Welcome to Tales from the Crit Season 3. Bigger,
badder, and stickier. By joining us today, you
have been officially upgraded to Crit Cat status.
So, welcome to the club. Tales from the Crit
is an actual play podcast where we focus on smaller
story arcs from some of your favorite RPGs, as
well as some of the less known or obscure ones.
We also play some highly narrative tabletop board
games and also some micro RPGs. All of those
feature a revolving cast of players, so you're
going to see a lot of variety there. And as always,
I am your host and your Crit Keeper, Riley Groves.
We're so glad to have you here with us today.
Now let's get into the episode. Content warnings
can be found in the description. Welcome back
to Tales from the Crypt. I... I'm Riley Groves,
the Grit Keeper, and I am sitting here at a new
table with my very good friends, Derek. Hello.
Connor. Hey, hey. And my wife, Rebecca. Hello.
I didn't fuck that one up this time. Good for
me. How's everybody doing today? Doing good.
Excited to be here. Good. We'll see if that sentiment
continues shortly. Question. Do you think it's
weird to drink seltzer in the middle of the night?
Like next to your bed stand, you've got a bottle
of seltzer that you drink, not just flat tap
water. Or just flat water? I would definitely
drink it if it was there, but I would tend to
not bring seltzer to bed because of the carbonic
acid, and I'm, like, super weird about my teeth.
Okay, then consider all this. I'll have to inquire
with you afterwards about what that might do,
okay? Wait, are my teeth going to fall out? Because
I drink a lot of seltzer at night. I mean, carbonic
acid just, I feel like, wears away your enamel
more. It's disintegrating your teeth. If you
drink a lot of seltzer, sometimes people recommend
you use a straw so that it's not always going
over your teeth. Huh. I've drank nothing but
seltzer for like three years. I know. This is
why I don't drink it. I'm like, this is probably
fine, right? Like, it is probably fine, but other
people who are neurotic like me also have these
thoughts, so. Okay. Now I'm never going to escape
those thoughts. I still don't use a straw when
I drink seltzer most of the time, so. I don't
think it's that big of a deal. Well, it shouldn't
be any different than people that drink soda
all the time. Exactly. Right? It should be better
than soda. It's better than soda because it doesn't
have the sugar content. The salt. Well, they're
salted it too, but. Love salty sodas. Yeah. What
about you, Derek? What's your feelings? I don't
because it gives me heartburn. Okay. Seltzer.
Anything carbonated when I go, when I lay flat
will give me heartburn. Oh, okay. And Rebecca,
I know you don't drink seltzer. I don't like
them. They're weird. It tastes like nothing.
I don't typically drink them either because I
don't have a lot of... They're gross. I drink
just carbonated water. He doesn't even flavor
it. Just straight carbon. Just tonic water? Tonic
has quinine in it. Club soda. It's just water
with bubbles. That's it. I just like the way
it flows down my throat all bubbly. I understand
it. I squeeze some lime into it and muddle some
mint from the garden. See, that's a whole lot
of work. It is a whole lot of work, so I don't
actually do that. My wife does. Right on. I just
drink flat water. That just comes out of the
tap. I used to. We have such good water, too.
And now when it touches my lips, I'm like, I
wish you were sparkling. You're so bougie. I'm
not. You shouldn't have got me a soda stream.
I was going to say, do you just need like a carbonated
water tap? Just washing the dishes with carbonated
water? I mean, it seems weird to us, but my aunt
grew up in the city and she had a tap that was
just tea water. I don't know. It came out boiling
instantly. That's pretty cool. I don't know why.
Yeah. We actually saw one of those at Airbnb
we rented for work. They had like a dedicated
boiling water tap. And like somebody went to
use it as just the regular sink at first. It's
just scalding. It seems like you really got to
let people know that, you know. It comes out
at like 200 degrees. Yeah. It's for instantly
steeping a cup of tea. I don't know why. Because
hers was just white. There was no indication
that it was going to come out. Yeah. Half the
pipe was going to be steam. It should be red.
It should be red, right? It should be. Yeah.
It was surgical white. Oh, shit. Hmm. Are we
going to play this game or what? That was our
questions for the day. We just made those up
on the spot. Because I've still not found that
deck that I was looking for. Well, you should
look harder because those weren't great. Well,
they were informative though. They were. They
talked about citric acid, carbonic acid. There
we go. We talked about tea. And now we're going
to get back into the episode. You guys ready
to reprise your roles as Aurora, Russer, and
Truck? Yeah. All right, awesome. First of all,
how are you guys looking in terms of HP? How's
everybody doing? Less than half. Okay. Yeah,
I've got eight. All right. I'm feeling... I think
we're all pretty close. I have nine of 15. And
I have seven. So seven, eight, and nine. So perfect.
Well, the three of you get a momentary respite
as this door slams down behind you, crushing
this imp's head. Truck, it did roll into your
lap. However, you guys are met with a perfectly
dark hallway. Aurora, you have dark vision. I
think so. And actually, Russer should have dark
vision as well, being a dwarf. I would think
so. The two of you can kind of see, you know,
it looks like dim light down this hallway, but
it's still extremely dark. But for the moment,
it is quiet and still. What's up? Nothing. Okay,
you're looking very quizzically. I thought this
said 0 .1 question mark, but it says oil question
mark. Okay. You've got some oil. I never trust
when it's quiet right after we were in a, like,
large battle and there were screaming faces on
the wall and all of a sudden we're just in a
quiet corridor. Yes, I think we should move quickly
through here. Do we want to light it up more
or just stay stealthier? I do have some torches.
I'm going to have to hold someone's hand if we're
not going to make any light. Okay, I have some
oil. I'm going to hand truck a torch. This is
very helpful. Thank you. You're the best, Russer.
We have nothing to light it. It's just a torch.
Don't light it yet, but if you need it. Well,
I was just using it as like a cane to, you know,
see where the path was in front of me, make sure
I wasn't going to run into a wall. Making the
floor all... I was going to say little dots of
oil. Okay. We're just creeping down the corridor,
leaving a little snail trail of oil behind us.
Yep. Do you want to take the lead, or do you
want me to take the lead? I think you should.
