1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:15,680 (Auto-generated)Welcome back, you wonderful people who matter so very, very much. 2 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:16,680 Congratulations. 3 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:18,960 We're here. 4 00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:25,560 We have finally arrived at the chapter that covers the initial aha moment that I had 10 5 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:31,960 years ago that sent my entire life's focal path down a completely different direction. 6 00:00:31,960 --> 00:00:37,760 Everything that has happened since has given my life what I truly needed. 7 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:38,760 Purpose. 8 00:00:38,760 --> 00:00:46,640 You have something worth giving my life to, worth giving top priority to. 9 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:52,880 For me, the realization of what is covered in this chapter and all the changes in perspective 10 00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:54,800 it unlocked. 11 00:00:54,800 --> 00:00:57,560 It was too much. 12 00:00:57,560 --> 00:01:04,080 It turned my world upside down and for the first few months I honestly debated on whether 13 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:06,600 or not I had finally lost my mind. 14 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:13,000 I mean, these things that I was finding, they were not the things that I had ever thought 15 00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:15,000 I had ever wanted to be. 16 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:20,520 I was just a person who was always thinking about the things that I wanted to be. 17 00:01:20,520 --> 00:01:27,720 I couldn't find any record of someone saying the things that I had found or the intimations 18 00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:30,320 that the concepts put together made. 19 00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:36,520 I looked and I looked but this viewpoint seemed largely unspoken for. 20 00:01:36,520 --> 00:01:42,320 And yet everything that I found on the subject seemed to support this new perspective. 21 00:01:42,320 --> 00:01:48,320 I was watching a whole world unveil itself in the eyes of the world. 22 00:01:48,320 --> 00:01:51,480 And a whole world unveil itself to me. 23 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:56,920 One that I 98.4% believed was the truth of the matter. 24 00:01:56,920 --> 00:02:02,360 The other 1.6% was questioning if I had in fact gone mad. 25 00:02:02,360 --> 00:02:04,000 I mean, can you blame me? 26 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:08,080 Fanatical belief in something that no one else has said before? 27 00:02:08,080 --> 00:02:13,520 The resulting passionate research and obsession into the pursuit of answers, connecting strands 28 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:16,160 of yarn on a corkboard. 29 00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:22,560 Was I passionately pursuing a tremendous find or obsessively deluding myself in a fit of 30 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:32,880 But I didn't go crazy. 31 00:02:32,880 --> 00:02:33,880 It was everywhere. 32 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:40,480 And I was finally able to confirm that when I finally started talking about it to people. 33 00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:44,920 To realize that they saw it too. 34 00:02:44,920 --> 00:02:49,720 And it unsettled them just as much. 35 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:54,920 This chapter is twice as long as most of the others, so I will have to split it up into 36 00:02:54,920 --> 00:02:55,920 two episodes. 37 00:02:55,920 --> 00:03:01,160 But the plan is to release this one and then that one a day apart. 38 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:05,600 So check back tomorrow and I should have part two ready for you. 39 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,400 Until then. 40 00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:10,040 Chapter 8. 41 00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:13,240 Breaking. 42 00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:19,360 Not the genuine and breaking laughs come out of the relationship you have with the person. 43 00:03:19,360 --> 00:03:24,720 And another way of saying that is that the amount of benign in the joke directly equates 44 00:03:24,720 --> 00:03:27,680 to how much love you have for the victim. 45 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:29,800 How close you are. 46 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:32,820 The closer they are, the cleaner the laugh. 47 00:03:32,820 --> 00:03:36,600 The more you love without aim, the more genuine the laugh. 48 00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:41,760 The more violation it has, the more breaking of a laugh it is. 49 00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:43,660 Or at least that's what I've come to call it. 50 00:03:43,660 --> 00:03:46,200 The breaking laugh. 51 00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:49,880 Simply put, we care about others in general to an extent. 