Welcome, my little critters, to Tales from the Crit Season 2, The Level Up.
We're an actual play podcast with an ever-changing cast of players making our way through a bunch
of different RPGs systems, from micro-RPGs to some of the more well-known role-playing
games out there, and the occasional highly narrative tabletop game.
Content warnings can be found in the episode's description.
My name is Riley Groves, and I am the Crit Keeper on this episode of Tales from the Crit.
Just a heads up, listeners, this is going to be a live recorded episode.
So like our other live recorded ones, this one is a little less edited, a little less
polished.
You're going to hear some coughs, some table noises, some real weird shit.
I didn't really pull anything out of this one, so just sit back and enjoy our wrap party
for Season 2, and thank you for a great season.
Welcome back to Tales from the Crit.
I am the Crit Keeper, and I have a full room full of fine folks here with me today.
I've got Tim.
Hello.
I love how you looked at somebody else.
I didn't know we were going to be saying names.
All right, yeah, I forgot to run through that.
Rebecca's here.
Hello.
Renee's here.
Hi.
Derek's here.
Hello.
Connor's here.
Hello.
Stefan's here.
Hello.
Mikey's here.
Howdy.
Replacing John Spoto is, once again, Naughty the Dolphin.
Because Anna's not here, she has been replaced by Bruce the Bat.
No sound.
We can't hear it.
It's out of our hearing range.
Fuck yeah.
So, they'll be missing, but those animals will take their place.
All right, how did everybody feel about Season 2?
It's great.
Pretty good.
Good.
Fun time.
That was really low energy.
Hold on, let's do it again.
Let's retake.
It feels weird to pat ourselves on the back.
Yeah, we did awesome.
I guess so.
I had a lot of fun with the ones that I was part of.
Okay.
Did you listen to any that you weren't a part of?
Why would I listen to something that I didn't do?
I hate Mikey the most.
I listened to a lot of them.
I was in only one.
You are.
You're a first-timer and one episode-er, but we hope to have you back.
You played Chubby Checkers.
Nope.
No?
That was Anna.
Anna played Chubby Checkers, who I did find out the other day was a real person.
What?
Yeah.
So, we're sitting at Cracker Barrel.
I know, kind of whack.
But they had a bunch of Chubby Checkers albums up on the wall.
And I was like, Rebecca, look at that.
And she looked for a really long time, but I wasn't specific about what I was asking
her to look at.
There's a lot of things at Cracker Barrel.
There are.
And she was just staring at some people and she was like, I don't want to look anymore.
I was like pointing.
I was like, look at that couple up above their head.
It was really weird, but apparently a real person.
Just see you pointing at a table of people at Cracker Barrel and you're just like, look
at it.
It was really uncomfortable for me.
There's people who are just like, why is this strange, crazy person pointing at us, like,
begging people to look at us?
Well, I did play the sister, Bobby?
Bobby Newport Jr. was not the name of the movie.
Wow, that is a dope name.
I liked my name, Ivan Sputnik.
Yep, you played a Russian.
Unfortunately, Connor and Stefan, you guys weren't here.
It was a lot of fun.
You guys would have liked it.
Yeah.
Unfortunately, I was like extremely busy last year.
I didn't really get out to get into any of these podcasts that much.
You were in like 25% of the episodes last year.
I tried explaining to this, this to him on the car ride here.
He's like, I was in one episode.
I was like, no, you were in like one chapter.
You're in like nine episodes.
Yeah.
I didn't know that that podcast that we recorded, one that large, I haven't been able to get
around to it.
I found out he doesn't listen to us.
I, I.
You know what?
To be fair.
Um, before this season even started, he's like, I cannot be on that many episodes.
I really can't commit to anything.
And I was like, that's cool, man.
You know, as much as you want to be one episode too.
So he shows up to record one time so that we could record two episodes and the poor
bastard got dragged into seven.
That just kept having to come back over and over again.
No, we only, it took us two, it took us two episodes, but like you broke it down.
That was sad.
I mean, we didn't meet seven times, but we met at least three.
Oh, probably.
I don't remember.
The last year was a hard year.
I agree.
Most of them have been going so terrible.
Fuck yeah.
Um, so I've got some of the pod deck interview deck questions.
We haven't really answered too many of these cause we were using that campfire RPG card
deck that I cannot ever remember the name of ever and won't.
So we're not going to, but so I figured for this episode, we'll answer a few of these
and get to know each other again a little bit more.
Cause I forgot who all of you were this season as people.
Are we ready?
I think I forgot who I am as a people.
You get so into your characters.
Lost in the sauce.
All right.
Question one, what is your number one priority in the morning?
Coffee.
Wake up.
Okay.
Go pee.
Find out if it's time that I have to actually get out of bed or if I can stay in the warm
of my bed a little bit longer.
That's a good one.
That is my number one priority is not to get out of the bed.
Mine is, is Renee going to let all the animals out or am I going to have to get up?
Mine is pretty much that I have to let the dogs out.
That's not going to be me.
Well during the week she gets up like two hours earlier than I have to.
So during the week I don't have to get up.
I have to say I like wake up, but I'm not awake.
Like I get up and I'm halfway through feeding everyone when I realize, oh, I'm physically
up doing stuff right now.
Look at me go.
Coffee is the next and most important thing.
First thing is getting up and out of bed and just stop being comfortable.
No, it sucks.
Let's have coffee.
Mine is let the dogs out.
They're screaming at the door.
Actually I guess mine is feed my cats because they don't let you do anything else before
that.
Like I can't make the coffee before I feed the cats.
I can't do anything before I feed the cats because they run upstairs and they're like,
hey, hey, feed me you fucker.
It's like 4 15 in the morning and the cats are standing at the bottom of the stairs.
Just me howling at the doors waiting for somebody to get up.
Fucking cats man.
Just before the alarms go off.
Yeah of course.
Tim?
Check the pellet stove.
Important.
Even in the summer.
Especially in the summer.
I guess.
Yeah, why not?
Sometimes I put plants on there in the summer so I guess I should check them for water.
What a weird noise.
Fucking water them plants man.
Hey plants, did you make any water last night?
Stupid plants never making me any water.
If you could try out a job for just one day, what would it be?
This is such a good question.
Limo driver.
Alright.
But not like, you know, like top end, top echelon, you know.
Bow tie little hat.
Like for someone personal.
Like a chauffeur.
They hire you throughout the day.
Probably like month chunks like when you rent a tour bus and you kind of get that driver
for like the extension of the tour.
Who rents a limo for a month?
I know right?
But someone will.
That's a classy son of a bitch right there.
I'm over here for four weeks, I just need a, alright cool.
I need a limo for a month, why don't you just buy a limo?
Who's gonna drive it?
Honestly I assumed they had the limo, I was just driving it, why would I have a limo?
Oh you're gonna be like a rich person's chauffeur.
But in like monthly chunks.
It's a monthly subscription service to Tim's time.
You know like a job would be if you were to stay at it.
That was the question right job?
Yep it was one day.
It's not four months, one day.
I work in a warehouse on the weekdays but on the weekends I'm a chauffeur.
Alright cool.
Anybody?
How do you top that?
I know what job I'd want to do.
Because I literally said if I ever win the lottery this is what I want to do.
And it's get random jobs, find the weakest person inside of that job that like makes
the job shit for everyone else and then fuck them over so they get fired.
And I get fired too.
What job is that?
You could be like a consultant, that works undercover.
Yeah you're undercover boss in it except you're not the boss, you're like that big angry guy
that goes into bar rescue and yells at folks.
That would be the job that I'd want to try to do.
Hey you suck!
You're the worst, get the fuck out of here!
I've been working alongside, like everybody here has a great time, they all hate dealing
with this guy.
You know what I'm gonna get rid of him.
It'd be called undercover toss.
Toss in their ass.
Yeah but I would want to do it.
That's a different show on a different program.
That's a different job.
You can't call it undercover toss.
That's a late name.
That'd be on TLC.
They got some weird shit over there.
They say it's educational but I'm not certain.
You know what, that would be a job I'd like to try is just video editor for TLC.
You can make the most unhinged fucking shows and people watch them for a reason.
If you're in a waiting room somewhere with a TV.
Yeah, yeah.
I just stared at you so good.
Like what the fuck are you talking about man?
I got one, a voice over actor.
Oh yeah.
I like that.
Renee?
A couple of things came to mind.
So a fun thing would be that person that like in Italy where you do a little boat.
That'd be cool.
Would you sing?
They sing?
Yes.
Oh sure.
I'm all in.
I'm in Italy.
I want the mute button.
Isn't that how they used to do it in like old live TV for like beeping stuff out?
Like you'd have a certain amount of time, you'd have to like time the video.
Yeah, you'd have to get a second delay or something.
Yeah, a couple of seconds delay.
That would be a stressful job.
Yeah.
You could not zone.
I would be terrible at that job.
I'd be pitching all the time.
It was also like a national thing when you'd screw up.
Yeah.
Oh my, this was set on TV.
They said heck, get them.
Fuck you San Diego.
I mean I guess you would only really have to push that button like a couple of times.
Because like they're not supposed to.
That's true.
So you'd be like, oh they stepped up inside that moment.
But that's even worse because now no one's said it for so long.
It really is.
You just zone out and all the time there's a fuck up national thing.
If you got M&M up there, you know you're hitting that button all the time.
It's like Morse code.
Telegraph.
Mikey, have you given us a fucking career yet?
No.
I was thinking about what it would be fun to do for a day.
I don't know, just work in an office.
I've never done it.
I mean like, I've never done it.
Trust me, don't do it.
I like this.
I'll tell you what.
For a day, just something like menial, like copy colates, you know, staple shit.
Well that's you like.
Enjoy being happy.
I work six days a week at like almost like 65, 70 hours in the kitchen.
Like an office, like nine to five sounds like.
Why wouldn't you choose something like an aquarium, like playing with penguins and something
decent.
I hate what you're doing.
So I guess like my other dream thing, I would love to do it for more than a day, would be
like a national park ranger.
That would be fun.
There we go.
That's way better than being like, I would take a normal job, just a regular job.
Well like a national park ranger would be really cool.
That would be fun.
You know what else would be fun?
Being at a water park.
With all the kids down there.
You get home from work, you just start drinking vodka.
You're just like, how was it today?
Like so many fucking kids died.
That was a good day.
Not going to work tomorrow.
Got my PR today.
13 kids drowned.
Like the person who like helps draw the lottery, like just announcing the numbers.
Yolanda Medega.
Nice woman.
Everyone knows her.
Nice woman.
Derek Smetter.
Likes to have a good time.
Why?
We're out of women.
It was a fun wedding.
I like that everyone stayed relatively humble.
No one was like, I want to be the CEO of some crazy shit or like make it.
You haven't even heard of mine.
I know.
I just know you're not going to say that.
No, I would honestly, I'd probably like to be like a small aircraft passenger pilot in
like the Caribbean or the Mediterranean.
Just a little hour, two hour long jump flights around.
Smuggler.
So a smuggler.
Basically Jimmy Buffett before he started playing guitar.
He liked boats more.
Oh, we didn't ask Naughty.
Naughty, what would John do?
I feel like John's a good answer.
Yeah.
John is doing what he wants to do.
He can't come here today because.
But shameless plug for Whale Belly Food Truck in Hudson.
Next question.
Have you ever been bitten or attacked by an animal?
Yes.
I mean, probably anybody that's got a cat has been attacked by an animal.
I've been bit by two dogs.
Yeah, I got bit in the face by a dog as a kid.
I got bit in the leg by a Rottweiler because I was trying to break up a fight with him
and a German shepherd and I hid it from my mom for three days.
She was very worried when she found that huge gash on my leg.
And that's how you lost your leg because of the infection.
The gangrenousness.
Did anybody get bit by anything cool?
A squirrel.
OK.
I got bit by a squirrel once too.
Oh, I got bit by a rat.
I got a rat too.
I got a rat.
OK, we've got two rats.
I have a list.
Go for it.
Two dogs, German Shepherd and Doggo Argentina.
One in the butt, one in the arm.
A horse, cow, several goats, several rabbits, llama, raccoon, and a dog.
I don't know if I'm going to get it.
For some reason, my babysitter as a kid had a raccoon, so that thing like to cling to
your legs.
Are you married from the office?
Did you get a rabies shot?
I've had them.
He just lives with it.
I've had them.
That foam just is there.
Yeah, you don't remember last Halloween when he showed up and his mouth was foaming all
over the place.
Yes, that's true.
Yeah, I think that about covers it.
Pretty good list.
I've been bitten by a bird.
Not too big of a fan of them.
I had a bird once.
His name is Asap Rocky.
We were his third owners and I realized quickly why we were his third owners.
And his fourth owners probably realized very quickly why they were the fourth.
How many owners does he have?
I don't know.
He was very angry.
And at that point in his life also sexually aggressive, so that was hard to deal with.
I don't know what that means.
I mean, he was a horny teenage bird.
He kept cat calling me.
It was really annoying.
And then he'd bite him.
Are you sure it was because of the way you were dressed?
I'm pretty sure that had something to do with it, but he shouldn't have assumed consent
on that matter.
That's cool.
Renee, what have you been bitten by?
Jellyfish?
I didn't think of any animals, but children came to mind.
