Conversation was going so well, we had to do
it again and keep it rolling. Episode two, here
we go. Charlie, let's roll, baby. You find it
sometimes hard, or at least when you were initially
doing that with the kids especially, like setting
that for yourself anyways, because you put out
a lot of stuff, a lot of content. Well, it was
really hard, and I'll tell you this, and this
was like a turning point for me and my kids too,
a huge turning point. It was Mother's Day. And
in our family, in our household, holidays have
never been a huge deal. Like at birthdays, like
we don't make it a huge deal. And so Mother's
Day was never really even a huge deal in our
house. And it was, I think during COVID, it might've
been like that first Mother's Day after COVID
or whatever. All I know is that my kids, I didn't
get like a happy Mother's Day until like later
in the day. My daughter did send me the most
beautiful text. And then they showed up at like
three o 'clock in the afternoon. You know, like
they did show up with an orchard, but I was already
kind of pissed because I'm already scrolling
through my social media and seeing all the moms
with the breakfast in bed and the flowers and
the cards and all this, you know, the brunches.
And I'm sitting here at home by myself, like
waiting for my kids to show up, you know, making
my own breakfast, you know, all that stuff. How
dare you make a single breakfast. And it happens
every year and every year I'm always pissed off.
Right. So I remember my son walks in. And he
goes, is it going to be another one of those
Mother's Day mom where you're going to be like
mad because we didn't like do all this stuff
for you? And I looked at him and I'm like, you
know what, bud? No, I'm done with it. He goes,
yeah, because I don't understand why you have
to compare us. He goes, we're here, right? We
love you. Like, who cares about what other people
think? Like, why does it matter? Like, he always
said that. He goes, I don't understand why you
have to post about me. Why does it matter what
other people think? And and so in that moment,
and I turn to him, I go, dude, you're right.
Like. It's my own insecurity. For whatever reason,
I feel like I'm not a good mom because you guys
aren't doing like cool things for me. Like for
some reason, I feel like it's my fault, you know?
And then I start feeling like crap about it.
And I was like, no, Amelia wrote me the most
beautiful text. I'm like, you still show up with
an orchid and my favorite chocolate cake. You
guys are here. We're talking, we're having conversation.
Like it's the three of us together. I was like,
that's what matters. That's what's important.
yeah like hello and that was in that and after
that I was like god I'm such an asshole no because
you I mean you are just you are in the same boat
as millions upon millions of people and we can
go down this rabbit hole of why exactly that
story you just explained is what is the downside
of social media yeah it's the constant comparison
that's what causes people depression that's why
they're saying you know rates of depression in
young kids who have you know four or more hours
of screen time a day is just skyrocketing because
they are doing exactly that it goes back to the
filters and everything else it's just constant
comparison and they don't know how to separate
that from reality yeah and it's hard because
as adults once again we don't know how to do
it either sometimes and if we're trying to set
an example it's really hard right sometimes it
does take our kids telling us like uh but yeah
we're here Yeah. I mean, I, and, and, but they,
but yeah, but they were right. And it's okay
to also tell your kids when they're right. Cause
that's another thing too. I think it doesn't
diminish your power as a parent or your whatever.
Not, not at all. Like if anything, I think more
and more I'm realizing how, like that it's okay
to do that. And if anything, my kids are respecting
me even more because I'm willing to say when
I'm wrong or I'm willing to admit when I, you
know, effed up or kind of, I suck. Yeah, we do
that now. Like, even though our daughter's just
about to be 11, there's the moments where, as
a parent, you're like, hey, my bad. I was wrong.