52 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:53,080 Varying degrees from person to person. 53 00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:57,440 There are a lot of times where we laugh off a moment where we could have had compassion. 54 00:03:57,440 --> 00:04:03,520 I mean, most of us don't like to see harm come to others, right? 55 00:04:03,520 --> 00:04:07,260 Okay, well, we make a lot of exceptions there. 56 00:04:07,260 --> 00:04:12,560 But to be fair, for the average general person that you don't know, you don't typically 57 00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:15,920 want bad things to happen to them, right? 58 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:19,720 It would be nice if good things happened for them. 59 00:04:19,720 --> 00:04:26,320 But we don't necessarily want to be responsible for having to use our time, our energy, or 60 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:30,880 our attention to make nice things happen for that person that we don't know. 61 00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:35,760 Well, in that case, the breaking laugh is another option. 62 00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:41,480 It's a salve that we put on a wound that we keep open. 63 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,200 One that never closes. 64 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:50,040 It breaks off a little more compassion for a fellow man each time it's applied. 65 00:04:50,040 --> 00:04:55,840 We are actively training ourselves to care a bit less about others with the breaking 66 00:04:55,840 --> 00:05:04,320 laugh because in its simplest form, feeling bad for someone else doesn't feel good. 67 00:05:04,320 --> 00:05:11,400 Yes, that feeling of connection when you are compassionate feels good, but feeling terrible 68 00:05:11,400 --> 00:05:16,120 about something that happened to someone else isn't what most people would describe as 69 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:18,160 a good time. 70 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:22,960 And that wound that doesn't close, that's the raw edge of the compassion that keeps 71 00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:30,860 breaking off as we delve further and further into the focus of ensuring the safety of my 72 00:05:30,860 --> 00:05:33,800 own path. 73 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:38,960 After all, that's the other reason that we step away from that compassion for them. 74 00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:43,880 Because feeling that compassion is to be open to the possibility that they may need your 75 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:45,960 help. 76 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:51,080 And who knows what they might need from you and how that might alter the course that you've 77 00:05:51,080 --> 00:05:52,920 set for your own life. 78 00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:58,060 I mean, you can't know until you've already done it and found out. 79 00:05:58,060 --> 00:06:05,720 And so once again, we hand over control to that granddaddy fear of the unknown, who promptly 80 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:10,240 pulls us back from those who may need help. 81 00:06:10,240 --> 00:06:16,100 And the more the wound worsens and the more self we need, and the more compassion crumbles 82 00:06:16,100 --> 00:06:17,480 and breaks off. 83 00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:23,120 And once the, I can get more for myself if I care about others less mentality really 84 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:24,640 takes hold. 85 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:34,000 It gets easier and easier to deny others your compassion and to laugh that breaking laugh. 86 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:40,880 Let's take a look at a comedy show example that I have a definitive guilty pleasure for. 87 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:44,320 It's always sunny in Philadelphia. 88 00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:50,880 This quick witted group of actors created one of the funniest shows on television. 89 00:06:50,880 --> 00:06:58,720 So we have Dennis, Sweet D, Mac, Frank, and Charlie as our core characters. 90 00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:05,440 Dennis is a complete narcissist and frankly a dangerous sociopath that preys on women 91 00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:10,920 and anyone else for that matter should it suit his desires. 92 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:17,500 His sister Sweet D is a talentless wannabe that would likely be the voice of reason among 93 00:07:17,500 --> 00:07:23,280 the gang if she didn't immediately lose her moral high ground at the first sight of something 94 00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:26,600 that she wants. 95 00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:29,120 Mac is pretty delusional as well. 96 00:07:29,120 --> 00:07:33,960 He's obsessed with his body image without really taking care of his body. 97 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:38,080 And by the way, that's this was written before the recent season. 