Welcome, my little critters, to Tales from the Crit Season 2, The Level Up.
We're an actual play podcast with an ever-changing cast of players making our way through a bunch
of different RPG systems, from micro-RPGs to some of the more well-known role-playing
games out there, and the occasional highly narrative tabletop game.
Content warnings can be found in the episode's description.
My name is Riley Groves, and I am the Crit Keeper on this episode of Tales from the Crit.
Previously, on Vault 69, our war party had a knocked-down, drag-out brawl with some death
claws.
Determined to save his friends, Marvin bravely rushed in to attack one of the deadly beasts,
only to lose his robotic life immediately.
His sacrifice proved to not be in vain, as the remaining party members got what they
came for and more, as they escaped not only with the Tesla rifle, but also with the coveted
power armor.
We now find the group returning to their camp after fleeing for their lives.
The game usually started as the game was rolled out during the rally, but the rest of the
Okay, full disclosure, because of how we record episodes, which is basically one big block
at a time due to poor planning, we sometimes forget to record enough intros and questions
to match how many episodes we record that day.
That's what happened here.
So this episode, we're just going to jump back into the game and not answer anything
about ourselves or our characters.
So without further ado, here we go.
You guys get back to your Raider camp with Marvin's dead body and mostly wounded, but
with some new guns and a new set of power armor.
Oh my God.
My main next mission is to remove the core, reinstall it into him and into Marvin and
try to get Marvin going up.
I'm going to say because you were very injured and you guys took a lot of damage and spent
a lot of resources and Marvin's just died.
He had a chance to roll and be stabilized, but it got you the power.
It got the power armor.
Yeah.
So if you're going to go back, now you have a decision to make.
Are you going to take the power armor or the fusion cell out of the power armor and put
it into Marvin out of the Tesla gun and put in the, you have two fusion cells and three
things that take them.
Okay.
So, Talman, do you, do you think we need to bring Marvin back?
Uh, Gulea, I assume that we're all in agreement to this.
Oh yes.
It would be good to have our companion back.
Yes.
All right.
Would we rather have the, the suit or would we rather have the, the energy weapon?
I got to be honest.
It does seem the suit would have more, would be a better option as far as versatility.
I agree.
Also, if we found another power core, it'd be easier to carry the gun than it would be
to carry Marvin or the suit of armor.
Yes.
Yeah.
I agree.
Maybe once we take a couple of days to kind of get our bearings back, we can go to the
old rad rail station and trade off some of our, our extra components to acquire another
power core.
They also have entertainment that I have heard.
Yeah.
That sounds like a good option for us.
You know, a little recuperation, take a break, almost a staycation.
Yeah.
I would, I would agree.
Let's fix up Marvin.
I'd like, I'd like a look at the armor.
Yeah.
Heal a little bit and then go somewhere to have enough drinks to forget about all, all,
all the stuff that just happened.
Okay.
You guys arrive back in camp and the end of day four.
So you say we'll sleep till the morning of day five.
It's going to take three days to get rid of all your injuries and everything.
And he bring Marvin back to life.
Okay.
Uh, technically I'm the only one that really does the programming.
So if you two felt like you had to go somewhere with able to go somewhere during one, like
if you wanted to get any more ammo or whatever from the super duper Mart.
Well, I only have 20 caps.
I can't really do anything.
I don't have enough money.
No, I don't have enough to do anything.
I don't think I raid Marvin's body for caps.
No, I'm just kidding.
If you did, you'd find you'd find them.
Yeah, they wouldn't be hard.
I mean, I will, I would say it's going to take at least two days for you guys to not
be injured anymore.
If you wanted to set out on your own, I would say let's rest up to wake up on the morning
of day eight, the 27th.
Yeah.
So I know I've been saying that there's 10 days.
Turns out there's actually 11 because I don't know how to count good.
And on the morning of day eight, you all awaken.
Well, actually, we'll say Augusta, you stayed up late into the night getting Marvin turned
back on and finally you were able to and Marvin, you are back and securing, checking the perimeter.
I'm going to say that I wait.
Can we say that I waited?
Yeah, you can wait.
I wait until the morning when they're up.
Right on.
All right, guys, it's finally time.
We're going to flip the switch and we're going to, I think we'll get Marvin back.
All right.
Fingers crossed.
Three, two and one.
I'll kill her.
I love you.
Oh, hey Marvin.
It's okay.
How are you?
You okay?
You're back.
I can't feel my legs.
They ain't there.
You don't have legs.
I guess I'm good.
Perfect.
How was death?
Yeah, I was dead.
I was dead.
Yeah.
There's simply nothing.
Oh, good to know.
Maybe just for robots.
It does make sense from a machine standpoint.
I was staring at a death claw and now I'm staring at you.
There's nothing after death.
Well then, there's no death claws either.
You couldn't have made them smarter?
I don't really like to edit the personalities.
I don't think that's very polite.
But did you put in a mute button?
You know what would make you feel better though, Marvin?
I'm sorry, it's been three days.
He's Martin now.
There is no Martin.
You know what would make you feel better?
Why don't you give the old perimeter a check?
Check the perimeter?
Yes, please.
Would you mind?
What if there's death claws out there?
That's what we want you to make sure there's not.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
So Marvin now has an intense fear of death claws.
Like traumatized trauma.
Irrational where almost everything is assumed to be a death claw.
PTSD, hard.
Oh, I love it.
Just going out there with the flamer pointed at it.
