Welcome to Tales from the Crit Season 3. Bigger,
badder, and stickier. By joining us today, you
have been officially upgraded to Crit Cat status.
So, welcome to the club. Tales from the Crit
is an actual play podcast where we focus on smaller
story arcs from some of your favorite RPGs, as
well as some of the less known or obscure ones.
We also play some highly narrative tabletop board
games and also some micro RPGs. All of those
feature a revolving cast of players, so you're
going to see a lot of variety there. And as always,
I am your host and your Crit Keeper, Riley Groves.
We're so glad to have you here with us today.
Now let's get into the episode. Content warnings
can be found in the description. Thank you. Welcome
back to Tales from the Crit. I am the Crit Keeper,
and we are continuing our adventure in the Wendy's
Feast of Legends RPG. So at the table, as Raekwon
Starks, I have AK. Hello. As Spuddy, I have Tim.
Hidey -ho there, neighbor. And as Dave, I have
Connor. Hey, hey, hey, everybody. Awesome. I
know we're super excited to get back into it
because this has been pretty fun so far. But
before we do that, let's answer a question from
our ultimate RPG campfire deck. This question
is about your companions. What assumption did
you make about one of your companions when you
first met them? I learned quickly that Rezan
did not have an eating disability, but simply
the morality to eat leftovers. Rezan? Raekwon.
All right. Raekwon or Dave? You thought that
I was food when we first met. That's what I was
thinking. I was like, I didn't think that Spuds
was sentient when we first met. All right. I'm
the one that gave him that scar. I thought Spuds
was just a tasty treat when I first found him.
A safe assumption, honestly. When I first saw
Dave, I didn't... I think he's going to be so
nimble and agile. Okay. You thought he was just
a regular old beef burying. Yeah. It's a hunk
of junk. Hunk of meat, rather. Oh. All right.
Meaty hunk. There we go. Let's land on that one.
Perfect. All right. Without further ado, then,
let's get into it. Feeling better after my plus
one health from that snack. I'm going to raise
my spatula as I walk into this room. Okay, it
feels eerily similar to the last room you were
in. Go ahead and make me an initiative roll,
as as soon as you get into this room, one of
these hunger pangs lets out a little squeal and
charges at the party. Oh, man. The rest of you
can roll initiative as well. I got a 14, unless
that's a 19. No, it's definitely a 14, okay.
A three! Do I get advantage on... It said all
rolls, right? Alright, let's do it. Let's see
it. Yep, same number. Oh, I have an advantage
for my next roll. That's great. With this count,
I thought it was for battle. It is for battle.
Fuck. This hunger pang reaches out and latches
right onto your side as you startled it walking
into this chamber. It does five bite damage to
you, my dude. Nice. All right, that's great.
It is your turn, however, after that, and you
have this hunger pang just like dangling from
your side. All right, well, I'm going to try
and shake him off and eat him with a spatula.
You're going to bleed out. You never want to
remove the piercing item. Oh, Dave. Dave. The
spatula is so greasy. I got a big oops. Drop
it again. Get a different die. This is a different
die. Stick with the same die. I don't know. All
right. You swat the hunger pang with the spatula
and it lets go of your side and very quickly
grabs onto your arm. It is now holding the spatula
in its own hands and is flailing about with it
in its mouth. It is going to use your spatula
to attack in its next turn. Do I get a plus one
for when I'm using weapons that I'm skilled with
to my, like, d20 roll? You do. However, a one's
always a one. Okay, that's what I thought. So
apologies on that. The big oops is the big oops.
Yep. That's what I think. Oh, no. God damn it.
All right. Listen, I am running this exactly
as written by Wendy's. These things do seem a
little beefier than your typical level one. I
mean, hunger pains are dangerous. They are. You
should always keep those away with a nice $5
biggie bag. Get it at your local Wendy's. Thanks
for sponsoring us. Wink, wink. Seriously, though,
can we get those black cards that we just swipe
it at Wendy's anytime we want for a year and
we get the Wendy's, please? That'd be so sweet.
Maybe if we win. Raekwon, you're up next. What
you doing? Gonna try to throw my knife at one.
There is only one. Oh, at the only one then.
Nine. Plus grace? I don't think it is a grace.
It's throwing, so it should be grace. So ten.
Ah, cool. You throw your knife again at this
hunger pang, and it goes clambering into the
room. Spuds. Spuddy. Buddy. I'm going to grab
that javelin. I'm going to charge. Charge. Hey,
wait. You get it. I know. I'm just thinking about
all your rolls. 17. 17 does hit. Plus 118. Plus
18. Nice. Roll a d4 for damage. Thank God for
advantage. Three. Right before Spuddy stabs it
with his javelin, you see a knife fly into this
hunger pang from out of nowhere. Spuddy, it is
now your turn. I continue thrusting my javelin
into the hunger pain. What'd you roll? I rolled
a 13. 13 hits. I got a 3. Sweet. Nice hit. You're
down to 1 HP. Is this right? This is correct,
yes. Oh, Lord. Spuddy, this hunger pang after
you have thrusted so hard into it comes flailing,
its head whipping. Dave's spatula all around
doesn't 18 beat your defense. Oh, yes. And what
does that do for damage, Dave? 1d10, you know,
when wielded in a hand. Like a beefy hand? A
beefy hand. Well, this is not a beefy hand. This
is a hungry hand. This spatula smacks you, Spuddy,
and sends you against the wall, hitting you for
five damage. Oh, God. Ow. And Dave, it is now
your turn. All right. Well, I'm going to try
and throw this spoon at him, I guess. No, I'm
going to try and attack by hand with a spoon.