98 00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:43,560 So yes, I am aware that he works out, but he's obsessed with his body image without 99 00:07:43,560 --> 00:07:50,360 really taking care of his body and he sees himself as a dangerous, clever authority figure 100 00:07:50,360 --> 00:07:55,760 when in reality he's a bit of a moron and fails miserably at his attempts at toughness, 101 00:07:55,760 --> 00:08:00,000 particularly when showing his karate moves. 102 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:04,240 Frank played by Danny DeVito is disgusting. 103 00:08:04,240 --> 00:08:11,000 He will swindle anyone if given half the chance and has become very rich several times over 104 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:13,360 by doing exactly that. 105 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:19,520 He's often the voice of betrayal, lives an absolute squalor, and is the frequently completely 106 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:23,400 emotionally absent father of Dennis and Dee. 107 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:29,360 His favorite Christmas gift was to give his children a box with nothing inside while recording 108 00:08:29,360 --> 00:08:31,420 their reactions. 109 00:08:31,420 --> 00:08:36,600 They are horrible, wretched people, or they are pathetic. 110 00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:42,560 We should feel bad for them, but instead we laugh at the unfortunate situations that they 111 00:08:42,560 --> 00:08:49,480 get themselves into and that they frequently, I don't care, they're way out of, often at 112 00:08:49,480 --> 00:08:53,000 several victims' expense. 113 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:57,440 But lastly, lastly we address Charlie. 114 00:08:57,440 --> 00:09:02,200 Charlie is an illiterate young man who works at the bar of the Gang Homes. 115 00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:08,940 While Dee and Dennis serve, Mac does security, I think, Frank drinks and handles the business 116 00:09:08,940 --> 00:09:17,160 side of things, and Charlie is in charge of bashing the rats to death, cleaning the bathrooms, 117 00:09:17,160 --> 00:09:22,040 and dealing with any refuse, usually by burning it in the bar's furnace. 118 00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:24,480 Now let's talk about the trash. 119 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:25,800 What do I do with the trash? 120 00:09:25,800 --> 00:09:27,800 How do I dispose of the trash? 121 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:28,800 I don't know. 122 00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:30,440 We disposed of the trash in the dumpster last night. 123 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:31,440 What are you doing with it? 124 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:32,560 I am taking it to the furnace. 125 00:09:32,560 --> 00:09:33,560 We have a furnace? 126 00:09:33,560 --> 00:09:34,560 Absolutely. 127 00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:35,560 Where do you think the heat comes from? 128 00:09:35,560 --> 00:09:36,960 You burn the trash in the furnace? 129 00:09:36,960 --> 00:09:38,320 This bar runs on trash, dude. 130 00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:40,120 This bar is totally green that way. 131 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:41,680 How is burning trash green? 132 00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:45,800 Uh, because I'm recycling the trash into heat for the bar and lots of smoke for the bar 133 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,920 and giving the bar the good smoky smell that we all like. 134 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:49,920 The bar smells like trash. 135 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:51,600 That's the exact opposite of green, Charlie. 136 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:52,600 Oh, I'm sorry. 137 00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:56,640 Well, I could put the trash into a landfill where it's going to stay for millions of years, 138 00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:59,640 or I could burn it up and get a nice smoky smell in here and let that smoke go into the 139 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:02,160 sky where it turns into stars. 140 00:10:02,160 --> 00:10:08,800 Charlie is Frank's roommate in that disgusting apartment, a place where alley cats yell so 141 00:10:08,800 --> 00:10:15,880 frequently and loudly that he has to feed himself a mixture of liquor and cat food to 142 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:21,480 make himself pass out in order to get any sleep. 143 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:28,160 Charlie is about as uneducated as people get and is the unpredictable wild card of the 144 00:10:28,160 --> 00:10:29,480 group. 