Welcome to the Tales from the Crypt podcast. We are an actual play podcast featuring a
revolving cast of players making our way through micro RPGs, highly narrative tabletop games,
and the more popular and less known RPG systems from a wide variety of genres. Content may
not be suitable for children and content warnings can be found in the description. I'm Riley
Groves and I'll be your host, your guide, your GM on this episode of Tales from the Crypt.
Previously on Tales from the Crypt.
You guards bring the prisoners over here. And the three of you are shuffled in front of this young
king. Finally it has taken long enough. Prisoners it is your lucky day for I have chosen to spare
your lives in exchange for a favor. A woman or a creature or a thing I'm not even sure, none of us
are sure, created a portal right here in this room. She walked out into the court with two beasts
attached on chains. She loosed them both and they attacked this court and they killed several people
and then they committed the gravest of sins against this court and against me. No, she stole my cat.
You need to get my cat back. Okay. What color flame does your rapier burst into? It's just an
like an unnaturally orange fire. You said you have friends sleeping. Are they like you? No,
no they need sleep. They're alive people. Oh, so they have bodies. They do. Dude, we are not gonna
take their bodies or something. Well, we're not gonna take them. In the crowd you see there's a
lot of normal looking folks, but kind of sticking out from all of them is one lady that is perched
atop a large caracal, which is a extremely large cat and she's sitting in the crowd above everybody
else enjoying the music. Hey Compass. Yes? Do you know the route through the mountains to get to
the archipelago rather than down the road? Do I know the route through the mountains? What do I
look like? I'm a magic compass. Of course I know the route through the mountains. You think these
guys can take the route through the mountains? She looks at the three of you. Yeah, they look
like they're gonna be fine.
Hey guys, welcome back to our continuation of our quest story arc. Before we jump into it,
let's get to know each other a little bit better using our pod deck interview deck. And our question
for today is, if you could send a message to the entire world, what would you say in 30 seconds?
This one seems pretty tough. This one is tough. I don't know if I could talk for 30 seconds,
but pretty much just chill out everybody. Let everybody live their lives. Stop killing everybody.
That's it. That's it. Okay. Oh, I'm taking the fully opposite of what you said. It would just
say everybody lose your fucking minds. We're coming and you're doomed. Oh shit. Derek starts
the apocalypse. Yeah, I would definitely be closer to Rebecca's and I don't think I could talk for
very long. If I could talk to everybody like attention spans are hard. So I would just be
like, you know, kindness costs nothing or like just be kind. I feel like be kind would be what
I would say if I get broadcasted. It was like, be kind. Yeah, I agree. How about you? I really
don't know if I'm being honest, maybe just a you up text. Wait till midnight everywhere. ASL all.
Yeah. Play more games. Even just play more. Or just like riot.
Okay. See, there it is. Don't trust the government. Something like that. I hope this is anonymous,
at least. Oh, it definitely wouldn't have my name written on it. That's for damn sure.
Is this like a text that's sent to everybody? They just like hear it out loud? Because I guess
that makes a difference. Yeah, I guess. Just send a message. Everyone says your shoes untied.
Is your refrigerator running? And then 25 seconds later, gotcha. Oh, that's the best you get. You
use the whole 30 seconds, but you know, most of it's just quietness. It's like those voicemails
where you're like, Hey, what's up? What are you doing? Just kidding. I'm not here. Everybody
loves those. They're the worst. Those are great. Do people still have voicemails? Yes. Yes, they do.
Yeah, definitely. You can still put, you can either just say your name or you can actually
leave what a 15 second message or something like that. Something like that. But the trick is to
call yourself and leave a bunch of voicemails until your voicemail box fills up. So then when
everyone's one tries to call you, no voicemail space. There's like, Oh, sorry, I didn't know
you called. I didn't get the voicemail. It's great because it does the whole message. And then at
the very end, you get that robotic voice says, this person's mailbox isn't set up or this mailbox
is full. Bye. And it hangs up on you. All right. So let's jump right back into it. Derek, why don't
you give us the rundown of the last episode? All right. After being imprisoned for a brawl at the
local tavern, the party would have found itself in jail looking at an unjust execution. The party was
only spared by an attack on the throne room and the taking of the tyrants beloved cat Ripley. Now
tasked with returning Ripley in return for their lives, our party sets forth after being squeezed
by squeezles and propositioned by ghosts. We find ourselves at an old fort, greeted and helped by
the lady Sid and her great cat Felix. We rest for the night and are ready to start out on our way
once again. All right. Awesome. And the way quest works in between sessions, you guys will regain
three HP, even though you guys regained one at the end of last session for sleeping in the tavern.
If you have any others, you can regain it. I think you all are probably at full health though. And
the other thing you each gain an additional ability, which we probably should have tackled in
the intermission. I'm going to take loosen. Okay. And what does loosen do? Loosen allows you to
twirl your fingers as if I was unwind a spindle of yarn and starting with a single creature nearby
that I can see, I create a cascading wave of magical mischief that loosens anything fastened
or tightened around nearby creatures. For example, bags become clasped and sputter contents.
Shoelaces become undone belts untied shirts, untucked belts, unbuckled pets become off leashed
and run wild. Anything that can be, you know, undone and they like, you know, loosened kind of way.
All right. Awesome. Belts buckles, ropes, knots. Yeah. Belts buckles, ropes, knots clasps.
Sweet. Derek, what are you taking for nerd? I am taking rebuke. You utter a righteous word or phrase
in the direction of a nearby creature that is approaching you during the creature's turn. The
creature could not already be within reach. You release a spiritual clone of yourself that rushes
them, knocking them back several meters, dealing one damage and ends their turn. The clone is then
dispersed. All right. And Rebecca, what ability is skinny taking? Skinny is going to take yawp,
roll the die. One AP. Once per scene, you may make a show of bravado to frighten nearby creatures.
Any common folk nearby will seek shelter, run away or attempt to appear non-threatening. On a 20,
half of all minions flee the scene. On 11 through 19, one minion leaves the scene. Six to 10,
one minion flees the scene unless their boss is present. One to five, they laugh at you.
Awesome. Okay. So also at the beginning of our session, you guys can gain back up to five AP
if you have used any. Okay. And you guys wake up at the cock and crow tavern. What has skinny been
doing all night? Skinny's just been wandering around the fort, maybe arguing with some people
or fighting some people. Nothing crazy. Nothing to put him in jail, but- Been up all night playing
with his bones. Yeah. Right there. Couraging fun. Yep. All right. Nurt and Job, the two of you wake
up in the morning, nice and rested. We'll say it's like eight o'clock. Bones is nowhere around,
but you make your way downstairs and sitting at a table, he is just surrounded by empty mugs of ale
and there's just like a big puddle underneath him because it just runs right through him.
You're finally awake. Oh, there you are. Are you boys ready to head out? Oh, is there like a
piece of toast or some bread I can eat before we head out? Eggs or rash or bacon? Well, I am not
the one to ask about food. Look on the ground, there's just like a passed out person underneath.
