Welcome, my little critters, to Tales from the Crit Season 2, The Level Up.
We're an actual play podcast with an ever-changing cast of players making our way through a bunch
of different RPG systems, from micro-RPGs to some of the more well-known role-playing
games out there, and the occasional highly narrative tabletop game.
Content warnings can be found in the episode's description.
My name is Riley Groves, and I am the Crit Keeper on this episode of Tales from the Crit.
Welcome to Tales from the Crit.
We have a very special episode today, but before we get into it, I'd like to introduce my co-hosts,
Stefan.
Hello.
Connor.
Hello.
And Tim.
Howdy.
Before I tell you guys anything more about the game that we're going to play, which
I've already only told you very little, let's answer a question from our Pod Deck Interview
Deck 3rd Edition.
And that question is, what brand or product do you buy because you feel it's trustworthy?
Honda cars.
I have not gone wrong with one yet.
I mean, that's a pretty solid answer.
Like, that's the only thing I can think of.
Everything else is literally planned obsolescence that just fucking breaks within like a year.
I buy a lot of clothes at L.O. Bean.
I feel like they're very good quality, dependable.
And I think for a while they had like a good guarantee, but I don't know if it's quite
the same anymore.
Okay.
Tim, what do you got?
Old Spice deodorant.
Okay.
I don't think you need to go any further than that.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm an Old Spice guy myself.
You know what?
I'm going to take away deodorant.
Old Spice.
I think they have a variety of very reliant products.
Okay.
Mine's going to be Nokian Haka Polita snow tires.
They're the best snow tires you can buy and I've bought them every year.
And since then, I went from a person that crashed three times in a year to a person
that crashed no times again ever.
Did you have a different brand of snow tire used before the...
Yes.
Nokia?
Nokian.
Yes.
Yes, I did.
Okay.
And they did not make a difference.
I'm surprised nobody said Carhartt.
Carhartt does make some really solid products.
They do.
And they also have like lifetime warranty on it.
So like if you ever get like a Carhartt vest and like the zipper fucking breaks, like they
just give you a new vest.
No shit.
Yeah.
Nobody knows about it.
Now I do.
I have a Carhartt sweatshirt that I've had for nine years.
Oh yeah.
All right.
Well, let's get into this game and this game is very special to me because I came up with
it and this was something that I was going to play with a different group of people.
And so I thought about it and I made it and that never happened.
So I'm going to have you guys test out my system, which is very loosely, but tightly
based on a very popular Japanese cartoon, Pokemon.
You may have heard of it.
And I came up with this idea before Pal World came out, which I didn't know was coming out.
So essentially there's some words that have the same verbiage to them in this game because
I came up with it before I knew that was going to come out.
What is Pal World?
Pal World is a new video game that came out and it's like one of the highest selling video
games of all time.
It is Pokemon with guns.
Yeah.
And for real, like Pikachu's got a rocket launcher.
No, no, no, no, no, you have a gun.
You have the gun.
See, I haven't played, but I've seen videos of it.
It's not really Pokemon.
Like they're not actually the Pokemon from the Pokemon company, but it's a game with
like creatures that are like Pokemon that you shoot with guns.
From like the videos that I saw, it kind of looked like a combination of like arc survival
and Pokemon meet each other.
And like, so like the Pokemon are like wild fucking dude, I don't know.
I saw it and I was kind of interested.
I wanted to know a little bit more.
I've heard that comparison made as well, like a cross between arc survival evolved and Pokemon.
And I've also heard that it's like, you know, you capture them, put them to work and make
them do all sorts of stuff for you.
It's like, you know, Pokemon, but not a fairy tale kind of thing.
I would actually go if we had a bunch of beasts that would work well for us.
Hmm.
Wow.
In a world where Team Rocket has always been on top.
Pretty much probably.
Yeah.
I don't know the put it to you this way.
The video I saw was like the guy was literally like catch it.
Like he caught them in like a snare trap.
They were lifted up off the ground and he like cooked them.
They were in a stair trap dangling alive at like, and he ate them.
I don't fucking know.
I was just like, this looks really weird.
Like Pokemon got dark and then it was like, this isn't Pokemon.
I don't know.
There's not one time I've not looked at a Snorlax and gotten hungry.
So he was one of my favorite Pokemon back in the original days.
Yeah.
I mean, it's normally just because I'm like, he obviously knows where the good food is.
He 100% does.
Or he just eats whatever he wants.
Everything or whoever he wants.
I will have to look up a video of it after after this podcast.
Well this game is nothing like that.
So besides names, they probably don't share much in common.
Any resemblances to actual Pokemon are unintentional.
Wink, wink.
Oh, this is in no way a replica of the Pokemon system.
Exactly.
Or world or affiliation.
Exactly.
None of that.
And so as I came up with it, it doesn't actually have a name.
So it's nameless at this point because it's mostly just a lot of writing and not something
that's going to come out to the public.
So thank you guys for kind of piloting and testing this system today.
And I'm really excited.
And we can just kind of jump right into it.
We're going to do some pretty easy character creation.
And that's based upon the three of you being triplets.
Oh, cool.
Very mature nine-year-old triplets.
Nice.
Yes.
So what is your name?
What is your trainer name?
My trainer name.
I already had this.
Fuck yeah.
