Hey there, this is relationship coach Roy Biancolana,
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and we'll explore these questions and more on
The Roads Rediscovery. Hello, everyone, and welcome
to another episode of The Roads Rediscovery.
I'm your host, Aubrey Johnson. The road to rediscovery
is about reflecting on life lessons to learn
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always, and as always, we are truly, truly grateful
for your listenership. Okay, my special guest
is on a mission to humanize the experience of
being born transgender. She is a transition mentor
and coach, specializing in assisting individuals
to navigate significant life changes. With insights
drawn from her own experience of transitioning
at the age of 67, her podcast, Demystifying the
Transgender Journey, was launched I believe in
early 2024. She can confirm that for us. and
she's truly built a judgment -free community
of compassion and inclusivity. Let's welcome
Wendy Cole to the show. Wendy, welcome to the
show. It's so great to have you here. I'm so
excited to be here, Aubrey. This is great. Well,
thank you. I mean, we reciprocate. We're equally
excited to have you here and want to just dive
right into it, right? What better time than the
present? Absolutely. All right, so Wendy, could
you please just give us a little context, okay,
set the stage for us by giving us a glimpse into
the part of your journey where you encountered,
let's say barriers and obstacles, okay, whether
they were brought on by society or whether they
were self -inflicted, just from a transition
standpoint, and then your discovery of encouragement
leading to your transition. As you so very well
stated in the introduction, I was born transgender.
There are several, there are quite a few pivotal
points of my life. By age three and four, I knew
who I was. I knew that I felt different. No words
for it, no explanation. I aged 10. I had been
through school, the socialization process from
birth to getting to school age. By that time,
I knew how I felt was wrong by societal standards.
All of the heteronormative standards for men,
women, sex, all of that. I just knew that When
the teacher said boys over there, girls over
there, I knew I couldn't go where the girls went.
Even though that's where I felt I belonged, I
had to go with the boys. That struggle faced
me until age 10, when I told my parents I was
a girl. The result of that will have you committed
and fixed. That was a psychiatric facility And
I grew up um in fishkill new york about 40 miles
north of new york city There was a psychiatric
facility there five five appointments with my
parents And most of the sessions were with my
parents not with me Children were seen not heard
in those days. Yes It was a very different time
and to set the stage all the way through high
school I was repressing this out of fear of my
parents committing me and there was shame and
there was guilt and there were all these things
going through my mind and I formed a lot of beliefs
in that stage that actually kept me safe for
the rest of my life And a lot and helped me to
repress all these feelings and for your audience's
edification Gender is formed in the second trimester
of birth in the frontal cortex of the brain and
It's hardwired and it doesn't change just as
sexual orientation forms in the second trimester
of birth in the amygdala of the brain. And that
also is hardwired. None of this is subject to
conversion therapy or any of those techniques.
It doesn't work. And for much of my life from
the 90s until 2015, I was on a collection of
psych meds. Not that I told the psychiatrist
this was the condition that I was facing Because
in 1970 and 71 another pivotal point in my life
I Decided I couldn't go on And I actually tried
in that time to transition from male to female
I got about six months into it. I wasn't living
full time as myself, but I was coming out to
people. I was doing everything that the psychiatrist
that was trying to help me did. One thing he
did, which wasn't helpful, he took me to a quarterly
meeting of area psychiatrists around Schenectady,
Albany, Troy, New York. And I was a case study
patient. Oh my. Wow. That lasted for that meeting
was with about 15 to 20 psychiatrists. These
are MD psychiatrists. And I had no knowledge
of what I was getting into at that time. Right.
Forget going. I went through university libraries.
I did research. I couldn't find much of anything
about this. And in those days, I was called a
transsexual. And people who today cross -dress
were called transvestites. The term transgender
didn't exist. In this meeting, after about three
or four minutes, the psychiatrist stood up. I'll
see you all next quarter, looked at me and said,
you're a freak. You should move to New York City
and turn tricks like the rest of them. Oh my
gosh. That ended the meeting. How close -minded.