It looks like they've just been drinking the booze that's fallen through them.
It seems like you had a fun night. Well, he's somebody wised up to the fact that's just going
to go through. Well, that man had more fun than I did, but- We'll be right back. We're going to
go see if there's some food. Oh yeah, no problem. There's like a loaf of bread left discarded on the
bar top and a couple full bowls of the gruelish substance that you guys ate the night before.
The bartender's gone at this point. She's no longer there. It's just pretty much
leftovers from the night before. Well, if we can split this bread, I'm not having any of that
gruel though. Yeah, sounds good. All right, Bones, we're ready. All right, let's head out.
So we head outside and I pull my compass out. All right, compass, show us the way.
And it orients its needle. You know, it's like the, what's the pirate's name? Jack Sparrow's compass.
You know, not necessarily, but now it's pointing in a different direction than it was the last time.
And you guys set out, unlike the days prior, you're more crossing over like plains and hilly
grasslands and stuff like that. Pretty open expanse as you guys head towards a large mountain range
that you've looked at a map. You know, the mountain range kind of leads right to the archipelago,
but there's a large crevice if you were to keep trying to go, which is why it would take you
days longer to go directly towards where you can see it from at the village. And on your way,
you guys see lodged partially in the ground, a fairly large treasure chest. Oh my word,
what's this? I jumped down and go towards the treasure chest. That might be a trap. Oh, we
should take a look at that before trying to just rip the top off. Take like two steps back after
just almost touching the treasure chest. Should we poke it with something then? Well, maybe a very
long something like a branch, although I'm ready to just fight it, whatever it is. All right, well
then why don't you just go try and open it or give it a tug? All right. We'll poke it with your sword.
This ain't the smart thing to do, but I'm gonna do it because I like to fight. Okay, you head over.
The treasure chest is locked. Nothing happens when you touch it. It remains the same inanimate object
as it was before. Well, it doesn't seem to be doing anything. What do you boys think? You know
how to pick locks? Well, I guess I have this handy dandy haversack. We also probably got to
raise it out of the ground. Is it still like only partially available, like viewable? Or did one tug
just pull it up out of the little bit of dirt it was in? It wouldn't take too much effort to pull
it up. It's not like he got it down. We should not slow it out. Okay, yeah, let's pull it out and then
reach our hand in the sack and pull out something big. Is there a lock, like a lock on it, or is it
like the lock mechanism is in the chest? It's like a standard chest, like the locks on the front.
Well, let's heave ho it out, boys. And then you reach into the haversack and grab out a pry bar.
Yeah, yeah, a pearl bar should work. Okay, who wants to try first? I'll give it a go. All right,
roll a d20. I'm gonna lodge the pry bar right underneath the locking mechanism and just give it
a go. 13. A 13 is a success. You muscle this pry bar in there and you're giving it all you got.
And you hear a satisfying click as you bust the internal mechanism of the lock and the latch
releases. It pops open and staring back at you is a black and purple jawed flower. Roll a d20 for me.
Oh, geez. 16. The jaws of this flower open widely and suddenly several long thorns come shooting
out of its mouth and they hit you directly. You're going to take five points of damage as these darts
come out and pierce your skin pretty fiercely before some of its vines reach up to the top
of the treasure chest and slam it closed. Oh my god, guys. There's nothing good in there.
We... I'm not doing great. Did you guys see that? What the hell just happened? Something in there
looked like a flower and it shot me with these thorns that I like pull one out and show them.
Would I know what they are? I mean, probably. Oh, those flowers. Those are locklilies. Some call
them Heather locklilies. Well, that thing messed me up pretty good. I'm done messing with that.
If you guys want to give it a go, you can. But I'm going to sit over here away from that. It doesn't
seem like it's trying to come after us from what I can tell though. It locked itself in there pretty
tightly. Well, what do you think, Ned? I walk over and take a good look at them and look them up and
down and then slyly stab them in the arm with the health dart. Ah! Oh, well, thank you. I think you
needed that. I feel a little better. And with the health dart, you recover four HP. Well, let me
have a look at this bad boy and I'm going to use my size up ability. Okay. Locklilies are magic flower
creatures with an affinity for boxes and chests and other crafty containers. Like hermit crabs,
these plants use their roots to travel in search of containers to claim. They treat their containers
as their castles and they fiercely defend them from intruders. Being an adventurer, you know that
locklilies are capable of creating a wide variety of traps from poison darts to poison gases to
literally just exploding and then becoming a bunch of spores once again. Well, gentlemen,
I believe we should leave this box alone. It is minding its own business. Yeah, I'm all on board
with that. It was not friendly. So it's a trap. Well, it is a trap in and of its existence. It's
just a creature that is a trap, but it just lives there. Should we put it back in the ground? I'm
going to reiterate, I'm not touching that thing again. Yeah, let's just head on out. Should I
light it on fire though? I don't have to touch it for that. Oh, it's not hurting nothing. I know.
Yeah, let's go. And you guys continue away from the locklily. Following the compass to the mountain
pass, you guys come to a large carved opening and to the side of one of these valens. The entrance,
at least in the first leg of this cave, is actual carved stone rather than just a natural formation.
All right, I guess this is the way. I'll follow you. And I'll follow him. All right, I'm going to
make the little floor torches again. It gets a little dark in there. It's going to slowly walk on
shooting bright white torches on the ground, scintillating ball. As you guys make your way
through the caverns, on the cave ceilings, you begin to hear a skittering. And as you look up,
several small scorpion-like creatures begin to fall, landing on your backs, on your arms. Are
you guys still on your dogs? If they could fit, definitely. Okay, yeah. We'll leave you on them
for now. And suddenly, on all of you guys, you have these large scorpion-like creature bug things
running up and down your back, trying to get into your ears and anywhere they can to get into your
body. As you continue to swing and try to try to get them off of you, I guess skinny, they wouldn't
actually be trying to get into you. They're a bit confused. They're a bit confused. They quickly
fall off skinny and run towards the two more fleshy people. And you are surrounded by six of these
little creatures. I'm going to cast shield on myself immediately. Okay. And what does shield do?
All right. Shield is a ward. Shield, you summon a magical shield that appears as an aurora of soft
light around your body. The shield blocks up to three hit points of damage. Any damage dealt in
excess of three passes through the shield and hits you. The shield lasts until it takes three or more
damage. Awesome. Okay. Let's roll for initiative. Not really a thing in this game, but- Do I have to?
I mean, unless you don't want to fight, but I thought skinny wanted to fight. 11. 13. 10. Joe,
what are you going to do? Okay. I'm going to just shoot a scintillate at one of the scorpions. Just
like, ah, get out of here. Scintillate for a six. Does scintillate do damage? It can do up to two
HP damage. Oh, right on. That would be cool. Six is a tough choice. So you do hit one. However,
you open yourself up to attack from another one that's going to run up and bite you in the back
of your calf before trying to use its six arms to like climb up closer towards your head. Ah,
we'll just go clockwise now. So go ahead. Okay. Yeah. I'm just going to draw my bow and take a
shot at one of them. I actually know they're pretty close. I'm going to use my sword and try and stab
at the one that's closest to me. 16. Oh yeah. 16 is a success. So I'm just, yeah, I'm just going to
go right towards whatever one's closest towards me and just try and stab it right through the
top of it and try and pin it to the ground. All right. Pinned it is. Still alive, but pinned.