What's your grace bonus? Well, actually, I get
a plus two to grace. Oh, that's not bad. Yeah,
for sure. We'll throw the spoon. All right. It's
a 16. 16 hits. All right. That's a two. All right,
you guys do have this thing on the ropes. Raekwon.
Oh, actually, you can... I don't have any other
weapons. No, because you're not doing anything.
And I threw it. All right, Raekwon, it is your
turn. Am I able to... grab my knife back out
of the creature give me a grace roll um just
of a 12 to grab it out because this thing is
now flailing around i will say after it got hit
stabbed and bashed um it did drop its spatula
out of its mouth as well 12 All right. Yes, you're
able to pull your knife out of this thing. I
will say that it's taken most of your movement
up to move up to it and pull it out. Okay. But
you do have your knife in hand. You can still
do an action as well. Can I retreat again a little
bit? Most of your movement's moved up. Okay.
Used up. Moved up. Used up. You can move your
hand forward with the knife into the hunger pang.
I can stab it with a knife? Oh, yeah. Okay. I'm
going to try to do that then. All right. This
will be your strength then this time. 14. All
right. Don't forget. No, no, no. Minus one. 12.
You get advantage also on all your rolls. So
keep getting that. Yeah. So 12, 13. All right.
Both of those hit. So go ahead and roll me a
D4. Three. It squeals as you stab this knife
into it and it like collapses onto its hind legs,
but it's still gnashing at everybody. Spuddy,
it is your turn. You stabbed it with the knife
in your hand? Yeah. Spuddy grabs onto Raekwon's
hand and thrusts the knife deeper and says, Let's
finish this. All right, since the knife's already
in there, go ahead and roll with advantage. It's
a nat 20. It's a nat 20. Feast mode! And a three.
So doing seven damage, you just plunge this knife
straight through, and you kind of guide Raekwon's
hand into this creature, and the knife just pierces
straight through, and the two of you are just
holding hands inside this dead animal, this dead
hunger pang. I look over, and I give him a wink,
and I lick some of his cheese off a little bit.
You're so funny, Raekwon. We did good. We did
good. Good job, Spud. You're my bud. Thank you,
Raekwon. I don't know what the big meat guy was
doing the whole time, but... I didn't eat enough
before we came into this forest, guys. I've just
been off my game. It's not Dave's fault. He had
a restless sleep last night. Well, he didn't
finish his meal either. But that makes you happy,
doesn't it, Raekwon? You can finish it for him.
It is one of your simple soul truths. But he's
mad that I didn't finish it, though. We are working
on this, yes, Raekwon? As long as you keep the
licks down, I will work on it. I am good. I have
been keeping them down. In front of you. That's
why you're always the last one to fall asleep.
It is true. I will do better. So will I. Pick
my spatula up and wrap some tape around it and
tape it into my hand. Like that kid in Little
Giants. Stick them all over him. Alright, heading...
back out of this room because there's nothing
of consequence in here um there is only the path
behind you which is sealed and the path ahead
which curves uh suddenly to the right um and
it once again feels like the the force is kind
of pushing you forward um where it wants you
to go the path is just like changing just little
by little as we walk forward at least we will
never have to ask for directions Until we return
home. Should we try to feast? I know Dave could
use some feasting. It would be a good time for
a feast. I could always eat. Especially right
now. Let me try to build a fire to keep us safe.
20. 20? Alright. Yeah, you make a large fire
in here and everybody's not... It's really dark
just for the listeners. It's a gold text inside
of a shiny golden red color. It's really hard
to read those numbers with the lighting we currently
have. Yeah, we don't have bright lights in here.
We keep it to a minimum. You can turn on that
light, though, if you want. 16? Yep. I'm like
80 % sure. All right. Plus two, so an 18. On
an 18, you make a good fire, you guys will be
protected. So go ahead and have your full meal
and recover all of your HP. It does take some
time, but you guys are pretty undaunted here.
You did say it was evening when you were at the
festival, so it is getting into it. Getting into
the nighttime, I'd say. However, the forest feels
almost magically... win. So it's not hard to
see in here. You guys all done feasting? Yeah.
Almost. Almost. Finish your meal this time. I'm
going to eat every last fry. And all the wrappers
can get thrown in the fire. Perfectly acceptable.
