Welcome to the thicc AF podcast. Welcome back. We are here with our friends. You may remember
one of them, Brandon. Welcome back, dude. Hey, how's it going? How's it going? Everybody
remembers Brandon. That's Sarah's new boyfriend. We are excited to have him back. Am I still
new? I mean, I call your new boyfriend. Yeah, you're still a little new. Yeah. Okay. But
I mean, you're kind of old for the way that I've known Sarah. Like, but you know, you've
had a lot long boyfriends before. I just didn't, we didn't hang out much then. Yeah. So yeah.
But for me, it's like, that's fair. Yeah. Okay. But also we have another special guest. This
is a very, very, very special guest and y'all are not going to believe what has happened.
But tonight is Friday night. We recorded the episode that we missed this week that was
supposed to come out on Wednesday. We're going to release it at some point. Hopefully by
the time this one goes, you'll have, you know, whatever. So now in the same night, the feeling
was right. Yes. In the same night, we reached out to Peter, Mr. Email, the guy from the
email and he is here to record with us. Hey Pete. Welcome. Welcome to the podcast. So
it's like sort of a first date Friday, the 13th, not really a date. Oh, it's Friday.
13th. Cheers. Cheers. Cheers y'all. Yeah. We're having, Oh, Pete brought us, um, old
fashions and he brought us stuff to make me like a Kentucky meals. Is that what they're
called? Yeah. Kentucky meals with the bourbon, with the bourbon. Yes. It's delicious. They're
delicious. They've, he's got like, this is the, I told him earlier, the first old fashioned
he made was the best old fashioned that I've had ever. I think because they normally, the
restaurants, they make them too sweet. Yeah. You got to taste the bourbon, you know, and
the sugar cubes help out a lot. Instead of simple syrup. Yeah. They put the sugar way
too sweet. Yeah. No. And one cube is all you need. Yeah. Don't get crazy. So I'm just going
to describe to you what Pete looks like right now. We're going to go from the bottom up.
Pete looks like the difference between a construction worker and a biker. But also he looks like
he's wearing like Lululemon like workout clothes. Those are under armor. It's very confusing.
Under armor. Under armor. Okay. First of all, in Pete's defense, when I was telling, I said,
by the way, we look homeless. And his response was, so do I. That's my look. That's kind
of my thing. That's okay. Me too. I homeless sheet. Yeah. We, yeah, exactly. Homeless sheet.
So we gave well played, well, it's like, you have like fancy homeless clothes on. You just
have like a shaggy beard, you know, and like a, like a car. I did brush it before I came
over. You brushed your beard. Good job. Did you re braid your hair? I mean, I know this
is from this morning. He has hair ponytail, pigtail braids. I don't, and he knows how
to braid. And I'm the worst braider in the entire world. And I'm a female. I suck. I
can't braid my own hair. He also has really good hair to fishtail braid too. Oh wow. I
don't know how to do that either. So. Me neither. I'm just thinking whatever this is. Just put
a new one in the middle each time and little twisty and you're good to go. My hair has
so many layers in it that if you do a braid, it like sticks out the sides and it looks
stupid. You have to like do a messy braid is for no, my messy braid is not a messy because
I have like short layer. It was so many layers. Yeah. But anyways, that was a weird thing.
So clip life for you. Clip life. I like to wear a ponytail. My hair is still wet. My
new hair needs this. It needs a cut so bad and there's a cut. I need to get that, get
that cut girl. But you know what? Listen, I'm going to, I'm going to go ahead and announce
my mom would probably be ashamed of me, but I'm going to go ahead and announce this on
the thick AF podcast is that I used to go and pay like a hundred and something dollars
to get my hair done. Just cut and maybe colored sometimes. A hundred dollars for a cut? Yeah.
Like seventy five dollars or something. And then you have to tip and all that stuff. Absolutely
not. That feels like too much. Listen, it is too much. And now I go over here into the
Cahaba Heights and I get, I don't know if it's super cuts or great clips. One of those
places, $15 and they do a better job than they did at the other. And it only takes 15
minutes. And it's like, what have I been doing my entire life? $15, 15 hours for a haircut.
Yeah. So my barber cut my hair ever since I was in the fifth grade. And during COVID
right before COVID, we talked about it and he said that he had like four more years left
of cutting hair, of cutting hair. Like he was, he's an older guy. I mean, he wasn't
like in a. So no, he was a, um, like he was a helicopter mechanic in Vietnam. I was a
hell. I was a helicopter mechanic. So we kind of had not in Vietnam, right? No, no. Iraq,
Afghanistan, stuff like that. Basically not the same, but almost. Yeah. But he, I should
cut that out. We're not comparing those things. You know what I mean? Fuck, Mary kill Iraq.
I've got to send me a dog. Oh my God. Completely two different conflicts. I don't know. I don't
know anything. Anyway, anyway, anyway, anyway, he told me before COVID he was like, I've
got, I've got like four or five years left because I used to live in Louisiana. And then
this was in Louisiana. This was in Birmingham. He spent my hair since I was in fifth grade.
When I went to Tennessee, I found somebody that like, I trust it. I'm weird about it.
Like I don't want anybody that I don't trust. You got hair gold or something. What the hell?
