Hey testing
Welcome to the thicc AF podcast everyone welcome back
We're here today to talk about our lives and to give you some entertainment and get caught up with each other
Happy almost Halloween
Okay, so how's it going Sarah it is going it's been a minute since I have seen you it has been a minute since we recorded
I know it's weird. I'm excited to dig back in we do talk a lot sometimes
But then I went out of town. I feel like we didn't talk that much no
I well I was gone first and we didn't talk then either. It was like a whole it was more than a month
It was yeah, like a whole 100,000 percent. It was more than 30 days. Oh weird very weird never have I ever
Not seen you in that long. I know it's like a long time ago. I know so weird so tell me about your trip
Where'd you go? I went with my sister to visit my mom in upstate New York basically, Canada
That's why you have that accent
She said earlier and then I'm probably gonna like throw a y'all in there right
No, we went up there we were up there for I don't know about two and a half weeks, I guess and
Spent, you know some quality time we both work remote
So we got to work a little bit while we were there, you know not take vacation the whole time
But we went on you know some adventures and went to Lake Placid one weekend and it was great nice
I've never been to Lake Placid. What what's the what do you do there? So we went
to go see the leaves change and
They have to watch the leaves change. You're not watching them change
Viewing them they have a whole it's a whole there's a whole thing. So they like track the
Changing of the leaves and they have you know before peak mid peak peak and then you know after peak or whatever
But they call them leaf peepers leaf peepers. Like that's what you are when you go. You're a leaf peeper. Yes
Is that a new term like like a I Instagram or like to tick tock term?
No, you know people say what it's what they say they had on that website the tracker website
It's like leaf peeping and I was like, what the hell is this? I've never even heard of it before
But it's a really cool place. It's a small town the 1980 Olympics were there
1980 Olympics and we weren't both of us neither of us were born yet
We're not so and that was the year that we beat Russia and hockey and it was in Lake Placid. Oh my gosh
Yeah, that's like the movie miracle. That's oh, I've never seen that movie
That's weird because I really like hockey and no, I don't think a lot of people know that about me. Oh my gosh
It's a great movie go Preds
and USA
No, it was a cool experience. They've got like a lot of local breweries and stuff up there. So, I mean we just kind of
Eight went to your breweries and it was cold. It was cold. Yeah, why was it so cold?
Well, I remember when you were packing to go you were like, um, here's it was like how many degrees
We were like at the pool that day or something and you were like, oh, it's a sweater and I'm like
Why are you taking boots and sweaters? She's like cuz it's cold there
I'm like, oh my god, it's so weird. That's the weirdest thing. I mean I wore like a winter hat
Yeah, see for my trip. So I went to on a road trip with my parents, which is the I don't know
Why did that was the craziest thing, but it was actually really good
But you know thinking about going on a road trip for like a week two weeks with your parents
Yeah
Across the country after you live by yourself for like years, right?
And then you're on top of people for that right in the same car like a tiny truck. It's not a tiny truck
I mean, it's a big truck. But yeah
Yeah, so it's thanks. It seems like a lot and it wasn't that bad. It was actually pretty good
but we went I was my cousin got married in San Francisco and
We decided to road trip out there. I they drove back or they're driving back right now, but I
Flew back because I couldn't take off that much work. Yeah, but
But we went and did the whole like sightseeing thing. So like Grand Canyon. Well first we went to Amarillo
We didn't do anything. Well, actually, I'm excuse me
My parents came and picked me up because I was gonna fly back and I was gonna have a car if they came to get me
So, um, they came to pick me up in Birmingham
And then we drove back to where they are where I'm from Decatur Alabama small town Alabama spent the night there the next morning
We woke up and drove to Tunica, Mississippi, which is like literally three hours from my house or my parents house
Or my parents house and so like we just went there cuz they like to gamble and I if anybody knows anything about me
I like to save money and I do not like to gamble
I like to save money unless it's something that I really want and then I'm gonna like try to get the biggest deal
like I'm gonna be like, oh we're gonna have a deal on this and I'm gonna like research it for like three months 100% because
That's how long it took for us to decide on podcasting
And I'm still like no, let's not buy anything yet. Let's maybe like and you'll be like this there's 500 reviews
I'm like, that's not enough reviews
Now I'm all I do every time I get on Amazon and I'm looking for something
I have to find something that has like almost 2,000 reviews or more
Because 75 four star reviews is not good enough y'all. No, it's definitely not it's like honestly, yeah, it's not good
No, that just means like not that many
I like it when a lot of people have purchased something and then you can go in and see the good and the bad and
You know all that you did win some money though. Oh, yeah, I did once but okay
So let's count my money today that for my winnings. Okay, so wait
Anyways, let me go back to where we were so we went
Yeah, but I can't don't have that much money left cuz I spin it on I gave some to my mom
I split it with her. Oh
so I split it with her and
Because she I was using her car so you have like a players card when you go in
And I didn't get one and we wanted this
I don't know if this is like illegal or not
