Welcome to Tales from the Crit Season 3. Bigger,
badder, and stickier. By joining us today, you
have been officially upgraded to Crit Cat status.
So, welcome to the club. Tales from the Crit
is an actual play podcast where we focus on smaller
story arcs from some of your favorite RPGs, as
well as some of the less known or obscure ones.
We also play some highly narrative tabletop board
games and also some micro RPGs. All of those
feature a revolving cast of players, so you're
going to see a lot of variety there. And as always,
I am your host and your Crit Keeper, Riley Groves.
We're so glad to have you here with us today.
Now let's get into the episode. Content warnings
can be found in the description. you Welcome
back to Tales from the Crit. I am at the table
with my good friends, A .K. Tim. Howdy. And Connor.
Hello, hello, hello. They are reprising their
roles as Raekwon Starks, Spuddy Spud Buddy, and
Dave, the double stack, here on today's episode
where we're going to continue playing Wendy's
Feast of Legends. I'm excited. I'm excited. That's
good. Somebody else is. Solid. Good job. Before
we get started there, before we jump back in,
I've got three cards in front of me, and I'm
going to give you guys the choice to pick if
you want to answer about your past, your present,
or your companions. Not individually. Everybody
decide on one, and we'll ask the same question
to the whole group. Past, present, or companions?
Yes. Present. Yeah, I think present is also my...
My vote. All right. Let's do present. It's like
a gift. All right. This question is about your
present. What is something about yourself that
you are sure will never change? Us or our characters?
Your characters. Nobody cares about us as people.
They only care about the Wendy's characters that
we are portraying. Well, Dave knows that he will
never change and never sacrifice the way of the
fresh, never frozen beef. It will be fresh always
for him. Can't stand frozen. That's why I don't
trust the Frosties, because that's a little bit
too close to frozen for Dave. Okay. I think that
Spuddy will never truly be able to not enjoy
the flavor of his own kind. Okay. I think we
all knew that. Yeah, I kind of fucked up, but...
Alright. Raekwon Starks will never... not be
the man and he will always cry by himself okay
he will he is he is a very strong man who only
cries by himself to help reinforce the image
of how strong he is yes nice okay very strange
all right let's go over the buffs that we got
from today So Connor brought everybody's Wendy's
order with them. So everybody is going to get
advantage on their rolls today. It should actually
be only attack rolls that you get advantage on.
Nope, that makes sense. So we're going to change
that from last time because went back, re -read
the rules for like the third time, you know,
made more sense of them. But with that, let's
see, who had a Baconator or you had Baconator
fries? No, you had a Baconator. Baconator fries.
Who had one? I had a double cheeseburger. You're
going to gain a plus one to your strength for
the day. Nice. AK, you had a chicken item, right?
Yeah, chicken nuggets. All right, you're going
to get a plus one to your arcana for the day.
Cool. That's good for you. Connor, what did you
have? I had a double stack and some fries and...
chicken nuggets okay you get a plus one to your
strength plus one to your arcana and a plus one
to your intelligence and because connor also
bought me wendy's uh i had some nuggies and fries
and i will give everybody an additional plus
one arcana and an additional plus one intelligence
for the day as well because i am a kind and benevolent
gm and i appreciate snackies We needed to have
the full experience, you know? Absolutely. There's
nothing in here for treating your GM well. And
so I wanted to give you guys all that. And one
additional, I'm going to give everybody a luck
point today. And this has nothing to do with
Wendy's Feast of Legends. This is just my own
New Year's gift. And the way that luck point
is going to work, you can use it after you roll.
Claim that you want to use it. I'll give you
my favorite luck coin. And you either succeed
with a triumph or fail with a big whoops. So
those are the stakes for that as well. So that
is on the table. Hopefully you guys won't need
any of that. You'll just roll really well and
win. And win and not die. That's the plan. Because
we were really close last time. So let's avoid
that. Definitely going to avoid that. Okay. That's
why we added less snacks. Yeah, we're actually
going to jump right back into the adventure.
defeated a grumble and two hunger pangs and we're
able to take a rest i believe you guys had a
feast and you guys just recovered all your hp
but we do still find ourselves in the middle
of the french fry forest we stopped for our feast
in like a clearing is there only one way out
of this clearing As you guys are sitting there
after you defeated the grumble, there does seem
to be a part of the wall that opens up similar
to how every other part of this maze of plants
has acted. It presents you with one opening.
The only other, I guess it would be entrance,
but it's actually, yeah, it was the one you guys
came through. The stone door that is all covered
in vines, so there is only one way out. It closed
back up after we came in. Yeah, did not let you
back out. That's good. And the forest was like,
okay, they're done eating now. Here's the way
forward. It's almost as if the forest really
wants your help. Especially Spuddy's. All of
Spuddy's buddies. At no point did I think that
this was something asking for help. It really
felt more like an attack. Due to all the attacks.
We're being forced into all of these battles.
The forest is sending the wrong message. That's
all I'm saying. Well, now that we are feeling
nice and rested, it is probably time for us to
move further along. Agreed. I agree as well.
We should proceed through the newest clearing
here, down the path. As you head down the path,
it feels familiar, yet different. The leaves
and the branches continue to writhe around you
as you walk, and about 20 feet ahead, to the
right of the party, Yeah, to the right of you
guys is another stone door. The inscription here
simply reads, absolutely no entry. Beyond that,
the path continues and curves out of sight to
the left. Let's go through the door. Should we
try and go through this door? We push on the
door. You push on the door and you hear a slight
hum, but nothing happens. We should have knocked.
