Welcome to the Thick AF Podcast.
Welcome back.
It's Simile and hey, it's Sarah.
And we have a new friend here today.
Her name is Santana.
You may have heard about her on some of our episodes that we've had.
She's never been here before.
And so she might be a little shy.
Probably not that shy.
I'm shy.
I'm Santana.
No, can we start over?
No, we can't start over.
I don't know why.
I just got really shy because she said I was going to be shy.
She was shy earlier when she burped into the microphone.
Okay, why in the back was Rosie?
That was not me.
Fair enough.
Oh my God.
Okay, can I just, okay, let's redo my part.
Oh my God.
It's me, Santana.
Hey Santana.
Thanks for joining us.
Welcome.
We're so happy for you to be here.
So in all fairness, we did record with Santana previously.
However, we were in the car on the way to go see the Giggly Squad.
And it sounded terrible.
So we did not do anything with it.
Mics wouldn't work.
We only had like, did we have two mics?
Yeah, we had like-
We had two mics, but they were only recording one and we didn't figure it out until like
halfway through what we were recording.
But you could also just hear like the hall of the interstate.
It was also like our second week recording ever.
So we didn't know what we were doing.
Well, we were so excited because we had Mason and we like told Santana's love story with
her now husband.
And so it was just like, well, now we have to have these people on here because, you
know, we told their story.
So why can't they tell her?
So like why we long pause, can I call Aaron real quick?
Because he said he just had to give Chadwick a bath and like that means something happened
to Chadwick.
So let me just figure out what happened to Chadwick.
Chadwick's my dog.
Okay.
So Santana's husband Aaron just called and I can't believe I called him your husband.
I feel like I keep thinking he's your boyfriend, but he's not.
They're married now and he just called and we had to do a pause here because there's
a story for Santana to tell.
All right.
Tell us what happened.
We don't know yet.
Well, we sort of know.
No.
So, so the text message said, how a story to tell you when you get home was given Chaddy
Chaddy.
So we call her because she's so sweet.
Her dog.
Yeah.
Her name's Chadwick a bath and taking a shower.
Chadwick does not just routinely take baths FYI.
So I knew something happened.
So I said, Oh my God, what happened?
He said, I rather not tell you until you get home.
So what do I do?
I immediately call him because I'm like, Oh my God, what happened?
So in our backyard, there's a stupid storm drain and actually we've called the city and
they're coming.
Am I too loud?
Sorry.
Mic check.
We called the city and they're supposed to come look at it because it's like, like eroding
and there's this whole other issue.
Anyways, we've been talking to my friend Allen and we're like, Oh my God, we've got to build
something over it.
One of the dogs is going to fall in it.
Well guess what?
Aaron's lovely butt lets dogs out and he says he is just, you know, feeling the vibe of
this gummy.
Can I, can I say that?
Yeah.
Okay.
Oh yeah.
Okay.
So he's just chilling cause he's taking a gummy.
He's living his best life, whatever the dogs are outside.
And he's like Chadwick went around like the backside of the, by the way, we have a blocked
off.
Well, I thought we had it blocked off.
And then he said, next thing he knows, like Chadwick's not around and he herns, he hears
a splash.
No.
OMG.
Like a pshh.
Yeah.
Like a pshh.
I'm imagining it.
I'm hearing it in my head, but I can't say it.
Like, all right, wait.
Well, now I know she's okay.
It's kind of funny.
Chadwick is falling down this storm drain that's like 10 foot deep.
He has, Chadwick is also like a dog sin mix.
So she's like a teeny tiny little dog.
Yeah.
Chadwick's very tiny.
Well, not very.
She's not very tiny.
Yeah.
She's like 20 pounds.
Has no business being with- She's not 20 pounds.
Yes she is.
She's like 15.
She's 20.
I have her vet record.
Oh my gosh.
She's a big girl.
Dang.
Well, she needs to go on a diet, but anyways, um, so anyways, he says she goes down this
flipping storm drain, you hear the splash.
There's this concrete thing on top of it.
So he has to like get it off.
That thing looks like it weighs a hundred pounds.
It's huge.
I mean, this thing is at least like two and a half by two and a half.
Is this in the grass part?
Six inches thick.
It's huge.
Like how far back is it?
Cause I don't remember seeing it.
It's not in the, it's over to the left.
You know, like if you're, yeah.
Okay.
It's over there to your left.
I wonder why that's in the backyard.
Well, it probably should have been like a French drain done very differently and it
just wasn't.
And so now it's this big ass drain.
Well, and it's like eroding.
So there's like, there's, it's got wrought iron or not, but like steel rebar and they're
holding this top part that again weighs about a hundred pounds.
So on all four of the corners, this rebar is holding it up, but it is like rusting.
Oh my God.
And so the city's supposed to come out Monday.
My friend, Alan, who works for Shelby County, this kind of stuff is supposed to come out
next week as well and look at it.
Well Chadwick decides she wants to look at it first.
So Aaron said he has to go down this freaking lat.
There's a ladder evidently inside of it, like a rebar ladder.
He says I have to crawl down it.
She's somehow swam over to the side and like standing there out of the water.
Oh my gosh, a poor baby.
I know.
Was she hurt?
Like he says no, but like, I need to check her out.
She's not like limping or anything.
He said no.
He said he gave her, well, he checked her out.
She's like a cat.
Whoa, she really is this dog.
Oh my God.
I mean, it's just one of those things.
Like at least it's not like hard and dry down there.
You know what I mean?
So she probably did.
If she landed in the water, she probably didn't like, she's fine.
But like, I would give Mason lessons.
Yeah.
What if Aaron had not heard a, oh yeah.
What if Aaron had not heard the splash and she would have just like stuck down there?
You know what makes me nervous?
It's like, sometimes he'll just leave them out there for like 30 minutes.
So like, what if Chadwick was just like hanging out and like, he looked for, well, okay.
Then he said he looked for her founder.
He didn't really, he wasn't really with her.
He hears a splash, right?
I forgot about this part.
He says he doesn't have his phone on him.
So he doesn't have a flashlight.
So he has to like, he's panicking, right?
So he runs inside, he finds this freaking solar lantern that's like half charged.
He's like, he takes it down, there's like blinking the whole time.
Oh my God.
Well, at least there was a ladder.
Why is there a ladder in it?
Cause it's 10 foot deep.
Well, I mean like, what do you need to go down there for?
I don't know.
We can ask Chadwick.
She obviously knows now.
I'm sure if it was put in there by the city, then they have to have a way to maintain it.
I guess.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Flip it.
So Chadwick is on a mission to like, she has a thousand lives.
She does.
So Thanksgiving we went to, I'm sorry, I'm taking over.
We went to Aaron's parents and Chadwick decided she's going to go through.
Okay.
So there's like two levels.
She's on the second level.
There's stairs, there's railing.
She just thought she's going to go through the railing and stand on this like literally
six inch.
Oh my gosh.
No, it was six inches.
That's actually pretty big.
It might not even been that.
She couldn't even do a full turn around.
How did she?
I'm not exact.
I don't even know.
Oh my God.
What does she, how far up was she?
It's like so wide at my hand.
It was like her townhouse.
That was like.
Oh my God.
And it's just like.
I mean, I would say it's anywhere between like 16 to 20 feet.
Yeah.
Well, she's very adventurous these days.
Yeah.
So anyways, we're sitting there comp, we're just minding our own business, watching TV.
And I keep hearing her cry.
So I think she's at the bottom of the stairs and I look up and I'm like, oh my God.
I think she might need, you might need, she might, you might need to give her the suicide
hotline.
Like literally when she did that and like, so I panicked, Aaron jumps up, runs up there
and he's just had collar bone surgery.
