Welcome to the Tales from the Crit podcast. We are an actual play podcast featuring a
revolving cast of players making our way through micro RPGs, highly narrative tabletop games,
and the more popular and less known RPG systems from a wide variety of genres. Content may
not be suitable for children and content warnings can be found in the description. I'm Riley
Groves and I'll be your host, your guide, your GM on this episode of Tales from the Crit.
Previously on Tales from the Crit. Good morning people of Bethlehem PA,
or is it? We regret to tell you that we have a missing person alert. Ali Griesmeier,
a college student went missing after leaving the White Horse Pub last night and has not been seen
since. This is a very bad omen indeed. What do you mean a bad omen? Well, this is the card of
death. This is a terrible omen for any that hold it. These guys managed to get you and Tommy gives
you one good punch right to the gut. Andy, all of a sudden you hear a high pitched shriek from
several yards behind you. I jump and try to run back towards where I think the group was.
Where's Jamie? I look around and you hear from kind of far away.
Jack, go ahead and roll a brains I guess. Pretty low roll. Roll a four. Three. Do you have anything
that could help you out? What are your strengths? Lucky and cool under pressure. What's lucky give
you? Two. These tokens to reroll a stat check. You probably use them. I'll use that to reroll.
Twelve. Nice. So that actually explodes. But anyways, it was a very low roll. As you're
walking through, you're the only one that notices that you get the same scent in your nostrils as
you did down at the mausoleum. Smells fishy. I smell that again. Now that you mentioned it,
it does kind of smell like where we found that sweater earlier. I look around and you hear from
kind of far away. I would like to use my treasure hunter to find a useful item. Ideally a weapon.
Yeah. Steel mill. Yeah. You find a nice meaty hammer. Cool. However, now everybody can hear
pop pop pop pop pop increasing. Not just from one direction, but it sounds like there's multiple
pop pops coming. And Billy goes, we gotta get out of here. As it almost pitch black in here,
he begins to run and try to like pull away from your hand to run away. Can I strength check him
to not let him run away? Yeah, sure. What is that my fight or brawn? Brawn. We'll just do brawn on
both. Four. Okay, he got a one. But he's desperately trying to pull you away. We gotta go. Come on,
Billy. Quiet down. We're gonna get out of here. We're gonna go back where we came. They don't see
us yet. Turn off the flashlight. Sneak out to the outside. Just gotta be quiet. Be calm. We're still
okay. And we start just going back the way we came. Yeah, back up. Back the way we came, guys.
Everybody roll for flight. I got a 10. Eight. I got a three. One. Jack and Andy, you two are kind of
left behind as everybody else scurries out of the building. And from behind you, you hear pop pop
pop pop pop pop pop increasing and intensifying. And they get within five feet of you before you
can get out of the door. Oh, I'm gonna try to time it right so I can swing my hammer and hit him where
it gets closer. Okay, so you're gonna roll a fight. I rolled a one. You did not time it right. No, you swing with
your hammer and unfortunately you miss completely, sending the hammer like flying through the complex
and you get barreled into and like pushed into the door and there's a frog man on top of you.
Gross. Jack, you were the other one that didn't make it? Yep. Yeah. So you are about to get grabbed
from behind. You feel these fingers like wrapping around your shoulders. I'm going to run and try
and tackle the one that's on her. Okay, so you're gonna fight. That one's grit. Yep. Okay. Seven. Oh
shit. Yeah, you managed to knock one of these frog men off of Andy and then you're able to sprint
out the door and both of you are able to get out. However, there were just frog men on top of you.
That's real. Am I slimy now? You're wet. Ew. And you smell like fish. Disgusting. Nice. You hear the
door to the steel mill slam close behind you. Good to know. I look back when I hear the steel
mill door slam and say, oh wow, those guys were right behind us. But here they come. That was
terrible. Andy, you smell so bad. What just happened in there? There's frog men. He wasn't joking.
There's really frog men. Frog men like in the book. Touched me. Now I'm all wet and I smell
disgusting. Billy, are you okay? Billy's like having a full nervous breakdown. Like this is
enough for this kid's brain. We gotta go home. Yeah, we gotta go home. There's children here. We gotta
go. Do you want to all go collectively to one place or split up? Yeah, I don't know if we should
split up. Lots been going on. Yeah, I didn't like that frog man on top of me. Let's all head back
to the car. Go back to the car and go home. Yep. Okay. So should we tell the police what we saw? No,
they're not helpful. Do you think that they're involved with this somehow? I mean, frog men? I don't know. I
don't think they'd believe us. I don't think they'd believe us either. We're gonna have to find weapons and come back here. Like if we're gonna
find out of anything like... Should we go during the daytime? Yeah, I was gonna say should we just kind of try and
get some sleep tonight? Yeah, and maybe the frogs aren't out in the day. Yeah. Okay, well I'm gonna go shower and
change, so I'm gonna go home. Billy, let's go. Okay. We leave. Billy is like crying, bawling his eyes out.
Inconsolable almost. Is it late enough that I can sneak him in and not have to deal with parents? By the
time you get home, it's like 1130, so. Cool. Is it gonna take us a lot longer to get home now?
Didn't we live nearby? Yeah, I think we were all like that conversation. Yeah, we are. We'll say I dropped you guys off.
Okay. She's like, did she just leave us? This is why I brought the rollerblades. They're in the car. Nope, they're still on my feet.
I've been rollerblading through the cemetery this whole time. Ah, does that sound like you can rollerblade on
clark grass? It's just incredibly annoying. All right. All right, well I think our moms are at the casino, so I'm just
gonna spend the night at your house. Cool. You all go back and get an uneasy night's sleep early the next
morning. Surprised Andy comes by to give us all a ride to school. It's Saturday. Oh, it's Saturday. I don't know that.
Never mind. You're surprised that Andy doesn't come pick you up. You're waiting outside. Like, oh. All right. I'm having a
massive bowl of cookie crisp. That does sound good. It's like Jack and I are just sitting in front of one of us is at the
other's house just sitting in front of the TV watching Saturday morning cartoons with boxes of cereal. Honey Smacks.
Because it was good for you then, not, you know, horrible. Reese's Puffs just came out. No, they didn't. No way. No, couldn't.
Way later that day. What else was cool in the night? That sounds really good right now. It does. Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Lucky Charms. I'm having some toaster strudels. Oh, shit. Toaster strudels. So yeah, that's what we do. That's what happens
when we wake up. Saturday morning cartoons. Andy, we gotta go find Jamie. Sunny D. Yeah. Let's go see if the guys are ready to go to
the warehouse. It's an episode of X-Men with Frogman and I. We're having fucking flashbacks. Yeah, the X-Men cartoon.
Alright, so how do you think we get going guys? Go see if Andy and Billy have any ideas trying to look for Jamie. Yeah. You guys done with your cereal and your cartoons?
Good to go. Yeah, just drain the bowl. Yeah, I think when me and Billy are going outside to get in the car, the other three walk up. Hey guys. Oh, we were just coming to get you.
Yeah, I got these guys out of the house. Figured we'd walk over. We gotta find Jamie. We should go back and find where she got him missing, right?
I don't want to go back to the Frogman. Should we go to the cemetery first? I don't know. I mean, we should start at the cemetery. We at least know where that one
smelly mausoleum is and if it's somehow related or if it's just. We'll investigate that. I mean, the book says they come from the lake.
The cemetery is between the lake and the steel mill or they're adjacent. We should also stop at the hardware store and get everybody a flashlight.
And a weapon. Okay, those are really a weapon. Those are good ideas. We put that box of dowels back in your trunk.
Yeah, let's stop at the hardware store first and get weapons. Alright, what do you get? A flashlight.
I think Andy wants a small pickaxe. The double sided ones. Okay, a double sided pickaxe. Intense.
I was just going to pick up a little wood hatchet. Little wood cutting hatchet like you'd have in a campsite. A long flathead screwdriver.
A knife. Just like a hunting knife. They have knives at hardware stores. Not for 11 year olds. In the 90s? That's where we bought them.
He'll give you a Swiss army knife is what he's willing to sell you. Oh, give me something bigger.
I'm thinking about stuff that in the 90s we were able to get for Boy Scouts which was like whittling knives. A camp hatchet axe.
These were things that they didn't really look twice at or at the flea market. Machete? No. You're not kidding me. Not a chance.
Can I get a 12 gauge? No, there's just no machete here. I'm also going to buy some rope. Okay.
Yeah, I'll get a flashlight and a hatchet. Alright. Danny, are you going to buy anything?
I'm going to slip this flathead in my pocket and a flashlight as well. If he's getting that, can I get one of those little Coleman plier pocket knives?
No. Okay. You only have so much money also. No, I mean instead of. I got a couple bucks. I'll never give my dad his change.
I was just thinking like if he was getting a hatchet I don't want to get two of the same things. Oh, okay. So instead of the hatchet you want to get a Swiss army knife?
Yeah. That's what. Okay. So let him get one with pliers, right? Yeah. Like the one I had for fishing when I was a kid.
It was like a knife, a saw, a screwdriver, and a pair of pliers. Yeah, perfect. It was nothing special. Alright.
To the cemetery. Billy's like, can I get the spatula? The spatula? I'll ask dad for the grill later. The rubber metal one.
What? We could get that later. Why don't you get something to protect yourself with? Alright. You want this hammer? I'll buy you this hammer.
Oh, it's like a ball peen hammer. Okay. I'm going to buy him a hammer. Alright.
