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Hello again, welcome back to the Laughing Matters podcast.

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I am your host as always, WS Walker, and we're going to be getting into it today.

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Yeah, no, we were supposed to have a special guest on today, but they are sick.

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So we're going to try for it next week.

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So the next episode after this should be one with somebody else on it.

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Yeah, I just kind of wanted to get this out there.

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So I figured I'd do an episode.

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I know you guys have heard me talk about this plenty, but that happiness for self is most

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easily and thoroughly achieved by working towards the happiness of others.

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And I've told the story on the show at least once that this girl that I was dating, Casey,

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she caught me because I always kind of said, no, no, no, thank you though.

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You know, when people are offering me stuff or to help out with something, I'm like, oh,

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no, no, no, thank you.

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I appreciate it.

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And she basically cornered me about it.

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She said, look, you tell everybody that the best way to have real genuine happiness is

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to be kind to others, be generous with others, and give them your time, your attention and

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help them when they need help.

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But at the same time, you know, you're saying that this is the way to real happiness.

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And then you turn around and in the same breath, when somebody offers you something, aka doing

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exactly what you told them to do, whether or not you told them to do it, what you're

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telling people to do, they're doing what you specifically said to do.

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And you're saying no.

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And so I was looking at once again, why is it so hard for me to just accept the kindness

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without protesting?

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Because it is something that I'm working on something that I am doing now.

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And it's made all the difference.

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At first, you know, I thought it was a nobility thing, like a noble thing that that I should

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not take advantage, that I would prefer that they have more of whatever it is that they're

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offering rather than give it to me.

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And to that end, also, there may be some degree of it that was my perceived self worth.

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And this is this wasn't entirely news to me.

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I pretty much thought of as much to be the case as well.

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But the other night, I had a very, very hard realization that I think a big part of the

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motivation to turn away offerings of kindness or help with a problem that I didn't ask for

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help with.

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I think it comes from an aversion to saying thank you.

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I know it's strange.

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It feels like there's this part of me, this part of my mind that wants to stay hidden

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and put the blame for why I'm like this.

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Wants to keep that hidden too.

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You know, it wants to put the blame off on other things, but it wants to keep like the

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real reason secret almost.

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But I can see it pretty clearly right now.

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It is kind of a pride thing, but definitely not like in a good way, not like that good

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kind of pride.

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Now for me, and probably a lot of you out there, there's been a lot of times that I've

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been humbled in my life and so my instincts root for me to swing wide of situations in

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which I know that I will be humbled.

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As most humbling situations of the past, well, they aren't typically situations one might

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call a good time.

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Then simply saying thank you is kind of humbling to the prideful.

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To say thank you without putting up some kind of a fight is to show a very open vulnerability.

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And by rejecting the gift, by saying no, no, no, no, the strategist and engineer in me

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is making the bold play of eliminating the situation so that there is nothing to think

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in the first place.

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Efficient, right?

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Nipper in the bud.

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I mean, seriously though, think about it, the phrase most commonly used to turn down

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an offer like that.

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What is it?

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It's no thanks.

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No thanks.

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You know, there is no thanks going to be had here.

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Or no thank you, which is basically saying there will be no thank you delivered unto

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you.

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There will be no thanks.

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I might have to start tacking on a little something on the end of those.

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Like if I do use no thank you, like so that I remember in the moment what it is that I'm

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really doing.

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It's just, they, they offer me a water bottle.

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I'm just like, Oh, no thanks for you.

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Yeah.

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No thanks for you today, pal.

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Better luck next time.

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Gonna have to kick your genhap fix somewhere else.

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Buckaroo.

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Go find yourself another sucker.

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Huh?

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You get no thanks.

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Hope you ain't running on empty cause you about to have to pull off onto the highway

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shoulder.

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I even about to offer the fumes to Costa station on.

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Slap the bottle of water out of their hands.

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Not today, sister.

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Sorry.

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I got a little kill you the way there.

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Okay.

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See, you gotta remember.

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I need to remember that it's not a weakness to accept something kind from someone else.

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It is in fact helping someone else during their honest attempt at happiness for the

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both of us.

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The person giving them the person receiving and me rejecting their generosity will not

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give them that happiness and putting up a fight dims it.

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Just say thank you.

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I'm telling myself this too, but also do you just say thank you and maybe throw in a meaningful

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hug if it's appropriate.

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Showing me it may happen even if it's not appropriate.

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I'm a hugger.

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And then doing that, I help their happiness.

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The real stuff that comes from working towards somebody else's happiness.

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And for today, in that moment, that someone else is me.

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The happiness of another is talking about my happiness.

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In this instance, they did something nice for someone else slash me.

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Or they put in the effort and attention to help someone else slash me and they will get

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some kind of genuine happiness from that.

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And I did something that helped them to happiness by consciously and actively keeping myself

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from putting up a fight.

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And believe me that that takes a decision for me to act against my own instincts.

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It sounds a little weird to say it this way, but doing so is an act of courage.

