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Hi! Some of you know me as the guy that wrote The Laughing Manors, the host of The Laughing Manors podcast,

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and some of you know me as the host of Could Help, Will Help.

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So a lot of you long-time listeners and seconders, the really long-time listeners,

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you know that several times on this show I practically begged you to send in questions.

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What kind of questions? Glad you asked that question.

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Literally any kind of questions that you have regarding a situation or moral dilemma or an internal struggle,

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or questions about life, you know, growth things or the what should I do's.

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I'm here for all of that because the concepts that I proposed to you previously on the show,

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and yes, if you don't know what those concepts are or what I'm talking about here,

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now is the time to head back and give a listen.

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There's like 25 whole episodes back that way, so they are well worth your time.

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At any rate, these concepts, well they've given me this completely changed view of the world,

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switched up my vantage point and given me a very unique angle,

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and I approach these questions with that angle.

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I think I get a pretty unique answer.

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Guys, my advice game has leveled up hard.

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But without questions sent in to willhelpmail.gmail.com or submitted at facebook.com slash I could help,

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I haven't had any way of showing this, so...

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That... look up here. Right here.

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That ends today.

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Yeah. I'm done waiting, guys, because you getting an answer to your question is only part of it.

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To me, the greatest part of offering new advice is that it gets me thinking and directions that I'd never consider on my own,

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and I discover more by way of what I've learned of the concepts already through your outside perspective

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being brought in for me to apply it to something else that was not mentally generated by myself.

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So I'm taking matters into my own hands.

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I've begun visiting websites and grabbing some questions at random.

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This was notoriously hard to actually find this, as I don't know why.

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You would think the internet would be the easiest place on earth to find Dear Abby letters,

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but I found some from one source here after a lot of searching,

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and then I found what I consider to be a much better source because, A, it will continue to generate content if I need to do that.

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Hopefully not. Hopefully you guys will hear some of this and go, hey, maybe he can help with this.

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And I hope you do, because there's a... I've got a good shot at offering something

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of worth to you, so help me help you.

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Anyway, so the stuff that I've gathered, these are all just the questions.

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I didn't read the advice that was given on the websites.

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I'll be going in fresh, and most of these I haven't actually even read the questions,

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so I plan to record them, and if they suck, I just out cut them.

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So, without further ado, the advice asked and posted on the webpage of Ask Your Elder Wisdom Circle.

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Alright, so what do we got?

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I don't know what I need to do with my life.

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Okay, coming strong. I feel like I need to become someone who's important.

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I feel lonely every day. I don't know if I'm really bisexual or not.

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I don't know if I should go back to college or not.

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I feel like I can get more out of life than what I already have.

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I pressure myself to become successful by 24.

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I'm upset because this pandemic destroyed some of my plans.

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I think I am a narcissist, and then not sure as a parenthetical.

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I feel like crying every time I think because I know my life isn't going anywhere.

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I don't know what to do with my life.

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Way to go straight for the jugular on the first question.

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Don't know what to do with your life.

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You say that you put a lot of pressure on yourself to be successful by age 24.

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You don't get to control what happens to you.

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Like 90% of what happens to you isn't in your hands.

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You can do a lot to help predictively guide your life towards things that you want to happen,

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but in actual control of things, no.

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But you get to control 100% of the way you take what happens to you.

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Now, we plan because there's things that we want for ourselves and because we're afraid of the unknown.

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Nobody wants to step out the door and not have a clue where they're going or what's going to happen to them.

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That's a pretty terrifying thought actually.

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But that's terrifying because the root of all fear is the fear of the unknown.

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And it's interesting that you kind of nail it right on the head.

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I don't know what to do with my life.

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You don't.

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You don't know what would be best.

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Nobody's got the angles on that.

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You can only do what you believe will make you happy.

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And hopefully you figure out that making other people safe or happy or helping them is a great, fantastic way to help yourself towards happiness.

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It's so weird that it works that way.

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The only way to real happiness is to work towards others happiness.

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Because when you do for yourself, it's this very ephemeral.

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You get the thing that you were after and it's very quickly just kind of loses its luster.

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It's this thin happiness that evaporates pretty quickly.

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But when you do for others, it's powerful.

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It recharges the batteries in a way that doesn't happen with anything else.

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And I'll say this, helping other people, there's no better way to feel important than to do for others.

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I know it seems like, you know, climb the ladder, you know, do this giant thing that is fantastic and people will respect you by way of it.

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No.

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Just give them a little bit of your time, your effort, your energy.

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Make the effort.

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They'll respect you for that.

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And you will feel important.

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That comes by way of that.

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And that tends to knock away the feeling of being lonely as well.

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There's a lot that you seem to be unsure about.

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You know, that you're not sure if you're bisexual or not.

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Is that, I'm genuinely asking, is that something that's important to you to be able to label yourself?

