Welcome to the Tales from the Crypt podcast. We are an actual play podcast featuring a
revolving cast of players making our way through micro RPGs, highly narrative tabletop games,
and the more popular and less known RPG systems from a wide variety of genres. Content may
not be suitable for children and content warnings can be found in the description. I'm Riley
Groves and I'll be your host, your guide, your GM on this episode of Tales from the
Crypt. Welcome everybody to Tales from the Crypt. Today we are going to be playing Quest,
which is a single D20 RPG system. It is a super fun and easy one to get into. It's a
great place to start if you're intimidated by something like Dungeons and Dragons or Pathfinder,
one of the ones that's super rule heavy and has a lot of math. This one's really easy
and we've been playing it for a long time. It's what our first campaign was based off
of and it's just a joy. So we're really happy to bring that to you for a few episodes. And
at the table today, I got Connor. Hey. Derek. Hello. And Rebecca. Hey. So let's get to know
each other a little better. Our question from the pod deck interview deck is you have $100,000
to donate. You have to donate or create a charity. What do you do? Me? All right, Connor.
Yes, I'll go first. Um, a hundred thousand dollars. If I had a hundred thousand dollars
that I had to donate to or create a charity for, I would probably kind of split it. You
think I mean, is it all to one place? I mean, it doesn't say one way or another. So I would
probably donate most of it to the like national brain tumor research foundation. Um, and then
if anyone's left, like to maps or one of the other organizations that helps to do more
research into how psychotherapy can be benefited from the use of psychedelic medications and
to help things like PTSD, especially helping people with terminal illnesses get past like
death trauma, like, oh, you know, trying to come to terms with things like that. And there's
been a lot of research that magic mushrooms or psilocybin therapy helps with that. Interesting.
Yeah. Derek, what are you? Well, ever since I was a kid, I've always wanted to have a
fundraiser or have a, uh, a foundation that took in the strays and the dogs that were
like vets were going to put down just, just like I grew up with horses. So I just always
saw the dogs instead of the horses in large pastures with little place to run, do stuff,
be a dog. There's no point to be put down just because somebody bred too many. Fuck
you, man. We love cats and dogs. Yeah, Derek really stole my answer on that one. Um, I
think I would start my own charity and it would be to, um, I would have like a luxury
rescue so they'd have like really nice fluffy beds and real rooms that are a little more
soundproof because a lot of reason that they get put down is because they just can't adjust
to shelter life. And that's really not fair. And the shelter life isn't much more than
just what prison is for you. Yeah. It's the bare minimum and it's really sad, but I worked
at a humane society for a while and it was really fucking hard. So big, no kill shelter
lots of luxury, luxury items for the animals. Awesome. I would give a hundred K to, uh,
the charity called laughing at my nightmare. They do a lot of work with Ms and provide
technology to help those people live sustainable lives is actually started by a kid I went
to school with, um, in college, his name is Shane Burkaw and they just raised over their
millionth dollar or something like that, I think, uh, in the last month or two. And so
I would probably give it all directly to them. That's, that's a cause that I like to support
them. So it's a very good one. Okay. Well, let's get into some of the character creation
and, uh, what you guys have come up with for characters and a little bit about the world
that you'll be playing in today. Connor, why don't you start with who and what are you
playing today? Okay. Um, my character is going to be a magician, a human male named Gobi
or job for short. Uh, he's middle-aged, you know, twenties, thirties, thereabouts about
five, eight. He comes from the poor part of the city, you know, and he just believes in
the power of laughter and community. Uh, but sometimes his overconfidence and greed do set
him back a little bit and he dreams of one time, you know, living in the not poor part
of the city. Okay. Uh, my name is skinny. Well, my name's Norman, but my friends call
me skinny. I am six foot two. Uh, I was 34 when I died. So I'm roughly, oh, I don't know.
98, 99, 199. Uh, I am the party's fighter. When people see me, they first notice that
I am a bone kind and it is very distracting to them. I wear a tattered faded red cloak
with some iron armor. I'm not quite a full set, but I have a helmet, a chest plate, pauldrons
and chin plates. My helmets like Ayomirs from Lord of the Rings. It's got the little hair
thing going on. I move with grace and strength on the battlefield, but not so much off the
field. I am from setlandia where people are known for strength and honor. I believe in
peace, but my hunger for battle can get in the way. And I dream of joining my wife in
the afterlife. All right. My name is Nurt. I am 20 years old. I am about six foot tall.
I am the party's invoker. When people see me, the first feature they notice is my white
hair and my green eyes. I wear dark gray robes and silver accents. I am from the temple of
the guardian. My community is known for their patience and problem solving. I believe in
peace, but my need for order can get in the way. And I dream of exploring and moving beyond
the temple someday. All right. Is the bone kind just a skeleton? Yep. Right on. Yeah,
I was infected with a disease and then when I died, I became a skeleton. Yeah, Skinny,
why don't you tell us a little bit more about how you came to become a bone kind? Well,
I used to be a soldier in the great war, but I was infected by spry bones during a particularly
brutal battle. A few hours later after the battle, I tripped in a gopher hole and I couldn't
get up and they must have presumed I was dead because everyone left and I died a few days
later. Well, that's a bummer. They just left you. They just left. Well, they just assumed
I was dead. It makes sense. We'd probably leave you too if you assumed you were dead.
Yeah. Thanks. Bodies are heavy. We have a long way to go. I'm a skeleton. I don't weigh
very much. Well, you were... Like you did before. And you... Well, no, I guess you became a
pile of bones after that. Okay. So do you guys know each other at all? Do any of you
know each other? I'm going to say no. I don't believe I would know any of them. I would
agree. I don't know. Okay. Cool. Then we're not going to get into any questions like that
because that'd be very difficult to answer given your current circumstances. Okay. So
the setting for the adventure, it's set on the worldly plane of Concipien. It's a water
planet with three great continents that are spread really far apart from each other. The
one that you guys are on is the continent of Norr. It's most widely settled and is the
most advanced as it is rich in resources and it receives about 16 hours a day of sunlight.
So they have exceptional growing periods, a great climate. It's like the best of the
three continents. And the city that you guys are going to be in starting in is just called
the Golden Territory. And the Golden Territory gets its name from its golden towers. It's
been a relatively long period of peace in the region as far as wars go. They're technologically
advanced, but not like crazily. There's not automatons or anything like that in this world
at the moment or in this city. You know, they got plumbing to a certain degree, but not
like, not modern.
Pretty industrial.
Yeah. We're still in the, in the, you know, fantasy setting. So nothing too crazy. Yeah.
Let's see. What else is there to know? Let's go over what puts you guys in jail. Why is,
is it Gob?
Job?
Why is Job in prison?
Job was playing cards at the bar last night and his luck had run out. And so he decided
to try and mesmerize and bamboozle his opponent to make him think he was not losing. And that
didn't work on his entire friend group that he was playing against. So they all were like,
Hey, no, this guy's cheating you, man. And so they beat me up. And then they, one of
them was the son of a local merchant. So yeah, they threw me in here.
All right. And why, why does Nurt find himself in prison?
Nurt finds himself in prison or in jail because he took self-defense a little too far. Being
his first time, you know, outside of the temple.
Okay. So violence?
Less violence, more like somebody tried to hit him and he just broke his arm.
Oh, okay.
More like an overreaction.
Yes. More like an overreaction, less like a actual bar fight.
Not aggressive violence.
Not aggressive violence. Exactly. Not aggressive violence.
It was at least provoked.
Yes.
Okay.
I wonder if we were all in the same pub last night.
And why, why does Skinny find himself?
Well, I...
In a special cell because he's made of bones.
Well, I provoked some loud dumb ass at the bar last night. One thing led to another.
And before I knew it, the whole place was in a brawl. I of course got blamed because
I publicly started it.
So you are the reason.
Well, it sounds like these other gentlemen were also the reason.
So were you all at the same tavern last night?
One of us.
I think we must have been.
We must have been.
I was at least outside the front of it.
You weren't even there yet.
You were strolling by.