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It's doing the right thing that you know to be the right thing, even though most of you

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wants to do something else.

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I'd say that qualifies.

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So theoretically doing something at least semi courageous.

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Wouldn't I also get a little bit of happiness from helping them to theirs?

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I'm not getting greedy here or anything.

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I'm not going to be approaching these situations and haven't been approaching these situations

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with that motivation.

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Only the motivation to help them to their happiness because I want for their happiness.

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Seriously folks, you want to build that in through repetition until it's instinctual.

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You want to have it so that the option to makes my state better to work towards some

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of these happiness in any decision making process.

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You want that to populate as an attractive option automatically.

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And the happiness that you get from helping them to theirs by suppressing that fight back

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instinct in addition to the happiness you get from someone expressing their fondness

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of you is just brilliantly designed by product that happens to benefit you and I as well.

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And isn't it crazy how those link like how those are interlinked and I'm just I'm sorry,

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I'm absolutely still fascinated at every turn by how fantastically intricate and interwoven

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and complex all these systems surround us and penetrate us.

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And yet how masterfully elegant is the design's efficiency.

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Okay so now is not the time on sprockets where we dance, but it is the time of the podcast

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when I will turn to you, dear firsters and seconders and ask you to ask yourself, why

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is it that you're so reluctant to just say thank you, you individually, why?

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How many of us just default to that?

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Oh no, no, no, no, no, no.

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When handed a gift of or kindness by someone else.

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I'm sorry, I almost did that as Antonio Bandera's.

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This is no, no, no, no, no.

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I digress.

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Please ask yourself genuinely and then pause the podcast.

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Why would you protest this kindness?

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Really ask yourself so that you can understand why a change in that is worth it.

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Identify it, deal with it and stop standing in the way of another's happiness or your

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own for that matter.

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They get that genuine happiness, you get a gift or kindness and that genuine happiness.

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It's win, win, win, win, win, win.

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It is happen ease, happen ease.

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It's happen ease.

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Oh my God.

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It's happen ease.

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How have I never mispronounced happiness as happen ease before?

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Oh, wow, I'm going to do that more often just for fun.

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Nobody it's happiness in your household or as as the French say it, happiness in your

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household.

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Or maybe don't say it that way that I, you know, I heard it that time.

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But what you can say is that the clearest and most concise way to happiness for self

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is through the pursuit of happiness for another.

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But a real bonus perk of that pursuit is that people like to visit kindness upon those that

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exhibit kindness.

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And how thick is the love and happiness you get from someone you care about showing that

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they care about you and, you know, doing something really nice for you.

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How warm and gooey and stick to your ribs is that palpable happiness from that.

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And you know, I think that at the end of the day, one of the fundamental things that I've

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had get in my way of me praying for help is along the same thing.

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I've made worse with prayer because I'm not just taking the help or the gift.

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I'm specifically asking for it.

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But how strange it is after looking at these motivations here with gift giving or gift

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receiving rather, and to look at point blank in the face and say that I am worried about

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putting out our creator of the universe and the one that loves me more than any other

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person could.

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That I don't want to bother the one that literally made all of us, even though he explicitly

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asked us to do this.

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To worry about showing my vulnerability to God or to think that the one with the capacity

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for anything would have less for helping me.

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If the pattern of the heartbeat scale is indicative of other patterns that almost act like fractals,

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which is to say that the same pattern repeats as you move toward a narrower zoomed in or

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wider zoomed out viewpoint.

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I know that's not super clear.

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So if anybody has trouble following that, think of four triangles arranged in a way

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that these four triangles make up one large triangle.

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Can you picture that?

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Picture two side by side, then a line that connects their tops that forms an upside down

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triangle for the third one, and then put one triangle on top of that.

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So imagine that, and then we zoom out a little bit and we see that big triangle it made is

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one of four triangles that's making up a much larger triangle.

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If we zoom out, we find out that's one of four.

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The same thing happens when we zoom in on a triangle, we see that it's made up of four

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triangles and then we zoom in on one of those triangles that's made up of four triangles

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and it just kind of goes on forever.

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So that's if you've never seen that go to youtube.com slash could help and watch the

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heartbeats episode because it poses some very interesting thoughts along that would that

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fit in with all of this very nicely.

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I'll put the link in the description of this episode at any rate, perhaps the one that

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made us and that we are made of is affected in a similar way when it helps someone towards

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their happiness.

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Maybe that's one more way that we're built in the form of our creator.

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I have to say I really like the idea that we can provide that kind of happiness as a

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gift of sorts to the very one that makes all this possible.

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And we do it by taking a moment to not only allow ourselves to be helped, but to ask for

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it.

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To be able to give genuine happiness to the one which we owe our entire existence and

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every good thing that's ever happened to us.

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I'll tell you that that sits pretty good with me.

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So in a slight change of phrase, be good to him, be good for him and you're going to be

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fantastic.

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I'm WS Walker.

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You're the fantastic you.

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Be sweet.