Hi! Some of you know me as the guy that wrote The Laughing Manors, the host of The Laughing Manors podcast,
and some of you know me as the host of Could Help, Will Help.
So a lot of you long-time listeners and seconders, the really long-time listeners,
you know that several times on this show I practically begged you to send in questions.
What kind of questions? Glad you asked that question.
Literally any kind of questions that you have regarding a situation or moral dilemma or an internal struggle,
or questions about life, you know, growth things or the what should I do's.
I'm here for all of that because the concepts that I proposed to you previously on the show,
and yes, if you don't know what those concepts are or what I'm talking about here,
now is the time to head back and give a listen.
There's like 25 whole episodes back that way, so they are well worth your time.
At any rate, these concepts, well they've given me this completely changed view of the world,
switched up my vantage point and given me a very unique angle,
and I approach these questions with that angle.
I think I get a pretty unique answer.
Guys, my advice game has leveled up hard.
But without questions sent in to willhelpmail.gmail.com or submitted at facebook.com slash I could help,
I haven't had any way of showing this, so...
That... look up here. Right here.
That ends today.
Yeah. I'm done waiting, guys, because you getting an answer to your question is only part of it.
To me, the greatest part of offering new advice is that it gets me thinking and directions that I'd never consider on my own,
and I discover more by way of what I've learned of the concepts already through your outside perspective
being brought in for me to apply it to something else that was not mentally generated by myself.
So I'm taking matters into my own hands.
I've begun visiting websites and grabbing some questions at random.
This was notoriously hard to actually find this, as I don't know why.
You would think the internet would be the easiest place on earth to find Dear Abby letters,
but I found some from one source here after a lot of searching,
and then I found what I consider to be a much better source because, A, it will continue to generate content if I need to do that.
Hopefully not. Hopefully you guys will hear some of this and go, hey, maybe he can help with this.
And I hope you do, because there's a... I've got a good shot at offering something
of worth to you, so help me help you.
Anyway, so the stuff that I've gathered, these are all just the questions.
I didn't read the advice that was given on the websites.
I'll be going in fresh, and most of these I haven't actually even read the questions,
so I plan to record them, and if they suck, I just out cut them.
So, without further ado, the advice asked and posted on the webpage of Ask Your Elder Wisdom Circle.
Alright, so what do we got?
I don't know what I need to do with my life.
Okay, coming strong. I feel like I need to become someone who's important.
I feel lonely every day. I don't know if I'm really bisexual or not.
I don't know if I should go back to college or not.
I feel like I can get more out of life than what I already have.
I pressure myself to become successful by 24.
I'm upset because this pandemic destroyed some of my plans.
I think I am a narcissist, and then not sure as a parenthetical.
I feel like crying every time I think because I know my life isn't going anywhere.
I don't know what to do with my life.
Way to go straight for the jugular on the first question.
Don't know what to do with your life.
You say that you put a lot of pressure on yourself to be successful by age 24.
You don't get to control what happens to you.
Like 90% of what happens to you isn't in your hands.
You can do a lot to help predictively guide your life towards things that you want to happen,
but in actual control of things, no.
But you get to control 100% of the way you take what happens to you.
Now, we plan because there's things that we want for ourselves and because we're afraid of the unknown.
Nobody wants to step out the door and not have a clue where they're going or what's going to happen to them.
That's a pretty terrifying thought actually.
But that's terrifying because the root of all fear is the fear of the unknown.
And it's interesting that you kind of nail it right on the head.
I don't know what to do with my life.
You don't.
You don't know what would be best.
Nobody's got the angles on that.
You can only do what you believe will make you happy.
And hopefully you figure out that making other people safe or happy or helping them is a great, fantastic way to help yourself towards happiness.
It's so weird that it works that way.
The only way to real happiness is to work towards others happiness.
Because when you do for yourself, it's this very ephemeral.
You get the thing that you were after and it's very quickly just kind of loses its luster.
It's this thin happiness that evaporates pretty quickly.
But when you do for others, it's powerful.
It recharges the batteries in a way that doesn't happen with anything else.
And I'll say this, helping other people, there's no better way to feel important than to do for others.
I know it seems like, you know, climb the ladder, you know, do this giant thing that is fantastic and people will respect you by way of it.
No.
Just give them a little bit of your time, your effort, your energy.
Make the effort.
They'll respect you for that.
And you will feel important.
That comes by way of that.
And that tends to knock away the feeling of being lonely as well.
There's a lot that you seem to be unsure about.
You know, that you're not sure if you're bisexual or not.
