Welcome, my little critters, to Tales from the Crit Season 2, The Level Up.
We're an actual play podcast with an ever-changing cast of players making our way through a bunch
of different RPG systems, from micro-RPGs to some of the more well-known role-playing
games out there, and the occasional highly narrative tabletop game.
Content warnings can be found in the episode's description.
My name is Riley Groves, and I am the Crit Keeper on this episode of Tales from the Crit.
Last time, on Vault 69.
After fleeing the self-inflicted carnage from the Radrail station, the gang set off for
some shelter, but before they could find any, Old Talman is assaulted by an angry amphibian,
and barely escapes with his life.
After that, the gang flees further down to the old farmhouse, and finds it eerie and
abandoned.
After exploring for quite some time, making some upgrades to Marvin's exterior, and
preparing for the day ahead, the Vault door finally opens, exposing its mechanical innards.
Within just moments of the door opening, the gang once again re-engages in terrible acts
of violence.
After storming the first floor, and the security floor, they now have a hostage, whose name
is Todd.
Welcome back to Tales from the Crit.
I am very excited as we are going to finish up Fallout today, one way or another, whether
it ends in you guys being triumphant, or dying.
Or dead heaps.
Just big dead piles of blood, guts, and robot parts.
But before we do that, let's answer a question about our characters from the Ultimate Campfire
Card Deck RPG Deck, and that question is about our present.
Well, not our present, your character's presence.
What do you consider your most useless talent to be?
And what makes it so useless?
I would say at this point, Augusta, through her most recent surface time, has kind of
realized even though she has this burning passion for AI development, it seems outside
of the vault, this might not necessarily succeed into anything, as it's just complete and utter
chaos and most technology has been destroyed.
But she did gain a little hope by finding a tiny silver non-tyrestrial on top of a roof.
Marvin is very talented in many different ways, and I don't think any of them are useless.
The only thing that would be useless for him is just when he has to deal with people which
he considers a bit lesser of a life form.
So like social skills.
He doesn't really need them.
Okay.
So like social skills are the worthless talent?
Yeah, just dealing with the ability to deal with people.
You're turning into a real Marvin.
Alright, I like it.
Agustia is pointless.
No one hitchhikers?
Anyone?
Alright, cool.
What is normal?
What are cows?
There we go.
What are cows?
Gulea used to be really funny, and now she's just sad because she doesn't want to be a
ghoul.
Agustia doesn't tell jokes anymore.
I agree with you not being funny.
Thank you.
As Augusta.
I think you're really funny.
As Tim.
Thank you.
I feel like Tall Man's most useless talent or skill at this point is his explosive skills
because it has not gotten him out of any positive situations.
I like that.
Okay.
Alright.
Awesome.
So with that, let's jump into the end game here.
We find ourselves, nope, you guys find yourselves on an elevator sitting on the second floor
of Vault 69, the security floor, with a hostage.
And I think a dead guy?
There's a number of dead guys.
Killed a few people.
I think you guys named the hostage Todd.
That sounds right.
And then when we left off, we were discussing whether you guys were going to go floor by
floor and murder everybody or what the plan would be.
While we have the elevator stopped and we do have this hostage, I think that the best
course of action now would be to-
Kill the hostage.
Not yet.
Did they harm you?
No.
Okay.
Let's hold up on the murder part.
We've already done so much of that and then just kind of blankly looks around the room.
Just buzz saw spinning right in his face like, aw.
A little bit of blood splatter just kind of hitting him from his companions.
I think- I'll stop whining, Todd.
You brought this on yourself.
We were trying to talk and you guys kept trying to hit the alarm.
You're such voltists.
All right.
Let's see if the security computers that we now have access to will locate this supposed
at 13th floor.
Even though we can't find it on the elevator buttons, there has to be some sort of security
footage or something in the security system that acknowledges the existence of this floor.
Well, you seem to have the most knowledge about any of this.
Do you want to take a look at the-
Yeah, it should only take about five seconds.
Ten seconds later.
Hurry up.
Ten seconds later, you fall back on a conversation that you had 20 seconds earlier about there
not being any security cameras actually in the vault.
Looking on the computers, at least on this floor, does not yield any information about
a secret 13th floor.
Well maybe we should just go down to the 12th floor and then see if there's a path down
to 13th.
I think that would be the best.
Or we go floor by floor making sure there are actually 12 floors.
So you want to take the stairs.
Oh, I don't think we have stairs.
Oh, well I'm just shouting things out.
I've never been in one of these here vaults.
No, that was a great thought.
Okay, so do we want to go to the bottom or one floor at a time?
Everybody has a vote, except for you Todd.
Unless you finally want to chime in about where the 13th floor is.
I don't want to go to the 12th floor.
Why is that?
Because that's the lab.
Oh, what happens at the lab?
I don't know, I'm in security.
Well you must have some idea.
What are the rumors about the lab?
You seem awfully terrified.
It's flooded.
With bodies?
With water.
Oh.
And you have aquaphobia.
No, I just don't want to go down there.
So is that your plan if there's a fire is just to take the water from the 12th floor?
Because if you don't have stairs in an emergency exit, that's pretty dangerous.
What is with you guys?
We could kill you if you wanted.
God no.
Okay.
To the lab.
To the lab?
Yeah, I think it's the closest to the bottom.
We should probably be careful.
I don't know if it is flooded how the layout is and if we open the doors suddenly we will
start drowning.
You all will start drowning.
This is true.
Todd, how flooded is the flooded floor?
Is it like the Titanic or like?
What's the Titanic?
Real history happened.
Where have you been?
In a vault.
Hundreds of feet under ground.
We all don't have books down here.
Anyway.
We have lots of books.
No, it's like flooded to your hip.
Oh, well some people's hips.
Not his hip.
His hips like his knees.
Old tall man's just standing in the elevator.
Hunched over because you're too big.
Just waiting.
All right, let's get going.
All righty.
So you guys descend down to the 12th floor?
Sure.
You guys push the button for the 12th floor and the elevator picks up some speed as it
descends through the darkness and the elevator comes down and as it hits this floor immediately
the water begins to rise inside the elevator because it's just like a metal grate kind
of situation.
So almost instantly you Augusta, Gulea, water is up to your hip.
This isn't such a big deal for you and the power armor.
Marvin, you're able to fly float above it.
Old tall man, it's kind of just above your knee.
And Todd is just clinging to the side of the elevator holding himself out of the water.
Todd is just water.
You could get down.
No, I'm good right here.
Is something in this water?
Should we be worried about the water?
I don't know.
I'm not from here.
This guy is useless.
I have a feeling that this is going to be from one of the classic films we watched in
our vault.
The War of Stars where they're in a junk pit and then this thing comes out of the water
and drags them in.
Looking around this room, apparently nobody gets your reference because they haven't seen
the War of Stars.
The lights on this floor are pretty much dim and it's mostly just lit illuminated by
security lighting.
There are a number of cages around this entire room and it's a rather large room that are
completely empty.
Looks like they've been ripped open.
From the outside or the inside?
From the outside.
The water is an equal depth all around this floor, obviously.