I'm going to hand you what's left of my 20 bucks for what we got too. Like we're kids. We don't have that. We're pulling money.
Where do you go from there? We go right behind the hardware store and just take a look at the lake.
You guys know that the lake has been deemed toxic for quite some time. This is where the steel mill used to dump all their, you know, runoff waste. Yeah, all that.
And so the lake is not great to swim in. In fact, you've never been able to swim in it in your whole life. It kind of gives off a stagnant smell.
Nobody eats fish from the lake. There's no swimming signs all around it.
This is where you saw the frogman Billy coming out of this lake. Yeah, coming out of the lake. Going into the hotel.
Going into the hotel? He's plopping around. Plop, plop, plop. In the hotel. He went towards the hotel.
Went towards the hotel? The hotel B? Yeah. What were you doing out here, man?
The taro. I saw a taro. Oh, okay. Makes sense now. Did you see him come out of the lake?
No, he was just near the lake. He was just near the lake when I saw it. And did you see him go into the hotel?
He disappeared near the hotel. Disappeared near the hotel.
Alright, well the hotel's on the way. Maybe we can just walk along the lake and then go over towards the hotel? You guys want to check that out?
Yeah, do we see any like imprints in the mud or the grass around the lake at all?
Roll for brains there, Josh.
One. Yeah, you don't spot much. Hey, you're a scout too, right? Do you see any tracks?
Uh, let me take a look. I never did the scouting stuff. It's pretty fun.
You get to, well, I mean you just get to go hang out outside all day. It's pretty great.
Okay, the check is at an eight. Is there anything you can do? Yeah, I can pay one of these to get one plus two.
Since this is a planned action, right? Yeah, yeah, definitely planned. Yes, you see some abnormally large looking frog footprints in the mud leading both to and from the lake.
I point it out to everybody. See? Look at the big floppy fuckers footprint.
That's a frog print? How can you tell? See the webbing? Oh, I thought that was just a weird sneaker.
Nope, that looks like a frog. Oh wow, you must be learning a lot in the scouts.
That's biology. I was in school. Or wait, no, I'm in fifth grade.
Yeah, you definitely don't have biology. Okay, nerd. Thanks for telling us that.
Where do they lead? You can follow the tracks. Yeah. You can follow them and they lead across a field into what looks like this kind of hillside behind the Hotel B.
Come on, guys. I think the tracks lead behind the hotel. A follow? Let's go. Let's go. Follow the tracks to the hotel? Just behind the hotel. Andy?
They do lead to a hillside and the hillside is covered in a lot of brambles, bushes, overgrown shrubbery.
But you can see that the large frogman footprints are kind of leading through a small path in these briars that seems to be carved out of the hillside rather than continuing up the slope.
Wow, you're right. There are some tracks leading up here. There's a path through the briars up there.
That's weird. I've been up here before and I've never seen that path before. Should we go in there, guys?
Yeah, I'm the oldest. Why don't you let me go first? I'm right behind you. I'm right behind you.
All right, I'll lead the way. You move through these brambles and they get stuck to your shirt. It's super annoying. But you eventually come to a hidden door.
A hidden door? Well, it's hidden from sight. It's not like it's not hidden from us. Yeah. Yeah, you can see it. You can see the door.
Do the tracks lead here? Are there tracks nearby? The tracks do lead to the door. Yeah.
Guys, what do you think we should do? Should we just go in? Is it unlocked? I haven't tried. We should open it quietly. Yeah, definitely don't knock.
Okay, I'm gonna try to open the door quietly. When you reach for the door handle, it is locked. Definitely locked, boys.
It is a full metal door with no windows or grates on it or anything. It looks like a security door for most purposes.
Well, I guess it's not surprising that it's locked. But how have we never noticed this in this hillside right behind the hotel? Have you guys ever been back here before?
No, I've definitely never been back here. I mean, I thought I had been, but apparently not in this section.
Does it look like something I can overcome with a Swiss Army knife? No, definitely not. I would like to use two of my tokens to be prepared. Okay.
I'll have one common item on me. And what common item? A little cat's paw crowbar. Anybody think they can get the door open with this?
I'd have to wait at the crowbar. Yeah. Danny, you want to try? Boy Scouts, always be prepared.
I guess so. All right. Yeah, I guess I can try to wedge it in here by the lock and try to pry it open. It's a pretty strong looking door.
I'm going to give it a try though. It's going to be brawn. It's definitely going to be brawn. It'll be a check of 12 on brawn.
All right, guys, I have an eight for brawn. So all right, let's see how Danny does. Explode that dice. That's a six.
You're pulling on the door and you can see that like something is happening, but you're not able to bunch the door.
Oh, man, guys, I don't know. This door is pretty tough and this is just a little crowbar. I'm not really, you know, like pulling the metal back a little bit, but I'm not really making much headway through this door here, guys.
Maybe you should help me. I'm going to use my treasure hunter and spend one thing to find a useful item. Hey, Jack, what's your brawn? How about you and I try? We're smaller. We might be able to get both, you know, both get a hold of it.
Let's do it. You guys are going to try and double team it. Yep. Did I get another crowbar? What just happened? I got a three. Still only 11. I know. Yeah, you guys do not get this door open. However, Andy, you're searching on the brush while these guys are trying to get wrench on the crowbar.
And you do find a long section of pipe that can fit over the crowbar that you can use to give you some extra leverage. All right, I'm going to go back to the guys and be like, hey, will this help? Yeah, all three of us should try.
Oh, yeah, we can all get our hands on that if we put that over the end of the crowbar. Hold on. Not every not everybody has to roll. We'll put it as a check of an eight. I mean, I guess you could all roll, but sure. So I mean, should we just pick one person to roll?
Everybody roll a d4? No, everybody. I'm going to roll their brawn. Fuck it. Whatever. It's just a door. I got an eight. I got a six. I got a five. Okay, you guys are definitely. Andy? I wasn't helping. She just found the pipe.
I found you the pipe. That's why she's going to college. College. You guys definitely wrench this door open, snapping the lock. It just slams open and you are in front of a hallway. Well, that was cool. Great. A long creepy hallway. Are the lights on in there? I think there's a light at least somewhere in there. You guys just are we just all going down this hallway right now? Well, I have dark vision, so I'll go first.
You're so brave. Yeah, I'll go first. Is Billy with us? Yeah, I'm here. Sorry, Billy. Why don't you hold my hand? I found a cat. Oh, good. Did you bring it with you? I'm chasing it over there near the wig. But it's not here. You didn't bring it around? Okay, good. Let's go.
So you go down the hallways. It's not like a scary hallway or anything. It's at the bottom of this hotel, the fanciest hotel in town and a historical hotel. And the hallway leads down to a lit up like locker room area where there's some staff lockers and some equipment stored and some white goods and stuff like that. Towels.
Guys, I think this weird hallway goes to the basement of the hotel. But there can't be frog people in here. There shouldn't be frog people in here. But why is there a secret hallway for the hotel? They must be doing the cleaning during the day.
Oh, and they just dump all the chemicals into the lake. No, the frog people are doing the cleaning. Oh, the frog people are doing the cleaning? Oh, the frog people? That seems much less nefarious than what I was thinking. I hope that's what the case is.
Do you think we're gonna find Jamie down here? I hope so, bud. We're gonna try our hardest. Probably not, though. She probably won't be here. Oh. But we'll keep looking. We'll find her somewhere else. Yeah. Andy, I like Danny. He's nice. He's nice to me. Okay. Just keep that in mind. Okay. Don't tell mom.
Don't tell mom what? Andy, should we tell Jamie's mom? That's the police's problem. Okay.
All right. Should we look around? Should we look around for clues? And see if it smells like those weird frogman smell from any of the lockers? Or see if we find anything in here? I'm gonna search the laundry bin, even though it's grossing me out. I wonder if there's any other secret passageways in here. I mean, you can just search the laundry bin. It's just like white towels and stuff like that. There's nothing special in the laundry bins. Guys, this is just towels. Yeah, I've not seen anything else kind of interesting. I'm gonna start searching lockers. Okay.
They are locked. What kind of lock? Padlock. Crowbar work? Not for a 10-year-old. I don't know how good these lockers are. Sometimes they're made of plastic. Yeah, these have the footlocker type locks on them. You know, the same ones that we had. None of them are open? No. Is there one of those like key racks somewhere on the walls? Can we break into the office? Oh, yeah. Like an office nearby? No, you guys are in the basement of a fancy hotel. So it's like a laundry room area? Yeah, like a laundry and locker room. All right. Well, since we're not finding anything interesting,
down here, I don't know if we could go up the stairs and the staff see us coming from the basement. We're not going to have a very plausible sort of like to ask about frogmen. Like, did you come from our basement? Yeah, they're definitely good. Did you break our back door lock? Like, how did you get in here? Are there any wet spots on the floor or lime or anything? They're frog people, don't they? I haven't found anything. Roll a brains check. I'll roll a brains check. Four. Nine. Oh, nine. All of you, with the exception of Danny, do see a spot that has
some water leaking out of a locker. It's not like a stream of water, but it's like a puddle outside one of the lockers. Locker number 15. Is it locked? Like the others? It is locked. Yeah. Hello, other door. We're gonna have to get into this locker. What's going on over there, guys? Danny, come see this water leaking out of this locker. Oh, you think someone, their clothes are all wet, and they're just hanging up in there dripping out? I don't think that's the case. What do you think, Jack? I think that's the frog locker. Oh, well, yeah.
