music
Welcome to the Tales from the Crypt podcast.
We are an actual play podcast featuring a revolving cast of players making our way through
micro RPGs, highly narrative tabletop games, and the more popular and less known RPG systems
from a wide variety of genres.
Content may not be suitable for children and content warnings can be found in the description.
I'm Riley Groves and I'll be your host, your guide, your GM on this episode of Tales from
the Crypt.
Previously, on Tales from the Crypt.
On the cave ceilings, you begin to hear a skittering, and as you look up, several small
scorpion-like creatures begin to fall, landing on your backs, on your arms.
As you enter this chamber, you hear flapping of large wings.
Your little puppy pastry walks out of the glow of your light and into this chamber.
I'm going to just shoot a scintillate, limb and up in an arcing motion in front of me.
Flare?
Yeah.
That's a good choice.
So as you light up this chamber, you see that there are two quite large insects.
One of them swoops down and eats the puppy off the floor.
You continue on to the archipelago.
It is a fairly large city.
There's people coming in and out of it.
It's fairly dusty.
It's not quite as nice as Exilien was.
It's got one kind of large central tower that kind of spirals up.
It's got very nice architecture and it's a pretty busy place.
As you're walking down the street, you see a very large man and he's wearing a helmet.
He's carrying a huge hammer and a chain in his other hand.
And he grabs a commoner, pushing him against the wall.
You sir, you are found guilty of the crime of shoplifting.
The penalty?
Death.
And he sets the guy down, taking his hammer and smashes him down into little bitty pieces,
throwing this man in front of all of you.
Certainly takes a couple of minutes before you guys see a shrine in front of you that
does have a large, like three foot tall salamander looking person standing at it.
The tyrant sent us to find the envoy.
Which that is me.
Perfect.
So he said you might know something about the disappearance of his cat.
There was a portal opened in the throne room and a female appearing creature stepped out
with two chained beasts and attacked the court and catnapped.
The tyrants prized Ripley.
Now that does shed some light on why you might be here seeking my aid.
Your friend seemed to leave out the portal business and the woman that stole the cat.
I thought it was a simple cat in a tree scenario.
Not quite.
I mean, it's a much different kind of tree.
Much different indeed.
That's funny.
Well, now that I have the full scope of things, I have an idea of who you may be referring
to.
By the sounds of it, it seems you are looking for the soul collector.
Welcome back, everybody, to the Tales from the Crypt podcast.
We are continuing our playthrough of Quest and returning to the table, I have Connor.
Hey.
Derek.
Hello.
And Rebecca.
Hello there.
As Job, Nurt and Skinny.
So before we jump into the episode, let's read a question from our pod deck interview
deck to get to know each other a little bit better.
And the question is, what's your favorite gadget?
Well, my favorite gadget would have to be my blender.
I don't know if you've ever seen there's a series of YouTube videos called Will It Blend?
But they blend up all sorts of weird stuff in a Blendtec blender like cell phones, lighters,
and yard rake, and much other things.
And so after like years of research, I was like, you know what, I'm going to get one
of these and just blend fruits and vegetables in it and make smoothies.
I was going to ask.
How do they blend a rake?
Do they break it into little?
So they like opened up the hole in the lid and he just kind of like put the handle down
into the blender slowly.
Oh, so he would chipper.
Yes, I don't think he put the head of the rake in there.
Well, that's the interesting part, though, because otherwise it's just a piece of wood.
That is true.
But the cell phones are pretty interesting.
It blended most stuff in the videos into dust and it does a pretty good job making smoothies.
I also use it to make peanut butter sometimes.
Oh, yeah.
That sounds good.
Right on.
It counts the number of blends that you do.
So like every time you turn it on, it's like 385 and you're like, yes, I'm really getting
my money's worth out of this blender.
That's cool.
No shit.
It's got a counter on it to let you know how many blends you've done.
Yeah.
I think if you buy one of the more expensive models, they are all pretty expensive, but
if you buy one of the more expensive ones, it has like a LCD screen and when you get
to like certain milestones, I think it has like fireworks and says, great job.
That's your 100th blend.
It's a fuckout.
Does it have a leaderboard?
You have to compete with others.
I mean, they might now.
I don't know.
That's wild.
Okay, cool.
That is awesome.
Derek?
I would have to say, I think my favorite gadget is my little Arctic Air water-cooled fan thing
that I got.
Okay.
It's like a brand new desk, right?
Yeah.
Is that like a little mini air conditioner?
Yeah, a little white air conditioner thing.
You put this little filter that you put in water, put in the freezer and then there's
like an air reservoir that you fill between the two of them.
It cools the air that comes through it or it can add like a little bit of moisture to
the air as well, especially with the wood stove.
So it's nice.
It's quiet.
I don't get yelled at like I do for the rest of the fans.
Right on.
Rebecca, what's your favorite gadget?
Oh, I don't know.
I'm torn between a few.
I might say these headphones.
These are really nice and they're Bluetooth so I don't need this wire.
I need the wire now because we're recording, I guess.
But yeah, it's really nice when I edit our other podcasts.
Right on.
I'm going to continue the theme of kitchen gadgets and say my rice cooker.
That thing's held up.
It was free and it's held up.
It's cooked rice.
I've had it for 10 years, at least once a week for 10 years.
So if it had a counter on it, it would be up there and it shows no signs of not cooking
my rice perfect every time.
So that's my favorite.
Besides my cell phone, but I feel like that's a gimme.
Yeah, we're trying to avoid cell phone.
Yeah, that's why nobody said that.
If we want to do kitchen gadgets, I would have said my crock pot.
That's a convenient gadget there.
The crock pot is a good one.
If I was to say, it's not even a gadget.
It's just a cast iron pan.
It's not really a gadget.
But it's my favorite.
I was going to say mine is still the cast iron pan out of the kitchen.
You said your car starter earlier.
Yeah.
That's an impressive one.
I feel like I also like that more because I feel like it's the most into my car modification
that I've done personally.
That's pretty cool.
Mr. Chevrolet did mine.
I think we're disrespecting the TV though.
TV is a pretty classic gadget.
It's hard to be like, oh, I know people don't have them all the time, but that's rare.
I was going to say a screen of any kind is still up there for me.
TV, projector, phone, anything I can watch something on.
Yeah.
Especially the smart TVs now.
Press the Amazon button or Netflix button.
Very nice.
They only last for two or three years, but.
Yeah, but they're only like 400 bucks now, which sounds like a very assholish thing to
say.
They're only 400 bucks.
I can afford a new one every two years.
You don't want to, but-
You don't want to.
If it breaks, you do not have a TV.
We did that for a week and then we bought a TV that was so big.
It took up the entire interior of our car, the box, to the point where we had to push
the seats all the way forward in the front.
I had to drive.
And she had to drive because I couldn't move my legs.
And then I sat a 12 pack of Sam Adams on top and it just rattled the entire time.
It was the worst 40 minute drive of my life.
Yep.
It was awful.
And that was after we had asked the guy to split the payment up between two cards because
we were each going to pay for half and he rings up the first card and goes, whoops,
forgot to do that.
I was like, cool, can we reverse it?
He's like, it'll take like two or three days and then you're going to have to pay for the
other half if you want to split it still today.
So you'll be paying one and a half times today, but you'll get your money back.
I was like, nah, nope.
Nope.
Okay.
Thanks guy.
And then they're like, we can't bring it out to the curb for you.
So carry it.
Good luck.
Yeah.
All right.
Cool.
Full service.
Yep.
Wow.
Good old target.
But then we went grocery shopping first.
So we had to take all the groceries out, put the TV in and then put the groceries back in.
It was awful.
It was a huge mistake.
It was a nightmare.
Poorly planned.
I didn't even plug the TV in for three days.
It just sat there because it was even too big for the stand.
We didn't get a wall stand or anything and we had nothing that it could fit on.
So I had to get a board that goes past the dresser to put the legs on.
Poor planning.
Yeah.
Well, that's our favorite gadgets.
So let's jump into the episode.
Skinny is going to regale us the tale of the last episode.
Well, Skinny is not going to, Rebecca has.
Last time the party set out from the fort the next day and stumbled upon a cave and
we ventured inside.
Hidden in the dark caverns the party finds a yum cake dog and decides to follow it.
The pastry puppy leads the party into a few dangerous situations, including some giant
flying bugs.
On the other side of the caverns the party looks down upon the archipelago and witnesses
death sentence and public execution.
They decide to head quickly away from the executioner and to the closest tavern.
They are advised by their new friend Glork to try looking for the envoy at the spire
where the weirdos live.
So the party heads to the spire.
They find the envoy at the shrine level and he tells them they need to find the soul collector's
menagerie of creatures.
So after a night's rest the party is about to set out to capture an interesting creature
that has a mental map of the zoo.
All right.
So we'll pick up in the bunkhouse super early super early dawn hours.
You guys got a full night's sleep.
So because we had an intermission or because we're on a new session recovered back up to
10 HP and recover five AP.
I never recovered any AP previously.
I don't know why.
Maybe it's because you didn't use any.
I do believe I didn't use any in the right beginning stage.
I never recovered AP there.
I went 10 9 8 7.
Well everybody sounds like everybody's back up to 10.
Right.
Yeah.
I'm both.
Cool.
That's cool.
And so everybody else everybody also gets to pick an additional ability from their class
and everybody pick.
I changed my mind.
But yes I picked.
So what ability did each of you take?
Why don't we start with Job?
Okay.
So I took the next skill in my mannequin's track.
It is called Phantom Menace and it allows me to read the mind of a nearby NPC and produce
an illusion that they find extremely irritating and only myself and the target can see it.
