Welcome to the Tales from the Crypt podcast. We are an actual play podcast featuring a
revolving cast of players making our way through micro RPGs, highly narrative tabletop games,
and the more popular and less known RPG systems from a wide variety of genres. Content may
not be suitable for children and content warnings can be found in the description. I'm Riley
Groves and I'll be your host, your guide, your GM on this episode of Tales from the
Crypt.
As you pass into the dream world, Bill's words slowly morph from, death is just another door,
into the sounds of a steam engine. You and Grawl are perched on the front of the train
as it glides gracefully through the morning before moving into the midday sun. But then
as quickly as it became midday, it melts into evening. With every passing moment, the train
slows and begins to rust away. Its wheels whine along the tracks and its gears grind
as the train barrels into the night. But finally, the train exhales its last loom of steam before
grinding to a halt in front of a large hill jutting out of the moonlit desert. The hill
has a long abandoned mine entrance dug into its stalwart face. As you continue to walk,
you follow a worn trail to the mine's entrance and begin to wander into the substantial dark.
You enter the door and there's a portly man over a workbench. And he's tapping away at
a gold ring.
Why, why hello sir.
Well hello.
Nice seeing you here. Um, this is gonna sound like utter madness, but I have a question
for you. Is your name Herbert Fleshman?
How did you know that?
And do you know anything about this? And I unroll the blueprint of the pistol.
He looks around nervously as a cold sweat immediately breaks out on his brow.
Welcome to Tales from the Crit. At the table I have Rebecca. Howdy. Mikey. Hi. And John.
Well hello there.
I'm recognizing their roles as Jesse Jane, Cal McCray, and Betty Bob Cocker respectively.
I'll be resuming the role of the GM. Before we jump into playing, let's answer a question
from our pod deck interview deck to get to know each other just a little bit better.
Yay.
And our question for the day is, what's your favorite thing you've bought this year?
Hmm.
Rebecca, I know you already have yours keyed up.
I do. Although now that I'm really thinking about it, I got a lot of cool things this
year. But I'm gonna go with the trip to Ireland that we took.
I should probably throw my hat in on that one too.
That's a good purchase.
Yep, by far the best one that we've made this year.
Those are memories that last a lifetime.
Yes.
So are the sweaters.
That Irish wool.
Yes, we did get...
Is it lanolin or wool?
We got wool.
Lanolin.
I'll go. I guess, yeah, I guess it did happen this year.
I bought a food truck, so that was the thing.
It's pretty awesome.
That is awesome.
It's given me a lot of cool opportunities and a lot of fun to be had and I get to be
and do what I love.
So, yeah, food truck.
Give us a shameless plug for your food truck.
Oh, it'll be shameful. I don't do shameless plugs.
Please.
No. Yeah, so Whale Belly Food Truck is outside of Upper Depot Brewing Company in Hudson,
New York.
And, yeah, it's a lot of fun.
We're open during the week, Wednesday through Sunday, and we have a lot of fun.
We make a lot of fun food that goes with beer and a lot of great beer to be had at the brewery
too, so come on down.
We went recently, absolutely fucking delicious.
I appreciate that.
Thank you.
No problem.
Mikey, up to you.
I can't really compete with those.
I haven't bought much this year.
I got a really cool purple hoodie, a little underarmor hoodie.
That's been my favorite thing.
I got a new chef knife for work, but that's like a work investment.
That was my number two.
I bought one for myself this year too, and I was like...
I bought a nice Japanese knife, and it's like cutting something with a lightsaber.
It just falls apart. It's great.
Do you know what brand...
Shuns.
Yeah, mine too.
Nice.
Yeah, they're...
Heavenly.
Oh, they're fantastic.
I'm just intimidating at first.
Oh, I feel like...
It looks sharp.
You look at it and you're just like, ow.
Yeah, you see the blood.
Yeah, it's just like, ooh, we got to take our time with this one.
Nice.
I thought for sure it was going to be that flashlight of yours.
Oh, I like my flashlight.
Yeah, you literally brought it out every time you've been over.
It's like a fidget toy for me.
It's got a laser pointer, keeps me occupied.
It's awesome.
Flashlight.
With an A.
Oh, okay.
Yeah, it's just...
Break that out, bro.
Really?
Fuck yeah.
Awesome.
Let's get into it.
The three of you find yourself inside of Herbert the Jewelry Smith's shop in the town of Riptide.
He has a cold sweat running down his brow after you have brought him the schematic for a gun
and mentioned bad Bill hates passing.
He now sits in front of you as the three of you stand in his small shop.
How did bad Bill hate meet his end?
You ever heard of the red right hand?
I have, and I would prefer if we don't bring him up again.
Well, he who shan't be named came through a door and killed Bill specifically just to take his gun
and did the same thing for Severin.
Now, when you say he came through a door, was it a door in a building?
No, he came through a door that came out of nowhere.
So he came through a slip door.
A slip door, I guess, yeah.
A slip door.
Let you travel through the void, get here and there, they say.
Bill never mentioned anything of the sort to us, of such things.
Bill was primarily against the use of this slip door, preferring to stay in the confines of this reality, so to speak.
There's things out in the void no man should see, and it's easy to get lost,
so it's understandable why he didn't venture there frequently.
I am no man.
I see that, absolutely.
Jesse, do you know anything about any of this?
I don't know. I mean, you said you saw this man in your vision, Cal.
I did.
What do you got to say?
In a vision? You seen me in a vision?
Yeah, it came upon me suddenly. I must have been dozing by the fire. We were all asleep.
And then I just remember being led to your shop, but it was different and cold and dark, except for here, and it was bright and light.
And you handed each of us a pistol.
I handed all three of you a pistol?
It looked like we all reached for a pistol.
A single pistol.
Alright, well, visions can be tricky at times, you know.
I, at one point, was a gunsmith. We can be upfront about that.
However, as you mentioned, the red right hand comes looking for people.
And as a skilled gunsmith, I had some machinations brewing that I could, in fact, create myself an artifact gun.
I'm sure as gunslingers, you know, they're quite rare.
So, you know, I got to thinking how would one do it, and I dug into some old manuscripts and found the way.
But, you see, when I heard the red right hand's been hunting people down, I decided the best course of action would be to remove myself entirely from that position and maybe from his line of sight.
So I took this exact schematic, however you found it, and I chucked it out the back of my wagon before riding off as fast as I could be to separate myself.