And you guys standing here are making ripples in the water, but also at the same time seeing
that there are ripples also working their way towards all of you.
Robot, establish a perimeter.
Securing the perimeter.
And I'll go secure the perimeter.
Okay, so you leave the elevator and head into the room?
Yep.
Buzz saw pointed ahead and is spinning.
Wait, no, did I ditch the buzz saw?
No, I ditched the grabber.
I don't think that that's right.
I don't think that's right either.
Did I ditch the buzz saw?
I think you ditched the buzz saw.
Sure.
All right, Marvin, make me a perception and survival roll.
I got a 16 and a three.
So I came in under on one.
Okay.
Floating through the darkness in this room, you see that from about 30 feet from you,
you see the back of something breach the water and then slide back in silently, causing a
large ripple to be sent around this room.
There's something big in here.
Is it in the water?
It's in the water.
Do we have any, who has the energy weapon?
Not me, but I'm gonna brandish my hunting rifle.
Pretty sure I gave it to you.
Yeah, you have the Tesla rifle.
Oh, that is it.
Yes.
I suggest that we all make our way out of the water, climb onto the walls, and I'm going
to shoot this energy weapon into the water, hopefully frying whatever is inside of it.
Todd, you could stay down there.
I really don't care.
You haven't been very helpful or kind.
I'll stay right here.
We should feed it Todd.
Oh, we could.
Well don't say it out loud, because then he might try to climb the wall.
Todd, earmuffs.
I grabbed Todd.
I was gonna say, you should be able to hold him.
I grabbed Todd right around his arm, or right around his shoulders.
He struggles like a son of a bitch to stay in the elevator.
But that's underwater.
Aren't we gonna electrocute the water?
Isn't that pretty much right?
Yeah, but I don't think he's figured that out.
So Todd can do whatever.
I don't want to leave with the elevator.
I'll stay in the elevator.
It's all fencing-like, right?
Not like a...
Yeah.
All right, well I'll just hop up on the side inside the elevator.
That's what I'm suggesting.
Everyone just climb out of the water.
Yeah.
So I'm hanging off the side of the wall like Spider-Man outside of the water, and I'm just
looking at Todd like, buddy.
Okay, so you're holding onto the side of the elevator.
Yeah.
Okay.
Spider-Man style, with my gun out.
What about you?
You're in a power armor.
I'm gonna try to jump up, hold on to some sort of support so that I'm also out of the
water.
It's kind of a John McClane situation.
That's exactly what I was gonna do.
I was gonna reach up and grab whatever was up there and lift myself out.
We've established that you're so big that you have to hunch over in the elevator.
Oh no, out in the...
Oh, that's right, we are in the elevator still.
You could pinch yourself from wall to wall, probably like John McClane would do.
This is the only reference I can think of right now.
One limb on each wall?
Yep.
Yeah, the classic pin yourself to the wall thing.
I think we're all gonna have to perform pretty good on some strength checks or agility checks
here.
I'm just gonna float a little higher.
Yeah, you're killing it.
Marvin's good for old tall men and Augusta because you also have to fire a two-handed
gun.
Oh shit.
And you're in a giant suit of armor.
Couldn't you just sit on top of the cages?
Do they go all the way to the ceiling or is there like a top?
There is plenty of stuff.
If you guys leave this elevator, there's plenty of stuff not fully submerged under the water.
We're gonna beat this game from this elevator.
That's how I usually do it.
And what the fuck is Todd doing?
He's in the elevator.
He has not climbed up.
He's just standing there.
Okay, old tall men had said that he was holding on to him, so I'm just trying to...
Can I do the thing where I put my limbs on and just reach down and grab Todd?
Old tall men's on the ceiling.
Yeah, make me a strength and athletics and then we'll figure out what Augusta's gonna
where she can go to.
Ooh.
I got under on one.
You got under on both.
On both.
I have to have them together.
That's right.
Yeah, I got under on both.
Okay.
And no crit.
You were able to hold yourself against the wall with your legs on one side, one of your
big arms on another, and you yoink Todd out of the water.
His legs are kicking.
Come here, tiny human.
He's just crying.
Gullia's perched on the side of the elevator.
I won't make you roll for it because you're just kind of clinging on like a little bat.
That's cool.
Marvin's floating above the water, warning everybody about this danger.
Augusta, lastly it comes to you.
How are you going to position yourself so that you can fire this gun?
Perimeter not secure.
So is there a space for like where these crates like right outside of so I can like run through
the elevator door and jump up onto these crates dive, you know, like Superman style with the
gun already out like in a you know what I'm saying?
Yeah, I got you.
Just let's fucking see it.
Agility and athletics roll difficulty of one.
I take the worst.
Nope.
That's a I got a five and agility and one athletics.
That's a six.
I rolled a an eight and a nine.
And what'd you have to roll?
A six.
Okay, two failures, but not too bad.
So this is how we'll resolve it.
So you're running.
Are you going to shoot while you're diving through the air?
I think that's the six.
That's kind of the idea.
There's a little red line on that one.
I think you made that one.
Oh, it was the one right next to it.
Yeah, because I could see the six on this side, but I rolled that one.
Okay, here's what we'll do.
You can successfully shoot the gun.
You're going to if you want to succeed at shooting the gun, you're going to slide off
whatever thing you were jumping onto and like slide into the water afterwards.
Once you successfully shoot or I'll give you that you can land on something successfully
and be out of danger, but you won't be able to make your shot.
Okay.
Augusta sprints out of the elevator and dives into the air with her Tesla gun out, firing
a shot into the water.
And just as she's about to hit her perch, she has miscalculated and her shoulder slams
into the side of the crate as she topples into the water a few seconds after the a couple
seconds after the blast has hit the water.
Works for me.
Let's make some attack rolls.
I need to get under a seven, a 19 and a six.
One success because it's water and you're firing into it.
So you launch, you shoot this Tesla gun into the water where Marvin had identified that
there was a threat.
You see this large electrical burst explode in the water and you see a hulking creature
launch itself out of the water and then it lands back in several feet away from where
it had come out of the water.
Can I shoot it when it comes out of the water?
No, you cannot.
Okay.
Then hang on to an elevator.
Can I shoot it when it comes out of the water?
Yeah, you have initiative.
I'm going to use the alien blaster.
Okay.
That is a negative and a negative.
Two failures.
I want to take my question back that my useless talent is like using this goddamn alien blaster
has done nothing for me.
Like your explosive talent.
Marvin, as soon as you let one of your alien disintegrator blasts go into the water, you
are immediately knocked to the side as this creature jumps from the water and sends you
spiraling across the room.
I have a feeling I was originally going to get the brunt of this and then you drew the
second point of attraction.
You take six physical damage.
So make sure to take your defense score, which is two because your armor plating off that.
So you're going to take four damage.
Okay.
And then after you guys watch Marvin get knocked around, suddenly you see this large ripple
of waves begin to head towards the elevator.
Why don't you guys all join initiative?
Tok tok.
Perimeter not secure.
Very not secure.
Pretty sure our initiative just goes around the table.
