Welcome to the Tales from the Crypt podcast. We are an actual play podcast featuring a
revolving cast of players making our way through micro RPGs, highly narrative tabletop games,
and the more popular and less known RPG systems from a wide variety of genres. Content may
not be suitable for children and content warnings can be found in the description. I'm Riley
Groves and I'll be your host, your guide, your GM on this episode of Tales from the Crypt.
Previously on Tales from the Crypt.
Jesse Jane. As you toss and turn uneasily through the night, Bill's last words haunt every dream
that you have. Many you don't remember, except for one. As you stand in the darkness of the
desert night, several vultures circling far off guide you to a large basin nestled in a quiet
desert. At first it seems the vultures were circling your childhood homestead, a place you
said you'd never return to. But as you get closer, the vultures narrow their circle over a single
tree. As you move closer and run your hands down the tree's smooth glowing bark, you hear the cries
of vultures replace Bill's echoing words. When you look up, the sky is now replaced with hundreds
of vultures circling the moonlit basin. You follow their paths as they begin to dive down,
several at a time, landing on the desert floor, pecking as the ground begins to bubble up,
and decaying hands and heads burst from the sand. The birds continue to peck at their prey,
tearing pieces of flesh from the rising corpses. You move closer and closer to the table. Sitting
on top of the table is a heavy piece of metal. I think this is it. Absolutely. Grab it. I'll take
it and get the hell out of here. Welcome back to Tales from the Crit. I am Riley,
your Crit Keeper, and at the table I have, once again, John. Well, hello. Mikey. Hi. And Rebecca.
Howdy. And we're going to continue playing our We Deal in Dice arc based on the system We Deal
in Lead. But before we get into the episode, which I'm very excited about, let's answer a
question from our pod deck interview deck. Our question for tonight is, what are you currently
curious about? I'll go first this time. I am currently curious about being able to appreciate
wine better. More than just crushing wine. Yes, more than just like popping open the one gallon
of Chobly down in it for franzia box. Oh, yeah. Good wine has a nice smooth spigot on the side
of the box. See, I just want to be able to have a better conversation about it because I was at a
work function recently and we were all at dinner and my boss is a pretty big foodie and so are the
rest of us on the team. And so we're talking and like he's passing the wine list around so that we
can pick out different bottles. And he deliberately skipped me and I was like, hey, man, what about
me? And he was like, no, you don't know wine. And he handed it to the girl next door or next to me.
And I was like, fair. Yeah, it definitely is. Like I was just going to pick one that was called
like, you know, bear shit or something, you know, whatever had the coolest names like the one with
the cool sticker. I want that one. Can I go in and look at the labels, please? That's really how I
judge my wine. Is Mountain Dew make wine? That's like a thing. I want that one. Yeah, I think it's
Bully Hill Sweet Walter Red. Yeah. Yeah, but that's juice. Yes, it is. It's delicious. But anyway,
yeah. So mine is finding a deeper appreciation for wine. Or any appreciation for wine. No, I
appreciate it. I just can't figure it out from my ass, from my elbow. This is a red. This one is
white. What I used to do was I would get a paycheck and I would go cash it and like next to where I
cash my paycheck, there was a wine and liquor store. And I would go in there and I would get two
bottles of wine, one from like the week before that I liked and like a new random one. And like, and
talk to like, just talk to the guy that works there. Talk to those people because they know about
wine. Well, they should. Yeah. I don't really honestly, it's just all they make it up. Yeah,
it's just all made up grape juice man. I'm just kidding. This one tastes like dirt. You can taste
the soil. No, it's about the you know, it's about the tannins and the you know, the legs of the
wine. Yeah, like there's still a whole world. There's a whole thing. Yeah. And so I've taken
one master class. Oh, no, a one episode of a master class. I met the instructor, the sommelier. Is
he a sommelier? He definitely I don't know. But he's definitely like a wine critic. So he rates
wines for lice. Yeah. And that was pretty interesting. So very cool. Yeah. What am I
curious about? Currently probably have to do with I don't know, just like the TV I'm watching,
watching Loki curious about that. Mostly. Just that's probably probably what I'm what's really
obsessing my brain right now. Okay, mysteries of the Marvel universe mysteries of the Marvel
universe. It's a good one. I bought a violin recently. So I've been pretty curious about how
to play it and how to find a local teacher to teach me how to play it because I've tried the
DVDs and the YouTube's and it's like, I can't hear you over what I'm doing. And I sound terrible.
Yeah, it's one of those things like having an instructor there to like put your fingers and
the yeah, be there and tactile and like, yeah, because I'm totally not holding it right even.
And I make some sound. Yeah, but poor Riley suffers through the YouTube guys like that's
great. Keep going. Now you're going to change your hand and do this and like only better. It's not
good. I know it's not good. It's fine. But I've learned like, how's your wife's violin playing?
Beautiful. You don't have to lie. It's okay. That's intriguing. Well, I think it's awesome.
Thank you. Yeah, it's awesome that you picked it up. Yeah, I'm gonna try for fiddle. Some Lou
grassy sound. Nice. Yeah. Polka. No, never. Never that. All right. So I guess I have to think of
something. I usually just ask anybody I know, pretty much I find something and I get super
obsessed with it for a good length of time. And then I find my next thing and get super obsessed
with it. And usually I ended up spending a lot of money. Yes. In that process of that exploration.
Yeah, like I got really into fishing for a season. A couple seasons, spent a lot of money on it.
And didn't go at all this year. I so equal I did the same exact thing the last bunch of years.
I've been really into fishing. Yeah. And I've put a lot of money into it. And then this year, I made
it out twice. Yeah. For like a very short amount of time. It happens. Life happens, you know, but
also, you know, stuff happens. You move on. But actually, right now, I will say that I am into
Mortal Kombat, the new Mortal Kombat game, and I get, I tend to get competitive with one on one
fighting games. Right on. So I kind of been curious about all of that stuff, and just kind of
learning the new mechanics of it and playing around with it. And, you know, honestly, deep down,
before you even started, I knew you were going to say Mortal Kombat, Mortal Kombat game, I 100% knew
it was going to be the Mortal Kombat game. Only because the last time I hung out at your house,
you beat the shit out of me in Street Fighter over and over and over. So who do you want to be now?
I was like, it doesn't matter. I don't know the super duper dope combo. I know punch punch, low
kick, smash, smash, smash. That gets you places. It does against the computer, but like not against
other people. So I just imagine I can't imagine what my life would be like if I took these like
weird obsessive natures that I had and put it towards like productive things. Like, you know,
like my business and all these other things. At the end of it, these are productive. It's true.
It's true. These are productive because they keep your mind busy, away from the dark.
Interested in things, you know, and darkness. Yeah. It staves off the darkness for one more day.
That's what those fish did for you. It's true. For that season. I can't tell you what I did to
those fish, but it's been a lot for me. You introduced a new level of darkness to their life
that they will never go back to. I've seen some stuff. You see some shit. One probably is now
addicted to getting hooked. Yeah. Real kinky shit. They call them hookers.