145 00:10:29,480 --> 00:10:35,780 His neural pathways are fried from his frequent glue and spray paint huffing, and he obsessively 146 00:10:35,780 --> 00:10:39,840 stalks waitress, frequently getting her fired from her jobs. 147 00:10:39,840 --> 00:10:44,640 But don't worry, as it turns out, she's kind of a terrible person too. 148 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:50,080 My point is, is that their situations are manipulated carefully to show some of the 149 00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:56,360 worst within these people without deliberately crossing a very tricky line. 150 00:10:56,360 --> 00:11:02,080 And by doing so, we are very rarely reminded that these are human beings and that we are 151 00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:04,920 supposed to care about them. 152 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:09,320 Charlie is one of the most pitiable human beings that I have ever seen. 153 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:14,600 He's likely the victim of child molestation by his creepy uncle who is constantly over 154 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:20,000 Charlie's mother's house and creepily hits on Charlie no matter who is in the room. 155 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:25,000 He's constantly taken advantage of by his friends, or even outright betrayed without 156 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:26,440 a second thought. 157 00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:33,000 He's constantly lied to and has become convinced, somehow, that he is an expert in bird-mowling. 158 00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:43,440 And yet, instead of feeling horrible for this poor wretched creature, he is the funniest 159 00:11:43,440 --> 00:11:46,560 character on the show. 160 00:11:46,560 --> 00:11:54,440 As the incomparable Mel Brooks once brilliantly stated, tragedy is when I cut my finger. 161 00:11:54,440 --> 00:11:59,640 Sorrow is when you fall down a manhole and die. 162 00:11:59,640 --> 00:12:02,920 Moving on, let's take a look at jokes. 163 00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:07,840 I can't think of a better joke to examine than the oldest joke in show business. 164 00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:10,960 The Aristocrats. 165 00:12:10,960 --> 00:12:16,360 Now for those of you unfamiliar, the Aristocrats is not a joke that gets told by comedians 166 00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:18,200 to an audience. 167 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:21,600 Nor is it something that you would find on the joke page about two-thirds of the way 168 00:12:21,600 --> 00:12:24,560 through an issue of Reader's Digest. 169 00:12:24,560 --> 00:12:28,960 This particular joke is a joke that comedians tell to each other. 170 00:12:28,960 --> 00:12:33,480 It's one of the best examples of a journey joke that exists. 171 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:39,200 It's basically a joke that a large portion of it is just improvised. 172 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:44,400 The teller of the joke begins innocently enough by introducing the players in this unfortunate 173 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:45,400 performance. 174 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:51,640 A man walks into a talent agent's office and proclaims, buddy, do I have an act for 175 00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:52,640 you? 176 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:56,880 Then you insert the comedian's ad lib on what the act actually is. 177 00:12:56,880 --> 00:13:01,520 The manager declares that it is an impressive act and asks what they call themselves, to 178 00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:06,040 which the person replies, the Aristocrats. 179 00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:09,680 That doesn't sound like a funny joke, does it? 180 00:13:09,680 --> 00:13:15,960 That's because insert comedian's ad lib here doesn't even touch on it. 181 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:21,600 When the agent asks what their act is, the comedian launches into what is essentially 182 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:27,760 the most vile, heinous, debaucherous acts that people can perform, although technically 183 00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:31,000 it also involves family pets as well. 184 00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:37,040 Horrific acts intertwine often, and the comedian runs wild, constantly describing back and 185 00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:43,920 forth in detail all of the action, the dirtier the better, and I've noticed most of them 186 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:50,120 draw a line at some point, and I've often wondered if that was their own personal, internal 187 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:55,680 line that was drawn, or just the line beyond which they believe the listener would stop 188 00:13:55,680 --> 00:13:59,920 laughing and start to be genuinely horrified. 189 00:13:59,920 --> 00:14:03,840 Telling this joke has often been recommended to comedians as a good creative practice and 190 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:09,240 can really make a positive impact on one's improvisational skills, provided you can work 191 00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:10,240 dirty. 