Hello and welcome to the Thicc AF Podcast.
My name is Emily Crampsey.
Hey, it's Sarah.
And we are the Thick Alabama Females.
Yes.
And it is time for a party.
Not really, but just our party.
Girls night.
Woo.
Yeah.
How's it been going?
You good?
Excellent.
All right.
You got an FMK?
I do.
Cool.
So I'm going back to my roots from a couple episodes ago and I am going to do, let's see,
younger, same age or older.
Wait, what?
For men.
Like dating them?
Yeah.
All of the above?
Like fuck, marry and kill all of them?
I don't know how much younger.
That's a hard, that's like interesting because it's hard.
What do you think?
I would say.
You're going to fuck the young ones, marry the old ones and kill the same age?
100%.
I mean, isn't that the answer for every woman?
The majority of long relationships that I've had have been older people.
The same age people have been terrible humans.
So yeah, that's what I'm going with.
How much older?
The oldest that I've dated older than me, 12, nine and five years.
12 years older than you?
Yeah, I was 28 and he turned 40.
Lord.
That's oldie.
He would be like 50 something now, right?
Or would he be late 40s?
I don't know how many years ago was that?
28?
I would be like almost 50.
No.
If you were 28 and you're 35 now, he'd be almost 50.
Yeah.
Because if he was 40, 47.
Yeah.
Late 40s.
Bye.
Yeah, that was that was quick.
But I think that that's pretty much every woman's answer.
Maybe I'm wrong, though.
It could be.
I don't know.
Could be you could mix the young and the same age.
Fuck the same age.
Kill the young.
I don't know.
All right.
So I got a news and reviews.
It's not news.
It's just reviews.
And it kind of is news.
Is this the same thing that I have?
Same what?
That you have that makeup?
Yeah.
No.
Oh, yes.
I think it's Lancome or Lancome.
Whatever you say it.
I call it Lancome.
Some people say Lancome or like a like a French way to say it.
I'm just like I'm just trying to be Alabama girl like here.
Lancome.
It looks like Lancome or it's not Lancome.
I don't really think anybody cares.
I think people do.
When I care that I'm saying it wrong.
I want to get some feedback then somebody tell us.
Yeah.
Somebody tells how you're actually supposed to say it.
And I'm probably still going to call it Lancome.
OK.
So the ten adult, tinny, tinny doll.
I don't even know how you say that.
It's French tent.
It T E I N T I D O L E.
I think it's tinny doll.
Ultra wear long wear makeup has been re formulated.
OK.
This is the makeup I have been using since I was like 10.
My mom used it.
I used it.
I don't think my mom uses it anymore.
She might.
But she she mixes her stuff up.
But I have literally and it's the only makeup that I can find that matches my skin tone.
I have a weird skin tone.
Some people are like you have cool skin tone.
And I'm like if I try to put cool on my face, what is cool?
Cup like like pink.
OK.
So you've got cool and warm and the cool is like like this is cool.
And that so you know.
OK.
So this is how I associate cool and warm skin tones.
The lights.
You know how you have warm white lights and then you have the right.
The other white lights that are cool.
The white ones that are like fluorescent.
That's cool.
If your skin tone looks like bluish white like that, you're cool.
If your skin tone looks like you were neutral, like you said, OK, so I've always thought
that I'm neutral too because I kind of but people have tried to match me with like cool
stuff.
It does not match my skin.
So I've always used to 210.
I think it's 210, 210 or 215 in Buff in the Langcomb.
This the formula that all do I have a three that no you have a two something like 250
or something.
OK.
And but yours is a neutral, I think, as well as what we ordered you.
Well, they have reformulated it, which means because something I guess in France or whatever
country they do this, they are some country, they outlawed some type of thing that's in
a ingredient.
So they had to redo all of it.
So the colors are different colors now.
And I am now a 105 W warm.
And it it says on here, it says before.
Yeah, they did.
It says before 210.
And I was like scared because on the line it looks different.
And I was like, and it's like, have you tried it?
It's like the yes, it's like the least.
It's like the second one, like the second lightest.
And I'm like, oh, my God, I don't think that's going to be right.
And so I was like scared, but I got it.
And it's the same thing.
It's just very light colored.
Yeah.
I mean, not like it's very light.
The formula is not as thick.
I actually wore it the other night.
Oh, you did?
Yeah.
Have you not been wearing it?
Oh, you don't like it?
Oh, it's because it's the darker.