Well, now that we've got all that off our chest, let's jump into the episode. The four of you ride
deep into the night, letting the cold air calm your nerves. You set up a hasty camp and consume
some rations. Everybody remove one half day's rations, please, before passing into a deep sleep.
And in doing so, you may also recover your grip. Yeah, that was a pretty crazy experience.
Really dark, really cold, and I'm not feeling so great. I don't really feel good either. That was
fucking weird. I hated every minute of it. Yeah. I mean, we got what we needed to come and get,
but at what cost? You know, I feel like I left part of myself down there and not mine.
I feel more depressed than I've ever felt in my life. Hopefully, hopefully some sleep will
help us out. Yeah. Can we build this fire bigger so there's more light around? Because like, I don't
really want to be in the dark. Everything seems a little bit darker now. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely
some more of the light. Pile on some more wood and warm up. Where's Groll? Groll's with you. Okay.
Groll's there. He's been, you know, attached to somebody's back all along the way. Mostly Cal's
is he offers the largest area. That's true. I hardly noticed he was there. Yeah. Your duster
provides an excellent amount of support for him to cling onto. With Griffey. Yeah. And it's almost
like just having a backpack on. It's like rucking everywhere you go. With that, sleep comes easily.
You ride for another day and a half, stopping only for meals. Please consume another days and
a half's worth of rations. Does everyone have that much rations? I have one left. That wipes me out.
I have half left. Puts you at half? Yeah. Puts you at one? No, Mikey had none. That puts me to zero.
Are you negative? No. Okay. And you have one? I have one. Okay. However, on that ride, it's
largely uneventful and you finally make your way back to town. Back to the town of Riptide and back
to Herbert. You make it to his shop? Is it your first stop? Yeah, definitely. Before we leave,
I'm going to have to get some more rations. That about wiped me out. That was a bit of a journey.
Yeah. I want to get this steal to Herbert and then we'll take care of our shopping needs.
Absolutely. Herbert. Well, hello. Come on back in. Do you have a fortuitous adventure?
Pretty much safe to say that we probably don't want to talk about it at all. Here's the steal.
I'll talk about it. That was a dreadful cave. It was dismal, disgusting, dank, depressing.
There was some big weird shadow monster down there.
Well, that sounds right terrible. I apologize that you all had to go through that.
Yeah. Wasn't the most pleasant experience. But yeah, we got the steal and we're going to give
this to you. Hopefully you can get something done and working with it while we go get the next piece
we need. My, my, this is a beautiful hunk of metal. It really is. It looks preternatural,
Promethean even. Pristine. I can't imagine that it was just there waiting for you. It was literally
just lying on the table. If that ain't faint, I don't know what it is, but I, yeah, I can deal
with this. I can get it to where we need it to be and not no time at all, but quicker than anybody
else. You'll find great. Can you get started while we go get the other piece? Yeah, absolutely. I've
got to say though, y'all look like hell. Yeah, we're going to need some stuff to fix ourselves up
and probably take a little rest, but we need to get this done sooner than later. I think I hear
you. Well, it'll take days to get this done. The rest will go relatively quick after that, except
for the last step, probably the most difficult, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
However, I wanted to offer y'all accommodations at my ranch nearby. It's just outside of town.
It'll be a lot quieter. Oh, well that sounds lovely. I do like the quieter sounds perfect.
Yeah, I'd be okay with that if y'all are. Yeah, I'd like to get away from people for a little bit.
Yeah, I think that would do y'all right well. And with that, I got some connections in town.
I'll make sure to pick up some provisions. If you got money for it, I ain't a rich man myself,
so I could always pick you up some things from the local store and drop it off. And I've been
kind of getting the groove back, so to speak, when thinking about guns. So maybe tomorrow I can meet
you out there, show you a few things that might interest y'all. Definitely. Much obliged. Much
obliged. Well, but isn't this your ranch? Won't you be coming home? Home to your home? I imagine
he'd be working on. Oh, all night. I'm gonna work all night. I'm gonna work through the night. Yeah.
Wow. Well, all right then. Now, Herbert doesn't get excited about much, but what Herbert does
get excited about is guns. I like you, Herbert. You are truly singular, sir. You know what? I'm not.
I don't know what that means. I think it's an insult, but I am not that. Do we need to give you
lead now or do we just give it to you when you bring us the rations or? Well, you tell me how
much you want. I could probably, usually it's about four days rations for one lead. And you said it
was like a day and a half. How far is it to, oh yeah, we have to decide where we're going,
don't we, Jesse? I mean, I know where we're going, but yeah, we, yeah, we gotta get there.
Where are you from, honey? I'm from Boomtown. Boomtown. All right. Boomtown is about a three
day ride, I'd say. Three days, huh? Yes, ma'am. Damn. Too close. Too close to home.
So we're going to need six days rations each. Yep. So that's two lead each. Well, that's all
right. Here you go. Here's two lead. Well, all right then. I'll make sure to get that. Anything
else you'd like while I'm at the local store. I can't think of anything else I need. Um, yeah,
I can't really afford anything else anyway. Yeah, things do come with a price, so I understand that.
Yeah. Baby, how much do you think they have a med kit for? Oh, a first aid kit. That would be...
Yeah. First aid would be smart for us, I think, to bring after that last heroin experience.
Hmm. Well, a first aid kit is relatively rare. It'd probably be about two lead for that as well.
I don't know about that. Does anybody want to throw in with me? I'd love to, but I'm running
on my own, myself, yeah. How much lead do you got, Cal? I got enough. I'll throw you a lead.
All right. I'll throw in one. All right. I'll be sure to pick that up for y'all as well. Thank you.
Wait a minute. I'm the leader. Yeah, guys, give them money.
Thank you, Betty Bob. A little humor in these dark times never hurts. I can feel the effects
of that cave starting to wear off on us. It's true. About time time. So how far is this ranch? Can we
walk there or should we... Maybe we have our horses now. It's only right outside town, a short bit,
you know, maybe a half mile at most, you know. There is a hitching post for any mounts you may
have and yeah, anything you might need. It's quiet. It's secluded. It's about due east. Go until you
see some black fences, black horse fences, and that'll be my spot. All right. Sounds good.
Thank you, Robert. Thank you. Before I go, I have this gun care kit. What benefit would that have on
my current weapon? Benefit? Probably not much unless it gets damaged or dirty or, you know,
ends up in misuse. Okay. Good thing to have around is pretty rare as well. Without coming back here
and having me service them myself, I mean, it's hard pressed to find something like that out in
the wild. Indeed. I've had it for quite a while. Found it in my travels. You must not have rolled
any 11 to 12s on your shots yet. I guess I haven't. Cool. Cool. All right. I think we head to the ranch.