Much, much, much. Buddy sits way too close to
the fire. As always. Alright. As you guys finish
up the path in front of you continues to curve
however as you make your way down you can see
another large stone door in front of you and
another chamber off to your left ah ah ah we
have learned our lesson uh spuddy is gonna take
like a rock from outside and just kinda huck
it through the doorway nothing happens as you
huck this Rock into the doorway. No sounds. Nothing.
That was weird. That is not normal. Nor are you.
What? Nothing, nothing. I said, oh, look at my
shoe. Oh, there are two of them. I've never thought
about not having feet before until looking at
your shoes. Same. Strangely, we've come across.
I still love you, little spud. Do we enter? Yes.
It's just an open room. It's not like a door,
right? Correct. I will pull out this torch that
I have and toss it through the open doorway,
perhaps illuminating what is inside. Okay. If
you're pulling out a torch, go ahead and take
one. Checkmark off your sheet to indicate an
item being used, and a torch costs one gold,
so go ahead and remove that from your ten total.
You throw the torch into the room, and you hear
it clunk against another piece of wood in here,
and it is illuminating a small cut stump, and
there seems to be a cup or something sitting
on top of it. Well, this is where we could have
had our meal right in here and use this as a
table. In front of the Goblet of Dave. It is
curious that the torch made the sound, but not
the rock. Hmm. I think the rock landed in that
patch of moss over there. Very muffled. Oh, yes.
I will go get it. Is there anything in this cup?
You go over to the cup? Yep. The cup is filled
with gold coins. Ooh. Guys, this cup is filled
with gold coins. Get out of here. Let's back
up a little bit and throw the rock at it. I have
heard of this tale from my people. You should
find something approximately the weight of the
cup's gold, like a pile of nuggets, according
to legend. It is nuggets. And then switch them
very carefully. That does sound better than just
trying to knock the cup over with a rock, which
is what I was thinking. Who's got the highest
grace? Mine is a 13 plus 2. 12 plus 1. Yeah,
mine's 10. So plus 1. All right, so me? It's
the beefy boy. He's the most graceful. This is
crazy. While not proven, it is statistically
true. I believe in you, Dave. Okay, so I'm going
to take the rock that was thrown into the room.
I haven't lifted up the cup yet, but this seems
about the same weight, so we'll give it a try.
They never did talk about that part in the legends.
Well, yeah, I'm going to walk over. And I'm going
to investigate the cup really closely, and then
I'm going to really quickly just grab it and
put this rock down in its place. All right. Just
give me a d20 roll. Go ahead and add your grace.
I rolled a 13, plus 2 is 15. You very deftly
grab this cup with one hand and replace it with
a rock. Mm -hmm. Yep. With the other, like seamlessly
transitioning. And you now have a cup full of
gold coins in your hand. Wonderful. Great job,
Dave. Excellent. You can add 15 gold to your
total. This was a good lesson for you, Dave.
It certainly was. Sometimes, you know, you don't
just throw the rock. It seems that you are much
more productive. when there are not hunger pains
around. This is true. The hunger pangs, they,
you know, they really take it out of you and
make me feel fatigued. Like I just don't have
the energy to swing my spatula around. This is
a shame. I wish this cup was full of some delicious
beverage, but gold coins, you know, will be good
when we get somewhere we can spend them. And
then, yeah, I should probably just continue down
that path. Oh, I'll look around the rest of the
room. Is there anything aside from this stump?
Yeah. All right, cool. No, not really. All right.
It seems like it's time to go. Okay. You come
across a second large stone door, and as you
walk up to it, a stone tray slides out. On the
tray is a stone frosty with what seems to be
a stone spoon and a stone carton of french fries.
An inscription on the door appears. Dip one,
but choose wisely. Oh, this is the thing of nightmares.
You do not put the fry in a frosty. So I think
we should dip the spoon then. Yes. As you approach
the door, all of a sudden, two women with otherworldly
auras interrupt you and stand between you and
the door. The name's tea, the first one says.
That name's only for me, and that's the tea,
the second says. Forgive her, she's unsweet,
and that's the tea, the first retorts. How rude
of her to be this unsweet, and that's the tea,
the second claps back. The inscription on the
door changes and slowly spells out. Before you
stand sweet tea and unsweet tea, one always truthful,
one always giving falsehoods. Ask either of them
one question to decide which to dip. The right
choice allows you to move on. The wrong choice
leads to regret. Well, first we should obviously
talk about the elephant in the room. You have
sweetened tea. And then just tea as you cannot
unsweeten tea. So kill the one on the left. Yeah,
we need to ask Sweet Tea a question. But what
question? You know, no matter how many times
I read this or see the whole thing about how
it's very easy to do this, I never pay enough
attention, remember? Yeah. I'm like, I feel like
this is one of those common things. Don't you
ask one what the other one would say? It doesn't
seem like it's one of those one's telling the
truth and one's lying. It seems like they're
both just saying, I'm telling the truth. So we've
got Tea and Sweet Tea. One of them always lies.