Yeah.
It's Maple Capture.
What?
Maple Capture.
And now is Capture your middle name?
It's my last name.
Okay.
So everybody's last name is Capture.
Oh, so I guess my middle name.
Oh, I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to do that.
Yeah.
We have long distant relations with this.
One of our third cousins removed.
His name is Ash.
But that's from a different forest.
Oh, that's what you did there.
I had to get, I could tell if I didn't make some sort of mention, you would never understand
what I did there.
I didn't at first.
I was like, what the fuck is his name?
Maple.
And Connor, what's your name going to be then?
My name's going to be George.
Okay.
And Stefan?
I'm trying to think of a tree.
Poplar.
Okay.
Thanks for picking one of the hardest trees to say consistently and not have it sound
weird.
Poplar.
I even wrote it wrong.
I wrote popular.
I thought that was a little nugget thing from Futurama.
What?
Poplar.
It's a food, right?
Yeah.
It was the space babies, right?
Yeah.
The alien babies.
Yeah.
That's right.
Were they called Poplar's?
Hey, don't feel bad.
I already forgot my name for a second.
Maybe something easier would be cool.
I don't fucking know.
All right, man.
We'll stick with Poplar.
Birch Elm.
Phil.
Another great tree.
You guys ever hear of the George tree?
The George tree?
I feel like it probably is something real.
I don't get it.
I thought I said my name was George, right?
Oh, fuck.
Yeah, your name is George.
I was hung up on Poplar, man.
Are you keeping it Poplar?
Yeah, I'll keep it Poplar.
Okay, cool.
Poplar.
Poplar or Poplar?
Poplar.
It's going to be Poplar.
Poplar.
We're just going to call you Pop for short.
Yeah, that's what I figured.
I was the first to come out.
These two were behind me.
That's why they called me Pop.
And our dad left.
Yes, when you wake up in the morning, all three of you wake up at the same time to your
mother calling you downstairs.
Your mom is down in the kitchen.
Your dad is not there like he has never been.
He has never been there?
Never been there.
Went for a pack of cigarettes.
Never came back.
Yep.
Good morning, boys.
Good morning, mom.
Good morning, mother.
Good morning, mom.
Good morning, George and Maple and Pop.
What a fine morning it is.
Nine years old now.
What a tremendous birthday.
Oh, it is our birthday today.
It is.
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday, George.
Happy birthday, Poplar.
Happy birthday, Pop.
Happy birthday, Maple.
Happy birthday, guys.
And what a big day it is.
You know on your ninth birthday, it's time for you to strike out on your own.
That is what dad has been telling us for years now.
Yes, in his letters.
Where is he?
He was always so excited about this day when we would finally leave the nest and begin
our journey.
He struck out on his own, too.
I forgot about that.
But don't dismay.
He's got to be out there somewhere.
Maybe you'll find him when you strike out on your own.
That'd be cool.
Should we look for him?
Do we have any clues?
Any clues?
He left nine years ago.
I don't have any clues.
Anyways, that's not the journey today.
What I need you to do is to bring this parcel of cookies down to the store in Chiliville.
Are they your famous Chilean cookies?
They are my Chilean chili cookies.
You've always done such a good job.
Those have been my favorite flavor since I was one year old.
Oh my goodness, you can remember that far.
That's great.
Anyways, I need you boys to bring these down to Wingdale and sell them.
And wire the money back to me quick.
Wire the money back to you?
How long does it take to get there?
Not long, but you won't be coming back.
You're striking out on your own.
So won't we need the money then?
Strike it out?
I'll give you some money before you go to get you started.
In fact, I've already packed your bags.
And you look in the corner of your small two bedroom house and there are three backpacks
sitting around the front door.
Each of you goes to your backpack and inside there are several items.
I've gotten you some general provisions to get you on your way.
You should have two sports drinks, a rice ball, and two paltraps in there.
What are the paltraps for?
Oh silly boy, they're for catching your pals.
Oh.
Haven't you seen those creatures that do immense damage around town here and attack people
and others?
You know I've stayed close to home ever since father left.
Yes, I know.
It's been tiresome how close you stay.
You'll be joining us on our journey, right?
Me?
No, I have to stay here with the house.
I thought that was just a figure of speech.
No, I do have to stay here.
I can't go that far anymore.
How will we know where to go?
I've included a map for all of you.
Hey mom, where'd you get these sodas that say pound me?
From the store, of course.
Last time I was in Chiliville, I figured at nine years old, you were old enough to have
such items.
They're a very reputable brand.
Before you boys leave town today, which whatever you want to leave in the morning is fine,
I want you to go see Dr. Woodtree over at the lab.
Dr. Woodtree at the lab?
Yes.
You remember him, don't you?
Oh yeah, he used to come and talk to us at school sometimes.
He delivered you boys nine years ago also.
Well, I don't remember that.
I'm sure you don't.
I do though.
Wait, he saw you naked?
Yes, he did see me naked.
And all of you, but don't let that be weird.
Well, I wouldn't have before.
I'm grabbing my bag and going, I just made this awkward.
We're getting evicted.
You don't realize mom's evicting us.
I thought we were evicted nine years ago.
I also put 50 bucks in your bag, so if you just want to make note of that mentally.
$50?
