Spill It Sunday

[0:02] Welcome to Broad Minded the podcast about everything and nothing and likely having you asking yourself where the hell did they come from?
We are two best friends covering subjects guaranteed to make you laugh and likely bullish hosted by two very different broads that have no shame in talking about the uncomfortable moments of life.

[0:24] What song were you singing? Singing When?
When we were testing the mics, I was singing a song. Yep.
I'll give you a clue. It's a song that we requested over the jukebox at the strip club.
I'm a barbecue. That one?

[0:41] I don't know. We played Adele. Oh, Adele, Listen, now that we have this podcast, she's been holding all these stories in for me.
Usually talk three times a day about stupid stuff, and now it's.
Although we have to do it only on the podcast. Well, I just wanted to I want your reaction to be authentic because I have some stuff up my sleeve.

[1:02] And I just want your authentic reaction versus already hearing it once and then me pretending like I never told you before.
That's weird. So now we don't talk during the week, we only talk on podcast anyway, So tell me this story because I know you've been dying to tell me. No, I have like five stories.
Go ahead. What's up? Well, the first one was you started singing that Adele song and I'm like, Oh, my gosh, did I send you that Adele thing that I found on the Internet today?
You said I didn't. I might not have listened to it.
Look, sometimes you send me a lot of R-rated names and it makes me uncomfortable. I don't read them all. Well, then I'm going to read this one to you.
Do you know what the Adele is speaking of singing? Well, mostly you sing in that. What is an Adele? I just learned this today.
She's so proud, and I thought that you should know. So it is. And I quote, This is I'm quoting this. I'm not making it up.
When you put one finger in her vagina and one in her butthole and can feel each finger through the little wall separating them.
Hello to the other side I want.

[2:12] So that was one thing I wanted to tell you. And I was like, Oh, I can't tell that.
Turn it on. So that was that. So Adele is a booty hole.
You put your finger in a booty. So if you put one finger in your front hole and another finger in your back hole, and then you make them touch on the inside, that's a thing.
Hello? From the other side. It's the Adele. Okay?
It's called the Adele. But can that actually happen? I don't know.
Well, my gosh, I've never done. Oh, I'm not that advanced. I mean, apparently.
No, I'm just trying to. I can't even verbalize the image I have in my head right now.
It's terrible. Well, it's horrible. That's my point, is, like I. I was picturing a train and I was wondering if the guy in the back in the front can feel each other in the middle, if that's the case, You know what I mean?
You got Brett silent. Brad already laughs like if their penises are touching.
Yes. If you if you really can touch fingers, you can definitely touch penis. Yeah, but they can't. They don't have two holes. Men don't have vaginas. Oh, my gosh. They're in a girl. Oh, duh.

[3:18] I don't know why I was picturing to me.

[3:26] No wonder you are so confused. I think that everything I have learned about sex has probably came from you like a majority of it. So I always appreciate it. This is no lie.
This is actually kind of shameful a little bit. When I taught you what I knew about giving fellatio, oh gosh, I'm pretty sure.
I don't know if you want me to tell you where this stemmed from.
I know where it stemmed from. You did teach me. You absolutely did. And I actually told her that her ninth grade boyfriend would like her more if she gave him a BJ and she was like, Oh, my God.

[4:05] This looks appalled. And I like just imagine this bread steak.
The more and more I listen to us talk together like this in this environment, the more we realize how incredibly different we actually are.
Like we started this podcast saying where a lot of like, we are right, like our morals, our values, we're good people, you know, our core.
But when it comes to shock value, I don't have it sometimes now you do. Sometimes I'm like, What?
Where did that come from? It's so genius. But what I noticed that's interesting that that's what you notice, because what I've noticed is that maybe I'm just like focusing on myself, but I'm like, really immature.
It's almost like when I'm with you, I revert back to like a 14, 15 year old version of myself, and I can't stop it.
I can't I have no control over it.
Same, same. I was listening to myself. And first of all, I said the other day to Brat or today I go, I don't make sense. Half of the time what I'm trying to freak and talk about not wonder you.
But I have a mental compute computation in my head and I get what you're saying without you having to say it. Yes. So if you can work through hearing me and my story, Jonna, you can fast forward it. And John, I'll just sum it up at the end.