You.
Yeah.
I got a rat, cat, dog, donkey.
And I guess you said jellyfish.
I got stung by a Portuguese manamore when I was a kid.
Oh, and you're alive.
That's not a bite.
It's a sting.
It doesn't have a mouth.
You could probably say bee.
Bee's bite.
Bug bite.
Oh yeah, mosquitoes.
Countless bug bites.
Donkey hurt.
Donkey bite.
Donkey hurt right on the back of the arm.
Donkey horse.
Don't turn your back on a goddamn anything with four legs.
I've been bitten by an emu that was after my watch.
Little did it know that watch only cost me four dollars.
That was a folex.
I feel like I've been bitten by lots of things.
I don't want to pick Gordas over me bringing him a late breakfast one day.
You sent me a picture of your leg bleeding.
You said it's the big one.
I'm coming Elizabeth.
He got me.
It's like a little stream of red going down your calf.
I was like Harley turned on you.
He's just like literally his head just kind of hit me.
Yeah, it's like a dime size hole in the back of my calf.
Nice.
He got me.
All right.
Who is the most famous famous person you've ever met?
The funniest one that comes to mind is when Derek and I were down in where we near Chelsea.
We almost ran over Wilma.
Right near the East Village.
We were parked outside of the pharmacy we were working at and there was just a little
bit of room in front of the truck and a cab pulls in and I'm sitting in the passenger
side.
I'm standing next to the passenger side and look at this fucking cab just pulling in here
like a jerk.
Somebody goes to jump in there and I said that's Willem fucking Defoe.
Loud enough with the window open right in front of us he heard, turned his head sure
enough.
It was Agent Paul Smekker from the Boondock Saints.
Looks right at us.
Two black polos, sunglasses and a big black truck looks at us and then leaps into the
cab and just speeds away.
I was just like yeah that makes sense like we looked like crazy like it was a weird thing
and it was just like that's Willem fucking Defoe and it's just like we look like kidnappers.
That was the funniest first one.
Alright I got to sell Brian Cox weed.
Okay alright you go.
Fucking that was pretty cool.
Oh yeah because you worked at a dispensary.
Oh yeah.
It was very legal and one of the guys from the garden state he was real cool.
Is that Raph?
Nope.
The other one.
Yep.
Natalie Portman?
No that would have been cool.
I probably would have lost my shit on that one.
Like rap for me Natalie.
Alright who else has one?
Rebecca's met a bunch.
Oh I met a bunch at Comic Con but I feel like that's different.
In the wild I've met Al Roker.
I got Al.
Yeah he was not polite.
He was a grumpy bastard.
I've only ever had nice interactions with Al Roker.
He came into the store on Christmas Eve and I was all like Merry Christmas and he was
a real grump ass about it and I was like I have to work I should be the grump ass.
You're just out shopping.
That's why you gotta get him chicken wings.
At work?
Well yeah he used to come into the restaurant.
She worked at a toy store.
The fuck is she gonna get chicken wings from?
I don't know it's Al Roker give him chicken wings he's nice.
He's really good when you feed him.
He's not nice.
This is my hill I die on.
You met Yo-Yo Ma.
I did meet Yo-Yo Ma.
And he was cool.
He's very lovely.
He's a very nice person.
That's when I broke up the Beatles?
No.
Yes it is.
Yo-Yo Ma broke up the Beatles.
He's the jealous.
The jealous cellist.
I only know the other one.
Alright Renee.
No one really but Ken Scriven do you anybody remember that guy?
The Ken Scriven?
Ken fucking Scriven from the Kevin Scriven show?
Ken.
Kevin Scriven.
Kevin Scriven was the show.
Who is the actor?
Who is it?
It's like Al Roker but local.
I thought he sounded like a new guy.
A new personality.
No we hate the news.
I met Steve LaPointe in third grade.
Oh I think we all grade on that.
Bob Kovacek.
Come to the racetrack.
He used to do fundraiser work with my mother.
He was really big into the fundraisers Bob Kovacek.
He was a super cool guy.
He did a lot for charity around the area.
All you have to do is call him.
If his schedule is free he will come do public events for like a month.
We'll have him on the show.
Oh I got to bring a dog and some kittens to meet Steve Caparizzo into a pet connection.
That was cool.
I got to watch him film everything.
That's cool.
These are all very upstate New York.
These are very niche references.
I don't know if I've met some Broadway people but I don't know if any of them got famous.
Some of them did.
The kid from Rent did.
He was also an asshole.
He accused Kevin Spacey of molesting him.
He's such an asshole.
Sorry.
The way haired guy from Rent is not that nice.
We didn't know which one.
Whatever.
You do now.
I met Danny Trejo.
That's pretty cool.
I don't know the actor's name because I don't know actor's names but he was the big guy
from Hellraiser Pinhead.
That dude is like seven foot tall.
He is so much taller than me.
I met him at a Comic Con thing but I actually got him to come over to us and take pictures.
Nice.
Pretty fun.
I met Leeb Schreiber on the set of that.
Yeah.
I forgot we were in that movie.
The guy I was going next was Leeb Schreiber and Demetri Martin.
We got to meet Demetri.
There were some other guys.
Who was that?
Who was it?
Eugene Levy was there.
Leib Schreiber waved a bat in my face.
That was a fun one.
For me.
Naomi Watts was actually there with their child and she was like offset and we were
kind of wandering around and I met Naomi Watts that day too.
Yeah.
Emil Hirsch was in that movie.
He was very short.
For the audience, they filmed a portion of the movie taking wood stock in our town which
was very lucrative.
We all got to take the summer off from our jobs to be paid extras on the Ang Lee movie.
Yeah.
Which was nice.
Oh, got to meet Ang Lee.
Oh, did you?
Ang!
He was staying at the bed and breakfast my mother was running at the time.
Nice.
So I got to meet him.
I had coffee with Emil Hirsch and Demetri Martin.
I wasn't supposed to be in that tent but nobody told me not to.
So they were having coffee and I was just standing behind them pretending like I was
in the conversation.
If somebody was walking by they would have been like, oh, look at those three people
having a conversation.
I distinctly was not in on the conversation, however.
From my experience with Leib Schreiber, I was told to sleep on the hood of a car in
the nice summer sun and just be an extra in the background and at one point I woke up
and Leib Schreiber is sitting on the hood of the car in a skirt and high heels with
a revolver in his waist fixing his shoes because they have him in the scene running and they're
repeating the scene over and over and he's running in high heels like a hundred times,
waving a handgun.
Yeah.
One of the scenes that I was in with him was walking by and he's wearing this pink dress
in heels with a big blonde wig and he's just got a freaking Louisville slugger just swinging
for the fences.
I was in a scene where with some friends and there was this one girl who was topless and
she trips over a tent that we're walking by and the three of us could not stop looking
no matter how much.
They were like, don't look at it this time.
We were like, yeah, sure.
All right.
So they were like, all right, we're going to film one, just one take with her shirt
on.
I was much younger and much purveyor and that's the one that made it into the movie.
We didn't look and they're like, yeah, that's going to be that.
So stop looking at her chest.
I can't.
They're right there.
I'm 18.
We met all four hobbits.
We did.
Which was really cool.
And Henry Winkler.
Yes.
He was cool as fuck, man.
It's over there.
Nope.
Uh, well, there was a picture.
I used to have a picture.
We gave it away.
No, we didn't.
Nope.
Is that it?
Yep.
Uh, no.
Uh, Henry Winkler was really cool.
Um, fuck out.
So we met Creed, Stanley and Oscar from the office.
They were really cool.
You guys go to a lot of cons.
We do.
We met Hattie Christensen.
He was really chill.
He was like eight hours late.
Was that the guy from?
He's Anakin Skywalker.
Is that the guy?
Oh, I was thinking.
Is that the guy?
It's the guy, man.
Oh, yeah.
He was the guy from that movie Jumper.
Oh my god.
Wow.
It's like a shitty movie.
Yeah, alright.
Um.
That was good dead air.
It got really hard.
But, like, dude, I literally saw it on the screen.
Yeah, just the fucking sound just died.
Um, I don't know.
The main cast from, um, The Clone Wars TV show.
Yep.
We met Monica Rial, who voices Bulma in the American Dragon Ball show.
She was really cool.
She was like, what do you want me to write on your Funko Pop?
What's your favorite line?
I was like.
Yes, Riley, I'll marry you.
I completely froze.
I was like, I don't.
I don't know.
And she's like, I'll pick this one.
I was like, thanks.
Yeah.
I don't know.
That might be all the famous folks.
I don't know how.
Willem DeFoe's was funny.
He jumped in that fucking cab.
Yeah, I ran into the dude that was, anybody see the Insidious movies or the Conjuring
movies?
God, nobody.
What did we just find out?
He was also in the Phantom of the Opera movie.
Yes.
Which is the other one.
Are you talking about the guy that was the bad guy in Aquaman 2?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
I ran into him at a coffee shop last time.
You had me at Phantom of the Opera.
I fucking love music.
I know which one you're exactly.
Yeah.
I don't know if he was cool or not.
I did not.
He was another one.
If somebody was walking by, it would have looked like we were having a conversation,
but I was just standing next to him awkwardly waiting for a coffee.
Cool.
Yeah.
Real cool story.
The guy who, it's in the meme where you see somebody doing something stupid, but he's
just like, Jesus Christ, that's Jason Bourne.
That guy had a place in Canaan and he used to come to Mep's Barbecue probably like once
a week.
He was a cool guy.
I only know like half the people he said.
Anybody see the Fire Fest documentary or know anything about that from a few years ago?
It's so good.
It is so good.
Does the one with like Ja Rule like took everybody's money?
Yeah, yeah, pretty much.
So there's a scene that they didn't have enough food or water for the people that they brought
to this festival, which is on an island, and like the customs people or whatever held up
the shipment of water.
And the one of the producer guys was like told you have to get that water by any means
necessary.
And so he shows up at the dock and the fucking the border agent guys like there's only one
way you're getting this water.
And it's to give the old Glock Glock 3000.
And the guy's like, God damn it.
It's like, I need to get that water.
And he luckily found out at the very end that that guy was joking and released the water.
But he's like, yeah, that was me.
I was about to suck dick for water.
He came into my where I used to work as a customer.
And I was like, how bad you want this?
What are you willing to do for this fucking health certificate, man?
You want the how bad you want your health certificate?
What's in it for me, kiddo?
All right, one last question.
If you could bankrupt any one company, who would it be?
Oh, dibs on Walmart.
I don't know why I like Walmart.
I go there.
It's just like I think of just like giant faceless soulless corporations like Walmart's
a big one.
But like, come back to me.
Facebook, Facebook.
If you take a Facebook, I get to choose a different one.
So you go with Facebook.
I think you mean, I don't think it's how it works.
Yeah, something matter.
What?
All right.
I'm going to be altruistic.
Well, if I'd be Starbucks, I'd be Starbucks.
Just because like, dude, what about that paint?
Listen, it's not it's not the idea of Starbucks, but the CEO just made like a 15 million dollar
or 50 million dollar bonus after the first three months of working there and is set to
get another bonus in three months on top of their salary.
And it's just like, that's fucking gross.
Roasting beans and fire.
Oh, I don't know.
What's that pharmaceutical company that released OxyContin and said it wasn't addictive?
It's Purdue.
Any of them?
Yeah.
Really, you're thinking of the Sackler family.
Yes, yes, yes.
Them specifically, I would like to bankrupt and then ruin their lives.
So Vatican.
I know I said Facebook.
I want to change my after what you said about like the people doing like shady shit.
It would be Nestle.
OK.
Because supposedly they said inside of an interview that water is not a human right.
Yes.
They have a horrible track record.
Oh, yeah.
I guess it would be Nestle.
They just did a hostile takeover of Cadbury in England.
Like after the government was like, we will never allow you guys to buy this company.
Somehow legally, they were able to convince the entire company that they needed to be
sold to Nestle.
And then they immediately changed all the chocolate over there and everybody hates it.
The chocolate is way different and candy is way different.
Yeah.
It's so much better over there.
It was supposed to be like the better version of everything over here.
Yeah.
Well, now it's not.
So yeah, fuck Nestle, too.
And they make the worst of it.
USA.
No.
Renee, who are you bankrupting?
I would say Lululemon because it drives me crazy.
Oh, all right.
Stretchy pants for a million dollars is a thing.
Do you know why it's called Lululemon?
No.
The creator of this company, and this is on record, said he named it Lululemon because
he thought it would be funny for Asian people to try and pronounce Lululemon.
That's fucking straight up.
Wow.
That is actually pretty funny, though.
That's my case.
Nope.
Yeah.
Anybody else got one?
I'm thinking either Amazon or BlackRock.
BlackRock would, yeah, 100% on BlackRock.
I need Amazon.
Wait, are you talking like BlackRock, the security company?
Yes.
I'm guessing.
I don't know if there's like more than one BlackRock.
That's why.
Security company.
Security.
Yeah.
Just about any of them would probably be all right.
Can I choose the government?
No.
No, we don't need to get on that list.
That's fine.
Does it.
In a way, yeah.
All right.
Well, that's all those questions.
So let's get into some actual fun questions that we had some listeners submit.
We have, I think, 10.
They're all in a pile.