Ah!
Burning frogs.
Shooting flames everywhere.
I'll check the perimeter if you really want me to.
That's okay.
We've gotten used to it.
I can check it.
I'll check it.
You could check it together.
I'll go with you.
Like a practice round.
Get a little comfier in the area.
We'll do it together.
If there was death claws here, we'd all be dead now.
Marvin sees a squirrel and immediately roasts it.
You can...
And goes right back inside.
Somebody can take that for a plus two.
Squirrel on a stick.
Yeah.
I'll jab it with my stick from my iguana.
Your iguana stick.
It's a cleaned off stick that I've whittled into being a better stick.
Do we have dirty water around here?
I have dirty water.
Do you have two dirty waters?
I have two purified waters.
I was going to say if anybody has two dirty waters, I can make one purified water while
we sit.
The only person that actually benefits is Augusta.
Everybody else gains health by drinking radiated water.
Everyone else has clean water.
And everyone has clean water.
Perfect.
Thanks, guys.
All right.
So what do we do?
All right.
How many days do we have until we have...
We have four days.
So the 30th, just three days.
So we want to be there the morning of the 30th.
Today's the 27th.
It takes a half a day to get down there.
So three and a half days.
Do we want to go to the Radrail station and see if we can find the other...
No, it would take a...
Oh, you want to head to Radrail and then down?
Sorry, if we had the Radrail, we might be able to trade because they have a trading
spot.
We might be able to get another tour.
Oh, sure.
It's a half a day into each section.
So it's a full day to get to Radrail station.
Then it would be another day and a half to get to the old farmhouse, which would get
us there just in time, I think.
There's repair at Radrail station.
Maybe I can get upgrades.
I don't ever want to feel as weak as I did ever again.
I believe it.
So a day to Radrail station, spend the night there and then trek back to the farmhouse.
I'm definitely down for going to Radrail station.
Yeah.
Yeah, I'm fine with that.
That leaves us the exact amount of time we need.
Yep, I think so.
It all depends on what we do.
Sounds good.
Okay.
Can confirm.
Yeah, because that'll give you enough time to interact as well.
And sticking with the game instead of following the roads, we just run in a straight line.
Okay.
You guys come to Radrail station and it is a pretty bustling place, honestly.
It is comprised of a bunch of old train cars and a small train station.
So the train station is essentially the gate into the train yard, which has just a bunch
of train cars set up that make up different shops and there's a lot of people and it's
a pretty secure location and there's quite a bit to do.
I think that the first thing we should do is try to find that core.
Let's head to the trading post.
Yeah, I'd like to know what kind of shops we got going on.
Okay.
There is a sign above one car that says rooms for rent.
There's another that says Trader Moe's, a third that has a bunch of robot parts kind
of in crates and boxes and on shelves outside of it that just says repair.
There's a kind of smaller caboose, small kind of train car that just says healing.
Another one that seems to be the most popular, which is called the watering hole.
And then there's one that seems to have some melee weapons hanging up outside of it.
And then you can see occasionally, I think Augusta is the one that that recognized because
she seems to be the one that's most interested.
You can see that there's like a good stream of people, not like stream, but like occasionally
there's men and women coming from kind of in the back on an offset train car that looks
pretty popular, but you can't see it from kind of the main square.
And you're still in the power armor?
I assume no, that I left that at our camp where it would be safe.
I don't want to draw any unwanted attention to ourselves.
Are we going to be able to go back for it?
We don't have time if that's what we're doing.
We don't have time.
You're in the power armor.
All right, we're in the power armor.
You're going to have to be otherwise.
Yeah, we wouldn't have had time.
We're in the power armor.
And we're looking for a spare fusion core for the Tesla rifle.
Act tough little small girl.
I guess we're going to go right to Trader Moe's.
Hello?
I need help.
I'm looking for a power core.
Can anyone help me?
Oh, yeah, I can help you.
It's Moe.
Hello?
You know, like the sign says.
Moe?
You know.
Was that a joke?
I was repeating what you said.
But from where I come from, they do say Moe knows.
So we're here.
Do you know Moe?
I mean, you are Moe.
I am Moe.
Do you know about the power core?
I assume it's what you need, a fusion core.
You're already in a power armor.
Why do you need another?
Well, backups are important.
And I have some more equipment back home that needs a power core.
I might have one.
Awesome.
Question is, what are you willing to part for it?
Well, I have this handy dandy pipe rifle.
That's yeah, that was about the reaction I thought we would have.
Yeah, it's not going to do it.
Are you a fan of literature?
Literature?
Yeah, like reading?
I'm a fan of caps.
Awesome.
You know, money.
How much money were to take to trade for the fusion core?
500 caps.
That'll part me for it.
Perfect.
Is there anyone in there with me?
I'm in there with you.
I'm with you.
But I don't have any money.
I'm going to turn right around.
Group huddle?
Oh, group huddle.
All right.
The fuck is this?
It's just a huddle in my yard.
For all that this guy knows, we could be with the Brotherhood.
What if we just kind of strong arm him and take it?
Put it on their tab.
Calm down.
All right.
Moe, we will be, we'll be back.
We just have to get the caps first.
So we'll be right back with those.
I want to make sure that we can explore the rest of what's going on around here without
having a bunch of security attacking us.
Yeah, I think this place might be fortified enough that maybe we shouldn't try messing
with any of the store owners.
But then again, you're pretty strong in that armor.
