Welcome to the Tales from the Crit podcast. We are an actual play podcast featuring a
revolving cast of players making our way through micro RPGs, highly narrative tabletop games,
and the more popular and less known RPG systems from a wide variety of genres. Content may
not be suitable for children and content warnings can be found in the description. I'm Riley
Groves and I'll be your host, your guide, your GM on this episode of Tales from the Crit.
Previously on Tales from the Crit. The envoy removes his hands from this chaos goat's head,
looks at each one of you and says, well, we have the pathway. Now the only task is to get my cosmic
cruiser back. You all said you could take care of that for me. Of course, we'd love to. So you guys
go sneak onto the boat before the fireworks show and then Job does his magic tricks and you guys
hear the sea shanties and abruptly as soon as they recognize that there's something going on
outside and you hear quite a bit of commotion and the doors fly open and out onto the deck are about
a dozen bone kind and the envoy says, well, we have made it. For all my information, this is the Soul
Collector's Cosmic Zoo. We're gonna go meet our friend over there and continue with our journey
looking for the cats that you said you don't know where they are, right? I do not. They have not
come through here. Where do they usually keep the new exhibits? They may be auctioned off. They may
be with the Soul Collector herself, hopefully not on the top floor. What is on the top floor? The top
floor is exhibit 1495. You do not want to encounter exhibit 1495. Any particular reason why we don't
want to encounter that particular exhibit? Exhibit number 1495 may send you into your worst nightmare
over and over again until there is no way out. Hey, welcome back everybody to the Tales from the
Crypt podcast. I am obviously Riley. I am joined at the table for the conclusion of our quest story
arc by Connor. Hello. Derek. Hello. And Rebecca. Hey. Before we jump into it, let's get to know
each other a little bit better using our pod decks interview deck. And today's question is,
if you had to teach a class on one thing, what would you teach? Can we assume that we're experts
on something that we're not necessarily actually experts on? Because I don't know what I could
teach with my knowledge. I guess it doesn't say that, you know, you have to teach the class well
or you have to teach it now. So I guess you could probably try to learn about it before you teach it.
All right. If I have to teach something that I already know, I think it would be an organizational
class. And if I could teach something, even though I don't know it now, it would be history. Any
specific type of history or just like probably US history. Okay. Okay. Next. If it's a class that
I know how to teach, I could do something in IT like low voltage cabling, something like that.
But if it was a class that I would like to teach, it would be life skills. Nice. Like taxes and
things. Yeah. Using a phone book, ordering food. You think the phone book is necessary?
I mean, you know what I mean. I still get phone books in the mail. Yes, we do too. Use them for
anything. And at my last house, I got the whole stack for the whole street in a saran wrap thing.
They never just threw it on my porch. They just put it under your porch? Yep. They just threw it on my porch.
It's your job to distribute those and you just took them for yourself.
If I had to teach a class in something, I guess I could teach a class in how to use a lensometer to
read prescriptions out of eyeglasses and how to do all the different things that are entailed in
that process of discerning prescriptions and figuring out what type of lens it is and the
strength and material become pretty good at that over the years. Nice. And what about a class that
you would teach if you just had the ideal to do it? You don't need not something necessarily you're
equipped to teach today. If I had the ideal of how to do it, it would be cool to learn to be a master
like sword fighter and teach a fencing class. That would be really cool. Yeah, that would be
really cool. It would be fun. I'd be in that class. I would take it. Yeah, absolutely. All right,
I'll let you guys know. Me, if I was to teach a class that I had to know about, first I would
teach how to do hand split firewood and start fires. That's a, I'd do both. If I had to teach
a class that I don't know anything about or I'm not like great at now, it would probably be
something that has to do with role playing or being a really good GM. I think you're great at
it. I mean, thank you guys, but I don't think I could, you know, teach a class on it. After a few
more of these sessions. One or two maybe. All right. Derek, give us a, give us a recap of the
last episode. All right. After capturing the goats and heading back to the city, we encountered the
High Trader on the back of her giant snail where we spent some time bartering with her and Job
acquired the magic shepherd staff. Using that, we led a menagerie of animals back to the envoy,
including squirrels and other random woodland creatures, including the goats. Upon returning,
the envoy used one of the goats minds to access the map in which we needed to use to travel.
Using his teleport spell, we moved kind of unsettlingly to a plane of existence that none
of us had ever reached before. After arriving on the plane of existence, we were tasked with
peacefully reacquiring the envoys cosmic cruiser from crew of bonkine pirates. After swindling and
tricking the pirates off of the boat, we then proceeded to travel through the omniverse on our
way to the soul collectors menagerie. On route, we stopped briefly to encounter and observe a
world eater in the process of consuming a world. After the horrors that we witnessed there, the
envoy relieved us of our pain and dropped us off at the soul collectors menagerie. Upon entering,
we encountered two strange beasts and with skinny's new sword ended the fight by turning both of them
into chickens. Proceeding into the compound, we came across an exhibit. Upon entering the exhibit
where we encountered the surrogate, we had to solve the puzzle of the moving floor in order to
proceed into the next room where we encountered murder hornets. With nerd almost dying in the
encounter, the party was able to overcome and move on to proceed even deeper into the zoo.
Okay, so now that we're back, started with a new session. Everybody recover 10 HP or up to 10 HP
and 5 AP. Did you not take any damage at all? I didn't take any damage. Dang. All right, well,
I know who I'm targeting now. Stay back. Use my splitting image. For the AP gain, that doesn't
have like a cap, right? It does at 10. At 10? Okay. Should use more. Okay. And everybody also
pick an ability. Skinny, you got yours ready? Yeah, I do. What'd you pick? I chose intercept.
This is one of the tactics branch. It's for one AP. If a nearby NPC is about to attack someone,
you may rush to intercept the attack. You must say you're using this ability as soon as the guide
declares the attack. The NPC makes their attack on you instead. When you intercept the attack,
the attacker immediately becomes affected by your provoke ability. Awesome. Who's ready? So for
Job's next skill, he takes the illusory creature skill in the mannequin's track of the magician,
which allows him to create a convincing illusion of a creature that he can imagine. It appears
close by and has six HP and vanishes when it reaches zero. It is a creature with which I have
a telepathic bond and I can control it or have it to have a set routes or give it goals that it can
do like, you know, don't let anyone pass this area or clean this house up, things like that,
that it can do on its own. So I don't have to micromanage it entirely. Cool. All right. And
Nurt. Nurt is going to take the smite ability, the next one in the wrath chain. You speak a word or
phrase, numbing a nearby creature that you can see. You engulf the target in a radiant flame,
hitting it for 10 HP. If the damage dealt is enough to kill the creature, it explodes into ash and its
body and spirit are permanently obliterated. If you destroy a creature with smite, roll a die.
On a two through 20, nothing happens. On a one, the creature's spirit becomes a dark passenger in
mind. You never know when it may decide to speak to you or observe your behavior. Crazy dope. 10 HP?
Yeah. Wow. Cool. Okay. Cool. Sounds great. So where we last left off, the three of you found
yourself on the elevator in the center of the cosmic zoo. What floor do we want to go to?