Yes, $50.
Wow.
The man down at the store knows that my cookies are worth much more, so you know, when you
get down there, I'll give you $100 to deliver them and then send the rest to me.
Does that sound fair?
Okay, that sounds fair.
Sounds good.
Excellent.
Well, come here, boys.
I want to say I love you one last time.
Come in for kisses.
Okay.
And your mother kisses you each on the forehead.
Thanks, mama.
Well, I guess I'll see you when I see you.
We'll be back soon with dad.
If that is what you want to do.
I thought that was the whole point of our nine year plan.
There was a big journey.
He left nine years ago saying, when you're nine years old, come find me.
How do you remember that?
I don't know.
I think he's been telling himself this a lot just to get through.
That sounds great.
Um, Maple, why don't you just wait outside the door for one second?
Okay.
Pops and George, you have to keep the sweet one company.
Make sure he's well protected.
We'll look out for him, mom.
Don't worry.
Yeah, we'll keep him safe.
Okay.
Enough.
Yes.
That's the best that any of you could do.
Okay, boys, run along now.
I'll think of you fondly.
Bye, mom.
And with that, you grab your packs and head out the front door.
You guys come out the front door and I'm just standing with my back to the wall right next
to the door.
Like, I haven't been out here very far alone yet, as previously discussed with mom, but
there are noises coming from over there.
Well, that is where Dr. Woodstree is, so let's go investigate what's going on over there.
Okay.
Yeah.
We'll go to the lab.
It'll be fine.
We'll all go together.
Yeah, you go inside and the lab is a nice, chill 68 degrees.
There's some light jazz playing and several people in white coats.
And at the very opposite side of the building, you see an older gentleman with gray hair
standing in a long white lab coat next to a table with three boxes on it.
Hello, Dr. Woodstree.
Oh, hello, boys.
How are you today?
I am as great as I am every day.
How are you?
Great.
Today's the day we start looking for our father.
It's our birthday.
Why didn't you say happy birthday?
Happy birthday.
I forgot that it was your birthday.
Oh, not a one of your birthdays has gone by that I didn't think about the first time I
met you boys.
We heard about that earlier.
Yeah.
He thinks about mom, guys.
Anyway, anyhow.
Yes, your mother told me it was going to be your ninth birthday soon.
So I have a very special surprise for each of you.
What is it?
I'm going to give you your first pal.
Is it a present?
Pal?
A pal.
Yes.
Have you not seen the strange creatures that run around outside wreaking havoc and doing
immense damage on other creatures?
Major?
Boy, you boys haven't been outside the little town here very much, have you?
Not too far.
Mom just let us go far.
Yeah.
Ever since dad left, she doesn't let us out of the house too much.
Yeah.
We're just going to disappear.
Well, that's why I got you each your own pal to protect you and help you and guide you on
your way.
They don't do so much guiding, honestly, but I mean, they'll help.
OK.
Is it like a dog?
It's like a dog, right?
Like a dog?
You got us dogs?
Yeah.
Sweet.
I mean, no.
Oh.
Some of them are like dogs.
Step up to the boxes here, boys.
And in front of you, sitting on the table, you see three small boxes with a button in
the middle and next to them a description of what's inside.
And there are three unique pals sitting on the table.
One is a turducken.
One is an ewook.
And one is a seahorn.
And the three of you have to decide which one you are going to take.
I think Maple wants the tiny teddy bear.
There's a tiny teddy bear?
It's an ewook.
I'll take the tiny teddy bear.
I'm kind of the seahorn.
I'll go with the turducken.
I didn't read anything about it.
It just looks funny.
Now, is it a, is it a, would it be described as a turkey with the head of a duck or a duck
with the head of a turkey?
It looks like a hand drawn turkey with a beard.
That's where all the magic comes from.
It's beard.
Mm hmm.
So Poplar, you took the turducken.
George, you took the seahorn, which is a norwhal with a sinister smile.
And Maple, I took the festy kid.
The festy, yes, you took the ewook.
Awesome.
Well, boys, that's what I have for you.
You're going to have to kind of figure out how to use them on your own, I guess.
I don't have too much more time today.
Very busy here at the lab doing lab stuff.
Do I have to feed it?
It does like food, but that's kind of a background thing, I guess.
You can feed it on your own time.
Do I feed it in the box or outside of the box?
It depends on how strong your relationship is.
Do you have a manual?
I don't.
Do you have some sort of little shark box that does this work for me?
Nope, I don't have that.
I will tell you, there's an old man out back and he's great at showing young kids how
to use these things.
Oh, like a teacher, like a professor?
Nope, just, it's Mr. Oldman.
You know, you've seen him around.
He hangs out by the swings sometimes.
Larry Oldman?
Yeah, Larry Oldman.
I haven't seen Mr. Oldman in a long time.
It's been at least seven years.
Oh.
I thought he wasn't allowed around children anymore.
Well, you're not children anymore.
You're nine.
You can strike out on your own.
All right, well, let's go see Mr. Oldman.
All right, boys.
Adios.
Have a great time.
Thanks for the birthday presents.
You're welcome.
I hope they help.
I hope you don't get killed out there on the road.
What?
Why would you say that?
Is that an option?
It's always an option.
Death comes for us all.
All right.
Well, that was disconcerting.