You alone is pretty strong in that armor.
If you wanted to try to also trade more, so we can't get to $500, but I got a necktie,
a buff out.
What if we trade Martin?
Marvin?
Marvin.
And then he kind of just kills him and makes his own way out?
No, we'll trade him as a piece of scrap and then just turn on and float out the back door
after we have the future core.
Let's get him some robot parts first.
Let's see what kind of upgrades we can do for Martin before we leave him.
His name is Marvin.
Are we really renaming him?
Melvin?
Marvin.
I think whatever Martian wants to do.
All right.
Yeah, I have a robot.
I have a alien gun now.
So actually I have that alien gun now.
No, you never took it off.
You were in the middle of the float off.
Oh, you're right.
I failed at that.
So Martian the robot would be funny.
Yeah, let's check out, let's get some repairs for our robot buddy.
Let's head to the repair place.
Walk in.
Hello?
Hello.
What can I do you for?
I need to fix this piece of junk.
Oh yeah, common.
They fail quite a lot.
Hey there, robot.
Hello.
Hi, I'm Michaela.
Your name is?
Marvin.
Beautiful name.
You too.
You're looking okay right now.
I have had help.
Okay.
Good to know.
We all need some buddies.
What do you have to make me stronger and better?
Like in what kind of way?
What does that mean to you?
Maybe some better armor.
Oh, I've got that.
I could reinforce your whole body, give you some nice tough boy plates.
Yeah, and do you have anything that may be for a weapon?
I have several options.
Looks like you've got some though.
You do know that, right?
I don't even recognize what that one is.
I could take that off you.
No, don't worry about that one.
I mean, if it's just a hunk of shit, it's got to be weird.
It's some homemade hunk of crap.
I'll take it right off.
No, no, leave that.
It's got sentimental value.
Okay, that's fine.
I didn't know robots had that, but I do.
Okay.
Yeah.
Let me see some tough boy armor and I'll tell you what I know.
I've got the armor ready.
That's about 150 caps.
It'll bring your defense up to a two and increase your physical damage reduction.
Can you do 135 for the armor instead of 150?
No, that's not really how life works.
I'm sorry, robot.
That was harsh.
I traded in this machete and this sledgehammer to even out the cost.
I mean, I don't really need that.
I fix the robots, not collect weapons.
Break or shit.
Show her how invaluable the sledgehammer is.
Look how great this sledgehammer works.
Not great.
What'd you roll?
14 and 19.
You smack it across the desk and you end up breaking the head off it.
And she goes, listen, that's one.
If any signs of aggression happen again, I'm going to ring the bell.
Where's the bell?
Right here.
Okay.
I'm feeling a little threatened right now.
Here's my 20 caps to make up for his lack of caps and that's 150 for you.
Okay, robot.
I can fix you right up.
It'll take a little while.
Yes, do it.
All right.
Is your friend's going to stay here?
One of us should.
Yeah, I'm going to wander away.
I'm going to stay.
I don't trust her after she shows such interest in the gun.
Okay, awesome.
Yeah, Marvin, you can hang in right here and she gets to work putting new plating on Marvin.
Is there a way that, so I'm at 45 out of 50 health in the mech suit.
Is there a way I can kind of get out of it and work on repairing that five while she's
repairing him?
Yeah, I mean, you can borrow some parts and stuff that are laying around.
Not borrow.
You can pay for some parts and stuff if you want to take some scrap and figure out how
to make it work while I work on Marvin.
All right, but I'm going to pay absolutely no more than five credits.
I'm literally just going to take the scrap of the scrap.
I'm smart.
I'll be able to make it work, but I just need your absolute garbage.
In fact, I'm going to go look through your garbage cans first before I pay for anything.
You can't get mad, it's garbage.
You already decided you didn't want it.
It's in the garbage can.
Okay, to find what you want out of the garbage.
I'll use a luck point.
Please do.
Old Thulman.
I got an eight and a 14.
What would I be searching for?
Just general scrap, I guess.
I'm not really sure what you'd be.
Oh, so on a check, it'd be intelligence and science.
Oh yeah, okay.
That's a 12.
So one fail, one success.
I'll say that you're able to find enough to cover about half of the-
Round up or round down?
It's a five.
Round down.
Okay, so cool.
That's fine with that.
I'm at 47 now.
Old Thulman and Gulea Roberts, what are you guys up to?
I'm going to head towards the healing place looking for chems.
Yeah, I was going to go to the weapons place, although I don't have really money, but we'll
see what happens.
Okay.
So, Old Thulman, you head to the healing spot and inside is a shriveled old woman.
And she is kind of just huddled around the desk.
It's really quite dark in here and there's just some really shitty potted plants laying
around.
There's some bandages and things like that.
And the old lady sees you as you enter.
Oh my, I didn't expect to see a super mutant today.
Hello, tiny human.
Hello.
Um, what do you have for chems?
I don't- I don't have any chems.
Nothing for healing?
I have healing things, but I'm more of a traditional healer, you know, with- I try to make it out
of plants or I could reset some bones with a hammer and a rod.
You know, the old ways.
Hmm, they might need you at the robot repair.
Oh, I hate robots.
What do you have for healing bombs?
Um, my stock is pretty low right now.
I've mostly been focusing on resetting bones and healing injuries.
I'm kind of more of a hospital situation.
Oh, okay.
What do you use to keep your plants so nice?
Can I pull out my potted plant?
Oh my, that thing looks terrible.
