Songwoven presents the Laniya Expedition, a D&D 5th edition actual play campaign.
Episode 11.
Gaslight Gatekeep Gooseboss.
That's actually the name of the episode.
You can catch us live every Sunday at 8pm EST on Twitch.tv slash Songwoven show, or
watch the video version of this podcast on YouTube.
Thanks for listening.
Hello everyone and welcome back to Songwoven!
It's a new year!
Oh goodness gracious almighty!
Hello everyone and welcome back from the break.
Welcome back to you two as well from the break.
It's been a while, how have the two of you been doing?
I haven't seen you since last year, oh my gosh, we never talk.
Yes, those of you who are tuning in to our podcast, Jenny and Tim are madly in love and
dating, so it's all lies.
Angrily in love.
Madly.
Angrily in love.
Madly!
No, he literally, he literally, I had my hair, it's mostly fallen out by now, but it was
curly and he saw it and he was like, oh my gosh, I'm crying.
That's so good.
I actually started like, I started producing tears because I saw Jenny and I was like,
oh my gosh, she's a fucking amazing girl.
It was like before, it was like, it was like literally like an hour ago, like before you
came into the co-op, I was crying.
You guys give me faith and hope that love is indeed real.
It is real.
It's real.
Anyways.
Hello everyone.
I am Tim Don Tran.
Your, you know what, I think we can change it up a little bit here.
You know, you know what we do here at SongWolven?
We change things up.
We tell different kinds of stories.
We diversify.
We metamorphosize.
DM.
I am your narrator.
Tim Don Tran.
Does that mean the DM bit is dead?
It was really fun.
It could be DM then, DMN.
DMN.
Deanage Mutant Ninja Timmy.
Tim, please introduce ourselves.
I don't know.
I think Jenny, she had her hair curled.
So I think she's more like, and I'm more like, Hi, my name is Jenny Sherard.
I'm playing Cecilia Eidlwind.
And hello, Klaus Hands, who highlighted their message.
Hi.
Oh, welcome.
Hello.
And I am Emma Remusco.
I play Jean Claude Boucheron.
I haven't done this accent in a while.
My God, this man.
The Paladin, the Paladin Furbolg, big, tuddly cow man.
One second.
I do have a friend who is off stream watching.
Annie, are you Klaus Hands?
Nope, not her.
Okay.
Never mind.
Hi, Klaus Hands.
Who are you?
Who are you, Klaus Hands?
We welcome you.
Welcome to our stream.
Or is it Klo-use Hands?
Klo-use Hands.
Either way, we're very active with our chat.
We're happy to have you all.
Welcome to everyone.
Happy New Year.
Oh, righty tighty.
Well, since we're just getting back into the swing of things, episode 11 of Songwoven,
I believe that this is the prime time to do a recap.
Please help.
We all looked at Jenny, hopefully.
We all are like, we're kidding.
There's a bit of recap in there.
Yes, so since it's been 10 episodes, too, I'll just recap the main premise of the game.
The main premise of the game is also that Cecilia, whose older sister is an adventurer,
decides that her sister's done adventuring because she should go settle down with her
boyfriend.
And so she steals her new quest, which is transporting fragments of the moon across
the continent, and she ran into Jean-Claude, a part of the Grovengaard, a fur-bogue French
man who saves her life, like not even 12 hours into her journey when she nearly drowns.
And then here's the moonshards call out to him in the form of his niece.
And so they decide to go get answers for Jean-Claude's missing niece and Cecilia to finish her first
ever quest.
So last time, basically, we parted ways with our temporary party members, Jaime and Stellar,
and we were heading back on the Lanaya Road to head over to...
Oh gosh, I forgot the name of the place we're going already.
Ondoroth.
We're going to Ondoroth eventually.
But we made it out of the first territory.
And since we escaped jail a couple days ago, word spread about that.
He apparently alerted...
We thought we'd be safe once we left his territory, but apparently we're not.
So they recognize our description of a fur-bogue and a girl with glasses, apparently.
Because I guess fur-bogue, if a human girl with glasses, it's just kind of an unusual
pair.
And so we take off running, all our horses running, speeding with our wagon away.
And we end up going through a valley where we encounter a chimera, the monster with the
head of dragon, a goat and lion.
It tries to kill us.
But Jean-Claude took the moon shards and attempted to use them for the first time, that Cecilia
had been the only one to use them before.
She gets two points of exhaustion every time she does, and it's random magic effects.
So she was already exhausted from using them a bit ago.
But Claude used them, and that's how we discovered that it actually makes, even if someone else
uses them, they still make Cecilia exhausted.
But it ended up working out because we were able, we got some, using the moon shards caused
magic missiles to hit the chimera, and we were able to kill it after that, so that we
did not get killed by dragon's breath or lion's claws or anything like that.
Jean-Claude can't Sailor Moon transform like Cecilia can, unfortunately.
Not yet.
Maybe one day.
So we were very exhausted, and Claude decides, since we have our griffon saddlebag that can
be used to cast Legend Lore, he casts it to try to learn more about the moon shards, and
he learns that the moon shards are actually sentient, and that they have been known to
drive people mad with them, that they will speak with the voices of people you care about
and people you love to try to manipulate them in some ways to get whatever it is that the
moon shards want.
And so with that revelation, we decided let's just keep going.
Let's not acknowledge this.
Also we do have- Oh, sorry, you go, you go.
Yep, go.
I was gonna say, and then we met a Mr. DM who let us sleep at his campsite and rest
in the very emotional state we were in.
Razzled.
We also have two- not only do we have the government of a local territory out for us,
we have a skeleton man who we have no idea- named Mero, who we have no idea why, what
he wants with the moon shards, and we have the douchebag, which- what is- I hate- Ferris?
Ferris?
Farlius?
Oh.
Farlius?
Yeah, such a lame name.
Farlius, who is a shape-shifting, attached to some-
Shade.
Shade, who's attached to some organization or some group of people that want to use the
moon shards for what we assume is evil, considering he was the one who tried to drown Cecilia upon
first meeting, and I don't think people who intend to do good just randomly drown people.
He's taken a different form every time we've killed him, and right now, the last form was
the only one we haven't managed to kill.
It escaped in our last fight, and it's a huntsman with a wolf and a gun, and it was very painful
when it fought us.
That sucks.
But it ran away.
It ran away.
We have a lot of folks out to get us, and we're only ten episodes in, so this'll be
a joy.
Alright.
Well, everyone all nice and caught up?
I remember what happens a little bit now.
I'm like, oh yeah, that's right, mental breakdowns galore.
With that said, after our long and arduous journey to head outside the Apricus Field,
the region where you started your adventure, we venture off on the Lanaya Road.
Let's begin.
Jean-Claude, give me a constitution saving throw.
Oh Jesus, wow, that's quick.
Do I remember how to do what I do?
Saving throw, constitution.
It's a 19, not bad for a first roll.
Jean-Claude.
You awake, your eyes closed at first, as a particularly concerning smell permeates throughout
your tent.
You hear it at first, the climbing, roaring sound of something so primal and so familiar.
Fire.
Oh, as your eyes awake, you see the light behind your, you can see the light, the flickering
bright lights of orange and red dancing behind the canopy of your tent.
There is a smoke permeating through the air and luckily you did not, luckily you did not
get a lungful of it.
You cover, you managed to cover your mouth with your arm as you, as you assess the area
around you.
Everything's completely covered by the tent but you can feel it, the reaching warmth and
the scorching hot of the perceived flames outside.
I really am Smokey the Bear.
Your tent's certainly not on fire.
One second here.
Is there anything that you want to do right now?
Am I the only one awake?
Yes?
We're on you.
We're just on you.
Oh, oh, just focusing.
Okay, got it, got it.
I was like, are they alive?
I guess I would charge out, if I smelled fire, absolutely would charge out of the tent and
try to, you know, just shout, you know, shout fire and then see if I can, I don't have,
see if there's either water or if I can like beat it down with like a rug or something,
like a rug, duh, but just see what's going on.
You charge out of your tent and you are introduced, where once the outside, the world outside
of the tent was, you know, road, grass, trees.
It is now a scorching barren land, fire, the air completely, utterly choked by ash.
Dean Mannington, the camp is gone.
Your wagon is gone.
There is no road.
Is this the Feywild?
Am I back in the Feywild or is it just, it's just, I don't fucking know.
I just, there's nothing.
This is familiar.
It is familiar.
This is familiar.
Okay.
So I'm back in this list.
This, okay.
Panicking.
Is there anything, I start shouting for Cecilia.
Is she, I know there's nothing around me, but can anyone hear me?
You shout for, you shout for Cecilia and as you do, your breath battling against the smoldering
ashes in the air, there's nothing.
Your voice echoes.
It travels and it bounces off of nothing.
As you regain control of your breath, sinking low to the ground, just staring around at
this barren land, in the corner of your eye, you catch a shimmer.
You look.
It's, it has a different hue than all of the, all of the fire that surrounds you.
And amongst the fire, amongst one of the, one of the many raging infernos around you,
you see the silhouette of a, of a girl.
A young fur-bog girl?
That's the thing.
Your mind is racing between two different ideas right now.
Is that a young fur-bog girl or is that Cecilia?
It's extremely hazy.
But despite the urgency of the situation, the panic in your heart, you see that this,
you see that this, whatever, whoever the silhouette is, whatever sense of strong familiarity is
coming to you, it's walking away.
It's fading.
Oh, I go, it's dangerous.
And he's charging after it.
Cause at this point he probably thinks it's Cecilia.
As you charge towards it, it seems as, as you charge closer to the fire, it seems the
flames are reacting to you.
Violent, you, an intruder.
As you run closer to the flame containing the silhouette, it seemed like it almost flashes
over, lashes out at you.
The top of the flames curl over the top of your form.
Fucking god!
He yells at the fire and keeps going.
You dive into the flames.
For some reason, and it's unintuitive to you, but you bring up your hands and just like
you're parting a bush, like you have done many times in the grove and guard, your hands
dig right into the flames and you push open and you walk right through.
Cold, calm, serene.
The moon shines bright in the sky above.
You are within the confines of a sort of blue greenish, a blue greenish field of nature.
Just mere moments before you were standing in an inferno, everything around you seemed
to be angry, your body was hot, your heat, your body retaining the heat from before,
you are now standing in calm and just surrounded by trees.
A gentle wind blows through, tussling the grass and the treetops above.
Is this similar to the woods I left?
Yes.
Oh boy, he's adrenaline pumping.
A familiar voice, non-digetic at the moment, meaning not present, seemingly in your head.
Thank you.
I was going to say, can you explain?
At Songloven, we like weird words.
Big words.
You hear a calming tone, singing.
A familiar song.
You know who this person is.
Who's singing?
Yes.
It's Humming.
But she was always a very nice singer.
She even sang you lullaby a few times when your brother would bring her to your room
after particularly long nights and she would serenade you into sleep.
Those first few times, you couldn't help but smile and woke you up a bit more, put energy
in you, just to see how cute she was to try and put you to sleep.
Ouch, Tim.
That was supposed to be sweet.
I know, but it hurts because it's painful.
But hearing it now in these woods where you would often find her tending to her wanderlust,
you hear her song once more.
And then it feels as if the song begins to reach out of your head and travel.
And then it feels like you could place it just beyond the woods.
Maybe a bit of walking.
He's not going to try to rationalize, he's just going to follow.
You make your way over as you begin to reach an evergreen or a glade in the forest, hunched
over in the midst of this field.
You see a firbolg.
Can you please describe what John Claude is seeing?
He sees Sylvie, which is his niece.
She has much like him, bluish gray skin.
She wears, his hair is very short and curly, hers is huge.
Big ringlets cascading down her shoulders.
She's always, her clothes are always clean pressed.
She's a very big reader, so sometimes she keeps glasses in like her pocket.
She's always very inquisitive and the curious young, creative young girl.
You watch as she's hunched over a book, a familiar sight, like always.
As she's currently, her eyes wide and full of attention looking towards a yellow reddish
bird that is kind of like skipping along the top of a branch.
She is currently placing many materials to form a nest.
You see parts of the material are black as if they're burnt for some strange reason.
And then it kind of like, as you're making your way over towards the firbolg, you do
catch the sights of like, almost like a welding spark, like an electric shock as the bird
pokes the nest with its beak.
You can't count how many times you managed to sneak up on Sylvie.
She is way too engrossed with this bird right now.
But you walk up and for the first time in forever you're next to her.
Is this a dream?
I think Jean-Claude is like, I don't know if this is real.
He's starting to get upset, but he's just enjoying looking at her.
Here comes a bit looking at her, where you see she kind of like holds up her pen.
She sits and thought for a bit.
Her eyes widen.
And she looks at a little...
Oh my god, she's so cute!
And she just turns towards you, clutching the book to her chest.
Oh goodness.
Uncle, you can't sneak up on me like that.
Okay, nope, I hug her.
Yeah, big, big hug crunches her into and just squeezing the life out of her.
Yes, yeah.
That sounds coming out of her.
And he's just like, he's not saying anything.
He's doing gentle backpacks, but he is just holding this young, young, young girl, his
niece, his apple of his eye, who he has missed for so long.
And he doesn't say anything.
He just holds her and then gently puts her back down.
I hope I can be as strong as you one day.
Um, I know, it's a little bit late right now, but one of my friends told me that there was
a yellow bird out here and I just had to come out here.
Do you know what that is?
Pointing at the bird.
Do I?
Go ahead and like genuinely give me a history check.
Genuinely do I know anything?
15.
Okay, roll to no.
Roll to no.
This you have to dig into the deep recesses of your mind because this is a rare, this
is a rare little guy.
Came around once, twice before, but Sylvie has talked about these birds before.
It's called a Folger Finch.
A Folger Finch.
And you know that, and they're cool because their beaks are shaped like little lightning
bolts and they shoot, and they shoot, they zap things at the very end of their very hummingbird
like tongues.
Oh Jesus!
He actually shoot lightning!
Yeah, I relay this to her still kind of in shock that she's sitting in front of me and
he's like, but you have to be careful about the, do you see the sparks?
Don't worry, we're far away from the zips.
Yeah, but your uncle is not so smart.
You see when I first saw that, I thought, oh you know, maybe this is shiny sparkly thing.