Absolutely. Like don't you see? But anyway. Does he braid it for you too? No, it was never
this long. What I'm getting to is he retired and I haven't had a haircut since because
he shut his shop down. Listen, I'm a really good hair cutter. I cut my hair. Basically
you're my dad because he did the same thing. Let's wait to like the third or fourth date
before you start cutting my hair. Look, that's what my dad did. I cut my own hair all the
time. Melanie does too. Not like all the way around, but like in the front and stuff. One
time I messed it up really bad and then I told her, and she's probably going to listen
to this. I told my girl that I probably shouldn't say this, that I got bubble gum stuck in my
hair and I had to cut it out because I was embarrassed to tell her that I tried to cut
it myself. That was the easiest excuse. I mean, like how'd you get the bubble gum in
your hair? Did she ask you any of those questions? And it was like way up here, like in the top.
I didn't really get bubble gum in my hair. I just cut it and it looked really bad. I
get that. I'm still shocked. Anyway, next topic. So how's it going guys? I'm super
excited. It's Friday. We went, okay, so I thought Sarah was going to try to leave earlier.
We were going to try it because we are late and we apologized on the last episode. Apologizing
again. We went to eat sushi and I thought Sarah was going to have to go home early,
but then we talked to Brandon and we talked to Pete and they came over and now we're chilling.
Even though Brandon has to work tomorrow. I know. I know you're a champ. I am. He's
drinking some peach spritzers. Is that the peach or the orange? I don't know. They're
not alcoholic. They're peach soda, great value water. Great value water that I, oh, they're
the ones I think we told you guys about these before. Are those bubbly or are they just
peach water? They're clear American. They're not. They're clear American peach water. Yeah,
they're peach water and they're sparkling and they're kind of gross, but I got like
4,000 of them and a big thing of like 12 pack cans. There were some tangerine or orange
or something like that and then there were a bunch of peach in a Walmart order that went
wrong. They sent me the wrong Walmart order and then they sent me the wrong Walmart order
twice and so I got like a million. I've been trying to give them away. I gave some to the
housekeeper. I took some up to the clubhouse up here. So you're feeling pretty peachy,
huh? I'm just like, please take them. Like somebody take them. Please take this flavored
carbonated water. I need it out of my life. Yeah, it's not good. So I haven't tried the
peach. The only one I've tried is the orange one because we put it in bourbon one night.
Yeah, it's pretty good in the bourbon, but the it's a little sweet. The peach one, I
think it's water. I normally like peach like sparkling water, but I really yeah, I really
like peach knee high. Have you ever had that? No. Oh snap. What is it? So good. It's like
that sounds like a good song. Right. It's peach, socky knee high. No, it's like a soda.
Like a is that what you call it? A pop. Why are you looking at me? I'm not from the Midwest.
I thought that's what they said in New York. No, a soda. Oh, soda pop, soda pop. It's a
soda. It's a it's like a knee. You don't know what a knee high is. I think everything's
coke down here. Yes. Oh, it is peach coke. Whenever you go to the drive through and people
like, what do you want to drink? And you're like coke. And they're like, what kind? I
already told you I want coke. You got to ask for the classic. Oh, what a classic Coca Cola
classic. So I have to say Coca Cola. Oh, but no, you don't say Coca Cola here. You say
Coca Cola. Yeah, that's Coca Cola. Coca Cola. All right. So we have a handful of FMK
or Mary Kills on the list. And these were actually provided. They were provided a handful
of weeks ago by Pete himself. Our biggest. He's in the running for the biggest fan. I
mean, I am thick AF. So turn around. Let me see that booty. Oh, you do have a booty there.
Me too. I got a big one. Oh, man. I can't lie. Like I literally can't lie. Like hips
don't lie. Do you have your phone? I do. No, you're not supposed to have it. You're not
supposed to have it. We never told him that we just told actually, you know what? Last
time I've listened to previous podcasts. Brandon called me out for my phone ringing and he's
like, oh, you'll tell me. I never said that. But I said it. And then I had to answer the
phone for my mom. My bad. Oh, you said it. Yeah, my bad. Oh, God. I forgot about like
half of these. Well, they are literally copied and pasted from our message. So now that I
read it, I blame anyone else. Now that I read it, I remember sending me. I didn't think
that I would be here doing. Oh, do you want us to do the dirty work? No, no, absolutely.
I'm totally down. Do at least one pick. You don't have to do them in order. Just all right.
New York style, Chicago style or thin crust. OK, so hold on. Hold on. Chicago style is
a thick one, right? Chicago style is totally deep, deep, deep dish sauce on the top. Lots
of toppings in the middle. Tastes just as good. The next kind of like in a cast iron
skill. All right, I'm going first. Kill thin crust. Kill thin crust.
Oh, OK, so I really want to marry thin crust because I need to marry thin crust, but kill
thin crust. Second, I really want to fuck the Chicago. That's a thick one, right? Oh,
yeah. The fried like pan. I mean, I'm like a cast iron skill. But I'm going to marry
a Marion that one. And what's the other style? New York. Kill. I mean, marry that one. No,
no. Fuck. Fuck. New York. Mary Chicago. Kill thin. OK, I will go ahead and go next. OK,
I am going to marry New York and have a torrid affair the whole time with the Chicago deep
dish. Yes, yes. And kill thin crust. So I'm slutting it up and I don't care. Slut shame
me if you want. Well, well, I mean, like so when you when you do the fuck, Mary kills.
