Hello, welcome to the Thicc AF Podcast.
My name is Emily.
Hey, it's Sarah.
Happy Friday.
Well, happy Wednesday to you guys.
Yes.
Because we'll...
But today's Friday for us.
Yes.
Woo-woo.
So what's going on?
What you been doing?
Well, we've gotten so much rain this week.
It's unreal.
I'm so tired of the rain.
It's supposed to rain tomorrow.
I can't go to the pool and I'm really upset.
Well, I was going to go to the pool tomorrow too all day and then I was going to go...
I was going to relax at the pool, which that was very...
It was wishful thinking because I'm supposed to be doing this community HOA party tomorrow
night.
She's on the board now.
Oh Lord, have mercy.
It's a whole hot mess of a situation, but we're supposed to have this party tomorrow
night.
And then we had planned it all and everything and now it's like 85% chance of rain all day.
But then tomorrow night, it's only like 20% chance.
I don't know.
It may have gone down tomorrow night.
So we're hoping it's not going to rain, but we've got all these tents that are going to
be set up just in case it rains so people can just get underneath it.
And I think she's got side things just in case and stuff like that.
That's good.
So tomorrow I will not be at the pool, but it's probably a good thing that it's raining
so that I'm not trying to get drunk at the pool all day and then be tired and not be
able to do anything to set up and then go up there and be like wastey face with all
the people that live here and not be a good representative of the HOA.
Lord.
I think getting shit faced at the pool is a great representation of the HOA.
Same.
I mean, as long as you can get your stuff done, go get drunk, you know, whatever.
So, so yeah.
Oh, so last weekend was Mother's Day and I went to my parents' house and like my nieces
and are my niece.
I say nieces, my niece and my nephews were there and my older brother, Eric, set up this
obstacle course for the kids in the backyard and you have to like do all the, you had to
like throw something through it.
We had like a big like circle float that we set up.
They had to throw like a football through and they had like three chances to get through
it and then they had to go around it and do all this stuff.
Then they had to take one of those little kids lawnmowers and like roll, like push the
lawnmower all the way around the yard and then like crawl army crawl underneath some
stuff and like do all this stuff was great.
So I timed it that everybody said that we're going to ask if everybody did it on their
own.
Yeah, everybody did on their own.
Okay.
And we timed them and I have all the times on there.
I was the timer and Lola.
So Leo, okay.
So Leo, Leo is Leo's oldest Leo and Louie are brothers.
Lola is my younger brother's daughter and she's the only child and she is a competitive winner
and she plays softball.
She does.
Well, no, she plays baseball.
Excuse me.
She's the only girl on the boys team or she might be, there might be two girls, but I
think either, I don't know.
Yeah.
She's like, and she liked the first game.
She got a home run and got the game ball.
She's like, she's really good.
She's good at a lot of things and she, but she was not winning the obstacle course.
So we told them they had to go, they had certain, like each person got to go first at one point
and there were three rounds, but we did a practice round and Lola, like after the practice
round or after, I can't remember which round it was.
It was like the second round.
She was still like a couple seconds behind Leo, the oldest, and she was like, she was
like, I'm just not going to win.
I'm just, she's, she's started, I'm not going to win.
I'm just not going to win.
I'm not good at this.
And I was like, Lola, you're fine.
She's good.
And she went, she faked a splinter.
She was, she's, when she gets older, I can't wait to talk about this with her.
She wanted to win so bad.
She was like trying to make sure she was crying, had the splinter in her foot, was like, like
the whole neighborhood could hear because she had a splinter in her foot.
There was no splinter in her foot.
Y'all a poor sport.
Yes.
Guess what?
I was one of them too.
I was never that way.
That is similar to what kind of anyways, it just reminds me of like when couples are having
like a second child or whatever and you know, the existing only child like wants a certain
the baby to be a certain sex or whatever.
And when they reveal the gender to the kid and they're like, I don't want a sister.
Yeah.
Like you.
I don't know that that happened.
You don't think so?
I think I was very excited for Jerry and then she got here and I was like, Oh, I don't know
about this.
Yeah, no.
Oh yeah.
It's competition people.
But okay.
So the best part of the, of the games, well, she ended up getting back up and doing it
and she actually, I helped Eric made her or I mean, we all, I mean, we all made her and
I was like, I finally was just like, okay, we're going to let Leo cause she had like
pause the whole game for everybody.
And I was like, I'm sorry.
Just because you were going to fake crying to act like this.
Yeah.
We are not stopping it for the other two.
So I was like, we're going.
So who's going?
And then she started getting excited about it.
And then she went again, she ended up going again and she actually, I think it was round
three.
Wait, I'm looking.
Yeah.
It was round three that she won.
And so I made it sound like she won.
And I was like, and Lola got so excited and she was like, and she's like freaking out.
But an Eric, my older brother was like, wait a minute.
Cause it's Leo and he was like, I thought Leo had a better time than that.
He had one that was like 29 seconds.
And I was like, Eric, I was like, just for round three, she just won round three.
Okay.
But the best part of the average all the time.
Yeah, I did.
So I'll tell you the scores in a minute, but the best part of the whole day was Elizabeth
Daniel's fiance did it and she like army crawled underneath.
So we have those, you know, it's like, like wrought iron patio furniture and there we
have these, my parents had these like long ones that you lay out on, you know, and they're
like, they're like this far to the ground.
Like we wouldn't fit under there.
She army crawled underneath that.
She was like, she did really good.
I think she won.
She, yeah.
Well, she, Leo was a little bit faster than her on one of the rounds, but she, she got
30 seconds and 30.65 seconds.
Shout out to her for participating.
So I averaged everybody's together and the winner was Leo with an average of 35.1 seconds.
Louie was last with 42.02 seconds and Lola was a second with 37.985 seconds.
So anyways, that's hysterical.
Our tits and ass would get caught.
Yes.
No, we would, we would be like, Oh, I'm stuck.