I'm a little more of a defensive player. I was
also thinking height. You can shoot over my head.
Oh, yeah, that works for me. She can't shoot
anything. I don't think she owns... I don't.
She doesn't own a... Do you have any spells left?
Yeah, where are we with... No, I can cast one
level three and another level two. Okay. Can
you use bladed weapons? I can't remember if you're...
We determined no, she wouldn't use bladed weapons,
which is why she gave the sword to Troc earlier.
That's right. Got it. That's what I was trying
to remember. Well, she can shout over your head
then. I can cast things over your head. That
works too. All right. Ruster's going to take
the lead. slowly and carefully work his way down,
looking for traps and... Okay. Traps, passages,
anything that might pop out, give us an advantage
or tell us where we're going. Great. Then, Russer,
why don't you go ahead and give me an intelligence
check, please? That would be a two. Okay. Aurora
will be your backup because she's an elf. Go
ahead and give me an intelligence check. 13.
Okay. That beats your saving throw? Yes. All
right. Awesome. Aurora, you pick up with your
elf ears the distant sound of a snarling. I'm
going to put my hand on Russer's shoulder and
be like, there's definitely an animal ahead of
us. Or some type of snarling beast. I'm going
to stop moving, take a knee, and I was wondering
if I could sacrifice one of these torches and
put the end of it, like the flaming end of it,
on the end of one of my bolts and shoot it down
the hallway. Oh, very inventive. Let's go for
it. All right. Then I'm going to do that. All
right. Sacrifice one torch. It's going to leave
me with four torches left. Put it on the crossbow.
I'm not going to make you shoot. I was going
to say, you want me to shoot down a hole? Yeah,
you can shoot down a hole. Light it and launch
it. All right. As you watch this arrow fly down,
illuminating a small bit of the hallway as it
flies, you see that it passes over the head of
three dog -like creatures as it continues down
and then hits the ground further down the corridor.
And all three of you hear... A growling and a
snarling coming from down the hallway at this
point. Are they attracted to the... I've got
two questions, I guess. Are they attracted to
the arrow or to the source, and with it being
behind them, can we see their silhouettes? I
know it won't be like a depth thing, but we might
be able to see there. Yeah, with the torch, you
guys would be able to, and your darkvision, you
guys would be able to make out a little bit more.
Okay. And you could tell that they are more interested
in the source than the arrow. All right, I'm
going to reload my crossbow. I'm also going to
load my crossbow and just launch at them if they're
running down to us. Let's sneak a little bit
forward. If they're still distracted, let's get
as close as we can to see if we can ease up our
shots. Whatever you say, Russard, I know you
always know best. Let me know when I'm at the
ready. Whoever's sneaking up, go ahead and make
me a dex check. See how close you can get. That
was terrible. Not as terrible as mine. I fail.
We both rolled a three. We both rolled threes,
but I got a four because I have a plus one. Okay.
And Aurora, I'm guessing you're staying where
you are. Yes, I don't need to. Okay. I'm currently
trying to figure out how I'm going to help at
all with this fight. You'll probably get the
opportunity as the two of you. tried to sneak,
bumbling around in the dark, making too much
noise. And suddenly the three, you can't quite
tell what they are from this distance, dog -like
creatures begin to run down the hallway towards
the three of you. As soon as their attention
changes, Rester's going to fire his bolt. All
right, let's make an initiative roll, please.
Almost anything will... Four. 13. Four for initiative.
Thank you. 13 for initiative. It's a D6. Oh,
it's a D6. It's just one for all three of us.
Yeah, we're good. That's right. It's all right.
You guys do get the first round. Truck, I will
say for you, you're going to get a minus two
to your attack roll as a penalty due to not having
dark vision. Okay. Attack rolls with the D20,
right? Correct. So 19 after a minus two. 19 doesn't
hit. Just kidding. It hit. Do I take a minus
to my attack damage roll also? No. Okay, so I've
rolled a 2 with my plus 1, minus 1 crossbow.
Plus 1 because we're still blessed from before.
Yep. So a 3. Not confusing at all. Awesome. Russer.
I rolled a 21 to hit. That hits. And I rolled
a 3 plus the 1, so for 4 damage. Okay. Aurora,
do you have an idea what you're going to do?
I'm going to charge down the center, and I'm
just going to swing up with my chain mace, and
it's going to be on fire. All right. I only rolled
a nine. A nine definitely misses. Okay. You are
not in a good spot. Nope. It was a lot cooler
in my mind. It would have been. It would have
been. I was going to, like, uppercut the dog
with the... Did you add your two hits? Yeah,
I mean, I even messed up and added plus three,
even though it's not a saving throw, and I still
didn't get it. I didn't add my two hit. It didn't
matter. I know. At that point, I know it didn't
matter, but I have to remember to do it next
time. Is she an obstacle now that we have to
shoot around? I'm going to run up. Not if I slipped
and fell on my ass. The oil's all behind us,
though. Doesn't mean it's not on her shoes. Oh,
oh, Irvi. Whee! That oil is going to be a problem.
Yep. This whole hallway is going to be on fire
in a few minutes. But if we lose our way, we
have a great way back. Aurora, does a 15 beat
your armor class? Yeah. Does a 9 beat your armor
class? No. Does a 20 beat your armor class? Yep.
Okay. Fuck. Can I get ripped apart by dogs? Aurora,
two out of these three dogs lunge at you. One
biting you. Thickening a thigh, the other going
and lunging for your neck. You take nine bite
damage. Oh, my God. I am dead. Well, shit. Aurora's
down. Should have stayed out of that fight. Did
not go great for you. All right. Truck and Russer,
you just watched Aurora fall. And as the dogs
knock her to the ground, tearing at her, you
can see that their eyes and their mouths, all
three of them are glowing in this iridescent
red. Go ahead and roll initiative. Six. Sixteen.
Okay. Only one initiative roll. Ah, son of a
bitch, and I rolled the wrong one anyway. It's
okay. Save that as your two hit. God, I'm fine.