Yeah.
I had to wait.
I've had to wait until I got a little bit of a tan.
Yeah.
So now I'm like, hmm, but it's like different.
And I think it's weird because I used to be the neutral and now I'm warm.
So am I warm or am I neutral or am I cool?
People tell me that my skin, what do you think my skin tone is?
You're supposed to look at your veins.
I know, but what do you think I am?
A neutral.
Yeah.
So a lot of people have told me that they think that I have olive skin tone.
Yes.
And that my sister has an olive skin tone.
So you think I have olive skin tone?
No, you're, I don't know.
People tell me I have olive skin tone all the time, but I don't think so.
I don't know.
But like, if you look at my veins, sometimes they look, depends on the lighting, but a
lot of times they look green to me.
Like I feel like I have green, but then right now they kind of look blue, but they look
blue green.
I don't know.
What do yours look like?
If you have, I have both.
And if you have both, that makes you a neutral.
Well, I don't know if it's both or if I'm just colorblind.
Let me see what yours look like.
I can't see.
They look, I see a blue.
Hold please.
I'll shine a light on it.
Okay.
Yours look like mine.
Yeah.
They're both.
We're neutrals.
Cause I see some blue and some green.
Which basically means we were like olive skin tone.
Okay.
Essentially.
All right.
We're all of skin tone.
I don't know.
Whatever it is.
So anyways, I just think it's weird that now I'm in warm.
Do you think that's weird?
Cause I don't think I look like I have a warm skin, but I'm glad because I would rather have
a warm skin tone.
But I mean, as long as it worked, I don't really think it matters what I look like.
That's what the rebrand is.
You know?
Yeah, I guess.
But I just think it's odd.
Yeah.
I understand what you're saying.
Cause have I been a warm color this whole time?
Right.
And I've been using the wrong, um, like makeup colors my whole life.
Like, why don't you go get matched again?
Well, no, not like the foundation colors, but have I been using like the other stuff,
like colors for like eyeshadow and things like that?
We don't ever wear eyeshadow.
I wear eyeshadow.
Do you?
Yes.
You don't know that I wear eyeshadow.
I put bronzer in my crease and that's it.
Yeah.
I 100% wear eyeshadow.
You didn't know that?
No.
Yeah.
I wear eyeshadow.
Do you just not look at my eyeshadow?
I don't gaze into your eyes with affection.
No.
Geez.
I legit like try so hard to make my eyeshadow look good and nobody even notices.
Boring.
Maybe it's just, we haven't gone out and done anything in a while.
I know.
Cause you come over here and I look like this.
I wash my hair since like Saturday.
My mom's FaceTime.
Me when I was in the car and she was walking over to her neighbor's house.
They were going to go to dinner or whatever.
And I was like, I want to say hello to her or whatever.
And I get, you know, she, my mom like holds the phone up or whatever.
I'm like, Hey Nance, how are you?
She's like, you look beautiful as ever.
I'm like, girl, I ain't got no makeup on.
Right now?
Yeah.
You look like you have eye, a mascara on one side.
I have, that's because these eyelashes are longer than these right now.
It's very annoying.
Why are they longer?
I do not know.
Are you not putting enough stuff on your eyes?
I don't know.
Your eyebrows are good.
I have, all I have is moisturizers on my face.
Guess what?
What?
The other day I got another compliment on my eyebrows.
Cause you have good eyebrows.
I hate my eyebrows.
I don't know why.
And so every time I look in the mirror now, I'm like, all these people give gobble of
any of my eyebrows.
Oh yay.
No, my eyebrows are good, but I still, why is it that I don't like them?
Cause self-deprecating.
I don't know.
That's so weird though.
I've always hated my eyebrows.
Maybe a body dysmorphia about your eyebrows.
But I don't because I know, and I don't hate, I love my eyelashes and I think my eyes are
pretty so I'm always like, that's my best feature.
Yeah.
Hello.
That and that ass.
Well, that thing could be toned a little better, but you know, I'm too busy sitting on my butt
all day long.
So, um, yeah.
All right.
What are we doing?
Truth or drink?
Yeah, we can.
Truth or drink?
All right.
You ready?
We should make a song for it.
Go ahead.
Truth or drink, truth, truth or drink or drink, truth or drink, truth, truth or drink or drink.
What song is that?
Peanut butter jelly.
Truth or drink, truth or drink, truth or drink and a baseball bat.
I don't know.
