Welcome to the Tales from the Crit podcast. We are an actual play podcast featuring a
revolving cast of players making our way through micro RPGs, highly narrative tabletop games,
and the more popular and less known RPG systems from a wide variety of genres. Content may
not be suitable for children and content warnings can be found in the description. I'm Riley
Groves and I'll be your host, your guide, your GM on this episode of Tales from the Crit.
Previously on Tales from the Crit.
I at one point was a gunsmith. I had some machinations brewing that I could in fact
create myself an artifact gun. So I got to thinking how would one do it and I dug into some old
manuscripts and found the way. But you see, when I heard the Red Right Hand's been hunting people
down, I decided the best course of action would be to remove myself entirely from that position
maybe from his line of sight. So I took this exact schematic and I chucked it out the back
of my wagon before riding off. Which leads to a lot of other questions. What about uh,
Patricia? Darling Patricia. I've not thought about Patricia in a while, unfortunately.
You want to hear something crazy? You may want to start thinking about her in more of the present
tense. I believe your world is about to be turned on its head. We need to kill this Red Right Hand
for what he did. Kill the Red Right Hand? You know how many people have tried to kill the Red Right
Hand? Well maybe we need just the right tool to do it. You wouldn't be the first ones who set out
on this altruistic endeavor. I do not doubt that but we are just crazy enough to do it. I guess
we should cut to the chase and say hell what would it take for you to make us one of these guns?
There's a lot of pieces that we got to put in place in order to create an artifact gun. There's
magic involved. You got to have the right materials. Researching, it doesn't take too much honestly
especially for a man of my skill but I do need some pure ironwood and that is rare. We need some
pure blue gray steel. Without these things the creation of an artifact gun is impossible. But
you would do it. Sitting on top of the table is a heavy piece of metal. I think this is it. Grab it.
Absolutely grab it. If this was your vision it's only probable that you... Now take it and get the
hell out of here. For now you guys are able to remove the piece of wood. My heart's like pumping
right now. From the tree. Welcome back to Tales from the Crypt. Before we get playing Weed Deal
in Dice, our Weed Deal in Lead story arc, I have Jon returning to the table. Well hi there. Mikey
returning to the table. Rebekah returning to the table. Hello there. And we're going to answer a
question about ourselves to get to know each other just a little bit more. That question for today is
what do you consider your greatest achievement? All right I guess I'll go first. I've had a
couple pretty cool things happen throughout my life that felt like I achieved something. Like
I saw some things through to positives and negatives about them. Example, I did MMA for a
while. I had a loss and I had a win and that was pretty cool. That was a cool achievement to make.
I did acting for a while. I got a couple small things that... I did something. I achieved
something in that world. With cooking I feel like I've achieved something in that too. So I guess
what I'm saying is that I don't know if I have something that is my greatest achievement because
I still feel like that may still be coming. But for this last leg, yeah I think it's just seeing
a vision and seeing something that I wanted to have happen and made it happen in the form of this
food venture that I'm doing. And so I feel like that's a huge accomplishment. But I feel like
life's full of small, not small, but littler accomplishments that mean a lot. So it's a good
question and I feel like there's a lot. But short answer, I think it's the food venture that I've
created. But long term answer, I think there's still something else to come. So.
Fuck yeah man. What a good answer. Even the small or what we perceive as small accomplishments,
the personal ones, really mean a lot. Of course. So that's fucking awesome man. Perfect answer.
Top that you goons.
Fuck that shit. That was the most pretentious thing I've ever heard.
It was genuine though. I really didn't.
I'll show you more to come.
Please don't.
Sorry.
Mikey's only jealous because he peaked 15 years ago.
I think he's still peaking.
I have not peaked.
No, just kidding. You're an amazing person.
I think my current best accomplishment is I'm still riding the high from two years ago of
100%ing Red Dead Redemption 2.
Oh my God.
Tough challenge.
That was, I'm just like, that's probably like the single most involved thing that I've ever done.
That's amazing. I've only ever 100%ed one game.
Oh, I was just like, nope, I gotta go get the goddamn thing.
I'm so jealous.
What are you doing tonight? Nothing.
That grind man.
That grind.
That's awesome.
It's sad. It's the sad.
It's not sad.
It's not so cool.
It's the greatest saddest achievement.
No, I mean.
It means something to you and that's the part that matters.
It doesn't have to be some grand fucking thing like winning MMA fights or starting a food truck
or shit like that. No, I'm just kidding.
That's crazy. Have you ever 100%ed any other game or is that?
It's the only one that I'm just like, I have to. It's a story mode game so why not?
That's awesome. That game. That takes a lot.
So much.
Yeah, a lot of hours.
Fucking much.
Congratulations, man. That's awesome.
That's fucking awesome.
Genuinely.
Watching so many YouTube videos and I'm just like scratching my head and I'm just like,
this is fucked up.
I know how you feel. I'm six and this is going to sound really nerdy and terrible.
I'm only six Pokemon away from collecting all 151 in the original red,
which is a quest I started on when it first came out 25, 20, 25 years ago, whenever it was.
Like you didn't beat it when it came out?
Dude, I got to 149 and I absolutely could not get the one I needed and I was at my friend's house
and he was like, use the Game Shark, dude. You've done it. You're a Pokemon master.
You've got to just use the Game Shark to get the last one. I was like, no, no, no, no, no.
I think you know a guy all of a sudden.
Fuck you, man.
He hasn't beaten Pokemon Red.
I'm so ashamed.
Anyways, it corrupted my game, dropped me back down to fucking, you know, the beginning.
I had to restart and then it was never the same after that.
But on December 9th, I'm going to make it happen.
You got big plans.
We're pulling for you.
Thanks, man.
Rebecca, what about you?
I start a lot of things. I'm a starter.
Those are important in today's day and age.
Yeah, I don't have much. I am excited about our new podcast coming out,
which technically is not an achievement yet, but maybe by the time this episode airs.
What new podcast is that?
Shameless Plugtime.
So we started a podcast called Paramnesia Theater.
It's me and Riley and our friends, Anna and Tim.
Who are on the Tales from the Crypt podcast on the BadgeQuest arc.
We watch old movies from our childhood that we don't remember at all.
Well, sometimes we remember them, but we try to aim for ones we've forgotten about.
And we introduce everybody else to them and then see the reactions and how they feel about it.
We talk about what actors should have been in it.
OK.
Yeah, that's a lot of fun.
Now, what's happened to the actors that are in it and what they're doing currently?
Yeah, we talk a lot about, you know, the different actors.
We dive into different things.
And one good thing is like, I've brought in a few movies that I have fond memories of.
But in watching them, it has not always remained at the expectation level that you wanted to as a kid.
And that shit gets ruined for you.
Yeah.
And that's part of the excitement as well.
Yeah.
Yeah, there are movies that you haven't seen in years that you're like, oh, that movie was so good.
And you watch it, you're like, man, kids are stupid.
Yeah.
Yeah, we've had a couple of them.
Yeah, a lot of Will Ferrell movies are like that.
Well, no, if you go back and watch Ricky Bobby, you're like, man, this shit is not.
Talladega Nights.
You call it by its proper name, sir.
Put some respect on that name.
That movie is amazing.
That's what I thought.
No, it still is.
It's not, man.
I went back and I was like, damn.
I can't wait to.
I hope I would love to be.
Do you have guests?
We're going to have guests.
I'm going to come and just you don't.
That's fine.
Listen, I'm always down for a good movie.
I'm always down for a good time.
Every single movie that anyone's picked just about has made me like so excited to just
be there and watch it.
Well, I'm super stoked to check it out.
And when do you guys know when the first one's dropping or?
November 21st of this year, 2023.
Yeah, we're super excited to release it.
Can't wait.
I'm going to grab my hot cocoa and popcorn.
We do snacks.
Whoever's movie it is, they bring a snack.
Usually it's pretty fucking delicious.
Yeah, nice.
Anyway, what about you?
So I kind of picture things a little bit like John.
I've had a lot of things that I've accomplished in life that make me very excited and happy.
The most recent one, I guess, would probably be earlier this year.
I did win operations person of the year, which is pretty awesome because the company I work
for is rather large.
It's awesome right now.