Skinny? These are just regular sized scorpions like we would have? No, they're bigger than that.
They're scorpion like. They're quite large. Like a cat's eyes. Little parasites. All right.
Oh, I can't wait to kill these little bastards. And I'm going to swing around with my bastard
sword and try to slice one right in half. 14. 14 is a success. Do you hit a different one
than Derek did? Do you hit a brand new one? Are you aiming for any one in particular?
I will slice down the one in half that Nurt has pinned. Okay. Teamwork. Teamwork makes the
dream work. Okay. Nurt, suddenly from behind one of these parasites jumps up. You're wearing robes?
Yeah. It's like trying to burrow its way through a little opening in your robe. And as it does,
it bites into the flesh right around your rib cage and you take one damage. Well,
your shield depletes by one. Okay. Okay. And we're back to you, Joe. Does the shield deplete
after three HP or does it have to take three HP damage in one attack? Yeah, it has to take three
or more in one attack. No, it's once it takes three, it disappears. So it's three overall.
Okay. So then it's my turn and I'm going to shoot a scintillate at another scorpion. Okay.
And that was a three. Oh yeah. Three's not good. Nope. So let's see. You got bit in the leg by one
of these already. Another one climbs up on one of the walls and jumps off and is like biting you
right in your neck. Actually, its legs dig into your arm as it makes its way up, trying to burrow
its way into your ear. You take one HP from that and you, you're scintillate like misses wildly.
You just spray sparks or whatever right up into the room, making the chamber nice and bright for
everybody to see all the terrible little parasites. Nerd, what are you doing? Wait, how many do I see
after a shot goes up in the air? There are still five. Okay. Two of which are on Job. One of which
is on you. I am. So there's only two others. I'm going to do everything I can to get that thing
off of my back. Okay. Out of my robes. If I can grab it and throw it or if I can. Yeah, just,
I guess that'd be like an unarmed attack, right? Yeah. I'm gonna grab it and throw it at the ground
if I can. 18. Yeah. 18. 18 works. So I grab ahold of it, toss it off to the side. And as you do,
it was one of the ones that was already partially damaged. And as you toss it off, it lets out this
like gross crunching as its exoskeleton like collapses in on itself and it oozes. The walls
ooze green slime. Skinny. Uh, where are they? There's two on Job. There are two on Job and
there are two more. Running around, just scurrying about. Yep. One of which is scorched a little bit.
All right. I'm going to spin around super gracefully and try to slice one right off Job.
All right. With my big sword. I have rolled a two. You don't have anything that could like make that
better? I can if we go back and change it to a... I punched it off Job. Okay. Okay. You do hit one
of these creatures. However, your sword continues to swing through and also hits Job. So you're
going to do one damage to one of these things. However, you're also going to do one damage to Job.
How are you looking anyways? I've got seven health. Okay. Not bad. I'm doing okay. Oh, sorry Job.
It happens. Try to be a little more careful next time. I don't usually miss. It's all right. I've
been shooting fireballs all over the room. So. And Job, what are you doing now? I am going to
use one AP and cast splitting image and vanish momentarily. So the scorpions get off of me and
then reappear with two duplicates on either side of me that move in unison with me. Oh shit. That's
fucking cool. All right. Yeah. You do so the one that was on like headed towards your ear, trying
to burrow its way in falls to the ground looking like pretty confused about what's going on. The
one that was biting you and like just gets in use to bite at the air. And now you're like
and now you're several feet away and there are more than one of you. Pretty cool. Nurt. I am going
to try and pin another one of these things to the ground. That's a five. Fives aren't good. No. No.
On a five, you stab your sword down trying to pin one of these things in and you fucking break your
sword into two pieces. It's pretty cleanly broken. You could still like slash with it,
but there's no more real stabbing. Skinny. I'm going to start just stomping around and
just try to stomp on these little bastards. I rolled a 10, but I'm going to spend an AP to upgrade
that to a success. Okay. So on a success, you stomp and one catches your eyes more than any others.
And that's the one that's been already burnt by Job's scintillate. When you first got into this
particular entanglement and you stomp on it and stomp its little parasitic body out of life.
And it squishes underneath your bony heel. And as that happens, and now half of the parasites
have been killed by you guys, the other three skitter away from this chamber and back up the
walls and up the ceiling. Yeah, that's right. Go on. Get, get you little critters. Those things
are gross. Two of them got me. I'm not feeling great. Who are your friends? Sorry, I sliced you
a little. That's okay. Oh, these guys, they're just, you know, my decoys. That is a fancy trick
you have got there. That is pretty cool. Well, that was quite the attack. Shall we press on?
Absolutely. They made a satisfying squonch noise when you were stomping on them. That was pretty.
Yes, I did enjoy that. It was nice. Better than the squeezable stomping.
Sometime you should try stomping some eels. I would love to try stomping some eels.
That sounds squishy and exciting. I've heard stories that is exciting. Some places have whole
holidays about them. Oh, well, I shall try to visit one of those places. That sounds right up my alley.
It does. The wild stories you hear in the city. I never spent time in the city. I just spent that
one night in jail with you guys. Oh, that's your first time? It's not a very good representation
of city life. Usually you don't get into the jail until you've been there for a few days.
Jail didn't feel much different than home. Most of the stuff there is made out of stone.
And where do you come from? I come from a temple of the guardian. It's up in the,
uh, in the mountains. Oh, I have heard of that place. It's just stone, wood, a little bit of metal.
Not much anything else. Everything's pretty hard and cold. The inn was nice. Yeah, you seemed like
you had a good time. There was lots of empty mugs around. Yeah, beds were comfortable and warm.
Food was hot. That was an exceptionally nice little fort we were in. Were you born in the
temple of the guardian or did you get like dropped off there? Born there. So you're similar to me.
You know, how long have you been traveling outside of the temple? Yesterday. Okay. So you left your
temple. I left the city. We got a lot of common over here. Yeah. Things kind of spiraled out of
control real fast. Now we're in this cave. We are in a cave. This is only the second cave I've ever
been in guys. I've been in many caves in my day. Well, out of the two that I've been in, this one
is the worst. Yes, by far. The other one was full of, you know, as you guys remember treasure,
treasure and mystical animals. And that was much nicer than these horrific creatures. It was. These
ones were not as friendly. No. They like to bite and try and burrow themselves into you. But they
were fun to squish. They were very fun to squish. Probably not as tasty as uh as the ones in the
other cave. I would assume. No, these ones seemed very gooey. Yes. Very gooey and not a texture I
like. Yeah. That's why we skipped breakfast. Whatever was left in those bowls didn't look
appetizing. I don't know if it was cooked or if that, you know, came out of someone. It was gray.