All right. You guys head to the ranch and get a decent night's sleep. It is quiet. Herbert lives
alone with no animals to speak of. The three of you are able to get a decent day's rest, not just a
good night's sleep, but a relaxing day and a half in before Herbert returns around noon the following
day. Each of you can regain the rest of your heart as well. Nice. As well as any other attributes
that may have been damaged. My pride. That there's no coming back from. Well, I got you all what you
need. Pretty heavy sack of stuff here. And it carries it to the front porch where you reach the
three of you. So I've been thinking, I remembered a few things that Bill and I and some other
gunslingers over the years were working on. A few kind of special moves, so to speak, with different
guns. I could show them to you if you'd like. Well, hell yeah. Yeah, absolutely. All right.
Well, the first one is called the quick draw. Now y'all might think you're already fast,
but wait until you see this. Can I borrow one of y'all's guns? I don't have one of my own.
I handed him my repeater. In one smooth and steady motion, he's able to deftly bring the rifle up
and fire it before you even have a moment to blink or register what was going on.
Over the next several hours, he teaches each of you the same move. And for one fatigue,
you can draw your gun and fire seamlessly. With that, he also gives each of you a lesson
on your own specific gun. Cool. Betty Bob, he teaches you a move and he says, this is called
the crap harden. Crap harden. Crap harden. I like it. Crap harden. And he shows you how to do a
three shot blast blasting up to three targets or one specific target. That's sick. So wait,
it splits it up, fires three shots. You can attack three targets at one time. Yes.
Doing one hit to each of them. This will cost one fatigue to do so. Cool. Another one was called
quick draw. Yep. And now I have these two things. You do. When rolling your special move, you're
only going to roll one D six to attack. That's sick. Jesse Jane, he brings you and your shotgun
out to an open pasture with a few large targets in front of you. I'm going to teach you how to fire
both barrels at once. Oh, hot damn. I can do that. You can and to a devastating effect, darling.
Hooey, I can't wait. He shows you a couple of times. It's not technically a difficult move.
So you catch on rather quick when you fire both barrels, you're going to roll two D eight for damage.
This is for a single target, by the way. And if you ever roll a dire attack, which is max damage,
you're going to do eight plus two D eight damage. Boom. Wow. This is my boom. My primitive people
plus two D. Yep. Cool. Cal. He brings you out to the largest expanse that he has on his property.
Now I'm going to teach you how to be even more of a sharpshooter. You ready? I am. I'm going to turn
you into a certified dead eye. With that, you can call shots specifically areas on a target's body
and do 10 damage. If you roll a dire hit, you're going to do 10 plus one D six damage.
And that damage is going to go directly towards their strength. So it'll bypass any grit
and go right towards their strength. Damn. For one fatigue. For one fatigue. Yes. Do I have to spend
fatigue? Yes. All of these things cost one fatigue. Yep. On a crit, I do two D eight plus eight,
right? Correct. Eight. Yeah. Eight plus two D eight. Which is also two D eight plus eight. Yeah.
You got to spend the rest of the afternoon and evening into night with Herbert and he cooks
a really pleasant meal. Some butterflied quail, roasted asparagus and spaghetti squash arranged so
that it looks like a bed of noodles, a little salt pepper over the top. Spaghetti, spaghetti,
spaghetti, spaghetti, squash. Yeah. Spin through a black hole. Nice. Well, I hope you enjoy. I don't
have many visitors out this way. I haven't cooked for anybody in quite some time. That's absolutely
delicious, Herbert. Thank you. Wonderful. Wonderful. I'm sure glad you cook for us.
Me too. It really, it really reminded me of the good old days when I used to cook for my wife.
Patricia. Yes. Patricia. Dear old Patricia. Emphasis on the old, if you know what I mean. Oh,
yeah. Yeah. We know list. Yeah. Did you know she was a witch? Not at first. I did find it quite
strange that she always wore the same lingerie. Nah, the lingerie. Yeah, the lingerie. However,
I never spent too much time on caring about all that. Not many people have that many different
sets of sexy clothing, I guess. And so I just assumed it was a sexy time clothing and yeah.
Did you have a question if she washed it? Did she wear it under her clothes all the time? She put
it in the wash. These are all questions that you probably are better at than I am. I mean,
probably you're better suited for her. I understand. I understand. So you wouldn't,
these are questions that you and I would just simply not think to ask. Would not think to ask.
I mean, we like to know things. I was just curious how long you knew she is a witch.
How long is he married? Not that long at all. You see, it didn't take too much time before
she couldn't wear the lingerie full time. And I done caught her as an old woman. That must have
been quite a shock to you. It was jarring. And I tried to hang in there for an extra year or two.
However, anytime I saw her without the lingerie on, she was progressively older than the last
time I saw her. And so eventually I had a decision to make. You saw her jump off the back and you just
kept going. I threw that suitcase out the back. I plum forgot what was inside. However, once I got
out, I wrecked the wagon wheel, stole the horse and took off. I mean, she was a witch. Aren't you
worried though, because she's a witch that you're going to piss her off? You know, she's not really
the vindictive type. She didn't seem that way. She was always nice and baked a hell of a pie.
She can bake the shit out of a pie. So I'll tell you what. So you did the main meals and she did
the desserts. Yeah, it was the bargain. Yes. Very sweet. It was. That sounds quite, you know,
quite like the nuptial bliss. We enjoyed a lot of that wagon we had, but eventually I had to let it
go. I told myself, Herbert, are you going to live with an old woman forever? And you know, as she
gets towards the end of things, what happens to Herbert? Yeah, it's true. Because only one time
that I see she did revert backwards in age when we were together. However, we had come across this
nice young gentleman and he was never heard from again. And then all of a sudden she was a few
years younger there. And I said to myself, Herbert, this doesn't seem like a good situation for you
to be in. No, that sounds about right. That's, you know, witches bewitching. Plus she never
stopped pulling on my back hair and that was aggravating. Huh. Wait, she was pulling your back
hair? Mm hmm. That's where that story was going. I'm glad we didn't listen the whole thing. Yeah.
Oh, she started to tell you. Yeah, we got that. We got that. I took her calls that night. That's
enough. That's enough. Please don't. I'm just trying to eat. Cal wants to hear the story. No,
I'm okay. I'm okay. My imagination will fill in the dark spots and I'm perfectly fine with that.
Well, make sure you add a few inches when you're thinking about it. Always do. Always do. Like I
said, I ain't had company in quite some time, so I do apologize. You're fine, Herbert. And it was
y'all setting out in the morning. I think that's a smart decision. Susan's dawn breaks. We'll head
out. I think so too. I've got the steel almost to where we need it and he actually pulls it out of
a bag that he's been carrying around and it has the gross shape of a gun on it. Looks like it's
coming along. It is. I should have this done in no more than a day or two. This is the hardest part
in turning steel into something fine. It has been a while, so my hand cramped up a bit and the
difference between pounding on pure blue-gray iron and knocking together little gold rings and
whatnot. Some things are made to take a pound better than others. That's right. That's right.
So I snuck up behind. Betty Pop knows. I do. Oh my, oh my. Well, with that, Herbert probably
gonna retire. He's been a little, my senses have been overloaded today. I understand. Make sure
you have a good banana for that potassium so you don't cramp up. I do appreciate the concern.
