanted like I got so many friend requests but then all
of a sudden Microsoft was like hey this is inappropriate and I'm like yeah I'm playing
fucking mature games like leave me alone.
And all those old men that friend requested you.
They used to have that thing when you would log in with your account for the first time
where it would ask you to pick between the expert level stuff, the casual stuff, the
age appropriate stuff like.
I barely remember setting up this whole thing.
All I know is I would like come home from school, go to log in and it'd be like your
account's been banned for the name.
And I'm like are you fucking kidding me?
Okay change it to something else.
That sucks.
Yeah.
Mine got a whole bunch of viruses.
I did not follow the rules of internet safety back in the day.
I miss limewire and actively giving your computer like terminal like disease just to get discographies
of shit.
Yo I remember the freaking chat rooms that turned like super creepy pedo.
Oh yeah.
Like where it was like all of a sudden it's like you're playing like you're chatting with
somebody and then it's like hey how old are you?
It's like I'm 12.
And then it just turns like really weird and you're like and block.
Bye.
Yeah.
God the good old days.
The good old days.
Alright.
We are playing Now We Raid.
It is by Freddie Bell.
It can be found at drunkwizard.itch.io backslash raid.
And you are the residence of Uforssted, a small village which I definitely butchered
the name of on the coast of Denmark.
You have had your eyes set on England's shores as the summer sun rises.
The time to strike has come.
It is time to go viking.
You are one of many that will set sail on the next raid.
This will be the first raid of summer.
What is your name?
How old are you?
What is your role in the raid?
And have you done a raid before?
Okay.
So we'll start with names.
Who's got a good viking name?
Wolfgang.
Okay.
Wolfgang.
Heinrich.
Dude I'm just gonna go with Vlad then.
Vlad.
Vlad's a good viking name anyway.
So and now we raid.
It is a 1d10 system, so anytime you're going to be rolling to attempt to do something,
you're gonna roll your 1d10 plus some stats that we're gonna go over here in a second.
The different difficulties will be set at 4, which is basic, that's a pretty easy thing
to overcome.
6, which is tough, 8, which is challenging, and 10, which is nearly impossible as you're
rolling with a d10.
So when you fail a roll, you're gonna take one doom point.
Okay, so have a little tracker for doom.
What doom does is if you ever roll your dice and you roll under the number of doom points
that you have, the situation gets much, much worse and bad things happen.
Your doom resets and then you're gonna try to not accumulate doom, but if you fail a
roll you're gonna accumulate some more doom points.
And then the same thing goes, if you fuck up your roll, something real bad happens,
and by the third time you do that you're just straight up dead.
Like you die, diesies, because you suck at rolling.
So don't suck at rolling.
Okay, let's go over some stats.
Anytime you attempt to do something, you're gonna declare which god aids you in your action.
There is Odin, and he is a knowledge, wisdom, and leadership.
There's Thor, who is in charge of physical strength, speed, and bravery.
And Loki, who looks over the sneaking and talking aspects of the game.
So you have a bonus based on your favor with the gods, so give one of those gods a plus
two and another a plus one, and then the third one's gonna stay at a plus nothing.
Stefan, what do you take, what do your stats look like?
One for Odin, two for Thor, zero for Loki.
Okay, Derek?
Two for Odin, one for Loki, none for Thor.
Same, I took two for Odin, one for Loki, none for Thor.
Alright, interesting choices, I did not expect that.
Okay, so, next question.
How old are you all?
Is this going off of like, North mythology, because like 35 would be like fucking geezer?
I mean, we could say like, probably by your 40s, you're pretty much almost out of raid
age, I'd say.
Yeah, 15, you're probably- Probably Jonesing for it, you're getting ready
to go murder.
So you said 40s like retirement?
I mean, probably, yeah.
Yeah, I'm 34.
I'm going with 23.
23?
Oddly specific.
Mikey, what'd you say?
About 34.
34?
Man, I was gonna go like 35 and just say I'm ready to fucking die.
Okay, you're all pretty much middle of the road, they're interesting choices.
So, bonus question, does anybody have family?
Maybe a son that's coming on the raid, or a daughter?
You don't want to be sexist?
Women can raid?
No, I don't think I've got family on the raid.
Okay, wolfgang doesn't fuck.
I'm leaving young children behind.
Okay, Heinrich, you're leaving your family at home, flat?
I'll bring my whore.
Shield maiden.
Okay, you bring your shield maiden shirt, okay, that's an interesting development.
Cool.
Whoa, is that not supposed to bring something?
You know what, man?
This is a free- It's just for the die.
Yeah, don't worry, we're gonna throw her into the mix.
What is everybody's role in the raid?
This is something you can very like loosely just make up yourself and be like, I want
to be this.
If you got it, go for it.
Redcaps Berserker.
Okay, Berserker.
Just general stuff grabber and thing smasher.
Okay.
Yeah, I'm just going with foot soldier, warrior.
Okay, so you guys are just basic raiders.
Nothing crazy specific.
Okay, cool.
And one Berserker.
All right, this is at your guys' advanced age in Vikings, I'm gonna assume everybody's
been on a raid before.
Okay, yes.
Very seasoned raiders, very good, very good, awesome.
So the game is set up into four phases.
The first phase is gonna be the home phase.
This is where we're gonna be before the raid starts.
The second phase is the sea.
The third phase is the raid.
The fourth phase will be the sea part two, as you return back to your home.
You said home sea raid home?
Or sea?
Sea part two.
Yeah, home sea raid sea.
Okay.
We find ourselves the night before the big raid.
First raid of the summer.
You guys are in a clan, but the clan seems to be split up into a couple different families.
The first one is led by a man named Uthgar.
Uthgar is younger than all of you.
However, his father has been leading the raids for the last 20 years.
Recently Fenrik, the leader of another family, feels that he should be leading the raid because
his family is the largest and has the most to lose, or gain, in this raid.
So for the first time in 20 years, your clan is facing a challenge of leadership.
The question comes, which side would you guys be on?
Fenrik or who?
Uthgar.
Which one's bigger?
Which person is bigger?
Fenrik.
I'd probably side with that.
He's gonna win.
Okay.
Wolfgang is for Uthgar.
So you take, okay, interesting.
Derrik or Henrik?
Henrik.
Henrik will take any opportunity to lead the raid himself.
Alright.
And Monkeywretch.
Okay.
No, that's cool.
That's an interesting take considering you said you were just a regular foot soldier
kind of guy, not looking to be the leader or anything.
If you had said I would like to be the leader, that would have worked differently.
Okay.
Alright.
I only chose when they were like, we want to be on opposing sides, I don't want to give
any side its own advantage.
Alright.
Cool.
So, all the members of the raid are gathered at the meat hall.
We've got on one side Wolfgang with Uthgar's clan, Vlad with Fenrik's, and Henrik kind
of has his own aspirations.
Henrik, who do you have behind you, if anybody, to back your claim as leader?
No one.
Okay.
So, there's a pretty heated argument with Uthgar and Fenrik going back and forth about
who should lead and why.
However, in a momentary pause, you speak up, put forth your claim as leading this raid.
I'll do it.
Who are you?
I am Henrik.
Henrik?
Why do you think you should lead the raid, Henrik?
