Welcome to the News at Nine.
Last night, a pair of unfortunate events unfolded in the small town of Bethlehem, Pennsylvania.
During the school's homecoming festivities, a beloved teacher, Mrs. Melbourne, accidentally
tripped into the school's action bonfire and burned to death.
That same night, a student named Dale Carpenter was believed to be attacked by a bear just
a few hundred yards from the school and has not been seen since.
Tragic stuff from a town that is still recovering from that massive earthquake less than a year
ago that claimed several lives.
Very tragic indeed, Diane.
But now we move to a much more pleasant story.
Jellyfish stings.
Are they actually an aphrodisiac?
This amateur scientist seems to think so.
And later, why has the moon stayed so full for several days now?
Is it climate change?
We speculate wildly.
Fuck.
I better try calling mom and dad again.
Maybe I'll try Danny.
I've called him so much recently.
This is so weird.
He's not answering still.
I better get home.