No, Marvin's been watering it.
It should look okay.
It looks like it needs sunlight more than anything.
Do you keep it in your pocket?
Yes.
That would be what's wrong with it.
Put it in the sun.
Thank you.
And purified water.
Oh, so he digs out purified water and shows it to her.
Oh, excellent.
Give Miss Kaisel a little swig of that, would you mind?
My plant needs it.
I mean, it's just a little plant.
I'm an old lady.
It pours water in the plant.
Oh, okay.
One of them.
Thank you.
And he heads out the door.
You're a yeah.
And you head over to the weapons.
I did.
Spot.
Okay.
And it is almost exactly across from Trader Moe's.
And inside you see someone that looks similar to how Moe did, sitting behind the counter.
Pretty fat, pretty portly.
Doesn't look like he spends too much time moving around.
And he just lets out a grump.
Well howdy.
Another customer.
Well, maybe.
You, what weapons you got?
I got quite a few things, you know, but mostly doing some upgrading is my shtick.
You know, people came through, a group of raiders came through recently saying they
were going to New Springfield and they did buy a lot of, a lot of my weapons.
Huh, I wonder if they lived.
Anyway, that ain't no consequence of mine.
They wouldn't have died from my weapons.
I know that.
Well all right then.
What could you do for this hunting rifle if you wanted to upgrade it for me?
Probably the best that I could do.
I could make some modifications and turn it into a long range weapon.
That'd probably be the best thing I can do for this, this gun here.
And how much would that cost?
I could do it for 40 caps.
Hmm.
Do you have any baseball grenades?
I sure do.
I got two.
What do they cost?
40 caps.
Would you take two purified waters?
No.
Would you take two purified waters to upgrade my rifle?
Well no.
I'd take anything other than money caps.
I don't, I don't really got much of them.
Charisma and speech.
Difficulty of one.
One success.
I suppose I could be persuaded to barter.
I ain't really looking to do it too much though.
Well all right then.
I would take the two baseball grenades for two waters.
Well no, that's still not gonna do.
I'll make it a sweeter pot and I'll consider what else you got.
Okay.
Squirrel on a stick.
I've got this Nuka Cola that still has a cap on it.
All right we're a little bit closer.
What else you got?
Six caps and that's my final offer.
Well then that offer ain't gonna do.
And squirrel on a stick.
I got a squirrel on a stick.
Oh this man looks like he wants something to eat.
I am hungry.
I'll give you one for all that.
Well then you're gonna give me two for all that.
That's a lot of things I'm giving you.
Yeah this is a whole grenade.
I want two whole grenades.
Well you ain't gonna get it.
Well there's gotta be an intimidation on here somewhere.
The intimidation is you take the one, then you pull the pin and just hold it there on
the counter and say how about that second or I let go.
Can I do that?
Yeah.
He can.
I've been all thumbs today.
I do exactly that.
As soon as you do that he leans back and puts his hand on this dangly bell and begins to
ring it furiously.
Everybody else can see that this draws every shopkeeper's attention in this town.
I drop their grenade on the counter and I run away.
Out of the town.
Nope.
Drop it on the counter.
I'm gonna explode and I'm running out.
Nice.
Fuck this guy.
He's gonna die.
Okay.
Old Talman, I think you're the only one that actually sees.
You see Guli Roberts high tail out of the weapons shop.
I'm right across the street.
I wonder if I look over.
You're sitting out, oh yeah you're working on the thing.
Yeah.
You hear the bell.
Yeah I look over there.
You look over and you both see Guli Roberts sprinting out of the weapons store and you
hear a, oh!
And then the building explodes.
Because it's full of ammo and explosives.
Not anymore.
Do I see Mo leave his shop?
I don't know.
Yet.
We're not at Mo's.
We're at the robot repair.
I'm sorry.
Yes.
You're at.
I confuse those two.
It's still a square.
Or not a square but it's a town square.
Yeah.
You're at the weapons.
You two are at the robot thing.
I just left.
You're across the street.
I'm at the medical tent but I'm looking as soon as it blows up I want to know if I see
Mo run out with the rest of the shopkeepers.
He's out in the square, yeah.
He didn't run to the blown up.
But he came out.
He's out.
Yeah he's out in front of his shop.
Can I sneak into his shop?
Yeah.
The giant super mutant wants to sneak all nimbly bimbly.
We survived a near death experience.
We have lost a bit of our moral compass.
Before you roll let me set the stakes.
Agility plus sneak and it is going to be a difficulty of three.
Every person here is looking and you are in the middle of the square and you are large.
He didn't even look for a bat.
Flip one of those.
Fuck yeah.
A three, a four, and a six.
No the other one.
Oh thank you.
Okay you managed to get into the shop.
I'm gonna steal a fusion gore.
Steal everything.
I'm gonna grab the fusion gore and grab anything else I can as I walk through and out the opposite
side to not be seen.
I'm going to need an equal success of three as now you're loaded up.
To sneak out?
Mmhmm.
Well I got a nat one.
Nice.
So that's one.
Two failures.
Nat one would be two right?
Mmhmm.
He needs, yeah so he needs another success.
Can you flip?
He didn't get one.
He got a success so I flipped it back over.
Yeah but he didn't exceed the success threshold.
He only got two.
He needs three successes.
So one of those.
Damn it.
No it was only two success.
Did you get the gore though?
Did I get the gore?
That's all I really cared about.