You were right. And just, you know, that, I'm
sure you see it. You can visibly see, like, her
reaction. Yeah. And just knowing that we can
be wrong. And we're admitting it. Like, how huge
that is. Even for her. I'm sure if she gets older,
there's going to be some times where we're not
going to want to admit the fault. But it's going
to have to happen. Because we like to have that
relationship, too. The open relationship. conversations
um and then not having to your point not having
to post everything all the time like and let
her know that that's okay too like you don't
have to post every single meal that you had Stop
doing that. That was another conscious effort
of mine too during COVID. I was like, okay, if
I'm talking about mindful social media, I'm like,
what I'm putting out there, is it making someone
else feel badly about themselves? If it's making
them feel like, you know, they don't have something
that I do. And so I stopped posting alcohol in
restaurants. Like I did stop doing that because
I found that I'm like, what am I doing? All it's
doing is making someone else that might not have
the opportunity to like go to a restaurant or
eat like a meal like this. It's going to make
them feel like shit. I was like, I don't want
to be that person. So I do try to minimize a
lot of that. So even like if I met a really nice
establishment, nice hotel or nice party or something,
I don't know. Sometimes I don't even post it
either because I don't want anyone feeling like
they're missing out on something. And so, yeah,
that's why, too, with like my trips and stuff
like that, sometimes I just don't I just don't
want to feel like I'm also kind of like flaunting
a certain lifestyle. Not that I have this like
incredible lifestyle, but it's. it's still way
better than a lot of people's. And so, and I
know when I see other people's fancy lifestyles,
a lot of times I'm like, really? Like there's
this one person I follow. And she like, literally
everything is perfection. The Chanel bag, the
perfect restaurant, the perfect food, the perfect
everything, the perfect outfit, like everything
is perfection. And it's like, I know I was thinking,
oh my God, I must be exhausting. Do you get to
even enjoy the moment or are you too busy planning
on how perfect all your pictures versus just
enjoying the experience? Yeah. And that's another
thing too, is that with the travel, because I'm
not posting on purpose, guess what? My phone's
pretty much put away. Yeah, you're living. it
you're in the moment and I walk away and sometimes
I'm like oh I wish I could have shared this moment
or something I'm gonna go but why like I do have
to question myself like why do I feel like I
I should I had to like why is it giving me anxiety
because I can't post this moment and then I have
to like think about that I was like what to be
validated because I got no it's like because
yeah you realize psychologically like what it
does to you sometimes. So it's a reminder of
like Raquel, it's about being present. It's about
being in the moment. It's about the experience,
like nothing else. I don't need that dopamine
hit from the hundreds of likes I can get. But
like, that's what happens is we realize that
like, oh man, this picture or this place, oh
my gosh, it'll get people, everybody talking.
So when to that point, like. When you're telling
an LO to go out there and put some content, are
you just saying like, Hey, post it, forget it
and just move on with your day. Like, how do
you, how do you coach them up on that? Well,
I don't tell them to forget it because you definitely
forget. You know what I mean? Like you got to
interact with comments. Stop refreshing. Yeah.
Yeah. It's like a dopamine hit. Like you're at
a slot machine hitting refresh. I do that sometimes.
I'm telling you, like I'm guilty of a lot of
this stuff too. Um, what, no, with LOs, a lot
of it, uh, like a lot of them have their outside
hobbies. Like they're like, I have one LO that
loves to mountain bike. I'm always like, put
it, like put the video, like a time -lapse or
something like on your bike or do like in a cool
angle. And just do something that you could just
put some music to it. And there you go. It's
something that like, at least it's content. It's
something and people will like, oh my gosh, she's
a mountain biker. And then you'll gain people
that have the same kind of interest. Maybe they'll
carry, you know, start a conversation and then
it could lead to something. But yeah, I just,
yeah, I really try to get them not to overthink
it. But unfortunately we all overthink it. It
doesn't matter. Like I, like me, I overthink
it too. And so I do try to have like some compassion
and empathy for what their, what their struggles
are. Cause I do under. that for me it is easier
to get in front of the camera and in front of
and do video like I enjoy it I love it and so
I have to remind myself like Raquel remember
like not everybody enjoys to be in front of the
camera and be you know a total goofball and do
these like crazy Instagram reels not everybody
is destined to be the queen of goofiness I know
right yeah but but I mean but look at like for
instance Instagram just started threads right
so threads just started yesterday well guess
what even though it already has like, you know,
15 million users on there as of yesterday. But
if you're, if you're really good at writing,
like there are people like I was never on Twitter,
but you know, you, when you would see tweets,
cause they would repost it on like different,
some of these people, I'm like, Oh my God, they
are so clever. So witty. Like sometimes I'm just
like, I wish I could come up with this stuff.