They always lie? One always tells falsehoods.
Okay. The other always tells truths. Okay. Oh,
is it asking questions? We can only ask one?
One question. To both of them, or do we have
to pick one to ask? You may ask either of them
one question. So we ask if he's a basket of fries,
or if this is a spoon in our hand, or something
like that. If one always lies and tells the truth.
But then we just know which one is the liar,
which one tells the truth doesn't help us know
which thing to dip. But I guess we've already
decided we aren't going to dip the fries. We
do know not to offend. The right thing to dip
is the spoon. That's integrated into the rule.
It can't be the fry. What are we, heathens? I
don't know what the question to be with. Oh,
we should start sawing. the frosty in half and
the real sweet tea will say stop that's the wrong
thing to do and the regular tea will say of course
you could do that it's just chocolate i'm gonna
ask one of them i'll ask tea what the other one
would say if i asked them what to dip in to the
frosty I'm going to, before I say that, I'm going
to conference with my comrades and say, this
is all I can think of to ask. What do you guys
think? So you'll ask both of the Ts. You can
only ask one question. So I'm going to ask one
of the Ts what the other one would say the answer
to the question is. But how will you find out
the difference if you only ask one? We can only
ask one of them one question. One question. Would
you stab the other tea if it was unsweetened?
That still doesn't tell you what to dip with.
It just tells you which one tells the truth.
Okay. Okay. So then we ask that question to the
regular tea. Okay. Unsweetened tea. If I ask
the sweet tea what I should dip into. The Frosty,
what would they say? If you ask Sweet Tea what...
What we should dip into the Frosty. What would
be their answer? Okay, so you're asking Sweet
Tea what she would dip into the... I'm asking
Tea what Sweet Tea would say. If that's what
I asked. Is that not the question that I asked
the first time? No, you're good. You're good.
I just want to make sure I understood. She would
tell you to dip the spoon into the Frosty. And
that's the tea. Okay. So if she's telling the
truth that the other one would say the spoon,
then that would mean that the other one was the
liar and that we should dip the French fries.
But if that one was telling only falsehoods and
they said to dip, the other one would answer
to dip the spoon, then they'd be lying because
it would be to dip the French fries. Is there
a knife too? No, it's just a spoon, a fry, and
a smoothie. Oh, sorry. I put that there. I will
take it back. They said that she would say to
dip the spoon. Yes. Okay. So if she's telling
the truth, you should use the spoon. If she's
lying, then you would use french fries. Is that
where you came out to? So I asked one of them
what the other one would use or would say to
use. And that one said that... They would say
to use the spoon. So I think we have to use the
French fries. Because if she's telling the truth,
then the other one is a liar and would say the
spoon. To trick us. To trick us. But if she's
the liar, she'd be telling, she'd say the spoon,
then the other one would tell you the spoon.
Because she can't tell the truth. So it means
the first one definitely wants it to be French
fries. Yeah, that's the only answer, I believe.
Spuds, um... Turn away. Look over here. There's
something. Did you see this back here in the
wall? I thought there was a really weird plant
inscription over here. Oh. It smelled a little
salty. I thought you might enjoy it. Oh, there
is the salt. I sneak over and dip the french
fry in there real quick. Oh, the salt. Love the
salt. The door slides open and these two women
with the otherworldly auras disappear as the
forest in front of you unfolds. However, behind
you, the vines begin to push you further into
this hallway. The vines are pushing! Hopefully
you use the spoon. Now we are inside. That was
very good of you. Thank you for the salt, Dave.
You're very welcome. I'm glad I remembered it
at the right time. All right. So you dip that
spoon in the Frosty and the doors opened up and
we're going to walk through. Since I'm still
full of hit points from our nice feast, I will
take the lead. I will be in the back. I will
be on the left. I will always travel a little
further behind you guys. And we begin to gradually
make our way down. The pathway. All right. And
as you do, after about 10 feet, the path splits
once again, and there is a chamber in front of
you. In the middle of the forks? Yes. So there's
a chamber ahead of you. To the left is another
stone door, and then there is a pathway down
to the right that has a 90 -degree turn in it
that you can't see where it leads to. I feel
compelled to check every chamber we come across.
Yes. I agree. It seems that the most success
we have had was to throw in a rock and a torch.
And I throw a rock into the chamber as hard as
I can. Okay. Nope. I might not have ever even
had a rock in my hand. You throw a rock and you
just hear it like sail off. Into the forest.
You went right over that whole room. Just poof.
I was just testing out the rock. It's a shame.
It was a good rock. But now it is gone. I approach
the entryway to this chamber from kind of the
side and peek my head around in. It's a small
room covered by forest, just like the others
that you have encountered. But in the center
of the room, there's a small chicken nugget container
sitting on a pedestal. Oh, snap, guys. There's
some nuggets in here, I think. Oh, did I tell
you about the legends in the village that I grew
up in? where you take a cup filled with something
very similar in size, and then you swap them
very quickly. You have told us this legend. I
think that we should try this legend. Let me
find you a rock. Okay. I think we can maybe just
investigate a little closer. I don't think we
needed the rock last time. Dave, I found you
this rock. Oh, okay. Well, since you've got one.
