20 years ago.
Cal, you wake up an hour before sunrise with the other boys and girls of the rundown Morningstar
Orphanage. You're home for as long as you can remember. Quickly you get out of your cot and
get dressed in your uniform before standing ready for morning inspection. Mr. Purdy enters the small
quarters you share with the other boys and girls. Get in line now maggots! It's time to earn your
keep! His bullwhip cracks against the girl's skin who failed to get ready in time. A now common
occurrence now that Mr. Purdy took control of the orphanage. For the last year all studies have been
suspended and each child is expected to complete a full day's work to earn their keep. You've watched
many of your friends either run away or meet their ends under the new headmaster. Work orders are
assigned after a quick breakfast and lucky for you you receive your favorite assignment, fishing.
An important job used to keep the children fed more than once you've come back as a hero due to
your large haul. Aside from the actual fishing this is one of the only jobs at the orphanage
that gives you some time alone. Time that you use to read. One of your other favorite activities
that's now banned at the orphanage. As you leave to head to the pond Mr. Purdy alerts you that today
you will be joined by Katherine, the newest orphan and the girl who got whipped this morning.
Show her the ropes boy and show her good or you'll both get a beaten!
You leave the orphanage with Katherine behind and head towards the pond. Well hi Katherine.
Hello. How's your leg where he hit you? It hurts a lot. Yeah he's gotten me a few times he's gotten
all of us he's pretty awful. Why is he whipping us? I guess he's just mean on the inside. I thought
this was a nice place to be I mean not nice you know but like I thought it was supposed to be
I thought it was supposed to be nicer than this. Wow I don't think it's going to get much nicer
any sooner. Why does somebody allow this? Because they're grown-ups. Yeah I guess that answers a
lot of the questions. Well anyways what do what do we do? I've never actually fished before.
Oh that's all right this is the best job that you can get I'll show you. Why? Because it's quiet.
Oh and nobody comes around nobody messes with you. I like that I know this is the best one.
I don't know how long I can stay here. Well hopefully some family will come in and see
you and scoop you right up. Hopefully I don't know any of them though. Well here let me show
you how to tie the line. All right and you spend a significant portion of the day fishing and you
catch a good haul. As the sun beats down on the afternoon you find a nice shady tree. What book
did you bring with you today? A thesaurus. A thesaurus.
Catherine looks at you and replies, what do you got there? It's the only book that I could find.
It's a thesaurus. It's just it shows you words that you already know and it shows you fancier
ways of saying them. That sounds kind of weird. Weird, peculiar, strange, outlandish. Wow that's
pretty impressive. See impressive. Impressive um I haven't gotten to the eyes yet. Oh can you show me
more? Yeah. Are there other books out there? I've only found them one. Oh that sucks. I used to have
one but it got taken away. It was about it was about these these men who had the pistols and they
were changing the way that the laws were made because they were stronger than everybody else.
It was they had they had long coats and they were the good guys but they they were tough.
I wish I was tough. I'm gonna be tough someday. I bet you will. I bet you will. I don't know about
that. I'm just a girl. Girls can be tough. I guess. The two of you spend the afternoon giggling and
reading different words and learning their different synonyms until suddenly you hear a voice
that typically doesn't come by the pond and Mr. Purdy stomps your way. What in the hell are you
two doing? Is that a fucking book? I told you no reading. And he pulls out his bullwhip. I jump in
the I take the beating. You take the beating. Yeah well can I try and hide the book? He already saw
it. He saw the book. Yeah. He whips you. Oh yeah so she doesn't get hit. He doesn't stop it hitting
you. He hits her as well and as he begins to whip the two of you Katherine collapses onto the ground
from the pain. I go stop stop you've hurt her you've hurt her she's she's on the ground stop.
He hits her again with the bullwhip. I'm gonna fight him. Okay. Stop hitting her and I jump on him
and I try and take the bullwhip right out of his hand like a crazed child. Like a crazed child?
Give me a strength roll. What's that d20? It would be a d20 yes. Eight. On an eight maybe it's your
childlike agility or the unexpected reaction that Mr. Purdy got from you. Pocket sand. Pocket sand
perhaps. You're able to get the whip from his hand. What do you do with the whip? I throw it into the
fish pond. Once you throw Mr. Purdy's whip into the fish pond he becomes irate. That was my best whip
boy I'm gonna give you a beaten. And he punches you across the face. Ow how do I feel do I collapse?
I mean he's a pretty big guy and I'm a kid and you're a kid so a six-year-old kid so yeah you
get knocked down pretty well but as he advances towards you he lets out a shriek and pain and you
see Katherine stab him in the leg with a fish hook. Run cow get out of here. Not without you.