I knock on the door. Nothing happens. Was it
the sound of a creature humming or more of a
mechanical hum? More like an arcane hum. Hmm.
Hmm. Well, this is certainly a new sound for
us. It seems much more intricate than some of
these wild beasts that we have had to fight.
I agree. It does sound much different than the
pangs of hunger that we've been. experiencing
thus far. Should we try more forcefully with
the door? Or should we proceed on? We should
check for traps. Poke it with a stick or something.
I'm going to extend my spatula out and try more
to push the door further open. Yeah, nothing
happens. Okay. I think we need to breach it.
Maybe we should just go on. The absolutely no
entry sign kind of blinks three times in red.
Oh. Well, I have always appreciated a good sign.
Perhaps we should just keep walking. You guys
want to keep walking? All right. Well, this door
is not going to budge, so let's just proceed
on a little bit. Beyond that door, the path continues
for about 30 more feet, then it begins to curve
sharply to the left before straightening out.
There are multiple side rooms on the path ahead,
alternating sides about every 20 feet. So we
can check each door as we come to it, or we can
just try to move on through and hope nothing
comes out of those doors. I say we just run wildly
right into the first door with abandon. Recklessly.
All right. You run into the first room recklessly,
and it's on your right, and it's fairly empty,
actually, and just features a long, dead tree.
And the tree has a hole in the side of it. Is
the tree very long and dead, or has it been dead
for a long time? It is long dead. Long dash dead.
It has been dead for a very long time. Dead for
a long time. Okay. Might be long, too, and thick,
but dead. Okay. To the tree. Well. This might
actually be one of our best plans ever. I think
that we should rush blindly once more. Into the
hole of the tree. We were so intimidating, the
tree had just died a long time ago. It never
saw us coming. Someone stick their appendage
in the, their hand in the hole in the tree. I'll
do it. We'll reach in. Upon further inspection,
Raekwon, you find four gold coins in the tree.
What is it with all this free stuff that's just
in places it should never be? It's the forest's
collection, and it's, you know, bringing it to
us to encourage us to keep moving forward. Oh.
Sorry to keep running into these bad guys, but
here's some lost change. Okay. I can get behind
this idea. All right, we must move on to the
second room. Should we use the same tactic? Might
as well. Way ahead of you. He's just running.
All right, you run into the next room. And similarly,
there's a dead tree standing in the middle of
this room again with a hole in the side of it.
All right, my turn. And I put my hand in the
hole. All right, you reach in and you feel something
papery. I look into the hole. Your French fried
hand is grasping onto what looks to be an old
note. I pull the note out. You read it. It's
nearly, wow, illegible. It's nearly illegible
and reads, he lies. Wow, he lies ahead. He is
ready. He is hungry. Oh, no. Oh, I read said
letter. Maybe we adjust protocol for room number
three. Agreed. That sounds good. We can be cautious
on this side. It worked out good twice in a row.
Scary note. Sounds like we should be more cautious.
Very foreboding. We gently approach the next
door. All right. The next room is on the right
and is about 20 feet further down from the one
you're at. And as you approach, you hear shuffling
and a familiar snarl. So before we get to the
door. Flashbang. I get down on the ground and
I'm like, you know, crawling forward and just
stick my head so I can just see around the corner
of the door. You peer around the corner and.
Looking back at you is two hunger pangs who rush
out the door. Everybody give me initiative rolls,
please. Ooh. That's a two. I just completely
did not roll in the dice thing I asked for earlier.
I got a 12. 11. Ooh. Oh, wait. I was supposed
to add something to that, aren't I? Not to initiative.
Oh, bummer. The first pang runs straight out
the door and tries to take off your head. However,
Dave, it completely misses, and it comes stumbling
out of the doorway, tripping into the hallway
in front of the whole party. Spuddy, you're the
next one to react. What do you do? Okay. Dave's
still on the ground? I mean, yeah, as much as
he was before. So kind of just splayed out. All
right. Spuddy's going to grab his feet and just
like full on just try to rip him back from the
doorway. Just like slide him right behind him
on the ground. Okay. Get him out of the way.
Sure, you can just do that. Cool. I do that.
Okay. Just rip him away real quick. We'll call
that your action. You still have a bonus action
if you want to, you know. Help him to his feet.
Okay. You are now standing. Good moves, Spuddy.
Raekwon, you're the next one to react. You just
saw this. creature fly out and then your buddy
Spuddy helped out. Dave, what are you going to
do? I'm going to throw my knife at him. At Dave?
At Dave. And Spuddy. I had a clear shot. What
are you doing? I didn't think you'd stand up.
Alright, roll a d20. With advantage of the first
attack roll of the game, so make sure you're
taking advantage for your Wendy's feasting earlier.
Six. Six is your highest? Yes. All right. You
throw your knife down and it goes clambering
down the forest floor past the pang. The second
pang comes around the corner of the door and
attempts to snatch Dave with its jaws, but it
misses, gnashing wildly. So now both pangs are
in the hallway with the three of you. And Dave,
it's finally your turn. All right, I'm going
to hand Raekwon my spoon. Here you go. Okay,
call that a bonus action. I'm going to attack
the closest hunger pang with my spatula. That's
a 14. A 14 definitely hits. Don't forget to add
your plus one because you are proficient with
your spatula. Yep, yeah. I don't add the strength
to that roll, right? Like if I have a plus one
to strength, that just is my normal strength
thing. I thought you rolled with strength, too.