All right, Dave, make me an intelligence check.
I ain't got it. 19 plus one. All right. Holding
this rock and walking up to the pedestal. You're
a pretty smart guy, so observing it, you know
there is no reason to put this rock on this pedestal.
This is just a thing of chicken nuggets. But
as you're looking in, there are, in fact, four
nuggets made of gold inside of this container.
Oh, my God, guys. It's gold nuggets. We can't
eat these. They're not very nutritious. Hold
on to them and sell them. We can take the nuggets,
though. That's true. Do you guys each want to
hold on to one, or should I just leave them in
the little case they're in? I say we'll take
one and you take two, since you discovered. I
will take a nugget. Thank you, Dave. Two gold
nugs. I've got a golden nugget. However, that
is the only thing in this chamber. So turning
around, you have now a door to your right and
a hallway to your left that takes a pretty sharp
turn that you can't see down. I think we should
probably investigate this door before going down
the tunnel more. Like it could just be a room
behind it, but if it's not a room and it's another
long tunnel, then one of you guys has to make
that decision. Is it a wooden door or a stone
door? It is the third stone door. So we can't
light it on fire. Are there any inscriptions
on this door? As you walk up to the door, you
notice that it has a small circular indentation.
The inscription on the door reads, A head have
I, and indeed a tail, though a body I doth lack.
You should put one of the gold coins into the
hall. Yeah. One of the coins or the nuggets?
Because I got tons of them. A nugget has no head
or tail. It is both and all the other parts of
the chicken ground into one tasty golden morsel.
But a coin has a head and a tail. Ooh, all right.
You're very smart, Spuds. And I put one of these
gold coins in the slot on the door. As soon as
it clicks into place, remove one gold from everything,
the door flies open with great force, and the
forest pushes you forward through the doorway.
Then the vegetation grows quickly behind you,
closing off the path. You find yourselves in
a large, open, circular area, almost like an
ancient campground. The circle is about 150 feet
across, and there seems to be no opening anywhere
on the circle's perimeter. As you walk towards
the center, Three pangs and a creature known
as a grumble emerged from the surrounding woods.
I'm so sorry. I apparently am not as smart as
I thought. At least they didn't surprise us this
time. I mean, they kind of surprised us, but...
If we just stand very still, they may not know
that we are here yet. Everybody roll me a grace
check. Oof. I got an eight. Nine. Eight. Everybody,
roll me an initiative. Five. Three. Fifteen.
What'd you roll for initiative, Dave? A five.
Raekwon? Fifteen. Spuds? A three. Can't believe
I had to pay for us to get into a battle. Right.
Well, they're usually free. Yeah, they didn't
even give you a receipt for the tax bar purposes.
We can't even be business exempt, or tax exempt.
Yeah, Wendy's going to come down on you. The
first of these pangs comes charging into the
three of you, missing each one of you entirely
as it tries to ram the three of you. Raekwon,
you have the next attack. Sweet. All right, I'm
going to try to throw my knife at it. All right.
13. A 13 does hit. Sweet. That's a four so I'm
gonna take it for damage awesome. There's a 12
beat anybody's Defense no another one of these
pangs comes charging into the group and just
kind of bounces off all three of you not really
landing any Significant damage. Well, he's a
fun guy. However, the one behind it comes rushing
in doesn't 18 beat your defense spuds. Yep You
take four points of damage as this Pang rushes
in and knocks your feet from underneath you.
You are on the ground. I don't have feet. That
is right. Just kind of knocks you down. It is
your turn. Mine? However, yes. Okay. Do I have
to do anything separate to get up? Use a bonus
action or something? It does take 50 % of your
movement to get up from being knocked down. I
wouldn't be able to use any sort of that. Whatchamacallit?
That's only when you're disengaging. Grab and
go? Oh, that's not a... Yeah, that's when you're
currently in battle and trying to run away. Okay.
So it knocked me over. Is it still there? Can
I attack from the ground? Sure. Alright, I'm
gonna jab up. Stab up with my javelin. Okay,
let's see it. Whoopsie. Big whoops. Big whoopsie.
That's a now one. Yeah, this toothpick breaks
in your hand. You're going to take... Your bonus
action is going to be grabbing a new one next
time, and you're still on the ground. So you're
going to take disadvantage on your next attack
roll. Hey, Dave, will you throw me my knife,
possibly? Or toss, I guess. I think I can do
that. Is that a free action I can take, throwing
him his knife? It is. On your turn, it definitely
will be. Okay. I can't quite reach it right now.
I'm trying my best. The grumble moves forward,
its giant tongue lashing about. From inside its
belly, deep within its tainted innards, a cloud
forms, a 20 -foot semicircle radiating from it.