Just not the top one is the one I don't want to go to. I would also like to avoid the top floor.
Well, how many floors are there? Cause don't we want to go to the one just below the top floor?
That is where the surrogate said we would usually find the soul collector. Do any of the buttons say
cats next to them? So there's only three buttons. Unlike our elevators in this world, there are no
real walls. Like you're not enclosed. It's a pretty large space. You get the feeling a lot of big
creatures can get moved through this transportation system. There are only three buttons. They're
stacked on top of each other. The top one is green. The middle one is red and the bottom one is also
green. Well, I assume maybe red is the one we're on. It might just be, you know, go up, stop or go
down. Oh, that probably could be too. I'm not very good at puzzles. So whatever you guys want.
I say we go up. I also say we should go up. All right. But what happens if we try and go down?
Are we on the ground floor? Let's go up. Let's go up. Yeah, that sounds smart. I pushed the top green.
Okay. As you push it, your skin starts to like itch a little bit on your one arm and on your
stomach. And you know how you get a feeling when you're going to throw up that you're like kind of
sweaty? Yeah. So you're feeling that you're feeling a little nauseous and your skin is getting like
uncomfortably itchy. And as you kind of like pull open your robes a little bit, there's a patch of
like some really hard scaly, almost coral like skin in the middle of your stomach. What the hell
is that? I'm guessing that when we we fought those crustaceans that when I got impaled. Oh,
yeah, I'm not feeling so good right now. Oh, no, I don't I don't think I have a way of helping.
That must be what those pirates were talking about. Yeah, that's starting to make a lot more sense now
when they're like, yeah, you're kind of like a bone kind. Hmm. Yeah. And anyways, skinny, you
met you push the button, you make a roll for me. Five. Okay, the elevator begins to rapidly ascend
passing floor after floor on a five, you have no idea, you know, where it's going. Are you gonna
try to stop it? Yeah, I'm gonna push the red button. Okay, you push the button, and it slows
and it slows to a stop in the middle of a large room that has several rows of chairs in it that
are occupied by like all sorts of different humanoid creatures sitting staring at a central stage
where there is an auctioneer and a large red slug like creature inside of a cage up on up on the
stage. Perhaps I should watch the auction and you guys could look for the soul collector. The
surrogate did say they sometimes auction off the new things they capture. I'd like to not miss the
cat. Should we separate or stay together? I don't know, but we should be quick on this elevator.
All right, I think maybe we should all get out here quietly maybe as to not draw attention. Okay,
nobody turns around to look at you guys necessarily. Yeah, nobody else is moving around in this room.
You just see some paddles raised of the auctioneers, you know, doing their auctioneer thing. Are there
any free chairs? You know, trying to slip into the back row or into the free chairs towards the back?
Yeah, there's chairs in the back. Skinny's gonna move as little as possible as to not make a bunch
of noise. Are they like the metal chairs? The metal foldy chairs? No, they're nicer than that.
Okay, well if I don't think I'll make a lot of noise, I will sit down too. Okay.
So you guys sit down and there's this auction happening around you and this price for this like
continues to go higher and higher as it belches and like a burst of fire comes out of its mouth
and kind of hits the wall of this magical cage that it's in. Well, that's definitely not the cat.
No, I would say not. Definitely not. Shall we just wait for the next creature?
Um, I think so. I'm going to move down the aisle and see if it looks like anyone's already purchased
the cat and it's hanging out anywhere. Oh, that's a good idea. Nurt, were you gonna say something?
Let's just say maybe we try and slip into the back where they're keeping the animals right now.
Usually auctions are fairly hectic. That's a good idea. You might not notice a couple of people,
especially if we're not like in a group walking through. If we just kind of like split up and walk
through the back, we might be able to find. Yeah. Perhaps I should stay here in a central location
so I can, you know, wave one ear down if the other one finds something. I do agree that you are the
most unique character that we've seen here other than that slug so far. And then maybe you should
just stay seated while we take a look around. Yes. If you find anything, come to one of these
doorways here and just wave and I'll try to get the other one's attention and come get you.
Sounds like a plan. All right. Okay. Both of you roll some D20s to see if you can stop
stealthily and sneakily you're walking around. It's a no. It's a two. I don't know why I use that dice.
And a seven. Nice. You guys both very obviously walk through these doors and like,
there's some attendance here and they're all dressed the same and it is not at all what the
two of you are dressed like. And you stick out immediately. And from each door, the both of you
get caught. And some of the guards that you ran into down in the foyer are standing there and they
just kind of grunt and point back through the door. And their partners lower their spears at each of
you forcing you back through the doorways and into the auction room. No bathroom. Bathroom.
Any jabs at you with this spear. Oh wait. Okay. Okay. My mistake. Go back to my chair.
Yeah. Mech mech. These guys sure are talkative. Right. What are you two doing back so soon?
There's more of those guards that you chickenated before. Oh. That's a great term for it.
Okay. Well, plan A maybe didn't work. What's your suggestion? Well, we can either both go back to
the same door and convince the guards that we should go past in one of several ways. Or we can
go to another floor on the elevator. Well, I noticed you're not dressed like someone that should be
behind the doors maybe. Good point. Do we see any attendants that are possibly separated from the
group? Not really. Everyone that is going through seems to have a job. And you know, if they do
cross, they're crossing in front of the stage and going through the other one of the other doors.
Job, do you maybe have a magic trick that would illusory give you one of these outfits? They
gavel bangs right as you say that. Sold! Bring out the next creature! And the slug gets wheeled away
and the next creature that gets wheeled in its place is in a gigantic enclosure. And it's a large
glowing worm. W-Y-R-M. Not worm. Like a Heidi Klum worm. I was thinking like the glow worm
toy that we all probably had as kids. No, more it looks like a dragon without arms. Okay. And
wait, it's glowing. It looks magical in nature. It's yellow, iridescent. Well, I'd like to bid
on one of those, but I think we should stick to what we're doing. I'm not sure we can afford
anything here. Well, no, but if we're gonna steal the cat, we could maybe steal this really cool
glowing thing. Let's start the bidding at 5,000 bags of shinies. Oh my goodness. Anyway, what is
Ops Hand? Well, we definitely can't afford this, but I'm glad that I saw it. Let's leave the auction
and return to the elevator and try a higher floor. All right. That sounds good. If we have to come
back here, we will. Head towards the elevator. Hit the up button. You hit the up button? Sure,
I'll hit the up button. Make a roll for me. Four. Four. Okay. You proceed up a few more floors before
you hit the red button again. And you are stopped on a floor that is surrounded by,
um, it looks like a kitchen of types. And there's just like a bunch of different creatures making
different types of food. It doesn't necessarily look like food that you guys would eat. It looks
like food to feed the zoo's inhabitants. Perhaps there's a chart that tells us where things are,
if this is the feeding area. That's as good a thought as any I've had. Let's go take a look
around the kibble factory. Okay. Everybody make rolls, investigation rolls. 11. Eight. Eight.