Which leads to a lot of other questions.
What about, uh, what, Patricia?
Darling Patricia. I have not thought about Patricia in a while, unfortunately.
You want to hear something crazy?
You may want to start thinking about her in more of the present tense. I believe your world is about to be turned on its head.
Well, I'm not sure you could surprise me too much about Patricia's peculiar makeup, but I'm sure whatever happened between y'all won't lead to any further trouble for me.
Yes, keep thinking that, buddy.
Yeah, it won't lead to more trouble for us.
Yeah, no, I cannot stress this enough. I am not worried about us.
Oh, all right. Tell me about your time with Patricia, I suppose. I should hear the story.
No, no, no. We can talk about that long after you'll...
Yeah, this is more pressing.
Pray continue.
Yeah.
Well, anyhow, since then, you know, the only real gunslinger I've seen is occasionally Bill and Katie have made their way through, just passing by, and we've shared a meal, supped now and then, maybe a sniffed a brandy or so, but other than that, largely they respected my decision to remove myself.
To remove myself from the profession.
Well, we need to kill this red right hand for what he did.
Kill the red right hand. You know, how many people have tried to kill the red right hand?
Well, maybe we need just the right tool to do it.
Did you and Bill have some plan? Were you building this gun for him? Do you have a gun you could give us because of Cal's vision?
I do not have a gun myself.
Oh, not when prepared. All right.
No, unfortunately, you know, as I said, I drew up the schematics but quickly abandoned that.
Well, I thought maybe it was worth asking.
A side note, guys. Um, call me crazy. This red right hand wants to get his hands on artifact guns, right?
Be it.
That seems to be...
Wouldn't a great way to get him to come to us as if we had one?
I totally agree with this.
I think it's the only way to fight him, too.
Yeah. This would be a powerful talisman for us.
It absolutely would. It'd be a powerful talisman for everyone.
We are intent on ending his reign of death for however far-reaching it may be.
Quite far-reaching.
Well, I know we're doing it for Bill.
You wouldn't be the first ones who set out on this altruistic endeavor to take out the red right hand.
I do not doubt that, but we are just crazy enough to do it.
I guess we should cut to the chase and say, hell, what would it take for you to make us one of these guns?
At least one of these.
That's why we're such good friends. I was gonna ask the same question.
Yeah, I'm just ready for the gun.
Just ready for the... Well, slow your roll.
There's a lot of pieces that we gotta put in place in order to create an artifact gun.
There's magic involved. You gotta have the right materials.
You know, just in my research.
And it doesn't take too much, honestly, especially for a man of my skill.
But I do need some pure ironwood, and that is rare.
Can't just find that anywhere. The last ironwood trees have died out decades ago.
We need some pure blue-gray steel, which, if that hasn't been mined out of existence by now,
I'm not sure who would have any bit of it.
Without these things, the creation of an artifact gun is impossible.
But you would do it?
For bad Bill Haight, he's done me a number of kindnesses.
You said that you rode with Bill. I would have expected Katie to be riding along with y'all.
She was befallen by ill fate as well.
Severn killed her, and then on our way to kill Severn, that's when the right red hand came.
Took Severn's gun, took Bill's gun.
I'd only heard of that Severn fellow one time, and I had cautioned Bill about riding with him,
but he did always seem to find the good in people.
It's a blessing and a curse.
It sure is.
And the hardest part about an artifact gun is getting the ritual completed to imbue it with the magical powers,
which, that's no easy task.
Well, we do know a witch.
My Patricia, she may have had some magical prowess,
but I do believe hers were more body-specific than other sorts of magic.
Yeah, you must have. Did she take her lingerie off? That's why you left?
It was an unsavory sight, I will say, when we finally got out of that honeymoon period,
and she did change into some clothes that were not that delicious lingerie.
I could tell you, when I first walked in on her, I wasn't wearing a shirt, and my back is quite hairy.
And when I came around the back of the Vlado...
We heard part of the story. We're good here.
Oh, you heard?
Yeah, she read it to us.
About our first night of passion.
Oh, yeah. Yep.
Well, lucky you. Did she show you the pictures?
Yes, Cal got to see some pictures.
I snuck the slightest of peeks.
You probably keep beside most of them.
She's a gifted artist.
Something you'll never forget.
A gifted artist, she is.
Yes, quite good. Although naturally gifted, maybe.
Anyways, so, you know, yes, for an artifact gun, it is something within my prowess to create.
However, I wouldn't be able to point you in the right direction of its materials.
Well, it sounds like we got some things to figure out, guys.
You guys ever heard of iron wood or blue-gray steel?
Not to my knowledge.
I've not heard of... I mean, I know of iron wood. I mean, I've never seen it.
Well, it'd probably mostly look dead as all the trees died, although that does produce the nicest wood.
Grows out mostly in the desert, which makes it pretty rare.
Is Riptide like a big town, or...?
It's a decent-sized town, actually.
Well, I mean, we could take a look around town and see what we could find. See if we could find any leads.
I highly doubt that there's anyone in this town that could lead you to either of those specific materials.
Would there be a liver-ist stable in this town?
Well, there is a livery, but that's for processing liver.
Where one can procure horse or means of transportation.
Yeah, certainly. Certainly down in the stables.
Perhaps livery is a different word from a faraway place, but here, Riptide, it's just down at the stables.
Thank you.
Well, Herbert, we'll get your pieces together, and I'll bring them back to you.
And maybe while we're out, you could maybe give us a hand and maybe say hello to Patricia for us, and maybe try to see if she'll get on board.
Well, if she comes around, I'll talk to her.
She might not know, but she might know some other witches.
Yeah, she may know some other witches, sure. They're few and far between.
But once again, as I stress, y'all are on some wild goose chases. I mean, it's just a coincidence that a dream had led you to me.
I don't think that's true.
And why is that?
Well, I mean, you have everything we need, really.
All I have is the skills and the schematic. I don't have any ironwood or...
No, no, sir, I disagree with you. I agree with her. This is not a matter of coincidence. This is a matter of cosmic forces aligning and pointing us to you and to these pieces to put together this totem of victory in our favor.
And I believe that to be true. I believe that we are here for purpose.
A single vision isn't an omen, my dear friend.
We each had a vision.
You each had a vision.
That's true.
Yeah.
Well, why are you holding back important facts?