They took us to the hospital to get us out or something.
Like it's not good.
So we had so much fun though.
I'm glad y'all had fun.
I can't wait till she listens to this when she's older and it's like, Oh my God, I'm
so embarrassed.
This is something that you like recount on her 21st birthday.
Right.
Or like every birthday and Zeeldin.
Remember that one time?
So, all right.
So I have an FMK.
Okay.
So today's FMK is Coca-Cola products, but it's just Coke, regular Coke, Coca-Cola,
Coke-Cola zero, or is it just Coke zero?
So there's Coca-Cola with the red can Coke zero with the black can.
No, they rebranded and it's red with black writing.
Oh yeah.
That's right.
Yeah.
It's called Coca-Cola.
No sugar now, I think.
Yeah.
Oh, it's not Coke zero anymore.
I don't think so.
Ew.
I know it's very weird.
Or it's Coca-Cola zero sugar.
Yeah.
Not Coke zero.
Yes.
Okay.
Well, whatever that is, we're going to call it Coke zero because that's what I've been
calling by.
Yeah.
And then Diet Coke.
Well, also just before I start choosing, did you know that Sierra Mist was rebranded?
Wait, what?
To be called Starry something?
No.
S-T-A-R-R-Y and the label, cause I asked at Publix the other day, I was like, when I was
checking out, I was like, do y'all know what this Starry thing is?
It is.
I know.
They rebranded it and I think it was because Sierra Mist meant something not good, but
I didn't dig into what that was.
So we'll have to do that.
Wait, what does the Sierra Mist mean?
You Google it.
I'm Googling it while you talk about your Coke.
Yes.
Okay.
So I am going to kill Diet Coke.
Kill Diet Coke?
Yeah.
Oh my God.
We drink Coke zero at home.
Ew.
So I'm going to fuck Coke zero at home because I'm marrying regular Coke because there is
nothing in this world that is better than a Fountain McDonald's regular Coke when you're
hung over.
Well, that is the truth.
And I, I'm not that I'm hung over on a regular basis, but I couldn't live without that.
Like I couldn't do it just one time and never be able to have it again.
So I'm, I'm marrying regular Coca-Cola.
All right.
So you're, she's, she's, you got it guys.
That's, that's what Sarah's doing.
I am going to fuck.
No, I'm not killing.
Well, I thought about that, but I think that I'm going to kill.
I'm killing Coke zero.
I don't like Coke zero.
I think it tastes like medicine.
It's disgusting.
It's not disgusting.
I'll drink it, but compared to the other two, it's not good.
And I will marry diet Coke because I do not, I like Coca-Cola regular, but I don't like
the aftertaste that anything that has sugar in it gives my mouth.
And I also don't like to drink sugar either.
I think it's disgusting.
Like if I'm going to eat some, have something that has that many calories in it and sugar,
it's going to be something that's worth it.
Like some cheesecake or something, like something that's filling my stomach up and I'm not like
still hungry afterwards, you know?
So Coca-Cola, I think is delicious.
I don't like the aftertaste.
I don't like to drink.
Honestly, I should probably kill it, but I'd rather I'm going to fuck it because I just
want to do it one time every now and then a nice one out of a bottle too is really nice.
Oh my God.
You're going to have to give me a heads up off of these.
Listen, Sarah, if you guys hear coughs and sneezes and snorts and stuff, Sarah's like
chronically ill.
Well, I'm chronically ill, but I'm not ever.
I'm not in here like chronically bodily functioning.
She's got like, oh my God, she's always got the sneezes.
You better leave that shit in there too.
Okay.
Why am so?
Yeah.
But okay.
So I'm looking at this Starry.
What the hell kind of name is Starry?
I don't know where they were going with that.
Starry replaced something or other.
Oh, that is not the reason.
Well, I can't find it anywhere.
I mean, I have looked and it just sounds like they are Pepsi was trying to compete a little
bit better with Coke.
So maybe there is no like hidden meaning between behind Sierra miss that made them discontinue
it.
So in my opinion, my expert opinion that is not expert, I am looking at this can and it
says that like what you said, they're trying to compete more with Coke because apparently,
you know, Sierra mist was popular, but it sprite was still outselling Sierra mist.
And so they want to rebrand it to make it more competitive, I guess.
But when I look at this, it looks like sprite.
Yeah.
This story that the name in my opinion is not good.
Can I have a story?
Yeah.
Oh, let me get a starry.
I'm starry eyed.
Honestly, though, that's actually kind of funny because like when you drink like a Sierra
mist or sprite, your eyes get kind of mind do get kind of like because it's so bubbly,
it gets like kind of tingly and it's like, oh, I'm starry eyed.
I wonder who came up with that.
I don't like it.
I don't like the logo and all that stuff on there.
I don't know.
It's like it's from like the 70s or 80s.
Like it's it looks like from the 80s.
Yeah.
Base or from Mexico.
Do you know what I mean?
Like it looks like like a Fanta.
Fanta is it Fanta or Fanta?
Wana Fanta.
Don't you wanna wanna Fanta?
Is that from Mexico?
Yeah, I think so.
Oh, gosh.
I'm pretty sure.
I'm just kidding.
I don't know that if that's why, but I think it is from is it not?
Is it from Mexico?
It's American owned German brand.
Oh, my God.
No way.
It's a brand for carbonated soft drinks created by Coca Cola Deutschland under the leadership
of German businessman Max Keith.
So it's not from Mexico.
I just feel like a Fanta or Fanta or whatever you call it has that commercial Wana Fanta
and aren't they in like like little like outfits like they are and then and also it reminds
me of like the they're always like in a glass bottle and they're always at a Mexican restaurants.
Like, you know what I mean?
In a glass bottle.
Well, damn, I'm like the worst here.
I'll just now.
Now I'm like upset because I really like it being like a Mexican thing.
So like you go to the Mexican restaurant, you get your little burrito and you drink
your Fanta.
They have their own sodas.