I run up and I punch him in the face as hard as I can. Give me a d4 for an unarmed attack.
That would be a one. A one. Your childhood strength doesn't really make too much of an impact
on Mr. Purdy and Mr. Purdy grabs you by the shoulders and backhands you again before turning
and kicking Katherine. I throw dirt in his eyes I grab Katherine and I run. Okay so with him
distracted and when he turns around you throw some dirt into his eyes. Extra pocket sand. Extra
pocket sand you throw into his eyes causing him a momentary blindness. Grabbing Katherine's hand
the two of you run into the woods as fast as your little legs can carry you. Four years pass and
you've been living as a street urchin ever since leaving the orphanage. You and Katherine parted
ways shortly after you escaped. You've been living under porches and old wagons and the like surviving
on the generosity both voluntarily and involuntary of others as well as the occasional fish or rodent
that you can catch. However on this day a wagon unlike any other you've ever seen pulls into town.
It reads Dr. Paul's brain elixir on the side. The wagon is pulled by two disfigured horses and is
being driven by a slender man in a nice suit that was worn but only from travel. The man's cart draws
attention from all he passes as he rumbles through the town. The man may provide some monetary
opportunities for you and you move to act quickly. As the man climbs down from his seat on the wagon
he announces to the crowd a magnificent demonstration will commence in 20 minutes.
Then he heads into the tavern leaving his cart unattended. I would probably try and go over and
see if I could sneak one of those little brain elixir vials. All right give me a dexterity roll
please. Seven. Oh that's a good roll. You managed to get one bottle out and sneak it into your
pocket. Do you go for another? Yeah. Okay give me another roll. Natural 20. Natural 20 is always a
failure. This game is a bad failure. Bad failure. You fumble reaching for a second bottle and knock
an entire crate onto the ground smashing it drawing attention from everyone but especially
from Dr. Paul who rushes out to his cart grabbing you by the hand. What are you doing boy?
I was just I was just walking by and all of a sudden they started all fall I tried to catch
them. I wasn't fast enough. What what is that in your pocket? Nothing. He reaches in pulling the
vial from his pocket. You are stealing from me boy. It must have fell in there when all of them fell.
When all of them fell you think you tell me this fell right in your pocket?
Boy you're making. They were falling all over the place. You're a liar boy but I tell you what
I ain't never been to this town. How many big words do you know?
Well I know a lot of big words. Say something fancy. I I am inclined to parlay with you further
about you not calling the proper authorities post-hints. That'll do. All right boy come with
me. Dr. Paul leads you down an alley. All right here's what we're gonna do. When I give my
presentation here's what you're gonna do. You're gonna sit in that crowd right and when I call on
you you act stupid and you act dumb. Okay all right and then you drink some of my brain elixir
and start using some of them bigger words. I see. All right and so you do that you do that well.
I might give you a little cut of what I make today. Okay. Yeah. Savvy. All right all right
now let me get my stage voice on. Welcome welcome welcome welcome Dr. Paul Miracle Elixir. Yeah
that'll do that'll do just fine. All right all right come back in 10 minutes you know filter in
with the crowd. Don't let them see that you were with me and get the hell out of here boy. You got
it Dr. Paul. Okay minutes later Dr. Paul comes back out after cleaning up the mess behind the
back of his wagon and begins to draw crowds to give his demonstration. Gather round come one come
all come and see the magical Dr. Paul's brain boosting elixir in action. As he pumps up the
crowd and they begin to gather around he has his wares out on a small table in front of him. This
elixir will strengthen any man's mind make him smarter than the smartest politician a librarian
a historian. It takes a man from a bumbling moron to a genius. He can even take a small boy from
his detrimental IQ to a full-blown gentleman. In fact do we have any in the crowd any any any
any you boy you boy huh oh yeah you how you are a dumb one aren't you. Hi there hi there. Come up
here come up here. And he beckons you forward. Well hi Dr. Paul. Hello boy you look like a really
earthy kind of rundown uneducated sore. We we never had much book learning on the farm. We can tell
we can't we tell that people and all the crowd you know kind of mumbles and you know in agreement
and even the ones that know you haven't really had too many conversations with you. Well boy
would you like to increase your brain capacity. Well I guess can't hurt. What if I told you that
this elixir could help take you off the streets lift you up by your bootstraps and send you down
the course of a fine gentleman somebody with a job and with a future. I reckon that sounds right fine.
All right well all it takes is one of these bottles of Dr. Paul's brain boosting elixir
and he unscrews the bottle and hands it to you. Now drink it all boy.