I was heading towards it, walking by. Got it.
It was actually one of the city guard coming to, you know, investigate the bar fight that
had bumped into a nerd. And he was like, ah, broke his arm.
He's very jumpy.
I think this is like the capital region of the, if it's called the Golden Region or Golden
Territory.
Yep. And I guess the Golden Territory would be like New York, right? And so you guys are
actually going to be in a city called Exilien is the actual name of the capital.
All right. What's the governing system? Monarchy?
Imperial.
It is a monarchy. It's not necessarily one where like the ruler's son takes over. The
current ruler is just named the Tyrant. Not many people have seen him. He's only been
a ruler for one to two years. And since then, crime levels haven't necessarily dropped,
but they've been reported that they have dropped as the dungeons are almost always empty.
Ready to jump into this?
Yeah.
All right. Let's play this game.
The sun hangs high over Exilien, the capital of the Golden Territory on the world of Concipien.
The city, as most days, is a buzz with merchants, tradesmen and guard patrols. The bright sun
glares off a shining gold tower in which far below we find several prisoners shackled together
being led from their cells and up the prison stairs. The dank moldy air gives way to a
rush of fresh breeze as they exit the tower and are moved to the central courtyard. After
a few days in the dungeon, the sunlight hurts the prisoners' eyes. The path across the
courtyard from the cells is well worn as prisoners are led across daily to the executioner's
block. The courtyard is kept out of public eye so that it is not known that the court
systems have been disbanded by Exilien's new ruler, only known as the Tyrant. The three
prisoners are pushed to their knees and their necks are forced down to wooden blocks. An
equal number of executioners move next to the prisoners, while the central clock tower
begins to toll. As its tenth and final ring tolls, the executioners raise their axes.
No final words are allowed. What are your character's final thoughts?
I'm already dead.
That's a good one. Nurt?
Should have done a laugh.
Jobe?
I knew it would come to this eventually.
I thought it would be, I've made a huge mistake.
Suddenly, before the stroke of the axe, you each hear an alarm and a large commotion coming
from the central tower behind you. The guards begin to panic before pulling you all back
to your feet and hastily bring you back to your cells, locking you back in before scrambling
up the stairs to find out what the commotion is above.
I was just about to meet my wife. This is a disappointment to me.
Who said that?
I did. And you hear some crackling of bones.
What's behind that door?
I don't know. It's dark down here. How many people are down here?
Well I'm one.
Two.
Okay, so, and me, that's the three of us. Um, you guys got any ideas how we can get out
of this?
I don't even know what happened upstairs.
Either do I. It didn't sound good though.
No, so that probably doesn't mean it's good for us either way.
We should bust out of here and try to fight whatever it is.
Or run away. I'm fine with that too.
Well I'ma fight it.
Getting out of here sounds like a good idea.
You sound like a skeleton over there. Can you like, you know, pick the lock with one
of your bones? You just like pull a rib out or something?
Well, my cage is a little different than yours.
That would make sense.
Yeah, I could normally just roll out of here but...
There's no bars on your cage?
The floors are solid. The walls are solid.
Yeah, my walls are walls, not bars. Name's Skinny by the way.
Nice to meet you Skinny. I'm Job.
Nice to meet you Job.
Nurt.
Nurt. Good name, Nurt.
Thank you.
I like it.
How are we getting out of here?
I don't know. I got nothing in here. I can knock on the door, shake it a little bit.
No, it's locked guys.
I don't have any skills to get out of this door.
Okay, sounds like you guys are stuck here.
After a few hours, the guards return, placing you each in your shackles once again and leading
you back up the stairs. This time though, you continue past the exit leading to the
courtyard and head up several more flights of stairs until you're brought into a large
room filled with a small army of advisors, guards, and comitors, shuffling around a central
throne known as the Common Chair.
The throne moves on its own accord going from group to group and sitting lazily on the throne
is a young man in an ornate red cloak and a large golden crown holding a large sword
who's looking rather uninterested in what's going on until he sees the three of you led
by the guards.
His chair turns and he shouts,
You guards, bring the prisoners over here.
And the three of you are shuffled in front of this young king.
Finally, it has taken long enough.
Because it is your lucky day, for I have chosen to spare your lives in exchange for a favor.
Might nothing to spare over here, but what's the favor?
Well, you still seem to be alive. You have some stake in the game, do you not?
I'll fight your battles.
Well, that's good. That's what I need. I need lots of that.
Well, thank you. But what is this favor that you need?
Here today, a woman or a creature or a thing, I'm not even sure. None of us are sure.
Created a portal right here in this room.
She walked out into the court with two beasts attached on chains.
She loosed them both and they attacked this court and they killed several people.
And then they committed the gravest of sins against this court and against me.
No, she stole my cat.
Oh my God, that's even worse than I imagined.
And then she stepped back into that portal to who knows where.
All these daft idiots that work for me, I'm not even sure what they do.
They're just rolling around saying, oh, it's not big deal. It was just a cat.
I want my cat back.
What was the cat's name?
Ripley.
Ripley? Oh no.
He was black and white.
Black and white?
And they wore a gold chain.
He had a gold chain?
Yes.
You ask a lot of questions.
I like cats.
Do you speak for all three of these? Do you know each other?
No, but his questions are good.
I didn't think of them questions and they're not bad to ask.
How big was this cat?
Cat sized?
Small cat.
Okay.
You know, like a common house cat.
Except for he was my common house cat.
And he wore a real gold chain?
Of course it was real gold chain.
You think I can afford real gold?
I just wasn't sure it was a cat.
Sometimes they get lost or you know, do you let it out?
What if someone steals the gold chain and lets the cat come back?
No one will steal Ripley's gold chain.
Sometimes they get caught on things?
Ripley sits right over there in his chair and doesn't do much.
He's not just like a frolicking cat.
Anyways, why are we on my cat's chain?
If his chain gets stolen or broken, I'll make him or build him or buy him a new gold chain.
You need to get my cat back.
Okay.
Do you have any clues of who or where to go to get it?
Well, I'm led to believe that this creature that stole my cat is not from this world.
Only being she brought that creature and he points to the corner and there's just like
a giant dead beast that you've never seen before with just spears and swords stuck in
it dead in the corner.
She put a chain on Ripley and then she pulled him through the portal and then closed it.
It all happened in almost no time.
No time at all.
And the three of you are dispensable.
So I figured I'd send you first.
You're going to die anyways.
Well, we appreciate the opportunity.
Yep.
Happy to fight.
Happy to fight and kill some things for your cat.
So the portal is gone.
We can't just step through the portal.
The portal is gone.
Otherwise I would have sent somebody else through the portal really quickly.
It's taken a long time for these assholes to even get this much of a plan together.
So how do we get to where this portal goes?
That's the tricky part.
I don't exactly know, but it is said that a creature named the Envoy is staying a few cities over in the archipelago
and is rumored that he could help track down this vile intruder and get my cat back.
At least that's what these guys said.
He has knowledge of the omniverse as a whole, way better than anyone here.
So our mission overarching is to find the cat, but primarily first we're trying to find the Envoy.
Okay, like big quest, get the cat, right?
How you achieve that, find the Envoy so he can say, this is where to go to get my cat.
All right.
He should know.
Should we have something of your cats?
You know, in case he needs like a scent or a smell, like a collar?
He doesn't have a collar.
He wears a gold chain.
Can we borrow his pillow?
No, you can't borrow Ripley's pillow.
Should we have something to pay this Envoy?
It is said he works for free.
He's not a creature of this world either.
He's focused on peace.
He's a swell guy from what I heard.
I won't invite him here though.
He sounds like he'll disturb the goings on of this court.
But I will give you each a bag of shinies that you can take with you on your journey
to help pay for things.
And each of you will be outfitted for your travels.
You can have your pick of the weapons and you can take some of our provisions from the
treasury and that should help you succeed.
It's only a few days ride.
You'll each also get a spar dog to ride on to help you get there quicker.
Oh, well that'll really rattle my brains.
Sounds a lot better than getting my head cut off.
So yeah, sounds great.