Yeah, mine's 12.
Rebecca to myself.
Yours is 12.
11.
I think I already went.
It's right there.
Oh yeah, 11.
Mine's 10.
Okay.
I would like to hold my attack until I see the creature come out of the water and then
I'd like to throw Todd at it as hard as I can.
Not a bad play.
He's my new favorite weapon.
Okay, Julia.
I don't know where this thing is.
Not exactly.
Like you can see the ripples in the water and you can see that it is headed towards
the elevator.
Okay.
And when Augusta shot that blast, the water's not like electrocuted now.
No, there's not like more electricity.
Okay, I'm going to hop it down and I'm just going to start blasting.
Frank Reynolds style.
I can see the ripples.
I can kind of guesstimate where it probably is.
Six plus two.
I got a 15 and a two.
So I passed one.
Not enough to hit this creature because it's got a defensive two.
Don't forget, you also have action points as well as luck points.
You can do another action on your turn too.
Well, I'll shoot it again.
I got a crit one and a 17.
Okay, I'll give you that.
Yay.
Roll for damage.
I'm going to see that for a second.
Oh my God, I got three heads and two shots.
And that's only four.
And then I also got another head and a single shot.
So that's seven hits overall and four piercing.
Okay.
Nice.
Fucking sick.
That's a great shot.
You hit this thing.
Suddenly, all of you see this creature rear out of the water and it is a giant lizard alligator
abomination.
And as soon as it comes out, you guys see its glowing green eyes and it dives back into
the water.
It would be Augusta's turn.
All right.
I assume because I just fall into the water, I did not see this whole creature jump out
thing.
Yeah, we'll go with that.
All right.
Okay.
So I guess I'm going to stand up and just observe, try to see what's going on now that
I have fallen into the water, you know, pulling out, trying to see what's going on.
So that's dead.
If anything is attacking, what's going on?
Okay.
Make me a perception and survival check and we'll see if you can spot this creature.
I had to get under a seven or under.
I got a seven and a six.
All right.
Two successes.
Do we flip one of those or no?
Is it three that flips it?
It's any that go over the difficulty, which I have to say out loud instead of keeping
it in my head.
For now, two will be good to see that you can spot this creature moving through the
water, we'll say from your vantage point.
All right.
Now this point is between me and the elevators.
Yes.
Okay.
Well, I don't want to open fire into the elevator where everyone else is.
I'm going to climb up onto the crates.
Okay.
And then ready in action, have my gun trained on it.
Okay.
And just wait to try to get a better.
All right.
You'll hold, let me know when you want to jump in.
Marvin, sweet Marvin.
What's going on?
What's Marvin doing?
Oh God.
I don't want to die again, but I think I'm just going to take another shot at him with
the, I'm just going to kind of knock the alien blaster against the, like a thing and just
be like, trying to get it to work.
Okay.
I'm just going to really do it this time.
It's one of the most human things that we've seen you do yet.
You take it back.
It doesn't work.
Tap it against the wall.
No.
Yikes.
Why do humans do this?
It never works.
Yeah.
That's some bad rolls, huh?
You could try to spend some action points if you wanted to roll some more dice.
Yeah.
I'll spend three.
Three.
Roll me two more dice.
Boy, I hope they're not 20s.
Try these ones.
It's a no.
All right.
You just shoot another alien disintegrator ray, kind of wildly into the water.
Old Tallman.
Old Tallman is going to drop down from the elevator onto his feet.
Yell, Todd, save Marvin.
And throw Todd as hard as he can at the creature.
Put a grenade in his pocket.
Success for the gator.
As you eat little Todd here into the room to save Marvin, you watch this gator claw erupt
from the water and just clamp down on him and his jaws and both his head and legs erupt
from his torso simultaneously and fall into the water.
Todd is dead.
I was just seeing like Drax from Guardians where he just like jumps into the thing's
mouth and it just instantly eats him.
He's like, but I rolled a success.
You sure did.
And killing Todd.
At least he doesn't have to be scared anymore.
Thanks.
Thanks, Todd.
Can we use this as enough of a distraction to try to get around it?
Probably not.
It's like in the middle of the room.
You guys can get the feeling that being in the water is very much its comfort zone and
it is much better at moving through here silently and quickly than any of you are going to be,
besides Marvin.
Marvin can get through without being in the water.
Okay, so it's my turn now.
Yeah, it's Gullia's turn.
Okay, I'm going to...
This is...
I'm going to try to swing my way out of being in the elevator and out of this little room
into the main room.
Okay, so like the floor is lava?
Yes.
Okay, strength?
No.
Agility and athletics for me.
Oh, thank God.
Just made me think of the community episode where they do the floor is lava.
Locker boys!
I got a three and an 18 and I needed a nine.
So I succeeded on one.
And was one a crit?
No.
Yeah.
Oh, and I got a three.
I critted on this.
Take back an action point?
Yeah.
And yeah, you are able to get on top of some debris.
Okay, and then I get another action, right?
Yeah, it was just a movement.
Okay, cool.
I'm going to try to look around and see if there's like a way downstairs to the 13th
floor.
Perception?
Survival, maybe?
God, that's all I feel like I ever ask anybody to roll, though.
In your defense, we do try to perceive a lot.
It's also tagged in a lot of the stuff we try and do.
All right, yeah, perception and survival.
We're a very curious crew.
I got to get under an eight.
I got a five and a 12.
You see almost at the other end of the lab that there is a single door with a staircase
sign illuminated above it, probably about 100 yards away from you.
We all got a monkey swing over to that door and get down there.
I think that's the way down to 13.
Fuck the stupid gator thing.
After Todd's noble sacrifice.
I don't care about Todd.
I'll see if I can buy us some time.
And I'd like to use my action now.
Presuming that the croc stood up to bite Todd in half, I have a shot at his back.
Okay, we'll go with it.
Let's see a shot.
All right, I needed a seven.
So no.
Double no.
You launch another one of these energized electrical bolts past this gator claw and
just strike some metal cages.
And you do see lightning or electricity arc off them through the water, frying some stuff
around it.
But quickly it dissipates and the gator dives back under the water.
Suppressing fire?
Augusta, it's actually your turn as well.
Okay, I am going to start running on the tops of the cages, moving my way toward the stairs.
Okay, there is going to be some space in between.
Like there's not cages all the way to it.
There is some water that you'll have to traverse through.
But I will give you about 25 yards of movement on top of these cages before you're staring
into a spot where you're going to have to make some tricky decisions.
All right, goal is run.
And then as soon as the water part hits, I'm just going to jump as far as I can to then
land in the water and sprint to the next set of cages and climb up.
Okay, I'll allow you to do that.
And that'll just take up your whole turn.
Perfect.
Okay.
I'm going to move as far as I can towards the stairs.
Everybody's just moving towards the stairs?
Yeah, does it look like the creature is like beelining it right towards me or I'm kind
of moving away from it?
At this point, you would be probably moving away from it.
I want to keep doing that.
Okay.
Let these soft, squishy ones take most of the heat.
So you're just dashing?
Yeah, I'm just going to go.