They're all in front of Stefan.
I can't read.
Stefan's not going to read them all, but he can throw them around the room and whoever
grabs one can read them.
Look at that.
We're doing such a good job distributing things.
There's three more that are undistributed.
Oh, yeah.
That's a loud noise.
Oh, we each have one.
Yeah, there was three more.
I don't want to read them.
There's 10 total, I think.
So I'll give it to Mike.
Okay.
All right.
Somebody read a question.
Who is your favorite season two character?
Ooh, all right.
Doesn't have to be your own character that you played.
I liked Mikey's robot in Fallout.
Marvin or Martin.
Melvin.
I like 20 check the perimeter.
Okay.
He was on my list.
I really enjoyed the...
Oh, wait, are we all answering that one question?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
This round table, yeah.
Yeah.
I really liked John Spoda's character in the Halloween special.
Yeah.
I mean, I didn't...
I knew if I laughed out loud, it would be too loud.
So I was just laughing so hard in the end.
I was turning red.
Tears were pouring down my face.
I mean, it caught me so off guard.
I really, really enjoyed that character.
John nails it every time, though.
He's always fucking...
That's probably why he doesn't get on here as much, just so he can shine the few times
that he is.
Yeah, we don't want to let him sparkle too much.
Yeah, when he comes in, he's just like, all right, the pro is here.
And then he'll wait 10 months before he does another one.
So I gotta let these guys catch up a little bit.
But we gotta look good, too.
All right, who else?
Honestly, I had a lot of fun with...
I don't know the name of it.
I had a lot of fun with the Halloween special that we did.
Ivan Spudnik.
Ivan was a good character.
I like doing fun accents, and I get to do the Russian accent, and it was fun.
My three favorites might have been the three brothers from We'll Call Them Pals.
Because that was just weird.
I like the youngest one's best.
I like the youngest one's best inside of that.
Just the naivety.
Yeah, that's fun.
Totally wrong.
I like Tim's character from Fallout.
The Vault Dweller.
Oh, yeah.
Thank you.
What was her name again?
Augustus.
Yes.
Augustus.
I want to change my answer to Tim's character from the Halloween one.
Barbecue.
I was dying.
That was...
That's hands down.
That's my favorite.
Barbecue was definitely a good one this season.
I liked a lot of the characters from Fallout also.
Tim's character and Derek's character.
I really enjoyed in the Fallout arc.
I like how sneaky the biggest person in the party tried to be consistently.
Absolutely.
I like how I didn't realize you were so big until the final episode or two where I was
like, wait, how big are you?
Oh, this changes literally everything that I've been doing.
They're like 11 feet tall or some crazy shit.
That's why him trying to stand and hide in the elevator up top, he would literally be
like this.
I feel like it would have changed a lot of my potential action scenes with you.
Yeah.
It's just a wall of meat.
I like the dynamic of us in Fallout where it was just like robot, super mutant, ghoul,
vault dweller where the three of us were just like, so we're all in agreement.
We don't care if the squishy one fucking dies, right?
I did.
I was trying to get your character armor the entire time.
Yeah, that was an interesting contrast.
Trying to avoid certain areas that you guys would be fine in, but if we went to my areas,
you guys weren't healing as quick.
It was just like, yeah.
It was a fun mechanic.
That was the hardest game to run, honestly.
How many rules didn't we get for it?
A lot.
80% of the rules we didn't follow.
I got the book too and started running through it.
I'm like, this is crazy.
It's so much.
That's the only thing that's hard about doing small story arcs.
There's no reason to get so deep into the rules in some of them because it took us a
long time anyways to get through that and it wasn't supposed to.
We wouldn't have wanted to manage the weight of our bullets in over encumbrance.
There's a lot of stuff.
Unless we were planning on making that a long arc.
Maybe not that long, but I spent a lot of time encumbered in games in which you have
to keep track of the weight.
Don't forget you're crawling because of all of the weight you're carrying.
I'm like, right, right, yes.
I did that.
Don't crawl, bitch.
It's me in every game.
I did that in Red Dead recently.
Not recently.
It was a long time ago.
I had this big ass pelt that I didn't want to put down and my horse was so far away and
I ran for so long to get there.
Then I finally got there and it turned out it went bad anyways on my shoulder.
Yeah, it was real cool.
It ended up being worth like 30 cents.
I did that running from the north all the way down.
All the way down and across to the pelt dealer.
Yeah.
Just not worth it.
No.
Even at its best, it's not worth the $4 you're going to get from that fucking pelt.
Or the two hours in real time that it takes to move that far in the game.
Holding one thumb stick, the controller one handed.
Next question.
What genre would you like to see more of next season?
The sci-fi stuff for me.
Yeah, I was going to say that's one thing that I don't think we've ever really messed
around with is that sci-fi grip.
We would know because you don't listen to anything that you're not on.
We have done several.
The horror suspense thriller one aspect, the cosmic horror sort of thing.
I think that's kind of the new super terrifying thing where it's like what if you're alone
in a space station but you're not alone sort of thing.
Was that the Escape the Dark Sector that we did?
We did Escape the Dark Sector.
I mean, yeah, we died in the last moment.
We also had Free Traders, which was a sci-fi based single episode, I think.
A Quiet Year we did in a sci-fi theme this year to start season two, but yeah, I think
that's it on the sci-fi side.
I kind of forgot about A Quiet Year.
That game was pretty interesting.
Yeah.
I like that one.
I had a lot of fun with We Deal in Lead, something Western.
That was our only Western one that was fun.
Yeah, I liked We Deal in Lead.
I enjoyed the Western themes too.
I think it was Weird West, which is kind of cool.
I mean, we kind of turned Fallout into a little bit of a mix, but that's because like...
It's easy to do that.
It's easy to do.
It's the wasteland.
It is the Wild West.
Any other genres we want to play?
Dinosaurs.
Dinosaurs would be good.
Anna and I actually picked up a dinosaur RPG.
No shit.
Yeah, specifically so I could DM for her and Meryl because Meryl loves dinosaurs.
That's fucking cool.
I'm trying to get into that.
It's a very kind of Jurassic Park type idea with a little bit of thriller aspect.
Nice.
We played that Candle game that one time.
That was hard.
Yeah, Night Cage is that game.
That one would not translate at all to a podcast.
That game is so fucking hard.
But it's a good...
It's a thrilling game.
I mean, yeah.
It's good to play a bunch of rounds really fast because you're not going to make it far.
The group has a pool to work from.
All right.
I want to use Connor's question to piggyback into my question so that I don't really ask
it.
It's what genres would you like to see?
We talked about this.
So the question I have is what's coming up on season three?
We talked about this a little bit before the mics turned on, which I'm looking forward
to actually hearing the coffee table genre type thing with the players as their character
so that they can get more in depth about what's going on with the character, what's their
motivation type thing, which is I'm assuming what a coffee table character conversation
is.
Yeah.
I don't...
What did we say that was?
Character brunch?
Character brunch.
Yeah.
I don't know what the coffee table was, but I like it.
I couldn't remember.
That's cool.
So what's coming up on season three?
We did talk about this right before we started recording today.
So there's lots of things coming in season three, obviously.
We're going to do a bit more of a mixture of tabletop narrative games.
So not just RPGs, which is primarily what we did this season.
Trying to do a few more smaller things.
We really didn't get to that this season.
We didn't do any micro RPGs.
And we'll talk about that later.
So I think there's a question about that.
So we got a lot of good things coming.
We have Wendy's Feast of Legends is a fun RPG that's going to come up.
We've got some board games that we're going to be playing through.
I'm not going to say everything because...
Spoiler alert.
Yeah.
We got real off.
I got real off schedule last time.
But there's a lot of great things, including some bonus episodes on the Patreon, which
we talked about way back in season one and haven't brought back up since.
So we've got some shit unlocked there.
Coming first on that is going to be We Deal in Lead, the Apple log there.
So that's going to be super fucking fun.
Also don't forget next year we need some people to actually leave reviews.
Yeah, that's a big thing that I was going to talk about at the end.
It would be really fucking beneficial for anybody that listens to the podcast.
If you guys can rate and review Tales from the Crit, preferably five stars.
If it's not five, never mind.
Just continue doing what you weren't doing.
Leave anything.
I mean, like...
Don't leave...
Constructive criticism is nice, but don't...
Don't give us dog shit.
Yeah.
We would appreciate if we didn't get...
Oh, was that so?
Any dog shit.
Please.
Yeah, and then also in season three, we're going to do some character brunches like Stefan
was talking about where we're going to basically cosplay some characters and have brunch and
do some actual talking and dealing as characters, which I think is going to be really fun if
we have them from a bunch of different genres sitting down to talk.
Oh yeah, Wild West versus Space Blazers.
Yeah.
That would be an interesting conversation.
As a child, because we always have a arc that has children on it.
Oh gosh, the children this season were very violent.
I mean, there was some...
We are all children at heart.
Apparently violent ones, so...
Hey, he's traumatized.
Yeah.
I mean, how many people did get killed this season?
Like player characters or like, people that were supposed to die.
I got one at least.
Derek was...
Yeah, Derek died as a character.
And flat out...
And he is a murderer, a child murderer.
Ten or 12 year old.
No, he killed an adult person.
Yeah.
Well, that actually kind of rolls...
He was a child.
I mean, he was a child still.
He's the child and child murderer.
I thought he was the person that murders children.
That actually kind of goes into what was...
My question was, what was your favorite moment of season two?
And there were some good fatalities.
There was a lot of good murders.
But for me, my favorite moment of season two, I had a lot of them in Fallout.
That was a lot of fun.
But for just me being the robot is like in Fallout the game, the Mr. Handies are pretty
useless.
So that was fun to be...
It was fun to be useless.
It was bad useless.
In a role playing game where people are just like, no, we need every player character.
Security perimeter secure.
I mean, you tried to be helpful.
It was fun.
But you couldn't hit the fucking thing.
But I said right on my thing, it's just like, you only care about robots.
Yeah.
That was fun.
Tall Man, Tall Man had some good ones in that.
Had some close calls too.
I liked when Tall Man was super injured and we went past that crater with the lake or
whatever.
Mm-hmm.
And Derek had to put his feet in the pond.
Walk right in.
Up to my waist.
I'm like, I only go up to my knees.
Riley's like, no, you went up to your waist.
I'm like, okay, I'm dead.
Yeah.
For me, killing multiple characters in Fallout was fun.
My favorite part might have been when John wrote down after eight and a half minutes
the answer to the murder mystery.
He figured it out so fucking fast.
He nailed it.
He's like, I times...
I timestamped it to say this is what I figured it out.
It's so fucking dumb.
So four hours of dialogue later, he's like, that was right.
Yeah, that was a good one.
That's why you're played by a dolphin today, John.
Worst dolphin noise ever.
I really enjoyed revisiting the characters and adding Maxwell into our kids on bikes
world.
Yeah, I always love kids on bikes.
That's one of my favorites.
Yeah.
My character went to military school.
Yeah.
Supposedly.
Yeah, I had to miss you.
Allegedly.
The Thunderdome in We'll Call Them Pals was one of my favorite episodes.
Actually, just like anything that had to do with those two restaurants was handled so
poorly.
It was awesome.
We should have just burned them both down.
I still think that would have been a better option.
And then boom, more child murderers.
That's what this podcast is really about is making children murder.
I thought the part where you had a brother and sister swimming naked together.
It was kind of interesting inside of a.
Yeah.
It was innocent.
It was like a bathtub, man.
It was a river or a lake.
It was a pond.
My next question is what happened to our plans for season two?
And I think this kind of covers that we had a lot of fun and just time ran long.
That's a good way of putting it.
Yeah.
We just got a little into it.
We were having fun.
It got it got so we the playing got fucked up episode five.
We only made it through a quiet year before I fucked the whole thing up because we were
supposed to play a few smaller ones when Stefan was coming over and it was supposed to be
like a couple of micro RPGs.
I panicked at the last minute.
I was like, I hate what I have planned.
I can't do it.
This is sucks.
We're going to play this other thing that I've homebrewed completely.
And then it was only supposed to be two episodes long and it went seven episodes.
And from then it just it's never made it back on the rails.
Fallout was supposed to be three.
That was also seven.
Kids on Bikes was supposed to be three.
So that is going on number seven season two.
Poor time management.
Pretty much.
Just like I don't like to think of it as poor time management.
I think of it as we all had a lot of fun getting into character and making the silly voices
and you know, and I didn't kill you guys as quickly in Fallout as I had planned.
So you got from lack of trying as much as I tried to get us killed as well.
Yeah.
Just like what's what's around that corner?
Like oh, we got to get that power armor.
It's surrounded by 30 death clauses.
It's like, yeah, I like our odds.
Yeah, that's four of us.
That was Tall Man.
What's around us?
What's the strongest enemy?
Yeah, we're going to go do that.
Yeah.
30 death clause you say?
We have a robot.
A really helpful one.
He's got an alien space laser.
Granted, it's never hit anything ever, but that was disappointing.
That was fun.
It's only made to hit aliens.
Well, yeah, exactly.
It was just like, you know what?
It just adds to that level of just like characterization was just like he's got a fucking one hit kill
space laser.
Can't shoot for shit.