I mean that's still not that may still happen.
She was pretty that creature was pretty vile.
So it may have your head for a little bit longer.
If you guys do succeed, I'll let you keep your heads forever.
So that's your options.
And you said we could go to this treasury.
Yes, you can go to the treasury.
Each of you can pick out a few items for your travels.
Well, let's head down there.
Yeah, let's let's get out of this place.
The guards on Shaul and one of his advisors leads you to down another set of stairs off
this room and down into a room that's packed with common weapons and uncommon goods.
So let's start off.
What weapons do each of you choose?
Um, a short sword.
Okay.
So the way quest works, everybody gets an inventory of up to 12 items.
If you guys take a ranged weapon, you also need ammo.
Now we're not going to keep track of how many arrows you guys have, just that it's going
to take up an inventory spot.
That way if you guys, you know, do roll a one while shooting your bow, maybe you run
out of arrows or something like that.
So everybody picked one or two common weapons that you can have.
They'll each do two damage on hit on arm strikes, do one damage.
And Joe, you picked a short sword first.
Nurt, what are you going with?
I think I'm going to go with a sword as well.
Like a straight bladed rapier.
Yeah, rapier sounds good.
Okay.
Can I have three?
I have a short sword, a bastard sword and a shield.
Yeah, sure.
The shield has no functionality really.
Like it's not going to help.
Oh.
It's not going to do anything for you.
Like raise your AC or anything.
That's not how this game works.
Okay.
I will take a bastard sword and I will take a dagger.
I can't decide between a dagger and a short sword.
Oh, if you're taking a bastard sword, I think a dagger would be better than a short sword.
Then that is what I will take.
Okay.
So you have your pick of three items from this list that I have made.
You guys can all look it over and make your selections.
If you have questions on any, feel free to ask.
What do the gate glasses do again?
These metallic glasses have a permanent shine and lenses that shimmer as if they are coated
in the fluid pattern of a gate stone.
I think that's how it's pronounced.
A-G-A-T-E.
It's a gate.
A gate stone.
The wearer of these glasses automatically detects imperfections in objects should they
exist.
For example, they might notice that an item is counterfeit or that a text has grammatical
errors.
If worn around other creatures, the glasses occasionally force the wearer to blurt out
the wearer's perceived flaws about a nearby creature, like being ugly or...
What's the magic candle?
That's just a candle that you can turn on and off.
That never stops working.
Like wax melts from it, but it never decreases the amount that's left.
Did you read Braille's Handy Haversack?
I'm trying to pick ones that make sense for my character.
Like I'd have Kilngaaz to fix my sword.
Braille's Handy Haversack.
This is a magical tool bag with several formless blocks that can each morph to fit the object
the user needs to handle, like pliers, screwdrivers, scissors, threading needles, tape measures,
and safety glasses.
For example, if a user intends to pound a nail, one of the blocks will morph into a
hammer.
This outputs to formless blocks when the user is finished with their work.
I'm gonna take that too.
Snow dropper?
Okay.
The snow dropper is...
When a drop of water from this chilly vial is deposited on a surface, it immediately
turns into a snowball.
The snowball feels great in the hand, and those who pick it up feel a twinge of childlike
joy.
If a creature who picks up a snowball has experienced snow in the past, they stand there
blissfully, lost in thought for a few minutes, as they experience vivid memories from their
childhood.
For one AP, you can create up to ten snowballs.
And the retweeter?
The retweeter is a small magic statue of a bird.
The statue's user may ask it to remember and listen for a specific word or phrase.
If the bird hears the word or phrase uttered nearby, it will loudly repeat it so everyone
can hear.
Okay.
Pocket Trump.
Does it say Scandalberries?
It does say Scandalberries.
One time use.
These are delicious magical berries that are enchanted with a conspiratorial lie.
When eaten by an NPC, they are compelled to spread the lie to their friends, family, and
other creatures nearby.
When you use the berries, secretly write a one-sentence lie down on a piece of paper.
Do not share the lie with your party members beforehand.
Then pass the paper to another member of the party.
They must secretly rewrite the lie while changing two of its verbs, nouns, or adjectives.
Then that player passes the version of the lie to another member of the party and so
on until all members of the party have participated in rewriting the lie once.
NPCs affected by the berries will spread the final version of the lie.
And how about the Field Compass?
The Field Compass is a magical compass made by the Field Monitor Company.
It is enchanted with simulated sentience.
The compass can provide a heading to commonly charted locations when asked.
Defective or damaged versions become chatty, requiring the user to indulge as a compass
in small talk before a direction is provided.
I'm going to take the Kiln Gauze and the Handy Haversack.
Okay, you can take one more too.
Okay, I'll have to look at the list again.
I'm going to take the Field Compass, the Mischievous Marbles, and the Shrubbery Bomb.
Can you tell me what that means again real quick?
Yeah.
The Shrubbery Bomb is a one-time use.
This is a gentle cloth pouch filled with dry magic seeds.
When the pouch is thrown on the ground, the seeds instantly grow into a tall thick tangle
of thorny bushes that fan out in a line perpendicular to the direction you are facing.
Any creatures passing through the bushes or attempting to climb them take 3 damage.
Okay, nerd.
I am going to take the Boat in a Box, the Discretions to Gabbard, and the 3 Healing
Darts.
Okay.
Can I also take a bow and arrows?
Yes, you can.
Okay, thank you.
What's the Portable Potent Probe?
I also took a dagger as well.
Okay.
The Portable Potent Probe is a small box with a magic dish inside that can be used to detect
poison.
When liquid is placed in the dish, the box briefly conjures an illusory servant nearby.
If there is no poison, the servant nods at you and vanishes.
If poison is detected, the servant pretends to cough and die.
The servant is not a trained actor, and his performance is a little much.
I'm going to take Discretion.
Okay.
We should probably just go over everybody's list again in order.
Okay.
And Joe, what items did you pick?
Okay, so I took a short sword and a bow with some arrows, and I took the Shrubbery Bomb.
Awesome.
I also am going to take the Field Compass.
I also took the Mischievous Marbles, which is a bag of marbles that feels slippery to
the touch, and when the bag is opened, the marbles spill out.
They roll around, seeking out any creatures nearby who they might trip.
Marbles are especially interesting to people who are carrying things like servers carrying
meals, or children carrying ice cream cones, anything that they can drop.
So that's the Shrubbery Bomb, the Field Compass, and the Mischievous Marbles.
Awesome.
And what items does Nurt have?
I took the Brel's Boat in a Box, a small wooden box containing a paper model of a sloop.
When the box is set in water with enough clearance around it to fully expand, you activate and
transform it into a real working sloop.
Awesome.
As I took the Discretion Scabbard, this is a common looking leather scabbard that can
hold bladed weapons.
Whenever a weapon is sealed inside of the scabbard, the weapon becomes invisible, making
the scabbard appear empty.
When the weapon is removed, it becomes visible again.
And I also took Nim's Healing Darts.
Nim's Healing Darts come in a pack of three.
Each dart may be used once.
They can be thrown by hand or shot from a blowgun.
Each is filled with a dose of healing potion.
Safe healing at a distance.
Nim's, we care for you.
And Ropega, what did Skinny take?
Skinny took a Bastard Sword and a Dagger.
I also took the Kiln Gauze.
It is a one-time use.
A container of magic gauze that can be used to repair broken metal weapons like swords.
When the gauze is wrapped around the severed weapon, it welds the weapon back together
in a flash.
There's enough gauze in each container to repair one weapon.
Awesome.
I also took the Handy Haversack.
I also took Discretion, which I don't need to explain again because Derek explained that
for us.
Okay.
So now that you guys are outfitted, one of the Tyrants' attendants leads you from the
treasury and down out of the castle.
You guys head to the stables where you meet a very friendly stable master who is more
than happy to get you all saddled on a Spardog of your own.
Now a Spardog is a rather large dog.
They're pretty fast, although tremendously dumb.
They're not super well trained except for to run.
Their sense of smell isn't crazy good.
They're not going to help you with tracking or anything.
