Welcome to Tales from the Crit Season 3. Bigger,
badder, and stickier. By joining us today, you
have been officially upgraded to Crit Cat status.
So, welcome to the club. Tales from the Crit
is an actual play podcast where we focus on smaller
story arcs from some of your favorite RPGs, as
well as some of the less known or obscure ones.
We also play some highly narrative tabletop board
games and also some micro RPGs. All of those
feature a revolving cast of players, so you're
going to see a lot of variety there. And as always,
I am your host and your Crit Keeper, Riley Groves.
We're so glad to have you here with us today.
Now let's get into the episode. Content warnings
can be found in the description. Welcome back
to Tales from the Crit. I am Riley Groves, the
Crit Keeper, and today at the table I have some
really good friends. Connor. Let's do this. Tim.
Howdy. And AK. Yellow. And we are embarking on
a new adventure, one that I'm very excited about.
I saw this RPG system come out a number of years
ago, and it's been incredibly hard to track down
since. I don't know why they ever made it, but
this is Wendy's Feast of Legends. Yes. I've said
it a couple times, and this is an actual Wendy's
RPG made by the Wendy's fast food people. Love
it. Don't know why they made it, but reading
through it, it seems like a lot of fun. I'm excited.
Today, we're going to tackle our character creation
and get into it. I know you guys had already
picked your... which is going to be super helpful,
but we're going to go through, we're going to
roll our skills, kind of talk about how this
game works. We're going to answer some questions
about your characters, about how your characters
feel about other characters, and kind of just
do a brief intro to the world. You guys ready?
Yeah, let's get into it. Awesome. So, to start,
you guys all picked out names? Yes. All right.
AK? First of all, welcome back to the podcast.
Thank you. Your first official story arc here.
We're excited to have you. Hell yeah. What did
you bring, or I should say, who did you bring
to the table? So I'm playing an order of Asiago
Ranch Chicken Club, and my name is Raekwon Starks.
Okay. All right. Love the name. Tim, who do you
got? Uh, my character's name is spud and he is
from the order of the Baconator fries. Perfect.
All right. Awesome. And Connor. All right. Uh,
I'm going to be playing as Dave and he is an
order of the double stack. Fuck. Yeah. All right.
Did anybody create any more bios or backstories
or anything to go with their characters that
they'd like to talk about now? Um, yeah, sure.
My character, Dave the Order of the Double Stack,
he comes from a clan where all of the double
stacks take on the name Dave when they leave
the clan to go spread the word of their founder,
Dave, who was a classic double. He taught them
in the way of the two all -leaf patties, fresh,
never frozen. And so he goes out into the world
to spread that way to the rest of Freshtovia.
Perfect. Love it. Love that. Well, the only information
is that the order of the Baconator Fries, their
clan motto is, if you're falling behind, you
just need some ketchup. All right, amazing. AK,
anything extra you thought of your character?
Not really, no. All right, we'll figure that
out along the way. So now what we're going to
do, now that you guys have your orders, we'll
kind of get into that in a little bit. More right
after this section actually, so we're gonna roll
for our stats There are five stats in this game
strength intelligence charm arcana and grace
They're a little bit self -explanatory Grace
is the only one that's that's kind of different
in this one than a lot of RPGs But there's a
stand for your like acrobatic movements kind
of think of it as dexterity or something a little
bit more finessed than that. So what we are going
to do to roll for our stats, you're going to
take four D4s. I'm not sure if everybody has
four D4s, if we're just going to roll one D4
four times and then roll it five times. I mean,
I think collectively we could have enough. I
have two. I have one. There's a big box or a
big jar of dice. Yeah, go ahead and do that.
We're going to... Edit that out. Looks like we
got three from that one. Beautiful. I have four
right here. Four. Oh, we need four. Okay, I have...
Yeah, I got my four. Yeah, we got to do the four
for $4. Four. I now have three. Here you go.
Nice. Big metal one nailed it. Just threw it
right onto your computer. That's all right. That's
what computers are for. Self -destructed. All
right, yes, we are doing the four, four, four.
Which I imagine, I don't think the 4 for 4 still
exists, right? Yeah, I'm unsure. I haven't been
to Wendy's. I think it was like a Biggie Bag
or something. It moved up to the Biggie Bag,
which was the shit. The $5 Biggie Bag. One of
the important things to use your brains about
is, for this game, think back seven years ago
and what Wendy's was doing then on their menu.
That was at the time when I was literally eating
at Wendy's every Sunday with my bandmates. We
would always meet at Wendy's and then go to practice.
This was our religion. So what you're saying
is... I'm only familiar with the $5 baggie bag.
That's what I'm saying. All right. So here's
what we're going to do. Go ahead and roll your
4D4. Five times. Well, do it. Yeah. Roll all
four once. Calculate that score and then write
it down. You're going to do that five times and
then you can go ahead and assign those scores.
to your stats you guys know your orders a little
bit um if you need help saying hey you should
probably put you know your big your best scores
into this let me know we can go through the book
real quick but essentially you want to make your
character um well however you want to play your
character is fine this is some exciting audio
yes absolutely This is how you know they do the
work. I will leave some of the rolls in. One
bad one? Not a great one. What is it? Five. Oh,
yeah, that's terrible. I got nine, eight, nine,
ten, five. Five times. Ooh, that was a good one.