And it's a green and putrid cloud. Everybody
make me an Arcana roll. Damn it. It was an 18,
then it flopped over to a 5. 19 plus 1, 20. 15
plus 2, 17. Nice. Sorry, Dave. 5. I got a 5.
How much HP do you have? 13. Why does this thing
want to kill Connor? I want to kill Connor so
badly. Dave, while the two others in this cloud
are able to prevent themselves from being poisoned,
you're going to take five HP damage from this
poison cloud. You'll have to get out of it to
continue not taking damage. So at the start of
any round that you're in this cloud, if you don't
get out of it, you're going to take damage. Okay.
Make sense? Mm -hmm. Okay. And we're back at
the top of the order. One of these hunger pangs
reaches out and grabs you by the leg. I don't...
Did I go? Did you go? No, I'll lose. I don't
think I went. You didn't go? No. Dave, come on,
man. Oh, I fucked the order up. All right, Dave,
go ahead. You go first. My apologies. You are
at the end of the order anyways. All right. Almost.
I am currently dual winning my spatula and my
spoon. All right. And I'm just going to attack.
This is after the... The poison cloud. Yeah.
Right. So is there a place in the room that is
not in a poison cloud? Yeah. So you guys are
in like 150 foot clearing and there's like a
20 foot semicircle that is encompassing all three
of you right now. But you can get out of it.
There's plenty of spot that's not. Are the hunger
pangs inside the cloud? Yep. Son of a bitch.
Okay. Are they like close to me right now? Yeah,
they're all fairly close. Okay, so I'm going
to attack the hunger pangs. I got a 15. 15 hits.
Okay, so I'm going to attack first with my spatula.
Got a 10. I was like, zero. And then with my
spoon, I'm going to attack the same one. Before
you do that, your spatula comes down and totally
decimates one of these hunger pangs. Oh, okay.
You can hit it again if you'd like. No. But it
is dead. No, I'm going to hit a different one
then. Hit the other pang for a four. Yo, that
blows up, right? If I rolled a four? No, no.
If you roll a 20 to hit. Oh. Sorry. It's a different
exploding than the other. It's the feast mode.
Yeah. Okay. That's fair. But it was a four to
hit. Or a four damage. All right. You do, in
fact, hit another one. And then I'm going to
use my movement. to run out of the gas cloud.
Very important. Now we're back at the top of
the order. Raekwon, does a 13 beat your defense?
Yes, it does. One of these hunger pangs reaches
out, grabbing you by the leg, and is trying to
pull you further into the poison cloud. You are
going to take three bite damage, and it is your
turn. You can also say on a bonus action, That
Dave did toss your knife back to you. Okay. Yeah.
Okay. That's the last thing I could do. I could
still see that poisonous smoke. All right. I'll
throw my knife again. You also are in the poisonous
smoke. Don't forget. So I'm going to get out
of the smoke. Good idea. 17. Definite hit. Two
damage. All right. Awesome. One of the hunger
pangs comes charging. The one you just stabbed
with a knife comes charging out of the gas cloud
headed straight for you. However, you're able
to dance to the side as it goes ramming right
past you and stumbles a bit into the forest floor
after missing. Whoa, that was a close call. Dave,
this is where you should go in the actual turn
order. Okay. Are there any enemies outside of
the smoke? The one that charged me. The one that
charged Raekwon. And technically, the grumble
is also not inside the smoke. It just came from
his wall. Okay. And Raekwon is relatively close
to me. Close enough, yeah. Okay, I'm going to
run over there and try and attack the one that
just attacked him. Okay. Oh, that is a 12 to
hit? 12 hits. Okay, cool. So we're going to smack
down it with the spatula for a 3. All right.
And then with the spoon for a three. All right.
This one's looking pretty quite bad. The other
one is still inside the gas cloud. I killed the
other one. There are three pangs. Oh, three pangs.
One grumble. Shit. Right. That's what I said.
Yeah. Okay. Spuds from inside this gas cloud.
All of a sudden you get. like with a bullwhip.
I am on my grounds. It'd be a disadvantage to
get me all the way down there. Maybe, maybe.
I think it'd be advantageous. Of me, yeah, yeah,
yeah. Of them to be able to hit. Oh no, I'm such
a small target now. This tongue whips, you take
five points of physical damage. And Spuds, it
is now your turn. You are still in this gas.
You just got whipped by a grumble tongue and
you have a hunger pang. Still in this cloud with
you. I know which way to roll for getting out
of the cloud. Sure. All right, cool. I'm just
going to start rolling on the ground heading
toward out of the cloud. All right. We're going
to say to roll around and get out of the cloud
and get up is pretty much going to take your
entire movement. So you're right on the edge
of that cloud outside of it, but on the edge.
I would like to get as far away as possible.
So you turn you. OK, so you could take like a
dash action. I want to get another 25 feet away,
but that would be mostly your entire action.
Sure. Yeah. I'd like to set up on the outside.
All right. Done deal. Okay. The hunger pang that
was in the cloud comes rushing out. However,
it rushes right past you spuds and to no avail.