But like we wanted her to get the points and also she I didn't have any cast so she was like put given
She gave me like a hundred. I don't even think it was a hundred dollar bill. It might have been a 20
Yeah, we were there for five minutes. I we literally got to Vegas
What my dad goes down we we walked downstairs
We sit down I picked the slot machine because I like certain ones
Yeah, and I was like we need to use these I sit down and like not even five minutes later
It was like boom like three three hits on the slot machine five thousand dollars boom and my mom's like, oh my god
Oh my god. She's like my cards in there. You have to give him my ID. They came down and like I had to give him her ID
They're like yes Karen cuz her name's Karen and then my mom
But we had a whole deal beforehand like if if I won and I was using her money or her card that we would split
it, but I told her we had a whole conversation in the car. I was like no, but like I
You know normally if you have like a business and somebody's like fronting you the money they only get like 20% 30%
Maybe you're trying to negotiate
I was like no I'm getting 20% like you get 20%
I'll take the rest like that sounds fair to me and she was like no no no no and then so we had this whole thing
And then my mom should have written it. You should have written it all down on a piece of paper
I know I made her sign it. Yeah, she said she felt bad later. She was like Danny
That's my dad's name is Dan or she calls him Danny
So like Danny should I give a I think Emily's mad at me for not giving up all the
Giving all the money should I have given it to her my dad with his answer was well
What does she think she deserves and I was like, oh, okay
He's on my side and I was like deserves how much do I deserve? I mean I deserve all of it, right? She
Was not having that no she was like she was like really should I give her more and I'm like, oh my god
I didn't make her give me any more, but I honestly I should have let her have all of it
but she would have blown it all and she did she blew all hers and then
She blew more and that's what they do the house always wins, but okay, so let me go back to this
So we won that $5,000. Okay, and then we go up to the room
We're like, let's go take it to the room
So we don't spend it all and so that we can put it in the safe or whatever
We get up there go to the room come back down ten minutes later
I pick the slot machines again and we're sitting there next to this dude and I'm like, I don't like my machine
My mom's like let's switch. I'll use yours and I'm like, no, I'll go to this other one over here
I turn around she freaking one $2,500 on that one you left
I was gonna switch with
And I was like, oh my god, so she won like, you know
$7,500 which is 20 minutes comical because the only time I went to Vegas
I think I was probably like 21 or 22 when I went out there and
I got on a machine before we had even gone up to our room and I won
$200 and thought that I was like ballin and I used it like throughout the whole weekend. Were you on the penny slots?
I don't know
I was on we were at the Venetian and there was this wheel of fortune machine that was like right before you get on the
Elevators and I just sat down there while I was like waiting on everybody else or whatever and I won $200 and I thought that that was great
see
Like my thing is like $200 like I can put $100 in a machine and it'll be gone in 30 seconds
I know I did that when Jessica and I were on our way home from San Francisco
we stopped our layover was in Vegas and I took $50 out of the bank and
Started, you know to play and that was gone in like two seconds and at that time in my life
I did not have that money to spend and I was furious
I was so mad at myself
So mad. Yeah, not good. No, I don't see and that's why I'm not a gambler. I do not like gambling. Yeah, I
I think about all the things that it could be doing with that money
And you don't know how fast it's going
So like I got back I was like going through the cash that I had one from Vegas and I'm like, okay, so
Counting it and I had less than half left
Yeah, I don't know how that happened that makes me want to vomit. Yes. I'm like, where did it go?
It's because we got back on the slots one night me and my mom
I got drunk we went to dinner cuz my dad got coven and he couldn't hang out with us
But he he didn't he doesn't like the slots. Anyways, he did poker
So he's a poker dude. So we
We went down there. We had so much fun this this one machine
I forgot what it's called, but it has these like rocket things and every time you get a rocket
it like it like
And it explodes and it does these things and then it'll like
Trigger a bigger thing and it does this like game and then you can win more and I got up to like
$2,500 then I lost it all but we play on that machine. I put $20 in I
Know I was like I'm gonna keep winning. I'm gonna win this machines on fire and then I lost it
I used to try to make myself like if I got up to a certain amount if I got down to whatever then I'd like
Would cash out and not let myself keep going
I usually do that but I was drunk and I was with my mom
Was that the night that you were snapping me and it was late at night?
I
Think so. Yeah, and she wanted to go to bed so bad
You know my mom? Yes. No, I don't wait. No, that was the night that she got really drunk after dinner
She had like two drinks. My mom said we call her three sips to the wind
She said you sent me a snap and you could she had resting bitch face
She was ready to get out of there and you're like, I'm not done yet. I just keep winning
Yeah
And
Yeah, it was good
So but before that so we went to Tunica didn't win any money there and then we spent the night there
We left and we went to Amarillo spent the night there and then I made my parents take us to
Roswell, New Mexico where they have like the aliens and it was great. What do they call it area 51?