Yes. And lumpy. Well then I am grateful I did not have an appetite. And speaking of appetites,
as you guys continue walking down through this cave system, eventually it stops being a carved
tunnel and opens up into natural pathways. However, strangely you guys see a small figure
making its way towards you. It's like walking like a little proud puppy. And it kind of looks like
that too. But it also looks a bit like a cake. Cake? A puppy cake? It looks doughy. It looks
like a pastry. It's got pastry-ish features but also puppy-ish features. It's not making any
noise out of its mouth or anything. It's just walking its way right towards you guys.
Well that is a strange creature. Just gonna step off to the side and see if it walks past.
If you move out of its way, it just continues walking up the tunnel.
Picking one foot way up in front of the other. Kind of like marching through. I'm gonna use my
magical tricks to make it feel like someone's tapping it on the side of it that it's not facing.
Okay. Watch this guys. I like move my hands around and then like make a tapping gesture with my one
finger. You can see its body like squish like a pastry wood and it causes its attention to turn
and it starts walking backwards down the tunnel where it came like the same way but not like
giving any special attention to you or anything else. That is a very peculiar creature guys.
I said we follow it. I mean it's the way we're going. Why not? Yeah okay. And you guys set off
following this little pastry puppy down the tunnel. It just happens it like it goes in the straight
line wherever the tunnel leads. So does it. And you check your compass now and then it continues
to tell you to follow the path. But following the puppy, you do make your way out of the more narrow
portion and the cave, it opens up into a larger chamber that is really quite dark. I mean your
scintillate is the only thing that's actually keeping any light in this place. And as you enter
this chamber, you hear flapping of large wings. The little puppy pastry like walks out of the
glow of your light and into this chamber. I'm gonna just like kind of shoot a scintillate
in an open arcing motion in front of me. Flare? Yeah. That's a good choice. So as you light up
this chamber, you see that there are two quite large insects. One of them as the light lights
up the entire chamber swoops down and eats the puppy off the floor. While the other one...
Oh my god. Guys it's okay. It's not okay. That was so mean and sad.
Well... And as the one swoops down and eats this puppy, the other one comes towards you and your
guys' dogs, upon seeing a puppy-like creature get eaten, take off leading you into this chamber.
And they begin to buck and you know try to knock you off as they're pretty terrified. And suddenly
you are trapped in this dark fucking cave with two of these giant insects flying around. I guess roll
for initiative again. Crap. 20. 12. 20. You guys both got 20? Yep. Oh shit. This is gonna be a good
battle. Do you guys have preference on which one of you goes first? If she's raining I can go first
if you'd like. Yeah perfect. I am gonna use fiery avenger on the sure shot bow and
shoot at the last place I saw one of these insects things. Roll a d22 attack. Four. Well a four is a
miss right? So that does put fiery avenger out. Yep. Almost immediately. So that's that's one
thing. The other thing your arrow goes screeching through the dark and you know without being able
to see where these things are pretty constantly, you miss pretty good. And one of them comes swooping
down, its mandibles clacking as it comes closer and it pierces you right in the hips dragging you
down to the ground doing two damage and flying back up into the sky. It didn't take me with it did it?
No no no you're still on the ground. Okay. The fact that he was using the sure shot bow didn't like.
Oh shit. Oh shit. I forgot he was using the sure shot bow. Yeah I forgot about that too. What's the?
The sure shot bow turns that into a tough choice rather than a complete complete mess. So that's
cool actually. So you do do damage. So disregard everything you heard dear listeners. So on a five
with the sure shot bow it upgrades a failure into a tough choice. So you do hit doing two damage to
one of these creatures. However it does counter attack in what you can either take half damage
or get picked up and flown around. So just take a one damage? Yeah. I'll take the one damage. Okay.
I'll take the one damage and stay on the ground. I was worried that he took me off the ground.
Okay skinny. They're still flying around. Is the one attacking him still?
Fiery Avenger stayed on correct? Yeah because it didn't fail. So is that arrow sticking out of him?
Yeah actually it would be. Okay yeah so you can see. That's what I was hoping for. Yeah you could see
the one that Nurt just shot with his fiery avenger is still flying but like they're not flying crazy.
They're not just staying in the sky like they're swooping around. All right when that one swoops
down I'm gonna wild attack. I attack wildly disregarding my safety and I roll the 15 which
means I do double damage. All right tell me how you kill this thing. I'm gonna run at it and I'm
gonna leap into the air with the sword above my head and slice down and slice in half. Oh shit. As
you slice it in half and it hits the ground four of those little parasites leap out of its body and
begin to skitter around the floor. Disgusting. Gross. Ah these things again. That was the one
that had the flaming arrow in it. Yes. Two of those little skittering bastards come right for you
and they're gonna one's gonna leap up on you one's gonna attack you low and they're both gonna bite
into your fleshy parts where you well you don't have fleshy parts bite into your bones which you
do feel and you're gonna take two hp damage overall. Wow damn it that hurt. As they they like sink their
mandibles into you but they don't like hold like they did on the other two trying to burrow in
because there's nothing to burrow in so this is purely an attacking move for them. The other bug
comes flying down giant mandibles gnashing together and it's gonna come right for you
nerd Rebuke. Oh good move okay and if it's in the air I want my clone to come out flat I'm like
Superman with the with his fist out nice you knock him back and you knock him onto the ground
without doing one damage all right he's on the ground now he is on the ground and Rebuke's not
your turn right no it's a it's a bonus action for a reaction did you go no it's your turn
okay so your turn before it's a nerd's turn again but he did knock it down so um so then I hear this
thing hit the ground and I'm going to swiftly turn and send a scintillate little fire right at it 16
nice what's it look like um it's the same kind of you know bright white phosphorus kind of burning
ball that I've been using to light up our path but it also is trailed by a bunch of little sparks
and it explodes on impact oh shit doing a good amount of damage to it and nerd back to you I am
going to draw another uh arrow in my sure shot and take a shot at this thing now that it's been lit
up again 18 this is going well tonight that is a well rolled dice yeah you shoot an arrow into it
and it causes its exoskeleton to like burst open and as it does for those little parasites from
before jump out of it and begin skittering around to the ground coming at you guys again skinny
your turn I still have my splitting image decoys active okay so when I'm targeted you gotta flip
it a d2 I have to flip a d2 to decide if the attack hits me or one of the what the fuck is a d2
a coin oh don't you have the coin with the one in the 20 on it I do okay skinny what are you doing
can I still see I don't know I killed that one is the other bug still alive
no both big bugs are dead it's just eight parasites in here now oh well then I'm just
gonna run around and I'm gonna stomp on as many as I can like it's whack-a-mole
seven uh seven but I will spend the AP I spend one AP to make it a success okay and your one
armed strikes or unarmed strikes do two damage okay so you stomp on one of these parasites
presumably one of the ones that just bit you yeah definitely I ripped that one out from my rib cage
and threw it on the ground and stomped on him the one that you rip out of your rib cage no longer
can bite you however the one that was biting you in the leg gnashes into you again doing another
damage however you do toss the one aside I stomped on the one you stomped on the one yeah right so
you stomped on the one doing some good damage to that one however the other one still bites you
did he roll a 10 or worse no he did not sorry
okay around Nurt and Joe four of these parasites have you guys in mind and two of them jump on you
Nurt one of them landing a critical hit as it bites the back of your neck doing two damage and
the other one wraps itself around your thigh with his tail it's squirming like tail like holding it