[5:24] If anybody needs a translation, I'm here for you. I probably are more like a 15 or 16 year old self, though.
So for real, because I'm not like that. I'm like, I would be.
I'm honestly kind of embarrassed to think about my coworkers hearing me.
I'm embarrassed about my friends in the military because it's like they get it.
Everybody gets a different version of me. I think depending on what my environment is to an extent, to an extent, that's what I was going to say, because you and I and I can be completely professional, too, right?
Sure, But we're always laughing under our breath. Absolutely. We're always the one who we shock them. Still, we have shock value in our workplaces.
We just don't have as much shock value as that's it.
It was it's like G-rated shock value in public, say PG, okay, PG 13, PG 13 shock value.
And this is like X-rated. Yeah, but that's what I notice is that I'm really like, I'm really immature, but I don't really care.
You throw me off with your immaturity sometimes and I don't know how to respond, so I just tell a random story that makes zero sense because I don't even know what to say back the two penises touching on Adele.
Well, you're sitting here thinking there's a guy in the middle that would never work.
It wouldn't that I didn't know if you knew something I didn't know teaching me for a long time, I was like, Man, tell me the deal.

[6:47] Well, now I know what the Adele is. So what else? What were your other? Okay, so as you know, that was.
Yeah, that was that wasn't even really that just came up organically. But I just had my drill weekend.
So as people know, if you've heard, are any of our shows yet?
Last drill weekend I had to give a pee sample and I had to go through that whole traumatic experience or shit in front of everyone.
But anyway, this Uta, I got tagged to be the pee watcher. No, you did though. I was the one monitor. I sent you a video of my hype.
Video? Yeah. I had to actually watch girls do it this time, and I haven't actually done that for probably like 11 years. So you looked at vaginas all morning? One morning.
So here's what I noticed. I feel like trends. I mean, you know, like girls do makeup different in like 20, 23 than they did in 2008.
Yeah. Och, that's the same going on with the vagina. I'm for real. And the underpants too because I was expecting some crusty dusty panties because that's what I experienced the first time.
Weird shit in underpants. And these girls these days, number one, nobody has any pubic hair.
Everybody bald af like bald beavers all day.
Not a not a fucking long haired pube to be seen.

[8:09] I noticed this and I probably saw about 12 girls bush today.
Well, but not Bush. No, like cactus. Okay. I saw 12 cactus today. Cacti.
There were 12.

[8:24] And everybody either had, like, clean underpants.
Everybody had clean underpants. So maybe the next generation is more.

[8:35] Hygienic. Yeah, they have better hygiene than what we did. Yeah.
I don't really know. But anyway, maybe it's. I'm going to say tick tock, because. Tick tock. Teach people stuff.
It really does. Like you don't know how to scrub yourself. Go to tick tock. They'll teach you. There's plenty of people on there telling you how to properly clean your vulva.
Oh, my gosh. And that comes across your. Tick tock.
Yeah, of course. I have literally never been on tick tock and a vulva pops up.
That's another thing that I've noticed that happens almost every episode is there is something that's brought up that I think is common knowledge and you've never heard of it, and I don't know how that's possible.
Another reason to prove my theory that we are not very much alike. We are very much different.
Weird. I mean, my sexuality isn't a thing I ever spoke.
I don't know. Oh, quite prude. Who's a prude?
Look, this week it must be a full moon, because now all of a sudden, somebody don't want to talk about sex, and they're sitting here asking me about dildos.
Oh, I will talk about sex till the cows come out.

[9:44] I've always been the prude in this friendship, Which is why when you try to split the script, flip to the prude side of you, it's very uncomfortable.
Oh, okay. I don't know what to do with it. Well, because I know deep down it's so rooted in you, and there's nothing wrong with it, really.
You've always shared it with just the people you love. And now you get to share it with the. Oh, really?
Everybody's going to know I have that side of me. But it was probably obvious all along. It probably was. I'm not fooling nobody.
So then I feel like I'm talking a lot. Sorry. No, I just have a lot to tell you.
Go ahead. And you ask me, and I haven't even asked you about your weekend yet, so it was uneventful.
Tell me. Tell me all those stories. So then. So you saw 12 year old cacti? Yes, I saw the 12 bald cacti.
They were mostly clean vaginas. There was one girl on her period. She had no shame. She had a pat on. And I'm like, hmm, interesting choice.
Really haven't worn pads since I had my cherry popped, but that's just me.