And so that was a very important journey for me to get there because I didn't take the
most traditional route in the company.
And it was just it meant a lot.
And it was a lot of like it's been six years of hard work.
And to get that over a lot of other people that deserve it, you know, equally or more
than myself.
No one deserved it more than me.
It just it meant a lot.
It was a very special moment.
So congratulations on that.
Thanks, man.
I even got a fucking a trophy like one of those glass fucking.
It's called a murder weapon.
Oh, no.
Not yet.
It's still a virgin weapon.
Huh?
What?
But yeah, and earlier like last year, I've got a book where I keep like all my current
goals down and one of them was to win a trophy.
And I accomplished that in like a matter of months.
That's awesome.
And that was pretty exciting for the other 45 goals.
There's like, you know, not a lot of progress towards half of them.
At least you got them written down.
That's step one.
I haven't gotten there yet.
Well, with that, let's stop fucking chitchatting and get to dying.
Let's go.
Hell, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeehaw.
The three of you make your way from the stables towards Herbert Fleshman's jewelry shop.
As you approach, you see that the shop is dimly lit and you do not hear Herbert's hammer.
The town is pretty bustling.
And one thing you did notice when you came in was there enormous number of mutant bulls
near the stable.
Bulls.
Mutant bulls.
Most animals are mutants.
Most mutants are animals.
Like a lot, you said a lot surrounding his shop?
Not surrounding his shop.
Just like on your way into town.
And even some in the stables.
Y'all think there's some kind of rodeo going on?
Or like a running of the mutant bulls or something?
That seems dangerous.
Yeah.
Yeah, it doesn't seem very good.
Do we see anybody else around or is it just the...
Oh, there's plenty of townsfolk around.
Oh.
They're not penned in, they're just wandering.
They're mostly penned in.
Oh, okay.
In different pens around.
Some were at the stables, some were kind of penned up outside of town.
They definitely weren't there when we first were in town.
No.
This is something new?
This is a new development, yes.
So we're on our way to Herbert's, so I feel like I would just ask the first one to stop by.
Hey, what's with all these bulls?
I generally think that with more people around, it's gonna give us...
It could give us a bit more anonymity.
We could lie a bit more and send a bit misdirection other ways if we wanted to.
We gonna be in town that long?
I mean, it depends on how far Herbert's gotten on it all and, you know,
how fast he can get this into the gun and make it what we need it to be.
Maybe talk a little softer about the old G word.
Oh, yes.
I feel like we need to figure out where we can reconnoiter with the G-ma'am as to speak.
Well, I mean, I think we just start by giving it to him and going to his shop, but
I think we...
And I'm just real curious about where these bulls come from.
Well, ask that person over there.
Hey, good sovereign citizen, sir.
Yes, ma'am. What can I do for you?
Just a quick question.
We were just in town recently.
We left for a little spell and then came back.
But just curious as to what's with all these mutated bulls.
Well, they're here for the loosen of the bulls.
You're not from around here, is you?
No.
Oh, but you ain't here for the loosen of the bulls?
Can you please tell me what the loosen of the bulls...
Yeah, so we get all the bulls together, right?
And then we release them and we shoo them through the town and down out into the prairie
so that they can be with the other livestock and, you know...
Wait a minute.
Like, wait.
You know.
They're talking about like in a mating ritual sort of a way.
You're breeding your good cattle with this?
It's all good cattle. These bulls are the cream of the crop.
Well, cream of last year's crop anyways.
More like a crop of something.
Well, that's okay. We should go, I think.
I mean, it happens tomorrow. It's quite a sight.
You should probably stick around.
Well, with any luck, we'll be out of here by then.
Well, thank you for the information, person.
Thank you very much.
Good luck with the bull mating ceremony and hope nobody gets trampled or fucked.
I hope people get both.
Excuse me.
Where is the general direction where they release these bulls
in their path of devastation and eroticism?
He points down the main street through the front gate of the town.
Well, they head out right down through there.
So they start back kind of at the stable way and make their way down main street here.
Everybody's peeking at them.
And sometimes people try to outrun them and stuff.
I've seen plenty of people get gored.
That's why you should stick around.
You ever see a bull scar race?
That's the only thing exciting about them is when they crash and people die.
Yeah, I guess so.
But it's a little morbid.
But now, all right.
They call it bull scar.
Yeah, bull scar.
Because most of the bulls got scars.
Because of the race.
Count of the race.
And yes.
Indeed.
Uh-huh. Right.
Well, yeah, maybe we'll stick around and check it out.
But, you know, is there any money to be had or lead to be had from at all?
Is there gambling?
Oh, it's a it's a routed day for sure.
With lead to throw around?
I mean, I don't have none myself.
But if you heard tales of such endeavors.
Oh, people make money off for sure.
All right.
Well, we're looking to it.
But I mean, we need to know more.
We need to get to Herbert in the middle of your speech.
The ground begins to rumble and you can hear kind of the whole town shifting and creaking.
What was going on?
Oh, yeah.
Another one of them tremors.
That's been happening for a few days now.
That's weird.
I don't remember any of that happening here before.
It only started a couple of days ago.
Yes.
Is it regular like only our or is there a schedule to it or anything?
I don't have a watch, so it don't seem like it's on the hour or nothing.
Things are getting weirder and weirder, guys.
Yeah, I think we should do what we're doing here and get going.
Yeah.
Maybe our friend has some more answers about what's going on here.
I wouldn't say that we're friends.
Not you.
Oh, I thought we were friends.
All right.
Well, then.
Well, you literally just said I didn't say we were friends.
Well, I didn't say it, but I intuited it.
I thought maybe the three of you were thinking the same thing I was thinking.
You have been of the utmost help in helping us in our endeavors, and we are forever in
your debt, but we must be on our way.
Thank you so much for being so kind and inviting and generous with your information and.
This man has spaced out a long time ago as you continue to talk.
Let's get going.
When I have him in a stupa.
Yeah, energy vampire heading towards Herbert.
This place.
It's not she didn't say it.
I did.
As you walk through the ground returns to normal, so no more tremors and you don't really
have anything in between you or Herbert shop.
Herbert, you here?
Herbert's not standing at his desk, but in the room as you enter, you do see a very
attractive woman sitting in a chair in the parlor area.
Ma'am.
Well, yes.
Good evening.
Yes.
Good evening.
Is Herbert around?
He was here, but he hasn't been.
He hasn't been back for a while.
He ran out to get something and he was going to come right back.
How are you?
Oh, that's right.
I probably look a little different than last time.
I knew it.
I thought you might be.
I was wondering myself.
I was surprised that you didn't see it.
I know you saw the pictures.
I was almost.
I didn't.
I was hesitant to think of it for a moment.
You looked even lovelier than I remembered.
Thank you.
I do appreciate that.
So Herbert told you he's coming back again.
Oh, he's coming back.
Yes.
It's just taking longer than you expected or?
No, not longer than I expected.
Okay, so we don't need to worry that.
Oh, no, he just ran out.
He'll be right back.
Okay.
Well, how did he respond to you coming to see him?
At first, it was a little weird.
I must say we did on your behalf give him notice of your resurgence of power.
Oh, I'm not harboring any ill will.
Oh, I'm not harboring any ill will towards Herbert.
What he did was fine.
Was it?
Not that he acted as a coward, but he did act in cowardice.
And I'm glad you're not holding it against him.
Oh, I'm holding something against him.
Oh, man.
Oh, is that magic wand?
I bet you would be.
I bet you would.
You know, I just I took a little trip some some time for myself and I came to realize
that I really missed him and I, you know, I think we could make things work.
Well, that's very mature of you to make that decision and try to work things out.
Was he receptacle to it?
It's been well received so far.
Good.
So was he, I bet.
Well, good for you.
So you would to say you were both well received of each other?
Yes.
Within each other?
Within and amongst.
Do you want to hear about it?
No, I don't.
Why don't you just write it down?
I'm going to write it down.
You don't worry about that.
Yeah, Cal snoop at it later and then.
I knew he was the snooper.
He can't keep away.
He's been talking about it all the time.
My dreams and nightmares.
It is a book that I relish having seen and wish I never gazed upon.
It is disgustingly exciting.
Well, Patricia, you know any other witches?
I know of other witches.
All right.