there and its mandibles dig into a nice meaty chunk of your upper thigh doing one so that should
only be three right now yeah cool and Joe it is your turn okay I am going to uh there are still
ones on the floor near me not all of them are on yes there there are still some on the floor yeah
so I'm going to target one of the ones on the floor with the scintillate and send another fiery
exploding little ball at it for a 12 you burn another one it lets out this little like insectoid
shriek which is kind of gross but it skitters away from you like it's not coming at you anymore so
that's that's pretty swell that is a plus Nurt after being uh just dug into by these things I'm
gonna draw my dagger and stab at the one that uh that stabbed me that bit me in the leg that's wrapped
itself around me 11 yeah cool so you stab one managing to miss your own leg oh my which is
surprising to say the least it does like unwrap its tail and hit the floor on its back and then it
leaps to its little skittery feet and uh takes off trying to run around the rest of the room skinny
skinny's just gonna keep on stomping for a 20 do you stomp on one of the same ones that you did or
a different one yeah the same one that I was stomping before and this time once again you
feel that good satisfying crunch right under your big bony heel as it dies so now there are only seven
only seven if you roll a 20 on a basic attack you enter a state of intense focus after the initial
attack you may make one basic attack on each enemy within reach these attacks are automatically
successful oh shit is that focus flow okay it's an awesome one and it only costs one ap so in your
flow right you go into this like almost trance like rage and you just begin hitting all remaining
seven of these things you kill two more of them like you pick them up and do that crazy thing
where like in the movies where they smash two things together and they die even though like
running into another person doesn't kill you but it does this time and you smash them together
and they die and you hit all other ones they're all looking pretty
fucked up i hate these little bastards boys you should get in on this you look like you're
having a grand old time call it beetle squashing three of the ones that you just hit are coming
back to attack you two of them are successful one of them bites you in your bony shin and the other
in your shoulder another one does miss with it too well then i will counter attack that one
if they roll a five or worse you may attack them immediately counter attack is not a turn okay roll
for an attack five five doesn't hit so nothing bad happens you just don't get any counter attack
however you do take two damage from these other two that are biting you the other two are going
to target you two and one of them is going to jump up like right into your belly and like try to bite
its way into your belly button job and you're going to take one damage oh my god and the other
one's just going to like limply jump at you it seems like its legs got fucked up in the encounter
it's not like doing much and that is the classic parasites turns and it is job's turn i'm going to
grab the one that's trying to burrow into my stomach and just create a scintillate rate in my
hand as i pull it off and just create a fireball within you know my hand with this thing the
parasite in it that's fucking intense 12 12 is a success and it like bursts into a weird green gooey
fire and like it smells fucking terrible but it lets out a shriek as it melts leaving only four
damaged parasites and when you burn this other one the remaining four take off out of this chamber
leaving you guys with a with a clear pathway i think they don't like this smell even more than me
and this chamber is cleared how's everybody looking for health i'm okay i got six me too
did that last one hit me or was it just jumping at me it was just jumping okay eight oh you guys
aren't too bad then no sure this chamber is clear well let's head on this is a terrible place to be
yeah the sooner we can get out of here the better sounds good to me we we're following that thing
but i guess we gotta make our own path now yeah i guess we still have the compass telling us we're
going the right way at least we're not going to talk about the puppy getting eaten i mean if i
had just let him keep going past us he probably wouldn't have gotten eaten but i'm gonna not think
about that too much yeah that was sad i didn't like that at all it did alert us to those two
huge insect things though yes so you're dropping it wasn't in vain your jaw kind of dropped yeah i was
not expecting that to uh swoop down and take that cute little pastry pup looking at the compass again
you follow it in the light of your scintillate down through this cavern and eventually you guys
come to the other side you can see daylight coming through the end of of the tunnel and you can feel
the wind rushing from behind you and out this cave and the air smells super nice all right i
imagine that i'm still in the front looking at the compass making my way out all right guys let's
just do this last little hole here we'll be out i can see the light and the archipelago is not
more than a couple hours walk from you at this point it's it's really pretty close there's some
light woods between you and it but other than that pretty fair pretty easy trip excellent it looks
like we can make it there soon see it off in the distance we've almost made it yeah you continue
on to the archipelago it is a fairly large city um there's people coming in and out of it it's
fairly dusty it's not quite as nice as ecthylian was it's got one kind of large central tower that
kind of spirals up it's got very nice architecture and it's a pretty busy place as you're walking
down the street you see a very large man and he's wearing a helmet he's carrying a huge hammer
and a chain in his other hand and he grabs a commoner pushing him against the wall you sir you
are found guilty of the crime of shoplifting the penalty death and he sets the guy down taking his
hammer and smashes him down into little bitty pieces killing this man in front of all of you
and like the general populace isn't like super affected like they give the guy wide berth but
no one's like screaming and running away there's something wrong with this town that was terrifying
that was horribly graphic in a public area what did that man steal did he even get a trial i don't
think that at all matters i think they accused him of stealing and they exacted their punishment
right why didn't anyone else care i get the feeling they do this a lot well we should be careful
here then yeah yeah definitely no stealing no thieving let's uh just get to where we're trying
to get to let's go a direction that's not towards that guy yes i would agree let's go find a tavern
and see if anybody knows where we're supposed to find the envoy or where we can find the envoy
i agree probably a bar tavern in something let's just run down this alley here that is away from
this head smashing channel okay okay it doesn't take you guys long to find a uh a tavern in the
city it's a it's a pretty good size city so there's multiples of them and you guys find a little
hole in the wall as you scoot down this little alleyway away from the giant man mashing guy
all right well here's a tavern let's uh let's go inside and just get a drink and
see if we can find any information about the envoy yeah yep i'm ready to wet my whistle
you know walk up to the bar three drinks and the guy turns around grabbing three mugs filling them
with ale and sending them on the table well thank you thank you kindly this guy's really chatty
i want to put money down for three drinks and then go find a table to sit at so we can get a look at
the room he points over to the an empty table in the corner thank you kindly thank you
grab my drink and head over to the table that he pointed at is just a different language that
we don't understand i have no idea maybe he just don't talk i'm going with that i don't know why
he wanted us to sit here though is he like an orc or something or yeah yeah okay he's a he's a pretty
squat orc really kind of wide looks pretty dirty he's got like a dirty apron on like he's just uh
mean mugging everybody that comes in does everyone in this city look scary and mean no the general
populace doesn't okay just everybody you guys just everybody okay okay well how do you suspect we
find this envoy i was gonna talk to the bartender but oh doesn't look like that's gonna go very well
yeah i don't think he'll tell you much no not at all what do you think job i know i'd say we could
look around but we didn't really get much of a description just that he's a creature not of
this place so i mean if we see anyone who looks really bizarre it can be some hint but we're gonna
have to try to ask someone yeah is there uh do we see any other patrons that don't look like
they'll stab us it's about dusk remember dusk is like super long yeah dusk is very long so yeah
