Welcome to the Tales from the Crypt podcast. We are an actual play podcast featuring a
revolving cast of players making our way through micro RPGs, highly narrative tabletop games,
and the more popular and less known RPG systems from a wide variety of genres. Content may
not be suitable for children and content warnings can be found in the description. I'm Riley
Groves and I'll be your host, your guide, your GM on this episode of Tales from the Crypt.
For Jesse Jane, it was 10 years ago when the worst night of her life occurred. You squeeze
your eyes closed so tightly that not even tears can find their escape. You listen as
the sound of pounding boots dies down and out of hearing range. You wait minutes and
then minutes more, making sure that the intruders have completely left before exiting your favorite
hiding place that none of your siblings could ever find you in during your frequent games
of hide and seek. Finally, you leave your sanctuary, making your way through your house
with your eyes searching hesitantly before seeing the bodies of your parents and siblings
unceremoniously arranged in the kitchen. Your feet feel as if they were weighed down by
lead and you begin to shuffle through puddles of blood. You kick something with your foot,
however your tunnel vision has set in and the tears have welled up in your eyes. Give
me a heart roll please. You're able to wipe the tears away from your eyes just enough
to see the cold steel of your dad's shotgun lying on the floor. You bend over to pick
it up, still covered in fresh blood, however it is yours. It was your father's. You continue
to make your way down and out of the house and finally you move into the cold winter
night. There's not much snow on the ground as you live in a desert plain, but there's
just enough to soak through your slippers. You shiver as you begin to wander into that
snowy evening. You wander the cold wilderness, surviving on sheer grit for two days before
you hear an unfamiliar voice shouting in the distance, over here Bill! And quickly, two
horses close the distance. A large strange man and a woman ride up and she calmly calls,
hey girl, are you from the house a ways back? I'm gonna raise my gun up and not say anything.
Oh ho! No need for violence, we were passing by the house. We just noticed that there were
some tracks leading out. They were pretty little, it seemed to match somebody your age.
We just wanted to make sure you were doing alright. It was a pretty gruesome scene back
there. Um, um, I'm okay. Are you with those bad guys? No, we're definitely not. We're
definitely not. Don't worry darling, we're some of the good folks. We're decent. Okay.
You look pretty hungry. Uh, yeah, and cold. Not a nice time to be wandering about. I'm
gonna shoot them bad guys. I'm gonna go find them and I'm gonna shoot all of them. Well,
I can appreciate that darling. Can't you Katie? Yeah, absolutely, but I think first you need
to get some food in ya, dress a little warmer, put on a few inches before you go seek your
friends. Okay, but then we can shoot them. Oh yeah, I'll even help you shoot them. Good.
What's your name darling? Uh, my name is Jessie. Jessie, you got a last name? Jane. Jessie
Jane, what a fine name. Well, I'm Bill and this is Katie Lancaster. Hi Bill, hi Katie.
Pleasure to meet you darling. Why don't you hop up on my horse here? Okay. I got some
jerky and some hardtack. Yum, I love jerky. Yeah, I bet you do. Why don't you go ahead
and point that scatter gun in a different direction for me? You can put it down. Okay,
it's so heavy. Yeah, I'm sure. We got a holster for it and everything. Here. And Katie leans
over taking your scatter gun and helping you up onto her horse. It's gonna be a bit of
a ride before we're somewhere safe and warm, but uh, it shouldn't take too long, a few
hours ride. That all right with you? Yeah, I can do that. All right. A few days pass.
You and Bill are wandering in the woods doing some hunting. So have you used that before
little miss? Um, I've, I've fired it once. All right. Well, that's good. Why don't you
go ahead and show me your form just in case something jumps out here that we're ready
to take down and want to make sure you're doing it right. Okay. She holds it up right
and she puts the, the butt of the gun in her shoulder like she's supposed to. Well, that's
a good form. Who taught you how to shoot? My daddy. Your daddy, huh? I bet he was a pretty
good guy. He was a good hunter. You want to do some practicing or you want to wait around
for a deer? Oh, heck yeah. I want to shoot. All right. Well, I just happened to bring
this to your bottle. Think you can blow it out of the sky. Oh yeah. Yeah. All right.