Lots of water. All right. I expect y'all will be gone before me in the morning. I plan on sleeping
in. It's my day off, so to speak. So be safe out there. Well, thank you for your hospitality,
Herbert. And you keep safe too. You're working on a very vital project. Yes, and as long as that
stays between us here, I should be just fine. Don't plan on telling no one. We ain't even going to see
nobody. Hopefully. Hopefully. I do hope as well. Adios. Ciao. Austin Loewego, my friends. Bye.
And Herbert retires upstairs. God, it was awkward. He wouldn't leave. Go to bed, man. You go to bed.
I guess that happens if you live alone, you know. He's just lonely. I'm glad we didn't hear the
story about his back hair. I definitely did not want to hear that. I didn't think I'd have to
dodge his story so many times. Well, how about those what he was able to show us today, though?
I'm very excited to use these on some people, for sure. I can't wait to shoot both barrels.
Whoever comes up against us now stands nary a chance. That red rat hand's gonna be red
rat dead soon. Red rat dead. All right, let's get some sleep, gang, and we'll ride in the morning.
Very well. All right. Night passes and the three of you get another restful night's sleep. In the
morning, you wake up eager to start your journey. As you head out, you find your mounts well fed
and well watered and the donkeys bray at seeing the three of you approach. Did we get those rations?
Did we order? Yes. Okay. So you said it was four, a stack of three or four? It was four per lead.
Four per lead. So you should actually have eight. Yep. Heck yeah. So did we use that last ration
that I had and whatever to get back or did I have that one remaining? No, you'd have that one. Okay.
So you actually have nine. Yeah. Great. Boss always gets extra ration. Yep. That's my fruit cup.
I get my vitamins. And let's just say you want to hang on to the first aid kit. Yeah, I'll hold on
to that. With your sniper rifle, you'd be so far out of the... Yeah, I'd be a terrible medic. I'd be
running my legs off trying to get onto the battlefield in that sort of situation. I'm going.
All right, guys, let's ride hard. The gang heads out in the opposite direction
than they're ventured before. I thought you said that they were supposed to go in this direction.
We go six days the wrong way. Let's ride hard. The gang gets lost.
We take a hard left away from the sunset.
The journey in this direction is largely without incident. You pass a few people on the road, but
no one malicious. However, the three day journey does seem to drag on. And by the second afternoon,
it seems the three of you may be a tad bit bored of riding. So you dismount for a walk. You find
yourself in a nice plain with the wind gently blowing and the sun high in the sky. I've always
wanted to do this. I rub my hand over the grass. You look so cool, Betty Bob. Yeah. Looks like the
fields of wheat and a dream. Yeah, like if you lost your family and you got to see them again one day.
This would be the field they would stand and wait for you in. Yeah. Really nice music would play in
the background or something. Soft man. I really did need a break from riding though. My ass is
killing me. Well, I think we're still heading in the right direction. Right, Jesse? Oh yeah,
we're definitely heading there. All right. If you don't mind me asking what was so bad about the
place. Oh, well, you know, it's where my mama and my papa and my siblings all, you know, got murdered.
Oh, that would keep you away from a place. I understand. Yeah, it would definitely give me
hesitancy to revisit it at all. You are very brave for coming this far. Oh, thank you. But I'm not
going in the house if that's ever. I was just about to say I'm not going to force you to. Thank
you. No, we're just going to, we're just here to knock a tree down. All right, let's cut this
bitch down and get out of here. What a lovely walk. Yes, this prairie is lovely with these
flowers everywhere. Like it seems like a place that seems real peaceful and quiet and serene and then
almost as if it's, you know, too nice and serene and lovely. Yeah, like it might be a setup or
something, but I just don't know what it is. Are we dead? Could be. It does seem very dreamlike.
We do have the high grass. I'm a little worried now. I know. We were just talking about how this
was foreshadowing a certain type of afterlives. Hopefully that doesn't happen sooner than we
think. And as the three of you converse suddenly down the path, a wagon pulled by a very gaunt
horse approaches. Sitting atop it is a middle-aged woman with a overly exaggerated smile on her face.
Oh my God, is she death? Is that the horse of death? No, it's uh, what's her name? Patricia.
Patricia. It is not Patricia. Oh, it's not Patricia. Well, um, smile's a little weird. Howdy, ma'am.
As she gets closer, her face doesn't change. She doesn't respond. She just continues to smile,
looking your way. Maybe she didn't hear me. Howdy, ma'am. I think this is, I think this might be a
shoot first and ask questions later sort of scenario. Or at least stop trying to get her
attention. Yeah. I mean, all right. Maybe don't make eye contact. Just look at the flowers.
Thinkin' of Lenny, her mice and then me.
And how does she look in my scope? Creepy. Creepy. Her smile in your scope is even more
exaggerated. And as she passes you guys on the trail, she turns her head, watching you the entire
time, smiling at the three of you. And each one of you feels like she's staring directly at you,
individually. And just as she came, she left and her wagon continues down the trail, never stopping.
Well, that was almost as terrifying as their minds. What was with that lady? I kind of wanted
to get in the wagon, though. Why? I don't know. It's just a feeling I had. Oh, gosh.
Curious, you know. Baby, you better not get kidnapped on this journey. No, I'll be fine.
Jumping into strange wagons. Don't get into the back of wagons with strangers. That's how you meet
the most interesting people, though. When does a good story started with like, I didn't get in the
van? What's a van? Buck wagon. Caravan. Caravan, yes. You got puppies in the back of that caravan.
I don't think you should get in the back of covered wagons with strangers. Well, you know.
I speak from experience. You shouldn't get in backs of covered wagons, but make packs with
strangers. Cal, you just don't know how to have the rack out of fun. Maybe we just meet different
strangers. Breaking in on your conversation, the three of you now hear the cries of a child.
Sounds like it's near, but you see none standing around you. Why does it keep getting creepier
and creepier? I don't like any of it. We should have kept riding. Yeah, I think we probably should
mosey on out of here, but what if there is a baby, though? Which direction is it coming from? Are
just everywhere? Sounds like it's coming from behind you. The way the scary lady went? No.
Like directly behind us? Yes. Well, I turn around. Through the field comes a small crying child.
Can't be more than three or four years old. Her head is in her hand as she sobs and you can see
her crying. Oh, honey, what's wrong? Come here, little one. Oh, Jessie, she's just a little child.
What's going on? I don't know. There, there, there, there, little one. As you reach down to
comfort the child, she pulls out a dagger stabbing you for three strength damage. Oh, god damn.
What? By casting your grit. Jessie has got a knife. Oh, what the hell? I was trying to help
this stupid kid get the fuck out of here, kid. As she jumps back, her teeth elongate and her skin
begins to ripple. Oh, fuck, she's a vampire. No, she's not. Oh. But her features begin to get
exaggerated as her skin stretches over her bones and she grows in height to five and six feet tall.