Is that not right? Because you attack with grace
when you're throwing weapons. Yeah. Yeah, it
would be... Plus strength, right? Special type
heavy. Yeah, I'm definitely assuming strength.
I believe that's what we did last time. Okay,
well, I have a plus three to strength right now
because of that Wendy's. Feels right. Okay, yeah,
because the strength number gives you the bonus,
and you add the bonus to the rolls. Okay, yeah,
so then it's a 17. Sorry. No worries. Okay. Did
you include that plus one for the day's strength
of the day? Yes. Okay. That's why I had to do
a little more math. I was like, wait a minute.
I got all these pluses written on this sheet.
All right, a 17 definitely hits. Okay. Oh, shit,
I forgot. I need a d10. So that's one damage.
And the spatula doesn't do D10 plus one? It's
just one? Just one D10. Awesome. Okay. It was
on the seven and then rolled down to the one.
You kind of just like pat this hunger pang with
your spatula. It really doesn't do too much.
It seems relatively unfazed. However, it takes
the opportunity to attack back at you. Does a
16 beat your AC? Yes. One of these pangs jumps
onto your arm and gnashes down with his jaws
doing 4 HP damage. What a jerk. Spuddy buddy.
All right, I'm going to turn to the one next
to me and try to drive a toothpick into its ribs.
It's a 16. Is there something I'm adding to that
or no? First roll? Yeah, it'd be strength if
you're stabbing it. Oh, okay, 19. All right,
you also have advantage. So if you did want to
try for that... Nat 20? Nat 20, you can. 16 again.
All right, so that's another 19. So roll your
damage. Oh, it went out of the thing. It sure
did. Wouldn't matter, though. Nope, it's a one.
Okay, and you're stabbing the one that just bit
Dave or the other one? Are they both right next
to me? I thought they were just... Yeah, they're
both right there now. One's just hanging on to
Dave. Yeah, I'm going to stab that one. Okay.
And two attacks. That one has taken an extremely
small amount of damage. The other one remains
unharmed. Raekwon, it's up to you, man. What
are you doing? How far away is my knife? It's
probably a good five, ten feet past the hunger
pangs. But you do have Dave's spoon as well.
Don't forget. I can throw that. I think you can
throw it. The spoon is throwable, yes. Yeah.
That's what I'm going to do. All right. Don't
forget to add your grace to your roll. 12. All
right. Plus your grace. Did you add that? Yeah.
All right. On a 12, a 12 is a hit. So you throw
the spoon. How much damage does the spoon do,
Connor? 1d4. All right. 2. And which one are
you aiming for? The one that has been hit, yeah.
That's a three, actually. Most damage with the
spoon. Yeah, single most damage done so far this
session, so great job. All right, you hit this
one with the spoon, and you send it back a couple
feet. It's pretty much right next to your knife
now and a few feet away from Dave and Spuddy.
And it comes rushing down the hallway. Does a
nine beat either Dave or Spuddy's AC? negative
i finally gotta say it where on the paperwork
is where's the ac because i've been trying to
find it's defense it should be like almost on
the second from the bottom defense is ac yeah
sorry i forgot to call the right thing your defense
okay what's your defense no that's great that
means i am remembering it correctly i just forgot
which words wendy's changed uh so i have a 13
plus one Okay, so you definitely don't get hit.
So this other Pang that just got hit with a spoon
comes charging down, missing both of you guys,
and is actually really close back to you now,
Raekwon. And it's Dave's turn. If I turn around
to hit the one that's coming at Raekwon, am I
going to get cheap -shotted? No, it's pretty
close. Okay. Then I'm going to turn to strike
that one with my spatula. It's a 21. uh 21 definitely
hits uh for sure i get feast mode for that you
know it doesn't feel like you should i also agree
that it doesn't feel like although it also feels
cheap to be like oh i got above a 20 so no okay
well i still rolled a zero so that's 10 damage
all right 10 damage to the one that just ran
by you to the one that ran towards rayquan When
that zero came up, I was like, how? No. Why does
it do no damage? You spin with this other one
still attached to your arm, and you smoke the
one running down the hallway completely, and
it dies and crumples up at Raekwon's feet, just
kind of sliding in and touching his little tiptoes.
And it is out of initiative, so that makes it
Spuddy's turn. All right, so there's still one
that's like right next to me. Yeah, it's still
on Connor's arm. Or not Connor. It's still on
Dave's arm. He's just spinning around with it.
Being a real beef barbarian. I'm going to try
to stick it again. Nine. You have advantage.
Oh, every time? Yeah, yeah. That was a good day.
Thirteen. Thirteen hits. Awesome. One. I hate
these toothpicks so much. They are not the highest
damage doing. So this, you guys are really poking
away at this one hunger pang. Literally. If we
get to when, when, not if. I am getting a new
weapon as soon as we get to a store. Raekwon,
it is your turn. I'm going to run over and get
my knife and pick up my spoon. Toss it to Connor.
Or Dave, rather. You're going to toss it to him?
Yeah, that's his. Okay. So that'll be your bonus
action. You can still take a regular action.
We'll just say you used your movement. All right.
Up. And then I'll try to throw a knife at the
nearest hunger pang. Okay, the only one that's
left is attached to Dave. So do it, do it. Yeah,
I'm going to try to throw a knife at him. He's
got advantage. What's the worst that could happen?