Yeah, but if you play that game on survival or hardcore, that's essentially the game.
You get winged, you're dead.
Doesn't have to be a direct shot.
So what was your favorite system in season two?
I would have to say I think mine may have been PALS because it was created by Riley
and it was really fun at times where he would check in and we would kind of talk about how
the rules were going and maybe make very slight changes that didn't permanently upset how
the game was going or being played.
But that was a lot of fun.
Why thank you.
I liked that a lot because that was very personal to me and very hard to make people do.
Like these words that come from my mouth.
Yeah, that was a good one.
I also agree.
That was a really fun one.
I had a lot of fun playing that game and I liked how we were able to talk about like
maybe we need to adjust the way this leveling up works and things like that.
Yeah, I really enjoyed the way that a quiet year worked.
That was just completely something I had never experienced before.
And I was like, this is actually a lot of fun.
I'd be down to try it out sometime where we're all drawing on an actual big paper
map.
Yeah, that would be that would make it better.
That one was a lot of fun.
That's the world creation.
Yeah.
That is a really good game.
I want to do it before starting an RPG and build the world with the players.
I think that would be really cool.
Yeah, that's a good.
Any other thoughts?
I mean, I like kids on bikes.
Yeah, I like the character building and kids on in kids on bikes.
The like the first stage.
That's always the best.
We've used that a lot through a lot of other systems because it's just so much fun.
I think we didn't we borrow it for Fallout two.
Oh, yeah, definitely.
Yeah, like we borrowed it.
And yep, we did in badge.
We borrowed we did it in we deal in lead.
It's my go to at this point.
So it works well.
But I mean, we didn't do that this season.
So that doesn't actually answer the question at all.
Like what was your favorite system in season two?
I really like the our murder mystery, the live read sort of thing.
We kind of didn't know exactly how we were going to pull it off in the early like first
act.
And then like we started figuring out like, let's just kind of follow this sequence.
And like, we realized that we all had like back and forth with and then we would like
pivot and we fell into a little rhythm.
And I feel like if when we do it again, and it's going to be, it's going to be a lot better.
Phase one was tough.
And like you can if you go back and listen to that episode, you can tell we were struggling
as a group of people to figure out what we were supposed to be doing.
We're not generally actors.
And that was taking like that was like a table read thing that none of us are really used
to.
Rebecca got to do her dream job.
Yeah.
Of character voiceover.
Yeah.
This was terrifying.
It reminded me of like English class, like reading like, I don't know, like the crucible,
but like taking the parts.
It's just like, ah, yes, I get to be Tishuba and like just sitting there waiting for your
thing to come up.
Well, your answer has to do with the question that I have.
My question is, what was the difference in recording the murder mystery live?
And are we going to do more like more like those live?
I hope we try it.
I mean, I think once we found the pacing, that was a lot of fun.
Yeah, I do plan to have us do one next year.
The same overall, the live episodes are terrifying because, well, it's just there's a lot of
stuff to get through and a lot of chance to make a lot of bad noises or weird words.
Yes.
And knowing that you're not editing it is really scary.
With that being said, we did a really good job of making it sound good last time.
Maybe it was because it was so scripted.
Probably there was no reason to move your hands.
We fail a lot at hitting the table and wires and shit when we have to roll dice or do anything
other than sit still or hitting these lovely springs.
Yeah.
Just like everything about these mic stands is very loud or drawing on the table or drawing
or using the loudest dice, coins or accessories ever.
Or just general ADHD.
Yeah.
Yep.
So, yeah, I mean, it was different because the sounds weird.
We're all sitting in a much different arrangement than usual.
But yeah, I don't know.
I like the live ones.
Yeah, I like them too.
I had fun doing it.
It was a lot of fun to listen to.
It sounded like you guys were having fun and I could definitely feel the struggle in the
beginning.
Yeah.
That's good.
It was there.
I feel like we found a rhythm.
We did.
And then we started being comfortable enough to improvise a little bit and just have fun.
But John is always, really makes you want to go farther.
He's always the most comfortable with doing the silly voices and the real RP.
Yeah.
And he hits hard as soon as he comes in.
He's ready all the time.
What do you think about that?
But we're giving him way too much credit because he's not even here.
He's a fucking dolphin though.
He's a goddamn dolphin.
So he should be doing really well.
Bruce the Bat stayed quiet up there hanging off our Millennium Falcon.
Do we have any questions left?
Well, I know we kind of briefly talked on PALS already, but We'll Call Them PALS was
a homebrew game.
What are some of the challenges and highlights for the players and the DM?
The biggest challenge I think was just bringing it to the table and having something that
worked in any general way because I didn't test it at all beforehand.
I think one of the biggest challenges, which I didn't realize until maybe after the first
session was we kind of realized as we were going through, which direction are we taking
this?
Are we like this is like an adult swim knockoff of Pokemon or are we supposed to be like,
is this a kid's show for a kid?
We never, we kind of fluxed back and forth trying to figure out how we really wanted
to like, how far we wanted to go and where we wanted to push that line to.
And I realized that like, those are important questions to ask before you start playing
a new game like that.
Like, hey, what's the objective?
What are we looking for?
Are we supposed to like, just like, is this RPG the shit out of it or is this like just
like the game?
Okay, cool.
I guess I looked at the stuff around this town.
I'm going to go, where does this path go?
Like it was just, that was a very challenging aspect because it was your baby.
So it was like, what does he want to get out of this?
Yeah.
We didn't talk about that at all.
I think one of the other things that was hard about it was I didn't intend for it to just
be a real grind and parts, but it definitely did end up being that, which is a lot like
the source material ends up being.
Well, I liked that.
I don't know.
What do you think, Connor?
What do you think it was?
It definitely brought back that nostalgia factor.
I was like, oh yeah, you know, you forget, but parts of this are a grind and this is
how it goes.
And so it felt, you know, definitely gave a lot of nostalgia.
Yeah.
I walked through the grass.
Nothing happens.
I walk back through the grass.
I know what you're talking about.
How it was like, are we doing RP?
Are we going adult swim or child's show?
Because you were like originally like child show and I think me and Connor were both like,
we're going adult swim.
And then we kind of went weird middle ground.
Little twist.
Yeah.
I worked out well.
I mean, at first Tim was coming in as a fully grown human person.
I thought we were all adults.
I always thought you were like, no, you're seven.
Nine.
Whatever.
Nine.
Come on.
Give yourself some credit.
I had this total like surfer dude, like bodybuilder bro type character just like built ready to
go and he's like, oh no, you're children.
And I was like, Oh, I want to just like Jim bro.
This kid is jacked.
Yeah.
So that definitely threw me off a little bit for a second.
The other thing that I think was like hard for me was the pals.
Cause like the description versus the picture sometimes was so outrageously weird that I'm
like, that is not what my brain drew.
Like that was hard for me to like just.
Yeah, these were not AI creations.
These were like beautifully hand done drawings by Riley.
And so the interpretation of the name to what came out were really fun.
There was something I am not a drawer.
They were beautiful.
They were really good.
You translated the images perfectly.
I can draw if I sit down and put in an immense amount of effort and can see what I'm looking
at.
Other than that, it's just shit like that squirrel was not good looking.
Neither was the cricket.
The cricket was probably one of the worst.
It was a lot better than anything I could have done.
Trust me.
I don't know, man.
I feel like you could draw a bog frog or a mosquito.
I'll show you later.
Challenge.
All right.
Any others?
I do have one.
Yeah.
Renee's hoarding all of them.
I guess this pile over here.
Is there a game you were not on that you would have liked to play?
So that's funny because I was in one, so all the others.
But yes, the round table question.
If I picked one, it would be the one that was the Western.
Oh, we deal in lead.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's a great one.
That one did seem like a lot of fun.
I would like to play that sometime too.
That was also on my list.
That was going to be my answer.
Damn.
You're going to have to run that one.
Oh my God, we need more account boys.
That was a lot of fun.
Yeah.
That was a really great game.
I know you should do it again and it's going to suck for me and Rebecca to sit it out for
how everybody else can enjoy it.
That was a good one.
The gameplay aspect seemed fun.
It's the Western term.
We had that Western themed murder mystery the one year.
I think that was the one.
That was, everybody got into that.
That was hard not to.
Yeah.
Pirates, there were a lot of Ards, but Cowboys, everyone was just like, howdy.
It was just, man, that was a blast.
I grew up watching Westerns as a kid.
That seems like such a fun environment.
Fun archetype to play.
Maybe that plays into our question earlier where we only really got sci-fi answers.
Maybe it's not the game necessarily, but the genre, we do like to play Cowboys.
Space Westerns, yeah.
We do have Star Wars RPGs.
That's basically a spaghetti Western in space if you want it to be.
That's not coming until season four.
I was just going to say it's the entirety of season four.
We're going to have to draw a Star Wars.
There's going to be some fights.
The year of the wars.
Hey, you got lights here, don't worry.
We have three now.
I think you're the last one.
Yeah, probably.
My question is, the question that I have is, what was your favorite item a character used
this season?
For me, and I know it's going to drive Connor crazy, it is the finger.
The thumb?
The thumb.
He decided to carry around for two days or whatever it was every time we ran into police.
It's definitely the worst decision, but also one of the best.
But I should not have done it.
I have this guy's thumb in my pocket that probably doesn't look good.
I just threw it in the woods, right?
Yeah.
Yeah, you fucked it.
I think my favorite item, it wasn't really a character item, but the floating book in
Tales of the Cret...
Oh.
Tales of the Cret.
Duh.
Kids on bikes.
Thank you.
I like the idea of everybody trying to move that fucking book.
It just sits there.
We all struggle.
Nice.
I liked Andy's sledgehammer when she just cracked a girl.
That was cool.
Came in handy.
Yeah.
Everyone made fun of me for getting it, but...
Oh, it did?
I don't think anybody made fun of you.
Maybe I felt weird about it.
I don't know.
A kid killing sledgehammer?
Yeah.
I think the alien gun, because I did not expect aliens were going to be in Fallout, and that
threw me off so much to what I was expecting.
I think that ended up being...
Even though nothing good came of it, that was just cool.
Yeah, really inconsequential item, actually.
It was my runner-up because he never hit a single thing.
I really liked that one, but it was just not because it was a special weapon or anything,
just because narratively, it just worked out to be this MacGuffin that was just like, couldn't
hit shit.
Thanks, dice.
Yeah, the item wasn't a MacGuffin.
It was a normal item.
It was just straight up...
It would have been a fucking game changer had it have been capable of striking.
Striking a target.
I think it would have gone to the right character.
I think it went to the right character.
No, I mean, they all had different bonuses and shit.
I imagine that there was one that none of us picked that had a proficiency specifically
in that type, but none of us did to the point where we were all...
It was an uphill battle the entire time to get a role anywhere near what it required,
if I remember correctly.
I think my character died, and I was just like, well, shit, now I'm looking at the other
characters, and it's just like, resurrected, all right.
And then Old Talman died, and we're all just like, eh, we gotta go.
And like, his first name is Old.
And then everybody got their perfect ending.
That's another thing that I thought was fun was how we did it.
That's another thing I thought was fun, how we did a choose your own ending.
Yeah, I like doing that.
That was, for that and how we ended the podcast, that was a hoot.
Good shit.
All right, is that all the questions?
I have six more.
All right, after that, so now we're gonna play a little game.
Some of you may have played it.
It's called Ravine.
It's a cooperative survival game.
And I'm gonna stop recording while we set that up, and then we're gonna come back and
it'll be all normal.
All right, now that that is all set up and we're ready to rock and roll, we can start
fucking playing Ravine.
So there's eight of us.
Naughty and Bruce the Bat aren't playing.
This game typically only supports three to six people, however, I do have an expansion,
so we have enough characters to go around.
So we stand a good chance at dying, but there's a lot of us, so we also stand a good chance
at maybe not dying.
I like those odds.
They're pretty decent odds.
So Mikey, we're gonna start with your turn.
Read your character, tell us who you are, tell us how many hearts you're starting with,
and then what your special item is.
My passenger name is Thorn C. I'm on flight TB17, gate C24, seat 19B.
My item is a tarp.
It will protect one player from one weather event.
It is reusable.
Okay.
My name is Beth RTMT.
M?
What the hell?
Is there a bunch of dots?
Yeah.
Okay, so it's last name, comma, first name, so your last name's too long for them to type
the whole thing.
But your first name is Beth?
Beth, yeah.
I'm a lady.
I love it.
My item's a taser, protects one player from an animal or human attack, and it is reusable.
Awesome.
Human attacks.
I'm gonna taze somebody.
Ow.
Connor, who are you playing?
I'm playing Brady.
My found item is plain shrapnel.
It protects one player from one animal or human attack.
It's a single use item.
Okay.
I am playing Rankin D, gate 24, seat 14C.
My item is an adrenaline syringe.
Completely restores hearts for one player when used, single use.
Okay.
My character is Kyle Horton.
I am on flight TB17, gate C24 and seat 23A.
Not sure if any of you are on my flight.
We all are.
Except for Riley.
Oh, we're all on the same plane.
Oh, yeah, we're all on the same plane that's going down, which is this is not great timing
with all the plane things that have been happening.
No.
I'm gonna try to ignore that.
I have found an airline blanket.
