Yo, what's up?
Hello.
Hi.
Give us a little intro there, Brandon.
Oh, there you go.
Perfect.
What are you drinking there?
Wait.
Make a little Ultra Amber Max.
Wait, what is that?
Can I taste it?
It's better than regular Mical-Tra, I think.
Pass it down.
I've never seen it.
I saw it and I was like, why does it have a weird thing to the side?
Is it different colored?
I need to wipe my lips.
It's an amber.
My lip gloss is kind of sticky.
Sorry.
Wait, stop.
It has agave in it.
Does it?
Yeah.
It does, doesn't it?
Aren't you allergic to agave?
Yeah.
What the hell?
Yeah.
It has agave in it.
Rich tasting light lager with agave.
I can't believe you remembered that because I literally told her the other day on the
way to Supper Club, I'm like, we need to go to this new place, Condado.
They had one in Cleveland.
They had margarita flights and she was like, I can't have that.
I'm like, she always does that.
I forget every single time.
She'll be like, margaritas.
I love, because I always say, I want a margarita and I can't have them, but I love them so
much.
So, I was actually reading the side of this and as she said it, I was reading the side
of this earlier, the first time I ever read the side of the can, and I was like, agave.
I was like, isn't somebody allergic to that?
Agave.
That would be me.
And then as soon as you had it, I was like, you're it.
You're it, too.
You're the person.
Don't break that.
You're the freak.
Oh my God.
I really don't.
So what does it taste like though?
An amber beer.
I don't know.
Does it taste sweet?
Because agave is sweet.
No.
I wonder why like it's got agave in it.
I'd love for you to try it.
Me too, but I'm good.
And also, Michelob Ultra gives me headaches.
So.
Really?
Yeah.
I don't know why.
I just don't really like beer that much anymore.
It's like, I don't know what it is about it.
I think it's got a chemical or something in it.
I said, excuse me.
Excuse me.
So all that was like a weird burp though.
That sounded like Melanie likes to call a dinosaur burp.
Like a baby dinosaur burp.
It was like more like.
It's more like airy and guttural.
I don't know.
It sounded like it didn't sound.
It didn't sound airy to me.
It sounded more like liquidy.
Yeah.
Beer burps.
All right.
Let's get into this FMK.
All right, just there's a whole fuckmarrykillgame.com and it generates them for you.
So we can choose guys or girls.
You want to do one of both and you just like refresh it and it reaches.
This is for people.
Yeah.
Let's do one of each.
All right.
So for girls.
Make sure you do a good one though.
Like skip it if it's like weird.
Yeah.
So what is it called again?
And tell us about the titties on the screen.
Well, there is the only ad that they have on here is TikTok tips.
Big breasted girls snaps only.
That's how you click on it.
So is this on TikTok?
This is like a porn site, Sarah.
It sounds like it.
You're going to start getting like weird.
You're going to get like a virus on your phone.
Did they even have those in here?
Hopefully not.
I don't know.
Titty virus.
Okay.
So here we go.
Cara Delevingne.
I don't know who that is.
I have no idea who that is.
Okay.
Nevermind.
Who is it though?
Sounds like a vegetable.
She is like a model actress.
How about this?
Emma Watson.
Okay.
Alexis Bledel.
Okay.
That's the girl from Gilmore Girls.
The young one.
Oh, okay.
Tiffany Amber Thiessen.
Okay.
That's the girl from that's.
Saved by the Bell.
What's her name?
Kelly Kapowski.
You don't know who Kelly Kapowski is?
Hold on.
Don't touch it though.
Who was the first one?
Emma Watson.
Okay.
I'm going to go.
I'm going to and who was the second?
I'm so.
I can't see it anymore.
Oh God.
I'm going to go Tiffany, Alexa, Emma.
So wait, that's the.
Wait.
No, you can't just do that.
Okay.
Emily's going to go first and then you will have your turn.
Oh, okay.
Sorry.
Well, Brandon.
Okay.
That's fine.
Show me again who they are.
Okay.
I'm going to fuck Tiffany Thiessen.
Is that how you say her name?
Yeah.
Marry Alexis and kill Emma Watson because I really, really like Kelly Kapowski and Tiffany,
but she is probably the most, the hottest one if you, if you would say, I think that's,
I feel like she is kind of like the, she stands out in a different way than the other two
do.
They, they kind of go to, you know what I mean?
Like they don't all go together in this.
They're not the same category of female.
Because she's not exotic looking.
That's not the word that I'm looking for, but she's like your girl next door next door.
Yeah.
And they're like, you're nerdy.
Yeah.
So I am, oh, we have a new Tik Tok one with more titties.
This is like, she has got these like animated, animated cartoon things that are animated
that are coming out.
It's like that just like turn it real quick.
Oh, it's an apron.
I remember that, that game at the, at the bar in Avondale across from Avondale, it's
the airplane bar.
Oh, 41st street.
41st street pub.
They have that game that you put money in and the girl is drunk and you try to make
her walk straight.
And when she walks straight, her clothes come off.
It's like a cartoon.
Do you not remember it?
You didn't play that with us?
I think Santana and like everybody, we all like played that one night.
I haven't been there with you.
You haven't?
Uh-uh.
Maybe it wasn't Santana.
It's just like this like little screen that they have in the corner of the, over there
at 41st street.
We need to go play it.
I was telling my dad about it the other day and it's just like this girl that like, she's
got like heels on and she's like a teacher kind of like, and she's drunk and you have
to make her walk straight and you have to do your fingers like tapping to the sides
to make her like go to the right side.
And every time she walks straight, her clothes start coming off.
So dumb, but it's hilarious.
All right.
Do you want to go next?
So you have to say who you're going to marry, who you're going to fuck and who you're going
to kill.
I would marry Tiffany because you know, I was a big fan of Saved by the Bell.
Uh, the little bit of Gil, I've seen pretty much all the Gilmore girls, so Alexis and
not a big Harry Potter fan.
So who are you fucking?
Oh, I'm fucking Alexis and I'm killing Emma.
I'm doing the same thing as him.
I was going to do that, but I used to watch Saved by the Bell every single day.
We do.
So she's a good cook.
So I'm going to marry her.
Okay.
Yeah.
Well, so I kind of wanted to marry her at first, but then I thought maybe I really like
Gilmore girls.
So I'm going to fuck her.
And then maybe I'll like end up marrying her after Alexis divorces me for cheating on her
with, with Tiffany.
Yeah.
But then Alexis is also best friends with Suki.
Suki?
No, that's uh, what's it?
Melissa McCarthy.
Yeah.
Suki.
No, but they're not best friends.
That, that was, that's the other one.
That's what's her name.
Uh, oh my God.
I love her too.
I read her books.
It starts with an L. Well, Laura, Laura, but Lauren, Lauren Graham.
Graham.
Yeah.
I love Lauren Graham.
Yeah.
I love her a lot.
Um, I like her husband, Peter Krause.
Oh yeah.
Me too.
Wait, is, are they married in real life?
Yeah.
Oh, you know that show, um, Parenthood?
Yes.
Aren't they like brother and sister in that?
I love that show.
I could watch it a million times.
I've seen all of it.
You want to know what I'm upset about though is I didn't realize the last episode was the
last episode until it was like too late and I was not mentally prepped for that.
Oh no.
I hate when that happens.
That's the worst.
I will watch the last.
Oh, you know, yeah, I never watched the last season.
I couldn't, I, I was emotionally ready for that.
Yeah.
So that's what happens.
Like if it's a book and there's a series end, I'll like read half of the last book and like
not, I won't finish it.