[10:48] There's nothing wrong with maxi pads. It's just not what I would choose. So I saw one of those. Anyway, enough about the drug testing. I was just.
I would honestly rather watch than have to give a urinalysis. Well, no shit.
Wouldn't everybody know? I feel like some people would much rather pee than be watched or pee then watch other people.
I mean, I'll do either. Whatever. So anyway, fast forward to last night or rewind. I should say to last night we were supposed to have the squadron morale event, which was very poorly published.
Oh, my God. I saw you post that on Facebook, so no one showed up.
Okay, so it wasn't very well advertised at all.
Like, I only knew about it because I'm part of the morale committee that puts it on.

[11:38] So I was like, and I wasn't even going to do anything. I honestly forgot about it.
And then they sent out this group chat and I was like, Oh, I guess I'll be there. So I know nothing about this place. It's called, by the way, it was delicious. It was called a West Social Tap in Dayton, Ohio.
I've never been there. I roll. I'm like, it's the exterior is not what I expected. It look like a grocery store in a strip. You know what I mean? Like downtown. Okay, Something like that.
So I walk in and the first thing I notice was just that it was like food stations everywhere.
So they had Caribbean food.
Korean food. Don't they call that a buffet? No, it was not a buffet.
They were all separate vendors. Kind of like Ford's garage. Oh, okay. All right. I follow you. Yep. Yeah. So all these places were completely separate vendors, and then there was a bar in the middle, and I'm looking around. I see not one single familiar face.
I knew nobody there. And I was like, Well, I drove all the way here, and actually this food smells really good. So I walked around. I looked at all of them, you know, I looked at the Caribbean food.
Anyway, I settled on the Korean food. Okay.

[12:44] Which was a solid choice. And I'm sitting there and I notice the next thing I notice is they are really bumping some good jams here.
They had two phones playing.
They had down in the DM and I'm like, Oh my gosh, where am I? Like, This is so cool.
And so then I really looked around and noticed that there was only like one other white person there.

[13:09] I was one of two. Now you know how it feels for them when they walk. I know certain bars, but it's like I had noticed so many other things before. I noticed that it took them playing like my kind of music for me to be like, Where am I?
Oh my gosh. OC Oh, I love that though.
I love that it's not on your spectrum until you're like, Should I feel some type of way about this?
And then I then I fully embraced it because I'm like, okay, this is this is all soul food from like each of these regions.
It was like the street food and it was frickin delicious. Delicious. Yeah, I got so full. I ate, like, three different places.

[13:50] You did? Yeah, I did. We don't think a lot about going into a place, and they don't talk about white people feeling like a minority in places. Correct?
It's called white privilege. Yeah, it is. It is what? That is. Whether you like it or not. I don't care what your beliefs are. It's true. It's a privilege. It is.
It is. And I was like, okay, this is cool. And I ended up making some random friend at the bar.
She was elderly. She was talking on and on about Mary J. Blige, and so she was entertaining. I love it. I love it.
Oh, speaking of restaurants, I brought you and Brad back a little sum. Oh.
What did she have in her pocket?

[14:36] I brought you guys some dessert. This is from an authentic Vietnamese bakery, and I wanted you guys to taste it online or on air.

[14:49] Why? Oh, why is it bad? Is this a no? It's not a trick.
Okay, For those, this is or not, this is fresh bought today.
But she just pulled out what looks like a biscuit in a cellophane wrapper and.
And a napkin, a knife, a steak knife out of her pocket.
And then she said, Oh, speaking of, do you want me to taste it?
I do. I want you guys to give it a taste review online.
This is not a trick. Look, this is this has never been opened and it's an authentic I mean, I'll pay, like, $15 for three desserts.
Okay, let me see it.
The way she described it, it sounds like maybe a Vietnamese pop tart.
A Vietnamese? Well, she just said there was, like, brown sugar and cinnamon in the middle. This is what.