But it provokes them and it draws their full attention for 10 minutes and I can control
it.
All right.
Awesome.
NERP.
What did you take?
I took the next one in the wrath track and it is Lawbringer.
You raise your hands to the sky and summon a spectral hammer into your grip.
The hammer is one handed weapon that deals three damage.
It appears to crackle with blue green lightning and leaves a deep reverberating sound in its
wake.
If you roll a triumphant using the hammer it releases a cracking boom and casts the
thunderous word spell on the target.
The hammer vanishes in smoke after one hour or when it is dismissed.
Awesome.
That'll be handy for taking out that executioner guy.
You're really dead set on that.
I want to kill that guy.
Okay.
All right Skinny.
So speaking of killing what did you take?
I took the next step in the leadership path.
I took plan.
If you have time before an attack you may plan and ambush your enemies taking the first
round before action each player says what they're going to do on their first turn and
then the guide makes that happen simultaneously.
Cool.
That is awesome.
I figured that sounded like it'd come in really handy.
Yeah.
That is a great way to avoid having all of us have to roll top initiatives.
Yeah.
So you guys wake up at the ass crack ish of dawn in the bunkhouse.
Well are you two ready to head out?
Oh my God.
Sorry.
Were you sleeping still?
I just was coming out of it.
You just as soon as my eyes moved you just good morning.
Well I've just been waiting here for hours.
Well sorry about the wait but I would still actually like to just you know grab a little
bite to eat before we head out.
I mean we do that too.
You do do that.
We can stop and do that.
Maybe just get an apple on the way out of the.
Well eat something substantial so you're not hungry again in an hour.
Two apples then.
I'm just going to grab a piece of bread and a piece of fruit.
All of this is extremely easy to find so you find what you're looking for.
There's an inn.
There's a continental breakfast.
Yeah.
As you come down the bunkhouse stairs like there's a crock pot or a crock of some sort
of grayish porridge looking liquid and some assorted fruit hanging around.
Nobody's nobody's attending to the feast here.
It's just serve yourself.
Oh perfect.
Yep.
Perfect.
Off we go.
I'm gonna get it to go.
Likewise.
Just grab a couple things you know something each hand piece of bread in my mouth.
Yep.
Well all right then.
Did we leave our dogs on the other side of those caves?
They did not make it through the cave I'm pretty sure.
Oh gosh we're in for a long walk.
Swim.
Oh yes.
There's a lake in between us and our walk.
Well we could probably walk around the lake.
Or there's a boat.
That's a big lake.
Maybe there's a boat around.
Let's go find a boat.
Oh shit I have a boat.
Uh yeah let's just head to the water.
All right.
Well okay.
Let's go.
Walk down to the water when we get there.
I'm gonna use I believe it's 1AP to use the boat in the box and I take this little piece
this little paper boat out and I unfold it and I toss it into the water and it turns
into a three-person canoe.
Well that is spectacular.
Perfect.
Nice.
The day is or the morning is pretty calm.
Pretty fair weather out.
It's a nice morning.
It's not like the lake is directly behind the archipelago.
So it takes you it's a little walk to get there.
It's about an hour down to down to the edge of the lake and the lake is pretty massive
in size.
However, it doesn't seem to be that deep at any point.
You can at almost all points see the bottom of the lake.
It's very nice clear water.
Sometimes that means nothing can grow in it.
Maybe it's toxic.
I don't know.
Were either of you wearing any leather?
Because the envoy said leather attracted the things we were looking for.
No.
Whoops.
No, I also am not wearing leather.
You have plate armor on.
Maybe we should have.
I do.
Should we go back?
I mean my bag is made of leather.
I have most of my things but my outfit is not.
No, mine is not either.
It's linen.
Perhaps the bag is enough.
What are your thoughts on this?
Are we going back to town?
No.
I think we'll just press on.
All right.
Does somebody have a leather bedroll?
No, who sleeps in leather?
Also I don't sleep so I don't have a bedroll at all.
Do you sleep in leather, Job?
I don't think so.
I have the same bedrolls that the king gave to you.
What do you mean?
Did he give you a bedroll even though you don't sleep?
No, I did not get one.
He's very stingy.
Is that your choice?
No.
I thought.
Yeah, I didn't need one so I did not get one.
Stingy.
We could have used that for something maybe.
You never know.
Well, maybe we'll meet someone or something that we can train for their leather or make
them into leather.
Yeah, I'm not walking back up the hill for leather.
Oh, thank gosh.
Can we even afford full head to toe leather armor right now?
I don't think we need that much leather.
Just like paint?
It was like an afterthought as far as I can tell.
It's just like, this also happened, you know, correlation isn't always causation.
How many bags of shinies do each of you have?
I have two.
I have one.
I have two.
Two, one, two.
Okay.
Everybody roll a d20 for me.
19.
Six.
Ten.
Okay.
Skinny, as you're talking, you're kind of gazing over at the edge of the boat and the
water is pretty clear.
The bottom is only about five, six feet deep at this point.
And as you guys are moving across the lake, suddenly this spot where you find yourselves
goes like dead calm.
There's no more waves.
There's, you know, it's just pretty much a glass top.
And as you're looking down, you see a peculiar looking piece of coral with a crab on it.
Turn and look up at your boat.
Does anybody else see this weird little crab?
I don't know a lot about water life, but this little guy looking right at me.
I stopped rowing and started looking down.
Look at where I'm pointing.
I'm looking where you're pointing.
I don't see a crab.
Suddenly its arm reaches up and grabs the side of your canoe.
I see a crab.
It begins to pull itself.
So it's like a big coral being with a crab just like on its face.
It begins to pull down the side of your three person canoe, trying to get up into it and
grab you skinny.
Oh, we've made a huge mistake.
We should have left.
Should have rowed faster.
Seeing it start to grab on, I'm going to pull out my sword and poke it.
Okay.
Everybody roll initiative for me.
Ten.
Three.
Now I get a 19.
Okay.
Nurt, you're up first.
I'm going to shoot it with the bow.
With my sure shot bow.
For a 14.
14 is a good hit.
Yes, you lodge an arrow into this thing, knocking off a bit of its coral body.
However, it still continues to climb and now it grasps at skinny.
As it extends its one arm, a large weird looking octopus tentacle comes out and is like an
extension of its hand.
It grabs you with that and then rakes its claw across your face doing two damage to
you skinny.
Skinny, you're up.
I'm going to use my wild attack.
I attack wildly, disregarding my safety.
Oh, but I rolled a two.
So I miss and all enemies within reach can counter attack.
Oh, cool.
Let's see if it counter attacks.
A 15 definitely counter attacks.
So it reaches up with its other arm also and like digs its corally claw into your back
and is now actively trying to drag you solely underwater.
You take another two HP.
Gentlemen, I need your help.
Oh my.
Joe, it'd be your turn.
I'm going to rush over and again swing at the arm that's grabbing skinny.
13.
All right.
Yeah.
13.
What are you swinging at it with?
Just your.
Just my short sword.
Okay.
Just coming over and just kind of chop at it.
Right on.
You manage to chop one of its coral arms clean off.
However, it still has skinny wrapped up with its other hand that has the octopus tentacle
coming out of it.
It's like suction cup to skinny.
And nerd.
It's back to the top of the order.
I'm going to take another shot with the sure shot bow and try and aim for the joints and
its claw that's holding on to skinny over there.
That's a six.
Oh, six is not great.
It's a tough choice.
It is a tough choice.
Yeah.
So your tough choice.
You can, you can hit this creature with your bow.
However, in doing so, you're going to lose your balance and fall out of the canoe into
the water or you can miss your shot completely.
I'll fall out of the boat into the water and have a successful shot.
OK, so you let loose with this arrow knocking yourself off balance.
However, there are does lodge into you're trying to take its other arm off like at the
joint.
I'm trying to shoot into the joint because it's usually softer tissue and the arm that
is still right on still attached to skinny.
Yeah.
And you managed to do so and you hit it perfectly knocking the joint apart.
And this creature falls back into the water, leaving only like the grasping hand still
around you with the tentacle.
But skinny, you're able to pull that off pretty easily.
But you do fall backwards off balance and into the water.
So as you fall into the water, Nurt, all of a sudden you begin to feel some grasping claws
coming at your back.
They're both the same for initiative.
You feel like a sea snake begin to wrap its way up around your neck and you feel a bite
right into your collarbone as one of these coral tipped fingers grabs at your shirt to
pull you down quicker.
And skinny.
Skinny is going to dive into the water after Nurt and try to save him.
Especially like a bunch of floating bones.
Right, but no, you really do get to jump in.
So what are you trying to do?
Like drag him out or?
He's got tentacles wrapped around him.
He's got a snake wrapped around him and a coral hand pulling at his shirt.
Okay.
I don't really have a plan here.
I'm going to attack the snake that's wrapped around Nurt and try to, I don't know, just
rip at it and try to pull it off of him.
It's like a pretty like small diameter snake.
Oh, it's not a.
Yeah, it's not like it's not a python or a boa constrictor.
It's like a water snake.
Okay.
I'm going to use technique.
You're always deadly even without a weapon.
Body attacks now do two HP.
Oh, I rolled a one, so I will spend two AP.
A failure is upgraded to a success.
Well that's good.
Yeah, so you reach out and you're just trying to rip the snake off, punch it.
What do you?
Just rip it in half.
Right on.
You managed to do that.
You ripped the snake in two.
However, he's still, Nurt is still being dragged down.
I'm going to keep swimming after him.
Okay.
Joe, what are you doing?
Up in the boat, nice and safe, paddling away.
Can I see, so what can I see of the creature that's dragging Nurt down?