Like I mean, like how often do you get to fuck it? That's why I'm saying I'm having
a torrid affair. I'm having a torrid affair. That's better than marriage. See, that's a
good question. Like am I like how often am I like cheating on marriage? That's a really
good question. Which one puts which one puts out more like I've actually been thinking
about this because you'll do these like every week. Well, that's what we told my dad the
other day. I don't know. I haven't decided which one's better than you're done. One and
done kind of thing. What about you, B? I got to tell you, Mary, New York, fuck Chicago
and kill thin crust. Who even eats thin crust? My mom would say she would marry. She would
not eat anything. She won't do anything except for thin crust. And I'm like, you're weird.
I feel like I'm like in a mood for thin crust, which is very rarely. Totally agree. I was
about to say the same thing. Like right now, not right now, but I'm just talking like,
but sometimes like a thin crust just sounds good at that time. Like a cracker crust that
you just like. Yeah. Like maybe you need a whole freaking pizza for that. If you need
two bites of a or me, if I eat like two bites of a Chicago like deep dish, I'm like, oh
yes. Well, that's the thing with Chicago is like, they're so thick. There's so much
cheese or so much sauce to it. Like one sauce, one slice. You're just I'm like, has anybody
been to Tortuga's around here? No, Tortuga's. No, is it good? Oh my God. I know where I'm
going to take you. All right. Oh, oh, oh, oh, second date. OK, so I have a question
though. Is it New York style pizza? Just like, I don't know. Just big slice. Right. Yeah,
but it tastes better. Greasy. It is. It's not as thin. It's bubbly crust. Yeah. Yeah.
That's why I'm married. It's a good pie. Like, don't get me wrong. They got that thick booty,
but that thin, that thin waist. Yeah, exactly. Opposite of me. We get I'm of you. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. Lately. I mean, used to. I'm kind of surprised you didn't put Detroit style in
here. What is that? Yeah. Explain that. What is it? It's like it's usually like what? Oh,
I don't know. Let me tell you about Detroit pizza. It's hardcore. Yeah. Nine mile. It's
only nine mile all the time. Well, broken nail. Crap. Deep dish is like a cookie sheet
size pizza, but it's a thick. It's a thick bread, like a tochi kind of style bread. You
put stuff on top of it. Pocaccia. And then you cut it into squares. You cut it into squares.
You eat it that way. That's the Detroit style. Yeah, that's usually what's called Detroit.
I like how I called it Detroit. Detroit. How do you say Detroit? Detroit or Detroit? I
mean, I just said. Did you grow up in Alabama? Yes. He doesn't really have that big of a
Southern accent, does he? Let me make a couple more of these. OK, I have a bad one and I
didn't. I was born here. It'll come out. Detroit. OK, so I'm going to go with mine. Everybody
else is waiting, but like I'm still on the fence about the fucking in Marion, like because
I hear you. I mean, my favorite Chicago style like hands down. But if you marry something,
you can't fuck something else. We're going to make that rule. That's it. That's it. That's
a good rule to have on the first date. Yeah. On the first date, we're going to say you
marry something. You're not supposed to fuck something else. So I totally agree. One hundred
percent. So I mean, unless you unless you decide that you are allowed to together. Again,
I mean, I don't know. I wouldn't don't know. Look, I can't never say never. I'm not going
to say that I was that, but I don't want to do that. But like I was in the I was in the
military. I've seen every sort of every kind of relationship. And if it works for the two
people that are in it, fuck everybody else. It works for them. Usually it doesn't work,
though. Yeah. Oh, no. No, no, no. I get that, too. But I mean, they're always having problems.
As long as I'm look, my problem is when they drag me into it. I just don't I just don't
want to hear about it. Like keep it. Keep it in the bedroom. Yeah. Or whatever. Or yeah.
Or somebody else's bedroom. Don't bring it to my living room. Sometimes I do want to
hear. All right. Then I'm going to marry Chicago style. Fuck New York style and kill thin crust.
Because, yeah, I mean, you can't be. Yeah. I probably would. Like, OK, so I think about
it this way. If if I had to, every time I ordered pizza, every single time I ordered
pizza, if I had to get New York style, I have to change mine. If I had to get New York style
every time because I married it, then I wouldn't be unhappy. So I'm going to get I'm going
to switch my answer to Chicago, because if if I'm fuck, I want to fuck it because I like
it so much and I don't want to I don't want to mess things up. Now that now that we've
talked and laid out the ground rules and and there's no. You know what I mean? Like that's
I always want to order that. But even though I said I would have a torrid affair with Chicago,
I'm still sticking with my original answer. If I only get to fuck it once and I'm fucking
it once, I guess I want New York style pizza. OK, that's and that's yeah. Yeah. So yeah.
Yeah. No. Very passionate about your pizza. Are you still good with your answer? Yeah,
I am passionate about pizza. I know this. I mean, pizza is so good. We're having area
41 tomorrow night and it's New York style pizza. It's so good. Where is that? Where's
area? It's in Mount Laurel. I don't know where Mount Laurel is either. It's a lot of dog
complex. It's over the line. If you were going out to my parents' house instead of taking
a left, take a right. And it's like a mile down the road. Nice. So let me let me explain
Mount Laurel for you just so you can get the the full grasp of what kind of place this
is. It's a buddy of mine's parents just moved out there. OK. And they used to live, you
know, over the mountain over here. They used to live like, I mean, not too far from here.