I'm gonna toss it up when he hit, when it gets high enough, go ahead and blast it for
me. Okay. Bill takes a few steps away and pulls an empty bottle from his coat pocket
and with a mighty heave sends it spinning up into the air. Go ahead and give me a shot
roll. So roll two D six please. Seven. Seven's a grazing shot. Ooh. So you're able to, you're
able to hit the bottle, but you send it spinning off after blasting the neck of it. Oh, but
you don't shatter it completely. Well, that wasn't too bad of a shot. That's a big gun
for such a little, little lady. Yeah. It's really heavy. It's hard to, it's hard to get
used to. Hey, well you keep up with it. You'll grow into it. Yeah. Someday I'll be big and
I can shoot all the bad guy. You sure can. Maybe we could borrow one of Katie's guns
later. See if there's something a better fit for you than, than that there double barrel
cannon you're basically carrying around. Well, I'll try it Bill, but I like this gun. Well,
all right. We'll, we'll, we'll work on it. We'll get you to where you need to be. Oh,
by the way, I, uh, wanted to wait a few days before giving this to you. I'm not really
sure why, but I think, um, I think it might mean something to you. And out of the opposite
pocket that he just pulled the bottle out of, Bill pulls a teddy bear out and it's one
that you recognize one from your old house. Oh, Teddy. Yeah. I thought you might want
this when we were passing by. Uh, I ain't going to get into too many details about it.
It was a macabre scene as I'm sure you're probably aware and it brings up poor memories
for you. So I'm not going to linger on it. Katie and I did bury your family just so you
know, they had the last riots. You know, it was nothing more than a couple gunslingers
reading some passages, but, uh, I just wanted to let you know that they were laid to rest.
I just didn't want to bring it up too soon. Um, thanks Bill. Thanks for my Teddy. You're
welcome. I hope that helps a little bit. And I've been hearing you toss and turn at night
and I can't imagine it's been too easy for you. My mommy made me this Teddy when I was
sick. Oh yeah. What were you sick with? The measles. The measles. Yeah. That was real
bad. I bet you're all the stronger for it now. Yeah, I guess I am. Well, why don't we
head back to camp? We can fetch some food later. I know Katie's been whipping up something
good for us. Yeah. My hope is dear. Do you have more of that jerky Bill? Oh, I always
got some jerky on me. An important lesson when traversing the wilderness, always bring
enough jerky. That's a good one. I like it. He snaps off a piece and hands you half and
puts the other half in his mouth as well. Yum. Two years pass and you've spent them
entirely with Katie Lancaster and Bill Haight. Well, Jesse, about time we get you trained
up on these other guns. You keep using that scatter gun, but I tell you, you got to be
able to use a rifle. You got to be able to use a pistol. Oh Bill, I can do it. I'm sure
you can, but it's been years now and you've just been holding on to that scatter gun.
This is my old trusty gun. I like this one. Well, I'm sure. I'm sure. But you know, you
should be versatile. Other guns shoot a bit different. All right, fine. All right, Katie,
why don't you give Jesse here your pistol? Why don't you give her your pistol, Bill?
God damn it. You know, ain't nobody touching my pistol. Katie saddles up to you. All right.
I know you ain't ever shot one of these before, but I could do it. You can do it. Absolutely.
I got this. Thanks. Thanks, Katie. She quickly shows you the ins and outs of her handgun
before handing it over. All right. Pumpkin on a post there, darling. Okay. Give me a
shot roll. Still 2D6? 2D6, please. 10. Complete miss. Well, it looks like you shot over it
a bit. Why don't you go ahead and give her another shot? I don't know how you shoot with
this thing. It's so light. 9. You're able to hit the very outside of the target that
they have set up. Yeah, not great. I guess a little better than last time. This dang
gun is so light. I can't shoot anything with it. I can't feel nothing. Well, it does have
a different feel to it. Absolutely. You got to shoot a bit different. Why don't you try
this instead? And she kind of rearranges your stance a bit. Helps you focus down the barrel.
Lines you up. All right. Give me one more shot, darling. Another 9. You hit the exact opposite
edge of the target that you did before. Well, Bill, I just don't know if this is going to
work out. Can I just try it with my gun? Watch. I got this. Yeah, all right. I mean, we're
out here for a reason, but. 2. 2, you absolutely obliterate the target. Well, damn it, Katie.
I don't know. Maybe it's just best to let her stay with what she knows for now and we'll
try a bit later. Yeah, I guess. All right, Jesse, give me that gun back. Make sure it's
pointed at the ground. Don't shoot me in the foot or nothing. Yeah, no problem. I'm happy
with my gun. Yeah, I can I can tell. I don't know if you're shooting that shitty on purpose,
but. No, well, maybe. Well, all right. You can use that scatter gun. Good as anybody
at this point. I can shoot this gun better than anybody at this point. And no time at
all. You'll be better to take out the rest of that order of the fist that killed your
parents. How do you know you know who it was, Bill? Damn it. There you go again. Open your
goddamn big mouth, Bill. Bill, you knew that the whole time? Yeah, we found out a while
ago. We didn't know the whole time. We probably found out about a year ago. But darling, we
did choose to keep it from you just for now. You're only 11. I know you want to get back
at them boys, but. Well, the sooner I start searching the better. No, vengeance is a fool's
game. No, no, no, not when it's your family. Not when it's anyone you've ever known. Vengeance
is always a fool's game, Jesse. I don't agree with that. Neither do I. God damn it, Bill.