The Mexican soda.
Yeah, they have the Mexican coke with like.
Yeah, but it's not their own.
They just have it different in their different.
Yeah, it's because it's made for them for Mexico because different countries have different
things.
They don't they have like real sugar.
Yes, exactly.
Yeah, not cocaine like ours.
Do you know what would be amazing?
Have you watched the OK, so have you watched the drunk history of Coke?
No.
Oh, it's so great.
I watched it a hundred times.
I can't.
You can't.
I love it on TV.
The other day, this is like totally off topic, but I did see this.
I started watching the show 9-1-1.
I think we talked about this and I saw this.
The cop came up and there was a firefighter that was pouring what looked to be coke on.
Of course, you know, they probably don't have real cans of coke showing or whatever, but
it was a brown soda or whatever.
Pouring it on the ground where an accident scene had been because it's the only thing
that will get the blood.
Yes, gets rid of the blood.
So she carries them around in a cooler.
Wait, a coke?
Yes.
Yeah.
Well, that's what I like to pour.
Like if I have a leftover Mountain Dew, I like to pour it in the sink so that it cleans
off all the nasty stuff.
It's like the carbonation and stuff.
I don't know that it's the carbonation.
I think it's the other chemicals.
It's the nasty stuff that's in there that's killing us.
Oh, a hundred percent.
Yeah.
I'm definitely going to die from diet Mountain Dew.
My mom's always like, you're going to get cancer from that stuff.
She hasn't said it in a long time, but it's like my one thing that I have.
Okay.
And y'all, I told her before we even came down here and decided to talk about this that
the other day I threw away an entire unopened can of diet Mountain Dew in my car that had
to be.
That's like $2.
You owe me $2.
I didn't know how long it had been there, but I was cleaning my car up when I was getting
gas because Brandon will leave trash in the car all the time and it makes me so irritated.
Maybe it was him.
No, it was not his.
He's kidding.
It was me.
He don't drink that.
Yeah.
He drinks Coke Zero.
Ew.
And he really only drinks it when he's drinking bourbon.
So I used to drink Coke Zero Cherry.
Oh, so good.
And Dr. Pepper, when I was like at my old job in Opelika, Alabama, and I would go down
because we didn't have Mountain Dew sold there.
If I wanted something like Mountain Dew, I'd have to get Mellow Grey Yellow, which is not
the same.
It's disgusting.
I don't even like Mountain Dew, but it's not the same.
Yeah.
So, but my teeth were turning brown because I was drinking so many freaking Cokes.
I was like, oh my God, my teeth are starting to get...
So I was like, I'm switching back to Diet Mountain Dew because I don't want to have
stained teeth.
Yeah.
And also if you start drinking, people are like, well, drink out of a straw.
If you drink out of a straw, then you get wrinkles.
Cigarette wrinkles.
Yeah.
It's disgusting.
I don't want that.
I would rather have brown teeth that I can put on a crust white strip for that.
Can't put on a crust white strip on those mouth wrinkles.
Just saying.
That's funny.
So, so yeah.
All right.
So today we're going to do a little Thick AF presents unsolved mysteries.
Thick AF presents unsolved mysteries.
You go ahead, girl.
Well, I'm not going to read yours.
Oh, I guess the first one I picked up was why do women say it's fine when it's clearly
not fine?
Yeah.
That's a weird one.
Because what did I, I responded to you on that, didn't I?
I can't remember if you did or not.
But I mean, my perspective on it is that we do that in order to just keep it moving because
A number one, pick your battles.
A number one?
I knew we were going to say something.
I was trying not to say it, but it came out anyways.
I was like, I had this look on my face like, ugh, still say it.
But I mean, I think it's just to keep it moving, keep things civil and try to avoid an argument,
confrontation, whatever.
But also it may give people time to process, you know, whatever's going on before they're
ready to like actually address it.
Maybe I don't think that's what it maybe that is what it is.
I think it's more like it could be a bunch of different things all at once because that's
how we are.
We have a lot of things and we're trying to express things, but like nobody's listening.
And so we whatever it's fine.
It's kind of passive aggressive.
Yes, saying like because it's basically saying it's not fine, but we're also being like,
I don't want to talk about it anymore.
I have a thing and it's a way to get attention.
But it's also a way for somebody to be like, wait a minute, because never mind.
It's fine.
I don't.
And then that person's like, wait, hold on a second.
Like what you're trying to get them to react, I guess.
Yeah.
I mean, I think it depends on the person.
Yeah.
I don't know that I say it's fine to get a reaction out of somebody or whatever, but
I more so say it because I don't want to I want to be done with the conversation and
I don't want to get into an argument.
Yeah.
I think some people say it because they but that's just me thinking about what other people
are doing being like, it's fine.
And it's just like, but it's not fine.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
It's really not fine, but they're saying it like, oh, it's fine.
So anyway, what's next?
What you got?
Well, you got some stuff on here.
I don't know where my list is.
I'm trying to find it.
So you go on the next one.
Why do girls go to the bathroom together?
Because they're code of damn pendant.
I hate that.
I hate it so much.
Excuse my language.
Wait.
So when you get up and go to the bathroom, I'm like, oh, me too.
Yeah.
Well, no, I just don't.
I'm never like, does somebody have to go to the bathroom with me?
Like people are like, you want to go to the bathroom.
I know you don't, but like you like to go to the, you're like a girl's girl.
I'm like, I have to go to the bathroom and why are you following me?
Now I have to sit here and wait for you when I'm done.
Like damn, I ain't never asking you to go to the bathroom.
No, it's not like that.
It's just like, it's just like, I just don't get it.
Like I get it from like a 20 something perspective.
Like if you're at the bar or whatever and you go into the bathroom as a group of friends
when it's not a one in one out situation anyways, like I get that.
You want to like, I don't know, look at yourself, go pee and like gossip.
I guess I just thought it was, it was, it's a worse when we were younger and I was like,
I got to go to the bathroom and everybody like took the train.