Well, the area 51 is technically not there. I believe I think so. I think they took the aliens
I don't I can't remember where I think
apparently if the aliens were real and
a
Lot of people think they were they are they took them to area 51, which I think is in
Nevada, I don't know somewhere near there. Yeah
And I could be wrong somebody's gonna correct me on this they're gonna be like, ah, she's so dumb area 50
But they had like stuff that said area 51, but they were I don't think and even if there was area 51
I don't think you can go in but we yeah, we went there
We did like the UFO Museum and we got I got like alien stuff. We had some really good Mexican food
I
Got the green chili pepper green sauce instead of the red chili or whatever. I don't know
I'm just like you you go there when you go they ask you if you want red or green and
You I got the green and it was way better than the red
I don't think it's that spicy. Oh, so maybe like Tomatillo
But yeah, so we did that and then after that we and oh and like the alien the
Dunkin Donuts has like an alien holding up the Dunkin Donuts sign and the McDonald's is shaped as a UFO
Really? Yeah, that's not snapchat. Listen, I
Don't can cannot confirm nor deny. I have no idea. Yeah
So we did that then we went to
What was next they know we went to the Grand Canyon, I know but before we went to the
I don't know where what was next to the petrified forest, which was yeah
Yeah, and I didn't really know much about the petrified forest before I went and I was like, huh
What's this petrified force? And my dad was like, oh, it's where like these trees like hardened and like stayed there forever
They're like really old and I'm thinking they're like actual trees that were like up standing up, but it's actually not it's like
Like where the logs like I don't know if there's a whole like millions of years
Story of this petrified forest and I don't want to tell the story because I don't honestly would tell it wrong
But it's really cool. They had oh my god. They had these they're called
Petroglyphs where they're petrified like they're kind of like hieroglyphics, but it's like the people from back then
Like drew on these rocks and stuff. They have a place called new
I think it's called newspaper rock and you go and you can look down at the rocks where they drew stuff on there and it's
I guess where they told each other the news and things
And it's so funny because I have that snapchat that I have that I put up there my dad is in the background
I'm getting it. My dad's like, oh my god
They all have huge they have huge balls that a tiny head because they would draw they were like men that they drew and they
Had these like huge penises and balls on these like stick figures
But then these like tiny little heads and I was like that's because they were just dumb little dumb dummies
With big balls I
Bet you a woman drew that
Yeah, we're definitely going to a we're going to a Halloween party tonight at our friend's house that
That I actually set up with my our other friend I know this is such a good story
Yeah, I know you want to tell it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
I like hearing it so I don't even know how long ago it was we went and met some friends downtown and
Two of two of the people that we were with were my neighbors and
Cramp C came to meet us and we were having some cocktails. I think it was like shark week
we were at some bar that had like shark themed like cocktails and
We were talking about boys, of course, you know, cuz we're all single and dating and
whatever and our friend showed
Emily a
Video of this wiener dog. Yeah, cuz she's obsessed with weenie dogs and I also am too
I have two of them which one she gave to me
But the other one actually and I have two and a half. Yes. Yeah, so yeah
So she's and Emily was like, I know that dog. Yeah, I was like she I was like, let me see that dog
That's ace. I'm like, that's my friend's dog ace
And I'm like, I know that dog. She's like, yeah
I tried to match with this she said yeah, she had matched with him on Bumble and then let the time run out and
Somehow I don't know in her FBI investigative skills
I guess found him on Instagram and it took him like days to accept the request
But then they you know, we're Instagram friends or whatever
But Emily reached out to him that night because he had been on snapchat and had been like right next door to where we were
Yeah, he was literally right next door
And so he ended up coming to meet us later with
two of his female friends one is his roommate and
Our friend was there and they sat there and talked all night
They are madly in love and they've been together ever since like boom boom boom. Yes, like
Live together all day every day
Yes, it's like a package deal now
But it's been great for us though because we've kind of been able to like co-mingle friend groups
a little bit more and meet some new people and that's been really fun because I feel like I've been in a bit of a bubble like
As far as my you know, almost og Birmingham friends that I've had, you know
Or known since I was in elementary school and elementary school
But now we're making some more friends and it's really it's nice it's great people that we've met
Yes through that. Yeah, so it's been cool. Yeah
Congratulations Santana and Erin
We love you shout out to the lovebirds. I would like to be invited to the wedding, please. Thanks invited. I'm gonna be in it. Oh, okay
I would be the um, can butterbean be the
Ring bear. Yeah, that would be cool. Yeah for sure
That's funny. Yeah, so come so we're going to this Halloween party. It's at Erin's house
It was gonna be at Rose and DJ's but they had a
Electrical situation. So now we are having it at Erin's house and
It's gonna be fun and Sarah. I want to know what you're dressing up as probably this year
Well as I have gotten older I have figured out that comfort is far more worth it
Way more. There is you know, beauty is not pain and I am over wearing heels and like sexy outfits and whatever
So I am going to be where's Waldo. Yeah, I think that's cute. I thought you looked really cute the other day
Yeah, I'm excited. It's it's cute. It's comfortable. You could look cute with those little glasses on too. Those were really cute. Oh, thanks
You're welcome
You're welcome. And what are you gonna be? I'm gonna be con
It's con
Have a con-tastic day everyone
It's got the juice
My dad told me I should be a corn star
Like I could like dress up as like a like do my makeup and wear sunglasses like
Like a movie star. Yes, get like a star pin. Oh my god
Corn star. Yeah, funny. We should have got you a dang star. We can get myself. I have a I oh when we were in
San Francisco my mom bought there was some police officers at this pub that we were at and my mom bought their
Like lunch and they came over and gave everybody these little stickers
Like that hat that say like junior san francisco sfpd or something like that on there. I have it somewhere
He was like, oh my god, I'm so excited. I'm so excited. I'm so excited
Pd or something like that on there. I have it somewhere. He they were like we don't have anything else other than these like little stickers
That we give to kids
But daniel and my brother was like hell. Yeah, i'm wearing this tonight so that we in case we get in trouble
That's hilarious
Did you like san francisco? Yeah, I did. I liked it a lot. Um, and i've been there before but I hadn't really hung out
Downtown and I wasn't really an adult. Oh, I know we didn't do downtown because our friend lived there that you know
We were staying for free. So it was it was cool. But um
Um, there's it's a lot. Yeah. Well, and it's very hilly where we live and um
We were with a lot of older people and oh my god, how did y'all find parking?