I know that. I'm trying to take care of the girl, though. She's only 11. She can't go
Calavan around. You don't know what I can do. I got this. Do you see how I shot that
pumpkin? Jesse, I do know what you can do. And you're very skilled and you're tremendous.
But you got a lot of life ahead of you. You got a lot of living to do. Got a lot of shooting
to do. Yeah. Katie is right, though. At least I might have to wait till you're a little
older anyways. How much older I got to be? I'm old enough. You ain't old enough to go
out on your own and Katie and I ain't going to come with you right now hunting down bandits.
There's quite a few of them. Now, if we sit together and build the proper order, got a
few more gunslingers on our side, perhaps it's something that we could do. Well, you
got a lot of friends, Bill. We could find some good folk. Friends is different than
gunslingers. You don't just want friends with you. I thought all your friends was gunslingers.
Dwindling in numbers, darlin'. There ain't many gunslingers left like us. But I suppose
we put an order together. If you want, you can be part of that. We might run into them
boys sooner rather than later anyhow. We'd love to have you. We've been talking about
this for a while. I know we aren't your real family, but you're about as close to family
as Bill and I is ever going to get. Well, you guys is all the family I got too. So what's
the name of the order we're starting, Bill? Well, Katie and I were kicking around some
ideas and we're both from the mountains. So we were thinking something nice and simple.
Maybe the order of the mount also goes, you know, maybe it's a double entendre. I don't
know if I'm using that right, but you know, we're some of the only ones that are mounted
up these days. A lot of people just running around. A lot of horses got mutated. I heard
of a donkey that somebody was riding. That was pretty special once, but you know, ain't
so sure about that. What do you think? Is this stupid? Probably pretty stupid name.
No, Bill, I like it. Order of the mount sounds strong. Those sounds strong. Like us. Damn
right. Yeah, I like it. You like it? Yeah. All right. Well, let's saddle up. Maybe we'll
run into some other folks that we should add to the order. All right. I'm ready. All right.
We head out now. Soon as we done breaking down camp. You got any idea where we're going
to start? I got an idea. Four years pass and the three of you ride to a small cabin down
a well-worn path crossing under a once pristine sign that has the last name Cocker and blazoned
on it. You pull up to a cabin that sits empty and cold. Bill dismounts from his horse and
makes his way inside. It's just you and Katie waiting outside the house. So Katie, whose
house we at? Just a person from Bill's past. He used to be a suitor to the lady that lived
here. Oh, we're getting Bill a girlfriend? I don't know about all that. He's been pretty
cagey about why he wanted to come here. When he was coming years ago, you know, we never
came here together. So I don't really know what he's looking for necessarily. All right,
then. But something tells me there's a bit about his past that he left here that that
he ain't willing to show. You know, Bill. Yeah, he don't say much sometimes. Nah, not as much
as he should. Well, it don't look like no one's here now. It don't. Judging by these
tracks out of here, it looks like they left in quite a hurry. Well, should we go get Bill
or wait out here for him? The front door, when you say that, gets kicked open. And bad
Bill Haight looks about as physically large as you've ever seen him coming through. And
he stomps back to his horse. Well, all right, ain't nothing here. Let's get out of here.
What are we doing here, Bill? Who is this house? We was looking for somebody. Just,
you know, we were passing through and just somebody I wanted to stop and say hi to. Your
girlfriend. No, I ain't my girlfriend. Although I don't know what's befalling to her. But
uh, somebody from my past that I figured I'd stop and see how they were doing. Mm hmm.
Old teddy bear Bill being all nice and suitor like. Yeah. All right. Two years pass and
you, Katie and Bill have not found another person to add to your order. No one seemed
worthy enough. And the few that have ended up being enemies, which you Katie and Bill
quickly dispatched. You find yourself passing into a bustling town called Stansville. Just
intent on passing through, grabbing a quick meal and maybe a night's rest. And that's
where we're going to end it. Oh, okay. See you next next Tuesday. Well, we'll see you
next Tuesday. See you next Tuesday. Ready? See you next Tuesday.
Tales from the Crit podcast is recorded in the Wolfbeard Game Studio in upstate New York.
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