So if anyone needs protection from a weather event, I can help one person.
Single use.
Okay.
I have R. Linst.
I've named him Randy.
He was also on that flight, but he has a flare gun and it protects the whole camp from one
animal attack.
Okay.
Single use.
Nice.
I have four out of five hearts.
Awesome.
My name's Lionel Soisen.
I've got a chocolate bar and I'll fuck you up if you try to take it.
It restores three hearts when consumed, no sharing.
Single use.
You're gonna hoard that chocolate.
I'll fucking kill you.
It's mine.
Fuck yeah.
I play Chris Malvey and I've got a bottle of vodka.
All right.
That's all anybody needs to know.
I was also on the plane.
Or you.
You don't look like one.
You're one of the others.
I am another.
Oh no, the plane went down.
When we find ourselves on this stranded island, well no, we're stranded on the island, on
a mysterious island.
Deserted.
No, I didn't say deserted island.
Okay.
Deserted.
So Mikey, why don't you go ahead and take the first move?
Well, I'm gonna burn two heart tokens and I'm gonna draw two.
And I got wood and a wild parsnip.
So I'm going to eat this bland and start to eat parsnip and gain one heart back and I'm
left over with some wood.
All right.
How you find yourself most mornings.
Uh, an ogre?
Just one.
I found a moose.
Moose?
What kind of island is this?
Violent encounter with a moose.
I found a moose that wants to kill me for two hearts.
Can I use my taser against that?
Yeah.
Oh, I'm gonna taser a moose.
That would be really cool to see, honestly.
All right, so you don't die by moose attack.
Almost.
Mises.
How many times can you use that?
It's reusable.
It says reusable.
Infinite taser ammo.
That's awesome.
I'm gonna do two hearts and take two cards.
I just missed catching that seagull.
Oh, and I found a disgusting but nutritious grub.
So is this just Mrs. Seagull?
It says food, but it's not really food.
Yeah.
Unfortunately.
Too slow for the seagull.
Dun dun.
I got the grub, next to one heart.
Yep.
All right.
So back up to three.
Nice.
Okay.
I am going to spend two hearts to forage.
And I got fiber and wood.
Wood.
All right.
Okay, everyone's doing two, so I'll do...
You've got so many hearts, Renee.
You're full of heart.
You could just burn them.
Stop trying to kill me.
We're together.
Yeah, you're right.
You could do four and have him full-fiction you.
We'll just go into the night with one heart, totally fine.
Once the stuff's on the board, she can just go.
All right, what did I get?
A chanterelle mushroom, I'm assuming.
Nice.
And helpful wood.
Oh, that's regular wood.
What the hell is helpful wood?
Baby, you don't understand.
My mushroom was delightfully fragrant.
Nice.
I can eat that, right?
Yes.
Okay, I get two hearts back for that.
And then I keep the wood.
Oh, it doesn't actually say helpful wood on it.
Yes, it does.
No, it does.
It says helpful wood.
Really?
Functional fiber, helpful wood.
Yeah, it says helpful wood.
It's just very small.
I'm guessing it's just a solid stone.
I thought helpful was just like the nature of the card.
That's what it is.
Yeah.
Is it a helpful card?
No, it's a craft card.
Randy's gonna spend two hearts.
He's gonna meander into the jungle to find some pine nuts and wild plums.
Oh, nice.
I have four hearts.
I will take the three of them and someone else can have some.
Who's got?
Derek, here's some pine nuts.
Sweet.
Thank you.
All right.
All right, I'm gonna...
I have four hearts.
I'm gonna spend one to search and I got some pine nuts.
Nice.
Okay.
I'm gonna spend...
I'm gonna gamble it all.
Nah, I'm gonna be like the rest of you losers and only spend two.
I got two wood.
Quid.
So I'm gonna spend one to start a fire.
Connor, if you wanna flip that fire token over.
Nice, that was so loud.
What else do we have?
Like as far as...
I can make a basket.
Yo, baskets are super helpful.
What's our carry capacity?
Do we need to carry anything?
I don't know, it just says increase carry capacity.
I think it just means you get one more thing.
Yeah, so you can...
When you spend...
When you go foraging, you can pull one more card.
Oh, so for each one I get...
No, no, no, not for each one.
Like you just in general, if you spend one, you can get two.
If you spend two, you can get three.
Like it's just one additional one.
Each forage.
Okay.
Yeah, sure.
I'll make a basket if I can.
Do you need anything for that?
I have wood.
Oh, I need another fiber.
Somebody's got fiber.
I don't.
Everybody got wood.
Wow.
Just a whole big sausage cart here.
Okay, so then no.
Unless we want more fires.
All right.
Mikey, draw the first night card.
Why'd you lick your finger first?
I always do, to like pick...
Gross.
It's an old habit.
It's a chef secret.
The night.
If you weren't on the brink of starvation, you might call this a nice night for camping.
No repercussions tonight.
All right, good way to start.
I wouldn't say we're starving.
I'm not starving.
I had a plum and a bunch of nuts.
I ate some wood.
I ate...
Yeah.
I had a parsnip.
That fire token goes away.
We no longer have fire.
And we start the next day.
With you, Mikey.
Or...
I'm going to...
I'm down to heart.
My name is C. Thorn.
The C is for Charlemagne.
All right.
Charlemagne Thorn.
I'm going to burn another two.
Let's see what happens.
Madness.
More helpful wood.
And wasp nest.
An agonizing discovery.
I'm down another heart.
I'm nearly dead from bees, y'all.
Oh, no.
Do you have one heart left?
I've got one heart left.
Okay.
Good to know.
Beth?
I know you said this is cooperative, but I also think it might be mildly not cooperative.
I mean, you can choose to kill Mike.
When Mike dies, we get to keep his stuff.
I know.
We get the stuff that he needs.
Okay.
That's what I thought.
But like...
When I die, I'll give you all of me fucking wood.
So the funny thing is, is all I'm thinking is like, Derek has a syringe and it says that
it recovers fully.
So like, would that be like pulp fiction?
Like he's dead stabbing the chest back to life?
Mm-hmm.
Oh, I can use it that way.
Yeah.
To five hearts or to one back to life?
If he's dead.
I mean, if he's dead dead.
Like reasonably dead.
Like if he's like, oh, I went down to zero hearts, I would like to...
Like immediately.
Yeah, no, I was saying if it was like zero hearts, can you still like pulp fiction?
I mean like three days dead, nah.
He's...
No, like I just saw him get...
He saw him, I mean, he has passed by.
God, I'm in Christ, I guess.
I'm imagining he's on his last heart, he pokes that wasp nest again and I got to stab him
after he's already lost his heart.
He gets fucked up.
A couple seconds.
First thing I do when I come back from the dead is where's that fucking bee's nest to
kill me?
All right, so I'm gonna spend one after that whole...
Where'd your woman voice go?
I'm gonna spend one after that whole little exchange.
Why am I old?
I love it.
Old people fly planes, man.
You could definitely be...
I found a trout and I am going to eat it.
Three hearts.
Decrypidor.
I just...
Decrypidor.
I see Spiegel just ripping the fish apart.
Oh my God, yeah, female Spiegel.
Like an old lady, she stabbed it with the knitting needle and then just bites the head
off of it and you guys get to see that.
That's just like my grandma.
All right, I'm gonna go for two again.
Oh gosh.
I found a commemorative souvenir.
Oh what?
It's a bone pile.
Nice.
I'm gonna hold onto that.
Good, good.
Oh man.
If anyone else wants, there's two.
Look at these two bone piles.
That's really good.
Right under this bee's nest, weird.
Brady comes back with a bunch of bones and just like, hey guys, look what I found.
I think they were deceased lovers.
They were on top of each other in an awkward position.
So the good thing about those bones is if you find four, you can resurrect a dead player.
Oh really?
This is not something that's ever happened to me before.
Well, we're halfway there.
Won't happen.
We're close because we almost have a dead player.
I thought it was a distracting tool.
Like, oh the animal wants to eat me, let me throw bones over there and run.
All right.
I'm gonna spend one.
Oh useless.
Draw mine.
Oh look, I got more fiber and mushrooms.
So I'm gonna eat the mushrooms and make a basket.
How do we?
Connor's got the baskets.
Oh, Connor's got baskets.
And the shelters and everything.
He's actually a vendor.
It'll cost you four bucks.
I have a basket.
There you are.
And anything I owe you, put on my tab.
It's got words on the other side of that card.
Basket.
It's just basket.
A basket.
Nailed it.
All right.
Rene, back to full hearts.
If she doesn't spend four, we all chastise her.
Two hearts.
Oh boo.
Chastising.
Bees.
Some of us only have one heart over here.
Stone.
Okay, that's good.
Stone.
And another kind of mushroom.
This one's lovely neurotoxic mushroom.
Nice.
Sweet.
You're unable to move.
Or speak until the next day.
Oh.
I'm out.
Okay.
Nice.
Give that to Mike.
All right.
Rene's gonna spend three.
Oh, I got a stone.
And I got wood.
And another stone.
Because I got stone.
You can make a spear.
How much fiber do we have?
Any left?
Or did Derek use it all?
I used it all.
Good job, Derek.
Thanks for that.
Just kidding.
Why?
Because we can't build a shelter?
Yeah.
We have a basket.
I have a shelter.
And that is my turn.
All right.
I have three hearts left.
I'm gonna spend two to draw.
Two cards.
I found a wild onion, which smells dubious.
And a useful stone.
I'm gonna eat some pine nuts to regain two hearts.
And that is it.
All right.
I only have two hearts, but I'm gonna share my bottle of vodka.
I'm going to restore one myself.
And because it can restore three hearts and can be shared, I'm going to give one back
to Mikey.
Or Charlemagne.
Charlemagne.
And one back to Connor, the bone pile.
Brady.
And then I'm gonna draw one card.
And I got some more wood.
I'm gonna spend one of my wood to relight the fire for tonight.
The fire has been lit.
All right.
Stefan, draw our night card.
Oh, God.
I have bad luck with these things, you know that, right?
That's okay.
There's lots of bad luck to me.
Prove it.
The calm is anybody else's nervous about how quiet it is tonight.
No repercussions.
There you go.
Nice.
That worked.
Tonight.
Okay.
I mean, so far, so good.
That's easy.
Mikey.
Why you gotta say shit like that?
You just changed us.
The listeners want us to die.
The next one's gonna be a lot of velociraptors appear at night.
They're not here to listen to us have a good time and hang out on an island like we're
on a resort.
They're here to watch us get mowed over by moose and butt-fucked by paralytic mushrooms.
So I actually have to ask a real world question.
Tim, are you nervous about that onion because of real world life experience?
No, this isn't his labeled onion.
So it will be a real onion this time, not some random weed that makes your tongue go
numb.
Okay.
And then it hurts so much you rub it out.
Rub your whole tongue.
You rub it.
It hurts so bad.
I only had one choice to rub one out.
I did.
I just took handfuls of dirt and shoved it in my mouth and just started rubbing off of
whatever the substance was that I was on this root vegetable.
Classic Tim.
Yeah.
It was not a root vegetable.
Whatever it was.
We don't give it that classification.
It was a point.
He told me about it and it was just the best story ever.
That's why I heard onion and I was like, is that because of real life?
Sorry.
What'd you get, Mike?
I will spend one of the vodka hearts I just got back.
Back down to one heart.
About to die.
Ready?
Move.
These.
These are the wringly edible berries.
Nice.
One heart.
I'm going to scarf these berries right down.
I'm going to do two hearts for foraging.
I'd also like to build a spear if somebody wants to donate a stone or I'll donate a wood
to a spear.
Hold on.
I got some fiber and I'm going to give Mikey another heart back for something he's found.
Oh, that's nice.
We should try to build a shelter if we can before we spend anything else.
I don't think we have enough shelter to keep us all alive.
Okay.
Well, what is it?
I've got two wood.
I can donate two wood to it.
We need one and then two fibers.
I have a fiber.
I have two stones.
I have a fiber.
So we need another fiber is basically what we need.
And that's only big enough to keep.
I can protect myself.
Well, I mean, just from a weather event.
Yeah.
I got two hearts.
Should I still go foraging?
I'm gonna see what happens.
I got more wood.
It's like somebody should stop going to the wood pile that's over there.
Forge somewhere else.
I am going to spend two.
Okay.
Never guess.
Wood.
Just mad wood.
Wood, wood and stone.
Nice.
Do we have a fire already?
Okay.
No.
We don't.
Okay.
Well, start the fire.
Wood.
All right.
Can I have a spear or is this part of the house?
You can build it yourself.
We have enough wood for the house.
I get a spear, Mike.
All right.
Somebody should have a spear.
Spear, please.
Wait, what do the spears do?
Can we defend more than just ourselves?
You can protect from one animal attack.
Okay.
Even if it's on another player?
Probably not.
If you draw the card, I feel it would be weird for somebody else to jump in front of the
moose with a taser.
What if I throw the spear?
What if I throw the taser?
Thank you, Rebecca.
I think at night we can combine.
During the day it's more for personal use.
Okay.
Do spears work like that if you throw them?
No.
It kind of makes sense.
Bludgeoning damage.
I thought it would be an old lady with a taser though.
If you shoot somebody with a taser, it's shock damage.