It's just not so fun up close.
So from here, good distance.
Do not come any closer.
I think things are shiny and sparkly because things, they want things to come up and see
them.
Oh, so it is lurking me in.
How devious of you, you little Finch.
Maybe not.
You always see the good in people, Sylvie.
It will get you far in life.
You know, I learn a lot from you.
Oh don't tell your dad.
And if I tell my dad, what's he going to do?
He's going to be very mad because he is your dad and you should be, you are his little
girl.
I think he should be proud.
There's a lot of good things I can learn from you.
Like you're going to have to teach me how to drink in the future.
Oh no.
You see, these are things that you now see that she starts turning the page on in her
book and she has a tendency to write things down.
You see, she has a to do list, um, to do list and it says parentheses being like uncle.
And part of it is you see be the best drinker in the town.
No, no, please do not show your mess, Elzad.
We are just now getting along so it would not be great.
Is everything all right between you and dad?
Everything is of course.
We are brothers.
We fight, we squabble, but we love each other very much.
We have a business together as you know.
Why?
Um, no reason.
I just wanted to ask.
I really missed you.
She hugs you.
Oh, he's so confused.
He's always very confused.
Oh, this poor man.
Uh, if I've been gone long.
She takes your hand.
Her hands are so small in yours.
And she just goes, every time you go out and travel outside of the town for a bit, I feel
like it is always a bit too long.
Oh, and he's, oh yeah, he sighs.
He's a bit relieved.
Something wrong?
No, no, no, no.
Because in his head he's thinking, oh, this is, she hasn't been, for those who will be
watching, his niece was kidnapped.
So he's, he's very much like thinking, oh, this hasn't happened yet in this dream.
As you say no to her, like what is something wrong?
She starts like checking her hair and like her clothes to like make sure.
Hey, you just, hey, you stop that.
You stop that.
You are always clean pressed and perfect.
I learned that from my mom.
So
You learned that from your uncle.
That's the one you learned from me.
Yeah.
No, no, I didn't.
She goes.
He laughs.
Can I show you something real quick?
Aries.
Follow me.
Oh no.
This is going to be emotionally scarring.
She takes her hand and begins to walk towards the, walks towards like the brush, the trees.
And you know, you having to force pass a couple of bushes here and there.
And then as she's getting, as you're getting, as you're just like, for this moment, you're
just, this is bliss.
This is perfect.
Oh my God.
It's, it's, it's, he's so happy.
It feels like you found her.
The bracelet, your oath, you feel full.
You feel like your fate has swollen inside of you.
But as you're walking, you hear the sound of crows in the distance.
Those crows.
You love it.
Crows in the distance.
And you notice that the, you notice that the dark, that the darkness of the night is starting
to draw.
You feel a certain chill permeating throughout the air, sort of pulling you.
She just goes, it's not too long now, uncle.
She'll be, where are we going?
I want to show you something.
What is, I don't know.
There's something, maybe we should go inside.
All right.
There's something off.
Oh, she stops.
Do you feel something?
Yeah.
What do you want to show me?
Where are we going?
Oh, I just found a little, um, and you begin to see that from the feet up, she is starting
to become transparent slowly.
Hold on.
No, no, no.
Grabbing, grabbing, grabbing, grabbing, trying to grab her.
She, she looks down and she seems like she's reacting to it.
And she looks up towards you, looking back and forth.
Uncle, what's happening?
It's okay.
Hey, you're okay.
You're okay.
Don't don't, don't wait, don't wait.
I'm right here.
You're okay.
It's okay.
She holds onto you, hugging onto your, um, hugging onto your arm.
Um, she goes, what's happening?
Don't worry.
Don't, I'm right here.
You're not going anywhere.
You're okay.
It's okay.
Uncle Claude.
Um, the transparency reaches her arm, her hand, and you feel the hand that's gripping
you begin to disappear.
Okay.
It is.
I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I don't play, but if there are any guards listening, keep her,
keep her, please help, help.
Just stay, stay here.
I, it's okay.
Her wide, innocent eyes, as you are desperately laying out a prayer to anything, a plea, a
plea to the air above you.
Much like before you are respo, you are, you have, you get the response of merciless silence.
As the, um, as the transparency reaches her large, innocent eyes, they are taken from
you again.
And by this point, as you look, um, you see past her, another opening within the forest,
many crows, um, sort of like standing on top of the roof.
You see a rundown cabin.
Barrels for it.
You make your way towards the cabin.
As you, uh, as you barrel towards it, um, are you going to bust in door, open it gently?
Oh, he's throwing his body through the door.
There is, it is pure animalistic rage at this point.
And he is just throwing his huge hulking body, slam into the door.
The crows scatter.
Um, they seem to, they seem to gawk at you as you come by, but seeing as how fast you
comment the taunts is maybe they were taunts.
Maybe they're just making noises, but they scatter as soon as you rush into the door.
The door is nothing to you.
It becomes a flying object.
It was an obstacle in your way.
And that's what happens when something gets between you and Sylvie.
And my niece.
You are beholden to a room, uh, with a single wooden table and a chair and a wooden chair.
Um, what a wooden chair that's on your end.
Uh, at the, at the very end of the other, uh, part of this just singular square room,
you see multiple cages, um, multiple small cages, like a, like a locker space, um, like
dotted, uh, dotted throughout.
My God.
Um, they are filled with jars of an assortment of different things, uh, tchotchkes and knick-knacks
and, and whatnot.
Um, nothing alive.
It seems they're in cages.
They're in cages.
They're locked behind cages, just these jars full of stuff.
Are they people?
People turn into objects and jars.
But um, by this point, the room is so small, it's, it's, um, nothing.
I would say like, uh, 20 by 20, uh, very comparable to your shack that you live in, you lived
in for a while in Royst.
Um, like you would know if someone was here.
After a while of looking around, um, you see, um, a shadow on the wall, two orbs adjacent
to each other open, a sickly purple color.
Ah, what a spirited entrance.
I've been expecting you.
Why don't you go ahead and take a seat?
Have I heard this voice before?
Is this a new voice?
New voice.
Definitely very new.
Very new.
Have I heard this voice before out of character?
Oh, is that why?
Oh shit, Jenny.
So real, also real quick for people watching, Timmy does a brilliant job of connecting all
of his campaigns, having all these little like loopholes.
Um, Jean Claude just grits his teeth and goes, you took hell?
Take a seat first and we'll speak, but only for a brief moment.
Uh, he...
Yeah, he takes a chair and slings it against the wall and says one more time, you took
hell?
It seems like the shadow steps out of the wall, giving form to a seven and a half foot
tall, very broad shoulder, like from shoulder to shoulder, probably like, like, like three,
four feet wearing a, um, wearing a cloak made out of a menagerie of matted fur and such.
This person has a crooked smile and they're very, very large.
They're hooking, like towering right over you.
There is an immediate sort of like stench in the air, a chill.
As the person looks down at you with a very like, the smiles, crooked teeth, everything
is, everything is just off with this person.
I'll go ahead and let you do the introductions.
May I have your name, please?
I used to tell a story to my niece about how it is a dangerous thing to give your name
to Faye.
Stories are true.
All of them have a basis in truth.
That's why they're so interesting.
The hag walks up to the other end of the table.
Sorry, real quick.
Chat said, chat said the smartest thing JC has said yet.
That was great.
Jenny made a face.
Well, if I can't have your name, can I use it?
What do I get in the town?
My niece?
An audience.
I do not need an audience, I need my niece.
Where is she?
In the place where you last lost her.
But don't worry.
She's well guarded in my home.
What do you want?
I want what you want.
What a brilliant and kind and innocent soul your niece is.
I would see why you would want her back.
To rob a world of such a delight.
It's not something I would dream of.
I'm not cruel.
So I'm simply here to give you instructions.
You're on the way.
Why don't you stop by home?
On the way to where you're going.
And pay you a visit?
I'll know when you're there.
I'll welcome you.
And do who or whom or what should I say do I owe such the pleasure a meeting?
Jean Claude Boucheron.
You have the absolute honor of meeting Eri.
Knew it!
Frickin' wait who is Jenny help!
It's bad Emma it's really bad!
Would you like a great deal of help on your way over?
I like to think I make fair deals.
Oh no is this cause he prayed?
The cloak moves aside as his lanky bony arm that kind of like jitters and stutters reaches
out towards the table and is placed on top.
I can help you Jean Claude.
And in return all I want is a day.
A day of your time.
You want the day of my life.
Simple.
A very simple proposition and in return I will grant you an unimaginable boon.
I've had enough of the fae.
I've really had enough of the fae.
No.
Release me.
Now!
The hand curls back.
I hope you are able to maintain the cosmic company you keep.
Farewell Jean Claude.
See you again.
The smile widens.
A single worm kind of like flits out the corner of the mouth and it kind of like wiggles a
bit.
The top end of its head looking towards you and you see a sort of like slimy ooze begins
to secrete out the top of the head as it just suddenly opens up showing a razor sharp array
of teeth and then it leaps out towards you.
I'll punch it in its teeth.
As you get ready to strike it.
Cecilia.
Jesus.
Yikes.
Yeah, chill session.
Real chill.
Yeah.
Timmy.
It will be.
I made a joke ages ago about this specific character appearing.
Oh, I bet they'll appear in Song Woven.
Timmy was like.
And I was like no.
You foresaw it!
And I didn't even think about it.
About like oh yeah the fae wild connection.
I couldn't think of how it would be connected.
That makes sense.
He's goddamn fae.
When you said that I was like man.
Why Jenny?
Why Jenny Clairvoyant?
Sometimes when we're talking she just says like there's a really fun like theory like
I know in her head it's like yeah it's fun and then I'm like oh damn it.
No I have to.
One day we were going to the magical kingdom and she's like yeah I bet the headmaster's
a vampire and I was like what the fuck?
She has a dark staff.
She's a vampire.
What the fuck?
Cecilia.
You um in your heavy slumber you feel a slight jostle on your shoulder.
Sis?
She gets up.
You open your eyes immediately.
Kind of like jolting awake and you see obviously a very different voice.
Dean Mannington.
Kind of like shaking your shoulder.
Dean Mannington?
What?
Dean Mannington.
That's his name.
DM.
Oh god Dean Mannington that's right!
Hey there I was just uh I was getting ready to pack up.
Oh um I can get um Jean Claude then because she was sleeping on the wagon.
Yes.
I'm just I hope you don't mind I'm disturbing you.
Looks like you needed the rest but um you're uh I was seeing you could do the honors of
waking up your good pal.
Uh yeah I can.
Thanks for letting us stay here.
No issue.
You adventure as far as you can you're gonna share your campsite with a lot of strange
folk.
Not to call you strange.
He called us weird!
I just never seen someone drink so much coffee and then somehow crash afterwards.
Yeah it's been a long week and it hasn't even been a full week yet so.
Looks like you had a long run ahead of you.
Yeah well one eye erode of it.
Let's steal that even though I'm at the end of my journey.
He writes it down.
He's done already!
She looks at him writing it down though it's like she didn't think it was that funny but
she kind of she looks confused and then she's kind of proud.
It's weird because after a bit as he's writing it down he's chuckling.
La Naya Rona.
Damn that's good.
Sorry I didn't mean to cause.
Does he do stand up sketch comedy?
Yeah.
You make your way towards the tent?
Yeah Jean Claude.
Hop on the tent but it doesn't make enough noise.
Jean Claude.
You awake.
Blinking bleary eyed a little bit.
You hear Cecilia's voice and you hear a tapping on the flap.
Are you awake?
Jolts up like heaving you know sweat dripping off his forehead.
He flings open the tent flaps and goes it's true.
What?
You don't give Fay your name.
I thought it was a joke but it is really true.
What?
Yeah.
I know.
She feels his forehead.
Does he feel sick?
Sweat.
Just a full on sheet of sweat.
I think you have a fever.
Oh.
Um.
No.
I just had a really...
What are we doing?
What's happening?
Are you safe?
Are you well?
Is there a problem?
No.
Yeah.
I just woke you up because he wants to pack up his campsite.
Oh.
Coffee man.
Thank you coffee man.
Nice.
That's a new one.
Yeah.
I'll take it.
Yeah.
Uh.
He's very out of sorts.
John Clad is always out of sorts but this is like a whole new level.
Like fumbling.
Um.
He's like, uh.
We need to go.
That's right.
We have an adventure.
We need to go.
Right?
Yeah, maybe if we can get to a town you can rest.
Let me get you some water.
She's still acting under the assumption that he's not well.
Cecilia.
Question for you.
Can...
Like, can...
Does your god ever visited you in like a dream?
Can... do you do... is that the thing they can do?
Like creatures of... can they talk to you?
Well they can.
I just... it's not common.
I mean I've never had it happen.
That's a good point.
Has Delmyra ever had like anything that she's told Cecilia about?
Like a vision?
So she's a chosen one?
Most certainly has had premonitions, yes.
My sister has had like visions and things from our goddess before.
Yeah, cause like... honestly I just had a dream that was way too detailed for me to...
My dreams are normally like my teeth falls out or like I'm trying to run a race and...
Do you have that to mean to the teeth?
No I... that sounds terrifying.
Yes my teeth fall out or I am supposed to give a presentation but I am in my underwear.
Like that is the extent of my nightmares.
This had a name I can't even remember.
So I... I... I... I do not think it is a good... that one.
She suddenly remembers it.
Ah there we go.
Ah yes, lachai.
E-R-I.
Like E-R-I.
It's like this.
Gary.
Are you just saying letters or... I...
This is what the fey do to you Cecilia.
Taint... Taint... Taint your mind.
Does this name...
Did you have a dream about the Feywild?
I don't know.
I thought it was cause it felt like... honestly it felt like if I were to experience or believe
in a hell it was that and that's what I associate with the Feywild is like hell.
It gave a place of evil and doom.
I'm sure they are nice.
Maybe you should wear my night cap instead.
I don't know if my night cap will protect from this.
Do you have the saddlebag real quick cause I'm a little concerned for E-R-I.
Um yeah I can get it.
She grabs it real quick.
What did you want to do with it?
So I was... normally... let me make this very clear.
The guy still was.
He's still out there with his coffee.
He has stepped away by this point.
He's just been circling a circle in a cup for a bit.
A spoon in a cup I mean.
