1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:07,600 Hello, welcome to another episode of Unpacking Neuroqueerness. 2 00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:19,280 In this episode, I'm going to talk about skill regression after, particularly what happens 3 00:00:19,280 --> 00:00:39,360 after someone is diagnosed with autism, ADHD, or any kind of similar neurotype 4 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:46,520 Basically any kind of similar diagnosis, but particularly when it relates to autism and ADHD, people 5 00:00:46,520 --> 00:00:55,840 will sometimes experience something called skill regression, or what it's viewed as, 6 00:00:55,840 --> 00:01:05,560 in my opinion, it's viewed more from the outside perspective as skill regression, but internally 7 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:14,480 it's more like realizing that things that you've struggled with your entire life are 8 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:22,520 actually because you have a developmental neurological disability, rather than you 9 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:30,720 were broken or you were wrong or you were lazy or all the things that neurodivergent 10 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:35,760 people tend to be called, particularly when they or other people around them don't know 11 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:38,240 that they are neurodivergent. 12 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:46,480 This is an episode, the inspiration for this episode came from my friend, Ashra's podcast, 13 00:01:46,480 --> 00:01:48,080 Autistic After Hours. 14 00:01:48,080 --> 00:01:51,280 She did an episode on skill regression. 15 00:01:51,280 --> 00:01:53,840 Feel free to check out her podcast as well. 16 00:01:53,840 --> 00:02:05,320 I actually checked in with her about me doing an episode on my podcast about skill regression 17 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:12,240 as well, just because I didn't want her to feel like I was copying her episode, because 18 00:02:12,240 --> 00:02:20,080 of course I always do my episodes in my own way, but I just wanted to bring that topic 19 00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:26,800 to my listeners as well, because I feel like it's a very important topic, not only for 20 00:02:26,800 --> 00:02:34,440 neurodivergent people to understand and learn and accept more about themselves, but also 21 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:40,400 for neurotypicals to better understand neurodivergent people, particularly if you have friends or 22 00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:47,920 family that are neurodivergent or you work with neurodivergent children or adults or 23 00:02:47,920 --> 00:02:51,800 such. 24 00:02:51,800 --> 00:03:01,440 It's important to remember that when a person is diagnosed, particularly later in life, 25 00:03:01,440 --> 00:03:11,040 if they're diagnosed after childhood or even as an adult or even as an older adult, which 26 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:17,560 can happen a lot of times, because as I mentioned many times before on this podcast, the diagnostic 27 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:25,880 criteria is centered around presentations of autism and ADHD that are generally prevalent 28 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:28,160 in young white boys. 29 00:03:28,160 --> 00:03:35,440 And so everyone that falls outside of that category can have a harder time getting a 30 00:03:35,440 --> 00:03:36,440 diagnosis. 31 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:42,720 It's not to say that they won't be able to get a diagnosis, because yes, people that 32 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:47,800 aren't young white boys do get diagnosed, but they usually have a harder time getting 33 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:57,960 diagnosed because the way women are conditioned in society, the way non-white people are conditioned 34 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:12,680 in society to present does not match the typical presentations of even while masking, it does 35 00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:21,920 not tend to, it's different than how autistic males or autistic white presenting people 36 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:24,320 present. 37 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:33,080 So autistic women and non-white people get often overlooked and not diagnosed and then 38 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:46,280 struggle with ADHD, executive dysfunction or autism sensory meltdown, what not, related 39 00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:53,120 things such as these things like executive dysfunction, these things like sensory overload 40 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,720 like meltdowns. 41 00:04:55,720 --> 00:05:01,400 And then they often get blamed as if it were their personal fault where it's just really 42 00:05:01,400 --> 00:05:03,120 the way their brain works. 43 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:12,840 And so what tends to happen after diagnosis, when this person that was just diagnosed at 44 00:05:12,840 --> 00:05:23,000 say age 24 or 34 or 44 or 54 or 58 or whenever it was, whenever in life, you know, when they 45 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:28,760 get that diagnosis, they eventually there's like a grief process that goes with that because 46 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:36,800 you realize that all the times you've been called lazy, you've been called over-sensitive, 47 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:43,880 you've been called too literal, you've been called non-corruptive, like all of these things 48 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:50,800 are related to the way your brain works and how your brain works differently than most 49 00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:57,600 people, especially in the case of autism and ADHD with autism with sensory sensitivities, 50 00:05:57,600 --> 00:06:06,440 with social communication differences, with things such as sensory overload, meltdowns, 51 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:14,560 shutdowns, with ADHD, with executive dysfunction, like these are things that people often, especially 52 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:19,480 when they don't know they are neurodivergent and when people around them don't know they 53 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:24,320 are neurodivergent, that they have ADHD, that they're autistic, that whatever, they get 54 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:25,320 blamed. 55 00:06:25,320 --> 00:06:32,600 A lot of people going through school get blamed for like executive dysfunction and it's called 56 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:35,160 them being lazy. 57 00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:40,120 Sensory sensitivity gets called them being over-sensitive. 