I'm not getting great rolls here. Lots of twos
and ones on the dice. You only get a two. You
roll 4d4 and you get a two somehow. We're already
behind the eight ball. I'm not going to lie.
I might take a lot of direction from you guys
on where to put these points because I didn't
do half bad. All right. 9, 9, 12, 12, 14. Wow.
Hey, that's pretty good. I didn't do that great.
9, 8, 9, 10, 5. Not happy about the five. I got
7, 12, 8. 13. 11. All right. So here is your
bonuses or detriments on those rolls. So on a
1 to 4, nobody got a 1 to 4, right? Nope. All
right. On a 5 to 6? Yes. You're going to take
a negative 1. Beautiful. All right. On a 7 to
8, that's a 0. Okay. On a 9 to 12, you'll get
a plus 1. On a 13 to 15, you'll get a plus 2.
On a 16, you'll get a plus 3. Nobody got a 16?
I think the highest was 13 or 14 that Connor
had. Or 13. And somehow... Oh, never mind. That
makes sense. Okay, so just hold on to those real
quick, and we will go through your character
classes quickly. Was 7 and 8 both plus 0? Yes.
And then was it 9? Through 12 or something like
that. Through 12 is plus 1? 9 through 12 is plus
1, yeah. Okay, cool. And are those on the stat
that I take, or do I get to apply that to this
number and then apply it to my stats? So you're
going to basically put those... You're going
to put... The two different numbers, the base
and the bonus. Yeah, so your base is going to
be the 12, whatever. Your other one's going to
be the column next to that, which is your bonus
is going to put where you put your plus 1 or
plus 2. Oh, they stay together. Yes. However...
Hold on a second, because your order also gives
you plus ones and stuff like that to some different
things. Wait, but that means if you got a plus
five, you're also getting fucked because they're
like, OK, so now it's a shit roll and negative
on top of it. Yeah. Oh, that sucks. I mean, that's
bad enough. Yeah, that's that's the point. Oh,
no. Because it just means you're really shit
at that. They're like, that would be something
you would try to stay away from. All right. AK,
as in order of the Asiago Ranch Chicken Club
class. That's me. You get an additional plus
two points to your Arcana stat. Love it. An additional
plus one. to your grace stat. So take that into
consideration when applying those points. Uh,
there's a couple of different ways. Obviously
you can do it. If you want to say, Hey, I did
really shitty in this role. I'm going to, you
know, put that shitty role into, into this category
kind of negate, you know, if there's a negative
there, or you can say, Hey, I rolled really well.
I'm going to, you know, bump up that score even
more. There's a few different ways. So just,
uh, go ahead and think about how you're going
to apply your scores there. Cool. We're all starting
at level one, obviously. Connor, as an order
of the double stack, you get a plus two points
to your grace stat and a plus two points to your
strength stat. So however you apply your rolls
there, make sure you take an additional plus
two for your grace and plus two for your strength.
And apply those to the base. Apply those to your
bonus. To my bonus. Yep. So if you already have
something that, or if you have a score that says,
hey, you have a plus one in this, no, I think
you're right. Plus two additional points to your
gray stat. So you would apply that to your base,
not your bonus. I apologize. Okay. Cool. Oh,
shit. I missed it. Yeah, I totally told AK the
wrong thing, so that one's on me. Did you? Yeah,
probably. No, no, no. Yours is right. I double
checked. Okay. Wait, so we add the class bonuses
to the bonus, not the base? To the base. You're
going to add it to the base, not the bonus. To
the base, okay. And you're the order of the Baconator
Fries. Is this correct, Tim? Yes. All right,
so you take an additional plus one to your strength
stat, an additional plus two to your charm stat.
So apply those to the base, and then if you need...
I'm sorry, can you say that one more time? Yep,
I can. Strength. And... Charm? Two to your charm,
one to your strength. Oh, we add those to the
base? Yes. Oh, okay. That's what I was saying.
I told you the wrong thing. And then your new
base score makes up your bonus in the bonus category.
Now we're cooking with fire oil. So, I'm going
to take my highest in strength. That seems like...
Yeah, I took my highest in Arcana. I put the
five in strength. Okay, I'm going to put my lowest
one in intelligence, I think. Oh, no, I'll put
it in arcana, actually, because I don't think
my guy has any magic. I was going to say high
strength, low intelligence. That sounds an awful
lot like your last character there in White Box.
Which stat is going to be helping my attack?
As an order of the Baconator fries, attacks with
physical weapons are made with your strength.
Rolls. Okay. And grace for projectiles, I'm assuming.
Yeah, I believe you're right. I know it's arcana
for magic rolls. So it says for grace, the grace
stat is tied to acrobatic movements of your character
or the lack thereof. Those with a higher grace
stat will be better with certain weapons and
will have an advantage while jumping, running,
or dodging attacks. Okay. Yeah, for graceful
weapons, however, roll using grace stat. There
we go. Thank you, AK. Yeah, it's on the weapons
description. Cool. So, yes. Throne weapons, grace,
big weapons, strength, magic, arcana. Everybody
assigned their shit? Yes. All right. A .K., you
answered first. Tell us about your stats. So,
starting with strength, I have a base of 5 and
a bonus of negative 1. Fantastic. For intelligence,
I have a base of 9 and a bonus of plus 1. Charm,
also 9 base, plus 1 bonus. Arcana, the big boy,
base with 12, plus 1 bonus. Grace is 9 with plus
1 bonus. So pretty rounded overall, except for
the strength area. Okay. Connor? So I have a
strength of 15. Damn! An intelligence of 12.