Cause I don't ever want it to end.
If I know it's the last one, I do that with like TV shows too.
I'm so bad about it.
I, Oh, I hate that about myself.
Sometimes I'll make myself go back and do it.
And then I get really sad.
Did you ever finish Game of Thrones?
Hell no.
It takes forever for me to get through those.
Oh my gosh.
It's like, it's exhausting.
Game of Thrones and Parenthood is actually one of the other ones where it was one of
those shows where I was like, Oh, this is going to be dumb, blah, blah, blah.
And then like, you just get into it.
Parenthood is so good.
Like I did not think I was going to get into Parenthood.
And it just turned out to be one of those things where like five years were just kept
waiting for the next season to come on Netflix.
And then I would just binge it.
When it has all the good actors, like it's got Dax in there.
It's got everybody.
Yeah.
So many good.
Craig T. Nelson.
Love that guy.
Yeah.
It's such a good show.
And whoever the mom was, I can't remember the mom.
I can't remember what her name was either, but she was great.
She was great.
Yeah.
Yeah, they're good.
I love her hair.
It's like that curly.
Yeah.
But I'm always surprised because she has a good voice.
I did not think I was going to like Parenthood and I love that show.
Yeah.
And the last season I just did not watch.
Yeah.
Parenthood.
That's the one with the dude's autistic.
Oh, so there's another show that within autistic kid.
The good doctor.
No, I like that one too.
That's okay.
But it's kind of, it's a little bit more like that's more like sitcom me to me than,
and I feel like, yeah, the, oh my God, what is it called?
He really likes penguins and it's called, Oh, I have it on the tip of my tongue.
He really likes penguins.
Oh my God.
Hold on.
Young Sheldon.
No, and I don't really like that show for some reason.
Young shit.
No, I like young children.
I don't really like the big bang theory.
I never really got into it.
I can't, I don't think their humor is that funny, but the, the young Sheldon is funny
in my opinion.
Don't y'all think it is?
I've never seen it.
Some tick top snippets, but I mean, it's not really something I've sat down and watched.
I think it's really cute when like little kids are like super smart and like, yeah,
they just like know more than the parents and stuff.
And you're like, huh, huh, that parents are dumb.
I was going to say, I'll give the dudes for fuck marikel.
Yes.
All right.
Charlie Hunnam.
I don't know who that is.
He's from sons of America.
Yeah.
I was like, that's the sons of America.
What's he look like?
Show me the pic.
He's hot.
I don't know any of those guys.
All right.
Well, I'll pick another one then.
Okay.
It's called a typical, the TV show.
Have you seen it?
It's so good.
I could watch that forever too.
Ashton Kutcher, John Ham and Brad Pitt.
Okay.
Which one's John Ham?
He's the hair guy, the guy with the good hair.
Yeah.
From Mad Men.
Yeah.
Mad Men.
Okay.
Wait, you, you got somebody else go first.
Okay.
Who are they?
Ashton Kutcher.
Brad Pitt, John Ham, Ashton Kutcher.
Okay.
Yeah.
I am going to marry John Ham, fuck Brad Pitt and kill Ashton Kutcher.
He's just too tall and skinny for me.
I don't like it.
I wasn't, so I don't go after looks necessarily.
I guess I'm not skinny.
So.
The too tall is not the problem.
The skinny is the problem.
Okay.
So who are you going to do?
I actually have to go with the exact same thing.
John Ham just seems like he would be really cool to hang out with.
Yeah.
Like he would just be like, Hey, we're going to go play golf.
Do you want to go play golf?
Perhaps a fucking Lutely.
Let's go.
We're going to go work out.
Do you want to work out?
Yes.
Let's go.
Okay.
So I am going to fuck John Ham, marry Ashton Kutcher and kill Brad Pitt.
And I will tell you why.
Okay.
John Ham, although he seems upfront, that would be the guy to marry.
He probably isn't my mama.
And he, I think he might be also funny, a funny dude.
I think he's like funny.
Have you not seen him?
No, he is.
But I do really like freaking, I know he's also a little older than me too, I think.
But my mama said marry for funny, not for money.
But I disagree.
I think they should have both.
I knew you would marry Ashton Kutcher because of the funny.
He's coming out.
I'm going to marry him because I feel like he's been married to multiple people, which
is probably a bad thing.
But I think his marriages have lasted a long time.
And also John Ham is just, I like a man in a suit.
I know.
Yeah.
I like a man in a suit with the hair.
His hair is nice, but I don't feel like it would work out between us for some reason.
When I look at him, I think cheater.
Do you know what I mean?
Like, see, and I look at Brad Pitt and see, oh, that's why I said I'm killing him.
Yeah.
Kill Brad Pitt.
He's like, no, he wouldn't like me anyways.
So sorry.
Anyways, these titties, these big breasted girl snaps only.
What is it called?
Tick tock tits?
Is that an app?
Real quick.
Oh my gosh, y'all.
Can you act like you don't ever see my boobs?
I see them every day.
They're completely fake.
They're so weird.
They're really pale.
Listen, last night, Sarah had been drinking when you were at work.
Did you know?
Yes.
I know she was wasted when she called me.
She's like, oh, she's FaceTiming me.
And then she showed me her boobs.
Who all did you call?
I talked to Melanie for an hour.
She texts, probably Melanie was like, I got to go to bed.
And Sarah was like, oh my God, Emily, or FaceTiming.
Probably.
Yeah.
So she FaceTimed me and then she started showing me her boobs.
And I was like, dude.
I did?
Yeah.
I was like, why?
Why?
You just kept lifting them up and showing me your boobs.
And I was like, you need to go to the tanning bed.
Your boobies are white.
Yeah, they should be.
They're covered up when I'm at the pool.
So white.
She's so tan, other than that.
But she a white girl underneath.
I had to tell her about when I got home, like everything.
Well, nothing really happened.
It was just, she was standing there talking to me and I had to like put her to bed.
I was like, come on, let's go to bed.
I was surprised she was awake so late.
And I was like, where's Brandon, Sarah?
I was like, why are you drinking by yourself?
I had to work late.
I had to close and shift at my job.
And that's when I was like, he's it's so late.
He's not normally home that late.
Yeah, I know.
I was just bored.
She was like, I was like, what is wrong?
She's like, oh, no, I'm just watching my shows and I'm having a good time by myself.
And I was like, okay.
And then she goes and makes herself another drink.
And I was like, you sure you need that?
When I woke up this morning, there was a half drink.
That was it.
I normally put in the fridge.
Because at one point you were like, gotta go.
And you just like hung up.
And then I tried texting you and you didn't answer.
You even said, what was it that made me laugh so hard?
I was just hanging up the phone.
She was texting me about a title for the episode.
And she finally said, still don't know a name.
Help, battery pack.
I don't know.
Circle jerk, girl power, women have the power.
I'm bad at this.
Then she said, dirty girl martini.
And that was the greatest.
Yeah, that's what we had to drink.
Yeah.
I could not think of any names.
And I'm like, why is she laughing when you said circle jerk?
We never even talked about that.
I know we didn't talk about any of that stuff.
But I was like, there was four dudes at a table that we asked questions to.
And it was like a circle jerk.
I don't know.
If they ever found that episode, I'm sure they're really excited that you guys didn't
name it circle jerk.
They better have listened to the episode.
I sent to one of the guys that I became friends with on Facebook.
I sent him the link to it on Facebook Messenger and he said he sent it to his friends.
So they listened to it.
Yeah.
Yay.