My goodness. But what most people don't realize
is in those days, not only were gay people considered
to be a psychological condition with no treatment
and no cure, so was I. Psychological, no treatment,
no cure. My psychiatrist told me that at our
next session after that meeting, and he also
told me that there was nothing he could really
do for me from that point forward. So, and also
to keep in mind in those days in New York State,
pretty much everywhere in the country and in
California, for appearing in public as female,
I would be arrested. Put in jail find and my
name printed in the paper even in New York City
and San Francisco That was common What criminal
activity did you commit it doesn't sound like
you committed any criminal activity Just being
who you are by societal standards in those days.
Yeah This was considered illegal. It was a law.
It was illegal. And you were assigned male at
birth and that's all there was to it. So from
that point forward, I had always been told by
doctors, by my parents, and I was totally gaslighted.
which was very possible in those days because
we had no cell phones, we had no social media,
there was no Google, there was nothing, there
was no internet. And so I was told, you're the
only one who feels like this. I knew that was
BS. Of course. Because I knew all about Christine
Jorgensen, the World War II vet. in the 1950s
who came back from Europe after having surgery
and everything else in Denmark. I knew all about
that. In 1971, I dressed as myself and went to
the movie theater to watch the movie Clockwork
Orange, fascinated by the fact that Wendy Carlos
did the soundtrack to it and she had transitioned.
So after my... total failure to transition, I
came to the conclusion and the belief, this is
beliefs now, I can't do this. I don't have the
celebrity status or the means that someone like
Wendy Carlos has. So whether that was true or
not, that's what I believed and that's where
I stopped and I drank the Kool -Aid. I got married.
I had a wife and I had always been told have
a career so I had my career in tech which was
just starting and we eventually had a house and
two kids and it didn't fix me. In fact it made
things significantly worse. I wound up Aubrey
in such stress and chaos and internal turmoil.
It's the incongruence between what your mind
knows you are and your body and the fact that
you have to live this way. Socialization from
parents starts the day that that doctor checks
between the legs and says, it's a boy or it's
a girl. And that's when the socialization starts.
So that's why even today kids who grow up and
get to their early teens or mid teens and finally
just come out to their parents, they know what
they're going to be facing. But this is a simple
fact too. Anybody in the LGBT whatever world,
we don't come out because we're courageous. It's
for survival. Can you repeat that? We don't come
out because we're courageous. We come out for
survival. The suicidal ideation from being completely
out of the social norms and facing that either
repression or isolation. is tremendous. It's
shattering to a person psychologically. Wendy,
that is so incredibly eye opening. I can't begin
to tell you how much of a revelation that is
for me to hear, okay, and for the benefit of
the listeners. That's why I felt it bared worth
repeating, you know, that it's not an act of
courage or not out of being courageous, but for
survival. To me, in my mind, when you say that,
Wendy, that speaks to just the power and the
strength of the pressure and the repressing,
you know, and the urge and the need to be who
you are. You know, I mean, otherwise, what else
is left in a lot of cases? Suicide. Or or or
not much, but I mean, you know, you could only
go living Robotically or programmed so long,
you know and and and not not be so to live And
not be who you want to be and who you are is
not living And this is not a choice. That's why
I always phrase it as born transgender Yeah happens
in the second trimester of birth. It's nobody's
fault We've always been here. This is part of
humanity and it's part of the human fabric. We're
a very small portion of society, but we're still
part of it. And where the courage comes in, because
I've had people tell me, oh, you're so courageous.
The courage comes in when you actually face other
people. Yes. Living life that way. After the
announcement, after sharing or coming out. Right.
Right. It's living because I mean, that's not
the end. It's only the beginning. It sounds right.
Yeah. Now I want to ask you this question, Wendy,
and, um, um, I don't know if it matters. It probably
doesn't, but just hypothetically speaking, I
just want to know what your thoughts are on this
earlier. As you were giving us the glimpse into
your journey, you mentioned a scientific fact.
In fact, I think you mentioned two. And it's
what happens, you know, as your brain is formed
in the first trimester. And so sorry, second
trimester as as you know, as the pregnancy progresses,
if there was a way and I'm not trying to be facetious
at all. I truly wonder, you know, in lieu of
a doctor looking between the legs to kind of
you know announce what gender you have if the
doctor had a way of examining that prefrontal
cortex or You know the amygdala What do you think
they could say or or how would they maybe even
explain or express that Well, I'm not exactly
sure Aubrey and I don't think that they can do
that at the moment. See, the other thing is,
is from 1970, 71, when I tried the transition.