I want a quick draw. Oh, fuck this. Oh, shit. All right. Quick draw. Roll one D six. Five.
Okay. Five is a hit. So go ahead and roll me one D eight damage. Five. You land a good blast from
your scatter gun, knocking the creature back a few steps. It crouches and then on all fours begins to
pounce towards the three of you. Jessie and Cal, what are you two doing? Oh, I'm taking a shot
directly at it before it gets closer. I'm going to fire a shot. It is too close for you unless you
were going to quick draw. In that case, I'll take a lash with the bull whip. Okay. Betty, please take
your action first. Seven. Seven is a grazing shot. One D four damage. Two. Cal. Now for the standard
weapons, it's one D six. For the bull whip, it is. D four I think. One D six. The machete is one D
four. Although I think we've been playing most of them is one D six. If my machete is one D six,
we said we would go with that. Okay. Two. You whip the beast. Its strange skin seems to harden
where you hit it. Although you think you may have done a little damage, it seems perhaps it has its
own natural defensive barrier. I may have to take a few steps back to make it as a bit more effective.
We'll cover you Cal. As all this is happening, I'm scooting back away from it. It lunges at you Cal
with its claws. However, it seems your duster does a good job of holding up your own defense. Slick
oil skin. Gotta love it. The three of you act simultaneously. Please tell me what you're doing.
I can do the crap hard and to one target, right? All three shots can go to one target. Correct.
Yeah, I'm going to, I'm going to crap harden. All right. Roll me three D sixes. Oh, because right,
it reduces. So you're going to roll one for each shot. Two threes and a six. Okay. A six is a hit
and the two threes are maximum damage. Nice. So that, that'll be for you. D eight. Yeah. So
you do, roll me one D eight. Okay. Seven. Okay. So you're going to do seven damage and then your
other two already do max damage. Eight. So 16 plus seven. Yeah. And that does that expend
three shots as well? Yes. Okay. So my next turn I'll have to reload. Eight lad.
And it does your three bullets hit it, its head and its chest. And the creature cries as it falls
to the ground and his body gets halfway back into morphing to a little girl before it stops. That
thing was vile. What the fuck was that? I thought it was helping some kid. Let's get out of here.
We've got to get back on these horses. I'm done with this fucking field. Disgusting metamorphosis.
I'm done with this fucking field. Disgusting metamorphosis. You think she has something to
do with the creepy lady? Was she the creepy lady? I don't think we should get the hell out of here,
but it also worries me that they are coming from where we are going to. Yeah. It's going to be an
interesting ride guys. Let's go. Should we ride fast and hard? Yeah. All the way. I believe Betty
knows no other way to ride. It's the only way. I believe that. I'll take the front so, cause I know
where I'm going. So it ain't a good day's ride unless you're chafed and bowlegged. I have heard
that from you before. Yep. It's my motto. The three of you get on your mounts and ride hard and fast
and in doing so you shave a significant portion of time off your journey. Everybody should consume
three days rations altogether. Gotcha. And is it possible? Can I reload out of combat? Yes. Okay,
cool. So I'm going to remove one lead and I get eight shots with the repeater. When I use both
barrels, I have to, I'm going to have to reload faster. Correct. Yeah. So for you in particular,
your gun goes through lead very quickly. How much lead do you have? 13. How much lead do you have
Cal? Nine. Five. Okay. A little tight for you, but at least your gun holds a lot. Yeah, eight shots.
So it's around evening the next day when the area begins to look very familiar, just as it has in
your memories, Jesse. And the sun is beginning to go down. However, as you ride closer and closer to
your house, you can see the field where it once was and the tree that you need to get to standing
between you and it. You see several shapes just shambling through the tall grass around the house,
around the tree standing between you guys and your destination. Do you all see them? Yeah. Cal,
can you see anything through your scope? Let's take a look. There is scoping the joint out.
You see that each one of these eight beings is a slow mindless humanoid. Looks almost like a corpse
and its lifeless eyes don't show any signs of intelligence. I'm not going to lie guys,
they look pretty zombified. Don't say the C word. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. They are the walking undead.
You probably can't just sneak around them. I'm up for trying that instead of trying to expand lead.
Yeah, it will cause a distraction. I'm always for the stealthy approach. How much do you hate that
house? Oh, I fucking hate that house. Maybe we just burn the house. All right, I'd like to burn that
house down. I think you should be the one to throw in the box of matches. Well, I got my torch right
here. So you sneak around and set the house on fire maybe to draw them closer, get them to do
something. That seems right. They'll at least look at it. You can sneak by easier. Well, you two could
sneak by easier. I can cover you from a distance in case anything goes terribly awry. That's a good
idea. Okay, if you're going to sneak up on the house, please make me a dex roll. I have eight.
How do we do this? You have to D20 and then you have to be lower. That is correct. Oh yes, okay.
What is? Thank you to the assistant two, the GM. I rolled a three. Assistant two. You're able to
sneak towards your house and in doing so you don't track the attention of any of the shambling
corpses. Do you light your torch? Yeah, when I'm like tucked away behind the house a little bit so
the light won't catch their eye. As you look, there are shamblers behind the house as well.
They seem to be all through the field that the three of you find yourself standing in, but you
do have the cover of cowl. You light your torch behind the house. Yep. And then? Toss it through a
window. Okay. It shatters, drawing the attention of several of the shamblers that hear it. The
longer that the torch is lit in the house, you begin to see it catch purchase by lighting some
unknown object inside on fire and the fire begins to spread. As the sun continues to go down, the
house itself begins to brighten the area. The fire begins to spread and draws the attention of many
of the shamblers nearby. In order to get out of here, I will need another dex check for you.
Come on, I'm under. What if it's the same? Well, that tie isn't in under. So. Fuck, that's true.
As you're sneaking through the field, you can pass several of them, but as you're almost in the
clear, three of them catch sight of you and turn their gaze away from the burning house. You hear
their guttural moans coming your way as they begin to shamble closer to your direction.
I'm going to brandish my machete. Okay. But hurriedly still try to get out of there.
Cal, what's going on? What can you see through the scope? It looks like she's caught the attention of
a couple of them. She looks like she's ready to, I don't know, she might be able to outrun them.
Don't take a shot unless you absolutely have to. Understood.
As you go to run, the shamblers pick up their pace as well and no longer shambling about.
They're in a full sprint. Two out of the three are able to catch up to you and they rake your skin
with their claws. Oh fuck. The both of them together are going to do six damage to your grit.
So your grit is down to zero. Pass zero. Yes, so you're going to take one to your strength.
Okay. So I'm going to pass zero. I'm going to pass zero.
Your grit is down to zero. Pass zero. Yes, so you're going to take one to your strength.
What's going on, Cal? Oh, she just got hit hard. I think I'm going to have to fire in on them.
Can we run in closer? I don't want to get the rest of their attention. There's a lot of them.
We can run in or I can take the shot. We have to choose now.
I'm running in. You keep me covered. Understood. Cal, you're going to relax.
I'm just going to keep covered. You're going to just stay covered?