there are some other people in this little tavern with you pardon me my good sir as i reach over to
the neighboring table how are you fine folks doing tonight yeah could be a bit better was it just me
or did that bartender talk your guys ear off too oh grunzley yeah yeah his name is grunzley grunzley
all right it's all coming together now i think it's a family name wow well it makes sense yeah
good good guy we've had lots of good deep conversations with him oh well that's surprising
to me you seem like some knowledgeable folks we're here uh with a particular vision in mind
we're looking for someone known as the envoy you does this name mean anything to you the envoy
ah that's his whole that's a weird name yeah that's his whole name uh uh did you try the archipelago
itself most weird people live in there or stay in there or are in there i thought this was the
archipelago but the whole city is called the archipelago because it's built around that tower
you probably saw it look like a norwalk horn or something up in the middle of the city did you
miss that i did not see that you didn't see it well i'm a skeleton oh my eyes aren't so good oh
yeah i was wondering what was going on with you oh i am who i am that's deep did you tell that to
grunzley he'd like to have a conversation like that yes perhaps i will try to talk to him yeah
yeah anyways you should try there that should be a good stop for you that's some good advice
i think we were a little distracted didn't see the tower when we got here because there was a
large man squishing heads is that a common occurrence in the city i mean he said that
the man was a shoplifter but oh yeah that's that's kind of uh kind of a sore subject around here
that's not really an official part of the government or how we do things that guy's just kind of uh
operating on his own accord it seems but nobody wants to try to stop him do you see the size of
the hammer he's got he is a pretty big guy the hammer was quite large yeah it's disturbingly
large that was terrifying so we all just we just go around him and try not to commit really arbitrary
crimes well he's not a real official i don't know who sent him but we never had he just showed up one
day so if he was to be murdered you wouldn't uh object i mean i don't object to most people
getting murdered unless i know them uh him i have i have no love for that guy so if you killed him
i don't know maybe another one shows up and kills you i don't know how it works
or you think the town would be better off well he is only killing criminals well so lifting
is it really you know an executionable offense and that guy's mind it is well it's not really
how things should work not that i probably don't live here maybe he stole bread for his family
or maybe he stole some jewels does he act alone he's he's not a part of like a group it's just
this guy it only seems to be that guy i mean i don't follow him around he just like walks around
and then finds people and accuses them of crimes i guess there's no way of knowing if he actually
knows if they committed the crime or not uh i just i just i don't go near him you know i stay in here
i go home i go to another tavern and i just i just don't commit the crimes have you seen him
you know demolish these people with his hammer oh i've seen it like three times he just straight
down it's it's heavily disturbing it was quite disturbing have you seen any of those three people
commit any crimes no okay all right this is good information i think that we should avoid this guy
yeah like i said though he hasn't smushed anybody that i i would know or love at the moment maybe
if he does then i'll know if they committed a crime it's a good point well i hope that you don't
find out i hope i don't find out either so i make sure to tip my 20 when i'm paying for things i
don't all good karma is all i need what do you pay him for who no not the not the smusher guy i pay
the bartender i tip everybody now i just i'm giving him i'm being extra generous you know oh that's
good i think we should did you do that we should have done that we'll make sure yeah you never know
if you guys walk out and i see the three get smushed i'm gonna know tipping's the right thing to do
the right thing to do well tipping's always the right thing to do yeah sure i know that now because
i ain't got smushed that's a good rule to live by if you know if you do something and you don't get
smushed it must be the right thing to do you know what that's a good mantra i'm gonna change my
mantra and he like takes out a little notebook and he like scribbles out what was your previous mantra
don't get smushed oh well that is also a good one this one just expands upon that so i know i'm
forming a better plan on how to stay unsmooshed that's a great idea yeah all right well it was
nice talking with you sir yeah you too i've finished my drink guys should we go um grab another
yeah or explore the city more and try not to get smushed let's go grab another make sure we tip
this time i like that idea yeah yeah by the way have you guys committed any crimes that i should
know about no no no that way i can watch out to see if you guys get smushed you don't seem to be
around here from so maybe i thought an experiment one of you want to commit a crime and then we can
see if it gets smushed automatically and if the other two don't get smushed well no i just want
to fight this man if i'm being honest my god why would anybody want to do that are there are there
any crimes that we should be watching out for in particular that might be a little shop unique
shoplifting watch out for that one seems to be a big one we noticed pick notice that one do you
have anything in your pocket i are you gonna pick it i will let you pick my pocket if we can see if
it gets you smushed but if you let me pick your pocket does that make it a crime i'm gonna when
you say can i pick your pocket sir i'm gonna say no and i don't know maybe that's an experiment we
need to do too i'm somewhat of a scientist myself all right well whatever you got in your pocket it's
in mine now did you even see that i didn't even see it i only got one pocket it's in the front
oh my do you actually pick this guy's pocket yep okay should i roll yeah go i mean he's letting
you do it so yeah roll for it anyways i got a 10 a 10 oh a 10 is a tough choice okay well that's
cool there goes my whole bag of shinies uh how does this work do you keep them now i think that's how
it works for science for science i have no more money to tip now though uh i gotta get out of here
then all right you gentle folks have a good day you too and uh you know hopefully i'll let you know
how the science goes thank you thanks again for the good advice anytime hope to see you around
someday and not smushed into the gutter bye what was your name again lork why was this name
is edward i wrote glork my buddies call me glork i like glork i'm going with glork all right my name
is glork have a good day yeah have a good have a good one and he uh gets up and leaves out the door
and his friends are like sitting at the table just looking at each other and then they just kind of
like shrug and go back to drink just just wave at them and i'm on our way up to the bar to get
another uh get another round and we just tip the bag of shinies right that goes right to the bartender
right on a whole bag of shinies gone all right you go so this will be weird like do we get do i get
smushed for pickpocketing or not smushed for giving the guy the well maybe they balance out i think
i got a plan for that so are we gonna fight this man i don't think that should be our intention
no we should go to this spire tower thing and oh right see what but if we come across this man
if we kill more people i'm killing him i'm blaming everything on lork and we're heading away well i
won't kill him i mean i'm not against combat if it comes to that but i'm not on the path to combat
come back to that all right all right man crushing as long as we can come back to it we can come back
to that all right vigilantes are you know we have an experiment that needs to play out i suppose
does job get his head crushed or does glork get his head crushed which one actually committed a
crime what crime did glork commit falsely reporting a crime because he allowed him to take stuff out
of his pocket it depends how bloodthirsty this man is i suppose i mean maybe both it could be both i
feel like if if anything if lork goes and tries to tell him i picked his pocket he's going to get
smashed and just tell him that he picked your pocket and tell him he didn't have any money to
tip didn't especially not after he had his pocket picked yeah i don't know what's happening anyways
we're having a useless conversation on our way to the spire okay you guys are on your way to the
spire yes okay it's very obvious where it is like it's right in the middle of the city and it's
super huge um it's got a lot of doors and traffic going in and out of it does any of the entrances