[15:55] I want to taste it, Brad. Okay. Got to give it an honest review. And I'm not going to be offended if you guys think it tastes well. Did you think about it?
I thought they were delicious. I smacked on it. As a matter of fact, I shared one that I bought earlier with a bunch of coworkers. All right.
So. Okay. Meanwhile. So. So.
So this came from a bakery and it was literally called bakery. It didn't have a name. It just said bakery on it.

[16:24] And oh, my Lord, what in the hell?
Was it hard? Yeah, it looked like it'd be soft. It's like a puff of a pastry.
It's kind of crumbling apart. Maybe just take a big bite despite it. I'm going to just take a bite out. Just take a small bite at first, but then you can take a bigger one. Get in there. That way you can get some brown sugar.
Oh, my God, It's so messy. She just crumbled crumbs all over the floor. She's like, You gave me chalk.

[16:56] The top sandwich.
What in the hell? I have crumbs all over me.
Brad, I'm bringing you this fucking. You just need to take one more pie. No.
Should not get to the middle. No, she didn't get to the middle. That's where. That's where the soft part is. To the middle. And it's probably poop. No, this is probably some sick ass joke you want to play, but I don't trust her. And it looks brown.
Hold on. I'll take another bite then. Hold on.
It's all over the floor. I mean, I'll even take a bite to prove to you I'm not trying to prank you in any kind of way. Going in for number two.
I don't think my.
She just ate it in one bite. Oh, my God. It just flakes everywhere.

[17:52] It does look so dry. Like it's dry. Looks like you could probably choke on that shit. It's dry.
You need to drink it with some water. Mama, bro.
Oh, my gosh. Oh. Ha! So, okay, so you take. What do you think?
Yeah, It's dry as shit. How's the flavor? So it's dry? No flavor. It's just dry. Tasted it. Oh, yeah. All right. Yeah. Okay. So I had some of it earlier. I had.
So she likes cardboard. But listen, this. I think this is the same stuff that they use to make the little stuff that I had earlier. Yeah.
Kind of flavorless. Actually, I think it's great. It's got a little chewy in there.
That's fine that you spent. Hey, look at Brad's pants.

[18:42] Okay. Plot twist. So I really wanted you to eat that because I had some of those desserts earlier.
I've been blowing ass so hard, like, I've had the worst gasp from that place.
And you're talking about you've never farted in front of Brad. These are uncontrollable ones. They're just going to come about naturally.
Why is she the way she is.

[19:09] Babe? It'll be so embarrassing. Just let it go and blame it on me. No. What if you do it during sex?
I won't. Oh, my God. I will not ever.
I will not ever, ever, ever. He's pushing on your stomach right now.
Brad Teller. Go, go, go, go, go. That's a safe word, remember? Yeah.
Anyway, that was all I had up my sleeve for you tonight. I was so excited to do that. That dry ass pastry gave you gas.
That's all I had was dry ass pastry. And I shoot you. Not. I've been shitting.
Like, sometimes I felt like pulling over one time because I wasn't sure if it came with something. Put it.
Bread's got the hydroponics slate, right?
Like we're in interrogation or something. Geez. No, Your analogy about the end of the club, that was spot on.
You know, like when you close the club down and they flick the lights on, all of a sudden you see this troll you've been dancing with all night?
That is the lights that my wonderful husband set up for us. And we appreciate it.
But it does remind me of 3 a.m. lights when they're like, You ain't got to go home, but you can't stay here where you know your shit looks messed up. Oh, yeah. Mascara all over your face.
Not with this man on the dance floor all night. And you notice he missing a tooth for real.

[20:36] And some fingers, a whole damn leg. And she's got a damn glass eye.

[20:45] And you had no idea. Clueless as ever. Oh, man. When's the last time?
I can't even really remember when I shut a bar down like that. I can. It was a couple of weeks ago.
Who? When you and Kylie went out. Oh, yeah, but that's a different. Yeah, that's a bar. That's not a club.
And I was in sweatpants looking a hot mess in our local. That's how, you know, you found joy and contentment eating all of the fart biscuit crumbs.
I'm sleeping alone tonight. I don't care.