I'm going to try and go attack them with the bullwhip to try to not make a lot of noise.
So it doesn't try to distract more. I feel like gunfire will probably drop right out.
You go running up to Jesse, who is fully engulfed by these two shamblers with a third one close
behind. Please go ahead and give me a roll of a D6. Two. As you whip one, turn two.
D6. Two. As you whip one, it turns its attention from Jesse into you and begins to sprint your
direction. Jesse, that would be your turn. There's still two on me. One's printed towards Betty.
There's one on you and one kind of closing in on both of you at this point and there is one on
Betty. I'm going to try to slice the one that's attacking me. I'm going to try to cut its head
off with my machete. It's a one. You slam your machete into this thing's neck and pull it back
out where you would assume there should be blood. Nothing really comes out as this corpse has been
long dead and it continues towards you. The corpse lunges, biting at you for another two damage.
So since I'm already negative grit, do I just keep taking it from stronger? Yep. Oh good.
Betty Bomb, the one at two, slashes ferociously and gets a handhold and digs its bony jaw into
your shoulders, ripping out a chunk of flesh, doing four damage to your drill. By just bypassing it
because I have two armor. So you take two. Two. Oh yes. And any of your armor you should
take that into consideration too. Yeah, what's the dust here? That's one? One. I already took one
damage. I only took one. Oh, do I not take any? Yeah. So your defense always takes one off the
amount that you take. Okay. Unless you're shot by a gun. Did you add some back? Yes. Okay.
Cal, are you still remaining where you are? No, I think I really want to run in. I'm going to run in.
How far away is the one that's like approaching everybody? Like we kind of meet? Sure. You meet
the third one at the same time. I'm going to try and wrap the bullwhip around his neck and
rivet really hard and decapitate him. Okay. You'll need to roll a six to decapitate him.
Come on, you're in sixth. Four, dang it. Respectably. Yes, your rip makes a good purchase,
but it fails to decapitate the creature, who now closes the distance between you and it
and lunges forward, digging its claws into your stomach. It does three damage. Don't forget to
remove your defense. So I'm never going to tell you to, like, you guys do that math. Okay. Okay.
The three of you continue the fight. Yeah, I'm going to, yeah, I'm going to definitely,
I'm going to try to actually whip the one that's not paying attention to me, that's paying attention
to Jesse. Okay. Try to get his attention to me. With a fortuitous position, go ahead and roll
go ahead and roll two defense. Oh, we're flanking. Nice. A five, a solid hit. You gain the monster's
attention and it turns and rushes towards you completely leaving Jesse Jane. Jesse. Yeah. What
you doing? Oh gosh. Well, now there's two on Betty. Well, there's one heading for Betty, yes. And
there's one on Betty. Since it's going towards Betty, I'm going to try to hit it in the back of
the head with the machete and slice its head in half. Okay. Give me two D six as you're in advantageous
position. I rolled two fives. I mean, that's solid. That's a, that's a good hit. Oh good. Betty, you see
a second one rushing at you, but suddenly a machete splits its head down to its nose. I'm just going
to take care of the one in front of me. I'm going to try and take a swing at it with my, with my
hunting blade and try and cut its head off like the top of a pineapple. Okay. It's one D four for
your hunting blade and the D six you have in your hand. That's no advantageous position. The one in
front of you. No, you do not have an advantageous position over it. Damn it. You are in equal footing.
Three. Three is a good hit. You bury your blade in, but you fail to sever the thing's head. It attacks
you. Biting at yours, trying to do the same. As it digs its teeth into your neck, you take four damage.
Betty Bob. All right. Um, we got to dispatch these quickly. We're getting messed up guys. Yeah. I'm
going to the one heading towards me. I'm going to whip, try to at least maybe rip the leg out
so it can get down on the ground. So Jessica smash it with the machete. Five. You feel some good
damage. However, you're not able to pull its legs out from underneath it. It lunges forward as well,
raking your body with its nails, doing three damage. Jesse Jane, it's back to you. All right.
Well, I'm going to smoke this one. Let's go in for Betty still. I don't know why I rolled two D six
that time. You'd still be in an advantageous position because you're behind it. All right.
I rolled a two and a three. Okay. You bury your machete and if this thing's side, now drawing
its attention and it turns and lunges towards you. Cal. I turn and whip the one that just turned on
Jesse. Man, what do you have like a hunting knife in one hand and a bull whip in the other? Yeah.
If whipping the one that just turned to Jesse, go ahead and give me two D six rolls for an
advantageous position. Since you guys figured out a good little triangular attack here.
I got a six and a three. Nine. Nine. You whip it. You were good. In doing so, the force from the whip
knocks this one's head off of its body, almost to the ground. The one in front of you takes
the opportunity to attack you and bites you again for four damage. Is this the last one?
This is the last one that is around the three of you. Yes. Well, Betty, we better help Cal.
Man's always need help from women. We're a lot tougher than he is. I would appreciate it.
He's begging now, Jesse. Yeah. Yeah. The three of you can act as one at this point. Do we have
an advantageous position? Yeah. Betty, Bob and Jesse probably. All right. A four and a five.
11. Seven. The three of you acting the other dispatch this creature rather quickly,
severing multiple limbs and just completely incapacitated. Like a, like a Mortal Kombat
fatality. Yes. It is definitely a fatality. You see like whip on one hand, whip on one hand,
and Jesse comes in with a machete right down the middle. Fatality. As Jesse stands with the
creature's head and spinal cord in her hand. Like fucking predator. Yeah. Hell yeah. And the three
shamblers that were around you are now deceased. Silently. I mean, if the cracking of whips is
silent, it was pretty quiet. It is quieter than the roar of the house fire. Good distraction.
Yeah. Let's sneak to that tree now. Y'all all right? Yeah. I'm not really feeling so good, but.
If we get in and get out quietly, I think we'll be okay. You do have that first aid kit. I do.
We'll see when we get out of here, who's worse for where. Yeah. Sneak over to the tree. Three of you
sneak over and at this point, the sun is going down behind the hills. And as you approach the tree,
the last ray of sunlight disappears. Who's attempting to get some wood off this tree?
Well, I have a chisel. Oh my God. Oh shit. Oh my God. So how about that? All right. Betty Bob
Cocker goes towards the tree, vanishing her chisel. Damn, Betty, you've been holding onto
that thing forever. Yeah, I don't know. I just came across it in a bar one time and just took
it because I thought it'd be funny, but it comes in handy, I guess. I'm glad you grabbed that.
I grab a lot of things. I know. I know. Well, the two of you talk. Cal, you're transfixed by the
fire once again and staring down at it. You see, now there are more than five additional shamblers
that they should be. There's closer to a dozen standing around the house fire. And one in
particular catches your eye. It begins to writhe strangely, twitching, and then it falls to the
ground. And you continue to watch it. There's something happening over here, ladies. The more
you watch, the more grotesque it seems as its limbs begin to protrude out of strange places on
its body and its body morphs into something not human. And with shrieks in the night, the creature
rises again as it looks at its surroundings. You can see its yellow eyes, bright in the evening
light. And this boar-like creature with massive tusks lunges forward and begins to devour one
of the shamblers right in front of it. And as quick as it eats one, it moves on to the next.