say anything they say entrance i just didn't know if they had are they guarded specific entrances
no there there are no like guards posted outside so just pick an entrance and go in maybe they have
a reception desk i mean if it's busy we should try and stop someone who's coming out or going
in and ask them a question before we just go walking in random doors i think especially
fire looks kind of weird to me but also very obvious when someone's knocking their head
smashed in front of you that it's right there yes that is true as soon as you look up you see it
you said it was very busy right yeah really pretty busy okay it's the single most busiest building
in this city probably due to it also being the largest it does seem quite large
so we just ask someone sure go ahead all right excuse me person here yes
i'm sorry are you going into the archipelago here in and out all day long oh yes um we're looking for
the envoy and are told that we might be able to find them in the spire do you know anything about
that the envoy uh what does he look like we don't know i'm not quite sure yes we don't know
okay makes it a little more difficult does he have a name like mark or glork or anything
not that i know of i know he's a pretty unique creature creature yes a creature
are you saying creature like a scary person like ah they're so gross looking there creature it could
be okay um well there is a creature up in the shrine room so if you go towards the top it looks
like i don't know a giant salamander okay yeah you should try there all right what else can you
tell us about this spire the archipelago that we should know before we go into it you don't know
anything about it well all right um each floor is different they all have their own purposes uh
some are for trading or shop shopping some are like meeting rooms uh some are different themed
rooms i don't know like i always thought it was a spa see i'm just a delivery guy i bring things
over all day long from all sorts of different places no just one oh from what place the food
place oh yeah why don't you just collect all the stuff and make one trip instead of going all day
alone people don't order the food at the same time oh they said the pigeons come over or somebody with
a note and then i got to run back with them and the pigeon it's a real nightmare do they tip well
no not many people do you see a lot of head squishing around here there has been an influx
of head smushings definitely ah do you have do you guys know anything are you here to fix the head
squashing problem i would like to okay but we do have some other things to do first what floor was
the salamander man on the shrine floor you'll know it there's a lot of candles and it smells
pretty wildly fragrant is it like an elevator or what's an elevator oh we gotta walk on stairs
how do you know what an elevator is is there some sort of magical conveyance in this tower
but we're good old leg power excellent okay well then my muscles are ready you you don't
you don't you look like some you got a pair of chicken legs on you well listen man stairs are
hard they're hard when you don't have muscles uh-huh i thought maybe an elevator might help me
once again i don't know what it's a box that goes up and down in buildings
i've got food to deliver anyway yeah okay all right shrine shrine floor well all right thank
you for your time uh-huh do you guys need any food not right now but you know okay we might
send you a pigeon in like 20 minutes 20 minutes well you'll have to go back anywhere to get the
food so can we pick it up there is that a big it up that would be a huge help that would be a
tremendous asset for me we'll keep that in mind okay let me know i'll be there all day and night
all right well i don't eat so i'm not worried about it all right i'm out of here goodbye
bye bye bye again what a bunch of weirdos so even though he says that people don't tip him
that there have been a lot of head squashings and he still would like it to stop so i think we're
gonna fight this man maybe on the way out of the city yeah but we have a giant salamander to find
yep all right when you sit on the shrine floor let's just enter this door right here
okay you guys enter in the ground floor is there's a lot of small vendors like a lot of people selling
stuff on carpets or out of carts and then you see as you look around there are a large number of
staircases going to all sorts of different floors and different areas in the archipelago you find
one very conveniently labeled shrine floor and it uh is on floor 11 oh excellent oh before we go up
the stairs i want to look around and see if there's any other fun signs that say the envoy or anything
like that just around there's like a directory like the mall just looking around from in like
this place is really crazy yeah so there's a lot of other signs there is not one that just says the
envoy however there is like one for the swamp floor and one for the merchant floor and one for
the auction floor and many other floors worth of signs well we should explore some of these later
because they sound interesting but i think we should head to the shrine room i would agree
sounds good you guys head up a large spiral staircase 11 floors um so it's quite a hall
and you eventually come to the entrance to a large room the room itself is very sizable and
circular but filled with different types of smoke and fragrances that are emanating out of it it's
very dimly lit and uh you can hear some chanting coming from different areas of the floor but it's
relatively actually pretty peaceful like it's not terrifyingly dark and and the chanting is comforting
the chanting is it's like some sort of religious chanting it's not it's not completely off-putting
okay doesn't sound like they're chanting about blood sacrifice yeah yes okay correct you get
the feeling it's much more upbeat and and choral and hymns yeah yeah okay not summoning yep exactly
well this is nice much more pleasant than i expected i don't immediately see any big sound
managers and maybe we should go kind of just make our way gently towards the chanting oh the
chanting yeah it sounds nice yeah let's go have a look around as you guys wander around at various
times you hear like gongs and chimes and stuff going off and it's pretty recognizable that you
know a salamander person be pretty easy to pick out of a crowd and so it only takes a couple minutes
before you guys see a shrine in front of you that does have a large like three foot tall salamander
looking person standing at it he's facing away from you um towards the towards the shrine when
you come up to him is he doing anything in particular can we hear or see him chanting or
praying or meditating it looks like he's praying he's quiet um his hands are folded together and
um he's standing there cross-legged with uh with his tail wrapped around his legs i'm just gonna
kind of kneel next to him cross my hand and put my head down too and see if sit there because
you're an invoker so you know about being in temples and shrines now this guy has to not sound
like the last two people that end up sounding the same should i go high pitch or low pitch what does
the salamander sound like i would go lower with the reptile okay i'm not doing tongue fucking noises
what would a salamander sound like or more sage why hello what brings you to my shrine hello we
are here on orders from the tyrant to help find his cat ripley ripley the cat so you came seeking
my aid i'm going to guess we were specifically sent to you to seek your aid in uh locating
interesting locating ripley and why would you need my aid to locate the cat not 100 share on that one
one interesting well we can step away from here you keep saying we and i see one i have some
companions back there they're just waiting just waiting not much of meditators i'm going to guess
not sure well let's go find the rest of your companions and see if we can piece this puzzle
together together much appreciated and down boy walks over to you too oh interesting he says to
you skinny oh well hello why hello i was just standing back here so i didn't rattle people out
of their meditation interesting that's very interesting indeed it's not very quiet when i
walk around especially on these marble floors how long have you been like this a long time
and hello to you good sir hello nice to make your acquaintance my name is job hello job
your friend tells me that the three of you seek a cat yep this is true okay the cat has a name
it's ripply i heard and so why do you need my help to find the cat well the tyrant sent us to find
the envoy which that is me perfect yeah so he said you might know something about
the disappearance of his cat there was a portal opened in the throne room and a female appearing
creature stepped out with two chained beasts and attacked the court and catnapped the tyrants prized
ripply now that does shed some light on why you might be here seeking my aid your friend seemed
to leave out the portal business and the woman that stole the cat i thought it was a simple