Okay, no alien blaster fire this time?
Yeah, let's do it.
It's got to work.
It's got to work one time.
Yeah, let's see it.
I mean, this gun has not hit one time in this game.
What are you shooting for again?
The thing somewhere under the water?
Yeah.
Just firing shots into the water.
I'm running one way and just like arm behind me is just shooting.
I have 360 vision, so.
No.
I'm so happy I'm on the other side of where you're pointing that gun.
Okay, old tall man.
Old tall man is standing in the elevator right now, still kind of upset that Todd didn't
make it any longer than he did.
Had some high hopes for that boy.
I don't know why you thought Todd was going to help us.
As you're thinking that, Todd's head floats past you in the water.
His mouth agape.
He looks terrified.
The water's dripping, so it looks like there's still tears coming out of his eyes.
I'm going to pick it up and then I'm going to head for the out of the door and up onto
the cages or whatever gets me the longest.
Souvenir.
Is that of.
Okay, so is everybody just rushing towards the door?
Yeah, I think so.
Pretty much, but I'm keeping an eye out.
I'm hoping that the creature is between me and everybody else running towards the stairs.
You can see the creature moving through the water and it is headed towards the rest of
the group.
I'm going to continue on the cages and desks and whatever else I can.
The gator's going to hold his move and it's Gullia's turn.
Rassle the crocodile.
Not you, tall man.
Sorry.
Okay, yeah, not me.
Well, I have this theory that if we get that door open, the water will like suck down and
it'll suck the gator out like in Jumanji.
Or it's just all gators behind that door.
Oh, man.
Just a big wall of hurt.
Also wondering if this floor is flooded.
Is the 13th also more flooded?
But we'll cross that bridge.
Yeah, I'm just going to try to keep leaping from things to things.
I'm going full Spider-Man here and I'm just trying to jump across things to get to the
other side.
All right.
Agility and athletics need us in two successes.
Agility.
I have to get a nine.
I got a four and an eight.
I succeeded both times.
Okay, you're able to continue swinging your way across these cages, kind of using the
infrastructure and the ceiling to help yourself because you're a little less weighty than
everybody else.
It's a little easier for you.
And you are about 25 yards from the door if you want to use both of your movements or
both of your actions to move.
Am I like above the thing?
Can I drop a baseball grenade on it?
Right?
It is behind you.
Cool.
I'm gonna.
So disregard my previous thing.
You only make it about 50 yards from the door and you can either roll perception plus explosives
or agility plus throwing.
Okay, I'm going to go with the one with explosives because it's tagged.
So I got to get under an eight.
I said I got a five, which succeeds in a 19 that does not.
It's not a 20.
This thing does have a defense of two, but I will give you three damages because it's
still a fucking grenade.
Huzzah.
Oh, I only got two little blasts in.
Okay.
It explodes in the water.
You can't really tell if it has done any significant damage.
It was loud.
Cool.
And now it is Augusta's turn.
Have I made it to the door?
Not yet.
You are also about 50 yards away.
Okay.
At this point, I am ahead of everyone else.
I'm going to stop for my vantage point and aim back again, holding my action with the
rifle ready to shoot this thing if it pops up to anyone else.
Okay.
Marvin.
I'm going to do the same thing, running gun.
Okay.
So you're going to be equally about 50 yards away from the door.
Go ahead and make a shot.
Wildly, off into the distance.
Nope.
I guess you got to be an alien for this gun to work.
It's working just fine.
Okay.
I need to recalibrate my targeting systems.
Old Thulman.
How close am I to where I need to enter the water?
Run along cages.
You only moved once on your last turn?
Yeah.
One more movement and then you'll have to.
Okay.
I'm going to go right to the last cage or whatever the last thing above water is.
I'm going to stop there and I am going to ask Guglia.
Guglia, how many grenades do you have left?
I got one more.
Can I have it?
Sure.
And I'm going to toss it over to him.
With the pin in it.
Without having to roll is it off the expectation?
I'm very good at tossing.
Yeah, perception plus throwing.
I needed an eight and I got a four and a 19.
Old Thulman, you catch the grenades.
Awesome.
And I am going to put the grenade in the head and wait.
I really wanted you to do that.
Yep.
And wait for these guys to get out of the water or get closer to the shore.
Okay.
So you're just holding your action then too?
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
As you are the closest to the gator.
Oh, I was?
Yes, you are.
Everybody else is about 25 yards away.
Okay.
You are at least 50.
You see the ripples of the gator coming straight at you and it leaps from the water.
It is about 12 feet tall, so it is large enough to get out and it is coming straight for you.
It does successfully tackle you off the top of the cages.
Rattle it.
Since I was holding my action as it comes out of the water, can I try and whack a mullet
with my sledgehammer?
You've got a head in your hands.
I can put it down or put it on my belt.
He puts the hair in his mouth and holds onto the seat.
Okay, we'll resolve one thing at a time.
Todd head grenade.
You should throw the head at it because it will just bite like the rest of the body.
When it came out of the water, I feel like I lost that opportunity.
If it was still in the water, I was going to toss it out.
I didn't realize it was that close to me, so I was going to try and whack a mullet.
It was technically hidden underneath the water.
Force feed it Todd's head.
You could still bait it with the head.
Something's coming at you.
You've got to huck it a little bit.
I can't get away.
Treating it like a duck with a piece of bread.
Yeah, or if you hold it out in front of you, it'll take away the first.
It looks like I'm going to get my ass kicked anyway.
I was picturing a cartoon where it swallows it whole and then stares at you while there's
an implosion in its belly and it just drops dead.
That was the plan.
So what does happen?
You get tackled.
You're going to be able to do your thing.
This thing takes out your left leg doing six damage, which I feel like your left leg has
been just destroyed so many times.
So the left leg got six damage to it?
Yeah.
Augusta, you can see this.
Your action was readied as well.
You see the old Holman get knocked off the top of these cages.
Your leg really just shattered.
So it's going to be harder for you to move.
You can't take the dash action.
However, this gator is on top of you.
I'm going to fire.
Augusta, fire your gun and then old Holman will resolve yours next.
I'm glad you said it.
I was about to.
It's not going to do anything.
Nice little ring there.
So it's going to be perception plus energy, which is a seven and I got a five.
What's your defense?
My defense is one.
Here, roll your damage.
Electrocute old Holman.
Sometimes things get messy.
We're going to cook that left leg too.
Well, that's four heads.
It does six damage, doesn't it?
Roll two more.
Five.
Four heads.
Fill five heads.
Okay.
Wow.
Five crits.
Damn.
Let's see.
I don't think it does.
Does it have any?
It's got arcing.
It's arcing and double shot.
So it doesn't double.
What did we resolve double shot as?
I forgot.
Ten crits.
It just uses double ammo.
Save me, Todd.
No, it was just.
In Todd we trust.
I like Todd a lot more than that.
He's not crying.
Just, just arcing.
So because the Gator claw is on top of old Holman, both are going to take this damage.
Are we splitting it?
No, it just arcs.
So it hits both of you.
Old Holman, unfortunately you get fried.
