(Auto-generated)Look at you!
You did it!
Seconders, doubly so!
Welcome back, you wonderful people who matter so very, very much, and who now know why you
matter so very, very much.
First thing is first.
I want to hear from you.
You're inevitably going to have parts of your life that relate to the concepts of the laughing
matters that I would never be able to discover on my own.
You're going to have things that seem so obvious after what you've learned that the rest of
us are pretty oblivious to.
Go to r slash the laughing matters on Reddit and post them so that everybody else can learn
from you, including myself.
If you haven't already, take a look around your own life, your own unique facet.
I bet you find tons of stuff that relate to these concepts, or evidence of the concepts
that you are uniquely qualified to find and to understand.
That's how I wound up understanding all of this.
I had a whole lifetime of events that I learned from, and knowledge that I acquired from books
and from life, and you've definitely read writer's thoughts that I haven't, pursued
lines of inquiry and study that I haven't, and found understandings that I haven't,
and lived a life that I haven't.
It's like setting down a plot to mine some gold, but it doesn't matter how many people
set down plots.
There's still going to be plenty of gold for each of them, without affecting the price
of gold.
Hey, it's not a perfect metaphor, but I think you kind of see what I'm driving at.
It doesn't dilute the waters.
Share them with others that don't know the book or the podcast, but also share them amongst
each other.
You, I, we.
We have the ability to help them see through these murky waters, to see what holds us down,
what's tearing us apart, and to help them find a way that leads to something fulfilling,
enlightening, unburdening.
To see what our secret pain is, so that inflicting it is no longer something that they do offhandedly.
It becomes a conscious decision that they actually have to make in order to do it.
And a lot of the time, that's enough to make a really big change.
Alright, that said, I do want to add a little note here on confirmations, a thought that
I had once the book was done.
So I want you to remember that it's rather crucial to the whole system of belief that
confirmation comes after belief, like courage after the thing you needed it for.
Now, I've already explained why the I'll believe it when I see it with my own two eyes
approach is kind of a terrible policy to have when it comes to matters that don't really
show up in the one ten billionth of the electromagnetic spectrum that we can see.
Confirmations are typically open enough that they could be justified as coincidental, but
just hearty enough to act as confirmation for those of faith.
It could swing either way.
Without a belief, the brain dismisses these things as coincidence.
We've all seen the brain do this.
I'm sure you've seen some people out there that have done some serious mental gymnastics
to resolve in their minds something that doesn't mix well with what they believe to be the
truth of the category that this new information falls under.
The brain needs things to make sense, and most of our brains most of the time, well,
they're ready to sacrifice new information to the fires of coincidence or however it
can land as to not jeopardize their intricate governing belief system that they've invested
so much into.
And that's why I found my love for theoretical physics to be so extremely helpful.
My love for all the sciences to that point, because the repositioning of new information
that lies in the face of personally invested beliefs happens to both sides, whether you
have a belief that God does not exist or a belief that he does.
But sciences, well, they hold the new information where it is, as it is, whether it supports
the current belief or not.
In fact, when the new information points in a different direction than the currently held
belief, it can often lead to a new theory being formulated.
It's part of the reason that there's so few laws in the sciences and so many widely held
theories.
Now, bring all of this up to illustrate that confirmations can only be filed mentally as
confirmations.
When there's a mental file folder for confirmations, if there isn't one, we find the closest file
folder it can rationally be put into and it gets filed there instead.
So instead of believing it when you see it with your own two eyes, you'll see it with
your own two eyes when you believe it.
Because a big part of seeing it with your own two eyes includes where it's going to
be filed.
Alright, second order of business.
We got a productive first episode coming out of the book.
I want to give you this little thing that I make a point of doing frequently that has
made a huge impact on my day to day and it makes every day that I do it better.
It costs nothing more than a few seconds of my time, a moment or two of thought, and a
single gust of breath from my chest.
Which I, let's face it, I was just going to breathe that breath out anyways, so no biggie.
Oh, and the very best part of it is, it also throws some really great good out there.
Some greater good.
It throws some really great greater good out there.
So I'll fill you in on what I've been doing.
For several years now, I started making a point of giving compliments.
But not your run of the mill, off the cuff compliments like, hey nice shoes or good work
on that thing that time.
You see, I added this little modification that seems to really increase the potency
and how the compliment is taken by significant amounts.
What I do is I take a really good focused look at what I like about what I'm getting
ready to compliment first.
I pick out one or two things maybe specifically that I like about that.
Like the contrast the two colors create.
An added bonus if you ask what the color is called.
Four times out of five they'll say they don't know and you can hit them with a head shake,
a smile and say, whatever that color is called, that's a great blue.
We can pick out something like the way their haircut frames their face really well.
An aspect of a facial expression they make or anything that you can appreciate about
them.
And it's often not hard to notice if someone is proud of something of theirs or if they're
self-conscious about it.
And then either which way, after you give a very specific compliment, throw them a smile
on an eyebrow raise and then move along.
You put your focus somewhere else, which indicates the whole reason that you engaged them was
because you like something they did or wore or owned.
That you wanted nothing more but to let them know that in your eyes they did something
so right that you had to come over and let them know just how right they got it.
With the self-conscious they're no longer pressured into giving a response from it.
When a platonic compliment lands, having been given non-creepily with no strings attached,
doesn't it just light that person up for a moment?
