Welcome to the Tales from the Crit podcast. We are an actual play podcast featuring a
revolving cast of players making our way through micro RPGs, highly narrative tabletop games,
and the more popular and less known RPG systems from a wide variety of genres. Content may
not be suitable for children and content warnings can be found in the description. I'm Riley
Groves and I'll be your host, your guide, your GM on this episode of Tales from the Crit.
Welcome to Tales from the Crit. Today we are going to be playing We Deal in Lead and at the
table I have John. Well, howdy. Mikey. Hi. And Rebecca. Hail and well met. Hail and well
met. All in a well met. I'm super excited so before we get into it let's get to know each
other a little bit better. We'll answer a question from our pod deck interview deck.
Today's question is, which words or phrases do you most overuse? All right, well I guess I'll go
first. I'm trying to think of something like currently that I use a lot and being working
where I do like I feel like I always say absolutely to people all the time. I'm like,
oh absolutely, absolutely. I can do that for you. Absolutely. Like it's just my word and I kind of
resent it. It's your retail voice. It is. It is. Like if anybody knew like the face I make when
they walk away. No, I'm just kidding. No, I love everybody. But yeah, no, it's just you get like
you get in a rhythm and you get in like a hi how you doing? How are you? Welcome. Yeah, hi. Hey,
welcome. You know, and yeah, but I do also really love the word asinine and I feel like I also say
asinine a lot. That was the best part back in high school was like you would say asinine so much
where if anyone else would say asinine we would always say John's photo. Like after it? Yeah,
John's. But like that's fucking that's asinine. Yeah, it is. It's a great word. Asinine is a
wonderful word. It's a reason, you know, it gives you an excuse to curse in front of people and they
don't even know it. Yeah, so it's either absolutely or asinine and I also love alliteration. So the
fact that I have a absolutely asinine alliteration is just, you know, brilliant. Perfect. You said
it right on. You said it wrong. Ask, say it again. Absolutely asinine alliteration. Absolutely asinine
John's photo alliteration. Awesome. All right, Mikey. Mine is it annoys me because it's just
second nature and I can't not do it anymore. It's like when somebody's talking to me and they're
saying something and after they're done talking I just say heard. Or when I'm behind somebody I
fucking I say behind and like most people would say excuse me or I'm sorry pardon me or something
and I'm like behind behind behind. From your years in restaurant touring right? Yep. Okay.
Yeah, like heard it's just like what did you say? I heard I got you. Yeah, I will give you like the
weirdest look in public when you do it. They're like, excuse me. Yeah, no, that's the same behind
you to someone in the supermarket and they're just like, what did you just say to me? Yeah.
What did you where are you? I was I was doing why are you behind me? I was working doing IT in a
pharmacy and they're like there was like in a busy pharmacy people were passing like pharmaceuticals
around and everything I'm working on like running wires and stuff and I'm there's it's a busy floor
so I'm like and I'm carrying ladders and I'm moving very delicately because there's a lot of
stuff going on and I'm just constantly like behind behind excuse me behind behind excuse me and they're
just like they got it I mean they're just like I was just making myself like you know an obstacle
moving through their midst and well you got there and they probably like looked at you like how did
he do that? Yeah. He communicated? The only reason they looked at him weird is because he was actually
whispering it behind. Probably was. I probably was. And gently sniffing as he passed by. I probably was.
But that's those are the two that's my double whammy is heard and behind and I mean yes chef
but like that's not that's only just that's just to be an asshole like nobody nobody says that.
Yeah. All right right Rebecca. Mine's probably that's insane everything's insane or wild and I
don't love it but I got no other words so whatever but I've been trying to bring back whack because I
think that's a fun one so I say that one a lot now too. Whack. It's whack. It is whack. Shit's whack.
Shit is whack. Yeah mine's probably right on. I say right on a lot. Definitely. I say yeah I say
right on. I edit right on out a lot of times out of this podcast because. You edit this podcast?
Yeah. That's whack bro. It's whack. I know. You would not listen to it if it wasn't. I mean it's
it'd be funny. It would be awesome. You should edit them all together. Yeah. I will edit everyone over top of one another.
You can catch up on all 22 episodes at the same time. Put it under like the noise band section of
like like the streaming services like. It'll probably end up being the most popular episode.
Depressing. Yeah I don't know that I'd say right on is probably one of them. I say right on a lot.
You say hey Ed a lot. That's my boss. Hey Ed. Yeah I don't know I get stuck on things a lot
one time during the podcast a few weeks ago. It was. Oh was it the adjective? Maniacally. Oh yeah.
I said maniacally. Everything was maniacal. You walk up the stairs maniacally. There's a dinosaur. It looked at you
maniacally. The ghosts. Yeah they were maniacal as fuck. Well I feel like in like ttrpgs there's like
always those words that are used all the time. Like I feel like like when I listen to podcasts
whoever does them or anything the word that always comes up for me is gossamer. Like it seems to be
like every GM's favorite like descriptive word is like gossamer. Gossamer wings. Gossamer mist. Like
gossamer everything and it's just you know it's just one of those things. You know what I think
the biggest words in DND well all ttrpgs are um making your way and then someone shouts downtown.
Every session. Every session. That's definitely a thing. Yeah I mean you do have to hit the
touchstones every time. There's certain phrases you have to use otherwise you're not actually
playing a tabletop game. I mean we should start like changing it up. Like if someone says make
him away we should be like back to you babe. That'll catch on. Yeah. All right fuck this
bullshit. Let's get to dealing some lead. We deal in lead. We do. And before we jump right into it
we're gonna go through some characters real quick. Why don't you guys tell me who you're playing. John
why don't you tell us first. Sure absolutely. So I will be playing Betty Bob Cocker and Betty Bob is
a no-nonsense young gunslinging gal. 26 years old. She brandishes a repeater rifle. It's a beautiful
silver color you know just gun silver rifle with a walnut wood you know handle and butt stock and
she's got a leather wrap around it that's black with red accents and silver accents.
She also brandishes a bullwhip. She's dressed in some reinforced leather jacket with a leather
vest underneath. Very buxom. Very attractive. Definitely makes a stand for herself and is out
there to kind of better her family name and to to become legends you know. Awesome. Mikey who are
you playing today? I'm Kel McCray short for Calvin. I'm a hunter. I have a brawny build. I have a
I have a pale pockmark face. I've got searching eyes and wavy hair. Speak eloquently but you'll
mostly see me hunting like I just like I'm at home in the woods. I just have a big my duster.
What kind of gun do you carry? My gun is a it's a long gun. It's a rosewood stock. It's got a
it's got a pretty tarnished silver barrel. It's got a long brass telescope on the top of it.
It's engraved with a sword. It's got words in it that I can't understand but it shoots farther
and truer than anything I've ever used before in my entire life and it's out of respect for the animal.
All right even though in this world half of them if not most of them are horribly mutated.
Still tastes good though. Rebecca who are you going to be playing tonight? I'm playing Jessie Jane.
She grew up on a ranch until the age of nine when her parents and siblings were murdered by a gang.