Charm of 8. Arcana of 7. Grace of 13. And my
defense is 13. What's the bonus on a 15? The
15 is a plus 2. Okay. And then what? 9 through
12 is plus 1? Yes. Okay. How are we looking,
Tim? Pretty all right. All right, what you got?
I have a strength of 15, and I did that all wrong.
Okay. What'd you do? All right, I do have a strength
of 15. Okay. Because that'll be 14 plus my 1,
which is added into that. Yep. Okay. So you'll
have a plus 2 bonus. And then I did the rest
of this all wrong. So that's going to be a 14.
Okay. I got to reverse my math because I did
exactly what you said not to do. I added all
my bonus into the base and then just stared over
here for a second on my bonus column like, what
were these for? You just did all the math wrong.
I have a Strength of 15 with a bonus of plus
1, Intelligence of 9 with a bonus of plus 2,
Charm of 14 with a bonus of plus 1, Arcana with
a 9 bonus of 1, and Grace with a 12 bonus of
1. Okay, so any that are above 13, you actually
are taking a bonus of 2 in. Cool. Is that what's
added from our class? Or just the base roll?
Okay, so how it is, you roll your 4d4. Yeah.
All right, so you get a 10 on your 4d4. Your
class says you get an additional two points in
strength, right? Now I have a 12. So now you
have a 12. That 12 translates into a plus one
bonus. Okay. Is that how everybody did it? Yeah.
I mean, 10 was a plus one anyways. 10 is a plus
one, yeah. What's a 14 bonus? A 14 for a base
is a plus two. Okay, so I'm actually at a plus
three. You're at a 16? No. Plus three bonus?
So I'm at a 14 charm. Yep. And then I put a plus
one there and there on my own. But then because
I was above the one, I got another plus one.
And then because the base number's above the
number, I got a plus one. You are confusing me
so badly. What did you roll? Like, what was your
dice roll that you... 12. 12. Okay. And then
my class gave me a plus two, so I got me to a
14 base. Yep. Yeah, and then I used a plus one
bonus of my own. That plus one bonus is because
you have a 14. But now it would be a plus two.
Yeah, it would be a plus two, sorry. That 14
tells you what your bonus is to your roll. So
the bonus numbers that we rolled after our base,
those increase depending on what the base numbers
are? What bonus numbers did you roll? I didn't
roll. They were just like the 0 through 4, 5
through 8. Yeah. So what you do, you rolled all
your dice, right? Yeah. Five scores. You take
those. You apply them to the different skills.
Done. Right. Okay. So 10, 12, whatever. Then
your class says, okay, you get an additional
plus two strength points. Plus one strength.
To my bonus or my base? Base. Base. It's all
base. Done. Did that. So whatever that score
is now in your base, then says, okay. This is
what your bonus is. So if it's a 14, you get
a plus two. And it's not an addition. This is
because the stats now change because my base
went up. Yes. Yes. So essentially the bonus is
like when you roll a D20 to roll strength, you're
going to get a plus two. Gotcha. So what was
the 13 and higher? 13 and higher is a plus two.
Okay. Perfect. I will adjust that. Okay. All
right. Moving on. Now that we got those hammered
out, let's do our hit points. This is another
four for four situation, so go ahead and roll
your 4d4. Come on, all fours. Shit. Lucky sixes.
Not great, boys, not great. Okay. I got 11, and
I'm pretty sure my class gets plus two to hit
points. All right, so you start with a 13. A
.K .A. the Asiago Ranch Chicken Club adds a plus
one HP to your character. I rolled a seven, so
I have an eight. Eight, all right. And Tim, what'd
you roll? I rolled a 13. Hey. That's pretty good.
And you get an additional plus two hit points
to your character, so you actually have a 15
HP. Shit. Yeah. Base defense. Tim, while you're
writing that down because we're on your character,
you get a base defense of 13. Okay. Which is
pretty good. Think of that as your armor class.
Connor, you also get a 13. Perfect. AK, yours
is an 11. Little squishier, my dude. Everybody
pay attention to what AK's got going on. Keep
an eye on me, please. I'll be in the bag casting
spells. I'll be like a cheerleader and then like...
Come and fix you guys. A healer not by choice,
but by the tools he was given. Exactly. I kind
of thought about backstory now. Ooh. A little
bit. I find it's easier after you already have
stats and stuff set up to be like, okay, well
this is what I'm limited to doing, so everything
I just wrote makes zero sense. I would be like
a grandma. Oh my gosh. That's amazing. All right.
Some other things, aka about your character.
Yep. you are skilled with nothing extra skilled
with any particular item. So you're not overly
skilled with anything, but you can use all items,
so you have no limits there. So that's a good
thing for you. At level one, also, you get a
skill. It is called Refresh. You guide your friends
to clarity, removing any curses, status effects,
or magically caused weaknesses and disadvantages.