How could you see?
Can it see me?
Like if it was looking like.
Probably not because he's like up above it, right?
And it's pulling him down and down towards him.
So there's probably a barrier between the two of you.
All right.
Can I reach out?
Are you within, is he being pulled under or would I be able to reach him from the boat
at this point?
He is being pulled under.
Okay, so nothing.
It's not super deep here still.
So eventually he's going to stop going down.
But I do think reaching down out of a boat is actually extremely difficult.
There's a lot of space.
Yeah.
So you'd have to be like right there.
Yeah.
Especially in a canoe with only one occupant.
Well then I'm just going to shoot my boat down into the water at what I think is the
part that's, you know, pulling Nurt down.
Okay.
Did you take damage by the way?
Did I tell you to take damage?
How much damage was it?
Two.
Two?
Okay.
I got a four.
How much more damage do I take?
That's just a straight up failure.
You lodge an arrow into your buddy Nurt.
Right into the meat of the shoulder there.
Take three HP.
Nurt.
Sorry about that bud.
No, it'd be two.
It'd be two.
Sorry.
Your bow only does two, right?
Oh, yes.
Just a normal two.
He's like, my bow does nothing actually.
All you hear is, whoa.
I hit something.
However, after you take the arrow to the shoulder, it is your turn.
Great.
At this point, I am terrified of what's happening.
So I am going to cast Lawbringer and summon that hammer.
Okay.
I'm going to hit whatever is grabbing me as hard as I can.
For a ten.
A ten's a tough choice.
Okay.
On a tough choice, you can hit it.
However, it will get the chance to counter attack you or you can just miss.
I'll take the chance on a crack counter attack.
Okay.
He only rolled a two, so he completely misses.
But you do smash him with this spectral hammer.
Spectral lightning hammer.
Spectral lightning hammer underwater.
It's got to be a pretty crazy scene for Skinny to see.
So close.
And the creature stops pulling you down as you smash at it.
However, it does lunge up at you and from the bottom.
And he does hit you again for a 13 damage, for two damage.
He plunges like you managed to knock apart one of his arms, but it made like kind of
a blade of coral.
And he comes up and jabs you right in the side.
Skinny.
Can you explain to me what's exactly going on again?
Yeah.
So you're swimming down, following Nurt down under the water as he gets pulled down.
You just watched him summon a spectral hammer with lightning coming out of it, smash this
coral zombie, the same type that was pulling you down.
And then you watched him get stabbed and he's like right down below you.
You don't have to breathe, so you could be underwater.
Oh yeah, I'm good.
Indiscriminate amount of time.
If I swim down, can I just grab Nurt's hand and try to like start swimming up?
You can try, sure.
I could do like a strength check to a...
Yeah, just do a d20.
19.
And then you grab Nurt from whatever position it is, like at his belt loops or some shit,
and you pull him back up to the surface of the water.
And you guys are like clinging onto the edge of the boat.
Okay, I'm going to try to lift him up.
Just row and kick.
And I'm going to, you know, try and help heave him into the boat.
Okay.
Joe, roll a d20.
Eight.
Very weak.
Can I help?
You know, the boat's rocking and it's kind of hard.
Yeah, why don't you roll too, Skinny?
And we'll see.
Like, I'm in the boat, but you're not.
So you got a 10?
You got an eight?
Yeah, that's still really not great.
Yeah, by both of you pretty much failing that roll, Skinny, you managed to pull at a time
where Jobe is trying to push or pull, and you managed to toss both of you out of the
boat.
So now no one's in the boat.
Oh, I didn't think I was in the boat yet.
You weren't.
Oh, okay.
You didn't get back.
You didn't manage to get back in the boat.
Okay.
We're all swimming now.
Everybody's swimming.
Shall we just swim for it?
Shall we push the canoe and swim?
Is it my turn?
Yes.
I'm going to cast shield on myself.
You can still take an action too.
Okay, cool.
Do you guys want to kill this crustacean?
Hell yeah.
All right, I'm going to swim back down and throw my hammer at it.
Okay.
Like a Thor toss, but underwater.
Make a roll.
Let's see it.
What'd you get?
Three.
Oh no.
Three is just a straight up failure.
And it counterattacks.
So this coral cruiser swims up at you one more time with its bladed arm and swings across
and taking two HP damage off of your shield.
And skinny, it's your turn again.
Now that you've dragged Nurt back to the boat and then he decided to immediately swim back
down towards the creature and you knocked Job out of the boat at the same time.
What are you doing?
Okay.
Well, if we decided we're killing this thing, I'm going to swim down and I'm going to use
my wild attack.
But I miss and all enemies within reach can counter attack.
Counter attacks with a 20.
Oh, okay.
Cool.
So as it slashes Nurt's shield, it comes back and you swim down, getting his attention and
it stabs this coral blade directly into you.
He's going to do four damage.
Oh, okay.
That's great.
Okay.
Have we done any damage to this thing?
Yes, you have.
Okay.
Very close.
Okay.
Somebody just really needs to hit it for a while.
Job.
All right.
So now, after all this, all your companions get sliced up underneath this boat.
Seeing this terrifying display of violence, I cast bedazzle and summon forth four glowing
magical bolts.
And is there just one enemy?
Yes, there's only one.
I send all four of these bolts right at it.
All right.
Fuck yeah.
And they all do two HP damage.
Okay.
So does your, you know, getting slashed up in the water see these just four bolts of
light?
Prismatic bolts.
Prismatic bolts fly through the water past you, piercing this coral zombie four times
and just decimating its body and it parts and pieces begin to fall to the lake floor.
And a quick scan of the area reveals that there are no more trying to grab you.
Well, I'm going to swim up to the boat and try to shamble in.
Okay.
I'm going to swim down and see if there's any treasure that thing was hiding.
I'm going in.
Okay.
You guys hold hands swimming through the water.
However, there's nothing under here that was hidden that you guys can see.
It was just a couple, unfortunately placed coral zombies.
Well, let's get back in that boat somehow.
Yeah.
Okay.
Let's go up and go back in the boat.
After several attempts and great amount of effort, the three of you managed to get back
in the boat and back on your way.
Well, that was quite the battle.
Does anybody have anything that might heal my bones up?
No.
Would a health dart work?
Yeah.
She's still a character.
Where would I stab him with it?
Spine?
Right in the bones.
Just in the bones.
As soon as he asks, I'm going to pull it out of the dart and just stab for what I think
is in between a joint.
Ow, man.
That hurts.
Thank you.
But damn, what an inconvenient way to give me health.
How much does it give?
I'm looking that up right now.
It increases four because it matches the health potion.
Okay.
That's what I thought.
I just wanted to...
Thank you.
That feels much better.
You're welcome.
Sorry, there's a slight pinch.
Yeah, a little.
It's like giving bone marrow.
A lot of times it's just easier to get it over with.
Yes, I suppose it is.
I'm going to take the other one and stab myself in the leg with it and go up to eight health.
Solidarity.
I like it.
And now those are gone.
All of them?
I only had two.
What's everybody's health at now?
Six.
Eight.
Ten.
You didn't.
You never left the boat.
You got a little wet.
Yeah.
You got a little wet.
You're a little uncomfortable.
That's about it.
As soon as you guys begin to row your boat again and get on your way, the waves pick
back up, leaving that super, super calm spot and not running into one again.
So you make it across to the other side of the lake.
Probably took a solid hour or two of rowing to make it across.
It's early morning.
Not early morning.
It's morning.
Bright morning.
Morning brightness.
Bright time morning.
What a fine morning.
What a good morning it'll be.
It's the perfect morning to fish.
So bright out here.
Hopefully we don't have to walk up a hill now.
We're at water level.
We have to walk up a hill.
I know.
Gonna row ashore and then pack up the boat and put it back in its little tin.
Put it back in my pocket.
So now where?
Does that boat always look like a canoe when you take it out?
No.
It's a good time, let's make it something enclosed.
Or something wider.
It was very shallow.
We didn't want to, I thought it would be fast and easy to go right across on a canoe.
It was just a lake.
Well we seem to attract things that don't agree with us.
It'll be a sloop next time.
So I guess now it's past this mountain range I see in the distance.
Yeah we have to head west of the mountains.
So off we go.
I'm gonna pull out the compass and ask if this is the right way.
Hey compass.
Why aren't you telling us where to go?
Well we're on a lake.
I mean there's mountains, you can see them, they're the only ones that aren't the ones
we just came from before.
That is true.
So are we going the right way?
Yeah the compass says, you're going the right way!
I forgot the talking compass.
Well I believe we're headed the right direction so up this hill we shall go I suppose.
You guys begin to hike into the mountains to the west and you're just wandering the
mountains I guess following the compass.
But the compass seems to be like wavering a little while you're in the mountains and
pointing it in many different directions.
Every time you look at it it's like pointing somewhere else.
And it's pretty confusing.
But as you guys kind of hike through these passes eventually a small man begins to make
his way towards you whistling as he hikes through this pass.
Hello sir.
Oh hello hello!
How are you?
Where are you off to this fine morning?
I am just making my way through the mountains.
Where are you off to this morning?
We are in search of a creature.
A chaos creature.
A chaos creature?
And what is that?
I don't believe we're sure.
Hoping you would know.
Well perhaps it would behoove you to know that if you take the path to the left here
you will run into an area where a lot of travelers have recently encountered some strangeness.
Sir you're saying left but you are pointing right and I am not sure which way you mean.
I apologize.
Left is right, right is left.
Go down this way?
That I am pointing.
The right way.
That's right.
Sure.
Alright.
But that sounds exactly like what we were sent to look for.
It does.
Do you have anything leather bound on you?