Oh, we parked in the uh in the valet at the hotel. Yeah, okay, and then we just walked or ubered everywhere
Yeah, but we um
my
uh, what am I trying to say?
I don't know what i'm trying to say. Oh, so I wore heels. Oh, yeah high heels for the first time since like literally before covid
for the wedding
yes, or like yes and
and they weren't even like
Stiletto pumps in the club. They were they were like
They were like stiletto pump in the club. I don't think I brought them with me because my parents weren't about but they were like
Basically wedges but not wedges. They were thick heels and they were tall but they weren't that bad
And they were very I mean they were comfortable to wear for a little while
Yeah, but not walking up the hills the mountains definitely in san francisco. I know and oh my god
I was so my mom had some extra fit flops that she brought in a bat in her purse
To the thing and then they went back to the room and I was like mom
Let me get those fit flops and I put them on I was like fit flop. Oh my god
You never won fit flops. No, I thought you were just making a brand. They're a brand of shoes
Okay, and they're actually they're very comfortable. I thought you were just squishy flubbing the words. No, that's the only um
Um, but yeah, I can't believe you never heard fit flops. We'll have to look at them later
Okay, but my mom only wears fit flops. Basically she wears some other things
But they have to be squishy like the fit flops because she's you squishy flip flops. I don't know. No, they're not squishy
They're like, okay. So my flip flops that are upstairs are silver ones. Yeah, those are fit flops, but they're like
Not the type that my mom wears. I'll show you some later. They're cute
Like they're actually really cute and they're if you put them on you would be like, oh
OMG, i'm wearing these for the rest of my life. I'm never getting anything else. They're very comfortable. Are they nine million dollars also?
They're like 150 but my mom and I get my mom my mom has 400 pairs of them like in every color
And she has her inside fit flops and her outside fit flops. Our moms are literally the same
I'm not kidding
My mom has her inside sandals that she does and she wears socks with them in the winter
My mom gets boots. It's like girl get some slippers or something. My mom doesn't live in upstate new york. My mom lives in alabama
And she wears her socks with them. I know it's so I don't I can't figure out why my mom won't wear
Like real shoes in the winter around or get some slippers. Oh my god. My mom got some socks with like a good bottom
Yeah, my mom bought the cutest little sketcher boot things from somewhere
And I got to her house and I was like, oh my god, they have like little they're like short booties and they have like that fur
I've never seen her wear anything like that. I was like those are so cute. Can I have them?
Can I put them on there really comfortable?
Yeah, i'm like can I have them? Well it has gotten better though because my mom used to wear flip flops with socks on and squish the sock
You know the thong between her sock toes. Oh, no, no, no
Yes, I promise you. I'm pretty sure my mom's done that too. It has gotten better now
And it is, you know, like fake Birkenstocks with socks. So at least there's no thong involved anymore
But well my mom doesn't wear the she doesn't like the twints or toes
um
Situation, you know twinks my legs or twinks the toes. That's what me and my aunt say
I assume that Karen doesn't wear a thong either
No, she doesn't wear a thong either. I forgot what she called that. I don't know but she doesn't wear a thong either. Um, but
She might wear some space panties
Don't you tell that story on her
Sorry, she's like that and I know it yeah shout out to Karen space pants
They're so cute
They're actually pretty cute honestly, okay
so uh
Yeah, so i'm gonna be corn
For uh halloween. Oh and san francisco. I don't know how we got on all this. Listen, we talked about a lot of things
throughout
Our recording sessions, you know, whatever
So later on tonight, we may have a special guest named mason
He is he's i'm hoping that he's gonna want to join us in about 30 minutes
Do you think that he'll you think that he'll come on? I think I think that he is
gonna be here
Earlier, I think he'll be here at six. So yeah, we can put this on pause if we want and
And maybe and maybe we'll return with a mason
A mason would be great. I love mason. Y'all are gonna love him so much
Y'all are gonna want him to stay and be part of the he's gonna be shy at first, but he'll warm up
He will we'll get him a drink. Yeah, we'll get him some uh
Liquid courage. Yeah, what is he he likes fireball? Yes. Do you have any no, but I have like a crown peach
Yeah, that's we'll get it. We'll get him a shot immediately
I don't really listen he'll do a shot of vodka for crying out loud. I know I got vodka
I got all kinds of stuff up there. Just no fire
Because I don't do the fireball. I don't love it either. I love it
Like honestly, I bet you know, I bet you there's a good drink out there that you could make for christmas time
That has fireball in it
Yeah, like fireball and rum chata together
Oh
That sounds good. Oh, I got I ordered at this dinner the other night. Um when we were in
Vegas
At John George's I think that's how you say it or gene george john george. I don't know was that your real name
George. I don't know. Was that your real expensive meal? Yeah, that's a real expensive one that my mom like didn't like the servers
Oh my told told the she was a karen
She was a huge karen and she told she told the guy that she thought the sommelier that opened the bottle
He didn't even do anything. He just opened the bottle of wine and poured it
She told the guy our one of our one of our servers. Excuse me
We had like a team of four serving is that normal I guess at this place. I don't know like weird
Yeah
So the sommelier came over and he's pouring our drink and my mom told tells the other guy that she thought he was a snob
And so literally they sent the other sommelier every they didn't send him back to our table. They blessed it
I felt so bad for that dude bless his heart. Oh my god, and then she complained
Oh my gosh, but she did like she was like I left him a good tip because I wanted them to know
that even though
Even though they're yeah, and then she got drunk and she told us she said, uh
She was like
That that one's there was one guy named christian and he was really nice. He was like he was like karen's accent though
Okay, he was like the um
He was like the guy that did everything he was like the water boy basically for a football team
But he he gave us water. He brought us bread
He did everything we needed and he was doing everything for all the other servers and he probably only got tipped out
Like 15 or something at the end of the night, which is sad and he was really nice and sweet
Yeah, and my mom really liked him because she goes for the underdog. You know what I mean?