You'd be surprised. Eight. An eight. With your
pluses for grace? Nine. You send this knife,
and with Dave swinging wildly with this pang
still attached to him, your knife goes whizzing
right by him and sticks into the branches right
by his head, and his eyes go pretty wide, not
expecting a knife to be thrown. But then he calms
down a little because this is obviously something
that has happened in the past between all of
you guys. Does a 15 beat your defense? My defense
is a 15. Tie goes to the hitter. Tie goes to
the runner. Is that how we've done it? I can't
remember. I also can't remember. I think so.
Yeah, offense. Okay. Yeah, we'll do it that way.
That way, you know, it works out for you guys
too. Not in this moment, though, as the hunger
pang clamps down even harder, doing another three
damage to your arm. Another three damage? Yep.
It is just hanging on there. Chewing the life
out of you. It really is. So is it my turn now?
It is your turn. All right. Thanks, Raekwon.
I'm going to grab his knife out of the wall,
and I'm going to try to stab this hunger pang
with it. I rolled a 12. A 12 is successful. Okay.
And that's a d4 for damage for the knife. Yes.
That's a two. The most damage done to this pang
so far. And after five hits, it still has over
half its health. So then since I grabbed the
knife with my one hand, I still have the spatula
and the other one. Can I come down with my two
beef patties and attack again? You can attack
with a spatula. You have two -handed fighting,
so. Yeah. All right. So now we're going with
the spatula. It's another dirty over 20. Okay.
19. And one damage. Come on. Okay. Yeah, this
thing is still holding on. Spotty, it's your
turn. All right. I am going to take my toothpick
and try to jab it through its foot into the ground.
Nine. You jab your toothpick into the ground,
but are unable to secure the Pang's foot along
with it. Dave, hold him. He is moving. He's really
squirmy. You guys keep almost hitting me with
your weapons. Raekwon. Jeez, I don't think I
have any weapons. Just come headbutt it. Yeah,
sure. Full running sprint, body slam it. Try
to give it the people's elbow. Okay. Run up behind
you, get on your hands and knees, and I'm going
to just push it over you. 17. 17 is successful.
Table it. An unarmed attack does one damage.
Yeah, it does one. Can I grab my knife out of
the pang? Yeah, definitely. We'll call that as
your bonus action so you do have it in your hand.
Oh, God, it's going to go again. It's still clamped
onto your arm. 17, beat your defense. Oh, yeah.
Okay. The hunger pang clamps down further with
its jaws, doing another five damage to your arm.
Rendered almost completely useless, I think,
at this point. But it is your turn. These pangs
are really putting up quite a fight. Panging
my ass. Yeah, so I'm going to take my spatula
and try and use it to just chop this thing off
of the grip it has on my arm. Let's hope that
you do. Let us hope. I got a 16. 16 hits. Okay,
come on, not a 1. Guess what? It's a 1. All right.
Does someone have another D10 I can borrow? Yeah.
All right. Buddy going into the fifth round of
combat against these two pangs. All right. I'm
going to pull my toothpick out of the ground
and try again with a 19. Sticking with that 19.
Okay. Two. Finally, you do enough damage to have
this hunger pang release Dave's arm, and it hits
the ground and tries to scurry down the hallway
the direction that you guys did not come from.
But it is Raekwon's turn. I'm going to try to
hit it again with my knife. Back of the head.
Let's see it. I'm going to aim for his butthole.
Okay. Hit that balloon knot. Eighteen. Eighteen
is a hit. Let's see if you can take this thing
out. Four. Two. Luckily, two is enough, and you've
finally hit this hunger pang right in the old
chocolate starfish as it goes running down the
hallway, and it tumbles. And you can see just
from a bunch of small wounds, it's kind of bleeding
all over the place, and it lets out its final
groan as its life leaves its body. You, like,
paper -coated it to death. Really did. It's got
the most, like, ones. I rolled one every time
at that one. You guys took nine hits to take
out something that had 12 HP. That's three full
round of confidence. God damn. That's beautiful.
Yeah. It does not really give me so much hope
about the future of this game, but you guys are
clear of danger at this moment. That was a close
one there, Dave. It really was. I barely got
any of this left arm left. It's just flopping
at my side. You guys don't have anything for
your health, right? Besides stopping and taking
another snack or meal. There are specialty items.
There are. Does that count as a full meal? Or
is that like a health potion? It's more like
a health potion. So the specialty items you can
use in combat, take a short rest or a long meal
or whatever, a feast. You don't have to consume
anything. That just happens. But there's like
three items, right, that act as health potions.
lemonade strawberry lemonade chicken nuggets
okay um did offer last time the way that our
inventory system works you guys just spend gold
that you have and remove one of your check marks
i think i don't remember how many i gave you
guys five five um so you could burn an inventory
slot and some gold to grab some of those things
or pull them out of your pack if you wish if
not then um you guys just tell me what you want
to do Connor, do you need a specialty item? Or
we could do a short rest and just... I mean,
I have one HP left. Yeah, we have to do something.
Do we want it to be an item or the other one?
I have 24 gold, so I could buy... You know, I
could have a strawberry lemonade. Let me roll
1d12. I'll get a 1 again. New house rule. We
re -roll 1s on health potion. because that just
sucks. That's benevolent. I'm in a good mood
today. How are your guys' health? Nobody else
took any damage. Okay. I'm just going to take
the 10. Nice scratch on me. And the check mark
off. So we'll take one of those off. You did
most of the work on that one. I was just like,
ah, miss. Ah, kind of hit you. Ah. Okay. So I'm
going to roll a d12. This one has 12 sides. And
I got 10. All right. I can live with that. Okay.