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If so, you know, try it out.

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See if it works for you.

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See if that's your bag, baby.

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If that is not your bag, then that's not your bag.

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At the end of the day, the way that I have seen sexuality as a whole is, you know, if something's going to turn you on, it turns you on.

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Something doesn't turn you on, it doesn't turn you on.

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And you may say that you hate asparagus.

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But, you know, I like that my entire life.

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But somebody cooked it just the right way.

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And man, I adored it.

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It was a great meal.

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I think everybody's got their facets.

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You know, everybody's a bit unique.

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We've proven that in every other way about ourselves.

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Why wouldn't our sexuality be the same as the differences?

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Whatever it is that allows you to help the most or learn the most about life or whatever it is, it's out there.

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You just got to go for it.

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You know, you got to look for it.

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You got to keep going because you won't find it sitting still.

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So pursue the pursuit.

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Stop filling up your head with what came before and move forward.

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You know, focus more on the forward.

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Allow yourself to drift a bit.

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And as always, it's a lot easier if you believe that there is a God that will watch out for you while you're doing this, that, you know, cares about you genuinely, doesn't want to see you come to harm.

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And if you're genuinely in pursuit of a life that is worth living, don't you think that, you know, he's got your back on that?

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I did it. It was magnificent.

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Talk to him.

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Ask God, you know, and he probably won't answer you in words.

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It may just be one day.

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It's like you get the just this flash of I need to go that way.

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And there might be part of you that says, well, I would I'm heading to work.

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When it when it hits, you know, it hits when it when it happens.

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It's I say there's no denying it, but there is denying it.

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You can deny it.

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It's still an option on the table.

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God's very adamant about free will.

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So there is an option.

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You do still have within the realm of possibility of writing it off as coincidence or whatever.

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But there'll be a moment where you just get this sense that I'm supposed to go this way, that I am supposed to do this thing, whatever it is.

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You don't have chances or it may not make sense.

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A lot of times, though, it happens right after you thought about how it makes sense to do that.

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And there's this movement of I need to go do that now.

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So when God calls, man, go for it.

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There's no more trustworthy direction giver.

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It literally is the only one with the viewpoint of, you know, what paths ultimately will lead you to happiness.

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He's the only one that can see what paths resolve into the best purposes you can have.

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So don't don't pressure yourself.

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You know, you say you're a narcissist.

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That's that's the one that worries me.

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Narcissism is without regard for other people's emotions.

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They're well peeing.

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It's all about you, which is the exact opposite direction from real genuine happiness.

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So I really can't recommend enough that you read my book and see exactly why I say that, because that's I got that's kind of the central.

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Points of my entire show and book and podcast.

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So, yeah, I would recommend that highly, because if you keep following the path of the idea, you know, I get more for myself.

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If I care about others less, be whoever I want to be, so long as I don't care who it affects.

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That way only leads to further separation and a lot more loneliness and a lot less feeling important.

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Yeah, because isn't importance based in how others view you, your value to others, not yourself, but your value to others.

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So hang in there.

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Ask him.

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Put yourself out there.

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You know, honestly, the best thing in the world you can do is just start doing for others.

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Just start doing nice things for others, trying to help where you can.

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And it kind of sends you on this path that kind of tends to align with other things.

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And life gets so much better.

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And the more you attune yourself to that, the more you're thinking about it, the more you tend to recognize paths towards it, you'll find something.

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And don't forget, just because it hasn't happened yet and it isn't happening this very second doesn't mean it's not just up and around the corner or just maybe a couple of weeks away or down the corner or a year away.

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Who knows?

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He knows.

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But, you know, outside of that, none of us are going to know that.

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So hang tight.

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Your very best is ahead of you.

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You just have to be willing to go get it.

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Yeah.

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Next question.

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Hi, I'm 21 years old now and I've been through some slight traumatic family drama that still takes up my energy and anger.

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And I might bring that up to my friend way more than I should.

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But I was so used to not telling anybody about it.

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I'm trying to be more restrained about it, but I'm trying to work on myself.

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I hate myself way too much.

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But this is not why I came to you.

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I feel like there is something wrong with me.

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Seriously, I'm being totally serious about this.

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I feel like I can't make any true friends or I'm incapable of anyone choosing me over another person.

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Let me read that again.

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I feel like I can't make any true friends or I am incapable of anyone choosing me over another person.

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Interesting phrasing there.

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I'm not making fun.

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That's interesting that they phrased it that way.

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That I am incapable of anyone choosing me over another person.

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I have good social skills, kind of.

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But I can never get closer to people like other people do.

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I don't know why people don't like me before I even try.

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I feel lost, sad, and hopeless that I will ever get a true friend, let alone a best friend.

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I hate myself so much and I can't keep taking it.

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If I can't ever get close to anybody or anybody to truly like me, then what's the point of even living?