Tasty and magnificent. Boy how do you feel now. Well I don't feel much
wait a minute I feel it. See it's working it's working folks look at it work in action. I can
feel it coursing its way through my cerebellum into the gray matter of of my inner cortex.
Look at these large words many of you I'm sure don't even know these words. It it feels like it's
it's totally rejuvenated every neuron and synapse in my mind. He's learning so quick he's having a
hard time keeping up with his thoughts. I feel more alert and everything just shines a little
brighter now. And that's just on one bottle folks one bottle everyone everyone make your way up here.
My word what a fantastic elixir. That one's on me my friend now you go and live a fruitful and a
fateful life. Thank you Dr. Paul. Anytime and Dr. Paul sells out of the rest of his elixirs
and later on he finds you once again in the alley that you and him had conversed in before.
Well boy that worked out mighty fine. Thank you. You're pretty eloquent with them words that worked
out pretty well I sold out. I used to read a lot. I can tell you know I could share some of the
profits with you but I got a better bargain for you. Better than money? What if I said lots of
money? Well that's better than money. Keep your clothes keep you fed you can help by helping me
sell my elixirs from town to town and you know perhaps on when we're on the road you look like
you're probably one that might be able to scrounge up a fish or you know maybe get some
game here and there you can keep us fed while we're on the road I'll let you stay in the in the in
the wagon and we'll travel around make a make a bunch of money. I've always been good at hunting
and fishing. Well all right then do we have ourselves a deal? I believe we have we have an
accord sir. Dr. Paul reaches out his hand to shake yours. My clap hands hold on shall we spit in our
hands? He spits in his and it's a disgusting yellow. Put her there pal partner. Partner.
Put her there pal partner. 12 years goes by and you find yourself standing over the burial mound
of Dr. Paul who has been your constant friend and partner in crime. With inexplicable relationships
everywhere you travel together Dr. Paul managed to keep the two of you dressed well and outfitted
properly even once securing your rifle so that you could hunt more efficiently to keep the two of you
fed while you were on the road. But even as such Dr. Paul always kept you at an arm's length never
letting you get too close. Now once again on your own you take Dr. Paul's wagon to the nearby town
of Riptide selling it and one of the horses for some much needed provisions. As you search the
town you overhear a crowd. Sounds like a posse is forming. That man isn't safe it's a beast. He ate
my cattle. He has to die. The crowd roars as you approach a man catches sight of your rifle. Hey
we need you to help you can take care of this. What seems to be the the fracas here? There's a man
who's a monster that needs taken out. Some say he's a man others say he's a wolf. Well I've never
hunted monster before. Well have you hunted a wolf? I have hunted wolves. Have you hunted a man? I have
hunted a man. Well then you've hunted a man and a wolf how much different can it be? It probably
couldn't be much worse than either of them. It couldn't be much worse than either of them so
are you all man and pays mighty fine. I'll take the job. Excellent excellent and the townsfolk
give you kind of all the information that they have sending you into a forest nearby. What a
fantastic opportunity I just sold my wares and now I have a new job on the spot. It sounds like it's
gonna be a fortuitous day for you. You bring us the head of that man monster beast and uh we will
treat you right. You'll be a hero. His it's head you shall have. You head off on your horse into
the local woods with your rifle uneasy about what you're actually hunting. Not sure is it a man is
it a beast is it a mix between the two? You have an idea but still you're not sure what it is that
you're looking for. The situation keeps your nerves on edge and suddenly you hear a growl.
In a flash the horse is taken out from underneath you. A beast large hairy and snarling stands over
the horse's corpse biting it in the neck ripping out a chunk of flesh before darting back into the
woods. Fucking big wolf. As you sit there on the ground with your rifle you hear the snarling beast
coming back your way. You see that it's bipedal and it's moving its way ever closer to you.
Its red eyes flare in the afternoon sun and it snarls as it runs towards you. A fire shot. Give
me two d6 please. Seven total. A grazing shot please roll a d4 for me. Four. A good shot grazes
its shoulder however the beast doesn't slow and it closes the gap between you and it in a moment
and suddenly it's on you. It rakes at you with its claws diminishing your grit and as it attacks
you hear a gunshot ring out loud seemingly just feet away from you that drives the beast back.
Standing over you as a large man holding a six-shooter smoke pours from the barrel and
you watch the werewolf get driven back several feet. Suddenly you hear the voices of several other
people surrounding you as well. Two women one with a scatter gun and one with a repeater burst into
sight. Betty Bob and Jesse Jane please make me some shot rolls at the werewolf. Five.
I have six. Five and sixes are both hits would the two of you please roll me your damage.
Seven. Two. Both of you hit the beast with excellent shots and as the two of you continue
to shoot bad Bill Hate stands over top of you Cal now aiming a six shooter directly at your face.