So I never would bother about this but because we've been under you know so much weird shit
I don't think anything is coincidence anymore.
You know like even if I stub my toe and I get a vision of something I'm going to go
with it.
You know I'm going to thrust it.
So be prepared for a lot of me to just be reporting random things to you but this one
it was very disturbing and tried to make a deal with me.
And it was not good.
So I and we're headed to our home which is close to my own home and that is where the
creature is located.
So I just want to know a little bit more because I have a feeling I can't get away from it.
Okay um.
Sorry.
So do you want to cast that same spell you cast on the moonshards but on that name?
Is that work?
Would that work?
If it's... if he's legendary.
Oh I don't know.
Are they legendary?
I mean they kind of are.
I don't know enough about this Cecilia.
This problem was like literally in my dream.
I was like I don't I am not good for this.
I needed you right there.
I needed you to negotiate for me but it's okay you couldn't be in my dream.
I can sense what the saddlebag can do and I know that it um I guess how the spell works
is the more you know about something the more detailed it answers.
There's no harm in trying it though because we can it only has the ability to do that
spell about once a day but there's no reason not to.
Or should we look up Farley?
Oh Farleys.
Yes that one.
That's a good idea too.
Honestly Farleys is most pressing at this time.
Yeah but if someone was also talking to you in your dreams that's kind of scary and creepy.
You said something about a name?
Yeah like really creepy.
Wanted to make a deal with me.
Had a lot of cages with like knickknacks in it but it was creepy because like you would
think you put like living things that move like you put things that move in a cage not
inanimate objects.
Really creepy, lots of teeth, not really into it.
He had a lot of teeth?
Yeah yeah yeah like he opened his mouth and it was like and you see he throws it on his
head back and like shows teeth.
Yeah yeah yeah it was really bad.
I think you would do better in a battle of wits.
I was clearly outmatched.
I don't know about that necessarily but we can try maybe if you're feeling alright with
driving for a little bit maybe I can cast the spell on Farleys or if I drive you could
cast it on that ERI person.
Well you made a good point though who do we know more about?
Probably Farleys.
Yes I just- He's actively trying to kill us too.
Yeah yeah you know what I'm kind of sick Cecilia of us being like we felt like in the dark
like I think we deserve to have the upper hand for once.
Okay well let me get moving I can try it.
She looks to the guy she goes do you need help with your tents and things?
Oh no I got it all done you guys don't have to worry about anything.
Are you sure?
Absolutely fine absolutely fine.
You lot be safe on your journey now it's a long road.
She repeats again Lanaya roast.
Don Claude is very confused yes the name of the load.
But you see she said it in a way where it was very humorous.
Well thank you um alright I can get the horses ready real quick starts getting ready to go.
Um you prepare quick as soon as you're out of the jungle Dean puts down his coffee mug
and he starts taking down his stuff and generating a compact.
I'll help him.
Oh um absolutely uh as you start helping he goes oh no no it's completely alright.
No no no that coffee um was bitter like my soul so it was perfect um so I could only
offer this to you in exchange my mediocre assistance.
Alright um well thanks.
Anytime.
As you're um as you're helping him you roll up his tent and you put on his uh his sort
of wagon with one horse on it um as he's uh finished up uh as as you finish helping him
and still you are ready for a little good bit now.
Um Dean goes uh since uh well I'm nearing the end of my journey uh maybe I can give
you some to help you to help you a bit on your uh on your little ventures.
He begins like uh going through um the saddlebags on his uh on his horse.
Do I have to make a deal with you?
I don't make I don't want to make any more deals.
I can't do it.
I don't know how to negotiate.
I can't read the contract.
When people hand me a contract I don't even I just sign.
I don't even read it so I don't do good deals.
What do you want?
Money?
What?
I'm just giving you something.
Why?
Because it's gonna help you more than it's gonna help me.
I don't mean to offend you or anything.
No not offending me.
I just want to know your reasoning.
We're all just people living in the world and going from place to place.
He says personally I think that the world gets a little bit better when one person helps
another person.
Your net's working.
I'll take it.
Thank you.
Okay.
He just goes yeah net working.
I think about a lot of roads.
I have a really good way of doing that.
He pulls out this he pulls out he pulls out this this like this flask this this glass
flask with the stopper on it and a very typical like orange reddish sort of like hue in it.
You can already tell what it is you've seen these before.
This is a greater healing potion.
Hands it over to you.
Thank you.
I shall make sure you know at our next you know to offer something to you next I see
you you know pass your name along in my inner circles and whatnot and I'll get you out there.
Yes.
With this I'm on your ground floor it seems.
So what do you do again?
You are what do you specialize in?
Oh I was once a merchant but now I'm sort of I guess you can say a merchant turned into
a self-practicing herbalist.
See everything I make is homemade.
You got the good stuff?
It has different implications depending on who the person asking is.
What do you mean by the good stuff can I ask?
With the kids nowadays you know they get a poof here and there and you know.
That actually makes it a lot clearer.
He looks to the side.
Yeah I do but do not looks at as Cecilia goes no that's gonna reach her you got it.
No no no no no no no no no no no no no I just want to know you know because I am very
in with the young crowd and I just want to yeah I clearly and I just want to make sure
that you know I am well-versed and you know I can connect with them so that they feel
like I'm a cool you know cool parental figure and you know.
I think if you're taking certain substances in an attempt to connect with the younger
generation then there's I think that's ill-advised if I can be completely honest.
Is it though?
I think it is method I believe they call it method acting it's very method of me you
know I become the youth so that they can understand the youth.
No.
Tim's blank face.
Okay nevermind you were an awareness thank you so much it was great that was excellent
you were great thank you very much goodbye.
You have a good rest of your trip now yep yep have a good trip wink wink and he just
goes oh I don't nevermind.
Make your way away towards the wagon.
You almost buy drugs.
Hello fellow children.
Hello I'm Dean Mannington DM which also says we're drug merchant.
We're really shaking off the first hour.
I know I'm sorry.
It's okay no it's perfect.
This is perfect.
That hour went by really fast.
Jean-Claude you make your way towards the wagon as the two of you convene and you're
ready to head out onto the road.
Alright familiar positions Jean-Claude you take the reins and Cecilia you take a position
as well as Marquis and Reginald who are alive because of you.
The chimera really wanted to chomp those two.
Begin to pull the wagon as you continue on your journey.
Dean Mannington waves at you all with a friendly wave as you all make your way out.
Following the map your detour off of the Lanaya road is finally completed as you complete
the small valley detour and you seem to be back on the road.
You keep a wary eye out because the last time you were on this road you were almost being
chased like fugitives of sorts.
And as you're looking at the map and by this point you've traveled for a few hours I will
say there are times when you pass small caravans and such but you see people on the road and
guard uniforms that just don't seem to acknowledge you.
It doesn't seem like you're of an extreme high like oh goodness this person is like
the super criminal that we have to find.
It doesn't seem like you're very notorious so no extreme hiding involved that would really
suck that would take up a lot of time.
I was going to say we have to roll so many disguise checks and persuasion checks are
we out of the territory?
You are still within the territory you're going towards the center of it as you're heading
east.
You are you hit a you're hitting a good mark like I would say like you're a third of the
way that you need to get before you get to the border between Aurahom and Cadvaram.
And you are just beginning to approach the town of Kirkchester.
Kirkchester is the capital of this region that's where House Harroville the lord of
this the region resides.
The two of you might not know much else besides that but it's a rather sizable place.
Not that you need supplies or anything but as you are heading down this road you what's
that going to get getting an echo of myself?
Is it me?
From Emma's?
Okay hold on hold on.
It's me hi I'm the problem it's me.
Also I was casting legend lore while we travel.
Here I'll mute while you do that see if I can fix this.
Before we get to the next part I'll tend to the legend lore.
So you're casting legend lore on the name Farleys right?
Yes.
As soon as you say it you feel this sort of searching in your mind as magic sort of like
lashes out trying to gather information for you piecing together in your mind.
But after ten minutes of casting it nothing seems to give you leeway in your mind.
It doesn't give you anything it seems.
Let's see if the name the thing you named isn't of legendary importance you gain no
information.
Okay.
Yes this guy is not legendary.
I can't hear you.
I can't mime the game.
Podcast just has to guess.
Figure it out interpretive podcast.
Alright while we're here let's talk about I was gonna I was gonna go into like a bit
where we could talk about sponsors but like oh we can actually do that now.
Soon it's not this stream.
No but I'm talking about like we have the ability.
Yeah that's the thing.
Oh goodness we have so much responsibility now.
Oh no can't hear you.
What's discord?
I can't hear you guys.
Hello.
She can't hear us.
How does that happen?
I don't know can you hear me now?
Yes.
I can hear you.
Is it the echo still happening?
I don't think so I'm just gonna keep talking till I hear myself no.
Please resume.
Okay.
Cecilia's like she she casts a spell and she's she tells you she goes it didn't work.
I guess Farleus isn't notable enough for the spell.
It's alright good try Cecilia.
But I did have another idea and she's going to cast identify on the moon shards.
Okay.
Give me a moment as I look at the spell again just to make sure I have the nuance of what's
going on.
You know what I mean?
In fact I don't know what they are.
If the animal's creating a spell you learn which spell created it.
So I'll go ahead I'll go ahead and say that as you cast identify on it you were normally
you cast identify and you get a sense of clarity of what something is.
There is an invasion of your mind the you know the modern equivalent of static and discordant
like rushes of wind fills your head and you just this is all you hear for just a brief
moment for you let loose identify you're you're unsure of what it is and we can see
you cast that ritualistically so you didn't even lose its spell slide if you want.
Well it's not a spell slide it's from the bag.
Oh it's from the bag cool.
So yeah you cast identify on it and it's just this very powerful sort of like magic just
fills your head immediately and just flummoxes you.
That didn't work either.
What did it work?
What did you do?
You're just looking at this you're just looking at the moon.
What did you do?
I cast identify on it and it just like my head I mean it's fine it doesn't hurt or anything
it just it was just like noise but no noise but all in my head.
Maybe you you and the moonshine need to take a break.
There's been a lot of like moonshine I think I think they need to give you a hot sec to
recuperate.
It's okay I'm feeling a lot better because of that potion he back there gave me but.
And then he starts to think he wouldn't give a teenager drugs what would he.
What a potion of what Cecilia?
Oh he said it was like some sort of vitality potion and he just never used it.
Okay did he make it do you know?
I'm not sure.
Okay had it for his track in case he got tired I guess and then he went his whole trip without
using it.
Okay maybe we should like be careful next time we take substances from strangers.
Yeah he just seemed really nice and you drink a ton of coffee from him anyway so I thought
to probably be safe.
I know that was on me I know yeah yep yep I know I know I know.
I know maybe.
What the actual fuck?
It's been so long.
You hear those voices crying out in the distance it was quite a first for you as you get closer
in the road it's getting louder and louder.
That is the ugliest voice I've ever heard in my life Cecilia.
Are they okay?
I don't care.
Put me on the road and give me drinks.
Nope nope we cannot have our shit.
She when they get close to them she goes are you okay?
As you get closer towards the source of the sound it is a bit off it's a bit off the
road you see this woman who is tied to a tree she's tied to a tree with a good bunch of
rope she is a bit flush in the face as if drunk there are multiple glass bottles that
surround her on the ground she seems from what you can see well dressed she has a blouse
a white blouse and she has light elvish features and brown hair and she just kind of looks
towards the two of you and she goes of course I'm fine the party just started and then looks
at you Jean Claude and goes oh who's this tall drink of milk water glass of water milk?
Jean Claude goes Cecilia can we please not make eye contact with this can we just I think
she's fine.
But how does she get tied up there is she actually okay?
It doesn't know the difference between milk and water I don't know if this is a good person
I can't really feel my arm can you get any of you help me with those glass bottles and
let those nice men left me and I'm not sure if they're around.
Just dammit she'll crawl down and get off the wagon and go alright madam I am a member
of the groven guard.
I can't take this character seriously.
What seems to be the problem?
Oh groven guard member of the groven guard says this absolute hunk just approached me
and I am being robbed of all of my breath.
Are you talking about him?
Jean Claude does a slow turn and goes yes Cecilia obviously it is me.
Oh I should know she was never mind.
Take me into your arms and throw me head first into the ground please.
I'm no fair.
I'm not going to.
Chattisane please walk away.
No Cecilia we do not kink shame here.
Madam please allow me to assist you.
Anyway I can.
What can I call you grovey guardy?
I'll call you gravy.
That's just fine.
Because I want to pour you all over the ground.
Oh alright okay alright.
We'll start getting her down and go Cecilia we got some bread in there you know some snackies.
I'm going to call you gravy because I'm so hungry.
Okay okay don't worry we'll get you some bread.
So these men made you drink and then left you?
Now what makes Rohes Delgadi drink?
Rohes Delgadi?
Rohes Delgadi I'll go ahead and type that real quick.
I was just out having a wonderful night just drinking my worries away partying like I always
do.
Doing all kinds of sss.
I'm not going to tell that to a member of the grove and guard.
I almost told you something there gravy.
Because these men approached me and they were like hey can you come with us and I was like
young man you don't need please put that knife away you don't need that thing to tell me
to come with you.
And then they brought me out here in this nice little stroll through the night and I
was like ahhh boom and they were like hey let's help you stand up and they did something
really nice.
They helped me stand up for the whole night.
Excuse me madam are you missing anything on your person by any chance that you had last
night?
I feel a lot lighter but I think that's because I threw up everything.
You feel a lot better after getting a dollette.
Yeah I'll go ahead and pay you for the taxi service.
My money's gone.
No need where also me looking real quick at the spells that I prepped do I have damn it
I only have detect poison and disease that doesn't do shit for me.
I didn't prepare lesser restoration either so.
Damn it he'll go to what humble abode may we return you to madam.
I'll just just take me back to Kirkchester.
There's a bar called the.
You're going back to a bar?
Just take me to a bar.
You know we are on our way to Kirkchester so we would be more than happy to.
Oh my god that's amazing.
Shilia how's that blood coming?
We have blood?
We got water?
We got water I have it.
Just have a little bit.
Slow bites.
Slow little nibbles.
Oh the bread reminds me of a small child.
Small child?
What?
Do you regularly eat small children?