Cause this is so good. So it's the same thing
for LOs. Like if you have an act for that, or
you're really good at education, like educating
people. then do it through that platform. Do
it through that format where it's more of a written
word as opposed to the videos. Same thing with
LinkedIn. Like you could do articles. So there
are different ways or like I said before, the
engagement piece of it. It doesn't have, I get
the videos where it's at, but it doesn't have
to be video if that's not where you feel comfortable.
So we've touched on overposting in an indirect
way quite a bit over the last 20 minutes. My
biggest example is we all know them. We all love
them. but sometimes it's a little too much. Realtors,
I feel like are the most notorious for posting
on a lot of people's threads. And a lot of it
is exactly what you said. It's personal life
stuff on top of their business stuff. And it's
always them driving their fancy car and this
is their listing. And now all of a sudden they're
on the beach, but then they show themselves still
working on their laptop on the beach because
work never stops. So how do you coach? the overposting
whenever you're working with your LOs with people
who have reached out to you for help. I honestly
never had an issue with anyone overposting. Oh,
nice. Awesome. That's good. I have the opposite
problem. I'm like freaking post something. So
yeah, that's not a problem. So I feel like we
did cover it then on like what the fine line
is, you know, you want to show some of your personal
life, your personal hobbies. on top of what you're
doing for work but don't overdo it and cross
that and show every meal every vacation every
little thing like that's kind of where you're
blind yeah i feel like if you were to recommend
like well because not only that like i see it
as if they're posting everything that they're
really they're not appreciating the moment they're
not like you know what i mean like i also like
have enough kind of insight and I'm very intuitive
and like all that self -awareness. So like, I
think about it in that way of like, if this person's
constantly like, what is it about their life
that they, like, they feel like they have to
do that all the time. Right. So it's like, so
then it's a reminder for me too, like, Hey, I
don't want to be that person. I want to be someone
that is actually experiencing the moment. And,
um, You know, I get the food if you're, you know,
a food blogger or if you're a foodie or that's
your interest is cooking, doing the food and
all of that. But like at some, at some time,
some seriously people can see your half French
fry on your plate. If it's stories, whatever.
I mean, that's the thing too, is like with stories,
cause it is behind the scenes and people do stories
or even. kind of like more relevant than they
are than the actual post on Instagram. People
are posting a lot of just crap on there because
it's gone in 24 hours. So I don't want to be
too like critical about like what you're posting
on your Instagram stories. But, you know, at
the end of the day, like you do what you feel
comfortable with. Like don't do it because you
think you should be doing it. Like if you're
someone that's posting all the time because you
feel like you have to, then there's a problem,
right? Like there are times where I don't post
at all. Like if I have nothing to say. And I'm
a host and I have nothing to say. And there are
moments. I do have my moments. Are you sure?
Seriously, I'm like, I haven't. No, I've had
my funks, you know, where I'm kind of like, ugh.
I did a video about this last week because I
was out of town and I purposely had my phone
away. And then to get back on, it was like a
struggle because I had enjoyed being off of the
phone for several days. And I was like talking
about how. It's a real struggle, like wanting
to get away from your phone, social media, especially
when it's in my career and I'm on it pretty much
24 seven, getting off of it. But then coming
back on, it's like overwhelming. And then you
feel like you missed out and you're playing catch
up. And then that feeling sucks. But, you know,
so it's like that balance. But I had a ton of
engagement on it because everybody could relate.