Raekwon, it is your turn. Do I have my knife
again or no? Probably got to retrieve that. Probably
got to retrieve that. Yeah. Because you threw
it. I forget which one. The one that charged
me, I think. Oh, so it's like there with you.
You can go and get it. Okay, so I'm going to
pick my knife up again. Make me a grace check
for your... 13. 13 does hit. Or doesn't hit.
You are able to pull your knife out, so you have
that in your hand as well. So you can attack
with it. Okay. I'm going to back away a little
bit further, I guess. Okay. And then throw it.
You should maybe stab it and then back away.
Okay. I'm with that. I like that choice. All
right, so I'm going to try to stab this. Don't
stab it and let go of the knife. Hold on to it.
Pull it back out when you run away. Five. Five
is your highest? Yeah. All right. It was a four
and a five. Nice. Yeah, you miss your attack,
unfortunately. And do you try to break off from
this encounter? Yeah. I'm going to back away
anyways. It makes an... Not an attack of opportunity.
What the fuck is it called in here? Cheap shot.
Cheap shot, that's right. At you, gnashing with
its little jaws, and it does another two damage
as it bites onto your leg. Getting pretty hungry
over here, guys. And the other hunger pang is
near spuds. Does an 11 beat your defense spuds?
No. Okay. So it gnashes at you trying to bite
anywhere on your fry body, but it is unable to.
Dave. Okay. I am going to... Is spuds in the
cloud? No, like 25 feet beyond it. Okay. Yeah.
Everybody's out of the cloud. Nobody's in the
cloud currently. Going to go attack. The hunger
pang that's attacking Raekwon. All right. That's
a big oops. Great. I was leading with the spoon
this time. As you rush in, you go to attack,
falling over top of the hunger pang, kind of
just tripping and landing on the ground. It tries
to bite you in retaliation. However, it does
miss. Thank goodness. The grumble rushes through
the cloud. that it has created, heading straight
for Dave and Raekwon. A four misses both of your
guys' defenses, and as you watch, this is definitely
a much bigger creature than the Hunger Pangs,
and its giant jaws clash together. However, it
misses everybody that it was aiming for. You
really got lucky there, guys. Maybe you should
just roll a disadvantage at all ways. Spuds!
Spuddy! all right um that one that just missed
me there is that in my vicinity still like it's
singling me still right there yep it is it is
a pretty much a one -on -one battle with you
at the moment all right i'm gonna go for it with
my javelin try to hit it in the side slow it
down eight uh eight is a miss That's all right.
I got disadvantaged technically anyway, because
I was on the ground and I haven't attacked yet
Yeah, it's that eight all right the grumble that
is still with Raekwon and Dave it looks pretty
bad and it tries to Bite at you Dave for attacking
it however It doesn't beat your defense with
a roll of a 10 and it does try to run past you
and get at least 10 feet away So Dave go ahead
You're on the ground, aren't you? Yeah, you fell.
Yeah, I fell. Big oops. You can attempt to attack
it as it runs away from you. However, you will
roll with disadvantage on that reaction. Yeah,
I didn't make it. Okay. Raekwon. Yes, sir. It
is back to your turn. You currently have a grumble
that has run away from you. Not a grumble. You
have a hunger pang that has run away from you.
You have a grumble standing in front of you.
And your buddy Dave is floundering around on
the ground. Can I try to pick Dave up real quick?
Yeah. All right. Should I roll for that? I'll
call it a bonus action. Okay. I'm going to pick
Dave up. Okay. Thank you. And then... So now
there's a hunger pang near him, right? That knocked
him down? It ran past us. It ran past. He had
tripped over it, and it just ran away. There's
nothing really near me now. There's a grumble.
Oh, the grumble's still there. Yep. All right,
I guess I'm going to try to stab at him. All
right. Grumbly bumbley. Let's see it. Not with
that one. Hopefully with this one. 18. An 18.
19. A 19 is a hit. 18. 18 is a hit. I hate to
die. Well, 17 because it's minus one strength.
All of those hit. Three. Damage. All right. The
hunger pang continues to bite away at you, Spuddy,
trying to rip your fries from your carton, but
failing to do so. It seems the hunger has overtaken
his little mind, and he's just gnashing away,
unable to catch up with you. Oh, thank goodness.
Dave, you are now standing. It is your turn.
All right. I'm going to turn towards this grumble
and see if I can swat him with my spatula and
spoon. Good call. I thought that was another
one. Not much better, though. It's a seven, so
plus two. It's a nine. Nine does not hit. Yeah,
I didn't think so. You guys need to start rolling
better. I'm doing some damage. You're doing good,
yeah. I think you need to slow it down, Riley.
There's three of us and one of you. Someone's
fucking up. Can't be three of us. You see the
grumble's stomach begin to rumble again, and
it belches out this poison cloud. However, none
of you are standing in it. The other one at this
point has dissipated, so this is the only one
that is left in the area. Okay. Spuds. All right,
I'm still going after this one that won't leave
me alone, this annoying hunger pang. You got
it. I'm going to go for the face this time. All
right. I'm going to go for the eye. I'm going
to try to stab it in the eye. 13. A 13 is a hit.