So take five damage that you can reduce your energy or any, any energy reduction from it.
I'm down to one.
Okay.
And now it's your action.
My action?
Yeah.
My action.
I'm going to pull the pin.
I'm thinking about it, but I have one action.
I have one health point to get away from this thing and I don't think I can move.
You can move, just not quick.
You can't run.
Can I break away from it and move a few feet?
Like am I going to have to do a check to do that or no?
Probably after we both.
It's a nomin on your leg.
Well, we both also got electrocuted.
So there's a possibility that that's why I'm.
I would accept that argument.
That's electrocuted.
And I could.
Yeah.
Then he would let go.
I mean, or it would get worse because his jaws clamped down as he gets electrocuted and
you're just getting your leg torn apart.
But we'll say the opposite.
Say I can get away.
Yeah.
I'm going to pull the pin on that grenade and stuff it in its mouth and scurry away
as fast as I can.
Okay.
You can move another 25 yards.
So you're almost up where everybody else is.
Let's.
Do you see your leg?
You're not scurrying anywhere.
You can shuffle slightly.
I'm doing the crab crawl backwards at this point.
It's all upper body strength.
Explosives and I mean, it's in its mouth.
I'm not going to make you roll for a success.
Why don't you just roll for damage?
What's a grenade do?
It explodes.
I meant damage wise.
Five.
It sure does.
I have two crits.
You've done it again, Todd.
How many more parts of Todd can we weaponize?
His legs come floating.
And being inside the head, do we negate its damage?
Its defense factor got more shrapnel.
I yes, actually I did.
So you see this thing stand up.
It crunches down on top of Todd's head as the grenade goes off past somebody an eyeball
flies across the room.
It's disgusting.
The gator claw takes a couple steps back and is momentarily deterred.
Nobody's going to get the chance to do their action.
Well, that's how initiative works.
I love Connors like momentarily deterred.
That's what we're going for here.
Not actively murdering everyone.
All right, what are we going to do?
We all get one like round of surprise.
I think so.
Yeah.
Sprint right back toward tall man.
I'm going to shoot wildly in a direction.
I'm throwing a tomahawk.
Anybody else got any more bombs?
I am a bomb.
Gullia, it is your turn.
And I at the end of the cages now where I'm going to have to go into the water.
Definitely.
Yeah.
All right, cool.
I'm going to blast it with my hunting rifle as I leap into the water.
Okay.
Leaping is for free.
Shootings for dice.
Failed.
That's fine.
You're in the water now.
Fuck.
Necessarily jumping into the water doesn't mean your movements over.
That's not much.
I will clamber to the door.
Okay.
It is locked.
Damn it.
Do we have lockpicking?
Can I lockpick it?
Yes.
Lockpicking is a thing.
I see it.
Yeah.
Look, this drawer is full of bobby pins.
Thank goodness.
However, unless you want to burn an action point, that is your turn.
Because you did move all the way to the door.
You did shoot.
So that's two actions.
Can I burn an action point?
Yeah.
I'm good with it.
I want to lockpick.
Let's do intelligence plus lockpicking.
Oh, God.
Okay.
Actually, it's perception plus lockpicking.
Okay.
That's only a seven.
I got a six and an eight.
So I succeeded once.
Okay.
Not enough successes.
Okay.
It's a pretty bulky security door.
I got it.
I don't got it.
Augusta, you have your chance to get it.
I do.
I'm also proficient in lockpicking.
All right.
You're about 25 yards from the door.
How far am I from Tallman?
25 yards the opposite direction.
All right.
And he's 50 yards from the door and he can get there with his broken leg or no?
He can only make one movement action per turn.
25?
Yes.
Tallman's crawling on the ground.
Lizard guy is standing up, presumably holding his face as a grenade just went off in his
head.
So I am going to switch to my 10 millimeter pistol as I've just seen what can happen when
I shoot off this other one and I'm going to start firing at the lizard guy.
It's got a defensive two.
So you do need to be successful with both shots.
All right.
I needed a nine.
Nine?
No.
Eight.
Nope.
Did not succeed.
Okay.
So I'm going to shoot a shot wildly into the darkness.
Awesome.
It's dark in here now?
It's been dark in here.
Oh.
It's been very dimly lit.
It's only lit by emergency lighting.
Oh yes.
That was some of that flavor text I threw in there.
It was so long ago.
I'd forgotten.
Man, I pictured it.
It was dim, those gross like yellow security lights that sometimes blink on and off and
there's just stuff kind of lights half hanging from the ceiling and it's just that.
You got it.
You nailed it.
Yeah.
That description was like half of the locations in Fallout 3.
That's why I did it.
Half submerged.
I mean, if most of the lights don't work, something's trying to kill you.
It's why I didn't want to go out of the elevator.
I was just like, that's terrifying.
I don't want to go down there.
So my first action was firing the pistol.
So I would like to ready.
So I have the pistol in this hand.
I just want to hold the laser rifle.
Okay.
And I'm just tall man.
Get to me as fast as you can.
Use this.
I'm going to toss you the Tesla.
That way he has something to shoot with as he's crawling.
But I'm also at that point, I don't want to do that thing that I always do.
So I'm just going to stand there with the rifle and kneel to you that I have the rifle
and I'm waiting for you to come grab as you're crawling.
And so I'm kind of covering you with a pistol and I've got the rifle ready to drop to you
when he gets to me.
Presumably so we can both just start trying to hit this thing as we're going backwards.
Okay.
I'm going to do the same thing.
I'm going to kind of run and gun, make it to the door and.
Okay.
You will make it to the door this turn.
It looks like you guys are focusing on the Gator Claw.
So instead of doing a running gun and just being totally useless with this alien zapper,
I'm going to try and attempt a lockpick too.
Okay.
Let's see it.
Wow.
I just keep rolling double 18s.
If this was game night, I'd be like.
You can try again if you want to burn your last action.
I'll leave it for somebody else.
As long as I've made it to the door, I'm a little more happy.
You are at the door.
Old Tallman, it is your turn.
Old Tallman is going to raise his, I can walk kind of, right?
You can shuffle.
I'm going to scramble onto my feet and I'm going to walk backwards towards the door with
the sledgehammer held, holding my attack for whenever this thing decides to whack them
all out of the water.
Okay.
So you can make it to where Augusta is with this movement.
Okay.
However, so can the Gator Claw.
And now the Gator Claw is where you and Augusta are.
Augusta, you're still on cages, right?
Is it close enough for me to hit?
It will be.
Yeah.
Okay.
So you're burning your action.
Why don't you go ahead and make your attack first?
I am going to try and clobber this thing in the head as hard as I can.
Let's see it.
Okay.
Uh, I have, oh, if it's under, that doesn't crit if it's under on strength, does it?
No.
Okay.
I didn't think so.
I have a success and a failure.
Okay.
It does have a defensive two.
So unless you want to burn an action point and try to roll one more dice.
Um, okay, yeah, let him burn the last action point.
The last action hero.
Oh, worthless.
What?
Can I see the action, the damage dice?
Why do I never get any of that's, that's my thing is unarmed attacks.