Jessie vowed to avenge her family and will use her father's trusty shotgun to carry out her vengeance.
Her shotgun is silver and her father had it engraved with a rose because that's her mother's name.
Bill Haight found her after her family was murdered still hiding in the house.
But now she is 19 years old and she has big bushy red hair and a bandana that's blue
and she wears a super cool poncho and carries a machete. She's a badass. Awesome she sounds like it.
She's been known to do some bounty hunting and they never make it to the hangman. Oh shit all right
straight up murderer. They're bounties dead or alive. Yeah. She only takes dead or alive obviously.
Obviously. Obviously. I can bring you in warm or I can bring you in cold.
Alright so a little bit about this game. It's called We Deal in Lead. It is by Odin's Beard RPG.
You can find more about them at lead.byodinsbeardrpg.com. This is an awesome one. This guy's made a couple different
RPGs that are super cool. I just picked it up off his website so if you're interested go to the website I mentioned.
A couple things real quick. We are going to be deviating from the source material just a little bit so if you're
do pick up the book or already know it and there aren't any discrepancies do know that for the most part
those were a choice by me and not just my shortcomings as a GM. Gotcha. Or you know because I can't read.
Right on. Partly because you can't read. I mean like it's partly because I can't read but not the majority of the reasons why.
I think you read good Riley. I read real good. I'm Cal McCray. Man you sound an awful lot like Michael Sears.
Like a southern or western Michael Sears. I'm Cal McCray. I'm Cal McCray. Lean into the deep one more.
And I just had an accident in my pants. My name is Cal McCray and I have diabetes.
If you talk like that it's gonna make people too turned on. Yeah it'll cause some issues. It is.
That is a sexy point. I was excited for my wife to hear this podcast now I'm don't like I'm dreading it.
Yeah. Hide your wives. Hide your husbands. Hide your kids. Anybody. Everybody. Anybody who can hear.
Yes. The only people who can listen to this podcast are the deaf. Yes. So turn the audio off and read the transcript which is available for every Tales from the Crit episode that we've made so far.
We also have a YouTube channel where all of our only Mike and Riley have ever listened. Yeah.
It's very new so don't judge by how few views we have. People do listen but we've never actually talked about the YouTube channel before.
But all of our episodes are up on there too in case you want to put it on the old TV and you know walk around and listen to it.
Right on. Do my ironing. Yeah. I like watching the sound bars go up and down.
Yep it's got the sound bars thing and a thumbnail. We don't record this because most of us are hideous.
Oh stop. I'm just kidding. Not really. We're all beautiful people. It's 50-50. I mean beauty is on the inside.
People are just like you're hard to look at. I'm like I know and I'm sorry for you.
And he's like behind. That's why I stand behind them all. Heard. Heard. Okay.
The lands of the drifted world are treacherous and unpredictable. Veering from bleached desert to frozen mountains.
Forces once immutable shift as space and time's borders thin and opposing realms bleed into our own.
Sometimes the old ways bubble up, trailed by chaos and madness.
Broken and corrupt remnants of technology lay abandoned across the drifted world.
While other vast machinery stirs underground driving realities gears.
Most magical knowledge is lost but when it is used it's wild and unpredictable and worse it draws unwanted attention.
Gunslingers, once a symbol of order and feudal authority, are now few in number.
But their guns remain a powerful sigil and a reminder of their oath.
I do not kill with my gun. They who kill with their gun have forgotten the face of their elder.
I kill with my heart.
Our story now begins with a group of gunslingers belonging to the Order of the Mount,
led by Bad Bill Haye, overlooking a ramshackle village on the edge of a fetid swamp.
Well gang, we finally found him. We tracked down that traitorous bastard.
Y'all ready to end this once and for all?
I'm ready Big Bill.
I'll lull you anywhere Bill.
It's Betty Bob. She's 26 years old. She started smoking when she was 10.
Yeah Betty.
I'm the inside. I'm gorgeous.
Sure is.
I know how to use it.
That's what they say.
You have tracked Severn down after weeks of tracking him and his ragtag posse.
After they betrayed you and your order on a job.
In which Severn shot and killed the fifth member of your order, Katie Lancaster, before fleeing.
In front of you lays a hastily constructed, mostly decaying and largely abandoned, ramshackle village,
half submerged in the swamp in front of you.
Occasionally, gouts of fire spew from a rust-riven oil derrick filling the air with acrid smoke.
The oil derrick screams and grinds as it continues its operations.
There's several buildings rotten and crumbling, but within you see some visible movement.
Across the square from that oil derrick, there's a crumbling saloon,
an astilt shack that looks better constructed than the other buildings here standing at the center of the village.
Well, where should we head first?
Well, it looked like there was some movement down in that building over there, Bill.
Maybe we should go check that out.
Yeah, it looks like an old saloon.
Everybody keep your eyes up. Stay sharp.
We don't want this bastard to get the best of us.
Follow your lead, Bill.
Alright. Be ready.
Heard him, gang. Be ready.
I'm always ready.
I got my ass peeled.
I know you all go. We're always ready.
As you approach the saloon, one door swings by a single hinge,
while the other lays on the ground in front of the porch.
And you can see some movement coming from inside.
I think we should be sneaky about this.
Yeah, I'll go around the back. You want to come, Cal?
Yeah, let's take a look.
Betty Bob, you're with me.
Sounds good.
Your boots creak as you cross the deck and into the saloon.
As you look around, it's filled with patchwork walls and a ceiling that's mostly crumbled in.
There's a few tables spread across the floor, which is covered in grime.
It's got a rancid and earthy smell, and it also reeks of mold and stale beer.
At the bar stands a rusted robot, just wiping it down with an old towel.
Betty Bob, why don't you go talk to that there construct?
You know I don't really like conversing with them too much.
I got you, Bill. You know I got a gift for the gab.
You sure do.
A voice that could slay angels, you told me one time.
And I meant every word, Betty Bob.
More like slaughter.
You're always using them fancy words, Cal.
Ain't no one understands you.
Cal, you're supposed to be around the back.
What the fuck are you doing up here?
Where'd you go?
Damn it, boy.
Betty approaches the construct.
Howdy, what can I get you?
Seems a little derelict around here.
I don't know what that means, Cal said at one time.
Why are you even here, open? There's no one here.
The robot stares at you intently, as intently as a robot could.
That wasn't into your entire question.
Before turning and looking back down at the bar and beginning to wipe again.
And then stopping.
Howdy, what can I get you?
Looks like we're only getting drinks, Bill. This one's busted.
Well, anything good behind that bar?
Anything good behind the bar?
Howdy, what can I get you?
Usual, Bill.
Might as well. Never know when it might be your last.
Pour me whatever they got.
Take two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Bill, how many?
Might as well make it four.
We have four.
Howdy, what can I get you?
Four.
Howdy, what can I get you?
Four, uh, whiskey.
Howdy, what can I get you?
pennweit.com
Thanks, Bill.
I'm a bit out of time.
Yeah, Bill, not- we're not getting anything.