Out of the three, two of them have their tongues just hanging wimply out the side of their
mouth looking aloof.
They'll follow commands, basic commands, but aside from that, they're very fast and they
don't tire, which is one reason why they're widely used for travel and not pack animals
like a donkey or a horse or anything like that.
What were they called?
Spardogs.
S-P-A-R-D-O-G-Y.
D-O-G-Y.
Spardoggy.
Okay, it's going to take you guys at least two days to reach the archipelago.
So it's kind of late afternoon.
Seems there's 16 hours of sun in this region of the world of Kinsipien.
You guys have quite a bit of travel time left before it's day.
Everybody's bodies are kind of acclimated to like how long the day is.
So a lot of work gets done.
They have a good work-life balance because it never gets super dark in the winter or
anything like that.
Nobody has seasonal depression, which is pretty cool.
And so you guys have about, if it's four o'clock, you guys have about four hours of riding time
before it's night.
And you guys set off across the plains.
The first leg of your journey leads you through a pretty thick forest, as all my quests start
in thick forests before you get anywhere.
There's always a forest around everything.
And you guys are riding into the afternoon at a pretty good pace because the Spar Dogs,
like I said, they don't slow down.
And as you're going through the forest, which is a pretty widely traveled forest, there's
different villages and forts and stuff through it.
How experienced are you at adventuring for the most part outside of the city?
Skinny, I know you're probably, you're almost 200 years old.
You're a warrior.
Quite experienced.
I've ridden a horse before, but that's about it.
Rob also has not adventured out of the city very much.
Has adventures around, you know, the lesser known parts of the city, but outside of the
city, forest, that's strange.
So you guys are probably a little nervous or at least freaked out about the ride.
A little just, you know, confused by all the trees.
I haven't seen many of them before.
Well, I think Skinny is out front and Skinny's like, what are you two dawdling about?
This is my first time out this far.
I've never seen so many trees.
This is the farthest from home you've ever been.
This is, yes.
And it's getting further every moment.
Oh.
Yeah.
The city was the farthest I'd ever been before.
And now I'm just kind of thinking about ditching this dog and going back to where I came from.
I'm just amazed the guy just gave us all this stuff and said, okay, go find my cat.
I'm like, he didn't send anyone with us to keep an eye on us.
We just, yeah, I mean, go find someone else's cat.
Well, it is a deal for our lives.
Yeah, but what do these things eat?
I tap the back of the dog.
Well, not us.
They eat leaves on trees and grass in the yard.
I don't know what they eat.
No, they eat meat.
Okay.
I have no idea.
Well, they'll eat meat.
I've seen this one scarf up just a woodland critter trying to cross the road, so they
don't seem to be too picky.
Yep.
How long are we going to have to ride these dogs before we get somewhere?
I think it's going to take two days to get here, but I'm not riding this thing for two
straight days.
Well, the compass says we're on the right path at least.
I have this magic compass I got from the treasury.
Well, I think a little bit before as the sun's starting to go down, we should probably stop
and at least build a fire.
I can definitely build a fire, but I didn't bring a tent.
Maybe we'll build these things up or something.
Tie them off to a tree so they don't eat us.
They don't seem like they're interested in going very far.
Well, they can't eat me and I don't need to sleep, so I'll just stay up.
You don't need to sleep?
Well, I don't sleep.
I'm just bones.
Yeah.
Have you never heard the phrase a dog with a bone?
Well, these dogs don't seem to notice yet that I'm bones.
We should tie them up.
You are right.
Yeah.
We can keep watch.
That would be great.
As you guys kind of slow your pace here talking about camp and getting to know each other
a little better, you do hear one of the bushes nearby begin to rattle and out in front of
you comes a large squirrel looking creature and then another one and another one.
And suddenly you have several of these giant cute squirrels with large watery puppy dog
looking eyes coming closer to you and sniffing and being wary of your spar dog's mouth as
you said.
Yours already ate a woodland creature as it was just running along.
And these large, they're longer than regular squirrels and their body's kind of, you know
like the Loch Ness monster, you know how when they show Nessie, her body's kind of humpy
and stuff.
They're a lot like that.
They have eight feet and they're just like sniffing you, getting closer and showing general
interest.
Uh, have you ever seen anything like this guys?
Um, very uncomfortable with these things getting so close.
Yeah, these are squeezles.
Best to kick them off while they're climbing up you.
Okay.
You don't want them squeezing around you.
Also everybody take one bag of shinies.
I forgot to put that in your inventory.
That's like money.
Three bags will buy a rare item and like one bag would buy an uncommon item, something
like that.
Does anybody have any food on them?
Nope.
No, we didn't take actual supplies.
Interesting.
Oh, we'll say you guys have some rations anyways.
Suddenly Nurt kind of up your leg around the back of one of these spar dogs.
One of these squeezles is coming for your, your knapsack, your backpack, whatever you're
keeping your general supplies in and begins to tear at it with its mouth, trying to pull
it off your back.
Nope, nope, nope, nope.
And I spur the dog and like slap back at it.
Well what's going on over there, man?
It's trying to eat me.
It's trying to eat you.
But we gotta, we gotta go.
These things are...
We gotta go.
We try to trample them with your dogs.
Yeah, I'm gonna slap my dog too like get go, move dog.
Get this thing off me.
As you guys begin to take off, everybody roll a d20 quick.
Twelve.
Seven.
And then, strange enough, Skinny, one of these squeezles drops from a tree as you guys are
riding around.
And almost as soon as it does, it coils its whole body around you, which kind of throws
you off the back of your spar dog and knocks you to the ground.
Oh hot damn.
Oh my God, the squeezle squoze Skinny.
They're squeezing me.
They're squeezing my bones.
Hold up dog.
We gotta, we gotta make sure Skinny's okay.
And I like try and pull back on just the skin of the dog's back of its head like stop, stop.
Do they have reins like horses or is it just like bareback holding them?
Yeah, yeah, they have reins.
Oh, so I pull back on the reins.
I pull back in the dog's reins to get it to stop and jump off.
Thanks for coming, Foamid Job.
Yeah, so you are wrapped up.
These squeezles wrap themselves up like kind of like a bow constrictor would and have Skinny
completely wrapped up.
There are two more that are like headed towards Skinny right now towards his spar dog and
his pack of supplies and trying to drag it away.
So I stop my spar dog like rear back in the reins and jump off and take out my bow and
take a shot at the one that's squeezing Skinny.
Okay, roll a d20.
An 11 plus is a success.
I got a 12.
All right.
You land a shot.
Very good in the squeezle.
Luckily, Skinny is made of bones and so you don't have to worry about hitting vitals when
you shoot a bow at the companion.
So the arrow goes into the squeezle and it uncoils itself and darts several feet back
but still interested in the pack that the other two squeezles are trying to finagle
out from underneath Skinny.
That was my first time doing that, guys.
Great shot.
Good shot.
Now I'm going to hop off of the back of my dog and I'm going to try and stab one of them
with the rapier, one of the ones that's going after the sack.
Okay, roll a d20.
18.
Yeah, 18 hits.
How do you do it?
How does Nurt fight?
What is his fighting style?
These aren't exactly humanoids so I'm just going to stab it.
All right.
They're not exactly fighting back at the moment so I'm just going for soft tissue somewhere
where it might not kill them but definitely going to hurt and get their attention.
And do you stab a different one than the one that's been shot?
Are you aiming for the same one?
Yeah, I thought the one that he shot was going after her, going after Skinny and I'm going
after one of the ones that are actively trying to get into her, or getting into Skinny's
pack.
Okay.
Skinny's a boy.
I'm trying to correct myself.
I do this to people a lot.
I think it's fun to play a different sex.
Okay.
Skinny, what are you getting up to?
I'm getting up and I'm going to use my provoke ability.
Make a nearby creature angry by saying or doing something rude.
The target must understand my intent.
For one minute it focuses on me ignoring all others.
It ends if they're damaged by another creature or the hostility subside.
I'm going to throw a rock right at that little guy.
Which one?
The one that attacked me.
Okay.