You know anybody that could enchant an item, I guess.
Herbert comes through the front door.
Oh, thank God.
Well, hello there, my three compadres.
I see you ever ran into my dear Patricia.
Yes, once again.
Once again.
Lovelier than ever.
I'm glad you guys are figuring things out.
You know, this time I think it may work.
Oh, good.
I'm very happy for you, too.
Thank you.
Well, I think we need to talk in private.
Yes.
Patricia dear.
Yes, Herbert.
Why don't you head on down to the house and I'll come and meet you as soon as I conclude with my
little friends.
Well, it was great seeing you guys again.
You need anything?
Let me know.
I think we should continue our conversation later, but we have something here we have to
talk to Herbert about quick.
Well, all right.
I'll be around, you know, either at the house or probably at the house from now on.
I don't want to come to town too much.
Awful lot of bullshit around here.
Yes, quite literally.
All right.
Well.
It has been a pleasure seeing you again in, might I say, in such a state.
Make me a heart roll.
Fucking heart.
It's going to see if he has a heart on.
What's it?
20 and you roll lower than your heart.
18.
As she walks out the door, Patricia just gives you a pat on your chest, cow, and then
steps out of the shop.
Well, friends, I'm so glad to see you back here.
And it was quite an arduous journey.
Pretty wild.
Some good closure, I think, for Jesse, though.
Oh, well, that's important.
Burned the house down.
Well, you know, Herbert always said there's no better way to get rid of a bad memory than
to burn it to the ground.
I agree.
100%.
All entities included.
Fantastic.
I hope it wasn't too much trouble for you.
I mean, it was, you know, an adventure.
It almost killed us.
Yeah, but we're good.
Well, damn, I can't imagine what you had to go through anyways.
Do you have the piece of ironwood, though?
May I see it?
Yes, I hope this will do.
Oh, my.
He takes it.
This is this is a beautiful hunk of wood.
This should be perfect.
Indeed, I didn't even expect it to be such a fine color.
This is going to make one special weapon.
It's nice to hear.
I always thought myself a connoisseur of wood.
Well, I do find myself to be a fan of the hard stuff.
You do strike me as such, sir.
You seem like you are.
I prefer working with the harder woods, none of that balsa wood or anything like that.
Soft wood is just it's very hard to work with.
It's true.
Or more of, you know, your subject matter is.
You know, inherently difficult.
Yes.
Oh, enough of this wood talk.
Um, can we trust Patricia with what's going on?
Well, trust Patricia.
I think so.
She doesn't.
I don't know why she would have came back.
She could have just killed me already.
And we've been shacking up together for the last two days.
Well, they tend to play.
We tend to play the long game.
But could she be sucking your soul out of you?
At least she could.
She should be sucking your soul out of you.
At least.
I mean, three times a day for those two days.
Well, that ain't what I meant.
Wow.
Is she against us?
I don't think she's on anybody's side necessarily.
I don't think she aims to play us a fool or to get us into any trouble.
I don't think she's linked with any nefarious entities.
Well, I feel like you understand the reason we're asking is because you mentioned something
about needing a magical component for this weapon.
And even though you said she can't, maybe someone she knows can.
And I feel like we're going to have to learn a little bit of something to get that information.
Precisely.
Unless you want to pump her for information, which I'd be totally OK with.
We need either her, them, or both.
And if you could pump either her, them, or both.
Please.
As exciting as that sounds, I do believe we could probably get what we need from Patricia.
And it would be our best bet.
All right.
Well, that's settled.
You're our best bet.
Do you feel like you can start working on this now?
Is there a way to get this going?
Because I feel like we don't have a lot of time.
I strangely feel the same way.
I'm going to get working right at it.
That makes good haste on that part.
And I feel like we definitely could use a little rest.
More rest.
That was quite an ordeal that we went through.
So maybe we'll go back to the ranch and talk to Patricia about how to get this other component
we need.
Well, let's slow the roll a little bit.
When I said I could get right on it, I mean, I got to run home quick, eat some supper and
tend to some chores.
Then I'd start working on it.
And Patricia is shacking up at the house now.
And I feel like maybe three additional people might be a crowd.
But there is some nice spaces at the local inn, at the tavern there.
All right.
Do you have any place you recommend that's affordable and safe?
I think the three of you all would be pretty safe.
I don't know why you wouldn't.
It seems like you've been through harder things than most of the people in this town.
And because of such, we are short on funds, could you throw us a couple of scraps of lead
perhaps to help us along our way?
You know what I could do?
Until we can achieve our mutually beneficial goal of solving this here problem.
I am a friend with the tavern keeper and he does owe me a favor.
So what I can do, I can write you all a quick letter.
You could maybe bring it down there and say, hey, this is from Herbert Fleshman.
And I bet you I could get you a room, no cost at all.
We appreciate that, Herbert.
Oh yeah.
Why is the earth shaking so much?
Oh yeah.
That's a weird one.
I am confounded about that.
It started a couple of days ago.
Did it happen around the same time the bulls came?
You know, those two things did seem to coincide.
But who's to tell for sure?
I mean, there was some bulls here.
There's always been some bulls here and it wasn't happening.
But maybe as more of them showed up, it happened more frequently.
Has there been any stranger people in town?
Oh, did you see how many people are in town for this thing?
There's quite a few.
This is the first annual running of the bulls.
But that...
The loosening of the bulls.
Loosening.
The tremors have never happened before though?
Not since I've been here and I've been here for quite a while.
Interesting.
I mean, maybe an earthquake.
Right, but not...
But it's more of an earth rumble.
Yeah, it is quite peculiar.
I knocked a few things off my shelf now and then.
Well, it might be something that's maybe worth looking into, but yeah.
All right.
Well, maybe we'll find some more information at the end.
Yeah, I suppose.
You guys down for going there now?
Let's take a wander.
All right.
All right, hold on.
Let me just write this out quick.
And after a few seconds, you guys have your note from Herbert Fleshman.
Betty, I noticed you were using some pretty large words earlier and I was very impressed
with how you delivered them.
Well, I've been picking up on you a little bit, Cal.
I don't know what they mean really, but I sometimes get...
That's the best part.
Sometimes you don't have to.
You got to feel it.
It's like music.
It's like proper words just have a rhythm to them and it's just like when it sounds
right, it feels right, it doesn't matter what the word means.
It's just whether you deliver it properly.
Absolutely.
I feel like I'm learning a lot and I can feel it in my vocabulary.
Well done.
I don't know what y'all are talking about.
This is a boring conversation, I think.
You'll get a hold of it sooner or later.
I don't want to get ahold of nothing.
Next time we come into a town, I'm going to find you the best book.
I used to read it when I was a kid.
I ain't much for reading.
It helped me immensely, enormously, emphatically.
What's the name of that book?
I'll show you when I find you.
Okay.
I don't want to do no reading.
Yeah, I don't blame you.
It sounds boring too.
I will teach you.
You can just read it to her.
How about that?
I don't need to learn.
I do want it for myself mostly.
I feel I've been...
Well, then just say that.
You don't have to pretend you're going to teach me something I won't learn.
Well, everyone should want to learn.
Eh, I learned how to shoot.
That's enough.
As have we all.
It's the one thing we've learned to devastating an autistic effect.
Successful gunslingers at least.
You're damn right.
Leads me to believe that it's not nearly enough to accomplish what we have to resolve
now.
I'm nervous in my heart.
Well, I wouldn't lie if I didn't agree with you there.
I miss Bill immensely.
I think we all do, man.
Yep.
I mean, the sooner this gets done, hopefully the sooner we can maybe get a little closer
ourselves on this whole situation and deal with that red right hand the way we're supposed
to.
I can't wait to see the end of that.
Yeah.
Well, I feel like I need a drink or two at least.
Let's try to find this inn.
Oh, now you're talking about something I'm interested in.
Here, here.
To the inn.
The inn is the most spectacular building in the town of Riptide.
It's the most ornate.
It has beautiful wooden floors and handcrafted beams and a wooden ceiling.
Yet it is busy with many people from the town and that are here for the first annual loosening
of the bulls.
The only indication that you have on who you're supposed to hand this letter to is at the
front that says to Timmy Jr.
Timmy Jr.
All right, we got to find Timmy Jr. and all this mess.