How many hit dice are these creatures? There
are four hit dice each. That's not one. That's
not one. That's not great either. I'm going to
run up. With the sword and attack. For an 18
to hit. 18 definitely hits. 19 to hit. 19 definitely
hits. Which one are you swinging out? One of
the two that is tearing at the dying body of
my friend. Okay, you got it. All right, roll
for damage. I don't have damage written down
next to this, but I think it's just 1d6, right?
We'll do 1d6 plus 3. Yep, yeah, that's what I
would do. Perfect. Roll a 6. I did roll a 6.
You rolled a 6? Yep, so that's a 9. You plunge
your sword through the one that was gouging out
Aurora's neck, and with your wicked cool sword,
you manage to stab it right through its own neck,
and it collapses to the ground dead. Excellent.
Russer? Get off her, you fucking beasts! And
charge with his hand axe and slam into the one
that Trucker is not attacking. Or Truck is not
attacking. That roll was even better. Oh, good.
It was a 17 plus 1 to hit. Yeah, so 17 plus...
Yeah, 18 to hit. As he lunges at him with the
hand axe, the hand axe is for five damage. All
right. One of the other dogs, the one that already
has an arrow plunged into it, whimpers as you
strike it with your hand axe, leaving just two,
one that hasn't been touched yet and hasn't actually
attacked anybody, and the one that was attacking
Roar's leg. One of you could also pick up my
chain mace. I'm not using it right now. You're
also not using that skin of oil. I'm not using
much. But I'm bleeding a lot more now that you
killed the one biting into my neck. The two dogs
lunge forward, snarling and snapping at you guys,
but ultimately take a few steps back and neither
of them bite either of you. However, does a 14
beat both of your armor class? 14 is our armor
classes. Okay. Your armor seems just strong enough
in this instance as one of the dogs lets out
a... 10 -foot gout of flame that comes down the
hallway at both of you. It does singe Aurora
slightly, which makes her look not great, and
some hair burns off, but the two of you are able
to defend yourselves against the fire coming
from these hellhounds. My word. I am going to
reach down, grab the oil skin, and with the torch,
blow a gout of flame back at the dog. You can
do that on your turn. I thought it was our turn.
Not yet. Oh. We got to roll initiative every
round. Oh. I rolled a four for initiative. Which
Connor continues to roll. Okay. But it is you
guys do get the first round of initiative. Well,
in response to that, Russer's going to reach
down and grab the oil skin and the extra torch
that was laying there and blow a gout of fire
back at the dogs. Okay. Roll to hit. 17. It hits.
However, these dogs are immune to fire damage,
as they are hellhounds. As long as I didn't burn?
Does it hit me? No, no. Oh, okay. It's more a
bit of bravado than anything else. Gotcha. Truck?
Are either of the hellhounds currently attacking
Aurora? No, both are a few feet behind her at
this point. Okay. I'm going to grab the healing
potion from Russer and dump it into the neck
wound. On Aurora. Okay. Is it a superior healing
potion? It is a extra healing potion. So that's
3d6 plus 3. 3d6 plus 3. I roll them? Yes. You're
coming back online. 13. All right. That's my
HP now? Plus 3? Did you plus the 3? I did plus
the 3. I'll bring you as alive as possible. Thanks,
guys. It feels weird to breathe through your
neck like that. I can imagine. But maybe just
be on defense because those dogs are still here.
And then thank us once we kill them. You know,
I thought it would go a lot smoother. It didn't.
I stumbled over some rocks or something in here.
It is dark down here. Guys, we're not done over
here. The two dogs lunge at the party, both snapping
and snarling ferociously. However, none of them
able to get past your defenses. Truck is also
snapping and snarling ferociously at these dogs.
Get out of here. One of them does open its mouth
and let out a burst of flame that does hit the
party for a 19. Does that beat everybody's AC?
Yes. Everybody takes two fire damage. And then
it's a new round. We got a six for initiative.
Does anyone else want to roll initiative? No,
you're doing great. I thought about it, but no.
Derek doesn't know how to. I don't know how.
I'm not rolling. Hey, I've rolled a 13 and a
16, so four. Damn, these dogs are not. good at
biting uh russer one lunges up latching onto
your arm with its mouth trying to shake and rip
at your armor however uh 14 matches your armor
class yes uh it isn't able to get by truck one
tries to bite you as well however you're wearing
wearing chain mail right correct and its teeth
are unable to make it through however does a
15 beat anybody's armor class everybody everybody
yeah one of them dives backwards and shoots out
another burst of flame doing two damage to everybody
Is there one still attached to my arm? We'll
say yes. Cool. I want to end its life. Let's
hope you do. I'm going to take a step back. Let's
hope you do. That is 10 to hit. A 10 does not
hit. So there's still three left? No, two left.
Two left. One has not been harmed yet at all.
And it's the one that stepped back and just hit
us with fire? Yep. Okay. I was really wanting
to bite one of them. There's one still attached
to me. You can absolutely bite him. I know, but
I don't know if I can bite him as good as I can,
you know, slice him with a sword. So I'm going
to use the sword. 12 to hit. 12 does not hit.
Should try to bite. Aurora. It is your turn.
It was a 13 to hit. Sorry. 13 does not hit. I
have no idea. Crack him with your mace, man.
Could you heal me? I can't. Ah, shit. You have
no more healing spells? Bless is not a healing
spell. No, Bless gives the plus one to hit. I
got Cure Disease, but that's my only level three,
and I don't think that helps. Not in this instance,
no. You can use one of my health potions on me
if you would like. Oh. Pull it out of his bottle.
Truck's already gone rooting around in my drawers.
Yeah, I will grab a healing potion. And slug
it down. Sorry, Rosser, this one's a suppository.
Okay. How many more healing potions do you have?
I have one left after that. It's not really.
I was just seeing if he was faking it. Yeah.
If he's faking it. Because it's extra effective
against the bomb? You roll 40 seconds. Just faster.
Faster acting. Oh, that's nice. 18, which is
more than what I have as a max. All right, so
back up to max. I can't take that as a full 21?
Nope. However, at least you're looking good.
I know. I was really afraid about 10 minutes
ago that you were all doomed. I only got one
left for him. All right. I'll need it soon. Yep.