Is that, I'm genuinely asking, is that something that's important to you to be able to label yourself?
If so, you know, try it out.
See if it works for you.
See if that's your bag, baby.
If that is not your bag, then that's not your bag.
At the end of the day, the way that I have seen sexuality as a whole is, you know, if something's going to turn you on, it turns you on.
Something doesn't turn you on, it doesn't turn you on.
And you may say that you hate asparagus.
But, you know, I like that my entire life.
But somebody cooked it just the right way.
And man, I adored it.
It was a great meal.
I think everybody's got their facets.
You know, everybody's a bit unique.
We've proven that in every other way about ourselves.
Why wouldn't our sexuality be the same as the differences?
Whatever it is that allows you to help the most or learn the most about life or whatever it is, it's out there.
You just got to go for it.
You know, you got to look for it.
You got to keep going because you won't find it sitting still.
So pursue the pursuit.
Stop filling up your head with what came before and move forward.
You know, focus more on the forward.
Allow yourself to drift a bit.
And as always, it's a lot easier if you believe that there is a God that will watch out for you while you're doing this, that, you know, cares about you genuinely, doesn't want to see you come to harm.
And if you're genuinely in pursuit of a life that is worth living, don't you think that, you know, he's got your back on that?
I did it. It was magnificent.
Talk to him.
Ask God, you know, and he probably won't answer you in words.
It may just be one day.
It's like you get the just this flash of I need to go that way.
And there might be part of you that says, well, I would I'm heading to work.
When it when it hits, you know, it hits when it when it happens.
It's I say there's no denying it, but there is denying it.
You can deny it.
It's still an option on the table.
God's very adamant about free will.
So there is an option.
You do still have within the realm of possibility of writing it off as coincidence or whatever.
But there'll be a moment where you just get this sense that I'm supposed to go this way, that I am supposed to do this thing, whatever it is.
You don't have chances or it may not make sense.
A lot of times, though, it happens right after you thought about how it makes sense to do that.
And there's this movement of I need to go do that now.
So when God calls, man, go for it.
There's no more trustworthy direction giver.
It literally is the only one with the viewpoint of, you know, what paths ultimately will lead you to happiness.
He's the only one that can see what paths resolve into the best purposes you can have.
So don't don't pressure yourself.
You know, you say you're a narcissist.
That's that's the one that worries me.
Narcissism is without regard for other people's emotions.
They're well peeing.
It's all about you, which is the exact opposite direction from real genuine happiness.
So I really can't recommend enough that you read my book and see exactly why I say that, because that's I got that's kind of the central.
Points of my entire show and book and podcast.
So, yeah, I would recommend that highly, because if you keep following the path of the idea, you know, I get more for myself.
If I care about others less, be whoever I want to be, so long as I don't care who it affects.
That way only leads to further separation and a lot more loneliness and a lot less feeling important.
Yeah, because isn't importance based in how others view you, your value to others, not yourself, but your value to others.
So hang in there.
Ask him.
Put yourself out there.
You know, honestly, the best thing in the world you can do is just start doing for others.
Just start doing nice things for others, trying to help where you can.
And it kind of sends you on this path that kind of tends to align with other things.
And life gets so much better.
And the more you attune yourself to that, the more you're thinking about it, the more you tend to recognize paths towards it, you'll find something.
And don't forget, just because it hasn't happened yet and it isn't happening this very second doesn't mean it's not just up and around the corner or just maybe a couple of weeks away or down the corner or a year away.
Who knows?
He knows.
But, you know, outside of that, none of us are going to know that.
So hang tight.
Your very best is ahead of you.
You just have to be willing to go get it.
Yeah.
Next question.
Hi, I'm 21 years old now and I've been through some slight traumatic family drama that still takes up my energy and anger.
And I might bring that up to my friend way more than I should.
But I was so used to not telling anybody about it.
I'm trying to be more restrained about it, but I'm trying to work on myself.
I hate myself way too much.
But this is not why I came to you.
I feel like there is something wrong with me.
Seriously, I'm being totally serious about this.
I feel like I can't make any true friends or I'm incapable of anyone choosing me over another person.
Let me read that again.
I feel like I can't make any true friends or I am incapable of anyone choosing me over another person.
Interesting phrasing there.
I'm not making fun.
That's interesting that they phrased it that way.
That I am incapable of anyone choosing me over another person.
I have good social skills, kind of.
But I can never get closer to people like other people do.
I don't know why people don't like me before I even try.
I feel lost, sad, and hopeless that I will ever get a true friend, let alone a best friend.
I hate myself so much and I can't keep taking it.