Yeah. And it was considered a psychological condition
with no treatment and no cure. Guess when that
changed? When did it change? 2012. Oh my. 13
years ago. That's it. Wow. I mean, you have to
wait for a new century. Exactly, and into the
new century. Even the first decade of this one,
it was still the case. There was an organization,
World Professional Association for Transgender
Health. Yes. They've been lobbying for changing
the medical diagnosis for years and they finally
succeeded in 2012. That's when we started to
get, see surgeons appearing in university hospitals
around the country who could provide the surgeries.
People started providing the hormone replacement
therapy because that was the new diagnosis. This
is treatable now through psychological therapy.
Hormone replacement therapy and any necessary
surgeries and all of that's optional to the person
Going through this you pick what you need and
what you feel comfortable with I see for me 2014
November 2014 was a big turning point for me.
I was seriously in pretty bad health and I'll
explain why in a moment And I was just so disgusted
with everything that I was living through. And
I had everything set up to kill myself. And the
last thing I did was something, I firmly believe
this universe said, go check your computer. And
I checked and I found out that diagnosis had
changed in 2012. I went to my wife. I said, because
we had talked about this in 1978. I was talking
in my sleep about being a woman. She woke me
up and demanded an explanation and I told her
everything. OK. And I expected to be divorced
by morning. Right. She decided we would stay
together as long as I didn't do anything about
this. And I knew I didn't have any options. I
said, fine. And we just continued on. Right.
But it was always there. I perpetually felt guilt
and shame for having married her without telling
her this. I lied by omission. I understand. Yeah.
I had to not only repress all of this, I had
to repress and deal with that as well. Oh my.
And 2015, I had my first therapy appointment.
where I could actually openly talk to another
person. And I had done a lot of research. I found
the right person. I had really good vibes about
her profile, her picture. I just felt a real
connection with her. Yeah, yeah. And the first
intake session was an extended session and I
just poured my guts out for the entire time and
it felt so freeing and so good to actually talk
about how I felt. Wow. Yeah. And that was the
first time in 67 years. And she was the first
person in my entire life to ever accept me for
who I truly am without question, without doubt
and with no need to understand. I was getting
up to leave. This was profound Aubrey. She looked
at me and said, what's your name? And I snapped
back, Wendy. To my joy, she crossed out my male
facsimiles name and wrote Wendy on my file. From
that day forward, I was Wendy to her. That is
a true definition of an ally. Yes. An absolute
true definition and sounds like your introduction
to what an ally is. Absolutely. Wow. and somebody
who's open to learn. I saw her for a total of
five years. I think the last three, it was like
monthly I would go. She told me after my third
year, you don't need to come here anymore. You're
fine. Really? Live your life, right? Go for it.
I said, no, you're my guru. I'm coming in. Monthly
check -ins just to make sure I'm on track what
I'm dealing with things Because one of the things
that I had learned from her Aubrey and this is
very important for people going through any significant
life change and I'm talking about things like
Packing up your whole family in your home and
moving to another part of the country to a new
career or whatever Starting quitting your corporate
job and starting your own business. These are
all significant life changes What I learned about
a significant life change like any of those,
and in particular this one, which I have to admit
is very profound. Yeah, it is. Absolutely. What
I learned was in order to do that, you have to
mentally transition. You have to mentally adjust
to whatever that is. We all form beliefs. Our
beliefs are formed by our thoughts and our emotions.
Thoughts are the things that we have daily, the
stories we tell ourselves. And those emotions
are the mind's way of communicating with the
body so that the body knows what we're feeling.
hypothalamus puts out neuropeptides, glands throughout
the body, put out other chemicals. All the chemicals
we produce are highly addictive. We're our best
drug dealers. You can become addicted to anxiety,
addicted to depression, addicted to all of this.
You can also become addicted to your beliefs.
Yes, you can. I see. And this is the key. You
can't live outside your beliefs. Hmm. Yeah. When
you stop and think about that, uh, that is very
hard, if not impossible to do exactly. Yeah.