And I'm going to get its attention so it wants to fight me.
Okay.
So the squeezel's entire focus is on you.
All right.
I'm going to run up and I'm going to use technique.
It means I'm always deadly even without a weapon.
Body attacks now do two HP damage and I'm going to run over and I'm going to stomp it.
Okay.
And I fail.
So I will upgrade that.
I will spend two AP to turn a failure into a success.
Okay.
So describe your own arm.
You're just going to stomp on it?
Yeah.
I'm going to run over it.
I'm going to stomp right on it.
Because many times like if it's on fire, how you stomp things out.
Oh my God.
And so you just stomp this little creature over and over again until it lets out its
last whimper of life.
This gets the attention of the other two squeezels who both turn and the one that hasn't been
attacked yet is the first one to respond.
And he runs over and he jumps on you coiling his body around yours again, pinning your
arms to your side.
And he just like squeezes with all his little squeezel life doing one HP damage to you.
He has to roll.
He did.
Oh, what did he roll?
A 15.
Oh, okay.
Why?
When an enemy rolls a 10 or worse on a basic attack against me, I can parry and take no
damage.
If they roll a five or worse, you may attack them immediately.
And the counter attack does not count as your turn.
So you're all wrapped up and it's back to Job's turn.
Taking this amazing feat of skinny stomping out the squeezel and then getting squozed
again, I loose another arrow at the one that is squeezing skinny again and I line it up
and send it for a three.
My arrow just goes wide off into the woods or maybe into a bone.
Oh no.
Not my old bones.
I can't drink any more milk.
So your arrow goes wide and you didn't realize that the other squeezel that was already attacked
has turned his attention to you, seeing that you're attacking his friend too.
And he leaps up over your spar dog, wrapping you up and pulling you off the side of your
dog and you're going to take one damage as well.
Nerd, what are you up to?
After seeing all this happen, I'm going to rub my hand along the blade of my rapier and
whisper to it and activate fire avenger.
For one AP, I can speak a phrase or a word of power to ignite your weapon in a magical
flame of any color.
While weapon is on fire, it acts as a torch casting light nearby.
The flame increases the weapon's damage by one.
The flame persists until you roll a failure or worse on an attack the weapon and I can
dismiss it at any time.
So I'm going to set my blade on fire.
And what do you whisper to your blade?
Hey baby.
I'm going to go with it's in a different language.
Do it.
Do the different language.
I don't know any other languages.
That's fine.
Okay.
I did poorly in Spanish.
Me too.
Six years.
What color flame does your rapier burst into?
Just an orange, just a bright orange glow.
Okay.
Like an unnaturally orange fire.
Are you going to attack?
Sure.
Um, the one I stabbed before I'm going to hit with my rapier.
That is the one that's currently wrapped around Job.
Oh.
Is there one that's not currently wrapped?
Which one's about to currently wrap me?
The other one got stomped to death.
So there are only two and both of your companions are wrapped up by them.
Oh, okay.
I'll see you guys later.
No.
I will stab that.
Then I will go and strike the one that is currently attacking Skinny because Skinny
has taken a few hits if I'm not mistaken at this point.
Just one.
Okay.
I didn't add damage to the first one.
Ah, all right.
I'm still going to do that.
I'm going to go stab at the one that's wrapped around Skinny for an 18.
18 definitely hits.
And with that extra plus one.
So is that three in total?
Three.
Yeah.
You stab down through the squeezle, making some roast squeezle meat and it dies.
This one hit takes it right out of life.
Nice.
Well, thank you, Nurt.
Yeah, we got to go.
We must help Job.
Yeah, we got to go help Job.
Nurt, if you have food in your bag, I would toss it.
Well, if we kill enough of these things, we can feed our mounts.
Well, that's true, I suppose.
All right.
Well, I guess I'm going to run up with my dagger and try to stab this squeezle very
gently without killing my friend Job for a 13.
Yeah, that's a successful hit.
That does in fact kill the third and final squeezle that's wrapped around Job.
You all right, Job?
I think I'm going to be okay.
That was really scary.
You'll be fine.
We should press on.
I didn't think you were telling the truth when you said they were going to squeeze you,
but then...
Oh yeah, they squeeze you.
They squeeze the air right out of you.
I don't have any air in me.
Not expecting that.
But my bones are brittle after 200 years.
Well, it seems like a great place to set up camp for the night.
Oh yeah, that's fine with me.
Did anybody take a tent and a tent?
No.
Ah, cool.
Cool, cool, cool.
So you guys set up camp.
Are the two of you any good at creating a campfire?
I can create a campfire.
Oh yeah?
How do you do it?
Um, because I'm a magician.
I just, you know, get some of the wood together and then I'm just like, all right, guys, here
we go.
And shoot little fireballs out of my hand as I use the scintillate spell to create a little
fire.
Well, that's pretty impressive.
It's the first thing I learned.
Not very useful in combat most of the time.
Well, it could be later.
It might be.
But it's useful now.
You can keep warm and have some light.
It's getting kind of starting to get dark.
Yes it is.
I'm going to try and skin the three squeezles.
Can I borrow some stuff out of your haversack?
Yeah, you could take this block here.
Thank you.
Um, can I jump into the question?
If day is 16 hours?
How long is night?
Is this a 24 hour day?
When is tea time?
Tea time first thing in the morning.
Um, that's a good question.
I guess I was basing it off a 24 hour day.
Okay.
You guys have a really cool campfire.
Um, I'll give you all a bed roll.
You know, general provisions were provided.
Yeah, boys, I'll keep watch.
I got nothing better to do.
Sounds good.
All right.
Thanks.
So do they sleep for a normal amount of time?
What is 16 minutes?
Eight hours.
Oh, okay.
So humans in this world like sleep straight from sundown to sunup.
Exactly.
Presumably.
Okay.
Except the farmers they get up a little earlier.
Okay.
Most adults get seven to eight, or six to eight hours.
Oh yeah, but we don't always go to bed as soon as it gets dark.
So I was just curious if...
Also like dawn and dusk might take a bit longer to get here.
So it's not like, you know, not pitch black immediately, but it's also like, you know,
there's longer morning and evening periods that are not pitch black.
They're not super sunny, but it's just, you know, generally nice.
I presume you guys wouldn't sleep super well for the first time out in the open.
Yeah.
I'm definitely not a fan of, you know, being outside and trying to sleep, but the bed rolling
ground is, you know, oddly as comfortable or more comfortable than where I'm used to
sleeping.
Where do you...
Where do you get used to sleeping?
I'm like, you know, a wood bed with a very thin like straw mattress on it or in the jail
cell.
It's like stone.
Stone.
Yeah.
So it's like, you know, when you go camping and like sleeping in a tent, you're like,
holy shit, this feels good.
Even though it doesn't usually feel that great.
It's a bit like that.
You know, you're so tired from your first battle, getting squeezed, that you get a pretty
decent night's sleep.
Until in the middle of the night, skinny you hear at first, because you're the most awake,
you hear the sound of a flute and a light drum, like a skin tight drum getting played
a little off in the distance in the woods.
It makes its way closer and closer to you.
And you've been around for so long, you do recognize that the beings that are playing
these instruments are giving off a bit of a glow and they look pretty ghostly.
Oh, spooky.
Well, I'm not worried about my own safety.
So I'm going to sneak on over there and get a closer look at what they are.
Okay.
As you make your way closer, like they're two very friendly ghosts.
Like they're chatting back and forth as they play music and they're joined by another one
that's like playing the fiddle and there's three ghosts.
They are grasping ghosts.
So they're lingering spirits that have not yet been ready to pass on to the void or the
afterlife.
Oh, well these look like friendly folks.
I'm going to step out from the bushes and show myself.
Well hello there.
Oh, hello, hello.
Oh no, I can't do that voice again.
I use that one for all of the kids I'm like, oh, hey there.
Well, hello.
You are also a spirit that has not been allowed in the next plane.
Cause I kind of am too.
Well, allowed is a weird choice.
Oh, you choose not to go.
Yes.
None of the three of this great troop of troubadours has been ready to move on.