I mean at this point you've just been caught leaving Moe's store with the gore and everything
else in your hands and he turns and shouts, they're robbing me, it's those fools that
just came into town.
And now a bunch of shop keeps beginning to shoot.
Yeah I'm going to hoof it.
I'm going to hoof it while loading that fusion core into my tesla rifle.
You make it to the front gate where you find that it is closed.
Gully Roberts you manage to make it out of the front gate and are on the other side of
the rad rail station.
Marvin you are half done.
Actually barely done.
I don't know these people.
Things have just started.
And Augusta you're outside.
What are the two of you doing?
I am going to grab Marvin and start running toward, I'm going to try to find that tunnel
from the sewer.
So I'm running toward, I've heard there's a tunnel of sewer that goes to the warehouse
at the next area.
So I'm grabbing him and trying to find that tunnel.
The opposite way of which I think they would assume we were going.
I think we're trying to leave the town, we are going deeper in to escape through the
tunnel.
Marvin, we're just going to get our way out from the inside.
Inside out.
Old school, bank robbers, cowboys and Indians.
Let's go.
Thank you.
Thank you Michaela.
I'm going to take the rest of those parts to go.
Okay.
And she's like I just need to bundle them up.
Thank you.
So she piles a bunch of scrap into a cloth thing and ties it together.
Like a big old bindle.
My hobo sack of beans.
If you're dragging that you're not going to be able to sprint.
He doesn't sprint anyway.
Nobody's after you two right now.
Yeah, we're good.
At least I don't think so.
And so Marvin and Augusta go looking for the sewer.
Okay, wandering around outside of the square quickly.
You see the one train car that you saw people going in and out of is just says backside
brothel on it.
And then nearby there is a sewer entrance.
A sewer grate.
Well, that was the one reason that I came here aside from that power core.
And I guess we'll have to go there another time.
To the sewer.
Tallman.
Tallman's at the front gate.
No, currently surrounded by six guards.
We got to go.
Yeah, old Tallman, you're an initiative by yourself.
Shit.
I didn't think they'd kill him.
I just thought they'd jail him.
Guglia Roberts.
What's this gate like fence?
Yeah, I'd like to know a little bit more about the surroundings.
Can I like sniper through it and kill these guys?
You can shoot through it.
It's a metal grate kind of fence that's been closed and locked.
All right, I'm back.
Now to explain something for the second time in this episode.
And I haven't put a little ding disclaimer in since episode two or three.
I can't remember which, but I just ended up calling an NPC by a different name than I
had been for like hours and didn't realize it.
I felt like in this case, I failed pretty miserably as a GM to explain what I was picturing to
my players and thus to the audience.
So what ended up happening was we ended up all arguing and trying to come up with different
gates and it was a mess.
There was a lot of yelling.
And so what we ended up doing was drawing a picture so that everybody was on the same
page.
But in that, that's not very good for an audio podcast.
So it didn't really help you guys see what we were coming up with.
I'm not going to share that picture either because it was awful, but I'm going to present
what we ended up settling on, which was the Alamo.
And also if that little ding isn't recognizable to you, you obviously don't hang around till
the end of the episode.
Okay, I'm going to just shoot at these motherfuckers.
Looks like the Alamo.
It looks like the Alamo.
It does look just like the Alamo.
This is your last stand at the Alamo.
Or Captain Crunch's hat.
Captain Crunch's hat.
All right, Gooly Rappers, you're going to have to get into initiative then too.
Okay.
So, um...
Twelve.
Ten.
Okay, Gooly R, you go first.
Okay, I'm going to shoot my hunting rifle.
Oh, I got a crit one and also a five.
Is that two successes?
Probably.
Okay, you're aiming at one person.
So these are just guards.
So go ahead and take two action points.
I got two heads and two blanks.
Does your hunting rifle, if that's what you're using, have vicious or piercing?
No.
Okay.
So you do two damage.
You take one of the guards and you spray blood out of his...
Penis.
He sprays blood furiously out of his penis, which is strangely where his torso should
be.
What a weird dude.
It's turned so high up.
It's even weirder because his torso is where his penis should be.
So like, who the fuck knows?
This radiation is really massive.
It's really fucked this guy up.
But you did land a solid shot on one of the guards.
Old Tallman.
As soon as he sees the guard's penis exposed, he drops everything to the ground and goes,
I'm not playing anymore butters.
Quit shooting people in the dick butters.
I want to win, but not like this.
You hear from the bushes, my bad.
So how damaged is the first guy?
Is he...
I mean, he's pretty fucked up.
He's pretty fucked up.
He'd be fucked up too if your penis got blown into bits.
Right off your chest.
Yeah, if it made up the upper part of your body, you'd be pretty fucked up.
I'm going to...
Hit the dick on his chin.
Don't feel bad.
I heard he was just a big old dick.
I am going to let out the loudest...
Fart.
Yell, scream, battle cry thing I can.
And I'm going to throw one of my tomahawks at one of the guys.
Okay.
Oh, and they are both six asses.
All right.
Let's see what the tomahawk does for damage.
Tomahawk does four damage.
I like how you guys are like, well, we couldn't beat the death claw.
Let's go kill a bunch of new-
Yeah, we need redemption.
Head.
This should be easy.
Head.
Double tap.
It was easy for me.
Blank.
Awesome.
You hit him with the tomahawk in the legs so hard that it immediately just busts open
his femoral artery and he begins to bleed to death on the ground.