Oh I drink alcohol in like drinking containers the size of small children like you.
You're so small.
I'm an adult.
Oh!
Damn it makes you so big.
Technically when you look statistically it's I'm only like a little bit smaller than average
height so.
Children are awful.
My life's amazing.
Let me escort you to your taxi.
Oh you can escort me to anywhere.
I can drive.
No!
Shilia!
No!
I should drive.
He's looking at her like don't you fucking dare.
Maybe we I should hold the map for you.
Yeah yeah we should hold the map.
I need my navigation system up and running.
You are absolutely correct.
Madam.
I'll go ahead and sit in the front too while I'm there.
No no no you must rest.
I don't know I need the air in my face.
Oh you need this.
You need the shade to not bother the brightness in you that will pierce your eyes and the
sun to tarnish your beautiful skin.
Okay come on Shilia you can drive you can drive you can drive.
You bring Royce to the wagon a new addition to the party.
Oh no!
I want Stuller back.
You um you begin who's driving?
Shilia.
Um this is just goes uh you know I have a husband looking at you Jean-Claude.
I got a husband and you are a hunk of chunk.
You are a chunk of milk.
Cheese.
Protein!
Someone clip that please.
If you were a powder I I I you that's you.
Your husband you know where is he?
Should not he be on a fun night out with his lady love?
You know he's always so busy.
What does he do for a living?
Oh he's he's so so busy with his job he's just freaking he just talks all the time and
he's always got oh he's sick and and oh he's all money.
A loyal?
Basically why not?
Well he's sick all the time?
Oh yeah he's he got beat up by some frogs or something like that because that's what
my husband does he gets beat up all the time and he's like oh I'm making sacrifices.
Oh I made my I made my I made my mind a sunless space.
Oh I wake up to an equation I wrote 15 years ago and the answer is the same every morning
I'm damned for what I do.
Is he an assassin?
Can I say yes?
Is it true?
No.
Okay.
If if I say yes are you gonna arrest him looking at Jean Claude?
Madame it is out of my jurisdiction no.
You have my blessing.
You have my you have my blessing gravy.
To what?
You have you have jurisdiction here now you have my word.
You you want me to arrest your husband?
It'd be really funny.
Okay is is your husband in the this tavern that you originated from?
Yes.
Okay.
Anyways I'm just gonna I need to get away from the sun a little bit just she opens up
she just like looks around and she just kind of like lays down and she just kind of like
puts one of the barrels and starts like pulling it and just like rests on top of her head
which is a little heavy because it's full of food and stuff.
Yeah he'll take a rag and just put some like water on it and just go just put this on your
head it helps me sometimes.
Oh gosh I'm I should introduce you to my uh what do you what do you what do you call those
people who give massages?
Massage in this or freaking that's not it that's another thing.
What?
I don't know what that is.
How does a person who does this she and she just kind of like carnage up to you in the
face a few times.
Who beats me up?
Yeah what do you call that?
A hitman?
A masseuse.
Oh what is that?
Oh.
A moose?
I know what a moose is.
No like she was saying massaging.
There's someone that does that?
In big towns I heard my sister got a massage when she went actually I think to the capital
her friends went and they went to the spa and things and they had a great time I guess.
She told me all about it one time.
So you and your husband have a little money then and he's full on like peering down.
Ah shit.
All right well.
Why is it always us Cecilia?
Why?
I don't know.
You make your way towards Kirkchester.
Doesn't take too long afterwards when you get there.
It seems like almost on instinct once you reach the pathway you get towards Kirkchester
it starts you off on a high point and you get a glorious look at the place.
It's not a walled place whatsoever it's a place of wide boulevards and orderly buildings
and spotless streets.
It's a rather in regards to where you have all been in living in like mostly like small
places in nature.
This is new to you.
Or even where you were in Hasparvins territory where you met Sir Aldemore.
This place seems orderly.
Like another look into modern stuff.
It's clean.
It's not horribly crowded.
There's a lot of space to walk on.
The streets are paved with like gray silver smooth stone.
It's like you walked into a completely different place.
And for you Jean-Claude specifically this is a bit jarring.
Because this is all completely new to you.
The sort of architecture here and how spotless and beautiful and orderly things are.
You're used to crowded streets, cobblestone, dirt everywhere, the smell of horses making
their way through.
But now it's seemingly nice.
It's not like it's high class here or anything.
It's not people in suits and monocles going around everywhere.
But as you're sort of like going past into Kirkchester taking view of all the different
amenities there is.
Because a river runs through this town.
The small bridges and seemingly like a river market inside of this city.
Multiple general stores, inns, anything you can imagine just in case you want to do any
of that.
She leans up over the side of your wagon and she just goes, oh isn't that horrible?
What?
Oh gosh.
Oh I'm back here again.
Look how terrible this place is.
She points towards the street performer juggling and a bunch of kids are clapping and having
fun.
She just points and she goes, people are miserable here.
Have you considered moving?
I feel like we might be projecting a bit.
I don't know if we want to psychoanalyze her Cecilia.
What's the point of you saying that real quick?
Me?
I think you are projecting.
She reaches towards your face and pulls on your cheek really hard.
Like, I'm just trying to see if you're my husband.
No, no, no, that's really, I am certainly not that mother.
Your cheeks are really supple though.
Okay, okay.
As she just goes, you hear, you hear, Lady Rojays?
Oh no!
As you see this young man wearing guard armor, brown spiky hair, freckles on his face, just
kind of like wide-eyed, like he was like walking with like some guards, spots the half-elf
in the back of the wagon.
And she just goes, oh no, this is the worst.
Help me, help me.
Like throws herself onto you Jean-Claude.
Who done, who done?
Lady Rojays!
That's Lady Rojays!
And starts like walking towards the wagon.
Oh no!
Rojays goes, that guy, that boy, he murdered my family.
He murdered the entire family, killed them all, cold blood, you need to, you gotta do
something.
Okay, okay, okay.
Everyone needs to calm the fuck down, okay?
You put the woman behind him.
Why did you kill my family?
Stop!
Turns the guard-
The guard stops and looks at you.
Yes, the guard, is there a lovers' quarrel happening here?
It seems like a very disruptive household.
Walks up to the wagon to peek over and then looks at you Jean-Claude and sees your armor
and your sigil goes, a Kroven guard, oh goodness, that's a great relief, thank you so much.
Lady Rojays, can you please step out of the wagon, we'll return you to Lord Harville
in a flash.
And she's-
She's going to go, so shouldn't she go where she wants to go?
Is that true, my lady?
I know you're pretending to be unconscious right now.
You have a tell, when someone points it out you smile.
I feel very akin to this NPC.
Your brother's been really worried about you.
Okay, she's not responding.
Be the healer then.
We have a healer at the estate.
Can I ask of you to please guide the wagon towards the Harville estate?
As a Kroven guard, it is important for me to also take care of domestic issues as well.
The lady has a lot of issues.
I wouldn't say that.
Oh, you don't?
Is she on the ground, or is it the guard?
The guard says that, but he looks concerned, like I don't want to say that in front of
the lady.
He goes, I would like some information before this woman who is an indicator on the ground,
so unwilling to return to such a place if we could just have a bit more context.
Can I... can you...
Step aside.
Yes, I just, I wish to whisper the information here, and she immediately gets up and goes,
now hold on, what are you whispering about?
Oh my god, this woman, she's me!
She says, quietly to him.
Yeah, Cecilia.
And he just says to Cecilia to go off with the guard, and he goes, madam, if you in your
own words would describe, why are you so discontent with returning?
Can you please break my fucking neck?
I would love that so much from you right now.
You are very unhappy.
A very unhappy person.
No, no, no, no, it's not because I wanna.
You just have very big arms.
I thought she was gonna say in like a massage way and then nope.
Madam.
Ah.
Correct.
I could have talked to the guard.
I've never, I've never been met with such a... such a foe.
When I did make this NPC, I was like, this is gonna get, this is gonna get them.
So you talk to the guard, and he goes, yes, my name is...
The charge you have with you right now is Lady Rohes.
She's married to Lord Harvel.
She is currently in the avenue of exploring alternatives to spending her free time.
What?
So she's restless?
She got robbed and I found, we found her tied to a...
Again?
He rubs, he rubs his face.
Oh god.
He didn't really seem to mind that much.
She has a habit of getting lost and going with company that she shouldn't be going with.
She's a little restless, yes, for certain.
I'm not like, I'm not a mental health expert, but like, I've read some books and things
and doesn't it seem like a cry for help, kind of?
First of all, I would really like to read the same books that you're reading so I can,
I can be some semblance of an expert on the lady in some way.
I just said I'm not an expert.
Some semblance of an expert.
But also we do wish to help her.
We wish to see the lady well.
It's just that she goes to great lengths to evade us.
The way she was talking to us, it sounds like she hates her husband.
I cannot comment on domestic matters that involve the Lord at the very moment.
But it's...
Is it because he's doing something bad?
No.
It's just not in my position to do that as a squire of the Lord's brother, the head commanding
knight in this town.
It's in her best interest to return to House Harva.
Is it?
I mean, I want to make sure she's safe, but she told us first thing to take her back to
the bar, which obviously I wasn't going to do.
But it seems like she wants to go anywhere but home.
That's where she's most safest at the moment.
She can't be out here.
At the very least, we would like to take her from your wagon and guard her.
We will take charge of her.
If you go towards House Harva, you can collect a reward there.
If you look for a person named Laundau, he's the head of the house.
I don't know.
Laundau Lakes.
Laundau.
Okay, she is...
We could take her to an independent healer first, just to give her a bit more time away
and maybe that'll get her in her senses and wanting to go home willingly.
I guess you can't comment on it because you're a squire or whatever, but I just don't feel
that comfortable bringing her back somewhere where it sounds like she desperately doesn't
want to go.
Make your persuasion check.
I have disadvantage because I'm still exhausted.
Are you still?
One level, because I had so many levels.
That potion got rid of two of them.
My sleep got rid of one and I have one left.
Damn it.
It would be nice to do good now though.
I rolled a three.
You did well, Jenny though.
You did good.
You done good.
I'm afraid I'm going to have to insist.
The town is used to her cries and her very stalwart way of fighting against the guards
when they try to help her.
We have the scars to prove it.
Can you please just guide your wagon towards the estate?
Alright.
She heads back towards the wagon.
He goes, she's just restless.
Lord, Lord Horovill is a busy man.
There's nothing for her to do.
She just sits around.
She's been away from her home in the forest for a long time.
The society here is, she's not accustomed to it, but that's my theory.
What was your name by the way?
My name is Scott.
Scott?
Squire Scott?
I'm Scott Buskworth.
Buskworth.
Alright, it's nice to meet you.
Thank you for retrieving her again.
Of course.
We're just passing through.
How far away is the house to me?
Not too far.
He will see if I take a wrong turn.
You get the feeling that he knows where to go.
And he's going to follow.
You would turn to hear the...and this is what it would feel like if a little gnome ran across
you.
Unusual.
That is, that is, wow.
That's, yep, thank you for showing that to me.
I'm Ruby Moop.
Yes, I will ponder.
Many times.
Alright, let's go guys.
Moving again.
I heard you're from the forest, she says, trying to distract from the fact they're going
exactly the way she doesn't want to go.
Oh, did I, did I say that?
I mean, yeah.
Well, he's from the Groven Guard, so, and I grew up in a village near the forest too.
Oh, well, goodness, why don't you just take me away from everything?
That'd be really nice.
You know divorce is a thing, right?
I mean, it's not like I don't want to...oh, goodness.
It's not like I don't want...it's not like I don't, it's not like I don't love him.
It's just, you know, he's been so caught up with his...and then you hear Scott go, mm,
mm, mm.
What, what are you making those sounds for?
Shut up.
Zip it, zip.
My lady, you're...zip it, zip it Scott.
He's been, he's been so caught up with...my lady, I...oh, Tway.
Tway.
It is improper to interrupt a woman when she's speaking.
Please let her finish her sentence.
Fuck yeah.
My lady, you really have to insist.
Scott?
Hello?
Scott?
I...I love you like a son.
I think of you like an older brother.
I'm not taking it straight right now.
You are like a boy child and that is...I'm much older than you so if I slap you all the
freckles will come off.
What did...what did...what did you say?
And she doesn't like children, she said.
Fuck, she eats that!
They gave me a small child to eat earlier.
Scott looks at the two of you briefly.
It was a piece of bread.
She looks at us quietly.
Yeah I think he knows we didn't feed your children.
Okay.
I mean I do have to get all the information I can get.
Alright, what was I trying to say earlier?
Your husband is very busy working on...working with something we shouldn't know.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh I really shouldn't say that.
Wow, good job Scott.
Alright, yeah.
My lady, maybe not even mentioning it would be a great deal of help.
Good, whatever it is, it's taking a toll on your marriage, clearly.
Maybe you need to find a marriage counselor.
Self-medicating through alcohol is a tough road, let me tell you.
It's a big city, I've heard that sometimes big cities have those, do they have those
here?
Alcoholics anonymous?
What was that?
You have to just say wait what?
A marriage counselor?
A what?
You know what I'm trying to do, yeah I want to get a really nice marriage counselor and
his name is Gravy.
No, no, no.
Jean Claude actually knows a lot about relationships.
Oh, he's terrible at romance.
You're hired.
Nobody loves him.
No, no, no.
What are we but a house of change?
I guess thinking back on it, he did flirt with a woman whose wife had just passed away.
I didn't know she was a widow.
Scott looks between the both of you and looks at you for a long bit, Jean Claude before
just looking away, there was some judgment there.
Sure I would counsel you on your marriage.
Now what is getting in the way?
What is this thing we should not know about?
A hitman?
Is it part of a mob?
Is there underground syndicate we shouldn't know about?
Scott just goes why did you go to those specifically?
Taboo.
Duck magic.
Did you just say duck magic?
Duck magic.
Speaking of ducks, there's been this goose just running around just really bowling everyone.
It's actually a big problem.
Okay, so what's the deal?
What's the problem?
The problem is you're about to be in the goose.
You're just interrogating and it's frustrating because she hasn't given you a straight answer
and Scott's trying to censor her.
But you get towards the gates of this stone brick gated manor where you see this huge opening
on the gates.
Metal and spiked at the top are open.