Oh, that's right.
We have not.
Oh, well then, but what are you out and about to and tonight?
Well, what keeps you here?
Well, um.
Where's your body?
Well, I have a disease called spry bones, which won't allow me to die.
So I just keep hanging on.
Huh.
Well, that is most interesting.
Yes, it is indeed.
Well thank you.
So are you just traveling and playing music?
Well, that's what we do.
Yes, sir.
That's right.
Well, I got some friends sleeping over there.
Why don't you come on over and loudly play some music and maybe scare them a little.
You said you have friends sleeping.
Are they like you?
No, no, they need sleep.
They're alive people.
Oh, so they have bodies.
They do.
Dude, you're not going to take their bodies or something.
Well, we're not going to take them, but we could pay you for them.
Oh, well, I don't want that.
I got things to do that I can't do without these two.
Two of us could be those two.
Well.
Have you ever wanted to join a troop?
No, I am.
I am already part of a troop.
You look like you could play a mean xylophone.
Well, that I can.
Watch this.
Clickety clickety clickety.
That's perfect.
Yeah, bring us on over to your friends.
Well, I'm not going to do that, but I am going to wake them up and I'm going to yell really
loud.
Uh, uh, gentlemen, Joe, nerd, we got some trouble out here.
Wake up.
You're going to die.
What?
We got to fight these ghosts, Polly.
Sorry.
Where's skinny go?
Why are they trying to fight ghosts?
I'm over on the road on the road, boys.
They found some glowing friends over there.
Do we have to fight them?
Can you tell them to go away?
What could you just go away?
You wonderful music troupe.
Yeah, we're not here to fight.
Oh, okay.
Well, you want to make that clear.
We're not here to fight.
In fact, there would be no way we could actually harm somebody like we would just need some.
We're just looking for some bodies.
Yeah, to like inhabit is my fear.
Slip into you.
Yeah.
See, I don't think my friends would like that.
Are either of the two of you interested in joining the troupe?
Do they have to be human bodies?
We got some squeasel bodies over here that are, you know, fairly fresh.
Sir, have you ever tried to see a squeasel play a flute?
I mean, that's something I would pay for.
I would like to.
Maybe the accordion.
Hmm.
Well, none of us play the accordion anyways.
I'm not inhabiting a dead squeasel body.
We need the freshness.
Well, if you hang out with us for a little while, we might be able to find some fresh
bodies in a couple of days.
But right now we're using ours pretty regularly.
Yeah, they're all booked up.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, well, all right, then.
You all have, would you like, would you like us to play a song?
And the three of them begin to play like a drum beat and a flute and fiddle and they
make their way back through the woods.
Well, that was a different interaction than I had expected.
I am sorry to have woken you up.
If a simple no would have sufficed, I could have just said that.
I didn't know that would make them go away so easily.
Well, there's no way I'm going back to sleep now.
Damn it.
Well, I guess we should pack up then.
All right, let's press on, I suppose.
I don't trust they won't come back.
Look out for glowing things.
At least till daylight.
Okay, so you guys pack up your camp and begin to head out?
Yep.
Roll the bed roll right back up.
The super early morning hours are nice and calm.
It's pretty quiet.
The air is fresh, fresher than you guys have smelled ever in the city.
But it's got a piece about it that the city rarely does.
As you guys ride, like I said, dawn and dusk are quite a bit longer than they are usually.
Hunters love this time of day because it gives them a little bit of an advantage over, you
know, the high sun hours.
And the three of you see off in the distance crossing the trail a creature that looks like
a deer.
It's got five fingers instead of hooves for its feet.
It's got large antlers and it currently has two backpacks, one on its back and one that
it's holding as it runs three legged across the trail.
When it sees you, it kind of looks like it panics and then takes off quickly into the
woods.
Oh my, what was that?
I have no idea.
I just look at the two of them and just, did you see that?
Well that seemed to me like a pack-a-boo.
A what?
That sounds like a children's story.
Well it is, but that's what it looked like to my eyes.
It's a very old fairytale.
Well, it's probably just a deer.
It's very early.
It's kind of misty still.
It didn't seem to want to bother us.
Yeah, it didn't seem like it wanted to hang out, so.
Gentlemen, we might want to consider going and looking for that peek-a-boo because those
backpacks are known to be full of stolen goods.
If you are interested in anything worth monetary value.
I mean, I'm down to try and go after it.
Like I said, the king, or whoever sent us the tyrant, he didn't really give us like
a guard.
I don't think he's got like someone waiting.
Like, these guys took three days instead of two to get here, so.
Yeah, I don't think he's going to know if we take a little sub tour.
Maybe we'll find something to help us or hinder us on our way.
We can go.
Is anybody any good at tracking?
I'm certainly not, no.
Oh, well that will cause a problem.
I do, however, have a spell that if I'm not mistaken will attract a creature.
But that would be very helpful.
You draw a magic sigil on an object.
The spell lasts until you cancel it or cast sigil again.
And one of the effects is lure.
The sigil attracts a creature to its location where it lingers for a minute.
You should probably use that if you would like.
I would say we should use this to our advantage and find a spot to ambush this thing.
Somewhere we can lead it in.
I have several distracting spells.
I can mesmerize it wherever it is really kind of.
Well, I will also say that if we were to track it to its den, that is where most of the treasure
will be.
And then we can go at it in a non-violent sort of way.
They are mythical creatures.
I'd rather not kill one.
So I like your spell.
I think it's a good start.
But maybe we should think of some other ideas.
That spell also, if we're trying to do it that way, has a repel feature.
Creature who comes near it won't move closer to the sigil or may turn back.
So if we find its lair we can use that and it will leave us alone until we are ready
to leave.
Oh, they will leave you alone once you find the den.
They are just pranksters really.
But hold on to your underwears because they will steal them.
They are pretty wild and annoying.
Oh my.
So if you attract it, do you think we can just follow it once it comes here?
Or I could try and bamboozle it so that it's not scared of us and then maybe it will just
lead us to the den?
Maybe lowering it and then tracking it back will give us an extra opportunity to find
its tracks or at least follow it from a distance because I think we will have trouble trying
to catch up to it at the moment.
Alright, let's go up to where we saw it cross the road and then find a tree or a stump or
something to make your sigil on.
What do you have to do to make a sigil?
Just kind of draw on it.
Glows where you draw.
Kind of like putting a rune down.
Alright, I'm interested.
I want to see this happen.
I will head over to where the pakaboo disappeared into the woods again and find rock on the
ground about the size of a basketball and draw a symbol of attraction and a symbol for
the pakaboo and then press my hand to it until it glows.
Alright sick.
So you do this and then the three of you take cover in some of the thicker portions of the
wood here keeping your giant dumb ass dogs quiet and hidden and it takes a little bit
but soon you see the pakaboo returning.
No longer with any backpacks in his hands or around his back and he looks very wary
as he walks up to the sigil but then he does and for a whole minute he just like stares
at that glowing sigil on that rock without moving and then until a minute passes and
it begins to fade he looks up nervously looks around again before turning around and heading
back into the woods.
This time he's not alarmed or alerted so he's not in any particular hurry.
Alright well there he goes guys.
Let's follow from a distance.
Yeah try and as quickly but as quietly and stealthily follow this thing back to its den.
I'll follow farther behind I think the rattling of my bones might be a bit concerning to this
animal.
Possibility.
Now everybody make a d20 roll for me.
Seven.
Eighteen.
Fifteen.
Alright two of you passed.
So even though Job is doing his best to follow these tracks tracking is not his super strong
suit right but luckily Nurt followed up by Skinny seemed to have a little bit of grasp
on following tracks and it's a good little hike through the woods until you guys come
to a small cracked formation into the side of a large cliff.
It's dark it looks like a cave but it's not like a large cave that you can see into.
Definitely large enough for the pack of boot large enough for you guys probably not for
your dogs but that's where the tracks end.
You guys are really good I totally thought it went the other direction.
Can we just go back for a second?