I thought we were just going on an adventure.
I don't think we're in Oz anymore.
I've only seen him on our yearly checkups, and I don't remember who this old man is.
Oldman?
Mr. Oldman.
He was the old guy that hung out by the swing set.
Our parents told us not to really go near him.
Oh.
But apparently he's going to teach us how to use these pals?
Pals.
Yeah.
Pals.
Everything in this is a very working system still, so I'm sure we're going to run into
some hiccups and some bugs that may need to be adjusted, including the name, because it
was very difficult to not just say, you know.
Pokemon.
Yep.
Yeah.
The three of you head out of the lab, I assume, and back behind it, you find Mr. Oldman, a
man who's in his late 40s with his hair slicked over, a very thin mustache, standing around
the back of the dumpster.
Oh, are you Mr. Oldman?
With a clatter, the dumpster closes.
Oh, yes, I am.
Oh, I only knew you as the trash man.
That is a horrible name.
Well, it was mainly just because you stand next to the trash.
You are over here a lot.
Yes, it's as close to the swings as I can get now.
Is that what the paper says in your back pocket?
Oh, no.
That's a different one.
Oh.
What can I do for you three boys?
Mr. Woodtree sent us over here, said that you could help us with these presents he got
us.
Oh, presents from Mr. Woodtree.
Yes, yes.
Do you boys have any experience with pals before?
None.
I don't even really know if I've seen one before today.
My, oh my.
You haven't gotten out of the house much, have you?
We barely have friends.
Mom said if we drink milk, we might have to go get some.
So we're not allowed to leave the house very often.
Oh my.
That's why I haven't seen you at the swings in a while.
Or at the cow stand.
Or at the cow stand, yes.
There are now cows in this world.
Sorry I forced you into that.
That's okay.
Yes, the cows.
What are you boys up to?
Do you leave in town?
We're nine now.
You didn't know?
We gotta go strike out on our own, mom said.
You're nine now?
We're nine years old.
Why are you rubbing your hands like that?
I'm just excited, you know, excited for you guys to not be children anymore.
If we go over here, I can show you boys how to use your stuff, use your thing.
Yeah, teach us how to use our stuff.
Absolutely, I even have an extra pal trap here that I can show you how to catch one.
Alright, you can use mine.
Excellent, great.
So what we're gonna do, we're gonna go into these tall grasses over here and shrubs, and
I'm just gonna start kicking around and see if I can stir up any other wild pals.
They just hang out in the grass?
Yeah, watch!
And he just like scuffles off a few feet away and begins kicking a bunch of bushes in front
of you and he jumps back in his very tight pants and on the ground you begin to see a
bundle of leaves swirl and become this leafy tornado that is now just stationary and he
goes, oh boys we found ourselves a leaflet!
Alright throw your pal at it!
A leaflet?
You should just leave that with the person who gave it to you.
You don't need to read them at all.
Oh no no, this is a leaflet with two T's.
Oh.
Very different.
What is Ewook doing?
Okay, take your paltrap with him in it and throw it at the ground.
Oh, I put the paltrap in my backpack so now I have three and he just kind of hangs out
with me.
Okay, he's just walking around.
He's just right around.
Was I supposed to keep him in the box?
I mean ideally, he may try to run away.
I don't know if you know him that well yet.
But either way, just poke at him and send him towards that leaflet.
Have him get about a couple feet away.
Poke.
You send your Ewook up to, in front of the leaflet.
It's a level one leaflet.
And he says, this is a very low level pal, so it shouldn't be too hard to beat up and
catch.
Why don't you go ahead and try to attack it?
So from here, you can pick one of the moves that your Ewook has available to it.
Okay, after reading over my Ewook manual, I am going to go with...
Uses is a timed number of uses?
Correct.
Okay.
So then they would get replenished at the pal center?
Correct.
Okay.
Okay, cool.
Ewook, Spark!
That's an attack?
Yeah, Spark is an attack.
It is an electric attack and it's one d4 damage.
I have 20 uses.
Okay.
So what you're going to do first is you're going to roll a d6 and add your strength to
it.
So you will each see that each one of your pals has a strength score next to the ST.
Yeah, there you go.
It also has a defensive score and an agility score.
So when making an attack, you are going to roll one d6 and add your strength to it to
try to beat the defending pals defensive score.
Three plus 11, 14?
Yeah, that definitely hits.
So go ahead and roll your damage.
One.
Okay.
Mr. Oldman, what do I do to actually make him do stuff?
What do you mean?
I thought I told him to attack, but it didn't look like he did much.
Oh, yes, he tried to attack, but he didn't do too much damage.
Maybe it's because it's his first time.
You should give him a pat on the head and say, good job.
Good job, Ewok.
It makes a weird like, brrrr,ing noise.
Uh oh, it looks like the leaflet's going to attack him back.
Oh, well, that's not nice.
Doesn't eight beat his defense?
Yes.
Okay, suddenly you see the plant shoot out several of its leafs and your Ewok gets caught
with these and takes four damage.
Oh, goodness, that was a pretty beefy hit.
Maybe we should try to hit him again.
Or do you have another tack you would like to try to get your Ewok to use?
I don't know.
Beginning level pals are always the worst.
It doesn't really look like he's going to do much at all.