And from that moment, that person makes their next set of decisions in an improved mood.
And in my experience, it tends to make us a bit more generous and feel connected to
others that we might run into next.
It goes beyond being a good for you, from the happiness that you get back from making
somebody's day, and a good for them, to a great greater good.
One that ripples out and makes ripples of its own that ripple out and make ripples of
their own and on it goes.
And you did that, with nothing more than a few seconds of your time, a moment or two
of thought, and a single gust of breath.
And let's face it, you were going to breathe that breath out anyway.
And you know what?
If you can't find something that you can genuinely compliment, and it does need to be something
that you can genuinely appreciate, that's an important part.
If you can't find something, sometimes, I like your shoes, is enough to make a positive
impact.
So another practice I've made, and this really isn't much of a practice so much as just a
thing that I've always done that I've noticed not everybody does.
So another thing that I do is when somebody gets really excited about something, I start
asking questions about it, even if it's something that I know a great deal about, I like to
feign ignorance on the topic.
And what that kind of gives them an opportunity to do is to teach somebody who is excitedly
listening about something that they're passionate about.
I get to hear somebody get excited about something they love, and typically I learn things that
I didn't know about it.
People talking about their passions passionately is something electric in this world.
It's something that can draw you forward and make you love them individually a bit
more if you want it.
I like to try and imagine what they're talking about as if there was nothing else to see
or hear or to change the subject to.
I try to paint mental pictures, I ask questions during pauses to try and flesh out my understanding
and to fill in parts of that picture that I'm painting of what they're talking about.
And if I hear a spike of excitement, I'll grin and encourage them to keep going by tilting
my head and raising my eyebrow.
I guess curious amusement, you might call that facial expression.
Sometimes it's just about them.
I mean, isn't it fantastic when someone takes a genuine interest in something that you are
passionate about?
And sometimes, yeah, it's a little bit of a sacrifice, but a lot of the time it turns
into a rather wonderful conversation.
Now this is especially a great method if you discover that they have an opposing opinion
to yours.
They will respect your views significantly more if you respected theirs first and gave
them an active listen.
When you ask questions, let them be motivated by your want to understand as well as you
can why they feel so strongly about whatever it is that they're passionate about.
Go ahead and check your tea cup.
Dump the rest of your tea out so you can get theirs as it is.
And remember two key things here.
Believing and gaining understanding does not mean that you have to believe what you learn
or understand.
I've heard out several people who had completely opposing opinions and I can understand why
several of them feel the way that they do.
But it doesn't mean that I believe what they believe.
It just means I have a much better idea of where our beliefs differ and why.
Instead of trying to show them the weak points in their argument and why they're wrong, I
put the brunt of my effort towards trying to understand why they feel they are right.
If you listened to my book prior to this episode, then you'll understand when I say I empty
my cup first and try their tea as it is.
The other key thing to remember though is it's their belief to have.
Remember that.
And their journey to reach their understandings and yours to understand yours.
Don't attempt to sway them.
Simply forge bonds over what common grounds you both share.
And if they show interest in knowing your opposing belief, start your approaches from
those common grounds built from them.
It allows them to build their understandings of what you believe on sturdy foundations
that they've already built.
At the end of the day, it's all about building up those connections folks.
Increase trust.
Increase generosity.
Increase how much you care about somebody you don't know.
We had a hard year in 2020.
And one of the huge reasons it was so hard was we were forced to separate.
We were all cut off from anyone we weren't living with.
Forced to stay out of arms reach from one another.
Holding our mouths hidden behind masks dramatically reduced our ability to convey non-verbally
how we are feeling.
No hugging or handshaking.
Which is a smaller hug done with hands as I like to think of it.
Or high fives, which I think of as a flying chest bump but with hands.
So much was done with a buffer of computers and virtual meetings.
We moved apart as much as we could.
And I fear that our compassion will take a pretty nasty hit from that.
So we need to flex that muscle so to speak.
We have to actively reach out and strengthen those connections.
We have to find ways to do some good, to offer help and experience other people.
It's up to us to do this because a lot of them aren't being told not to reach out,
but they're being inadvertently steered from it.
Yes, we are rolling with disadvantage, but when you're trying to help, to do right by
others, to bring them a bit of peace or joy or love.
Well that puts you on the right path, the path that God asked of all of us.
That's the only advantage you really need.
You may run into obstacles, but when you're on a path that God wants of us, a lot of those
obstacles end up being redirects, a sudden change of direction.
I like to think of it like being on the freeway and not picking up the hints and signs for
the best exit to take and having to jerk the wheel at the last second to make the exit.
Keep your eyes open and ask for direction.
When a sudden change occurs in your life, they often land you someplace that you weren't
expecting.
So instead of looking for ways back onto the path that you were knocked off of, first have
a look at the path stretching out from where you landed.
Remember in those moments, you don't have a clue what's in store for you, but God does.
Have a look at what opportunities you just landed square in the middle of.
If you really need to get back on your previous path, you still have to pick a path from your
landing area and make your way back to it.
And doing something for someone who needs help might be down one of them, and likely
something tremendously worth doing down several of them.
So try to get excited when these course corrections happen suddenly, because you get a whole new
set of paths to choose from.
All new opportunities to contribute to this world.
To be good to them.
To be good for them.
And it'll be great.
Be sweet.
Bye everybody.
You can check out the YouTube channel at youtube.com slash could help.
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and hear what others think.
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