And in Mount Brooke. No, they were on the other side in the Stavio. Not really. Not
too far, like five minutes from here. And my buddy's dad goes, we moved to the country.
And I'm like, it used to be. You know, it's not anymore. They've built this place. This
place is nice. Yeah, they have golf cart. I would feel like it's the kind of if you
have to have a golf cart to go to your driveway, you're in the country. All right. So listen,
no, it's not like I was not like that. No, we're talking like we're sitting in line waiting
for our pizza. And as we're sitting there, five families all with their own golf carts
are driving by. Yeah, they all pull out of the neighborhood. They park it. That's what
you mean by Lottie Doss. Like they're very loud. They're like they're like red shamrock.
And the guy that drove the golf cart down there is yelling at me for my for my Harley
being too loud and thought he was joking. And then when everybody else chimed in, it's
like he turned it off when he was backing up. I mean, he saw us right here. You know,
it's like that guy was they made a whole golf cart trail thing to where you can drive like
up under the road. That sounds like the coolest place ever. I'm so Lottie Doss. I want to
move there. It's not close enough to the city for me. Here's here's how Lottie Doss. I need
to go to law when I was driving to my buddy's house the first time when I was driving to
his parents house. There was a sign that said wildflower area. If you're a wildflower, I
don't think you should have an area. They sound pretty contained. You know, like I mean,
like maybe the ones over there are wildflowers in the actual woods, the ones in the area.
Like they're pretty tame. My God. What? What? How do you have a wildflower area? But they're
OK. They're waiting for the wildflowers. I'm a wildflower and I need my own area and I
have it. But you know, but there's not a sign out front that says designated area. I mean,
there's a there's something filed at City Hall or the wherever that is that says that
I own this place. So, yes. Anyway, everyone is delicious. Yes, you all have a good time.
It's good. All right. What's next? You read the next one. Oh, yeah. Give me the next.
Yeah. You let's pass it around. Pass in FM case. I haven't sang in a long time. You did
just now. Oh, we talked about love languages already. I know that's why. That's that's
why I saw it and I sent it to her. Like I sent it to her like I knew what. But I kind
of like you'd have to pick three. Yeah, but I kind of I can't pick the fuck. Mary Kiel
of the love languages. So like, right. That's when you all are talking about it. But what
are they? And I was like, dude, you should do one with that acts of service. What's the
time? Quality time. Words of affirmation, physical touch, physical touch and gifts.
Yes. So I'm going to pick three of the five acts of service. Hold on. Let me find mine.
What are mine? No, you can't cheat. Absolutely not. It's not cheating. That's not cheating.
We can do do yours, too. We can do you know what? We could do the first three and then
the last three. I forgot what mine are. Mine. I know I was going to have mine in my notes
on my phone. I do not have mine in my notes. OK, so I know for sure. OK, let's do acts
of service, words of affirmation and quality time. Go somebody. I'll go first. I'm going
to kill words of affirmation. OK. And then I'll probably marry quality time and fuck
acts of service. OK, so this is a hard one because it's like fuck. OK, so are you going
to be talking about are you when you say this, are you doing this based on somebody else's?
No, no, no, I'm talking like if you have minor might seem fairly it's a two way street for
mine, I guess. Like they're they're the same. What I what I what you want is what you want
to give. Yeah. Yeah, pretty. We get it. Give us what you want to receive. Is this for those
one of the questions? I was like, is this what you want or is this what you give? I
know it can be different. Words of affirmation are just I agree. It's just tough. Yeah. If
it's if it's like if you're fucking up, I'd rather tell you you're fucking up. And then
like, let's let me do some acts of service or whatever and help you through your hard
time. But like, I don't want to be like, no, you got it. Like Sarah loves some words of
affirmation. You're doing great. Isn't that your love language? She wants you to tell.
And I'm so bad at that. I'm really bad at it. The other one at words of affirmation,
acts of service or quality time. Quality. I think you can get way farther with quality
time and acts of service than words of affirmation, because I think half the time words of affirmation
are just lies. Sarah's like, I'm going to be quiet. So that's how I feel. Like sometimes
people can they get I feel like and maybe it's just because of everyone has their own
experiences in life and what happens to them in their life as they grow up. Maybe somebody
told me one day that they gave me words of affirmation and I didn't believe them for
some reason. And after that, I didn't like it. Maybe somebody told you words of affirmation
and made you feel really good. I don't know. Words of affirmation to me. It's fine. I like
it when people tell me that I did a good job. But like, I would rather somebody like show
me that they care for me. Like with acts of service is my thing. Like if you if you because
my I feel like time is very precious and I have I feel like my time is very precious.
If somebody stops everything that they're doing and they come to help me like move my
house or like pack my boxes or like fix the leak that I've got going like my dad does
acts of service for me sometimes. And I know he does. Sometimes he likes to do it. But
sometimes I know he doesn't want to. But like that makes me feel like really good. Like
he loves me because. Yeah. And I guarantee you it makes him feel good being able to do
those things for you. Right. Because I mean for me, like I know how to do things and that
I can I can give that to you. And you know, that's great. OK, so I don't know who wants
to go next. So words of affirmation, acts of service or quality time. I picked the one
that wasn't like gifts or physical touch, because I feel like all men are usually are
physical touch. Every man I've met is like their their love language is physical touch.