I guess we should ask the bartender.
Suddenly a man bumps into you.
Excuse me.
Well, excuse me.
Did I see that?
What?
Did I see that happen?
Yeah.
Did he just pickpocket her?
No.
I'm so paranoid all the time, Cal.
I don't like people.
Okay.
Well, watch where you're going.
Well, if you don't like people, then you can get out of my bar.
Oh, this is your bar?
Is your name?
I'm Timmy Jr.
Of course it is.
All right.
It's funny how these things happen.
Timmy Jr.
We're friends of Herbert's.
He said to give you this.
Oh, he takes the letter, opens it.
You're telling me I got to give a room to you three tonight?
You got to have us in three rooms.
Politely.
Okay.
I don't have room for three rooms.
I have room for one room with three beds.
That works.
Wow.
That seems so weird.
You'd be surprised how many throuples come through here.
Oh, well wouldn't they?
The Nagee threes.
Just a throuple of people.
Y'all don't say that where you're from, just a throuple of people?
No.
This riptide is a really weird town.
Yeah.
I know that wasn't, you know, up for debate.
It's just my opinion.
Yeah, why is it rumbling like that?
Yeah, do you know anything about that?
That's a good question.
Ah, yeah, it only started a few days ago.
When the bulls got here.
Oh, I never thought of that.
Everybody's.
Okay.
So nobody knows what's going on.
Nobody knows what's going on.
It seems a bit synonymous.
I kind of chalked it up to, you know, this is the first time that the town of Riptide
has gotten chosen for this particular affair.
And so I just kind of figured it was like.
Almost like it was made up all of a sudden.
Something for the town to get excited about, you know, maybe like.
Somebody came in telling you that it was a great thing that was happening to help you.
Well, no one told me that.
That was just an idea that I had myself.
Interesting.
Well, if I might inquire where would the person in charge of these loosening of the bulls
be the head bull loosener?
Oh, I think that's Mr. Monopoly, owner of the stables.
Well, we don't need to really look into that a little bit, I don't think.
Yeah, I'm good on the stables.
We can't really go there for a bit.
We owe them a lot of money, Cal.
Yeah, you look confused.
You owe them people money?
You trying to you trying to get free stuff from everybody around here?
Did you not read the note?
I mean, yeah, I got to do Herbert a favor and then we call it even.
But yeah, well, they go.
We're low on funds and we're trying to do something.
That's why I was just curious right now.
I'm about to go pay our friend Mr. Monopoly for services rendered in good faith that we
did owe him that we are about to pay back right now.
So I will bid you to adieu and I will go see what's going on with Mr. Monopoly and I will
make sure that our debt is rendered fair and square.
That's awful.
Tell a stranger I don't care about that at all.
I wasn't talking to you.
I'm just a happy listener.
Oh, why am I still here then?
I'm busy.
Oh, we got that room then?
Yeah, the room all the way down to the down the hall upstairs and to the left.
What number?
Oh, it's the only one on the left.
Okay.
The last one on the left.
If you go out the window, you gone too far.
Makes sense.
Well, you don't really have to go pay him right now.
Thank you very much for the room.
We appreciate it.
But the bar is also on the tab or?
Oh, oh no, the drinks are not.
He specifically said that you might be a rough and rowdy bunch.
We ain't rowdy.
We're rough.
The three of y'all look pretty rough.
Yeah.
Which usually are you two.
Ruff and rowdy ain't the same.
We are also in the business of taking favors.
Man, what you want to do with the wait staff to get free drinks?
I can't say I don't care about that.
As long as Timmy Jr.
You're not a very good business owner then.
You got to care about where your money is going or else you're not going to make any
money.
That's not important.
Look, we just need to get to our room and get a few drinks in us and kind of just figure
out the next goal.
I feel like we need to talk to Patrice.
Thank you very much by the way, Timmy Jr.
Oh, he's gone.
You already sent him away.
Oh good.
I say we just have a drink, at least especially maybe two.
One for us, one for Bill and then hit the hay and then.
I think we should probably have one more because we had to sit here and be scolded by a man
who called himself Timmy Jr.
Well, yes, we'll see what we can swing, Cal.
We don't have a lot of lead right now.
But yeah, pony up to the bar.
Yep.
A big man is tending the bar and he turns around gruffly.
What do you want?
I got this, guys.
Well, hello.
You wouldn't happen to have anything that would, you know, take the edge off a hard
long day.
I do.
I bet you do.
And one for tens.
Oh, you have a what?
One lead, ten drinks.
Oh, well, hell yeah.
That's an amazing deal.
What's your name?
Timmy Senior.
Well, Timmy Senior, are you any relation to Timmy Junior?
Most people think that except for my last name, senior, his last name's Junior.
I get it now.
All right.
Well, Timmy Senior, or can I call you Senior Timmy?
You can call me whatever you want.
I bet I can.
Well, that one for ten sounds great, but I'll do you one better.
Oh, how about one for eleven?
One for eleven that goes against Timmy Junior's guidelines.
Well, the one's for you.
Oh, I got to buy myself a drink.
No, I'll buy it for you.
But you know, you just have one with us.
Well, all right.
Timmy Senior can do that.
Yeah, yeah, you can, Timmy.
And he pours eleven drinks.
He holds his hand out after the drinks are poured.
One lead.
I'll pay it excitedly.
Yeah, it's been a minute, Jesse.
I saw you shaking a little bit over there.
Hell yeah.
And that's when the beer is all for me.
That was nice of you, Betty.
Well, no, I mean, you got to...
Oh, Cal.
I was sharing them.
I'll share them, I guess.
No, thank you.
Can I get you some tea or something?
Do you have any hot tea?
Do you want a drink?
I do sometimes, but in present company, I feel...
You ain't drinking, Cal.
Who are you?
What's going on?
Jesse, it's okay.
That means we each get five.
All right.
Girl, I'm a...
I'm a...
I'm a sucker for even, you know, even evaluations, and if I step in, it's going to be uneven.
You know, it'll ruin my whole day.
Girl saddles up on the bar stool in between the three of you.
Meep-meep!
And Timmy Sr. hands him a beer.
Yeah, this one's for your little bumbler.
He said he wanted one, and he slugs it down.
Aw, crap, now there are only nine.
Nine is divisible by three.
I learned that in school.
He did?
How long ago was that, Timmy Sr.?
Oh, it was earlier today.
Oh, gosh.
Well you are in luck because I do have, seem to have developed a bit of a thirst in the
interim.
Oh great, there goes our beers Jesse.
Damn, I'm down two more.
Here, here ladies, here, here.
Yes, cheers everybody.
To Bill.
We haven't gotten to say goodbye probably.
Not with a beer.
Well here, here.
I don't know Bill, but yeah, here, here.
Yes, yes, it's okay.
You can fuck off now, thank you Timmy.
Wow, alright.
He didn't mean that Timmy, it's just been a long, hard day like I said.
She rides us pretty rough.
Huh.
Yeah, I'm kind of the leader so I'm not afraid to ride them hard.
It's about being like Mrs. Manager.
Mrs. Manager?
Yeah, like Mrs. Manager.
Oh that's a good title, that's what Kathy has over there.
Did you talk to Kathy?
Are you my new manager?
Yes, and we're enacting some new policies.
Damn it, I'm out of here.
And Timmy Jr. pulls off his apron and storms out for a while.
Wait Timmy, before you go, wait quick, hand us a bottle.
The change is around here.
Well just hand us a bottle real quick.
And he storms through the crowd of people.
I reach over the bar and grab a bottle if there's no one behind the bar.
Hey, what are you doing?
Kathy calm down, Timmy Sr. said we could.
Timmy Sr. I think just quit.
No, he just went out for a cigarette.
He said it before he quit.
He said what before he quit?
We paid him for it.
That this is our beer.
He took the money and left.
We paid him for it and he left.
He took our money.
I deserve the bottle.
Alright, give me some heart rolls both of you.
Hooey, that's a five.
I didn't make it.
Betta no.
Cal, you're the tiebreaker here.
Oh fuck.
That's a one.
No shit.
Fire.
Alright, well a one always does it.
My dear, my dear, I believe my female compadres were trying to ask politely that we have already
paid the aforementioned, recently quit Timmy Sr. but he did say we could have the bottle
and we would really appreciate it if you would be so kind as to.