It's full of frogs? I think it's a frog locker. What if it's just someone with big frog footprint boots? It is Halloween. It could be, you know, frog footprint boots. What'd you say? Did your boots look like frogs? No, not my boots, but they make them. Where do you think they find big footprints? That was hard to say.
Is it a locker with like the combination built into it, or is it like a key lock locked from the outside? It's got, it's a combo lock. It's a combination lock? Yeah. But combo locks have a key in the back. Can I? Usually. Well, yeah. Can I try and see if I can do it? Do what? You know, I don't know. I don't know what you're talking about. Spin the lock. Oh, do you want to, you're trying to unlock it? Yeah.
Yeah. Go for it. I'll just give it a spin. Brains? Yeah. Yeah. It's a check of 20.
Six. Yeah. So as you're sitting there playing with the lock, you hear another door in this room swing open. And somebody goes, Hey, hey, who are you kids? What are you doing down here? As the Jander runs into the locker room. Hey, that's that's not your locker. Get away from there.
Oh, sorry, sir. We were just doing a project for school. On what? Stealing? Like this town doesn't have enough problems. The history of lockers. That's not true. Yes, it is. That's yes. Absolutely. This cannot be yours. You can ask my teacher. You're a bunch of children. I'm helping. It's to intermingle the grades so we get to know each other better. Mentoring. I would like to roll charm. Me too.
Okay, I'm going to let her do it because she's actually talking and just mentoring. You're the flavor text. Set it at the 10. Four? Well, that's not good. She also gets plus three to persuade adults because she's rebellious. So a seven. Yeah. So a seven. Okay. Oh, can I pay an adversity token to give plus two loyalty to friends rolls?
You have to because it's only a plus three when I'm resisting persuasion from adults. I can persuade kids with a plus three. Oh, so that doesn't work. So you're back to four. Yeah.
Patty Cornwall is my cousin, and I haven't heard about any of this inter megalang crap and her life is boring. She talks about everything in that fucking school. And I don't believe you guys for one second, I'm going to need you to come with me upstairs. I'm gonna flip the thing of clean towels and linens on the floor and yell run and head right for the door we came in. Oh, my God. I'm out. Bye. I'm gonna chase after them. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.
You missed a spot by that locker!
Billy's still holding my hand. I dragged him out too.
Dragged him out.
Every- everybody roll flight.
No.
Oh yeah, that's a thing.
Six. Out of six.
Seven.
Oh, so you can roll again.
Ooh! Why?
Because you blew up your dice.
So you got a seven.
When you max your- when you get your max, you can roll again.
I got a one.
Okay.
So I got a four.
So you got a four.
Makes sense.
I got a four out of four. Does it stack or is that eight?
It keeps going.
I got a two.
Okay, so you got a ten.
I just got a ten on a d4.
Awesome.
I got a seven.
You got a seven. I got a five. You got a five.
And you got a seven on d12.
Josh, so even though you're the first one to take off, everybody kind of running at the same time
barrels you out of the way. Danny and Andy pass you going down this hallway.
Even Jack passes you even though he's slow on the draw.
However, Billy turns around and he goes, we can't leave Josh!
And the janitor runs and he grabs you by the arm.
Kid, you gotta come upstairs. All of you, stop running right now. We can't do this.
I'm gonna hit him in the arm with my crowbar.
Okay.
Four.
You swing your crowbar and he catches your hand and wrenches the crowbar out of it, tossing it to the ground.
And he begins dragging you backwards down the hallway.
Help!
I'm gonna run back.
Oh my god, they got Josh!
Oh my god!
And Billy, I'm gonna yell and my ice breath is gonna come out and start freezing the janitor.
Let him go!
And the ice breath just like grips the janitor's arm and he, you know, becomes weak in his grip on Josh
and you're able to slip out of there.
It's not like full on like Mr. Freezing him, but it's, you know, freezing him enough that he can't rip you.
I'm gonna run like hell again.
Fuck yeah, that's gonna take, you don't even have to roll for that one.
We're gonna take two power tokens away for the use of the ice power.
Yeah, the janitor's fucking arm begins to freeze from the fingertips up and like it goes around his elbow and he's
Oh, oh, oh, oh god.
What are you doing to me?
What is this?
Who are you kids?
And he just turns and bolts out from where he came.
Quick Josh, we gotta go!
Pick up my crowbar and run.
That was really weird.
What did you do?
I'm not sure.
What can I come to you to?
Spearman?
Wow.
Billy, what was that?
I yelled at him and he stopped.
Have you ever done that before?
I don't think so.
Oh.
As Billy is saying this, in his head a ringing begins to intensify to a point where all of a sudden he falls down and passes out.
Ah, I don't feel so good.
Oh Billy.
We gotta carry him.
Yep, Danny, that seems like something you could be good at.
Yeah, let me grab him and I'll put him away back and we'll keep running.
Good thing he's a lightweight.
Not a chunker.
Should we run back to the car?
The car's down by the lake, right?
Yeah, the car's by the hardware store still.
Get back to the car!
Away we go.
Alright, I'm gonna open the back seat up and throw your brother right in the back there.
Gently set him in there.
What are we gonna do?
I mean, I don't think that guy's gonna come after us.
He seemed pretty spooked.
I mean, that was pretty weird what just happened.
We've gotta get back in that locker.
Yes, but yeah, how are we gonna do that?
Because we've got to investigate that.
Are we in front of a hardware store?
We are in front of a hardware store.
What, go get like a hammer to break the, or like bolt cutters?
Bolt cutters.
Do you have any money?
We did have money. How much did we have from yesterday?
I don't have any money. My dad never gives me any money.
I'm broke.
I don't have too much money. You all went to the hardware store this morning and bought things like pocket knives and screwdrivers and hatchets and...
Yeah, it might look weird if we go back in and buy more stuff.
So we could have just murdered that man.
That's true. Or on my dad's account like we did with the stuff yesterday.
Well, I'm glad that we didn't hurt him.
Maybe. He might have frostbite. That could be an issue.
I'm just gonna say he made it up.
That was weird. What a billy deal.
I'm gonna walk into the hardware store.
I'm gonna walk over, I'm gonna grab bolt cutters and I'm gonna walk up to the table, the counter and just say...
I got to pick these up for my dad. He locked himself out. He lost the key to the lock on the shed again.
Your dad owes an outstanding amount.
I don't...
Well, I can't just sell you bolt cutters.
Why not?
Do you have money?
No, they just... I just always put it on his account.
Tell you what, kid. Have your dad come down and settle his account and I'll be happy to add anything back on here for him.
He can't get into the garage.
Well, he can walk. It's not that far.
But it's disability.
You can try rolling a charm.
Set it 14.
I got a tube.
No, why don't we call your dad right now actually and have him settle it and if he can, you know, send you down here with a check, then I'll sell you the bolt cutters and you can be on your way.
Why do you think the phone works?
Well, I suppose for a guy that doesn't pay his bills, he probably doesn't have a phone. Listen, kid, there's not much...
I mean, he's gonna scream at me if I come home and I don't have these.
Sounds like a you problem, quite frankly. My boss is gonna yell at me if I sell more things to this guy who sends his kid to pick stuff up.
I thought you owned the place.
Nah, I just work here. Are you kidding me? I ain't living fat on the hog.
Okay, fine. I just... sulk out the front door.
God, I see that kid so much. He's in here like three times a fucking day.
How'd that work out for you?
That didn't work out very well. You got any money?
No, but I got a flathead. He's got a screwdriver, I mean.
That's too much information, Danny.
Yeah, I know.
Yikes.
So we're gonna try and go back there, like, before night? Are we gonna go to the dance?
Maybe you kids could cause a distraction in the hotel.
That's true.
So no one will be downstairs.
But how do we get the locker open?
Well, that'll be an us problem.
We'll pry it open with the flathead.
We're teenagers, we'll figure it out.
Hand on the crowbar and the pipe again.
A bell rings in an old church tower nearby, signaling the noon hour. It is Halloween day, also.
Spooky.
Younger kids would be probably interested in trick-or-treating.
At noon?
No, no. No, not now. Sorry.
That could be a good distraction. You guys could go to the hotel in some ridiculous costumes and run around and just keep yelling trick-or-treat
and try and get the staff to demand the money and go from room to room.
Jack, let's go do this.
Maybe we could find a frog costume.
And you guys could cause a real distraction in the hotel.
I don't know where we'd find a frog costume.
The drug store?
Are we robbing the drug store?
We don't have any money.
Because if we were robbing a place, my suggestion would be the hardware store.
Okay, remember, you kids, you're not robbing the hardware store.
You will for sure be arrested.
It's the 90s.
There's no security cameras.
Also, there's no store that you mentioned.
What?
There is no drug store.
There's no costume shop. There's a cafe.
Well, good thing we have those costumes that our moms made us before they left our dads.
We just need to be something with a mask.
Frogmen.
Do you have a frogman mask?
I don't.
I don't either, do you?
What do you have for a Halloween costume?
Billy, weren't you in Princess and the Frog?
Uh-huh.
Weren't you in that play?
My head hurts.
Oh, I forgot you were passed out.
Oh, what happened?
What happened?
You started to freeze a man to death, and then you passed out.
Oh, God.
Yeah, we might have to tell mom about that.
We can't tell mom.
Well, we won't, but we probably should.