Two guards standing by the side.
You see the guards as they are coming in.
They see Lady Rohes, they both stand at attention immediately.
And she just goes, okay, hey Jonathan.
Looks at someone like, is your name?
Oh goodness.
Hey Braddington.
Hello my lady.
Just really quickly, as you roll past through the gates, it's this beautiful estate.
There's just trimmed hedges and a large two tiered estate.
It's actually not as big as the freaking house in that house.
Oh my god, the cult in the roof.
The cult?
They have a bigger house and their halflings.
But this place is sizable on its own.
Obviously it's like, well, this is a castle.
The Lord lives here, of course.
You do see that there's a surplus of guards in the area.
And eventually you begin making your way towards the front as basically the exchange between
you Jean-Claude and Rohes is, oh well she's on her night and Scott going, mm mm mm.
You know Scott, you're making my job as a marriage counselor very difficult.
Marriage counselor, please smite this man.
Please don't.
I can.
Please.
A marriage counselor knows what it's like to be smitten, so.
That was a good one.
I think he does most of the smiting actually.
Oh he smited me.
No no no madam no.
You have a husband.
Yes!
You see as you make your way through the gate one of the guards ran off.
And eventually as you make your way towards the front door, the same guard opens the door
and you see another half-elven man in almost the same outfit.
Like they're almost twins basically.
But he's much cleaner.
Much cleaner goes, sister are you out here?
Oh my god I can't handle these characters.
He says, brother is that you?
Oh sister oh my goodness what have you been doing?
Have you been having a night of revelry?
Running over.
He just goes, hello there.
And he goes, who is this?
And looks at you and goes, oh a tall glass of water.
A big drink of milk.
Come on!
He goes, oh sister you've been missing again.
Goodness have you been getting into the...
Scott go away.
Yes sir.
Goodness can you believe that?
Yes I know.
Goodness he's just with his ears.
I know they're so open all the time and the eyes.
Yes and he has the freckles on his face.
By the way, hello you, the both of you.
Thank you so much for retrieving my sister from me.
You're welcome.
Bequeath upon me.
Bequeath your names upon me now.
Bequeath?
Chocolate is genuinely dumbfounded.
Go ahead marriage counselor.
Bequeath marriage counselor.
Oh god.
I was right to call you a tall drink because you are... because the marriage counselor for
her so far has been the bottles of alcohol.
Am I right sister?
Oh she gets really sad.
Your sister is practicing very self-destructive behaviors and you are not upset by this example
A drinking herself into a stupor so much that she gets robbed and dragged outside the house
and two trying to hook up with a member of the Covent Gald.
Oh that did look familiar.
Wow.
When she is married.
Brother.
Brother even.
Can you go ahead and just ferry me out of this wagon and the marriage counselor is coming
with me.
Oh my god.
Yes.
You see it yeah.
Goodness.
Alright.
Well I've had my... I've had a good bit of fun but I'm actually genuinely concerned
about this repeated behavior.
Um can we... because who are the two of you exactly?
Can I actually get an answer on that one?
Oh you want to know our names?
Oh that's easy.
Uncle Abushron.
I'm Cecilia Idlewind.
Idlewind.
Hm.
That is a familiar name.
I can't stand him.
She's just watching as the arms go.
Why is that?
Sorry this is my... sorry this is my arm winding motion.
This helps my brain get more blood flow to it.
I'm trying to remember.
But it's alright.
I'm going to retrieve my sister.
Can the marriage counselor please come with me?
No.
Um and please um please help yourselves to whichever um you should be rewarded for your
efforts John and Idle...
Cecilia.
That... I was not close at all.
Cecilia.
Well Idlewind's my last name so you were kind of close to that.
Okay.
Do I get an A?
Why did you call me captain?
That would be easier for you.
You're the captain of the groven guard.
Yeah yeah now I am.
Oh.
Wonderful.
Fuck.
You see that the guards are like very like... your guys are not alone.
These two are anomalies.
They are acting very strange.
Like this is not normal in my world, viewer.
Is there a spell I can cast?
I don't even think there's a spell I can cast.
I just find out what the fuck is going on.
I'll just say like as you're just thinking about like what the fuck is going on.
Another guard walks out and you hear the tapping of a cane against the ground.
As you see this rather refined looking elven man, dark like tan brown skin, like a up kept
sort of like goldish hair that has faded away a bit.
He wears fine regalia, one that signifies the symbol of house Harvel.
And he walks on a cane.
And he seemingly has a lump, a few lumps in his lower, like a crest of lumps on his face.
On the right side of his face.
But he walks out and you notice that his eyes are steely and cool.
As he just walks out he immediately steps out of the doorway looking towards the wagon,
looking towards Rohes, just goes, Rohes, darling.
Oh, man of the house came out to see me.
I am flattered.
Can you please come in and get some rest?
Another night goes long without your presence in the house.
Looks at you Jean-Claude and just goes, am I right?
Goodness.
Lindaric we need to talk about your, speak separately about your deviant behaviour around
the household.
Deviant behaviour.
I was just playing a game of thimbles.
Yes, please.
Guards, can you help the both of them to the rooms, they are unwell.
Oh, the guards, whisking us away because you don't wish to speak with us right now.
Isn't this a familiar thing?
Oh, goodness.
My husband, everyone, the great lord of the region, wants to create changes throughout
the entire kingdom.
But you got beamed up by a bunch of frogs.
Rohes, we should speak again once you are alleviated of your haze.
I don't think you can alleviate any of that, my dear husband.
And the guards begin to help her out of your wagon.
It seems like they are seemingly helping the other elf, Lindaric, even though he was upright.
And he goes, I'm completely fine.
Goodness.
What are you doing?
Get your hands off of me.
But he's just he's not like resisting anything.
He's just walking.
He just goes, those birds in the air.
There are no birds in the air.
I have a theory, Jenny, do you have one?
Some sort of actual something going on to mess with them.
Frogs and birds.
Because a spell.
Maybe.
As they're brought through the doorway in this uncomfortable moment, you see that the
Lord Harvell just kind of like after they're brought out of sight, he just sighs, walking
with the cane over to the wagon to the two of you.
And he just places both of his hands on the game.
Because, House Harvell, thanks to both of you for this charitable and valorous action
of returning my beloved wife to my estate.
Is there anything that I can do to properly thank the both of you?
If I can, if you can please grace me with your names.
Oh dear.
Here, hand them a hanky.
It's quite alright.
My Lord, I am Jean-Claude Boucheron, a member and occasional captain of the Groven Guard.
And all I wish to know is what the actual fuck is going on.
I'm Cecilia Idlewind and I'm kind of wondering the same thing.
Is that actual Tim coughing or the character coughing?
That's the character coughing.
Okay, okay.
To explain the matter would be, simply put, it's a complicated affair.
But your efforts are greatly appreciated.
Just knowing this has happened before and vices are a terrible, terrible thing.
I'm a healer.
Not fully.
I've been kind of an apprentice.
Is there any chance I can see her one more time before we go?
There was just a thought that occurred to me that I didn't think of while she was actually
here.
Roll a persuasion check, but roll a normal.
I still have plus zero, so.
Seven.
We have the best healers available to us in our service.
Oh, I wasn't trying to imply that you don't.
It's just something specific.
Please elaborate, if you will.
It's just, I just started to realize the thing she was saying wasn't just like, it doesn't
sound like it was just her being drunk.
It sounds like hallucinations or something.
What fogs are you fighting?
Right.
On the way back from business from another region, specifically in the Abricus Fields,
I had been ambushed by- Are you- Sister Leah, can you help with his
cough?
I have been ambushed by a group of frog creatures known as Bullywugs.
And now I have something known as Wug Fever.
Are all your healers natural healers, or are any of them magical?
All magical, of course.
Have you ever heard of this?
The symptoms are alleviated from time to time, but...
Rest assured, the best is being done.
Has she ever heard of this?
Or read about it?
Wug Fever, give me a medicine or a history check.
Okay.
Medicine's better, I think.
16.
Could have been a 24, but I- You do know about certain bacteria-borne
diseases and such.
Wug Fever is also called swamp fever, basically, but Bullywugs who hang out in the swamp all
the time just carry all this bacteria on their body.
Oh my god, you!
A Bullywug fever is something that's real, and you have read about it.
You're supposed to get multiple bumps across your whole entire body, you develop a fever,
and can experience stages of delirium.
As far as going away, though, a lesser restoration should do the job.
The... cause... I'm familiar with the illness.
Magic should work.
It's a spell even I could cast, I just have to have it ready.
Just to show our ailment is being alleviated, so you do not have to worry.
Your wife is very unhappy.
His eyes, as he's coughing into a little handkerchief, his eyes kind of like open at that statement.
There he goes.
She is.
Yeah.
Like what did you do?
You must have really fucked up.
That is a private and domestic matter.
I'm your marriage counselor.
He hired him.
Making a persuasion check, John Claus.
He's not breaking eye contact.
If this is the way he's gonna solve the story, this is the way he'll do it.
Persuasion?
Yes.
15.
It would be extremely unwise for a lord to privy details to a few wayfaring strangers
about his personal matters.
No offense.
Well, also as a captain of the groving guard I answer to domestic issues, and given that
your wife was in incredible distress when recommended to bring her back here.
If I'm correct, your jurisdiction is in the Apricot's Field, correct?
She gave it to me here.
She did, actually.
She said that he would have jurisdiction here.
Unless, of course, you consider your will to be higher than a lady's.
Well, I'm the lord, so.
I'm just saying really quietly.
Oh, so you don't believe in an equitable partnership.
This is why he's a marriage counselor.
And he's like coughing up blood in his hanky.
I genuinely, I, maybe there's somebody we can actually help, though.
If we just knew.
I know you don't have like a reason.
We're just random people to you, but I'm a healer.
He's a paladin.
Like, if there's anything we can do, I'd want to.
The two of you don't reside here.
We're passing through.
No, it's Cydia.
I feel like the groving guard isn't passing, is passing by.
To which do, if I may ask, what is your, you're just passing by?
I'm traveling a far away.
I'm not from the groving guard, but he was sent with me from the groving guard.
I live near them.
I'm escorting her.
A worthy endeavor.
Here.
I will levy onto you thirty gold pieces for your trouble.
No, no, please.
Your wife hitting on me was enough.
He genuinely looks a little sad.
He's sad.
That saddens him.
Dude, what the fuck is going on with you two?
I advise that you don't.
You don't impeach on our, on private lordly matters again.
You rich people must be very lonely at the end of the day.
Is that all?
We found her tied to a tree.
With her possessions stolen.
That's why it just feels urgent that if there's a way to help.
I don't want that to happen to her again.
I understand the want to help.
You're concerned and I cannot draw that away from you and I do not blame you.
I gladdened me to see that there are good hearts traveling along the road to offer support
to whoever needs it.
But the best help is being provided.
I would just feel very guilty if we left her here where she begged us not to go and it
resulted in something worse for her.
Because it would happen again.
It's happened how many times, dude?
What was his name?
It would have been our fault.
That I don't care about.
Oh, I do.
You do.
Right we do.
The two of you are an awfully persistent lot.
Let me see what I can prepare.
For now, the two, just, the gods will lead you towards the head of the house land now.
It might take a bit, so, I, it's strange to ask.
But there are a few tasks that my head of the house cannot attend to with his abilities
at the moment.
If any of you can assist with the few problems that he uniquely has, I will, I will compensate
you for the labor.
Just, I'm simply offering because it's going to be a little while before things are ready.
Yeah, yeah.
All right.
Very well.
It sounds like he's exasperated as he walks back into the house.
I do wind in Bushraun.
Can I make an insight check?
Yes, what for specifically?
Well, okay, I guess you can tell me if I need to do multiple but I was confused if, obviously
he's hiding something that's an obvious thing.
But I was confused if he like, one of the things I thought of was like, is he like possessed
or something.
But then then my other question for just now was, does it sound like those names are familiar
to him?
Okay, so go ahead and grab me an insight check for the first one.
And while she's doing that, could I cast detect poison and disease?
You may absolutely.
Let me look at what detect poison and disease does.
I can read it if that helps.
Yes, please.
For the duration you can sense the presence and location of poisons, poisonous creatures
and diseases within 30 feet of you.
You also identify the kind of poison, poisonous creature or disease in each case.
That's smart.
Oh my gosh, if he was possessed.
Oh, okay.
Well, I'm going to whisper to you.
Jenny, just-
Going to silence mode.
Yeah, I'm just going to mute because last time I took my headphones off first and I
could still hear so I had to mute anyway.
So I'm just going to mute the computer.
Okay.
Okay, I can't hear you.
Okay, so you've heard of Wug Disease.
That was what was said.
But as you cast detect poison and disease, which is the first time in like six, this
is my six years of DMing that spells ever been casted.
Really?
Basically.
Yeah.
Because no one uses that spell.
I'm glad this is the first time.
Okay.
So, you detect disease.
Yes, plenty of it.
But it's not coming from the guards.
If the two of them are also sick, why aren't the guards sick?
You detect something more intense than Wug Disease.
In fact, when you cast detect poison and disease, you look at the- the Lord becomes this huge
cloud of- that's where you can see a disease is coming from.
The bumps on his face are fake.
But he does have a disease.
Titans Fever.
Titans Fever?
Yes.
Okay.
That's the name that comes out to you.
Titans Fever.
Okay.
Does it tell you- you also identify the kind of poison, disease in each case.
I will say that it's giving you a name.
Yep.
But to find out about it will require some research.
Cecilia.
It requires a Cecilia.
Got it.
Okay.
With that said- Return to us, Jenny.
Hello.
Your Insight Check grants you- he's just calm right now and obviously very tired.
You don't get the sense that- I mean you don't have a previous Lord Horrible to go
off of.
The second Insight Check to see if the names are familiar.
Yeah.
Nine.
Hard to tell.
He turned away and everything when he said that to me.
I wish I'd asked that one first.
It's Cecilia.
He's a liar.
A what?
The bumps on his face are fake.
And what's going on?
He has- and he looks around to make sure- see if anyone's listening.
The two of you are on your own.
That's why he didn't want to heal her then.
Do you know something called Titan's Feevale?
Has she ever heard of that?
That's gonna be a high medicine check I'm gonna need from you.
Oh.
DC20.