Now there's a time and place like that's. Yeah. I also am fairly certain that 95 percent
of the time it's because men think that's what the right answer is. And it's only because
they don't know how to be vulnerable. I agree with you. And I wonder if there's a study
about that time or I need you to do nice things for me and it will help me appreciate you.
Yeah. And it'll help me want to physically touch you more. Yes. Yeah, I agree with that.
Oh, my God. I think physical touch. There's a time and a place. And, you know, like, yeah,
being out and like, you know, letting everybody know that you're together. But sometimes people
can go over the top. Oh, my God. Sometimes people can go over the top when you're with
them and you're like, what's happening here? Like, like, am I like we're all sitting at the
same table and like you guys are having relations, right? Most of my friends are not like that.
About 20 percent off. You know, everyone has that friend, which I don't know if I have one.
What's that from? I was I was I was seeing who would get that. I knew you. What did you say?
I said, let's take 20 percent off. I have no idea what are we talking about?
He picked up on it. Did you pick up on it? He's watched it. What is it? Letter Kenny.
Letter Kenny. I didn't know what you're talking about. I think I know what this is. OK,
I think I know, but I don't want to know. He didn't he couldn't finish it and said,
take 20 percent off there, Dan. Yeah. Yeah. Squirrely, Dan. But all about 20 percent.
Dan. OK, so they interrupted you. Yeah. Rude. What was it?
What was the words of affirmation? Acts of service, quality time.
See, what's funny is I like all three of these, and that's the problem,
because I mean, I really I want to say probably Mary quality time.
This is for you giving it. Is this for you giving it or for somebody else wanting it?
Because I really I think I like getting quality time and I like giving quality time.
I think that's really important. I'm a big guy. You should do what you want.
What I want. You can't just fuck Mary, kill the three.
OK, Mary quality time.
Fucks acts of service and kill words of affirmation.
I'm going with the same thing that you said. Same thing Brandon said.
Yeah. Mary quality time.
No, seriously, I was like, what? I'm a liar. No, you were not.
No, I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. Yeah. But I'm going to marry quality time.
I'm going to fuck words of affirmation and kill acts of service.
That's interesting. Why? Because isn't your number one words of affirmation?
It is. But I know that that's not something that I can always give or get.
And but we're talking about what you want.
But I mean that you can always give or get. But I love quality time.
Oh, you do love quality time. Honestly, I don't know how quality time isn't your your number one.
I mean, I haven't taken it in a long time. Yeah, we did.
Because I appreciate when I can just even sit there in the same room with somebody.
I don't have to have a conversation. But like you and I are choosing to spend time together.
Yeah, but we're like chilling and like you have chosen to like be here with me.
Right. And we can not talk and like hang out.
Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
I mean, if you want to tell me I'm pretty and feed me tacos also, that's fine.
I think a shared silence is definitely quality time.
But a shared silence versus you being on your phone and that other person being on their phone.
Oh, fuck that. Yeah. Yeah. Let's kill that.
So that's different than quality time. She does like to be like, I like my favorite time,
not of like all time, but like when obviously I spent a lot of time with Melanie when she was
still living here and that was like our favorite thing to do was like throw something on the TV,
not talk to each other and play on our phones if we wanted to.
But we were still spending time together. But also she wasn't like my partner or my lover.
So like it's not the same as like a partner. You know what I'm saying?
Definitely not the same. No, like I don't do that with you.
No. It's not the same because you're not cuddling and like putting it in each other's holes.
But like, I don't really, that's physical touch.
Physical touch, it's not quality time. OK.
I mean, you could argue there could be arguments against quality time versus physical touch being
the same. Well, look, when I'm like if I'm in a relationship with somebody or just start dating
somebody or whatever. Hey, guys, take this with a grain of salt because and I don't know what that
actually means, but like because he's here, I don't know if he's trying to like impress me.
No, believe me, I promise you, I walked in shouldn't that impress you?
I mean, I think I might be the best.
The best in what's around, but I mean, that might be a little too much.
I don't know. Did you memorize?
I mean, I'm getting a lot closer to the drunken soldier.
Thank God. I'm just going to.
But what would you say if I said that I like, like if I'm going on, if I if I'm in a relationship
or if I'm especially if I'm going on a date, like a first date or whatever, my phone is the
the ringers turned off. Yeah. The the phone is upstairs in the jacket pocket away from the podcast
and like no distractions. Yes. And I expect the same thing from you.
If I if I see you pull your phone out in the middle of it and I mean, I kind of get like,
OK, you you have it, but and I know like there's the like save me tags, you know, like, OK, like
this guy's weird, you know, like some call me, tell me I have something to do.
Like I know all you'll do that. Right.
It's like I've never done that. You're a liar.
Are you like I don't know if she did, but I feel like she would.
She would call and be like, I got to go. My friend's dying.
But like, here's here's the thing. I just didn't ever show up for days.
Oh, she just never. But here's here's the thing is we we know about that.
So if you pull out your phone early on, like I'm it's a deck of.
It out. Yeah. I can hang out with anybody.
I'm checking out like the wall. Yeah, I could literally hang out.
I can talk to the wall. No, I'm hanging out. But like I'm you.
If you if I take out my phone, you're checking out. So listen.
And so let me ask you this, then I want to ask you this.
I think I might know where you're going.
But if you're on a first date with somebody and they take their phone out
and are you going from like this is no longer going to be somebody that like
I could date date, but I might fuck her still.
Well, duh. Yeah, probably.