and
She was like
He she was talking about him. She's like he's he's going to heaven. The others are going straight to hell
I have a video recording of it
Sanderson, I think I might take that recording and add it to the end of this end. I think that's fantastic
Yeah, I think it's a good idea. Love it. She's yeah. All right
We're gonna return shortly with a mason. See you later alligator
after a while crocodile
And we're back and we brought a friend our first ever guest. Yes
Welcome mason. Hey, hey, hey, how y'all doing?
I'm so excited to be y'all's first guest
Wow, and this was impromptu so, you know, there's gonna be a lot of jealous people
When they hear about this listen, let the haters hate that's all I want to say
Let them hate bitches be mad let them be mad we thought mason was gonna need some liquid courage
But it sounds like he's got this I brought him like a double shot. Well, you didn't see what was in this cup
You didn't see what you got. This is vodka and red bull. So that's why I went with the vodka
Let me continue on with the vodka for now. All right, we'll take your shot. All right ready? Cheers. Cheers
To halloween again
Happy halloween
It's a very good chaser too, is it yes we say we say who because I am the tamra to mason's vicki
Apparently because I drunkenly said that to sarah in bed. What is the camera to vicki?
I drunkenly said that to sarah in the bed a couple weeks ago
Yes, we were both wasted all four asses was it last night because
No, we were wasted
I'm listen, I passed out which bed were you in?
Which which bed were we in? I don't know their guest bedroom the way when you go upstairs
There's there's like five guest bedrooms. They're out of the one to the right
It's the one across from the main this one across from their main bed. Is it the big one like the really big one?
That's like how does that go into the bathroom? No. Well, no, no, no santana and uh, erin had that one
We had the one across from that. Okay. Okay. Yeah
Yeah, I stayed in that one last time I was there. I thought it was a very nice bed. She did it
I loved it. I loved it. You said that you said the next no, no, no, no, that's right
You said it's very hard which I like because I said it was soft. I like it a lot
I like a soft. I really liked it when I got there. I was like, oh my gosh
Where did you get this mattress? I think they got it from costco or something like that. It was good
I looked at it. It was a casper. I was like, yeah
It was nice. Yeah, I looked at the tag. It was a casper
Which I've always wanted a casper mattress. I need to get me one of those
I put a feeler out there on facebook the other day about a nectar mattress and wanted to find out
I heard good things. I've heard good things about those too and they seem more affordable than some mattress
Yes, they are they seem like more for people on a budget. Yeah, but anyhow I call her the I've said she was
I said you're the tamarind to my vicki. Is that what I said? Yeah
I said because tamarind vicki real housewives of orange county. They shared a bed together
They share many beds together
And she this one i've been asleep for all which housewives are these orange county? Oh my god
I didn't even know I thought there was atlanta. I knew I knew that you had no idea what we were talking about. No, this is the og
Franchise and vicki is the og. Yes, but um, I don't know why you think you're vicki and i'm not because I woohoo
That's what I like to do. Who is which one's vicki? Is she blonde? Yeah, both vicki and tamara
Oh, oh, yeah tamara's shorter than vicki though. I need to look their pictures up. I'm gonna do it
Okay, well we're talking anyways. Keep going. But anyways the story goes we have been drinking all night long
I was drowning my sorrows after the alabama tennessee game. She was just drinking just a drink
And auburn also lost that day. Yes, that is very true. Um, who did they play?
Old miss was it? Oh, that's was it. Oh miss the child. I think so. Yes. I don't know
I remember every game right now. It's hard to be an auburn fan. Okay
But I remember it was almost because it was raining in um, miss siverton. Oh, yes, they had a rain delay
Hey, do y'all remember that game that um, you know alabama played recently and uh, they lost
I just brought it up. I just brought it up kamps. So you ain't got to do all that
Shoot I gotta turn my volume down
Listen it is what it is
I drowned my sorrows. I made my peace with it that night because I was too concerned about my hangover the next morning anyways
I we have been drinking for what four hours that night?
At least no, we know no we have been going hard after like seven o'clock. Like we were taking shots left and right
and
I at a certain point we were down in the living room and I start feeling queasy and i'm like, uh-oh
This is not going to end in a good spot
erin had already gone to bed for the night and sarah and
Santana are down on the floor giggling laughing talking it up like two fools
And i'm like i'm just gonna excuse myself slip out of the living room and go up to the bedroom real quick
Just in case something goes down
And they won't know a thing
I pass out on the bed 30 minutes later
The door busts open
And santana is trying to pull sarah into the bedroom
Sarah comes two feet into the bedroom then bolts right out. She did not want to go to bed apparently
and then santana's also drunk by the way and
And a few minutes later santana finally gets sarah back in the room and she falls flat on her face on the floor
I didn't even know I did that
I didn't even know I did it and then throughout the week. I was like, oh, this is a weird spot to have a pain in
And then I was like, oh, yeah
And then can you do me a favor and open my beer because I put these nails on and uh,
I got these like coffin length nails for 3.99 at uh tj maxx
Because I got a deal all night
That means that one of us is gonna have to be your beer opening bitch or i'll just get some like a keys or something
I don't know. Yeah, but yeah, because I don't want them to fall off and me look like a you should be a bottle
Drinker, you should be a bottle drinker
What you already do like oh, yeah
I was gonna get bottles but I ended up getting these because they're less calories and I figured i'm gonna drink a lot tonight. So
So i'm gonna need yeah, listen, maybe there will be a hot guy there and i'll be like, oh can you open my drink for me?