[21:19] Oh, man. Oh, man. I'm so. Do you remember your word that we went over? Yes. What is it? Give me a second.
It's contentment. Was that it? Yeah. I thought she wanted it to be.
I mean, I wanted it to do a lot of different things.
Maybe I made that up for you. Dang. She's like, That's what you wanted. Remember her?
You really wanted that. Really wanted stability. Remember, Jonna? That's what you wanted.

[21:54] I got to regroup from that for a second. Jonah, do you even remember what it's called?
No. She didn't have any names. It was just like randomly baked items in cellophane with no names on it.
I think it was Vietnamese. And honestly, I don't even know. I just made that up because it just said bakery on it. And I know it was Asian, but I think Asian might be a racist thing to say.
Well, what else would you call it? What it is? Because Asia is a continent. Oh, yeah. Asia. They don't like that.
So it's like calling like a North Korean or a South Korean or something like that, where we're borderline. We're not woke the woke generation by any means, right?
We grew up saying bad stuff.
We grew up saying that's gay. Yeah. And now we're calling somebody our tard.
Right, Right. Like, all the time. That was normal thing. It's not right. Absolutely. Say, do not speak like that.
Sometimes you're so gay slips out.
My gay kids. Let me say it. So I'm going with it.
That's like you. Like, have black friends.

[23:08] Good girl.

[23:11] Thanks.

[23:14] But I do, though. And black kids. And they're gay.
We digress. We digress. Yes. So you wanted to do a spill at Sun?
Yes, I did. And I just wanted to tell you all about my crazy life. Can we do something? What?
I'm just going to tell you. You didn't even acknowledge the video that I sent you yesterday because I sent you a video of me. Okay? I didn't see the video of you that sent me.
However, I saw the tiktoks that you posted, and I was mortified, wasn't I?
I mean, I literally felt like this must be what my mother felt like when she listened to the first episode of us.
Why are you so mortified? Because I'm a prude. We've established this. Oh, my gosh. I wasn't doing anything naughty.
I love that you are not approved.
Okay. We are yin and yang.
So when I start becoming like a prude, you freak out.
Yeah, because how would we ever have any fun? We'd never know anything about sex.

[24:20] True. Okay. No, I mean, I will support you being approved.
I mean, I just want to be myself, but I know that I just don't want to go spread my loins all over the Howard County.
It's not happening, Emma. Again. Never doing that again. Okay.
What was I saying? I don't remember. Fuck. I wanted to tell you about the video that I sent you that you claim that you didn't see.
Oh, but I'm mortified about the Tiktoks talks, and you'll never understand it.
Or we would not be like we need to maybe name that alter ego, because I mortified myself.
Oh, I did too. A few times this weekend, which is what I've been trying to tell you.
I was staying off base and so there is a restaurant attached to this hotel.
It's got a black, big black canopy. And, you know, that's just how I remember the what the restaurant looks like.
And so I get to my room and I look out the the curtain is cracked and all I can see is a black tarp. So I just assume that I'm over the restaurant. Nobody can see me.
Nobody's back there. So I was walking around, getting out of the shower, no shirt doing all this.
Friday night, Saturday. And then well, after my shower Saturday, I was out of the shower. I was kind of hot. So I went to go adjust the temperature under the window.
Look down. What do I see?
It is not the restaurant. It is the hotel lobby.

[25:46] What? And I had been walking around shirtless way twice. So the windows. So it's in in the center of the hotel that you were at this weekend was like a what do they call those? An atrium type?
Well, so, no, there's just several different wings.
So you, like, go up in the middle and then you go in one wing, one wing, one Embassy Suites.
Yeah. There's just a lot of wings to this place. And when I looked out and I saw the black canopy, my head, just for some reason went to the restaurant that was attached to it.
I didn't even think that it was the hotel lobby. She didn't realize that she was facing inside instead of outside the entire time.

[26:28] It was bad. You pulled a Stella for sure. I sure did.
You would think if somebody saw you, they would have came up and said, Ma'am, please quit gallivanting around the window.
Quit doing jumping jacks with no shirt on, you weirdo. I'm trying to think of.
Oh, that one's going to be fun to edit it out. Hey, I'm just trying to whet my whistle after having that pastry in my mouth.
Well, I think I. You've covered enough for today. Thank you. I just had a lot to share. I hadn't talked to you by brain.