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
Anyways, here's your first question.
Do you pee in the shower?
Yeah, I do for sure.
But I do not pee in the pool.
That was on here and I had to skip it because I already knew the answer.
We had a conversation about that at work today, legit this morning at like nine AM when our
conversation, one of our, one of this guy I work with is going, he and his wife and
maybe his family are going on a cruise and the director of the, or one, excuse me, I'm
gonna probably take that out so when nobody knows, she was like, Oh my God, the cruises
are terrible.
You always go to dinner.
I don't ever go to the dinners because there's usually they sit us with other people because
you only got a couple people with you.
They sit you with other people and they're always like the drunk ones that this and that
and then you go to the pool and everybody's drunk and peeing in it and I was like, Oh
my God, that's why I don't like to get in public pools either because people pee in
it.
It's disgusting.
Gross.
So funny.
Yeah.
Have you ever vomited at an inappropriate time?
Are we doing truth or drink?
Oh yeah.
So if I don't want to answer it, I have to drink.
Okay.
Have I ever vomited?
Oh yeah.
One time at bandcamp.
Technically I was at a work conference and we had gone out drinking.
I think we're in DC for this one and the people that I work with, my boss, my old boss who
works with me now, not my boss, we'll be probably hearing this.
She knows about it already.
I already told her and we go out and we're all drinking and it was like four o'clock
in the morning.
We come back being a road.
We're like stumbling in the room.
I'm like, I don't normally projectile.
If I have to vomit, I normally know it's coming and I go to the bathroom.
Well, I'm in a hotel and they don't have cleaning supplies and things and I projectile
vomited all over the hotel room on the carpet.
No.
So I had to take all of the towels that I had and they only give you so many towels
and wipe it up with the towels and leave it on the floor for the housekeeping people
the next day.
I felt so bad.
I would have too.
Those people probably have that a lot more.
And I'm like, I feel so bad.
I would say I've, I had to pull over like quickly on the side of the road to throw up
one time I was hung over and that's not really inappropriate.
The most inappropriate vomiting situation that I've ever been in involves my darling
sister.
Oh no.
She came, I think she had just finished school, like college at Auburn or whatever.
She was home for something and I was living on 280 at the time with a person that we know
that does not live in Birmingham anymore.
And we had gone to the tin roof and we had been out and my roommate was driving.
I think Jessica was in the front seat and then it was me, my sister and my friend Bethany
and my sister was sitting in the middle.
And this was back before they had redirected the traffic on 280 to where you could take
a left there at the light where Pappadose was.
I liked it better back then.
Me too.
And so we were sitting at that light and my sister was like, I think I'm going to be sick
and I'm trying to get out of the car.
We're locked in the car and they're like, you can't get out of the car.
We're on 280.
Like we're going to get pulled over.
If you get out of this car, like just stop.
So my sister ever so just quietly starts taking things out of her long champ bag and just
set it and then throws up in her purse.
Did you throw up on top of her because of it?
I didn't, thank God.
I couldn't, my sister, I don't, and I actually said this to her because she also threw up
in the bathroom before we got in on the airplane in Philly to come back home the other week
and she's a very quiet puker.
And I told her that I was like, this is weird.
So then I could, I didn't hear her throwing up, which made it better.
And like we were home very quickly after that.
She acted like nothing happened.
She felt like a gem after that.
She dumped her purse in the grass by my apartment and then came upstairs and you know, the long
champ purses are lined inside or whatever.
So she washed that hoe out, turned it inside out and let it dry in the shower overnight.
I thought you were going to tell me a story about you vomiting inappropriately.
This turned into, and I was like, she's going to vomit at some point because of the vomit.
No, no, I said it was, it had to do with my darling sister.
It had to do with her, but it wasn't you vomiting.
Okay.
That's why I was confused.
I was vomiting in between two people in the backseat of a fucking car.
If I vomit and you hear me, you will hear me for, so listen, when I was in high school,
if I went to out and got too drunk, if I came home and had to vomit, even at college and
I was at my parents' house or something and of age to drink, if I was vomiting, they knew
I had been in it because you can hear any bathroom in the house.
I could be hiding.
I could be outside in the bushes and they would be like, Emily got drunk.
It's the worst.
When he came with me after COVID, I had to come home from Cleveland.
I was up there for work at the time living in a furnished apartment and the apartment
had a pocket door for the bathroom and a pocket, like you walked into the master, went into
the closet and then that was the alternative way to come into the bathroom.