I feel like we did.
We didn't do them dirty or anything like that.
No, no.
Like there was no reason to do.
I mean, I didn't listen to the whole episode, but no, I mean, from what I did listen to,
you guys were just being with it.
Yeah, they were nice.
They were very nice.
So yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway.
Oh, OK.
So me and Sarah are going on a beach trip at the end of this month and I'm just very
good.
Orange Beach.
Yes.
And yeah, same thing as Destin.
Is that the same as I thought we're going to Orange Beach?
No, we're going to Destin.
I think we're going to Orange Beach.
So what are you going to do while we're gone?
Work and work out.
Sounds like GT.
Oh my gosh.
Where was I?
We were driving through a town, a small town.
Me and Rose and DJ, we were driving to the river the other day and we were driving through
like Talladega ish area.
And and there was a place called Jim Tan.
Wait, no.
Yeah, it was Jim and Tan.
It just didn't have the laundry.
All it needed was laundry.
And I'm like, why don't they have the laundry mat right next to it?
Like, what the hell?
And I was like, I drove by and I was in my car and they were in their car.
Good concept.
And I was like, GTL, GTL and nobody understood.
But what did you all go to?
It wasn't a lot.
I don't know.
It's a river, some river that it's a big river.
I don't know.
It's in Wadley, Alabama.
All right.
In the middle of nowhere.
So a laundry mat with a gym and a tan.
It was a gym.
Right.
With tanning.
Oh, OK.
And it didn't have the laundry.
Why would you have a laundry mat?
Do you know what?
GTL from Jersey Shore.
Oh, I never watched that shit.
Are you serious?
Who are you?
We need to go back and watch it because it's epic.
I don't know who Snooki is.
Snooki?
Yeah, I don't know who that is.
Snooki?
Brittany was and my sister Brittany was in love with her.
Him?
Or her?
Her.
She was in love with her.
Pause.
I can't believe you've never seen Jersey Shore.
Me either.
Butterbean is my spirit animal.
Oh my God.
Well, but if you saw him during the day when he's not sleepy, which you never do, you would
want to kill him.
Yeah, that is fair.
He's like, you've seen his Snapchat.
You know what I bought?
One of the like high pitch, high frequency things for dog bark things.
It doesn't work.
Mine does.
Oh, it does?
It does.
Oh, you need to tell me which one you got.
I will.
It was the best $30 I spent on Amazon.
I bought one and I did all this research to find it because I do that for everything that
I buy.
Oh, I know.
And it does, Butterbean will just be like, what?
And it's got a vibrating thing on it too.
Yeah, mine does too.
It doesn't work.
And mine has like a light flash.
Oh.
Yeah.
Oh, so it's going to give them like a seizure.
No, it just goes once.
You know, you get a light flash.
Yeah, that's it.
You vibrate light flash and like, ding, like a high pitch beep.
Yeah.
It's not a shock one.
No.
So yeah, I would never get one of those.
I hate it because as soon as she fires it off, Sarah will fire off and JoLynn comes to me
like I'm the one that did it.
She's like, what are you doing?
Like, stop.
Are you sure she comes to you or because she thinks you did it or do you think she comes
to you because she knows Sarah's doing it.
She wants you to protect her.
No, no.
Are you sure?
She, no, I'll be in the kitchen.
If she wants to be protected, she comes to me.
Why?
Are you hurting her?
Yeah, I beat the shit out of her.
Oh my God, Brandon.
I love all that.
Brandon, I spank her and I'm the bad parent.
Like I'm the bad cop and it's very annoying sometimes.
I have to tell them you were punishing her.
Then why does she think that you're doing it?
I don't know.
What do you do when I close doors?
When she learns telepathy, I'll figure it out.
But I mean, like Sarah will fire it off.
She'll be on the front porch.
I'll be in the kitchen and JoLynn will bolt right straight to me.
And the look on her face is like, stop it.
Leave me alone.
Well, I'm wondering if it's because she wants you to help her.
Normally, that's the thing.
She wouldn't go to you if she thought you were hurting her, right?
No, because if she was scared, she does.
She goes to her.
She's done it many of times.
What was it?
Good dog?
Yeah.
Or that girl sound that horn off.
She ran straight to her.
Yeah, she was playing too rough with Violet or somebody.
I can't remember who.
They have like a.
Air horn.
Well, yeah, but they have a water squirter thing, like just to pop them real quick with
some water and make them quit.
But I guess it got aggressive enough to where they blew the air horn and she lost her mind.
She hit under the picnic table for several minutes.
Oh, my God.
Poor baby Jo.
Most of the time we're there and we're there a couple of hours.
Oh, my gosh.
Why you'll.
I had to drag her out from under the table and be like, you're fine.
Go play.
OK, so recently.
So I had the storage unit for like a long time, for like four years.
I was paying like two hundred dollars a month for to keep this furniture that my mom wanted
me to keep.
She gave it to me and then she told me that I needed to keep it for her.
And then when I was like, I've got to get rid of this.
I'm paying all this money for no reason.
She came down and was like, she only picked like two things.
And I had this like the largest storage unit for all this stuff.
So I'm like, oh, my God.
And the bed that she took, she didn't take the mattress and the mattress pad with her.
And you can't throw that stuff away in the dumpster at the storage unit because they've
got it locked and you can't like you have to get some.
I don't have a truck.
You have to get somebody to come get that stuff or whatever.
Anyways, I'm like trying so hard to get rid of all this crap because I'm paying all this
money.
And so I'm like on Facebook trying to like Facebook marketplace, trying to sell my stuff.
And I put like literally put the mattress and the mattress pad on there like for like
nothing.
I was like free.
Please come get it.
Do you know how many scams I got, y'all?
I'm sure a bunch.
Oh, my God.
People like I'll let you pay with I'll come.
I'm going to have my cousin come pick it up and then we're going to pay through some weird
app.
Yeah.
And I was like, OK, obviously.
Now I was like and then I was like some of the people were they said stuff that seems
scammy and they seemed like like they didn't have a lot of followers and stuff like that.
But then I was like, well, maybe this is a real person.
So because I was like trying to like look through their stuff to see if it's like a real person
or if they're going to scam me.
But so I felt bad just like not responding or like not saying something nice back, like
being like, fuck you.
You're a scam.
I was like, look, I said that for I was like going down.
I was like, I know, probably.
So I was like telling them, I'm sorry, I have another buyer or whatever.
And then I told one person and this was different furniture that I put on there.
I was just really just trying to get rid of it.
So at some point I was like, I'm going to sell it for money so I don't get scams.
Right.
Then I started getting scams for that, too.
And I was like, I'll just tell them that I have another buyer.
And I told somebody I have somebody else coming with.
This was actually the truth.
I had somebody, a worker that works at our condo unit that said he wanted to come get
the mattress or whatever.
I was like, I'm going to he's going to come get it tomorrow.
She's like, well, started harassing me.
Like I'll come get it now.
I know.
Why are you going to give it to that person?
I'm going to come get it now.
And I was just like, are you freaking kidding me?
Scammer or carrot?
I don't know.
I have no idea.
And I was like, do you really think that you're going to get me to let you come get it?
Right.
So I had to like pack up my gun in the car to go to the storage unit and like my pepper
spray had my pepper spray.
I told my thing and I was like, oh, my God, like so scared.
But I ended up getting rid of everything.
And so I'm free of my storage unit.
And you know what?
I assumed I saved so much money.
I know.
I assumed that they were going to be like hassling me to either keep it or to they were
going to be like, oh, well, you didn't you didn't you didn't cancel by the 15th or whatever.