Fucker.
Can I give you a hair- nope that doesn't do anything.
Fuck!
I'm like I'll give you hair-wism!
Doesn't do shit.
17.
Very good roll but-
I'm so close.
Not enough!
It sounds like something you should know.
But it doesn't pop out to you at the very moment.
It sounds familiar but I don't know.
Either way he's lying and hiding something which I think-
What makes you bring that up though?
Titan's- what?
That he's lying?
No, that- that- disease.
Oh I- I- I cast a spell.
You sense it?
Yeah.
I just like-
From him?
Can't you do that?
I could if I had the spell ready.
It was kinda like- yeah.
I don't know.
I was just like what's his deal?
That seems weird.
And then it just like was like yeah.
And then I saw.
Was it something else?
Yeah, Titan's Feevale.
Not Bullywug.
Not Bullywuggy.
Well maybe he's not lying.
Maybe he just-
No he's lying!
He- he's- he's sick but he gave us the wrong disease.
Yeah but what if he doesn't know that?
I think- I don't know.
I'm- I'm on- with how secretive he's being I'm on the air of I- I- I think he's trying
to you know.
Yeah.
Keep some stuff close to they.
Close to they- they- they- they- they- they- they- they- they- they- they- they- they- they-
out to whatever.
By this point you see one of the guards who are seemingly like- kinda confused what to
do at the moment but another one comes out of the house and just whispers one to- whispers
something to the other.
They come up to you and just goes, hi I'm supposed to take you towards the head of the
house?
Please follow me.
And you- you make your- you begin to make your way over as you just follow him on his
on foot- on footsteps.
They seem to be pretty relaxed with you around at this moment but there is a- there is a-
a number of guards here.
I will say as he's walking goes, just to say to you real quick, the head of the house has
been a little stressed as of late because of recent endeavors that he's still trying
to accomplish.
So he's a strange man but he has- and he has very unique ways of solving problems.
Oh no, not another one.
But he's- just- he'll pay you well.
Eventually you get over towards like this little awning outdoor area.
It seems like an outdoor dining sort of area.
It's so- it's so nice.
And there is- you see brick fire through the windows, brick fire like stoves and- and at
such like- it seems a bit like the kitchen area.
You see one person there, a dour looking halfling with heavy bags under his eyes with a knife
in his hand whittling away on a piece of wood just like staring into the distance.
Oh no, they're all weirdos.
Titans cursed.
As you make your way over, he goes- he just goes- goodness.
He goes, Landau?
And you see the halfling looks up, looks over at you lot.
He goes, these two were requested to be brought to you by Lord Harvel.
I see.
For what reason?
Two of you can- he kind of like bows his head and walks away.
We are here to assist you, my dear old.
My apologies, I was going to participate in some legumes, but the rats in the basement
have been evading me.
Is this some Alice in Wonderland jabberwocky shit going on right now?
Yes.
You were sent to assist me, the two of you adventurers of some kind?
Yes, well, he looks at Cecilia and goes, yes.
Have you been sent by the Valorous Adventuring Guild?
If you complete this task, I can send them word of your deeds and award you rankings.
No, we're independent contractors, actually.
Ah, I see.
He goes, because you guys haven't told him about helping Rohe's.
Okay.
He just goes, well in that case, I have two issues that are pervading me at the moment.
He goes, one, there is a goose that has been stepping around the campus.
We have been ordered not to harm the goose in any way, and the goose has decided to take
advantage of that and has usurped us in the power hierarchy of the entire household.
Oh, a goose?
A singular goose, yes.
I had went to the adventuring guild to try and request someone help us with the goose,
but they began to laugh at me.
And then one of them threw a cherry bomb at my feet, and I screamed really loudly.
And now I'm called Cherry Boy.
I think you're right, Jenny.
I don't think they know what they're saying.
I think, yeah.
The other endeavor is, I have rats in the basement, and I have not been able to catch
or get any single one of them.
I'm sure we can help with those things.
We have adopted a cat for this endeavor, but he is greatly not of assistance, I should
say.
There he is.
As you see walking on top of the awning, you see a black cat staring down, curled up on
top of the awning.
What's his name?
His name is Cement.
Hi Cement.
Mommy.
His tail slowly swishing in the air.
He seems like a good cat.
No.
Okay, do I know anything about Titan's Fever?
Because what the fuck is going on?
I'm going to say, like, just, like, no.
No.
Cecilia is very practiced, and it's hard for her.
It's, this is...
Jesus.
So she goes, so if we wanted to look for this goose, we should just go around the campus
and try to find it?
Yes, follow, you can follow the trail of blood, if you so desire.
But if you wish to tackle the rats, you can just walk right into the kitchen into the
basement.
There.
Let's start with the rats, Cecilia.
That sounds good.
I should start with the goose.
Just looking at him very intensely trying to do what he does, but probably not doing
a very good job.
I notice the implying stare, but I'm not going to delegate on the matter.
I just don't know what the implication is.
Where will we...the trail of blood, where does it start?
Everywhere.
But if I can be really serious, it's the eastern wing of the manor.
Thank you.
Shall we, Cecilia?
All right, and if they're able to walk off of it, she goes, I have all those medical
books in my bag.
Ones that we stole from that jackass, we need to read them.
And I thought maybe if we're able to free roam looking for the goose, it'd be easier
to look through things or maybe even talk to someone.
Ah, see, that is why you always one step ahead.
Very good job, Cecilia.
Good job.
Thanks.
See, aren't you happy I stole those books?
They're really old, but maybe...
The cat.
She holds out her finger to the cat because she likes the cat.
The cat rubs itself against your finger.
Are you a real cat or are you a person disguised as a cat?
Just looks at you.
Oh, you can talk to animals, right?
They understand you.
Yeah, on two different levels.
Sometimes I can get like a direct translation, sometimes I just get like a vibe, as the kids
say.
So is your vibe that you're like a human as a cat or like a creature as a cat or are you
just a cat cement?
Thinking slowly.
Because we've already had Augustus and that was so traumatic in itself.
Okay, I think this is just a cat.
I think he likes us.
You're really good with animals.
What can I say?
Women animas.
I don't know why I drew that comparison.
I don't know what's going to be that.
We're cutting it out.
We're quitting.
Quit.
I quit.
I'm like a little spot to get stuff out of the bag.
She starts pulling books out.
Yeah, I'll help her look for the index for Titans Fever.
The books, as I said before, they were like, these are general common, like knowledge books.
Like these were bought just to beat the set pieces.
Basically, these are cheap, is what I'm saying.
They're not fake, but they're, you know, cheap.
Yeah, I thought they were just old.
They're filled with knowledge as you're looking, as you're both of them looking into it.
How long do you spend doing this?
Is there any blood in the East Wing that we see?
There is no blood in the East Wing, but you do see a couple of scratched up, like one
particularly like scratched up member of the guard who's just kind of like rubbing his
face.
And some of the other guys are kind of like chuckling at it.
I tell you, it's a monster.
How long do we spend?
I don't know.
Yeah, how long do you spend?
I mean, how long would it take to go through all the books?
Yeah, the index.
Does she, are there any books that she can pinpoint that look like they would be more
promising?
Looking at the general book of this, you still have plenty.
You still have plenty to flip through, but I'll say you like definitely, but it's still
going to take a bit.
And you're here to do, you're here to do things.
So and the guard.
Can I give her, can I give her some time and go talk to the guard?
Yeah.
Okay.
I'll go.
Yeah.
The goose.
Is that what we're discussing?
Are you from the Adventurers Guild?
We are independent contractors, but we are adventurous nonetheless.
How may I?
So this goose that clearly you got raked up by a fucking goose that you can't even handle.
Where is it?
Why did the language get a lot stronger?
Where is the goose?
He points, he points towards like this, like a forested orchard area.
He goes, last scene over there.
I'm sure you already told, but don't hurt it.
Why?
Because, because Lady Harville asked.
Were you not told that?
Nope.
Okay.
He's just like, is there something else that you need?
I don't know.
You're just so desperate that I just wanted to make sure.
Not really.
No.
Okay.
Why are you mean?
He made a dig at us first.
Jack Lab will just go brush and very like, you know, not even, but you know, like when
people like almost butt shoulders to push through to go to the courtyard.
She walks and reads.
She's done this a lot.
Just index.
As you begin to walk and read, you see that the, as the two of you are almost like a separate
a little bit.
Cecilia, looking through the book, looking for anything about Titans fever, you can look
through the index fine and then look at the diseases.
There are books that are specifically on, on like certain diseases, but as you're getting,
as you're getting through them, you're not finding much when you're getting through them
quickly like, Oh, this book doesn't have anything about the Titans disease.
You stuff it away in the bag.
That's when you see the ears on cement perk up and he looks back towards the house and
he just kind of like stalks for a moment, but there's nothing that you can see or give
me a perception check actually.
So bizarre.
This is a bizarre place.
This is trippy.
As you are, as you look behind you, you do see the little, the little head in the door
in the doorway on the side, you're on the complete other end of this, of this manner
where the kitchen is, but you see peak, like, like not like peeking, like looking off on
the side, like this is you see a, you see a small, a small white rat and you see the
cat just kind of like cement kind of like perks up and looks at it.
And then you hear, Oh, fucking shit.
And the rat runs, you hear that, you hear that small, like very like actual voice and
it starts running.
My God.
John Claude.
That's going after it.
There's a rat, but it talked.
What was very person like for a rat.
I thought you wanted to do the goose first.
I did, but, um, are they supposed to be people?
What?
Where's the rat?
It just went after it.
Oh shit.
Okay.
He'll follow after it.
Just got a cat in the rack.
That's a duck.
As you're about to follow, it does make that sound though.
You turn around to see in lone standing in the middle of this orchard between the trees,
almost as if like it's standing in a dual stance.
You see a gray crested goose looking, staring right at you, right at you in the eyes.
John Claude.
No, come on, man.
Be chill.
It's keep it chill.
Um, I cast speak with animals.
I go, my duckling, my duck, my friend, my comrade, what, what is the problem here?
Why the anger?
I think it's about time you beat it, Bozo.
Could you get to explain why?
Let's not get violent.
Listen, um, I'm not trying.
I'm here to help.
Yeah.
No need to fight.
Nothing.
Cecily, what are you doing?
Is watching that?
You're just, you're just watching these two like standing, like they're standing down
each other and making each other.
He was going to cast cast calm emotions, but she realized it only works on humanoids.
It could be a human.
I disguised as a goose.
We need answers.
I recommend you move along.
I recommend you stand down.
Do you defend this territory?
He looks around.
My territory.
Oh, it's yours.
I'm giving you an account of five.
I was told not to hurt you.
One.
Pussy little goose.
The sun's rushing towards you.
Dives towards you.
I cast for a walk magic hidden step.
You cast, you cast hidden step and I'll just say like, we're not gonna roll initiative
because goodness.
You cast hidden step and you see its eyes kind of like look around for a bit.
Um, and it's kind of like, uh, and you step out of the way.
The goose kind of like goose next around and like looking for you.
Um, and I think I have a rope in my bag and hisses.
I would like to tie a leash around the goose's neck because I have rope and it can't see
me.
The goose looks around.
He's going to, he's going to make a perception check.
Let me make, let me read, let me see if it has disadvantaged goose.
Go ahead and roll.
Um, I still check with advantage.
Still think with advantage?
Okay.
Yeah.
I'm still sick.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
Still check with advantage.
I'm wearing heavy armor.
I'm fucked.
And all of a sudden you are, you are, you see, uh, Cecilia, you see that the goose is now
hanging in the air, biting onto something, finding purchase on something.
I'm like, Sean Claude, ow.
So anytime I take damage, hidden step stops.
Um, so you can see, you don't take damage.
This is just fine.
Oh, okay.
See, see, see this guy.
I try to sneak up behind with the back of holding.
As you sneak up behind with the back of holding the goose, no, uh, roast out check.
If I see her come with the bag, I'm going to shove it in, have aphias deal with it.
Zero.
The goose eyes trails back towards you, sees you, uh, sees you coming and just, you see
the goose, goose puts both of its, like, uh, like both of its feet on your arm.
Let's go over your, let's, let's you go.
John Claude backflips off of you and which like for the two of you, a goose should not
be able to do this.
No, what the fuck is going on?
Backflips actually does a backflip off of you and is going to attempt to whack you in
the face with it is, uh, with his foot.
What's a goose roll?
14.
Oh, how do we get a goose?
Oh, do you want the roll for the goose?
You dodge out of the way, Cecilia, like, oh, like with the bag as the goose tries to backflip
kick you.
I'm being serious by the way.
I'm not joking.
Um, okay.
This isn't it.
This is a druid.
I'm calling it Cecilia.
The goose kind of like, it's kind of like, kind of like bent down with its head.
I punch it in the face.
I'm done with this.
Okay, roll, roll, roll to attack.
Fuck this.
With advantage, with advantage.
Fuck this.
Don't hurt the goose.
Don't fucking bad.
Okay.
Um, oh, I don't have, I don't have, I don't have, I don't have, I don't have, I don't
have, I don't have, I don't have, I don't have, I don't have, I don't have, I don't have,
I don't have, I don't ha, oh okay.
I'm done with the, on what, how do I, what do I roll when it's on roll 20 for unarmed
strike?
Just strength.
Um, okay.
It's gonna be, it's gonna be your strength plus your proficiency.
Okay.
Okay, so let me roll a strength check.
If it'll let me.
So that would be a 13 and then my proficiency is two,
so 15.
Just hits.
Good, little shit.
You just strike it across the face, a slow motion.
It's face reverberates, very slow zoom in slow motion.
And then you just, you just see the go, goosh.
It's subdued for a moment, but it snaps its eyes back towards you.
When it's subdued leash.
You tore the leash off.
Make, make an, uh, make an up like trick for me.
It's like, I've already wasted two spell slots on this fucking goose.
21.
Six.
And you, you, uh, you put, you put a leash over it as it's desperately
struggling against you.
I've had enough of your tomfoolery druid.
He goes, you weren't supposed to punch it.
What's wrong with you?
Shut the fuck up.
I got it.
It's a fucking goose.
It can take a hit.
Quack.
Which is the sound of a duck.
Um, yeah.
What are you doing next to a junk log?
Um, I'm dragging the goose.