everybody can relate to that absolutely right
so like so that's the thing is like even though
I really didn't have anything to say and have
much content I still it was able to turn it into
content right because I think that's just what
I do a lot of too it was like really just being
very like in the moment of like hey this is kind
of what I'm going through in this moment like
I did the same thing I was at a gas station a
couple months ago I was in a real funk I there
was a lot going on in my life um a lot of heaviness
I had took everything me to get out of bed and
go to work I rolled out of bed didn't shower
put on a baseball cap had sweats luckily I can
walk into work like that I'm at the gas station
I pulled out the phone and I was like hey I'm
kind of having one of those moments like I'm
okay like I was like nobody worry about me like
I'm good I'm just in a place right now where
I'm feeling a lot of stuff and I'm trying to
feel you know and I was just like basically it
was like my therapy session like that's what
happens too is like when I just talk about it
and then I share it to the world like that I'm
good. And it's incredible how much engagement
I got on that one as well. It's usually when
I'm like super just in the moment. That's when
people really like connect with me because I
am being vulnerable. It's real. Yeah. That's
the biggest piece. You're, you're being real
and people recognize it. Yeah, every now and
again, I'll be like, okay, I'm going to have
a moment. And I think what happens is because
I have them rarely, when I do have them, people
like pay attention. Yeah, if it's once a week,
people are gonna be like, what's going on? Yeah,
I don't know. Yeah, it's every couple months
or maybe not even. But so what I do, it's really
sweet to how many people reached out to me. and
they're like hey i know you're okay but like
if you need anything like yours you give so much
to us like this was a a pretty common message
that i got after that video at the gas station
you give so much to us and so you always make
us laugh and smile and you give and you give
it's really important that you are able to receive
as well and if you need anything i'm here for
you Or like, you know, appreciate you and everything
you do. And I understand you have your moments,
but you got this. Like it was incredible. Like
it really, that's when you realize that like
you've created a really awesome community. And
that's something that I'm very proud of with
my LinkedIn. Very, very proud of the people in
my network. And yeah, in my sphere, like it's
- I feel like LinkedIn, it's a little more, almost
feels more real. Actually, that's exactly how
it feels to me anyways. Like versus like a Facebook,
like someone reaching out on Facebook. Like,
listen, I haven't talked to you in 20 years.
Like, I know you don't give a crap. No, I don't
want life insurance. Yeah, I don't want life
insurance. Let me tell you, there's a lot of
life insurance people on LinkedIn hitting me
up. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's like too, I don't,
I purposely don't have my, the notification turned
on. So like when it's my birthday, I have had
it off for years on LinkedIn. Cause I'm like
the people that truly know me are going to reach
out and wish me a happy birthday. Cause I don't
have Facebook. So nobody's getting notified.
So I purposely do that. Because it's the people
that remember. I don't need, like, the blanket
happy birthday crap. Sorry. The canned message
that LinkedIn provides. Yeah, I don't need that.
No. But that's another thing for me, like, that's
really important is just to kind of, like, hey,
I don't need all of this. I just want to have
a happy birthday just because, you know? Your
LinkedIn community is about to take a slight
hit though, as I'm about to click the follow
button. It's going to go down a tiny notch. So
let me ask you this. You put a lot of stuff out
there and you're kind of inspiring a lot of people,
but like, who do you follow for like inspiration
or. Do you like other specific people you do
or pages? That is a good question. So I do have
like my social media people that I follow that
I love that I feel like are really genuine. And
every time I reach out, they always respond and
they're really good about supporting me too.
And that's like Chelsea Pites. A lot of people
follow her because she's in the industry and
she does a lot of stuff for real estate. She's
big on Instagram. Shannon McKinstry, she's on
Instagram too. She's another one that I love
like what she does. So there are certain like
social media influencers that I follow, but I
love it because they do it in a way that I feel
like is just very genuine. But as far as like,
I will tell you this, the accounts that I love
to follow that really just make me feel good.
And that's another thing too, is I tell people
that you have. you can control what you follow
and what's in your feed, right? Like I like to
have feel good stuff. So I follow all like Upworthy,
Good Movement, all the MD Motivator, Johnny Darts,
all those guys that do those random acts of kindness.