So you they immediately were like, oh, no, you're good to go.
They they were you didn't even have to come tell us.
We saw you leaving or whatever.
And like, oh, wow.
They were like, we go around and check immediately to see if somebody's got their locks or whatever.
And they basically but they that's nice.
I know it's really nice.
I loved it.
It's but that was a really good storage unit.
It sucks that it's really far away, but it's the one on Montclair extra space storage.
I think that's what it's so called.
It might be it used to be called climate storage, I think.
And then they they bought it.
But anyway, that's my story.
Well, I found it.
You should actually take this whole entire story and put it on and donate to this guy,
Chris on Tiktok.
And this is all his whole entire gimmick where people will tell him about.
I know exactly what you're talking about that they've had on Facebook marketplace.
And you would not believe some of the conversations like that.
He's literally going word for word of those conversations of people that have had these
exact same conversations.
Seriously.
Oh, yeah.
It's hysterical.
What's the guy's name?
Chris something.
I'm going to say that name wrong.
Chris W. Guerrero.
Maybe.
I don't know.
I can't see it.
Speak.
Guerra.
I don't know.
Guerra.
It's G-U-E-R-R-A.
I don't think it's Guerrero.
It's just Guerrero.
Yeah.
Who knows?
Anyway.
Yeah.
But no, I've seen this guy on there and some of these conversations are fricking hilarious.
Yeah, because these people are just pushy, pushy, pushy, pushy.
Yeah.
It's like, what the heck?
Yeah.
And it's, you know, it's probably a scam.
And they're pushing, they're trying to get you, but they're doing it the wrong way.
Like when you start doing that, I'm going to be like, even if you were legit, I will
be like, no, I'm sorry.
No, but that's the funny part about it is that they're still like just fucking rude
to these people that are selling things.
And it's like, I'm sorry.
Do you think that's going to make you win?
No.
It's not.
Have I told you about the time?
So my dad was telling me about how my mom made a scammer dude like tell her like cry,
essentially.
He actually cried, but he, she was like, when she has scammer people call, she doesn't know
the number.
She'll be like, yeah.
And she'll answer it and be like, ma, hello.
And like make weird noises until they like either hang up or they're like, what the hell?
He told her at in the beginning, he started cussing her out and he was like, what the
hell?
It was like calling her all kinds of names, all the names in the book, blah, blah, blah.
And then finally my mom just started lecturing him like she does.
She's the best lecturer ever.
And it's the worst.
I hate it.
But she like lectured him and my dad, she's got him on speakerphone and my dad's like
upstairs listening to all this.
And he's like, oh my God, you should have heard it.
Dude was like promised her he was going to quit and go back to school and stop scamming
people like all this stuff.
It was going to get, and she was like, she kept telling him, she was like, all you have
to do is, you know, cut your, make sure you have a haircut.
You don't have to have fancy clothes.
Just make sure your clothes are clean.
She's like, go get an interview.
She's like, anybody will hire you.
She's like, I'm like, oh my God.
She's hilarious.
That is so funny.
Yeah, crazy.
But he probably called her back.
The same dude probably called her back the same day, you know, that kind of thing.
Oh my gosh.
Can you imagine?
Do you think that these scammers like flag you and like take you off a list or like,
you know, what do you think happens?
Like, I think that the scammers, I think that they have different people that they do stuff.
I think, and I think that they have a phone list and it's just like auto generating and
then it just pops up and they have like these phone things and they just, it audit auto
dials.
We actually watched a docu series on it.
I can't remember what it was, but it was so good.
Covered different topics on every episode.
But the, I, one of the first episodes that we watched was about scammers and they have
people in Israel and then in Jamaica, right?
It was Jamaica and they interviewed these people.
I mean, they, you know, put masks over their face or like grade them out or whatever and
did some voice change type stuff because the people didn't want to be found.
But I mean, they just will have like, it's not any sort of like system.
They're not in office.
These people are in their homes with burner phones.
Yeah.
They pay people with, yeah, for these lists or whatever and they don't feel guilty about
it.
This is like their job and the way that they make money.
Well, and that's what, okay.
So my thing is, all right, how do you get into that?
Well, apparently in Jamaica, like this is like a huge major crime thing in Jamaica.
Yeah.
And we're talking like, it's like mob level, like there's levels of people who are doing
phone scams.
So are they like human trafficking to get people to do this stuff for them?
Or are they like, people are just signing up.
They're just saying, Hey, we need, we don't have any money.
These are Jamaican residents trying to make money.
They're like, we don't have any money.
So we're just going to like scam you.
Yeah.
And some of them will talk like they also like work at a resort or whatever, but they
don't make enough money.
But I mean, they'll scam people at the resort too.
Oh, heck yeah.
Get their credit card information or get their personal information and then call them and
stuff.
The Israel one was really good because it was this one guy who literally called a federal
government and told them, I am a scammer in Israel and this guy keeps sending me money.
Yeah.
And they, I mean, she went for like a job interview and everything, trying to like figure
out, you know, how they hire people.
Cause they, those people did have an office and they, she recorded the whole thing, you
know, of him interviewing her, showing her where her desk was going to be set up and
you know, the list that they're given and all that kind of, and the script that they're
supposed to go by and all that kind of stuff.
So how do they, so do they pay them a certain amount and like, are they actually getting
paid?
I don't remember.
Is the thing like if they're getting scammed, if they're scamming other people, don't you
think that the scammer is scamming this, that there's like, they're scamming the people
that are working for them.
I would, I don't remember if it was like a salaried or commission based or you know what
it was, but I'm sure that they're only getting a very small percentage, you know, of what
the overall dollar amounts are made.
And I mean, it's millions of dollars.
I would say it's like giving that guy's bummer, his boat, that was a nice boat.
It was a nice boat considering the fact that he didn't work at all.
He was just the head honcho in Israel.
So do they ever catch these people?
I mean, this was not about catching people.
It was about educating essentially like the docu series.
Right.
But does anybody ever catch anybody is the thing.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm sure people get caught.
I mean, cause we did watch one about, was it cocaine or and fentanyl?
What about fentanyl too?
Fentanyl in Mexico and they were like how they're trafficking it up into from Mexico
in the States.
And like the people that they're using to help traffic are not people you think that
would be trafficking.
No, not at all.
Like one was like literally like a mom of three driving an Explorer into the States.
Well, that's how they, that's what they do.
Yeah.
They use like girls like us.
Yeah.
They want somebody like a little, like a white girl.
Yeah.
I know we could fit it in our boobs and our butt.
What I was going to say is like, you guys can talk your way out of anything.
So I'm sure.
Can we?
I can't.
My mom is.
As soon as you guys hit the line, be like, yes, when you go get some margaritas, you
know, on here and girls weekend.
Woo.
I would never traffic.
I would so do it.
I could say never, never say never.
But like if I got forced to do it, maybe like, have you seen, what was it called?
Nip tuck where, um, where they, they, the girl like got passed out or whatever and she
woke up and she had like cocaine in her fake boobs.
Well, the border wasn't like the bad boys first movie and they went and there was like
a dead person or whatever and they cut her boobs open and like ecstasy fell out.
Yeah.
Crazy stuff.
Yeah.
I mean, people do anything.
Yeah.
I mean, can they scan your boobs, your fake boobs for like, when you go through the scanner
at the airport, can they tell whether or not you have implants with stuff in it?
Difference where like it would show up.
It's all red and then you got blue boobs.
But I don't know anything.