And then it's the remaining four and a half guards left.
Two of the guards rolled natural ones.
Awesome.
We only got four left.
We killed two in the first round.
Yep.
If five death claws couldn't take you down, these guards don't know who they're fucking
with.
Tom, they're going to die.
You guys are going to have to do everything.
Two of the guards that are there.
One hits you with a baseball bat.
The other shoots you with a pipe pistol and you take seven damage to your, who wants to
guess, torso.
Penis.
Oh.
Left arm.
Yes, I have damage resistance for that.
All right.
How many did you say?
I say seven.
Yep.
Awesome.
I'm still in this fight.
Didn't you reload the fusion core into the tank?
Uh-huh.
All right.
With its arcing attack?
That sucker rip.
And that is your left arm.
You drop any objects that are in your left arm.
Tomahawk.
He already threw that.
No, I have nothing in my arms right now.
Yeah, wouldn't you just have to-
It's not crit, right?
It's not crippled?
Oh, my left arm is crippled.
Now it is.
Yeah, they rolled three criticals on top of their three natural ones and a double.
Plus two.
Does that limit my ability to use a two-handed gun?
You drop any object held in that hand and that arm is broken or otherwise unable to
move.
You cannot perform any actions using that arm.
Okay.
Well, it's not a big weapon.
It's just an energy weapon, right?
So is that one-handed?
It is two-handed.
The Tesla rifle is two-handed.
What's not two-handed is the machete I have.
Okay.
Gullia, back to you.
Oh, Gullia's gonna snipe the other guy.
Let's see, the one that shot your arm or the one with the baseball bat that's too close
to you?
The ones that shoot me.
All right.
I got a nine and a five.
Is that two successes?
It is one success.
That's enough to hit one of these guards.
All right.
So go ahead and roll your damage.
Hell yeah.
I got one head and five shots.
You blow another guard's brains clear out.
Her head from the jaw up just explodes.
All right.
And old Pullman gets sprayed with some viscera as her body collapses unelegantly to the ground.
There are now only-
Two and a half guards.
Two and a half guards left.
With the blood spray all over his face, Pullman's gonna draw his machete and again intimidate
battle cry in front of everybody before he swings at the guy with the baseball bat.
No, there's three and a half guards left.
Whatever.
I have one success with the machete.
And because this was a melee attack, I get to roll seven of these things.
So two heads, two shots.
It's extremely violent as you hack away at this guard, dismembering and opening them
up with your several hits of your machete and they drop dead to the ground as well.
They shout, oh my God, Becky.
Why are all the guards women?
Why would they be?
This is another choice.
None of these other guards ran away at this point.
They are not afraid of us.
Clearly, they need to be taught a lesson.
They have the fear of death.
The one with the baseball bat smacks at your left leg.
It does two damage.
Oh, I thought he was dead.
I didn't know so many people were into sports.
It's a very athletic town.
It's Boston.
Yeah.
It's Boston.
My turn?
Yeah.
Oh, hell yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
So we have two guards left.
I'm going to shoot the one that just hit.
That just hit Talman.
Both are successes.
All right.
Go ahead and flip an action point over and then roll your damage.
I got a head and three shots that time.
Go ahead and roll the location die and let's find out where you shoot the next one.
It's left arm.
You shoot this guard in the left arm and their arm flies back before being pulled completely
off their body and blood just begins to spray out of their shoulder.
And as they grasp it, they go white so fast due to so much blood loss and just collapse
onto the ground, leaving one guard and one with his penis blown off, who seems like he's
pretty much out of contention.
Well, that's two successes.
Talman's going to grab the last guard, pick him up and slam him into the wall.
All right.
Wait, like a battering ram to open the gate?
Yes.
Or until he turns into goo, whichever happens first.
And hey, I get to roll six of these for that one.
One head, two shots.
It's grotesque as you watch old Talman slam this guard against the gate repeatedly and
you watch as they slowly lose life but won't lose consciousness and they're still alive
as he slams them back and forth into the gate.
And now we're going to go into the sewers and we're going to find Marvin and we're going
to find Augusta.
Talman wanted his power core.
I'm keeping this stuff.
You guys have no idea what's happened up there.
Oh, those poor guys.
I hope they're OK.
You know, I've been wondering, how are we going to find them again if we keep going
through the tunnel?
We don't really have a radio.
I didn't know we were going through the tunnel.
I thought we were just hiding down here until things blew over.
Oh, how long until that?
I don't know.
Nobody was really looking for us, so we didn't really even need to come down here.
And they have no idea that we're even in here, our friends.
That's what I was just thinking, actually.
Yeah, that's why I was saying, how are we going to find them later?
Maybe we were a little rushy on that.
You want to just take a peek up there and we'll see what's going on.
And maybe we could do like a prison break.
Yeah, we'll just.
Yeah.
So let's go back up there and maybe if things are just waiting for them, like we can finish
putting my armor on, you can help me with that.
Yeah.
All right.
Let me climb up out of the sewer.
Both of you make me a perception and survival check.
One fail, one critical fail.
Two fails.
Just to look outside.
Oh, wait, no, I get.
You take a stray shot to the temple.
Gets hit in the head with a jaw bomb.
Here's Riley thinking they're going to get a beer and leave.
I have one success.
Are you at the top of the ladder?
What's the order that you're peeking out of the sewer?
Great.
I think I'm just thrustering up and just like a little.
With Izzy.
I think it's at the same time.
I'm just kind of what's that thing?