Yeah. So the first thing that my therapist and
I credit her for teaching me this. And then I
jumped into law of attraction. I also got into
Dr. Joe Dispenza for all of this. She challenged
all my beliefs because when I saw her, I still
was repressing. I still didn't believe I could
do this. She challenged my beliefs. I was journaling.
And what I discovered with that is the key to
journaling is not writing it all down and not
making it look pretty in a notebook or anything.
Right. It's the key to it is going back four
or five days later, reading what you wrote. Yeah.
And that's when I decided, wow, I don't want
to think like this anymore. I don't want to feel
that way anymore. Those emotions, I don't want
to feel that. And the other thing that I discovered
as I went more into my transition over the first
two and three years is all those emotions that
I had from say my early 20s in the 70s all the
way through my 60s. That was physically ruining
my health. Yes, I can see that mind over matter.
It's all those emotions, all those chemicals
your body is producing. Yeah. They don't do you
any bit of good. No, your immune system gets
lowered, right? Totally lowered. Yeah. Yeah.
I was type two diabetic from age 38. I had horrible
blood work. And by the time I was in my sixties,
I was 70 pounds overweight. Oh my goodness. And
I didn't care about myself at all. There was
no self acceptance whatsoever and zero self love.
That's where I arrived at my first therapy appointment.
Three months into therapy, my third uh third
therapy session I went against the rules that
my wife had established she said you can't leave
the house as Wendy you can't go out in a dress
you can't do any of this until you are away and
on your own okay well my third session uh I told
her I'm going as Wendy that's something I need
to do for me and that's what I'm doing I put
boundaries in place. Sure. Sure. And we got through
that and it was wonderful. That was the first
time I ever went out as myself. Wow. You've overcome
that hurdle. Yeah. I hadn't crossed dressed in
35 years at least. Yeah. I hadn't even thought
about it at that time. I didn't even know that
there was a transgender community, right? This
is January of 2015 and I didn't know any transgender
people. So Wendy, at what point did you start
to be introduced to communities such as this
and people said, you know, in, in, in, in these
communities to the point where you're not just,
you know, receiving as part of that community,
but now you make the decision to give and contribute
to the community by the work that you're doing
now. I mean, and that was 2015 when you're just
learning of this. Right. So what was the timeline
between then and the work you started doing contributing
to the community? It actually, well, see, I didn't
have the typical belief that is held by a lot
of people in the community. Transition is difficult
and takes a long time. I didn't have that belief.
So therefore I had no restrictions by it. Gotcha.
And once I started to see by the third month
of therapy, Once I started to see that this was
possible for me, I could go out, I can do this.
I am learning how to blend in the society as
everyday life as any other woman. I can do this.
So my transition took from living as male to
living full time as female took six months. Wow.
That sounds like a land speed record. You know,
I mean, it's a, and it had nothing to do with
the presentation. I focused that entire time
on all what I call the mental work of shifting
my beliefs, seeing possibilities because life
is all about possibilities. Right. And it's in
those beliefs that I talked about earlier, they
will mask. the possibilities from our view. Yes,
it will. They certainly will. Or sabotage us
from being able to achieve them because we don't
believe we can achieve them. Wow. And that's,
that's a point where I see a lot of people that
I encounter in the community that I help through
their transitions. That's where they're stuck.
They're stuck in their beliefs. That is amazing.
In fact, you know what? I think you were reading
my mind, Wendy, because this may be along the
lines of this next question I had for you, which
is basically what has been one of the hardest
challenges by society that can make your work
an uphill battle. And these types of beliefs
or restrictions that people put on themselves
when they get stuck in this part of the transition.
Sounds like one of those uphill battles that
is an uphill battle and When somebody comes to
me and wants to get through that One of the things
I do is I make sure they're committed to themselves
I've already been through all of this. Yeah,
I know how to take them through it, too. Yes
and So I start working with them and I hold them
to accountable accountability to themselves.
Yeah. And weekly sessions, they get homework,
things that I expect them to work on. That's
right. And we keep going from there. And the
other thing that I did for myself after therapy
sessions, both on the way to therapy and on the
way home from therapy. is I would give myself
little life tests. I would go out in public and
do something. Very simple, just to be seen in
public, to be out, to walk down the street, to
walk through town, to pretend grocery shop, because
you don't go grocery shopping. All of those things.