But if it's like silicone is the same as whatever cocaine that they're putting in your body,
you know?
I mean, I'm, there's no way that your body wouldn't reject a foreign substance.
So maybe they're putting them inside the implant.
Well, they are.
They're not just shoving it in there.
Yeah.
Okay.
Yeah.
They had to put it in the implant and they'd pull it out and it's, yeah.
So if they were to pop it and the implant popped too, that's how the ecstasy would,
or whatever they put in there would explode out of the boob.
But like if they could, they would just want to, they really want to pull out the implant
and it's inside the implant.
Right.
Yeah.
But that's really bad.
I mean, if people put in that stuff up their butt, if it were to burst, you will die.
Or eating it.
Eating balloons full of stuff.
Yeah.
Oh my God.
You will, and they'll put like capsules and stuff, like big, like butthole sized capsules
in their like anus and it just like sits in their rectum, I guess.
Like I don't know what part of their butt hole it sits in there.
And then how do you get it out?
Somebody's got to stick their hand in there to get it out because I can't, I don't know
how to stick my hand in my butthole.
I tried that one time to put that-
Your mom told you to put the suppository in?
Suppository?
I didn't know, I never put a suppository in.
I was sick to vomit.
I was vomiting a lot.
What was, what did I have?
I don't know.
I was in New York.
Oh, I was taking some type of medicine.
I think that was when I had COVID.
Yeah.
And my brother gave me a medicine and I was like, maybe not.
I don't know.
I was throwing up.
You had a lot done during COVID, didn't you?
This was a different COVID time.
No, this was this was last year when I was in New York because-
Yeah, I didn't like COVID.
She was telling me how sick she was.
My mom was a nurse or whatever and I was like, she can get medicine from her nurse practitioner,
but what should she do?
So then Jerry even did a demo for her.
Yeah, she did.
I was on FaceTime and I was so sick.
I was throwing up everywhere and I was like, I don't know how to put that.
I can't take, I can't put it-
Not like a close off demo, but just told her the best-
She didn't.
She like, do you want me to show you?
You lay down on your side.
It sounded like you are there and then you go like this and you like stick your finger.
You put it in there and you got to make sure it's still cold guys.
So if it's, you've got this repository.
What is this?
It's like Finnergan, not Finnergan.
I forgot what it's called when you put it in your butt, but it's like Zofran, but for
your butthole and you put it in your butthole and you make sure it's cold so that it slides
up there good and it's not mushy and you just kind of stick it on the end of your finger
and kind of go like this.
Doop.
And then when you're sitting sideways-
It'll suck it up in there.
Yeah.
It's like, and it goes in there.
But then they told me your mom had the good advice of laying on your side for like 10
or 15 minutes after you put it in there because if you stand up immediately, all the creamy
stuff will just leak out.
Is it like-
I cannot wait to try this.
Listen, I have some upstairs.
You want to take one with it?
Yeah, right now.
Let's do it.
We should do, I'll give you, I have thought about, I have thought about taking, putting
some in there when I can't sleep because that thing will knock you out.
But then I'm like, eh, maybe I'll get addicted to it.
I don't want to do that.
So, but like you could put that in your butt and like 10 minutes later you are ready.
You are done.
It was so, it was amazing.
My mom used to give us suppositories when we'd get a stomach bug as kids.
You know, there's easier way to do things, right?
You're like Nyquil, shots of Nyquil.
No, if you're throwing up-
This is an upset stomach.
If you're throwing up and you can't keep anything down-
You can't take medicine.
Yeah.
Medicine.
That's the only reason I had to do that.
Medicine.
Yeah.
Oh, okay.
Like it's not over the counter.
No, it's not.
You have to get it from your doctor.
You can't go buy a suppository at fucking Publix.
Well, you can, but it's a different type of suppository.
This is like a prescription suppository.
Yeah.
This is like-
It's like Zofran kind of.
Real stuff.
Yeah.
So, and it makes you go to sleep like big time.
So what's the fake stuff?
What's the fake suppository?
Over the counter.
Well, those suppositories would be for like, if you had like an asteroid is what I would
call it, a hemorrhoid.
It's like-
Excuse me.
Dr. Johnson, do you have the good stuff?
The good stuff that you put in your butt?
Yes, please.
I can still see your panties, Brandon.
Are you okay?
Is there some way to talk about it?
I just need the good stuff.
You know what I mean?
You know what I mean, bro?
The good stuff.
All right.
Well, I mean, it's just like when NyQuil and DayQuil or whatever don't work when you
have a cold, sometimes you need to go get antibiotics.
That's the good stuff.
Well, because NyQuil and DayQuil are not for-
I mean, they're not for-
They're not for-
They're for a virus, really necessary.
I mean, they're talented.
Well, yeah, because you can't take an antibiotic for a virus.
You just got to wait that shit out.
Yeah.
So, yeah.
What were we- How did we get on the suppository talk?
Talk about scammers.
Scammers and buttholes.
That's how we got into this.
Oh, listen to this.
Okay.
So, I was going to buy a bog bag the other day.
Okay.
Why are you buying another one?
Not another one.
Hold on.
I was buying one-
What is a bog bag?
It's a bag that is like- Actually, I was trying to buy some accessories from a bog bag.
Did you tell her about your bag?
No, I did not.
What type of bag did you get?
Green.
Bremen got me a base weekender.
A base?
I don't know what that is.
The brand?
I don't know what that brand is.
I don't know what it is.
She just sent me a thing and she's like, I really like this bag.
It'd be nice to have it.
And I just went, got it, heard.
I did not say that.
I forget exactly what it was, but you just told me you wanted a bag.
I was like, all right, I got a weekender.
You want a weekender?
Was this just like a random Tuesday kind of present?
I like this.
I mean, not saying that it was actually a Tuesday, but you know what I mean.
Well, because you had messaged me when I was at the pool on Saturday and you were like,
there's a package at the house for you.
Oh, yeah.
And I was like, okay, do I need to go get it or what's up?
And he was like, no, you don't need to.
And I was like, all right.
So you just bought it for just like for a present of the day.
Okay.
Let me see what this looks like.
It's actually kind of cool.
Cool.
I like it.
Did you get a green one?
Uh huh.
I like that is the color.
That is the bag.
I like it.
Oh, it's big.
Okay.
So it has a shoe compartment.
I like that.
Nice.
I know my goal.
And he got me the two pack cosmetic bag.
Are you going to get that suitcase to the green one?
It's sold out.
Oh, why did you choose green?
Because the pink wasn't available and I didn't want orange.
Solid losing.
Cute too.
Yeah.
Cute.
So I like neon.
So I was going to buy a bog bag or some accessories for my bog bag.
And I go to this website that I think is the bog bag website and I'm in there and I'm trying
to use my card to pay for something and it keeps declining.
It's declining.
And then I try another card and I'm like, why is my card going?
And I was out of town at the time and I've had, I've been out of town before where, um,
like I was in Atlanta one time and I went to, my windshield wipers were like messed
up and we were going to the beach.
And so I had to stop at like an auto zone and it was like, declined it because it said
that I was in like a weird part of town, not in my, in a purchasing area or something.
And so I had to call the bank and be like, what the hell?
Why is this being declined?
They were like, I was cause you were like out of like a region.
I was kind of in a weird place.
I was like, anyways, so I was thinking that happened.
So I tried to use another card, did it with the other card and I'm like, well, that's
weird.
That wouldn't happen when that card, what the hell?
So then I'm like looking and I realized that the website that I was on was not the right
website.
I Googled it.
