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(Auto-generated)Look at you!

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You did it!

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Seconders, doubly so!

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Welcome back, you wonderful people who matter so very, very much, and who now know why you

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matter so very, very much.

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First thing is first.

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I want to hear from you.

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You're inevitably going to have parts of your life that relate to the concepts of the laughing

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matters that I would never be able to discover on my own.

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You're going to have things that seem so obvious after what you've learned that the rest of

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us are pretty oblivious to.

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Go to r slash the laughing matters on Reddit and post them so that everybody else can learn

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from you, including myself.

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If you haven't already, take a look around your own life, your own unique facet.

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I bet you find tons of stuff that relate to these concepts, or evidence of the concepts

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that you are uniquely qualified to find and to understand.

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That's how I wound up understanding all of this.

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I had a whole lifetime of events that I learned from, and knowledge that I acquired from books

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and from life, and you've definitely read writer's thoughts that I haven't, pursued

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lines of inquiry and study that I haven't, and found understandings that I haven't,

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and lived a life that I haven't.

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It's like setting down a plot to mine some gold, but it doesn't matter how many people

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set down plots.

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There's still going to be plenty of gold for each of them, without affecting the price

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of gold.

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Hey, it's not a perfect metaphor, but I think you kind of see what I'm driving at.

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It doesn't dilute the waters.

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Share them with others that don't know the book or the podcast, but also share them amongst

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each other.

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You, I, we.

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We have the ability to help them see through these murky waters, to see what holds us down,

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what's tearing us apart, and to help them find a way that leads to something fulfilling,

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enlightening, unburdening.

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To see what our secret pain is, so that inflicting it is no longer something that they do offhandedly.

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It becomes a conscious decision that they actually have to make in order to do it.

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And a lot of the time, that's enough to make a really big change.

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Alright, that said, I do want to add a little note here on confirmations, a thought that

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I had once the book was done.

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So I want you to remember that it's rather crucial to the whole system of belief that

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confirmation comes after belief, like courage after the thing you needed it for.

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Now, I've already explained why the I'll believe it when I see it with my own two eyes

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approach is kind of a terrible policy to have when it comes to matters that don't really

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show up in the one ten billionth of the electromagnetic spectrum that we can see.

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Confirmations are typically open enough that they could be justified as coincidental, but

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just hearty enough to act as confirmation for those of faith.

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It could swing either way.

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Without a belief, the brain dismisses these things as coincidence.

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We've all seen the brain do this.

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I'm sure you've seen some people out there that have done some serious mental gymnastics

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to resolve in their minds something that doesn't mix well with what they believe to be the

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truth of the category that this new information falls under.

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The brain needs things to make sense, and most of our brains most of the time, well,

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they're ready to sacrifice new information to the fires of coincidence or however it

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can land as to not jeopardize their intricate governing belief system that they've invested

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so much into.

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And that's why I found my love for theoretical physics to be so extremely helpful.

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My love for all the sciences to that point, because the repositioning of new information

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that lies in the face of personally invested beliefs happens to both sides, whether you

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have a belief that God does not exist or a belief that he does.

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But sciences, well, they hold the new information where it is, as it is, whether it supports

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the current belief or not.

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In fact, when the new information points in a different direction than the currently held

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belief, it can often lead to a new theory being formulated.

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It's part of the reason that there's so few laws in the sciences and so many widely held

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theories.

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Now, bring all of this up to illustrate that confirmations can only be filed mentally as

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confirmations.

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When there's a mental file folder for confirmations, if there isn't one, we find the closest file

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folder it can rationally be put into and it gets filed there instead.

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So instead of believing it when you see it with your own two eyes, you'll see it with

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your own two eyes when you believe it.

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Because a big part of seeing it with your own two eyes includes where it's going to

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be filed.

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Alright, second order of business.

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We got a productive first episode coming out of the book.