Why?
I don't know.
She doesn't need to know.
Have you done that before?
Not that, no, not that I know of.
Have you done anything else peculiar like that?
You're always running around with a superhero cape.
Is that...
That was something super.
From more than just your imagination?
Have things like that happen before?
What kind of superhero would you be?
I would probably be Planet World Man.
Ooh.
That's not a good name, Billy.
Oh.
You should work on that one.
Yeah, I've been thinking a lot about them.
Different names.
Trying to come up with them, but I haven't nailed one down yet.
No.
Well, keep working on it.
You should help these guys with their distraction, though.
Okay.
I could do something.
Do you have extra superhero capes for these guys?
Oh, I have plenty of capes, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
Do you got masks?
Yeah, I got some masks.
All right.
KN95s.
Perfect.
That is exactly what we need.
The masks.
Yeah, no, I've got some masks, yeah.
Did you say something about frogs?
Yeah, do you have a frog costume?
You were in that play.
Oh, the princess and the frog.
Yep.
I played a lily pad.
But I know where they keep the frog costume.
They're all at this school.
Shall we go get some frog costumes?
Let's go get some costumes.
We are closer to the school.
I'm going to be a lily pad again, aren't I?
Only if you want to.
Are we putting on a new play?
No, you're going to be a superhero frog.
Hey, did we find Jamie?
We're still looking for it.
That's why you have to be a superhero frog.
Why are you talking to me like you're older than me?
You have to be a superhero frog.
Are you going to be one, too?
Yep.
But you're the superhero.
I don't feel so super.
You'll feel better.
Well, okay, so we're going to break into the school.
This sounds bad.
This has been a bad day.
We're going to stop on the way and get a yoo-hoo.
You want a yoo-hoo?
There's all this money you're getting.
Didn't one of you guys get a bunch of money from your dad and another one from him?
Not him.
I got a couple bucks.
I'd rather have candy.
Here you go, Billy.
And I give him a piece of candy from earlier.
I love candy.
I know. This will help.
Thanks, Andy.
Yeah, this will help your blood sugar.
It should make you feel better.
I really needed that.
All right.
Well, I guess...
Where are we going?
Let's go to the school.
I can show us where to find all the costumes.
All right. Lead the way, Billy.
Show us where the costumes are.
Oh, I can't break into the school.
We could call the performing arts teacher and see if she'll let us in.
Who's that?
People will already be at the school because the dance is tonight, right?
Oh, I guess that's true.
The dance is at the hotel.
Oh.
It said that in the announcement.
That's true.
But do the janitors keep it unlocked on the weekends for cleaning?
Maybe not the front entrance, but we could try the back entrance.
Let's go try some doors.
Yeah, let's go try some doors.
You guys are presented with a slew of locked doors.
However, there is a window that is open.
It's standing about eight feet off the ground.
All right, guys, it looks like none of the windows are locked,
but because it's always so smelly in the men's locker room,
you know, the window way up there is open.
You think if we, uh, heave ho one of you guys up there,
you can come let us in this other door?
Yeah, give me a boost.
Okay.
All right, we're going to put our hands together and then, you know,
you're going to step on it and then kind of jump as we throw you up in the air.
Ready on the count of three.
One, two, three.
So you should definitely roll a flight.
I mean, I feel like there could be different roles.
Like for us lifting, I think that might be a brawn thing.
And then you guys can both roll your brawn and he can roll his flight.
It could also be a brawn for him.
He'd like have to, you know, grab the window sill, pull himself up.
And he can fly. So what I'll do will only make him roll for brawn,
but we'll bring the check down because you guys are, are helping him.
So what do you roll for brawn?
10.
Checks out of six.
10.
Yeah, perfect. You can actually blow that up.
14.
They easily toss you up into this window, like soar pretty much right through it.
Just like our school, the easiest window to open is the emergency one.
I reach over and I lean my hand out.
Wait, no, I go.
No, Jack, go around. Open the door.
I drop down and I open the door.
You run through, I mean, it's your school.
You'd know how to get to the door that you guys are standing out of.
And you let these guys in.
Quietly.
All right. I've never been in a play, guys. So who knows?
Who knows where the costumes are?
Billy, you knew.
Yeah, they're kept up next to the stage in the gym.
Well, let's go.
Okay.
So Billy leads you guys up to the gym, up to the stage and like off.
There's like a little performance room or what would it be called?
A dressing room?
Theater arts room.
Yeah, just be the drama department.
Drama department. Yeah, there we go.
The drama department has a room off of the stage where they keep all their old costumes.
They're not in any particular order.
They're just kind of all thrown about up here because they're not actively preparing for any particular play.
I'm going to start digging for green, green costume.
Green costume. I won't even make you check for it.
There is a frog costume for a child, a child sized frog costume.
Oh, sweet. Billy, this is probably yours. You want to wear it?
I was the toadstool.
You were the lily pad.
Oh, it's not the same.
Who's the smallest of him and Jack and Josh?
I would say he's the smallest and he's the biggest.
I know the three of us.
Well, you've got Vaughn.
I think that's true, yeah.
Yeah, sure. We'll go with that.
Well, Billy or Josh, you got to wear it because you're the smallest ones.
I was going to be a superhero for Halloween.
Super frog.
Yeah, I think this is you, Josh.
Okay, I'll put it on.
You're going to put it on now?
I don't think it's quite time yet, but I appreciate your enthusiasm.
You can always wear a costume.
I'll wait to put it on.
All right, let's get back out of the school before someone sees us.
We can't find a different costume for him. We're in a costume loft.
Are there other costumes?
There's plenty of other costumes.
Such as?
Andy, will you find a costume for him?
Okay, I'll look. Apparently, I'm the only one that can. What do I roll?
Just tell me what costume that you're picking.
Pirate.
Pick the play we did last year.
Pirate.
I find a Tin Man costume and a Cowardly Lion costume.
Which one are you taking?
You have no choice.
Jack, which one do you like? I can keep digging, but you could also look...
Be the robot.
I'll take the Tin Man.
Okay, here you go.
Thank you.
You guys are going to look so cool.
Now what?
Andy, are you going to find a costume?
I'm a girl.
I take some costume parts from West Side Story.
In high school.
I'll take a cool hat.
Let's get out of here, guys.
Okay.
Did you just rob the Scarecrow's hat?
No.
No?
Not the Scarecrow's hat. It's the Witch's hat.
Andy, we have to find Jamie. What does this frog costume have to do with finding my girlfriend?
We have to investigate. We need a distraction.
They're going to think he's one of the frog people.
Yep.
Hopefully.
It's a pretty weak plan, but it's all we got.
Okay. Let's run back down the stairs and out this back door so no one sees us coming out of the front of the school.
Yep.
I'm going to walk down the locker room and get changed in the locker room.
Josh, it's still pretty early.
That's how we were doing this at the hotel now.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
I guess no better time than the present.
It's like 1230 in the afternoon.
Yeah.
I'm aware.
There's like six people in the hotel. It would be real easy to keep them distracted.
We've got a lot of places to go and investigate still.
Like?
Like everywhere.
I think we've got to get into that locker, Jack.
Yeah, we've got to get into that locker.
So we're going to change into costumes now and go do the hotel distraction plan?
Unless we have somewhere else to be, but this is what I thought we were doing next.
If we wait until later, everybody's going to be there in their costumes and three kids and not going to really.
Okay. Let's go.
Let's go.
We're actually just going to head over out to the hillside there in the back.
Yes, we should definitely go back that way.
You guys, once you're changed, go into the hotel.
What do you think it's going to take you? Like 10 minutes?
How long did it take us to get over here from?
About what?
Right across from each other.
Right across the street.
Why don't you guys wait next to the hotel in between the hotel and the...
What was that? The fortune teller's place, right next door in that alley?
Why don't you guys wait there?
And when you see three kids come running out in costumes heading for the hotel, you guys just go in the back door.
Or you could wait to hear people screaming.
That's a great idea, Josh. I knew I liked you for some reason.
We'll just go wait there. When we see you guys head in, we'll run to the back entrance.
We're going to proceed to the locker room and get changed.
We'll get a head start.
How do you feel about this, Andy?
I'm not convinced it's a great plan, but...
I'm still not sure how we're going to get past that locker.
That's definitely more of the hurdle than the distraction.
Yeah, we didn't spend enough time on that.
Well, we'll just figure it out when we get there, you know?
Yeah, this is like my biology project all over again. Really poorly planned.
Are you guys in the alley yet? Or heading over there?
You know, walking and talking.
As you're walking to the hotel, you hear the voice of Fred.
Oh, oh, hey, Andy.
Oh, oh, hi.
Hey. Hey, Danny?
This is my friend Danny.
Hey, yeah, we go to school together. I know Danny.
Hey, Fred.
How's it going, man?
Oh, going pretty good. How are you?
Not bad. What are you guys up to?
I'm just like, move just like a little bit closer.
Oh, you know, we're just hanging out before the dance.
Oh, cool. Yeah. I'm really, really excited for that.
I'm really excited to go together later.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah. You didn't forget, did you?
Well, you said I'd dance, so I didn't really think that's OK.
Oh, um.
I'm sorry. I'll still dance with you.
Oh, OK. I'm just going to go.
I got some things to do. Nice seeing you, Danny.
All right. Yep.
Sorry. Peace. Peace. Bye.
All right. See you later, Fred.
Anyway, he starts walking and then like slowly picks up to a jog and runs down the road.