He can't even lift her up.
I have to go up there and get her on the other side and we have to like literally wiggle
her up.
But anyways, I told him, I said, I think Chadwick suicidal.
Did you tell him that?
Yeah.
Oh my gosh.
Me too.
I'm like, she's trying to get out.
She's looking for a way out.
And now she's jumping down drain.
But that's like an interesting thought though.
Are dog, do dogs have like depression and like suicidal like tendencies?
I definitely think they have depression.
I mean, my parents had a couple dogs one time.
They both have, are since gone, but they had a like newer Rhodesian Ridgeback rescue and
we had this other dog and he passed away or I can't remember if it was like the oldest,
I don't know what happened, but anyways, they had two dogs, one of them passed away and
this was when I had Greta, my original dog and they called me and they were like, can
Greta Sue?
And they called me and they were like, can Greta, you know, come hang out, you know,
for a little while because you know, so and so is by themselves or whatever.
And so she basically like went over there and lived for a couple of weeks and they ended
up rescuing, you know, another dog or two or three.
I don't know.
Yeah, but what does Chadwick have going on that's so bad that she wants to get out of
his life?
Like she has everything.
She rules a house like, well, she now has a new brother.
Yeah, but she's peeing at her every morning.
She's moved to a new house.
This is all happened all at once.
She got a new dad.
Like, you know, I don't know.
No, she got a dad period.
Oh, she got, yeah.
Okay.
She got a new brother or a brother.
Yeah.
And she's not very happy about that.
Yeah.
I definitely think dogs can be depressed.
But do they like, I wonder if there are any studies that say that like dogs like try to
commit suicide.
Like, should I carve out like me and Chadwick time through the week?
You carry Chadwick in a backpack to the grocery store.
I think she's fine.
I mean, we haven't done that in months by the way and that kind of is explaining things.
You need to go to Home Goods with Chadwick in the backpack.
I love her.
That'll solve all the problems.
I love the backpack.
It has her name on it and I love it.
I need to get a backpack for Butterbean.
Oh, I can give you the website.
Okay.
Well, you have a backpack for your cat.
I do have a backpack for my cat.
He loves it.
He gets in it.
Like if I bring it out.
Yeah, it's in that closet right there.
If you open that closet, like all the things will fall out.
So don't open it.
That's not opening things.
Jolene finally laid down.
I know she did.
Thank you Jesus.
Well, you have that cat backpack.
I get it out anytime, which I should have it out right now because we're going to have
storms tonight.
Yeah.
But when I get it out and he gets in there and he loves it, he just sits in and he'll
be like, and he likes to get in it and hide from the dogs because they can't get him in
there.
You know, it's funny.
We almost got it out earlier because we heard that there were some sirens going off.
Oh yeah.
Oh my gosh.
I was sitting on the couch.
She goes, oh, oh.
There's tornado sirens going off and I'm like.
Emily and I are like, wait, where?
And she's like, it's not here.
It's in Chicago.
I said, duh, it's not here.
That's not what I said.
Well, basically that's how you said it.
Your tone was like, not here in Chicago.
You were like, in Chicago.
And Emily and I are both like, oh my God.
Yeah.
I feel like we would have known if the weather was bad here.
Emily says, I'll have two helmets.
We'll have to lay on top of Santana and cover her.
We went through this whole spiel about making sure which way we need to go in.
I have a go bag in there.
It's got a helmet.
Another helmet's in there.
It doesn't, both helmets don't fit in the backpack.
It's got a lantern.
It's got batteries.
It's got water bottles.
It has like dog's food and dog stuff.
It has a horn, like a blow horn, just in case you get trapped and you prep.
I'm very impressed.
Yeah.
Like I got the stuff.
Look, I'm a tornado.
You get that from your mother.
My mom's not really that way.
It'll happen.
She doesn't prepare her head.
It'll happen to my mom.
They have a storm shelter though in their house and in their garage.
So they go down into it, but they'll be tornadoes and my mom will be running around getting
a jar of peanut butter.
Oh, just in case we get trapped.
Got to have jar of peanut butter and like bottle of wine for sure.
Corkscrew, those things.
I have a storm drain I can go to now.
Yes, you do.
Now that we know we can take the backpack.
I don't know if you want to go in there.
When it storms, when it rains, it would flood and you would drown probably.
I would love like, thank gosh it has been raining, seriously.
Because like Chadwick probably would have broke a leg or something.
I mean, it very well could have happened.
Lord have mercy.
That makes me so sad.
Poor baby.
She had fun though, I'm sure.
Look, I think she had fun up until she realized she couldn't get the hell out by herself.
She's like, oh no, this is- As I'm thinking about it literally though, I know she was
so scared.
She was probably like, where's my mom?
My mom's- Do you think she was scared there or do you
think she was just like, oh, I fell and okay, cool.
Here comes Erin.
She was probably like, when is someone coming to get me?
Like this is not fun anymore.
Yeah.
I wonder if she barked or anything.
Like Cricket, I feel like she would have been down there and it would have been like, woo.
Luna, woo.
I'm drooling like the little dog.
I love my other dog, I love her too.
Chadwick does not really bark unless there's like another animal around and then she's
like, oh.
No, that is incorrect.
When there are other dogs around in Chadwick's eyesight, she tries to eat them.
She does.
I guarantee you she would need to try to eat any animals down there in that dream.
What was it?
Storm dream?
Storm dream.
Can we edit that?
We can't know.
No, we cannot edit that because I literally called the Dixie Chicks Republicans on here.
I'm going to edit it out, but I'm going to take it, your burp that you did earlier and
I'm going to copy it and put it on top of that.
I would like to clarify once again, that was not me, that was Jolene.
I thought it was Rosie.
That was Rosie.
I'm a liar mouth.
Oh my gosh.
Oh my God.
I'm just so glad Chadwick's okay though.
Seriously.
Oh, a hundred percent.
Can you imagine if you got a call, like if Brandon called you and was like, Sarah, I
just got Jolene out of a storm dream.
I would be like, what the hell, Brandon?
What did you do?
Yeah, a hundred percent because also Jolene weighs 60 pounds.
How the fuck is she going to get into a storm drain?
Was it down there?
Like that's what I'm thinking about.
Did Chadwick be it?
Oh my gosh, that is so scary.
She's going to have like nightmares for years.
No, I don't have a nightmare with Chadwick being it.
Like with her being down there like, hey, hey, hey.
She would never be it by the way.
What if you dress her up like that for Halloween next year?
Oh my God, she should be.
And hide her in the drain when we have the Halloween party.
No, I don't want to see her anymore drained.
Oh my God.
How crazy?
Like, like seriously.
That is crazy.
Only Chadwick, only Chadwick.
Hopefully only Chadwick.
Yeah.
Jolene, don't go near storm drains.
Life lesson of 2023.
Yeah.
Hopefully that's the only life lesson you have to go through this year.
So when I went to Atlanta last weekend, I forgot to tell the story last time and I don't
know what came up about this.
We were talking about how I wanted to get my eyebrows microbladed for my birthday.
Well and I like, cause I've always like hated my eyebrows.
I don't know why.
They're amazing.
Yeah.
Thank you.
That's really nice because I've hated them.
I never, I don't do anything to them anymore except for like fill them in.
Because I like, I don't pluck them or, or do I have like sometimes like now I like shave
the ends or whatever.
I mean you fill your own little hairs there.
I don't like to pluck that stuff anymore because it, my eyebrows have been ruined.
So what'd you do?
Overpluck earlier?
Yeah.
Earlier in life.
I think.
Yeah.
And then I have a scar in there.