I had to go up there on a Wednesday.
I worked Thursday, Friday, and then we drove back on a Sunday, but I had to clean the rest
of the stuff out of that apartment.
We got so drunk on, I think it was, it had to have been Wednesday or Thursday night because
I was on a work call and the ceilings were really high in that apartment and Melanie
is throwing up and it's echoing and it was ridiculous and I was like, Melanie.
She couldn't help it, obviously.
She just didn't feel good, but I just had to keep muting myself and unmuting when I
could, when she wasn't getting sick.
Oh my gosh.
That's so funny.
Yeah, it would be the same for me.
That's funny.
Melanie, I feel your pain.
I'm a very loud vomiter.
I'm a loud sneezer too and so was my mom and I can't control it, the loudness and my dad
like gets pissed at my mom.
He's like, you're being dramatic.
Yeah, so that's the one who fussed at me last episode when I sneezed.
Okay, but your sneeze is not as loud as mine.
I'm just not fussing at you.
I'm just saying you needed to give me a little heads up.
We could have, you know, stopped talking in the middle of your sneeze so we can actually
edit it out.
I didn't know if it was coming or not.
Oh, she knew it was coming.
It's a big sneeze.
All right, what's next?
What else you got?
Oh, let me see.
Who was the last call you ignored?
Oh, let me just look.
Probably my mom usually is.
She calls it the most inappropriate times.
I don't know.
Technically, well, I called her back.
Does that include ignoring?
It was a lady from work.
I didn't ignore it on purpose.
What's the longest you've gone without showering?
Well, I did shower today, so I was thinking maybe it was this week.
When I actually had showered this morning, I just didn't wash my hair.
I was like, I got to take a shower.
I was like, real gross.
But I didn't wash my hair.
I was going to, but then I was like, I don't really feel like I have time to blow dry my
hair, and I had to do beyond an actual... I was texting the girls that I work with, and
I was like, why is it that today I have the one thing I have to be on camera for?
We had an interview for a position.
We had to interview somebody, and you can't turn your camera off for that.
I was like, now I have to put on makeup, and I didn't want to.
If I ever have a call scheduled, even if it's one where typically we're not on camera or
whatever, I still make sure that I'm camera ready, because you just never know.
I don't want to be looking like a hot mess.
Yeah.
I used to keep a mirror, a big makeup mirror underneath my desk in here, because just in
case I need to real quick put on some makeup while I'm working, right before they're like
... I've gotten to the point where I like to, if I don't have to put on makeup, I don't
want to do it, because I need to let my skin air out and stuff.
I didn't put any on today.
What's the first thing you would grab at a fire?
My dogs.
Your bird.
My cat.
He counts as a dog though.
Okay, that's fair.
My pets.
Well, I mean, I don't need to ask you, I guess.
No.
Yeah.
Don't wait for sure.
Because Jolene, yeah.
Not Brandon.
She's going to let him burn, and she's not going to give him her gimme.
Well, do you want to know what makes me laugh?
I want to know if he got mad at you.
Did he listen?
No.
Did he listen?
I don't know, I guess, but also Melanie messaged me and she goes, bitch, I thought I was about
to have to come get your kidney, my damn self.
I said, I chose you.
She goes, yeah, after a very long pause.
For all I know, y'all stop recording for an hour so you can think about it.
The long pause wasn't because of Melanie.
It was because of Brandon.
She knew she was going to... Look, I saw her face and she was like, it was Melanie,
not Brandon.
She was like, oh no, Brandon's going to be mad at me.
I said, no, we didn't.
That's how Brandon, I chose you before it aired.
No, it was definitely you, Melanie, just saying.
Oh, Lord.
That's funny.
That is funny.
Oh man, what else you got?
I'm trying to think of anything.
I don't have any list of things.
I can ask you some what ifs.
Okay.
Yeah.
Oh, what do you think?
What if every person in the world was assigned a pet at birth?
When you're born, you get a dog.
Wouldn't that be cool?
Yeah, but what if I got assigned a cat and I'm not a cat person?
You'd have to be a cat person.
No.
Well, maybe we'll just say- That would be terrible.
You are a cat person.
You love my freaky cat.
He's a dog.
I love your cat and Melanie's cats and that's it.
You would love other people's cats if you let yourself.
I don't.
I love myself.
You would.
Cats are cool, man.
You like Finley out here?
I do like Finley too.
You're right.