Away from you.
Well, that's going to be awkward on Monday.
The three of us come bursting out of the school screaming.
You know, full sprint.
All right. Well, that was from one weird thing onto the next.
I guess we should head back to that entrance.
I see these lunatics crossing the street now.
Yeah, let's get ready to go in.
We're already through the front door.
All right. That's our queue. I'm going to head in.
Jack, Josh and Billy. What does their distraction look like?
Going to run in, run right to the front desk, scream trick or treat and run right down the hallway,
hitting every door heading for the stairwell to the second floor.
I'm going to do the same thing, but while spinning.
There's a whirling dervish and I don't know, I'm just causing chaos.
Yeah, let's roll fight for both of you. That seems the most reasonable.
It's a check of eight. I got an eight on my D8.
Nice. You can roll again. Fourteen.
Nice. Fourteen and ten.
Nice. You guys do a wonderful job of making a distraction as you're tearing down the hall,
hitting the fucking doors and Jack, you're spinning around in circles, knocking shit over.
You guys are just going fucking crazy through here.
There's attendants like coming around the desk trying to chase you,
but you guys are just tearing up and down the halls.
Billy, on the other hand, is doing a pretty bad job of being a distraction.
He found a vase full of candy and he kind of is eating a bunch and just going, distraction.
You know, he's not quite fulfilling his job.
You guys at the back door, you find it still open or unlocked anyways.
You broke the lock earlier, so it's easy to get into.
Okay, we're going to go in. Danny, what are we going to do about the locker?
I don't really know. I still have this crowbar that I took from Josh and the screwdriver.
And also I can kind of pick locks pretty good.
You know, my dad's got a footlocker at home that I've been practicing on.
He just cigarettes in there.
Why didn't you say that earlier? And do you have any cigarettes?
I do. I have a couple of cigarettes.
Oh, good. Let's smoke some of them later.
Yeah, later. We should do this now.
We should do this now.
So yeah, sounds like they're making some noise upstairs. I guess we should do this now.
Yeah, I think we can hear them stomping on the hallways above us.
I'm going to roll grit to try and pick the lock with my street smarts from lock picking.
Grit is the one you think you can go with, huh?
That's street smarts, yeah.
It's my street smarts.
Oh, okay. Yeah, sorry. My bad. Yeah, go for it.
I got a 10.
Fuck yeah. You're picking the lock?
Yeah.
All right. Because it's just like a simple master key situation for all of these things,
it'd be ridiculous if there was a different key for all of them.
You do manage to pick this lock and get it open.
All right.
Oh, nice job.
Cool. And you guys are right. There is a tunnel behind here.
No.
Different building. Different building.
That would be awesome. But it's just a regular locker.
Danny, that's just a locker.
Sorry, I got to go to the eye doctor, right? It was just dark in there. I couldn't see anything.
I thought it just kept going.
I think you're just getting excited about this.
As you open up the locker, you find a set of wet women's clothes dripping down into the bottom of this locker.
They're like soaked and there is a book and a wallet on the top shelf.
I'm going to grab the book and read through it and see what it is.
The book is a reproduction.
It's a very mass marketed version of the popular Necronomicon that stems from HP Lovecraft books.
And there is a bookmark on the page of Neolathtep.
And what does that say?
It says a lot of stuff, a lot of it that you don't quite understand just reading it.
Well, this book isn't helpful. Is there anything in that wallet?
I don't know. Let me take a look in here. It looks like it's a women's wallet and it's kind of wet.
I'm going to open it up here.
Yeah. And there's a student ID inside of somebody's student IDs in here.
It's Jan Garvey's.
Who the hell is that?
And that is the only time that this character is called Jan.
After this, I glance at my notes wrong, read the name Tommy as Tammy, and from here on out, refer to her as Tammy Garvey.
So don't be surprised when Jan never shows up in the episode again.
I don't know. That is Tommy Garvey's sister.
Oh, Tommy's sister.
Yes. Yeah.
Okay.
His sister is 16 years old.
Is she a bitch? What's she like?
She is. She's always a bitch.
She's the worst.
Her brother certainly is the worst. I don't even know if I really interacted with her ever.
Do you think these are her clothes that are all wet?
Would I recognize them if we were like on the same cheerleading squad?
I mean, it's not a cheerleading outfit, but it certainly looks like some clothes that she would wear.
Okay. I mean, it looks like her clothes.
Go ahead and roll brains for me.
Yay.
Oof. Two.
Yeah. Two doesn't do it. Do you want to try?
Sure. It's only a four. It's a very small check.
I got a one. That sucks.
Who is she?
God.
I mean, you know who she is.
They're women's clothes. We can just assume they're hers.
But she's not missing, right?
No.
I think she's making people go missing. We should get out of here though.
It seems evolved. I'm going to take all the stuff.
You're going to take it all? All right. We'll just close the locker. Let's get out of here.
Yeah. And these clothes are cute.
They smell, but maybe I can get that out.
Yeah. Make another brains check after saying that. It's only got to be a two.
Ten.
Oh, cool. They do smell. They smell quite fishy, actually.
Like fishy, like suspicious or fishy like the pond or the lake.
Like that smell that we've been smelling.
Yeah. I mean, Jack's the one that smelled it the most.
But it was just stomped on me.
Yeah, it did stomp on you. Yeah, that's true.
This smells just like those frog people.
Interesting. It smells like the frog people.
Well, now we just have to find out if this girl has also gone missing.
If not, that's even more suspicious.
Maybe you should leave the clothes here so we don't draw attention.
Yeah. Did you say there was something else?
There was the wallet, the book and the clothes?
Yeah, that was it.
Okay. Yeah, I'm taking the book.
Okay. Is there cash in the wallet?
There's no cash in the wallet.
Okay. I just take the book.
Okay. All right. Then we just run back out.
We get out of there. Yeah. The boys will figure it out.
If they're not outside, we get back around there. I'm just going to go in and just grab them out.
Yeah, I think if they see us, they'll know they can leave. Right? Maybe.
All right. We head out and up and around.
As you come out front, do you look in the windows?
Yeah, I don't see those guys.
I'm just going to dip my head in there and see if I can grab them.
So I'm going to go into the hotel.
As you do that, you can hear Jack and Josh yelling from various places in the hotel.
And you see Billy and someone's holding onto Billy's arm.
And they're like, what are you all doing here?
What is your problem?
Leave that candy loading. Get the fuck out.
We've got to get their friends.
Oh, I'm sorry, sir. Come on, guys. We got to go. I'm sorry.
He's got behavioral issues. I really apologize.
Our moms will be by tomorrow to take care of this.
Their names are Debbie and Donna.
And yeah, we're going to go. Don't worry.
Well, thank you so much for watching.
What about this one's name? Who's he?
I don't know, but just let him come with us. He's one of their stupid friends.
We just got to go.
What are you? What was the purpose of this? Are you in on this?
In on what? They're got behavioral issues.
I come flying down one hallway.
Too much soda.
It was the broom in each hand hitting every door handle.
And I just go, we got to go.
We go right down the next hole right past these guys in the lobby.
Dot, dot, Deborah, we have to call the cops.
This is anarchy.
Just come on. We got to go. We got to go, boy.
Let's go.
OK. Everybody, role flight.
I stayed outside. Yes, not Danny.
Danny doesn't have to roll, but he's going to anyway.
Check of four. I got a six.
As you come running to the front door, this lady, Deborah, who was just on the phone,
or Debbie, Debbie or Deborah?
You said Deborah, but you totally stole that.
Connor just said Debbie.
What?
When?
When he said, our moms, Debbie and Donna, will be here tomorrow.
Maybe that's, I was just making up the names, maybe I saw her name at the front desk.
Deborah grabs you by the arm as you come running by and she is on the phone and she's got you
held by one hand.
You're not going anywhere, you little brat.
Hey, please let me just, I'm gonna go.
I just want to go with my friends, I didn't even do anything.
It's time to learn some manners.
Hey, I'm very well mannered.
This is not the manners of a well behaved child.
I'm just, and-
I know your mother, Deborah.
I'm running with a bad crowd and her name's Mom.
Your mother is a saint.
She's a nice lady.
Yes, she is.
She has to be to put up with you, you brat.
Yes, yes, we need police assistance and don't need to do that.
And I'm really gonna try and charm her pants off right now and just get out of this.
Oh my god.
Like, not really, no, not like that.
I'm just trying to be charming, like I'm a Tin Man.
Have a heart.
I'm gonna come inside, this is taking an awfully long time.
Have a heart, I'm a Tin Man.
Check is at an eight.
Eighteen.
Oh yeah, fine.
Don't think for one moment, I am not going to talk to your mother about this.
I will be at your house on Monday and I will observe her disciplining you, myself.
And she lets your arm go.
Get out of here, I don't even want to see you.
I wink and I leave.
Okay.
Jack, I can't believe you let that old lady kiss you.
You gotta try harder, man.
Alright, Jack, gotta wait for the old lady, we gotta do something.
We gotta go, where's Billy?
You guys learned anything?
Billy!
Oh, I don't say his name, I say Bobby.
I'm Billy!
You're not!
Oh!
You're Bobby, you poor sweet dear.
Come on, come on, come on.
I'm good, I'm good.
And I'm gonna usher him out like he's got problems.
Andy, I didn't actually do anything, I was just eating candy.
Yeah, let's go.
Okay.
Jack, are you gonna tell mom?