And between that... and working on my belief
structure and seeing possibilities and all of
that, you begin to really feel that you can let
go and this is possible. I see. And that's what
I assign people to do when they're working with
me. Understood. I mean, this is true work and
accountability in which you are coaching and
guiding these individuals through. I find it
absolutely fascinating, Wendy, because you do
have to put in the work, right? As with anything.
It takes about, according to Dr. Joe, and I've
seen it happen within two to four months, you
can completely rewire your brain and shift your
belief structures in that short period of time.
Tremendous. Absolutely tremendous. Now, Wendy,
with you, one thing that strikes me about you
that I feel is quite unique, but I will give
you this disclaimer right now. Because I'm not
in that community or very knowledgeable of it,
I could be wrong. But what makes you very unique
to me is you have had a very, I'm going to say,
courtside seat view of Of the way society was
say 20 30 40 50 well 20 30 40 years ago Yeah,
and and and and and what was accepted then what's
not accepted then and now you are Doing the work
to help coach and guide other people Here we
are in a new century Here we are in where there's
multiple generations beyond yours. Okay. And
so this leads me to ask, you know, with the certain
changes that have occurred in the world, particularly
here in North America, the US, you know, in the
past five or 10 years, let's say things like
social injustice, broader support of the LGBTQ
plus community. and a lot of other things, more
awareness to diversity, equity, and inclusion
and that sort of thing. Is there any part of
your work that is in complete contrast to what
you've experienced 30 or 40 years ago that has
made your work a lesser challenge than what you
endured those years, many years ago? Nowadays,
especially after 2012, a lot of people started
really coming out. Yeah. It really took off surprisingly
even to me during the pandemic. I think it was
because people had time to themselves. They were
alone. They were on Zoom. A lot of time to think
too. Yeah. from here down, they could be whatever
they wanted to be. So the thing that a lot of
people in the community don't have, and it's
basically generational, is an understanding of
the history from where we came and what was possible
then or impossible and what is possible now.
The one major factor that I find within the community
is again, a lack of understanding about emotionally
and mentally transitioning as well as the physical
aspects of it. The mental part of it is key,
totally critical to anything. you hope to achieve
on the other side of your transition in terms
of blending into society as a woman, blending
into society as a man. And part of that is in
the process of getting rid of my own beliefs
that I couldn't do this and replacing them with
supportive beliefs and emotions and thoughts
and everything. I also had to deconstruct decades
of male socialization that I didn't want in the
first place that I was stuck with. So you have
to become very self -aware. That's where self
-awareness comes in. And then you have to work
on getting rid of those thoughts and beliefs
and finding self -acceptance. I mean, true self
-acceptance as to who you've always been. Yes.
Because we don't transition to be something we're
not. Right. We transition to be something we've
always been. Understood. Understood. And that's
something that a lot of my clients go, oh wow
i never thought of it that way yeah power of
changing thoughts yes yes it's highly impactful
and and it's truly truly important because i
mean that's perspective right yeah yeah that's
perspective and speaking of those aha moments
That was one that your clients have revealed
to you. From my understanding, your community
is a blend of transgenders and cisgender allies
and so forth. I was wondering if you could share
with us in conversations that you've had with
cisgenders and things that you have explained
to them about being born transgender and so forth.
Has any of them shared with you, you know, after
hearing some of these experiences, whether from
you or from other transgenders, the aha moment
where they finally understood and empathize that
led them to that outlet, almost like almost like
that point with your therapist? where she turns
around and asks, what is your name? And then
crosses out your male name and puts in Wendy.
What are some of those that maybe cis genders
in the community have shared with you as an aha
moment that led them to understand that, hey,
they're not doing this for attention. They were
truly born this way. Scientifically, this is
how they are. Well I'll explain that or comment
on that this way Okay, I moved in I left my house
family everything behind moved about 40 miles
north to New Hope, Pennsylvania Okay I knew that
it was an LGBT friendly community. Very cute
little town on the Delaware River in central
Bucks County right across the river from Lambertville,
New Jersey. Beautiful area, lots of and really
good people. Mixed cisgender and a large gay
population. There was only about maybe 10 or
12 people like myself living around the area
full time. Okay. And then periodically, people
who cross stress, that's another part of the
community. Yeah, I'm into town. So I moved there.