Your casting distance is touch on that, so you
do have to fondle a little bit. That's your one
stat. And then you also have the stat, home is
where the hearth is. When not in combat, you
can build a warm and comfortable fire. On an
arcana check of 14 or more, your flame's aura
can protect the group from bandits while sitting
down to a meal. Sweet. Okay. Dave. As an order
of the double stack, you are skilled with medium
armor and heavy armor and heavy weapons and crossbows.
So you're a bit of a tank here. You can't use
light armor, though. Staffs are items granting
new magical skills. I can't use magical items
at all? No. Cool. Glad I took the lowest one
in Arcana. Yeah. However, you do have some skills
at level one. You have the passive feat of Fresh
Never Frozen. Fresh Never Frozen. You have resistance
to all cold damage. You are truly fresh and never
frozen. You also have another passive skill called
Two Beef Patties. You can dually wield any weapons
that don't require two hands. So dual wielding
right off the bat. And the way you dual wield,
you can roll for both of those attacks. Important
note, if you miss the first one, you automatically
miss the second one. It's fair. Tim, as an order
of the Bacon Eater Fries, you are skilled with,
you are able to use any armor or weapon, though
you get no skill bonus from it. Oh. However,
you cannot use nothing. You are able to use everything.
So there's nothing that limits you from being
able to use it. So any item you pick up, you
can use. Unlike Connor. He picks up a magical
staff. I don't know what it does. Maybe it explodes
in his hand. Turns to a stick. It just looks
like a stick to me. I got a stick. I definitely
would have adjusted my choice in Arcana. I think
you're pretty good, though, because you, like,
what did you put in Arcana? A nine. So that's
a zero, right? Or it's a plus one. Plus one.
That's not bad. I mean, I think you're kind of
right in the middle with yours. You have a passive
skill also at level one. It's called grab and
go when engaged in combat You do not have to
use an action to break out. You can move away
freely without risk of an attack You can also
do a bonus action to move up to twice your movement
and still attack or perform another action So
that's pretty good in this game breaking out
is like disengaging and 5e so you know to not
get an attack of opportunity on yourself you
would disengage this is what that is so if you
try to just like run away without breaking free
you will get attacked and that takes about half
your movement to do that so but it doesn't do
that for you you can just do it and then you
can run away and still you know use a bunch of
movement and and actions and stuff so that's
pretty cool nice all right money in the realm
of beef's keep is fairly simple it's gold uh
there's no converting units everything just costs
a certain amount of gold You can also sell items
for gold. Gold coins, baby. Literally what they
wrote in here. Most merchants will sell at around
market price and buy things at various amounts
below market price. So you each will start with
10 gold coins. This does play a lot like 5e,
so we're going to rely on d20. You guys probably
do need like a full set of dice for the most
part. There's a lot of d4, d6, d8. Actions in
here. So I would say, you know, make sure you
have a full set of dice the way we're gonna take
care of items instead of sitting here being like
I have a torch I have a candle what I want you
guys to do is Just kind of make five check marks
at the top of your sheet when you guys say hey,
I'm gonna use this just take one of those off
You're gonna pay the cost for it at that time.
So if you're like I want a torch or I have a
torch Remove your two gold I'll tell you how
much gold is and then remove one of those checks.
That way you guys kind of have an inventory that
moves along with you. It seems like the better
way to do it than just to say, hey, I need to
have nails and a hammer or chalk or whatever's
listed in here. Does that sound good to everybody?
I like it. Yeah. Yeah, there's a couple specialty
items that we don't have access to now and stables
for horses, donkeys, and mules. None of you guys
can afford. well you could afford a mule oh for
eight gold very cool but we'll get into that
a little bit later so a couple things to note
before we answer questions about our characters
There are some really cool things about this
game Like going into feast mode when you roll
a crit on your attack, which is a 20 you were
going to go into feast mode This allows you to
do the maximum amount of damage plus an additional
roll of your die so we're gonna go over your
weapons soon and how much damage those will do.
So for say, if you get a, something that just
D four plus one for damage, you automatically
do that five. Then you're going to roll your
D four again and add whatever on top of it. So
it's a good way to, to keep doing that. In addition
to that, while in feast mode, you also get advantage
on your next attack role. So a better chance
that you're going to keep feasting. Wow. When
you're doing that. So that's really, really cool.
That's boss. Yep. I like that quite a bit. Also,
20 on any skill checks will result in your character's
best possible outcome in their current situation.
So, 20s are great across the board. Big oops
when you roll a 1, though. You completely missed
your attack, and in certain cases, you know,
might even hurt yourself or your teammates, and
rolling a 1 on any skill check will result in
your character's worst possible outcome for their
current situation. Movement. It's standard 25
feet for everybody. We're not gonna worry about
that too too much. I'll say hey, that's too far
That's not that's you can do that. Not a big
deal You get an action and you get an extra action.