No.
Okay.
No, I'm involved in this.
Oh.
I can't tell mom.
Did you guys find Jamie?
Was she in the locker?
Yeah, what did you guys learn?
We didn't find, we'll talk about it outside.
Do you guys smell that?
I don't know.
No, it's probably me.
It was clothes, so it turns out there was clothes in that locker and they smelled like
the frog people.
Whose locker?
It was Tammy Garvey's clothes.
We should go to her house.
I don't think that's a good idea.
What are we gonna do there?
What am I gonna say to her?
She's such a bitch.
Let's go.
And you can ask if she'll go to the dance with you.
Oh, cool.
Perfect, alright.
That's a great idea.
Do you know where to see it?
How old is Tammy Garvey?
15.
I'm punching up.
But what if she's not at home?
That's true, her wallet was in the locker.
Yeah, she could be here.
Well, we definitely can't go back in there.
Should we kind of wander around here and see if we see her?
What does she look like?
That seems so creepy.
You can't just wander around waiting to look at girls.
That's kind of creepy.
Most of my days are spent wandering around looking at girls.
Okay, but not through windows.
I hope.
No.
Let's not do that here and now.
Should we go home and talk about what we've learned or just to the diner across the street?
We can all get waters?
Yeah, that sounds like a nice idea.
We don't have any money though.
Oh, the waters.
Did I get 40 bucks off the old man?
Did you get 40?
No, you guys.
No, I tried for 30.
You got 30.
I got 20.
Yeah.
I got 20 bucks.
You probably don't.
You went to the hardware store.
Oh, that's right.
I definitely don't have any money.
I could definitely eat.
I would like French toast.
What about French fries?
I would eat French fries.
I think I got French fry money.
Should we go back to our house and ask mom to make food?
That sounds like a great idea.
I like that.
If we see mom, we have to tell her I lost my girlfriend in the graveyard.
Why are you trying to tell mom everything?
What?
Why don't you tell mom everything?
So I'm telling mom.
Oh my God, I don't tell mom anything.
Ever.
All you found was some stinky clothes.
And a student ID.
We're walking back to the car, I hope, as we're talking.
Yeah, let's go back to the house.
Yeah.
Okay.
So we don't have to write anyone overhearing us.
I think we have chicken nuggets in the freezer.
I never say no to chicken nuggets.
That sounds good.
I want chicken nuggets right now.
I don't have any in real life.
It's true.
We don't.
And if we did, they'd be dino nuggets.
They would.
I do buy those.
That's why God made the air fryers.
Mm-hmm.
100%.
God didn't.
G-E did.
Credit where credit's due, man.
Yeah.
All right.
So let's go get our food.
We're going to get our food.
Credit where credit's due, man.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
All right.
So let's go get these chicken nuggets and french fries and talk about the stinky clothes
in the locker.
To lunch.
And I start hopping down the sidewalk towards the car because I'm dressed like a frog.
Are you hopping with like your feet?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Hands and feet.
Real frog?
Yeah, real frog.
Should we cut to the kitchen when we're taking things out of the oven?
No, I want them out of the oven.
Or the 90s so it's microwave.
Two frogs and a tin man in the back of your car.
Okay.
You guys pull a nice tasty tray of dino nuggets out of the oven and you are in Billy and Andy's
kitchen.
So that's what we found in the locker.
What's the book say?
I don't know.
Here, do you want to try to read it?
Yeah.
Something about some monster.
I like monsters.
There's a bookmark on one.
I think it was called a Neopet.
Yeah, something like that.
Did I have superstitious as one of my flaws, but can I use it to see if I know about that
book or would know more than I...
I think you should look at the book more than paying necessarily attention to the bookmark.
Okay.
I look at the table of contents and search for frog men or the index.
Finding anything over there?
In the back of the book, there is a stamp that says, this book belongs to Moravian Cafe
and Bookstore.
And then it has a signature underneath it.
Is it Tammy's?
Jim Tambor?
Yes, it is Jim Tambor's name signed underneath it.
This is that guy from the Ghost Walks book.
The guy who told us not to get off the path.
Why does Tammy have his book?
Was this the same book that Billy was looking at when we were in the bookstore the other
day?
No, no, this is my book.
Oh, yep.
These are different books.
It's crazy how little we remember from yesterday.
It was an eventful evening of trauma sometimes.
I think you got stomped on by something.
Yes, I did get stomped on by a frog man.
We have to find Jamie.
We know.
Well, let's look through the rest of this book and see if there's any cool pictures
at least of frog men.
I'm just sitting at the table, throwing in through the mouth of the frog costume and
eating french fries and nuggets at the table.
It's hard to move in this tin man costume.
You guys know you could have taken the costumes off, right, to eat?
We say it now, but when we have to put them back on it takes so long it's just easier
to stay in it.
I'm naked under this.
I think you misunderstood the assignment.
What did you get on your chest again?
Where's your regular clothes?
It was really hot.
Yeah, where are your regular clothes?
Did you leave those in the school?
Yep.
Well, Billy, why don't you get Josh some clothes to borrow?
I live around the corner.
I can just go change, but I was gonna finish eating first.
You don't think you're gonna get your ass kicked if people see you dressed up this early?
I mean, Tommy's out there.
It's not that far, I hope.
No, you'd probably be fine.
It is Halloween, so, you know, it's gonna be later in the afternoon, 3.30-ish, by the
time you guys accomplished eating and...
Maybe we should talk to this guy at the bookstore?
Tell him we found his book.
Yeah.
Do you think he's missing it or do you think that he's lent it to her?
Yeah, I don't know.
See if he goes anything.
Like, why did her clothes smell so bad?
Yeah.
What if she turns into a frog person?
Who's the guy with the...
Is he just the last guy that signed it out?
No, it was an embossed seal that said it was property of the broken cafe.
Who's the guy that was on the bookmark?
The bookmark page?
Yeah.
It was Neo Lothatep.
Neo Lothatep?
See if this guy knows anything about Neo...
Neo Pets?
Neo, yeah.
Neo from the Matrix.
Not out yet.
Not yet with clothes.
You're eight years too early.
Neo...
Neo M. Ho-Tep.
Yeah, we could go and ask him.
Are we all going to the dance?
Are you guys invited to the dance?
It's K-12, right?
Everybody's going to the dance.
Everybody's going.
I don't know if I want to go without my girlfriend.
I'd rather go trick or treating.
I thought we were going trick or treating.
I thought you wanted to find your girlfriend.
I do.
But, you know, I love Candy.
And maybe we could find her before or right after.
That's a dilemma.
The girlfriend or the Candy.
Maybe we'll find her while we're trick or treating.
Yeah, maybe.
Yeah.
Candy it is.
You can't rule it out.
I mean, you guys already do have the costumes and stuff.
You might as well go get some Candy.
We have other costumes for trick or treating.
All right.
Well, you can use those too.
And we know and all know that you're the hotel terrorizers.
Does that mean we can go trick or treating twice?
Probably not.
This sounds pretty good.
Just stay away from the hotel.
Just twice the amount.
In those costumes.
Twice the amount of Candy?
Two costumes.
Twice the amount of Candy.
We have to whole town twice.
All we have to do is run.
I mean, I've got my skateboard.
Billy, do you have a bicycle?
I've got a bike.
Cool.
It's Andy's old bike.
Cool.
I think we could get a lot of Candy.
I put the training wheels back on.
And find Jamie.
That's good.
You can carry more Candy.
In the same night.
We could do it all?
We could try.
Andy.
Did you hear that?
I wasn't listening.
Oh.
That's, you know, you guys can go do that.
We've got a dance.
Or at least that means we can question the same amount of people twice.
Hmm.
In different disguises.
Yeah, we can see if anybody slips up.
Yeah.
Are you guys going to the dance together?
You should.
I mean, we're going at the same time.
Yeah, I mean, I'll be there.
Anyways, should we go to the cafe?
Why do you look weird?
I always look this color.
What are you talking about?
Okay.
Yeah, why are you both turning red?
All right.
I'm not red.
I have a serious question.
How many pillowcases do you have because we're going to do some serious trigger treating?
Oh, you're not using my pillowcases.
Cool.
Can you leave your trunk unlocked so we can store it in your car?
Yeah.
We don't have to go all the way back and drop it off.
Yeah.
Okay, fine.
But I'm taking all of the Skittles.
Half.
We'll talk about that later.
I get all the Skittles or I lock the car.
Deal.
All right.
I'm taking your Skittles.
Deal.
I'll give you the yellow ones back.
Fair.
Spit shake.
That's disgusting.
Should we go to the cafe?
Yeah, I mean, we got some time before the dance.
We can go see if, you know, how Jim reacts when he showed them this book or should we
just bring the book and ask him about it or should we just ask about Neolethotep?
I don't think that really.
I mean, we could ask him about it if we can remember how to say it.
You better ask.
I can't even read.
Oh, wait, no.
I mean, I can.
I can read.
Are you sure?
A little bit, sure.
Wait, can Danny not read?
Billy can't read.
He can't read well.
Oh, yeah.
Billy can't read at all.
No.
Wait, are you being Billy?
You're being Danny, right?
I am.
Yeah.
I'm just kidding.
So confused.
Multi personality.
Yeah, we'll go ask him.
We'll bring the book so we can just say, do you know about this?
Yeah, we'll just point it out like a French menu.
All right.
And then you guys are going to go trick or treating or you come to the cafe too?