Did you get bit boy? I do not believe so I believe the the beast merely mauled me with its claws.
Sure. Positive. Get any of its saliva on you at all any of your wounds?
Nope just just just the piss in my pants that's my own. Well that I can smell.
Get up on your feet finally boy. I was gonna I would have had him. I'm sure you would have.
Anyways we gotta get them wounds tended to and Bill pulls you to your feet and brings you back
towards his horse. Well thank you sir thank you. I uh see you had him out. Snatched it right out from
under me did. Okay you gotta watch out for them. As you hear a few more shots and then the wicked
cry of a fallen beast Betty Bob and Jesse Jane turn to their horses that are with bad bills and you
meet these two for the first time. What's the name boy? The name's Cal McCrae. Cal this is kind of a
fool's errand come out here hunting a werewolf with a sniper rifle you know that right? I had not a clue
the people that hired me to do this job thought it was merely a beast. I was soon proven wrong.
Well it is a beast. I mean it is a beast but that is kind of stupid I mean a sniper rifle. Yeah what
a weird choice. Also did you get bit? I did not get bit. No. This is a fine rifle. He didn't get
bit but his horse got taken out. Oh that's the worst. Boy we're gonna ride you back to town
drop you off you get them wounds taken care of make sure you don't turn. If you do turn put that
rifle in your mouth and you know take care of it don't leave that up to others not like this coward.
He's got disadvantage on close shots he can't make it. Yeah he might roll roll bad he can blow
his own brains out but you know. Either way that's noted thank you. All right uh let's see
Betty Bob you got the bigger horse why don't you let him saddle up there with you. All right. And
the four of you ride back to town where Bill just asks you to get off your horse. Kind of the end
of the road here boy we're just passing through so why don't you uh head down to the doctor get that
shit looked at and you know best of luck to you. I think I'll be fine I mean this is merely a flesh
wound I can tend to it myself. Your troop looks quite colorful I was wondering if I could uh
perhaps tag along and list my services to you since I do owe you my life maybe there will be
a chance I can repay that debt. Betty Bob I think you like riding on that horse too much with you.
I mean I did try to make it a little extra bumpy for him. God damn it Betty Bob. Well never sat on
the you know with the lady behind me on the horse that was that was a new one for me.
Well tell you what you got any money on you? I got a couple of dollars. You probably got to get
yourself another horse I ain't gonna have some young gun riding on the back of one of these two
ladies horses and Katie ain't here right now she'd keep him in line so you go buy yourself another
horse I'm gonna converse with uh these two here and see what they think. Yeah I'll grab a fresh
mount. All right head on in. Off I go. As you head into town Bill consults Jesse and Betty. So uh
what you all think? I mean we have been trying to fill out the gang a little bit more and
he seems all right as long as he doesn't turn I mean. Yeah it is something to worry about. Yeah.
You should tell him he should get something other than a sniper rifle.
Probably not a bad idea it's a very specific weapon. It does have only you know a few applications
but maybe you know maybe he's better with it in other circumstances he said he didn't know what
he was riding in on kind of dumb but. Nah he's just young you know he'll learn. All right will
we let him join? I mean why not. Or should we just ride away? That would be kind of mean. Yeah. We
did make him buy a horse. I mean man needs a horse. Well he does need a horse but you specifically
told him to. I mean what he does with his own money is his own thing so I don't know he ain't
got to buy the horse. I feel like it would be a good addition to the group I mean to have someone
have a lookout for us and you know he seems like he's capable of carrying heavy things he's a big
guy so. Yeah he is. It'd be nice to take some of these large loads off my back. There are lots of
loads on your back. Yeah carry a heavy weight thanks Betty you're always so eloquent. Anyways
he does talk very nicely though. Yeah I don't understand what he's saying what language is that?
I don't know asshole. All right let's go let's go get him. He can join the order. And can you
he can join the order. And Cal as you're buying your horse Bad Bill Hate rides up on his. All
right boy you do the deed. Yeah I got I got this nice pretty dappled one here her name's Athena.
Mighty fine horse name. You uh got any other effects you got to get out of here? All ready
to go. All right well we ain't staying in this asshole of a town so let's head on out boy.
Also don't hit on my girls. Wouldn't dream of it sir. All right that's what I like to hear. We are
now colleagues and there's no room for romance. I know it's hard but you know. Hard but yes.
Yes all right. Pleased to have you aboard Cal. And he reaches out his hand. Let's shake his hand.
Let's shake his hand. And with that the four of you leave the town of Riptide with Cal in the order.
The Tales from the Crit podcast is recorded in the Wolfbeard Games Studio in upstate New York.
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