I'm sorry. I had to. Is that where you thought I was going?
No, that's not what I was going at all. For us, what is it?
It's a oh, you know what? I might date him for six months.
I it would be like for me, I feel like most girls would be like,
well, damn, this is crappy.
But and I don't want to date him. Most girls. OK.
I won't say because we all suck sometimes.
And then I don't think I've ever because I don't think that I've ever gone
on a first date going into it like I'm not really interested,
but like this is somebody that will like buy me dinner
and I can like hang out with and have something to do.
Oh, I've never done that.
Maybe I'll just like date him for six months.
I've never walked into something like that.
I would love to touch on the not showing up or bailing at the last subject
because that happens to me all the time.
You get bailed on all the time. Every fucking time.
I mean, OK, so hold on. Hold on. Hold on.
It does happen. I need to know.
And you first of all, can you reach over there and grab one of those bottles
of water and hand it to me because my eyes twitching and we can't pause.
So I need some water.
There you go. Gracias. OK.
So that was my first. OK, so hold on.
No, we make it. The old fashioned was.
That was my third.
I did. What was the first one?
What was the first one? Making your cocktail.
Oh, yeah. So what were we saying?
We were talking about the the the not showing the not not showing up.
But I was going to say, oh, why aren't we talking about earlier?
Earlier, before we started recording, we were talking about dating apps
and like which dating apps we and our experience is a fucking kill of the dating.
I know. But like, have you been on the date?
Have you been doing the dating apps and which dating apps do you use?
And how do you feel about them is my thing.
I kind of want to. What are even the dating apps, though?
Why are you going to act like in the last six months you haven't been on those?
I haven't. Yeah, you have.
Like when? Like once or twice?
How are you once or twice?
I haven't gone on any dates in the past, at least six months or more.
I it was well, I'll tell you the last that is the last.
I haven't since at least June or May.
I feel yes. When did you go?
Maybe March. To Black Market.
It was cold outside. Yeah, it was like February.
It was January. It was this time last year.
Was it? Yeah, it was like after my birthday.
So you have not been on a date in almost a year?
On it? No, I've been on dates, but I have not been on a date from a dating app.
I've been on a date. So you're just you're not a fan of dating apps.
You met organically, though. What?
So is this what you're getting as you're not a big fan of dating apps?
I just it's I feel like it wastes my time.
I OK, so I also don't like social media.
I don't like this. I don't like to waste my time sitting.
I already sit down all day in front of a screen all day, like sometimes longer than an entire day.
And then I don't understand how people have time to get on their phone again.
Like if I was up and like working like as a nurse or like somebody was on my feet
and like was doing stuff all day, maybe sitting down and like getting on my phone,
like swiping right and left will be relaxing.
It's not relaxing for me. It's like the worst.
Also, I've done it so long. I'm 30. I just turned 35. Yay.
You're not old. I'm just. Shut up.
I'm five. Look, you're only as old as you feel.
You are only as old as you feel, but also the three of us are older than you.
So are you done? You were. I can't stand.
Twenty eight days older than me or whatever it is.
I'm not. I'm middle aged almost. No, you're not.
No, I'm not. Five. None of us in this room are middle aged.
No, we should. Let's not get into the statistics because it's going to piss off for us.
So are we back?
Yes. Yeah, we're back. And we're back.
What the fuck with the guy from MTSU or is that where the numbers from?
Oh, no, no, no. So that's just some random dude in Tennessee.
I know that's in Murfreesboro. So right.
Whatever it is anywhere in the 615. Exactly.
So some rando is getting however many texts, which I mean, I had deleted them at some point.
So not a whole lot, but also not responding to be like new phone who dis or like something.
I think that's my favorite part. New phone who dis.
My mom sends that to people when she doesn't want to respond to them. Sorry.
When I got the number that Sarah's been sending all of Emily's information to
when I first moved to Tennessee and got a new phone up there, there was this I was getting
these text messages and it was this guy. And like, so there was this woman that had had this
phone. There this number before me and I took a picture of me and he sent it to know.
And I was like, dude, this this ain't her.
Do you know that Hawaiian football player that was like, you know,
I'm talking about Matt. Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of like that.
So here's what happened is, is I said, I sent a picture of me and was like,
I ain't the one you're looking for. And he sent me a couple of pictures of the one he was looking
for. What do you look like? And he told me she was, she must've given him the wrong area code
or something or just like before or whatever. She changed her fucking number. And because of him.
Yeah. Well, I found her on Facebook and I was like, look, I don't know what stalker that's
weird. No, that's not weird. I was telling her, no, I told her, I know I messaged her. I said,
this guy is like, I would be appreciative of that. If I wanted to lose, like, let's just be
hypothetical and say Brandon broke up and he had news of me and they weren't.
Well, and I changed my number. And so he's still texting that number of somebody else that has it
and is sending pictures in my information. Yeah. Yeah. He told me he told me time to do that.
I wouldn't do that. I'd rather be asleep. But I understand what you're saying. Like that would be
some bullshit right there. Looking up some random chick. No, this was all this. Look, okay. I was,
I was, I was in college and this was all one conversation. Like, so this was back in the day,
like when it honestly wasn't even that big. I get my late 20s. I think she forgot that you
went to school. I was a non-traditional. I mean, like I did late when he got out of school. Well,
I was in school early too, but I went, I finished when I was in the military. So, so what's, what's
nice on the list strip clubs? Oh snap. We might get two episodes out of this. Listen, Brandon got
two episodes. So yeah, no, I, yeah, I listened to all of it. Number two fan. I'm the shittiest fan
you've got. Are you a bad fan? No, I'm just the number two fan. If you ain't first or last.