If you throw the taser, it's bludgeoning damage.
Randy, you're up.
Did you go?
I did.
Did you get anything?
A stone.
Okay.
I only have two hearts, but I'm going to risk it and spend one.
Oh, and I got a chanterelle, so I'll get two hearts back.
Nice.
Me?
It's you.
All right.
I'm going to spend two hearts.
A nice, healthy young lad you are.
And I found a squirrel.
It's recently deceased.
And some seemingly edible berries.
I'm going to eat a squirrel.
It smells pretty all right so far.
Can I eat both of these to go back to five?
I'll give some berries to Connor.
Oh, nice.
Because he's looking a little low.
To prevent the night madness.
And I will eat an onion as well.
So I'm back to four.
Okay.
I'm going to spend one of my last two.
I got more fiber.
Cool.
You can make a shelter.
Yeah, let's make a shelter.
Make a shelter.
I have two stones.
I have a wood.
There's the fiber.
There's some fiber.
I have one wood, so there's two for me and Rebecca.
All right.
So just put a shelter out there.
Me and Randy.
Randy Marsh, I want Randy Marsh on this plane.
I really wanted food.
It's Randy Linst.
Linst?
Yeah, and he has an eight pack so he frequently doesn't wear a shirt.
Nice.
What?
The shelter lasts forever unless destroyed.
Oh, that's good.
There's cards that destroy the shelter.
It's like fucking monsoon wind.
Everybody take cover.
It's like the shelter's destroyed.
It's an organ trailer.
All occupants have deceased.
How many people fit in the shelter?
Well, I mean, we could always do like a marine.
Okay.
Now we have to start nighttime.
I have to do a little dance.
Oh, no, because of Dad.
The music is in me and it won't stop.
Please turn the night card over.
Let's begin that.
Wait, what happened?
Someone's mushroom.
Is he going insane?
Oh, yeah.
He's got nightmares.
You go into night with one heart.
You go insane and you have to draw a madness card.
Ah.
Is that what you drew?
The voices.
Every time you close your eyes, you hear dead people talking.
Best to just keep your eyes open.
All players lose one heart.
Fire cancels this event.
Oh, yeah.
We got fire.
Derek lit the fire.
Yay.
Do you have to dance all day tomorrow, too?
Just like during the day.
Yeah.
Just like when I'm...
Don't worry.
You'll all be here soon.
Everybody's dwindling except for...
I want to call you Conrad.
Lionel.
All right.
Mikey.
I want to be where Riley is.
I'm going to spend two hearts to forge.
You know, children are so special.
When they die, we get the thing.
I'm Charlemagne Thor and I've hunted and scoured the largest part of the earth.
I found a grub.
I will gain one heart.
This is perfectly nutritious.
Look at this.
I also find...
Oh, I shall make a saute of these mushrooms.
They look...
Ludicrously poisonous mushrooms.
Lose all but one of your hearts.
Oh, yeah.
Look, I shall make a proper saute of these mushrooms and grubs and I shall live forever
and you shall be jealous of me.
Five minutes later.
Oh!
Oh no!
Bro, those mushrooms are poison.
Yep.
Just weakness leaving me.
I'm just going to do one to forge one.
I feel less awkward about dancing than I did doing a PowerPoint.
Actually, I'm eating it because you're going to kill yourself anyway.
My days are numbered, my friend.
Oh boy.
I'm taking one.
Oh yeah, welcome to Mad Town.
Got some fiber.
And some wood.
I am going to spend one as well.
All right.
Let's start another fire.
I've got some wood and a squirrel.
Nice.
So I regain two.
I'm just in the fetal position near the fire.
So those of us with sanity, are we going to sit in the shelter and keep them out with
the spear?
I think our sanity will keep them out.
I have a taser.
That's better than sanity.
I'll use one and I got a grub, so I'll get it back.
Nice.
It doesn't pair nicely with mushrooms.
I'm just going to spend one heart.
And I got a stone.
Cool.
I am going to spend three hearts.
Fancy.
I found a dead squirrel.
I found some berries and I found a dandelion.
God, you've got the fucking food pile over there.
That's why I picked from that pile and I got fiber.
Fiber's just plants you can't eat.
I'm going to eat this dead squirrel.
And then Riley, you want this very bitter dandelion.
Please.
Yeah.
Riley would like to sit down.
Nice.
He's going to gamble it away though.
He's going to be like, I'm not going to gamble it.
Go for it.
All right.
Cool.
I do regain another heart for doing that, so that's cool.
And I will spend one so that I can contribute to the group in a meaningful way.
And I got a dandelion to scarf down as well.
So that's that.
Is that all we can do?
I have a stone.
I have one heart.
I have a stone also.
I also have one heart.
I have stone and wood.
We've got the fire bill.
I have one fiber and wood.
I have one wood.
I've got one.
The question is how many fiber do we have?
The billboard.
That seems to be just one.
Just one fiber.
So we can't do anything with it.
Okay.
If those of us who said that are mad.
If you're mad, draw a fucking madness card.
I'll save myself.
Depends on what it is.
Sure.
I don't know what the rest of it says, but the first part is call me captain.
One night you mysteriously vanish into the woods.
You return the next morning, but you seem different.
In fact, stand up loudly and announce that your name is Captain Cranberry.
Used to speak unless you were addressed as such.
Recovery, never.
Fuck yeah.
Yes.
Does that mean the rest of the game he's going to be Captain Cranberry?
Yeah, I'm chasing him.
Well, he hasn't declared it yet.
So.
Charly Thorne is now Captain Cranberry and you shall address me as such.
This is great.
We don't have to talk to Mikey anymore.
Who is this Mikey you speak of?
Seriously it says you won't talk unless you're addressed as Captain Cranberries.
Captain.
Read the fine.
Son of a bitch.
Oh, you're not telling us how mad you are today?
I'm not telling us how mad you are today.
Okay.
Oh no.
Are you fucking kidding me?
Damn it.
Yes.
That's awesome.
Alright.
Just me.
Just everybody else.
You just said me.
I'm just saying.
It's just me.
Is it everybody else?
It's just me.
Fuck!
Alright.
It is nighttime.
And we succumb to heavy rain.
We are, this is soaked is the new damp.
Unsheltered players lose two hearts and there's nofire tomorrow night.
How many sheltered?
How many people have shelter that they can use?
Renee did.
The captain does.
I'm protected from the weather.
Just you?
Yeah. One player,
so it could be someone else.
Okay, Captain Cranberries,
can you remind us what you've got going on over there?
I have a tarp.
So you can protect?
I can protect myself or one player for.
Or one player and one player.
Protect one player, protects one player
from one weather.
Okay, so that's two.
Who are the two players with the most?
Does anybody else have shelters?
I'll stay in the rain tonight.
You do not stay in the rain.
You do not stay in the rain tonight.
You are protected.
I'm in the shelter.
Yeah, well I can.
I can't see you.
I have two.
Do you have shelter?
Who's in the shelter?
Do you have to mimic me too?
I mean, I would prefer to be in the shelter.
Evens or odds?
I feel 50% of it.
Yeah, you wanna play evens or odds?
Yeah.
One, two, three.
Odd.
I forgot, how do you play?
Odd three.
You're gonna call odds or evens?
Oh, right.
One of us has, no, you.
You, you go for it.
All right, and then, all right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
One, two, three.
Yes.
Okay, so I'm not in the shelter.
Were they licking each other?
No, we were playing odds or evens.
All right, so how many people aren't sheltered?
Me and you?
No, you're in the shelter.
No.
You're in the shelter.
You have to be in the shelter
or else you're gonna die.
I was gonna stay out of the shelter
because I was taking part.
Okay.
It's two, I think.
Yeah. Two?
Yeah.
You bastards making an old lady stand in the rain.
Oh, yeah, get out there.
You're making an old lady stand in the rain.
All right, so I'm not in the shelter,
you're not in the shelter, everybody else is sheltered.
Okay, well, that's cool.
There's no fire tomorrow night, by the way, also.
So it's too damp and wet.
Captain Cranberries, please take your turn.
Art of us, I've only got one heart.
So do I gamble it?
Can I die from foraging?
Do you flip over all your hearts?
You cannot forage on one heart.
Okay.
Or you just die as you enter the forest.
Go sit, go sit.
I believe I'll send me crew out to forage in me stead.
I really wanna taste him.
Do you also wanna taste him, Connor?
That is a terrible card.
I'll forage one.
I got fucking wood.
Oh, you can't speak unless you're smoking.
I can't go because I only have one heart.
Can't go because I only have one heart.
He's only invoking me.
Oh, I didn't read that.
Person in my immediate right.
Oh, I didn't read that part, sorry.
I am going to spend two and go foraging.
You should talk to him like Lassie.
What's that, girl?
I'm gonna use this deck.
You can't go because you only got one heart.
Oh, I got a funny or one.
Oh, sweet.
I got a pile of bones.
I'm crazy tonight.
All right, that's gonna come in helpful.
Oh, cool.
I got minnows, so I'm gonna regain two.
And I also got
some paralysis-inducing mushrooms.
I am unable to use my arms until tomorrow.
All right, so I'm just walking around slapping everybody.
Excuse me.
I'll spend a heart.
And use this last card here, wood.
Oh, good.
But now I have one heart, so I might be crazy soon.
Join the club.
Oh, my God.
I'm gonna join the club, too.
Please be food.
It's fiber.
Ooh.
Welcome aboard.
Can we make a basket?
We can make a basket.
We can make a house.
We can make a basket.
We can make a house.
We can make a basket.
Basket, basket.
Basket.
Another shelter?
This is so much fun.
So much fun.
I mean, if we have enough stuff
to make another shelter, we should.
I have a basket.
I have wood.
Then we should definitely make that.
The wooden stone as well.
I have stone and fiber.
All right, what do we have?
I'm gonna touch my food.
Okay, Stefan, would you, yeah, all right.
I'm gonna touch my wood.
She's got a fiber.
Hold up if you have a fiber.
All right, there's two fibers.
Cool, who's got stones?
I got stones.
No, I want your fiber card.
All right, all right, one stone, one stone takes two stones.
Here's a wood, somebody else throw in a wood.
There's a wood.
Two stones.
One wood.
Another wood, we have two shelters.
All right.
I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts.
No, we don't.
There's a real lack of fucking coconuts.
Oh yeah, how many coconuts do we have, Connor?
I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts.
Did we take three?
Did we take three wood for the shelter?
I don't know.
No.
Okay, I thought I saw three.
Oh, I'll take my back.
Did anybody get food and like?
Did anyone get food and like?
There's only one person that's left.
Yeah, yeah.
All right, I'm gonna spend two hearts.
Help us, Obi-Wan.
Harbor, take away.
You need to get us food.
Get us food.
Yo, you should steal Derek's basket.
Steal Derek's basket.
Awesome, all righty.
Get the fuck out of here.
How did you find so much food?
Yeah, I'm gonna eat this honeycomb.
That honeycomb gives three hearts.
Yum, and then I'm gonna give Connor some berries
so that he can hopefully, does this stop if I feed you?
Yes.
Wait, is this still happening?
No, it's not happening.
Oh.
I'm gonna need you to throw those berries back up
so I can give him the captain cranberries over here.
That shit was fucking, could you imagine
if you were stuck with him?
I'll give you the last one.
Captain cranberries.
Thank goodness.
I have captain cranberries.
I'm gonna be like a fucking bear,
like never feed you.
Shut up, Polly.
Never feed you, Polly.
All right, I'm not gonna spend one of my last two hearts
to forage.
You wanna chew on some bones?
What do you wanna do, Renee?
Can I make us another spear?
Yeah.
You wanna chew on some bones?
You wanna chew on some bones.
All right, who's going into the night with one heart?
Derek, are you still picking up double?
Also Renee.
She's just saying it.
Captain cranberries is still pretty crazy.
Oh, you're getting crazy-er.
I need a crazy card.
Crazy cards.
That's night.
This is night, crazy is a common.
Crazy cup cakes. Crazy Kyle.
Okay.
I've developed an obsession with pop culture,
an extreme obsession.
Choose a category all other players
must take turns naming things from this category.
First player to hesitate or repeat loses a heart.
Oh no.
I don't wanna play your game.
You're the one going.
Wait, what is it?
I'm forcing you to play this game with me.
Wait, what?
She has it going, whoever fucks up
I'm gonna stab you in the teeth.
Categories.
I'm gonna pick.
I'm so nervous.
Me too.
Wait, can you read the card one more time?
Choose a category.
All players must take turns naming things from this category.
Anything from that category.
It's just concentration.
Anything from that category, got it.
It's like Dutch comp with names.
Category is names.
But it has to be as fast as possible.
Is this a madness card or?
We have to keep playing it?
We have to go until somebody loses.
Yes.
And I'm guessing we're going.
My category is.
Yeah, definitely not that way.
Why would you do that, Derek?
I don't know.
Trying to stall.
My category is romance slash rom com films.
Okay.
I'll start.
The notebook.
Elizabeth Town.
How to lose a guy in 10 days.
Failure to launch.
Chocolate.
What I hate about you?
Damn it.
I was the one I was hating.
How many things do you hate about?
10 things.
10 things I hate about you.
Isn't that the one she just did?
No.
She was only helping.
10 things.