Do you even have anybody behind you?
No, but you two keep arguing.
Of course we are arguing.
We are trying to figure out who to lead the raid.
Why do you think that you are qualified?
Because I've been on a raid before.
Well, there have been many who have been on a raid but does not qualify them all to lead
the raid.
Uthgar is younger than me.
Uthgar...
Fuck, I guess I'm being Fenrik.
Uthgar is younger than you.
Right there, I have more right to lead the raid than he does.
Well, how do we settle this now that there are three of us?
The fight sounds good.
Settle it in combat.
Good words, Uthgar.
Wolfgang, you shall be my champion.
Uthgar says as he pats you on the shoulder.
Wolfgang will fight!
Fenrik looks around, spying one of his top berserkers, not far off in the meat hall.
Vlad, my friend, are you ready to defend our clan?
What fuckwit wants to battle today?
That fuckwit.
Alright.
And that fuckwit.
Apparently he has to fight for himself.
You have no champion.
I have no champion.
To the death or does it just make them hurt?
I would say if they don't surrender, then to the death, but that would make this a very
short game.
So maybe just, you know, until somebody loses.
I did not plan to have you guys fight each other, so this will be new.
Alright, U3.
Clear out the middle of the meat hall.
No weapons.
Fist of Cuffs only.
Last one standing.
Leads the raid.
Okay, everybody, rolling 1d10.
I'm gonna declare for you guys that you're gonna be summoning the power of Thor, which
is a detriment for two of you.
So let's see who takes the first round.
Can we take another god?
Roll.
No.
Five.
I got a four.
I got a one.
Five, a four, and a one.
So as the three of you fucking get rocking on each other, for some reason, maybe it's
all the meat.
Ah, Vlad, you are knocked out of the fight first.
Vlad on your ass.
Yeah.
The defender's like, Vlad, what the fuck, man?
Ah, you're just gonna grab like another horn and start drinking on the go.
Saving your strength for tomorrow, I understand.
And they pull you out of the middle of the fight.
Alright, and it's down to Heinrich and Wolfgang.
Come on, old man.
You're...
Four.
Six.
Damn it.
Alright, Heinrich, how do you knock Wolfgang out?
I duck one of his punches when he overextends and just rack him right across the jaw.
Spin him around.
In a flash, you're out.
You wake up on the floor.
Everybody's pissed.
Now, like both sides, everybody.
The defender's like, how the hell did we let this happen?
Do you even have a boat?
I have your boats.
We have to lend this guy a boat.
I don't understand.
Next year, we change the rules.
No more of this.
This is awful.
Heinrich is leader for life.
Heinrich's gonna get himself killed.
And Fenrick looks around.
This will not do it all.
Vlad, you are out of our clan.
Go join Heinrich.
Alright, he seemed to whoop my ass pretty easily.
Yes, so I will put all the weakest people on the same boat.
Well, it would only be fair if we took Wolfgang as well.
Withgard looks at Wolfgang.
Well, unfortunately, you did not do me a very big solid.
This is the first time in 20 years that our family has not led the first raid of summer.
Wolfgang, I'm sorry, friend.
You should join Heinrich's boat.
I will, and I will go Viking and I will bring back much treasure.
Do that.
Do that for me.
And I will let you back into our clan so you can see your wife again.
I will be back with much gold.
Good.
We said at dawn, eat the Quares to everybody and not just you three.
We said at dawn, for glory for Odin and clan Heinrich.
We're gonna die.
You even have a flag.
He doesn't even go here.
Of course I have a flag.
I have a clan flag.
But you have no clan.
I'm a clan.
Well my spirits are thoroughly dampened.
I'm gonna go outside.
And I'm gonna go to the Grand Rook clan.
Come on.
And the meat hall kind of clears out after this strange turn of events.
Do the three of you even know each other?
Nope.
Yeah, ever since that fight.
We met each other in the fight.
That was about it.
I got sucker punched.
Your shield maiden runs up to you, Vlad, and she starts like damming your eye.
Oh honey bear!
Are you okay?
Fine.
Did we get kicked out of our home?
I mean you can go back, but I have to work with this young one.
Well I'll come.
Do you mind if I come?
I'll trade boats.
I can do things like churn butter.
And raid.
Sounds good.
And other things.
I'm gonna spend the rest of the night trying to convince a couple other guys to join our
blossoming clan.
Alright.
Um.
Yeah.
Let's make it a tough roll.
So a six or higher will do it.
Okay and this is for Odin?
Sure.
You tell me.
How are you trying to- I mean you've got a little bit of a boon already.
What would have been really challenging before you won the fight is not as bad now.
Alright, leadership is under Odin so I'm gonna go for it.
That's a four.
Four plus two?
No, that's a four in total.
Oh.
Yeah that won't do it.
So take one point of doom.
Oh no.
One point of doom.
Anybody else want to do anything this first night?
I'll try and do the same thing except with shield maidens, get an army of shield maidens.
Okay.
And uh.
I'm gonna do this for Odin.
Um.
Okay where are the shield maidens from?
He's gonna get us killed because he's trying to take all the men's women and put them on
a boat with us.
Okay so you're going for women from other clans obviously.
Yep.
Okay.
How exactly are you trying to persuade them?
What are you doing?
I'm just trying to get all the shield maidens.
I just imagine walking into a tent and just like seeing them just there.
I'm like hey, you want to go on the raid?
Will you go a viking with us and join with clan Heinrich for this opportunity to get
treasure and glory for Odin?
Do you think this is tough or challenging?
The way he spoke like they were dogs.
That sounds damn near impossible.
Come on girls.
Come on, you want to go on the boat?
This is gonna be a challenging roll so an eight or higher will get you some shield maidens.
Here comes the doom.
Two.
Oh well that's a four.
Yeah so take one doom point.
I think everybody's pretty much got their plans locked in with what boat they're gonna
get on tomorrow.
I go walking back to the clan Heinrich site just like big fucking raspberry on my head
from being whacked.
It's like the clan Heinrich tent is one single tent.
The three of you currently have to like snuggle in it.
It's my tent.
It's campfire.
You sleep outside.
We're doomed.
You don't have your own tent?
No I you got me kicked out of my clan.
Yeah I had a home.
I had a home too.
You'll be fine.
Keep the fucking better raid good.
Yeah speaking of that Heinrich how do you plan out which town village you're gonna raid?
There's only one where are we planning to hit?
England.
It is the shores of England yes but I don't have an actual town name but it is just for
narrative purposes I'll tell you it's a small like village.
London.
Wessex.
No it's like much smaller than that it's more like a actually we'll say it's a fort.
Leidenhofer.
Because.
A fort?
Fuck.
Not like an armed think more like Braveheart kind of fort you know they have a little bit
of guard this in the walls or behind the walls.
I'll say advance a little.
Yeah not.
Caring scene in a village.
Yeah.
There's only three of you right now so I mean it's gonna be a little village.
Just need to know how you pick and plan which village you're gonna raid.
Do you even have a map?
Nope.
I thought they all worked for me now.
Not just gonna use the other clans maps and stuff.
I mean how do you go about trying to get a map from somebody?
Oh I'm gonna walk in and play it with the planning of the other two.
The other two clan leaders.