So your bonus action can be something a little
bit smaller It's not like I'm going to attack
and then I'm going to attack again, but it's
like I'm going to attack and then I'm gonna throw
This potion or this Baconator over to my buddy
and then I'm gonna run 50 feet or something 25
feet so you can take a movement an action and
an extra action your characters along the way
uh may get the ability to attack more than once
or get an additional action or there's some things
that will help you out with that item wise or
something like that so then you will be able
to take like a second full action but not in
this first this first adventure um there's cheap
shots which as we just went over uh is basically
an attack of opportunity so similar to if you
guys are disengaging or not disengaging and just
trying to run away and you get hit you can do
that to your enemies too if they're too close
and they just try to take off you can attack
them as a reaction um resting so after a hard
fat hard fat after a hard fought battle your
characters will often need to rest up so to regain
your health outside of battle you will need to
sit down for a meal This is a very food heavy
adventure, quite frankly. And so you can offer
a snack which takes less time if you're in a
hurry and after a snack each member of the party
will roll 1d6 to regain that number of hit points
shown on the die and To go to regain all hit
points the party will need to sit down for a
meal and the meal takes more time and depending
on Character location and other story factors.
I might have somebody attack your party while
you're vulnerable or you know Something like
that. So that's pretty standard Are we allowed
to get cheeseburgers or various chicken items
or Frosties? There are many of those items along
the way that will come in. Essentially, that's
the health potions in this. There's no health
potions. Here's a nugget. Is that mealtimes?
That's mealtime for us? Collecting these snacks
to eat at dinner? Mealtime... is handled a little
differently. You don't have to get those and
eat those as a meal. So you could eat that as
a snack and say, okay, I'm going to eat this.
Gotcha. Okay. The meal, I just assume that in
this magical world, the meal is always there.
You've always got some Wendy's somehow. Um, so
that's that. Let's go into the bottomless biggie
bag, the bottomless pieces of ourselves off.
Give me some of your beef. Uh, all right. So.
For armor, it did sound most like Connor, Dave
would probably have some sort of armor. You have
access to heavy and medium armor. It is pretty
expensive. However, it seems like your character
class would be the one that has the most access
to it. So I will let you pick up one. Let's say
medium armor for now. That seems most fair, right?
The heavy armor is really kind of tanky for you.
So for medium armor options, you got crispy chicken
armor, clamshell packaging, or oven plating.
I'm definitely going to go with the clamshell
packaging. Okay. That's not what a double stack
would usually come in, but... It is not, but
take a plus two to defense on that. And then
we're going to go into weapons. So actually,
I would also say... that you two over there could
have access to a light armor because that seems
right right i don't want to make you guys nude
or anything um so for light armor options we
got a fresh baked bun which provides one defense
a foil wizard robe which provides a plus one
arcana um an apron that provides plus one grace
um or a red polo with a black visor which also
provides plus one defense So did I understand
my character's disability correctly that while
being able to use every item, any of the protection
like caveats do not apply? No, you can use, you
can use any item. You just don't get like an
additional buff from using them. So later on,
as you gain more skills or something like that,
you items might do like something more than no
skill bonuses added yet. Able to use any armor
or weapon, though no skill bonus is added. I
would imagine that does not mean that you don't
get bonuses, because that seems... I feel like
for, like, the armor, you should definitely still
get the bonus to your defense, because defense,
I mean... It's not a skill. We didn't roll for
it. Yeah. Okay. So I'll take that ruling. So
defense things would apply to you, but I guess,
like, plus... Arcana. Arcana's grace or stuff
like that doesn't apply to you. Seems weird.
Not sure I like it. But anything pique your interest.
There was also a... No, that's way too expensive.
Okay. On the defense thing, since we didn't roll
for that, like my defense is a 13, do I get a
plus 2 bonus for that because it's a 13? Or do
I only get the bonus from my armor for that?
So your defense when you take... Wearing the
armor would make your defense a 15. Okay, so
there's no bonus to defense. So you don't like
add a plus two or anything because it's something
that I roll again. So basically it's like an
armor class. So I would need to roll above a
15 to successfully hit you. I'm going to take
the fresh baked bun. Fresh baked bun gives you
a plus one defense. What's that bring you up
to 12? 12. Makes you a little less squishy. A
little. I almost took the arcana, but I was like,
eh, probably. You said I was medium or light?
Light. Light, okay. Yeah, light's on the table
for right now. You will have access to the heavier
stuff, but just to start out here. Red polo,
black visor, plus one to defense. There we go.
Dig it. All right. Okay, next big thing. There's
a number of weapons to choose from. Some are
light, some are graceful, some are heavy. I would
let you all kind of pick your own here as long
as it, I don't want to say that like as long
as it's one of the ones on the top half that
don't do over 1d10 damage, but that pretty, that
limits yours, Connor, a little bit. So because
I'm only skilled with heavy weapons, does that
mean I can use light weapons and like weapons
that are less than that? It's only like light
armor that I can't use? And staffs? Cannot use
light armor, staffs, or items granting new magical
skills. Yeah, so you could... You can use them.
You're just not, like, overly good with them.
I thought... I can be mixing up things. I thought
that the... For the weapons, when you were skilled
with... It just said you were skilled with the
highest one, and then that gave you the skills
for all the ones underneath it. That was for...