Only my breeches.
May I buy them off of you?
No.
Literally off of you?
No I do not think so.
Not even for a bag of shannis?
A whole bag?
They are my only breeches.
What about two?
But you could buy new breeches down the street at the spire.
What if we trade for mountains without breeches?
We seem about the same size.
We do?
I mean two feet shorter than you and much wider.
It's close enough.
Want to try mine on?
I do not like this pattern.
Head to the left you find what you're looking for.
That's the right again that you're pointing at.
Stop.
I don't know.
Head to the left.
To me it's the left.
Head this way?
That I am pointing?
That's the right.
And it's a no on the pants.
These are my pants.
Should I use a loosen and make his pants fall?
Yes, Jobe.
I'm not going to.
What a good illusion that would be.
I must be on my way.
You must.
I think you should get going.
Bye.
Au revoir.
Thank you for your time.
And he whistles as he works his way out holding very tightly to his pants.
He's very concerned about his pants right now.
Want to be able to all get a good chuckle over the pants?
I can't believe he didn't give us the pants.
For two bags of shinies he could have bought a whole store full of pants.
A whole new pants.
We could have just taken his pants probably.
But for another time.
I thought we were.
You guys are now pants thieves?
Three days out of the city we got to steal that guy's pants.
We didn't.
We thought about it.
I can see the progression from lawful good to chaotic very quickly.
Every day you guys alignment traps.
By the end you're just going to be murderers.
We're going to try not to be.
To summon pants.
Alright, so off we go down the left right path.
That one.
I'll follow you.
You guys head down the path that he pointed to?
Right on.
Does it correspond with Job's compass?
The compass does not.
It's not really being just.
Yeah, it's acting up right now.
Okay.
I asked it if we're going the right way and it's like ehh try again later.
You guys begin down the path and when you do look at the compass it like is pointing
to almost every direction behind you.
Just like spinning back and forth behind you.
Maybe we're going the wrong way?
Makes me think that it's not identifying a singular target but like they're this way.
And eventually it'll get down to like this.
Moving.
Yeah.
Maybe it moves really fast.
Should we try and set a trap?
Put like the leather backpack out in the open?
Yeah, we could do that.
We can plan how we all attack at the same time.
Yes, that plan.
Well we want to keep it alive, right?
Just to clarify.
Let's find a little clearing.
With some shrubs and trees around it and yeah we'll set a little trap and see if this thing
comes.
I'm on board with that.
It seemed to be between where he said that the stuff was happening and where your compass
says that we're supposed to be headed so.
There happens to be this nice tree off to the side of the path.
We'll leave the bag here and we can go sit beneath the shade of the tree and observe.
Sounds like a great idea.
Then I have the mesmerize ability where I can distract it if anything does come so it
won't run away like that weird backpack thief earlier.
I am going to use sigil and use lure.
Going to set a lure you say?
Yeah, I'm going to set a lure on your leather backpack.
Maybe it'll help attract something to us.
Okay, so you guys are looking for a spot to put a leather bag down?
No, we found a spot next to the tree.
Okay.
And you also did the lure sigil?
Yep.
So you're trying to attract it to the backpack which is at the sigil too?
I put the sigil on the backpack.
Gotcha.
Right on.
That makes sense.
Okay.
You guys do this and you hunker down not really sure what to expect.
And as you guys are hiding all three of you begin to hear the sounds of some wind picking
up behind you guys and it begins to whirl and make some pretty loud noises.
Oh my.
It was pretty calm this morning.
I don't really see where this wind might be coming from.
I would like to look and use size up.
Okay.
Useful insight into the capabilities, strengths, vulnerabilities, or resistances of the creature.
Are you looking for the creature that's causing the wind?
Yes.
Okay.
You see on the ground when you do this size up you look down for some reason looking for
a creature that might be responsible for this.
And you see out of the cracks of stone on this mountain a bubbling of lava begins to
erupt from the ground.
Not like a volcano size.
It's just a few drops at first and suddenly it begins to pool up.
And you notice that the wind begins to centralize on this pool of lava.
And then it suddenly picks up very quickly shooting this lava up into a spiraling cyclone.
And you would know this from your travels.
This is a lava puck.
And it is pretty much a whirlwind of rock and fire.
Is it a creature or like a weather event?
It is an elemental creature.
So this fits what we're looking to bring back?
No.
No?
No, not really.
It's just that these are pretty common.
Okay.
So not a chaos creature.
It doesn't head towards the sigil.
Okay.
What are some of its strengths and vulnerabilities or resistances?
It is invulnerable to fire.
And you know if you stay too close to it you're going to get caught on fire.
Gentlemen, we need to move away from this lava thing erupting over there.
Should we grab the backpack and move somewhere else and try to set up our trap?
Is it coming towards us?
I thought it was going the other way.
Oh, it begins to come towards you.
As soon as you say that and it recognizes that you notice it, it makes its way towards
you.
Yeah, let's grab the bag.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
Yep.
And run for it.
Run away.
Okay, everybody roll to run.
17.
13.
7.
Everybody but Nurt gets a good solid footing as they begin to dash away.
Nurt, suddenly you feel a very hot, very sharp rock hit you.
Oh, you also have your shield on still.
Yes.
Two.
Rebuke.
Does that turn a creature away?
It turns any incoming attacker away.
Not an attack but the attacker.
So this is an attack.
Oh, this is an attack?
Okay, they're not going to use Rebuke.
Okay, so this fiery rock does three damage overall.
So with your shield that should reduce it by one.
The other two, are you guys just going to continue to run away?
I mean, Skinny's out of there.
Skinny's little chicken legs are taking him as far and fast.
Yeah, I'd agree with that.
That's fine.
I won't hold it against anybody being left behind.
Yeah.
I'm being sincere about that.
Just hustling.
Go the other direction.
Okay, well then, Nurt, I guess you're on your own.
Your choice on what to do.
Fun.
I'm going to...
Well, this thing is moving towards me, correct?
Yes.
Oh, she's going to keep running.
Okay.
My roll?
Yeah, give me another roll.
14.
14's a successful runaway.
So you get back up after getting clobbered with this fiery rock to your back.
It burns away some of your robes.
It makes a nice big hole in the back.
But eventually you catch it.
It's like in a Scooby Doo movie where everybody else is running and then you manage to run
past them really fast down this path.
But the lava puck does stop following you guys and just makes its way off into the hills.
Nice smoke trail coming off of me.
Yeah, exactly.
You okay?
Run!
Oh, okay.
You're smoking a little bit.
Do I still have...
Is there anything back there?
It doesn't look like it's following you anymore.
I think we're good on running.
Should we reset this trap here?
Let me look at the compass a little bit.
Compass, are we near any chaos creatures?
That's not really what I'm designed for.
What do you mean it's not designed for?
Is this the mountains where we're supposed to be?
You are in the mountains.
This is a place beyond the lake.
You should be in the right spot.
All right, well the compass thinks that we're at least where we're supposed to be headed.
Well that's good.
That's good.
Well, I mean, the sigil's still working on the peg, so...
All right, I'm gonna just put the bag down then and walk away a little bit.
Yeah, let's give that another try.
As you guys set it down, you see a familiar traveler heading back up the path now towards
you guys again, coming from the other direction.
Oh, hello there!
Oh, hello friend, good to see you again.
Again?
I do not believe we have met.
Really?
Yes, I would remember.
I would.
I'm willing to offer you double for your pants.
My pants?
Yes, you just spoke with us.
Yeah, we tried to buy your pants.
Oh no, I do not believe it was me.
Does this look familiar?
And I'm gonna do some magic tricks and mesmerize him.
Oh shit, all right.
So I'm gonna start like creating little balls of light in my hand and like juggling them
and then they start to just juggle on their own.
Oh, this does not look familiar at all.
Did you do this for someone else?
No, not this.
So I think then he's just like...
His attention is just stuck on those.
Right on.
Guys.
What if this is the thing and it's being lured to our sigil?
What we're about to find out...
That's some good thinking right there.
Is it though?
I don't know.
I mean, he doesn't remember the pants.
Maybe he is the creature.
Can I use...
All the creatures look like this, man.
I'm gonna use compel truth on this thing.
Okay.
Your eyes glow like blue flames as you look into the eyes of a nearby creature and grip
their mind.
And I rolled a 15.
The target is compelled to answer three questions truthfully.
Okay.
What are you?
I am a man.
A person.
I look like you.
Only shorter.
Squatter.
Plumper.
Handsomer.
Cuter.
Better with the lid, is no doubt.
And on less fire.
Well, he's just smoking.
He's not on fire.
Ah.
Anyone else have?
Oh well, I'm not gonna ask a good question.
I am both mesmerized and dazzled by your wondering fiery eyes.
Do you have a twin?
Oh yes.
Well.
I do.
His name is Reginald.
Do not listen to a word Reginald says.
Reginald is a liar.
I'm scared to say anything because it's gonna be a question and it's not gonna be worth
asking with the spell.
Should we ask about the chaos creature?
I was gonna ask, yeah.
Do you know the location of a chaos creature?
Oh, like the goats?
Yes.
Oh, they are found on the hills here.
Behind me.
Just don't not go to the path down to the, fuck did I say it was right or left?
You said left before.
But I pointed right.
Yup.
Do not go down that path, the one you just came from.
Don't go back down there again.
Very dangerous.
Go to the straight forward path or down to the right.
Although the higher you are the more goats there may be.
Well thank you.
Thank you for your time.
You're welcome.
Is his pants also leather?
No.
Okay.
I'm still offering to buy your pants.
For what reason?
Can I turn around?
Oh.
Your high knee is showing.