Finley's cool.
Maybe I'm sort of a cat person.
You're a cat person for sure.
I think you are definitely a cat person at heart.
You just don't know it.
You think I would have cats instead of dogs?
Dogs?
Okay, New Yorker.
Yes, I think you would have.
I think, no, I don't think you would ever-
In place of?
I don't think you would.
No, I don't think you would choose to get a cat, but I think that you would be amazing
with cat if that's what I'm trying to say.
Only if my cat was thug life, like bird.
Otherwise, I don't want him.
I had to train him from a kitten to be thug life.
Also, he came from a screech.
Okay.
Yeah.
He's got extra feet.
Yeah, true.
Okay, so what if, this is going to sound really gross and weird.
What if babies were born from your mouth and not the vagina?
No.
What if you had to-
I thought you were going to ask me questions, not just give me weird scenarios.
What if you got pregnant by sucking it and not putting it in?
That would be the greatest thing ever because it would never happen.
Oh my God, that's hilarious.
Birth control.
Me and Erin-
Nobody would have kids.
I know.
Me and Erin in Santana were actually talking about this on Monday when we went to that
two-by-two thing at Taco Mama or whatever.
I was like, I don't know what we were talking about.
We did start talking about blow jobs.
I was like, I don't know what to get Brandon for his birthday.
I think I'm going to take him on a trip or whatever.
Erin was like, I know exactly what you can get him for his birthday.
Oh my God.
Erin and Santana are all about that.
Oh, I know.
Yep.
For Erin's birthday, he got some of those.
100%.
They're married guys.
It's okay.
With all the children out there, it's only okay if you're married because you might get
pregnant.
Oh my God.
I hope children are not listening to our podcast.
We should make some movies, like an apocalyptic movie that's like, oh, our bodies changed
and you get pregnant from blow jobs now.
No.
What if men gave birth and not women?
Let's go.
Would they then be women though?
Would the baby come from their penis?
They have no reproductive organs to make that happen.
I'm just saying what if they did?
I don't know.
You can't, we're saying what if, not like it's possible.
Obviously, it's not possible today.
Maybe they had that guy, didn't they have a thing a long time ago where it was like,
man gives birth?
You can probably get on the internet and it's a fake ad that's like, man gives birth to
a baby.
Well, you know that the male seahorse has the babies.
Oh, cute.
Yeah.
Have you ever seen a seahorse giving birth?
Why is it male then?
Why would it be then considered male?
I don't know.
Wouldn't it be the female one because... Interesting.
I don't know if it has to do with the reproductive organs or if the male seahorse is built to
just host the fertilized eggs.
I don't know.
Something to look into for sure.
Is it like a kangaroo with a pouch or something?
I don't know.
Kind of.
They explode.
You need to watch it on YouTube.
You should see what she just did with her hands.
They explode out of their belly.
They contract their belly and they just shoot out all these... Yes, I swear.
That's freaky.
I can just see it.
I watched it.
I'm like, oh my God.
I've watched it on Planet Earth before.
I haven't seen that one, but I do love Planet Earth.
I'm not going to lie.
Oh my gosh.
That's really weird.
Oh my God.
Well, can you know ladybugs are all boys, aren't they?
I heard that the other day.
I think it was Brandon told me.
He was like, I was like, get this ladybug.
I was like, don't kill her.
He was like, that's a dude.
I was like, what do you mean it's a dude?
They're all boys.
You didn't know that?
It's a ladybug.
I mean, he was, well, I knew they all weren't female.
They can't reproduce otherwise.
Right?
I don't know.
Yeah, they can't reproduce.
I don't think I'm smart enough to talk about this right now.
Me either, but have you not seen a bug's life with a ladybug that's a boy?
No.
You haven't seen a bug's life?
I don't know.
Not in a long time.
There's a ladybug over there.
There's a dude, and he's like, yo, yo, I'm a gangster.
Not really.
But you know what I mean.
I feel like he would smoke a cigar with Luna.
Oh my gosh.
All right, go back to truth or drink.
You got any other truthers?
When's the last time you cried and why?
Oh my God, I almost cried.
I think I had one tear the other day when I, after I called you that day that I was having,
it was like literally like Monday, wasn't it?
I called Sarah and I was like, I hate my job.
Like, I'm going to kill, I'm going to quit.
It was just a bad day and I just wanted,
I just can't be micromanaged.
And it was, I felt like I was being micromanaged
and I was over it.