I'm going, I've had, you can do backflips back kicks.
I don't know what you are.
If you do it, I'm tired of you.
I'm done with you.
And so he's dragging him to the Lord.
You're bringing him to the Lord.
I'm dragging his ass.
It's not, um, as you're getting close to the man or the guard to like, don't
bring that in here, what are you doing?
You got to find ways to do with him.
They are not, they are not, no, they are not moving.
I got this goose.
Do you know how long it took ice waves to two spares on this goose?
Move.
You are not bringing that in here.
You need to calm down.
You are escalating a situation that is not existing.
You're bringing the goose inside of the house.
Strangely enough, the goose has calmed down.
The goose is just like, oh, it's just like, oh, it's just like, oh, it's just like,
the ghost is just like, eh, I'm just, I'm just here now.
This is a big spell, but you said I can cast moon beam without dealing damage.
Yeah.
Can I?
Can I cast moon beam on the goose without doing damage?
Okay.
Absolutely.
Does anything happen?
As you cast moon beam, um, and Jean-Claude, as you're just arguing with the guards,
all of a sudden this cascading, this cascading.
You just don't know.
You don't know what's going on.
This came out of no.
As just, the area around you, a silvery beam of pale light goes on you.
You're like, what the fuck?
As in the very next second, uh, you hear, oh fuck.
Um, as the goose forms and you see a large, you're now holding in your arms, a large
burly man with a handlebar mustache.
Uh, as you start wailing on him, um, your fists are like, like hitting a brick wall.
I knew you were a fucking druid.
He begins the guards are like, what the fuck?
Um, as the, as the, I remembered what Claude said about him being like a druid.
So I thought maybe he was a shape changer.
So moonlight, the man, shape changers, the man stands up Jean-Claude.
You realize that you're holding on to someone who is very big.
He just, he reaches towards his face, pulls off the handlebar mustache.
He's a goliath.
Oh, fuck me.
I'll help him.
Here we go.
I'm really strong too.
Both of you make athletic checks please.
No, we're gonna fucking go.
Wait, do I, does my furball size count in this?
Probably not.
I rolled double ones at a disadvantage.
Oh my gosh.
I rolled two at a roll once.
I don't think I should roll.
I don't know if I can.
I don't think.
Why don't you roll double?
Well, you don't have to roll twice, but why don't you roll a net 20?
I don't, I don't know if my furball size helps here.
I don't know.
What was it?
Athletics?
Yes.
So you're holding on.
Um, as you come closer, you see that the goliath actually looks towards you, Cecilia,
as you're trying to like get ready to go jumping in action.
He just goes, Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.
He, he, he pushes you away with the finger and he just goes, just goes, this is our fight.
And he starts grappling.
He's my guy.
Literally, literally, they do not want you to get hurt.
And the guards are coming in like, why are you, why were you a ghost?
So, so, so powerful build.
I can count as one size larger when determining my carrying capacity and the weight I can
push, drag or lift.
Are goliaths medium sized?
Um, I believe they are medium.
Yes, I believe so.
Let me just check one more time.
Just to make, just to make doubly sure.
Um, goliaths have less spins compared to, nope, that's the size.
Uh, your size is medium.
Yes, they are.
Uh, so can I, since he's one size larger, can I push him and go, I fucking hate druids and shove him.
Just, and he goes, what, what have you got against druids?
You caused this to you, you, why are you being a goose?
Why did you punch a goose for?
Are you friends with the lady?
Is that why she said not to hurt you?
No.
Are you her lover?
He goes, can you please let me go?
Um, the guards are like, the guards are like coming with the spears, like pointing it at him.
I don't want to get unpleasant.
You, you are pretending to be a goose terrorizing at, why?
Just tell me why.
Why? Just tell me why.
That's a good, that's a really good question to ask.
So I see why you're asking that.
I mean, he's going to, he's going to try and shapeshift again.
No, you little bitch, I'm going to tackle him.
Let me just see if he can even, uh, shapeshift when he's grappled.
The spell only lasts a minute, so I guess it's gone, isn't it?
I will say, actually it is still up.
He'd have, if he steps out of it, which he probably easily, well, he's being grappled, so I don't know if he can.
But it will drag his ass back in.
He can't shapeshift in there.
Um, so as you, uh, as you're doing that, um, as you're, as you're dragging him, you hear, Cecilia, as you just kind of figure out what to do, you hear,
What's the cat in?
Put the cat in.
A cement walks up to you.
You pick up the cat?
Yeah.
Why are you picking up the cat?
What in the moonbeam?
The cat, the cat looks at you.
It doesn't like that you picked it up.
It's going to scramble the claw.
All animals into the moonbeam.
Um, making that fucks shit.
All animals into the moonbeam.
No! What's wrong with you?
Nine.
Because I have disadvantage, so.
The cat scrambles out of your, of your grasp before you put it into the moonbeam.
It scratches at your arms to try and get out of it.
Out!
And as it does that, you see that it just, it just goes, it just goes,
Meow.
And stands on its hind legs.
And it starts walking towards you.
I'm sorry.
It's going to,
I'm sorry cement.
I really liked you.
It's going to try and make a slight of hand shit on you.
It's going to try and pickpocket you.
What?
Meow.
It's just rushing towards you.
Everything I have is in the bag.
Twelve.
I'm holding.
It's just, um,
So as he tries to, he tries to pickpocket you.
As he's just kind of like going through your,
You see he takes his paws into your pocket for a moment,
Just kind of grabbing onto your legs.
And he,
He goes like, what the fuck is going on?
Now they're focused on the cat.
We come into the moonbeam.
She kicks him.
Just like, don't, conscious.
Like a lovex chick again.
Trying to shove.
If I can say that.
It's not getting into your arms, but he's just like,
Meow, meow, meow.
Getting into your pockets.
Any cat that approaches us on hind legs immediately gets moonbamed.
The cat,
You're reaching for it, the cat's like,
Just going around you.
And you hear the cat,
You hear the cat go,
Just give in.
Just right next to you.
Are you robbing me?
Um,
And, uh,
By this point,
You do,
You see a group of rats
Running out of the house.
And, and the shot
You hear, go, go, get him.
Get her fucking legs.
No!
Everyone in this circle!
No!
I'm chicken tired of this bullshit!
Um,
You see, the guards are,
The guards are, this is extremely confusing.
For everyone involved.
I look in the saddlebag,
And I, and I go,
Augustus, can you help us?
Yes, what's,
I have a cat who I,
What is the matter?
Bop!
You see, you see cement
Bops the top of Augustus's head as he
Sticks his head out of the bag.
Oh my god!
And just comes,
And you see, you see cement
Puts his paw on your,
On your, on your lip, and goes
Shhh, shhh, shhh.
Allow me.
This is a lot of cement!
Um,
So, complete utter chaos
Around.
Um, you, you hear the sound
Of like, of, of like,
You know what gunpowder sounds like, you hear,
You know what the sound of a gun sounds like, but you hear
That, but smaller. As you look,
You see that, you see that one of the guards
Goes, oh, ow! What the, what the fuck!
Um, as, as you see one of the mice
Holding a gun, and this mice is,
This mice has an eye patch.
Okay, which mouse is, I've, as I've
Got, as I've got Gooseman in a
Show called, how, how close are
Sort of the rats to me in the moonbeam?
Um, one of
The rats is currently coming up to you.
I snatch and shove it
Up to the, I've got one arm around this
Guy and I just grab him. Look at that
Look at that bloody check!
Chocolate is done! He's done!
Nine!
Fuck!
This is the weirdest thing that's happened in this game, and
You're 16! Fuck you, rat!
Get out of here!
Oh gosh, the moonbeam was not supposed
To be like, your
T-shirt!
Oh, man!
When's the one gonna come on a skateboard, Timmy?
Um, you, you, you see
The rat goes, oh yeah,
I'm gonna get you, fucker!
I'm gonna get you! And he goes,
You know what Dunzo means? Because that equals you, pal!
And you pick it up, he goes, oh fuck!
Um, as, as you pick it up,
You see, uh,
This rat is like blue,
Uh, is like very, it's blue.
Um, and you see
The Goliath you're holding, holds
Out a hand to it and goes,
He goes, no!
No! Fritzy!
Um,
And you shove it into the moonbeam.
As you shove it into the moonbeam, you are all of a sudden
Holding onto a blue haired
Uh, uh, a blue haired halfling
In your hand.
My god, I'm sick of all of you the adventurers,
You son of a bitch! And he slams him into the ground.
I need answers!
You slam,
You slam, you slam her into
The ground. Um, these are the two,
Uh, the two rats.
This is so,
This got crazy. Oh, goodness.
Maybe they weren't hallucinations,
He's actually gotten beaten up by frogs.
And he
Just set the disease as like a cover
So that they wouldn't be embarrassed,
Cause it's just a disease.
Um,
You see, like, you see, Samet goes,
I don't know what you're saying,
But, go reach into your bag of
Holding. No! No! No!
Get out! Get out! Stop it!
I just pulled the cat away.
I can't let it strike again.
Oh, gosh.
Stop it! That's,
That's the most decisive
I've seen Cecilia
This entire game.
Oh, no!
Pose on a platinum piece.
Um, Little shit!
Ha! Gotcha!
You can't take that, that my inventory
Would be uneven.
That's a Jenny problem,
That's a Cecilia problem.
Sounds like a skill, sounds like a skill issue.
And the cat jumps off of you, holding the
Holding the platinum piece in its mouth.
Um,
It starts,
This is not,
Hello Albert, this is not a representation of how games usually go.
This is just a very unique case.
I pull Aphias out.
You pulled,
I'll fight crazy with crazy!
You pulled the skull,
You pulled the barren skull out and goes,
Oh, hey, notice that we're not,
What the fuck is going on?
And then you see the guard
Who's holding onto this very small
Bully, who goes, is that a, is that a
What's, what's, what's
Hi Lord Aphias, I think these
Animals would make very good underlings
For you if you could get them to heal or something.
I don't know what to do!
And then,
And then you hear, and then you hear
Stop!
As much plan as possible.
And then one of the rats,
You see this rat that's completely
Utterly like black, stands up,
Looks at Aphias and goes,
Judgment day's upon you, scum!
What kind of rats are these?
I don't have the Aphias card!
I don't even know!
Stop!
Well I have the half length pin down,
I go, what the fuck are you?
Is that the moon?
Why is that the moon?
Answer me!
Okay, hey, what's that,
Gonna try to poke you in the eyes.
I'm gonna smash him!
She's going to cast, make a,
I believe we have to make a,
Real quick, let me look this up really fast.
Please make a
Constitution saving throw.
I'm going to kill every single
Last one of these people.
Cause now I know
They're people and not animals.
It was wrong to kill them when they were animals, it's okay if they're people.
It's okay when they're people!
That's John Claude's morals.
On that one.
On that fucking one!
Um,
This darkness encroach,
This darkness encroaches on your
Eyes and you become
Blind? You're blind?
Bitch.
As that, as that happens, the Goliath
That you're currently holding onto, is gonna
Go, my apologies.
And is going to,
Is going to grapple you.
God, god,
Damn you! Make an athletic
Check, please.
God!
He sucks!
16.
Oh no, I failed. He got a 22.
Uh, grabs you
In like a, in like a, like a
German, uh, suplex position.
Um, it just lifts
You up, but doesn't, doesn't
Not suplex you. Just lifts you up just enough
To like get you away from
A friend. Um.
Are you the Adventurer's Guild? Who are you?
Just tell me!
The, the blue haired
Halfling gets up and goes,
Where, where the Maple Fritters?
Doesn't sound as cool when I battle cry like that.
Let's go guys!
Maple Fritters? What's that?
So it's running, um,
And you see
Uh, you see
The Goliath, let's go, goes, you were a
Formidable opponent and just running.
Shit, I can't see shit,
I'm trying to hold on to him.
You can still make an attack of opportunity with uh, with disadvantage.
I'm gonna try to like
Flash out with my, with my
Axe. So it's gonna have to be um,
An attack roll. Attack roll, okay.
Yes, and you turn an attack into a uh,
A grab.
So what, am I rolling a strength
Again? Uh, yes.
Okay.
Uh, disadvantage. Yes.
So at disadvantage,
Ugh, I rolled a 20 to a 10.
Wildly swing.
Uh, um,
So Cecilia, you've just been accosted
By a cat who has
Pickpocketed you. Uh, now running
Away with the platinum piece. And now you see
These other, uh, these other rats
Uh, just, uh,
Just starting to run.
Um, scurrying
Into the, scurrying into the field.
The rat, one of the rat, I don't,
I, I, you, okay.
I don't do random like humor like this.
The rat legitimately does have a gun.
It, I'm dead serious.
And you should, you should react to that
Accordingly. Um, it is a small
Black, it is a small black
Powder flintlock pistol. I can't see!
Um.
Does that rat have a gun?
Oh what?
A rat sized gun?
Cecilia,
Get the gun!
Uh, they're running away, I don't know what to do!
Brat!
Oh god!
It's got a weapon!
A fast destruction!
Get it!
It's just a really tiny gun!
Squish it!
Um, as it runs,
Uh, what are you trying to do Cecilia?
Well she'll do what Claude told her to.
She tries to jump on top of the rat.
Um, go ahead and make an
Athletics
Or an acrobatics check please.
I'll take athletics.
12, I rolled a nat 20 that got negated.
By my disadvantage.
He rolled a 10!
It is a tiny rat.
Cecilia, the um,
Um,
This is my
I'm gonna roll a 10.
Um,
This little mouse gets to experience what the dinosaurs
What happened to the dinosaurs?
As all of a sudden, the world
Darkens immediately.
As the world blackens and looks up to see
The symbol of the moon.
She's got a skull in her arm.
And you hear a fiasco
Attack!
You crash down on top of
The tiny vermin.
Um, go ahead and roll me like a
D4.
That says today on
Chalk Open, the players versus
A rat!
A 1 on the D4.
They're like 1 crushing Danny.
Force damage.
Does that bump him out of
Rat form?
Let me check actually.
Oh!
Oh god!
As you bump the
Gun rat out of rat form.
Um, all of a sudden
Now, you
You landed on something like the hard ground
But then all of a sudden it's kind of like
Softened underneath you as it's a body.