It's a little cold.
I will give you my pants.
Thank you.
He takes off his pants and hands them to you and like they do not fit.
No.
You said that they're short and fat.
So they probably look like Capri style parachute pants.
Yeah.
They look pretty wild.
Well that's a good look nerd.
And I look at Joba and I go like no it's not.
It's a little tight on the knees.
So you think if we met your brother he would have hoodwinked us because he sent us down
this path.
Oh yes.
He has an issue where all he does is lie.
I do not know why.
Well thank you for this information.
And you don't have this problem?
I mean he was just magically compelled unless he's got a resistance to that.
I do not have the same problem as Reginald.
Well alright then.
Have a great day.
Au revoir.
And he whistles as he walks.
Now up the path I guess because he was headed the other direction.
You gotta go up the path.
Well I guess we didn't need to mass summarize him.
So back to the other path.
Not the one we just came from.
Should we go the upper path?
Yeah probably.
Or the non-upper path?
Let's go the way he suggested.
The path with the more goats?
Yeah.
Path with the more goats.
Okay.
We're gonna head up the path?
Yep.
With the bag.
Right on.
Make sure we still got that.
How long does the sigil last?
The bag continues to be leather.
Indefinitely.
Uh sigil.
No it just says the sigil attracts creatures to its location where they will linger for
a minute.
Cool.
So you guys are headed up this central mountain path and as it gets kind of to the top of
the mountain range it branches off in several different directions again just going through
like areas of mountain flowers and short shrubbery.
You haven't found any chaos goats yet however you do in the distance down one of these paths
see a large single tower kind of embedded into the middle of the mountain.
Guys did anyone remember anyone saying anything about a tower in the mountains?
No.
Nope.
Definitely not.
Do you see the tower in the distance?
I do see that tower.
Should we go investigate that or like maybe around there is where the chaos things are?
Might as well.
What do you think we're getting distracted again?
I think we should head toward the tower and check it out maybe there'll be some more leather
in there.
Oh that would be helpful.
It can't hurt we're looking for goats.
Maybe there will be goats on the way.
Let's press on towards that tower through the path that goes through the mountain flowers.
You guys head through the mountain flower path.
It's pretty nice you know no dangers no lava nothing out of the ordinary until you get
down to this tower and it's like it's just a large circular tower it's got one wooden
door entrance.
It's set in the shade at this point of the day so it's got a dark kind of ominous presence
to it however there's no one posted outside you know there's no guards or anything anywhere.
Are there any windows at the like level which we can see or other ones higher up that we
can't see through?
There are other ones higher up that would be on a second floor.
I'm gonna knock on the door.
There is no answer nobody comes to answer the door.
Should we just go in or maybe we could stack on top of each other and try to see in that
window?
Um I think that's a good choice if we can't get through the door.
I'm gonna try the door handle.
The door is open.
Okay that's good.
Well that's easier.
Although it probably wouldn't have been too hard to have you stand on one of our shoulders
but the other way you'd be a little nervous.
Oh yeah I could not be on the bottom of that pyramid.
You go in I presume.
Cautiously.
Stealthily.
Sneakily.
As you creak the door open you're met with a about a hallway that's about 20 feet long
that opens up into a large chamber beyond that that looks well lit by the sunlight probably
coming in through the windows.
And there are several suits of armor just stacked up against the walls through this
hallway.
Carpeted floor.
Pretty nice.
It's like you don't see any visible cobwebs or anything.
It looks like somebody does probably reside here.
Alright I'm going to go up to one of the suits of armor and open the little like visor thing
and see if anyone's in there.
Okay roll for initiative.
Twelve.
Five.
Four.
Whoops.
I've made a huge mistake.
That night's knowing you guys?
Yeah.
I'm dead in the second solvo?
Yeah we're definitely fighting like death knights or whatever.
We can leave this tower.
Back out.
There's probably something really cool in here though.
I have five AP left.
And it's about to kill us.
I can use that pedasum spell one more time.
I have two AP left.
I can run.
Actually that only keeps me from being able to use lawbringer.
Okay.
So as you open up its visor, this suit of armor immediately lunges forward swiping its
sword at your side.
You're able to dodge backwards.
However, after that one steps down from its pedestal and engages you, two others also
leave the wall and begin to converge on the three of you.
Oh darn it guys.
I made a mistake.
Quick count.
There are three of them.
In total?
No I meant how many suits of armor in total?
Five.
Okay.
Five in this hallway.
Okay.
Skinny, you're up.
I'm going to pull out my bastard sword and I'm going to wild attack.
Okay.
For a 13, which does double damage.
So four.
Nice.
Okay.
And are you swinging, which one are you swinging on?
One that tried to attack Jobe already or one that's just making its way towards you?
One that tried to attack Jobe.
You connect pretty heavily with your bastard sword, clanging this armor about and knocking
off several of its pieces.
You can see like through it, somehow there's nothing, like there's no body or anything
inside.
It's just a suit that's animated itself and is moving.
So there's like no organs or anything.
But you did rattle a good amount of it away when you clashed with it.
And from behind you, you feel the rush of air as one of their halberds comes swinging
down past your head, just managing to miss you.
It did roll a two.
And you get to counter attack.
I do get to counter attack.
Yes.
So I'll attack it with my bastard sword for another 13.
So that's double damage.
All right.
Does wild attack continue to go?
Wait, can I keep using it?
Maybe I can't use it because I'm using counter attack.
So I couldn't really use both.
Yeah, probably not.
Okay.
Well, I rolled a 13 anyway.
Okay.
Awesome.
No, you're up next.
Okay.
All right.
I'm going to draw my sword, use fiery Avenger on it and run and strike one of the other
suits of armor, preferably one that is like behind Joe.
15.
15 hits.
So that's three.
Yeah.
Okay.
So you're attacking, you're attacking the only one that didn't receive an attack.
I believe so.
Yeah.
Okay.
So you're going to do it.
Nice.
So the one you just attacked tries to attack you back, swinging a large battle axe.
However, it's cleaving it right over your head and skimming some hairs, but missing
entirely.
Awesome.
Job.
Seeing this commotion, I'm going to shoot a scintillate up into one of the ones that
had several parts of its armor knocked off and have it explode from the inside.
Nice.
Fuck yeah, that takes out the original suit of armor that attacked you and that skinny
head attack.
All of its parts just clang to the floor.
And another one steps out from the wall and begins to converge on you guys.
That one died.
So skinny, back to you.
Did you finish looking up wild attack?
Is it one's per encounter?
Can I keep using it?
You can keep using it.
Okay.
Well, I'm going to wild attack for sure.
For 20, four times the damage.
Four times the damage.
And which one are you attacking?
Whatever one would be next after the first one that I attacked exploded.
Like if I turn around and...
Probably the second one that you had counter attacked.
Yeah, with quadruple damage, you smash that suit of armor to absolute pieces.
And the last one steps off its pedestal and begins to move its way towards you guys.
And it'd be his turn.
These guys suck.
So he comes to attack you and he only rolls a two.
Okay.
And then I get to counter attack, but I only rolled a four.
Okay.
So you don't counter attack.
So I don't do anything.
All right.
Nurt.
I'm going to strike the one in front of me again with the sword.
For a five.
Five, not great, huh?
No.
It also means that fiery avenger gets dispelled.
So swing and a miss and the flames go out.
That one you just attacked attacks you back.
However, it kind of trips over its own feet.
It does do one damage to you, but it also falls on the ground and it was clamoring to
get back up.
Job, what do you got?
What do you got going on?
I'm going to fire another scintillate at the next suit of armor.
Okay.
14.
Yeah.
Fuck yeah.
14 does good damage.
And how much does it do?
Two.
Two?
Cool.
There are still three suits of armor.
Two of them are pretty fresh.
One of them has been hit.
And one of the fresh ones does come forward, Job, at you.
And with his halberd, he stabs it forward, lunging it into your leg, and you're going
to take two HP damage.
Ah, my leg.
And skinny.
It's back to you.
Okay.
I'm just going to attack the next one, of course, with my bastard sword.
I'm going to wild attack again.
Why not?
For a 16, which does double damage.
Okay.
Doing double damage, you smash another one of these right to pieces and it falls.
You guys are now surrounded by pieces of armor everywhere.
So there are two left.
Two left and they both been hit.
So I think.
Did I kill that one?
You did kill that one.
Yeah.
You shattered it to pieces.
So there are two left.
And it is Nurt's turn.
You said the one that I'm attacking is down next to me?
Yes.
I'm just going to take my sword and drive it straight down.
For another five.
No.
What's your health at?
Five.
Okay, cool.
So you won't die then.
Great.
You stab it down, digging your blade into the floor.
For some reason, you managed to get it into a crack between two blocks, wedging it.
And the one that's on the ground drags you down and kind of stabs you onto a dagger that
it had had on the floor.
It rolled a triumph, so it's going to do double damage.
So you're going to take four HP damage and you are on the floor with this thing.
That's awesome.
Yeah, real great.
Joe?
I'm going to run over to the one that just pulled Nurt down and swing my short sword
onto it for a 19.
19.
Super good hit.
So yeah, when you attack this one, after it's already taken some damage, you stab down into
it.
And it's a pretty weird feeling when you stab into a metal thing with no guts, that once
you stab into it, the armor just like falls limply to the ground, leaving just one more
of these empty suits of armor.
And he rolled a nine to attack Skinny.
Great.
I am going to counter attack.
Oh, I didn't need to roll.
If you rolled a ten or worse on a basic attack against me, I parry and take no damage.
So I don't have to roll for a counter attack.
Cool.
But it's my turn?
It is now your turn.