That was a trend then.
Well yeah.
But like my mom plucked my eyebrows for the first time.
Yeah.
I remember like she didn't take me to get my eyebrows.
She said that I asked her to, I don't know.
I don't remember.
But we sat, I remember she made me go to a room to the, one of the front rooms where
the light was coming in and we sat, I sat on the floor and she plucked my eyebrows and
I was like, she was like, beauty hurts or something.
I don't know what she said, but basically that's what I remember.
She's like, it's okay.
And I was like, but I asked her to do it.
I want it.
And then like, I didn't have any eyebrow.
I mean, I don't know.
She probably did a really good job back then, but you know, but you know, when I, I don't
like to go, I would go get my eyebrows threaded.
I would get them waxed and all that stuff.
And I felt like they always took off the weight.
And they would take it off in the middle.
And it was like, I had like, like no eyebrow and I'm like, Oh God.
So anyways, I, but I wanted to get that done.
But in Atlanta, my point of my story is we, so I'm standing at the bar.
We get there and I forgot what the place that was.
It was in Piedmont park, some little tavern thingy.
We go in there and I'm, possibly, but I don't know.
No, it was something tavern and we're standing there.
I'm standing there at the bar about to get, trying to get in line for a drink.
And there's a police officer there and he has like police officer outfit on and his
police officer.
And he's got like the, the, like, I don't know, the little reflective jacket that says
police on it.
And there's a festival going, there's like a science fair at the Piedmont park that day.
I know I wanted to go to it because it was going to be really cool.
They have like science fairs nowadays, by the way, I won the science fair when I was
little and I like went on to like different levels.
So just, just a heads up.
I know that I sounded like really dumb on here, but I was
like, travel the state.
I, yeah, I can't remember where all I went, but I did, and I don't, I honestly don't even
remember what my science fair project was.
But also I have to just stop you for one second because the story that she told is about murder
in that park.
She left the entire science fair out the last time.
Like, I heard, like we, there was a lot of things that happened.
All she told me about was murder last time.
There was no science fair at all.
That's why you didn't want to talk about murder this time.
So, yeah, we've already talked about it.
So, so we, so there was like a science fair going on anyways, and the police officer,
he's standing there and he's getting a drink from the bar.
And it's like, it looks like a Coke with a straw and a cup, but I was like, you know,
kind of could have been a Jack and Coke.
And I said, I looked at it and I was like, haha, you drinking on the job or something
like that.
I had not had any drinks at this point, by the way, like no drinks.
I was completely sober and he turns around and as, because I said that he starts talking
to me, talking, talking to, and this other girl in front of me that I let get in front
of me, she like, he's like talking, trying to talk to her too.
He's like talking, he's like telling us his whole life story.
And I'm just like, oh, okay.
And then finally I'm like, Rose, I'm like, Rose, what do you want to drink?
Trying to get away from him.
He comes back, he follows me to the table.
He goes and gets his food and he comes back to the table and he's talking to all of us.
And he's really just talking to me and he is talking to me like he wants to go on a
date with me and he, I got his number.
He put his phone number in my phone.
His name was Manny.
Have you told him?
No, but he did tell us that he would be our DD if we needed an Uber that night.
I said, as long as we're not Ubering to jail, like, no, no, no, no.
It's excuse me.
My dog, we all kind of thought maybe he might be like an impersonator, like a police officer
impersonator security guard.
No, he wasn't.
It said police.
I like the police stuff, but I asked him for a card, a business card.
And he was like, no, cause he was, I think he was really trying to get to my phone.
It was like, can I have your number?
But before all the numbers thing, all that phone number stuff, before he asked me for
my number or gave me his number or whatever, cause I was like, you can give me your number.
I'm not getting this more because I'm not, I will never call him.
But I didn't want him to lay be blowing me up.
And he told me, he was like, I don't know what he said, but he said, I love your eyebrows
or something like that.
And I was like, oh really?
And I was like, that's the best compliment ever.
That's a very bizarre compliment.
I know I loved it.
And I was like, please message him and say, Manning, I just got another compliment on
my eyebrows.
Like, cause you did.
We both complimented you.
It was only because I brought it up, but like, thank you.
But no, yeah.
I was like, really?
I was like, I hate my eyebrows.
I, and he was like, they're really nice about them.
So anyway, but forgot her phone code.
No, you're never going to find him.
I've got multiple Manny's in here.
How do you have a multiple?
I know.
I don't even know.
I was going through here the other day when I put his name in there.
I don't even know one person named Manny.
I don't either.
This other person, it's a sales, they're sales reps for work.
And I'm like, I'm like, who's Manny lasagna or Lynn.
And I don't know who it is.
Lasagna?
Lasagna looks like Manny lasagna, Linusia or something like that.
I still honestly, it's actually, I just changed it probably like a year ago.
But like Sarah, when I first met her, I met her at the pool.
Sarah pool.
So it was like Sarah pool for like the longest time.
I saw her last name should be pool.
That's pretty much your middle name.
Yeah, exactly.
And I just changed it to Rob pool.
Well, and like a lot of times, like I'll put like, it'll be like first name, last name
company.
I'll put like their first name and the company I'll put like where I met them.
So like, I remember.
Let me look.
What if it was like Emily cramps the apple?
Okay, so from back in the day of like being online dating or whatever, I have Alex to
golden retrievers.
My dental hygienist, Elise, Dr. Frank.
How do you, how are you looking through?
Are you just like scrolling through to see all the names?
Yeah.
Oh, I have so many.
That's how you name them.
I use Billy Facebook, Billy face.
See, listen, when I put stuff in there, I think I'm going to remember it.
And then I don't remember their name.
Look, I'm like, Billy Facebook.
How many Billy's are on Facebook?
Well, I mean, I don't talk to them anymore.
So it doesn't matter.
Do you remember?
It is dad work.
Claire, Casey Beach, bad uncles don't answer.
I have one Aggie from the hill.
I must've been drunk.
Oh my God.
This is a good one.
I'm not going to say his name, but blank logistics, six feet tall, blank logistics.
Oh, I know who it is.
Do I?
No, I have Al's deli and grill in here.
Do you know what?
They're closed now.
And that used to be, it's makes me so, have you never been there?
Oh my gosh.
It was so good.
We used to go there and then we used to tell everybody.
We said in college, we ran franchise.
Yeah.
I'm pretty sure unless I'm lying, but I'm pretty sure they closed, but you know, they're,
they were right next to the abortion clinic that is also closed.
I think now.
And we used to also always say that if anybody needed to get an abortion, we would go to
the abortion clinic and then afterwards we'd roll them all.
We'd all go over with our sorority sisters and go over and get some Al's afterwards.
That never happened, but that's wild.
No, I have some good ones in my phone.
Brandon, I have another one.
Sarah's boo.
I have one Jake doesn't swim.
Swim.
Was he at the bully?
Most of it in the pool.
I have another one.
Uh, Jason Yoda pitbull.
I don't have any like good ones.
Dog's name was Yoda.
I think so.
I have like no good ones.
What else do I have?
I have Beyonce.com in here.
What is that?
I have one from this dude in Cleveland who would not leave me the F alone.
And I have him in my phone dash.
Do not, do not, do not, do not, do not, do not.
Did you ever do that?
Um, that thing where you put their numbers in there as like a, whatever it was, the grave
thing.
Yeah.
The grave.
I learned about it like before I was, I have like, yeah.
So Mason and I were actually, Oh, I have another one.
Matthew Walmart annoying.
I have a lot of Brandon's in my phone.
A lot of Brandon's and they know last names with them.
Oh goodness.
I have another one.
Mike pilot.
Mike, Mike diamond.