And...
Fair enough.
And I had a tear, I shed one tear I think.
And then I was like, you can't be doing this.
Get up and stop being a baby.
But I do need to cry, that would be a good thing.
I usually, usually when I cry, it's not about stuff.
I cry for movies, movies.
Well, you need to, have you ever watched,
I Miss You Already?
Wait, I miss you already?
I mean, I don't think so.
Go watch it, you'll cry.
Okay, well, so, okay.
So you know, have you ever seen Frankie and Grace
or Grace and Frankie?
Yeah.
Do you know the daughter, I forgot her name,
who I am just like, I feel like.
Except she's a lot cuter.
I'm very much like her.
Yeah.
It's Grace's daughter, the blonde girl.
Yes.
I forgot her name.
Brianna.
Brianna, yes, I love her, she's hilarious.
And Brianna, like once a year or something like that,
or like once every six months allows her time,
she goes and like gets like sad dog puppy movies
and like a bottle of wine and like cries.
That's her one time, I feel like, I feel like her.
I do cry more often, but it's only like to movies.
I just try not to get sad about like random stuff.
Yeah.
You know?
Let's see.
What about you?
You tell me, when's the last time you cried?
Probably like today.
No.
Well, you shut up.
Why do you think I cry all the time?
I don't, I just think that maybe you did.
I don't know.
No, I don't think it's been a minute.
Was it the time, was it whenever you called
Brandon, Brandon Mitchell because you were on the bed
trying to do the sheets and he didn't help you?
That wouldn't have been today, Emily.
So no.
Oh, that was today.
Shoot.
Whoops.
No, I don't really remember, it's been a minute.
Yeah.
I don't remember the last time I cried,
like that was something that was like legit,
except for on Monday when it was like one tear.
I was like, I literally, I think I sent y'all,
I was like, I feel like I'm gonna cry.
And then I was like, no, I'm not.
No, I haven't had to cry in a minute.
It's been nice.
I didn't cry when my mom was here.
It's good to not cry?
I think it's good to cry.
No, I mean, I, listen, if I need to cry, I'm gonna cry.
But like, I like my job, so I don't cry about that anymore.
I don't normally cry.
I don't think I've ever cried about my job before.
Oh, I used to cry all the time.
And I'm not a big crier.
So when you start making me cry, it's because something's wrong.
Yeah.
I don't, I'm not a crier, unless it's a sad dog movie.
You need to watch, I Miss You Already.
Miss You Already, okay.
Maybe I'll, well, I can't do it tonight,
but what else you got?
Ooh, I don't think you're gonna answer this one,
so I'll ask.
If you could only see one of your siblings again,
who would you choose?
I can't answer that.
Exactly.
And it's not because I don't want to answer it,
it's because I legit can't answer it, so I'll drink.
Cheers, here's my drink.
If your family moved away, would you move with them?
No.
Depends on where they move,
and if they're gonna pay for me and have a job for me there.
I don't know.
Like, do we have, like, what's the situation?
I mean, are we going to like the Bahamas?
I don't know, but probably not.
Yeah, if I'm not moving to Decatur, for sure.
No.
All right, any more?
You're in deep thought over there.
Well, I'm trying to see,
is there an ex that you would ever go back to
if given the chance?
So, I would have said yes a long time ago,
but now I have learned otherwise
of some other recent things.
Like, my brother ran in, and his fiance ran into this ex
like a while back, and it was,
sounds like not a good situation, so no.
But yeah, like a long time ago, yeah, I would have,
probably.
Yeah.
You used the same?
Yeah, but in the last like handful of years,
I've been like, nah.
Yeah.
It is what it's supposed to be.
If you had to describe your part, no.
If you're, okay, yeah, I guess we'll say this.
You obviously don't, not obviously,
but you don't have a partner,
but if you had to describe like your-
It is obvious.
It's very obvious.
I'm sorry.
Oh, God.
It's okay, it's okay, no offense.
If you had to describe your partner in one word,
what would that be?
So let's just do your ideal partner.
One word, what would it be?
Why don't you go first?
Because I have to, ideal partner, like, oh no, okay.
Well, my current partner,
if I have to describe him in one word.
I would make a noise for him.
Can I do it for Brandon?
Yeah.
Okay, my one sound for Brandon would be like, huh?
I feel like he says that a lot.
Is that terrible?
No.
I think he doesn't understand how we communicate.
Right.
Of course.