I pictured it like Job was initially first and then Nurt actually like followed the real
tracks and then when I came along later I found Job just kind of looking at like duck
tracks and I patted him on the back it was like well why don't you follow me I will help
you follow the right tracks.
Right on that's good.
Yeah and you guys come to this hole in the side of the rocky cliff.
Alright do we think that we go in there?
Well I guess that's the only way forward.
Alright does anyone have a torch or a light of some kind?
Did you ever dispel your fire event?
How long does that last actually because it's been like a whole day now that that or not
a whole day but like riding around with a flaming sword.
No I will do it through the woods.
We will say it's dispelled so that's why I was asking to see if I have to activate the
spell again.
I mean since it cost me nothing I can like make fire I think I can just hold it in my
hand or just like shoot it forward every now and then.
That would work great because mine costs an AP.
Could you put it out there so it's like stars?
I think that's a different ability that like does that and that like lights up like a whole
area.
I think this would be more of like a small area but I do think there is one where you
like send up a star and it's like here's a spotlight on you.
That's the naturalist.
That one's very cool yeah.
I don't know I can't do that with a scintillator I don't think.
Right on so Joe you lead the group in.
You guys tie your dogs up outside?
Yeah.
I'm shooting scintillates just on the ground like road flares.
It's like the walls of the cave are pretty thin and you guys can are pretty not thin.
The walls are very thick.
Yes the cave itself is pretty narrow for a while.
The ground well trodden beneath you it's dirt for a while until it leads into rock.
The wind from the cave blows pretty fiercely on your face and as you continue to scintillate
your way down eventually you come to a large chamber and in it you just find like packs
and packs and there's stuff just strewn about everywhere and you see the packaboo.
He must have just laid down just on top of a bunch of backpacks and stuff in the center
of this room but as you guys enter he does awaken and upon seeing you he takes off down
another channel in this cave and out of this room.
Sorry Mr. Peekaboo, Packaboo.
Wow he's got a lot of stuff in here.
Well let's get sorting.
I'm going to look through some backpacks.
Shiny hunting.
Exactly.
Oh shiny hunting I like that.
Okay you guys have a few moments and we'll say each of you gets an extra bag of shinies
and collectively the three of you find three useful items.
The first being a sure shot bow which does two damage but the sure shot is a magical
bow that helps the user with their aim by gently guiding their arms to align with the
target in their minds eye.
Once per fight as long as there are no enemies within reach while using the bow you can upgrade
a failure to a tough choice and a catastrophe to a failure.
You also found one blink blade.
This is a magic sword with an incantation engraved in its fuller.
When someone speaks the incantation while the sword is nearby it instantly teleports
into their hand and that does two damage as well and you found one arcane relic.
This necklace is strung with fossilized bone that holds a glossy black stone in the center.
When the wearer of the necklace is affected or targeted by a spell the relic stores its
memory.
The wearer of the relic cannot be affected by the same spell after the relic has stored
it.
This includes spells that are helpful like healing spells.
The relic's effects last until it is destroyed even if its owner takes it off or loses it.
What did you guys want so far?
Cause I'm going to say I wouldn't want the bow.
Maybe the blink blade.
I mean I'll take you any of them.
I mean I'll take the relic.
Yeah I'll take the blink blade.
I'll take the bow.
So from what we read I can take the relic off and get healed and not become immune to
healing spells?
Correct.
Okay.
Yes.
Which only spells that hit me while I'm wearing the necklace.
Yes.
Which only spells that hit me while I'm wearing the necklace.
I still don't work on me.
Don't heal you or use beneficial spells while you're wearing this necklace on.
Yeah.
Well that's a reminder for us too.
Like if he goes down.
I don't have spells so.
Oh yeah.
I guess that works too.
There's nothing I can do.
I don't have any healing spells so yeah you're right.
And that goes in my regular inventory of 12 spots.
Yes.
I'm going to take the blink blade and I'm going to make the password lazy bones.
Right on.
Jobe took the arcane relic.
This is a shiny necklace.
I think I'll take this.
And Nurt took the short shot bow.
Yep.
As soon as you guys begin to find these things and you're like oh yeah we're going to pass
these around and you're all excited about the items and the number of items that are
still left to go through in front of you.
Down from another one of the corridors in this cave you hear a tremendously loud roar
echo through the cavern.
Oh my.
Um guys I don't know if we should stay here much longer.
Yeah.
We should definitely leave.
Maybe we should get going.
All right.
I don't think the sound came from this hallway.
Super runaway.
And you guys take off following the path once you came.
You get outside and nothing seems to be following you.
Your dogs are still tied up.
And you get on those dogs and ride.
Almost the whole day goes by and it's pretty uneventful the rest of the time.
No more squeezels or at least when you do see squeezels you know to keep your distance
and ride a little faster and not get ambushed.
And it's about evening time when you come upon a small fort on the edge of the woods.
It has a large wooden gate around it.
Several guard towers but nothing crazy.
It's relatively small overall.
It's just a pretty humble little fort.
Well do you gentlemen want to stop here and see if you can eat and sleep?
Yeah it might be a good idea to try and sleep somewhere with walls for the night.
Well safer than with the squeezels.
Yeah no ghosts.
No ghosts because there's no move-a-ly.
Lots of other bodies to get to before us if there are.
You make your way in.
The gates are open and there's plenty of people around.
And from the center of the city or the fort you can hear music playing.
And as you make your way down there, there's a pretty large crowd gathered around a central
stage where there are several bards just like laying down some sick beats.
In the crowd you see there's a lot of normal looking folks, not many bone kind if any.
But kind of sticking out from all of them is one lady that is perched atop a large caracal
which is a extremely large cat.
And she's sitting in the crowd above everybody else enjoying the music.
Treated to music two days in a row.
Well.
Let's be lucky.
This has been a lovely trip so far.
Although I do like some fighting.
I would like to fight something again soon.
Should have fought that thing in the cave.
I'm sure we'll have plenty of fights.
It doesn't seem to be too friendly out there.
Yes.
Well we were searching for a cat.
Should we talk to this lady with the big cat?
I think that's a good idea.
Do you think she'll know about cats?
What instruments are these guys playing?
Did they fall victim to those ghosts?
No.
One's playing a leer.
Or a liar?
Leer?
Liar.
Liar?
No it's a leer.
I've heard it both ways.
Okay.
One's playing a leer.
One's playing a dulcimer?
Accordion?
No accordions.
Some kind of stringed instruments.
There's more.
They do not look like the same troupe that you guys had run into the night before.
Okay.
Well I'm going to approach the lady with the cat.
Well ma'am.
What is with this large feline you've got here?
Hey hey.
I'm Sid and this is Felix.
And she pets her large cat's head.
What's up with him?
Uh.
Well.
He's my companion?
I don't know.
I'm not really sure.
What do you mean?
Well I'm looking for a cat and I thought maybe you knew a lot about cats.
Because of this big cat.
She looks around pretty puzzled.
I don't know that those two things are necessarily causational.
You should talk to my friend Job.
He thought it was a good idea.
Okay.
Which one's Job?
Job's this gentleman here.
Oh yeah I'm Job.
Oh.
Can you tell us more about your cat?
Are they normally so big?
Caracals are usually pretty big.
Less tame.
And he turns and like.
That's not a large purring noise when she says that.
Uh.
No.
Not a lot of cats are this big.
Yeah I've never seen a cat that big.
You guys don't get out much do you?
This is the furthest I've been from where I was born.
So.
Where were you born?
In Actillian.
In the forest section.
Yeah that's not very far away at all.
Not.
That's only a couple days.
How long have you been traveling?
Well I've been traveling a long time.
I can see that.
You've been traveling so long your body fell apart.
Well.
You don't have to be so rude about it.
I'm sorry.
I'm kinda rude.
Okay okay.
You guys usually got a better sense of humor about that sort of thing.
Well I'm a little sensitive.
I am ready to move on.
Oh.
I've been here a long time.
But anyway.
This is our friend Nurt.
Well hello Nurt.
Hello.
That is an awfully large cat.
He is an awfully large cat.
Do you have a large ball of string?