Oh, yeah.
Can we just leave and go look for my dad?
It is my ninth birthday.
Oh, I guess so.
Here, let me try to catch this pal real quick.
I'll show you how to do that.
And he produces a pal trap from his back pocket and he throws it at the pal.
Anytime you use a pal trap, you have to beat its strength score and its current HP.
If you get higher than that, you capture it and then it's yours, just like the one you
have now.
Okay.
And so he takes his pal trap and he throws it.
And for a moment, the pal looks like it's trapped inside and then it breaks free and
he goes, oh, dang, that bit.
That always happens.
Anyways, sometimes it works.
And the leaflet with that disappears into the forest.
Well there's another one gone.
Well at least you still have your your pal box.
No, after you try to use them, they blow up.
Oh, and it is broken.
And now I have to go get a new one at the store.
Well thanks for helping us.
You know, we appreciate you trying.
Yeah, I did my best.
Anyways, that's kind of the basics of it.
You know, there's some other things, but it didn't work out so well this time.
Do we have to be nice to our pals?
I guess not.
Okay.
It sure does seem like it would help though.
I mean, we do keep them in little boxes for a long time.
So while they're out, you probably should be nice.
Mine's open range.
I don't like to keep them in a box.
No one should be kept in a box.
Okay.
Interesting take.
That's one I haven't heard before.
Well adios boys.
Good luck on your adventures.
Bye Mr. Old Man.
Goodbye, Mr. Old Man.
Or as I like to say, the wizard.
Or trash man.
I have so many names for you because I look at you when I stare out the window.
Oh.
All right, mate.
Come on.
All right.
All right, bros.
Let's let's get going here.
We got some cookies to go sell.
Yeah.
We got to wire the money back to mom.
We don't.
We don't live there anymore.
I mean, just saying.
She did kick us out today.
I mean, she was all for nine years.
Stay in the house.
Don't go too far.
Then one day she's like, all right, guys, your bags are packed.
I don't remember her ever telling us we were going to go on a trip when we were nine.
No, she didn't.
This was pretty sprung on us.
I thought we get to go home after we sell the cookies.
Well, first we got to go find dad and then we bring dad home and then.
Yeah, we're going to go find dad.
All right, you look.
Let's go find my dad.
All right.
Lead the way, Maple.
We're right behind you.
And as the three of you head to the edge of the town, the furthest you've been from home
ever, apparently, and stand under the sign that says now leaving Wingdale, wilderness
ahead, you take your first steps into freedom.
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And as such, you know that there are about 10 areas of interest between here and the
town of Chillyville, your ultimate destination.
So in each space that you progress to, you guys have the option to do two things.
You can either roll to find a wild pal, or you can roll to find an item.
Along the way, you may run into others.
Other humans?
Yes.
And pals.
You can level up your pal by beating other pals, either wild or owned, and they'll gain
experience with each fight.
Or you can try to catch wild pals and increase how many you have in your pack.
You think we could sell these things?
I think they're worth any money.
I mean, you can probably find someone willing to pay something somewhere for most things.
You can't sell a pal.
No, no, we'd never, never.
I mean, that old man just literally gave us each one.
He didn't charge us anything.
So if you can give him away, you gotta be able to sell him.
Pals are for life.
You're my pal.
I'm your brother.
Ewook's my pal.
Well, yeah, but I'd like to think that we're pals as well.
That's true.
We're all pals here.
Yep, yep, yep.
Ewook, let's see if we can find any more pals.
Okay.
So, a few steps later, you're in the first area of the map.
Wow, the grass is tall out here.
I can barely see the road anymore.
Yeah, did they not hire people out here?
There was like a map on the wall when we left.
They said like there's lookouts, but they didn't say it was maintained trail.
You are so much older than us sometime.
How old is Nine again?
I don't know.
I just looked around.
He didn't look around when we were leaving.
It was like the last time we were going to see home.
I only know one place to look.
Forward.
And are you looking for pals in the first area?
Yeah.
I feel like people would kind of be like skipping through the grass, kind of random like chowd
and karate chops into tall grass areas, trying to scare something out.
Okay, roll a d20 for me.
12.
All right, you are successful at stirring up a wild pal.
Go ahead and roll a d8 for me.
4.
I think Maples found something over there.
Did the old man say we had to fight fair?
I don't think we do much of the fighting.
The pals do the fighting, I guess.
I mean, just wondering if it has to be a fair one-on-one fight versus...
Oh, I don't think anything's going to stop if we want to help out.
I mean...
Maples is over there playing with something and I'm just worried that he's going to get
hurt again.
We'll keep an eye and if it looks like he needs some help, you just send out your kurdukid
or my seahorn.
How's that going to survive on land?
Did it have gills?
Did you look at this thing before you picked the box?
I saw that sinister smile on the big horn and I said that thing is what's going to come
with me.
So wait, you looked at it based off of it had a smile and a horn and was in a box and
you went, I want to put that in my bag.
Mm-hmm.
Suddenly, Maple, a gigantic Krippopper, which is a large bug-type pal, leaps out of the
tall grass in front of you.
It splays its wings and makes a weird chittering and its mandibles click together as it stares
at you with its giant bug eyes.
Guys, I think I found one and it's really big.
It's really big and it looks hungry.