Okay. Joe, you're the one that finds kind of a feeding schedule and list of where different
creatures are being held. Perfect. Guys, I found a schedule. Oh, good. Let me see if I can find out
if there's cats listed or felines or something close. Pardon me for a moment while I scrutinize
this list. Okay. As you look through, um, you know, there's just a ton of creatures listed,
but luckily it is listed by four and on the top floor, it just says beware. Um,
getting reinforcements not to go to the top floor. Yes. Um, however, the top floor is also labeled
release room. The floor under net underneath that is soul collectors, private quarters and private
collection. And under that you do see the name Ripley written and next to it, kitten chow on
the floor of the soul collector. Yes. All right, guys, this is it. It says Ripley clear as I've
ever seen it on this schedule here in the soul collectors, private collection. Oh man, I was
really hoping to avoid that. I also was really hoping we could just, you know, sneak in sneak
out kind of a deal. Just buy it from the auction. I'm gonna turn around and yell, where's the,
where's the kitty chow for the, for the soul collectors new pet? See if anybody answers.
Yeah. Um, you get lots of stairs as you are dressed not like anybody in this room once again.
And, um, several of those guards come rushing back over and jabbing at you and pointing down
indicating that they don't think you should be anywhere past the auction floor. We're gonna head
back to the elevator and hit the up button. Okay. Who's hitting the button? Job's gonna try his luck
with the button. It's a 14. Okay. You guys fly up a few more floors before hitting the button. And
as you do, you are stopped at a room that is covered in bright white marble and gold trim.
It's beautifully lit. It's got exotic plants. Um, it's got exotic sounds and even exotic smells.
And as you guys look around, you can see that there are a number of creatures that are kept on
gold chains, just like in different areas of this room. Um, it's not labeled, you know, soul
collectors room or anything like that, but you do get the feeling you might be on the right path.
These creatures certainly seem to be taken care of better than some of the other ones that we've
seen at the auction. Well, that's good. That's good for this cat we're looking for. I can't imagine
that this is somebody else's collection. This has got to be his private stuff. Start walking around
and call here kitty kitty kitty and listening for what sounds I hear. Okay. Make a roll for me. I'm
throwing all my dice out. What is a five, a five. It's just like walk around in around and, um,
you hear like a purring coming from, uh, this like group of shrubbery that has like a nice deep pond
to it. And like, it sounds like a cat is in these bushes. And as you lean down and kind of like move
some of these away here, kitty, kitty, kitty. Yeah. A cat is staring back at you, but it is, um, more
like one of the caracals that Sid and Felix that Felix of Sid and Felix is, and it reaches out and
swats you with its gigantic paw doing two HP damage. No kitty kitty. Okay. Not that way. Not that
way. I'm going to try my luck. I'm going to jump back and take one of the morsels of food that I
have and just toss it into the bush. Nice. Now I'm going to take a look around and see if I can find
a less vicious cat. 14. 14. You're kind of getting the way of the land here. Understanding that
different creatures kind of have their own different little environments in this room. Now, none of
them are that big. Um, but maybe it gives them a little bit more of a homey feel outside of a cage.
You find your way down through some winding paths and you come across in front of you, a creature
looks like, seemingly looks like a woman sitting staring out a large window that's looking out into
the space beyond you and a black and white cat sitting on a chair across from her. Oh, no.
Perhaps we should use this time to plan. Yes, I would agree. It's back is still turned. Hopefully
doesn't have some sort of extra sensory perception of us, but this, this seems like what the tyrant
described had come through the portal and taken his cat and there's also a small cat attached to
it. So I think we have found our, our soul collector. I will spend three AP to use plan.
I will spend three AP to use plan. If you have time, you may plan an ambush your enemies.
Meaning we take the first round before action. Each PC says what they will do on their first
turn. And then all of those things happen simultaneously. So I'm definitely going to
either use bedazzle, which summons like four magical bolts that I can shoot at the same thing.
And if they all hit the same target, then they become mesmerized and unable to move. I believe
I also have a loosen ability, which I can use to make anything that's fastened to become undone.
So like if they're wearing a belt or have something armor can fall off or their items fall out of
their pockets. I think you should use that first one after, cause I'm assuming that that mesmerize
breaks. If it's, if they're hurt, I do believe that is the case. You should use that after,
if we decide to hit her with damage attacks. I could also use overpower and just grapple her to
for a turn. Use that too. Each bolt hits for two HP damage and yeah, mesmerize mesmerizes a
magic trick. Riley, can I throw the hammer? It does say the spell ends it's a creature's
harm. It also says mesmerize only works on commoners or minions. So this might,
this might, they might not get mesmerized. I'll let you throw the hammer. Sure. Okay. Oh,
is that the same with overpower? Oh yeah. I think it is. No, cause she's a boss. So yeah.
So we just want to come down, come down as hard as we can on this lady. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So what's,
what's everybody doing? Um, I'm going to wild attack with my squiggly sword. Okay.
I'm going to use fiery Avenger on the bow and shooter. Okay. So Phantom Menace will let me
read the mind of a nearby NPC and produce an illusion that they find extremely irritating.
Will that work on a boss? Does it say it won't? It does not expressly say that it won't. I guess
if it doesn't say it won't, it probably would. Okay. Something's gotta work on a boss. So you
want to go first? Should I create the Phantom Menace to distract it and follow up with hitting
it or should we hit it with all we got first and then distract? I feel like we should hit it,
then distract it. Give us an opportunity to hit it again and grab the cat. Who's going to grab the
cat? I can grab the cat if no one wants to. Let's see who has an opportunity to grab. You have the
least likelihood of getting scratched somewhere vulnerable. Yes, that is true. I'll grab the cat
after I attack. For my first attack, I will use the bedazzle and shoot all four of the prismatic
bolts at the soul collector. All right. Nurt and myself are going first. Correct? I think our first
attacks are all going to happen at the same time. And it won't matter because that attack won't
work on the soul collector anyway. The mesmerized soul. Right. Yeah. Okay. So Skinny, you're going
to wild attack. Yep. Nurt, you're going to fire an arrow from your short shot bow with fire.
Yep. On it. And you are going to use bedazzle. Yes. Okay. Everybody roll for your attack.
I rolled a 12. So that does double damage. Okay. So four. 19. 19. And so that's three for you.
Okay. Bedazzle is a spell. I don't think I have to roll for it. Okay. So how much does it do?
It is four bolts that do two HP damage each. Okay. So that is a total of eight. Affirmative. Four.
Four. Total of 15. Total of 15. Okay. So you all rush this creature that is sitting across from
the cat, striking it simultaneously with magical bolts of light and arrows. And then you roll for
an arrow and Skinny, you rush in with your sword attacking it. And you guys do a tremendous amount
of damage in this game all at one time. And Skinny, as you wild attack and hit it for the final
life point that it has, it reverts into a chicken. Man, this whole time I thought you were going to
say, and it was an illusion the whole time. I was thinking that too. I was like, oh man. I was
waiting for it to be a trap. It could be like that werewolf situation all over again. Huge mistake.
And as you do this, it happens so fast that the cat like jumps over the back of the chair.
It goes in and kind of hides next to a box looking at the three of you. Are you Ripley the cat?
Yes, I sure am. I didn't really expect you to speak back, but all right. Why are you all here?
To rescue you. Rescue me? Yeah. You want to go live with that guy that rules?