And I'm thinking, oh, all the gay people are
gonna understand me. They're gonna know all about
this. Wrong. Really? Yeah. I found flowers at
my door my first week there. Welcome to the neighborhood,
Chad and Jason number 15. Okay. It was a mixed
bag of apartments. I was in a second floor apartment.
There was someone below me. There was a couple
of condos beside all of that. Okay. And it was
a very social street too, which I found out.
I didn't know anything about the place when I
moved there. Interesting. Yeah. So On a Sunday
evening, I saw Chad and Jason came home at about
eight thirty. I went down to their place at about
nine o 'clock on a Sunday evening. They told
me, well, there's a running bet in the neighborhood.
Are you a cisgender woman or are you one of the
cross dressers that occasionally comes into town
and you just decided to live here? And I explained,
neither. Right. I was born transgender. I am
changing my legal identity. I am going to have
surgery to have my birth defect corrected. Sometimes,
somewhere, don't know when, but that's going
to happen. And I followed that up with, I'm an
open book. Ask me anything you want to and absolutely
nothing is off limits. That is the first time
I ever said that to another person. Amazing.
And I said it to these two, uh, gay gentlemen.
Yeah. Uh, Jason looked at me and said, you shouldn't
have said that in front of chat. And he asked
me everything. We talked from nine o 'clock on
a Sunday evening until about three 30 Monday
morning. Oh my. Wow. They were mind blown. And
so was I. And I left that going, wow, this is
great. Both sides have learned from this experience,
this conversation. I have had so much fun with
this. Yeah. Talking to them and explaining and
telling them about my life. And then I hear about
theirs. Yes. And there was more commonality than
not. Isn't that amazing? As I went forward a
little bit more, I found out that if I went to
the Raven, which was the big gay bar in town.
Yeah. And a big bar at about three to four in
the afternoon, I could sit there at the bar and
talk with gay men, gay women, occasionally straight
women and straight men who came to the bar. And
that's where I actually started doing what I'm
doing today. Having conversations with people.
And I would look, the gay men especially, and
you knew you were gay at an early age, oh yeah,
childhood, blah, blah, blah. And you knew it
was wrong, yeah. Parents made that abundantly
clear. And okay, so you drank the Kool -Aid.
You had a career, you had a wife, you had a house,
you had a family, you did the whole thing. And
you were miserable. Yeah. And you came out. Yeah.
And now you're here with me. Yeah. The only difference
between you and me is you became a G, I became
a T. I see. I see. Yeah. Amazing. Now, first,
first Christmas, my most wonderful Christmas
ever. Beautiful. progressive dinner party, going
through the entire neighborhood, each house,
each apartment and condo served the course. Yeah.
At the end of that evening, I'm sitting talking
to now my friend David. Yeah. Of Tom and David.
Right. And we're sitting there talking. It's
about two in the morning. The party's winding
down finally. Yeah. And I'm talking with him
and I'm seeing tears running down his face. And
I said to him, what's wrong? He goes, when? I
have to apologize to you. I said, for what? You've
been great. He said, ever since I met you, I've
been rethinking everything I understand about
people like you. You've been so open so vulnerable
and you've shared so every aspect of your life
and pretty much hid nothing He said that has
made such a tremendous difference for all of
us and He said I apologize for all the horrible
thoughts I had about people like you Coming from
a gay man Wow, I walked over I got off my stool,
I walked over, I hugged him, kissed him on both
cheeks and said, you're fine, we're friends.
And he still stays in touch. He's in North Central
Pennsylvania now and I'm here in Rhode Island.
He called me two weeks ago on a Saturday night
and we talked for an hour and a half. Again,
he told me when you made my life a thousand times
better by knowing you. I look at other people
who are different and I don't see them the same
way anymore. And you started that just by being
who you are. You've set a tremendous example
to all the people you've encountered on your
path by being open, being vulnerable, being that
open book. And that I have to really commend
you for, Wendy. It's an enormous example that
a lot of people should take to heart and try
to demonstrate themselves when interacting with
people. Could you tell us about your podcast,
Demystifying the Transgender Journey? The other
thing that I've found out all the way through
the last 10 years of my living authentically
as myself Not only has my health improved My
blood work comes back perfect all the time. I'm
no longer diabetic and I dropped the 70 pounds
and It's wonderful in my 70s now. I can walk
anywhere between three and six miles a day just
for exercise. That's amazing. That is so impressive.