If I had to describe him in one word,
and this is actually a good word,
and it's one of my dad's favorite words,
but I would say he's a goob.
A goob, okay, yeah, that works too.
And goob, but yes.
He's a goober, but goobers are great.
He's a goober sue.
Goober sue.
Not goober soup, goober sue.
So I would say that if I had a, I don't know,
this is hard, but like, I would want them to be fun.
Yeah.
Like my ideal partner, just be fun.
Oh my gosh, I remember when we recorded the episode
and you were like, I just want somebody who's like fun.
They're fun.
Yeah, I just want them to be fun.
And that was like the only thing that you could say.
Like if you're fun, like everything's great.
Like as long as, I mean, you also have to be like
the other things, like you have to have a job
and like you have to like be responsible and like,
you know, take like just flush the toilet, you know,
be responsible, be an adult, you know,
and be able to take care of yourself and be independent.
But like also just be fun because that right there,
cause if you have somebody that's fun,
like if you have somebody that's so serious all the time
or like boring or blah, do blah, you can get,
it's so easy for me, especially people.
I go off of other people's vibes.
If somebody else is in a bad vibe, I am like,
like it affects me.
So if somebody else has a good vibe, I'm like,
okay, we're good here.
Like, and it affects my mood.
So, you know, and it's hard, like I'll be like,
oh, this person's in a bad vibe.
And then I'll just be like, oh, and in a mood too.
And I'm like, oh, I don't know how to act.
And then I'm like, it's not good.
I need somebody that's fun.
But also get your stuff done, you know?
Yeah, that's fair.
Oh, you're waiting on me?
Yep.
Geez.
If you had to, I'll throw out one.
If you had to pick one of your pets.
So if you had, okay, all of it, don't start talking.
I see your eyes, she getting big eyes.
Okay, if you had all of, okay, so say Jolene passed away
and you couldn't get a new dog,
but the only way you could get a new dog
is to pick one of your old pets.
You could only pick one that you've had
through your whole life.
Which one would you pick to come back and be your pet?
So out of just the two of them?
No, out of all your dogs your whole life or pets.
Greta.
Oh, baby, Greta.
For sure.
Like my parents have had some great dogs.
And there's, if I had to pick one of their dogs
and not my two, I would pick Rocky.
He was the blonde Rhodesian Ridgeback that we had.
And he was the coolest, smartest, most loving dog ever.
And he was protective AF, but like not in an aggressive way.
Yeah, so I'm gonna drink on that one.
I have too many dang dogs to choose from.
I like, I was thinking about it.
I was like, maybe I can't choose.
I can't choose.
There's no way for me to do that.
I don't know why, because I love all of them.
Of course.
I mean, I love all of them too.
I know you do too.
You know, not to Jolene, no hay, no shade girl.
Right, but.
I love that little hound dog.
Yeah, I know.
Butterbean's over here snoring.
So is Rosie.
All of my dogs are in here.
We had to lock the cat in the bathroom.
I just said bathroom like you do.
Because Butterbean likes to chase the cat
and bark at him while we're recording and things like that.
We have to take the dog's collars off of them
so that they don't jingle.
Holy crickets, cause she's the one who gets up to those.
But I was laughing, so when we were about to record this,
we didn't let Rosie in here at first.
And so then we heard her collar.
So we let her in.
I tried to put her in this dog bed.
She likes to be under a blanket.
And she was like, no, thank you.
I don't want to do that.
She scratched to get out.
And not 30 seconds later, did she scratch to get back in.
And when she did that, Cricket got up
and all Rosie wanted was the bed that Cricket was in.
Yeah, and then Cricket ran, Cricket was running outside
and she comes back two seconds later with her toy.
She's like, okay, now I'm ready.
And they all settled down and sat in their little beds
and they were ready to go.
They've been good.
And if you hear little tink tinks on the floor,
it's Cricket on the computer chair thing.
Which also is hilarious that you have that there
because you don't even have a rolly chair.
Well, because I do that so it protects the carpet.
Oh.
So it doesn't like, I don't have like big,
and like I move my chair back and forth a lot.
Gotcha.
So that it doesn't like mess the carpet up.
Oh, that's fair.
Okay. Yeah.
I do not have that.
Yeah.
But that thing slides, cause it's not meant,
it's meant for hardwood,
cause I had it in a hardwood place.
Yeah.
And it doesn't have the little things on the bottom
to put down there.
Like the little things that hold it in place.