It's only four.
Not going trick or treating yet.
We usually do that at what, like 630?
I mean, we could trick or treat at the cafe first and then work out from there, but.
It's still early in the day.
That's pretty, yeah.
I mean, if you guys want to double dip though, you got to start early.
It's still real early.
All right, well, let's go.
But it's Saturday.
More candy.
Let's get money from mom and we'll go to the cafe.
And then we can, you guys can get dressed.
Buy candy.
Yeah.
Yeah, already.
I've been dressed in my Halloween costume all day.
First half, Tin Man.
Second half, superhero.
You want to borrow one of my superhero costumes?
I would love to.
All right.
The red one?
Do you have a blue one?
Yeah, the blue one I wore yesterday.
You can still wear it.
Is there one that's like too big for you?
Like way too big for you?
No.
Why would I have that?
I'm going to have to go get my superhero costume.
Okay.
It's Batman.
Oh, that's cool.
Wait, I think I have an idea.
And I disappear into my parents' room and I grab some old 80s spandex and like leggings
and brightly colored things from mom's dresser and bring it back.
Here, you can make a superhero costume out of this.
The colors are pretty dope.
You could be Rad Man.
It looks awesome.
Cool.
Wear it, Jack.
You look so good.
I just don't know how to say it without saying he looks like a tiny stripper.
I'm nudging Danny because I'm totally pranking this kid.
You got a great taste over there, Jack.
I think you're going to get lots of candy with that one.
You look weird.
Love the neon green.
You look like my mom.
I changed out of it.
I'll figure something out.
I thought he was just going to use the legging as like a bandana.
I didn't expect him to put those on.
That was pretty great.
Really got him.
Josh, do you want to get your costume?
Yeah, I'm going to run over and grab my costume from my house real quick.
You mean hop on over?
No, I'm going to run.
Because you're a frog.
I'm going to run.
She scared the shit out of me with getting beat up in the middle of the neighborhood
as a frog.
So I'm going to flat foot run.
Yeah, I'm going to run over to my house, grab my costume, run back.
Okay.
So it's like a little after four by the time you guys get back.
Andy's going to ask her mom for some money.
Hey mom.
Yeah.
Can I have a little bit of cash?
Didn't I just give you money yesterday?
Maybe Billy.
That child.
Yeah, we got to talk about his reading level.
It's not good.
It's one of those things where as a mother, sometimes you have to pick your battles, so
to speak.
And this one should be picked.
This is a hill to die on.
Reading.
My dear, it's 1991.
Soon reading is going to be completely out of style.
No one's going to need to read in 20 years.
Okay, I'll teach him.
Can I have a couple bucks, ma?
How much, dear?
20?
Go fetch my purse.
Okay.
Well, say we're paying you to teach Billy how to read.
A lost cause, but you know.
Okay, so this is a standing payment?
This is a one time deal.
It shouldn't take that long.
It's not that hard.
I mean, you can do it, so anybody should.
I mean, it's pretty hard.
And who's this?
Is this your male friend?
He's my friend.
This is Danny.
Hi, I'm Andy's mom.
I'm Danny Peters.
I live around the way.
My name's Deborah.
My name's Susan.
A pleasure to make your acquaintance, Susan.
Yes, you too.
Are you going to teach this one how to read too?
I'm just kidding.
Where is Billy?
Is he having a good day?
He hasn't checked in yet.
He's fine, mom.
We gotta go.
What have you guys been up to?
You going trick or treating later?
No.
I see you're dressed up.
I'm 17.
I have a hat on.
Yes, ladies don't wear hats.
Mom, it's not 1950.
It's 1991, dear.
Style is still a thing.
Whatever.
Let's go, guys.
Bye, mom.
And Danny, how about you?
I'm gonna grab Danny's hand and drag him out of there.
Bye, mom.
It was nice meeting you.
I would say the same if you had stayed longer.
Your mom's kind of cold.
Yeah, she's just different.
I understand why Billy's always like, don't tell mom.
Yeah, we don't tell mom a lot of things.
I wouldn't either.
All right, these kids are getting back from their house.
Oh yeah, I think I see Jack and Josh in different Halloween costumes coming out again.
All right, I'm gonna get the car started.
It's chilly out this evening.
I'm glad I got this leather jacket.
Wait, was it Grease or West Side Story they did at the school last year?
It was the Outsiders, wasn't it?
I don't know.
Whoever, I probably got the jacket from.
Costume closet.
Oh, cool.
Looks good.
All right, you guys ready to go trick or treating?
Or are we going to the cafe first and then you guys are gonna leave from there?
Yeah, we'll start trick or treating from the cafe and then we'll spread out from there
and we'll look around and see if we can find any trace of Jessie?
Jamie?
Jamie.
We'll see if we can find any trace of Jamie while we're out trick or treating.
Okay, should we get milkshakes?
I got money.
Yeah, can you pop the trunk?
Sure.
Throw the frog costume, my rolling blades in her trunk.
Billy tries to throw the bike with the training wheels in the trunk.
Uh, and Andy?
You're not taking that.
What?
How am I gonna get around with my friends?
Or taking the training wheels off if you want to take it.
How's he gonna carry more candy?
On the handlebar.
How are the training wheels gonna help him?
Stability.
Josh, just mind your own.
Andy, can I talk to you for a second?
Sure.
I haven't, I haven't ridden it without the training wheels yet.
You might wanna learn now.
You wanna learn?
I got roller blades.
I'll do what?
Roller blades?
Yeah, I got them in my closet.
Do you want them?
Death traps.
Well, it's, the roller blades are the-
Do they have training wheels?
No.
Those are rollerskates.
That's all they are is training wheels.
Should I just walk?
I'm not gonna make you jog next to your friends, but I can't fit the bike in my car.
Okay, we'll take them off.
I can do it.
You can do this.
Sure.
Yeah?
Yeah.
All right.
Hey, Danny, do you still have that flathead screwdriver?
I do.
Yep.
All right.
Can I use that?
Here you go.
I'm gonna take off the training wheels.
Billy, do you wanna ride around the driveway?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Sure?
Yeah, I don't wanna do that in front of everybody.
I'll figure it out.
I'll be fine.
Okay.
I've done it a million times, you know?
You just sit on the seat and just, you know, walk with your feet on the ground.
Oh, no.
It'll be okay.
It's just like riding a bike.
Yeah.
I mean, that's literally the saying.
Thanks.
It can't be that hard.
Maybe you can convince, uh, Dak or Josh to ride it and you can use one of their skateboards
or rollerblades.
Have you ever tried skateboarding?
No.
Well, it's cool.
Even with the bicycle, like, you don't have to, you don't have to sit on the seat and
pedal it.
Like, you can just walk it and use it to just kind of...
I'll just walk next to it.
You can walk next to it.
Okay.
You're fine.
Yeah.
You can push it.
Yeah.
You can push it.
Uh-huh.
And when we find a flat spot, maybe we'll try it out.
Okay.
Yeah.
Like a good flat spot, like soft, flat spot.
I'm gonna go downhill.
How it rolls.
Yeah.
And then I don't have to pedal.
Cool.
Yeah.
We'll try it.
If you want.
Okay.
But you can walk it.
I'm ready to go.
Let's go.
Okay, let's go.
Am I taking this bike or not?
Yeah, take the bike.
I'm gonna ride it down a hill.
That...
That's what Jack just said.
Please don't do that.
None of the hills are very big.
They'll be fine.
Okay.
You can just go.
Somehow there's room without those training wheels.
They're huge.
Very big training wheels.
They're for off-roading.
And we go to the cafe.
Okay.
All right.
So we're gonna go in and find this guy and ask him about the book.
You guys coming in too?
Yeah, you guys had milkshakes.
Oh, milkshakes.
Do they have those at the cafe?
I mean a cafe.
Oh yeah, it's a cafe.
It's a cafe, right?
Yeah.
All right.
Yeah.
So let's go in and sit right up at the milkshake counter.
All right.
The door swings open, you know, a nice little bell dings, tune out to your arrival.
There's not too many people inside.
It's not super busy being Halloween.
There's more people on the streets right now.
All the jack-lanterns are lit up.
Leaves have fallen nicely on the sidewalk and the pavement.
Lots of people have candles lit in their windows.
It's pretty cool looking around here.
And the bookstore is decorated similarly.
The bar, the cafe.
There are plenty of seats open for all of you.
Do we see, what's his name?
Jim Timber.
Jim Timber?
Tambor?
Yes, Jim Tambor is at the bar serving people that are there.
Oh, well that's convenient.
Convenient.
Uh, Jim, can I get a chocolate malt milkshake?
What does he sound like?
Hopefully it's been long enough before I forgot.
Yeah, yes.
One?
No, it's gotta be spookier than that.
One!
Two!
Yay, we've got chocolate here.
Whatever my friends want to.
Yes, we can, I can do, oh boy, I can't keep up with that spooky accent anymore today.
I've tried all day to be in the spirit, but it is just difficult.
Oh, I thought you sounded different.
Yes, it's the frog in my throat and just trying to do this accent all day has really
ruined my pipes.
Huh, well I'm sorry to hear that.
So milkshake for you and what for your friends?
Strawberry malt.
Alright, I'll have a peanut butter milkshake.
Okay.
Uh, I'll have a chocolate malt too.
Okay.
Billy, what do you want?
Uh, chocolate malt.
Yeah, that sounds good.
No, peanut butter like Danny.