And try and coordinate everything together.
So we're all hitting as one large force.
They can bring theirs in from one side.
The other guys can bring theirs in from their side and the three of us can.
Okay.
So.
You make your way to a tent that both Fenrik and Utgar are in.
They have a large map of England laid out across the table.
And they're arguing and they have a bunch of different flags set for different villages
across the shores that they're gonna hit.
And Fenrik sees you walk in.
Awww Odin's beard he found our tent.
I thought we turned the lights out.
How would you see if you had turned the lights out?
I can see in the dark.
Can't you?
I walk up to the map.
What was your plans?
Well because my family is so large and we have the most boats.
They're going to hit the southern part of England.
And he points like there's different colored flags and he points out all the ones that
that he's gonna hit.
And Utgar who has a very eerily similar voice.
You might even mistake them for each other if you heard them and couldn't see them.
And my family we are going to hit the northern shores as we have for the last 20 years.
I walk up to the map and go.
So if we attack this village here and I point together then you can head north and you can
head south.
If we do it here we'll have a foothold where we can stage other raids out of.
Okay.
Make a challenging roll.
You could probably use Odin I would say.
Five.
Okay Fenrik and Utgar look at each other and they're like yeah sure we will do that we
will follow you.
You take the first boat leave a little bit before dawn will be right behind you.
That's what the leader of the raids always do.
Excellent.
We will meet you there.
And Fenrik looks around.
Turn off the lights this time.
Come on guys.
Do I have to kick more of you out of the clan?
I agree and leave the tent.
And round up these two.
Gordio formal clan mates tell them that we all leave at dawn.
And then I head to the boats and I start tying their boats to our boat.
So when we leave we take all the boats.
What the fuck is he doing?
I have no idea.
This mad lad is gonna get us killed.
Bye Odin.
To the sea.
You guys have to go round up as many of your individual clans as you can.
Tell them you know that we're leaving at dawn.
One last chance for the two of you guys to get some clan members.
Now that you've uh, well, yours is still probably gonna be challenging because you haven't talked
to your clan yet.
So give me a roll of eight or more.
That's a seven, six.
Six plus Odin?
Seven.
Okay, one doom for you.
Alright, what about you?
Oh, and you take another doom too, Derek.
A five?
Five total?
I'm gonna die.
Okay, because you already talked to some of your clan before, we'll say that's a success.
Let's see.
How many people come?
I'll roll for that one.
Okay.
You get four people, or four raiders from clan Uthgar to join you guys on your boat.
I brought four.
How many did you bring?
None of them wanted to come.
You're shape-maiden hype pipes up.
I'm here though, I'm gonna join.
And she like wicks her battleaxe.
Everyone into the center boat.
Okay.
While they were gone, I've tied the boats together and piled the other boats with hay
and other flammable stuff.
Okay.
And what do you...
So it's morning, you set off.
What is your plan with the other people's boats?
We row away with all the boats filled with flammable stuff towards the village that I
told them we were all gonna... that they said they were gonna meet us at.
But you take all their boats?
Yeah, they weren't gonna meet us there.
That's a solid point.
They weren't.
Awesome.
So you guys set off in the morning.
A few hours later you are into the sea.
I just feel like he's been stealing my mushrooms.
So what do we got?
We have four of them, four of your clan, plus your maiden, that's five, and then three of
us, so we have eight people.
Yes.
All right, all eight of us are gonna have to roll, to row.
Row?
We have to row to our... unless it's windy.
It's not windy yet.
The first, the first, you know, day, day and a half.
Pretty easy, pretty easy moving.
Yeah, we row towards our destination.
Okay, everybody give me a basic roll then.
You can declare what god you're doing.
I'm gonna say for Odin.
Yeah, I'm gonna go with leadership, trying to hold the boat together.
Okay, that makes sense.
Rag tag crew.
What did you roll, Mikey?
I rolled a four with a plus two.
Okay, you're good.
So did I.
Okay, six.
And...
Five rowing, that's like physical strength, right?
Yeah, rowing's physical.
So that's a nine.
Nine, perfect.
Yeah, you guys have an easy first day.
First two days.
The first day you're barely off, you know, Norway or Denmark.
Denmark.
And you're going for it.
However, about halfway through, it takes like three to six days, depending on the conditions
of to row from Denmark to England or to sail.
Ahead of you, you do see some pretty dark storm clouds starting.
You're at a bit of a disadvantage because you have like a fleet of boats tied behind
you.
And as you guys continue to row, you begin to feel the wind picking up and not necessarily,
you know, in your favor.
The winds start to kick up some big waves.
The boats behind you are drifting all over the place.
Little hard to control.
And as the day goes on, the winds grow increasingly stronger.
We have to cut these boats.
I may not be the brightest, but that would probably be a good idea.
We're going to need a couple of them.
Can we cut all but two and then lash those together behind us so they're like they work
as one.
We're going to have to cut these boats.
Get rid of this boat.
Mutiny.
Should we burn them?
Is that why you did that?
Yeah, they're supposed to be used for the attack.
I'd say we cut all but two of them.
This young raider.
Okay, we cut all but two of them.
Yeah, cool.
So you guys cut all but two of the boats and you continue sailing and rowing deeper into
the storm.
The waves get more and more intense.
It becomes very challenging to keep rowing and difficult to see.
So in front of you, suddenly jumping out of the water is a large rock.
Everybody who's rowing or who's helping to steer?
I think we're all rowing.
Everybody's rowing.
Shrook.
Okay, I'm going to make it overall eight as the goal because you're all rowing can roll
together will add up all your...
I just rolled.
You're good.
That's a letter.
Oh.
All right.
Perfect.
You got a nine.
You guys expertly maneuver around this rock, saving your boat.
Good thing we cut those boats.
Yeah, you guys see behind you several of the boats that you just cut loose get dashed upon
these rocks and your hay and your flammable stuff goes everywhere.
The rest of you guys' sea voyage is relatively uneventful.
You guys make it back with or make it to shore with your two boats behind you filled with
hay and other crap, flammable stuff.
And the eight of you get off your boat.
Well Heinrich, where do we go from here?
Why do we get off the boats?
We landed at the shore.
We are here.
Where do you want to go raid?
There's a village down the shoreline a little ways.
We're gonna tie the boats together and set them on fire and sail them into the front
of the village and then the six of us are gonna come out of the forest.
How do we get home?
That's what this boat is for.
I'm gonna tap the third boat, the one that we sailed here on.
So the village isn't like directly on the beach.
How are you gonna float the flammable boats?
I was assuming it was on the shore.
No, I mean it's set in a little bit offshore.
To protect itself from flaming boats.
Rising seas.
I did not see that on the map so I guess we're just bringing the boats into the woods and
setting them on fire as a distraction and then...
Okay.
We want the eight of us to carry a boat into the woods.
Yeah, that's exactly what Viking boats were made to do.
Alright.
Okay, so you've got eight people and trying to carry two boats.
So that's four boats or four people per boat.
Alright.
Who's on what boat?
Who's helping carry what boat?
Are the three of you on the same one?
Are you trying to take different ones?
Oh, that's a monster.
I'll take my own boat.
Oh, you have your own boat now?
Well, I'll take...