Awesome. A three. All right. A pretty good hit.
It squeals and backs up. It's pretty bloody at
this point, or relatively bloody. It looks like
it's getting weak. And it charges at you. Oh,
man. Biting away just with a pure ferocity. However,
it does roll a one, which is a big oops. So go
ahead and make me an attack or a counterattack,
and you can get advantage on that as well. All
right, 16 first roll and a 5. We're going to
take a 16? 16 is a definite hit. And a 1. All
right, doing some good damage. Raekwon, it's
up to you, buddy. Oh, what do we got left? We
got two pangs and a grumble left still. All right,
aiming them near me? You have your knife plunged
into the grumble at the moment. Oh, okay. I'm
going to rip it back out. And try to stab him
again. All right. That was a nine. And that was
a six. So a nine. A nine does miss. The hunger
pang comes rushing right back at you, Dave, trying
to ram you. And it misses and goes into this
poison cloud and out of sight. Oh, my. Thank
goodness. It's the grumble fumble. Because it
fumbled its move. Fuck. Terrible. Dave, it is
your turn. Fumbler grumbler. Okay. I'm going
to try this really hard to see die. And I'm going
to come at the grumble again. Feast mode. Oh,
shit. With the spatula? With the spatula. All
right. That's what? 10. 10 off the rip. Let's
see another D10. six so that's 16 damage um and
you do wield so go ahead uh what's your other
damage d4 so i get four on that yeah let's let's
do it and another four Called it. In just a moment
of furosity and ultimate feasting, Dave, you
realize that last feast you had is giving you
the momentum that you needed, and you flail away,
hitting with spatula, spoon, and this grumble
takes several steps back as you plunge both into
it for the final time, and it doth die. All right,
and we just got those two... Hunger pangs? ...near
-looking hunger pangs left. Man, I... I knew
a D4 weapon was a bad idea. When you can feast
mode and just start with 10. I can't even get
there on a properly rolled feast mode. I have
an 8 at the max. Your little fry arms can't support
this big spatula. Oh no, you can use all weapons,
right? Mm -hmm. Oh, well then. I have a lot of
arms. You can just allow more for support. Spuds,
it is your turn. Okay. Well, I feel like at this
point he stabs it. It tries to get him back and
it just impales itself further on the toothpick.
So I'm going to kind of fall back a little bit,
trying to kind of get the one end to hit the
ground so that this thing's weight just pierces
itself on the javelin. Okay. I'll give you a
plus one to damage if you have a successful hit.
11. 11 hits. Oh, nice. Okay. oh shit got it oh
four plus one five all right it skewers itself
further on here and it begins to wail and squeal
as it tries to pull itself back we feast and
it's able to pull itself off of your javelin
and then it goes rushing towards the edge of
the woods oh my gosh i feel terrible I was really
hoping that I was just going to kill it and it'd
die and I'd like mortally wound it and it goes
off to die alone. Raekwon? I'm going to try to
throw my knife at the one that's running away.
Or is it just gone now forever? It ran pretty
fast. Okay. There's just one left inside that
poison cloud. All right, I'm going to throw my
knife at him then. Okay. 15. 15. All right, roll
your damage. Three damage. You throw your knife
into this poison cloud, and it skewers this last
hunger pang, and it lets out its last breath
as it collapses into the ground. And after a
few moments, the poison cloud disperses into
the air. Whew. Barely made it out of that one,
guys. The grumble was ferocious with that noxious
gas. It sure was noxious. And I am sure hungry
now. I have not seen the gas like that before.
That was a new one for me as well. A passageway
appears after the beasts of hunger are vanquished.
The battle was your first real challenge, and
stopping for a meal or a snack may prove beneficial.
This does resemble a campsite, after all. However,
that's where we're going to pause for today's
episode. Man, that was the first real battle.
That was... Jeez. What's in the future? Every
battle is kind of tough. I mean, that was real
tough, but that was not easy. No, Wendy's not
pulling her punches. No, she's not. No, she's
not. Yeah, we'll pick it up next time. But until
then, we'll see you next, next Tuesday. That's
it for today's episode. We hope you've enjoyed
listening as much as we've enjoyed playing. If
you have, go run and tell all your friends so
that we can turn as many people into CritCats
as possible. Tales from the Crit is a Wolfbeard
Games audio podcast. And if you like us, please
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page and our YouTube channel. Both of those are
at Tales from the Crit Podcast. All right. Bye
-bye. Oh, shit. I forgot your name. Raekwon.
Raekwon. I was about to say Maison. I was like,
that's not it. God damn it. 20, huh? Yeah. How
much HP do you have? Six. We have such a benevolent
dungeon master, he hurts before we do. Are you
kidding me? This die is amazing. How come I never
roll good when I roll like this?