I'm going to turn around and wild attack it.
Eight, double damage, but the enemy counter attacks.
Double damage, so four.
Okay.
And did you attack this one before?
No, you shattered the last one.
I shattered the last one.
That's a 14 to hit.
So you mash apart a bunch of him.
But he still has his one good arm clenching his short sword.
And he brings it across wildly as you wildly attack him and he slashes you down across
your armor and bones doing two HP.
Sound like a xylophone.
Yes.
Boom, boom, boom.
How much?
And you take two HP damage.
Okay.
And it's back to Nerd's turn.
There's one left.
Yes.
I am going to use shield on myself.
And if I can use another action, I'm going to shoot it with the bow.
Let's see it.
14.
14 hits.
All right.
Yeah, you send an arrow into this empty suit and what's left of its armors body just collapses.
Now you guys are like, you have five full suits of armor spread across this floor.
Well, that was unexpected guys.
I'm sorry.
I got to stop walking up to things like that.
Well, do you need some armor?
I mean, you can see if a couple of these pieces fit.
I mean, if you hadn't have been so rude, we could have asked them if they knew where the
menagerie was.
I mean, to be fair, they just started attacking me.
I just went over and you know, saw if anyone was home.
I could have asked first though.
That's just all I saw was him walking up and like the equivalent of just opening somebody's
eyes while they're sleeping.
Well, we're in here.
You want to just keep pressing on and seeing what's in this tower?
Because now I'm curious.
Oh yeah, I mean, definitely going to press on.
Let me just look around this room first real quick.
Is there anything that looks like you're going to heal our friend over here?
I don't see any chests in here.
Can I couple a full set of armor together with these things?
I mean, sure you could.
It's not going to do anything for you other than aesthetically.
I'm just, I'm trying to add anything to my AP or my HP.
Yeah, me too.
What are you guys at?
Four.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Eight.
Okay.
So there, there's only one room that you can get to off of this one and that's the room
past this foyer entrance.
That's pretty much takes up what you would assume is the whole rest of the tower or at
least this floor of the tower.
I'm going to let them go first.
I go first.
I walk into the room.
Does this one have windows in it?
Can I see that lit enough in here that I can see things?
Yeah.
It's lit inside here.
The sun's reflecting however it does through the windows and it's pretty lit up and here
lit up enough to see that there's like a central chair kind of against one wall and there's
like a few bones, like clean bones laying at the bottom of this chair and a one more
suit of armor that's like slumped over in this chair.
It's actually sitting in it pretty lazily and there is a chest.
Next to that as well.
Hey skinny, is this a friend of yours?
Oh, I don't, I don't know every bone person that is out there.
That is an unfair assumption.
Sorry.
It's okay.
It is, but it's okay.
You don't, you don't know.
Now you know the more, you know, um, but maybe we should plan an attack.
Maybe do we think that that's, you know, another suit of armor we should attack.
We did just get attacked by five suits of armor.
There's one there.
I think we should plan on it being, uh, uh, what's the word?
Hostile.
Yeah.
Um, but you know, if it's not, that'd be cool.
Do you think the bones are going to spring to life too and become another adversary?
Perhaps, but I don't see them being a real bother.
Let's plan for all.
Anything that looks like a pile of bones or a suit of armor or a gargoyle.
Let's just assume it's going to come alive and trail in Kalos.
So should we just all just take ranged attacks at the suit of armor?
I have one.
Well, I don't really, I guess I could throw my dagger at it.
Is that up?
That's our plan.
We all know what we're doing.
You have planning, don't you?
Yeah.
I don't know how much AP it is.
I didn't write that down.
Something really better than like.
Minus three.
Three AP.
Okay.
That's fine.
Let's try to shoot.
You do like a charge in.
Yeah, I could charge in with my bastard sword.
I think that if we were playing with all the attacks go at the same time, I don't know
if you want to be charging in when we're both going to be shooting.
Oh, I should be charging in.
Yeah.
Well, yeah.
I mean, we could schedule it out so that, you know, those go by.
Ours go at the same time.
And she's right behind, or Skinny's right behind.
You could do that.
Yeah.
She's, or he's almost there before we let loose.
Is that what you're talking about?
I can just.
I can just go first and then Skinny runs in after so that Skinny doesn't get in the way
of our arrows.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, I'll be right behind the arrows.
Okay.
I wasn't sure if you were trying to shoot over his shoulders or not.
Trying to avoid any situations in which Skinny being in between where the arrows are coming
from their target causes chaos.
That's a fair point.
Thank you.
Thank you for worrying about that.
Well, we ready?
Yes.
Yeah.
All right.
Knock up arrow and.
Yeah.
Roll to your.
Do we still have to roll?
Roll to attack.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
11.
16.
Are you going to wild attack or are you just regular?
Just regular attack.
Thanks.
I rolled a one.
If I have anything that helps me reroll a one.
Fuck.
Okay.
Well, that is what it is.
So the three of you make your plan and set out to execute it.
The first part of the plan goes flawless.
You both manage to hit the pseudo armor with two arrows, doing some good damage.
But Skinny.
Skinny runs in and forgets about the skeleton bones on the floor and slips and shatters
into a bunch of bone pieces.
Okay.
Sure.
With a one, we could let that happen.
So you scatter yourself all around this room.
You're going to take two points of damage as you slip and your whole next turn has to
be spent getting your bones back together.
Okay.
However, this time when this suit of armor receives these two arrows, you can audibly
hear something different.
It's squishy.
And as you run up and shatter yourself, this thing kind of limply moves its body up and
stands up immediately holding a very large sword.
And as it walks around, you can see little pieces of pink gloop making its way out of
the crevices in this armor.
And it makes its way across towards the two of you because Skinny's just bones.
So everybody roll initiative.
Me too, or do I just automatically go last?
You're going to go last.
Okay.
Ten.
Eighteen.
Twenty.
Nice.
So this thing moves over to the two of you.
It's not as smooth as the armor that you saw in the hallway.
It unleashes a sweeping slash across towards the two of you.
And Job, it's going to hit you for an 18.
So it's going to do, it only does two damage, but you do get like clobbered by this giant
sword, which cuts a deep gash into your arm and into your side.
Ah, glad it didn't hit nerd.
Now it's up to you two.
Up to you two on who wants to go first.
My plan is to hang back and watch arrows.
All right.
Why don't you go first?
All right.
I'm going to drop back a few feet.
So I'm with the outside of its melee attack range and oh good.
That's a 19.
19.
That's a good solid hit.
Yeah.
So you land another one in and it sends like some of this pink goo sprawling out of the
opposite side as the arrow comes in and you watch it crawl back towards the suit and like
reassemble itself inside.
Oh, I don't like that.
And Joe, it's your turn.
I'm going to cast bedazzle and summon the four prismatic bolts and have them all come
in and hit this big suit of armor, but like in the shoulders, like try and hit it and
see if I can get the arms to fall off.
Nice.
And that does two each, right?
Yes.
So total of eight.
Correct.
And as you do this, you knock apart its suit of armor and inside you see like a horrifying
mass of bones and different levels of people and creatures decaying inside and like metal
that is rusting away.
And in front of you is just a blood jelly that had taken the form of a suit of armor.
And as you knock the armor away, it like just presses or collapses into a puddle before
reforming itself into a more cube like creature.
And it begins to like slime its way towards you.
The second part of bedazzle says that if all four hit a single creature, the creature is
affected by the mesmerize ability.
No shit.
Okay.
So it does not crawl towards you.
It's just what is it?
It's just like stunned, just like, whoa.
You've blown this little blood jelly's mind somehow.
It got distracted by whatever and it is not moving towards you guys.
Skinny, your whole turn is spent collecting your bones.
Yeah.
Everybody starts to notice my little bones are rolling back in towards the center.
It's like in Zelda Breath of the Wild.
Yes.
When the skeletons attack and you don't like kick the head or destroy it.
And just kind of starts moving back towards that.
Please don't step on my bones.
I'm trying not to.
So mesmerize lasts for 10 minutes, right?
I think so.
Well, actually, I feel like mesmerize lasts until I leave.
Would we consider it a good idea to just get the hell out of here?
We're so close.
Until you leave the area, the creature cannot move, take actions or respond to conversation.
The spell ends if the creature is harmed.
Okay.
So it's just sitting here.
So let's look around and see if we can open that chest.
Okay.
Just don't, you know, hurt this thing.
The spell will end if you hurt it.
Can I hear things?
Right?
Yeah, yeah, of course.
Okay.
You like put yourself back together at this point.
Oh, well, that didn't go as I'd planned.
But what's in that treasure chest?
I don't know.
Let's go take a look and make my way over towards it.
You can put your hands on it.
It's unlocked.
It's not trapped.
And inside the chest, you find six bags of shinies and a broken but ornate sword blade.
It's curvy.
It looks very sharp, but it has no help.
It looks like it was broken in half.
Hey, we got some shinies guys.
Nice.
Two a piece.
Well, thank you.
I didn't really help with that battle, but I will take two.
Wasn't really sure you were going to make it out of that.
Well, I was very close to not making it out of that.
My bones will just roll back together.
That's fine.
But I am I am not feeling so well.
You just turned into a pile of bones.
Oh, that happens sometimes.
It can be handy.
Okay.
That's why I wasn't in the jail cell like you gentlemen, because I could just roll away
from there.
Well, that is a neat trick.
It is a neat trick.
Can I look around the room to see if the help is in here?
Sure.
Do you want me to roll?
Go for it.
18.
You do not find the hill anywhere in the room.
Oh, okay.
Well, we got two bags of shinies each and whatever the story is behind this thing.
Sounds good.