Dead.
Dead, dead.
Super dead.
I just got a picture.
More dead.
I just got a really great picture of Riley.
So the Gator claw rolls five crits and a hit on its attack.
And Augusta, you watch from the top of the cages as it clamps onto old Talman's right
leg doing six physical damage and breaking it and simultaneously dragging his whole body
under the water.
Your right leg is broken.
You also take a second injury, which will say is to your left arm.
You are unconscious and do not take any health from first aid.
You will be making some life saving throws at the end of this.
Sorry, old Talman.
I feel like you've taken.
So I'm, I'm literally a zero right now.
Yeah.
Okay.
You are unconscious underwater.
To be fair, this is not really the first time this has happened.
Hmm.
To be fair.
Uh, okay.
Gulea, that is your turn.
Gulea takes a moment to stand wide eyed at what is happening.
But with Talman being eaten by this Gator, I can see where it is now.
Yeah.
Okay.
I'm going to blast that motherfucker with my hunting rifle.
Okay.
And it better do something.
I got a 14 and a two.
Do you have anything?
Small guns is tagged as a two.
I crit.
Yay.
All right.
Cool.
You actually hit the thing this time.
So do your damage.
I have two crits in one shot.
Okay.
Right between the eyes or in the butthole either way.
Oh, right between the thighs.
Oh, between the eyes or between the thighs.
Okay.
You hit this Gator claw and you see your bullet lodge in.
I don't know if it's facing me or right from me.
Where does it lodge?
Shoot for the head.
God damn.
This thing only rolls legs.
You see it get hit in its upper torso.
Boobs.
Anything else you want to do on your turn?
I will, oh, I'm already at the door.
You're at the door.
Can I try to lockpick it again?
Yes.
All right.
I will try lockpicking.
I'm not good at it.
We know.
We need two successes.
So I need an eight.
That's seven.
Fuck.
I got an eight and an 11, I failed.
Okay.
Augusta.
Augusta, I can't get this damn door open.
The Gator claw is right next to you.
Oh, fuck.
What?
All right.
So Augusta is 25 yards away from you guys.
You and Marvin are at the door.
Augusta stand there over old Talman's.
All right.
So I had the pistol recently decaying.
Shirting dead body.
Pistol aimed, Tesla rifle in the hand.
I'm going to holster the pistol and just swing that rifle up and fire the Tesla.
No.
Fire at Talman.
No, shoot the other gun.
Do what you think is best, man.
At this point, it seems that my compatriot has just been murdered.
I am next.
Visually.
It needs to die.
Let's see it.
Well, it's your lucky day.
Didn't do anything.
Did you miss with both?
Yeah, 15 and an eight.
I needed a seven.
You have one more action to like move or, you know, try to do something.
I'm going to move to the door.
Marvin.
I see it go after his right leg.
Oh, man.
That was his favorite leg.
Could be worse.
Could be his middle leg.
That was his second favorite leg.
So I can shoot it and try and pick the lock.
Yep.
All right.
First, I'm going to try and shoot it with the disintegration laser beam.
You got three arms and 360 vision.
And it hasn't fucking done anything to help me yet.
You're overstimulated by how much you can see.
There's two.
Yeah, that Tesla rifle is just there's so much electricity in the air.
It's messing with my targeting systems.
All right, come on.
Two net ones.
Let's disintegrate old Tom.
I mean, the Gator.
That's a seven and a six.
That's got to hit right.
Energy weapons.
I needed a six.
I got one.
It has a defensive two.
Although who keeps eating all my action points.
Yeah, this could be real bad for Derek.
So although your disintegrator Ray does actually hit the Gator claw this time, it just kind
of bounces off its spiky hard carapace.
Aha.
Old Tom, I'm going to need something that's impossible for you.
I'm going to need an endurance and survival test.
He needs to do the cam cam.
I need you to succeed as many times as equal to your injuries, which is three, which on
two d 20.
Oh, you could do it if you crit and succeed.
Nope.
Well, two successes, but not three.
Not three.
And there are no action points left.
So unfortunately, you see the last bubble of old home in lungs pop in the water and
then no more movement from old home.
I would now like to pick the lock.
Yeah.
Oh man.
Go for it.
Click, click, click, click.
It's okay guys.
He's with Todd now where he's always wanted to be.
All right.
Let's see.
Let's see that lock pick.
Cause we jumped ahead.
I got the lock.
Wait, hold on.
I think this one is perception six, seven.
Oh no, I didn't.
I got, I got one out of two so close Augusta.
Where are you?
You moved to everybody's at the door.
I'm at the door.
Yep.
Everybody's at the door, including your new party member, the Gator claw who closes the
distance on the three of you.
Oh sweet.
We got him now.
We should call him new Tallman.
Was this a trade up?
He's green like the old one.
The other one was so old.
I didn't think that we'd get such a good upgrade for the same.
Nice to meet you young Tallman.
Nice to meet you green Tallman.
Roars in our face.
New Tallman was pretty good.
New Tallman.
Boy.
So the three of you are huddled around the door.
Can I strangle it with my pre-war necktie?
It's all I got.
I got nothing.
Well, I'd like to think that I'm still, you know, as moving to the door, still, you know,
posting to look behind us, not just.
Okay.
Yeah, I got it.
Not everybody's just staring at the door.
So would you say you're the, you're the most in between the door and the rest of the party?
Probably.
Okay, cool.
Can I have the damage?
Cause they were just lockpicking and I was not.
Okay.
But you're also the most heavily armored.
Why so much?
This thing fucking loves legs.
The Gator claw closes the distance as you are the only one that's between it and the rest
of the party.
It comes at your right leg.
However, it only does three damage to your right leg.
It'll be physical.
So I have a defensive three.
It does not hit them.
So it is just you and the Gator claw.
So it comes up and clamps onto your armored leg.
However, it is unable to make purchase to do your power armor.
Okay.
I thought you said do do.
Gulea, it is your turn.
Get the lock.
Gulea can't get this fucking lock open.
Oh, I guess I'll try again.
I'm super efficient at lockpicking.
If only I could get this lizard man off my leg.
I just start looting old Tullman.
You'd have to go past the lizard guy back to his dead body.
I've got a fisherman.
Maybe he can fly.
I feel like I'm good at.
If he flies half as well as he shoots, we're in trouble.
Can I?
This is a bad idea.
Can I use my unarmed attack to leap at the Gator and try to rattle it so that Augusta
could get away and get to the door?
I'm not going to get this fucking door open.
We're all going to die.
You can do whatever you think is right.
It is a 12 foot tall Gator lizard versus zombies.
Will not win a strength.
I'll think about it quickly, but then I will go back to the door in the lockpicking.
All right.
Oh, good.
I rolled a two, which doesn't help me.
And a 12.
I succeeded one time.
It's not tagged.
Because you have two actions, I'll give you the chance to try twice.
God, somebody get through this door.
I did worse this time.
Okay, Augusta.
So I can aim in multiple ways right now.
One it's right on my leg.
Can't miss that head.
And I got the pit boy.
I'm just going to fire my pistol right into this thing's head.