Why is he the number two fan? Cause Elizabeth is number one. I don't know. He might be number one,
but like Elizabeth is pretty good. I, you knew it was. I'm the one who said that Elizabeth is
number one fan. But second, her future sister-in-law, my brother's fiance, but also how in the world are
you going to sit in this room of people right now and act like my man is not a pretty good fan. He
likes all our posts and stuff. Damn right. So does Elizabeth because I don't text her, talk about it.
We're dating. I see her when I see her, I go, Hey, you know, it'd be really cool.
You're gonna be really cool for your podcast. Let me tell you something. I actually told Sarah
the other day. I was like, most of the podcasts I listened to, I don't have a direct connection to.
Sarah would, every episode, pretty much every week she'd be like this guy, Pete, Pete. And she
would just, she wouldn't even call, tell me who you were. She was just like Pete. And I was like,
who the hell's Pete? She's like Pete Ridley. And I'm like, I don't know who that is. She's like,
yes, you do. And I'm like, no, I don't. Now you've said his whole last name on the podcast.
He said it was okay. Like, listen, you said my whole app, excuse me, my whole ass in parentheses,
last name, the first episode. And I didn't even want it. I wanted to change it to McLean.
So I could be fake. Wait, what? I want it to be fake. So I'm gonna have like a fake name.
You want to have a stage name for your podcast. My last name sucks. Did you hear? No, it doesn't.
I love it. That's a great name. I called you by that. But I worked really hard to call you
Emily. And now it comes out much easier than I used to. I used to be like, Emily. She's done
really good. Like a lot of people actually, there are a lot of people in real life that have been
like trying to call me Emily. And I'm like, oh my God, it's wild. Yeah. Because I said it in the
podcast. And I'm like, yeah. Emily. And I didn't mean it like y'all couldn't call me crampsie.
No, have you listened to any of them? She's not gotten any better about it. I know. No, come on.
Have you listened back to any of them? No, she called me Emily. She does. You call her crampsie
in every single time. No, she doesn't. Maybe one time, but it's by accident. It is. I know. You do
it really good. I call you it in real life too. I know she does. We were in the car the other day.
Where were we going? To like Duncan? No, we were going to get our nails done. And she was like,
Emily. And she said it. And I was like, I got kind of weird. Like, you know, like I was like,
she said the wrong name. I bet you the fuck. Oh shit. Am I in trouble? You said my name.
She said my first and middle name. Emily crampsie. Yeah. Sarah, are you mad at me? What did I do?
Did I not put my seatbelt on right? What's wrong? What's wrong?
Are you okay? Give me some words of affirmation here. Call me pretty.
You're pretty. I'm pretty. I mean, I'm not a big fan of words, but like I need some right now.
Please tell me you love me. Affirm me.
Oh my God. Are we on like a Comedy Central, like a cartoon?
Are we on Comedy Central roast about the thick AF podcast?
Oh, but no, but like, OK, so I like the M and things like that. I like it when people like
to give me like little nicknames except for sometimes. And it's OK. Some people.
But like there have been some people that I've worked with that have just like
decided to call me like M or Emmy. And it's like a man usually. And it's like creepy. And I'm just
like, I don't think maybe I should just call me Emily unless you introduce yourself in a specific
way, like with a nickname outside of your, you know, given name or whatever at work,
people should call you by. I mean, it's like Pete and Peter.
You know, what do you go by Pete? You know, I say that it doesn't bother me
that like that you can call me, you can call me Pete. You can call me Peter. There's people
that call me Petey. There's people that call me asshole. There's people that call me.
And I like the dog. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, there's there's a lot of people that call me Petey.
And like, I'm I'm cool with it. Funny story. Like a year ago, there was this girl that I met on
a on one of the dating sites and like she came over a couple of times. I put on on there. My
name was Peter and she called me Peter, but it was the way that she said it. It was like really
assertive and it made me uncomfortable. I didn't like it, but I never told her. Yeah, but no,
it'd be like Peter. I love this. It's like, I don't love this. Like, I don't know. Do you
get mad when I call you Peter? No, I love it. Like, it was it wasn't. I call it Peter.
It wasn't. What do you like to go by? Like I used to think that it didn't. Full ass name. Which one
do you want? Pete Ridley. Figure it out. Pete or Peter? No, whatever. Whatever feels good to you.
No, it's not whatever feels good to you. Right. But now I'll tell you, I like I like Pete, Peta,
Petey. No, say what you would rather be called. Everybody calls me Pete. What? OK, so but what
should I call you? I don't know what you want to call me. Daddy. I mean, we don't need to both be
grabbing for the salt at the dinner table. Oh my God, my mom and dad are listening. We need to grab salt. What's salt for?
I really wish this was videotaped right now. Pull harder, Daddy. Brandon.
Sorry. Look, I have a dad already. I don't need a new one. Do you have a daddy though? Oh my God.
OK, so let's get back to this. Look, I want to know. Like, I wouldn't want you to call me
Crampsey. Like that's you know what I mean? Like that. I feel like I feel like a last name thing is like
a like a Bud's kind of thing. You know, like, right. Like like we play hockey together. Yeah.