I'm low-key praying that there's a hot guy there. I'm low-key praying that there's a hot guy there
For one of us at least yeah, somebody should get some somebody should get some tonight. What's the question?
I do have a question for you. I want to know what your type is. Oh, okay. So my type is
He's so ready to talk about this now. We're getting ready. He's getting comfortable in his seat
I like and i've told i've told you what a twunk is. That's wait
You told me this but tell me again. I forgot a twunk is somewhere in the middle between a twink and a hunk
meaning you're not like
100 like a hunk, you know when you think of a hunk you think muscular muscles abs chest
A twink is like very very skinny very thin somewhere. You're somewhere in between that of your twunk a little bit of chest hair
Probably I like that, you know, that's what you like. Yes, but what are you? Tell me what you are again
I'm somewhere between a twunk and an otter. I would like to be an otter
What tell us what the otter is though an otter is like a twink slash a bear like you're hairy
But you're like skinnier like you're thinner, but you're not as are you hairy?
No, but what i'm gonna say is you're not as hairy as a bear like you have some body hair
But you're not as hairy as a bear. Okay, so that's what an otter is. Do you have body hair? Yeah my chest
Oh, I don't remember looking. I don't know. I just don't look at your body hair
I have a whole 14 pieces. Is it like 14? A whole 14. You were counting them when you laid in a bed at Rose and DJ's house that one night?
Yes, I was braiding Mason's chest hair
You had to put like
Four four pieces in each little thing to braid. Yeah, exactly. But no i'm like
I'm not you know
And a lot of people think that I want somebody who's like as tall as me
Because i'm so tall and people think that I want that but i'm like height doesn't really matter to me
How come height doesn't matter to you if it matters to you whether or not your brother knows what's up?
Because I haven't told him yet. You've told him that you're gay? Yes, I have not told him that. But he's told his mom and dad
Yes, he just hasn't told his brother
But my brother is going to be the most accepting out of all of us. I know. It's so strange
It's so weird that you haven't told him yet. Every time that I know that he's going to see him
I'm always like Mason today's the day you can do this today's the day and then I meet him afterwards
And i'm like did you do it? Did you do it? Well the last time I saw him the last time I saw him was at a uab game
We went to the game together. I didn't want to tell him. Yeah, you can't tell him
It needs to be like you and him at dinner or something. Yeah, I didn't want to tell him. He's gonna be like well duh
And that's what it's gonna be I know that's what it's gonna be so I'm like I knew that
I know that's what it's gonna be and so that's why i'm like, I don't know why i'm so scared of it
But you know it is what it is
It's just one of those things and maybe i'm I don't know how it feels to do that
but like for me, I would think that it would feel like it's like something that you know, he probably knows already and
He knows he knows it's like do I like bringing it up?
Is it gonna be like weird because he's gonna be like, yeah, he doesn't know how to bring it up
But that's how it is for a lot of people. Why are you making a thing out of it when it doesn't need to be a thing?
Exactly. Whatever but also as a straight person who has a
gay
Relative you don't want to push it
You don't if you understand what's going on
You don't want to push somebody out of the closet when they're not ready not to say that i'm in the closet
But you don't want to out somebody or you know assume stuff and just right because some people you're gonna come out when you're ready
You're gonna be ready to say it whenever you're ready
Well, and I mean for all intents and purposes you are out. Yes, 99.9 conversation with him. That's all
Exactly. Right. Yes, exactly right. Yes. I mean just looking at the snaps that I post on my instagram story
He can make you know, he can assume all this
He knows I just haven't had the formal conversation and you know what the bad thing is. I should have told him when I was at the bar
with him
Almost a year ago. We were at um, what's that place called?
Fuck it's some type of pub place in hoover. It was just me and him sitting up at the bar
Chit chatting about bullshit. I should have told him on tap. Yes on tap. Thank you. I want 280
No, the one in hoover. I just went in hoover. It's nice
Never been to that one. It's nice. They have a really good patio. Yeah, cool
I should have told him right then and there and I just didn't it's gonna be about the time and the place and
Well, you have to feel right in your heart about it. Yeah, and that's okay. Yeah, I mean that's
That I mean when it wouldn't have been for me wanted to date a specific boy when I was in college
My mom still would not know to this day honestly
But because I was dating a boy and I was like if i'm gonna date him I need to tell my mom
I told him two weeks later that guy
Ghosted me like nobody's missing. So like would you
After you told your mom yeah, but still you know what that's good because would you want to date somebody that's not out to their family?
No, it just makes it harder. Right. It just makes it harder. So anyways, what I was saying was
There is somebody in my life who I'm not
I don't feel comfortable telling them because they are very you know old school in the way that they think and they're very stuck in their ways very
Christian conservative and I just know that it's not going to end well
And so you're not going to get the reaction that you would like to get and even the conversation
And no matter what you tell them, they're not going to want to write and it's not going to change
How does it make you feel when that person that knowing that that person feels that way?