I always called it the train to the bathroom.
We're taking the train to the bathroom.
You had like five girls and they all go to that.
And then it's like, Oh my God, yeah, not good.
Like it's so weird.
Because you're also standing in there waiting for the four other fuckers to get out of there
and half of them don't even have to go to the pee.
So just coming in and it's like too many people in one place.
So why do our ears and noses connect?
Like and this is just like unsolved mysteries of the world.
An anatomy lesson here.
You didn't know this.
I don't know.
Okay.
Do you know why there's an ENT doctor, ear, nose and throat ENT?
Did you not know that?
Yes.
Because if you get your tonsils taken out, it's an ENT because your ears, your nose and
your throat all connect together.
Your ears have to do with your tonsils though.
Your ears don't have, that's why I'm saying why are our ears connected to our, our, our
mouths and our noses.
I get that.
I get that your nose and your mouth are connected because they both breathe, but our ears don't
breathe.
So why are they connected to our mouth?
Like every, so like everything's just connected in there.
So that's why like, if you get like your like tonsillitis or something, your ears will hurt.
Like everything's just connected.
And I think it's weird.
Don't you?
Well, I'm trying to look at the interwebs, the middle ears connected to the back of the
throat by the, I do not know what this word is.
How do you spell it?
E-U-S-T-A.
Eustation tubes.
Yes.
Interesting.
Yeah.
I mean, but isn't that weird though?
Like why, why are our ears connected?
They don't need to be connected.
Yeah.
It's a very odd to me.
Yeah.
I don't understand that either.
I don't know.
So like if you got, you know, those people that get like cockroaches stuck in their ears.
Stop.
Technically it could end up in your throat.
I mean, it would be really hard.
I think, but I'm going to think about it for the rest of the night.
You're going to go to sleep and I'm going to have to like cover it.
I'm going to have to wear a bubble on my head.
Where it could go crawling to your mouth and go out your ear.
No, it can't.
Your ear drums in there.
It's no, but that doesn't, oh my gosh.
It's kind of like the snake in your toilet.
That is real and it swam up.
Oh God.
But isn't that a weird thing?
Like I just think about that.
I'm like, what?
What do y'all think about this?
Let us know.
Email us.
StickyFpodcasts at gmail.com.
Oh my God.
Okay.
So I'm looking at this list because I didn't read all of it before, but oh, this is a good
one.
Why do we get a, okay.
So when I think that I have an answer for it, but why do we get like stomach aches or
why does your stomach start feeling a certain way before you have to poop?
I know this is really TMI, but like if you have.
I don't think that happens every time.
Well, like, you know, you get a certain feel, but okay.
A lot of times if you're about to like D I A R R H I don't know how you spell it.
H E A.
Why can't you just say it?
Because it's disgusting sounding.
I mean, it's not great.
Your stomach starts hurting like well in advance.
And I think it's like a warning sign.
Yeah.
You get like cramps.
But I want to know, is it stomach cramps or is it colon cramps?
Wouldn't that all be the same?
It's not coming from your stomach.
It's it's your colon.
Right.
Or your intestines.
It's your intestines.
Why do we get stomach cramps?
Well, but stomach meaning like because you get stomach cramps.
Abdominal cramps.
Yes.
Okay.
Abdominal cramps.
But you get those for your uterus too.
And we call it stomach cramps too.
Essentially I can feel the difference.
Well there is a difference.
I can feel the difference.
I know.
But what do you do?
You call them.
You have uterine cramps.
Well, I don't have any of that.
I know.
If you had them, would you call it, I've got stomach cramps or I've got uterus cramps?
I've got cramps.
Right.
I could say I have cramps.
I think I would say my tummy hurts or I have a stomach ache.
Which is the same say.
So you have a stomach ache, but it's not your stomach.
It's your uterus.
No.
I'm saying I would have, if I had cramps in my ovaries or my uterus, I would say I have
cramps.
If my stomach was upset, I would say my stomach's upset.
If I need to poop, I'm just going to say I need to poop.
Now you need to start saying my colon and my intestine, large and small intestines,
is probably your small intestines are cramping so that you can be more specific.
I don't know.
It's so funny how the human body works.
It gives you warnings.
Oh, it's wild.
This is about to happen.
I'm making your stomach hurt so that you don't blow up chunks on your, from the other side.
On your chair.
The human body is a very wild thing.
I think that there are sometimes things happen and you don't even know that you have gotten
a warning sign until something else happens.
What do you mean?
When somebody's having a stroke or whatever, of course I'm going to reference 911 because
now it's all medical, but they responded to some, this domestic violence dispute or
whatever.
This wife who was English or whatever, she locked herself in the bathroom and bashed
a photo of her husband's head or whatever.
He was like, she's not okay.
Finally, he was like, she's not British.
They figured out that she was having a stroke because she just miraculously was speaking
in a British accent and knew all of the British slang and stuff like that and was having
indigestion as well or something.
Does that happen?
That is far fetched.
Strokes manifest, well, I agree with you.
It's just TV, but strokes do manifest differently in men and women.
They had her stick out her tongue and she had some paralysis.
The day when I start talking in a British accent, I can't wait.
Please record me.
Even if I'm having a stroke, just be like, oh.
Because I try to do a different accent.
We used to try to do this.
Me and my couple of friends from a long time ago, we would go around and just talk in British
accents.
I do it with Lola now.
I think we've my niece, but I'm really bad at it.
It sometimes comes out as like crikey, like Australian or something like that.
I'm like, oh my God, I sound like an idiot.
The day that I have a stroke, please record it.
Okay.
Needless to say, if that is true or whatever, then the human body is wild because how the
frig would she ever know that?
How would she know what?
Oh, that she was having a stroke?
Yeah, she was like, the bobbies are here.
Talking about the cops.
The Barbies.
What are you talking about?
Who are the Barbies?
The Bobbies.
They call them Bobbies?