Listen, let me slap you on your ass. No, hold on. Hold on. Let's not rule that out. That's all your name
with the shirt. Hey, let's let's let's not rule that out. Let's let's not rule that out. Yeah, we
know. Let's not throw that out the window. I'm not going to be wearing a jersey with my last name on it. OK?
I mean, that'd be kind of cool. Yeah, I do have a I do have a I'm a Predators fan. So I have a
Predators jersey, but I think I don't know who's on the back of it. I think it's blank.
So what you're saying is you want to be part of a team with your name on the back of your shirt
with your ass slapped. I never said yes. She's just not going to say it on the podcast. Listen. Hey,
her birthday is next year. Wink wink. Literally a year from like three days ago. Well, I'm just
saying you already got an idea. I got plenty of time to think about that. The reason I ask is
because I like I would like to call you what you like to be called and like, but I don't know if I
could call you Peter because it sounds like a penis. So I had we know supposed to be talking
about a strip club. Hold on. I had. Hold on. Let's let's let's touch on that conversation. Yeah.
Let's let's touch on this penis for a second. You want to touch on your penis? No, he said this
penis. Which penis? No. So when I was when I was when I was a freshman in high school, my position
coach, my defensive line coach, he tells me he started calling me sweet and I am what your coach
sweet. I'm calling you sweet. Yeah. My my my coach, my you see where this is. Hold on. No, no, no.
It's not from anything. This is from this is he was my coach and he goes, he goes, I'm I'm I'm like
what? Fifteen, I guess. Freshman. I don't know. Freshman. Fourteen, fifteen. Yeah, I was I was
fifteen, I guess. He goes, I'm going to help you out. And I was like, what? I'm I'm trying to make
varsity in freshman, you know, like I'm and I'm doing a pretty good job of and he's calling me
sweet. Like I don't need these guys calling me sweet. And he goes, no, he goes, I'm your name
sweet. He's I'm no, believe me, I'm helping you out. And I was like, what? What are you doing?
He goes, from now on, when any girl comes up to you and asks your name, you tell her your name is
sweet. I was like, why would I do that? I don't understand. It's a great opener, though. Yeah.
Oh, no, it's a fucking this guy's a fucking amazing opener. This guy's a fucking genius. But I was
fifteen and I didn't know. Well, well, it's like as a kid. You have all of your high school like,
you know, he goes whatever six dating success. No, no, no, no, no, no. I didn't use this until
later in life. But he goes, he goes, you tell him you tell him your name sweet and I go, why the
hell would I ever do that? And he goes, because when they sweet and you go sweet, Peter fucking
that guy needs to be fired. I just said his name on here. And he's probably one of those guys.
Now, where that hashtag me to this guy taught me so much. I literally did not know that's where
that was going. Yeah, I was like, I know where this is going. I had a vibe. Oh, my God. Well,
it's like everybody in my family calls me bear, but I just never went by it. Right. But it was
always been like one of those like really cool things. So when they started calling me sweet
and sweet Peter, I was 15, 16. I'm like, don't do that. Like, you know, I wasn't telling him,
don't do that. Lean into it. I was like, come on. Yeah, no, I got, I mean, shit, I was a fucking
cheerleader for years. You were a cheerleader. Yeah. I started cheering when I was cheer MTSU.
Yeah. I cheered at MTSU for a little bit. We had a deal that like I talked to the coach and we had
a deal that if we competed, I was going to cheer. But if we weren't competing, I was like, I'd rather
be on the football field, like playing than cheering on the sideline. And this guy got in trouble.
One, one thing led to another. We didn't compete and everybody else quit. And then that's when I
started playing hot is I've, I realized there was a team. I went, I told the coach, I said,
I'm going to try out. You already know how to skate. Yeah. I've been skating since I was in my
first grade. So yeah, that's, that's kind of rare. I can't, I can't ice skate for shit.
So we should all go skate. We fucking go. Yes. So that's funny. Cause I was going to, I was
totally down with this. I was, I was waiting, I was waiting for like an email, a friend acceptance
or something to ask you out. Yeah. They accepted his friend request. Oh, go in there and you don't
have to know. Don't even worry. Emily's going to do it right now. Send him my number when you have
his real. I mean, you've already, you've already sent everybody else or number. Why don't you just
give me your number? I'd sent it to him. My phone's not working to give you my number for some reason.
I don't know. You can give it to me whenever you want to. Give me your number or, or you send it
to yourself. Wait, give me your phone and I'll give you my number. Give me your phone and I'll
give you my number and then you can have you. I didn't feel it, but that's my broken foot.
It's okay. Look, my toenail. His phone's upstairs. Remember? Oh yeah, that's right. I'll give you my
number. I thought there were rules, but apparently there's not. Okay, so just ask me if you want,
if you want my number later, I'll give it to you. Hey, listen, I want, I want to let everybody know
that we are so appreciative of you guys listening to us and we, we really need your help so that we
can continue to do this. Go on Instagram, like us, please share our posts, get on Apple Podcast,
wherever you listen to your podcasts and review us and like us and follow us please. Because that
helps us get our, get our ratings up and things like that so that we can get more sponsors or
whatever. And we can continue to do this because we do have full time jobs. We love you guys.
Yes. Follow, like, share all the things.
On Instagram and like me, you can send us an email at thick podcast at gmail.com.
Abcdefg. I have to go.