It breaks my heart because I would like for this person to be a part of
I would like for this person to be a part of everything. I would like this person to be at my future wedding god willing
Uh, you know at you know
Anniversaries party, you know how come christmas is and things like that
But you know, i've already told i've told myself if it comes to this person
If it comes between me and this person and the love of my life, i'm choosing love my life
I'm not stopping this train because of anybody. You know what I mean? So if it comes down to it, I will
Tell them and be like, okay, I'm gonna go to this person
So if it comes down to it, I will tell them and be like this is what it is
Be happy about it or not. You could stick in this life, you know
I mean, that's a good mind frame. I think to have because you gotta take care of yourself, especially when you know, it's
Everyone deserves to have love and you shouldn't let nothing stop in your way. Have you had anybody any other like
um gays or
Gays, you know, like so they like on howard stern they are the guy that is on
What's his name? He's like the top gay. He's like i'm the top gay. What is his name? Anyways, lance bass
I don't know. It's me. Andy cohen
Andy cohen is top and he goes by that like that. He's like i'm the top gay
He is top gay to me, but yeah, so
But you what so what's the question? So like have any other and what he would
It was gays like people that like I mean other of your friends that are like because why have friends that are gay that
That are not will not come out for whatever reason right?
But do they think that you do you have any friends that are gay that?
Think that you are in the wrong for not coming out. I have had some that have said, you know, that's their problem
You know, whether however they want to take it that's on them, you know, you shouldn't be afraid to live your life
But you know at the same time
It would break my heart and it would break their heart and it's something that I just don't want to go through
You know, there's no reason to go through it in my mind
So, you know everyone has their own process. Everyone has their own way of doing things
I just don't want to live my life being 45 and still not telling people, you know who I am, right?
Yeah, damn did that happen? But also it's kind of like one of those things where it's like, you know if you tell that person
You're gonna have like they're gonna real. Yeah. Well, no, it's not necessarily real. It's well, it's already real
No, but it's well, it's got if i'm getting serious that person's gonna if i'm getting serious with a person
I'm like, let's say i'm in a serious relationship with somebody for six months plus then it'll become decision time, you know
You know, what do we do?
You know and how do we go about this? Of course at that point my parents will know and you know
There'll be other people who will know but I would I would think and I but i'm assuming this
But I would think that if you found the right person
And it was time to like talk to do something like that that that person would understand and would be okay
Yeah
If you not telling and you gotta be afraid and that's another thing with the gay community is that you gotta be up front with
That kind of stuff like you gotta be that's one of the first questions between besides top or bottom
Yeah, besides top or bottom you ask are you out?
And that's gonna be a deal breaker for some people and you're right the right person will understand
You know if there are a couple people that don't know
Isn't it so interesting that like straight versus gay like
Like you straight they're like no reason to ask you talk about so many other things. Are you out?
Are you are you top or bottom? Like why don't we ask? Are we top or bottom? Like, you know, who's more dominant?
There's a question with women and men. I mean, yes there is yes
What you mean? There ain't no top or bottom with men. Oh, yes there is
I got a match. I got a match on
Well, you know what I mean, but top or bottoming is different things with y'all
It's different. Yeah, it's different but it's like more like a who's more dominant
I got a match on Hinge and it long story short
It's a guy that I went on a date with like back when I first moved back to Birmingham
I was probably 20 years old
He was the cousin of like this family that my dad is like friends with
And he like came and picked me up took me to the movies and he was a ding dong. He's younger than I am
But we matched on Hinge because I was like I want to see what like what's up with this dude, you know now
Like however 15 years later, whatever and when I was talking to him today
He was like, do you like being pampered? And I was like being I mean like
Elaborate like massaging my feet right or like getting my nails done or like giving me money and okay
So that's hell. Yeah
Yes, yes all of the above that's what it was spending his money and also my god
Humiliation in the bedroom. Oh, wait, is that being pampered?
Wait, so he wants to humiliate you in the bedroom and then give you his money. Oh hell yeah
Can I come watch?
I don't know exactly why he has like that
Fetish, I guess if you will. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, I need to get that from the dating apps. And he was like are you down?
And I was like, I don't know. There's some people who are into petting and that's very weird. That's
That's petting heading which that's more of a fetish but that's you know heading
Yeah, like heavy petting heavy petting like just like dry. Humming
That's where I was going with that. We talked about that already. I can't remember dry
The hot chocolate
Okay, I have a heavy petting story for you
But I want to hear the rest of this dude like no that was it like he was like are you into it?
And I was like, I don't know. Hell. Yeah, give me some money. I'll humiliate you
You
I don't know. I I had to go to a baby shower that conversation
I'll have to finish later. Like is he rich or is he like just like a regular like middle class dude?
I don't know middle class dude that is gonna give me like 50 bucks
I don't know. Maybe i'll find out when I get drunk later. We'll see
But heavy petting. I can't wait. So back in the day like when I very first moved into my apartment
It was the very first time that I ever lived by myself. It was nine and a half years ago
I
Was on match.com then so yes
Your girl has been on the apps for like 10 f-ing years. It's ridiculous. Well, they used to have that never mind. We'll keep going
So I matched with this guy
Find out that he lives in my apartment complex
And wait, is this the same place you're living in now? Yes. Okay. Have I met this person?
God no, this was mason. This was nine years ago over that sure
No, and so we found out that we lived in the same apartment complex
So he invited me to come over for hot chocolate. Okay. Wait, wait, hold on
Hot chocolate, okay
It gets worse did it get did you have alcohol in it or something? Absolutely not. That's so random
Yes, it is. Was it christmas time? He was very tall. Was it even cold outside?