The end of your guys' turn, so new round. Five.
So you guys take the first attacks. 16 to hit
that thing in the head with my axe, the one that
still attached to my arm. I got a 13 to hit again.
13 does not. And a five for damage. When you
hit it, it flops off your arm and retreats back
towards the other friend. Well, it's... The other
dog, not friend. I can't label that they're friends.
I don't know this. I would assume they're pack.
As the one is running away to be by its friend,
I'll hit it with the chain mace. All right. Which
totally gives me advantage. No. It's a nine.
What do I get a plus one to hit? It's a 10. 10
does not hit. Yeah. Cool. I will back up. Okay.
That's solid. You can definitely do that. So
still standing between you guys and the torch
are these two dogs. One looks pretty awful, and
the other hasn't been touched yet still. You
guys do get the sense that their will to fight
is diminishing as they both take several steps
back. However, they're really good at shooting
flames down the hallway. With a 16, one of them
lets loose another bolt of flame doing two damage
to everybody. That's doing the most damage. Same
here. What are you at, Truck? Two. Oh, no. All
right. Thus begins a new round. I got a five.
The dog that has been hit several times whimpers
once and takes a step back and begins to run
the opposite way down the hallway. And you see
it take a right turn down where your arrow is
illuminating the hallway, and it is out of the
fight, leaving just one. All right, guys. Let's
all hit this last one at once if it's not going
to run away. I like that plan. Russer, it lunges
at you. 18 beats your armor class? Yeah. It does
two damage as it finds a seam, sinking its jaws
in drunk blood. And then a 10 does not beat anybody's
armor class, correct? Nope. As it drops, it tries
to hit you guys with another gout of flame, but
misses its mark. And now we all bash it? It is
your guys' turn, yes. We bash together. I got
a 14. I got a 9. I got an 18. A 14 plus your
1 for Bless. And plus your 2 hit. Not plus 1
for Bless. So a 15. All right. Rosser and Aurora,
you guys hit. Truck, you do not. I also have
a 1d4 minus 1 bonus to hit, too, with this weapon.
Yes. So you're going to... That affects the Hellhound.
So go ahead and roll your damage first. Six.
Nice. Three fire damage. It's immune to fire
damage. You do three damage, but then you...
Oh, I guess it wouldn't have an effect to hit
to its two hit bonus because it is immune to
fire. But it still hit with the mace itself.
Yes. The flame doesn't do anything. And how much
did you do? Oh, I don't remember. Anybody remember
what she rolled? For damage, it's a d6? Yeah.
Five? I don't know. No, I re -rolled because
I think I'm supposed to roll separately for the
fire anyway. Yes, you roll your regular damage
as a d6, and it's 1d4 fire damage. Your fire
doesn't do damage. It affects its two -hit bonus
on its next turn. Well, I think it was a three.
We'll call it a six. Split the difference. We'll
call it a three. That's what I think it was,
too. Okay. All right. New round, right? This
dog didn't go yet? The dog went first. Yeah.
Okay. It bit me. Yes, it did. Five. One. You
guys go ahead and get another crack at it. It
stands. Its haunch is still raised, still looking
menacing at the three of you. It hasn't run off
like the other one that you guys left alive.
I got a four. To hit? Yeah. Nice. I got a 20.
Oh. I got a 20 to hit. I got a 16. Okay. Roll
damage. Seven. Three. Aurora and Truck, as you
guys swing and slash away at this last hellhound,
you simultaneously bash in its ribs and setting
it into the wall, and Truck plunges his sword
into it, and this hellhound falls dead. Oh, that
was not good. Hey, I'm under here. Watch out.
Push the dog off the top of me. Stand up. Um.
Those were not good dogs. Not good boys at all.
Not at all. One got out of the way. Should we
chase it? I mean... I think we have to go that
way anyway. Hopefully it doesn't come back with
more friends. That's what I'm worried about.
Or just acquaintances, even. Colleagues. Yeah,
let's scurry down the hall after it, I suppose.
As you guys get down to the flaming bolt, you
see that it pretty much has landed at a crossroads,
and there is a corridor to the left and a corridor
to the right, and this hallway does continue
on past that. So it's a four -way stop intersection,
pretty much. Do I, not having dark vision, see
anything notable when I look in any of these
directions? No, you having no dark vision, see
only what is illuminated by the torch, which
is probably fading relatively quickly, because
it's not. You know, a full -blown torch that
was just attached to the end of an arrow. Aurora,
go ahead and make me a perception check using
wisdom. 11. Does that beat your saving throw?
Yeah. You can say, I don't know. It's literally
right there. Yes, it does. Because it's really
a 14. Okay, so you rolled a 14. You can hear
voices coming from the corridor to the right.
And you can hear screams coming from the corridor
to the left. We definitely don't want to go left.
There's a lot of screaming that way. Right sounds
like there's scary monsters and nothing seems
to be coming from straight ahead. Well, maybe
Russer can sneak down the corridor towards the
voices and see what he can see. We'll stay far
enough behind. Hey, I'll be back in a minute.
And Russer's, was that Dex? It is dex, yeah.
I tied my saving throw. We like ties around here,
don't we? Mm -hmm. Well, ties for AC go to us,
but I didn't know if ties for saving throws,
if we had to break those or not. I'll give it
to the runner. Okay, cool. As you slip down this
dark corridor, getting closer to the light, hugging
the wall, you get down to this intersection,
and you can see... Around the corner to the right.
It is almost like a small room like a barracks.
There are several beds They're actually ten beds
lined up against the wall and inside there are
five Female human females in there and three
of them are now looking over the hellhound that
has been Attacked and has you know an arrow and
wounds on it and they're discussing what to do
and they're beginning to pick up daggers and
whatnot and muster in the room. How well can
I see the three of them? Are they human or are
they humanoid? They're all humans. Okay. That's
what I'm thinking about. If I want to lay a trap,
but the only thing I have on me is rope and oil,
and if they're immune to fire damage like the
dogs are, it's not going to do anything for us.