Kill it with fire.
You heard the old man.
You got to tell your book there to attack it.
All right, Ewok, use pitfall.
Okay.
So, one thing I did forget, the pal with the higher agility is going to go first.
What is your?
Nine.
The Krippopper is two, so you're definitely going to go first.
All right.
And can you read the definition for pitfall?
It's a special attack, reduce targets attributes.
All is written in parentheses.
Right on.
You're going to roll one D6 plus your agility to try to beat its strength.
Twelve.
What am I adding again?
Strength.
Strength and the D6.
Your agility.
Agility and D6.
Ten.
All right.
You are successful in doing so.
You lower its strength, its defense and its agility score.
And it's going to try to attack you back.
And the Krippopper responds by flaring its wings out and its wings begin to pulse and
make a very flashing distraction.
And he's going to try to use flashing distraction against your Ewok.
It is a special attack.
So he rolls his agility plus D6.
So he got a six.
Does that beat your strength?
No.
Okay.
So he has failed that attack and be back to your turn.
All right.
Or if the two of you want to jump in and help fight as well, that is a possibility.
Or if you want to solo it, you can do that too.
You got this, Mabel?
I have no idea, but I won't know without trying.
We'll give him one more, one more go.
That first thing looks like a weird interpret of dance and didn't do much, but let's see
what he's got this time.
Ewok is going to use drop kick.
A normal attack that does one D6 damage.
Fuck yeah.
So you're going to roll your strength plus one D6.
17.
Yeah.
The Crick Hopper only has a defensive three, so it definitely hits.
So why don't you go ahead and roll your damage?
All right.
One D6.
A three.
Okay.
A pretty decent hit.
And so the Crick Hopper is going to respond.
It lurches forward with its mandibles and tries to use pinch.
Does a seven beat your defense?
Yes.
He does six and he pinches for three damage.
All right.
Ewok is going to use spark the electric attack.
One D4 damage.
All right.
Is that a strength check?
Yep.
12.
You definitely hit this Crick Hopper.
One D4.
Four.
All right.
Yeah.
He's pretty fucking busted up now and he's like trying to still act ferocious.
While trying to get kind of back as well.
He's on his last legs, but he does lurch out again and try to pinch his way out of things.
But a five does not hit, correct?
A five against my defense?
Yes.
No, it does not hit.
Okay.
And he actually rolled a one.
So he damages himself in the process.
He looks pretty bad.
You should throw your trap at him now.
I'm going to throw my regular POW trap.
Okay.
So he's going to give me a roll of a D10 and if it exceeds his strength and HP score, he
will successfully catch this Crick Hopper.
A one.
A one unfortunately does miss.
All right.
Is that my turn?
Yes, actually it would be your turn.
Oh man, like George's.
Yeah, I just finished the... that was the end of my turn I should say.
Yes.
Yeah.
Do you guys want to do anything?
Do it George.
Steal it.
Let me show you how it's done, Maple.
Can I pull out one of my POW traps?
What do I roll a D20?
D10.
I got a two.
You just missed this Crick Hopper and it goes exploding onto the ground.
All right, Pop.
It's up to you.
Yeah.
You know what?
I'll make you guys both look bad.
This is how you do it.
And I just pop one out of my bag and throw it like at the thing's face.
You gotta aim for its head.
That's a three.
You see the POW trap hit it and it shakes.
And it shakes.
And suddenly it stops shaking.
See, you just gotta beat it into submission.
It's just because we hit it with our two first.
I was beating it into submission and then I went to throw the box.
Do you want this thing?
No, you made a big deal about learning that lesson, George.
You can keep it.
However, your Ewok does gain three experience.
How beat up was this thing?
It has one HP left.
OK, so like once I collect 10 experience levels up to level two.
Yes.
And at that point, all of your moves will be reset and your health will increase to
max.
George and Poplar, what do you guys want to do on this leg of the journey?
Outlook for an item.
OK.
Roll a d20.
Eight.
You unfortunately don't find anything in this section.
Poplar.
I'm going to do an experiment like I'm not going to look for an item or a Palmon.
I'm going to just pop both my Palmons out and have my one turducken attack the cricket
thing.
Because the cricket thing is almost dead and I just want to see what happens when it dies.
The Unconscious.
They never explained this to us, right guys?
Like they never told us like what actually happens when it goes down to unconscious or
really beat up.
It's true the old man and Mr. Woodstree did not tell us what happens when they get too
beat up.
Yeah.
We should catch them.
Yeah, he just told us that we should catch them.
Might as well.
Fine for science.
OK, so the Turducken is going to go first because it's got an agility of 11.
Yep.
So go ahead and make your attack on the crick hopper.
It's a d6 plus strength.
Well it depends on which one you're trying to use.
Just the peck.
OK, so it's a d6 plus your strength.
You should look away, Maple.
That's a 4 plus 7, so.
An 11.
Yeah, it definitely beats the crick hopper's 4 defense.
So go ahead and roll damage.
2.
It was at 1.
Yes, the crick hopper fades into an eerie light and then you can see it revert back
into the pal trap.
OK, so it doesn't kill them.
What's it doing in the trap?
It's just like the trap's just like off.
It would seem like it has an automatic cremation process.
It's all ready for the show.
Not quite.
It is fine inside.