Fraud.
He's a fraud.
I don't know what that meant.
I don't, I put the notes in there like contact so I can't see it.
You know what?
I should start putting it by their last name.
I want to see it.
I should start putting it by their last name.
Well I don't do first and last names.
So like when it pops up, you know, like, Oh.
Well it does pop up if you have it in their little like what they're like their business,
you know how you can like put it in their contact.
It pops up under their name.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
I do have a grave in here.
You've had just one grave.
Can you just one grave?
Just one grave is because I really don't know.
Yes.
All right.
Graveyard.
Tell us about the graveyard.
Surrey.
That's like Surrey.
Oh my gosh.
People that call, you know, what's the thing on your phone called?
Siri.
S I R I right?
Yeah.
Siri.
You said Surrey too.
People, my dad says Surrey.
Like what's a you?
I don't know because that's what I hear everyone else say.
And they say Surrey.
S U R I.
Yeah.
But no, that's like Tom Cruise and what's her name?
Any homes.
Katie Holmes.
Sounded like you said any homes.
Um, her daughter.
Yeah.
Their daughter's name.
And when I see people, they're like saying, Hey Surrey.
And I'm like, she can't understand you because you're not saying the right name, dude.
Say her name right and she might answer you.
I think I do say, Hey Siri.
I do say, Hey Siri.
It's Siri.
Yeah.
Not Surrey.
Oh look, she popped up.
Oh my God.
Hi Siri.
Bye Siri.
Okay.
Graveyard.
Yeah.
So you asked me if I had changed anybody's name in my phone to the, um, graveyard.
It's not graveyard.
It's called the graveyard, but to the headstone emojis.
And it was something that I saw on Tik Tok, I think.
And it was this thing where this girl, like if she either, you know, got ghosted or kind
of dismissed by somebody, she would just go ahead and change their name to these headstone
emojis.
And so if they reach back out to her, she would be like, Hey, sorry to inform you.
You have been, you know, quarantined to the graveyard.
If you want to get out of the graveyard, you, you know, have to blah, blah, blah.
And I can't remember exactly what it was.
And so I saw this like right before I started dating Brandon.
So when I just got to the end of my, you know, contacts or whatever, my phone, I only had
one graveyard person in there.
I don't know who they are.
I've never heard back from them.
But it's a good way to like put somebody there without like just leaving them in your phone
or whatever.
And then being like, I, you know, put you here.
I don't know who you are anymore.
So tell me who you are and why you want to, you know, reach back out to me.
Honestly, if somebody texts me and I didn't know who they were, I'd be like, I legit,
I wouldn't even have to put the graveyard by their name.
I would just be like, new phone.
Who do?
Yeah.
Like who, who is this?
Yeah.
I'd pretty much be like, I'm so sorry.
I don't have your number saved.
Who is this?
Listen, I used to save numbers like immediately because I'm also like part of the FBI and
I can find anybody on the interwebs.
So like a lot of times before somebody would even tell me their last name, I already knew
what it was and they were already saved in my phone that way.
And then I quit because I felt like it was bad luck.
So I would just leave people's numbers out there.
Wait, what you felt like it was bad luck.
Bad luck.
You have such weird like justifications.
It was bad luck to put their name in your phone.
Yeah.
Before like they told, like it was just too early, like bad luck too early.
Wait, what?
I don't get that.
Like how was that bad luck?
Like I took it as if you had already like investigated them and found out who they were.
I did.
You're right.
But why was that bad luck for you?
Cause it was just too quick.
Cause it didn't last.
You know, on this online dating stuff, you can talk to like 75 people and go out on a
date with like five of them.
And why do you need 75 numbers in your phone?
So then how do you know who you're talking to?
If you're talking to 75 people without their names in your phone number.
I wasn't talking to 75 people.
I don't know.
Listen, I can barely take care of myself at 35.
My friend's cousin who I like semi dated for a hot minute, he literally did not, he didn't
have my phone and he had everyone's numbers memorized.
He did not have anybody's phones.
Like if you wanted to, not that I ever, I never went through his phone or anything ever.
Just cause I'm like, don't really care.
But like if you wanted to go through his phone, you couldn't figure out who he was talking
to because he didn't have it literally.
He had not even his mom's number saved.
I mean, I memorized some numbers, but like, I'm like, are we back in the eighties?
So I don't know what's going on here.
I don't know.
I got really good at like memorizing numbers.
Like I don't even like, I know my number and I still know my grandparents number from when
I was growing up.
I could not tell you my mom's number right now.
I could tell you the phone number to the house that I grew up in.
Me too.
340-1810.
And I'm 6 7 3 5 7 2.
2 7 0 5 1 9.
7 2 7 9.
I knew like Allie's, Jody's, I knew all my friends' numbers and I used to call them on
the house phone.
Oh my gosh.
There was a TikTok or an Instagram, one of those videos who even, I don't have TikTok,
so it was probably on TikTok and then moved to another place.
But somebody was like on there like talking about, they were like, it's a phone that's
like in the house that's for everyone.
And it's like connected and it stays in the house.
Who was this for?
Like Gen Z?
Is there something?
Yeah, I guess.
And they're just like saying like, no, they don't, they they're like, what is this?
We don't know what this is.
Also, back in the day, whenever we had internet, you couldn't talk on the phone at the same
time.
No!
That's what I remember.
Before it met dicks sucking lips.
You've got mail.
My brother would be like, they're not listening to me, but I'm going to talk to them.
We are listening, but we're laughing at the same time.
Did you hear what Sarah said?
Okay.
I'm trying to make this PG.
Just kidding.
This podcast is not PG.
PG 21.
We clicked the explicit checkbox.
Don't worry.
So these dicks sucking lips.
No, I'm kidding.
No, but seriously, I would get so mad because like my brother would be on the internet and
I would, or my brother would get so mad because he'd be on the internet and I like pick up
the phone to call a friend or vice versa.
And I'd be like, Jared!
Like, I was so bad.
Oh my God.
My mom would try to be like, okay, you can be on the internet for this time.
Never.
Oh, absolutely.
Well, that, and I mean, we talked about this like in a different aspect before, but like
once like you really did kind of get like non-dial up internet or whatever, like if
your sibling went and like you had an away message up that you wanted people to see and
you wanted to know what they, people had left you for messages on aim, you know, when you
came back and then your sibling logs you out and logs in and like puts an away message
up.
Oh my God.
Cause then you miss whatever messages.
Like you're not getting those hoes back.
I mean, you could text message, but it wasn't like really a thing.
No, it was that, uh, AOL.
AOL was like the only thing we had.
Like that's how we would like message.
Well, there were text messages once we started getting cell phones, which was it like when
we were 18 or something like we were adults.
Yeah.
But, and we had like snake on our phone and then you didn't have like the QWERTY, what
is that?
What they call it?
The QWERTY keyboard.
You have like the numbers and you had to like, oh my God, punch, punch, punch, punch, punch.
I was so good at that.
We were so bad.
Like dang, we would have get texts or some from that if we had those.
What is so bad?
Also, you have a name like mine where I, my S was four letters away.
Then I gotta do A, then I gotta go one, two, three, then I gotta do one more A.
Same.
S-A-N-G-A-N-A.
But you get so fast at it.
Like we were so, I mean, I was fast at it.
But also my last name was tricky because the I-G-H were all on the same button and they
were, so you had, I had to wait.
Like I could do the W and the R and then I had to do the one, one, two, one, two, three.
Oh, that's so annoying.
Oh my gosh.
Y'all don't even know kids these days.
You have no idea.
Like if we made them, you know what?
They should have, they should have to go back and do it.
They should.