I mean, we just met you.
Yeah, I didn't really feel I needed to tell you what I know.
We're here. We're here. Just let me get this straight. You're here to proposition me to put myself in harm's way of creating an artifact gun and all that comes along with that. To give to three strangers who just claim to be an old acquaintance of mine and show up with some of my old goods threatening that my wife's going to return and the three of you gunslingers come in here and you mistrust me, a jewelry smith.
I don't mistrust you. I just don't think you need to know that maybe I know where this wood is.
And you don't have to be so dramatic about it either.
We didn't threaten you with Patricia either. That's a problem you made and we were reminding you that you might be in trouble with the witch.
Herbert, stop gaslighting us.
I like you. I think you're trustworthy.
Well, I do appreciate that, but I'm expecting to hear an entire story so that we can take this journey together because I do have my reservations, probably more so now that you're holding on to me than I ever did before about having this artifact gun in my care and handle brings some unwanted attention upon me.
Do you see me riddled with bullet holes? No, because I don't provoke the red right hand unnecessarily.
I don't mean to provoke him. We mean to destroy him.
Maybe I just don't feel like telling y'all about my worst trauma in my whole life.
It's very understandable, Jesse, and you know, we will deal with that when we get there. But from what it sounds like, I think we may have to go back there.
We're going to have to go, but I don't want to talk about it right now.
We're here with you, darling.
And Herbert, if you must know, I think I saw the blue gray steel in my dream.
Can you expound upon that?
I was riding this train on top of it and then it just started to rust away and ended up in these oil fields that led to a mine and the end of the mine there was this piece of steel and I reached for it.
Oil fields, you say? Yeah.
Well, the only train tracks that rode through an oil field was the old Foley line that starts and goes right through the town and continues on.
It would make sense. It is an old mining line and they used to haul all sorts of precious metals and coals from the mines up and down that line and disperse them throughout the towns.
Hell, that makes sense. Um, well, I think we know where we need to start looking.
Yeah. How far is that oil field from here?
A few days ride by foot, a few more days.
Well, maybe we can try to get some horses.
Excellent. We have a general direction.
Yes, when there's a will there's a way.
Yeah, I guess we'll just try to go to the stables then and see if we can, how expensive horses even are and then I guess just go from there.
If we're going to do this, we need to keep it quiet. Please don't go around just spouting out that this is what we're doing. Some forces probably would want to prevent us from creating an artifact gun. It is not something that is done.
Yeah, we were hesitant to tell you about our dreams so I think we'll be okay with discretion.
Yeah, we ain't really talking to no one but each other.
Well, that's good news. Keep quiet. I'm gonna stay here. I'll hold on to the schematic if you don't mind. It's been a while since I perused it. I may need a little bit of practice on a few things.
Perhaps even make adjustments to it to make it even superior to your.
This is the superior. Do not worry about that friend.
Very well.
All right, Herbert. Well, I guess it was a pleasure to meet you and we'll be back as soon as we can.
I do hope that we run into each other again until then I'll make sure to be here in my shop day in day out.
We'll absolutely see you again. We need to get everything to you and get that gun. It's destiny.
Should we get all the things and come back or if we get one part to you, can you get started?
I can get started on anything you bring to me first. So bring them pieces is just fine.
All right, that might be.
May even expedite the process.
All right. Well, ciao.
Adios.
Have a excellent evening.
Take care, Herbert. All right, to the stables.
Yeah, we head out to the stables.
You step head to the stables and as it's getting into evening, there's only one gentleman and he's leaning against the edge or the side of the barn with his feet kicked up on one of the rails and seemingly snoozing away.
That he's going to walk up to him and kind of like saddle up next to him and be well, hey there, cowboy.
How are you the same then?
Initially, he jumps up out of his seat.
How are you doing, miss?
Oh, hello. Well, hello.
Howdy. Howdy.
What brings you by the stables at such a fine hour?
Well, what brings anybody by a stable there, youngin?
We're looking for some fine steeds to traverse us on our way out of here.
You came to the right place then. Good thing you didn't go to the livery.
You try there. They got some delicious pate.
But anyways, I do have some horses for rent rather than for sale. For sale is pretty expensive.
What's the rental rate?
Going rates about one lead a week.
Per horse?
Per horse.
I'll take it, yeah.
Yeah, I'll go for it too.
Yeah, I guess there's no other stables in town.
We're the only one.
Kind of got run of the market then, don't you?
Yeah, exactly. That's why it's probably so expensive.
Either way, I feel like I'm going to use this one that I got from Bill.
From Grull's Fat Rolls. And that's going to pay for my horse.
What if we did some chores for you when we got back with the horses?
Yeah, how about you give us like a two for one deal?
Considering it's such a beautiful evening if you know what I mean.
What three for one if the math is too hard?
I don't know if my boss, Mr. Monopoly, would appreciate that.
Aw. You know, I got to keep up on the books.
But who said it first? Was it you that offered a better deal?
I said two for one, but I meant it was like a buy two get one free kind of deal.
Like two lead for three horses for a week.
Okay, give me a heart roll.
Heart roll. Nope, that's a 13. I have an 11 heart.
Oh, okay. I just don't see how I could possibly cook the books.
Why don't you go ahead and give me a heart roll as well, Jesse Jane?
Seems you offered to do the math for him.
I have a 10 in heart and I rolled a six.
But I guess if you guys could figure out a way to maybe help me write it so it makes sense.
Oh, well I could do that. I'm good at that arithmetic.
Well, alright. And what else is in it for me?
I told you.
Batty Hayes.
We'd do the chores when we got back.
You'd do all my chores?
Well, I mean we'd take on a portion of them. Just enough to round it out.
Tell you what, you come back here with these horses in a week.
Do all my chores when you get back.
And I'll give them to you. Two lead for three horses.
I think that's pretty fair.
Alright, sounds good to me.
And we'd be happy to pay you for them when we get back.
Oh no, no sir. Mr. Monopoly needs his money up front.
How about one up front and one when we get back?
That's not how that works.
Well, here, I'll pay you in good faith. So you know we're good for it. Here's two lead.
No, I can give one.
I got one.
Yeah, I'll take a lead off too. So you don't have to worry about it, Cal.
So yeah, here's your two gold. And upon return we will...
Two gold? Howdy!
Shit. Two lead. Here are your two lead. We'll give you the... we'll do the chores when we get back.