Literally. Well, that was a much tougher skirmish
than I had anticipated. Yes, especially considering
that we just woke up. Gold, gold, almost dead.
Yeah, not too great. We should investigate the
room that they came from. Perhaps there is another
note. That is a good idea. We collect our weapons
from the floor that we may have thrown or lost
and proceed into the room that these things came
out of. You walk in and you see two adorable
little hunger pang nests where they must have
been curled up taking a little snooze before
they were awoken by three fools running down
the hallway yelling at trees before. I kick the
nest. One gold piece comes tumbling out of one
of the nests. Nice. I stomp on the other nest.
Repeatedly. You hear the agonizing screams of
several baby hunger packs. It's what they deserve.
Coincidentally, that part is not in the Wendy's
Feast of Legends story. But it still happened.
No lemonade dispensers in here, unfortunately.
Funny thing about the French fry forest. Very
few anything dispensers inside. With that, where
are you guys headed? We're headed home. We're
done. Hey, you guys leave. The whole thing is
doomed. All right. So we got two more. Two more
doors left or one more door left that we can
see? 20 feet up on the left, right? There is
one more door 20 feet up on the left. And then
about 25 feet down past that, there's another
door on the right. All right. So as we approach
this door on the left, I'm going to use my spatula.
As we approach it quietly. Before we get there,
I'm going to take the head off of one of these
hunger pangs with my spatula. And I'm going to...
Should I launch it into the door? It was my plan.
I love this idea. Okay. We're either asserting
dominance or they're going to want to kill us
because we murdered their dad or something. Yeah.
You know, that'll cloud their judgment. So yeah,
I get up close to the door and just kind of sidearm
his head through it. All right. You hear the
head make a squishy kind of hollowish thud as
it hits something in the middle of this room.
But you don't hear any other noises past that.
No shuffling, no groaning, no moaning, no anything.
Well, I proceed to stand in place at the ready
with my spatula for much longer than seems necessary.
Just waiting for something to come out. I'll
take lead on this one. I'll crawl down and just
pop a french fry into my way forward to see if
I can see anything. As you inchworm. Like an
inchworm. As you inchworm your way into... Being
able to see into this room. There's just a lone
tree stump sitting in the center of this room.
It's another long dead tree. Okay, that's good.
I help Spuddy up. Thank you. Well, I guess we
can go investigate this stump. This one's just
a stump, no tree. This is just a stump, no tree.
Oh. I could really take a seat. Dave proceeds
to go in and make sure there's no spikes on top
of the tree and sits down if it's safe. All right,
you sit down after investigating and seeing those
spikes sticking up out of the tree. You do see
that kind of stuck in the stump's edge is a small
metal triangle. Two of the edges are smooth,
while one of them is pretty jagged. I wonder
if this is the piece from that sign back in town
that was missing a corner. You're talking about
cutting corners. It does look like that's exactly
what it is. Well, I'm going to pick that up and
put it in my satchel. All right. If this is what
you think it is, how did it end up all the way
out here? That is a good question. Maybe we'll
find the answer further down this hallway. Maybe
it is him, that thing that waits for us. He was
so hungry he tried to eat part of the sign. After
we spend another 10 or 12 minutes in here while
I chain smoke cigarettes, we proceed down the
hallway. All right. Another 25 feet down the
path, it leads to a second door on the right.
This room, this is actually the third door on
the right. I don't know why it says second. Leads
to a third door on the right. This room, unlike
the others, contains a large clearing roughly
150 feet across. There are four tall ancient
trees standing in a square around the circle,
like the natural pillars of nature's great hall.
As the last of the party members enter, the forest
seals the door shut behind you guys, similar
to how it has acted every other time you've moved
from one section of this forest to another. A
breeze picks up and blasts through the room,
shaking leaves and branches around you. The great
beast, Hunger, whose magic now controls this
forest, swoops down on frayed and weary wings.
The beast has two large, curved horns upon its
head, and its eyes are sewn shut. Though it sees
perfectly, it reeks the stench of desperation.
You guys should roll initiative right now. Nat
20. What a waste. Nat 19. A 7. With a loud snarl,
this gigantic hunger comes flying down into the
three of you and lands right before it smashes
into you. Spuddy, you react quicker than anybody
else and take the first attack. So it's right
in front of us? It is. Yeah, you can get to it
pretty quickly. A few steps away. Okay. I am
going to move to flank. Well, I'm going to move
to its left -hand side so that we're not all
in one easy -to -hit group. I'm going to kind
of just try to spread out, and I'm going to move
over and then throw my toothpick. Okay. Make
me an attack roll. All right. Is that the one
I take advantage on? Yes. Hell yeah, brother!
That's a nine. All right, here we go. 16 plus
one, 17. I'm going to launch my toothpick. All
right, let's see it. A two! All right. All right,
you throw the first of your toothpicks. You do
have several. I believe you had four toothpicks
before because we said they were like javelins.
You launch the first one and you stick it into
the side of this hunger. Hell yeah. Oh, this
is straight up hunger. No, this is the big boy.
But it is your turn, Raekwon. You reacted faster
than the hunger as well. So it is your turn to
do whatever it is that you're going to do. I'm
going to give myself some distance from the hunger
within a good 50 feet. Okay. Or however far I
can run away. And then I'm going to throw a knife
at it. You can move about 25 feet. All right,
so I'm going to move 25 feet away. Okay. Seven.