I got a ten bar, get the fuck out of my way.
Take your drinks and go.
Thank you.
Oh, we're drinking room.
Alright, yes.
Even more fun.
We get the bottle though, right?
You do get the bottle, yeah.
Oh, ma'am can we have three glasses?
You have nine glasses in your hands.
Just reuse one.
They have beer in them though.
We want one for our whiskey.
I don't care.
Okay, well, pleasure to meet you Cathy.
Good luck with everything.
I appreciate it.
Thank you.
Can Jessie reach over the bar and grab three glasses?
Make a dex check.
Yep.
Hell yeah, I can.
You can grab them without her noticing.
Jessie, steal some eyes too.
Oh, I don't know if I could do that.
I'm gonna try.
Oh, hell yeah, I got the eyes too.
What did you roll?
It's an audio podcast.
I rolled a nine and I can roll a ten.
You reach back in a bold move and this time Cathy does see you, but she's way too distracted
with the rush of patrons that just ran to the bar.
Betty, I got away with it.
Let's go.
Betty, not being a complete scumbag, rolls up a cigarette and leaves it on the bar for
Cathy or whoever gets it first.
Timmy storms back in.
God damn it, I forgot my cigarettes.
There it is.
And he grabs his one cigarette and storms back out the door.
Okay, well, you know, at least someone here got it.
I feel better.
To the room.
Heading up the stairs, there are several rooms on the right and only one door on the left.
And we go to the door on the left or do you want to see if the other rooms are better
and kick someone out?
I just fall and go, no, I don't want to do that.
That sounds...
I don't know.
I mean, in the mood, we're drinking.
I mean, you know.
You want to start a fight?
No.
Well, maybe.
Maybe later we go back downstairs.
We start a big brawl.
Yeah, we'll see how far we get on this bottle.
I'm gonna throw someone out that big window.
To the door on the left.
You guys going?
To the door on the left.
The last door on the left is the only door on the left.
And the room when you go in is actually a pretty big size.
It does take up most of the wall space on the left side of the building.
There are three small beds arranged on the same wall and a big window.
All right, we're drinking, crew.
At least until we fall asleep.
Oh, yeah.
But I feel like we got to get on a ride in the morning.
We got to find someone who can enchant this for us.
Because if we don't, then it was all for nothing.
Yeah, we'll head over to Herbert's in the morning.
Yeah, I think that's a good call.
Hopefully we don't get caught up in that running the bulls crap.
Yeah, I don't want to be involved in that at all.
I have a sinking suspicion that we might be, but you know, that's just my womanly intuition.
Jesse, you'll get that someday.
I just don't want to be trampled and whatever the rest of the bulls are going to be doing.
I've never been trampled, but I've been gored a few times.
Good God, Betty. I've heard of something being set loose or being loosed.
But I've never heard of something called a loosening.
Yeah, it's gross.
This is exciting for me because it is a verb that I've never understood before or heard
before.
So it's just, I'm interested mildly, but I do hope that it has nothing to do with us.
But I do, however, imagine us being fully in the middle of it.
Betty, Cal's got a lot of weird kinks going on.
Yeah, it's all right.
I think it's just the booze.
He normally doesn't drink this much.
I should have never taken a look at that.
God damn book.
That book really changed your life.
Fuck me up.
See, I told you don't read books.
We also had beer first and now we're drinking liquor and you know that always.
Yeah, but I'm only 19, so that ain't bothering me none.
It's a horrifying series of pictures and I'm still going on about it.
Scattered brain scrollings of a mad pornographer.
You want to teach me to read.
I don't want to.
I don't ever want anyone to see this.
I'm just blathering on.
All right, well, Betty is definitely feeling the booze and is probably just quieting down
and thinking about a lot of stuff that's come up and just that whole experience in the tunnels
is still messing with her.
That was a lot and thinking about Jesse and all that stuff and then passes out because
she is done.
She tries to have that one cigarette before bed and gets the spins and is heavy mouth
breathing.
Betty Bob Cocker goes out.
Leaving Cal.
Leaving Cal and Jesse is still up.
Jesse, the strongest drinker out of all of them at this point because her young age and
Betty Bob's repentance for falling asleep early.
The two of you make me a heart roll.
Nope, 18.
Shit, six.
You're under?
What are you looking at?
Which one?
Oh, green.
Oh, I thought you rolled that one.
Oh, awesome.
Is that the one you rolled?
I rolled the red one too.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, once.
I rolled a one.
So although Jesse may be able to drink the most, she certainly can't handle her shit
as well as the other two and you begin to get rowdy.
Oh yeah.
The more you drink, the louder and more alluring the conversation and the patrons down in the
bar part of the inn sound and it's like growl to a pie that you're attracted downstairs.
Cal, we gotta go to that party.
We gotta go, gotta go cause trouble down there.
You think you can handle it?
I can handle anything.
Let's go.
Let's go drinking.
Look at my finger.
Yeah.
Look at it over here.
I see it.
No, it's on the other side.
No, it ain't.
This finger.
Stop flipping me off.
What are you doing?
All right.
Well, I guess you need a chaperone after all.
Let's be honest.
Like if you want to go, let's go.
All right.
We're going partying.
Son of a bitch.
You think Betty wants to come?
I believe she is content.
All right.
Listen, listen.
It sounds like an out of tune violin.
No, it sounds like a bunch of out of tune violins.
It's harmonious and vile.
I love it.
Remember how Bill used to snore?
It's kind of funny to me a little bit.
That's a little sad I think, but let's go.
Let's stop being sad.
I'm tired of being sad.
I'm not sad.
It makes me feel good that she's sleeping good like that.
Well, let's go party cause I can't listen to this no more.
Let's fucking rage.
You guys go down and it's well past midnight, but the party is raging.
It seems the loosening of the bowls has really caused quite a few disturbances in the town
and there's beer bottles and glasses and whiskey flowing everywhere.
Just about everywhere you look, there is a table of raucous townsfolk.
I'm going to head over to that table.
Jesse's also doing that thing that kids do where they just kind of walk by and grab beers
that are not being attended to and start drinking them.
That's how she plans to carry on through the night.
Give me a dex check for your first one.
That is a 10 out of 8.
As you go to grab the first beer, misjudging it a little, you spill it all over the table
and the few men that are there jump up.
What the hell girl?
What are you doing trying to steal my beer?
Oh, sorry darling.
I thought this was mine.
Well, of course it's not yours.
It's right next to me.
Oh, my bad.
I didn't mean nothing by it.
She sets it down and starts to walk away.
Wait, you got any lead on you?
I ain't got nothing by it.
She's walking away.
Well, alright then.
I just move around.
I'm next to you.
Well, howdy Cal.
I didn't see you next to me.
That was embarrassing yet impressive.
Well, let's see you do better.
Go swipe that beer over there.
That beer over there.
There's just the one.
I think we need one for each of us.
You're getting cocky now.
Okay.
I go over and I try to steal two drinks.
Okay.
Give me a dex check.
Seven.
What's your dex?
Twelve.
Awesome.
You were able to swipe both those beers that you were going for off a table.
With a flourish of my destiny.
Damn Cal, that was good.
And this is how you get drinks.
How'd you do that?
Well, I'm not sure.
I'm not sure.
How'd you do that?
Well.
That was stealthy.
I gotta get a duster.
That poncho's not high enough for me.
The poncho, you're doing well.
You're doing well.
You just gotta try harder.
Thank you.
Thank you, Cal.
Now see that over there?
It's a lone table.
It's surrounded by a bunch of unsuspecting people that are already way too drunk.
Now that's the one that you wanna try and take it from.
Alright, if I can get that one, you can have both those beers you got.
And I'm gonna go over.
I'm already drank both of the beers.
I do believe you're gonna get it right.
Stone cold Steve Austin.
As you're headed over and you go to reach for it, the entire bar begins to tremor and
the beer spills right before you grab it.
Well, god damn it, that ain't fair.
Cal, did you see that?
I had that.
Same thing happened over here as I'm pouring them both down my face.
As the tremor subsides, all of the patrons in the bar begin to cheer.
Kathy goes, yeah, yeah, I know the drill, free drinks for everybody.