Yeah.
Oh, I didn't know that.
My parents call them the fuzz.
Oh my God.
I remember my dad's telling me a long time ago, he would be like, the fuzz, the fuzz is
coming.
I was like, what are you talking about?
Funny.
I didn't know that's what it was.
Oh man.
All right.
What did she got?
Why do women pay so much for their haircuts when they pretty much look the same before
and after a haircut?
But when a dude goes in and pays half the price that we do, they look like a brand new
person.
What?
Look, when I get my haircut, I did get my haircut the other day.
You did?
Yeah.
You can't tell.
Wait, what?
It's still wicked long.
I know.
It's really long.
I got like three inches cut off.
No, you did.
Yeah, I did.
Look how long it is still.
It's really long.
I was like, did I even?
Dang.
I know.
It does still feel shorter, but I haven't washed it in all week.
I haven't even had them wash it.
I just was like, don't wash my hair.
So it's disgusting because I'm cheap.
I cut my own hair half time, but-
My goodness.
But yeah, no, I like-
Your legs look, but they look good.
They look healthy.
I like to go and get a haircut and it look like I got a haircut.
When I go and they're just trying to trim it and I'm like, no, I want to look like I
got a haircut.
I want people to be like, you got a haircut?
Yeah.
I'm like, no, you look good.
I know.
I feel that.
Well, not that I want the attention.
It's just like, I'm paying for something.
I'm paying a hundred dollars or whatever.
Yeah.
I want to know that I got a haircut.
Yeah.
Some people go so often and they don't want people to know that they got a haircut, I
guess.
They're just like, I can't pay a hundred dollars.
The dudes that go every four weeks or whatever, I can't do it.
Well, guys, hair is so much shorter that if it's-
It is, yeah.
If you don't get it cut when it's short like that, when I went with my hair, I had a bob
back in the day.
It's a long time ago, 13 years ago.
Did you?
Yeah, girl.
Good on Facebook.
My hair is chopped like this.
Interesting.
It was back in the day when, what was her name?
John and Kate Plus Eight was famous.
No.
The lob.
No.
But I didn't have hers where it was-
The spiky in the back?
Yeah.
I had more like a posh spice bob.
Okay.
It was like a hefty ball.
Yeah.
Everybody was like, where do you get your hair cut?
Your hair is so good.
I was like, my girl, you can't have her.
Ha ha, sorry.
But then she moved to Arizona and didn't tell me.
I went back to the same salon and they were like, she's not here anymore and we can't
tell you where she went.
I'm like, what the hell?
They gave me some other dude.
This was, oh my God.
I go in there and I'm sitting down and I'm like, okay, well, normally I just come in
here and she just cuts my hair because she knows.
She's just good.
I don't know what to tell her what to do.
And he was like, well, I'm not really that good at cutting short hair.
It's what he told me.
And I was like, oh my God.
I would have said, okay, give me somebody else.
I know.
So he cut my hair.
It was not good.
And I had to call them the next time and be like, hey, you know, I don't want to be mean
or anything, but like, I just didn't vibe with the dude last time.
Like basically he told me he's not good at cutting short hair.
So can you give me somebody else?
And I'm sure that they had to like-
The same person has been cutting my hair since I was like 21.
Yeah.
Now I'm like, look, I'm just going to admit it.
And she didn't move away for a little bit.
I got a super cut now.
Hey, listen, I did that with Melanie a couple of times and it was worth it.
Look, it cost me like yesterday-
When I didn't use color or anything.
Yeah.
I bought a bottle of Kenra hairspray and I got my haircut.
I was in and out within 30 minutes and it was $45 with the tip.
That's nice.
Yeah.
And honestly, I come home and usually cut my hair more after them.
I haven't done it yet because I haven't looked at it, but they do it.
They're all trained.
They all have to go to training.
Yeah, absolutely.
And most of the time, these are people that come in there and just like, they have to
have experience before they can get a salon.
And it's all this, I mean, in my opinion, it's the same.
Melanie had a bad experience one time and I did have to cut her hair for her later because
the lady gave her short layers, which means a lot of layers.
And she kind of looked like she had a little bit of a mullet in the back.
I had to cut like an inch or two off the bottom to even it out.
Oh, shit.
See, that's what I'm a little bit afraid about that for my hair right now because she was
cutting some layers and I was like, oh, I don't know if she cut enough on the bottom,
but yeah.
Okay.
Let's see.
You have on here, why they have so much stuff in their purse.
That's literally how it's written too.
I was trying to, I'm sorry.
I was getting my stuff, I was getting it together as I was walking out the door.
So I didn't pay attention to grammar.
Honey, you got a lot of stuff in your purse too, don't you?
Linda, that is my purse right now.
Well, that's your purse right now, but what's your purse normally?
My Neverfull.
Yeah.
You got the same one.
I know.
And you should go look at it right now.
It's been used as storage right now.
You go in there and I've got like four wallets in it.
I both have these little things right now.
The cross body like fanny packy thingy.
Yeah I can't fit that much in there, but.
Yeah that one's the smaller one.
But yeah, I have like two pairs of glasses, a pair of sunglasses.
Yes I have a pair of glasses, a pair of sunglasses.
I have a fingernail clipper kit.
I have a whole bag.
You have a fingernail clipper kit?
Yeah.
You keep fingernail clippers with you in your purse.
Yes, because I don't want to bite my nails.
So if I break a nail, I want to be able to cut it off.
Seriously do you break nails that often?
Yes.
Then you just bring your X-ACTO knife.
Leave me alone.
That is for cuticles only.
She cuts her cuticles with her X-ACTO knife.
It's so funny.
I think about it sometimes.
I'm like I should go get an X-ACTO knife.
Exactly.
Get on Amazon.
I would cut my whole finger off if I was.
No you won't.
Yeah I will.
No you won't.
You probably, your X-ACTO knife is probably dull at this point.
Do you ever change the blade?