I'll be on a boat with the men from Clan Uthgar, the four that I have.
Okay, that works.
So three.
So we'll take one of your guys and then you, me and the shield maiden.
What's her name?
Helga.
That's a good name.
Okay.
Wolfgang, you're gonna roll completely for your clan.
Yep.
I'm gonna channel Odin.
How are you gonna channel Odin?
To use the leadership to have these men lift.
I'll give you that.
It is a challenging roll.
Come on, boys.
Four.
Got a four.
Alright.
Cool.
And Vlad and Heinrich, both of you guys roll for your boat.
It's gonna be an eight, but we'll combine your rolls.
Roll it in the dice tray.
That's still only a four.
Yeah, that's what I got too.
So a four total?
Or an eight total for the two of you?
No.
You have a plus two.
So six.
You guys got a ten.
You got a four.
You got a six?
Yeah.
You guys are having a fine time.
Mostly Helga or Olga?
Helga?
Helga.
Helga's like, she's so pumped.
She's like pressing this shit above her head as she walks.
She hasn't seen some action in quite some time.
Wolfgang, you and the other members of clan Uthgar seem to be struggling to carry your
boat.
And it isn't long before Heinrich, you realize that clan Uthgar, or the former members of
clan Uthgar have abandoned carrying their boat.
I yell over to Vlad, no wonder he lost the fight.
Yeah, you sucker punched me from behind, so.
No, right in the face.
I yell back, what are you doing ladies?
We're coming.
Where's your boat?
We lost it.
You did not lose it.
You bring shame upon your former clan and ours.
Okay.
It's a good clan.
I like this clan.
Helga, go drag their boat.
Okay, Helga will go over.
She'll exchange with one of the men.
She'll help you carry this boat, but you have to make a challenging roll still.
She's going to roll with you.
Six.
Yeah, that's a one.
So that's under the challenging rating.
So take another doom.
Oh my god.
I guess we do this with one boat.
So you guys make it inside of the village, this time with only, or at this point with
only one boat.
Hell of a plan.
Now what fearless leaders?
During the night we need to sneak this boat with all of us up against the side of their
wooden wall and set it on fire and then scurry around to the back of the settlement.
Okay.
So you guys, now that you're in sight, with inside of it, you see this small village surrounded
by 12 foot wooden walls, just pretty much spikes out of the ground.
There are four watch towers.
They're not like super elaborate or anything like that, but they are manned and patrolled
by four, you would assume, guards.
You know, I don't think you're that close to see what they're holding or anything.
Or if they have arrows or horns or what.
And that's what you see when you get there.
So you're going to hunker down for the night?
We're going to hunker down till the middle of the night and we're going to cover the
parts of the boat with leaves and branches and stuff.
Okay.
Cool.
So let's, um, this young one's going to get us killed.
We are going to die.
Let's get some rolls going for, I would assume, stealth for sneaking this over in the middle
of the night.
We're going to make it tough.
Each of you will have to roll under tough or under over a six for tough or sneaking
this for sneaky roll a tough roll for sneaking to see if you can make it to the edge of
the fort.
Uh, Loki help us.
Ooh, fuck.
Yeah.
You haven't, you haven't taken any doom yet.
Have you?
I took one.
One?
Yeah.
What did you do?
Nine.
I got an 11.
An 11.
I rolled a 10 plus a one.
Perfect.
Yeah.
You guys are able to, uh, sneak sneak this boat up to the edge.
So what's your, what's your plan?
Are you guys hiding under it?
Are you using it?
Plan is to push this thing right up against the wall and set a small fire underneath it.
So it'll give us time to run away.
And as it catches the boat on fire, it'll catch the hay on fire and then the oil should
blow a hole in the wall, drawing attention and then we'll come in through the back and
pin them between the fire and us.
But you've never raided a village before.
Not in such a way.
It just, well, we're at the wall with the boat and now you want to start a fire and
run away.
No, we run to the.
He wants to run around.
Around.
Back.
And then, and then.
So when they come this way.
I understand.
Or they head towards the exit.
We stand, we're already there, so they have to run through us to get out.
I assume people run into the fire.
Whether they run towards it or away from it, they still have to go through us to get away
from it.
And that's the light of fire.
Like this.
Fire here.
Other entrance here.
We run around and come in.
Fleeing people come this way.
Brave people go that way.
We come this way.
Draw this shit in a stand with a stick.
Okay.
I'm gonna light this thing on fire.
I'm gonna light a small fire under this thing while you guys run around the settlement to
the far side.
Alright.
And, uh, what kind of weapon does everybody carry?
What are your rating weapons?
Axe and shield.
Okay.
Very practical.
Double-sided axe.
Okay.
I'm gonna go with a sword and an axe, but I've always kind of wanted to lash a small
shield on my arm so you still have a weapon.
Okay.
Like a buckler?
Yeah.
Alright.
Cool.
And in what faint moonlight there is, you guys can see the moon reflecting off of Helga's
eyes as she stares longingly into her giant battle axe, prepared.
Standing by the back wall, your four other raiders from Clan Uthgar are almost foaming
at the mouth, ready to pillage and plunder.
I'm gonna reach in and grab like a handful of mushrooms and just start...
Alright.
Fucking A.
Pazookas.
We're just waiting for a boom.
It doesn't take too long because you got oil and hay and stuff.
Very flammable items.
Up against the edge of that front gate.
And you guys can see and hear shouts of people being alarmed and you can kind of see the
sky brightening from over in that direction.
How are you guys planning on getting over the 12-foot wall that's in front of you?
Bro.
Okay.
Throw it over the wall, climb over the wall, drop down.
I'm gonna jump off your back.
Whatever.
That works too.
It's only 12 feet.
Up and over.
Okay.
You crazy bastard.
You crazy, berserking bastard.
Make a tough roll for me to jump off his back because these are shaved into spikes.
So it could go pretty really wrong.
Yep.
2.
Plus 2 even.
Yeah, not great.
So take another doom as you leap and misjudge the actual height.
You get a fucking pretty big spear, or not spear, pointed fucking stake buttress, jabbed
into your fucking side as you rake yourself over and then fall back onto the side of the
wall that everybody else is still on.
The whole palisade scrape.
Yeah.
Fucking berserkers.
Berserkers.
I'm gonna toss a rope with a rock in between two palisade pieces so we can climb up and
climb over.
Alright.
Everybody give me basic rolls for that.
Ooh.
This has been...
You're already over.
No, he fell back.
Oh, he fell back down.
Look at him, he's still having fun.
Like landed on the ground just kind of rolling around like, oh fucking berserkers.
I rolled an 8.
Okay.
I rolled a 0.
That's a 10.
Oh, 10, yay.
And you rolled a 4.
I rolled a 4.
Uh huh.
So I'll make it over the wall.
And so do all your companions.
Come on, wolfgang.
Pull you over.
We're good, we're good.
Alright, go inside.
Let's say there are maybe about 80 people overall in this town or in this little village.
Do you guys just start...
What is your raiding style, I guess?
Do you just start...
How many are armed?
So that's what we're gonna determine here.
And how many you see is based on how many...
What actions you start taking.
How off the rails are you gonna let this get?
I'm going full berserker.
I'm raiding the village, man.