A periscope.
Kill Roy.
Yeah.
We're going to kill kind of kill Roy out of there.
So at the same time.
Yeah.
We just kind of slowly peek up over the edge.
Marvin with your 360 degree view, you can see everything that's happening.
You can see at the front gate, old Holman's just smashing somebody repeatedly into it,
covered in blood.
And there's this viscera everywhere.
It's leaking into the town square.
A lot of the shopkeepers are looking mortified.
Many of the townsfolk are running from the square.
People are just shouting to leave, get out of here and boarding things up.
The weapon shop.
I'm in front of the only gate.
The weapon shop.
Yeah.
They're running like further into the town, just trying to hide the weapon shop.
Random ammunition keeps firing off.
It's on fire.
The brothel is now closed.
No one is going in or out.
You watch and Augusta, you got a critical failure, correct?
Augusta, you can see Augusta by your side, kill Roying it for a while before you hear
ee.
And Augusta goes out of sight.
Where'd you go?
Augusta, please make me a strength and athletics check.
Do I get any strength bonuses being in an armored suit?
I forgot.
I was forgetting about that.
Yeah.
What is the buffs on that thing?
Yeah.
Fingers just slipped off of the great thing.
You just felt the ladder.
Yeah.
Increase your strength by two.
Okay.
Oh, strength and what?
Athletics.
Two fails.
Okay.
You were pulled down from the top of this grate.
Perhaps it's because of how much weight you have that it's easier for the three feral ghouls
that are now hanging off your suit to drag you back down into the bottom of the sewer.
Not like the bottom, but like onto the sewer floor, which is not really a sewer anymore.
I mean, it's mostly dry.
It's not used.
Oh, hey guys.
You look awful.
I look my friend except not as friendly, but we could probably change that.
A little more bitey.
Quite a bit more bitey.
You're an initiative now as well.
Okay.
I'm going to try to break loose to get back out.
Augusta, it looks like Talman has the situation under control.
Kind of.
Well, I could use your help controlling this situation.
Oh, okay.
Hi guys.
And they just begin attacking.
If you're going to try to just disengage and run away.
Yeah, I want to shake it, shake loose and get out of that grate.
Okay.
Give me a strength and survival roll then.
No.
Okay.
God, we got you.
You are now an initiative then.
All right.
Marvin, are you joining or are you staying at the top of the grate?
I'll join.
What's both of your initiatives?
11.
Okay.
You guys can act together or choose who goes in what order.
I'll just fire the descent.
Oh, no.
You know what?
I'm going to flamethrower.
I'm going to flamer him.
Okay.
Make some attack rolls.
Nine and a 12.
What would it be?
Energy plus?
Or big guns.
Flamer is a big gun.
Okay.
Never mind.
So perception and big guns.
Nope.
Two fails.
Maybe it's because you're descending at the same time and just shooting flames over the
top of everything, but you don't make contact with any ghouls or Augusta.
However it is Augusta's turn.
Oh, what did I just roll for?
I don't know what you just rolled for.
Okay.
I think I misunderstood what was happening.
Sorry.
That's okay because nothing changed.
Oh wait.
What did I roll for?
What are you doing?
Are you shooting them?
Are you punching them?
Are you running?
Oh, that's right.
I failed the thing.
I'm shooting, which doesn't happen, but I don't succeed at that.
But I wanted to.
I mean I'm outside so I can't do anything.
You're both just standing on opposite sides of the gate just staring at each other.
Talman smashing a face against the bars.
You're just seeing the horrified expression on said face.
You're smiling but there's tears coming down.
I'm a ghoul.
I'm pretty insensitive.
You've seen it all.
Okay.
I don't think they did enough damage to actually damage the suit.
However, they do attack your left leg.
Marvin, you do get hit for one damage to your right arm.
No, I have two physical damage resistance.
Okay.
And two of them also did roll a critical failure.
Nice.
So I will give you guys a bonus attack to two of them on top of your next turn.
So if you want to make an extra attack.
If two of them failed, I'm almost thinking I should just try to get the third, like they
give me an extra chance to push out of there and just get the fuck out.
I would say on a critical failure, you wouldn't even have to roll for that because so many
of them failed so horribly that you could get out of here.
Marvin, it's time to go.
I think we could just leave.
Okay.
I'm going to just take right off and trust that he's floating up after me.
Okay.
Yeah, you guys make it out of the sewer grate and the feral ghouls are attempting to climb
a ladder, but not well.
Do you close the grate after you?
Oh yeah.
And the sewer is sealed off.
Now everybody in this town is running around or hiding like crazy people.
There are people that are now getting guns and other weapons because of what they've
seen.
I'm going to start walking toward Tall Man.
Marvin, come on.
Nothing to fear here.
The Brotherhood is here.
We have this under control.
Everyone remain calm and please head to your nearest domicile.
You, ghoul, free.
Stay there.
Please don't move.
Refrain from movement.
Julia, he was talking to you and I keep heading towards the closest stall.
Well, I can't move.
So I was wondering if I could like red dead shoot the lock.
I think the gate's been damaged enough.
Oh, okay.
We could just open it.
Yeah, you could probably.
There's a bunch of teeth in it.
You pull your gun out to shoot it and it just creaks open as you pull the hammer back and
you're like, oh, right.
Well then.
You scared it.
All right.
What would be the closest shop to the front gate?
Oh my God.
Oh, I'm serious.
People are running.