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I'm sad and miserable with my home life and everything in my life.

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I feel truly alone.

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Wow.

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I hate to say it, but this actually kind of falls under nearly the exact same advice.

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But just part of it, which is the go ahead and do for others.

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Just start.

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That's all you have to do.

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Pick people at random.

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And just do for them.

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Don't look for anything in return.

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Don't even look for friendship in return.

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They don't owe you that.

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But I think you'll find it.

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People are attracted to people that are generous.

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You're talking about what you want is other people.

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You want other people to like you, to care about you.

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And they tend to do that for people that they feel care about them.

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People have a tendency to gather towards generosity and towards people that seem to have their best interest at heart.

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If I could recommend one book to read out of all of them, it would be How to Win Friends and Influence People.

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Dale Carnegie, that book is absolutely genius.

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It's a bit dated, but man, the main tenets they put forth.

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It is a short, short read.

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You've got no excuse.

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I can't recommend it enough.

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It tells you how to talk to people in a way that people like to be talked to.

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And it changed everything for me.

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I give you this one for free.

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When people are telling you about something, try to picture what they're telling you about it.

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Like actually trying to visualize it.

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Give them your 100% attention.

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And if you're missing pieces of the story, ask questions so that you can complete the picture.

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People love that.

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That means that you're paying attention.

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It means that you're engrossed in their story enough to like want to fill in the gaps.

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Talk about things that they love to talk about.

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One of the first things that I ask people when I meet them is what are you passionate about?

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It may not seem like it's a great way to have a good time, but honestly,

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listening to somebody explain why they're passionate about something

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can make you kind of passionate about it too.

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Because chances are they've found something about it that's pretty cool.

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Worth talking about.

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Just saying.

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You're 21 years old now.

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So you are still in the territory of selecting a best friend.

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Granted, it's a lot easier when you're all forced into the same federal institution together

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and you're forced to spend eight hours at the same place together.

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But so long as you're willing to be about them, they're willing to be about you.

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So long as you put them first, yeah, there's quite a lot of them that will be willing to put you first.

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Again, it's that weird dichotomy to get that for yourself.

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You've got to give it away to others.

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Yes, it sounds dorky.

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It sounds disinteresting.

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It sounds like the kind of thing that people would be turned off by.

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That they'd be like, oh, look at that dork.

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But no, that's not the way it works.

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Genuinely in every circle I've ever run in and I've run in quite a few circles.

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It's a core human response.

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If somebody cares about them, if you treat them like they're trustworthy,

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then they tend to strive to be trustworthy.

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If you treat them as if they mean a lot to you, they're often going to want to mean a lot to you.

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At the end of the day, it's not about us.

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I get that this is 100% about you.

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You didn't ask anywhere in here.

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This is all about it.

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I hate myself too much.

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I'm so used to not telling anybody.

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I feel lost.

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I feel sad.

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I feel hopeless.

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I am incapable of anyone choosing someone over me.

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You have literally made this whole world about yourself.

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That's not the case, man.

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We are all in this together.

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We are all just as important as the next one.

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Sooner you come to that, sooner you'll have friends.

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So to both of you, go find people.

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Be nice to them.

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Help them.

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Find ways of doing for others.

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You will feel important.

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You will feel loved because people love people that do things for them, that help them,

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genuinely start to care about them.

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If you start doing for them and helping them, and you will get back from that very quickly.

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But once you start doing it on the regular as a point of this is the right thing to do

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and a point of order in your life, yes, you will find happiness.

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You will find love.

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You will find friends.

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Likely you'll find a best friend because you're open to it and you're used to speaking to them as if you care about them.

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It's not about what you can show them.

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It's not about what you appear as to them.

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It's about what you are to them.

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So help them.

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That's I guess that's it.

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Yeah, let's end the episode there.

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Help a brother out.

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Do something for somebody else and see where that gets you.

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And then keep doing it.

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Yeah, that's my advice.

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So thanks for coming today guys.

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I guess this is episode 26 of the Laughing Matters podcast.

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And I guess one of the episodes of Could Help since we're videoing the podcast now.

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Check out the YouTube channel at youtube.com slash could help.

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You'll find the entirety of the book, The Laughing Matters as the first 12 chapters of the Laughing Matters podcast.

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And hopefully available for print soon.

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Alright guys, thanks for coming.

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Thanks for watching.

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Remember, be good to them.

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Be good for them.

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And you're going to be fantastic.

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I'm WS Walker.

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You're the fantastic you.

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Have an awesome one.

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The exact opposite direction from real genuine happiness.

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That's my dog.

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What's up, man?

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Yeah, come sit with me here a little bit.

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Let me finish this episode real quick, okay?

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Is that okay?

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You can stay under here if you want.

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But there's no lap for you to sit in.

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I know, it's disappointing.