I mean, I'm like their day, there was one day
I did a story cause I was bawling and I was like,
everybody, you gotta follow these accounts. They
just, the humanity and they just make you feel
so good. And I'm just like, brr. So, yeah, like
I just that's the type of content that I like
to consume is like that every day someone just
helping somebody else and just showing like that
there's good people in this world. Like that
for me is is a motivation or I follow a lot of
accounts that like there's one called recess
therapy where it's a guy that talks to kids,
like ask them the funniest questions. So, yeah,
like those are the type of. accounts that i like
on my on my feed and they inspire me in some
way and uh yeah like i like that you ever follow
uh people in new york so my wife follows them
and she keeps she always tells me about these
stories she reads this guy's a great writer but
it's the same thing it's about um people people
helping people um or giving someone's life story
someone that's now homeless in new york that
used to be a go -go dancer and all the hard times
they went through people of new york telling
all eight million stories okay yeah it's the
guy's an incredible writer um but that was one
that like she'll be reading a story just bawling
her eyes out i'm like what's happening there's
like three or five pages of text well no and
that's the thing is like for me if i'm going
to be on social media i want it to be i want
to consume content that's going to make me feel
good about the world and walk away being like,
okay, keep doing what you're doing, Raquel. You
can make a difference. Cause yeah, it can be
daunting and it can be overwhelming. And especially
someone like myself, who's going to be 48 next
month. And I'm in, I'm in a space where it's
when women and men half my age that do what I
do, you know, social media managers and creating
content. Like a lot of the stuff that I see of
theirs, I'm like, oh my gosh, it's so good. And
look at how the edits and the cuts and the, the
quality. And then I'm doing it. And but then
I have to remind myself that I'm also older and
I have more experience and I have I've lived
like, you know, there's things that like I have
to remind myself of that. I the value that I
provide is different because I can get caught
up in that competition game, too, and comparing
myself as well. And yeah, that's just not. I
think we said this last episode with where. I
don't think we've hit a due date on a single
rapid rush request because we always say these
are quick questions, quick answers, and they
never end up being quick questions. No, it's
always extended. But it's still fun to call it
rapid rush requests. So first one, we ask everybody
this question. Are you a, does your text message
show up green or does it show up blue? Android
or iPhone? iPhone, baby. Yeah. I have a confession
for Charlie. Charlie has an Android. I do know
that. Oh, yeah. Everybody knows. I had a dream
that I had. your flip android phone i had a dream
that i was using it and it was my phone come
on over to the dark side bud never gonna happen
it was is it flip yeah he has that one that the
fancy flip like it i almost i thought like old
school flip phone no he's got a razor he's got
i want the razor because it's probably more durable
this thing but no this is fun how many of those
have you broken oh god I'm on lucky number three.
So this has got to be it. And you get them insured.
So like you just get it for free. I mean, it's
a full, it's a folding screen. You know, you're
getting insurance on that one. All right. So
question number two, I told you, these are not
wrapped. We've already missed three due dates.
Asking for extensions here. Comps, you know,
comps are a little complicated. I saw you drinking
hot coffee there. Do you prefer the hot over
the iced or you know, iced coffee? I actually
like hot. I drink hot usually in the summer because
I drink it early enough in the morning where
I just still like to, you know, with the hot
coffee, but I'll do, I'll do iced if I'm in like
later in the day, but I prefer hot. What's the,
what's the best SoCal burrito? Oh God. You know
what? I don't know because I just don't, I don't
do the Mexican like shops here. Like, I mean,
I just don't do them. I've never been to San
Diego. I've heard like the taco stands and like.
Some of the best like street tacos. Yeah, in
high school, we used to do cotijas in PB in Pacific
Beach. They had a quesadilla suprema. I mean,
it was a huge quesadilla with beef. I mean, it
was like a burrito quesadilla with like the sour
cream and the lettuce. I mean, it had everything
on there. So we used to do that in high school.
But as far as now, I don't hit any of those places
up. I try to eat really healthy and I try to
eat at home now that my mom cooks for me every
time now that I live with her. I do know that
in La Jolla, there's a place called the Taco
Stand, and there's always a huge line. And it's
a little hole in the wall dive in downtown La
Jolla. And there's always a line, but. I think
I saw that the last time I was out there. Well,
yeah, there's a burrito place that I went to
in Encinitas with Joe Wilson, you know, with
social coach. We met up halfway and I forget
what the place was, but they had good burritos
and it was in, I think it was Encinitas or Carlsbad,
one of those places. But yeah, I don't frequent,
especially if I'm a Mexican mother, like what
am I doing? I mean, you're right. She'd be very
upset with you. Yeah, I just, it doesn't make
sense. You can't bring it home because she's
going to be yelling at you. And then she's going
to make the food. She'll be like, eat mine. Yeah,
I get like real authentic, you know, Mexican
food. So there's no reason for me to do that.