Can you signal us that there's people about to
come and maybe sneak in there and... Sneak attack
one of them? Yeah, I'll turn around and shoot
the crossbow back down the hallway. No, I'll
sneak back down. I'll sneak back down the hallway
and let them know that we are about to have company
and possibly jump them in this intersection.
We could hide down the hallway across from where
we started. We could also just go down that hallway
and abandon these people and maybe they'll follow
our oil trail. If it's possible, I feel like
it's getting a bit darker in here. I'm feeling
very faint also. I wish I could help you. Okay,
truck's still at 2 HP, right? I'm going to sit
down here for just a minute. Ruster, you let
me know. I'll keep my sword ready. I'm going
to close my eyes for a minute. Nope, nope. Stay
awake. Keep your eyes open. Drink this, my friend.
Drink, drink. And I take the healing potion.
And glug, glug, glug, glug, glug. That puts them
back up to full. 14, 15, 16, 17. Sweet. Well,
now it's just regular dark. And there go my healing
potions. We're kind of fucked with that. Nobody
get hurt, because I don't... Have any level one
spells left? Yeah, what is our plan? Do we want
to just abandon them, or do we want to try and
jump them? There's only three of them in the
dog. The dog's very hurt. There's five of them.
Oh, there's five of them. There are three of
them looking at the dog. The dog's really dangerous.
I think we should just scurry down this hallway.
To continue straight? Yeah. Should we light the
oil on fire to draw them in the other direction?
Might as well with the dying light of the torch.
Toss the flaming bolt onto the oil smear that
goes back up the hallway, and then we will head
straight through the intersection and down. Okay,
you guys will have to pass a dex check to make
it, because I'll show you just briefly. This
is what it looks like, essentially. So you guys
have a corridor here that these people are in,
so you'll have to sneak past. Okay. Do we each
roll it? Oh, everybody's got to roll it, yeah.
It's an 11. It passes by. Check. I got a 20.
Truck. I got a 1. Oh, my God. Did we accidentally
just set truck on fire? You guys light the trail
of oil on fire down the hallway, and as Aurora
and Russer, you guys sneak past the... doorway
without drawing attention truck as you go to
do it in your chain mail um you clank through
and like you stop pretty much and all five people
in this room see you immediately right in the
doorway truck roll initiative hey guys there's
people over in this room don't talk to us man
we got away with it i got a two oh my god oh
re -rolls I got a one. Chuck's not meant to live
through this. The three that were already ready.
They weren't ready. They were distracted looking
at the dog. Yes. However, they were essentially
ready. They do rush you. Truck. Oh, hey, ladies.
That's exactly what I expected. There's enough
a truck for everybody. Your comment catches them
so off guard that all three of them rush out
of this room, stabbing at you with daggers and
missing completely. sliding off your chainmail.
You're able to dodge some. You're feeling really,
like, full of vitality at this point from the
health potion. So you do dodge. And Aurora and
Truck, you guys watch, like, pretty amazed at,
like, how deftly he misses all three of their
attacks as they come running out of the room.
I would like to whisper into the darkness, Truck,
do your stand -up routine. Babies will like you.
Can he do a charisma check and win them over
as friends? It's not about the destination. It's
about the friends we make along the way. Oh,
we're making friends because I'm planning a sneak
attack. Yeah, I will say you'll have a negative
three penalty to your charisma roll. No, we're
going to not do the charisma. The other thing
to consider, these are one -hit die creatures.
Okay, all five of them? But not the dog. Not
the hellhound, no. But all three humans in this
are one hit die creatures. Okay. Yeah. Well then,
do we roll initiative or is it our turn to go
since they all missed just now? Yeah, it's your
turn. Okay. I mean, it can be your guys' turn
as well, but Truck's the only one that's actively
in combat at the moment. I'm going to use my
combat fury, which gives me one attack per level.
So you can take five attacks, yeah? Yep. Do they
all have to be at the same person? Nope. We determined
last time you can make it in a group. So that's
a 23 to hit? Yeah, that hits. Why don't you roll
your damage? We'll do one attack roll, one damage
roll. And that's a 5, 6, 7, 8. All right. You
take one out immediately, beheading her. Perfect.
Next roll is a 24. Yeah, that hits. And another
eight. I'm just going to go down. I'll apply
your hits to the ones that have the most health.
And then that's a seven. Seven misses. Okay.
Just give that one a little haircut. It's a 20.
20 definitely hits. And it's a six. You take
out a third one. All right, this is my last one
here. Oh, and that's an eight. An eight misses.
I'm going to sneak attack the first one he misses.
Okay. That is an 18 to hit. 18 hits. Three damage.
You double it on a sneak attack on a successful
hit. Don't forget. Six damage. You take out a
fourth one. Leaving just one. Aurora, did you
want to do anything? There is the hellhound and
one person left in this room. I guess I'll bash
at the hellhound. Why not? Okay. 13. Plus bless.
14. Oh man, I forgot all about the bless. You
rolled a 24 and forgot about bless. Yes. So you
rolled a 14. Okay, a 14 misses the hellhound.
Okay. The last remaining human shrieks and with
a hiss pulls her dagger out from behind her.
The hellhound now cornered in this room as well
gets up on its hackles and you can see that it
begins to have flames pool in its mouth ready
to shoot them at the three of you. Go ahead and
roll initiative. Truck? Truck's your initiative
roller guy. Three. The female and the dog lunge
at... you truck and you russer and the dog misses
as it lunges to try to try to tear at you uh
from around the corner russer and the female's
dagger misses you truck swiping at your stomach
but you're able to evade the dog lets out a gout
of flame but it hits the ceiling missing the
three of you entirely should i try and grab the
person to see if we can talk to them or just
just death i can cast hold person Oh. I shouldn't,
though. Is this a waste? How many people are
we going to... Okay. I mean, it's up to you.
I'm going to... Sorry. I'm just going to shoot
the hellhound with the crossbow. Okay. And just
get him off the board. What'd you roll? 18 plus
1? 18 hits. Okay. That hits. Three more damage.
The hellhound whimpers, but is still on its feet.
Damn it. All right. I'm going to hit the hellhound.