So it slides all over.
The spiky things. I have to move it.
Yeah, the spikes.
Yeah. Gotcha.
To move it a lot too.
So. Interesting.
Yeah.
You got one more?
Yes.
Or two.
What was the worst date that you've ever been on?
Ooh.
Worst date.
There's been a lot of bad dates.
Let's see.
So I went on this one day, one time.
Oh no.
Oh, hold on.
There's been several.
I'm trying to think of the worst.
There was this one.
Let me just say about this one guy.
I felt like I got out of the car
and he like looked me up and down.
This was, I was also smaller then and probably cuter.
He like looked me up and down.
Like he was like,
like,
disappointed with the way that I looked when I got there.
Yeah. That was like, and I was like, oh my God.
And then we ended up going on this date.
We went to,
what is that place?
In off Highland Avenue that I like so much.
That little place.
I forgot what it's called.
We're sitting outside and he literally told,
like our conversation was about his haircut
and how bad he didn't,
how much he didn't like his haircut and blah, blah, blah.
And I was just like, oh my God, this guy is annoying.
I can't.
And so I'm like, oh my God,
I don't even care that you looked me up and down
and made me feel like.
Piece of shit.
Yeah. You made me feel like he like literally like
had this like look, he was just like, oh,
like a look of disgust kind of.
And then he like, you could have just turned around
and been like, I'm sorry, I can't do this.
Yeah.
Like that would have made me feel worse, but like.
Yeah. Sit down and have dumb ass conversation
about your haircut.
Yeah. It was so dumb.
So that was probably the worst one.
What about you?
I'm trying to think.
I'd say back in like my early twenties,
I was like terrified of like dating again
after I had gotten out of a three and a half year
relationship.
And so I didn't want to go by myself.
And this was when Lisa was single too.
And so I made Lisa and our other friend,
Tommy Kate would come with me.
And I did like a handful, like double dates that way.
She goes, this is weird to me.
You were like, that is so weird.
I don't understand that.
But it's like me. I was like 23.
Well, I don't care.
When I was 23, I would never do that.
I also had not, we were in Birmingham but three years.
We're very different in that way.
Kind of like going to the bathroom by yourself.
I've gotten much better.
This is like 12 years ago.
It's just interesting to me because I like,
I don't like, was the guy not,
did he not think it was weird that you wanted to like
bring your friends?
Guess what? I didn't give a shit.
And he went anyways?
Yeah. More than, I did that more than one time
they came with me.
I don't care.
And he, I'm glad that I did it that way
because we wouldn't have a damn single bit of food or drink
because we went to Superior Grill and sat outside.
And that was before they had table service out there.
So you had to go order at the bar.
And so this guy comes in, he's late first of all.
And then we sit down and I mean,
Lisa and Tommy like made it very like
apparent that you have to go to the bar to order whatever.
He didn't get up.
Not even for a water, nothing.
So finally I took my ass over to the bar.
I ordered myself a margarita
and whatever I was having for dinner.
And I didn't get him a fucking thing.
I would have done the same thing.
Same exact thing. It was the craziest thing I've ever.
Did he do anything?
Yeah, he finally did.
But like, it was so weird.
And then he was like, I want to go on a second date.
And I was like, no thank you.
No, hell no.
Did he not even offer like, hey,
is there something you want to drink?
No, so then I paid for mine also.
Yeah, well of course, yeah.
He didn't offer anything.
Maybe he was doing that on purpose.
I don't know.
Well.
That's weird to see.
And that's what that's weird.
We've already had discussions like this.
We agreed that a dude pays for a first date.
Well, for sure.
Yeah, that's weird.
But like, what was he thinking?
I don't know.
And then he wanted to go on a second date?
Yeah.
No.
Yeah, it didn't happen.
That is so weird.
What was his name?
I don't even remember.
This was a long time ago.
I don't know.
That's so strange.
Oh my God.
Like I wouldn't know.
That's not good.
So anyway, you got any other things?
Or you want to wrap it up?
Sarah's got to go to a party tonight.
No, it's not a party.
Or a band.
I wish I knew what their name was
so I could promote them on here.
But one of my dad's old friends is,
his band is playing here locally.
So I'm, I gotta go home,
throw some clothes and makeup on and go to that.
But anyways, you can find us on Instagram at thick AF podcast.
Send us an email, thickafpodcast.gmail.com.
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ABCDEFG, I have to go.
I don't know why it's so good.