That seems like something you should hold on to, Skinny.
Sure.
We can't.
You can't cut yourself on it.
That's true.
I'm gonna put it in my ribs like it's a sheath.
Like my ribs are the sheath.
That's wild, but okay.
I can roll away from my own bones.
So like, it's not that much of a stretch, right?
Bone a little bit.
Cool.
You guys both don't look so good though.
No.
I'm even considering trying this thing you sleep that you do.
Perhaps that could help?
It is restorative sometimes.
Well, I might try that.
Is there a bed in here?
Should I just sleep here?
I mean, this is a nice solid structure would protect us from being snuck up upon unless
there's more things inside of here that we didn't eliminate yet.
But it seems relatively safe as opposed to being out in the open.
Is it daytime still?
Probably.
Yes.
A long day.
Unless you think that these goats are not gonna harm us in any way, in which case I
would be willing to go on.
I mean, I can also mesmerize the goats, but I don't know if we can like, actually I can't
know I can mesmerize the goats.
Goats are notorious for headbutting things.
Well.
I don't know how we're gonna get it back with us to the town unless we can help it in some
way and gain its trust.
But when people need help, they usually need us to fight something.
There's several somethings.
All for their cat.
All for this cat.
That I don't know why it's in this special zoo.
It was just a cat.
So what's the plan now?
Don't think we're gonna find any goats in here.
Well no.
That's true.
Have we inspected everything we might be able to take from here?
Yeah, that's pretty much it.
All right then.
Then let's head out.
Out we go.
Get some nice sun healing.
Yeah.
See if we can find us a goat.
And how much?
What are you at?
Two.
You're at one.
And you're at six.
Oh, you're doing fine.
We got this.
Yeah.
Okay.
You guys leave the tower and go forth with the bag plan again?
Yep.
While we're walking, I'm gonna pick up any flowers, clovers, stuff like that.
Okay.
Whatcha doing with that?
I'm trying to feed a goat.
Nice.
So close to the edge that he's just grabbing things down.
Just like, I need these flowers.
Oh man, this is gonna look like I'm picking flowers and all of them.
The crystals have healing power.
That is a nice bouquet you have going on there, nerd.
Thank you.
It's lovely.
I keep looking for goats.
Looking for goats.
Do you set your bag down with the lure sigil on it again like you did before?
I think that is a good idea.
We could all take a moment to sit down.
Yes.
So we find another nice spot to sit.
We throw the bag off a little bit, you know, 20 feet away from us or so.
Yeah.
You hook it down a trail, off a little ways and you hide yourself.
It's more like the three of you are kind of leaning against the same tree, just like sitting
there.
You climb into dusk before suddenly you see the bag nudge a little one way and then again.
And then suddenly it begins to get dragged off of the path and away from where you left
it.
I start tapping the two of them.
Guys, guys.
And I point at the bag.
What do we do?
Should we follow it slowly?
I think we should follow it.
I think I'm going to follow behind so I don't scare it.
Okay.
So then we head over and follow where it's being dragged.
As the three of you are making your way towards the bag stealthily, I'm sure, stealthily,
sneakily and quietly, nert on your pocket where you're keeping your flowers and clover,
you feel a nudge and then a tug at your pocket and then another tug.
And then suddenly you hear fabric rip as your pocket that you're keeping this stuff on gets
ripped.
Clean off your robes.
I'm going to like try and reach back and almost try and pet, like assume that it's a goat
and just an invisible goat and try and pet it.
Your hand bumps horns and you're like, fuck, that's a goat.
Try and reach behind and scratch behind the horns and the ears and see.
Right on.
So you reach back and your hand bumps into some horns behind you.
You can, you can feel them as you like grope around.
You feel the very unmistakable feel of goat head.
I am going to try and scratch the neck behind the ears and the horns and kind of like kneel
down a little bit, putting a little bit, sorry, try and kneel down a little bit, putting a
little bit of trust into the, that the goat's not going to ram me over.
It doesn't immediately ram you.
You can feel it's like mouth chewing the whole, the fabric and the goat treats that you had
in your pocket.
I almost scratched the goat behind his beard and try and grab some more of anything with
my other hand to feed this thing.
Okay.
Make, make a roll.
What is with the fives today?
Another five?
Yeah.
As you're kind of reaching around, looking for some more foliage to grab, your hand leaves
its head momentarily and suddenly you feel pushing past you.
You get like trampled and pushed down to the ground and you feel hooves stopping over you
and headed up the path towards Joe would be at the front, I believe.
Right?
Yeah.
Running up the path towards Joe.
Joe, watch out.
Okay.
Did I just jump, jump, watch out for what?
Oh yay.
Okay.
Hey, it's leveled by a goat.
I attempt to jump out of the way, but I don't know which way because I can't see what's
coming.
Yeah.
So you jumped the wrong direction.
You zigged when you should have zagged and suddenly you're going ass over tea kettle
as you land, um, face down into the dirt here.
Oh, what was that?
We, we find these invisible chaos beasts.
Yep.
They're goats.
All right.
Well then.
Um, can we see the bag?
Yeah.
Up ahead, up ahead, you now see the bag is, um, levitating off the ground and it seems
like it's getting pulled in two different directions at once.
And then you begin to hear a ripping noise as you watch some of the scenes begin to bust
on the bag.
Oh, oh no.
You take off.
Sorry about your bag.
Oh, some of my stuff is starting to fall out.
Should we maybe plan and we can all just dive bomb this goat and try to tie it up?
I'm not trying to kill it.
We need it alive.
I imagine.
I think the plan is a great idea.
Do we have rope or are we just tackling these things to the ground and hoping that we can
hold onto them?
Well, I have a handy have a sack.
I wonder if the blocks could turn into rope.
They can at least turn into leashes, maybe a collar collar and a leash.
I would say, um, there are several blocks in here.
I think they could each form into a length of rope, not a very long length of rope.
Okay.
Five feet, three feet per per.
I'll give you, if you can transform all of them, you could have, um, five, three foot
long sections.
So 15 feet.
Um, well, I guess we could like make it a lasso.
I'm trying to, anybody good at lassoing.
We just run up in time while they're fighting over the bag.
Okay.
Sounds good to me.
So I'll turn into the blocks into a big long rope.
You have to hold them between your hand and rum together like you're coiling up.
Yeah, like it's Play-Doh.
Like it's Play-Doh.
Yeah.
So I take a little while to make these little ropes out of these blocks that smush into
rope shape.
Yeah.
And while you're doing that, the bag is just like getting destroyed.
Well, I run, I run up and try and, you know, pull my bag in a third direction.
All right.
So now you, the two of you see Joe just like pulling at this bag and getting like, it's
like playing tug of war with nothing.
You guys don't see the other creatures that are dragging him around.
Okay.
Do you want to run with me and try to tackle one of these goats?
Yep.
Let's do that.
We're on the right?
Yep.
Sounds good.
Okay.
The two of you both make, uh, make a D20 roll.
You want to tackle and I'll tie?
You did bad.
Okay.
Nevermind.
Uh, I got a seven.
I got a 20.
You got a 20?
I got a 20.
You save it enough for the both of you.
Does it offset?
Okay.
On a triumph.
Um, he tackles and ties.
He tackles and ties.
We still tackle.
You just did it.
Very ungracefully.
I just didn't help.
I was like.
He gets knocked to the side.
He like runs up and the goat's butt swings around at the wrong time and like knocks his
feet completely out from underneath him.
But cause he got there a step or two before, Nurt, you got to see like, kind of guesstimate
where the body is and you, you tackle.
And uh, Joe, give me a strength or give me a D20 roll.
Yes, that would be a four.
On a four.
You lose, you lose the good fight over your bag as it gets ripped out of your hand and
the goat begins to run away in the opposite direction with it.
Hey, that's my purse.
Go get back here with my bag.
Oh no.
Was all my stuff in my bag you think?
No, I don't think so.
My bedroll was.
Yeah.
Your general provisions, like any food, your bedroll, anything of normal.
But not my like sword.
No, not your sword.
I mean, unless you want your sword to have been stolen.
No, no, no.
Nothing.
I took all the valuables out before we made it a trap.
That was a good idea.
Good idea.
Okay.
So we have now secured an invisible goat and as it's secured, it begins to blink like in
and out.
It becomes visible and then goes back invisible, but it lets out the worst sounding goat noise
of all times while it's tied up.
It's just shrieking at the top of its goat lungs.
Does anyone have anything to like make this sleep or just anything?
I do not.
I'm distracted, but I think once we try and like lead it somewhere with the lead, it will
be no longer distracted.
I am also out of AP.
I'm pretty sure.
Well, that's true.
Should we try and feed it?
Sure, if you got something to feed it.
Let's gather some more.
You want to pick more flowers?
Yep.
Let's pick more flowers and feed the goat.
We'll pick some flowers.
Pick more flowers.
We're just consistently feeding the goat all the way back.
All the way back.
It's the only way I know to deal with a goat.
Are you leading it or dragging it?
What do you?
I mean, I'm going to try and lead it.
I shouldn't have to drag it.
That's right.
In my mind, for some reason, you had a hogtie and we're just dragging it behind you.
No, we just put a simple lead on it.
Once it's up and moving, it should calm down and follow us.
It's more like Gollum when he's on a leash.
Just like you're crying.
Anytime you don't put Clover in its facial hole, that's called a mouth.
Jesus.
Sounds like Job and I are just going to be picking as much Clover as we can on the way
back.
Yeah.
As you make your way leading this thing back out of the mountains and kind of to the plains
that lead to the lake or the flat spot, coming across from the east, you guys notice that
there's a large snail sliding quickly at a pretty quick pace across the land here, just
like kind of mashing over any foliage that's in its way.