Oh, that's a 14 to hit. A 14 does not hit. I
guess instead of hold person, I'll just hit the
lady with the chain base. Okay. 15? A 15 hits,
yeah. Okay. Roll your damage. Four. Okay. Now
roll your 1d4. For fire damage. Oh, it's to hit
bonus. The 1d4. Yeah. Affects the person you're
hitting, making it so their next hit. Does two,
minus two now. Great. You bash her head in with
the mace, concaving it gruesomely, and she falls
to the ground, leaving just this one lone hellhound
in the hallway with you guys. And we wrap the
chain from the chain mace around it and say,
you're our dog now. Come on. I was going to say,
at this point it won't die. Maybe we need to
make it a pet. It's kind of cute when his teeth
aren't in my neck. If you guys try to make it
your pet, it snaps and snarls and tries to bite
every single person that comes near it. And you
see little bursts of flame coming out of its
mouth as it's trying to get away from you. On
second thought, I think this is a liability.
I have a terrible thought. Cut one of their arms
off and offer it to it as a treat? See if it
calms down? I think we should just kill it. Yeah,
I think we should just kill it, too. He doesn't
want to come home with us, guys. We could talk
about getting a dog another time. Maybe a more
normal dog that doesn't shoot fire at us. You
guys say as the dog snarls. Do we need to do
initiative? Go ahead, truck. No, it's relatively
right by the end of its life, and it is actively
trying to get away. Okay, well, I rolled an 18,
19, and an 8 for damage. Truck commits animal
abuse and murders this last remaining hellhound.
All right. Then we quickly drag all these bodies
back into that room. Yep. And see if there's
anything of value. Any health potions in this
room? Is there a door we can close when we get
in there? There is no door to this room. But
there are several. Every bed also has a nightstand.
And as you guys rummage through, you're able
to find four regular healing potions in here
as these are just regular people. Or not regular
people. These are humans that you were fighting
so they don't regenerate health very quickly.
So take four regular health potions. Are you
guys searching anything else on the room or the
people? Yep. All right. Searching the people,
you find each one has an identical ring on their
one finger. And it's a gold ring with a language
that you don't understand inscripted around the
outside of the band. It glows with a dim white
light. as does their daggers that they each carried.
I'm going to see if I can find a piece of cord
or a wire or a necklace, a chain, something that
I can string through all of the rings to keep
them together and hooked together. Yeah, sure.
You can find something, I'm sure. Off their clothing,
somewhere in the room. As for clothing, they're
not wearing too much. They're not like naked
or anything like that. They do have some armor
on, but they have like, it's pretty much a skirt
that has some high slits in it. It is red and
black. And their top, they kind of have like
a light kind of like waistcoast kind of deal
that is matching colors. Is there anything, like
a letter or anything explaining what's with this
cult? No. Dang. I'm going to take two daggers.
Okay. Oh, okay. They vibrate when you grab them.
I'm going to take the remaining daggers with
the rings, unless Drakwan's one. And do you put
any of the rings on? No, that's why I threaded
a cord through it. The daggers are plus one daggers
each. Are there any more torches in this room?
Did they have anything that conveyed light? This
room is lit, yeah. In addition, this room has
a very overwhelming scent of incense. It does
mask the scent of death and decay that has been
coming from the hallway and other areas. How
many healing potions did you each take? I just
wrote down that we all have four. I feel like,
in my mind, we all took one, and Aurora took
two, being the healer. I will put two on my list.
Are they just regular health potions? They are
just regular health potions, yes. So they'll
do 1d6 plus 1 when consumed. Anything else you
want to try and do in this room? Is there a different
way out of here? This is just one. There is only
this one door. Okay. Truck and Russer, you guys
can see you guys did get rid of the flaming arrow
that was in the center of the corridor. You can
see that the hallway across from you is not very
long, and it does stop and open up into a T itself.
I guess we go that way. I'm going to sneak down
to that T and see. Because that's the direction
the screams are coming from, correct? That's
correct, yes. I'm going to go down there and
see if I can figure out what, you know, peek
my head around and see what's going on at that
intersection. All right, Thief, give me a dexterity
check, please. That would be an... 18 all right
you sneak through the hallway Which it's not
terribly hard to do at this point because it's
pretty dark, but as you do get down towards this
intersection across from where you guys just
were the Room the there's two chambers one to
the left and one to the right at this T the one
to the right is dimly lit still still lit up
and as you poke your head around you see that
there are several cages hanging from the ceiling
and there are several dead prisoners in it there's
also one prisoner who is an orc that is weakly
fighting off two imps that are trying to tear
them apart and a ghoul standing in the corner
salivating on the chamber to the left across
from that is a large metal door that is closed
Is the door trap locked or... Are you going to
go check out the door? Yeah, I'm going to go
check out the door and see. Okay. I won't make
you roll again for it. You sneak over to the
door, unless you want to check something. I was
just getting ready and crazy. There was a trap.
I have the saving throw thing for the trap, so
I was checking the door if it was... Okay. Yeah,
go ahead and check. It's 11. Beats my saving
throw. This door is locked. You don't see any
traps around it, but it is steadfastly locked
and is a very thick steel door. All right. I'm
going to head back to the group and tell them
about the room and the door. Does this key look
like it would work? And I show him the onyx key
that I have. I don't know. I have to go check.
I'll take the key down and sneak back down and
see. I'll say because you checked the door beforehand.
Oh. The keyhole. Does not match this key. Okay.
I don't think so. Okay, I'll just hold on to
it. That was the key to the mausoleum. Oh. I'm
just going to leave this on the floor right here.
I don't think I need it anymore. You could use
it to throw at someone, though. It's just a...
I guess I could use it as a distraction or something.