No, I don't want to live with him. That's why I left. Oh, we were sent here to retrieve you.
Of course you were. By that annoying little brat? Yes. Yes, definitely. Definitely. That is
unfortunate. I am sorry you have come so far, but I don't wish to go back there.
What is your relation with this creature that we just chickenized? The soul collector? Yes.
Yes, that's very unfortunate that you did that to her. Maybe not the best woman, but she always
helped me out of a tight spot. See, I am Ripley and I am a wizard. However, I got stuck into a
cat form. So I go and I hang out with different families and I observe and I kind of just
lounge around a lot. And then when I am done and bored, this soul collector comes and swoops me
away and then we go find somewhere else for me to live. So she was really doing me the big old favor.
Oh, well I apologize for killing your friend. You want to go hang out with our new friend,
the envoy? He's got a boat, travels through space. He also likes to observe things.
Yes, I have heard of him, although I don't think he has heard of me.
I have heard of him, although I don't think he has heard of me. But no, that's a lot of
adventuring for me. I'm more of a kind of hanging out cat. I've been around a long time and I like
to just laze around. Usually in places where people have lots of money because they just spend it on
me. Look at my gold chain. Well, that is beautiful chain.
Yes. Is there a way for you to revert my friend from chicken form? Possibly. Well,
maybe it wears off with time. I just got this sword and found out what it does.
Pretty much just now. With your friend being a chicken,
doesn't that put you in control of this place? Oh, no, I have no want to control this place.
It's kind of grimy, but she's always done a good service by me.
So here's our predicament. We have been sent to retrieve you in return for not having our heads
disconnected from the rest of our bodies. Yes, on the threat of death.
So, okay, we really should try to bring you back, but we also hear you saying you don't want to go
back. You can try. If we can find a way to revert your friend back to her previous form, would you
consider going back to the little brat for a little while and then being re-rescued?
No. But it would keep us from dying.
Sounds like a pretty hefty you problem if I'm not, if I'm, I don't want to go back there. He's,
he's kind of a jackass. What powers do you possess
still as a wizard in your cat form? Oh, many.
Okay. Do you know that if we can un-chickenate your friend here,
are you familiar with the squiggly sword? The squiggly sword? That's not, no, that's not come
up. That particular name hasn't come up in my- I show him the sword. This sword. I just call it
the squiggly sword. I don't know what it could be. We should chickenate him.
We can illusory creature him if they can figure out how to bring us back. And I'm like, illusory
creature? Just pretend that you're a cat for a little bit and then it'll just vanish at some
point. And hopefully we'll have our lives spared and the tyrant will be reunited with his Ripley.
Why rat con and just take the fizzle? You don't know magic anymore.
Oh, I do know that sword. That sword's name is Cluck you.
Oh, well, I like that. I'm gonna keep calling it the squiggly sword though.
Oh, well, all right. It's not his name, but. What about the chickenator?
I mean, it sounds like a chicken university to me.
So is there a way to reverse this problem? Probably. I can't say that I'm a fan of her
either. Okay, so you're fine with her being a chicken. What if, what if one of us stays
and takes over the menagerie? What, what, how did she retrieve you from where you were? Was it,
well, she used a spell to come and open a portal and then she popped out,
grabbed me like always. And then we, you know, she didn't close it. We just popped on back through
to here. The only problem is we forgot my pillow. Oh, I noticed your pillow. I asked if we should
bring it and I was told no. I wish you had. Me too now. I thought of it. That is the comfiest pillow
that has ever been made. It looked quite fluffy. So what? If you could retrieve it for me,
now I could give you something very special. Well, that would be great, but I don't even
have a clue how we're getting out of here. Yeah, you probably shouldn't have chickenated the only
person that knew. Well, we were told to, you know, not to knock. So Hansa is 20 20, they say.
Probably now. How can we get you back? Does she have any, you know, spell books or these just
things she just, you know, knows off the top of her head is like, boop, there's a portal.
We could probably like, shoot you out of a cosmic cannon. Well, that does sound thrilling.
I'm a little nervous. I'm still trying to figure out how to get Ripley here back so we don't get
killed. Will you come with us to get us our freedom and then we'll perhaps murder a bunch
of people in the castle and give you your pillow and you can disappear. Why don't you just leave
me out of it and go get my pillow? Well, it is a lot of traveling. That is a lot of traveling.
If you could get us around the traveling, then I would be happy. As a wizard, do you know the
snap spell? I do. I'm rusty. I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. We could probably.
You do a solid for me. I'll do a solid for you. Go ahead. Okay. On the one floor above this,
there's a button. That button will release every creature inside the zoo.
And then we can travel down to the cosmic cannon and we'll all shoot back to
Exilion. So you want us to release all the animals in the zoo? Yeah, why not?
We were explicitly told many times not to go into the top floor.
Yes, very dangerous up there. Oh, we also have a friend we'd like to bring home too. He's waiting
out front. With two more chickens. We don't need the chickens. I don't really care about them, but
I would like to take our little friend. Well, has he been here? He was locked in an exhibit on the
bottom floor. So you push the button and he flies back to his home. Oh, it's that kind of button.
It just brings everybody back to their home. Well, all right then. I think this is his home, but
what do I know? I don't know. This cat could be trying to trick us guys. Let's go push the button.
Yeah, I say we listen to this cat. What do we got to lose? Okay. Even if we get stuck here,
they can't kill us here in the court there. I can make an illusory cat. We can trick the tyrant.
Well, that sounds good. Briefly, at least. Long enough to get in and get out, I suppose.
Is there a spare chain somewhere in the floor we're on?
Like a big chain that... No, just another chain that's holding the animals like the one the cat has.
To complete the illusion. Oh, so Ripley's chain is like his collar. Ripley's not held onto anything.
Oh, I thought you said they had a little chain. Oh, you meant they just had little gold collars on them.
So every other creature in here is chained to the wall. Ripley is not. Ripley's just blinged out.
Is there a free chain hook?
Not one that matches his. No, I just want to hook the chicken up. Make a roll. See if we find one.
18. Okay. Yeah, sure. There's a chain. I hook the chicken up in his own little spot and chain him
and hook him to a wall. Okay. Okay. To the elevator. To go to the floor that says beware. Do not go.
Yes, I am dreading this actually.
We should probably make a plan. Work well the first time. Yes, we can make a plan. What is the plan?
Meet me back down here when you're done, by the way. I think that should go without saying.
Okay. Okay. So let's take this time to make a plan. But I don't know what the plan is.
Walk towards the elevators. Yeah, we're having this discussion in the elevator.
Push the button. Do I have to roll to get to the top floor? No, you're able to get to the top floor.
You notice if you left the button pushed, it would just continue to go. And so it just goes up the one
last floor. And as the elevator settles into this room, it's eerily dark and there's a purple and
green mist that's kind of rolling around the elevator. And then you're able to get to the
green mist that's kind of rolling around the whole room. And it kind of assaults you guys as you guys
move into it or pushed into it by the elevator. I'm going to launch a fiery arrow and an arc
to see if I can illuminate anything. Okay. It does not illuminate like you would expect.
Nothing, just like a little. Yeah, you can see the arrow, but it doesn't seem to light up much else.