They should also have to take notes in a notebook instead of a laptop.
Yeah.
Agreed.
I still take notes on a notebook.
Me too.
I have all my notebooks on my thing.
I have all, that thing's full of notebooks.
Actually, and still at work, I use a pencil still.
Ew, a sharpening pencil that you sharpen or like.
I know, it's like a mechanical.
Oh no.
But I still use one.
At my old job, they had, when I started, I remembered them, like they had a bunch of
pencils that you had to sharpen and I was like, where's the sharpen?
They all had, they had sharpeners and like a pencil.
And I was like, no.
Do y'all not remember going to class in college though and like you left your laptop in your
dorm?
Like you didn't bring it to class with you.
I didn't dorm.
I think it, yeah, I think it depends.
Yeah, no, I did.
I did.
Yeah.
I don't even know if I had a laptop.
Yeah, I did.
I did.
I had a laptop, but I had to leave it, like in my, I left it in my dorm room.
I didn't bring it to class.
I think it was awesome.
Yeah, you didn't use it for class.
It was huge.
I think I did at some, at some point.
Well, I didn't even know how to connect to wifi at the time.
I can't remember when I started bringing a laptop to class, but yeah, no, but because
we had those books.
Our books were like 44 inches thick.
Oh my God.
This is why we all have back problems.
Yeah.
They say we have like texter's head or whatever.
No, no.
Carrying all the books.
Yes.
And the back, and we would wear our LL Bean backpacks like stretched all the way down to
our ankles.
I had a North Face backpack.
Relax.
Oh, I did too, but I had LL Bean first.
I still have it.
It's bright orange and it has my name on it.
OMG.
It's under my bed I think in there.
I remember I got my Vera Bradley one.
I was like, I'm like, oh my God, I'm so cool.
Like why did I get bright orange?
I still have my Vera Bradley duffel.
That thing is kept up over the years.
Actually, I like Vera Bradley.
I'm not going to lie.
Oh, 100%.
But the backpacks, I'm not carrying a backpack, but like a duffel bag, totally a little makeup
like travel kit.
Yeah.
Got that.
Also, I got it from the like outlet store in.
So it wasn't a hundred dollars.
Yeah.
No, no, no, no, girl.
No.
All of my like travel things, I'm pretty sure, not all of them, except for the one you just
gave, you gave me, because I love that thing now.
Do you?
Yeah.
I like literally keep it in there and with all my stuff in it and I'll just like have
it there and I just like take it when I'm ready to go.
I just have it chilling.
I love that.
But like all my other ones were basically like things that I got from like free gifts
with purchase from like Langcomb.
Oh my gosh.
I've had a ton of those over the years from like Estee Lauder and what's the Clinique?
What's the one, it wasn't a makeup bag, but the, you would like pay a monthly fee.
You got Ipsy.
Ipsy.
Yeah.
I'm not sure if you've ever had one.
No, but I have little baggies.
Yeah.
Every month their little minis come in a little zip like cosmetic bag.
It's very like small.
But the one that I use right now is like, show me your pits.
Sarah got me that for my birthday.
Show me your pitties.
Like show me your titties.
Yeah, not my pits, like my armpit, sorry.
I got really excited.
I want to talk about my toenail polish because I keep looking at it and it's really cute.
Oh yeah.
Y'all are supposed to tell me about the story that happened at the pedicures.
Well, we went, Santana and I went and got pedicures this afternoon and we didn't get
to go to the place that we wanted to go to, which is fine, but we went to a different
place and we were the only ones in there and it was great because it was just the two of
us.
But my lady was pushing my seat all the way back because I got long legs.
And then when it came time for Santana to get her toenails painted, she had to scoot
up from the back of the seat to the front of it so she could get her feet up there.
Were you in the pedicure?
Did you see that?
Yeah.
Do your feet touch the water?
Yes.
I can touch the water.
My legs are really short.
My foot wasn't sitting flat on the- Oh, I have to scoot up too.
The little stool where they start painting, where they do all the work.
She had to scoot all the way to the front of the chair because her chair wouldn't go
up anymore.
The guy was like the same size as me.
I didn't even notice at first and I looked over at Sarah and Sarah's looking at me so
I look at him and he's asking me to scoot.
All he does is motion forward.
And guess what I do?
I scoot my little butt up.
I'm literally sitting there with hanging over with my hands around my knees talking to Sarah
because I'm on the very edge of my seat.
You might fall into the moat that's under your legs.
You know what?
You know what I told him?
I said, I need one of those kid chairs.
That has the little chair or whatever on the back of it.
He started laughing.
He's like, oh yeah, kid chair.
I'm like, no, you weren't supposed to laugh about that.
But really my toes do look really good.
We got gel on our toes and that's the first time I've ever gotten gel on my toes.
My toes still feel oily.
She didn't put cuticle oil on mine.
Your girl left you for like 20 minutes anyways.
She did.
She was on the phone listening.
She was cutting up the whole time.
Talking on the phone.
Did she have AirPods?
Yeah, she had AirPods in.
Talking in a whole other language.
At one point, Sarah and I looked at each other and we were like, whoa.
She started giggling.
I also am very, very ticklish.
I hate the scrubby part, which is the best part for your feet.
But the middle of my feet are so ticklish.
She was not even paying attention to me.
I'm doing all that I can not to kick this woman in the face.
You should have.
She gets to my left foot and she finally goes, ticklish?
I was like, yeah, girl, I've been ticklish for the last five minutes.
I'm glad you noticed, ma'am.
One time I was getting mine done and I think my mom was sitting next to me, so it was kind
of embarrassing.
The guy is doing that to my feet and I'm so ticklish and I'll be like this and I'll be
like, and I have to stretch my legs out and my foot to keep from.
I was closing my eyes and stuff.
Yes, and he was like, oh, oh, G-spot.
No.
That was hilarious.
That was a decater.
It's like when you're scratching a dog, you're like, oh, yeah, that's a spot.
That's a spot.
But the funny thing is Sarah said, like right before she started, Sarah looked at me and
goes, like, I hate this part.
And the woman is like so busy, like chit chatting.
She doesn't even acknowledge it.
No, she wasn't even paying attention.
And not that, I mean, I don't know if she could have done anything different or whatever,
but she didn't give a fuck about me.
All she knew was at the end of that, she was collecting my money and that's all that mattered.
But you're supposed to go into a place like that and it's supposed to be a relaxing experience
and you're not supposed to be listening to somebody.
Well, and they had spa-like music on.
Talk on the phone.
Right.
Yeah.
I mean, so I had been going to that place for a long time after it opened back up, even
wearing a mask in there.
It's under new ownership now.
I think I would go back there again specifically if I wanted a neon color on my toes because
they don't, they have OPI, but they also have another brand that has, OPI just doesn't have
great neon colors.
That's all, that's all I can say about that.
Is that what you got?
Did you get the Morgan Taylor?
Is that what that is?
Um, I, no, it's not.
It's um.
I don't remember their brand, but they had a lot of good colors.
I don't remember what the brand was.
They had a lot of good colors.
They did.
And they gave us a flipping book.
Each one of us a book.
Instead of having just like the nail.
It was just this like thing that, you know, opened and they had, I mean, there were probably
over a hundred colors in there.
Instead of like the, like the nail thing they give you like a little flip through or whatever.
Yeah.
I hate those things.
You just got to flip through all these colors, you know?
And then you have to wait for, so somebody else has the one that has the colors that
you want it.
Yes.
So like Sarah had the book and I'm looking at it and the guy's like, Oh, I like, he
gave me my own book.
I was so excited.
What does that know?
I got my own book and he's like, Oh, come sit down.