But yeah, we'll take the three horses.
Alright.
Strongest, fastest ones you got too.
Very much appreciate your discretion.
You got it. And he weeds out three mature donkeys.
Fastest, strongest in the herd.
Donkeys.
These ain't horses. They ain't even mules.
Oh, they move just as fast, don't you worry. They've been specially bred.
I'm a little worried.
Show us your other stock.
Cal's not very small for a donkey.
Well, alright. I mean, you wander fast and strong, but alright.
And he weeds the three donkeys back into the stables and gets out three regular sized horses.
All with slightly disturbing growths on their body. Similar to every other mutated animal that's in.
Did the donkeys have the weird mutations?
Eh, some. You know, it's more like lumps.
Oh, well I ain't afraid of no lumps.
Well that's good then. These horses won't bother y'all.
How is it that these horses are not as fast as the donkeys?
I told you the donkeys have been specially bred.
Should we try these donkeys? He's very convincing with the donkeys.
I feel like we're being tricked, but I'm also curious about these racing fucking donkeys.
Donkeys, horses, donkeys, horses, what do you want from me?
Well, go bring the donkeys back out again.
I'm not so proud that I will not ride upon an ass.
Well, alright then. Gonna take me a few more minutes and get them saddled up.
Sorry, sorry for your trouble.
Yeah, Batty McCray getting the short end of the stick over and over again just like when he was a kid. Alright.
It was more of a good sales pitch.
Oh shit, my name is Batty McCray.
That's what you said. Yeah.
That's fascinating. My last name is McCray.
How is it spelled?
M with a little c and an R-A-E.
Well that's not like my name at all. Mine is an M with a little c with a big C with an R and an E and an I and a G and an H.
Wait, is your mama Lorelai?
In fact, she is not.
I didn't think so. Her son's name was Jacob.
But I didn't catch your name. You didn't even introduce yourself.
I'm just a similarly slightly different McCray other than yourself. It's been a pleasure doing business with you.
Oh wait! Is you Jack Bob's daughter?
I'm not Jack Bob's daughter. No.
Alright, alright. It was a little dark. I just didn't want to assume.
The beard must have thrown you out of the veil.
She has a beard. That's the weird thing.
Wow. Women with whiskers. How delightful.
Sometimes, you know, on Tuesday nights in particular down at the lounge, I find the ladies with whiskers quite appealing.
Well, that's lovely. Anyway, we will take you.
Wait, is you Jack and Jill's kid?
Those donkeys. Those donkeys.
Yeah, alright. Back to the donkeys. No one even wants to have a conversation with Baddie McCray.
Say, hey, my name is McCray. And you say, oh, my name is McCray too, but ain't nobody want to talk about the heritage and shit?
You know, Jack and Jill's kid over here, cousin McCray.
We're in a bit of a hurry.
He mumbles, is he?
When he gets back, we should say we changed our mind and do want the horses.
No, I don't think we should mess with him anymore.
What's that?
Nothing. Just get the donkeys.
Alright.
Several minutes later, Baddie McCray leads the three donkeys back into the stable. Saddled up.
Well, here you go. Now Baddie McCray has got to work three times for the price of two.
You know, it'll make it up to you when we get back. So, yeah, let's saddle up, guys. Let's get out of here.
Alright. Giddy up.
Giddy up we shall.
As we're riding away, Betty is going to say, wait, what was your name again?
Why would you even ask?
My name is Baddie McCray.
No, I just write faster as he's saying it so I can't hear it.
I'm Jack and Jill's kid.
He's Fanny's daughter. How are you going to look me in the eye and ask me if I'm someone's daughter?
Well, you know.
Greetings.
You have your moments in the right light.
Well, thank you.
It's those glittery eyes, Eeyore.
So, yeah, we're riding off to, I think, do we decide which place we were going first?
I was figuring whatever's closer, but...
Yeah. So, yeah, why don't we do the train track one first, the mountain one?
Yeah, let's go get that steal.
Alright.
Yeah.
Do you ride through the night?
I don't think we should exhaust ourselves in case there's something nasty.
Is there like an inn in this town before we leave? Should we sleep in an inn on a bed?
But then we're just spending more lead.
That is true.
You know, and that is a high commodity.
Damn.
So, it's, you know, we are in kind of a hurry, too.
Alright, alright. If you want to go, we can go. I'm behind you.
I feel like we owe it to Bill.
Very well.
Alright, we're riding through the night.
Okay. You set off on these donkeys. They keep pace the entire night, never showing signs of slowing or fatigue.
And they ride right until morning, riding you guys several hours into the morning light.
Never stopping to graze, never slowing their pace, but they continue to tromp on.
That guy was right about these donkeys. I'm sure glad we went back for them.
They are rather hearty.
This thing is my favorite.
Did you name it?
I've been thinking about names. I like my name to be, I imagine he would be a Jasper.
Jasper? Oh, that's a good name.
I think Jasper is a good name for this perfect donkey.
You can't spell Jasper without ass.
Yeah, that's how I spell it in my head, with two S's. Jasper, with like a...
It's clever.
Did you name yours, Betty?
No, I don't get too attached to them. They usually end up dying somehow.
Oh, wow.
It's just life, kid.
That's true. Your horses really don't make it that long.
No.
Yours to me looks like a Honda.
Like name it Honda or like a cord.
Not just, like it looks like it would want...
This is my donkey Civic.
See, I think donkey Civic.
Yeah.
Well, I'm naming mine Pinto, like the bean.
Lovely.
Who has Groll riding with them?
Oh, Groll.
Do you want him?
Yeah.
Yeah. I'll take Groll.
Groll sits in front of you, actually on the horse.
I just see him as like with a little dog goggles.
He turns while you ride and points at his stomach.
He sticks his hands in and out several times and just brings them out and they're empty.
Then he begins to meep at you and point at his stomach.
All right. I guess Groll's hungry and we should probably give these donkeys a break for a minute.
So why don't we take a little break and, you know, kind of recoup a minute, guys.
All right. Sounds good. I'm going to cook up some food.
Have him make some coffee.
All right. Coffee sounds good.
Smoke a cigarette or three.
Yes, and then subsequently have to have a bowel movement. We've seen it all happen before.
It's just in the morning. The rest of the day is gravy.
Is it the morning?
It is morning.