It's kind of like shooting through fog. Exactly. All right. Well, that wasn't useful.
Each of you have kind of the same feeling of, you know, disquieting anticipation as you wonder what
is exactly up here. Well, should we just get to looking for this button? I don't want to spend
too much time with you. Yes, absolutely. I'm going to look for this button with a 15. I got a 14.
I got a seven. Okay. As you guys are wondering, yeah, Joe, you feel a stiff breeze at your back
just blowing pretty consistently. And with each step you take, it gets stronger and stronger.
Do you guys feel that pretty significant gust of wind? Is it hot or cold? I mean, it's cold.
It's not a hot breeze. It's a cold breeze. So it's probably not breath. Well, that is good to hear.
Unless it's the breath of like an ice dragon. Wasn't sure they were auctioning off a worm on the
bottom, on the lower floors. You never know. Make an initiative roll, Job.
It's just about to turn around. Eight. Eight. Yeah. So with that, you do turn around, right?
If that's what you were just about to do. And very close to you, you see a face in the mist
and it shifts. And as you're looking, you can make out that there are dozens of eyes in this one
round circle. And you see a green mouth open with just rows after row of teeth.
Guys, there's something very bad in here. It's very scary. I had rolled the 15 to find a button.
Can I press the button that I may find? Anything about these buttons rolling? Oh no, it attacks with a one.
So it like comes at you and instead of doing any damage, it sort of like dissipates around you and
reforms around your back. Okay. Guys, I feel like a ghost just moved through me. This thing with
dozens of eyes and rows of teeth just kind of went through around me. What? Yeah, it's scary.
We should get the hell out of here as fast as possible. Find these buttons. Yes, time to find a button.
I'm touching the walls like crazy looking for buttons. Okay. You come to a pedestal in the middle of the room
and it's got a flat top. There's no actual button, but it's the only structure that you've been able
able to find. And you're like scrambling around on it when you feel a breeze hit your back.
Oh man, I don't like that. Got pushed down on the pedestal. You can try.
You want me to like roll a... Sure. Okay. Actually it was 17. Okay. So with a 17, actually like you're
pushing around and the pedestal's top does begin to glow. There are several symbols on it.
However, roll for initiative. 15. Okay. In front of you, from the other side of the pedestal as
you're scrambling around, you see dozens of eyes appear in front of you and a large mouth with row
after row of teeth encased in this purple and green smoke. Its jaw widens as it's coming towards you,
but you do have the first move. I'm going to take my big bastard sword and try to stab it in the
roof of the mouth. Okay. 16. Nice. 16 is a hit. About time. And how much does that do? Just a typical
tooth. Okay. As you stab it... Wait, wait. If I use wild attack, it does double damage. Did you say
you're using wild attack? No. Then you didn't use wild attack. So you stab it in its mouth and as
your sword goes up into it, its jaw closes around you and it does four HP damage. Nurt, you see that
petrified look on skinny over there? I think they're seeing the monster that I just saw. I'm inside
of it now. That's great. You're not inside of it. It bites onto you and kind of moves through you
after that. Gentlemen, I do not like being in here anymore. We should get out, get pushing this
button. This thing is glowing. I don't know if you want to help me with that. Yeah. I'm going to run
over to it and see what I can see out of the pedestal. Okay. On your way over, you feel a breeze
blowing towards you as you run towards skinny. Roll initiative. 11. Okay. As you're running,
all of a sudden dozens of eyes appear in front of you, kind of stopping you in your tracks. And then
a large mouth with several rows of teeth forms and this creature out of the purple and green smoke
takes form in front of you. You do get the first move though. Oh, new thunderous word.
Nice. Hit it for two HP damage and knock it back. Okay. When you do that, you knock it back into
the darkness and then you cannot see it anymore. Okay. I'm going to continue running to the pedestal.
Is it going to attack me? You don't see it. No. Okay. I'm going to keep moving to the pedestal.
Okay. Job, what are you doing? I'm making my way towards the rest of the group at the pedestal.
Okay. As you're all fumbling around, everybody give me a roll.
Five. 20. You got a 20? Yeah. Two. No shit. All right. Nurt, you're the only one like
in your studies in the temple of the guardian. You recognize some of these symbols actually
and there's like a sequence to the buttons that need to be pushed and you're able to figure out
what the first one is and you push this button and blue light begins to glow from the first one.
However, everybody roll initiative.
18. Three. Seven. Okay. As you're all fumbling around on this switch and the first light begins
to glow, all three of you feel the wind kind of whip around you and begin to pick up and suddenly
directly over top of all three of you and above the pedestal, this creature, all of its eyes appear
as well as its mouth. Skinny, you notice it before it's fully formed and you actually get the first
move. Well, thank goodness for that. I'm going to wild attack. I do double damage, but the enemy can
counter attack. It does not. It only rolls a four for a counter attack. Well, if it only rolls a
four for a counter attack, then you can't counter attack a counter attack. Damn it.
That's called attacking. Well, you know, the enemy still rolls at five or worse.
I may attack them immediately when I counter attack. Start a turn.
Yes, but it's counter attacking you. Well, I'm going to counter attack again.
Isn't every attack after the first one a counter attack? You do get the chance because it rolls a
four as it continues its attack towards you. So you can try to counter attack. 12. Okay.
Really finagled my way out of that one. And Nurt, that is your turn. Now having seen this thing,
I am going to put a sigil on the pedestal that repels this thing.
Okay. And it moves away from this pedestal. Quick thinking, Nurt. Yeah, I'm hoping that
buys us a little bit of time. This is the first button. We got to figure out the sequence that
these go in. Nurt, make another roll. Okay. Oh my gosh. Not like that, man. 16. 16. All right.
You're able to find the second button. And as you push this one, a yellow light begins to emanate
from beneath it. Oh, that's good. And there seems to be only one button left. So it shouldn't be
difficult to push that one. That's the sequence. And as you push the last one and a red light
begins to glow from underneath that one, the entire room begins to have like deep red flashing
lights. And within moments, another pedestal rises on the other side of the room and is glowing,
emitting another red light from it. I'm going to run towards that one. And I run towards it as well.
Yep. So the creature has like formed itself over the elevator standing between you. You can see it
now because of the red flashing lights and the fact that it's not trying to get close to you
or the pedestal. But as soon as you leave where the sigils affected area is, the creature once
again begins its attack at you guys. So let's start with Job because he didn't get a chance to go
last time. I'm going to cast Phantom Menace and peer into the mind of this creature and find out
what really annoys it and conjure an image of it and have it just chase this around the outside most
perimeter of the room away from us. This will last for 10 minutes and it will draw and provoke
the creature's full attention. There you go. That's much better. I was going to distract it with
myself. I had enough to do one more sigil. I was like, you are going down a lot. I got a little
bit of AP left. That one's only two. So all right. You peer into the mind of this creature and it is
bedazzlingly weird. You want to try to say that again? It is bedazzlingly, no. It is
it is outrageously strange. The thoughts that this creature has does not follow the same logical path
of, you know, any creature that you could conceive as sentient as it kind of spins and spirals through
different pathways. But eventually you find one thing that irritates it more than anything at the
core of its memories is a very old looking woman dressed in clothes that look like it would be a
judge back in, well, in our times. It'd be like that judge. She's dressed in long black robes.