So sorry. Sorry to disappoint you on that one,
but I don't know. Do you miss the seasons now
that you're out there? You know what? I do. Fall.
That's the only season. fall is fantastic yeah
and a little bit in spring i will admit i was
out there it uh beginning of may i flew back
with my daughter when she completed school and
everything was just so lush and green and the
flat the only problem is i have really bad allergies
and i forgot when i went back out there in may
it was awful so bad this year so bad it was a
bad year when i was there i think there was one
day that i took like antihistamine i took um
flonase um i drank some wine i took some like
And I was just like loading up because I forgot
because I've been here for almost a year now.
So, yeah, it was it really was beautiful. And
the weather, oddly enough, was like San Diego
weather when I was out there in May. It was during
Mother's Day that. It was like 70, sunny, and
then here it's been cold. So, yeah, it was perfect.
But fall, I do miss. Football season. Oh, yeah.
Those Hokies running out on the field to enter
Sandman. That crazy intro they do. Their intro
is pretty solid. It is. It is. And it sucks,
though, and this is something that I have to
just respect, too, is that my son, in the four
years that he's been there, I've never been down
there. for like any kind of visit I drove him
down there I picked him up once and I dropped
him off at one time and both times he's like
out like he would hang out so like my ex has
been down there for parents weekend for the dad's
day for the frat house has gone to like I don't
know if he's gone to any games but he at least
gets to go down there me nothing so I feel like
this weird like disconnect that I never got a
chance to experience like you know, the Virginia
tech in any way. Cause my son's like, sorry,
mom, like you cannot hang out down here. I remember,
I think the last time my ex was down there was
dad's day for the frat house. And I guess all
the girls were hanging out, like all the sorority
girls. And they're like, Oh, Mr. Boris, like,
cause he's a good looking guy. And, you know,
I guess he would be considered a dill. I'm sure
they referred to him. Yeah. Yeah. And so they're
like flirting. They're like, oh, Mr. Boris. And
they're like, Nick, what's your mom like? You
know, and because my ex is like, well, you know,
she I was married. He goes, well, we're not married,
but she is very attractive or something to that
respect. I was like, it was very sweet that like
he like complimented me. Then my son goes, yeah,
girls, you'd be already initiating her in your
sorority if she were right here now. So that's
why she's not here. I was going to say that's
the reason why he's trying to keep the frat boys
from talking about you. that's why yeah for me
and then he's like knows that I would be best
friends with all the girls and he does he likes
to keep that very much like you know like doesn't
want his mom to know like who I mean there is
one girl that I'm allowed to like know about
and she'll like if he's with her she'll he'll
send me like a selfie with her she connected
with me on LinkedIn the other day that was like
look who connected with me on LinkedIn but as
far as like that yeah I I'm They all follow me
on social media too. So he just, he hates that.
So yeah. You mentioned he was smart. He's trying
to keep you away. Yeah. Oh, my daughter, the
other day, she calls me. And once again, I'm
super transparent. She calls me and I was like,
oh, I'm going out. I met this guy. Like, and
she goes, okay, is he age appropriate? And I
go, yeah, he's older than me. She goes, okay.
Okay. Cause she's like, cause she calls me a
cougar. She's like, okay, cougar. Like, here
we go. I'm like, hey, don't get it twisted. I'm
like, I still like them younger. And she's like,
okay, mom. So many things. So many things we
can open up there, but we're going to leave it.
But yeah. I don't even know how I asked my last
rapid rush request after that. We got off the
rails. You can try and bring it back after that.
We're talking about dills and cougars and all
kinds of things. I like to go out with a bang,
okay? Absolutely. I think that's the way. You
can't top this. This is the perfect way to end
it. You're right. Now I really hope that no one
listens to any of this. We got plenty of listeners
in Europe. We're going to promote this one more
than any other one we've promoted. For sure.
You guys want the tea? Listen to this freaking
podcast. We can edit on a high note with that.
With the cougar conversation. All right. Well,
that's a wrap, my friend. All in all, I think
Raquel was a fantastic guest for the ValuNation
listeners. If you haven't already, make sure
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Of course, you can always go over there and see
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