Like, but I have to say the water was not hot enough.
No, it was not hot enough.
I was like shivering I think.
Well, she asked me what number I wanted.
I told her my number and then she said the wrong number.
Yeah.
And I was like, no.
Get off the phone and listen, did they give you wine or anything?
No, they offered.
They, no, they didn't offer anything but water, which was fine.
Cause I did want some water.
I didn't bring water with me and I normally carry a water bottle with me wherever I go.
I got the water.
I got water too.
Well, that was our only choice.
Yeah.
Boo.
Well, and I was upset because the place that I normally go to, they have, yes, it's the
place that you went with me.
They had like champagne, wine, Coca Cola, Mabon, Momosa.
Yeah.
They even have Coca Cola.
That was good.
Yeah.
They are kind of expensive though.
And they're really far away from me.
I got a can of Berry.
They're expensive.
This was expensive.
We paid almost $60 for our pedicures today.
That's how mine are over here at Canterbury Nails.
And sometimes-
Which maybe is not that much, but like, I mean, inflation, I guess.
I don't know.
I used to pay like $40 for a pedicure.
Yeah.
At the other place, the one that I really, well, I'm just going to say it's Nail Bar
in Brook Highland and they're my favorite spot.
And I think that they're very reasonably priced.
I like Nail Bar.
Also they're beside Bifo Brady's.
So if you like go there and you get a pedicure and then you want to go grab a drink or a
snack and go right over there too.
Or the Mexican restaurant.
Angus cheeseburger wrap is my favorite thing at Bifo Brady's.
Oh my God.
I really like to go to J Nail.
Where's J Nail?
Like our friend J Nail.
Have you been there?
I've only been there once.
And J Nail, the guy that owns the place called J, he did my nails.
I'm just saying like, I don't know.
Wait, where is that at?
It's by Fresh Market.
Yeah.
Starbucks, that kind of, yeah.
The new pizza place.
Is there a new, oh, is that the new pizza place?
Yeah, Capella is the one that we talked about going to for supper club.
I didn't know it was in there.
I thought it was.
They don't serve alcohol though.
But their pizza and they have cannolis.
Their pizza is fire.
They have a freaking cookie dough cannoli and it's amazing.
A cookie dough cannoli?
What?
Yeah.
Oh, we should go there tomorrow.
Order it and bring it to the pool.
Well they do have that lunch special from 12 to four where you get like your pizza is
basically, it's 12.95 for all their pizzas.
Really?
Yeah.
I did not know.
Dang.
Like a large pizza?
Their pizza slices are huge too.
It's a big enough pizza to where you and I could share one and be fine.
Yeah.
You can pick it up on your way.
Okay.
What kind do you want?
Cheese?
Duh.
We're so vanilla.
All day, every day.
We want our cheese and our pumpkin spice latte except for I don't like pumpkin spice lattes.
I don't either.
I know.
I was just saying that we're like basic bitches.
I thought you were naming things that the two of us like that normal people don't like.
Oh no.
We're just like basic.
That's what I was trying to call us.
Yeah.
I was trying to think.
What do you usually get from Starbucks that I've ordered it before?
I don't remember.
I mean I like a couple different things.
She likes iced coffee.
Salted caramel.
Oh, salted caramel mocha frappuccino?
No.
God, no.
Oh, salted caramel frappuccino?
No.
It's a salted caramel cold foam.
Say it again.
Cold brew cold foam.
Oh, that's good too.
I love that.
Oh man.
I love the freshness.
You like cold coffee too?
Yeah.
I don't drink coffee but if I do, I drink it cold.
But I do really like the pink drink and the-
I like the pink drink too.
The dragon, whatever it's called.
Fruit?
The dragon fruit tea that I got you that time.
Oh, that one was-
That was from Duncan.
That was a little sweet.
Okay, so Starbucks has the teas and they have the strawberry acai berry one.
Yes, that's good.
And you get it with lemonade.
It's so good.
I like to get mine with the coconut milk.
It's very delicious.
Well, I love hot coffee.
I do not like cold coffee.
I don't know how people can drink hot coffee in the summertime.
I drink coffee every single morning.
How do you drink hot coffee in the summertime?
Honestly-
I sweat when I look at coffee.
What is your morning routine?
I'm curious about this, honestly.
Me too, because I feel like you go to bed at 7 PM.
I know, and if she gets up, I go to work way before we do.
Honestly, if someone tells me good morning, I'm annoyed if I have not had my coffee yet.
So can you tell us about your morning routine real quick?
Because you get up, Santana, what time do you get to work?
I try to get to work by 6, 6 and 5 in the late afternoon.
Vomit, right?
Oh, jeez.
I was in the bed when she texted me this morning.
That's why I said I was annoyed when I was like I was been there for like two hours.
All I had to do was roll over and get out.
But I typically set my alarm for 5 and I'm so- well, okay, that's a lot.
You go quick in the morning then.
Yeah, that's bad.
I do 445, snooze, snooze twice.
So I'm usually up by like 522.
That's a long snooze for you.
Oh my God, I'm so bad at snoozing.
And you're at work, you get up at 522 and you're at work by 6?
No, no, 615 usually.
I say 6 to 615.
I have to sleep-
Well, she's not taking a shower and wash her hair in the morning.
I take a shower.
I take a shower every morning.
You don't wash your hair though?
I try to wash my hair the night before.
It's a hair wash night.
Like tonight or last night was not one clearly.
I wash my hair on Tuesdays.
When I went to work, I wash my hair every week, every day.
But now I haven't washed my hair all week.
I used to do that.
And then like, I don't know why, but like getting up, like I remember before I even
got this promotion, like I would be at work, I would be there at 6 a.m.
And I'm like, how did I do that?
I don't know how I did that.
So my, I guess what I was trying to get at with your-
I'm sorry.
No, no, no, you're fine.
My morning routine?
Yes, my question, I think I need to be more specific is based on the time that you get
up, how do you drink your hot coffee?
Do you drink it and then get ready or do you take it home?
I can tell you.
So I get up in the morning, jump in the shower as quick as possible, take the quickest shower
as possible.
I take the dogs out, I give them their medicine.
I start my coffee.
I change into my work clothes.
I take my coffee on the go and I'm typically drinking it on my way to work.
Okay.
That makes sense.
Because I didn't know if you were one of those that has to like wake up in the morning and
slowly like drink your coffee first before like you do anything else.
Now the weekends I like to relax and that's what I do.
I'll get up, I'm not taking a shower yet.
I'm going to sit there, I'm going to enjoy my coffee and then I'll shower.
But on the work days I am like rush, rush, rush, rush, drinking my coffee on the go.
But I make my coffee every morning and I like it hot.
And Duncan's-
Duncan Creamer.
Yes.
Brendan sent out a group message because he was like, I don't know who likes this, but
I know somebody does and it's so good this week.
At a store near you.
So like later that day I messaged Sarah, oh, that's the day I messaged Sarah and I'm like,
hey, when are you due for a pedicure?
Blah, blah, blah.
I got very confused.
Anyway-
Oh, because I go girl, now.
I know.
I go, oh wow.
Because I think she's getting a pedicure after one hour.
And I don't know what happened next, but I was like, oh, I'm sorry.
I confused you.
I need one now.
I'm not getting one right now.
Oh, okay.
So when are you getting one?
So I'm slowly trying to hint for her to ask me to go get one and she never did.
So I asked her-
Well, I said I put it on my calendar for Saturday morning and she was like, well, do you want
to go Friday afternoon?
I was like, hell yeah.
And then I texted her and I was like, I'm on my way to get this creamer that I really
love.
Yeah.
Because it's on sale somewhere.
On the Bogues.