Yeah, yeah, Betty, I would stop talking to him.
It doesn't sound like that's going to be a fruitful conversation there.
Bet 아니면悩° bak,
Betty sits at the bar and looks around and...
What's the place look like overall?
You can tell that it's still growing, that it's not like dead, but it's mostly brown
and has a kind of rancid smell to it.
So the only movement we saw was the construct or the robot inside.
Yeah.
Okay.
You know, there's no other living things in here besides the four of you.
No, besides the two of you and Gryll, the bumbler that belongs to Bill Haight
and is a longtime companion of all of you.
There is one other room that is behind the bar,
but we'll jump out to Jesse and Cal.
Cal, you ready?
You gotta sneak in quiet.
Quiet like, like a hunter.
That's my specialty, darling.
You wanna go first?
Allow me, and I go on in.
Like, so you go in through the back door?
Yeah.
Okay.
There's a bunch of broken barrels, torn sacks,
filled with rotting grain.
The roof right above the room that you enter in is mostly gone.
The exterior door is even missing.
There's weeds and funguses growing wildly throughout this room.
You get the smell of must and an oily smoke,
and there's a few shelves that have mostly been picked clean.
What's that oily smoky smell?
I don't know, but keep your head low.
Careful with any fire.
Keep moving through it, trying to see what we can see
and find what we can find.
Yeah, we're sneaking through,
trying to get to the front of the bar.
Sneaking through it, you guys taking your time.
You would notice some drag marks
leading back out the way you came.
And there's a couple shelves that are dusty and empty
as you go by.
Well, this drag mark looks pretty recent.
Yeah, there's a lot of dust all over everything,
and these are pretty evident.
We should take a look.
Let's take a look.
What are you taking a look at specifically?
Where the marks on the floor lead to.
It looks like a couple barrels have been dragged
from this room and back out into the swamp
through the door that you guys came through.
Can I look in the barrels?
Absolutely.
It's mostly like rotten food
and nothing of value left in these barrels here.
Seems like maybe someone's cleaning this place out,
trying to reestablish it as a bar.
That don't sound right.
We should just, I don't think anyone's here.
We'll just go forward.
Let's carry on.
This is not where we need to be right now.
We go out towards the bar, the regular bar area.
And out in the bar, you find Bill and Betty Bob.
Ain't nothing back there, Bill.
No signs of life.
There's some drag marks.
Somebody's been dragging some barrels out, but.
Maybe to that shack we've seen on the other side.
Baby, I thought they went out into the swamp.
Well, it is on stilts.
Give it a look, can I just check behind the bar?
What's behind there?
As you go behind the bar, there is a few more shelves.
They are dusty and bare looking.
It seems like something might be carved crudely into them,
but it's mostly obscured by dust.
There is a half broken bottle of some sort of liquor
sitting behind the bar.
And other than that, it's mostly picked over.
When you say half, like enough for one person
or enough for how many people could it satiate?
Satiate, probably not many.
I'll drink the whole thing.
All right.
Betty, you're not supposed to drink when we're on a job.
Darling, darling, that is disgusting.
My hands are shaking.
You got a problem we gotta talk about.
It's fine, I started when I was 10.
Yeah, that's the problem.
That's part of it.
It's fine, mom did fine.
I'll be fine.
Roll up a cigarette real quick, hold on.
The robot turns with you behind him.
And as he does, he wipes a different part of the counter
that he hasn't touched in ages, who knows how long,
and sends mushroom spores going up into the air.
And he looks at you and says,
howdy, what can I get you?
And then begins to wipe air.
We should get out of here.
That was weird.
He didn't do that at all.
I had talked to him like three times.
Yeah, well, let's-
Possibly even four.
Let's be on our way then.
Okay, yes.
You wanna deconstruct him?
You wanna tear him apart?
No, I don't like them things.
Let's just keep on moving.
Well, all right.
I go outside.
Yes, me too.
I'd like to step outside first and take point.
Yeah, I'm gonna follow your lead, Cal.
And Bill turns to leave the saloon as well.
Well, I don't need to be in here, Betty.
You ready to go?
Yeah, you first.
Okay.
And we head outside.
One last look behind the bar,
see if there's anything else to drink.
How hard are you looking?
I'm looking pretty hard.
I'm looking for something to drink,
but also I noticed there was writing there,
and I also noticed that the robot was acting weird,
so Betty's kinda like, hmm.
In investigating the shelves a little bit harder,
you blow off some dust,
and you see three words
that are carved into the top of the shelf,
and they are glove,
corrode,
crawlers.
Anything happen when I touch it?
Not when you touch the words.
You find something back there,
something back there.
I don't know, just something that says
glove, corrode, and crawler.
And the robot perks up.
Good day, welcome to Swapwater.
Guys, maybe come back in here.
Swing with my rifle pointed right at the robot, what?
Welcome to Swapwater.
There's no need for violence, friend.
Cal, I put it down real quick, buddy.
This seems fine.
So it does, so it does.
Um, Jesse, what do you make of this?
Should we try something to talk to it, or, I don't know.
I could shoot it.
Well, it's not going too hasty.
It doesn't seem threatening or nothing.
It's just trying to talk.
There's no need for violence.
Okay, well, I like shooting.
You look like a good target.
Jesse, maybe just hold off a bit,
wait until it needs shooting, all right?
Bill, what do you think?
It's weird, I said those words,
and it said different things.
Probably reset itself or you knew a code word or something.
I don't know.
Just ask it your questions and be on with it.
What is this place?
This is Swapwater.
Okay, when was the last time someone was here?
There are people here now.
Besides us, when was the last time people were here?
There are people here now, other people.
Bill, I need to leave.
Where are there more people?
In the rest of Swapwater.
Which way is the rest of Swapwater?
It is all around you.
Well, how many people are in Swapwater currently?
There are three other people in Swapwater.
What are their names?
I don't believe they've told me.
What they look like.
Two men and one woman.
One is injured.
Sounds like who we're looking for, Bill.
Which direction are the other people from here?
I don't know.
I stay here.
They've been in here a lot?
No.
There's not much to do here.
Not many people come through.
Didn't you guys say something about some barrels?
Yeah, we should check that shed out back.
We did see evidence of movement in the back,
but we figured it was just something stupid.
But now it makes a bit more sense to reexamine.
Do you know what they were moving out of here?
They moved things out of here?
There's been someone moving something in the back, allegedly.
You got old nasty-ass food.
Are there other employees that currently work here
other than yourself?
No.
No one's been here for a long time.
Besides the three that showed up days ago.
How many days?
Indeed.
Four days.
What is the meaning of life?
Why would you ask him such a thing?
Now we ain't never getting out of here.
I just want to know.
I have all the answers.
I'm just curious about that.
That is almost hurtful.
He slowly turns back to the bar and begins wiping again.
The fucking bald spot that he's just warned.
Yeah, it is the most polished piece of wood
you've ever seen.
As he contemplates that,
now he just moves just slightly faster
until it finally starts a fire and engulfs him.