It's just resting.
It's in stable condition.
Just unconscious.
For science.
Did your Turducken gain any experience from that?
Probably not.
We'll say it gained 1.
Yay.
Have you guys found any more of the pals over there?
No, I didn't find anything over here at all.
The ground lot.
I was too busy messing with my two of them.
You were messing with them?
Yeah, I was trying to see what happens if one tries to kill the other.
At least now we know they just go back into the trap.
Yeah.
And something happens eventually.
Maybe we'll find out when we get somewhere where there's more adults.
Wait, we are adults now.
When there's more of our peers.
As you walk and talk, you find yourself in the section.
Wow, second section.
In the sex section.
Wow, this got dark real bad.
He made it to the red light district.
I don't like the look of any of these pals.
Look at that guy over there.
Father?
So on the second leg of this journey, the three of you get another turn to investigate
the area, whether you want to look for items or other pals.
Well, it definitely looks like there's some pals around here.
I'm certainly going to look for one.
Is that a D10?
It's a D20.
10.
OK, yeah, you're able to find one.
So go ahead and roll me a D8.
7.
As you're kicking around through the tall grass trying to stir up a pal, suddenly kick a rock.
It's a very hard rock and it goes tumbling about three to four feet away before it jumps
up a foot and turns around and staring in your general direction with a large smile
is a strange looking rock.
Oh my God, it's a strange rock.
I think that's a new pal that we haven't seen yet.
I'm going to unleash my seahorn on it.
All right.
This is the first time your seahorn's been out, right?
It is.
Awesome.
It flops near this rock pet pal.
And what is your agility?
Six.
I just got to ask, does the rock look like the way you drew it on your paper?
100%.
So it's got googly eye and everything?
Yeah, 100%.
It's like a pet rock with googly eyes.
So the rock pet has an agility of five, your seahorn is going to go first.
Okay.
I'm going to use ice cube, my special attack, target minus one defense.
Okay.
So on a special, you're going to roll your agility plus one D six.
That's a seven.
Okay.
A seven beats its strength score.
So what does that ice cube do?
Minus one to defense.
Excellent.
So this ice cube hits this pet rock, rock pet, its eyes spin in an eerie circle before
it tries to hook itself at your seahorn.
Does a nine beat your defense?
No.
Okay.
It hurls itself psychically at your seahorn and it goes flying past before it rockets
itself back to its starting position after having missed.
And it is once again, your turn.
All right.
So now the seahorn having dodged the flying rock is going to turn around and use its squirt
attack, which is a water attack.
And so do I roll a D six plus my strength.
Yep.
I'm going to get this rock all wet.
I rolled a 10.
Yeah, that definitely hits.
Okay.
And then that's one D four damage.
Four.
All right.
Four water damage.
And actually a water type pal is strong against rock type.
So you're going to do double damage there.
Oh, double damage.
Which does eight.
The pal's googly eyes fall dark and it lays on the ground limply.
Unconscious.
Oh gosh.
You're going to take two experience points for your seahorn.
Do you mean like the rock turns flaccid?
Yep.
Okay.
Yeah.
George got his rocks off.
Well, that's what happens when they don't have a pal trap to go back to.
So they do die-ish.
Well, he's just going to go sleep off in the brush for a while.
He just looks tired.
Oh, he's just got to take a nap inside the coffin.
I mean box.
All right.
Poplar, what are you doing with your turn?
After watching him beat up a rock, I'll be like, I'll see what I can find.
Maybe I can find a rock.
I want a rock.
Okay.
So you're looking for a pal.
Sure.
I want a rock.
20.
You definitely find one.
Roll me one D8 to find out which pal you find.
Six.
As you're kicking around through the tall grass trying to stir up a pal yourself, right
by your ear flies a large deranged looking woodpecker.
And as soon as it flies by, it wheels around and is now flapping itself about five feet
in front of you.
Its eyes swirl with a menacing look.
I'm killing it.
Okay.
I'm going to try to get the turducken because the grasshopper is dead.
Yes.
He would not be able to come out anyways.
How big is big?
Because like we're nine years old.
Like I don't remember how big you guys were when you were nine.
Like I was pretty tall.
Like I was like five two ish.
I was already tall.
So like if this thing's big compared to that, like is this a woodpecker like the size of
a cat?
Yeah.
It's probably like a foot tall.
So like I was never tall.
So I don't know how big I was at nine, but I can assure you it was not that big except
for my pants.
Red light district.
Flying catpecker.
Sounds even worse.
I am so sorry.
Yes.
Nope.
It's very much a flying woodpecker with a very splotched red beak.
So you send your turducken out.
What's your turducken's agility?
Eleven.
Okay.
So you're going to go first.
This is the giant turkey hand versus the pecker.
All right.
Well, what are you going to do first?
The one attack might think tend to do, which is furiously peck.
Okay.
So one D six plus strength.
That's a nine.
A nine hits.
Yeah.
D four for three.
All right.
This packet flies high up in the air before launching itself back down.
Does an 11 beat your defense?
Yes.
It dive bombs down from high in the sky, landing a decent blow on the turducken doing two damage
and then just back to your turn.
Hey, do any of you guys want to help out with this thing?
Does anybody want a woodpecker?
I can throw my seahorn out to try and help him.