Oh, yeah, this might be bad then. We're going to be here forever.
Well, might as well get started now. Let's break. Let's make a quick camp.
Just like a day rest camp. We don't need to like.
Yeah, you guys take a few hours while the donkeys to graze.
Get Groll all filled up. Remove half days rations for me.
Actually remove a full day's rations.
Oh, damn, I should have spent some lead on food.
Maybe there's something out here we can kill soon.
I'll tell you what, we're not going to find out here a delicious blueberry pie.
That's why you're so behind.
Well, you know, more pie for you, though.
When you mention blueberry pie, you just hear Groll.
I know, buddy, right? That was delicious. That witch.
I mean, good thing we helped her. She could have easily just as easily poisoned it, but it was divine.
I'm surprised y'all ain't frogs.
It's real tasty.
Yeah.
Well, maybe next time.
You wanted us to turn into frogs?
No, I mean, maybe I'll try some next time.
Oh, yeah, no, that's a good idea.
I'm glad you're not frogs.
You know, caution is always the better way to go.
Yeah, we figured if one of us wasn't eating it, that we were okay to eat it, you know.
It looked fake. It looked so good.
Yeah, I didn't trust none of that.
It looked like a picture.
So I guess we're heading to try to find these railroad tracks and get to this mine.
Man, I really don't know what to expect.
I mean, it started off as like a really strong vision of being like this intact train, and then it turned into dust, basically.
So I don't know if we're looking for something that is or something that was.
Do you think if it rusts away so fast, maybe we're going to have a hard time getting it back to town?
We'll see what happens, but I think we have no other place to look right now.
Yep. Ready to press on?
Yeah, yeah. I got round two coming. Hold on.
Every damn time.
God, Betty, we don't got all day.
One of these times there's not going to be a tree around, and this is going to be an absolutely horrifying visage for some passerby to just happen to see.
Well, it's just how it is, all right? Some people get blessed with a bad gut.
You're blessed with happy to be near a tree every time you need to shit.
Yes. Well, you know, it's a gift. I'm blessed.
And I agree.
Okay. After Betty Bob takes her second morning shit, the three of you begin to pack up to press on.
And looking up, you see several vultures circling overhead, not too far away.
Guys, there was vultures in my dream.
There's probably something dead up ahead. We should be cautious.
Yeah, well, in my dream, those dead things came out of the ground and grabbed onto me. So let's be careful.
Well, do we want to go check it out or do you want to avoid it?
Well, I'm all for avoiding whatever we can.
Maybe it's a fresh kill and we can get some food or something.
I mean, I am all for investigating it as well. The last time we went looking for something, we found something contingent to us beating our adversary.
I mean, it won't hurt. It's kind of like on the way anyway.
Yeah, I agree. We should just proceed with caution.
Of course.
Yeah.
Indeed.
Watch the ground.
Okay.
So you guys go investigate with buzzards circling.
You wander a ways away from your makeshift camp and you're led to the kind of edge of a canyon.
And below the buzzards, you can see a dead horse and rider laying on the ground.
Fresh. Looks relatively fresh.
Do I notice anything about how like the body looks like? Are there bullet holes, arrows?
How close are you?
Yeah, I mean, I'll try. I'll get up as far as I'll get all the way up to it just very slowly and I'll just keep my eyes peeled.
Okay. There's no obvious signs of bullet holes or arrow wounds or any sort of physical damage at all.
The man and the horse look really pretty gaunt at this point.
They look like they've been dead a couple days maybe.
Rigor mortis has definitely set in as well as a putrid smell is coming from the bodies.
Other than that, the man still wears a full outfit and just seems to have collapsed off his horse.
Okay, I'll check his pockets.
This is quite peculiar. Looks like they both just fell down dead.
Yes, we definitely want to take a little closer look at. It's weird.
But yes, and to that I want to just raid the pockets.
Give me a D4 roll.
One.
In his pockets you find one lead.
There's nothing in his pockets.
Roll me another D4. Do you continue to search?
One.
You find a day's ration in his satchel on the horse.
The horse that had some food on it looks good still.
And nothing else, that's it?
No, it's picked clean.
Alright. Make me a dex check.
Three.
That under your dex?
Oh yes. I have a dex of 12.
Good. So as you're picking through the man's pockets and his horse's satchel,
you see the three buzzards' shadows are no longer circling around where you are now that you're standing there.
And with lightning fast reflexes, you dive to the ground as a hawk the size of a horse screeches down from the sky,
just missing, grabbing you up with its talons.
What an absolute shit.
Holy, it's a shit hawk.
The shit hawks, I thought they were buzzards circling, the shit hawks are circling.
Ah, terrified guys to run.
You run?
Yeah, I book it back, I grab the food out of the satchel and run.
Okay, make me another dexterity check please.
I never left my donkey.
Yeah, I'm just on it.
Two.
You are steps away from your donkey when this hawk makes another dive and its talons just miss, grabbing around you.
I want to shoot it.
Okay, roll 2d6 please.
Five.
You want to roll low, so a five is a hit, so roll your regular damage.
Five.
Okay.
And if I could, in the same instance I just want to take the bullwhip and just try and crack it right in the face.
Okay, go ahead and give me a mundane weapon attack.
This is a six.
Alright, you actually land a very good hit on it, sending this hawk screeching back into the sky, and very quickly does it make its way away from you.
Circle once and begin to dive back down.
Okay, Bob, would you like to take a turn?
I would like to and try to take some shots at it, take a shot at it while it's, you know, keep it off the mount Vorka.
So yeah, 2d6.
Nope, that's an 11.
An 11 is a clear miss.
Yeah.
Yeah, so not great.
It's the giant hawk's turn, and before you get a chance to jump on your donkey, cracking the whip from your back, this hawk flies down with great speed from the sky, expertly evading Betty Bob's bullet from her repeater.
And it digs its claws into you, Kal, on the ground doing 4 damage to you.
From your grit, please.
Don't forget your defense, so that'd be a 3.
And now it's your turn, Jessie Jane.
Is it down low enough when it attacks Kal that I could hit it with my machete?
Definitely. It's like, it's got him pinned on the ground right now.
Cool, I'm gonna try to smoke its head off with just a d6.
Smoke its head off.
Buries a machete into my arm.
It's a 6.
You've smoked this bird in its feathery neck, sending a plume of blood spraying back on you.