Yeah.
And I'm going to buy one, get one.
So I'm going to get four.
I came home for them.
Do you have four of them?
Yeah.
Does it, how long, does it not go bad?
No, she drinks it every day.
I drink it every single day.
I didn't know what it was like to go through creamer until like my mom and Mitch, when
they come down here, they like a specific creamer and they like, huh?
It's important.
They like this creme brulee creamer and it's, I think it's international delight.
I can't, I can't remember.
Maybe it's coffee made.
I don't know.
Anyways, regardless, they will bring their creamer down here with them.
And it's like a whole thing.
And I didn't know how much creamer I went through because I wasn't really like a huge
coffee drinker.
I made my own cold brew, which was literally like buying a thing on Amazon, putting some,
you know, coffee grinds in there and water and letting that shit sit for 12 to 24 hours,
whatever.
And it wasn't that big.
So I could only have like two or three cups out of it.
It's a very long process that I'm not down for.
So then when I started dating Brandon, I knew that he was a coffee drinker.
So I bought a coffee machine, coffee maker, coffee machine.
Same thing.
That's what they're called.
Yeah, whatever.
And so I am a creamer drinker.
He was drinking it black.
Well then this guy decides that he wants to start drinking creamer.
So with two people drinking creamer, in coffee, like almost every day we go through creamer
like a motherfucker.
How many cups of coffee do you guys drink in a day?
Two at least.
So I only drink one, but I do, I double mine when I make it to go in the morning.
Like a big one?
Like a big pour?
Yeah, so I do, I do a 20 or a 12 ounce and then I do another 12 ounce.
Oh, like in a Keurig?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
So basically you're having two and a half cups of coffee.
Yeah.
But on the weekends, I do probably drink like three during the day.
That's a lot of caffeine.
I don't drink, I drink like one Mountain Dew, one Diet Mountain Dew.
And honestly, I'm so excited.
I just bought a new coffee maker and coffee machine.
Wait, you just got a fricking Nespresso.
Okay, I haven't unpacked it yet.
Oh my God.
I was at a store.
She's going to be like my mom.
Did I tell you about my mom?
I was at a store and it was on sale.
So I'm like, oh my God, it's meant to be.
So like one side does like, okay, you remember we went to the lake for Abby's and they had
that coffee maker that had the singles and then the pot.
Yes, it's a Keurig.
I got that.
I am so happy.
I'm happy.
I'm a happy person.
So you can make your own cup if you're mad at a Aeron or you can make a whole pot for
everybody.
Aeron doesn't drink coffee.
Oh shoot.
I'm the only one.
What does he drink?
Beer?
Probably.
But honestly, he likes like cold Frappuccino, like the Starbucks cold ones.
You can get it like Walmart or whatever.
Yeah.
Like the, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So we went to a wholesale store.
I'm not naming it, but we got a pack of those.
He went through those so quick and they were expensive.
So I was like, I'm not getting any more of those.
So he can just drink the sun kiss that's in the refrigerator and be done with it.
But I drink coffee.
I love coffee.
Love coffee.
I like coffee too.
And I'll drink it hot, but I don't drink mine very quickly.
And so like when it, cause I work from home, so I just, you know, it goes into a coffee
cup and I put my creamer in there.
And then, you know, my first like quarter of the cup is like hot and the rest of it
is like, you know, room temperature.
I would rather be, if I were to drink coffee, even tea, like I will, um, I'll let it sit
out and I'll be like, I can't drink it when it's hot.
And then it sits and once it's like cold, I'm like, this is good.
No, it's not cold.
It's like room temp.
Yeah.
I like it.
Yeah.
But I like to drink tea.
It's like burning my mouth.
Yeah.
No, I can't.
You have like old man mouth, don't you?
That's what we call it when you can drink really, really hot stuff and it like burns
your mouth and everybody else is like, whoa.
I think it's because, and I used to drink my coffee black, to be honest.
You did?
Yeah.
I did too.
When I, when I did like, um, keto kind of stuff.
So I honestly, I started drinking coffee at a very young age because like my dad, my dad
loved coffee and I was like, always wanted to be like this, like dad, watch me.
Like I'm like you kind of thing, you know?
That's why you're so short.
Probably.
I was like, me too.
I started drinking it early too.
How tall was Wawa?
Wawa was probably like five, nine at the tallest.
Like seriously, he was not that tall.
My grandpa was probably like five, six.
I'm not going to lie, but he was the cutest little thing ever.
Well, Tina's not very tall either.
No, she's not.
But anyway, so like, I'm not even kidding you before high school, like I know when I
was probably like elementary school, going to middle school, my dad would drink black
coffee and my brother and I would just drink black coffee with him.
And I drink coffee too.
My parents are like, no, my parents will like feed me like Frappuccinos when I was little
and that's why I'm short.
I was all, it helps with my ADD.
Like it's a stimulant.
It is.
I maybe, why do you not drink coffee?
Because I take stimulants and if I freaking drink the coffee, coffee makes me anxious
and it makes me have to poop a lot and I already poop enough.
I'm just saying.
Coffee poops are different than like a regular poop.
Coffee, if I have, that's probably what my food sensitivity is.
What about eggs?
Is coffee.
What about eggs?
No, I eat eggs.
Eggs?
Yeah, but do you poop after eggs?
I don't know.
I don't think so.
I mean, I'm sure I poop at some point, but not like right after.
Honestly, I don't have.
Eggs upset my stomach sometimes, but I love them.
Oh.
I should not even be saying this on this, but I do not have the best bowel movements
and I really don't.
I poop maybe like twice a week if I'm like.
Oh my God.
I would be in such a bad mood if I were you.
I poop like four times a day.
I'm pretty sure I've already pooped like four times today.
Yes.
That is not true.
I pooped this morning.
I woke up and I pooped like 30 minutes.
I didn't even have anything to eat.
I was like, dang, I'm already pooping.
I didn't have anything.
And then 30 minutes later, I pooped again, still had no food.
I really think I should go to the doctor because when I finally do have to poop, I have like
the worst flipping stomach cramps in my entire life.
Yeah.
You need to take some fiber or something.
Well, yeah, I try, but I get lost.
I can't believe you as much coffee as you drink, you don't poop.
I can't either.
It's wild to me.
Honestly, I know.
And that's what a lot of people say.
I mean, I have a pretty decent diet.
I do eat a lot of junk, but at the same time, I, oh, wait, what?
What were we?
Oh, poop.
I want to know about your poops.
No.
Let's finish this poop story because this is very interesting to me.
I know, we're going, babe.
Can we already post this?
Are we all cool with me talking about poops on there?
I'm married.
I'm already married.
Look, if somebody, look, I will not poop in front of somebody.
I'm not.
I'm sorry.
Are you sitting that way?
I'm not.
I'm not pooping in front of anyone.
And I don't fart in front of people.
I don't do that stuff unless I have to.
I burped earlier.
If I fart or poop, it's at all an accident.
Do you not remember the other day?
I was like, oopsie.
I was like, oh my God, it just came.
I had stomach problems.
And then it was like, I stood up and it was like, and I was like, ah.
Well, I was nervous the whole time.
This was so, y'all, the faces that she was making.
I just had to ignore them.
Because normally I react and I was just waiting for her to blow chunks all over the place.
I know, I kept feeling it was going to vomit.
It was like she was trying to reach for like a gas bubble way down in her stomach and get
it out and her faces were just ridiculous.
And I was just like, I'm going to leave it alone because this is her house.
And she's going to throw up everywhere.
She's going to throw up everywhere.
And I'm going to go home and let her clean it up.
And I don't care.
I probably wouldn't make you clean it up by yourself.