Okay.
Point blank.
I mean, I'll decrease the difficulty by one.
Oh, okay.
Very gracious of you, DM.
Nope.
Needed an eight.
Can I spend a luck point to do something?
Luck points don't really go towards like doing additional actions.
It's hard when we're trying to find something.
Then for my second action, I'm going to keep, I'm going to fire again and just really good
at just wasting this ammo.
Marvin.
Perimeter not secure.
I'm lockpicking.
I'm just going to take the damage this thing does next time.
I'm fucking lockpicking.
Bring that fucking thing over here.
I'm right next to you.
We second this.
If he just presses the gun up against it, will he still miss?
Yes.
Probably.
You've seen it happen in the game.
It's like right here.
It's like, what you doing, Marvin?
I'm going to take one shot at it and I'm going to pick one lock.
They're both going to be perfect.
All right.
So the shot is an 11 and a three.
No, the lock.
Wait a three didn't hit it?
Oh right.
Two defense.
It's two defense.
The lock remains unscathed as well.
Oh my God.
At least I died in good company.
Augusta, can't you just swing at it in that giant armor and knock the whole door down?
Is this a wooden door or a metal door?
This is a metal reinforced security door.
Tall man is stronger than this suit.
Well, yes.
So now I am now the strongest, maybe.
Nope, I'm tied with you.
You are as strong as the suit.
I am a tiny little girl.
That suit don't seem worth it.
The gator claw rears up and goes to attack Augusta as you're right in front of it and
it clamps down.
However, all the damage done to its head and its two critical failures on its attack causes
its jaw to break when it clamps down on you.
It reels several feet backwards.
You listened it up.
And you take no damage.
Okay.
Guleah.
God, let's do something here.
Why is it my turn again?
Because Tallman's dead.
What damage?
Fuck.
Oh, lockpick again.
There's no extra super mutant parts laying around.
Because there, that's how they helped me last time.
No, there's just the one super mutant parts.
I needed a seven and I got a seven and an eight.
Yeah, that won't do it.
Okay.
Augusta, Augusta, please do something.
I'm going to lockpick.
What is lockpicking?
Perception?
Perception.
All right.
I needed a nine, which I got 911.
So we'll never forget this time that I failed.
And then I got a three, which I am tagged at a three.
That's a crit.
Crit on the lock.
Second attempt gets us in.
All right.
Awesome.
So you've finally, you rushed over to this door and somehow you're into power armor.
Your fingers are nimbler than Guleah's or Marvin's mechanical brain just punch right
through the lock.
Yeah.
I got it.
And the door swings open and rushing down.
It's actually just painted.
It's a Looney Tunes door.
You manage to get the door open and water begins to rush down the staircase.
Do the three of you rush into this door?
Yeah.
Yes.
I'd probably get sucked out of it.
I mean, I wouldn't.
Yeah.
You get sucked off your feet.
I kind of would like to wait right at the door.
So as they rush by, I'm not going to be able to fucking close that door.
There's goddamn tons and tons of water behind it.
Yeah.
Running down the stairs.
Get out.
Run, run, run.
Did you see Old Tom and just like going down the water slide?
Like, I was just going to go for an attack on all of you.
My limp body tumbles down the stairwell.
He ate a grenade.
I will say that if you wanted to try to close the door, I would get a group check if you
want to try to close behind you.
Okay.
So you guys get through the door.
Let me see a strength and athletics from everybody.
And I need three successes.
No, sorry.
Old Holman's time of succeeding on rolls is passed.
I needed a nine.
I crit on a three and I got a three and a one.
Okay.
So you alone got three.
I needed a seven and I got a three and an 18.
But I got a success as well.
Okay.
So take an action point back.
Marvin, I see you got a natural 20 there.
What else did you get?
A 14.
So two failures.
Yeah, natural 20.
So Marvin, you kind of get knocked around and a large gust of water comes.
You're going to take one damage as you go spiraling down the staircase.
However, Augusta and Gulea, you are strong enough to secure this door and stop the flow
of water behind you.
Well.
Did Tallman's body float past us?
You guys hear it clunk into the door.
And then looking through this tiny little window slit, you see the gator claw just begin
to munch.
Like broken jaw.
Just chewing on it.
Going down the staircase, it is dark.
I got his plant guys.
Yes.
Also illuminated by emergency lighting.
Down at the end, there is another door.
This time it is not locked.
Sweet God, it's not locked.
And you guys go in.
There's a single switch on the side of the wall that you can see.
The rest of the room in front of you is dark.
However, you do get the feeling that it is very open and a very large room.
Do we pull the switch?
Can I investigate the switch?
Yeah, sure.
I wish Todd was here.
It says Nintendo on it.
You're proficient enough in technology and vault stuff because you're a vault waller
to know that this is just a large light switch.
Flip it.
I'm going to flip it.
And in front of you guys is an extremely large room with just crate after crate after crate
that has Nuka Cola across the side of it.
And as you guys look, this room is littered with both full and empty bottles of Nuka Cola.
I'm going to shut the switch off.
Everybody blink real quick.
I think this might be a mirage and then turn it back on.
Is it still there?
Yeah.
Are we not seeing this?
The corner is just like a heaping pile of empty bottles and bottle caps.
And then there's also an equal number of crates of just filled Nuka Cola bottles.
I want to start filling my pockets with caps.
I'm assuming we're up here.
It's all down there or is this overall?
You're all on the same level.
All in the same.
You can see it.
Hello.
It's like that scene from National Treasure.
I was just thinking about that.
I wonder who's been drinking all this.
I'm going to dive into it like a.
It hurts because diving into a giant pool of money actually would suck.
And these are bottle caps.
You're caught up.
You break your neck.
You are sliced open.
I'm a ghoul.
I don't care about the slices.
That's true.
I have to stroke through them.
Marvin, perimeter check?
Perimeter check.
Is the perimeter secure?
I like the fact that the robot's so caught up in this much money.
That's a lot of caps, guys.
We could buy a new Talman.
The perimeter is secure.
You don't even need to roll for it.
All right.
Perimeter is secure.
I'm going to start exploring this room.
Have I had any experience with any sort of room like this?
I shoot them both with the alien zapper.
The first time he hits something, the entire game.
Kills both of us.
Perimeter secure.
Just for a laugh.
Marvin, you try to kill me.
You see this little flash of red lens on his eye.
Just like, huh?
No.
What?
No.
I think we've seen how successful he is with that gun.
We're totally fine.
We're very safe, yeah.
Perimeter secure.
Yeah, I want to start exploring around this room and see if it looks anything like anything
I've seen in the vault that I was in.
This is the only thing in this room.
It is pretty much just a one chamber room filled with new Coca-Cola.
And the only way out is the way we came in?
Correct.
We live here now, guys.
Well, all right then.
The end.
So now we take the vault, right?
We just take over.
This is our vault now?
This is our vault.
Well, yeah.
All right.
Let's go up, I'm guessing, and start taking this place over.
Well, you said there was innocents in here.
We want to keep them in here, kick them out.
What are we doing?
Kill them all?