Get off of my friend, god damn it!
Fucking killing my friends left and right.
It releases its talons from you, Kal, and goes to fly away with its wounds.
I try and whip it and hold it down.
Okay.
I just want to whip it and just yank it back to earth.
Give it a shot, I guess. To yank it back to earth, you'll need to get a 6.
I thought you were just trying to roll low.
That's for shots.
That's for shooting. You're using a mundane weapon, so.
6.
Okay, you slam this thing back to the ground.
When it hits, it immediately tries to claw and run and get a running start to take off again.
I'm going to take a shot at it.
Okay.
Hopefully a better one now that it's on the ground.
That's a 9.
You are in a good position, so why don't you roll again?
Yeah, sure. Here we go, let's try to get a good shot.
It's a 7.
7 is a grazing shot, so why don't you go ahead and roll damage. That'll be a D4 for a grazing shot.
D4 for a grazing shot, alright.
2.
With the shot from your repeater to the back of the bird's skull, you blow what tiny brains birds have out through the bottom of its chin as it tries to fly away.
And the giant hawk weighs dead.
Nice shooting, Betty.
Son of a bitch.
How you feeling?
Those things have claws that hurt.
Yeah, man, that's not too great.
I don't have anything to help with that.
How's my coat?
Your coats?
I think you look alright.
I'm going to be alright?
Yeah, I mean it's a tattered look, but it's good. It suits you.
I think it looks good, and then he turns around and it's shredded down the back.
Like skin, you can just see like skin and undergarments.
Partially flayed flesh.
You look great.
Thanks.
Maybe just rub some ointment on it later. Salve.
Well.
On the coat and the skin.
Yeah.
No use letting this nice plump bird go to waste. I'll clean it up.
Oh yeah, some food there.
Hot damn, I'm starving.
Like a giant turkey.
Okay, everybody, because it's a nice new pristine creature, everybody roll me 1d4 for rations.
You can combine your totals at the end and split them up how you want, or you can keep what you roll.
I got two.
So overall you guys got five rations from this bird.
Nice.
I would like to keep my two because I only have 0.5.
Yeah, and I only have one left, so I don't know how many you have.
Well, if I keep this one, I'll have two, so I'm good.
Okay.
After this, the rest of your morning goes off without a hitch, and you're able to find your way back to the tracks that had lead out of.
I would like to also take a few feathers.
Fantastic.
You guys are able to find the train tracks that you were traveling down before that led out of Riptide easily, and you continue to follow them in the direction that Herbert sent you.
And it's a two day ride down the trail before you come across a train that's rusted to the tracks.
And around it are dozens of old rusted oil derricks no longer in operation.
This is the spot, guys.
This is this is what I saw in my vision, my dream.
Well, what happened next?
I think there's a cave around here or I'm unopened to a mine somewhere around here.
Well, we'll start looking.
Yeah, let's take a look.
You see the same hill that you had seen in your dream, and or you circle it until you find an old mine entrance.
However, that mine entrance has been covered in rubble and rocks and is no longer a viable entry point.
Well, that sucks.
Maybe there's another way in we can take a look around a little bit more.
Yeah, I'm good to walk around.
Yeah, I mean, it's it's a mine.
Maybe there might be a few sticks of stray sticks of dynamite laying around.
We could clear this rubble right out.
That's the truth.
That's a good idea.
I mean, yeah, we can take a look.
Maybe the train has something on it.
Definitely.
Yeah.
I mean, what else would you bring to a mine in place but dynamite?
It's true.
All right, let's take a look.
Search around, see if we can find anything.
Does anybody search the train?
Yeah, I mean, yeah, yeah, I'll take a look at the train.
I mean, it was in my dream.
I feel like I was interested in it.
You guys climb in to the train and it's 10 cars long.
So it takes you a little bit to search through some of them.
Some of them have old decayed food and not worth the barrel that they're in.
Others have old clothing and parchment.
But one car has some supplies that looks like it was meant for.
It looks like it was meant for the mine.
And within it, you do find several sticks of dynamite.
Ooh, nice.
How much is several?
Three.
Five.
Oh.
Ooh.
That seems like it would be enough to do the job.
You agree?
I think we might only need four.
Okay.
Yeah.
Let's use four and then see if we can keep that one.
I'd like to take one of those sticks of dynamite and shove it right up the ass of the Red Rat hen.
Sounds like a good plan.
Sounds like a good idea.
Yeah, we'll take it back and do we need to now find a fuse or is it all together?
Yeah, you guys found fuse with the dynamite.
And the plunger and the whole thing.
Or is it like the alarm clock, like a bundle like in cartoons?
The ACME one?
Yeah.
Whose mine was this?
Is this Wile E. Coyote's mine?
Mining company.
Through your guys' interactions with dynamite, which is semi-limited but still prevalent,
you know that there is enough for maybe a minute and a half of time on the fuse.
Well, that looks like plenty of fuse.
Yeah, I think we can make it work.
Yeah, we'll just clean our door.
Yeah, we should gather the donkeys and tie them up somewhere good.
Oh, so they're not shit scared and run off?
Yeah, I'd like to not walk home.
Walk back to that dam.
Yeah, that makes sense.
We don't have enough supplies for that even really.
Yeah, and they're probably going to charge us an arm and a leg when we get back if we don't grab the donkeys.
That's true.
Yeah, let's go for it.
Oh, we can just hobble them up.
I'll tie the donkeys while they want to work on the...
Yeah, let's set up the dynamite.
Okay.
Maybe like a couple, three different spots, a piece in each.
It's not hard to tell where you should place the dynamite.
And it does look like it was dynamite that was used to seal this mine off.
So strategically, putting it in a few different places, how are you going to light it?
The fuse?
Yeah.
Oh, I definitely have a lighter or something.
I mean, I've been smoking...
You have been smoking.
Yeah, I guess it's trash that you have matches.
Or a match or...
I have a lantern and oil, so hopefully I'll be able to light it.
I have a torch as well.
Light my torch and use that.
Okay.
Jesse Jane, you successfully tied the donkeys up to an old oil derrick.
All right.
That has some grass around it.
Somewhere pleasant.
And Grohl is following by your side.
And you meet up with Cal and Betty Bob after they have lit the dynamite a safe distance away.
Within a minute and a half of you guys lighting that dynamite, it goes off,
blowing most of the rubble out of the doorway and opening up the entrance to the mine.