Did he go to was he part of church of the highlands like I know?
No, no, no, no, no, he was like a grown up
Yeah, the church coming after you. No, he was a grown up
But I went over there and this mug didn't even know how to make hot chocolate correctly
First of all, that's the first like negative of the night
Because he put the water in there and then put the hot chocolate in I was like bro
You gotta like heat up the water first like it's not gonna melt. You can't put that in
Negative. Listen linda. I don't know but he also so then he did make it correctly dumped it out and had more and after you had
Yes, I know i'm bossy
um, but he also had
Now you're just a boss
Not bossy. So he also had like the fireplace app thing like playing on his tv
So there was like a fake fire. That's like in the teslas. They had the fireplace thing on there
Have you seen it like you can get in there and like set the mood in your tesla? Oh, were you with okay?
We're gonna go on a tangent
Okay, so he makes the hot chocolate and like we sit down on the sofa
and he immediately I mean just dove right in and was like
Are you a virgin? Whoa. Wait dove right in just like talking, right?
Yeah, just ask that question. Like I don't even think I had five sips of my hot chocolate. How old were you?
I was like 24 at this point 25 maybe
He was at least my age if not a couple of years older
Okay, so he's like mid 20s. Was he probably because he invited you over for hot chocolate
So I said no, I am not
And he was like well, I am but i've done some heavy
He was my age or a few years older
And so I didn't know what it was y'all I did not know and I was just like heavy petting no
And so I knew so basically dry humping
But I didn't know though. And so other things hopefully I don't know
But all I know is that I left within the next 10 minutes after that
And I was like
I'm sorry. I don't think like this is gonna work out. Whatever. Like I was honest. I didn't like ghost him
I mean, he lived in my same apartment complex. How weird would that be?
I think that heavy petting means like you dry hump, but then also you like touch like he like put his hand up your shirt
And touched your boobs or something. I mean, yeah, I think that's probably fair, but he didn't have any b in the v
Well, that's would make him not a virgin right
Anyways, I didn't know what it was
I had to go home and get on the googles and figure out what it was and then i'm by myself at that point
Like I was very sowwy hysterical because i'm like God bless america
Be a virgin and just say you're a virgin
Don't ever tell anyone you're heavy petting. Well, so it's weird
Yeah, you can just be like, well, i'm your version but like on our first date with I mean we were I don't even think
I was over there for 30 minutes. And so did you leave? Was it?
so if that happened to me, I would have probably stayed for like
Two days because I would have felt bad leaving
No, I could not wait to get out of there.
He thinks I'm leaving because of that.
I was.
Was he like, don't leave because I'm a virgin?
No, he didn't say that, but he was like, can I walk you home?
And I was like, no, I'm good.
You should have been like, well, do you-
I didn't want him to know where I live.
He was enough that he knew I-
Did he want to not be a virgin anymore or did he like-
He's married now.
And the reason why I know that is because his wife is Santana's family doctor.
What the hell?
Yeah.
So I was telling them this story and I remembered what his name was.
So I got on Facebook and showed Santana a picture and she goes, that's my doctor.
He's married to my doctor.
And she goes, he's not a virgin anymore because he just had a second kid.
So he's been deflowered.
I'm sorry.
I could not- if I found out that somebody I was going to marry was a virgin, I wouldn't
know.
Why not?
Because I need you to have some practice.
You don't come on the bed-
You would marry a virgin.
I might.
No.
Absolutely not.
You don't come on the baseball diamond unless you've swung the bat a few times.
I totally agree.
You do not come out the dugout.
You don't want to test drive the car before you buy it for the rest of your life.
What if you were having terry micro penis sex?
Maybe we would make him test drive it, but first and then, you know what I mean?
That's yeah, I understand that, but I'm not about-
You know what I mean?
Like you're going to date somebody.
You know what the penis looks like.
Honestly, I would rather at this point, I'd rather have a freaking virgin than some dude
that's going around cheating on me and stuff like all the other dudes that are around here.
That is fair.
But if somebody came to me and said, no, I'm saving myself for marriage, no, you've got
to go-
Like honestly though?
Yeah, okay.
So that's, but like, so-
Anyways, no more heavy petting for this girl.
Well, that's good.
At least, are you going to-
Put that on your Tinder profile.
No heavy petting.
I mean, I would prefer, I mean, I don't get anything.
I don't even get any kissing or anything.
So I might like some heavy petting here.
All right, well the next one I encounter, I'll send your way.
Okay, cool.
Sounds good.
Yeah.
There's always somebody out there who will want it.
All right, guys.
Ain't that the truth?
Well, we have got to go because we've got our, we've got this whole Halloween party
to go to.
We're actually 17, 15 minutes late right now.
We're going to be really late.
We have to go pick up our friend.
You're not doing well today.
And then we have to go over there.
We'll be doing good to get there by 8.
I know.
Yeah.
Well, good thing you got dip though.
So we'll be good.
Yeah.
All right.
This is the Thick AF podcast signing off.
Follow us at the Thick AF podcast.
That's T-H-I-C-C-A-F podcast on Instagram.
And send us any of your thoughts, concern, wrecks, anything like that at thickafpodcast.gmail.com.
Woo-hoo.
Bye.
A-B-C-D-E-F-G.
I have to go.
I don't know why it's so good.
Oh my God.