Eight. That's your highest? Yes. All right. You
send your knife spiraling through the air, and
you watch it clang between this hunger's feet,
so it's almost sitting directly under his stomach
at the moment. Love it. We're going to have a
chat later with maybe Raekwon hasn't found the
weapon that suits him best. We're all going shopping.
I know you really, really... like the throwing
knife but maybe one that stays in your hands
will be better or we could put a rope around
it with Raekwon and Spuddy running in opposite
directions around this thing and oh no and Spuddy
hitting it with the javelin it turns directing
its attention towards Spuddy. However, in doing
so, one of its large wingtips comes and swipes
at you, Dave, beating your defense with an 18.
I believe. 18 definitely beats my defense. Does
1d12 plus 1 wing damage with its wing swipe.
I rolled a 10. It hits you pretty dramatically
with this wing, hurling your body closer to Spuddy,
and it does 11 damage to you as you crumple up
at Spuddy's feet. And are now, I believe, at
zero HP, correct? Oh, yes. I'm at zero now. All
right. You are technically unconscious. Unconscious.
There goes our meat shield. Dave! Gurgle. I think
he's hungry. Can I use my luck point to, like,
try and dodge that? Do you have dodge as a...
No. I'm trying to look at if there's, like, saving
throws. Without ducking, dipping, or diving?
Can I do any of those? Dodge, duck, dip, dive,
or dodge? If he's near you, you should pick up
his bat first. Oh, this is a great call, actually,
yeah. yeah dave scenes it is your turn there
are no rules listed in here that i can find about
making saving throws how do you feel about making
saving throws i mean i can i can i can try and
say all right um so here's we'll use the dnd
rules for that so go ahead and roll a d20 we'll
say above an 11 or higher that's a success a
10 or lower that's a failure so um yeah here
we go it's an 11 All right, you've got one towards...
The 14. Oh, nice. Even better. You'll have one
towards recovery. We should call this the heat
lamp roll. Just making sure you don't get cold.
That's right. Under the heat lamp. Let's see
if the heat lamp's benevolence warmth brings
you back to life. Spuddy! You get to do something.
All right, so this dragon is looking at me now.
Yes. And your buddy just crumpled up at your
feet. All right. I would like to scoop up the
spatula and charge in to stab the hunger. All
right. It is a two -handed weapon, so you're
going to use plus strength. I've got a plus three
to strength right now. All right. All right,
that's an 18. An 18 is successful. 21 is definitely
successful, and that's a 1d12. Damage, is that
right? Ten. Ten. Ten. All right. There's still
hope. Take your d10 back. That's a six. It would
have taken me six turns to do that much damage.
Yeah, I mean, if I gave you mine, mine's only
rolling zeros and ones. That first one's great.
Does it make a fire? Yeah, I'm curious about
the math. Anyway, not getting sidetracked. Cool.
All right. Yeah, you dive in. We'll even say
you do a nice flourish -y roll where you duck
and dodge and then stand up and stab it. And
it lets out a pretty good shout as you stab into
its side. Or, like, make purchase somewhere in
its torso. Cool. Raekwon, what are you doing?
I don't know. I'm going to run away. Just doing
laps around the clearing. Taking a defensive
posture. Okay. How far do you want to run? I
want to kind of get to Dave and try to smack
him awake. Right on. So I could say, or we could
do it so that your action could be to run as
well as your movement. So you can make it and
have a bit of a bonus action. I don't know what
you're going to do on that, but... You can do
something. So you can make it to Dave. Okay.
I'm making it to Dave. Okay. You look down. Dave
is crumpled and seems to be fighting for his
life laying on the ground at your feet. I'm just
going to lay down behind him. You begin to spoon
Dave. Start pulling his body over yours. He automatically
loses his next saving throw. Sorry. You're not
supposed to move them. Can't wear his clan battle
armor, but I can. Is that what you're really
doing? Yes. All right. I'm going to hide behind
him. Okay. All right. You were hiding behind
him, which makes it. Actually, I don't know if
I have any items to help him out with. You have
money, though. Yeah. And I don't think you've
used anything from your inventory. Throw the
money at the hunger. Take it all you bastard.
Everything stops, it just starts dancing real
slowly. Yeah, I got 14 gold and a nug. A golden
nug. Yeah, a golden nug. The golden nug's like
solid gold, so... I mean, if you force it down
his throat, he'll probably choke to death. But
the other thing, if you wanted to spend money
and take one off your inventory, you can say
you have any of the special items. As health
potions or any other item that you can think
of, really. You just have to spend the equivalent
amount of gold. Okay. Is there, like, a revive?
There's a lemonade, a strawberry lemonade, and
chicken nuggets. Any of those will bring him
back because they'll give him additional health.
I'll get a strawberry lemonade. How much does
that cost, Connor? Ten gold. Ten. Let's do it.
All right. And how much HP does that bring back?
One D12. Yep. Okay. All right. You forget about
this nice sealed strawberry lemonade you had
in your satchel, and you pop the top off and
begin dumping it down Dave's throat. Dave, for
a moment, you're like looking back and forth
between two paths, one light, one dark, when
suddenly you begin to choke on a fluid. It's
kind of warm and rather sticky, but then you
taste the... immediately recognizable flavor
of something sweet rather than salty, and you
realize that someone's dumping a delicious strawberry
lemonade down your mouth. Please recover 1d12
HP. That's a 10! Alright. Life comes flooding
back into your eyes, and you realize that Raekwon
is half -hugging you, half -pouring liquid. into
your throat while you lay on the floor. Thank
you, Raekwon. Good to see your eyes again, Dave.