I'm already out of the town, so I'm not going to go back in.
Trader, Trader Mose would be the closest.
Anything in there we needed?
You got the fusion core.
You packed your pockets with everything that would fit.
I stole one shit out of there.
Yeah.
I'm assuming some of it has fallen out onto the ground at this point, but you know, by
gods we buy guns.
Citizens, please remain in your domiciles.
The Brotherhood has this under control.
And I continue advancing.
Marvin, say some of that stuff.
People like it when robots sound like they're doing their job.
Citizens of Radrail Station, do not fear.
The Brotherhood of Steel has everything well in hand and under control.
Please avoid.
Kill that damn mutant then.
And you hear three guns begin to erupt from different buildings.
Ah, old Pallman.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Don't kill the mutant.
We must get identification on his rebel friends.
I saw that in a movie.
Do they hit me?
Am I blocked at all?
I mean, you're headed towards the nearest stall and you just took seven damage to the
torso.
Well, that's not good.
Yeah, just leave.
Fine.
I'm spray.
I blast a quick blast of flamethrower kind of to make it look like I'm attacking Pallman
and also as like a smoke screen so people can't shoot at him.
Okay, if you do not leave the town.
We are leaving.
We're walking right toward the gate, so we're apprehending him and then we're all just going
to buck it.
As soon as I get hit, I'll turn around.
I don't want to act like we're allies.
The idea is to minimalize the bullets going toward him, stop the idea of people wanting
to shoot us and then bounce.
Yeah, as soon as I get hit, I'll turn and run for the gate, run through the gate and
then you guys.
And I'm just giving short bursts of flamethrower to make it, like I said, make it look like
I'm attacking the super mutant while also obscuring line of sight for anybody shooting
a gun.
Okay.
As you leave the Radrail station, it is on fire.
You hear another train car catch on fire and burst into flames and explode.
I hope that wasn't the brothel.
And the people here are absolutely furious.
There are people running out the front gate, people throwing rocks.
There's still some guns going off, but you guys eventually make your way away from the
Radrail station.
Which way are we running?
Good question.
South?
South, right.
I'm heading south.
Right into six?
Yeah.
All right, yeah, let's just run to the irradiated zone.
Let's go.
Ain't gonna bother me.
Good, because I need some healing.
Yeah, you're in power armor now.
You don't get irradiated.
Oh, well, let's say you guys are currently pushing into night.
Is there any resistance?
Does the night push back?
Yes, it does.
Everybody's going to take a minus one to all attributes.
You guys went there, that took the entire day, and then you immediately interacted,
and then you're immediately running away.
So you essentially have done two days worth of actions in one.
So it is now...
The morning of the 28th?
I mean, I don't need sleep.
That's true.
You don't take a negative?
Right.
No, you do.
I'm a ghoul.
Yeah, ghouls need to sleep.
Everybody needs to sleep.
Maybe we should just keep heading south back to Maslow's Motel, crash there, and then we'll
head to the farmhouse.
Oh, that's a good idea.
The motel scene, pretty safe before.
Safe, yeah.
You've never been to the Maslow's Motel.
Oh, I thought that's where we got the cap stash.
Nope, you got it from the Red Rocket Station.
Oh, sick.
Let's go there.
That's the infamous cap stash.
Now, of course, would be a great time to have money, because we already stole all this stuff,
so we'll have money and stuff.
Yeah, what did I end up stealing from that place?
I didn't get anything.
I just started that mess.
Oh, boy, I don't even know.
You got the power core, or the fusion core.
Some floppy disks that won't work on anything.
Floppy penises.
I thought you failed that check, though, to get out.
Oh, you did fail the check to get out.
I failed the check to sneak out.
I still had all this shit on me.
I will give you the fusion core, but that's it.
Aw.
Because you did get attacked, and now your arm is broken.
Oh, it's like that one brother from Dungeon and Fighter.
Dungeons and Dragons did not roll well, and they did see the fact he was wearing boots
on his head.
All right, so it has been 16 hours now, and you guys are in section six with the Irradiated
League.
And that's going to do it for this episode of Tales from the Crit, so we will see you
next next Tuesday.
Tales from the Crit is part of the Wolfbeard Games Podcast Network.
We hope you've enjoyed today's episode, and if you have, please subscribe and leave
a review wherever you get your podcasts.
Check out our YouTube channel with the same name, and most importantly, tell a friend.
So, should we ransack this place now?
The town is ours.
Yeah, we...
That's why I wrote Neil before Tall Man on my paper.
The upstairs town is ours.
The downstairs town is apparently still...
...wildly ball-less.
Yeah.
These poor guards.
You guys are real evil.
Oh boy, you guys are really pushing things here.
Marvin, we're going to the...
Oh, that's not your voice.
That is your voice.
That's not my voice.
Boy, you guys are just creating some fucking mayhem here.
I just wanted new clothes.
You guys are in the sewer.
Sewer daddies.
We're Frank and Charlie in the sewer.
Marvin the Martian.
Oh my god.
There's probably some copyright in there that we really should avoid.
We don't make money off of this podcast.
Marvin the Martian the Robot.
It'll go in the bloopers.
We're pretty sure they can't sue over bloopers, right?
Martian the Marvin?
No?
It's got a lot of stairs up that one.
Yeah, not the dead eyes.
That was Marvin.
He's part cat robot now.
I'm really smart.
You might be, but we're not going into that.
All right.
You might be, but we're not going into that.