I have a brand new one and I have new blades too.
So you shut up.
Oh look at you.
Fancy, mancy, pansy.
You're crazy.
Oh lord.
I mean I got all kind of shit in there.
I got chapstick, I got deodorant in there.
You put deodorant in there too?
And you're the one asking why we have so much stuff in our purse?
Yeah.
I got a whole cosmetic bag full of lipsticks and chapsticks and face powder.
I got lotion in there.
I put my entire makeup bag in my purse.
My big purse.
Mine's not even that big.
Always.
I do have, I think I have a thing of mascara in there too.
But I don't know.
So like if I go anywhere I will have my makeup with me.
I have indigestion medicine in there.
I have hand sanitizer in there.
That's a lot more than I have.
I gotta be prepared, man.
But normally my bag is full.
And I get really upset when I like switch, like that's the purse that I brought to Philly
with me for work and I got there.
The little one?
Yes.
And I needed other things and I was upset.
So whatever.
So what?
I can't decide where this is going.
I don't know.
I feel like I had other things that I sent you that are not on this list.
No you didn't.
Yeah, well there's stuff at the top that you have skipped over.
Oh I have?
Yeah.
Oh yeah.
Why do people not tell other people that having kids is hard?
So like people are like, oh, I feel like they're trying to get us to join their misery.
They're like, when are you gonna have a baby?
You should have a baby.
And I'm like, why?
You're miserable with your kids.
And they always, oh, it's a blessing.
It's because you can't tell people that you hate your kids and you hate taking care of
kids and they're very exhausting.
You can't say that.
So you have to be like, it's really, it's hard, it's difficult, but it's so worth it.
Yeah.
Baloney.
I love it when you say baloney.
That makes me laugh.
I mean, I don't think that they actually hate their children.
I think that they hate that they have children after it's said and done or whatever.
They're pain in the fucking ass.
Yeah.
And then they're like marriage is suffering because they, the other one's not taking,
doing their fair share of whatever.
And they're all exhausted and they hate each other because they're exhausted.
Oh, I got mad at Brandon today.
I needed to make up my guest bed and I got up to go do that.
He knew exactly what I was doing.
He sat there on his phone.
I'm convinced he knew what I was doing and it's up against the wall.
So I have to like get on the bed to like put the fitted sheet on there or whatever.
And I'm huffing and puffing and just making all this.
On purpose so that he'll help you?
And finally.
Sarah.
Lord.
He didn't get up.
I finally said, Brandon Mitchell.
And he said, yes.
And I said, I'm making this bed.
Are you coming or what?
And I was almost done with all of it.
And he walked in there.
I said, well, now I know if we ever break up, I can make this bed by myself.
And he goes, see, you're an independent woman.
I was like, good for you, Brandon.
Look, I was going to say, I was like, Sarah, if you didn't have him, you would have to
do it yourself anyway.
So like chill out.
But also did you talk to him like you're his mother, Brandon Mitchell?
I didn't even know he had a middle name until just now.
I did.
Brandon Mitchell.
When I get mad at him, I usually call him Brandon Sue.
But Brandon, like your dog.
Oh, that's hilarious.
But I knew that he wouldn't respond to me the way I needed him to if I did that.
So I called him the real thing.
Brandon Sue.
Oh my God.
That's hilarious.
I didn't even know he had a middle name.
Yeah.
I mean, I would assume he had a middle name, but I didn't know it was Mitchell.
Yeah.
So interesting.
Yeah.
No, I just I don't understand people with their children like and then having the kids
when you get pregnant, some people are like, I love being pregnant.
I'm like, why?
And then there's an attention and people are like, oh, you sit here, you're pregnant.
And you get the you get the parking spot at Target in the front, the pregnant women parking
spot.
OK.
And you get your husband's like, oh, no, don't do anything.
So they do every for you.
Yeah.
But if you're pregnant, normally guys are like, oh, just sit right here and don't do
anything and bottle.
And you're pregnant.
But like, they don't tell you about the stuff that like you throw it up.
Yeah.
swollen ass feet.
You get hemorrhoids.
Yeah, your feet get bigger too.
You get hemorrhoids.
Did you know that you get hemorrhoids?
Like big ones.
No.
Yes.
Like your butthole comes out on the outside.
Collapse butthole.
Yeah, basically that's a hemorrhoid.
No.
Yes.
I'm not doing that.
No.
Adopt.
Adopt people.
Adopt, don't shop.
Jesus.
Don't, yeah, don't buy a puppy
or don't breed the puppies.
Go get one from the Humane Society.
Yes.
Or just get a puppy and not a kid.
Yeah, that's fair.
I mean, I definitely would rather have those.
But I agree with you.
I think that it should be more socially acceptable
to say having kids is a pain in the ass
and you should definitely think about it before you do it.
Right.
Like what's the big deal?
Because people are like,
oh, I wanna have kids so bad.
I wanna have kids so bad.
And I don't think they realize
that they may not wanna have kids
because they're thinking,
oh, that's what I'm supposed to do.
And everybody talks about how they're kids,
but I swear it's because people want you
to join in their misery.
Like, you know what I mean?
Well, that or your parents wanna be grandparents and,
But why?
Right.
Because they want you to go
through the same crap they went through.
Oh, I'm sure that my mom would love
for me to experience a hellion like myself.
Yeah.
It ain't happening.
How does Brandon feel about that?
He's good.
Oh, cool.
We wouldn't be together if he was like,
I need children.
Well, it's a deal breaker for me.
Yeah.
But isn't that like a new thing that you've decided?
No.
Oh, it's not?
I thought it was like-
I told my mom years ago.
Oh, I thought you had decided like last year.
No, I told my mom at least seven years ago.
Oh, cool.
Yeah.
Well, I think Brandon would be a very good dad.
Yeah.
And like, I have no question about that,
you know, whatever, but it's just not what we wanna do.
Yeah.
That's good.
Yeah.
Don't change your mind.