She's got the white collar. She's got a large book under her arm. The memory is standing on a stage
directing orders at a group of people that you can't see and passing judgments.
Oh my. So I have this judge just moving around and pointing and yelling at the creature with some
massive eyes and teeth. As soon as you do that and it's running around, it gets the creature's full
attention. It's going at this old woman ferociously. And you guys have a clear path to the bottom.
That is not what I would have imagined terrified that thing. Yes, me either. It's not terrified,
right? Oh no, it's annoying. It's annoying. Yeah, you're right. It's still not what I was
expecting, but all right. I thought it was going to be the soul collector. It depends on what this thing is.
Well, let's push these buttons and maybe try to find out later. Yeah. No, I'm going to leave the
button pushing to you. You've been much better at it. Okay. I'm going to push the first button. Wait,
there's only one button. Oh, don't push the button for a nine. The button is very slow to push.
Like you're giving it all you got and it's moving, but not at a fast pace. I will help.
We're six. I also throw my hand in there. Like we're about to do a team building exercise and
can't go team an 11. Go job. With all three of you pushing, it's inevitable that this button is going
to go down. And as it clunks down to its final resting place, you guys hear like a hissing coming
from almost everywhere around you. And suddenly you guys look at the creature that is in this room
with you and it begins to glow yellow. And then in an instant is beamed out of this room and out
like directly out through the wall. Well, it's gone. It must be the cosmic cannon.
Must be. I'm surprised that we're all still here, but I guess now we go back down and see that cat.
Yes. Let's go grab the cat. Hopefully he didn't hoodwink us. Well, we'll find out.
Okay. You guys take the elevator down one floor. It's tricky. You guys are like up and down on a
couple of them before you land on the right one, but you do. And walking down the pathway that you
went before to find the soul collector and Ripley, you see just Ripley sitting there. I mean, he's
just like kind of wicking his paw until he sees you guys come in and he puts it down. It seems
that you did it. Yes. Should we go? How do we get out of here? Shall we scoop you? Is that rude?
Kind of rude. Yes. Okay. Well, I'm not sure how to... I don't need to be scooped.
Okay. Well, come with us then I suppose. A deal's a deal. Here's the thing. I will get us back
to Exilion using the cosmic cannon. You all need to get my pillow back. Well, all right.
We can do that. We can do that. You said you can trick him. The tyrant, right? I mean, I can
bamboozle him. I can also create an illusory Ripley if he will part with his chain because I
don't think it'll do that much. Can an illusion wear a chain or will it just fly through? I don't
know. Okay. Maybe we can just say the chain wasn't there when we found him. Ripley, are you coming
back here? What are you doing? I'll go with you. However, I've thought it over. The envoy wouldn't
mind. I might travel with him for a bit. Maybe he could drop me off somewhere. I saw this delicious
looking red planet on my way over here. Oh, that's no longer where you think it was.
That got destroyed. Kiddy Kibble world was destroyed. My deepest sincerest apologies. Giant
jellyfish looking thing with teeth. Our condolences to Kiddy World. I had no real tie. Okay. Well,
let's get going while we still can. There's mostly just a planet of food. Should we try and-
Seems fitting that it got eaten. Should we try and wave down the envoy? He's not expecting us to
go back. I think he was expecting to pick us up. Was he? He just left. I didn't think he was coming
back. He didn't seem very concerned with us. No? Okay. He didn't even really stop when we got here.
He just kind of pulled up close and kicked us out. Yes, you'd think he'd tell us how to get out of
here, but whatever. Let's get going. Come on, Ripley. And Ripley gets up and walks over to the
elevator and waits for you guys. We all head to the elevator. What floor are we going to? I will
tell you when to stop. Just hit down, hold the button, and hit stop. Stop. Okay. And you guys
are stopped on just a random floor that has this large mechanical looking cannon to it.
And he's like, this is a pretty rudimentary way of getting back. The Soul Collector usually only
uses these to launch specimens that are really problematic away. Well, does it have like a
dampening effect when we land? I don't know. Well, we keep my fingers crossed. Everybody climb in.
Let's do it. It's similar to the elevator. It's just a disc that you stand on. It's going to like
turn you into, I don't know, stardust. Should we stop and get a snack bar quick? No. Okay. And
shoot you guys into the pre-programmed destination. Yeah. Make sure you spell
Achillian right. I'm not spelling nothing. Somebody else will handle that. I'm just going to think of it in my mind.
I can't spell very well. And remember, don't let him see me. I don't want to go back.
He is a brat. He seemed it. He was. All right. Ready? Yep. Push the button. More buttons. Push it.
All right. Here we go. And you guys click. Like your whole body's turned into this
white light, yellow light, bright light, and are flung at an amazing pace through the cosmos, faster than you were in the cosmic cruiser.
And you guys are dumped in the courtyard of the Golden City in Achillian. As soon as we land, I'm upchucking.
Yes, you are. Meow. And as soon as he lands, Ripley acts like a cat and like takes off out of the middle of the courtyard.
I cast my illusory creature spell to recreate a Ripley that looks just like him. Nice. And he just walks with us.
Should we tell the tyrant that we would like that pillow? How are we going to get this pillow? I think we're going to have to steal it separately.
Are we just going to start a big brawl? Because I'm ready to just fight everybody in there. I would like to avoid that.
I mean, I could take some hits, but I don't have much of my magic left.
Maybe we can ask for it as part of our reward for bringing his cat back. Sure, we can try that.
You can just commission another one. Well, you're bamboozling him, aren't you? Are you going to try and trick him too?
I don't know if I need to trick him. The cat looks like his cat. Let's just go in there and see how it goes.
I do have one left, so I can bamboozle him if I need to. Okay.
You guys make your way in and the guards are looking at you funnily, but some of them have an idea of why you're here.
Others stop to inquire you, but finally you find one that leads you straight to the throne room and to the high court.
And the tyrant is sitting in his chair with his large sword just kind of dragging around the floor.
And he's got a lot more soldiers in here than there were the first time that you guys were in here.
And his chair is moving around from group to group. People are talking to him, but he's not even responding at this point.
Well, good sir. I believe we have found your cat you were looking for.
You! You three! Yes. Get over here! It has taken you long enough to retrieve my cat. Where is Ripley?
Right here. Oh, Ripley, come here! And he stands up from the chair and goes to grab Ripley.
How illusory is it? Can he touch it? It even feels real to the touch.
Oh, right. He picks Ripley up and is just like spinning around in a circle with him over his head.
Oh my. Do we see the pillow anywhere?
You can see in the throne room there is another littler throne with a very thick pillowy cushion to it.
Oh, you all did it. It took you so long. I've been worried.
I thought you might pop through a portal in here. So I had all my people ready to shoot anybody that came through a portal.
Why would you shoot us? What if we were just coming through and you were going to shoot us?
What if we were just coming through the portal that I didn't like? Or maybe she would come back? I don't know. It was the best plan I had. Don't question me.
Well, it wasn't a very good plan. But anyway, we found your cat.