192 00:14:10,240 --> 00:14:15,040 There's even a very successful documentary that is solely about this joke, and has a 193 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:19,400 surprising amount of the most famous comedians in the world either talking about the joke 194 00:14:19,400 --> 00:14:20,400 or telling it. 195 00:14:20,400 --> 00:14:26,640 Well, this joke was, famously, told by Gilbert Godfrey at the Friars Club Roast of Hugh 196 00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:27,880 Hefner. 197 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:31,760 This was pretty significant for two primary reasons. 198 00:14:31,760 --> 00:14:36,480 The first, again, is that this is a joke that comedians tell other comedians. 199 00:14:36,480 --> 00:14:40,400 This is not a joke that a comedian takes the mic with. 200 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:44,480 The comedians in the audience and seated on the stage, according to others that were there, 201 00:14:44,480 --> 00:14:50,900 looked somewhat confused as they recognized the setup and then immediately lost it. 202 00:14:50,900 --> 00:14:55,980 For several of them, I would imagine that's a day that still lives in infamy. 203 00:14:55,980 --> 00:15:01,440 The second reason was that it was told right after he made a joke about having to make 204 00:15:01,440 --> 00:15:07,400 a connecting flight at the Empire State Building, two and a half weeks after the attack and 205 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:11,520 collapse of the World Trade Center's Twin Towers. 206 00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:18,480 The joke was met by silence, boos, and a small smattering of nervous laughs and a general 207 00:15:18,480 --> 00:15:21,080 sense that it was far too soon. 208 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:24,960 A too-far joke and a highly offensive joke as a result. 209 00:15:24,960 --> 00:15:33,440 But instead of backing down, he told the most offensive joke a comedian knows. 210 00:15:33,440 --> 00:15:40,440 Instead of turning to empathy and compassion for the 2,996 lives taken in the 9-11 attacks 211 00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:47,360 and the 6,000 plus wounded, Gilbert made the decision to jump the other way. 212 00:15:47,360 --> 00:15:51,840 Most comedians would agree it was the funnier of the two options. 213 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:57,200 And I'll note here that Gilbert Contrary's version of the joke was very family-based, 214 00:15:57,200 --> 00:16:02,080 and instead of having the man explain the act to the agent, he brings in the whole family, 215 00:16:02,080 --> 00:16:07,420 including the dog, and they perform the acts of extreme incest, bestiality, and mass defecation 216 00:16:07,420 --> 00:16:11,600 right there in the talent agent's office as the audition. 217 00:16:11,600 --> 00:16:16,380 Now I would venture that outside of the confines of the joke. 218 00:16:16,380 --> 00:16:21,800 If this were to actually happen in front of us, in our own office, most of us would imagine 219 00:16:21,800 --> 00:16:26,280 we'd immediately do everything in our power to get those children away from their psychotic 220 00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:29,920 parents and that sadistic grandmother. 221 00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:35,240 What is being described in this joke is horrifying and deliberately the stuff that pushes the 222 00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:40,620 absolute limits of what the comedian can get away with. 223 00:16:40,620 --> 00:16:46,220 We break our empathy more and more to cope with all the horrors that occur in the world. 224 00:16:46,220 --> 00:16:52,180 The guilt of not standing up for the victim, and the fear of not knowing what will come 225 00:16:52,180 --> 00:16:58,560 our way if we did the right thing by way of all of those around us. 226 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:04,960 It would seem that this is actively worsening the situation as we go. 227 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:10,800 Our progression of humorous entertainment has been... exploratory would be a word for 228 00:17:10,800 --> 00:17:11,800 it. 229 00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:18,480 Shows like Jackass and Most Extreme Elimination Challenge with the emphasis on people hurt 230 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:25,920 or injured or in pain or discomfort or humiliated or tortured in new and interesting ways for 231 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:28,480 our entertainment. 232 00:17:28,480 --> 00:17:31,480 And the typical response to this entertainment? 233 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:34,080 The breaking laugh. 234 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:40,600 So many of us are actively training ourselves to be more readily able to defend against 235 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:48,560 our compassion should it put itself in the way of what we want slash planned for ourselves. 236 00:17:48,560 --> 00:17:55,160 So yes, we use the breaking laugh, but what could we possibly use as a salve for something 237 00:17:55,160 --> 00:18:01,200 as big as the pain of not being the thing that you are? 238 00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:05,280 Which is someone designed to care about the rest of them. 239 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:11,080 And designed to be a part of a community, to be intertwined, to be interconnected. 