Don't get an accidental oopsie doopsie.
Oopsie doopsie poopsie baby.
That is not happening.
Like what it-
Oh, also, okay, so how in the world do these people,
have you seen those TV shows where it's like,
I didn't know I was pregnant?
No, I was pregnant.
Yeah.
How?
I saw something the other day and I can't remember.
Oh, it was on TikTok.
So it was a live body cam footage of this police officer
or whatever that showed up at the hospital
because this girl had been admitted to the hospital.
She had to go to the bathroom.
She was in there forever.
She had a baby, put it, she was like 17, had a baby,
put it in the garbage can, put another liner on top of it.
And the maintenance worker came in there
and knew that like blood had been cleaned up
and they found the dead baby.
It was dead?
Yes.
This is why abortion should be allowed.
Her mother never knew she was pregnant.
I don't, I assume she knew she was pregnant
because she knew what the hell to do.
She could have died in the middle of that.
Oh, 100%.
Absolutely.
Yeah, that's scary.
But you know, they do have those programs
like at hospitals where you can like,
it's like a don't ask, don't tell kind of thing
where you can just show, I forgot what it's called.
Like if you have a baby and you decide you can't have it,
you can just show up and they won't ask any questions.
You bring them your baby and you can leave
and just, they'll take it.
And I think that that's great.
But also that girl, that was different.
Like she was, she didn't want anybody
to know she was pregnant.
And she could probably couldn't get an abortion.
She probably couldn't afford an abortion.
Well, right, but she was in a hospital.
All you had to do was have that baby
and let somebody else deal with it.
Right.
There are people all over the place trying to adopt.
That's so scary.
It is crazy.
So, but yeah, I don't understand like how,
and the pain that she was going through,
she should have told somebody.
If I was having a baby in the hospital, in the bathroom,
I would have been like, get me another girl.
No.
I mean, how does nobody know she was having a baby?
I don't know.
Like how do they not know?
Just don't know.
Can like young girls like that,
they're not maybe not fully developed
to where their hips are as big as ours,
where they can just pop a baby out.
You know, I don't know.
I don't know either.
Why do dogs have tails?
I did not even copy that one in here.
I know you didn't, but I think there's reason for that.
Some dogs don't have tails.
Because they're docked, honey.
Yeah, cause we chopped them off.
Yes, they're docked on purpose.
Are you Googling it?
You didn't know that?
Like, and that's why it's so like,
when you get a dog adopt it from like a,
like an adoption place,
they make you sign a paper that says
that you won't dock your dog's tails.
Okay, well that is not true.
Yes it is.
People dock their dog's tails.
What are you reading right now?
Said some dogs are born without any tail.
Well, some dogs, like that never happens,
but dogs most-
A French bulldog, a Boston Terrier, a Welch corgi,
they don't have to get their tails docked.
They're already teeny tiny.
They're tiny, but they get their tails docked.
No, they don't.
Yeah.
Seven breeds are born without a wagger.
Rover.com.
Okay, but the other dogs, they get their tails docked.
I understand that.
Yeah.
Okay.
I know that.
Okay, you made it sound like you didn't know that.
No, I know that, just like
Doberman Pinschers get their ears clipped.
But why do they have tails
versus some dogs don't have tails?
I would say evolution.
Agreed, but you know what?
Do you know who doesn't believe in evolution?
Mandy.
Our friend Mandy.
We had a whole conversation the other day,
and I said, are you serious?
I said something about evolution.
She's like, no, I don't believe in evolution.
And I said, what?
I was like, are you serious?
I went to a whole seminar in college.
She was serious.
It's like a bigger person.
Creationism versus evolution.
Yeah, I was like, and then I just was like, oh.
I was so shocked.
I was like, oh my God, she's teaching our children too.
She's a teacher.
Mandy, sorry, but I still think it's weird
that you don't believe in evolution.
I love you, but okay.
She thinks that we came from Adam and Eve, I suppose.
To each his own.
That's what they teach at church.
Yes.
Oh yeah, so.
Why?
Okay, here's one.
Why, and this was geared towards dudes, I guess.
Why can your girlfriend complain about her friends,
but you can't?
Wait, so wait, you mean your girlfriend
mean like a boyfriend girlfriend?
Or like.
No, it'd be like me going home
and I'm fussing with you or whatever,
and I'm bitching about you, and Brandon's like,
yeah, that bitch, and I'm like, don't call her bitch.
Yes.
That's true.
Because it's my friend, and I get to call.
It's like, she's my friend.
I can call her that, but nobody else can.
Yes.
I mean, that's good.
I know.
If it gets to the point where you allow somebody
to call them that, then there's a problem
with your friendship, probably.
Yeah, 100%.
It just made me laugh when I read that.
Yeah, that's funny.
I get that.
Oh man, I feel like that a lot.
Why are, okay.
So you know how you can take a plan.
She's putting her phone down.
I'm nervous now.
I'm just putting it down
because I don't have anything else to read off there.
Why is it that we can take a plant
and clip off a piece and put it in water
and regrow it, but why can't we do it with bodies?
What if you could clip off your toe?
Isn't that what stem cell researchers
try to figure out? Yeah, but you have to take stem cells
from your umbilical cord or whatever they do.
I don't know how to.
I don't know anything about it.
It's from babies and stuff, or your-
I think we're working on it.
But you can't cut off our toe
and then put it in water or blood or something
and let it grow a tail and start growing roots
and then grow another human.
That would be cool.
It would be cool.
It would be cloning.
What about cryogenics?
Would you freeze yourself?
No, not unless I was gonna die soon or something
or the world was ending.
Yeah, that's what I mean though.
But that's basically killing yourself
because you don't know if you're gonna wake yourself.
Who's gonna wake you up?
Well, yeah.
Well, I know there's obviously,
that was like for real available.
There would be a plan in place
for like a wake back up situation.
But like if you knew that the world was ending,
would you freeze yourself
and just hope for the fucking best?