He's like this.
This is the meaning of life.
Well, it sounds like those other people are here
and if you didn't see many buildings,
that means there's not a lot of places to look,
so we know they're not here.
And she's injured, so they can't go far.
Right.
I say we press on.
I say we check out that shed out back.
Split the party, first episode.
Let's do it.
No, let's just take one quick further look
out in the shed where we saw evidence of something.
With a more fine tooth comb.
We'll follow you, Lee.
We'll take one more look.
You guys exit through the back door.
Bill and Grohl take up the rear.
Maybe Grohl will have us be able to find a scent.
His name's Grohl.
Grohl.
Grohl, Grohl.
You remember Grohl?
Look at Grohl.
Come on, buddy.
Come on, Grohl.
Maybe you smell something that we can't figure out.
Come on, buddy.
You guys go out.
You inspect the barrels a bit more
and you don't discover anything more interesting
than the first time that you're out here.
But as you leave out the back door,
you do see the shack that Bill had referred to
sitting about eight feet out of the surface of the water.
Below it is a herd of mutated cows.
The water's about waist high and it's tainted with oil.
So it's definitely got an oil slick across the top.
And the cows are just mostly in a circle,
just drinking some water out from underneath the shack
as it gets a little bit cleaner there.
But they are horribly mutated and pretty grotesque.
Are there windows in the shack?
Boarded up windows.
So you can't see, there's definitely not glass windows.
I'm sorry, what time of day is it again?
Is it evening or?
Afternoon.
Afternoon, okay, so it wouldn't be like any candlelight
or anything like this.
No.
Is there like a stilted porch around the whole building
or is it just like?
There's a deck.
There's a, just like a front deck.
Okay, front like all around.
Nope.
Oh, like a stoop.
Yes, the stoop is eight feet up with the rest of the place.
There's just a ladder to the deck there,
down to the front door.
So only one way up we can see just the ladder.
Yep.
Not the former, just the ladder.
Just the ladder, yeah.
Got it.
I'll head up first.
No one else wants to.
After you, darling, I'm right behind you.
I'll climb that ladder.
As you get close to the ladder,
suddenly a lobstrous busts out.
This is like a cross between a lobster and a crab.
It is also a hideously mutated creature
and it's got a very large pincer on one hand
and it stabs one of the cows at the bottom of this ladder
underneath the shack and drags it back into the water.
God damn it, we got lobstroses.
Son of a bitch.
They're very tasty though.
I mean.
Well, yeah, they're feed you a long time.
Garlic, you know, Cal.
I do, I do.
Well, Cal, if you want to hunt that
and Betty, you can cook it up later.
Well, I mean, just, you know,
I'm saying it's not all negative.
I mean, we could all put a little bit
of our own rations together
and we could have a bit of a fricacy.
It'd be quite lovely.
But in all honesty, I'm more concerned about our welfare.
I think it's probably distracted with all the cows.
We can probably just try and sneak up in.
I agree.
I'm gonna keep climbing.
Seems kind of fair.
Let's just be quiet.
And you guys quietly go up the ladder,
not causing too much of a stir.
We're gonna find Severin and make him pay.
Severin's pay.
It is unforgivable what he did to Katie Lancaster.
She was probably the best of us.
As you climb up the rickety ladder,
you pass a number of blood stains,
not just on the stilts,
but on the ladder and on the deck as well.
The windows are all boarded up
and you can see that the door is clearly barricaded.
And these barricades are new additions to the shack.
They have been recently put on.
And you said there's no windows?
The windows are boarded up.
I mean, they're trapped in there.
Yeah, you wanna just kick the door down?
I mean, we don't even need to kick the door down.
I think we can just be like, come on out.
I mean, we got them.
We got them.
There's only three of them.
There are four of us.
And one of them hurt.
I'm good with the numbers.
Should we identify ourselves as saviors
and we are here to help?
I say we're lobstroses.
How does a lobstros identify itself
other than clicking and pinching and smashing
and destroying and mutating the fucking cattle
that we have just watched be eviscerated?
Well, we only watched it get dragged away.
Yeah.
We don't know for sure.
The imagination does tend to wander.
Well, not mine.
Yeah, Betty knocks on the door.
Don't knock on that door, Betty, God damn it.
Oh, sorry, Bill.
What is wrong with you?
We gonna get vengeance on these boys.
But do we just burn it down?
Don't burn it down, I'm gonna go in there
and I'm gonna shoot seven myself, you kidding me?
Okay.
God damn it, get with the picture.
But I mentioned for a shootout, can I go first?
Well, we know he's traveling with more than just him.
He ain't constructed this shit bleeding.
If I don't shoot him, can I shoot someone?
Can I go first?
I mean, yeah, I don't care.
Are there chances that there's any innocent people in there?
Look around this place.
You think there's any innocents living here?
I would just start shooting them.
I would reckon that.
I would reckon that anybody that's part of this
is probably in on the take.
That being said, I think I'm gonna find myself
away to a high spot where I can get better visibility.
What the hell, you gonna leave here
and go climb a fucking tree in the swamp, Cal?
Ain't nothing taller than this shack right now.
Plus, there's no skylights.
We ain't invented those yet.
And you got your whip.
We're the whip gang, buddy.
Remember, you got this, now we all have one.
Where there's a whip, there's a way.
We never agreed on the name, the whip gang.
After further reconsideration
is probably a really bad idea.
I don't think we agreed on the name of it.
We're just whipping.
Somebody peer in that goddamn window
and tell me what they see.
I'll look.
All right, Jesse, you are able to look through
a few slats in the window.
And you see two road worn figures sitting on a wall,
not facing the door, chucking some dice.
The room itself is pretty small
and there's only one other door
that you can see on the opposite side of the room
from the entrance.
Well, there's another door, so they might have an exit.
But they're just sitting there playing some dice.
Can't see the faces.
Can I see their faces?
Yeah, sure.
Is it separate?
It is not.
You would know these two as Susanna and Oswald.
It's Susanna and Oswald.
Are they with him, I'm assuming?
Yes.
That bitch Susanna and that bastard Oswald.
No sign of Severin?
No Severin.
We could interrogate him.
Fucking hell.
Find out where he is.
Busting the front door and the back door at the same time.
The robot said that there was one other person
that was injured.
Maybe Severin's injured.
Don't matter if he's injured or not.
I'm gonna kill that boy.
I think we interrogate these two.
We should think about this smart.
If we're gonna go in,
we should go in from different angles and go in.
There's only one door, damn it.
Well, there's a door on the other side.
Ain't no deck on the other side.
What are we gonna do, climb over the house?
Well, I don't know, Bill.
I'm just saying there's a way they could get out.
Anyways, I know you can take Susanna and Oswald, Jesse.
Just going through the goddamn front door.
We could do two in the front and one in the back.
Betty, your mask skills never cease to amaze me,
I gotta say.
Do you wanna be just sitting right there
on just where the back door would just drop off,
like the rim around the back door?
I mean, I just thought someone should be back there
doing something.
It's a neglected area, obviously.