And I believe the universe set me on this path
in 2015 to be the person to be out there to be
open with people. So I decided in 2022, I was
sick and tired of hearing all the BS on the news
about people like me. From political people,
from religious people, from society as a whole,
putting out all this crap about who we are. So
I decided I'm going to find a new platform. I
was only doing my coaching work. I was only on
social media. And I had the opportunity in 2023
to start podcast guesting. I hired an agency,
Interview Connections, and started on this journey.
I knew nothing about podcasting. And the first
host to interview me was Christine Blasdale in
Australia. She used to be an FM radio personality
interviewing people on FM radio in LA at a radio
station there. She did that for 20 years. Very
nice. So I felt privileged to be interviewed
by her. Of course. On her podcast. Wow. Yes.
And what I found out was She had tears running
down her eyes the entire time she was interviewing
me. Oh my. And we've really become quite good.
We've stayed in touch. Everything's been fine.
It's I've learned so much from her. Oh, that
is great. But she encouraged me. She said to
me right away, she said, Wendy, you need your
own podcast. Yeah. Well, Wasn't ready for it
at the time. I didn't know anything. I hadn't
been through this right I Joined her she has
a mastermind program. So I joined her mastermind.
She teaches podcasting content reuse media editing
all of that stuff. Yep, and I Introduced myself
to the group now. It's a mixed bag of Australians
and Americans and I just put it all out there.
Lynn Murphy, one of the other members, unmuted
and said, Wendy, I need to talk to you. Chris
told her what a great interview it was, blah,
blah, blah. And we went from there. I talked
with her a couple of times in November. We got
to know each other. Lynn and I started recording
for a chapter in her book because she had written
a book, Life Lessons of 50 Inspiring Women. Oh,
great. Yeah. So her publisher wanted her to do
a second book, second edition of the book, only
this time include some diversity. Sure. I'm diversity.
That makes sense. I got you. And one thing led
to another. And she, Lynn, is the most wonderful,
open -minded, caring, curious, cisgender, hetero
woman who knew very little about the LGBT community.
Right, right. We just kept talking and talking.
The first interview lasted four hours and she
didn't even get to any of her questions. It just
evolved and by the spring of 2024, we did an
agreement to co -host. demystifying the transgender
journey, a name I hallucinated in the winter
of 2024, one Saturday night while I was just
relaxing, watching TV. Oh, sure. By the way,
I love the name because it just point blank tells
you what it's about, right? Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.
It doesn't cut. It doesn't beat around the bush
at all. No. Yeah, it gets straight to the point
and there's a need for that. And transgender
people have joined the community that I've started
around the podcast. Good. And transgender people
can learn a lot from the interviews we do and
from the episodes we're posting and all of that.
primary target for the audience of it is cisgender
people. Interesting. The community that I'm forming,
I also have some transgender people have joined
me in that. Right, right. But it's for people
to have conversation. Yeah, yeah. Like what I
want to do is take what I have done from 2015
and all the way forward, talking to people and
just put it out there in a much bigger platform
on a podcast that I'm co -hosting with Lynn and
a community that we meet monthly. And I just
want cisgender people to come in there. uh whether
they have uh transgender people in their family
yeah uh relatives uh in their community or co
-workers or anyone that they are curious about
but they're afraid to ask the questions yeah
yeah i'm abundantly clear on that ask what you
want to ask don't worry about how you phrase
it if I know that it would be potentially offensive
or hurtful to someone else to ask it that way.
I'll tell you the correct way to ask the question.
Exactly. As long as it's genuine, authentic,
and comes from the heart, right? Yeah. And the
particular difficulty that I also see and I've
experienced within my own community is a lot
of people don't like to talk to cisgender people
and explain themselves. They feel like they're
being put under a microscope. They feel like
they have to justify themselves. I see. Yeah.