Okay, so you guys start attacking common people?
I'm gonna start setting fires as I move around the side of the...
Alright.
Start moving around the side of the wall.
Setting fires and swinging at anybody I see.
I'm gonna just kinda crash through houses, you know, and see what I see.
Grab whatever treasure I can find, anything.
Save that for after.
This is chaos and pandemonium.
Yeah, but on the way out, it's when you light the fire.
Okay.
So, everybody make a roll with Odin, then.
I rolled a one, so three.
That's under your doom, right?
Huh?
That's under your...
You rolled less than your doom?
I have three doom.
So yeah, you didn't roll over your doom.
I didn't roll over my doom.
So we'll go with you first.
You're the first one to encounter, as you're busting through the house structures, attacking
civilians and everybody, you're the first one to run into two armed English soldiers.
They both have two arms?
They have two each, currently.
That could, you know, lessen with time, but you were caught completely off guard when
you come in, bust through this house and these two guards are waiting for you.
You attack the one, however you completely miss the other, and he comes across and slashes
you across your back, opening a fucking huge gash right through your leather armor.
You're gonna fall to the ground pretty quickly, and they rush out of the room that you are
in.
So you're down that you have minus one chance, minus one thing, I don't know, two more times
and you die.
So you're good.
You lost one heart.
Yes, you lost one heart.
Your doom resets now, so you're at zero.
Stefan, due to your murderous ways, you're the next one to run into a guard directly.
However, you don't...
You see him?
Yeah, that's cool.
You're ready for him.
You're in full berserker mode.
Who knows what you're seeing?
Only you.
We won't make you describe that, because that'll probably do him a little while.
But you have a guard in front of you.
He has his axe ready, same as yours.
Are you gonna fight this man?
Oh, hell yeah.
Okay.
Tough roll.
And use Thor.
Oh, actually it would just be a challenge roll, I guess.
With Thor.
What'd you get?
I just hit him.
I have four, but I rolled a two, which is under my doom.
Oh, but you get to add your stuff, so you don't fail completely.
How many?
You are gonna add his little stuff.
Huh?
Add his little stuff.
Oh, it's a total of four.
Yeah, a total of four.
But...
I mean, he rolled a net anyway, so take a doom.
This guy seems to be a little bit harder, heartier than you had anticipated.
And he fuckin'...
Yeah, he comes right across with his axe into your upper thigh, causing a big gash in it.
Why don't you go ahead and roll against this guy again?
Are you fucking kidding me?
That's a one?
Plus two?
Two.
Yeah, so three.
So three.
Which is my doom.
Oh, fuck me.
Okay.
That sucks.
I took too many mushrooms.
I rolled an 11, does that help?
Doesn't help him.
It's like you were skirting on the outside.
Okay, I had no fun.
So this guy comes across with the handle of his axe, smashing you in the jaw, sending
you reeling down to the ground before he runs off to find more raiders, thinking that you're
incapacitated.
You are for a moment, but your doom resets and you are able to recover quickly from the
reeling.
Heinrich, leading the charge.
Just run around with a sword in one hand and a torch in the other, just torching things
and slash intents open right on.
So you're the last one to run into a guard.
And this guy has a long spear and is squaring up against you.
Yeah.
Are you going to attack him?
Yeah, throw my axe at him.
Ooh, got in charge at him.
That's a 10.
All right.
Yeah, 10 easily outdoes this guy.
So with your axe, you're able to fucking get him right between the eyes and he falls dead
before you even make it through with your sword.
So that's one armed guard down.
How many did I come across?
Only one.
Right now.
I'm going to pick up my axe and go back to torch and stuff.
Okay.
You hear screams coming from other parts of the camp.
Wolfgang, you're able to get back up after your encounter with the first guard.
Everybody can meet in the middle of the town, the three of you running to each other for
the first time since starting the raid.
And Helga is there too.
Her axe is just dripping with blood.
She's like carrying somebody's head with her.
Look at you two look like shit.
You look wonderful, my dear.
Thank you.
Too many mushrooms.
Too few mushrooms.
Get it together.
Maybe if you mix the different kind and Helga holds up some different things.
He's going to even you out.
I'm going to just, yeah, fuck it.
Keep eating mushrooms.
Why not?
I can only kill them.
Are you going to keep eating mushrooms?
Sure.
Okay.
Make a tough roll with Odin to keep it together.
Oh, that's a 10.
Perfect.
Nice.
You're able to handle your shit.
Does exactly what she said it does.
And she kind of like tosses the head that she has and like smokes it with her axe and
then runs back into the crowd of people.
However, as the three of you are standing here, three more guards run up to your group
surrounding you and charge at the closest one.
Okay.
That's a five.
Yeah, you definitely don't beat that one as he rolled a 10.
Yeah, pretty high.
He comes across with the back of his sword hilt blasting you right in the eye.
You're going to take one doom for that and it sends you reeling back into the center
of the group.
I'll smash a different one.
That's a 10 again.
Oh, fuck.
Four.
Okay.
Yes.
Similarly, you rush up and this one, these guys are ready for you now.
And he's able to shield bash you and he comes across with his single hand axe catching you
in the shoulder, sending you reeling back into the circle.
I can just slam it into the closest one.
Yeah, you split this dude like almost in two as your berserker nature goes off.
Why don't you, because you're a berserker, make a roll to attack another one if you want
to do that.
Swirling, duraling.
That's a nine.
That's a six.
That's a nine.
That's a six.
Okay.
Yeah, you take another one of these guys out and suddenly there's only one dude surrounding
you guys left.
That's how you do it.
I'm going to pull my sword and axe, yell up top of my lungs and charge the one that just
knocked me back for another five.
All right.
He only rolled a two.
So you are able to fucking plunge your sword and your axe into this dude.
And the three of you are free, so to speak.
Two of you are very bloody.
Where do you go from here?
Charge after Helga.
Okay, follow my Helga.
Good move.
Yeah, wherever there would be more treasure.
Okay, so you're looking for treasure already.
It's a raid.
Yeah.
So you're going to go after everybody and then you loot everything.
That's not what Clan Uthgar seems to do.
That's fucking stealing shit in the middle of the map.
No, I'll go off a kill him.
I mean, you don't have to.
You don't have to.
You said you were going to go loot and go loot.
I'll go off a kill him.
A little column A, column B. It's like jazz, free form raiding.
Oh, I'll follow Helga as well.
I'm just going to start swinging my axe like it's just a pick.
You're skipping through the field of daisies.
Yeah, like skipping through the field of daisies, but also like probably plowing down people.
Super fucked up.
All right, cool.
Everybody make a Odin roll.
Actually, make whatever roll you think is most applicable to like dodging some arrows.
I would say Thor, Speed, and...
I'm going to go Loki and sneak around.
I think I'm going to go with the tray, but I want to keep it so bad.
Keep it.
What'd you get?
I rolled an eight.
Okay.
I rolled a nine.
I'm an 11.
Nice.
Good job.
That was for speed, not being sneaky.
Okay.
So as you guys...
Oh, that's fine.
It's whatever you felt like was the right one.
But as you guys are all grouped together, some of your other clanmates, new clanmates,
newfound clanmates, meet up with you as well.