Leave Grom to cover the back
and pick up the pieces that fall out.
You mean Gro?
Gro.
Leave Gro out back.
Gro climb on the roof.
Give Gro the ol' heave-ho.
Heave-ho.
And he tosses him up onto the roof.
Watch that back door, Gro.
Anything that comes falling out of there,
you just take him down.
Jesse, you gonna go first?
Oh yeah, I'm ready.
Betty, what order you wanna be in?
I'll go behind my girl, Jesse.
All right.
Cal, you gonna take up the rear?
Yeah.
It's only most logical.
If you're gonna go in with that rifle,
you know I can't let you go in first.
I'll just come in right behind everybody.
Waiting on you, Jesse.
I'm going, I'm going.
What do you want me to do?
Shoot down the door, whatever?
I don't know.
Kick it in.
Kick in the door, I said that earlier.
You told me not to.
Yeah, it was a long time ago.
Well, I'm ready.
I'm kicking the door in.
All right, you enter the door.
And as you do, you catch Susanna and Oswald off guard.
She lets out a little screech
while he lets out a hideous bird-like cry.
He is a beast deal.
He is not a human.
I'ma shoot him in the head.
I always hated his weird bird face.
We need to keep one alive.
Well, that ain't gonna be him.
She's more likely to flip.
I swing a whip and grab him by his bird beak.
Okay, Jesse's gonna shoot first.
So you're gonna roll on the shoot table first.
So you're gonna roll me two D6.
In this game, you almost always wanna roll
as low as possible.
Okay.
Five?
Five is a hit.
Hot damn.
You only have two shots at any given time.
Okay, so you wanna set your lead markers to whatever.
After two shots, you'll have to decrease your lead by one.
So probably really good that you got so much.
Okay.
So your scattered guns got a short range.
You're gonna roll a D8 for damage.
Three.
Do I always wanna roll low?
No, this would be a case where rolling higher
would be better.
Cool.
Next time.
Okay, which one are you shooting?
Oswald.
Okay, you blast Oswald good with your scattered gun,
remove one lead, and you take three points off his grip.
So you've got one shot left.
Betty Bob, I believe you're second in the room.
Yeah, how far away are they?
They are close.
So I would not be used to use my medium repeating rifle
would be probably not a good idea.
So seeing that Jesse's got Oswald on the control,
I'm gonna go for a bullwhip around Susanna
and give her a good old whoosh.
That does have a short reach, so that's awesome.
And you're gonna do D4 damage.
Yes, I am.
Two.
And do I have to do anything to actually hit that
or that just happens?
No, from my understanding mundane weapons,
you that just like.
That just happens.
Gotcha.
Cool.
And then I guess I'm gonna move probably around
to the side of her so like I can make room
so Cal can shoot behind me.
So I'm gonna move around.
Okay.
Inside the room a little more.
Bill Haight enters the room third,
pulling his six shooter aiming square at Oswald.
He plugs him right through his weather armor
dealing five points of damage, reducing his grit to zero
and his strength 10.
And when your strength goes, that's when you die, right?
Yes, if your strength goes, that's when you die.
And then there's heart rolls as well.
And Cal, you were last one in this room.
I was gonna bullwhip Oswald right in his big bird beak.
Give me a D4 roll.
Two.
And you're able to reduce his strength to eight.
Awesome job cracking the whips.
However, now it's Oswald and Susanna's turn.
Susanna strikes first,
wielding her cudgel and running right at Jessie Jane,
doing five points of damage to your grit.
Ouch.
Followed by Oswald who does have a grazing blow
to his side from your scatter gun.
He wields his saber, running right at Betty Bob Cocker.
Slashing well, doing three points of damage.
It is to be known that if you...
We didn't actually talk about the defense
that your guys' fucking stuff gives you, did we?
No.
I mean, the only one I know about is the armor for me,
which is a two, but...
You have a reinforced leather jacket?
Yeah.
So you're gonna remove two off of there.
So that would have been, what did you say, if I was five?
Yep.
So it'd be three.
No, he did three damage.
Three, he did three.
So you do one, go down to one.
Okay. Yep.
And you had the pad to punch out, correct?
Yeah.
So you're actually only gonna take four.
Your duster is also worth one defense.
So anytime you're attacked by mundane weapons,
you're going to remove your defensive score off there.
If you get shot, your leather or your coat
or your poncho don't do anything.
It goes right through there.
Okay? Okay.
So remove four from your grit, Jesse Jane,
and only one from your grit, Betty Bob.
And then we're back at the top of the order with Jesse Jane.
God damn it, you bitch.
And I'm gonna pull out my machete
and I'm a slicer across the stomach.
Okay, hold on one second.
Let me tell you what a machete damage is.
It's a d6.
Six.
And you attack Susanna?
Yes.
Reducing her grit to zero and her strength to only two.
She's basically hanging on by a thread now
with your machete stabbed into her side.
And as you pull it out, she begins to spew blood.
And Betty Bob, you're up next.
Where's Severin?
And I'll take my whip and I will whip at Oswald
because I think we want to keep Susanna alive.
Give Oswald a good old whoop.
Okay.
Two.
All right, you reduce him down by a single point
because he does have armor.
Severin's in the back.
Oh shit, giving him right up.
In the back.
Cal, get him.
You love going in the back.
Away I go.
You'll never get to him.
And he swings his saber.
I duck.
And Mike just beat the game.
He doesn't hit me because I don't want him to.
I matrix dodge right out of the fucking way.
You're going to take seven damage
minus whatever your defense is, which is one.
So you'd take six to your grit.
Bad Bill Haight fires off another shot at Oswald
doing only grazing damage and only taking him down slightly.
And then it is your turn, Cal.
Well, I want to keep running towards the back
but I really want to blow Oswald away
and just finish him off hard.
You want to finish him off hard, huh?
You fucking do that, man.
What are you going to do?
You're bull whipping him or you're shooting him?
Shooting is going to be very difficult
because you have a telescoping.
I can't just reach out and just point the end
of the barrel right next to him.
It's a long barrel, bro.
He can move real quick.
Takes a long time for that bullet to get to the end.
He can move by the time, you know, standing so close.
Or grab your gun when you stand too close to people.
You could do it.
I keep moving towards the back.
You could do it.
You want to shoot him, Mike.
Yeah, don't be dismayed.
No, I go after Severin.
Okay.
At this point, you can tell Susanna's looking
to keep whatever rest of her life that she has
and she's going to try to make a morale check.
Do I see this?
Like, oh fuck, I should have killed her.
I think she's just bugging out, bro.
We got this.
I ain't worried.
He gave him up right away.
He was like, oh, he's in the back blasting.
Shucks, you got us.
It's too easy.
Yeah, it always is.
Susanna, brave as can be, pushes past the four of you
and leaps off of this eight foot platform
and into the swamp, taking off,
leaving only Oswald behind.
That final lobster usses will probably get her.
I could shoot at her.
You hear a scream.
Don't waste it.
You hear a scream come from outside.