I'm sure Ewok would try to help out.
I mean, I let you guys kind of fight your own thing, but like I got to kill the woodpecker.
I was asking if you wanted it.
I'll have it.
If I knock it down and don't kill it.
Oh, so I'm going to retract my seahorn.
You just want to know if one of us wants to have a new pal or you can help if you want.
I can.
I can do it.
I can do this.
You can have others help if you need it.
It's five plus seven.
13.
Yep.
That hits.
Two.
My turducken doesn't fight very well.
He doesn't fight fair.
He's not a prize winning cock fighter yet, but he does pack pretty good.
The packet is looking really pretty fucked up.
Does a seven beat your defense?
Same.
Okay.
We're going to give the ties always to the person taking the action.
Same with if you're trying to catch something or do the damage.
If you tie, you can hit.
So it flies up to your turducken and lands its little tiny claws into the side and jabs
its beaked nose into your turducken and begins to suck some of the blood out from it.
Blood sucking?
What the heck?
And it recovers some health.
How much does it take away?
Oh, one.
Sorry.
I know as far as the numbers concerned, I'm an adult now, but that's going to be hard
to unsee in my dreams.
A blood sucking woodpecker?
What just happened?
That woodpecker just sucking blood out of a giant turkey hand.
Okay.
It is your turn.
I'm going to have turducken do another peck attack.
That's a fucking eight.
An eight hits.
Four.
Okay.
Your last peck that this turducken does knocks this peck out of the sky and onto the ground
and its menacing eyes stop swirling.
It fades in color a little bit as it goes unconscious and you're going to gain two experience.
I'm going to run up with my box and try to stuff it in my box.
Okay.
You try, however, unconscious pals don't react to the boxes and for whatever reason, they
can't get gobbled up by them.
I fit whatever I can and then try jumping on the lid to get it to squeeze in there.
Maple.
Come on, little guy.
Come on.
Get in the box.
You have to break his spirit and then put him in the box.
Yes.
His spirit looks pretty broken.
I think he just broke its spine a little bit.
Get in the box.
The resulting thing that's happening around your box is pretty fucked up.
We're going to just skip past it a little bit, but it doesn't achieve what Maple wants
it to.
I'm going to time cut forward and I'm taking my now red dotted box and putting it back
in my backpack.
But you do have a turn, so you can do whatever you want in this area.
I slowly pull out my box.
I think he would continue to just keep poking around and trying to stir up another one.
Go ahead and roll a d20.
A seven.
Okay, unfortunately, you aren't able to stir up any pals in this area.
And the three of you continue your journey on until you get to the next section.
And this section actually has some people in it.
Oh no.
The two people that you can see are wearing very odd clothing, very bright, very patterned.
They have extremely large shoes and some strange colored hair.
When they walk around, they squeak a bit and they're just stomping through the tall grass.
Guys, the circus.
George, George, tell him stranger danger.
It's the circus right over there.
Don't run over to that guy.
You can't be the bearer of bad news all the time.
The clowns?
We got to be careful.
We just got, you know, we're just striking it out fresh on our own.
You know, everyone in our little hometown was nice to us, but we know these people,
they're strange.
They could be not nice.
But they're clowns.
The worst kind of people.
They always looked really, really nice in the books that I read.
So are the three of you going to try to sneak around these two people?
I feel like I would, but like, I'm pretty sure Maple's going to probably run up and
say clown.
They have suggestion caution, so I'm just going to, I will just staring at them the
entire time slowly follow behind them as they make their birth around.
But I do have my Pokemon just kind of hanging outside of the box and I feel like Ewok gets
a little curious and starts making its way toward them to see what's going on.
And so I am now diverting away from them.
Like, get back, get back over here, over here.
And just now they're going this way and I am just starting to divert toward the clowns.
All right.
So to sneak through what I was going to have you do is all roll a d20.
Need at least two successes to get through.
I'm going to up that score a little bit.
It was going to be a 10.
Now I'm going to need a 12, two, at least two 12s out of three d20s to make it through,
to get your Ewok back and make it out of the section without being seen.
A two.
A five.
This went very well.
You thought their shoes were squeaky.
It's like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
George and Poplar, you guys don't realize who's yelling hey until it's way too late.
And you notice that Maple is not behind you and you see just the top of his Ewok and his
head making their way through the tall grass, closer and closer to these circus people.
And you can hear him yelling hey louder and louder.
And it just draw the attention of these two circus folks and they turn around and you
hear a strange jingle in the air before one says, you look easy to flip.
Let's battle.
And that's going to end it for today's session.
So until next time, we'll see you next next Tuesday.
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Bye guys.
Talking to my dad, I was like, you can't even tell.
And he's like, yes, you can.
That thing looks like shit.
I was like, oh.
Yeah.
I'm sorry.
Does anybody else get the vibe that it's Charlie
with paint around his mouth and fucking standing
next to a dumpster?
Work the body.
Feel like this guy's going to try to work our body.
At the Pokemon.
Nope, at the pal.
God, that's going to be hard.
You say the most grown up crazy thing sometimes.
La da da da.
I don't think Riley means to put in all the sexual innuendos
that can be said.
Or does he?
Oh, he might.
I don't know.
He does.
It's the hand versus the packer.
All right.