58 00:06:40,120 --> 00:06:45,600 You know, social communication differences gets them bullied for being so-called weird 59 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:54,760 or different or non-understanding or whatever, like different styles of empathy, hyper-empathy, 60 00:06:54,760 --> 00:07:00,000 which can lead to shutdowns, gets interpreted as us not having empathy, so all kinds of 61 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:07,560 stuff and so there's this whole grief process that happens as a late diagnosed neurodivergent 62 00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:15,520 person where you look back and you realize how you've been wronged and how you've been 63 00:07:15,520 --> 00:07:21,920 misinterpreted and misjudged and ostracized for just having a brain that works differently 64 00:07:21,920 --> 00:07:28,280 and for just having struggles with certain things and having certain support needs that 65 00:07:28,280 --> 00:07:38,360 in a capitalist puritan-based society that we live now are not generally accommodated 66 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:44,800 for given the nature of the system and the structures in the society that we live in, 67 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:51,920 this society does not really honor the needs of disabled people because it's a society 68 00:07:51,920 --> 00:08:02,480 that runs off of productivity and rates people's worth based on productivity and so disabled 69 00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:11,360 people that aren't able to produce at the same rates or even in the same style get often 70 00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:25,720 seen as lesser which is just a one of the main symptoms of systemic ableism and you 71 00:08:25,720 --> 00:08:31,960 start to realize all this, you start to realize that you've been wronged by society, that 72 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:36,440 there's nothing wrong with you, that you are different, that you have different support 73 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:45,240 needs, that you need things in order to thrive that society has not historically provided 74 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:56,280 enough of and so that can result in you, in situations where you're used to over exhaust 75 00:08:56,280 --> 00:09:06,160 yourself and burn yourself out from spending enormous amounts of effort that you shouldn't 76 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:13,840 have to spend in order to just be able to do certain things to present in a certain way, 77 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:22,760 you realize that you didn't really need, like that you were kind of doing yourself a disservice 78 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:30,680 by like masking around people and like particularly when it comes to like social situations, when 79 00:09:30,680 --> 00:09:40,760 it comes to making yourself present yourself in a certain way to certain people and like 80 00:09:40,760 --> 00:09:48,360 doing certain favors to certain people that actually take a lot of effort for you but 81 00:09:48,360 --> 00:09:53,440 you want it to be accepted and understood because when you wouldn't do these things for 82 00:09:53,440 --> 00:09:59,840 people you would get called lazy by them so now you have this diagnosis you understand 83 00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:04,440 more about yourself you might start saying to the person that you used to always do favors 84 00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:09,320 for that are actually really taxing for you and you need to kind of step away and you 85 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:15,200 need to be like oh actually this is something that because of the way my brain works I can't 86 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:20,520 really it doesn't you know it's gonna take up too much energy and I need to prioritize 87 00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:28,080 where I spend my energy you might start doing that you might start being like being more 88 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:33,520 considerate of hmm what do I feel like I can handle right now and what do I need to save 89 00:10:33,520 --> 00:10:40,760 my energy for later and the person might be confused because they might say oh well you 90 00:10:40,760 --> 00:10:46,200 used to do you used to be able to do that before why can't you do it now and they might 91 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:53,960 interpret it as you having a skill regression or you becoming more autistic or more ADHD 92 00:10:53,960 --> 00:11:01,600 after being diagnosed but it's not that it's like you have the same kind of brain and the 93 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:08,720 same kind of support needs the difference is now you're honoring you're actually honoring 94 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:14,240 your support needs and you're actually honoring like how much energy do I actually have to 95 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:21,640 do this is it worth it is it gonna drain me do I need to save energy am I able to actually 96 00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:31,320 do this without burning myself out and determining that actually no I can't do this without burning 97 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:36,240 myself out and there's nothing wrong with that there's nothing wrong with having more 98 00:11:36,240 --> 00:11:42,520 support needs with having a brain that works differently and then laying a boundary and 99 00:11:42,520 --> 00:11:47,320 saying no actually I can't really do this right now and it's up to the other people 100 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:55,440 to understand it's up to the non-disabled person to understand that you have a disability 101 00:11:55,440 --> 00:12:00,160 that you didn't know about but you always had it and now you know about it and now you're 102 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:06,880 better about gauging what's gonna take too much energy and what am I able to do and some 103 00:12:06,880 --> 00:12:11,560 things aren't are just gonna take too much energy and I need to preserve myself as a 104 00:12:11,560 --> 00:12:16,840 disabled person I need to prioritize what I can do right now and what I can't and there's 105 00:12:16,840 --> 00:12:23,560 nothing wrong with not being able to constantly produce constantly and constantly being able 106 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:30,480 to accommodate other people's needs obviously we all have to survive in this capitalist 107 00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:35,480 society and that means a lot of disabled people do have to burn themselves out just to be 108 00:12:35,480 --> 00:12:39,400 able to survive but at least we can start with personal boundaries at least when it 109 00:12:39,400 --> 00:12:46,360 comes to relationships we can set what what we actually can do and what we can't and what 110 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:51,400 people are going to accept that and people that aren't maybe time to let them go anyways 111 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:56,680 that's all I have for today thank you for listening to this episode I hope it was helpful 112 00:12:56,680 --> 00:13:16,360 and I'll see you next time.