Shield or armor, I think. Okay before okay, so
here's the difference if your class is skilled
with an item that you are using to attack you
will add a plus one bonus to your attack roll
to your d20 attack rolls, so when using items
or when using weapons That you're good with you
get an additional bonus From that gotcha and
I suppose that's what him wouldn't get a bonus
in right you can use anything. You're not skilled
with anything Like connor's skilled with heavy
weapons. So if he bonks somebody with a big cast
iron pan He's gonna roll one d20 and then add
a plus one onto that. Gotcha. You are not skilled
with any of those things So you don't get You
don't you're not expert at any so you're just
gonna roll a straight d20. Gotcha That makes
more sense. So in that case I take back what
I previously said you could get a plus one arcana
defense item Sorry, I probably should have figured
this out ahead of time. That's okay. So I can
get the... I don't get bonus for skill, but if
the item has bonus, then that would count as
its own bonus. Yes, yep. You're just not proficient
in anything. Like, you're not overly good. You're
a jack of all trades. Master of none. Gotcha.
Dave of all skills, master of none. Okay, well,
I might... Oh, man, how did we find out our defense?
I just realized I didn't write that down. I just
had my defense bonus. It's on the character.
Yeah, it's a pre -made parrot character sheet.
Okay, that's the 13 that I think I saw down there
Order of the bacon air Baconator does have a
base defense of 13. So Oh double 13s. That's
cool Anybody pick a weapon yet? Yeah, I'm going
with toothpicks. I do believe okay, and I'm gonna
do knife Alright, so the knife is 1d for damage.
It is light. You can throw it 60 feet the toothpicks
Seems like they're kind of like javelins, right?
I would say. Oh, sick. Yeah, so you can have
a number of those. Those also do 1d4, can be
thrown. So that is rolled with grace. Nice. And
Dave, what are you thinking for a weapon? Am
I picking from the non -heavy stuff? That seems
unfair, really. I also think I'm going to go.
So yeah, I'm going to just take... Can I take
two weapons since I can dual wield? Yeah, what
are you thinking? A fork and a knife? A fork
and a knife? Yeah, I don't see why not. I mean,
there's no reason why not. Neither of those are
heavy, so you wouldn't get your proficiency bonus
to that. I mean, otherwise I'm taking the spatula
from the heavy thing. Yeah, and the spatula is
only a one -handed weapon as well. But I would
still just take that. I mean, I could buy a fork.
You could. All right, here's what we can do.
You can take one heavy weapon and one non -heavy
weapon if you want to be able to dual wield because
it seems kind of wrong to limit you in that factor.
Okay, yeah, I'm going to take the spatula. Okay.
And the spoon. All right, cool. The spatula does
1d10 damage. Cannot be thrown. It is heavy. And
the spoon does 1d4, and it is light. And it can
be. whipped around um there's only one other
thing to do before we officially have to start
um and that's to go over buffs but we're going
to save that for the actual first episode instead
we're going to talk about our characters we have
a couple character questions here and the first
one is dealing with your past so this is about
your character wants you to think a little bit
more about them and the question is which of
your scars do you think looks the coolest and
what's the story behind it uh spuddy was born
early from the packaging some would say picked
too early before the package was fully removed
and it has it had left a tear down his uh the
top right side of his carton before he was filled
and uh so after he was filled with those delicious
Baconator fries. He's always kind of had a droopy
right side to his face where it seems that fries
and a little bit of the Baconator has spilled
out. Right on. So Spudsy's actually just a carton
of fries. It's grotesque. All right. That is
some lore that we will figure out. I thought
we were literally... It's not like... I mean,
it's like Fry Man. Everything in the book shows
pictures of human folks. I just thought they
only got so creative with what they were doing.
Right on. They limited themselves. I didn't realize
there were humans that were taking on the...
I thought we were genetic freaks. Play it how
you want. It's very Aqua Teen Hunger Force of
you. That's cool. We'll leave it like that. I
am perfectly... accepting of all races uh i just
really thought that's what we were supposed to
do i love it don't change it don't ever change
all right anybody else i may have picked a weird
question i have a large scar behind one of my
shoulders from when i was learning to dual wield
the art of the two beef patties where uh you
know my instructor came at me with the two weapons
and i parried one but then wasn't prepared for
the second one and Got me in the back. All right.
And my coolest scar, I think, is the one that
goes down my eye, like over my eyebrow, down
to my cheek a little bit. I was trying to help
a fallen comrade and wasn't paying attention.
And next thing I know, there's a thrown star.
Someone threw a star and it nicked my eye a little
bit. So it reminds me to have my guard up and
make sure to watch my surroundings at all times.
All right. Keep my eye out, if you know what
I'm saying. Or in, in this case. And you're still
going with the grandma thing, or was that just
a passing comment? So I'm kind of piggybacking
off of Connor's. I'm from the clan of Lorraine,
the wife of David, who warmed all chicken orders
by her fire, training us in healing and keeping
the fighters fighting, and teach us magic and
the ways of the... Other world that we can't
see. All right. I love it. We're building deeper
lore than Wendy's has ever had, I feel like.
Lorraine is actually Dave's wife, so. Wendy's
mom. Look it up. All right. Second question about
your past. This one's a little easier. What is
the best meal you have ever had? Who did you
share it with? And what made it so unforgettable?