240 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:16,040 It would have to be a pretty powerful salve to soothe the agony of opposing the design 241 00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:18,240 of happiness, right? 242 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:22,240 Unless we trigger the best feeling that we have. 243 00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:24,000 Love. 244 00:18:24,000 --> 00:18:27,200 Or rather the illusion of love. 245 00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:34,240 The breaking laugh is an okay, bootleg version of feeling love. 246 00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,440 But it doesn't stay. 247 00:18:36,440 --> 00:18:42,600 Laughter, genuine laughter is the sound of love unnamed and we've been triggering it 248 00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:45,480 in response to our pain. 249 00:18:45,480 --> 00:18:49,920 We preemptively strike out against our compassion. 250 00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:56,440 We make jokes about spouses cheating on their partners, cancer, third world conditions, 251 00:18:56,440 --> 00:19:03,000 mental disabilities, AIDS, crack addiction, leaders that are actively ruining one's country, 252 00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:08,800 terrorism, public embarrassment, and pretty much every single thing that causes people 253 00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:10,320 to suffer. 254 00:19:10,320 --> 00:19:12,200 And that compassion? 255 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,200 People that is your tether. 256 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:22,000 That is your bond that links you to the rest of us in the most important of ways. 257 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:28,880 Love and compassion are the links between those other parts of God and ourselves. 258 00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:37,440 In a very real sense, in the simplest possible terms, to break your compassion here is to 259 00:19:37,440 --> 00:19:41,280 know God less. 260 00:19:41,280 --> 00:19:47,240 When I did for others without worry, God became louder and closer. 261 00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:51,080 I could feel Him all around me. 262 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:57,120 And when I was focused on myself, He became quiet and distant. 263 00:19:57,120 --> 00:20:03,320 It seems logically sound that we were designed with two gigantically main goals to achieve 264 00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:04,320 in our lives. 265 00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:07,040 We'll get to the other one in a bit. 266 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:11,640 And the first of those was to care about one another. 267 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:14,560 When we love, we feel important. 268 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:15,960 We feel full. 269 00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,120 We feel good. 270 00:20:17,120 --> 00:20:24,520 And when we don't love, we feel unimportant, alone, and unfulfilled. 271 00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:29,680 I would very much like to share with you what I have found to be the genius of happiness's 272 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:32,240 design. 273 00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:38,560 Think about the last thing that you were really excited to get for yourself. 274 00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:42,080 Most of the happiness was in the wanting and acquiring. 275 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:49,200 Once you had it, though, whatever it was, the happiness immediately began to recede. 276 00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:56,280 And that shiny thing that you just acquired began to tarnish and lose its luster. 277 00:20:56,280 --> 00:21:01,160 It's like trying to hold water cupped in one hand. 278 00:21:01,160 --> 00:21:06,360 And how much more excited were you when you headed out to get whatever it is than when 279 00:21:06,360 --> 00:21:09,240 you owned it for a day? 280 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:15,520 Doing for self most often offers diminished returns in happiness. 281 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:21,680 But doing for others, that's quite a bit different. 282 00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:27,240 Sometimes you still pay for it with money, which is bond by your time, your effort, your 283 00:21:27,240 --> 00:21:28,240 attention. 284 00:21:28,240 --> 00:21:36,600 But often, you simply pay for it just with your time or your effort or your attention. 285 00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:41,460 You take a little bit from yourself when you help someone else or you bring them a bit 286 00:21:41,460 --> 00:21:43,840 of happiness. 287 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:50,000 It's a gift that almost always means more to the receiver than what the giver gave. 288 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:57,240 But the happiness you get back, it's a happiness with texture and consistency of real sustenance. 