And she starts pouring a long line of whiskeys down the bar.
All of a sudden you guys see Betty just sitting at the end of the bar, sleep drinking.
Free drinks.
Tremor free drinks.
I'm gonna grab two drinks.
Hey, you stole my drink.
That one was mine, you put that back.
Oh, darling, I didn't mean to.
Excuse me, sir, but it was free for everyone.
You better take the next free one.
And he pushes you.
I push him back.
Give me a strike check.
I'm fucking strong.
I have a strength of 15, I rolled a 10.
You push him so hard because you're fucking drunk that you slam him into the bar and he
knocks over several drinks.
Well, god damn it.
And Kathy goes, god damn it.
Keep pouring more for free drinks, please, I'm so sorry.
Has anyone seen Timmy Jr., this is a terrible business model.
I feel like it is less of a Jr. night, more of a Sr. night.
Sr. quit.
But I feel like it's a Kathy night.
It's a Kathy night.
Kathy, you got this.
Let it rip, baby, it's all on you now.
You are the star.
Why do I keep getting messed up with you guys?
And she moves back down to the other end of the bar.
Well, god damn it, you gonna push me?
You think you some sort of tough guy?
My dear.
I'm not a dear, I'm a dude.
Listen, darling, you gotta not worry so much about it.
I got plenty of beer.
I tell you what, y'all got any lead?
I ain't got no lead.
That's why I want the free.
You stand a chance at making some if you say yes.
What you got in mind?
Me and the boys are playing a little game right over there.
Only buying is too late when it takes all.
Betty's already at the table.
God damn, we got this sleeping bitch over here.
Oh, well, if Betty's playing, I can't not play.
We took her lead out of pocket.
We assumed she wanted to be on there.
Oh, she wants to be on there.
Her is amazing.
Her lead was down her bosoms.
Yeah, that's the okay place she keeps it.
Oh my.
Yeah.
Well, we're toothed around here.
We're not gonna go searching other places.
Well, that's good, because she'd kick your ass.
Well, come and find out.
Well, how about this?
You two take your chances gambling.
I'd like to make my money a bit more on the fair and square.
Can I do my best to make a little food for the establishment?
I think you should talk to Kathy about that, not this random guy at the table.
I thought I was talking to Kathy.
No, Kathy sounds like this.
This dude sounds like this.
There's a distinct difference in their voices.
My bad, my bad.
Sorry.
That's me saying sorry.
Yeah, no, that was the guy you pushed.
Yep.
That's all right, fella.
You got to go ask somebody else.
So I don't care about fucking making no food around here.
Oh, we're dealing in lead.
I'm gambling.
Yeah, we're dealing in lead.
That's the name of the game.
Right over there.
Anybody in, we go and go do it.
Hell yeah.
I suppose I could stand by hand.
How can I borrow a lead off you?
How many you got?
I believe.
Oh, you ain't got enough.
I got enough.
Oh, he's got plenty.
What are you talking about?
Dude's got nine.
I have nine lead.
I have five.
I'm not even conscious.
I got 11.
Had 12 till I bought that beer like a fool.
Buying is too late.
You got to stand for two hands.
I buy in.
Bet is in too, she said.
All right, what about you big tough guy?
You in or out?
Buy in for two.
I already paid my two, so.
I ain't in until I'm in, pussy.
In for a penny, in for a pound, I suppose.
So is Betty.
I pounded.
I just throw my two lead.
You all arrange your lead on the table.
The man goes through a very complex game that you may know or you may not.
I certainly know.
But how it's going to go is everybody's going to roll a D20.
Rollies?
Rollies.
Yeah.
All right.
This is for one lead from every player.
So there are six players at the table.
So we could get each other's lead.
Whoever gets the lowest number takes all the lead in the hand.
Okay, so we play as a team.
Not me.
I got 12.
Mm-hmm.
Ooh, I rolled a four.
You rolled a four.
Yeah, I rolled a 14.
14.
12.
In many ways, I would be excited to see a natural 20.
That's what one man would do.
While the other two rolled sixes.
Ooh.
Oh, damn.
Count.
I'm going to get all six lead.
Cal, you wasn't even going to play.
And we get two hands, right?
Yes.
We're going to go again.
All right.
Better not have doubled or nothing.
All right.
She didn't mean double or nothing.
There you are, DP.
Okay, Rebecca, what was your roll?
13.
My three rolls were an 18, a 17, and a 16.
But I have two very excited people on the other side of the table.
Mikey.
I rolled a four again.
And John.
I want another one.
A one?
A natural one?
Yeah.
Oh, oh, shit.
And Betty Bumcocker takes the other hand of six lead.
Come on, fill me up.
Well, god damn it, I suck at this game.
Well, god damn it, this one's unfair.
That girl was asleep.
You all was cheating.
We ain't cheating.
I didn't roll her dice.
I mean, you could pass it to the next lowest hand, but that would be me.
And if you're calling me a cheat, I'm calling you a liar.
You calling me a liar boy?
If you're calling me a cheat, I'm calling you a liar.
Ain't nobody calling me a liar and live.
And the man stands up from the other side of the table, pulling his vest back and showing
his six shooter.
I wanted to start this fight and I punched him in the face.
Make me one defy.
You punched me in the face?
Yep.
No, the other guy.
The guy with the gun.
One?
A one?
Yeah.
And you're like, with the man's defense, that's a zero.
And it's like you limply punched this man in the face and he pushes you to the ground.
As he pushes her to the ground without looking at him, Betty, still sleeping, would like
to attempt to grab him by the throat and put her repeater right under it and be like, don't
you touch her.
Okay, dex check.
That's a nine and I have a 10.
You just get it and you put your repeater to this guy's throat and he kind of gurgled.
Well, this is an interesting coincidence.
Let's go to bed.
Oh, we ain't settling.
I ain't losing like this in front of my boys.
I think this is a duel.
I think I put my knife to it at this temple.
My my, y'all are cheating, ain't you?
No, we're not cheating.
How about you?
We're not cheating.
You're leaving.
I ain't leaving then.
How about we double or nothing the game?
You got two options, come Padre, take it or fucking leave it.
And if I leave it, I'ma shoot all y'all.
I don't think you're gonna shoot shit.
Why are you down on the floor still?
I don't think you're fast enough.
I am faster than you, big boy.
You wanna make the bet that ends your life?
I don't care which one of y'all I put in the dirt.
Betty, pose for the camera.
You wanna make the bet that my traitor cured day.
Give me one single D6 roll because you are in an advantageous position.
It's a six.
I mean the six is a hit.
So at this range, you blow this man's brains out the back of his skull in the middle of
the bar.
Damn it, Betty.
Everybody stops.
What in the Sam hell?
He was a liar and a cheat.
God damn you three, why are you here?
He pulled the gun.
Wait, where am I?
Go back to sleep.
Alright, no, no, no, go back up to bed.
But Betty just trudges up the stairs back to bed.
The other men have left the table and the rowdiness seems to have subsided slightly.
And as Betty Bob Cocker is on her way up the stairs, she finds it pretty difficult actually
to make her way up the second flight.
Not because she's so drunk.
Not because she just killed somebody in cold blood.
But because the saloon, just like every other part of Riptide, is now tremoring harder than
it has been at any other point.
Free drinks.
So I'll take whatever damage is necessary for Betty to fall down the stairs, but at the
end she just holds up her glass for the free drink.
Give me one D4 to your grit.
That's a four.
Nice.
Hopefully she sleeps it off.
You would hope so.
However, as people are cheering for free drinks in the bar, the loudest noise that you guys
have heard since you set off four sticks of dynamite at a mine erupts from somewhere in
the town.
I think Betty wakes up at that point.
Jesse feels sobered up.
What in the hell was that?
What is going on?
Why do I feel like shit?
I feel like I just...
Help Matt up.
We're gonna go investigate that.
Come on here.
Come on.
Get your ass underneath here.
Come here.
Alright.
So there's a lot of people just coming from the town as well as people running out the
saloon shouting, what in the hell is that?
Can I look around for some lead that might have fallen on the ground?
That dead guy might have dropped or anybody else dropped in the panic.
Okay.
Give me a D6.
Okey dokey.
Six.
You find six lead.