Oh, well damn, you're right, Betty.
You know, quite a bit of commotion
coming from the water underneath.
Oswald's going to stay and fight.
And it would be your turn again, Jesse.
Actually, no, it'd be Cal's turn
because he was pushing his way to the back, not shooting.
Not shooting, yeah.
You make your way to the door,
even though there are some bullet holes in it
and it's reinforced with several barrel parts
from the saloon.
It is pretty well constructed.
This seems like a pretty serious architecture here.
I guess we just have to deal with Oswald first then
and then figure that out.
Or Oswald's gonna tell us.
Bust it down, god damn it.
Yes, boss.
Roll a D20.
And what you want to do is come under your strength score.
Eight.
What's your strength?
15.
Oh yeah, you can come under that easily.
So it turns out the door, maybe not as well constructed
as you thought.
And you're able to kick it in.
And laying on the bed in the other room is Severn.
And he has bandages wrapped around his waist.
He looks tired.
He looks worn out.
And he's laying in this bed
with a six shooter pointed directly at you and the door.
I spin.
Roll out of the way.
Try to move as fast as I can.
And you're successful in doing so.
As he misses completely with his first shot.
Y'all best get out of here.
I'll take down every one of you.
And damn it Severn, I'm gonna kill your ass.
Bill, Bill somebody's knocking at the door for you.
Yeah, don't you worry.
Y'all take care of Oswald.
I'm gonna take care of this yellow belly bastard.
He is a yellow belly coward.
Yes, yes.
He will shoot first and ask questions later.
We will parlay with the ship birds in the other room.
Excuse us.
Jesse Jane, you're up first.
Well, I guess we ain't gotta keep you alive.
I'm gonna slice him with my machete.
Cross the throat.
All right, roll for damage D6.
Okay, one.
Ooh, he has one defense.
So that is actually negated.
So for whatever reason,
your machete gets caught up on his, on his leathers.
His worn leathers, they're not pristine.
Everybody's got their leathers.
God damn it, why are you wearing neck braces?
So my head doesn't get cut off.
God damn it.
Betty Bob.
Yeah, I'm just gonna continue to whip this boy.
One.
He's just like sitting there and he's got his arms up.
And like you guys are just peppering him with shots.
He's like, eh, y'all stop it now.
Get out of here.
You don't want no beef with Severin.
He didn't do nothing wrong.
Kill Katie.
Katie deserved it, that bitch.
Y'all know it.
Say that again.
Katie deserved it, that bitch.
And I will fucking throw my hunting knife right at him.
I feel bad, we kind of sound similar.
I wonder why.
I'm saying I'm a bird.
No, I'm saying you sir.
Is it gonna be a D6 for you big dog?
You throw your hunting knife at him
and it just like bounces off his leather.
Man, all three of them.
This was a good purchase.
And he takes his saber.
I got dibs on that leather when he's dead.
I was gonna say we could split that up.
He has some nice leathers.
So he swings wildly, completely missing.
It seems you guys have called his bluff.
And you can see his resolve leave.
And he decides to take the same route as his partner,
Susanna, except for he jumps further out
after leaving the front deck
and escapes the clutches of the lobsters,
leaving the three of you and Bill.
Did he drop his sword?
He took his sword.
Shoot him, Cal, you got that long range bullshit.
I intend to presently, but can I get a shot?
Go for it.
Bill's vengeful, so he doesn't care what you do.
I'm taking a shot.
All right, roll me two D6.
I got, I'm 11.
Clear miss.
Damn it, Cal, I thought you was good with that thing.
Your gun only holds four, so now you're down to three.
Ah, damn it, Cal, you're supposed to kill people
when you shoot them.
Anyways, we got other business to tend to.
Seven, you bastard, get out here.
And you hear creaking from the bed in the other room.
You and your traitorous bastards, you're done for.
Cal just shot the last one of them,
Blue Oswald's dumb ass vulture head right off.
I ain't coming out just to get massacred.
Y'all ain't gonna pepper me with shots.
Oh, hell yeah, we are.
I'm going out, I just gotta be respectful.
I did what I did and I'll take my licks for that.
You're gonna ask for respect after you did
the most unrespectful thing to the young Miss Katie.
That is absolutely out of the question.
You will die like the dog you are.
Cal, I always did like the elegant way you talk.
I will drag you out here and we will put you down.
You know, I always appreciated you more than Bill does.
Oh, he's groveling now, just get it over with.
It's too much talking.
It's pathetic.
Yeah, I agree.
Pathetic.
Let's just shoot him, Bill.
We're gonna do the right thing, don't you worry.
Seven, if it's a duel you want, it's a duel you'll got.
I'll let you go out with honor, but without your head.
Damn it, Bill, I wanted to help you kill him.
If anybody in my order dies,
it's my job to put down that killer.
Y'all know that.
I know.
Anyways, how are you already wounded, Seven?
Is that damn man they call the red right hand, Bill?
He's gonna come for you.
Coming for anybody with an artifact gun.
That thing you got ain't special, it's a death sentence.
Eh, so be it, kill him too.
Get your ass out here, we're gonna duel in the swamp.
What is an artifact gun?
Is that like a weird gun?
You would know what an artifact gun is, actually.
Bill Haight's gun is an artifact gun.
You've heard him talk about it before.
And there is something extraordinary in his gun
as compared to the three of yours.
He's never let anybody else hold it or touch it,
but he has shown you and he has alluded
that it has a little something special to it.
It has some magical properties to it,
but hasn't ever sat down and told any of you
what that actually is.
But it looks just like a regular,
I mean just a little shinier, nicer, better cooler,
but it's not like a ray gun.
It's not a ray gun. Versus a Colt.
No, no.
No, the guns are like in this world are like rare too.
Yeah.
But like, the bledding guns are like.
Really rare, and artifact guns are rare.
And you would also know, since you did travel
with Severn for a while, that he too
possesses an artifact gun.
Duh!
Good thing I moved.
Well, I mean, I want it now.
You won't want it, Betty.
I tell you, it's a death sentence.
No, no, no, I want it.
I do.
You can have your bosses after you pry it out
of his cold dead hands.
I'm gonna put him down.
No, no, I'm gonna have yours.
Yeah.
That's just how it's gonna go, Severn.
Let's just get this duel over with
so I can get my new gun.
I'm glad we all talked about it
and we agreed that I get it.
So, you know, Severn, just enjoy your last shot with it.
You're gonna miss.
They'll get you.
It's gonna be fine.
You always wear a cocky sum, bitch.
Yeah, well, you know, raised right.
All right, put your weapons down.
I'm gonna come on out.
Gonna do this over with.
I'll do each and every one of you,
put you in the ground.
I'll kill you long before you even shoot your gun.
These guys all talk.
Just come on.
All right, y'all put your guns down.
Soon as he said, like, put your guns down and stuff,
I'm like walking away.
I'm like going away.
I'm getting a long line of sight.
You do what you need to.
And then I'm just getting ready.
And Bill allows Severn to make his way
down and out of the cabin.