I was on like, no, it was like, it looks, it looks exactly like it.
And they never have sales for these things, the bog bags.
And the reason I was trying to buy it is cause it was all like 50% off.
And so I put my, so I'm like really afraid that my card's going to like it soon be like
max, like everything's going to have like maxed out and like my, I'm going to have no money
in my debit, my bank account because I think it might've been a scam.
And they were just trying to get my card numbers.
And I put my card number in there like 45 times.
Oh no.
Well, they got it now.
Yeah.
So be careful about some of those things.
I mean, what was it?
The, the passport thing where we paid to do it online.
Oh yeah.
I mean, wait, what was it?
A scam?
It was a scam.
It was just a way for them, which we found out later.
It was just a waste of money, basically in a nutshell, like for the passport form, which,
I mean, I would have gotten her to write all the information, but it basically did.
Just like electronically put all your information in the passport form to get your passport.
And then it gave you like a mailing sticker.
And I paid like a hundred dollars for this when I could, for the sticker, when all you
had to do is put it, put all the, you know, for all of them to put, to put all the information
on the passport, family passport form, legibly when I could have just had her write it out.
Cause I can't like me doing the turbo tax where I paid for the extra person to do it,
but it took me extra time to actually work with the person to do it.
And I'm like, I thought this was supposed to save me time.
All it did was create it in a PDF version instead of handwritten and it was expensive.
Oh my God.
That sucks.
It was a hundred plus dollars when it's like I said, I could have just had her write it
out for me and then mailed the thing off.
People, this is how people make money because there's other people that would just be like,
oh, that, that I'll pay that because they have the money, like a hundred dollars for
something like that.
Oh, I'm good.
So bad.
Yeah.
It's messed up.
So what else?
You got any more scammer thing stories?
No, we kind of quit watching it after a while.
No, I meant like for yourself.
Like, do you know anybody that's been scammed?
Like you don't know.
Oh, I did get scammed one time actually.
How?
Um, I paid with PayPal thankfully, and they ended up refunding my money, but I was trying
to buy like a cheap fucking Dyson hair wrap thing.
Hair wrap or hair dryer?
The dryer air wrap, you know, with the curls, whatever.
Oh, the thing that you stick it in and it goes zoop.
And I paid like $250 for it or something like that.
And it was supposed to be a cheap one.
Yes.
They're like 600 bucks.
Oh really?
I didn't know that.
Oh dang.
Oh yeah.
Where Jerry got one and you wanted to get one?
No, that was, I've tried to get one before.
But no, so annoying.
So then I got tracking information.
Do you want to know what these people from China sent me?
A fucking clear phone case.
And it wasn't even the right phone case, but it, you know, sent tracking and everything.
So then I, you know, called PayPal or whatever and they refunded all of my money.
Shoot.
Yeah.
Thank you, Elon.
I'm glad you paid through PayPal.
What if you had paid through a credit?
I mean, not a credit card, but like something else you think that you would have gotten
your money back.
See, it's stuff like this where I just go, just buy it off Amazon.
Yeah, but you can, yeah, you can get scammed on Amazon.
There's a lot of fakes on Amazon.
Silicon rings.
Never got those.
Oh yeah.
But I mean, I did get my money.
Wait, you ordered it?
Oh, but listen, it might be like the pair ring and come three months later.
By the way, I've been wanting to talk about this all night.
How's the pair ring working for you?
It's not really working out because I don't ever go anywhere.
Well, that, well, I mean.
Also nobody knows about it.
Does Butterbean at least recognize you with it?
Look at him.
Yeah, exactly.
He's got his little chicken legs sticking up like ding ding.
He doesn't like his feet touched though, so he might.
You better leave him alone then.
Look at him.
He's dead.
Bling, bling.
Okay.
Yeah.
So the pair ring has not done much for me yet, but we will see.
I also forget that I have it on sometimes.
So I don't know.
I think it's going to get more popular.
I do too.
You just have to give it time.
But did you hear last, this like this past week's episode where they have a purple one
or a lavender colored one for LGBTQ.
So like Megasyn can get one, but Mason was really upset because it's not rainbow colored.
Just saying.
Yeah, and it's purple.
I know, but wouldn't it be cool if it was rainbow colored?
Yeah.
But I guess it would be kind of like obvious.
Yeah, I don't know.
I just feel like that'd be like any kind of silicone ring you could buy.
It is.
It's exactly like the, any kind of sil, how much were your silicone rings that you bought?
10 bucks.
Yeah.
How many did you get?
Oh, I got zero, but it was like a six pack and it was supposed to be like a two day chart
or two day shipping, which is weird for Amazon because it's either one day or fucking forever.
No, Prime is typically two day shipping.
It's supposed to be two day, but sometimes it's like, sometimes it's next day and sometimes
it's like, oh, they tell you it's going to be in two days and then they delay it.
Like I got one delayed today.
It also depends on where you live.
And the reason why I know that is because I've been like at my mom's house before and
needed to order something and it takes way longer than two days to get up there.
Oh yeah, for sure.
Yeah.
Because they're so out of the way.
I know that's what I always think about.
So we'll be out somewhere and my parents are like, oh, wouldn't it be nice to live out
here?
And I'm like, no, I bet they don't even get Amazon delivered.
And like, and my mom's like, yes, they do.
And I'm like, yeah, but it'll take two months.
And she's like, well, they don't need that stuff as much, you know, blah, blah, blah.
And I'm like, um, well, I do.
I'm sorry.
I buy it.
It takes.
Useless fucking shit on Amazon all the time.
Me too.
I ordered.
So I ordered a refrigerator water filter and it came today.
Did you see the package upstairs?
I'm ready to change it because my water and my ice has been coming out slow.
My water has been coming out slow and I'm pretty sure it's cause I haven't changed the
filter since I moved in and that's been two and a half years.
The water pressure.
Yeah.
And like the it's been coming out slow out of the filter could be old.
Mrs. Taken's.
Oh yeah.
100% your water pressure and your refrigerator could be.
Oh yeah.
So I don't know.
Maybe but hope we'll see about the filter first.
Yeah, that's a good idea.
But I'm hoping it's the filter because fingers crossed.
Yeah.
Because it's a very old filter and yeah, it's like two and a half years old.
I think you're supposed to change them every six months.
I think I put it on auto.
Before I leave.
Okay.
I put it on auto auto replenish so that it'll come every six months because I have to do
that with my air, my air conditioning filter because I know I have changed mine.
I forget, but mine lasts like a year.
So cause there are these like the filters are like this big, they're like an accordion
and they come in this like skinny box and you pull them out and they're like this thick
and they they're like three or four inches thick.
Oh wow.
And they're very expensive.
That's an air filter.
Yeah.
An air filter.
I've changed my air filter since I moved in.
Are you have like the little skinny ones?
Yeah.
That's really gross.
You should probably change it.
Give them, I can go get one for the office for free.
Go get one.
Yeah.
Okay.
No wonder she's hacking up her lungs.
No wonder I had the sniffles lately.
No wonder you were snoring the other night.
Oh my God.
Shut up.
And also I will go get an air filter when you make a dentist appointment.
I need a dentist appointment too so when you make one, will you make one for me?
And did you make your other appointment that I've been reminding you about every day except
for today?
No I haven't because I can't.
I have a calendar reminder every single day.
She sends me a text message.
Don't send it to me on the weekend because the weekends I can't call them anyways.
Well okay I'll have to change my recurring.
It's my psychiatrist.
Oh.
I forget because I haven't had my medicine in like two months.