Looks like it did the trick, guys.
Well, that went smooth enough.
With one stick to spare.
Lucky us.
How about that?
All right, well, get your torches and lanterns.
We're going into a dark spot.
All right, let's go.
As you guys make your way into the darkness of the mine,
it's eerie how little your torches and lantern do to light up the area,
except for directly around you, creating only a small haven of light in the tunnels.
As you shuffle your way down, you continually hear a groan.
There's definitely something in here, guys.
I don't think that sounds like the wind.
No, I definitely heard it.
That was a creature of some sort.
Tread carefully.
Yep, go quietly.
Plus, we got that dynamite if worse comes to worse.
I'm glad we made it clear that we were going to spare a stick of dynamite
for emergency circumstances.
Everybody make a heart roll for me.
Nope.
I have seven hearts.
I rolled a five.
Okay.
19.
Okay, so I'm going to guess that's a fail.
Oh, yeah, no, I have 11 heart.
I have a 10. I rolled 13.
Okay.
I won.
You won.
As you three continue to make your way down through the mine deeper and deeper
with no real clear direction except for down,
Jessie Jane and Betty Bob, something within you steals a bit of your heart,
and your resolve becomes a little weaker.
You're going to take four points of damage directly to your heart.
Ooh.
Ow.
Betty, I don't like this cave.
There is something not right about this.
Yeah, I feel it too.
It's not comfortable at all, but I don't know what else to do.
I feel like we just have to keep going.
Well, I'm behind you.
Cal, you don't feel that?
You're good?
I can feel 100% the crushing weight of the cavern around us.
It's harshing my mellow and bringing me down.
As the three of you continue down into the mine, your torches begin to grow dimmer.
Luckily, your lantern filled with oil continues to burn bright as it ever has,
but in the dimming light around you, occasionally you think you see the white face in the darkness,
but stalwart in your journey, you continue further and further into the mine,
and the darkness grows heavier with every step.
Everybody, give me another heart roll.
Seven.
It's under my...
Wait, is it current heart or your natural heart?
What's your current heart at?
It would be at seven.
Okay, you're good.
Okay.
My current heart is at six and I rolled a nine.
Okay.
My heart is a seven and I rolled a ten.
Jesse Jane and Cal, your torches go out completely, leaving only the lantern for light.
Oh, I hate this cave.
Stay close, guys.
Each of you take one heart damage.
You continue on through the mine.
I don't think there's any going back at this point.
We just got to go.
Yep. I'm with you.
Everything that we're doing is for Bill, so press forward.
Only way out is through. Go, go.
Hold closer together, closer than you ever have been, perhaps.
Continuing down this mine, the three of you side by side, press on with Grohl clinging
to Cal's back.
It's all right, little buddy.
He makes no sound.
He is completely quiet, feeling the crushing weight of the darkness around him.
Every step that you take after this point is laborious.
And the howling, growling, grinding noises that you've been hearing as you made your way down
seem to only intensify as you continue down the path.
When finally, a few minutes longer down the path, you see a faint light glowing in the tunnel.
What do you think, Betty?
God, hell. I always head towards the light, I guess.
All right.
You continue to get closer and closer to the light.
And a single table is sitting underneath the lantern light coming from further down this mine.
And you guys get within 10 feet before the lantern suddenly goes out,
leaving just the four of you in Betty Bob's lantern light.
Everybody give me one more heart roll.
God.
Woo, I did it. I rolled a three.
That's 18.
Seven.
And what's your heart at?
Seven. Or six.
Okay, so you failed.
And?
I failed.
You failed.
Betty and Cal, you're going to take three more damage to your heart.
What do you do?
For a bill.
Yeah.
Go to the order of hate.
Okay, what's everybody's current heart?
I'm at four.
Three.
Five.
Getting low.
Heart goes.
And the body isn't far behind.
You move closer and closer to the table.
Finally, you bump into it.
Seeing this white face now appearing sporadically,
but in quicker intervals all around this tunnel.
Sitting on top of the table is a heavy piece of metal.
I think this is it.
Grab it.
Absolutely, grab it.
This was your vision.
It's only proper that you...
Now take it and get the hell out of here.
Okay.
One of you bunks into the lantern that was perched above the table
and it creaks slightly on that nail that it hangs from.
But my lantern's still lit?
Your lantern's the only light.
Right.
So the light above the table went out?
It did.
Okay.
Can I use my lantern to light the other lantern to try and see if we can make it light up again?
Sure.
I'll do that.
You do it.
And suddenly you have a second lantern lit in the possession of the party.
No, I didn't want to leave it on the hook.
Oh, you want to leave it on the hook?
Oh.
Okay.
Jesse, why don't you hold on to this?
Oh, thank you, gladly.
I'm sick of being in here.
Can we go now?
Yeah.
Let's get this piece of steel and go.
As you run, I assume run, back through the mine.
Yeah, fuck this place.
Back the way you came.
Keeping pace is a white face.
And suddenly when you think that perhaps you have lost it, who's running in first?
Probably take the lead, yeah.
Okay.
You feel something from the darkness smack into your chest with tremendous force.
You take five damage to your grit.
Now the white face stands motionless.
You can kind of make out a darkness even darker than the darkness that's around you.
A darker dark.
A darker dark makes up its body.
And there is actually now a being in front of you.
What the hell is that?
What do you want?
You receive no response.
I'm going to just pull my gun out and try to pop a shot.
Or is it too close?
How close is it?
I'd say it's probably right on the edge of where you're affected.
I could try to pull with it.
I just, that hurt a lot.
I'm not very happy.
And what is Cal and Jesse doing?
I'm pulling out my machete.
Okay.
Actually, can I just take the lantern and hold it up to it?
As you hold the lantern closer to it, it almost seems as if it's sucking the light from your lantern.
And the closer it gets, the quicker your lantern begins to fade.
I pull it back real quick.
Yeah, and I'm going to go back with my first initial shoot at it.
Okay.
Cal, what are you doing?
I'm going to unfurl my whip.
And I'm going to lash at it and try to take that white face right off of that body.
Okay.
You roll first.
Six.
That is a hit.
Yes.
So roll me your damage roll.
Eight.
All right.
So you do maximum damage.
And with that, with the repeater, it just does double damage.
So roll me an additional D8, please.
Nice.
That's a seven.