Y'all take extra care not to alert the lobsters underneath.
And Cal, you go find some cover somewhere
for a good vantage point.
And I'd be a medium length away too.
Okay. Just to make sure.
Jesse, where are you gonna be situated?
I'll stay with Betty.
Okay.
He's just coming out of the room.
He's not coming out of the house.
No, he's coming out of the house.
Getting a duel in the swamp.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah. All right.
So I'm getting good vantage.
And so Bill and Severn pick the least submerged area
of the swamp.
Not somewhere that's waist deep any longer.
Out in front of the saloon.
And you can hear the robot from inside.
Howdy, what can I get ya?
But you don't know why.
Betty, it sounds like somebody might be in that bar.
Sounds like it also might be a red herring.
I don't know.
What the hell does that mean?
You see a red fish.
Oh, I see it now.
Yeah.
I've seen those before.
They're called a MacGuffin.
Oh, that's a fancy term.
All right, Bill, wreck him.
All right, Severn.
It's your last chance.
You take me out.
You already know these guys are gonna take you right out too.
That's all right.
I'll take them all out.
Each and every one of them, I'll put them down.
It don't matter about this shot my side.
He's full of shit.
Yeah, Bill, just end him.
Bill and Severn take their places,
standing back to back at first.
And pacing off 10 steps before turning.
Facing each other down, hands at the ready,
both hovering over their six shooters.
Time seems to pass by extremely slowly.
But suddenly, they both reach for their guns.
Pulling them quickly, you hear one shot
followed immediately by another, and then a third.
And you see Severn collapse.
Only he doesn't fall backwards from a gunshot.
He falls forward.
And out of a door from behind Severn,
out of a door that seemed to have showed up from nowhere,
not attached to a building, just out in the open,
you see three men step through.
One of them dressed in all dark clothing,
holding two six shooters, and he begins firing immediately,
as two other people make their way through.
And as they run past Severn's fallen body,
the man reaches down and picks up his artifact gun,
begins firing at Bill and the other three of you.
Running duck?
Yeah, hide.
Hide, everybody.
Oh, good gravy.
I'll shoot.
Make a shot for me.
Roll 2D6.
Four, and I say a seven.
OK.
Roll damage, which for you is a D10.
A one.
OK.
Even with a good hit, you seem to hit him directly in the chest,
and it does not slow his advance at all.
Betty's going to do one of those things where
she's standing with a gun, and then going to turn around,
and then be on one knee when she turns around,
ready for a shot.
And he's going to take a shot at one or two,
as long as they're within a medium range.
The two beings that came out with the gunslinger
are definitely within a medium range by now,
as they're making their way directly towards Jesse
and Betty Bob.
They're making their way downtown.
OK, gotcha.
We need to check that one off.
Before I get it out.
So yeah, I'll shoot at one of those.
And that's 2D6.
That's a seven.
A seven.
You do crazing damage, so you're going to roll 1D4.
1D4.
Mikey, also, you should be down to two shots left
before you have to roll.
That'll be a three.
OK.
And that'll be actually my first shot that I fired, so.
OK, you shoot one of these beings.
That's like, from afar, they're passable as a human.
But as they begin to get closer, they look much different.
Their features are more gaunt.
Their skin is more gray.
Their eyes are more pale.
Their hair is wispier.
They do not hold up as humans as they get closer.
And each of them are running, carrying clubs.
And you completely bypass their eyes by shooting them.
So you do three points of damage to their grip.
I am also going to sort of turn to run,
but then turn and kind of run backwards and shoot at them.
OK.
Which is a D6, right?
2D6 to shoot.
Five.
A five is a hit.
So you're going to roll 1D8 damage.
Six.
And are you firing at the same one or a different one
that Betty just hit?
The same one.
Going down to 15, right?
Because I shot my gun twice.
Yes.
So you have to take your next turn to reload.
OK.
So it's like D&D rules where you can move and do an action?
Less structured than that.
You can just kind of do what you're doing.
You just have to roll for kind of what the result is.
So there is a lot less rolling.
OK.
These two graykin, as they are called, are going to come.
Graykin are going to come directly towards Jesse
and Betty Bomb, closing the gap, each wielding
their own cudgels.
Jesse, the first one hits you for three damage.
So that would only do two, I believe, with your defense,
which would affect your grit.
And if your grit goes to zero, you're
going to take it off your strength.
And Betty Bomb, you're going to take six damage.
But be sure to subtract your defense from that.
So that will be four, which would
bring out two grit.
Down to one.
OK.
That will be two grit.
Bill and the mysterious stranger exchange
shots throughout the tower.
Eventually, Bill backs himself into the saloon.
And then it's followed closely by the stranger.
Can I get a shot on?
You cannot.
Not on the stranger, anyways.
But it is your turn.
I'll shoot whatever is attacking Jesse.
OK.
Roll two D6 for me.
You're able to graze that one, so you're going to do one D4
damage.
Three.
That's a pretty good shot for a grazing shot.
And then it is going to be Betty Bomb Cocker's turn.
OK.
So with the movement thing, we can, can I, now that they're
right on us right now, right?
Yeah, they're close enough to hit you.
So can I move away to a medium length?
Can I try to find some other cover
so I can get another shot off?
Definitely.
OK.
So yeah, Betty's going to move behind somewhere in the town
to get a little cover.
Maybe got a barrel or a fence or something
and aim for the original one that she shot at.
All right, give me two D6.
It's going to be an eight.
OK.
An eight is another grazing shot.
So it seems in your movement, you're
not able to get your target fully in view before you
let one rip.
It's going to be a four.
OK.
And are you shooting the same one that you guys,
that everybody has shot?
Yeah, I got it.
With that shot, even though it is grazing with the other shots
that it's taken, you are able to knock this gray
can down to the ground and it puts out this sickly gasp
as it kind of dematerializes almost.
It's not like Star Wars Jedi disappearing.
It's more like a flattening of the body.
So it's like more deflated.
Yeah, deflated, really quick decomposition.
And Jessie Jane.
How far away am I from where Bill and the stranger just went?
I mean, you could get there.
Can I run in there?
Sure.
Yeah, I want to run in there after them and try to help Bill.
Maybe try to catch the stranger off guard.
OK.
We're going to Shetty.
OK.
You run into this clean, hearing the cacophony of gunshots
that are coming from inside.
And as you get to the door, suddenly Bad Bill Hate
runs out, bleeding from several places,
and grabs you by the lapel and pushes you out the door.
You don't want to go in there, darling.
You got to run.
You got to get out of here.
How am I going to get you out of here?
Get out of here.
Save yourselves.
This guy ain't nothing to drive with.
We can't not save you, Bill.
I'm going to hold him off.
Y'all get out of here.
Y'all listen now.
No, no, I don't want to go.
Let me get out of here.
We got you covered, Bill.
We got you covered.
Run for it.
God damn it.
He ain't like the rest.
Bill, we ain't leaving you.
As you say that, Bill takes another shot
from the stranger inside.
See, I told you there was whiskey at that bar.
They're doing shots in there.