289 00:21:57,240 --> 00:22:03,360 It recharges a whole set of batteries in you you may not have realized were empty. 290 00:22:03,360 --> 00:22:09,440 I will say that when it's tools that help the buyer create that are purchased for oneself, 291 00:22:09,440 --> 00:22:15,200 those tools for creation tend to have a bit longer of a shelf life in the happiness department. 292 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:20,040 But I believe that this is because they are used to help you share something inside yourself 293 00:22:20,040 --> 00:22:21,040 with others. 294 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:26,480 Be it a better cello bow or a new set of paint brushes or a new camera lens. 295 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:30,960 They're using those tools to create something with the intent of eliciting an emotional 296 00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:34,400 response from others through that which they created. 297 00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:39,240 So it does become more of a doing for others situation. 298 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:45,680 See part of the problem with self-based happiness is it appales in comparison to happiness born 299 00:22:45,680 --> 00:22:47,560 out of connection. 300 00:22:47,560 --> 00:22:54,360 It's like having for dinner a handful of candy you enjoy versus having something savory and 301 00:22:54,360 --> 00:23:00,880 delicious nutritional and that's just the right amount of heartiness leaving you comfortably 302 00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:05,600 full and satisfied from your socks up. 303 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:12,000 And yet we go for what it is that we are convinced that we want at the cost of compassion and 304 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,920 the cost of connection. 305 00:23:14,920 --> 00:23:21,920 I tell you all of the things that I treasure the most in my world share two things in common. 306 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:29,040 A. I had no idea that they were everything I never knew I always wanted until I was in 307 00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:31,120 their path. 308 00:23:31,120 --> 00:23:37,760 And B. They were all born out of interconnection with others and I was led to these things 309 00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:42,720 as a byproduct of caring about others. 310 00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:48,680 But we are so convinced that we know what is best for us that we go to some pretty extreme 311 00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:55,040 links sometimes to stick to the plan or get back to my own path. 312 00:23:55,040 --> 00:24:00,520 And we've both trained ourselves and been trained by our society since birth to believe 313 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:08,120 that fear is our savior that caution shall protect that trust is to be earned with a 314 00:24:08,120 --> 00:24:14,600 watchful eye and given with a tentative hand. 315 00:24:14,600 --> 00:24:23,120 I want you to do something for me real quick please if you'll indulge me. 316 00:24:23,120 --> 00:24:29,200 I want you to imagine this and not just the frilly lovely version where everything just 317 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:36,200 works out but the real life way it would actually go down in the real world. 318 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:42,200 Picture yourself getting out of bed tomorrow and deciding to drop your defenses. 319 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:48,040 Openly loving all of them without remorse or recoil. 320 00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:52,920 Helping wherever you see need and whomever you see needing. 321 00:24:52,920 --> 00:25:00,480 Try picturing your day tomorrow spent strengthening your compassion and your interconnection. 322 00:25:00,480 --> 00:25:04,120 How would that go down in the real world? 323 00:25:04,120 --> 00:25:11,280 If you would please pause the podcast here run through the scenarios in your mind's eye 324 00:25:11,280 --> 00:25:23,640 and then pick me back up and go. 325 00:25:23,640 --> 00:25:29,120 I imagine quite a lot of bad things happened in quite a lot of your heads. 326 00:25:29,120 --> 00:25:35,000 After all you are essentially letting go of the rudder while boating at fairly high speeds. 327 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:37,040 You're at the mercy of the current. 328 00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:40,840 One which you can't even really see to predict. 329 00:25:40,840 --> 00:25:45,640 And prediction and predictability are so important in those pursuits aren't they? 330 00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:50,000 Having a good grasp on the likeliness of up and coming outcomes. 331 00:25:50,000 --> 00:25:55,320 Whether essential if one's going to stay on my own path correct? 332 00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:57,120 And loving openly? 333 00:25:57,120 --> 00:26:02,160 Well that's basically pure unpredictability. 334 00:26:02,160 --> 00:26:05,120 Also known as pure unknown. 