Probably not.
Would you?
I don't know.
I would not be the first to go.
I'd be the last one.
I'd make sure everybody else was frozen first.
And then I'd be like, okay, now I'm gonna decide-
I don't have any friends left.
Yeah.
Let's go ahead.
I'll just go ahead and do it.
Yeah.
Because either that or I'm just gonna die alone.
Which everybody, yeah.
I have a random shout out that I wanna put up on here
because I talked to her today.
This girl that I went to high school with,
her name is also Sarah.
I wanna give her congratulations.
She just got engaged.
Very excited for her.
And she's a podcast listener.
So I just wanted to give her a little shout out.
She lives in Cali.
Hey.
Yeah.
Hey, hey.
We're so happy to have you as a listener.
Please continue listening.
And if you have anything you want us to talk about,
we'll talk about it.
Yes.
Yeah, I'm interested to hear what people in other states,
not southern states, think about.
First of all, our accents.
Yeah.
Especially yours is weird.
Well, whatever.
Well, it was-
Just kidding.
You know, Jessica's met her and Koko has too.
When we went out to visit Koko,
she works in, I think radio in the wine industry
outside of San Francisco.
And so she met us at a winery and we were out there.
So they've met her, but she was also telling me,
I think she's been together with her guy
for a really long time.
And she said finally two years ago, she brought him home
to visit her dad's side of the family.
I don't think her mom lives up there anymore,
but she brought him home to, and it's like, I mean,
the Twilight Zone for some people.
Like Thomas went home with Jerry last year
when we went in September and he loved it,
had a great time, like, you know, whatever.
But some people just are like, is this for real?
Yeah.
Yeah, it's just so different.
It's because they've never been out
of their own little like bubble.
Well, not only that, but I think that people
don't understand what's actually in upstate New York.
Like I think everybody just thinks New York City,
New York City, New York City.
And then when you drive two hours home from the airport,
because that's how far away it is,
it's a very different world up there.
Yeah, well, I'm gonna have to go there soon.
Yeah.
To see what it's like.
Oh, I talked to Donnie on the way over here
and she said to tell you hello.
Hello, Miss Donnie Wanning.
We miss you.
I know, she did such a good job.
She did.
I was gonna say something
and I've completely forgot what it was.
Oh, I'm sorry.
No, it's okay, it's not your fault.
I'll remember it soon.
Okay.
Oh, okay, here we go.
Why is it that we can name our pets
like things like Butterbean?
And like.
Stop.
And like Pookie Wookie or like some stuff like that.
Cricket.
Yeah, cricket.
But I mean, there are people that have named crickets.
Yeah, that's fair.
Which Cricket, my dog, was named after a little girl
that I used to give swimming lessons to, Cricket.
Oh, Cricket Sue.
Cricket Houdini.
Oh, Cricket.
There she is.
She's getting up.
So, but why can we, like Butterbean,
nobody would ever name their kid Butter.
Maybe somebody would.
Listen, I do not agree with you
because I think that there are probably some nurses
in some urban hospitals that keep lists
and labor and delivery of names of their children.
I've heard of somebody being named Lasagna,
L-A-Z-O-Y-N-A.
No. Lasagna.
I know.
I'm like, was her last name Alfredo?
But even celebrities though, like who is it?
What's her face? Apple?
Yes.
Gwyneth Paltrow?
Exactly where I was going, 100%.
Apple?
Or Blue Ivy even, Beyonce.
That's weird, Blue Ivy.
But Blue, did they call her Blue?
I don't even know.
I don't care.
Bluey, like the dog from Bluey?
Y'all, that TV show is the best.
It's like a cartoon.
If you haven't watched Bluey, you gotta watch it.
There are some other good ones
that are just like ridiculous.
Sailor.
Sailor is like, I feel like that's a name for people,
but I would never name my kid that.
Right.
I can't say never, never say never,
but I'm probably not her name,
so I wouldn't be naming my kid that.
But I don't know, why can't we name people,
why is it okay for us to name like our dogs Butterbean?
Listen, I mean, you can name your kid whatever.
But our people have to be named like Catherine.
Yeah, but you can name your kid whatever you want.
I know, but it's not socially acceptable.
It's socially acceptable for your dog to be named Butterbean.
They're gonna get bullied at school, for sure.
You think they're gonna get bullied,
or you think they're gonna be like owning it?
Like my kids would be like,
whatever, my name is cooler than yours.
Yeah, because that's what you teach them to do.
And I'm born to Gwyneth Paltrow,
so you can just suck it.
Oh, we are not born to Gwyneth Paltrow.
But you know, if you're Gwyneth Paltrow's kid.
No, but I get what you're saying.
I mean, I think probably it started from like,
I mean, a lot of people, especially in the South,
are named after people.
And you know, or a lot of people will name their child,
whatever the mother's maiden, last maiden name was.
Well, I'm just gonna, if I have a kid,
I'm gonna name it after my dog, Butterbean.
How dare you.
I'm gonna call it Bee Bee.
There you go.
Bee Bee Butterbean.
Bee Bee Crampsey.
Oh, little Bee Bee.
Yeah, all right, well,
I think that wraps it up for the day.
An abrupt wrap up, okay.
Well, thank you guys for joining us.
You can find us on Instagram at Thick AF Podcast.
Like Emily said earlier, shoot us an email.
If you have any FMKs, I wanna try a game next week,
truth or drink.
So that'll be a new one for us.
And you can send us an email at thickafpodcasts at gmail.com
and like, follow, rate, review,
and we will see you next week.
I'm gonna say bye.
Bye.
I was waiting for her to say bye
and then she didn't say anything.
I'm her god, I was just like, okay, time to go.
It's your signature.
Toodaloo, mother of turkeys.
Ha ha ha.
A, B, C, D, E, F, G.
I have to go.
Ha ha ha.
I don't know why it's so good.
Ha ha ha.
Oh my god.
Ha ha ha.