She needs to get her ADD medicine.
I haven't had it and I've just been like.
That's a matter all right.
Well that I take a lot of ADD medicines but like yes.
How many are you on?
Two.
Two and a half.
And she's not taking any right now.
None.
What's the other one?
Vyvanse.
70 milligrams of Vyvanse.
Well yeah 70 and 10 milligrams of Adderall.
So you're on an upper and a downer?
No they're not downers.
They're just like amphetamines.
Oh okay.
They're both amphetamines.
Vyvanse is like the Adderall is immediate release and the Vyvanse is extended release
so it's like a capsule and it like releases over time.
That was the one I was on when I tried to go.
Vyvanse.
Yeah.
I don't like it as much as I like Adderall but they don't ever want to get they don't
want to change me off of it and I'm like I just don't like it.
I think that me just being on Adderall would be better.
Yeah.
But because I don't feel as like anxious with the Adderall.
Like the Vyvanse makes me like sometimes in the morning like right after I take it like
30 minutes after I'll feel like I have to poop for like 20 minutes which is like a nervous
stomach you know what I mean?
Yeah.
And I'll be like oh my god I have like nervous stomach I'm gonna poop everywhere but I don't
really have to poop you know what I mean?
And but like it goes away and it's not like a big deal but yeah that does happen like
most mornings if I don't forget about it if I'm not busy doing something.
Look I was in high school I was on Ritalin and I hated I hated that zombie feeling it
gives you.
I mean I got my.
So what is what is ADD medicine supposed to do?
Just calm you down?
Kind of help no well I mean Ritalin will help you calm down but I was I took Adderall a
couple of times and I loved it because it kind of helped me focus and it gave me energy
to get it done even though it is a form of meth but I mean like I never felt like I couldn't
get something done.
That was what I loved so much about Adderall.
I mean is it truly a form of meth?
It's an amphetamine.
Right.
Not meth.
Right.
But essentially they're the same.
Oh interesting.
Like I mean I'm probably somebody's gonna be like scientists like oh no it's not but
essentially maybe essentially is not the word like they are basically the same.
Okay.
Like if you stop from my understanding if you stop taking Adderall you start having
withdrawals like hard withdrawals depending on how long you've been on I think.
I've been I've had been taking this stuff since I was like 18 years old.
See that's when I started and I have high doses very high doses and right now it's
like I can't like life is not good.
It's very bad.
I can't get anything done.
I don't know if you've noticed like I have been trying to clean the carpet for three
days like you have got to call your doctor.
Yeah it's not good.
There's a lot of things so much easier.
Yeah.
But the problem is that I don't call the doctor because I get distracted because I'm doing
other trying to do other things but when I'm doing one thing I'm like doing a million other
things and then like I was writing down I started because I want to talk to my doctor
about this because this is happened in a long time and I want to kind of refresh.
I have a new doctor and I want to refresh her on like what my symptoms are now that
I don't haven't had the medicine in my system because it's like.
So I so also I also think they thought that I might have narcolepsy as well.
A while back I had like like two or three years ago I had a sleep study because they
thought I might have narcolepsy because I'm always sleepy like really sleepy all the time
and like now I'm not and what and I was like well what would treat this and they were like
well you're already on the medicine that we would treat it with.
So if you do have it my my test came back like inconclusive because basically I didn't
sleep at all because it was a sleep state literally glue like a million things to your
head and to your chest and you can't move and then they're watching you and I had eaten
did I not tell you all the story.
No how I hear the story.
I got real curious about a sleep study.
Okay so this was so not all sleep study so this sleep study was for them also checking
to see if I had narcolepsy not all sleep studies have all the things on your head as many as
I did so like a sleep they I don't have sleep apnea which I knew that going in I was like
I don't snore.
I think we both.
Yeah I do too.
I think you especially have it possibly.
I can hear him stop breathing so if I sleep a certain way I'll stop breathing.
Yeah if I sleep on my back I'll breathe and breathe.
Yeah I've woken myself up because I stopped breathing I start coughing.
Yeah you probably have it and you know but if you do that you're gonna have to get on
like a a mask.
That's why I'm a side sleeper a lot of the times.
So okay so I go into this thing and I was at that point I think I was staying at my
parent I was might have been living in I don't know where I was living maybe Auburn or something
and I drive in and I'm starving and they're like bring your snacks because I was had to
be there like from like four o'clock until like the next day or whatever and so really
yeah something crazy and so I get there.
I figured it might have been five or six it might have been five or six but I was like
they were like bring snacks or whatever so that you can and so I like brought like something
small but then I was like I'm hungry I need to eat dinner so I went to Taco Bell and got
like a bean burrito.
Y'all okay and I didn't know but like you go into the room you're in a hospital room
okay you're in a hospital bed and they have have all this stuff hooked to my head it's
a very uncomfortable and then I have all this stuff hooked to my chest.
If you have to go to the bathroom you have to know well yes but they have to come unhook
you they have to come get you and take and unhook you.
I would do so horrible if I was in that situation because I'll pee five times a night.
Well yeah well you also have you also have stuff on your fingers you have stuff like
like like a pull socks and all that stuff with the cords and everything so you're in
there with that and then the worst part is that they have a camera watching you and they
were like okay if you need anything all you have to do is say hey I need something because
they literally two doors down have a room with cameras of all the rooms and they're
watching you the whole effing time.
That is so weird.
And so I ate the bean burrito and the whole time all I could think of was oh my gosh I
have to fart and they're all watching me so I couldn't sleep and I'm pretty sure I farted
like five times like really loud while I was asleep.
I slept for like four hours I think it was I can't remember how many hours it was really
bad but like and then finally I was like I have to get up so I just like you literally
I was like hey I need to go to the bathroom and they were like right in my room immediately
like you don't they don't even say thing back you just say it I gotta go to the bathroom
they come get you I go to the bathroom and I'm like oh this is so weird and I'm like
well because I gotta wait for you to be done.
I try to fart in there with the door shut but then it's like everybody can still hear
it because it's echoing and it's so embarrassing and I'm like I know it's a hospital and I
know there's other people that do this all the time and they hear this but it's still
embarrassing.
Yeah you can't help but be self conscious about it.
Right right like I don't even like to fart in my bed with my dogs at night like that's
embarrassing.
That's very courteous of you.
Yeah I know it's freaking gross does Sarah fart on you when she sleeps?
No.
Oh my god do you know how.
She farted this afternoon it was actually really funny.
I'm pretty sure.
That's the first time I've ever done that but I had to.
It was funny.
We were laying on the bed.
It was like when she ripped a fart it was just like I don't know I hear this.
Was it like that Sarah do you remember what it sounded like?
It was like a squeal and I was like did you just fart?
She's like sorry.
I would have been like no I was moving my arm and like it creaked.
We were laying down on the bed and it was like not that I forgot he was there but like
I just I had to poo and so I did it.
Oh my god well look I have been in the bed with so many people like guys that I've like
dated or something and like you're just laying there and like I fall asleep so hard and then
I will like wake myself up with my fart and I'll be like oh my god I know we heard it
and I'm like that's so embarrassing.
I'm gonna die.
Guys don't care.
No but like seriously the first day like you get in the bed with somebody it's like a little
worse than regular.
100 percent.
It's because I've been holding it in all day.
How long have we been together now?
I was literally about to say it was like the fact that we've been together this long and
I finally even hurt her.
Was this the first time you ever heard her fart?
Yeah this is the first time I ever heard her fart.
She fluffied like bluey.
Like we're getting ready to go take a nap after Mexican.