335 00:26:05,120 --> 00:26:12,800 Also known as just about the closest thing to pure grand daddy fear that there can be. 336 00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:18,400 No wonder things went so wrong for you in your imaginary self when you were imagining 337 00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:21,420 spending the day openly loving everyone. 338 00:26:21,420 --> 00:26:28,400 We poked the main nerve and stared it straight in the eye. 339 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:35,840 And since we're here, so far as I have found, there is only one completely effective weapon 340 00:26:35,840 --> 00:26:38,400 against that main fear. 341 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:42,720 That grand daddy fear that I know of. 342 00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:49,000 And it is, as I understand it to be, the antithesis of fear. 343 00:26:49,000 --> 00:26:50,640 The base to its acid. 344 00:26:50,640 --> 00:26:53,680 The water to its fire. 345 00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:55,680 Its counterpart. 346 00:26:55,680 --> 00:26:58,600 Faith. 347 00:26:58,600 --> 00:27:06,400 And that's it for me guys. 348 00:27:06,400 --> 00:27:07,920 Thank you for coming to the reading. 349 00:27:07,920 --> 00:27:11,480 You can check out the YouTube channel at youtube.com slash could help. 350 00:27:11,480 --> 00:27:16,000 You can contact the podcast that will help mail at gmail.com and you know what? 351 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:17,000 Send me questions. 352 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:18,800 Send me anything. 353 00:27:18,800 --> 00:27:20,400 I'll talk about anything. 354 00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:26,640 I'll respond to you either on the show or you know, in personal correspondence. 355 00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:28,200 I'm here to help people. 356 00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:33,080 Please utilize me and you can also come talk about this stuff. 357 00:27:33,080 --> 00:27:38,480 Ask questions or hear what others think at our slash the laughing matters on Reddit and 358 00:27:38,480 --> 00:27:43,680 you can stay up to date with the show's Facebook page at facebook.com slash I could help. 359 00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:48,540 And of course, the laughing matters.com until next time. 360 00:27:48,540 --> 00:27:54,760 My advice is similar to last week's try to spot the breaking laugh when it happens. 361 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:58,520 Start recognizing it for what it is when you do it. 362 00:27:58,520 --> 00:28:04,040 Both the genuine and breaking laughs are heavily dependent on how much you care about the victim 363 00:28:04,040 --> 00:28:12,040 of the joke and you get to decide what that relationship is with each of them out there. 364 00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:17,480 See those laughs for what they are and let each occasion of this laughter motivate you 365 00:28:17,480 --> 00:28:19,760 towards making a decision. 366 00:28:19,760 --> 00:28:27,800 An active, deliberate choice on whether or not you want more genuine or more breaking 367 00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:30,620 laugh in your life. 368 00:28:30,620 --> 00:28:37,480 Take some responsibility each time as one of the world shapers and make the choice or 369 00:28:37,480 --> 00:28:40,960 make an honest case if you haven't chosen yet. 370 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:43,180 But think on it. 371 00:28:43,180 --> 00:28:48,500 This may well be the most important decision you make in this life. 372 00:28:48,500 --> 00:28:55,200 You can try to do right by them and love them or you can further divide by stepping to the 373 00:28:55,200 --> 00:28:58,440 side past them giggling. 374 00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:03,840 If you're able to catch yourself laughing either type of laughter, take an inventory 375 00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:11,880 on how each laughter felt when happened, especially a few minutes after the laugh. 376 00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:17,880 Because with a genuine laugh, you're building bridges because you're loving without aim. 377 00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:24,920 The laughter is either the start or the continuation and conversation of that love. 378 00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:32,320 In other words, that love is still there and has very possibly grown. 379 00:29:32,320 --> 00:29:38,000 Tends to do that when left unchecked, especially in the presence of the genuine laugh. 380 00:29:38,000 --> 00:29:40,880 Go figure, soul loves to love. 381 00:29:40,880 --> 00:29:46,600 Whereas the breaking laugh is only really there for the laugh and then gone until the 382 00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:48,920 next one. 383 00:29:48,920 --> 00:29:55,600 Breaking laugh is a quick fix and the genuine laugh is a cure. 384 00:29:55,600 --> 00:30:02,200 My advice, be good to them and be good for them. 385 00:30:02,200 --> 00:30:05,440 You're going to be great. 386 00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:06,440 Be sweet. 387 00:30:06,440 --> 00:30:22,880 Bye everyone.