Just keep it. We can maybe trade it. Across from
the door? Do you think we should go and fight
some of those people? Do you think that they're
all people who would want to fight us or we could
find an ally there? The orc might be on our side
if he's got some health left to him, but he's
in the middle of fighting for his life. So even
if we did go and he tried something, we would
be okay? There's a total of four in there that
I saw. If someone needs help, we should probably
do that. Okay, yeah. Let's go. Of course you
do, goody shoes. Shoes are known to save everybody
in the underground. Let's go. All right. Well,
you did pretty good sneaking in before. I saw
you when those ladies all came out at me. I saw
you sneak up and get the one that tripped. So
we'll let you sneak in there first, and then
we'll come up afterwards. Yeah, if I can resume
the position I was in before. Not so much. He's
over there rolling an awful lot. Aw, jeez. Aw,
jeez, Rick. So there were two orcs, and they
were fighting an imp. One orc, two imps. And
one ghoul. One ghoul. The ghoul was salivating
in the corner. I was going to try and sneak attack
the ghoul. Ghoul's into some weird shit. All
right, we'll just say you guys can sneak. Get
back down the hallway. Yeah, down the hallway.
That would be wonderful. Yeah, you guys make
it down the hallway as a group. These imps do
seem pretty distracted at the moment. I am going
to attempt a sneak attack on the ghoul as long
as the imps look like they are totally involved
in that work. Yeah, go ahead and make a sneak
attack. I'm waiting in the hall. I'm not sneaky.
Yeah, it was a seven. I doubt he's got that low
of an AC. Oh, wait, no. Bless still in effect?
Yep. Nine. Not much better, but better. I forgot
to hit my two hit and my blast. All right, so
you sneak into the door, trying to sneak attack.
What weapon are you using? I'm using the crossbow.
I'm going to try and be as out of the way as
possible. I'm hoping that even if I miss, that
he's really not going to, the ghoul's really
not going to, you're just going to hear a ting
in the background. If hopes and nuts were candies...
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You send an arrow flying into
this room, and it goes right past the ghoul's
head. It turns with a screech, looking out the
door, and runs out of the room with a quick pace.
The two imps stop what they're doing for a second,
looking towards the door. Go ahead and roll initiative.
You're up, you big burly bastard. That's a one.
Oh my god. We're fucked. It's always a one when
they're coming out of the room at us. The two
imps spend their turn. They throw this orc into
a cage, locking it. The ghoul lunges at you,
Russer. You're able to dodge out of the way as
it comes flying through the doorway, careening
into the wall, missing, before turning and seeing
the rest of your party. It's your guys' turn.
The orc is now locked in a cage. We'll she it.
Any of these guys level one are one attack die
creatures? No, neither of them are. Shucks. I'm
going to use my sword and attack the ghoul. For
a... The ghoul ran away, I thought. No, the ghoul's
like out in the hallway with you guys now. The
imps are still in the room. It's in between you
guys and me. A 14 to hit the ghoul. That does
hit the ghoul, yeah. Sweet. And a 5 to damage
the ghoul. You're able to decapitate this ghoul
as it slobbers in this hallway, unable to do
anything of consequence beforehand. Russer and
Aurora. With the ghoul being taken care of, I
am going to level my crossbow at the imp that
is closest. So whichever one is in the forward
position. 15 to hit. A 15 does not hit. You send
another crossbow bolt flying right over this
imp's head. Or right past its face. It turns
as the arrow cruises past its long nose. I guess
I'll run up and hit it with my chain mace. Okay.
The same one. 16? 16 hits. Huzzah! Six. Also...
Takes a minus two to his hit. Bonus. All right.
You smacked the one imp that Russer just missed
with your chain mace, and you've been effective.
crunching imps with this thing all day and you
send it sprawling into the wall across the room
it hits the ground it still has life in its eyes
but not a whole lot leaving just the one imp
left with you in the room does a 13 beat your
ac it does it flies at you uh trying to dig its
claws into your shoulders and stabbing at you
with its barbed tail um but your cloak of protection
magically keeps it from making purchase. Go ahead
and roll initiative. Six. Nice. You guys get
the first round. The one imp is attacking Aurora.
The other one is on the ground trying not to
die. Yes. I charge to swing my sword at the one
attacking Aurora for a 17. 17 hits. 18. 18 hits
even more. And eight damage. Nice. All right,
yeah, you cleave at it, and this imp flies backwards,
hovering in the room several feet away after
you sliced it pretty well, drawing a gout of
blood from it. Russer is going to dive on top
of the imp in the corner with his hand axe and
stab him. 15? A 15 does not hit. So now you're
just wrestling with an imp. All right, Aurora?
Truck, what did you do? I sliced the imp very,
very good, but not all the way. The one that's
attacking me? Yes. I would like to stab it with
both daggers that I found and see what they might
do. You can only attack with one. Okay. Well,
I attack with one. Okay. Oh, wait. You don't
use bladed weapons. You're a cleric. Damn it.
Okay. Well, I'm not going to chain mace myself.
It's not on you. It flew several feet away after
truck. Oh, then I will bash it with the mace.
You bash your own head in with the mace. 22.
22 definitely hits, yeah. Cool. Cool. I was hoping
it would. Only a one. But a minus one to their
attack. Okay. This one flies back at you after
you limply hit it with your mace, although it
does catch on fire. Aurora, it comes lunging
for your neck. 14 minus 1 because of its on fire.
Does a 13 beat your AC? No, it ties. It whips
its barbed and poisoned tail out at you, trying
to strike you in the neck or the face, but it
is not able to target you well. 16. Does that
beat your armor class truck? Nope. Russer? Sorry.
Oh, yeah. You're fighting with? Yeah. Okay. It
stings at you with its tail. It only does one
damage, but I need you to make a saving throw.
You get a plus four to that saving throw, however,
as its tail digs in underneath your armor, pumping
its lethal poison into you. Any particular stat
or no? Nope. I rolled a nine, and you said I
get a plus four? Yeah. So it was 13. That beat
your? Yes. All right. Awesome. You're able to
fight off this poison. You feel it at first.
It begins to work quickly through your body.
But using just sheer will, you're able to force
it back out the wound? I don't know how that
works. But it does not take the life from your
eyes. And it is a new round. Did you just tell
me these are insta -kill poison? They are, yes.
Son of a bitch. You guys get to go first. The
one that's attacking me? I want to grab its tail
and whip it around and try to smoke it into the
wall really hard. Right on. Just like Truck did
earlier today, you're inspired by how he shit
whipped an imp into another one by its tail.