Fuck yes.
That's been knocked off the table seemingly when they were getting ready to play next
hand.
Whoa.
You just got six lead?
Yeah.
I just looked around.
Off the ground.
You just gotta use your eyeballs.
And you said you were searching the man's body?
Oh I mean like well Betty's still waking up and then like everybody's going outside so
I thought Jesse was searching the body.
I was.
Oh you were searching the body too?
The floor, the area.
I was just looking around.
That's fine.
In addition to the six lead, you do find the man's six shooter.
I pick it up.
Is it nice?
It's nothing overly special.
Not an artifact?
No.
It's not overly ornate.
It's a pretty regular standard revolver.
Can I check how many letter in it?
One.
Okey.
So it can shoot six shots.
If I may suggest I give that to Cal.
He's only got the long range option.
Yeah I wasn't going to keep this.
I can't keep, I can't shoot this little gun.
Don't weigh nothing.
Cal here I got a gun for you.
Now I'm going to toss it to you.
Can I catch it?
Smack some right there.
Try making a dex check.
Sure.
I catch it.
My dex is a 12 and I roll a 10.
You have no problems catching it.
Thank you.
Now I was just thinking about it.
I was kind of tired of shooting things from a long distance and being caught unawares
up close and personal just like we were.
Well if you're tired of the long distance let's get running so we can see what that
was and on the way out the door I'm going to hand them each two lead.
Oh thank you.
So Mikey the six shooter obviously holds six shots as a short range and it does D8 damage.
What's everybody's lead at now?
I have 11.
Me too.
14.
Thank you.
Wow.
Okay.
Guess I shouldn't have gave Cal any lead.
Guess not.
I also got two guns.
Can you give me some fucking grit?
How do I get grit?
Sleep?
What is it?
What even is a grit?
I think they're pot of potatoes.
It's what you got.
It's hominy grits.
Hominy.
As you guys sit here shooting the shit with each other passing lead back and forth and
exchanging guns.
No we're running out of the building.
Okay as you run out of the building you see one of the buildings in the town erupt into
nothing but wood, glass and housey parts.
So it exploded?
It did not explode from an explosion.
Oh like something got big inside of it?
I think it just burst apart.
Yes it seems like it burst apart.
Well what the hell you think that could be?
Oh hold on a second, Betty rolls a cigarette and takes one puff and gets sober immediately.
What the hell is going on?
Oh my goodness.
What the hell caused that?
Jesse what's going on?
I don't know what's going on.
Let's go check it out.
You think it could be the Red Right Hand?
I don't know.
They appeared out of nowhere and I don't like that.
I think this has something to do with those tremors.
Oh god damn.
This is a bit of a level of violence that that Red Right Hand didn't have accompanying
with it.
Yeah that's true.
They were more stealthy than this.
Quite in and out sort of a job.
Betty reaches into her bustier.
Oh my god where all this lead come from?
You are a natural born winner.
Oh well yes.
God did bless me.
Indeed but let's first things first take care of this particular set of business.
Let's feed them some lead.
Yeah yeah.
You run over to the remains of the building and looking at it there is a giant hole straight
through the middle of this building that's burrowing and tunneling down into the ground.
I seem bigger.
Yeah Betty I bet you got a bigger hole than that.
Now watch your mouth.
Wow.
I was talking about seismic activity.
Goodness that is a superior officer young lady.
Shows her maturity.
No I didn't.
I ain't got that.
I don't know what that word means.
Anyway what okay so Betty peers down into the hole.
As you're looking down into the hole studying its almost uncalculatable depths you suddenly
hear the earth erupt behind you again and it sounds like it might be right on the outskirts
of town.
Everybody back to the bar free drinks.
No I'm just kidding.
So it came from behind.
Yes.
Guys I think we need to follow where this is coming from.
Let's go.
Alright.
Where's my fucking donkey?
It's in the stables Cal don't worry about it.
Sober up now come on.
On your way to where you thought you heard the last noise you guys make your way past
the stables and as you're doing so the ground erupts next to you and you see a gigantic
worm eat several bulls at once before diving back into the desert sand.
You can feel it as it makes its way through the town.
Alright well this is something massive and something that we should probably deal with
so let's follow it.
Are we gonna go in the hole?
I don't think we need to go in the hole.
Oh my god.
I think we need to find where it pops up again and pop it a few times if you know what I
mean.
Oh alright I can do that.
The worm erupts from inside another building and smacks down into the road staring at several
bulls right in front of it and it begins to slither forward quickly and devour them.
Quick draw.
Okay give me a give me 2d6.
Both barrels.
You're gonna shoot both barrels so you're gonna take two fatigue.
Yep I rolled a 6 total.
A 6 is a hit.
So you're gonna do double damage so you do 8 and give me another d8.
4.
Okay so you do 12 damage.
Betty's gonna follow up that shot.
Do I need to use a quick draw to react to that?
Because I will I mean if I have to.
No I'd say with Jesse's quick draw it was enough to like catch it off guard you could
probably.
So I'll do my crap hard in 3 shots.
Okay.
Give myself one fatigue and I think that's 1d6 right when you use that special ability
instead of having the 2.
When you use that you do 3 rolls.
3 rolls in each one.
So you roll 3d6.
Right.
And each one represents one shot correct?
Correct yep.
3 a 5 and a 6.
Your 5 and 6 are both hits so go ahead and give me 2d8s for that.
So that's 7 and a 5 so 13.
And then you do max damage.
Sorry 12.
12.
Max damage on your last one so also me and additional plus 8.
Oh 8 plus the 8 because it's max damage.
It's just the 1 so 9 on that one so 9 plus 13 so 22.
12.
21.
No it was right 21 is the right number.
21 is the right number.
I got there.
You did and with this the worm rears up and then dives through the building that's right
next to the tavern and you can feel it burrowing through the ground underneath your feet again.
Cal you want to.
No wait no it's disappeared now.
You can't see it right now.
You can feel it.
Guys keep your eyes peeled it could pop up anywhere.
It's like whack a mole.
Like a worm.
I played that game.
I know Betty I heard that story.
I mean I've only got one worm I've ever whacked so I guess I'll look for any cracks in the
ground that are suddenly forming.
As you're looking around for cracks that are suddenly forming the crack forms around the
three of you.
Each of you give me a strength check.
I got a 2 my strength is 10 so I bet he makes it.
18.
I got a 5 out of 10.
With a strength of 15.
It seems in your drunkenness Betty Bob and Jesse Jane are quicker to react than you are
Cal even though you were looking around for the cracks and while you're standing there
the ground falls from beneath you and you find yourself inside of this giant worm.
I use my new found six shooter to shoot down the maw of the giant beast.
As you're riding around inside of it it seems it might have some sort of acid inside of
its body and you take four points of damage to your grip.
It's underground though.
You can't see it.
It has just burst up and encompassed Cal in its mouth.
Shit careful where you shoot Jesse we don't know where he is.
Does it look like he's gonna come back down the same way it came up?
Nope all the trajectories have been like it's pretty much jumping up and diving into another
hole.
How do you make your attack from inside here though?
I would like to fire a shot.
Okay.
Two ones.
Alright that is max damage actually.
My new found six shooter.
I feel like you hear me gurgling in acid.
Thank you Jesse!
Give me an additional d6 for damage for your dire strike.
Two.
So you do ten damage overall.
Awesome.
Jesse and Betty Bob.
Being terrified that she saw Cal disappear and also not knowing where he may be.
Betty's gonna aim for like the tippy top of the worms like under jaw head whatever she
can get a sight on the eyes something.
Just with a regular repeater shot.
Two d6 please.
Right at where Cal's head would be.
I'm hoping not.
That'll be a six.
Six is a hit.
Great.
Roll for damage.
D8.
That'll be a five.
Solid hit.
You plug one in.
It doesn't really have eyes but you would aim for where its eyes would be.
At this point it has landed back into the ground and is burrowing a new hole.
Jesse Jane.
What are you doing?
Um.
Blast it Jesse.
Alright it's still underground.
It's going underground now so it's going to be submerged if you don't act soon.
Okay I'll I guess I'll shoot it.
I really want to use my trap.
Oh.
What?
Don't you have to reload?
You do need to reload.
Fuck you man.