And there's a person on its back riding it towards, kind of towards you guys, not directly.
Though it doesn't seem like they've seen you or heard you go at this point.
Unlucky them.
Well, hello.
Hello.
Hi.
How are you?
I'm doing good.
How are you?
Fine.
This is a fine animal you are riding.
Yes it is.
This is a snail.
Yes, but it's so large.
It is of ginormous size.
Wow.
Yes.
It also seems very fast for a snail.
Any good trader needs a fast moving snail.
A trader?
A trader you say?
Yes, with a D. Important difference, not with the T. Not with the second T. There's still
a T.
What is it that you trade?
Goods.
Oh.
Well, you know, stuff people normally trade.
Well what kind of stuff specifically?
I've got a lot of good stuff.
And she like kicks this bedroll on the side of the snail and it like unravels and there's
several different things tied to this piece of fabric.
And what are those things?
Do we have anything that does healing?
You guys are still both very...
Yes, I would love some healing.
Yes.
Healing, travel, goat food.
Goat food?
Oh.
I have some things.
I have some things that might be...
I don't have anything in the way of healing.
I have some goat things.
Oh, some goat things.
I have two things that would help with goat.
Yeah.
The goat hustle.
A sedative in a cart.
That brings all the goats to you.
And the goat harness, which lets you harness the goats.
Like a dog sled.
That floats.
It's like one of those fan boats.
Yeah, I have two things that could help with goats, depending on what you're trying to
do with them.
I have some universal catnip that helps attract animals and stuff.
And I have this shepherd's hook.
And that should...
This is magical.
It should really help with goats.
I mean, shepherds carry goat or do goat stuff all the time, right?
We will take both of those?
And what are you charging for these things?
Well, you just...
You just...
Look, both of them are only two bags of shinies.
Only two bags, huh?
And I've got some other good stuff, too.
Okay.
Depending on how much money you have.
Like what?
Well, I got stuff for attacking things.
I got stuff for distracting things.
And I got stuff for...
Oh, I don't even know what that is.
And she points to a mysterious sword hilt tied to the bottom of the fabric.
Well, then, what are you charging for that hilt there?
It looks pretty rare.
You notice that the hilt has got some very ornate looking chickens on it, which I believe
is very rare.
So that is three bags of shinies for that.
Well, then.
Well, I will buy the hook for two bags of shinies.
Okay, the shepherd's staff.
Yeah, go ahead and undo it there and just toss the money on up here.
Okay.
It's not a point.
I tossed the money up.
Thank you.
And just climbing up and down is not my favorite thing to do.
It is a large gargantuan snail.
Yeah, it's very difficult for someone of my size, which is not gargantuan.
You should make yourself a rope ladder.
I've been up and down it so many times today.
Well, all right, I'm just saying.
I'm going to take that hilt.
She's just going to take it.
Well, I will pay you for it.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to imply I would just take it.
Well, that's good.
I would hate to have to attack you with my snail.
No, ma'am.
I am much more polite and civil than that.
So here's your three bags of shinies.
All right, great.
And you toss them up and she catches them.
Go ahead and undo that there.
I don't know if you're interested in anything else.
I have a couple of Braille things.
I got the bountiful banquet.
I've got tea time if you guys are stranded and need to have a tea party.
I got a bag of cats.
I got a repeater.
Well, the bag of cats.
Could we buy that bag of cats and just pick one and give it to the king?
It could save us a lot of time.
I will say one thing about the bag of cats.
There is a lot of cats in that bag and opening it.
Not as easy.
I mean, open it easy, but not letting all the cats out at once is not not an easy task.
They were hard to get.
There's a lot more cats than you would think are in that bag.
Well then I will take that bag of catnip for one, Johnny.
The catnip is two.
Oh, I will not take any more things.
Thank you.
Nurt, do you want to get an offender?
I think the catnip might be handy.
I'd give you it.
What does your shepherd's hook do?
So for three AP it will make all animals in the area follow me.
And for one it'll put them to sleep until I leave the scene.
Well.
Well then.
I don't know if we'll need the catnip.
What does the catnip do?
It just attracts all animals in the area and they like rub up against it and treat it as
catnip.
It's a universal catnip.
Okay.
I don't need it.
I want it, but I don't need it.
I think it'd be handy.
We are trying to find a cat, but if we got the shepherd's hook.
Yeah, that should help with goat problems.
We do already have the goat.
I mean, of course I want the repeater, but I already have a bow.
I mean, it does do twice the damage.
Yeah.
But.
It does.
You guys don't want to spend any other money?
Not right now.
Well, okay then.
Look for my snail trail as- Oh gosh.
Be sure to look for my snail trail anytime you need to trade some money for some stuff.
Will do.
Thank you very much.
All right.
Bye.
And she snails away.
That staff was a good purchase.
Yeah.
We can try and go back and get all of the sheep.
I don't know if that will benefit us at all.
I also don't have three AP.
Goats?
Goats.
Yes.
All of the goats.
Oh.
Well, I don't know if we need all of the goats.
How much AP do you have?
I have enough.
Okay.
Do you want to go back and get all the goats and-
I mean we could.
I don't know if it would benefit us.
It would be really funny.
Which of no benefit I don't think, but it does sound kind of fun to go to the Spire
with a lot of goats.
All invisible goats.
Oh yes.
I like this idea.
Give me that staff.
Yeah, take it.
Could you hand this to me?
All right.
Let's go.
I'm going to use this.
You guys lead your goat back up the hill.
Now it's shrieking again.
Do you activate it, Skinny?
Yeah.
And all the goats will follow us down the hill.
Not just the goats, but the women and children too.
Suddenly, when you activate this, the goat that's following you finally stops bleeding
and belting its heart out and you begin to feel yourself getting bumped into.
There's a hole there.
Whoa.
You get hit from kind of all directions and then all of a sudden you start seeing squirrels
make their ways out of bushes and some chipmunks and some field mice and then a deer and all
of a sudden every creature in the area is making its way over to you.
Well this plan is going differently than I had expected.
Still going well.
Are there things large enough for us to ride?
I mean I'm pretty sure Skinny could actually just ride on a goat.
I mean Skinny could ride anything.
I could ride anything, yeah.
Like a bear?
No, you don't want a bear.
A moose?
No, nothing bigger than a deer.
Am I ride a deer?
No, I don't think so.
You're a normal person, aren't you?
Yeah, but they're big.
No, no deer riding.
All right.
Well, let's take this menagerie down to the city, which sounds like a good place for all
these animals.
Maybe we can sell some of them for me in the market.
That sounds so mean.
Lay down, Skinny.
All right.
Okay.
You guys march back down to the edge of the lake with just a host of animals behind you.
They're going two by two, which is super convenient.
Is it?
Perfect.
If you have an archer.
We're going to need a bigger boat.
What is the largest I can make this boat?
A sloop, so it's probably not, I mean, it'll be a squeeze.
I don't know.
I mean, all the animals don't have to come on.
We'll just get the ones that we need.
The others that they want to keep following, you know, they'll find a way.
I'm sure they can all swim.
We'll just boat around the edge of the lake.
Or maybe they'll just run around the lake and eventually they'll be back.
Yeah.
Or they'll forget about us if we row fast enough.
Can we make a raft?
Put all the animals on, tow up behind the boat.
I don't know.
Oh, I don't know if that's going to benefit us.
This is going to take a long time.
Let's just go.
Maybe if we paddle fast enough, some of the animals will fall back.
We'll just take all the goats.
You guys managed to get four of the larger creatures and like an infinite number of squirrels
and mice onto your sloop.
Where did they go when he turned this thing small again?
Do the goats count as big creatures?
Yes.
Well, hopefully they can fit like 30 of them.
No, I mean they're mountain goat size, so they're pretty big.
Yeah, I'm going to cram them right now, tie a couple to the side.
Like buoys?
Bleeding the whole thing.
All right, let's get these across.
So yeah, we'll load the goats and all the squirrels and mice and then cast off and sail
east across the water.
It's a nice quick sail.
You guys get back to the archipelago.
It's nighttime now and you guys make it back.
We need mostly most of the time invisible goats and like a herd of other animals, small
animals along with you.
I guess rabbits.
Yep, rabbits.
And we head back to the spire.
Straight to the envoys shrine temple room.
You guys come smashing your way in because you have a ton of animals.
It makes so much noise.
It disrupts the entire piece of the shrine, which immediately gains the envoys attention.
Oh.
Well, hello there.
Hello.
I see you have brought a wide arrangement of animals here.
You know, we only needed one and none of these ones really look like the candidates.
None of these squirrels and these bunnies.
Well, they are just extra.
We couldn't be sure what you'd need.
Did you bring anything else?
I poked one of the goats to see if I could make it like, blat to answer.
Yeah, it makes some noise.
Oh, excellent.
I do believe we have a prime candidate here.
Good work.
Good work, friends.
Well, let's see what the goat has to offer.
And he puts his two hands on the goats, well, where its head would be.
And you see his eyes go blue and then start to shine once again with what looks like starlight
as he converses internally with this goat.
And that's where we'll end this episode.
Nice.
So let's do a...
See you next next Tuesday.
Yeah, let's do a see you next next Tuesday.
All right.
See you next next Tuesday.
Not bad.
Thanks for tuning in, everybody.
Next time on Tales from the Crit.
Wait, wait, you're going to tell them how it ends already?
You think you guys are going to finish in the next episode?
Yeah, I mean, we got the goat, right?
Can't be that much left.
All right.
The Tales from the Crit podcast is recorded in the Wolfbeard Game Studio in upstate New
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