Nah.
He's not that kind of playful.
Nah.
Not really.
Unfortunately.
Do you feed him large rats?
He eats what he wants.
Why are you guys so interested in Felix?
It's making me a little bit uncomfortable.
I have never seen an animal this large.
We're also looking for a lady with a cat.
So you fit part of the description.
Are you looking for a lady named Sid and a cat named Felix?
Well the cat's name is not Felix.
Okay.
And we don't know the lady's name.
She stole the cat.
Well I didn't steal this cat.
When did she steal the cat?
Two days ago.
Felix and I have been partners for like years.
Oh.
I meant no offense.
It's more like be on the lookout.
Someone's stealing cats.
That's...
I...
Hmm.
They're coming through a portal?
It's stealing cats.
Coming through a portal?
Yeah.
Do you know things about portals?
I know things about a lot of things.
Is one of those things portals?
Not so much about portals.
Uh, I tend to stay here.
I'm a worldly, plain kinda gal if I must say.
Where are you guys headed?
Let's start there.
Are you just randomly walking around asking people about their cats?
Well that's part of it, certainly, but we are headed to the other side of the archipelago
to find the Andre.
You're heading to the archipelago?
Yeah.
Okay, why didn't you say that?
Because we're awkward.
And you have a big kitty.
That's true.
And he's a good cat.
We get into a lot of fun.
So headed to the archipelago.
Which way are you guys taking?
The way that this magic compass is telling us to go.
Oh.
Like I said, the first I've ever been from home.
Here, let me see your compass.
Oh yeah, sure.
Here, take a look.
Oh, this one's not defunctional or anything.
You barely have to talk to it.
I know, it's fairly new.
Does it have a name?
Did you name it yet?
I didn't name it yet.
Oh.
Okay.
Uh, oh hey compass.
Hey compass.
And it like, kinda whirrs.
Oh my god, stop shaking me!
Oh, sorry, you weren't responding.
I haven't been talked to in a very long time.
Oh.
Did you know you have a new owner?
What?
No.
A new owner?
Yeah, he seems weird.
Uh, not like a bad weird, but he doesn't really know where he's going.
He could use some help.
That's my job.
Do you guys mind if I tell him a shortcut to get where you need to go?
Well that would be up to you, Joe.
Yeah, I mean, a shortcut would be great.
It'll cut like three days off of your travel.
Uh.
Yeah, that would be nice.
I will say it's dangerous.
Well that's okay.
I'm not a stranger to danger.
Okay, no stranger danger there.
Yeah, we're ready to go.
Okay, tell us the secret.
Okay.
Hey compass.
Yes?
Do you know the route through the mountains to get to the archipelago, rather than down
the road?
Do I know the route through the mountains?
What do I look like?
I'm a magic compass.
Of course I know the route through the mountains.
You think these guys can take the route through the mountains?
She looks at the three of you.
Yeah, they look like they're gonna be fine.
Okay.
Click, click, click, click, click.
And then the compass is now showing the route through the mountains.
She tosses it back to you guys.
Whoa, whoa, okay.
Oh, okay.
Yeah.
What'd you do?
It looks different now.
Yeah, you know, sometimes you just gotta talk to them.
They can be quite chatty sometimes.
He just seems kind of old.
He probably has a lot of knowledge in there.
Maybe have a talk with him sometime.
Okay, but not right now.
I'm talking to the compass right now.
Are you uncomfortable with inanimate objects?
I mean, I don't usually talk to them.
So this is the first, you know, the talking compass is new to me.
But you are a magician.
You are used to the strange and unknown.
But all that I can explain.
This talking compass is a little far fetched for me.
I didn't, he didn't, he didn't talk to me first.
I didn't know.
I just thought it was a regular compass that, you know.
Well if you don't know.
So are you guys spending the night here?
It is getting late.
You guys look kind of tired.
Yeah, we got chased by a pack of it earlier.
A safe place to sleep for the night would be great.
There's rooms, there's a little inn down at the end of the alley here.
It's called the Cock and Crump.
A great little place.
You should stop it.
It's pretty cheap.
You all could rent a room probably for one bag of shinies or something like that.
Well I don't need a room, but they have a tavern.
I mean this whole place is riddled with ale.
Where does it go?
If you don't mind me asking.
I haven't gotten to converse too much with your, I put some hands of cards with your
kind before.
Well, I will say there is really no point in drinking anything.
It's more just nostalgia.
It kind of just goes right through me.
That's as good a reason as any, right?
I just enjoy a beer.
There we go.
Tell them Sid sent you.
Alright, Sid.
Nice to meet you, Sid.
Nice to meet you guys too.
Yeah, do you need anything else for me?
I mean, I don't think so.
You've been much more helpful than we had thought.
Yeah, I am.
The music gets me going.
They do this all the time or is there a special occasion for the music?
Just when there's bards available I guess.
They're trying to make their own money.
We're just trying to get by.
I'm just making my way through myself.
I stop in every couple months.
Are you headed anywhere in particular?
Wherever Felix's feet go, I follow.
I'm usually on his back.
Oh, so you don't really follow?
No.
We just go.
You are involved.
Yeah.
If you gentlemen are interested in a lady accompanying us, I believe you're welcome.
Oh, I'm not going to come with you.
Oh, okay.
Well, I thought I'd throw the offer out there.
That's very generous.
I'm probably going the other way though.
Alright.
Sounds like you'd have to ask the cat.
Well, that is true.
I mean, we do work together.
We make our choices together.
Alright.
Well, let's go to the inn.
Yes, I agree.
Okay.
I'm going to head down the street.
The music fades away as you guys head down the alley to the cock and crow.
You get in.
It's busy like the rest of the town has been or the fort has been.
And from across the bar, you hear a booming yet scathing voice.
What can I do for you, honey?
Oh, good.
Uh, food in a room?
Food in a room.
All you can eat, all you can drink.
And one room for all three?
Well, I don't need a room.
I'll probably just meander the area.
Okay, one room is still going to cost you one bag of shinies and it's all yours.
Alright, hand over a bag of shinies.
And she sets three mugs of ale down on the counter and three.
It doesn't look like great food.
It's kind of a slop, but there's definitely meat in there.
Smells good.
It's nice to be eating inside again.
Hmm.
It's been one day.
Two days at most.
I'm guessing they didn't feed us in prison since they were going to kill us anyway.
Totally true.
And you guys spend the rest of your night resting and recovering.
So go ahead and recover one HP and one AP if you have used any.
And that's where we're going to end for the first session.
See you next next Tuesday.
Damn.
That was perfect.
That was well coordinated.
Next time on Tales from the Crit.
As you guys make your way through the caverns, on the cave ceilings, you begin to hear a
skittering and as you look up, several small scorpion-like creatures begin to fall, landing
on your backs, on your arms, running up and down your back, trying to get into your ears
and anywhere they can to get into your body.
They made a satisfying squonch noise when you were stomping on them.
That was pretty...
Yes, I did enjoy that.
It was nice.
It was better than the squeezel stomping.
Sometimes you should try stomping some eels.
I would love to try stomping some eels.
That sounds squishy and exciting.
I've heard stories that is exciting.
Some places have whole holidays about them.
Oh.
Strangely, you guys see a small figure making its way towards you.
It's like walking like a little proud puppy and it kind of looks like that too, but it
also looks a bit like a cake.
One of them comes swooping down, its mandibles clacking as it comes closer and it pierces
you right in the hips, dragging you down to the ground.
I'm going to run at it and I'm going to leap into the air with the sword above my head
and slice down and slice in half.
Suddenly you see a very large man and he's wearing a helmet and he's carrying a huge
hammer and a chain in his other hand and he grabs a commoner, pushing him against the
wall.
You, sir, you are found guilty of the crime shoplifting.
The penalty?
Death.
The Tales from the Crypt podcast is recorded in the Wolfbeard Games Studio in upstate New
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Tales from the Crypt.
Aren't hooves like closest to fingernails and so like each leg of a horse is like a
really weirdly long finger that they run on?
That is the most disturbing thing I've ever heard.