Yes, you did. And as payment, the three of you keep your heads. Bargain at any rate.
May I have the honor of placing the cat onto his fancy pillow?
You think you have that sort of relationship with my dear Ripley?
We have spent a lot of time with this cat.
A lot of time and you're just now getting him back?
It took a lot to get back was most of the mission.
Well, where was he? Where were you, Rippers?
It's very hard to say where we were. Or when we were.
Because you lacked the ability to talk well or?
He was in the Soul Collector's menagerie.
Those words mean next to nothing to me.
Well, then you have no idea what we've been through and how far we have truly traveled.
You're right. And I can't say that it matters to me.
Well, anyway, may I have the honor of taking this cat to his lovely pillow?
Make a roll.
No, it's a three.
You have been awfully interested in my kitten's pillow since the day I met you.
Listen, a lot of things are very uncomfortable for me as I am made of bones.
I thought that that pillow just looked so tantalizing.
It is. I've sat on it before.
Yeah, I believe you have.
And it cushions my bottom quite nicely.
It's a lovely pillow. May I just touch it?
Since you've done me this service, sure, you can touch it.
Maybe since we've done such a great job bringing your cat back,
you should just gift this pillow to our bony friend over here.
I'm sure it would be no chore for you to commission a new one.
This is Ripley's favorite pillow.
Skinny is like all over this pillow.
He's just smushing it.
Oh, not like that. Not like that.
Oh, well, my apologies. It is just so nice.
I know. Any such Ripley down.
You want me to give you Ripley's pillow?
Yes. And I use my last AP to cast the bamboozle on him and say,
that was all part of our original agreement,
is we would keep our lives,
we would get the pillow for the bony one,
and we would be on our way once we retrieved your cat.
Well, I don't remember that at all.
You're a man of your word, though, aren't you?
I am.
You wouldn't want to go back on that.
I mean, the rumor would spread tremendously quickly.
If any rumors spread, I will behead them.
Come over here. And he gestures one of his, you know,
treasures with a scroll that keeps track of what you guys took.
Did I guarantee them this pillow?
My lord, I do not have that written down here.
Now, are you guys sure that I offered you this pillow in exchange for my cat?
Well, fuck this.
And I'm going to throw the pillow over to Job or Nurt, whoever can catch it.
And I'm going to draw my sword as a distraction so they can get out.
Go on without me. Get that cat in his pillow.
I'm going to grab it and run.
Okay.
This was all part of our original agreement.
Now I am very confused.
You're making my bony friend very upset.
They had their hearts set on this pillow from the moment we left on this mission,
all because you promised it.
Job, Nurt, get the hell out of here. I'll fight them off.
I'm going to grab the pillow and run.
Okay. Nurt runs away with the pillow and the tyrant's just kind of looking at...
I don't know who to believe.
I'm going to attack him.
I was going to.
Oh.
You said it. You're going to attack him?
Yeah, I guess. I'm going to wild attack him with the squiggling sword.
Oh, fuck it. 20. I do four times the damage with my squiggly sword.
With Cluck U, you attack the tyrant and four times damage. He's just a teenage boy.
He doesn't have even his sword in his rays or anything and you attack him and like feathers
fly off the edge of your sword and it wheezes as you just like wildly attack and he just
wildly attacked and he falls down and his body begins to convulse and he turns into a brown chicken
and the court kind of looks around.
We should run.
Our business is concluded here.
We wish you all an enjoyable rest of your time.
And as you guys run from the room, nobody tries to stop you.
And the last thing you guys hear is like actual like chants and yeah.
Whispers from the tyrant.
As you guys run out of this, out of the room and out of the castle.
Oh, well that went smoother than I expected. I thought there would be some repercussions
for killing him or I would have just killed him a long time ago before we left.
These people all did a much better job of pretending they liked him than, you know.
Yes, that I would have assumed.
Okay, coming back to the courtyard, Ripley is like hiding behind a bush.
I run up with the pillow.
Here kitty kitty.
Run!
This isn't an illusion, is it?
What? No, we're here.
I hit him with the pillow.
Ah, all right. Let us go.
Where are we off to?
Wherever you can take us.
Far, far away.
Here, I don't think it's a problem.
No one seemed upset with us.
Okay, and where did you say the envoy was when you guys hung out with him?
The acapella go spire.
All right.
He like limbers up a little. He like does the cat stretch thing.
All right, gather round. It's been a while since I've used any magic.
Hold the pillow like this so he can sit on it, like in front of me.
Okay, excellent.
All right, have you all ever teleported? I'm gonna assume so.
I don't know how else you would have made it where you were going.
He rolled a 12 on his teleport. You all arrive safely.
Yay!
Huzzah!
Good for us.
Perhaps now we can kill that man that was killing all those random people.
I don't know anything about that.
Well, you weren't there.
Is that the envoy?
No, no, no. The envoy was not that man.
No, he's a giant lizard man.
Oh, right. A giant man who was just smashing heads.
Yeah, I wanted to kill him.
In such a journey, I forgot all about him.
How about him too?
As soon as you say the guy that was smashing heads from around the corner,
you guys see this gigantic man once again with his giant hammer and his chain, and he's coming
around the corner and he points at a civilian and he says, you there, you have been found guilty
of the crime.
Intercept.
Okay, what does intercept do?
How are you guys on health and AP? Pretty bad?
I still have not been touched.
Six and four.
I mean, eight and one.
I also...
But...
I'm out of AP, actually. I'm at zero. That bamboozle cleaned me out.
But why, Jim?
Intercept. For one AP, if a nearby NPC is about to attack someone, you may rush to
intercept the attack. You must say you're using the ability as soon as the guy declares the attack.
The NPC makes their attack on you instead. When you intercept the attack,
the attacker immediately becomes affected by provoke.
Okay. I'm going to award you all before this fight with four AP for doing such a tremendous job,
getting through and attacking the soul collector and fending off the fear itself.
And Skinny, you rush up intercepting this judge before he's able to even deliver his judgment on
this NPC. What do you do?
I unsheath my squiggly sword and I don't think that I can wild attack because I already used
intercept, right?
Yeah, probably not.
Ten.
Okay. Ten is a tough choice. You can do damage to him. However, he is going to wrap your feet up
with the chains and pull you to the ground. Or you can just kind of rush past him and
miss completely.
I'll do damage.
Okay. So you swing your sword, connecting with him, however, his armor and wrapping up your legs
and dragging you down into the ground. And then he takes his gigantic hammer and smashes it down
into your little bone body, doing three damage. Anybody else helping?
Oh man, that did not feel good.
Are you going to join in this fight?
Yeah, I will come in and I'll start with a mesmerize where I dazzle a nearby minion with
an optical illusion.
He is not a minion.
He's not a minion? Okay, then I don't do that.
I'm going to use my newly found four AP to bedazzle him and hit him with four bolts of
prismatic light for eight damage.
All right. Nice. You spear him, gaining his attention with all four of these bolts of light,
connecting with all four of them, doing a good amount of damage.
Nert, you're going to go next.
After Job uses his attack, I'm going to use my new ability, Smite, and going to turn towards
this guy and I'm going to scream out in a language that I don't even understand.