All of that. So I encourage people to do it if
they're comfortable and if they're open to it.
But you have to be open. You have to be open
and not everyone is ready at the same time. Exactly.
Yeah, that makes so much sense, Wendy. So let's
say the listeners want to be a part of this community,
whether they're cisgender listeners or transgender
listeners, the listeners want to be a part of
this community. How can they connect with you?
How can they connect and be a part of the community
and learn more about the great work that you're
doing? to protect the community also, which is
kind of important. Oh, very important. Absolutely.
I'm keeping it fairly closed. Understood. And
there'll be I'll give you a link to put in the
show notes that goes to a page where people can
register. Subscribe to the newsletter because
the newsletter by the same name demystifying
the transgender journey is how I communicate
with people. It's how I communicate about our
activities and what we're doing. So it's important
that they sign up for that. I also give them
the option on that page as well to schedule a
five to 10 minute phone call or a short Zoom
session with me just to ask some questions about
the community, get some clarification on how
the meetings are conducted and all of that. And
also to give them a sense that I'm trying to
make it secure and a safe environment. I also
want. parents of transgender to come in. And
I do work with parents of transgender people
as well, because parents have no framework for
any of this either. When their child sells them
at any age, whether it's 10, 12, 15, 25, or 45,
they still have no framework for this. And that's
one of the things that I provide for them. I
can do that in coaching sessions where they can
join the community. and come to the community
meetings and ask their questions and get information
there and follow what's going on. And I'll give
you the link to the web page and you can put
that in the show notes. Absolutely. We will definitely
put that in the show notes. And Wendy, I want
to specifically thank you for that clarification
on working with parents of transgender children
as well, right? It goes beyond just working with
adults, but this born transgender starts a childhood.
So exactly. Yeah. So, so it only makes sense
to extend to parents of transgender children.
I've written an article that PFLAG published,
um, for parents of transgender. And that inspired
me to start a book on that, which I did. And
I got the edits back and I started working on
them, but then I shifted away from that to work
on the podcast and everything else. I'm going
back, I'm back into working on the edits so I
can get it to my publisher and get the book out.
The working title is Love Knows No Gender, parenting
a transgender child. Gotcha. I like the name
of that title too. It just goes right between
the eyes and tells you what it is. That's my
thing. Yeah, it truly is, Wendy. You have a lot
of exciting initiatives and projects going on.
The community and the listeners here, we just
can't wait to see these be provided and served
out into the world for those who are looking
for that support, looking for that help. Wendy,
I really have to thank you for coming on the
show to connect with me to Aubrey. Yes. Yes.
Directly. Meet Wendy Cole dot com. Meet Wendy
Cole dot com. That's it. All right. We're going
to put that on the episode show notes as well.
As many links as we can so that people can learn
about your great work. Subscribe to your newsletter.
Maybe set up a time to chat with you for a few
minutes to answer any questions. that they may
have and that they have been afraid to ask. I
truly hope for all the listeners sake after hearing
this conversation, that any questions you have
that you are apprehensive to ask that this has
helped you build some assurance in asking as
long as it's genuine and authentic and comes
from the heart. And it's not. mean or be derogatory,
right? It's not meant to be mean -spirited, but
it's coming from a true place of just authenticity
and love. Wendy, thank you so, so much for coming
on the show. I truly, truly appreciate you. And
I hope we can stay in touch and maybe have you
on the show in the future. Absolutely. I would
love that. And we will stay in touch. Definitely.
Fantastic. And I want to thank all of you for
tuning in and listening. And Hey, look, you may
think at times that in our daily struggles and
adversities that, uh, that we're alone when the
truth is, you know, we're, we're never alone
and hope is just around the corner. I humbly
ask that you please share this show with someone,
you know, someone you love who needs motivation,
inspiration and support. And you know, when it
comes down to it, we're all just roadies on this
journey of life. But it sure feels good having
you alongside with me on the road. Thanks again
for listening. We'll chat again soon. We really
hope you enjoyed this episode of the Rhodes Rediscovery.
We'd love to hear from you. Shoot us an email
at RhodesRediscoveryPodcast at gmail .com and
leave us any questions or comments you may have.