I say send them all to Todd.
Send them to Todd.
Old Talman will take care of them.
No, not anymore.
At Todd's iron gates.
So there's nothing in here except for Cola.
We're rich as fuck.
We're just here for the money.
We're just here to drink.
Yeah, I think that letter said that all the money was here.
I'd like to use a luck point and kind of see what I might want to do after stuffing my
pockets full of caps.
Here's what we're going to do.
Because you guys bypassed all other floors and have now found the treasure, I'm just
going to allow the three of you to narrate what you do after this point.
We're going to do it like Clue.
Ooh.
A different ending for a different theater.
As the three of you are standing, looking around at the possibilities, the infinite
pile of money and Nuka Cola, different thoughts come into each of your head.
Gulea, what happens immediately after this?
We find a way to carry all of the money.
We open the door.
We let the gator slide down into here.
We go up.
We close the door.
We mostly clear out the vaults.
We let some people live there if they want to, but it's ours now.
We're safe forever.
Until I go feral.
Dun dun dun.
Okay.
So, we're going to go to Augusta.
Upon the discovery that the only thing in the basement is a bunch of money, Augusta does
realize how influential this could be regarding purchasing and bartering for various technologies
to further pursue the pursuit of the AI research that they started back at the original vault
that they were in.
They take Gulea and Marvin and immediately lock down the facility, Augusta reprograms
the door, resets all the codes, and cancels all potential for exterior communication so
that there cannot be an uprising.
Over a period of time, we'll say dot dot dot, three months later, the people in the vault
have finally forgiven them for what happened.
They understand that the deaths didn't have to happen, but they were wildly erratic and
irresponsible with their reactions to people suddenly being in their vault, though understood.
And they're starting to kind of be okay with just pushing more toward learning about the
outside world and what's happening there.
They are very fascinated by the idea that Augusta comes from a vault where they were
doing such terrible experiments like that to children, and now they want to see what
else is going on.
And it kind of slowly becomes a liberation front with the main focus on the pursuit of
AI studies to see if they can bring the world back.
All right.
Marvin, blam, blam, blam.
Oh yeah, no, it's Marvin's targeting system finally starts working appropriately and he
looks at Gulea and Augusta and realizes that with this money, he can really start making
his robot uprising a real thing.
So he utterly disintegrates Gulea and Augusta and goes and clears the whole vault and there's
just dust flying through it, like rooms with just poofs of dust as everyone's disintegrated.
And now this vault can be manned by robots that don't have to serve humans anymore.
All the robo brains and the Mr. Gutsy's and the Mr. Handy's and the sentry bots and the
little floating radio ones, the eye bots, they're just they all have a sanctuary now
and they just do their little jobs and any human that happens upon the place is just
dealt with and becomes fuel for whatever systems need organic fuel.
And slowly the sanctuary spreads to create the perfect robot civilization.
It's like the end of iRobot almost.
But it was like there's just no humans left.
But what sucks is like now that the robots are cultivating everything, the planet has
become so vibrant and full of life and there's no humans to ruin it.
So it's the most pure, peaceful, best, yeah, perfect robot utopia with no humans to just
fuck it up.
Old Talman's ending.
It's really dark in here guys.
I live with Todd now and I hate it.
It's just a floating head.
You killed, shut up Todd.
With all the confusion of them getting back out of the vault and everything else, members
of Old Talman's old cult take the body away and bring it to another vault and give it
to some of the scientists there who then take Old Talman's brain out and implant it into
a robo brain chassis.
And the last thing you see is his circuits come on and the brain light up.
But even the brain is big and green.
And then for the fifth ending, as the three of you are standing there at awe of what's
in front of you, the entire vault lights up with alarms and the emergency lighting in
this floor goes out and you guys are standing in complete darkness.
And that's it.
Oh, I like that.
It's like a choose your own adventure.
Like all the listeners, they can be like, I like this is how I want it to end.
Well, that was awesome.
That was cool.
I was like, that was a fun way to end that.
Yeah, I liked it.
Old Talman, sorry about being dead.
I made it right to the last.
It happened to the best of us.
Yeah.
A few people died in this one.
So what you're saying is if I had succeeded on that whack a mole hit, you're probably
still going to die.
This thing had a lot of health.
Yeah.
Gator claw like death claw.
Very, very, very strong.
The only thing that we fought in this whole game was what?
One instance with Brotherhood of Steel, a bunch of bugs and then just a hundred death
claws and then a Gator claw.
So to be fair, the golfer, then we took the golfer.
Then we took out a settlement and oh yeah, we take out two settlements.
We left a lot of blood in our wake.
No, that was the the raider camp we were trying to.
What was the real the railroad station that that got bad fast?
Yeah.
So you guys pretty much only went to where all the toughest things were.
There was like a lot of lower level encounters that were easier that you guys could have
done, but you just chose to always do the wrong things.
And by wrong, I mean funnest.
So that's going to end our playthrough of the fallout RPG.
This thing has a lot of rules.
I'm glad we finally got through it.
I'm really excited because on the next or the next game we're going to play, we're going
back to revisiting the very first one we ever did.
We're going to play kids on bikes just in time for the Halloween season.
So until then, cool.
See you next next Tuesday.
Good one.
That was the best one yet.
Tales from the Crit is part of the Wolfbeard Games podcast network.
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I'm Mike, and I'll see you next time on Tales from the Crit.
I think the real treasure was the friends we lost along the way.
Just in peace, Todd.
I think it's time to get down with that.
The second gator claw shows up and eats the gun out of the air.
So he's crawling toward me on the ground.
The other lizard, the lizard guy is who the fuck was that?
I think we know.
I don't know what you're talking about.
What do I do?
Roll.
Get the fuck out of here.
Is it just one die on this one?
2D20.
Write this down or something.
No.
Somewhere.
We're almost done.
It's too late now.
I got a 14 and a 12, so no matter what it is, I failed.
Agility and small guns.
Old Tall Man is a...
What the fuck was that?
These tummy just rumble?
Yeah, mine.
Oh, wow.
I thought it was a jet.
Do you need a granola bar or something there?
A helicopter.
No, it's just...
A helicopter.
Stomach rumble.
It'll make more noise if you put something in there.
What?
That's what she said.
Just eat something and your stomach's like, thank you.
It's louder.
You've been doing a fine job of faking it this whole time.
Thank you.
Great work.
I'm going to read the rules, man.
Rules are reading me.
Hydrophobia.
Oh.
Rabies.
Can you repeat the question?
What's your most useless talent?
Listening.
I just wanted to make sure I was phrasing it right.
Awwww!
station, the gang set off for some shelter, but before they could find any, Old Tallman
is assaulted by an angry amphibian and barely escapes with his life.
After that, the gang flees further down to the old farmhouse and finds it eerie and abandoned.
After exploring for quite some time, making some upgrades to Marvin's exterior, and preparing
for the day ahead, the vault door finally opens, exposing its mechanical innards. Within
just moments of the door opening, the gang once again re-engages in terrible acts of
violence. After storming the first floor and the security floor, they now have a hostage
whose name is Todd.