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Hello, welcome to another episode of Unpacking Neuroqueerness.

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This is your host, George Muniz Gund

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Today I'm going to talk about the ability to do something versus the energy required

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and why this is very important to consider when you're working with or interacting with an autistic person or an ADHD person.

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Perhaps neurodivergent people in general, but I speak more of my experience with autism and ADHD

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because this is actually something that has come up a lot in groups, in support groups that I've been part of.

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I think it was about a month ago or so, someone was talking about how they were having a conflict with their partner over taking out the trash.

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From what I understand, they live somewhere where you have to leave the apartment and go all the way downstairs and dispose of the trash and then make your way up.

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I feel like for a lot of people, it's taking out the trash is a very mundane task, but it also depends on the situation.

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Every household is different.

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Sometimes all you need to do is open the door and dump the trash in the bin,

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sometimes it's a situation where you need to maybe take an elevator or the stairway, go to a different floor, dispose of the trash and then come back up.

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Now, the reason that can be very taxing for autistic people is because even or ADHD is for that matter,

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is because even if we have the ability, it's not that we can't do it because this is what can cause conflicts.

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This person in particular was talking about how their partner would get upset at them because it's that whole thing of you can do it.

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Technically, it's something that they're able to do, but the thing that doesn't get considered is it takes every little interaction, especially with the case of autistic people like me,

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every little interaction takes a lot of pre-planning in our head and being really anxious about how we appear, how we're coming off.

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Sometimes we have to engage in small talk with the person in the elevator or at the stairs or whoever,

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or even if they don't try to make us engage in conversation if we're really burned out and really low on energy and I've spoken before about energy levels as an autistic person.

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So that requires, for me, even on a regular day, just the thought of having to run into someone even if nothing is said, just that feeling of being perceived and paranoia around being perceived.

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I feel like a lot of that comes from traumatic experiences in the past, but a lot of that also comes from sensory sensitivity and increased sensory sensitivity as autistic people and ADHD people.

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It's just a lot to be with another person and just any kind of feeling around how you're being perceived can cause a lot of anxiety.

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So in a situation that I have to, I could totally understand what this person was saying, where you have to, where taking out the trash requires an elevator ride or going out the stairs or whatever and going to a different floor

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and then doing the same thing all the way back, you have all this anxiety around being perceived in addition to executive functioning challenges that you may be experiencing as well and this would be the part more related to ADHD.

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That's a lot.

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So we might be able to do something like that, like taking out the trash, but it could be something that drains all our energy.

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And yes, we did this and say we had to interact with someone in the elevator and we had all that anxiety around being perceived and maybe even had to make small talk and then that is like a lot to process.

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And we have to remember too that for a lot of autistic people, and I speak again from my experience, having that interact, like I take a lot of time to process.

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I just had an interaction with someone, especially if it feels like it was an awkward interaction.

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It's going to take me probably at least 30 minutes to an hour to process that.

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And so that is going to take away from my energy for a while for an especially if it's the evening and I'm winding down and I'm already tired.

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I might not have energy to and I may be still planning to get a task done or two.

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I might not have any more energy to get those tasks done for the rest of the day.

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And so that's where I feel like there's a lack of understanding sometimes.

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And I'm lucky to live somewhere where I just need to walk out the door and take the trash so that's not really an issue for me.

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Even though I do get anxious sometimes about running into neighbors because that can happen.

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And I'll run into a neighbor and I'll have to have an interaction with him and I'll feel awkward and I'll feel worried about how I was perceived and I'll be replaying an interaction in my head.

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And I might be in kind of an inertia mode for the next hour or two.

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Not because I want to but that's because I'm overwhelmed by all this sensory input and that's how my brain works.

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And so I just wanted to make an episode talking about this because it did come up in a support group meeting recently.

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And I feel like it's important for people to understand especially if you have an autistic partner or an autistic family member or you're working with an autistic person.

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To just consider ability to do something doesn't always mean it's going to take us little energy.

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We might be able to do something but it might take us a lot of energy to do that.

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And we might be very drained after that especially if we still have things we're planning to get done after that.

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If the example might be taking out the trash but it could apply to other things as well.

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So I feel like it's always important to consider that and have compassion towards that and work out a way with your partner that you guys can or that you too can share.

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Tasks without it being too overwhelming and without it feeling unfair but taking into account that for the autistic person it's not just if they're able to do it.

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It's about how much energy it's going to take and how much it's going to drain them afterwards.

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So that's all I wanted to talk about today.

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This will be another short but sweet episode.

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I promise I have more guest episodes coming in the future.

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So stay tuned for that.

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But in the meantime, thank you for listening.

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I hope you were able to get something out of this episode.

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Either if you're another neurodivergent person that just wanted to feel seen and struggle with the same experience.

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Or if you're a neurotypical person just trying to learn more and understand the perspective of neurodivergent individuals which is one of the main goals of this podcast.

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So without further ado, thank you again for listening and I'll see you next time.