Yeah, I'll go with the peanut butter.
Okay, I'll go with the peanut butter.
Ah, alright then.
Um, a bunch of milkshakes.
Go ahead, have a seat, have a seat.
Wait, it'll take me a few minutes.
Hey Jim, while I have you here, I found this book.
I'm always here.
You don't have me.
Okay, well anyway, I found this book.
Oh, yes, and he's not looking yet.
He's like continuing to make milkshakes.
There's lots of books.
Is it a good one?
Well, I think it's yours.
Mine?
And I was just curious about it.
Oh.
He turns around and sets your milkshake down.
Do you sell them in the book?
Yes.
Oh.
Oh, where did you find this?
Oh, just out in the woods.
In the woods?
My book out in the woods?
Hey, I found it where I found it.
Anyway, I was wondering if you could tell me about this Neolithic...
The Neolithic era?
Yes.
Well, um...
Neo-Neo-Neo-Imhotep?
Neo-Imhotep?
Yes.
The Egyptian pharaoh?
Yes.
Neo-Neo-Neo...
The new Egyptian pharaoh?
I'm gonna flip to the page and point to the words.
Oh, Neolotetep.
Mm-hmm.
Ah, yes.
Yes, he is a elder god of sorts in the Lovecraftian universe.
Lots of things have been written about him.
He's called the Creeping Chaos.
Very, very spooky.
Very spooky.
You know what?
Why don't you just give the book back to me?
And that's probably all you'll need to know.
Is this one of the books that you sell at the bookstore?
Because I haven't seen this one on your shelf.
No, this one's not for sale, which is strange why it's not where I left it.
Where did you leave it?
Because we did find it in the woods.
How would it have gotten there?
Make a charm roll.
I mean, it sounds like finder's key.
Of a ten.
Oh, I got a six.
And a four.
All right.
Well, my stepdaughter had it last I knew.
What she was doing in the woods with it, I don't know.
Oh, would I know this is her stepdad?
Is it?
What's her name?
Tammy's stepdad?
Yes, did not know until this moment that it was Tammy's stepdad.
Such an irresponsible child.
Why don't you just give me that book back?
I'm going to pull it closer to me.
Oh, who's your stepdaughter?
My stepdaughter?
Oh, that's a good question.
She's my stepdaughter.
Oh, yeah, you probably don't know her.
And he reaches and tries to grab the book from across the bar.
No, I've already pulled it back.
Okay, he reaches all the way across the bar to try to grab it.
Oh my God, don't touch me.
Oh my God.
God.
Oh my God.
It's inappropriate.
I barely know you.
You're so much older than me.
Well, yes, but you've stolen my goods.
I didn't steal anything.
I found this.
Okay, but it's still mine, so I'm entitled to have it back.
I think finder's keepers.
I'm going to roll the charm.
20.
Fuck.
Okay, you can't keep it.
You can give it back to me, but I'll tell you anything you want to know about it.
What was your stepdaughter doing with it?
That's a good question, one I don't know the answer to, I'm sure.
When did she borrow it?
Well, it'd have to be in the last few days.
I read this one pretty often.
What's your favorite article in it?
Or section or chapter?
What's your favorite chapter?
Oh, they're all good.
You know, how can one judge who's the best outer God or elder God?
You know, they're all fascinating in their own right.
What's your favorite H.P. Lovecraft story in the book?
Sir, ignore them.
There's a few very good ones.
You should try reading.
I like that.
I like At the Mountains of Madness.
That's a good one.
Do you, 11-year-old child?
11-year-old child reading horror.
Or, you know, I know which version of the Mountains of Madness you've read, little, little...
If I could just interrupt, are there any gods that are related to frogs or have any relation?
In many of the Lovecraftian type stories, it's said that there are different distinct races of people that have been intermingled with.
Some are called fish people, some are called frog people.
It kind of depends on how versed you are at the local ecology to really know if they're fish or frogs.
But they're all over the place in there.
Have you ever been to Innsmouth?
They're all fishy smelling up there.
Do you guys know what he's talking about?
I don't know anything anymore.
Where's your stepdaughter now?
Probably at work.
Where does she work?
In town here. Just in town here.
You guys would probably know her. You guys go to school together.
Okay. So who is your stepdaughter? What's her name?
Her name is Tammy.
Tammy Garfield?
You know what? Oh, look, new customers. New customers. I have to go. Please leave the book on the counter before you go.
I am in desperate need of that book.
And he walks away.
And I'm going to put the book, tuck it in.
Should we take our milkshakes and leave?
Yes. Immediately.
Guys, he was so, so shook up about us bringing that book up. He didn't, he didn't ever collect the money for milkshakes.
Yeah. Why was he so scared?
Yeah, we should go.
We should go.
Let's just go.
We shuffle out.
Forgot to charge us.
Yeah. And robbery is with a weapon. So.
It's more like shoplifting.
That's bird livery.
Dine and dash.
Mm hmm.
It was complimentary because of our, you know, cool, friendly conversation.
It was our, it was our treat for trick or treating. And now that we've morally justified this.
Oh yeah. So are we going trick or treating now?
I heard the candy train starts here.
That's what you said, Andy.
I said no such thing about a train, but you guys can go off trick or treating.
What do you say, boys? Do we get started?
I unfurl my pillowcase. Let's go.
We still got a while before the dance. What time is it?
Yeah, I don't know what time it is.
It was like 4 30 when you guys left the house. So yeah, it's got to be after five.
Should we just walk along with them and make sure they don't get into trouble?
Yeah, I guess we should make sure they don't get kidnapped by frogs.
Billy pulls out a contractor bag.
I'm ready. I'm ready too.
Let's get the goods.
Roll that up a little bit first.
No, it's dragging.
It's dragging.
Dragging behind him.
When he gets a hold of it, you can just put your bag right behind it.
Finders keepers that.
This is a thick boy.
So where should we go trick or treating first?
Probably the residential area.
That's where they're going to have the candy, I'm sure.
That's all the way down.
You have to hit all the stores in town too.
Can you drive us?
Why don't we walk around town first before everything closes for the night so you can get candy?
Yeah.
Okay, yeah, we'll walk down Main Street, hit all the stores, and that'll bring us to the residential area.
And then we'll change our costumes at the end of the residential area.
And we're going back.
And hit them on the way back.
That works.
Right.
And you guys can go to the dance and we'll be trick or treating.
Yeah.
By the time we go to the end of the residential area, it'll be time to go to the dance.
Yep.
Sounds good.
And we'll meet you after our second round through.
Okay.
Ready, Billy?
Yeah, I'm ready.
You ready, Josh?
I'm ready.
I pulled out my Bat Guy mask.
Let's go.
Where do we go?
We've got to hit the fortune teller.
Do you think she's got candy?
I bet she has full-sized bars.
And she's right next to the hotel.
We can't go to the hotel.
We already ate all their candy.
The caribou lodge is right across the street.
You think caribous have anything?
Old people don't usually have good candy.
They're the kind of people that give out apples.
You don't want to work there.
Or money.
To the fortune teller.
Okay.
And then kids on Halloween, the three of us bolt across the street.
Without looking.
Straight to the fortune teller while these guys just go, ha!
Exactly that, yeah.
Okay.
You get to the fortune teller shop.
Griselda's door sign is switched to open.
It's pretty dark inside, though.
Not any darker than it was before.
It's not eerily dark or anything.
Just Halloween dark.
And she gets in and she says, oh!
Hello!
Hello, hello!
Little ones, what can I do for you?
Trick or treat.
Oh, are you going to trick me?
No.
Well, where's the steaks then?
Where's the high steaks of the game?
Where's the treats then?
Ah!
And she turns around and she has a plate of hand dipped candy apples.
I've made these myself.
Thanks.
You're welcome.
I grab one.
Put them in your bag.
Grab one as well.
It's not wrapped in plastic or anything.
It's going to get stuck in my bag.
They are wrapped straight back.
Okay.
That's what I thought.
The most obnoxious thing ever.
They're just sticky.
Shit.
You should eat them now.
Get wadded up in a pillowcase.
I was going to, but it just seems like it was unnecessary.
Thank you.
Have a wonderful spooky night.
You too.
All right.
Have you seen any frog people?
What's that, dear?
Have you seen any frog people?
I saw a frog running past the hotel earlier today.
Okay.
So just the one.
Nope.
He was followed by a tin man and a boy that looked like this kid.
How strange.
As she points to Billy.
And a cat runs through the back of her shop.
Oh boy, a cat.
And Billy runs into the house.
What is happening?
What is happening, dear?
Billy.
Oh God.
Sorry.
Billy.
Billy, come back.
I'm sorry.
Next time on Tales from the Crit.
Yeah, but I don't know if I want to break into their house.
His eyes just go really wide and his hands just start to glow and he just melts through the bike.
See, we are part of a group of like-minded individuals who are interested in maybe, you know, changing how the town functions and works and who is in charge of the world.
As you get closer, you can hear some chanting going on in a language that you guys don't recognize and the light is pulsating out of the floor.
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What did I say the stepdaughter's name was?
Tammy.
God damn it.
Why?
It should be Jan, but I read Tommy wrong.
I think you might have said Jan the very first time and I was like, wait, Tammy, I guess we're going with Tammy now.
We've been with Tammy for a long time.
I think Jan was just the very, very first time that you said it.
You're like Jan.
I was like Jan is not a name I'm familiar with yet.
Who is this?