As soon as they do, two of them catch arrows in the back and go down, life drained from
their eyes immediately.
Wolfgang, you knew these two.
That hurts a little bit.
But that's the nature of a raid.
And then it is the four of you plus Helga and two more.
And you've got the last remaining set of guards trapped between you and the fighter.
The fighter that is now burning away their front gate.
I'm gonna hold my shield in front of me.
There are five of them left.
I'm gonna get a hemisphere and I'm gonna circle around them and push them towards the fire.
Yeah.
So you got them trapped in a semi-circle formation.
Fire at their backs.
I'm Spartan kicking them.
Okay.
I pull the axe that's lodged in my shoulder and just hook it at one of them.
Okay.
I'll charge one as well.
Okay.
So let's have Vlad go first.
Spartan kick into a choir.
Ten.
Yeah.
That was two.
Twelve.
Yeah, you Spartan.
It's like comically hilarious how you fucking kick him into this fire.
Yeah, he yells as he burns.
It's really gross.
Wolfgang, you're charging one after ripping the axe from your shoulder.
And I'm throwing the axe.
You're throwing the axe.
Okay.
Four.
Okay.
As you throw the axe, the one you're throwing the axe at returns fire with an arrow and
catches you right above the hip.
Take another gear.
I'm going to move towards one with my shield out and my axe in my hand and when I get close
enough I'm going to swing at him.
That's a five.
Okay.
Yeah, you swing at him, catching him right across the throat and he fucking gurgles as
he bleeds out and his throat's neck is pretty much torn apart from the rest of his body
and he falls and there are only three left and Helga runs in to join the fun.
And she straight up beheads another dude and there are two darts left.
They throw down their weapons and put their hands up.
You can join or die.
I'm killing it.
Make a basic roll, I guess, for that.
There's a nine.
Okay.
The two of them look at each other.
So I guess we... no, that's not English at all.
What does an English person sound like?
Like a right fucking asshole.
Like a right... yeah, I guess... yeah, they agree to join.
They're at a loss for words.
I dare say we're better in this regiment.
Perfect, that's exactly what they say.
Thank you.
Wow, accents are awful.
And yeah, now you've got these two, I guess.
We're regia, I guess.
We're both.
So we're back to eight.
Yeah, you're back to eight, I guess.
And this is six.
Plus two is an eight.
What were you rolling against?
I was gonna kill one of them still.
One of them rolled a one for surviving the roll.
So it wasn't plus any of them.
It cuts them right in half and it's just like, nine!
No, it's like when they put their hands up, just walked up and grabbed them by the eyes,
thumbed them, and then pushed them down.
Poor Reginald.
Sorry, Reginald.
Edwin, yo, or Ed... what's the fucking name?
I hate the English name.
Edwin's gonna... Edwin's gonna...
You're coming with us!
Attack you now, Flan, after seeing you fucking kill his friend.
But he only rolled a three.
I only rolled a three as well.
Yeah, but you got a plus two.
That wasn't the plus two, he rolled a nine on.
So take another doom as he produces a small dagger that you didn't see.
I'm gonna break up the fight.
And that's a 12, because I'm using leadership.
Okay, fine.
We need him to row!
You can't row for three.
Bang.
Berserker.
Let's search this place for loot.
That one was the one that slashed my leg, that's why I did that to him.
No, he's dead.
I don't know, he looks familiar.
They all look the same.
Yeah.
Right on.
And you guys have killed all the armed English soldiers in this village.
Yours to loot.
We're gonna loot the place.
We're gonna take everything shiny or anything of value.
Okay.
You guys get two boats to fill.
Yeah, one's not here, but you can probably carry the shit back.
So you guys get just armfuls of loot, anything valuable.
You guys make it out pretty well for a seven person crew.
Including the Englishman that is gonna come back with you, I guess.
He's ours now.
But.
The Vikings took lots of slaves.
I was gonna say, are we taking him as like.
No, we need crewmen.
Well, you can.
But I don't think we should.
I don't know.
He's on probationary.
He's he cut that part.
He's he's chained to.
He's in his 90 day probationary period.
You gotta wear this bracelet.
Benefits haven't really kicked in yet.
It's more like an internship than anything.
No dental, no healthcare.
You can get a badge, but you shut up and throw you off a boat.
You guys do find a large steel chest in the guards barracks that is locked.
It is the last thing left that you guys can't seem to carry off.
Break it open.
I'm going to try using knowledge or wisdom to pick the lock or break it without totally
destroying the fucking.
OK.
You said you're going to break it open first.
You guys are gonna try and hit the lock with like an axe.
OK, their acts, not mine.
Go for it.
It is a roll of a 10 is a four.
OK, so take some doom as you.
I don't know.
Maybe the axe reverberates through your hand as it just skips across and you're going to
lockpick it.
So that's going to be an eight.
Come on, baby.
No, that's a five.
And how much do you have?
That is three now.
OK, cool.
Back to three.
So breaking it is hard.
Breaking is harder, so I'm going to try and lockpick it.
I'm not smart enough to lockpick it when I'm coming down from shrooms.
That's a four.
Yeah, it won't do it.
How much do you have now?
That was my doom.
That did it.
Oh, maybe it's like the emotional damage.
I guess I'm trying to show everybody that you can get in here and now your multiple
attempts.
Anything happens inside your psyche that causes some pretty deep trauma, I guess is the best
way to deal with that.
As this chest stays closed and locked.
So I take a heart.
Yep.
And my doom resets.
Yes.
Yeah, I'm not fucking around with that chest.
You guys are good.
I didn't find any keys on anybody.
No.
I mean, you didn't even check.
Nobody said they checked.
Check it now.
Yeah, you didn't even ask the intern.
Okay, give me an Odin roll.
I'm just tough to find the key just because there's so many different parts of people
scattered around.
Okay, you find a key.
We should try this.
Stick the key in and see if it opens.
One of your old clan mates goes, this is why Heinrich's the leader.
He thinks, thinks with his head, find the key.
Not the rest of us.
Just smash.
Vlad is straight who he's sitting next to.
Berserkers.
Fucking berserkers.
Okay.
Not that pop.
You guys find a chest of what would essentially be payroll for...
Awesome.
Probably on its way to somewhere more populated because it's not for the 10 guys that were
here but it's a whole chest of gold.
Taking that.
All right.
Cool.
You guys have an easy walk back to your ship, ships, and you managed to drag the other one
back into the water and you load up and now there are three of you on one boat, four of
you on another.
How are we splitting up the boats?
I'm gonna do my best to lash these two boats together.
Like a catamaran?
Yeah.
A Viking catamaran.
I don't think that's how they work.
Can't think of a better way to make it move though and keep it as one stable.
I mean you could do one toad behind the other.
Yeah but then we might lose the treasure.
Yeah we could do it.
That's just the way how we got it here.
So when we load one with treasure and put a rope on it and put the rest of us, put all
of us on the other boat steering and paddling and rowing.
Yeah, so do it that way.
Okay.
Yeah so with the added weight and the less people rowing, it takes a little bit more
effort to make your way across the sea.
It's pretty turbulent, still recovering from the storm that was only a few days before.
It might even still be raging.
It's a storm at sea.
Give me the first leg of your journey.
You guys make a challenging row.
Roll.