I probably let it on you know.
Oh my god what did you eat?
I like took my shorts off or something like taking my socks.
I was ready to lay down.
I just hear that.
I was like.
Did you just fart?
You should have ignored it and been like I didn't hear that or you should have just been
like um I think I hear something in the other room.
I don't know.
My dad's like did you guys hear that frog?
That was weird.
Oh my god let me tell you the story about we were at the river okay so we're at the
river last weekend and Leah and Patrick my friends Leah and Patrick have a camper that
they just bought and their daughter's in there and we'd stayed up a little bit me and Leah
and Leah and or Patrick and their daughter went to bed first.
So I'm going in there.
I'm gonna go we're sneaking in to go get in the bunk.
So I go and get in there and I put my big jug.
I think I told you part of the story.
Part of it.
So there's this big jug of water that I have.
Have you seen my jug?
I don't have it but it I forgot what the brand is.
But the lid Rose and I that day had literally been talking about how in the car if it falls
over it spills everywhere because the lid is like half gallon looking jug.
Yeah it's it's literally a half gallon of water like or maybe a gallon.
Like it's it's not a half gallon.
It's a huge jug of water.
It was completely full and I put it at the end of the bunk bed like I'm on the bottom
bunk bed and I put it by the end by my feet leaning up against the little wall and you're
like in this little cubby hole in the camper or whatever.
And I'm like okay I go to sleep sleeping blah blah blah.
And then I'm like dead asleep and I swear to God we're because we're right by the river
where it has flooded there before like big time flooded like flooded like bad.
And I was like oh we're flooding and I wake up and I like make this and I probably woke
everybody up and I was like oh shoot and I looked at my water bottle had spilled and
the whole entire thing was like the water was everywhere.
I asked her if she thought she peed her pants.
Well probably that too but like either that or one or the other and I was like oh my God
I knew I didn't pee because I've never peed in my bed before and maybe when I was little
I don't know.
But like the half of the bed and I was like there's a baby in here there's a two-year-old
in here and a mom and dad that are gonna be pissed if their two-year-old wakes up.
I'm gonna be pissed so I just like curled up in a ball at the top of the bed for like
an hour and I was like my blanket was soaked.
Okay my blanket was and they had the air conditioning in that thing blasting so the water was like
ice cold like turning like and I was like oh and finally I was like oh my God and I
had to walk past everybody to get out of the camper.
When you walk in a camper it shakes and everybody wakes up and I'm like oh shoot.
So finally I couldn't do it anymore.
I had like one corner of the blanket covering my feet because my feet were freezing.
Where did you go?
So I get up and I go outside and I'm like I'm gonna go to the bathroom and I'm gonna
try to find I'm gonna get my towels out of my car so I got my keys got my extra towels
out of the car I was like gonna try to dry it up as much as I could but there were so
much so I get out I go to the bathroom and one of the dudes that was there was still
up it was like four o'clock in the morning.
Oh my God.
It might have been three o'clock in the morning doesn't matter so I'm like I gotta go to the
bathroom.
Well he's like okay I'll show you where the bathroom is.
Well I he took me to this other bathroom that was like downstairs and it's like literally
in this like little like outhouse looking thing that's like in this little house and
there was like spiders and and I and it's it's it's like thin walls okay and I go in
there and I'm all I had to do was pee okay.
Well he's like literally right there next to the door and I go sit down to pee and as
soon as my butt cheeks spread on the toilet it was like it was like the biggest fart and
I was so embarrassed because this dude heard it and it happened twice in a row and I was
like oh my God and I was just like I can't like can I bang on I'm like in there I'm like
what can I bang on to make it sound like something else farted like I don't know.
So and I was just like I was like uh never mind.
So then I'm like maybe I should blow my nose and maybe he'll think it was me blowing my
nose I don't know didn't work out and but whatever I got out finally I stayed up until
like six o'clock in the morning with this dude he talked to me and we sat by the fire
and I was like I can't go back to bed anyways because it's soaking wet freezing in there.
It sounds like you didn't scare him off with your farts.
Well it wasn't like trying to date him and so then I go get my towels go get back in
the bed I lay on top of it in the the wet it was damp through the towels and finally
Leo woke up and I was I had had like 30 minutes of sleep and I was like hey I just wanted
to let you know that I spilled this and I put the towels down and she was like well
are you okay do you need more towels I'm like no I'm good and she was okay and I just went
back to sleep like on top of the wet because I was so tired but anyway that's my story.
That sucks.
It did suck but and I was like it'll be okay I'll just like on the way back stop and take
a nap but that's when I called you and I realized that my dog sitter who was supposed to spend
the night with my three dogs.
I'm upset with you for not contacting Rover and leaving a terrible review and getting
your money back.
I haven't done any of that.
I would be furious I would probably rip that person a new asshole.
Yeah he he was supposed to spend the night he didn't he came I think it was three times
but when he came he only stayed he took them out and then left and he was literally I was
I washed my sheets my comforter I washed everything on my bed so that he could like spend the
night and I made sure that everything was which is the appropriate thing to do exactly
and which took a lot of freaking time I don't know if you know how long it takes to wash
sheets and a blanket and pillows and all the things I'm aware yeah it takes like hours
because you have to like wash it you know anyway so I but I'm out in the middle of nowhere
with no with no service so I can't really tell so like it'll like randomly get service
and I'll see like the motion and stuff and like and I'm like I don't know if he's there
or not and finally when I got service I was like I don't think he's been there he hasn't
been there and the next morning he didn't come until was it 11 I think it was a 9 no
no no no no it was like 11 because when I talked to you no it was like 1030 when I talked
to you it was like 11 before he showed up and I got home maybe it was 1030 when he got
there and I showed up at 11 he was already gone like I would be furious he didn't overnight
okay and then the night before he left at 930 p.m. yeah but and who knows how many people
he's done that to yeah and he was a nice dude like he's done he's been there before and
he's stayed before and he stayed with them but he didn't take them out very much so and
I have instructions in there that says that they need to be taken out every two hours
like and I paid extra for them to right for him to stay here overnight and for him to
be able to stay here and I think that's the point is that the pricing is different from
you know just visits right you know to spending the night it's significantly different yeah
I would yeah I mean I don't know and I don't care if they leave if he leaves or not what
not but like you know and I if it were three or four hours I wouldn't have cared I put
two hours on there because they're used to me being here with them at home and I don't
want them to pay on the floor and they did there was two big spots on the carpet I know
and that's the other part of it is that like he obviously walked right over the P because
that's where he had to take him out so like he knew what happened either that or they
did it like right before I got home yeah yeah not okay yeah so fail yeah no well Sarah sounds
like she wants to go home it's not sounds looks and I think it's about that time so
you want to lead us out of this yes big convo I can do that thank you very much I look forward
to this weekend I'm so happy I'm very excited this weekend I know happy early birthday to
you yeah they're gonna come back and they're gonna be married I'm engaged not married
engaged we'll let y'all stop simmer down okay you can find us anywhere you find your podcast
follow us on instagram at thick af podcast send us an email with questions topics concerns
or complaints I would like to read somebody's complaints just so I can clap back we did
get a one star review on time oh yeah I can't believe how much I laughed during these episodes
stop it she's us thick af podcast at gmail.com we'll see you next week bye say bye you're
not gonna see this but you'll definitely hear from us oh yeah because we don't have you
we do test on YouTube that we should get but there's no video you should get one we have
a video but yeah put that video on there I don't know how to do it yes you do okay I'll
work on it bye
ABCDEFG I have to go