I don't know what happened. I was over there
before. Then things just went dark. You went
flying. He hit you with your wing. With his wing.
A chicken wing? A chicken hunger wing. You guys
watch as the hunger gnashes at Spuddy. Spuddy,
does a 12 beat your defense? No. You sidestep
as this giant blinded creature comes and its
jaws snap loudly right where you used to be standing,
but you're able to pivot off to the side. Dave,
it's your turn. You realize also you have no
weapon in your hand anymore as your spatula is
missing. Well, I've still got this spoon. This
buddy has my spatula, right? Yeah. Are you close?
He is right next to the hunger. Okay. So I'm
going to run up to the hunger and spoon it. It's
okay, big guy. Get in here. You want to be the
big one or the little one? That is a natural
20. Beast mode. Beast mode with the spoon. Let's
do it. How much does the spoon do? Welcome back,
D. 1d4. Alright, so you automatically do 4. Plus
one. All right. Five damage. You come up and
you smack the spoon into the hunger. And now
it looks back and forth. You guys can tell that
it can see you even through its eyes that are
sewn shut. And you are standing at the front
line with your buddy Dave holding your spoon
while he thrashes at it with your spatula. And
speaking of Spuddy's turn, it is your turn, Spuddy.
And you're elated to see Dave run up next to
you, even though he's only got his offhand weapon.
Yes. Very excited for that. I've already been
doing it, so I'm just going to swing at this
hunger again. I'm going to, again, kind of try
to step to the side a little bit so that we're
not right on top of each other. I'm going to
swing with that spatula. Okay. 19 plus 3. Keeping
that 19 plus 3, another 21. All right. 19 plus
3 is 22. Yes, it is. But both hit. Oh, I rolled
the wrong one. I rolled a d4. Get out of here.
Let's get some high numbers. All right, a 4.
Okay. You drive the spatula into this hunger
side again, and some black ichor comes spewing
out, covering you. It's pretty salty. Honestly,
so I can't say that you don't enjoy the taste.
Ooh. But it does howl up into the sky. Raekwon,
standing in the back, you have the next opportunity.
All right. I need to gather my weapon, wherever
that thing is. It is still underneath the hunger.
Never mind, then. I'm just going to... Is Dave
still kind of in front of me? They're both up
with the hunger now. You're kind of like, we'll
say, 15 feet behind them. I'm going to run another
25 feet away. Okay. I'm going to go, hey, over
here, hunger, hey. All right. Whistle at it.
Look at me. I look tasty. Okay. Go ahead and
make me a charm roll. This is to attract its
attention. 15. Yeah, Raycon is working it. Okay.
You definitely succeed in getting the hunger's
attention as it looks directly at you, and it
lets out a loud growl when it does. It flaps
its wings twice and leaps away from both Dave
and Spuddy and comes flying towards you. Oh,
it didn't mean to roll twice, but the 18 it rolled
the first time was probably enough. Does an 18
beat your defense? Yes. It flies, and it kind
of does a really sick aerial maneuver that catches
your attention. You're like, oh man, what's it
doing? And its jaws come right around you, snatching
you up, doing five damage. Okay. And it carries
you up into the sky for a moment before dropping
you, and you hit the ground near your friends
and take another damage. Just one more? Just
one more. Okay. So six total. Down to two. Dave.
Getting pretty stressed. Yeah. Is it in the air
still, or did it land? We'll say after it dropped
Raekwon, it landed right next to the three of
you again. Okay. Spuddy, can I have that spatula
back? Yes. All right. I'm going to have the spatula
in one hand and my spoon in the other hand. And
I'm going to try and swipe at it with the spatula
first. I got a 23. Yeah, that'll definitely hit.
And that's three damage there. And then I'm going
to come around with the spoon. And that is a
feast mode with the spoon. All right. And that
does another five damage. With these two hits,
more of this fluid comes flying out of the hunger
and kind of starts spraying all three of you.
It feels gross, and it lets out another loud
roar after you do a significant amount of damage
to it. It's Buddy. Buddy. All right. I would
like to put a toothpick in each hand. Just run
and jump and try to just right in the back step
step. I don't believe you have two -handed fighting.
Oh, no, I don't. You don't. So you can do it
with one. Oh, I have that other thing that says
I can do whatever. You can wield whatever. Fuck.
Okay, that's fine. I can do whatever. I can do,
you know, whatever. I knew it was close to whatever.
Okay, then I'm just gonna grab it with both hands
and try to... Stab it in the back. All right,
so add your strength. 17 plus 3, 20. Okay. We're
gonna stick with that one. All right. A three.
I'm gonna hold on. You're holding on to it. I'm
holding on. Okay. I want to try to stab it again
my next turn. But with one. Nice. Would that
work if I'm holding on with one? I'm not, I've
already done the attack. The second one is doing
the attack. Yeah. It's more of a hand perch at
this point. Yeah, I would definitely allow that.
Nice. When you jump into it and stab it, it falters
and takes several steps to the side as the impact
actually did a pretty good amount of damage to
it. And this hunger is looking relatively weak
at the moment. Oh, in that case, I'd like to
really try to like make sure I'm doing as much
internal like fuckery as possible. You know,
just like really. Churn some butter in there.