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I want to give you this little thing that I make a point of doing frequently that has

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made a huge impact on my day to day and it makes every day that I do it better.

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It costs nothing more than a few seconds of my time, a moment or two of thought, and a

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single gust of breath from my chest.

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Which I, let's face it, I was just going to breathe that breath out anyways, so no biggie.

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Oh, and the very best part of it is, it also throws some really great good out there.

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Some greater good.

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It throws some really great greater good out there.

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So I'll fill you in on what I've been doing.

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For several years now, I started making a point of giving compliments.

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But not your run of the mill, off the cuff compliments like, hey nice shoes or good work

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on that thing that time.

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You see, I added this little modification that seems to really increase the potency

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and how the compliment is taken by significant amounts.

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What I do is I take a really good focused look at what I like about what I'm getting

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ready to compliment first.

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I pick out one or two things maybe specifically that I like about that.

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Like the contrast the two colors create.

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An added bonus if you ask what the color is called.

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Four times out of five they'll say they don't know and you can hit them with a head shake,

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a smile and say, whatever that color is called, that's a great blue.

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We can pick out something like the way their haircut frames their face really well.

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An aspect of a facial expression they make or anything that you can appreciate about

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them.

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And it's often not hard to notice if someone is proud of something of theirs or if they're

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self-conscious about it.

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And then either which way, after you give a very specific compliment, throw them a smile

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on an eyebrow raise and then move along.

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You put your focus somewhere else, which indicates the whole reason that you engaged them was

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because you like something they did or wore or owned.

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That you wanted nothing more but to let them know that in your eyes they did something

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so right that you had to come over and let them know just how right they got it.

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With the self-conscious they're no longer pressured into giving a response from it.

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When a platonic compliment lands, having been given non-creepily with no strings attached,

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doesn't it just light that person up for a moment?

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And from that moment, that person makes their next set of decisions in an improved mood.

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And in my experience, it tends to make us a bit more generous and feel connected to

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others that we might run into next.

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It goes beyond being a good for you, from the happiness that you get back from making

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somebody's day, and a good for them, to a great greater good.

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One that ripples out and makes ripples of its own that ripple out and make ripples of

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their own and on it goes.

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And you did that, with nothing more than a few seconds of your time, a moment or two

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of thought, and a single gust of breath.

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And let's face it, you were going to breathe that breath out anyway.

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And you know what?

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If you can't find something that you can genuinely compliment, and it does need to be something

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that you can genuinely appreciate, that's an important part.

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If you can't find something, sometimes, I like your shoes, is enough to make a positive

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impact.

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So another practice I've made, and this really isn't much of a practice so much as just a

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thing that I've always done that I've noticed not everybody does.

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So another thing that I do is when somebody gets really excited about something, I start

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asking questions about it, even if it's something that I know a great deal about, I like to

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feign ignorance on the topic.

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And what that kind of gives them an opportunity to do is to teach somebody who is excitedly

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listening about something that they're passionate about.

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I get to hear somebody get excited about something they love, and typically I learn things that

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I didn't know about it.

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People talking about their passions passionately is something electric in this world.

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It's something that can draw you forward and make you love them individually a bit

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more if you want it.

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I like to try and imagine what they're talking about as if there was nothing else to see

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or hear or to change the subject to.

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I try to paint mental pictures, I ask questions during pauses to try and flesh out my understanding

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and to fill in parts of that picture that I'm painting of what they're talking about.

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And if I hear a spike of excitement, I'll grin and encourage them to keep going by tilting

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my head and raising my eyebrow.

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I guess curious amusement, you might call that facial expression.

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Sometimes it's just about them.

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I mean, isn't it fantastic when someone takes a genuine interest in something that you are

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passionate about?

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And sometimes, yeah, it's a little bit of a sacrifice, but a lot of the time it turns

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into a rather wonderful conversation.

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Now this is especially a great method if you discover that they have an opposing opinion

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to yours.