Unforgettable. I mean, this is why I thought
it was grotesque that they were making us eat
burgers and fries for the buffs. We would literally
be... The other day, AK made a comment about
how we'd be eating ourselves. I was like, makes
sense. Exactly. Like, wouldn't we just buff ourselves
all the time? Shit. You know, maybe like the
order of the Baconator fries or the other fries,
maybe we should think of them more like shit
like Warforged or something, like robotic things,
like false construction. Oh, like the things
that come out of the mud that Sauron brings out.
Yeah, like an Uruk -hai. Yeah, Uruk -hai. Sure,
we could do that. And I would say you get no
buffs from eating fries. You get debuffed if
you eat fries. That's what I'm going to say.
Official Wendy's lore here. All right. Order
of Lorraine Raekwon Starks. Asiago Ranch Chicken
Club. So many names. So many names. First of
your kind. First of your name. What's the best
meal you ever had? Best meal I ever had was after
a long battle with my comrades. And we sat down
to not. One double stack, but two double stacks
with a large order of Baconator fries. Oh. Eden,
just munching them right in front of your friend,
who is Baconator fries. Yeah. All right. He knows.
He knows. See, I know that's a good meal. It's
very similar to one of my favorite meals when
I was getting ready to leave. you know, my home,
to go spread the word of Dave throughout Freshtovia,
we had a meal of double stacks, and I took two
double stacks and used them as the buns to put
a Baconator in between. Whoa. And Scooby -Doo
smushed it down and ate the whole thing. Wow.
Fuck yeah. That's beautiful. All right. Let's
drop a tear from my eye. My favorite meal that
has made me realize that I cannot actually eat
it is, in fact... French fries, as I myself am
so. All right. It is what keeps my clan united
as we cannot eat each other. All right. Fries
are not back on the menu, boys. All right. This
question is about your present. What is a pet
peeve that instantly irritates you? And how do
you react? We'll start with Connor this time.
Dave's. Pet peeve is when he sees people just
throw the wrappings of their, any of their, you
know, burgers or fries, so they just discard
them on the ground willy -nilly instead of putting
them in the proper receptacles. All right, how
does he react? Usually Dave reacts by peacefully
just picking them up and taking care of it himself,
but eventually that might not be the case. Okay.
Spuds? My pet peeve is when people take my kind
and dip us in Frosties before eating us. We are
meant for ketchup. Fucking solid. All right.
Raekwon. My biggest pet peeve is when someone
does not finish their meal and leaves bites left.
The way I react is I just go over and eat it
myself because I need all the health I can get.
All right. Sick. What superstitions does your
character keep? I imagine Spuds is wildly different
than everybody else. So let's start with Spuds.
A superstition. A superstition. Hmm. If you spill
the salt and you don't shake it on yourself three
times, you will be the next to be dipped into
a frosty. Like leprechaun, too. All right. Connor?
Tying into my pet peeve, we have a superstition
where I come from where if you don't properly
dispose of the packaging for your burgers and
fries... You will not gain the buffs and you
will be debuffed instead by your meal. You will
get sick. All right. Spend a lot of time in the
bathroom. All right. Ray Kwan. My superstition
is going into battle on an empty stomach. So
we must always eat before we fight. All right.
Solid. I feel like one of these times you're
going to find the voice that you're looking for.
I know. I was playing on him on the way here.
Three questions, three different accents. Raekwon's
thing. All right. Mysterious. Mysterious to us
all, especially the listeners. All right. This
question is about your companions. Name something
that you have been holding back from the group,
hoping for the opportunity to tell them. My people
are delicious. But they must not find out. Though
I do badly want to tell them. You got anything,
Connor? When I first hit puberty, I ate myself.
So I found out I'm allergic. No, I got nothing.
My guy's an open book. Raekwon? All right. Well,
then we're going to move on. You're the one that
threw the throwing star. All right. It was actually
Lorraine. Lorraine came out of nowhere. She's
actually an evil bitch. Here's what we're going
to do for the two that blanked on those answers.
You're going to get a chance to redeem yourself
because we're going to jump into the kids on
bikes questions about your friends. The two of
you will have to answer an extra negative question
about one of your party members here. I think
as you guys are level ones, we'll say you guys
have done some adventures with each other, but
obviously like you're not the strongest yet.
So you haven't been adventuring like two too
long together. Maybe a year does that sound good
sound right? Does it sound accurate to your guys's
lore? Sure. Okay, that's good. I can work with
it. All right. So here's what we're gonna do
relationship questions There are positive ones
and negative ones. We're each gonna roll two
Are you gonna answer one positive and one negative?
however Raekwon and Dave you guys are gonna have
to answer two negatives, so Who wants to go first?
I'll go first. All right. Give me a roll. And
are you answering a positive question or one
of your negative questions first? We'll go with
one of the negative ones first. All right. D20,
please. 15. All right. Who do you want to answer
a question about? Spuds. What insanity has this
character shown warning signs of? There have
been lots of. Lots of warning signs that spuds
is definitely having a little bit of insanity.
It's often found talking to himself and like
smelling his skin a little bit. Like he looks
like he wants to take a bite, but then he sees
you looking at me like, oh, all right. Awesome.
That question was perfect. All right. Spuds,
positive or negative? Negative. Okay. Who do
you want to answer about? Raekwon. Alright. Two.