I knew there was a trash can right there.
It's funny because I messaged her on Wednesday.
I think it was Wednesday and I was like, hey, we're going bowling.
A few of us are going bowling.
And she's like, okay, yeah, yeah.
And then she comes back and says, well, I've been having some stomach issues.
So it just really depends on how my stomach is feeling.
Yeah.
And I was like, afraid I was going to be like, I had like a bug or something.
And sometimes if you have one of those, it's contagious for like a week after you have
it, I think.
So, but I don't have it.
You must have not gone to the doctor when you talked to her then.
No, I had no.
She said she was on the doctor the next day.
Well, because I think she has like a.
It had to have been on Tuesday then because on Wednesday I was like playing it by ear
all day waiting to hear from her about the doctor or whatever.
And she was like, I'm not contagious.
And at one point I was like, well, how do you know that?
And she was like, well, they ran some tests.
I'm not going to tell you about them.
I said, well, they stick it up your butt.
I was like, well, they stick it up my butt, but something like that.
I was like, I'm not going to get into the details.
I was supposed to.
I was.
Remember?
I immediately was like, they stick it up your butt.
Remember, I was supposed to go for a colonoscopy and I remember I was like, Sarah, I might
need you to come get me.
Did you have like, did I ever take your.
Did you ever take your.
Did you ever go get it done?
The doctor.
I mean, what's wrong with your digestive system?
The doctor had to reschedule it and then I called back a couple of times and they never
answer and so I finally just gave up.
But I do need to call it because when I do my yearly in like July, my doctor is going
to give me so much shit.
And I mean, I want to take it.
Can I come with you?
Can I take you to your.
Also, Sarah knows my doctor.
Can I take you to.
Oh yeah, I remember.
We talked about this on here, I think.
Haven't we?
We have.
We talked about it.
Oh, did you?
We talked about.
Can I take you to your colonoscopy?
Yeah.
Or like pick you up like.
I want to go.
Someone has to pick me up and they won't let me Uber either.
Right.
You can't.
You have to have somebody.
But like when you come out of a colonoscopy, you're so like loopy and like saying the craziest
things.
Yeah, you can record.
OK, you can pick me up.
My dad, I took him to get his like tooth taken out or something and like he came out and
he was saying.
I remember you saying that you were like.
He had his like face wrapped up like a little kid.
He was sitting in the parking lot, like working, waiting for.
Yeah, I had my laptop.
I know I thought I was going to take like they took.
They forgot about him.
They left him in there and I finally I called him like three because they called me and
they told me to come around.
They're like, oh, whoops, we forgot like we basically like forgot about him.
And I was sitting out there and I had my laptop on the in my lap.
It was so hot.
My my phone and my laptop kept giving me like overheating.
Yeah, I was like, what is happening?
Finally, I was like, what the hell is going on?
All right, so we'll do an episode.
They will do an episode where I go get my colonoscopy colonoscopy colonoscopy finally
and colonoscopy.
Oskopie.
What colonoscopy?
Aaron's going to make fun of you.
How the hell do you pronounce it?
Oskopie.
Like colon Oskopie.
Yes.
Well, that does not sound right.
But anyway, no, it does not.
Anyways, the whole episode where Sarah drops me off and I'm fine.
And then Emily picks me up and I'm just a shit show.
So what is that other word that you say that is so crazy?
What is the word that we make fun of her for?
Vulnerable.
Yeah.
Is that it?
I didn't know what.
Say it again.
Vulnerable.
You said vulnerable.
Vulnerable.
What did she used to say?
It was not that not even you.
Like, honestly, Sarah and they were like, oh no, you're talking about pick lock.
Pick lock.
My pick lock.
Pick lock.
Is it a pig clock or a pick lock?
Well, they thought I was saying pick lock and it is a pig clock.
Yeah, but say it fast.
Pick lock.
Is it a pig?
But she used to say the G and your G is like a big pig.
We were coming home from the beach.
I know we got to go, but I'm telling the story.
We were coming home from the beach and stuff happened, whatever.
And my cousin calls me and he's like, I got your pick lock.
I'm like, well, thank you.
I made this when I was like a little child.
OK, it probably wasn't a little child.
It's really like middle school.
So anyways, the little thing was hideous.
It was scary looking, actually.
It was a clock that looks like a pig.
It was like she went to a ceramics class and made this when she was seven.
Yeah, but we made it at school.
At school.
And was it cute?
No.
And does it work?
Like that's a clock actually.
It worked.
It did work.
Back in the day, it worked.
So anyways, it was a pig.
Its stomach was the clock.
It had little little hooves.
It had like a whole body and stuff.
Yeah.
OK, but I could not get the neck to connect.
So I put a freaking scarf around it to hold it.
And then like I couldn't figure out how to do the eyes.
So I just made like these balls.
It was scary looking.
But anyways, why haven't I seen it yet?
You guys never showed me.
She got really upset.
You got really upset.
After we saw a pick clock and we were like, what the fuck, Santa?
And you threw it away?
It was ugly.
They told me it was ugly.
Just because it's ugly doesn't mean you throw it away.
Are you sure you threw it away?
Honestly, I shouldn't have thrown it.
I did.
But I shouldn't have because like.
That's like something, like that's sentimental.
But yeah, because like the whole point of the story was like.
What the hell you made her throw it away?
My grandparents.
We didn't make her throw it away.
My grandparents held on to this ugly pick clock.
Because they loved you so much.
A hundred percent.
We didn't tell her to throw it away.
I didn't even know my grandparents had this pick clock anymore.
So like they passed away.
My cousin's like, hey, we had the auction at the house.
Blah, blah, blah.
I saved your pick clock.
So like we're heading back home from the beach and like I'm in the car with Sarah and Melanie.
My cousin messaged me that.
I'm like.
He saved my pick clock.
And they're like, what?
I'm like, my pick clock.
My cousin saved my pick clock from my grandparents.
I'm like, my grandparents had my pick clock all these years and they're like, pick clock.
They think I'm saying pick lock.
I get so frustrated with them and I'm like, pig clock.
Like I was so mad.
Does it still sound like pick clock?
Yes.
You said it once where it sounded like a pig clock, but it does.
Yeah.
It sounds like pick.
Anyways, I'm pretty, I think I'm pretty, I'm a hundred percent sure I threw it away
actually.
Sarah's with me.
She took it out of the trash once and then I threw it away after she left.
I'm pretty sure she did.
I did try to save it.
She did.
That is so sad, Tana.
It was scary.
He was not attractive.
I would never have thrown it away.
And then I painted it and it's like, his skin was like.
He was carrying a blue scarf.
But his skin was like flesh charmed.
It was a little creepy.
It was bad.
Okay.
So more of the story is just because somebody, your friends make fun of you about something
that you made that was ugly, doesn't mean that they want you to throw it away.
They're just saying like, ha ha, you were seven years old and you sucked it ceramic
pig clocks.
Everyone out there, keep your pig clocks.
Yes.
Keep your pig clock.
Just don't pick any locks.
No, it's against the law.
All right.
Oh my gosh.
Find us on Instagram.
Yeah.
Okay.
Thank you guys for joining.
You can find us on Instagram, Thick AF Podcast.
Send us an email at thickafpodcast.gmail.com.
And you can find us wherever you find your podcasts, like subscribe, follow all the things,
share our stuff on Instagram.
Emily is being so disgusting and blowing bubbles with the saliva on her tongue right now.
He's something like that.
Thanks for joining us.
We'll see you next week.
Thanks for having me.
Toodle-oo.
Thanks, Tana.
Bye.
ABCDEFG.
I have to go.
I don't know why it's so good.