Yeah, jumping up and down on that. Put all my
body weight on it. All right. Raekwon. Am I still
weaponless? I believe I am. You landed really
close to your knife, actually. So it is where
the hunger used to be. So you could probably
scramble and get it at this point. Is there some
of his salty blood around me? It is. Yeah. I
mean, it's on you. It's around you. There's a
lot of it. Kind of like dip my knife into the
salty blood and aim for his eyeball. I don't
know what it'll do, but let's see it. Okay. Its
eyes are sewn shut, so who knows what it'll do.
Plus grace. Grace, 12. You throw your knife,
and it goes clanging into the hunger's horns
and kind of droops down its face, and it rolls
close back to you, but doesn't seem to do any
damage. As you're holding on to the hunger spud,
It begins to fly up into the air and it goes
up very high and then comes straight down, launching
itself at both Dave and Raekwon, who are still
on the ground. Can I cheap shot it when it tries
to fly away? Turn its back on me. Go for it.
Do I add my pluses to that? That's a normal attack,
yeah. Yeah, it's a 22. Okay, that hits. And does
three damage. You hit it as it's going up into
the air, and this last hit seems to have thrown
it off balance. It looks pretty wobbly as it
goes high up and comes crashing down, and it's
just completely off the mark, and it misses.
both you and Raekwon, as it hits the ground,
doing nine damage to itself as it crumples into
the ground. You're going to take half that spuddy
as you just came down from an extremely high
height. So you're going to round up to five damage
as you come crashing down to the ground as well.
However, it lands with a sickening crunch and
all of its movement stops at that point and it
lets out a last bit of noxious gas. out into
the air that floats slowly up into the atmosphere.
And you see the last breaths taken by this hunger
as it lays in the ground. Just made it. That
was ghastly and certainly not fresh. Do you smell
that? What's coming out of it? That was frozen.
At some point. It... That first hit, really,
I didn't even see it. All of a sudden, I was
just on the ground. It was scary. I'm glad I
revived you. You helped a lot. I'm also very
glad. Very appreciative. Thank you, Raekwon.
Yeah, of course. I really owe you. Did you notice
that it tastes a lot like tamari? Never met her.
Upon defeating hunger, a strong wind blows from
every direction, making the forest a swirl of
leaves and branches. All sensations become overwhelming
and confusing for just a moment, and then you
find yourselves back out at the entrance of the
French Fry Forest. Only now it's as it has always
been, a forest full of trees and potato plants.
You all have a strange feeling that very little
time has actually passed since you first entered
the forest. I felt like we were walking for a
long time. Did we actually go anywhere? Like,
how are we back here again? At least we can get
back to the city easily. Seemed like so much
happened, but no time has passed. As you guys
sit there and ponder what has just transpired,
you feel stronger. You feel more in tune with
your bodies. Go ahead and level up to level two.
Let's see what that gives everybody. Baconator
Fries. That's you, Tim, right? Yes. Buddy's a
Baconator Fry? Mm -hmm. All right. At level two,
you gain Snack Time, which is a passive effect,
and you add plus one to your attack rolls on
projectile or thrown weapons. Oh, cool. So you're
going to be able to keep that going all the time,
forever and ever. That's awesome. Dave, you are
a double stack, right? Yep. Level 2, you get
the skill Combo Buddies, which is also a passive
skill. At any point a teammate is within 10 feet
of you, both you and the teammate gain plus 1
on strength -saving rolls. The plus 1 does not
stack with multiple teammates. And Raekwon, as
part of the Order of the Asiago Ranch Chicken
Club, correct? Mm -hmm. You gain the skill Team
Crispy. On an Arcana check of 15 or more, you
are the source of your team's new thick skin.
All teammates within 10 feet of you for the next
three turns will gain a plus 2 boost to their
defense and a resistance to all non -magical
damage. I'm sorry, what did we get again? If
he completes an Arcana check of 15 or more...
All teammates within 10 feet of him for the next
three turns will gain a plus two boost to their
defense and a resistance to all non -magical
damage. All non -magical. That's crazy. Yeah.
So that's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah, that's awesome.
Just doing what Lorraine taught me. Lorraine
was a good woman. Or was she? I don't know. I
thought that was the right thing to say. But
with that, that is where we're going to end.
today's session. Congratulations, guys. I really
thought that I was going to murder the shit out
of you. It was close. It was pretty close. I
was scared. I was scared for you. You weren't
doing so hot. However, it did take an entire
turn less to kill the main boss than it did those
two hunger pangs. So I really think that fight
was a good warm -up for you guys. It was a good
test before you took on something much larger.
And great job defeating such... A fantastic foe.
Yeah, that was actually very scary. Didn't like
that. That was impressive. Scary, but impressive.
I'm impressed. Taking up the spatula was a huge
boon for the team. Good job, Spuddy. Yep. Good
job. We need to buy him his own now. I think
that gets an MVP award. You're charging in there.
Another luck point for you on the next session.
Most valuable potato. You are the MVP of our
hearts. I forgot about the luck. Spuddy. It's
all right. We're going to carry that into next
session because we're going to record that right
now. So, but you guys won't hear that for a couple
of weeks. So until then, we will see you next,
next Tuesday. All right. Bye -bye. That's weird.
Nope. That was me. And they see your head and
stomp on it immediately. They're right there.
You stare up at the giant foot. What's your max
HP? Eight. Oh my gosh. How much health do you
have? Eleven. Guys, I think this is going to
be the last episode of Wendy's Feast of Life.