And all of a sudden he's going to be engulfed in radiant blue flames, hitting him for 10 HP damage.
And...
And... oh, there's a one.
What happens on a one?
On a one, the creature's spirit becomes a dark passenger in your mind.
You never know when it will...
When it may decide to speak to you or observe your behavior.
All right. You engulf this judge in this blue flame and he screams wildly as, like, I don't know,
you do more than half the amount of HP that he even had. And you watch as, like, it grotesquely
melts away his skin down to bones and he incinerates into this blue flame. And as it dies out
after killing him, you hear just the tiniest little whisper in your head.
It's so, so low volume that you can't make out what it is.
After this guy's all burned up, I just say,
Trespassing guilty.
I'm just going to scratch my head a little bit, turn towards, turn towards Jo.
That's not the only thing you're going to scratch. As you look at your stomach,
your entire stomach is now like this hard coral. And Ripley goes,
My my, you certainly are an interesting bunch.
Oh, yeah. Is, is there anything you can do to help with this? And I show him my, my stomach.
Yeah, he jumps back. You should probably see a doctor.
Anyways, bring me to where I'm going.
That's right down there. And we perhaps the envoy could help with your stomach problems.
I'm hoping at least he knows a doctor.
Point towards the spire and pick up the pillow again and hold it out.
Okay. And you guys walk in and it's no different. You know, your last few days have been
completely different than your entire lives. Right? So it feels like big things should be
happening. You get that, you know, worked up feeling that like everything is important and stuff,
but nobody pays you any more mind than they usually would actually.
And it's kind of sad. You expect like a large standing ovation or something for your efforts.
However, that doesn't come and you make the arduous trek up 11 staircases to get to
the shrine room. And as Ripley gets up there, he goes,
eh, eh, what is all this smoke? And he starts sneezing. No one said there'd be smoke.
Oh yeah. It's a temple on the topper on the higher levels.
I never even noticed the smoke before. I watched you get smashed.
Yes, that does happen occasionally. You are a resilient one.
I do like being in a battle. I can tell.
All right. Well, drop me off and maybe this guy can get me out of here.
Well, let's go look for the envoy. He's standing once again at the same shrine
once again at the same shrine as you guys had had found him out before.
And upon coming close to him, he can sense it's you before before you even get his attention.
And hello, you've all made it back. And this is the infamous Ripley.
I imagine. Yes, it is.
Excellent. I figured I would come back and wait a couple of days to see if you returned.
I realized that you didn't have an exit strategy. No, we did not.
But we figured it out. I see that very resourceful.
Well, the cat mostly figured it out. The cat?
We never would have figured it out on our own, but thankfully Ripley was with us.
That's one hell of a cat. And Ripley chimes in.
I am. I am one hell of a cat. This is a terrible room.
Can we get out of here? And the envoy turns to him.
I did not know that this cat was a special cat or a cat that could talk.
Do you have any other tricks? And Ripley looks at him and goes,
I have many tricks, but we need we need to get out of here.
Please bring me somewhere else. And with that, the envoy leads you guys
up one more set of stairs to his private quarters.
Where you set Ripley down. Well, this is a fancy area.
A fancy living space. Yes, I'm only renting.
On Mr. Envoy, we had two things that we wanted to discuss with you,
or at least I had two things I wanted to discuss with you.
One was that Ripley would like to possibly join you as a companion.
Since we kind of got rid of his home. Well, Ripley can come with me as long and as far as he wants.
Well, that's great. The other thing is, and I again lift my shirt,
I do know of anyone or anything that can, I'm assuming, save me. And he takes a stick
and pokes you with it. Don't want to touch it myself.
It looks rather contagious. Have either of you touched, well, not you.
I don't think I have. Have you touched it?
No, I don't believe so. There is a man that calls himself
a scientist in this town. He may be one to look at, just to see if it's contagious.
He doesn't seem like a very good scientist. I found him at a bar one day.
Oh, I believe we have met him. Oh.
Yes, I know who you are talking about. Yeah.
But uh. His name is Glork.
Yes, he did not seem terribly helpful, but we will seek him out, I suppose.
He may not be. He may just be more interested than anything.
However, it does seem like you need a doctor. Yes. Well, good luck with that.
You don't know any in the medical profession? My friends, I have traveled with you for quite
some time, and now I need to get to know my new traveling companion myself. I feel like I've done
a considerable amount of legwork for our journeys. There's gotta be one around.
May need a specialist. Well, all right, let's check the
directory in the lobby. Okay.
And as you guys exit the envoys room and head down towards the stairs, your sweats grow ever worse.
And you hear a voice as you kind of like fall to your knees from your skin beginning to crack
and sweat. You hear, I will find you in the back of your mind. And then you pass out. And that's
where this adventure ends. Oh, oh my good job, guys. You got Ripley back.
Yeah, we did get Ripley back. And we killed the tyrant.
Yeah, I was not expecting to do all you turn them into a chicken.
Well, yeah, not really what I expected, but they'll probably eat him or something. I don't know.
They seem pretty happy to get rid of him. They seem pretty upset with him, yeah. And we
released a whole bunch of animals back to who knows where. Well, that's somebody else's problem.
Could be your guys's or maybe somebody else's if we ever play Quest again.
Or we just sent them back to where they were originally from.
Natural habitats. Natural habitats.
We did a really good thing. But what if they've been there so long,
their natural habitats were now like towns and cities and they just like popped up in people's
bedroom? Then from what I learned about the animals that we found in there and that were being auctioned
off, those people are fucked. Fire breathing snails, glowing lizards, glowing flying lizards,
whatever that mist thing was. We'll just assume they all went back to a peaceful
jungle area. They're all happy.
I am here to tell you as the benevolent GM that I am, they're not all happy.
There are the people. Great.
But awesome job, guys. I had such a good time playing this Quest with you or playing this
arc of Quest. Playing this campaign. Playing this five episodes of fun with you all. We love Quest.
It's a great system. Almost everything that we used in these five episodes comes out of the core
materials. If you're interested in checking out the Quest RPG, head over to www.adventure.game
and that should bring you there. Right now they have three books. They have the core book,
which is the rule book. They have the character book where you can find monsters, characters,
NPCs, and they have the treasure book that has lots of the items that we used throughout this
arc. They're all awesome. And Connor, you said you downloaded the source book the other day?
Right now the digital version of the core game book is on their website for free to download.
You do have to add it to your cart and check out, but I don't think it made me enter any
payment information and I certainly didn't get charged. And that comes with all the stuff that
you need to get your own adventure started. Fantastic. So we'd really like to hear what
you guys thought of this story arc. It is one of our longer ones, definitely the longest one
to date. And we had a lot of fun doing it. So that's it for us today. See you next next Tuesday.
The Tales from the Crit Podcast is recorded in the Wolfbeard Games Studio in upstate New York.
If you've enjoyed hanging out with us, please subscribe on whichever platform you listen to.
If you really like us, also leave us a review. It's very helpful. If you want to follow us more,
you can find us on Instagram at Tales from the Crit Podcast. We've enjoyed our time with you
today and we look forward to seeing you next time at Tales from the Crit.
The final count. Yep.
That's awesome.