What secret are you keeping from this character
that you would be devastated if they found out?
For generations, the clan of the Order of the
Baconator Fries has been shorting every order
made by Lorraine. Oh, shit. This has been a generational
secret. They've always supported Dave more. All
right. Damn. All right. Lorraine. Not Lorraine.
Raekwon. I wish your name was Lorraine. All right.
Raekwon. Positive or negative question? Let's
go positive. All right. About spuds or about
Dave? Do Dave. All right. Give me a roll. What
number is that? Two. What do you admire about
this character, but you would never tell them?
I admire their tenacity and ability to lead anybody
and everybody and their love of the earth. Why
would you not tell them that, man? I like to
keep things close to heart. All right. All right.
Dave, positive or negative question? I did a
negative first, right? You did do a negative
first, yep. All right. We'll do a positive. Okay.
Who are you talking about? I'm going to talk
about spuds again. All right. Bounce them out.
I got a four. What trait about this character
that they despise do you genuinely appreciate?
Oh, God. This fry smell. You know, I appreciate
the fry smell. I also appreciate how he's able
to quickly disengage from people without having
to be as clumsy about it as most of us. But I
imagine he doesn't despise that either. My charm
is 14 plus 2. Ah, my character is very much under
the impression that everyone wants to talk to
him because he smells so good. Yeah, I can see
that. That's probably true, right? This is always
a hard one. I mean, like, you can just make up
a characteristic, I guess, about spuds. I'm going
to call you spuds instead of spud. It's so funny.
I wrote spud and then immediately changed it
to spuddy. Spuddy. Spuddy buddy. I was thinking
more like the golden retriever that does all
the sports. Oh, air spud. Air spud. Jeez, that's
good. I think that his droopy face is a little
secretive and mysterious. And while he may despise
it, I think it gives him a little more allure
and maybe advantage in situations upon meeting
new people. All right. Cool. Spuddy. Do you want
to answer? I answered a positive one last time,
right? Negative. Negative. All right, you're
on the positive side. Who are you talking about?
Oh, Dave. All right. Six. What role did this
character play in the best day of your life?
On the best day of my life. So... Dave found
me on the day of my creation. And Dave was one
of the people that helped tape me back together
after that initial... pre -package error so damn
my head could have been a lot sloppier all right
that's probably why you find it alluring and
so that establishes in Canyon you're quite a
bit older than Spuddy but maybe Spuddy ages quicker
I mean he's not a human he ages differently than
the rest of us he does age different how old
are you in fry years oh at least 13 Spuddy is
an infant. All right. No, we only grow to 20.
It's a very quick life. You were up there. All
right. Lorraine. Nope. Fuck. I got to erase Lorraine
because I just keep reading it. Raekwon. Answering
a question. Let's do negative about Dave. All
right. Give me a d20 roll, please. One. What
did this character do to you in the past that
you still resent them for? Yeah, one time before
a battle, we created a huge meal, and he promised
me he was going to eat all of it. And I saw him
sneak something over to another comrade of ours
to finish, and that really rubbed me the wrong
way. Okay, ultimate betrayal. Dave, we're on
to your last question. I believe it has to be
a negative. Can I instead just say that I've
decided that I distrust Frosties and I'm trying
to find the best way to tell these guys that
that's the answer to the other question? Yeah,
for sure. Okay. You distrust Frosties? Yeah,
people who choose the order of the Frosty, I
just don't trust them. I wasn't brought up around
a lot. There weren't a lot of Frosties from where
I'm from, and so they're kind of different and
weird and I just don't really trust them that
much. Kind of racist. Low -key racist against
Frosties. Okay. All right, Raekwon. One last
question. Yeah, another negative, right? Another
negative. All right. Who's it about? Stu Spuddy.
Okay. Eight, six, nine. Nine. Give me all of
them. What's the most dishonest thing you've
ever seen this character do? Ooh. I've seen him
secretly, not bite, but lick. a couple of his
little fry locks and some stuff that would be
leaking out of his face. I've seen just a little
lick every now and then. Oh, so he betrays his
own people by eating so many fries. Or wanting
to. Like, you want to be a cannibal. That's awesome.
All right, I'm really excited for these really
strange characters that you guys have made. When
we go into it... Which will be in the next episode
We're gonna pick right up. We're gonna answer
one more RPG campfire deck Question when we when
we come back and then we're gonna jump right
into the Wendy's Feast of Legends arc. So Awesome
job today. Can't wait to see how you guys all
play together and if we can make it through this
frosty filled adventure until then We will see
you next next Tuesday That's it for today's episode.
We hope you've enjoyed listening as much as we've
enjoyed playing. If you have, go run and tell
all your friends so that we can turn as many
people into CritCats as possible. Tales from
the Crit is a Wolfbeard Games audio podcast.
And if you like us, please subscribe and leave
a review wherever you get your podcasts and head
on over to our Instagram page and our YouTube
channel. Both of those are at Tales from the
Crit Podcast. All right. Bye -bye. Hi, I'm Dave.
What did he do to me? A lot. A lot. He stuck
his finger in your butt. Well, only the vanilla
Frosties. Oh, no. That's got to go at the end.