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They will respect your views significantly more if you respected theirs first and gave

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them an active listen.

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When you ask questions, let them be motivated by your want to understand as well as you

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can why they feel so strongly about whatever it is that they're passionate about.

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Go ahead and check your tea cup.

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Dump the rest of your tea out so you can get theirs as it is.

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And remember two key things here.

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Believing and gaining understanding does not mean that you have to believe what you learn

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or understand.

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I've heard out several people who had completely opposing opinions and I can understand why

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several of them feel the way that they do.

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But it doesn't mean that I believe what they believe.

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It just means I have a much better idea of where our beliefs differ and why.

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Instead of trying to show them the weak points in their argument and why they're wrong, I

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put the brunt of my effort towards trying to understand why they feel they are right.

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If you listened to my book prior to this episode, then you'll understand when I say I empty

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my cup first and try their tea as it is.

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The other key thing to remember though is it's their belief to have.

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Remember that.

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And their journey to reach their understandings and yours to understand yours.

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Don't attempt to sway them.

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Simply forge bonds over what common grounds you both share.

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And if they show interest in knowing your opposing belief, start your approaches from

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those common grounds built from them.

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It allows them to build their understandings of what you believe on sturdy foundations

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that they've already built.

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At the end of the day, it's all about building up those connections folks.

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Increase trust.

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Increase generosity.

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Increase how much you care about somebody you don't know.

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We had a hard year in 2020.

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And one of the huge reasons it was so hard was we were forced to separate.

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We were all cut off from anyone we weren't living with.

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Forced to stay out of arms reach from one another.

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Holding our mouths hidden behind masks dramatically reduced our ability to convey non-verbally

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how we are feeling.

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No hugging or handshaking.

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Which is a smaller hug done with hands as I like to think of it.

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Or high fives, which I think of as a flying chest bump but with hands.

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So much was done with a buffer of computers and virtual meetings.

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We moved apart as much as we could.

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And I fear that our compassion will take a pretty nasty hit from that.

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So we need to flex that muscle so to speak.

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We have to actively reach out and strengthen those connections.

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We have to find ways to do some good, to offer help and experience other people.

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It's up to us to do this because a lot of them aren't being told not to reach out,

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but they're being inadvertently steered from it.

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Yes, we are rolling with disadvantage, but when you're trying to help, to do right by

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others, to bring them a bit of peace or joy or love.

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Well that puts you on the right path, the path that God asked of all of us.

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That's the only advantage you really need.

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You may run into obstacles, but when you're on a path that God wants of us, a lot of those

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obstacles end up being redirects, a sudden change of direction.

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I like to think of it like being on the freeway and not picking up the hints and signs for

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the best exit to take and having to jerk the wheel at the last second to make the exit.

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Keep your eyes open and ask for direction.

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When a sudden change occurs in your life, they often land you someplace that you weren't

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expecting.

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So instead of looking for ways back onto the path that you were knocked off of, first have

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a look at the path stretching out from where you landed.

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Remember in those moments, you don't have a clue what's in store for you, but God does.

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Have a look at what opportunities you just landed square in the middle of.

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If you really need to get back on your previous path, you still have to pick a path from your

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landing area and make your way back to it.

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And doing something for someone who needs help might be down one of them, and likely

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something tremendously worth doing down several of them.

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So try to get excited when these course corrections happen suddenly, because you get a whole new

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set of paths to choose from.

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All new opportunities to contribute to this world.

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To be good to them.

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To be good for them.

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And it'll be great.

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Be sweet.

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Bye everybody.

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You can check out the YouTube channel at youtube.com slash could help.

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You can contact the podcast at willhelpmail.gmail.com and come talk about this stuff, ask questions

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and hear what others think.

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Add our slash TheLivingMatters on Reddit.

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You can stay up to date with the show's Facebook page at facebook.com slash I could help and

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of course, TheLivingMatters.com