And then the next, it looks unsatiably hungry. Each of you make me a stealth check.
Oh, is that with a 20? It is with a 20. It'll be a dex check, sorry. I'm good. Yeah, I got a six.
I got a seven. A seven. I got a nine, which is lower than 12. For now, you guys are able to remove
the piece of wood. My heart's like pumping right now. From the tree. And Cal, you continue to watch
as this thing makes its way through the shamblers surrounding the building. And the more you watch,
you also see more mounds appearing out of the ground and more shamblers rising and making their
way towards the building again. You roll for heart to keep your nerves in check for what you're seeing
is otherworldly. And as it makes its way through the 10th, then the 11th beast, never stopping,
but ever growing in size as it does, the beast finishes the last of the shamblers around the house.
Looking for more food, it begins to look through the field,
spotting the other shamblers rising. It also spots the three of you. If you're going to run,
please make me a dexterity check. Run, run, run. Oh, two. Sweet. Eight. Two. Nice.
Okay, I mean, that's really pretty good. Fighting that thing would be a bore.
The three of you take off. And as you continue to run, you hear the beating of hooves coming
behind you. Every once in a while, it's slowed. You assume as it feeds, takes a quick munch and
keeps running after its moving target. It continues to target the three of you. Yes. And as you get
closer and closer to you donkeys, I'm going to need another dexterity check, please. Gosh, damn it.
I tripped. 12, which is my dex. Yeah, I think we all just failed. I got a 15.
There was a root sticking out. What did you get? A 13. Simultaneously, the three of you get
disheartened by how close the beast is and it comes trampled from the three of you. Jesse Jane
trips over a root, but is not spared. It's bored how sick as it hits her. Cal, you're trampled
directly and Betty Bob, you were knocked to the side. Oh, God. God damn it. I knew we shouldn't
have come here. I hate this fucking place. I understand why. One damage for Jesse, three damage
for Cal and three damage for Betty Bob. And the beast is caught up to you. Your mounts still paces
away, are now running to put some distance between themselves and the hungry beast.
Let the lead fly, guys. Can I quick draw and do my dog barrel? For too fatigue, I don't see why not.
Fucking yes. I'm gonna do that. For that, go ahead and roll me one decepts first. Two. A two is a
direct hit. Fuck yes. So that would actually be a dire hit. So that's going to be an eight plus
two D eight. Double barrels. Hell yeah, motherfucker. Nine. Nine plus eight. That was a 17. Utilizing
your new skills, you let both barrels fly to the side of the devil swine as it goes running by.
It lets out a boarish screech and then turns and faces the three of you again. Head down,
tusks brandished and it comes charging towards the three of you. I'm gonna roll out of the way. Yeah,
I'm gonna try to roll away and get a shot as it's going by as long as it's meeting distance.
I'm gonna try and dodge and quick draw. Cal and Betty Bob, please act together. Okay.
Are you just dodging, Cal? And quick draw. Okay. So yes, both of you go ahead and make your rolls.
So I'm gonna crap harden this thing. Three D six. That's good. I think they all hit. It's a one,
a two, and a four. Okay. Yes, all three of those hit. Two of them are crits? Or whatever they are.
Two of them are crits, yes. Can I roll a one on my quick draw? Okay. And that would be 10 damage
plus one D six strike damage. So my two crits are automatic full damage, right? Correct. So that's
two D eight and then roll another D eight for the four to hit. Yeah. Another eight. Okay. Awesome.
24 total. Hell yeah. 14. 14 total. With all three of you acting with your newfound abilities,
you're able to actually dispatch the devil's swine and before it gets a chance to gore you
with its tusks, it falls dead at the three of your feet. Ah. Did somebody get that wood? Can we get
out of here now? We got the wood. God, I'm done. I got the wood. Let's get out of here before
before anything else crazy happens with those damn donkeys. As you say that, due to the cacophony of
noise that you made, all of the shamblers that were around the house are now heading in your
direction at a frantic pace. Run guys. Run. Yes, we run as fast as we can. Catch those damn donkeys
on our way. You're able to catch your donkeys and you ride out. Yeah, it's nighttime though, right?
So I think we ride a good amount before we stop. Yeah, let's not stop till morning. Let us make
haste and put a little and put several leagues between us and them. Because we got to get past
that field too. I ain't fucking around in that field again. No, that was disgusting. You ride
and you ride straight through till morning and as the morning sets in and so does fatigue, please
remove one day's rations. Also another thing about fatigue, the more fatigue you take, the less
inventory you can carry. So keep that in mind. Okay. Also if you ever have full fatigue, your grit
drops to zero. And how do you get rid of fatigue? Through substantial rest, yes. Gotcha. With your
sleep deprived bodies, your minds wander to strange places and as you're making your way down the
trail, there are several people, they look like beggars, stopped in the road, each holding their
hands up, begging you to slow your pace. Looking at you boss. Yeah, I don't know. I think we just
keep riding guys. We ain't got time for this. Please, please, please stop it. We're just hungry.
No, we got to keep sorry. Just keep riding. I'll drop a half a ration as I ride by you.
I ride on. You see several of the people scramble for it and however they give the ration to the
youngest amongst them while the others continue to cry for help. Well, I feel kind of bad.
But Betty Bob, you're in charge. If you say we should keep riding, we'll keep riding. I don't,
I'm not trying to mess with more monsters. I'll toss a ration out of the back because we need to
run. Yeah, I'll give up on ration too, but keep riding. You toss the rations and now out of the
several people that are there, a few of them jump on the rations thrown off in the back of your
horses. A fight ensues. Do any of you watch what happens as you ride away? Nope. Yeah. You see one
man continue to take a beating before laying dead while another man eats the ration and walks off
into the field. Well, I'm going to look forward now. That was terrible. Survival of the fittest.
I mean, I guess that was awful. I feel real bad. The youngest got to eat. So they did the children
one last mouth to feed. I guess now being up for over 24 hours straight, please take one more
fatigue. Do you think we can stop and take a little nap soon? All right. We ride for another hour and
then we take a nap. All right. You guys are a little more than a day and a half away from your
destination of riptide when you decide to take camp. It's high noon when you guys decide to make
camp. You find a nice spot near a flowing stream. All right guys, I'll cast a line. I'm going to
make some coffee here for us too. Thank you. I'm going to take a nap. I'll take some of that coffee
when I'm up. Then I'm going to put my hat over my eyes like a cowboy. Yeah, Betty's not going to get
the bed roll out, but she's going to just use it as a pillow. I'm going to kick back on growl and
use him as a bit of a pillow and I'm going to have a fishing line tied to my toe with the bobber in
the water. All right. If I get a bite, it'll wake me up. The respite helps each of your spirits.