Oh shit, I fucked up.
I'm gonna take a heart.
Oh man.
Derek's not a rom com fan.
Do da, do da.
Do da.
One for me, cause I wasn't gonna think of one.
And now I can think of a couple of them.
Always when the game is over.
All right, who else is mad?
All right, I'm crazy.
I had to do that, sorry.
What?
I said I had to.
He's got a head full.
Plane crashes.
Sir, the second power has been made.
Plane crashes.
Rambary.
Thank you.
Hey, can I take his madness card and discard him?
Cause that's my thing I have to do.
You have to do what?
Take three cards from the group and discard them all.
Nice, I don't have any.
Oh no.
You wanna touch my wood?
I'll take your wood, Sonny Jim.
Oh, that's right, Russo.
Glory to old lady.
So that's done.
Now we're good, we're good.
Once I've had a fit.
Do we have anything else?
Do we have any other?
Nope.
I have two spears.
Are those stones and wood in front of Derek?
Stones and wood, yes.
Can I steal one of your stones?
Of course.
Mine was I had to shout one of my fears
until somebody called me by my full name.
Nice.
What?
Was it like plane crashes?
Idiot.
Until somebody called you Captain Cranberries?
Until somebody called you by your full name.
Captain Cranberries?
Well, I can only answer to that.
Otherwise it would have been Charlemagne told.
Anybody else?
You did your madness?
I did my madness.
It was the loud sound you made moments ago.
That's right.
Yeah, it was the hot ear bleeding.
It was the dancing.
Oh, poor.
All right, read the night card, Derek.
All right.
Light rain.
Damp is the new dry.
Unsheltered players lose one heart.
No fire tomorrow night.
Do we have enough shelter for, nope.
No, two are out.
Mikey's got a tarp, or Captain Cranberries has got a tarp
that he can sit under.
So that's only one person.
Oh, I thought it was two people.
I thought it was a one time.
No, it's three.
Mine's reusable.
There's eight of us, not nine, like I've been counting.
Get out of here.
Six foot in the shelter.
I only sleep in the captain's quarters.
So there's just one of us that's not out, or that's.
I vote.
You're gonna die.
I vote Tim, because he's got the highest number of things.
Get the fuck out of the shelter, man.
Man, I heard he's been eaten by a wolf.
He's hoarding food, and he's eating like a king.
Yeah.
Won't Califre find all those mushrooms?
I haven't eaten any.
I've only eaten dead squirrels.
Dead squirrels.
He feeds them the mushrooms.
Oh, that's how you do it.
You feed the squirrels the poison mushrooms.
No, because they need less to go down.
Does that work?
Poison a squirrel so that you can eat it?
I wouldn't want to eat that.
I don't think you should intentionally poison anything
with the intention of then eating it afterwards.
Yeah.
You shouldn't, but the dosage required to kill something
the size of a squirrel versus you,
you should be able to survive.
See?
That doesn't mean thrive.
Should be able to survive in much different.
Survive means another day.
I mean, food poisoning is still food poisoning.
Yes.
I mean, you've eaten chocolate,
and you've probably eaten enough chocolate to kill a dog,
so you never know.
Also, yeah, if you pick something
that's not poisonous to you.
I don't know, my dog ate enough chocolate
to kill a human at one point.
I dog ate enough chocolate to dog a dog.
Oh man, my chocolate ate enough dog one time.
So, I don't got that limited card anymore.
Me too.
That's my favorite card.
I was like, I'm not gonna read this one out loud.
We've been doing relatively well,
but I feel like we're gonna go down the tube
pretty quick here.
Yeah, we're probably all dead soon.
The only person that can forage is, what,
Derek for one, Tim for two.
He can get two with his one,
because he's not gonna ask for it.
Yeah, Tim and I can forage a couple things,
but it's not enough to keep the group alive.
I can forage one thing.
Nope, one thing.
And it will drive me mad.
It will only be me now.
I will not share.
I'm gonna make it out of here on my own.
Kicked out into the rain.
No fire.
I think if we just let one person die
and we can at least survive a night eating them, right?
I think they'd like to eat the dead person.
You should be able to.
I mean, honestly, if you think about it,
Derek's holding on to a syringe to save himself.
Oh, that's true.
Is that all the food stuff that we have
is your chocolate and his syringe?
Yeah.
No.
I don't think we really have anything.
I do have a chocolate bottle.
Nobody has come that close to dying
except for Captain Cranberry's over there,
and he seems to be doing just fine.
Arr!
It is your turn, Captain.
I'll remain in me captain's quarters
and send me crew out to scavenge in me stead.
Arr!
All right, Ruth or Beth, whatever the fucking name is.
Beth.
Baby Ruth.
I'm almost dead, so I'm kinda not scavenged.
Oh, we're gonna be do so bad.
Yeah, we're all gonna die.
Well, I'm not almost dead yet,
but if I scavenge, which I'm going to, I will be.
Maybe you will die.
Oh, hey, but I found a mushroom, and I'm gonna eat it.
Nice. Nice.
Look at you.
Not going mad tonight.
I'm gonna scavenge as well.
Uh-oh.
Cool.
He's gonna be using.
I'm gonna eat this wild onion to regain one of my,
or to get back up to two hearts,
so I don't have to draw two madness cards.
The other thing I found were cute little psychedelic
mushrooms, go ahead and draw a madness card.
Oh shit, an early madness card.
No.
Two.
No.
Oh.
One.
He'll have one later.
Eliminated that for this round.
Oh God.
You may have lost your grip on reality,
but you've got a pretty firm hand on the person next to you.
Why do you look at Connor like this?
He's trying to be nice.
Challenge the player on your left to a thumb
or arm wrestle match.
The loser loses one heart.
Oh no.
Oh my God, you're gonna kill her friend.
You're gonna kill your wife.
Grab Connor by the hog.
You got a firm grip on him.
Take it.
Oh, he's so bidding.
What a gentleman.
I can afford it, you can't.
That's no fun.
I can afford it, you can't.
Renee's like, I want to die.
Kill me.
Let me die.
I was just competitive.
All right, so it does look like Derek is gonna enter night
probably with another madness.
Renee.
After getting my ass kicked.
There's probably not much that you can do.
Or you, Rebecca.
Nope.
We're down to Tim.
Awesome, all right.
I'm gonna give it two.
I got some fiber.
I got some minnows.
That's cool.
I'm gonna eat those.
Back to five.
I'm just kidding.
I'll give Rebecca a minnow.
Oh, sweet.
Nice.
Everybody's going into madness for the most part.
I really feel like I should eat that chocolate bar
so that next time around I can scavenge for four
and try to do like a big dent into this thing.
So I'm gonna go ahead and do that.
I'm gonna eat that chocolate bar.
Nice.
I spent one of my two and I got some fiber.
Nice.
Do we have any wood?
Somebody make a basket.
I got fiber.
I used to have a bit of wood
until that crazy old bat came and stole it up.
Give Tim a basket.
However, we're all gonna freeze to death tonight anyway.
It's right here and I use it every round.
Round two.
Can Tim use two baskets?
Because he's the only one that can go forward.
All right.
Derek, give me your basket.
Who needs a madness card?
Oh, you can't use it.
He's gonna hit himself with something on a Drapenel one.
You already won.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So give me yours and then.
Derek, madness card for you.
Madness card for Renee.
Madness card for me.
I like the ones I've gotten.
Oh, no.
All right.
I dare say I'm the captain of this crew
and it's up to me to go out and find the spot of food
for us to survive on.
I'll be back.
As I go off, the final hunt.
You're going to find food even if it kills you.
Draw one Forge card.
If it isn't a food card, lose one heart.
Recovery upon completion of task.
I only have one heart.
Yes.
Captain's dead.
All right, man.
Draw your fucking card, bro.
Do I want this one or this one?
I don't know.
I will tell you that there has been no food
out of this pile yet.
Your odds are good.
Oh, you got food.
He got food.
Are they bad mushrooms?
No, he got like cranberries.
Hey, food's food.
Crumps.
All right.
Brutally sour crumps.
I didn't find anything for the rest of you.
Stevan.
So apparently I had a flash.
I had a flashback back to when I was abducted by aliens.
Now every time I gotta call everything
a flux looser inducer.
What is a flux looser inducer?
Can I have that flux looser inducer
you're walking around with
so that I can go forging with it?
No.
Everything.
No.
What you get, flux looser inducer.
Oh God, that's awesome.
Well, it has madness cards.
And it never recovers.
Go ahead.
Yeah.
Okay.
Go ahead.
I'm hungry.
I need a heart.
So I'm gonna steal one from somebody.
Yep.
Oh shit.
I mean. No, no.
No.
She's legit.
She's taking one of the pegs.
All right.
Take one of the pegs.
Derek, it's down to you and me.
What's yours?
It's not good.
It's a challenge.
Mine's not good.
Is yours a challenge?
Nope.
Okay.
Mine is a...
Murder.
I mean, it could be.
Yeah, yeah.
It's challenging.
Oh, actually.
Oh no.
Nevermind.
I misread it.
Nobody has any food hanging around, right?
Okay.
No.
Riley's dead.
Nope.
That's okay.
We'll just hold on that one.
Okay.
Mine is the crazy eye.
You're getting that crazy look in your eye
and you're twitching a bit too.
Oh, he ate the human meat.
Challenge the player across from you
to a staring competition.
The first one to laugh loses a heart.
Oh, laugh.
I thought it was blank.
Fuck.
Who is that?
Is that me?
So you were Tim.
I was gonna go for Tim.
It's definitely Riley.
You guys gonna kill each other after you lose?
No, I was gonna go for Tim
because he actually has a heart to lose.
Says loser loses a heart.
Yeah.
You're gonna kill each other in a staring contest.
Technically I should be here.
All right, looks like it's Tim then.
Try to keep you in as long as we can.
Really hope Tim laughs so Derek gets a heart.
This is just great stuff for a podcast.
Derek lost.
Shut up.
He laughed.
He did laugh.
Oh no, Derek died.
Oh no.
Quick, stop.
Put fiction in your mouth.
Oh yeah, use your syringe.
Derek's not dead.
He laughed himself to death and then fell
and the syringe flew up in the air
and self plunged it into his heart.
I honestly thought I'd be using it on Mike, so.
Good job.
Nobody called you by your captain's name.
All right, oh that sucks.
That's not even nighttime.
That was just all the stuff before that.
That does suck because Mike's not supposed to talk.
Do you have one?
All right, Connor.
The bats.
Oh fuck.
Yay.
A cloud of bloodthirsty creatures
come swarming through camp.
All players lose one heart.
No.
Fire cancels this event.
I have a fire.
We can't have fire because of the rain from the night before.
I have a flare gun.
Protects the whole camp from one animal attack.
Yeah.
Fire.
Water, fire.
Yay.
We've survived one more day.
Okay.
Using my flux inducer to do boosher.
Doosher, boosher.
All right, we're just gonna skip
Captain Cranberries and Ruth.
Yep.
As you guys got nothing.
I can go forwards once, I got a heart.
Oh sorry, sorry, go ahead.
I'm gonna go out and barge a little bit.
I'm feeling a bit better myself.
You gotta go look for some flux looser caboosers.
I'm gonna go back to that same bush
where I found them currents I ate before.
Nope.
Thank you for the current.
Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.
I appreciate it very much.
Sorry about that.
Is that every time?
I don't really have a choice.
Is that every time?
Not necessarily.
Are you stealing everybody's flux looser inducers?
Not, no.
Just until I'm satiated.
Well, I'm gonna go.
I wouldn't.
I got a rabbit.
Oh cool.
A party meal of rabbit.
How many hearts is that?
It's three hearts.
I will only eat one of them.
You can have the other two.
We'll take these other two.
Quite beneficial.
Okay, I'm gonna go forging for three.
I got pine nuts, wood, and stone.
So, where is everybody at right now?
Three.
Two.
One, one, one, one.
You've got five.
You know what?
I'll give one each to these two.
Oh, he gave me one of them flux looser inducers, Captain.
It's my turn.
I'm gonna go with the other two.
Captain, it's mighty nice of you there.
That's my turn.
That's first mate material.
I'll spend one heart, but I need a card.
Why'd I feed him?
So far away.
Wood, no meal for you.
Well, we can start a fire at least.
All right, I'll spend one heart.
And I got fiber.
Nice.
Damn it.
I'm gonna spend four hearts with the basket.
That makes it five.
Oh my gosh.
Make a basket.
The one person that's keeping us alive just went
Georgian for flux looser for duty-suiters.
No, I'm not gonna do anything dirty thing.
It's a very good chance that we all die right now
because of that.
All right, so, we'll just go right through the stack
as I find them.
Mysteriously magical mushrooms.
Look ahead at the next two night cards.
Ooh, well, that's fun.
Let's look ahead.
What's the forecast, Connor?
What's happening in your neck of the wood?
I don't know, but it doesn't matter.
It's a podcast, I think.
The listeners would probably appreciate
knowing what's happening.
The next two night cards are the wind.
It howls through the trees and chills you to your very marrow.
Unsheltered players lose one heart, all fiber is lost.
And then rain, a cold shower isn't as refreshing
as you thought it would be.
Unsheltered players lose one heart,
no fire tomorrow night.
Very exciting.