If I can't ever get close to anybody or anybody to truly like me, then what's the point of even living?
I'm sad and miserable with my home life and everything in my life.
I feel truly alone.
Wow.
I hate to say it, but this actually kind of falls under nearly the exact same advice.
But just part of it, which is the go ahead and do for others.
Just start.
That's all you have to do.
Pick people at random.
And just do for them.
Don't look for anything in return.
Don't even look for friendship in return.
They don't owe you that.
But I think you'll find it.
People are attracted to people that are generous.
You're talking about what you want is other people.
You want other people to like you, to care about you.
And they tend to do that for people that they feel care about them.
People have a tendency to gather towards generosity and towards people that seem to have their best interest at heart.
If I could recommend one book to read out of all of them, it would be How to Win Friends and Influence People.
Dale Carnegie, that book is absolutely genius.
It's a bit dated, but man, the main tenets they put forth.
It is a short, short read.
You've got no excuse.
I can't recommend it enough.
It tells you how to talk to people in a way that people like to be talked to.
And it changed everything for me.
I give you this one for free.
When people are telling you about something, try to picture what they're telling you about it.
Like actually trying to visualize it.
Give them your 100% attention.
And if you're missing pieces of the story, ask questions so that you can complete the picture.
People love that.
That means that you're paying attention.
It means that you're engrossed in their story enough to like want to fill in the gaps.
Talk about things that they love to talk about.
One of the first things that I ask people when I meet them is what are you passionate about?
It may not seem like it's a great way to have a good time, but honestly,
listening to somebody explain why they're passionate about something
can make you kind of passionate about it too.
Because chances are they've found something about it that's pretty cool.
Worth talking about.
Just saying.
You're 21 years old now.
So you are still in the territory of selecting a best friend.
Granted, it's a lot easier when you're all forced into the same federal institution together
and you're forced to spend eight hours at the same place together.
But so long as you're willing to be about them, they're willing to be about you.
So long as you put them first, yeah, there's quite a lot of them that will be willing to put you first.
Again, it's that weird dichotomy to get that for yourself.
You've got to give it away to others.
Yes, it sounds dorky.
It sounds disinteresting.
It sounds like the kind of thing that people would be turned off by.
That they'd be like, oh, look at that dork.
But no, that's not the way it works.
Genuinely in every circle I've ever run in and I've run in quite a few circles.
It's a core human response.
If somebody cares about them, if you treat them like they're trustworthy,
then they tend to strive to be trustworthy.
If you treat them as if they mean a lot to you, they're often going to want to mean a lot to you.
At the end of the day, it's not about us.
I get that this is 100% about you.
You didn't ask anywhere in here.
This is all about it.
I hate myself too much.
I'm so used to not telling anybody.
I feel lost.
I feel sad.
I feel hopeless.
I am incapable of anyone choosing someone over me.
You have literally made this whole world about yourself.
That's not the case, man.
We are all in this together.
We are all just as important as the next one.
Sooner you come to that, sooner you'll have friends.
So to both of you, go find people.
Be nice to them.
Help them.
Find ways of doing for others.
You will feel important.
You will feel loved because people love people that do things for them, that help them,
genuinely start to care about them.
If you start doing for them and helping them, and you will get back from that very quickly.
But once you start doing it on the regular as a point of this is the right thing to do
and a point of order in your life, yes, you will find happiness.
You will find love.
You will find friends.
Likely you'll find a best friend because you're open to it and you're used to speaking to them as if you care about them.
It's not about what you can show them.
It's not about what you appear as to them.
It's about what you are to them.
So help them.
That's I guess that's it.
Yeah, let's end the episode there.
Help a brother out.
Do something for somebody else and see where that gets you.
And then keep doing it.
Yeah, that's my advice.
So thanks for coming today guys.
I guess this is episode 26 of the Laughing Matters podcast.
And I guess one of the episodes of Could Help since we're videoing the podcast now.
Check out the YouTube channel at youtube.com slash could help.
You'll find the entirety of the book, The Laughing Matters as the first 12 chapters of the Laughing Matters podcast.
And hopefully available for print soon.
Alright guys, thanks for coming.
Thanks for watching.
Remember, be good to them.
Be good for them.
And you're going to be fantastic.
I'm WS Walker.
You're the fantastic you.
Have an awesome one.
The exact opposite direction from real genuine happiness.
That's my dog.
What's up, man?
Yeah, come sit with me here a little bit.
Let me finish this episode real quick, okay?
Is that okay?
You can stay under here if you want.
But there's no lap for you to sit in.
I know, it's disappointing.