Please regain all your grit. All of it? Yes. You're back to full grip. Thank God. What about the
damage to strength? Does that go away? Not at this point. Okay. Cal, go ahead and make me a heart roll.
10. What's your heart? 7. Ooh, Betty rolls up a cigarette. Nice little spot we found here for a
little nap. Cal, as you nap with your fishing line tied on your toe, you feel a bite. Oh,
well hey girl, looks like we got a bite. Do you try to reel it in? With your feet? I'll take it
off of my toe. Obviously. Yeah, I'll try and pull it in. You're able to do so and you actually get
a pretty nice sized fish. One that would feed the party. Nice. Following the fish out of the water.
There it is. You see the tips of large claws emerge from the water. I throw the fish to it.
It catches the fish in one large claw and suddenly a lobstrous appears at the surface of the water,
but with the fish sacrifice that you made, it disappears back into the river. There was almost
a problem, but there is now not a problem. What happened? We're still out of fish. Okay, did you
get anything? No, no, I just said we're out of fish. There's still no fish. There's no fish in this
stream at all. Cal, did you just wake me up, tell me you ain't got no fish? You woke me up. Just tell
me that. This is a dream. This is a dream. God damn it. Death is only a door. He's so weird.
Do you guys stay here for the night or do you leave again? I think we got our grip back. I think we
can ride on. I'm feeling a bit more virile. Yeah. Yeah, I'm ready to get back. Since there's no fish
in that stream, no point in staying in here. Precisely. Mount up. Fuck this stream. Well,
that was a lovely little nap. You mount up and ride through the night and through the next day.
Please go ahead and remove another day's and a half's worth of rations. You guys ride
towards the town of Riptide and as you get in and head towards Herbert's shop, a voice
halts the three of you. Now, looky here. It's been more than a week that y'all had my donkeys and you
only paid for one week. You're retin' them. You didn't buy them. Don't you remember? Oh, actually,
I didn't remember. I thought these were ours. I could have sw- I was betting we would- these
things would be dead by now. Well, I thought about it when we were here, but I was like,
well, we still need them, so. Yeah. Sorry, man. I'm also pretty sure there was no contracts out or
anything. I'm pretty sure you just sold them- No contracts. Sold them to us, right? There's not a
chance. I thought you said this was such a good deal that you were gonna sell them to us. Well,
that is simply not the deal that we made. Oh, I was mistaken then. We- we can be happy to give them
back to you once we- I'll tell you what, you wanna pick them up at Herbert's ranch because that's- we
need them to at least get there. Well, for how much longer do you need them? About another week,
probably. All right, well, you had them. This is now your second week, so one more week. That's-
that's two weeks, and y'all owe me for another two weeks. Listen, how about- how about after next
week we'll pay you- we'll pay you double? It's a paying as we go kind of deal. Well, I'll have a
lot more lead to trade you when we're done with what we're doing. It's true. You can make a lot
more money. Rather than having us pay you to rent these mules, think of you sponsoring us with these
mules as an investment for your- for down the road for your boss and you to take a tidy sum off the
top as a finder's fee. For when we give you these mules back fed, washed, and happy as clams,
we'll also- probably more lead than you've seen in your life. Each of you make me a heart roll.
There's the snake oil. I'm good too. Four. And a natural 20. 18. Close. Okay, cool. With two of you
out of the three passing the check, stable hand McCray, he ponders the possibilities. You say more
lead than I ever seen? Well, I mean, we're about to get into a bit of a tussle with some- some
rowdy gunslingers and I'm sure there's gonna be some lead laying around. Well, what happens if y'all
die? Oh, we ain't gonna die. Worst case scenario, you get your donkeys back. How do I get my donkeys
back if they're lost in some godforsaken world, getting shot at and shot out by a bunch of gunslingers?
They know how to get home. They've gotten us to home every time. We'll leave a note.
A note? Yeah, a certified note. Yeah. Heard of you Jack Boys kid? A note don't do nothing.
No, it's- it's fine. It's orders. You always leave a note. Yeah, everything's fine if you leave a-
Bill always said you always leave a note. You leave a note and it's okay. That is true. All right,
well I want three times the pay. All right. I'll tell you what, we'll give you four. Plus a tip?
Always. It's a service industry. That would be ten lead amongst all y'all. Oh yeah, we'll have plenty
of that. Yeah, sounds good to me. Ten lead. If you don't pay up, bad things will happen. Yeah.
Bad things will find you. I understand. I believe it. My name's Trevor Leahy, by the way. Trevor- I'm
gonna write that down. And I know your name is McCray. We share that, don't you forget. It is.
My name is Ignatius T. McCray. That's not what you said last time. You said you was Jack and Jill's
boy. I did not say that. I'm pretty sure I wrote- He didn't say that. I'm pretty sure he didn't say
none of that. You know. But that's all right. You know, we could make another bargain here. Oh. I'll
take eight lead if you would take me as your husband too. Oh, I- I'm- I'll give you the ten lead.
You know, you're quite a looker. I think we'd make some great looking kids. Sir, I do not- I think
you'd take one for the team, Jesse. God knows I have done that. Well, well, Betty's pretty nice
looking too. We are not offering up nuptials as a form of a horse trade, sir. Of course you want.
You ain't got nothing to bring to the table. Well, if you marry one of us, you marry into this
outfit. That is true. And so I don't believe you're ready to wed me. And also, if you were to wed one
of us, that lead would be half ours too. Well, you'd have to give me some head of cattle or
something. Oh, glad you said cattle. Well, I mean, it's amongst other things, but all right. Well,
all right. I'll pay you the full lead. I'll pay you the lead. Agreement on 12 lead when you return.
Ten. Ten was like- 12 lead when you return. 12 lead is fine. That's fine. All right. Well,
you make me rich. I'll reciprocate the generosity if you do in fact give me 12 lead. All right.
All right. All right. See you when we get back. We'll see ya. All right. We'll see you when we
see ya. Head to Herbert's. Yeah, let's get out of this town real quick. Yeah, I'll give him 10 lead.
No, we're definitely not paying him back. Oh, hell no. Give him one lead right to the chest.
This is out of your shot. He can't hear us. You go to Herbert's shop or Herbert's house. Check the
shop first. Okay. And that's where we're going to end the episode. So we'll see you next next Tuesday.
So
Tales from the Crypt podcast is recorded in the Wolfbeard Games Studio in upstate New York.
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I don't like it when he looks through the book.
I don't like it when he rolls too many times. Yeah, those are scary moments.
Through its flames, the flames of the house light in the area. God, I'm so stupid at talking
sometimes. Like it's hard. I like the way you do words. It's hard sometimes, man. My brain doesn't
keep up with my mouth or my mouth don't keep up with my brain. The book doesn't necessarily
say that, but that's what I want to happen. Very reminiscent of or foreboding of the.
It's a lot. Take a break. You're right. You're right.
Brain is a good thing, right? I think so. I think it's when they go,
man, donkey, donkey, donkey, donkey. Is that what's on the donkey makes?