The three of you can add together.
Two.
Five.
Okay.
You guys are able to make it through the first day pretty uneventfully.
Does that roll count against my doom?
No, you're good because you guys beat the overall score.
I'm glad you're still coming down.
It seems how those mushrooms lasted a little bit longer than normal.
And you swear off in the distance you can just see the largest sea serpent busting out
of the water and going back into the sea.
Crack head!
It's a Midgard serpent.
What's the end of World Eater?
Jormungandr.
No.
Yeah.
Jormungandr the world...
Yeah.
The world serpent.
World serpent.
I don't know.
I believe it's Jormungandr.
Yes, it's Jormungandr.
Which means huge monster.
Or in Old Norse, Jorgersalmer, Almer, Salmer.
Yeah, I tried to say that.
How do you say that again?
I got rid of that page.
One of the other crew members sees you pointing off in the distance.
Vlad, what do you see?
God.
Jormungandr.
Can I look in the direction he's...
Sure.
Make a Odin roll.
8.
Yeah, you can just see the tail of a beast going into the water, far off.
Jormungandr!
Roar!
This freaks out a good number of people, including especially the English guy, Edmund.
Like leaps off the boat and into the water.
And begins to swim.
I grab him back.
Pull him right back in.
Alright, make a tough roll.
4.
Plus anything?
What would it be, 4 Odin?
Probably...
No.
I don't know.
So yeah, 4.
4.
And what's your doom?
3.
Okay, well take another doom as you fall into the water as well.
Help!
Roar!
Helga reaches in to grab you.
However, maybe it's that you don't know how to swim.
Maybe it's that Edmund is, you know, you're holding onto Edmund, who knows?
But Helga also gets dragged into the water.
She was the best of us.
I'm gonna tie a rope around me, around my waist, and yell to Vlad, pull me back in!
And I dive into the water after Helga.
Okay.
The seas are rather treacherous, so give me a tough roll.
Roll an 8.
An 8?
Well, you grab Helga with the rope around you.
I grab Helga.
You grab Helga too?
You're a wafer.
Are you grabbing onto Helga though?
Yeah.
I'm hoping to chain us all together.
Well, that's up to you guys.
Okay.
Now, tasked with pulling three people into the boat, this is going to be a challenging
roll.
I did roll a 10.
You did roll a 10?
Awesome.
So you have a 12?
12.
Yeah, you get...
Those shrooms really kicked in.
You're just foaming at the mouth, Vlad, I'm mushroomed!
In order, you drag...
It's also Helga, I'm gonna save her, fuck you too.
You need to just...
I'm the grapple right now, I'm just a tool.
Pull me back in!
You pull Heinrich, Helga, and Wolfgang back into the boat, and Edmund is still swimming
away.
However...
Edmund begins to swim towards the rear boat that is tied to the front, which you guys
are all in.
And he makes it.
And he's beginning to pull himself back up that boat, onto that boat.
I'm gonna throw an oar like a javelin at his ass.
I'm gonna watch him for a second.
Oh wait, no, I'm gonna yell to him, are you securing the boat?
Uh huh, sure!
You're gonna throw a javelin?
He's a lying asshole, throw!
Let's make it challenging, cause you're on a boat that's tossing and turning in the waves,
throwing in another boat.
Another ten!
God damn, that's the best D10 ever.
Yeah, that's basically a 12.
Yeah, you fucking...
It's like I'm tripping a little bit with the rock and the waves, and just let it loose.
You get a downward throw and pick him right up.
And like, it plunges right into his chest, and you knock him off the boat and into the
water.
I'm gonna trash the English.
Yell again, row!
You really want me to keep rowing.
You have to row away from the snake.
He's gonna eat us.
I row.
Okay.
The sea gets ever worse as you guys are going back through the storm system that you came
through the first time.
Give me a combined roll of above ten.
Six.
Alright.
Fuck yeah.
You guys make it through the storm system, and you're about one day off before the three
other men from Clan Uthgar...
Three?
No, two.
Two.
Two other men.
Two other men from Clan Uthgar begin whispering.
To themselves.
No.
And with the shores in sight, these two men jump up brandishing their axes and look at
you, Heinrich, and say, this is property of Clan Uthgar.
Wolfgang, join us.
Let's take these riches back to our families.
Sit down.
Roll of intimidation.
Okay, because there are two of them, we're gonna make this a ten.
I got two.
That's with a plus one.
Fuck, what's your doom at?
Zero.
Okay, that's right, because you just reset.
So you fail.
So I take a two?
They do not back down, but yeah, you take a two.
Alright, and I stand up with my sword and my axe.
Wolfgang, are you with us?
Vlad?
How's it going?
Back down mushrooms.
And like, you look at both of them already have mushroom pieces just dripping out of
their beards and, oh, they both have beards, sure.
Huggins got a beard.
Little bit, little bit of one.
Little bit of a beard.
Blood beard.
Wolfgang, are you with us or with them?
We all fought.
We all raided.
Are you with us?
We all raided together.
Kill them all!
Wolfgang, don't you want to see your wife and kids again?
He's flandering.
I'll get my wife and kids.
I'm with Heinrich.
You're with Heinrich.
Alright.
He's pretty smart.
He thinks with his head like you said, so.
And he saved me in the water.
Okay.
I'm gonna keep that.
I charge the first one with a seven.
Okay.
You killed the first one.
I smash one with the shield.
For a one.
Oh shit, that's definitely under your doom, isn't it?
Yeah, oh yeah.
Quit pulling your punches!
Yeah, because he was at one point your friend, you maybe don't commit as hard as you should.
And this dude takes one of his hand axes and buries it into your side, knocking you off
the boat again and leaving you bloody.
So you're down to one heart, right?
Cool.
And Vlad, what are you and Helga doing?
Fuckin'.
Yeah!
No, he just told us to take the mushrooms, we took the wrong mushrooms.
And I told you to kill them and I pointed.
Oh, I'm slaying something else.
You look back, they're on the treasure boat.
For a leaven.
And you're able, are you weighing pipe or are you?
Oh yeah, no, that wasn't helping a fight.
Took the wrong mushroom.
You just look back and he's having a much better time than Helga, it seems, as she only
rolled a five.
It's a pretty one-sided thing, I think, in terms of pleasure, not in terms of consent.
She was all for it.
But it seems he may not know where the ethical rest is.
Fucking bazookas!
And I'm gonna charge the last one or does he get a chance to come after me?
Oh no, he just got you.
Yeah, he got you, so the two of you can battle together.
What'd you get?
Well, I've been giving him a plus two and Thor, so three.
I got a ten.
Oh yeah, okay, cool.
That's not even close.
So yeah, and you fucking, how do you take this last one out?
I am going to.
Oh yeah.
That's what you hear in the background.
And that was Vlad, by the way.
I'm gonna slam the axe into his thigh, take the rope from the side of the boat, tie it
around him and toss him into the water so he can climb back in.
Nice.
Which just drags me over to the treasure boat with that fucking on it and I just climb on
top and just bleed.
I'm just like, ugh.
And that's what you hear from them, it's just like, ugh!
Oh yeah!
Make me a tough roll for climbing back onto the boat.
A nine.
Alright you climb back up there.