You see a woman. She has an
Eye patch. Um, and she has
Her entire midsection and up to her
Up to her body is wrapped in bandages.
She has like a very like a
A robot and scars.
Like deeply
Scored across her body.
Um, she just
Kind of like looks up at you
And goes
Excuse me.
My captain told me
To disarm you.
And now I'm ordering you
To get off of me. Or else this is
Not gonna be pleasant.
Who the fuck are you
Waffling people?
He's stumbling
So he's stumbling
Towards where he's hearing them.
Um, is this really able to grab the gun?
Tiny gun.
Alright, go ahead Joy. Make a
Make a slight of hand check.
Um, light of hand.
If you're wrestling for it, give me an
Athletics check.
I'm not gonna do a slight of hand anything.
Shit!
Ah!
Dammit.
Good try. You try to reach for the gun, but
She is very clearly strong.
She seems
Battle tested.
She was a rat a moment ago.
And now she seems like the most
The very definition of a battle tested
Warrior that you would read in the books.
Um,
As you just try to go for the
Gun, she just
Kind of pulls it away.
Um, puts her behind her
Back and just kind of like
Um, just tries to get up from underneath you
Um, if you're just gonna try to
Remain on top.
Yeah, sure.
I've got heavy armor on at least.
That helps.
I think. Make a check.
Athletics?
Yes.
Uh, oh!
I would have had a nat 20
Again, but
I know. We gotta get you this level of exhaustion.
You are, they escape from
Underneath you. Um,
And she just begins to like
Begin to dash away.
The guard is like, who, who are you?
What's going on?
Polymorph, isn't it?
Um,
Or the druid's wild shape. But either way,
Crazy.
You see the, uh,
You see the, um, the, she
Uh, the gun into the air.
But quite causing this loud, um,
Cloud of black powder
To shoot up into the air before
Uh, before running.
You see that the other two, the Goliath
And the Halfling and the other rats
Are, um, kind of like waiting for
They were about to run back for her, but she starts running
Towards them. Um,
Yeah.
They seem pretty seasoned
Warriors for some reason. And you're not
Entirely sure why
They were rats, or a goose,
Or a cat?
Uh,
All John and Claude heard was a gunshot.
So he's going, Cecilia!
Because he can't see. Cecilia, are you okay?
Um, yeah,
The cat, didn't shoot anyone.
The cat goes, no, I'm not okay. Um,
Where the fuck is the cat?
I can't, I can't see it, but I hear it.
In the distance, just saying that before
You see the, one of the mice go
Just, let's go, let's go, let's go!
What is happening today?
I told you it would suck, ass!
He takes his hands so that he stops
Just, just like,
The other thing is, he grabs
Her hands and goes, what the
Actual fuck!
Eugh!
Did that rat just shoot me
With a, with a gun?
Are you okay?
Someone get your shit!
I mean, it was like a toothpick, I'll be fine, but
That hurt. What's the point of a gun
That small?
I'm gonna go
You see other guards
Coming over, um,
And they just, one of them
Running over, you see one
An elf with spiky, like,
Hair that goes, uh, that shoots
Backwards, he goes,
We heard a gunshot, what happened?
You guys
Have a
Do it infestation!
What?
The cat cement, um,
The goose,
And a bunch of rats, and one rat
With a tiny gun, they're actually
People, who turned into
Animals.
You see, um,
Um,
Sorry, this is
The most ridiculous session I've
Ran in, in like years, um
Like, hang up the image of the cat
That's a horror movie to me, of a cat
Standing up on two hind legs, and
Running towards you, and reaching for your
Pockets, and dusting boots
That's like, terrifying!
Um, you see
You see Landau
Eventually, like, make his way out, he goes
I heard that there was
A commotion here
Oh no, no, no, I don't want to
Deal with it right now!
They're druids!
Oh,
Oh, it's something else, I can't see
But I need answers, I, you,
Your lord is lying to you
He has a disease, that I need someone
To tell me what it is, cause I've had enough of this shit
Why don't I
Offer you some medical assistance?
Why don't you
Shut the fuck up, and someone
Give me answers, you!
It seems like you've been affected
Uh, you're
Gonna reach for your forehead, see if you have a
Fever? I'm a healer,
It's okay
We all just saw that
Your guard just saw that too, he even has the gun wound
From the tiny gun wound, from the
Tiny mouse and the tiny gun
No persuasion check, uh, he just goes
Why don't you all
Follow me?
It seems like the two of you need to be
Quarantined
Hold on, I still can't see, right?
Oh, I see, like, after
Let me check, it's after
A minute
Okay, okay, I can see now
No, seriously
And I
He saw it, I cast moonbeam
And it makes it so that
Shape changers, so people who can
Change into animals and things, they go
Back to normal, and that's why we found out
And literally
It was a person who
Apparently had made a tiny gun for her
Rat form, and she shot
Him, look
Sir
Please, um, I'm
She's serious
I've been shot by a little mouse
And I do not need to be
Quarantined, I am a paladin, which
Means I am immune to all diseases, aka
I have all of my vaccinations up
To date, thank you very much
Oh
The
Yeah, fuck you
Fuck all of you
That was very
Very perplexed, to say the least
And if it was Druids
This is certainly a much
Bigger problem than I
Had originally thought
Who have you guys pissed off? They were like
Freedom fighters, Robin Hood,
Mary Gang people, what is it?
That's what I'm going to have to figure out
As well
They called themselves
The Waffle Crew?
The Maple Fritters, I think
Yeah, waffle something
And
One did not sound like
The other at all, that didn't sound similar
I'm pretty sure it was Maple
Fritters
Maple
Fritters
Um
This is certainly
I was going to say concerning
News, but it's also just
News
Oh, why don't the
Two of you remain here, and
You, go in
And please attend to yourself
It says, if you've been shot, that means you have a small bullet
Going around your
Going in your body
The guard just goes
The guard who's just like
Holding onto like
His ribs, like where he got shot
Just goes
By the way
The
The goose was a large Goliath
And
Um
Yeah
And also the cat pickpocketed
The
Pickpocketed the young woman
He took a platinum
From me
Make a
It's not a cat, come on guys
You've met words before
With the program
Just make a check
Make a persuasion check
Make a what?
Make a persuasion check please
Me? Yes
One
Right
I'll
I'll see to it that everyone
Has tended to and compensated
Um
I'm trying with these people
I thought they believed us for a bit
I'm done
I mean look at the ceiling
She shot a bullet
With the tiny gun
No wonder everyone in this town
Is nuts
They all looked at the ceiling and
Seen the bullet
Oh
Here he goes
Perhaps the horse is falling apart
Am I still holding the skull?
I feel like this is
Are you still
Holding onto Aphia's or did you put him back?
I didn't say I put him back
Oh my god
So
None of that's a fresh detail
By the way, what are you holding?
He goes
Excuse
Excuse me
Not what
Who?
This is Aphia
It's a long story
This is also a very
Shoddy estate
And he goes
It's very poorly read and you have been
Swarmed by
Tiny miniscule rats with
With confounded
Technology that I'm still not certain
What it is
Who do you think you are?
He goes I would have been your father if your
Mother could afford change for a
Silver
I think it's time we put a break
Will you go back in the bag, Aphia?
Aphia said it's cold
She said to put a bag
In the bag
No, no, no, let me out
Sorry
Is Augustus okay?
Cement sucked him in the face
Augustus peeks his hat out of the bag
Of holding
Yes
The garb
He's not one of them
Sorry
I'm
Fake
Augustus lowers
Himself down into the bag
It's now
A bad time to bring out JJ
I guess I could get Charles
Charles
He goes
The
Landau goes
The guards
Will escort you
Out
To the front of the gates
If you wait a moment
I can give you
Brief compensation for
Returning
Returning a lady to
Safety
And getting rid of the goose man
I'm not confident we got rid of him
They just ran off over there
We handled Jin Cecilia as best
We could
He should be
Ordering the guards to give chase
But he's just kinda
Dumbfounded
He's useless
He's just super confounded
Please bring me to the lord
Right now
Please guide yourselves
Gently towards the front gates
Nope, I go striding off
To find the lord
Back me up on this one boys
For the interest and safety
Of the lord and lady
Yeah, there's intruders in your house
He's strong
Literal, this is not infestation
It is
It is an armed robbery
Get him
You see the other guards are walking towards you
Cause you're just gonna go into the house
There's gonna be like
Three, four guards coming in towards you already
There is a coup
Happening right under your feet
They're grabbing you
No
Make yourself to know they twist
Lord, please stop
You're very strong young clock
So you see there's more
So you're just throwing your arms around
You're just flipping them around
And more guards are forced to be out
To sprint towards you
Stop
The lord and lady
You are tackled to the ground by like
Six people held by each arm and leg
As you're just being carried out
And then Lena looks at you
And she goes
You can walk
Yeah
I can
As you see
There's a swarm of guards currently surrounding
And screaming Jean Claude
As you follow
And you see these guards are now like
On high alert
And also just kind of like
Confused at everything
You see that the
As soon as you're
As soon as you're making your way out
As you move towards the front door
You see Lord Haravelle
With this cane walk out
The front door
And just stop and pause as soon as he sees
The whole situation going on
The situation
Trademark
What is going
If Jean Claude you're still screaming then
You can't hear
Oh he's still
One time Cecilia wanted
To help you people and
Fuck you, fuck all of you, you don't deserve
Her help, none of you don't
Lord Haravelle looks at you
Cecilia
It's going to sound crazy
Claude be quiet
I can barely talk to him
Stop manhandling me
We went to help with those problems
That they mentioned
Goose and rats
And um
They're not goose and rats
And your cat was also not a cat
So
We went to help
With the cats
So um
Their people
And one of the mice had a tiny gun
And they shot one of your guards
And the roof
Over there
With a really tiny bullet
And um they all ran away
No it's real
No
We're ready to receive you
Did you hear that Jean Claude
What does that even fucking mean
The guards put Jean Claude
Outside of the front gate
Out
Lord Haravelle goes
Do you
Do you need him
With you
I would prefer that
Gestures
They pick him up again
You little shit
And then Lando just goes
You could just help him stand up
You don't have to carry him all the way back
And he just
To crush each of your balls
And shove them into your mouth
I'm going to crush each of your
They drop you
Go
Jean Claude
If you're going to be a
Marriage counselor you really need to work on your
Anger management
Zilia I can't handle this
The pressure is too much
Yes you can
He sits
He has dirt all over his face
His hair is a mess
He goes
Okay
I'm fine
Stands up
Really like trembling
I can see that the peace has been
Disturbed
And you see some of the guards are running
Around the side of the house
And then you see Lord Harvelle
Looking to the side like seeing what the commotion is about
And then you hear
You hear one of the guards shout
The ghost has a
A molotov cocktail
But there are plenty of guards around
And seem to be rushing towards it
So you can assume that it's going to be handled
You're such a
DUMB
You see Lando
Goes
You were telling the truth
Wow
Yeah
You're a gaslighter
Lord Harvelle just sighs
Deeply
Just so tired
As he just leans down a little bit he just goes
Right well while my
Force is handled that
Please we're ready
To receive you doing a double take towards
The direction of a supposed goose with a
Molotov cocktail
You have intruders in your house
Right now
His eyes kind of like widen a little bit
At that he goes
And he just
He just stamps his cane
And he goes
Just Lando and show everyone
Gets out of the house now
Just
And
The forces are
Began to gather and they storm
The estate really fast
You realize just how many guards
There are
It's like 80
A larger number than
Any
Reasonable man should have at their
Estate
And eventually
They are
Brought
You see that
Rojas and
Her brother whom
Unconscious
Sleeping
It seems
They didn't get knocked out
They were sleeping
Just being carried out
Bearing carried out gently
You see Lord Harrovel just kind of like
Looks towards the estate
Looks towards everything
Having just believed in you
And everything so far on a
On a whim
Didn't even ask for an explanation
Just
Just goes
It's been a long few weeks
Come
What did you do to
Pace off the maple donuts
Maple fritters
I was closer
That was closer yeah
He just goes
What?
And that's where we're going to end this session
The maple frittatas
Suddenly you're attacked by a group of thieves
Known as the Hassans
You're attacked by a group of thieves known as the
Hasbro Collective
Because they were excited
Hasbro Collective
Oh no
This is going to be someone's first episode
Oh my gosh
And what was this?
I love it but what was this?
A wild goose chase?
I am not
Kidding around
Politics
This is literally politics
Um
I really
Said you guys didn't go for the rats first
Because if you did
Landau would have been like yes I put a couple of traps
Down there to
Disable the mice just be wary of them
You wouldn't want to break a pinky
Or anything and when you come down
There the traps are literally all like
Like trip wire and
Multiple guns
Like pointed around
And there is one big
There is one trap that is just a piece of paper
That says come here
And an arrow that points downwards and has like
Six different black powder weapons
Pointed right in the middle
No it's good we didn't start off there because they would have left
They would have finally like piece out
They're nuts
I have negative decks I would have just
Died
We both have bad decks
I have a good deck mine's shit too
Oh no she's clumsy
Yeah she's clumsy
Oh my god what was that
Uh
Samantha punched Augustus
I pickfucked you and tried to gaslight
You don't clock
You didn't gaslight me
A rat with a gun
That was today
I can't stress what I say like
I was dead serious when I said that
It is a rat with a gun
Gaslight gatekeep gooseboss JT actually
Yes
Gaslight gatekeep gooseboss that's the name of this episode
Gaslight gatekeep gooseboss
At the request of
Our friend Brandon Boucherary
Today's session involved
The incident of a goose throwing
A Molotov cocktail
Oh my god
I see
Oh my god well thanks for watching
Thanks Brandon
Thanks for playing
Thank you for watching
Penny is dead on the inside
Yeah we just did that
I'm super light headed
I'm in shock
Yeah the NPCs introduced today
I hope you guys never talk to them ever again
Except we heard next time
Yeah
Can't escape
Look the twins, the twins, I can't handle the twins after this
Oh right
Well
Thank you for the game Timmy
Thank you both so much for playing
Take that Jenny you got double thanked
Thank you for playing also Timmy
I win anyways
Anyways thank you all so much for watching
This very
Very
Very good
Very
Chaotic
Last few hours of the game
See you next week
Bye
Have a good one everyone
Bye