At least we all have something to look forward to.
What was night two, I missed it.
The rain. Just more terrible weather.
I found a bone pile.
I'm gonna give that to Connor.
Hey.
We need that.
That's four bones we have. That's four.
Basket, please.
I found a stone, I found some wood,
and I found some pine nuts, which is great.
And I can eat one.
And I think those two are the only two to have.
Those two are gonna go mad tonight.
And I'll give Renee one, she wants to push on.
She's tired of going crazy.
We could also, could have, fire.
Anyone have? Yeah, can I make a fire?
Wood's wonderful.
Yeah, I spent two, I got some wood and some currents,
so I'm not crazy either tonight.
I am.
Oh no.
But are we only doing one crazy right now?
Yep.
I'm not one crazy right now.
I mean, Captain's been crazy, but.
Well, yeah, it's not going away.
Yeah, I know.
It's not getting worse.
He said, I'm not crazy.
This is the new natural.
Is it bad?
What is it?
Shoop your pants.
Yeah, I'm curious too.
This one's so bad.
Which one?
Steal all of the wood and fiber from the group
and use it to build a bonfire.
This destroys any built shelters,
but the fire continues to burn through the following night.
So we get a fire, but all of our shelter is burnt?
So we do the rain out and.
So she takes all of our wood and fiber.
So discard all of that.
Round it up.
And destroy all of our shelter.
Oh, you should have gotten that one.
Yeah, you.
Let's see, we got two woods there.
So destroy all the shelter,
and that's perfect, because we know what's coming.
Oh, come on.
This, the rain.
You're gonna burn down our village up with that?
Yeah.
Oh.
Connor's better to do it.
I think Connor would have been great
for the one that she didn't wanna do.
All right, so as we know, the night card is the wind.
It howls through the trees and chills you to your very marrow,
because we have nowhere to live.
Unsheltered players lose one heart and all fiber is lost.
Captain Kramer, you're the only person
that's got shelter anymore.
I'm dead.
No!
Oh, we could resurrect her with the bones.
You have four bones.
Zombie, zombie.
She just killed a zombie.
Zombie, zombie.
I mean, it's not her fault.
It is her fault.
She went crazy.
This is what you get for breaking
all the fucking shelter.
Yep.
No, no, we should bring her back.
Should we?
No.
Let's wait on it.
She just murdered everyone.
People gotta start dying here, so it's not her fault.
We gotta start dropping like flies.
We might as well all go together.
Yeah.
The only one that's got any hearts is Captain Kramer.
All right.
All right, Crams.
We're not resurrecting.
Oh, no.
Are you giving them the baskets?
Can we give them all our baskets?
You can't.
He can only do one.
Ah!
I'm gonna use my one player.
Even if I die?
Oh, I'm stealing that basket if you're dead.
I think I'm dead.
You can still only use one basket at a time.
It should go to...
Brené is stealing that basket.
I'm stealing that basket.
But he can actually use it right now.
That's what I'm...
He's the only one that can forage.
There, steal the basket from the dead body.
Going to the market.
All right, yeah.
Is there like a magical card
that's like you discover a hallucinogenic feast?
Right, but that's not...
No, it's like a hallucinogenic moose.
Wood!
You get two, dude.
If we catch the moose, can we eat him?
And a wild plum.
So I'll take one of those hearts
and I'll give...
I have a basket and he has a basket.
Call him by his name.
Give his attention.
I mean, Robert Paulson.
What?
Fight club.
And I'll give old bitch tits a heart.
Robert Paulson, that's what they call them
and that Bob has bitch tits.
That's Tim.
Stefan.
You're gonna die, so if you do anything.
Yeah, I'm dead anyway.
All right, well, you know, I'm gonna forage one.
And I got some wood.
Tasty, tasty wood.
Delicious wood.
I have these four bone piles here.
I'm gonna just...
Oh, I can't throw it.
The fire is still burning from our massive bonfire.
Oh yes, that's right.
Hell yeah.
From when the dead girl burnt our house down.
I'm so happy she's dead.
Oh wait, is that...
Tim's the only one.
Let's bring Rebecca back, then she can forage.
Bring her back.
Three hearts.
Three hearts for you.
Try to save us now that you screwed us all over
and killed us.
I didn't do any such thing.
All right.
I got a dark mate.
It's your turn.
It's my turn.
Yeah, everybody else is dying.
I'll just fuck it and spend two hearts.
Oh nice.
But I don't have cards.
Can she take my basket?
No, you guys just, you just stole the basket
off the dead girl and then we brought her back to life.
Yeah, so I got some wood,
but I also got this trout that gives me three hearts back.
Nice.
I can divvy them up.
Nope.
She's like, I know you all are gonna die.
Like you wasted that resurrection.
I'm gonna spend one heart.
I have a basket, so I'll be drawing two.
Watch out, the only one that lives.
Yeah, that's what I mean.
You're gonna be the last one.
No, that one sucks.
Fuck.
I think I have fiber and stone.
No, no, nice.
So I got two stone and a fiber.
If we wanna try to, if there's another fiber,
we can make a shelter.
We're not there yet.
Got nothing.
We're gonna need to.
Hold on, before we do that,
let's just go into the night time.
Well, we're all dead.
I have one.
Everyone who needs a madness raising hand.
Who's going crazy?
I'll take a madness.
Madness for you.
You're all a crazy lot now.
Wait, don't forget to throw in the singing one.
A madness for you.
A madness for me.
Oh no.
That one went down the crack.
Ooh.
Are there others left?
There's one left.
Is it the singing one?
I don't know.
Yeah, I think it killed everybody.
What do we get?
I think it's gonna kill everybody.
Cool, I'm gonna play my first one.
Yeah, I'm gonna go with this one
because it's funnier than this one.
All right.
I'll go.
You have a master plan
and nobody could stand in your way.
All players must give you all of their crafting supplies.
I've got nothing.
One, I don't wanna do that.
Fine.
It's all my cards.
Fuck you.
It's bad, because we got one to do.
Oh, we can start a fire.
I'm not pretty sure our fire was out this round, right?
Yes.
So we'll relight the fire.
The fire comes back tomorrow.
And what do we have here?
Two wood, two stone of fiber.
Did we get the ring?
The fire should still be going.
It lasted through the windy night.
Yeah, so the fire's still going.
Can't stop the fire.
Mikey, you captain?
I can make two spears.
What was your madness?
I didn't have one.
Oh, that's right, that's right.
I didn't have a madness, I'm the captain,
I'm the sanest one amongst me crew.
You've got two, I've got two, so we're gonna battle.
Name someone inside of the party.
What?
Name someone inside of the party,
or I'm gonna kill you.
Captain Cranberries.
Captain Cranberries, name someone
inside of the party, or I'm gonna kill you.
I have to hug you.
Randy.
Is that a real person's name?
Randy, name someone else inside of the party,
or I'm gonna kill you.
Kyle.
Oh no.
Is someone here actually named Kyle?
Beth.
Okay.
Fuck.
Yeah!
I was the robot.
Oh no.
Goodbye, Stefan.
I died.
Goodbye, Beth.
Yo, Beth was crazy out here, she was losing it out here.
You two are so cute over there.
They're so cute.
I'm gonna kill you.
You're so cute over there.
That's my crazy card.
That just stabbed myself in the eye
with a screwdriver.
That was fucking crazy.
I have a feeling Connors has something to do
with the fact that his hat is pulled over his face.
I think he's blind.
You can't at least see him.
I can't see anymore.
All right.
The other card was to not say anything,
I was like, eh.
Or what?
Yeah.
Gaining a heart.
Levine, you sure you behind the helm?
Oh, so I don't just get to give myself.
Can we please continue the same?
Nope, you have to earn one.
That was so hot over here.
All right, what are you two doing over there?
I was like, a whole lot of business.
So it's nighttime?
There's a lot of touching going on.
We don't know why.
I had to hug.
Rebecca's sitting in the car chair.
I'm so scared.
What?
I can't let go.
So it's nighttime now.
I mean, almost.
I have to.
Who's else is mad?
They're both mad over there,
but I have to choose a dead player if there is one.
And this player now controls my actions
for the rest of the game,
whether I like it or not.
Oh no.
It's like you do every time.
So please read that night card.
Maybe I should be on third.
Tonight, the owl, an owl takes roost over your camp,
and for some reason, everyone feels a lot better.
All players recover one heart.
Oh, good.
Time out, time out.
That was not supposed to be.
Did you?
Was your madness heard that you changed the night stack?
I did shuffle it.
What are we supposed to get?
You son of a bitch, you can't shuffle it.
We read the first two cards,
unless something told you to shuffle it.
I was trying to make it better.
Go back to the rain.
We all die.
Wait, what?
I liked his better.
I thought we were past the rain.
But we already predicted the future.
Al Roker was here.
Oh man, now I gotta go back in the hog.
So everybody just had a little dream of an owl,
and they were almost feeling better,
but in reality, the night comes first all.
Rain, damp, cold, and starving.
Unsheltered players lose one heart.
No fire tomorrow night.
I like this.
Die.
You died.
Adios.
Die, puppy.
So dead.
Wait, who else died?
Both of you two?
I'm dead.
I'm dead, Connor's dead, Stefan's dead.
I can't see the ball.
Tim's dead, that leaves Captain Cranberry.
Hey.
Ahoy first mate, you've been promoted from Swabby.
If this helps you, Rebecca,
this is what you inherit from us.
Oh, I've got five to six spears.
This is what you get.
And the basket.
Now does Captain Cranberry's count as an animal attack?
Mine protects from humans or animal attacks.
If you see it coming.
Connor, are you dead?
No.
I am dead, yes.
Why are you still blocking?
Okay.
He doesn't want to see this shit anymore.
All right.
Does that make it Captain Cranberry's turn?
Yes.
Well there first mate, I suppose I'll take a wonder out.
You got me a dandelion and a rabbit.
So how many hearts do you have?
Three.
You ain't getting shit from me.
So three was from the rabbit
and one was from the dandelion.
Oh, I feel like me old self again.
Well I'm gonna go foraging.
Twice.
Oh, and I'm gonna eat a grub and a wild onion
and get right back to where I was.
If you have a basket, don't forget,
you can take an additional card.
And a minnow, I'm at full health.
As am I first mate.
Looks like we might make a bit of a go out of this yet.
It was gonna be easier of us.
This is the last four knights.
There's two of us, so we're gonna go a lot faster.
We've drastically decreased how many knight cards there were
as we played.
You're kidding.
No shit.
The rescue.
The rescue, you've been found.
She killed all of us and then gets rescued.
I didn't kill all of you.
Captain Cranberries is still with us.
Who's wearing a tarp as a cape?
Save me life, Edith!
Oh shit.
Well that kinda sucks.
Not for me.
Well good job, Captain Cranberries.
I've got one of their fucking bones as a telescope.
Oh, over there!
Believe I see rescue imminent on the horizon, first mate.
Hollowed out femur.
You talk into the ear of the head
and then you put the mouth up to your ear
to try to hear back.
One of your skulls is sitting on my shoulder.
Connor, what was your character's name?
Brady.
Look, I think I see my helicopter over there.
I think I see a helicopter over there.
That's right, little Brady.
I'm moving the jaw with my finger, like making you squawk.
Fuck yeah.
All right, well that is the end of our little game here
for the season two wrap up.
Really enjoy having everybody listen to us today.
I know it's not really a traditional episode,
but we had a lot of fun.
Thank you for hanging out with me all day, friendos.
It's been great.
And for the listeners, thank you for hanging out with us
all season and all of our seasons forever.
If you wanna hang out with us more,
go check out our Instagram, please.
Just do any, give us some love on there.
Some hearts, some stars, some rainbows,
clovers and blue moons would be really helpful.
Any of that.
Lots of golden rainbows and the red balloons.
Exactly, all of those things.
Go give us those on the internet.
Follow our YouTube channel.
You can find us under Tales from the Crit.
That's it, that's the name, I think, at on YouTube.
You can find all our episodes up on there.
Do us a big favor, tell every person that you know.
I will give you a penny for every person that you know.
I'm in on that, I'll throw a penny in.
Okay, that's two pennies.
Every person that they know?
Every person that you tell that you know.
That's subscribed.
But they also need to leave a review.
Yes, leave a rating and a review
and tell us how many cents that we owe you
at the end of it.
Leave us a five star review, nothing less.
We don't deserve anything less than that.
We're all very fragile, especially myself.
I can't handle that emotionally.
But thank you, as always, absolutely love you.
We'll be back for season three
where we're going to start out the season playing Root,
a nice little whimsical animal RPG,
which is bound to be a lot of fun.
So thank you all for a great season
and thank all of you guys here in front of me
for a great season.
And thank you.
Thank you.
You're welcome, I will take the credit.
Thank you, Bruce the Bat and Naughty the Dolphin
for being here.
And until next season, we will
See you next next Tuesday.
Good luck, everybody.
Tales from the Crit is part of the Wolfbeard Games podcast network.
We hope you've enjoyed today's episode, and if you have, please subscribe and leave
a review wherever you get your podcasts.
To stay up to date on any news about the podcast, follow us on Instagram at Tales from the Crit
Podcast.
Check out our YouTube channel with the same name, and most importantly, tell a friend.