Sorry.
Just fucking DM's Pellet.
You have to use your turn to reload.
Oh well then I reloaded.
Okay.
Cal.
I shoot again.
And before you do you take another five asset damage.
So now that goes into my strength.
Your heart.
My heart.
Your heart.
What are you at?
I'm at a two.
This is hard.
Because it's seven minus five.
Why aren't you just using this?
No no.
I'm four down from my grit.
Oh you're four.
Oh you still have grit left.
Okay.
So I'm actually minus one on my heart.
Solid.
Now you can go ahead and make your shot.
Same thing.
It's a double six.
Correct.
A six and a two.
That's a grazing shot.
That would be a D4 for damage.
Four.
With that you see an actual hole and you can see that stuff is beginning to leak out of
this gigantic worm as it breaches back into the town taking out another building.
Jesse and BBC.
Don't we close enough to it where we can get another shot?
Sure it's pretty much just eradicating the town.
Yeah like right in the same area we are.
Yeah I'm gonna.
Alright so I'm at six shots it means I have two more so I can't use my thing.
So I'll just do another regular shot into it.
I know it's gonna be a ten.
A ten is a mess.
I don't know what I want to do.
I don't want to use all my bullets.
I'm gonna use my large trap.
It's just saving my life that's all.
It's fine.
I got this large trap.
Is there any way I can guess where it's gonna land or jump from or?
The difference in size between the animal and the trap I don't think much will happen.
This is a bear trap versus a grab board.
Okay how about this is there any warning signs on where it comes up that I can stand above
that and hold out my machete and it'll just do all the work by sliding up you know my
sword does that make sense to you?
Yes you can see after watching where the cracks are forming with Cal earlier before he got
munched up you can tell where it might erupt and in front of you you begin to see the ground
blister up and crack.
I'm gonna put my machete out.
I'm assuming Cal is dead because he got ate by a gigantic worm so I'm not really concerned
about saving him.
Sorry Cal I don't know you're alive.
Okay and you do that.
So when it erupts out in the machete dig give me 1d6 for your mundane weapon roll.
Two?
You're able to dig the machete in doing some good damage and making the hole that's already
formed in it larger.
In doing so because you had to be so close this thing takes you off of your feet and
your legs get caught up in its rows of teeth.
You take 9 damage however it flops onto the main street.
How close are you Betty Bobcocker?
I have to be at medium range to make my shot so I'm probably like if depending on where
it popped up I was probably standing in the middle of the street to get the shot so.
As it lands it flails its tail which has an odd stinger like portion to it and you take
4 damage 4 poison damage as it digs into you.
Where do I subtract that from?
It would come from your grip first.
Ok so minus the defense right?
You should take into count your defense.
Ok so I take 2 then if you said 4?
Correct.
Ok.
So what does my poncho do?
1.
Ok and it's heart that I take away from right?
It's your heart first and then your heart.
Oh in that case I forgot so I guess I'm at my usual heart I'm just down to zero grip
because of my cool duster.
Cal still inside this thing's body as it crashes to the earth.
You take 6 points of damage inside this thing.
Cool.
Cal!
Cal are you in there?
Betty's gonna run up and try to she's got the chisel so she's gonna try to chisel through
that hole and just like open it wider to try to get to Cal just like stabbing and stabbing
and stabbing and stabbing.
Ok.
Betty Cal's dead what are you doing?
Cal I'm not gonna lose him too she's just in there.
Chiseling chiseling Cal.
Chiseling Cal give me a d4 roll for your chisel damage.
Cal now that the monster has stopped moving you could probably take a shot with advantage.
It's a 3.
I want to shoot my sniper rifle with advantage.
I'm gonna point it forward up and out of its head like reaching upward and just pull the
trigger.
Would you be doing that one handed possibly inside this worm because you're kind of like
in its innards.
I feel like I could probably do it one handed.
Give me two d6 one for your revolver one for your sniper rifle.
And pull like behind the back.
Up and down.
If you want to.
It's a 5 and a 6.
A 5 and a 6 those are both hits.
So roll me a d10 and a d8.
Four and five.
Nine damage.
With both shots that you use you tear a hole from one end of this thing to another and
with Petty Bomb chiseling away you see that hole widen more and more from your initial
bullets from some other bullets from the machete strike and within moments you are plopped
down in a pool of acid onto Main Street.
Oh Cal I thought she was dead.
Son of a bitch that was hot.
Well at least your face can't get any worse.
I'm gonna say we all do a group hug.
Not with him covered in acid.
Take off my dust and shake it off.
It is yeah it is tattered and burning.
It looks like a feather.
More of a cape.
It's definitely a cape now.
Well I'm not gonna be anyone to assume anything but I will assume that that's probably what
was causing the tremors and I think we just took care of a gang but um.
Oh maybe bringing all them bulls together.
Smelled them or something?
Maybe we try and wrangle up a little bit of lead and some healing.
Something I mean.
Medicine from this.
I'm ready for some sleep because I feel like I haven't slept.
I don't know I felt like I was drinking and then all of a sudden there was a worm.
I don't really know what happened.
Oh well maybe they'll forget about it but Betty you killed a man in your sleep.
Yeah I'm not gonna lie I think I saw also parts of Timmy Senior down in that worm.
Oh no not Timmy.
He was good to us.
What do you mean I killed a guy?
Oh he pushed me down and you threatened him and then you shot him with my gun.
You were doing your usual sleep.
Oh yeah.
And all I did was kill him?
Yeah you were doing your sleep gambling.
I mean you were sleeping it was pretty cool.
Alright I mean I would have done worse than kill him if I saw him push you Jesse.
Anyway um damn what the hell is going on here?
This is some crazy stuff you guys.
Yeah let's hope our room's still intact so we can go to sleep.
Yeah is the inn still intact?
You look around the town it is pretty much void of people at this point as the worm has
made everything pretty fucky around here.
Most of the shops have been smashed.
The tavern looks fine but as you go walking up to it you realize the entire back half
has been destroyed.
Is that the left back half?
It would be the leftest back half.
That would be our room.
Yep.
I mean I guess the hay and the stables didn't look too bad.
I mean we did just save this town from a creature so maybe we can find somebody who'd give us
a place to stay.
Yeah I guess.
I don't know about the stables but whatever.
Timmy!
Kathy!
And that is where we'll end the episode.
See you then next Tuesday!
The Tales from the Crypt podcast is recorded in the Wolfbeard Games Studio in upstate New
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Tales from the Crypt.
This starts with Timmy's hand coming through the sands of Tatooine.
It has the infinity gauntlet and that's how we tie Weedle and Dice to the Marvel Universe.
Kevin Bacon wasn't in Tremors.
Fuck he wasn't.
Yeah he was.
Nope.
Dude.
Don't, don't, don't give me this.
Don't give John.
Kevin Bacon wasn't in Tremors.
John.
Shut up.
Yes, yes he was.
Kevin Bacon was in Tremors.
No he wasn't.
He wore the red shirt.
You're nuts man.
Kevin Bacon was not in Tremors.
Hold on, hold on, wait a minute.
Am I having one of these moments right now like the Bernstein, Berenstein, Bearish things
like.
No this isn't.
Am I?
But we have settled everything with the uh.
Horse guy.
Yes you guys have agreed to pay him 10 lead for the horses.
And we all agreed that that's not gonna happen.
Yeah.
You know how we ensure that?
We all have to die.
Murder.
No we just don't have to come back to this town again.
That's true.
Or come in the back way.
Or die.
Hopefully not.
What are you doing with your hands man?
I don't know what to do with my hands.
See?
Alright, it has its moments.
That's some cool western shit.
Mudborn by the way was the game that I 100%ed.
Mudborn.
Bloodborn.
Mudborn.
Oh yes the most famous game.
Mudborn.
You know the game that I wish I 100%ed that I didn't?
Mudborn.
Did you ever see the magic school bus where they were in a butthole and they get farted
out?
Yeah.
Pretty awesome.
The episode I watched every other day.
You're like for fucking Frodo.
All I thought about when you said his hammer wrapping was like yo yo I'm Herb and Flesh
with Sam.
That's funny.
I went to Edgar Allen Poe and I was like gently tap tap tapping.
Tapping against my chamber door.