Go ahead and give me an attack roll. Can I get
an inspiration? That's not a mechanic in this
game, so. 14? A 14 does not. Shit. So you're
basically just spinning around with this thing,
unable to get it where it wants. It fights against
you with its wings, trying not to let you smoke
it into a wall. So she still is just swinging
around? Yeah, both getting dizzy. While she's
swinging around, I'm just going to try and slice
it in half. All right, go for it. It's a one.
You sliced my arm off. No, it's a 23. Nice. Yeah,
23 hits. And a six. Aurora, as you're spinning
it around, Truck comes with his sword and slices
this imp below its shoulder and lops off its
head. And now you are just spinning an imp around
as it spews what Iker has out of its body, kind
of just like plastering the room, as I don't
even think you've realized that it's been dispatched
yet. It's pretty gruesome. Russer. You get splattered
with some of the entrails from this imp as she's
spinning around while you wrestle this other
one on the ground. As soon as the gore from the
other one splashes on my face, Russer screams
as loud as he can, takes his hand axe and buries
it in the neck of the one on top of him, hitting
for an 18. An 18 does it. And doing 5 damage.
And you take out... The imp that you've been
sitting on for the last round or two. As soon
as he goes limp, I push him onto the ground and
extract the tail from my side. Yeah, okay, that's
good. And Aurora, you're still screaming in circles
as you just haul this thing around. I feel the
weight change and I slow down. Oh, great move,
Truck. That was awesome. Yeah, you know, the
momentum of you swinging, it really helped the
blade go through. Yeah, I didn't even see it
happen. From the corner, you hear... That was
pretty gruesome, even for an orc. Oh, yes. We
need to let you out of here. Oh, do we? Wait
a minute. Yes, that would be preferred. I assume
he's not going to hurt us. He didn't see all
the gruesomeness we just performed, so... I'm
not here to hurt you. You're here to hurt others?
That's why I came here. Oh, cool. We're here
to hurt... The rest of the thing's here too,
I think. Then let me out of this cage. And he
rattles his bars. How'd you get in? How'd you
get past the cemetery gate? I didn't see a cemetery
gate. I was brought here. Oh, shit. That sounds
like much easier than what we had to do, but
yeah, all right. I was looking for my brother
in the woods. Huh. Um. I will look around for
a key or something or a way to open the door.
Searching around, one of the imps, the one that
you were spinning around, did drop a key as you
were just like spinning around with it right
at your feet and you were able to find the key.
Oh, I put it on the same key ring as the Onyx
key. I'm starting a collection, guys. And then
I'll open the door with it. I'm aiming to have
one of those big janitor key rings. You put that
in a pillowcase and whack. Exactly. Wait, which
door do you open with it? Don't. Prison door?
The cage. Oh, the cage that he's in? Yeah. Yeah,
actually, the key that you find does not unlock
this orc's cage. So I'm going to just see if
I can, you know, rip the cage open. If not, I'm
going to smash the locking mechanism with my
Morningstar. Yes, smash! So I got a 21. Yeah,
you were able to tear this door open. It wasn't
very well constructed. I'm just picturing a cotter
pin in there. And the orc comes tumbling onto
the ground. Russ, during this whole thing, is
just completely preoccupied with the imp's tails
slash poison sacks. Are you trying to cut them
out? I'm at least trying to soak a couple arrows
in one. Pretty gross, but I'll allow it. I'll
give you three bolts covered in poison. Three
poison bolts? Oh, you speak. So you got brought
down here by whom? How long have you been down
here? Days. Week. Not long enough to break spirit
like these. And he points at other prisoners
that have died in their cages. Oh, gross. Yes.
I was looking for my brother who went missing.
See one of those guys? No. Well, that's good.
That's good, at least. They're puny humans like
you. Who you calling puny? You. How much bigger
than him is he? Not. He's not any bigger than
you. All right, let's settle down. Now, I could
use weapons. Well, look around. Oh, who's this
there, guys? You made a new friend, did you?
My name is Brax. Hey, Brax. Brax, that's one
I can remember. Are you making fun of the wimp
over here? I make fun of all of you. Well, that's
rude. Well, why would you make fun of me? Because
you puny. Why don't you come down here and say
that? He starts to get on his knees. I'm down
here a little farther than that there, big man.
I don't know if I can get down. Get down all
the way. He stands back up. Not worth it. We
need to unlock door. And he points across the
hallway. Maybe his key goes to that. Oh, you
found a key. Well, it kind of flew out of the
imp. I guess he swallowed it, which is weird.
Does it look like the right one when Rester sees
it? Yes. Oh, that does look like the one for
the door. I hand a partial imp to the orc. Like,
here, you can swing this. It's a weapon. I saw
a girl do this. And he just begins swinging it.
And it's the one that's, like, chopped up. Like,
the rest of its guts just come pooling out of
it. Not good weapon. Try the one that's whole.
They work a little bit better. Or you can use
this. None of them are whole anymore because
Russell's been dissecting them. I'm going to
open the door. Okay. You open the door across
the hallway and it opens into another room and
there's a human male chained to the wall who
is also dead. The rest of this room seems really
pretty empty though. That's where we're going
to end this episode. So until next time, we will
see you next, next Tuesday. That's it for today's
episode. We hope you've enjoyed listening as
much as we've enjoyed playing. If you have, go
run and tell all your friends so that we can
turn as many people into CritCats as possible.
Tales from the Crit is a Wolfbeard Games audio
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and head on over to our Instagram page and our
YouTube channel. Both of those are at Tales from
the Crit Podcast. All right. Bye -bye. Go for
it, man. Drink that water. Yeah, you drink some
water, too. You get some water. You get some
water. I'll get some water. Everybody drinks
water. You guys ready to reprise your roll? I
love Rolos. I rolled a 21 to hit. All right,
everybody, just calm down for a minute. I got
to write some stuff. Did you add your blast to
your hip, by the way? It wouldn't have mattered.
It wouldn't have mattered. Yeah, cool, cool.
Derek took my pencil. I was taking all of them
to keep with the... So you're taking two of them?
Interesting. Female coal. Everything vibrates.
Gross, Rebecca. You started it. Truck just comes
and... You know, lines right up. Truck comes.
Oh, my God. I love this movie.