He coughs out blood.
And he looks in your face, Jesse.
And he says, death is just another door, darling.
Get out of here.
Oh, teddy bear Bill.
OK.
And he pushes you, turning, staring
at the front door of the sluice one more time.
OK, and I run.
I grab the other two and then I say, run.
We got to run.
We got to get out of here.
We can't kill him.
Bill, no.
He took Bill down.
I grab that, Bill's gun.
You ain't fucking nowhere near the line.
I'm just kidding.
You're not kidding.
You forgot you were a mile away.
We've got Misty step.
So yeah, I guess we watched Bill die and run.
Shit.
As you run towards Betty Bob to grab her,
there's still another gray can around.
And it's headed towards Betty Bob.
Oh, I'm angry.
I'm going to run straight for it with my machete
full on ready to kill it.
OK.
Betty doesn't see it.
She's focused on what just happened to Bill.
Do I shoot it?
Do I see any of it?
Well, she just got pushed around on her turn.
So let's let her attack first.
Then it'll be its turn and then it'll be top of the order.
I forgot how to roll for my machete.
I've already done this time.
OK, thank you.
Machete is a d6.
2?
You land a grazing slash at this gray can,
only bypassing its armor some.
It doesn't bleed like normal humans would bleed,
but it lets out some ghastly smoke from the spot
that you just hit.
Betty, get out of the way.
It spins, smashing you with its cuddle for 5 damage.
God damn, that hurt.
5, you said?
Yep.
So that'll only be 4.
And Cal, it is your turn.
How far away are you, Cal?
And where exactly are you?
I could say, I don't know, as far as I can get away
in a couple of turns, maybe like 40, 50 feet.
Oh, you could probably live further than that.
I could probably be further.
Yeah, maybe farther.
Or what do we think, 100 yards?
Yeah, I mean, you established that you were going to find
vantage somewhere else.
Yeah.
OK.
Suddenly, onto your back, you feel a thud and hear a yipping.
Yip, yip, yip, yip, yip, yip.
Oh, no.
We forgot Groot.
God damn it.
And Groot is pulling at your shirt.
Hey, buddy, hey, buddy.
How we doing?
Oh, my god, we forgot about you.
Oh, heavens.
Well, you stick with me for right now, Groot.
Just stay put and be quiet.
Oh, he does not be quiet.
He pulls at your shirt.
I give him a little bit of food and I look which way he was
kind of pointing.
Oh, he's definitely pointing towards where Bill is.
Yeah.
Bill's hurt pretty bad, buddy.
I start trying to help out the ladies.
By?
By covering them.
OK.
Make a shot.
What do you want?
2D6?
Always.
You got one shot left, right?
7.
7 is a grazing shot, so you're giving me a D4 for damage.
2.
Looking through the scope, you hit this thing in the
shoulder, and to you it still looks like a human,
because you're a good distance away.
But when you shoot it and see a puff of smoke coming out of
his shoulder, you're pretty convinced that this is not a
fleshy human person.
This is a horse of a different color.
Betty Bob?
Hearing my good pal Jesse getting hit with a club kind of
snaps me out of the whole Bill thing,
and I realize where I am.
So I'm going to get ample of distance the way to make
another shot against that gray kid.
Fire in my eyes, tears streaming down my face.
8 lead.
8.
8 is another grazing shot, so give me a D4.
2.
Resilient little bastard.
Sure is.
And Jesse Jane, it would be your turn, last in the order.
I never realized.
Jesse realizes now that she did not reload her gun.
So how far away is it for me?
Like right over me.
The gray kid is, yeah, it's right over here.
I'm going to swing my machete at it.
OK.
2.
And you finally see kind of some of the resolve in this
thing's face leave.
But then you hear three gunshots ring out from
inside the saloon.
And as the three of you watch, you see Bill Haight take one
shot, then a second, and then a moment later, with the
stranger standing over top of him,
he takes a third at point blank range.
After the man reaches down and grabs his gun, and as quickly
as he appeared, he leaves through that same door.
And as he does, the door disappears.
And the gray kid looks around and then moves quickly away
from you guys and tries to flee the town.
OK, I'll shoot it.
I'm going to fire.
Come on, buddy.
Finish it.
Come on, man.
Get this thing.
4.
Yes.
Yeah, a 4 is an absolute hit.
Roll a D10 for me.
9.
Fuck yeah, man.
And so with your last shot in your rifle, you put a round
right through the back of this gray kid's skull.
And it bursts into smoke as it collapses and kind of
dematerializes.
See you later.
Alligator.
And you were all out of combat.
Jesus, what was that?
Bill.
I run to Bill.
I give him a shake.
Bill.
And he spits up some blood.
His eyes open.
And you can clearly see a shroud of death
coming over his eyes.
Bill, don't die yet.
Cal has something he wants to say.
I've waited for that, boy.
Long enough.
What was that, Cal?
What happened?
What was that?
That was the red right hand.
That's what Severin said was coming.
It wasn't mine.
Bill, hold on.
We could try to fix this.
There ain't no fixing it.
What's he talking about?
We'll fill you in later, Cal.
What are we to do, Bill?
Persevere.
It's all you can do.
Can we kill him?
I'm going to kill him for you, Bill.
Don't be vengeful like me, Jesse.
Well, it's too late for that.
Rules of the order, Bill.
You know that.
You'll have to form a new order.
A better order.
Be better than me.
Oh, Bill.
Better than me.
You're the best of all of us.
It's true.
It ain't y'all are the best of me.
And remember, death is just another door.
And Bill closes his eyes as he releases his last breath.
Oh, Bill.
Stubborn mule.
Damn it.
I think I'm standing over Betty's shoulder.
I put my hand on her shoulder.
I'm kind of in solace.
Betty grabs Jesse's hand.
Holy shit, you see how I got that one right in the back of the head?
Cal, now is not the time.
Cal, he ain't no longer here, Cal.
Grohl runs over and curls up on bad Bill hates Jess.
God damn it, Grohl.
And that's where we're going to end the episode.
All right on.
All right.
Take it, bitch.
Awesome swamp water adventure.
Guys, can't wait to see the end.
Can't wait to get back into it in the next episode.
Yeah, this world seems really fun.
Yeah.
I love it.
Good.
I'm glad.
So I guess until then, we're going to see you next time.
See you next time.
See you next day.
The Tales from the Crit podcast is recorded in the Wolfbeard Game Studio in upstate New
York.
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Tales from the Crit.
Not my daddy.
Well, he was kind of like mine.
I called a lot of people daddy over my time.
Daddy Bill, Daddy Paul, Father Aaron.
He was a priest.
I couldn't call him daddy.
He didn't like it.
Yeah.
I don't think that's great for for audio.
Like, listen, I get selkies from Dark Crystal.
Skechies.
Yes.
Skechies.
Can't do the voice without my water.
I don't got a voice yet.
Working on it.
Yours is good.
Yeah.
I'm concerned about what Mikey's got.
Hello, Gobbler.
I'm Australian.
I'm Australian, mate.