A tremendous shot.
You send this thing reeling backwards and your lantern brightens as this thing takes several steps back from the shot
that you just put into it.
Cal, please give me a roll for your mundane weapon.
Can you say your roll?
It's a body all by itself.
I rolled a one.
Reaching out with your whip, snapping at it.
Your whip seems to hit where the body would be, but continues right through, not seeming to stop where you would expect it to.
Jessie Jane, tell me what you're doing.
I'm going to hit it with my machete.
You're going to run up to it and hit it with your machete?
Yeah.
Okay.
Four.
You run up your lantern dimming with every step you get closer and swing your machete into it.
It seems to pass straight through the darkness of its body.
And in doing that, having you so close, all of a sudden you're pushed back and you're going to take two damage to your grit
as the same strange force that hit Betty Bob Cocker hits you, throwing you back into the group.
I said two.
Two.
What's your grid at now?
Five.
Okay.
Well, fuck it.
It's time for the guns.
Pull out my shotgun.
Cool.
Yeah, I'm definitely going to take...
If it's still at a good distance, I'm definitely going to try to drive another shot into it.
Okay.
Go for it.
It's an eight.
An eight is a grazing shot, so give me one D4 damage.
Two.
Your shot doesn't nearly land as well as it did the first time, but it still sends the creature taking a step back.
No blood or any innards are ejected from its body during the shot, but it does seem to have had more of a substantial impact
than Cal's whip or Jesse's machete.
Cal, what are you doing?
Well, it appears that we're going to have to fight this with fire rather than whip and blade.
I'm going to take a shot at it.
You're going to do it at a disadvantage because you are close.
It's a little up close and personal for me, but...
So roll me three D6.
That'd be an 11.
An 11 is a mess.
And just a J.
Cal, when you put that last stick of dynamite away, is it somewhere that I could see it, like sticking out of a back pocket or something?
Yeah.
It's clearly visible hanging out of my pocket.
Yeah, you see the last stick of dynamite hanging out of the duster pocket that Cal is wearing, and he is standing in front of you.
I'm going to run up and I'm going to grab it.
You don't even have to run. Cal's right there.
Oh, he's right there. I'm going to grab it and I'm going to light it with my lantern and I'm going to yell, fire in the hole!
Roll me one D6, please.
Am I trying to get higher or lower?
We're in a mineshaft, right?
Mm-hmm.
Okay.
She's young and impetuous.
A four.
A four is a hit.
Yes.
Give me two D10s.
Okay.
I don't even have those out.
Uh, 17.
You take the dynamite, lighting it quickly from your lantern, whipping it down this fucking tunnel towards this mayhem beast, and it explodes.
Filling the tunnel with a bright, bright light and large ball of flames.
You hit the beast pretty much directly where you needed to.
And quickly, the dark spot that would have made up its body retreats into its white face before it shudders and then explodes.
Everybody make a strength roll for me.
Oh shit, I got a one.
I got a two.
Fuck! I got a 16.
Okay.
My strength is 15.
Aw, man.
Betty Bob and Jesse, you are not faced by the explosion.
However, Cal, maybe being a little bit closer, it rocks you a bit to your core.
You're going to take five points of damage to your grit.
And the path ahead of you is now clear.
Much of the groaning and grinding and growling that you've heard is no longer present.
And your lanterns actually emit a few more feet of light than they did previously.
Grohl, a bit calmer now, even though shook from the dynamite, climbs down off your back, Cal.
Did you hear that ringing?
Yeah, Jesse, I'm so happy it worked.
It was a great idea.
Next time, maybe not in such a small spot.
Oh, yeah, I didn't want to do that.
That was terrible.
Terrible plan.
It absolutely looked like you wanted to do that.
It did work.
I figure if we all died, you know, we're at peace from whatever that was.
Can we keep running?
Yeah.
Running now unhindered and with a better grasp of where you're going.
A sharp ringing in my ears and the teeth.
I feel like my teeth are swelling.
You don't look so good.
I don't feel quite great.
My feelings are hurt just because of that cave.
And now my brain feels like it's about to come out part of my ears.
Yeah, let's just get out of here, big guy.
We'll take care of you when we get out.
It still takes about an hour to get out of this tunnel, even moving at a fast pace.
However, in the midday light, which now burns your eyes as you make your way out of this tunnel,
the order of hate emerges and you're able to look at the hunk of metal in your hand.
It shines with a magnificent blue-gray hue.
I think this is absolutely it.
I mean, not going to say that was easy, but we got the first part.
Damn, that's beautiful metal.
Can I just stow it away?
Add it to your inventory, please.
The three of you find your donkeys who have untethered themselves from the oil derrick.
I'd be like, you have Jasper? Hello, Jasper.
He does not respond to that as it's not his name,
but he doesn't move as he continues to graze along with the other two donkeys in the grassy patch where you left them.
I mean, I say we ride a good distance away from here.
It's obviously a weird place and definitely find a place to look our rooms for the evening.
Yeah, I'm ready to get the hell out of here, too. I don't like this place.
I feel like now is the safest this place has ever been.
I agree, but also I'm not eager to hang out.
After you, ride until we can't ride no more because it's dark and they can't.
And that is where we'll end the episode.
Nice.
Nice. Great job, guys.
Good episode.
Thank you. That mayhem beast was really pretty tough.
The dynamite was a great way to get by that because he had a tremendous amount of grit and health.
Yeah, and we were all running very, very low on this thing.
It seemed like guns were working really well, and I was like, well, this is like a big gun.
Yeah.
I was like, my gun, just I can't, everybody get down and I got to run back that way a little bit.
Can you back up?
Yeah, I was down to three grit and four heart.
Yeah, my heart was trash.
My grit's down to five and my heart's at five.
Excellent job, guys.
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
See you next Tuesday.
The Tales from the Crypt podcast is recorded in the Wolfbeard Game Studio in upstate New York.
If you've enjoyed hanging out with us, please subscribe on whichever platform you listen to.
If you really like us, also leave us a review.
It's very helpful.
If you want to follow us more, you can find us on Instagram at Tales from the Crypt podcast.
We've enjoyed our time with you today and we look forward to seeing you next time at Tales from the Crypt.
Hush and my mellow, man.
I am the leader of the group.
Billy, what's with your voice?
Three said you were with you said you were with her.
I am the leader of Herbert the Jewelry Smith.