Probably get the bad angle of that shot too.
And on your back!
The real bad one.
Yep.
Right from, yeah, you got it.
And now it's just you, just Heinrich rowing the front boat, everybody else is in the back
boat.
I'm fucking on the money.
That's cool.
I want to take another left turn and be like, storm blew us off course and we landed in
France with a boat full of gold!
But I assume it's only about three minutes till Vlad's done and you guys, a few hours
later, make it back to the shores of Denmark and your raid has been successful.
Although you're not without your wounds.
Each of you have taken some pretty substantial damage and Wolfgang, how are you going to
see your family again?
I have a plan.
I'm going to use these two to murder the two clan leaders and join the whole thing together
in one big clan.
Yeah, so I guess when you guys get back, the clan, everybody else would be pretty upset.
You stole all the boats.
So they were not able to raid.
But we came back with treasure, so all the lower people should be very happy with us
and be willing to usurp the clan leadership.
I mean, you came back with one village's worth of treasure.
You're supposed to come back with like, you know, 30, 40.
Payroll.
You do have payroll.
1 D&D!
It looks really good.
Except for that we left with like 10 boats and came back with two.
When you guys hit the beach, Fenrik's going to charge down there.
You, you son of a bitch!
We've been waiting for days.
I forgot.
It would have been days.
It's been like a week.
You didn't meet us at the desert.
You stole our boats!
No, we didn't.
Yes, we did.
I took my boats.
Jorgensen saw you latch them all together and fill them with hay.
You didn't even bring back any horses.
Hay is for horses.
No.
We're pushing these guys to throw the chest of gold onto the beach next to us.
We'll buy horses.
We'll buy boats.
At most, you're going to buy your life if you give me that treasure.
I'm gonna pull out a dagger and lunge at him.
Okay.
I got a seven.
And yeah, you kill Fenrik.
And Uthgar goes, what the fuck?
This whole thing has been very fucked up.
I don't know how long we can do this.
I wish my father was still here.
He is not, boy.
I will protect clan Uthgar and he's going to attack you too.
I got a two.
You got a seven.
And so Uthgar makes some good purchase.
So take another doom as he just like stabs you right in the fucking shoulder.
Pull my axe.
Pull them close and try and bury it in his back.
That's real bad, I miss.
How bad do you think?
Two.
Two?
What's your doom at?
Two.
Yeah, so that's pretty bad.
So at this point, Uthgar does seem to be the better fighter, probably because he hasn't
been in battle here for a few days and rowing a boat.
And as you pull him in, he pulls out a dagger of his own and stabs you right in the fucking
stomach.
So lose one more heart.
You're down to one and you are on the ground.
Now stay down.
I'm not Fenrik.
I'm a sneaky kick his legs out.
Okay.
For a six.
Is that a six or a nine?
It's a nine.
Damn it.
You go to sneaky kick his legs out and it's like one of those things where you know when
you lay on the bed and you like kick at your sibling, you're like, ah, yeah, he just skirts
around and like kicks you right in the side where you've already been fucking stabbed once.
Take another doom.
Vlad and Wolfgang aren't going to help me at it all.
I don't know.
They're all fucked up.
Hell yeah.
I'm trying to figure out if I'm seeing what I'm seeing.
Plus you also did just kill Fenrik.
Helga rushes in with her axe and it seems Uthgar is, you know, very fresh.
So he spins and he slashes Helga across her stomach and she drops her axe clutching at
her now open wound.
Yeah.
Bare hand berserker.
I'm going to scurry out of the way.
That's a nine.
Okay.
You make purchase after watching your beloved Helga take a fucking maybe lethal blow to
the stomach.
How are you going to kill Uthgar?
So whatever weapon he has, I'd grab that hand, crack it to the point that like he's just
looking straight up and then just start smashing my forehead into his nose.
Grotesque.
I said bare handed, berserker.
You did and he you smash his fucking skull in with your forehead.
And Uthgar and Fenrik are both dead.
And now like everybody from all the clans are just standing around not sure really what
to do.
Oh, I stand up.
Yeah, he helps me up.
I stand up.
Ken Henrik!
You immediately get some dissenters as like people leave.
However, other people, you know, back your claim to leadership at this point.
And one pipes up from the crowd he goes, what about our boats?
We will build more boats.
Bigger boats.
Better boats.
We will raid harder.
We will raid farther.
Well that sounds good.
Yeah.
Hey.
Fucking canoes.
You got a Canadian in the crowd.
Sorry.
I don't know if a raid was for me.
Fuck.
And you guys return with the first raid of the summer.
Successful.
Weeders.
Kind of fucked up.
Good job fellow Vikings.
I have a limp now.
I made these guys the generals so they work with their own group mostly.
They work with their own group mostly.
Somebody give me a medicine check for saving Helga.
Oh fuck.
Let's all do it together.
I'll do...
Odin.
With Odin it'd be a 10.
With Odin it's a 3.
I have an 11.
Yeah.
You guys are able to...
Just shove in mushrooms in her mouth.
This is what I can do.
I can survive our wounds.
I just take the lavages, I just have mushrooms here.
Her and I survive our wounds in the long term.
Everybody survives.
You only took one.
Yeah.
Overall, right?
And what were you down to?
I took two damage.
You took two?
Yeah.
I was fine until that last little...
Yeah, until you decided to take on everybody.
And so you're down to one also, right?
Yeah, one on one doom.
Cool.
All right.
What'd you guys think?
It was good.
It was a really kind of loose outline, so it just left it to us to fucking either do
it or screw it.
Yeah.
Which you did both of.
Yeah.
We did both of.
I thought it was fun, I had a good time.
It's a good system.
Yeah.
It's definitely interesting.
It's a cool way to develop small scale scenarios.
Yeah, it can definitely, it has replayability because you can keep this going and reset different
games, different days, different raids.
Yeah, it's actually pretty impressive.
It's not on the size of a business card or just a regular playing card.
And it's got at least five different scenarios for each phase.
So yeah, pretty big.
That's the whole thing?
Yeah, that's the whole thing.
That's dope.
It's got the rules on one side and the other side scenarios, and it's the size of a basic
playing card.
Yeah.
Oh, it actually gave you those scenarios?
For the most part?
It kind of outlines them, like basics like, hey, there's a storm.
There's a storm that threatens to blow you off course.
What is the town that you come in so they could have had heavily armored English guards
or a town with a wall?
Yeah, that's cool.
Or like you might have to gather food or shit at home beforehand.
So I just pre-rolled everything yesterday.
Nice.
Yeah.
Yeah, for some reason, we all just wanted to be a goddamn captain.
So an opportunity and it worked.
Clan leader.
It was awesome.
Hey, it took the story off the rails a little bit, but did it not work out in the end?
I mean, the worst part would have been if you killing Finrik would have made me go after
you.
You guys are now, you guys now have taken the positions of the, of your old bosses.
Yeah.
Awesome.
Awesome job.
Guys, thanks for playing.
Thanks for being here today.
Thanks for coming in today.
And listeners, thank you for tuning in and listening to us.
Raid the English shores.
And I guess we'll see you next next Tuesday.
See you next next Tuesday.
Tales from the Crypt podcast is recorded in the Wolfbeard game studio in upstate New
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