cat in a tree scenario not quite i mean it's a much different kind of tree much different indeed
that's funny well now that i have the full scope of things i have an idea of who you may be referring
to by the sounds of it it seems you're looking for the soul collector the soul collector you say i do
say she runs a type of menagerie of sorts uh she goes around collecting the most interesting
creatures that she can find without asking i mean this was a pet how interesting what's the king's
cat oh she's not interested in asking anybody anything see for her her menagerie her cosmic
zoo if you will is really the only thing that concerns her i see where does she reside now see
that's the thing that's the tough thing her zoo will call it doesn't have a fixed location see
she's a bit like me she can travel the omniverse she doesn't she's got a lot of enemies as you
could probably understand as she steals a lot of people's cats and pets and sorts of things
and so she is constantly on the move which makes it difficult for me to be able to pinpoint her
location do you think we could perhaps devise a way to lure her if we could find an interesting
animal like a very big cat well that could work a very big cat however no one knows really why
she collects what she collects there is alternative methods to finding her location oh really please
do enlighten us you see there's certain creatures that have escaped her grasp over time and these
creatures kind of harbor resentment towards her and realistically all you have to do is persuade
one to tell you where she might be at see they store memories as they get altered and those can
be extracted to kind of you know make it make a map of sorts that sounds very complicated
but we can at least maybe try to find one of these creatures lucky for you i may know where some are
that is very fortunate and lucky for us i've heard some travelers recently talking about the mountains
nearby past the great lake there they had several run-ins with some mysterious creatures that they
never could pinpoint down they couldn't see them now that sounds an awful lot to me like a type of
chaos creature that would have got mixed up with the soul collector in which case you find one of
them you bring it back here or if you're able to help one maybe that would work and perhaps we can
get that get that map and you know how to get the map from the creature's memory i could get the map
from the creature's memory would you want something in return for this oh no i work completely for free
however i've always been interested in finding out and seeing the zoo myself from the outside mind you
i don't need to get tangled up in the soul collectors business that much but i could i could aid you
further on your path see i am a spectator i spectate all that happens across the omniverse
from here to there obviously not at the same time because i'm here not there and uh you know i report
back i take these things in and store them for future knowledge that sounds very noble yes plus
i need some assistance actually in one other matter it would directly help with your journey
actually you see a bunch of pirates have taken over my docking space in the rift where my cosmic
cruiser's at that would help you get where we're going but i need them cleared from there so it's
safe again and it just needs to be done in a non-violent way a non-violent way yes complete
of non-violence okay well we could do violence no violence but i can't take the lead on that one
first you need to find a chaos creature whatever it is up on those hills before we have to worry
about the cruiser at all okay maybe we should rest for the night is it night now does it long
rest up the stairs i need to get a new sword okay so to the merchant level then do we have
any other questions for the android i didn't follow most of what he was saying he grabs your
hand and his eyes kind of glaze over into this starlight sparkle and he just replays for you
in your mind directly the conversation he just had with everybody else he just kind of rewinds
it and then goes fast forwarding through it and it gets stuck in your brain cave well thank you
for that i i completely understand now what we're supposed to be doing good you are welcome anything
in particular we're looking for in the wake of these creatures from what i heard they are more
mischievous than harmful i also heard that everybody that has encountered them has been wearing
leather of some sort that is useful information yes now i'll be here i'll wait for you to return
unless you aren't back in a few days it shouldn't take you that long if you leave in the morning
okay all right we'll be back with one of these chaos creatures as creatures just remember go
across the gigantic lake and then east to the mountains no west of the mountains west of the
mountains east would bring you back to where you were well this is why i'm so confused it's difficult
learning the compass directions of every single planet i've ever been on well that is fair it is
you have a great night and come back and see me tomorrow or not tomorrow come back and see me when
you're done with your task so we can move forward we will see you in a few days thank you for the
information yes thank you for your time he just bows and walks back to his shrine well that delivery
guy gave us some good information yes he was very good delivery boy i hope he gets good tips
you wanted to head to the merchant level so you guys head down to the merchant level to buy
nert a new sword yep okay there's a there's a bunch of vendors you just pick one that looks like uh
like one that has a sword that looks like your old sword yeah i'm gonna find one looks close to mine
and i'll give the pieces to the vendor to see if he can chip them off and have it melted down or
anything you know right on so yeah he takes it um he exchanges it for you cuts a little bit of the
cost off because he he's got a guy and he uh hands you a new sword that looks relatively like your
old one thanks anybody else need anything no i am i am ready to head out oh you guys must sleep i'm
gonna sleep yeah yeah we have to hopefully recover a little bit of hp that's what i can do when i sleep
you'll heal it between sessions you guys make your way to the closest in pretty uneventful if you
guys just want to get some sleep and get back up in the morning just a bunkhouse trying to get our
head squashed you do not get your head squashed when you're walking through nor do you see anybody
else get their head squashed as you're walking through the city trying to find a place to rest
that's excellent we did make a mistake and not ask the envoy about the head squashing when we return
when we return we have a couple things we gotta get done first before we deal with
we had lots of information it was hard to take it all in yes probably the most helpful npc i've
ever made was very helpful and that's where we'll end this session see you next next tuesday
next time on tales from the crit
does anybody else see this weird little crab i don't know a lot about water life but what crab
this little guy looking right at me i stopped rowing and start looking yeah look at where i'm
pointing i'm looking at it pointing i don't see a crab suddenly its arm reaches up and grabs the
side of your canoe and you pull down the side of your three-person canoe and as you run up and
shatter yourself this thing kind of limply stands up holding a very large sword and as it walks
around you can see little pieces of like pink gloop making its way out of the crevices in this armor
as the three of you are making your way towards the bag um stealthily sneakily and quietly
nert on your pocket where you're keeping your flowers and clover you feel a nudge
and then a tug at your pocket then another tug and then suddenly you hear fabric rip as your
pocket that you're keeping this stuff on gets ripped clean off your robes i'm gonna like try
and reach back and almost try and pet like assume that it's an invisible goat and try and pet it
your hand bumps horns and you're like fuck that's a goat try and reach behind and scratch behind the
horns and the ears
the tales from the crit podcast is recorded in the wolfbeard game studio in upstate new york
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podcast
if you stand barefoot on the earth and look directly into the sun during like sunset when
it's at the horizon and furthest away that that'll increase your vision
i'll start trying it being barefoot have to do with it though oh it's so that you can be grounded
with the earth that is important i heard sunning your butthole for 30 seconds is the better than
like multivitamins really no no no that's that's tanning your whole taint and and uh
either either way it sounds like i'm gonna have to go spread eagle to uh show the sun my
asshole i guess so oh they make a new device for that oh like a uv lamp that i can just
crouch over they make one i i don't need one just for when they all get enough sun oh my god